The Ultimate Mental Battle: Graham Betchart on Conquering Fear and Self-Doubt

Graham Bechart
00:00:00
You think this is hooey.

Graham Bechart
00:00:01
This is coming at you full speed like a Mack truck.

Graham Bechart
00:00:05
You're going to get decimated by stuff that's not even real.

Graham Bechart
00:00:08
You will follow illusionary thoughts like you will be gone.

Graham Bechart
00:00:11
In life, especially in the modern world, most of the stuff I'm teaching is addressing really, really deep stuff without them even knowing it.

Graham Bechart
00:00:18
I'm in the business of human development, you know, I'm in the business of helping humans unlock themselves, unleash themselves and become unlimited.

Graham Bechart
00:00:25
What's great about athletes is they face a certain amount of pressure that allows them to go through this rapidly.

Graham Bechart
00:00:32
And all I'm talking about is like self doubt and worry, comparing yourself to others and thinking you're a numerical assessment or something.

Graham Bechart
00:00:40
This is where the excitement is like, you know, if you have a thrill and you want to learn how to fight, you know, and you want to learn how to really compete, man, this is it.

Graham Bechart
00:00:47
This is like this frontier will satisfy you on the deepest levels as you go into the darkness and face your fears.

Graham Bechart
00:00:54
And it was just a fight against her own self.

Todd
00:01:16
All right, welcome to the Evolving Potential podcast.

Todd
00:01:18
This is episode number 23.

Todd
00:01:21
Today I have on the show Graham Bechart.

Todd
00:01:23
Graham is a mental skills coach who's renowned for his work in elite sports psychology and peak mindset training.

Todd
00:01:29
In his 25 years or so, he's worked with the NBA and NCAA, including the Sacramento Kings and the Yukon Huskies, privately with stars such as Aaron Gordon and Jalen Brown, as well as CEOs, sales team surgeons and whoever else.

Todd
00:01:45
He has a master's degree in sports psychology and has spent most of his life doing personal work and developing his passion for proactively teaching people mental skills.

Todd
00:01:54
Some of his accomplishments with those clients, Jalen Brown, includes signing the biggest contract in the NBA history, Aaron Gordon winning the NBA Finals with the Denver Nuggets, the Kings breaking the longest drought in the North American sports history, and the Yukon Huskies winning back to back national championships.

Todd
00:02:14
Graham is also a published author, accomplished speaker and independent recording artist and producer.

Todd
00:02:20
His work makes mental skills practical, relatable and dare I say, simple.

Todd
00:02:25
Not easy.

Todd
00:02:26
Simple enough even to teach kids before issues are developing.

Todd
00:02:30
I've personally learned a ton since doing research into Graham and it's been an absolute pleasure and honor to have him on the show.

Todd
00:02:37
So thank you for being here, Graham.

Graham Bechart
00:02:39
Man, it's my honor to be here.

Graham Bechart
00:02:41
Todd, man, thank you for having me.

Graham Bechart
00:02:42
I'm super humbled by all this and just like grateful to be a part man.

Graham Bechart
00:02:45
Thank you.

Todd
00:02:47
That's Dude, I like, I said honor to have you.

Todd
00:02:49
I.

Todd
00:02:49
I was telling you before we got on, he has some videos if you guys are interested.

Todd
00:02:54
Back in the day, even.

Todd
00:02:55
I think they're about five years old now, maybe.

Todd
00:02:57
But it was with his company at the time called Train the Mind, and they made really cool videos, really practical.

Todd
00:03:02
He was sitting with Aaron Gordon.

Todd
00:03:03
They were doing breath work.

Todd
00:03:04
He's talking about certain mental skills, and it just, like, really engaged me, and I was like, this guy knows what he's doing.

Todd
00:03:10
And it's been really cool to watch his growth over the past couple of years, both mentally and as a teacher, as well as physically with this giant beard he's got.

Todd
00:03:18
So I'm really happy to have him here.

Graham Bechart
00:03:20
Yeah, right on, man.

Graham Bechart
00:03:21
I mean, this.

Graham Bechart
00:03:22
This journey never stops.

Graham Bechart
00:03:23
We're just in it together, all of us, all human beings here.

Graham Bechart
00:03:26
We're just, you know, walking on our path together.

Graham Bechart
00:03:28
And, you know, the mental game, once you start to figure it out, it's an everyday practice.

Graham Bechart
00:03:32
So I'm just practicing and teaching the stuff that I was taught decades ago.

Graham Bechart
00:03:37
And what I'm good at is devoting myself to it.

Graham Bechart
00:03:39
And if you stick with something and you practice every day, it is pretty amazing what happens.

Graham Bechart
00:03:44
So anytime someone reads my resume, you know, I'm like, yep, that's real.

Graham Bechart
00:03:48
Like, that.

Graham Bechart
00:03:48
All that stuff is real.

Graham Bechart
00:03:50
But more impressive is my resume of loss, which is a hundred times longer and way more powerful.

Graham Bechart
00:03:56
And the reason you can say all those amazing things is because, actually, as you just go through the process of life, like, you're going to have all kinds of stuff that happens.

Graham Bechart
00:04:04
I just.

Graham Bechart
00:04:04
I never quit.

Graham Bechart
00:04:05
And so devotion is the thing that I think is important for people, Todd, because I've noticed people are in a hurry.

Graham Bechart
00:04:11
Or maybe you hear those results and you're like, oh, my God, like, I want to win a championship, or how do you know NBA?

Graham Bechart
00:04:17
And you're like, I always tell people walk to win with lethal patients.

Graham Bechart
00:04:20
You know, like, whatever you're doing right now, treat it as if.

Graham Bechart
00:04:24
However you think you'll act when you get to whatever level you want to go to.

Graham Bechart
00:04:27
Like, that's.

Graham Bechart
00:04:28
That energy is here today.

Graham Bechart
00:04:30
And I got that advice, and I just stuck with it and was like, I'm going to treat today like however I would treat.

Graham Bechart
00:04:35
However I would think I'd be in the NBA or something like that.

Graham Bechart
00:04:39
And then when you end up making it to the NBA, you just treat that like some regular day, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:04:43
And it kind of.

Graham Bechart
00:04:44
It kind of works.

Graham Bechart
00:04:44
Like that, like, treat an average person like a pro.

Graham Bechart
00:04:47
And once you start working with pros, just treat them like an average person.

Graham Bechart
00:04:50
You know, it's like most time we do the opposite of that.

Graham Bechart
00:04:53
And so I've just, like, the mental skills work.

Graham Bechart
00:04:56
This stuff is real.

Graham Bechart
00:04:56
It isn't fake.

Graham Bechart
00:04:57
It isn't even like a belief system for me, this is how it is.

Graham Bechart
00:05:00
It's just whether or not you want to do it or not.

Graham Bechart
00:05:02
And I just.

Graham Bechart
00:05:03
I'm just a good student, dude.

Graham Bechart
00:05:05
I'm just a dude who's like, hey, I got taught this stuff in the 90s.

Graham Bechart
00:05:07
I think that was a big.

Graham Bechart
00:05:08
I lucked out in life, got taught this in 1997.

Graham Bechart
00:05:12
I just was like, okay, I'll do it every day.

Graham Bechart
00:05:14
And then, you know, 20, whatever, 27 years later, you can read a resume like that.

Graham Bechart
00:05:18
But really, it's a testament to, like, mental skills, to devotion.

Graham Bechart
00:05:22
There's no overnight success.

Graham Bechart
00:05:24
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:05:24
Like, none of.

Graham Bechart
00:05:25
It's all just like, this stuff all real.

Graham Bechart
00:05:27
It's not magic.

Graham Bechart
00:05:29
It's not hooey.

Graham Bechart
00:05:29
It's not like some.

Graham Bechart
00:05:31
Oh, my God.

Graham Bechart
00:05:31
You're like, no, that's what's going to happen if you stick with something for a while.

Todd
00:05:34
Yeah, that's crazy.

Graham Bechart
00:05:36
Crazy results.

Todd
00:05:39
Dude.

Todd
00:05:39
So first of all, devotion is what's right there.

Graham Bechart
00:05:42
Hey there.

Todd
00:05:42
So I'm 100%.

Todd
00:05:44
I'm 100% with you.

Todd
00:05:45
Yeah, that's a word that I.

Todd
00:05:47
That's a word that I was happily committed, you know, to put on myself and have there my whole life, you know, it's just so important to me.

Todd
00:05:51
So I 100% resonate with that, you know, so what.

Todd
00:05:56
What were some of the things that you were first learning?

Todd
00:05:59
What were some of the.

Todd
00:06:00
Potentially the books or the things that maybe.

Todd
00:06:01
I don't know if you had a mentor at the time that was kind of, you know, showing you some of these things that were able to.

Todd
00:06:07
To turn it around.

Todd
00:06:07
And potentially what were you trying to overcome at that time as well?

Graham Bechart
00:06:10
You know, just.

Graham Bechart
00:06:11
I was 19, it was 1997, first year of, like, college basketball.

Graham Bechart
00:06:15
I was playing at a junior college and just really anxious in life, going in and out of depression, like, just kind of going through it, you know, mentally, and couldn't really smile through it.

Graham Bechart
00:06:26
I'm an optimistic guy, but I was like, I can't just push through this.

Graham Bechart
00:06:29
And so I reached out for help.

Graham Bechart
00:06:30
My mom introduced me to a counselor in San Francisco who was profoundly impactful in my life.

Graham Bechart
00:06:39
And this really came from a Place of, like, spirituality and healing.

Graham Bechart
00:06:44
I didn't know sports psychology was a thing.

Graham Bechart
00:06:46
I didn't know any of that.

Graham Bechart
00:06:47
I just went in there and started just working on healing as a human, you know, becoming whole.

Graham Bechart
00:06:52
Language like that, like, learning how to become whole and do that stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:06:56
And of course, that stuff is super powerful, you know.

Graham Bechart
00:07:00
So I'm a teenager getting introduced to this stuff in the 90s, you know, and so, like, my heart was just opened from this stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:07:08
And the woman who was teaching it to me was the most, deepest, most confident human I've ever seen in my life.

Graham Bechart
00:07:15
A confidence beyond what we would consider confidence.

Graham Bechart
00:07:18
Not like I'm confident.

Graham Bechart
00:07:20
It was like, man, she's at a place of knowing, like, a different place, where all the stuff that was going on in my life she would just kind of giggle at and not giggle at, like, in a way of, like, insulting, but like a trainer giggling at you.

Graham Bechart
00:07:33
And you're like, I can't do this set.

Graham Bechart
00:07:35
And they're like, you got this problem.

Graham Bechart
00:07:37
And they're like, the fact that they're laughing in the moment feel like it's all over.

Graham Bechart
00:07:41
And they're just like, I've never seen radiance like that before.

Graham Bechart
00:07:45
Like, I.

Graham Bechart
00:07:46
Like, you're fine.

Graham Bechart
00:07:47
Not like you can do it in a hard time, just giggling.

Graham Bechart
00:07:51
And if you've ever experienced that, it'll set you free in a moment.

Graham Bechart
00:07:54
There's a direct transmission that's going on in those moments that directly takes you to a space where they are.

Graham Bechart
00:08:00
And when you come back from that, you have to do the work every day to figure out how they got there.

Graham Bechart
00:08:05
And so when she introduced that to me, I was like, wherever you are, I want to figure out how to be there.

Graham Bechart
00:08:10
And because you're not saying I'm in this special place.

Graham Bechart
00:08:13
Just her energy in what looked like a crisis, she was giggling.

Graham Bechart
00:08:18
And I was like, well, that if that's not the highest level, I don't know what the highest level is.

Graham Bechart
00:08:22
And so that's what I got introduced to in the 90s.

Graham Bechart
00:08:25
And then I found out about sports psychology three, four years later.

Graham Bechart
00:08:30
And I was like, oh, that's a thing.

Graham Bechart
00:08:32
Like, there's a profession you could get a degree in this stuff, you know?

Graham Bechart
00:08:37
And so I went out and got my master's in sports psych.

Graham Bechart
00:08:40
But that, you know, sports psych doesn't scratch the surface of the depth of where this goes.

Graham Bechart
00:08:45
Sports psych was just my way of kind of like, oh, let's go learn it through athletes, teach it to athletes.

Graham Bechart
00:08:49
Because I had to find a way to bring this to people in a realistic way.

Graham Bechart
00:08:53
Or is your average teenager going to reach out and go do, like, healing work?

Graham Bechart
00:08:57
Man, hell, no.

Graham Bechart
00:08:58
Like that, you know?

Graham Bechart
00:09:00
But I was like, I love sports, so let me go through sports.

Graham Bechart
00:09:03
That's my way of laundering this stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:09:05
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:09:06
I was like, you want to win and be better at sports?

Graham Bechart
00:09:08
We'll start teaching you some of this stuff, you know?

Graham Bechart
00:09:10
And so that's.

Graham Bechart
00:09:11
That's where I felt the calling, and that's why I wasn't phased with the stigma or that there were no jobs, or they were like, everyone's against this stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:09:18
And for me, that's like someone saying they're against water and air.

Graham Bechart
00:09:22
I would have genuine compassion because I was like, man, they are so lost.

Graham Bechart
00:09:27
And it.

Graham Bechart
00:09:28
None of that would faze me because it.

Graham Bechart
00:09:29
Again, if someone was like, water is bad.

Graham Bechart
00:09:31
You'd be like, damn, you got about three days before you die.

Graham Bechart
00:09:34
You know, you'd kind of be like, all right, maybe I should drink water in front of them.

Graham Bechart
00:09:38
Like, maybe I should start to model this stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:09:41
And so that.

Graham Bechart
00:09:42
That's how.

Graham Bechart
00:09:42
That's how this whole thing started, was from that and just, you know, being anxious and depressed and just basic stuff we all go through.

Graham Bechart
00:09:49
And I reached out and started to build, really build my mindset up and build it.

Graham Bechart
00:09:55
And then what again, the whole thing is.

Graham Bechart
00:09:57
It's an everyday practice.

Graham Bechart
00:09:59
That's the.

Graham Bechart
00:09:59
That's the part that's like, it's not one day you get done with it.

Graham Bechart
00:10:02
It's like, I gotta do it today.

Graham Bechart
00:10:03
Like, I gotta.

Graham Bechart
00:10:04
When I woke up today, it's like, okay, let's work on being present today.

Graham Bechart
00:10:07
Let's find our breath, let's observe thoughts.

Graham Bechart
00:10:09
Let's recognize we are not our thoughts, we are not our feelings.

Graham Bechart
00:10:12
You might experience all that, but that's not what you are.

Graham Bechart
00:10:14
It's not close, you know, and just start to go through the process, you know?

Graham Bechart
00:10:18
Like, I've been doing this work for a while, but it doesn't mean I just sit here in a state of no thought, total bliss, with my breath every second living, you know, like a mystic.

Graham Bechart
00:10:27
I'm like, no, I'm here like a regular guy just doing this work.

Graham Bechart
00:10:30
I have thoughts and feelings and all that stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:10:32
And when I'm really good at it, I just observe the thoughts.

Graham Bechart
00:10:36
If I'm not doing well, I might grab onto a thought, act on it.

Graham Bechart
00:10:39
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Graham Bechart
00:10:40
And then later on, you're like, what?

Graham Bechart
00:10:41
Yeah, you know, and so you Know where it's just, it's a practice every day.

Graham Bechart
00:10:46
That's kind of how I look at it.

Graham Bechart
00:10:47
And that's how it got introduced to me.

Graham Bechart
00:10:49
And then my first teacher was also like, this stuff is hardcore.

Graham Bechart
00:10:52
So that's what a lot of people don't know.

Graham Bechart
00:10:54
This ain't, this ain't soft at all.

Graham Bechart
00:10:55
Like, this is really how to fight.

Graham Bechart
00:10:57
Like, if you want to know how to fight, we can teach you how to fight.

Graham Bechart
00:11:00
By the time you're fighting outside with your hands, you have lost so many fights.

Graham Bechart
00:11:04
And I'm not talking about a sport like you're doing UFC or boxing.

Graham Bechart
00:11:08
I'm talking about, like, if you haven't won the mental game inside and you're projecting violence outside, you have lost epically.

Todd
00:11:16
Yeah, absolutely.

Graham Bechart
00:11:17
Best way to win a war.

Graham Bechart
00:11:18
Most people know this is never fight a war, right?

Graham Bechart
00:11:20
They've heard that before.

Graham Bechart
00:11:21
But then how do you never fight a war?

Graham Bechart
00:11:23
You win the war inside, and to win the war inside, you gotta be well equipped with a certain skill set and certain tools that are very powerful, that if you don't look at it like a real fight, like, you're gonna be in trouble at times.

Graham Bechart
00:11:36
And so I tend to phrase this stuff with a certain level of competitive flair that I found people are attracted to in this space.

Graham Bechart
00:11:43
Right?

Graham Bechart
00:11:43
Because it's not, oh, this is who am I?

Graham Bechart
00:11:45
You think?

Graham Bechart
00:11:45
This is who he.

Graham Bechart
00:11:47
This is coming at you full speed like a Mack truck.

Graham Bechart
00:11:51
And if you don't know the counters to all this stuff and sharpen your weapons and know the tools, and you're going to get decimated by stuff that's not even real.

Graham Bechart
00:11:59
You will follow illusionary thoughts like, you will be gone in life if you don't have agency, especially in the modern world where everyone's being triggered every way from the outside.

Todd
00:12:08
Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, that's powerful.

Todd
00:12:12
That's a powerful metaphor even.

Todd
00:12:13
And so simple is like, how, how quickly it does come at you.

Todd
00:12:16
Like you get out in a game, you get out in the real world, you get, you move beyond what college to MBA or whatever.

Todd
00:12:21
It's like, it's, it's coming at you quick.

Todd
00:12:23
You become a CEO, get a promotion, whatever.

Graham Bechart
00:12:26
Hardcore.

Graham Bechart
00:12:27
It comes at you in your most vulnerable moments and it comes at you with no mercy.

Graham Bechart
00:12:32
And all I'm talking about is like self doubt and worry and comparing yourself to others and thinking you're a numerical assessment or something, or you're an a or an A plus or a 4.0 or you're the results like that stuff will come at you hard, and it'll come at you with gripping emotions.

Graham Bechart
00:12:49
And that's what.

Graham Bechart
00:12:50
That's what we mostly get caught up.

Graham Bechart
00:12:51
And if you don't know how to fight in that moment and know the counters to all that, we can get drowned by that.

Graham Bechart
00:12:57
And the funny thing is, the counters are love, awareness, compassion, acceptance, you know, like, an understanding of who you are.

Graham Bechart
00:13:05
You still got to go through the experience of the feelings and stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:13:08
If you have the tools, though, you know how to ride that wave.

Graham Bechart
00:13:10
That's why I got surfboards behind me.

Graham Bechart
00:13:12
It's just a reminder of like.

Graham Bechart
00:13:15
And we say palms down, right?

Graham Bechart
00:13:17
You can't ride it like this.

Graham Bechart
00:13:18
We got to ride it choosing our response and knowing how to work through it.

Graham Bechart
00:13:21
And if you have that competitive spirit and you know what we're doing in these moments, like, this is where the excitement is.

Graham Bechart
00:13:28
Like, you know, if you have a thrill and you want to learn how to fight, you know, and you want to learn how to really compete, man, this is it.

Graham Bechart
00:13:33
This is, like.

Graham Bechart
00:13:34
This frontier will satisfy you on the deepest levels as you go into the darkness and face your fears and come out the other side with the light, and you're like, man, that was the greatest fight I've ever been in.

Graham Bechart
00:13:44
And it was just a fight against your own self.

Graham Bechart
00:13:47
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:13:48
And as you.

Graham Bechart
00:13:48
So as you keep freeing yourself and lean into the vulnerability, like getting some buckets, playing hoops or something like that, that's nothing.

Graham Bechart
00:13:56
Like, that's.

Graham Bechart
00:13:57
That's not even what this is.

Graham Bechart
00:13:59
You know, most people come to me, and they.

Graham Bechart
00:14:01
You know, they think it's sports, but as you get into it, sports is just a medium that you.

Graham Bechart
00:14:05
That we have been chosen and called to display what we've been working on inside.

Graham Bechart
00:14:10
And I just feel like I was called to music, I was called to sports.

Graham Bechart
00:14:13
Like, these are the spaces I was called, what I enjoy.

Graham Bechart
00:14:16
You know, I mean, I get called to business.

Graham Bechart
00:14:17
I love business.

Graham Bechart
00:14:18
I love sales.

Graham Bechart
00:14:19
Like, I love that space.

Graham Bechart
00:14:21
And all of this is a space for you just to free your spirit.

Graham Bechart
00:14:24
Um, because what's great about athletes is they face a certain amount of pressure that allows them to go through this rapidly, where someone might spend most of their life avoiding doing this work because they can.

Graham Bechart
00:14:34
They can just avoid it somehow.

Graham Bechart
00:14:36
But, like, trying to avoid your shadow, it's never.

Graham Bechart
00:14:39
It's all.

Graham Bechart
00:14:39
It's.

Graham Bechart
00:14:40
You can't shake it.

Graham Bechart
00:14:41
But an athlete will be under the lights in a big moment, and by the time they're 25, I'm talking about pro athletes.

Graham Bechart
00:14:46
They've gone through so much in, like, in hyperdrive.

Graham Bechart
00:14:50
So they have an opportunity to really free themselves on a deep level energetically, because they're forced into it a lot of times.

Graham Bechart
00:14:59
And so I just kind of look at it like whatever you love in life, that's the lever you need to put a force on you to show you how to lift weights in the mental game, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:15:10
Whatever you're doing and you can't duck this stuff in this lifetime, there's nothing you can do to duck it.

Graham Bechart
00:15:16
Like, you could make a bunch of money, you could get a bunch of outside of awards.

Graham Bechart
00:15:19
There's nothing you can do to duck this work.

Graham Bechart
00:15:22
And it's just like people, it's got going to the gym.

Graham Bechart
00:15:24
Like, you can do everything you want to avoid going to the gym.

Graham Bechart
00:15:26
Some way you have to move your body, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:15:29
Like, it doesn't matter what it is, but you got to do it.

Graham Bechart
00:15:31
So that's what I enjoy about this time a lot is it feels like people realize they can't run from this, and that's okay.

Graham Bechart
00:15:38
That's like realizing, man, it's okay to do this.

Graham Bechart
00:15:40
And then everything starts to get better.

Graham Bechart
00:15:42
So I do feel a great thing in this time, along with being like, man, we are out of control with how we trigger people and how we use media and social media and, man, more kids are depressed than ever, like, all that stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:15:54
But I also see it as like, if that's all happening, then we have the greatest opportunity to really fill people with the stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:16:02
Because in great crisis comes great opportunity, and it's right here.

Graham Bechart
00:16:06
You know, most people don't even get to this without a crisis.

Todd
00:16:09
Yeah.

Graham Bechart
00:16:09
It's just, why would I.

Graham Bechart
00:16:11
Why would I go do it?

Graham Bechart
00:16:12
You know?

Todd
00:16:12
So anyway, that's such, that's such.

Todd
00:16:15
No, that's such a powerful metaphor.

Todd
00:16:16
Again, like, I mean, it just was a reframe, honestly, of thinking, like, okay, you know, I've got all this pressure on me, and so my life is so much harder.

Todd
00:16:25
Yes, yes, sure.

Todd
00:16:26
That's.

Todd
00:16:27
That's an amazing challenge.

Todd
00:16:28
You know, the idiom of pressure is a privilege, you know, and so really, really taking that seriously, I was like, wow, like, you, you have this opportunity, this great opportunity to learn and grow at a much faster rate than most of the world because of the immense pressure that's going to be put on you.

Todd
00:16:44
Right.

Todd
00:16:44
And, and, and we so as a society also have that same challenge to bring up people like ourselves.

Todd
00:16:51
Like, you're doing out in the world to take on the challenge of yes, anxiety and overwhelm and burnout and all these different things that are peeking their head up with the culture of go, go, go, go, go and results driven.

Graham Bechart
00:17:01
Right, man, no doubt.

Graham Bechart
00:17:03
I mean, that's why I think this generation coming up is the strongest and greatest generation of all time.

Graham Bechart
00:17:08
And it is our job to be in service to them.

Graham Bechart
00:17:12
They get a bad rap of being like soft and in fact, to me it's the exact opposite.

Graham Bechart
00:17:17
They're the strongest, the most tuned in, the most conscious, the most aware.

Graham Bechart
00:17:21
They're not going to override bs.

Graham Bechart
00:17:23
They're not going to push stuff down to follow a track.

Graham Bechart
00:17:26
Like they have agency from within and they don't just follow blindly.

Graham Bechart
00:17:30
And I think a lot of people that follow blindly perhaps look at them as lazy or like they're just not going to do the same stuff before.

Graham Bechart
00:17:37
And I see them as looking for the mental game.

Graham Bechart
00:17:40
They're looking for this skill set.

Graham Bechart
00:17:41
They want to know how to tap into purpose and meaning and have the skill set to do that, to find that in their life every day.

Graham Bechart
00:17:47
And they're gonna, they're gonna stand up for that.

Graham Bechart
00:17:50
So I've, I've always felt called to this generation and from like 5 year olds up to like whatever, 25, like this group that's like here in the world, I see them as the enlightened group.

Graham Bechart
00:18:01
And I'm like, it's our job and probably would have been my job the last 25 years to prepare for this, to make a language for them, to help them, to make it simple.

Graham Bechart
00:18:10
I mean, I put in music now like everything I do is just like, how easy can we get it to people because they need it.

Graham Bechart
00:18:16
And then the more people have agency and they develop this thing from within, you can't be swayed from the outside.

Graham Bechart
00:18:22
As, as awful as it seems like people are being swayed in whatever way it is these days.

Graham Bechart
00:18:28
And so it's like I see that as a real fight that because once you have agency, once you have a presence from inside, someone trying to trigger you is hilarious.

Graham Bechart
00:18:37
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:18:38
Because what's going on and you know how to diffuse it and you understand and you have all that.

Graham Bechart
00:18:44
But if not, and you feel a strong feeling and say you're feeling angry now, but most of your life you've been feeling scared.

Graham Bechart
00:18:51
Anger feels better than fear.

Graham Bechart
00:18:53
And so if people can get to that emotion of anger, they're like, this is way better than feeling shame, guilt, fear or any of that.

Graham Bechart
00:18:59
Stuff, and that happens all the time.

Graham Bechart
00:19:01
And people operate from a place of anger.

Graham Bechart
00:19:03
And of course that's a futile energy that plays out week over time.

Graham Bechart
00:19:07
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:19:08
You might be able to get something going for a day, maybe a year or something like that, but it doesn't play out well over time.

Graham Bechart
00:19:13
And funny.

Graham Bechart
00:19:14
Every athlete I've ever worked with, including myself and every, I'm like, hey, do you like it when somebody yells at you angry?

Graham Bechart
00:19:19
Do you like being coached like that?

Graham Bechart
00:19:20
And funny.

Graham Bechart
00:19:21
Not a single person said yes.

Graham Bechart
00:19:23
So surprisingly, none of us like to be spoken to like that.

Graham Bechart
00:19:26
Not a single human being.

Graham Bechart
00:19:28
So funny.

Graham Bechart
00:19:29
Isn't that hilarious?

Graham Bechart
00:19:30
But, and I'm not saying I haven't spoken out of anger.

Graham Bechart
00:19:33
I'm, you know, I'm, I'm in there trying my best too.

Graham Bechart
00:19:35
But what?

Graham Bechart
00:19:35
Like, people don't want to be driven by that, by fear and anger anymore.

Graham Bechart
00:19:39
But when they feel fear and anger, they're like, how do I get out of this?

Graham Bechart
00:19:43
Because the feeling's very strong, you know, and those are the moments where like, man, if your thoughts are tied into it and you have catastrophe thoughts and you're just riding that thought, like, it can feel like that's the only option.

Graham Bechart
00:19:54
When in fact, that's like walking into a weight room and someone hands you a 30 pound weight and you may have never held weights before and you're like, oh my God, it's pulling me down.

Graham Bechart
00:20:02
You're like, that's what it's designed to do.

Graham Bechart
00:20:04
Guess what you do?

Graham Bechart
00:20:05
Get your core tight.

Graham Bechart
00:20:05
Breathe.

Graham Bechart
00:20:06
Pull that right up, right?

Graham Bechart
00:20:08
So mentally, we're in the mental gym right now.

Graham Bechart
00:20:10
It's a great gym.

Graham Bechart
00:20:12
Not sure anyone, some people wanted to be in it, but they're in the, they're in the mental gym now.

Graham Bechart
00:20:18
This generation coming up is dying for this.

Graham Bechart
00:20:20
And they will literally like.

Graham Bechart
00:20:22
And that's why I'm like, this is the strongest generation of all time, the greatest generation, and has the greatest opportunity and the most weight.

Graham Bechart
00:20:29
That's on them for sure.

Graham Bechart
00:20:30
Everyone agrees with that, that they have the most.

Graham Bechart
00:20:33
And that's all from the adults that set it up like this.

Graham Bechart
00:20:35
So if anyone is like, these kids don't get it.

Graham Bechart
00:20:37
I'm like, you set that up for them.

Graham Bechart
00:20:40
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:20:41
You didn't like it?

Graham Bechart
00:20:41
Well, it looks like you didn't have enough influence to set it up right.

Graham Bechart
00:20:45
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:20:45
So we got to do our work here.

Graham Bechart
00:20:47
This is all just my opinion, but that's, that's why I always find myself Wanting to help kids and wanting to make this simpler and make it easy.

Graham Bechart
00:20:54
And why I've always been like, it's got to be bite sized.

Graham Bechart
00:20:57
It's got to be simple.

Graham Bechart
00:20:58
It's got to be something they can digest in an easy way and then practice it every day, right?

Graham Bechart
00:21:03
Because then you don't get swayed.

Graham Bechart
00:21:05
And if you're following your heart and you're in a place of service, hey, we got a chance to have a pretty beautiful world here.

Graham Bechart
00:21:12
But you got to know how to fight to do that.

Graham Bechart
00:21:14
And that's the whole thing.

Graham Bechart
00:21:15
You got to know how to fight, you know, and most people don't know that.

Graham Bechart
00:21:19
I think that's like, they're like, you know, when you look at, like, you know, if you're reacting, the negative thoughts and emotions that run through you in a moment, man, we're in trouble, you know.

Todd
00:21:32
Do you find.

Todd
00:21:34
Sorry, do you find that.

Todd
00:21:36
Do you find that the coaches are receptive to this?

Todd
00:21:39
Because here's the thing, you are almost a spokesperson for this generation, for the 5 to 25.

Todd
00:21:44
You have a different view of them, right, Than an average person does.

Todd
00:21:49
And let's just say there's a coach out there who likes to scream and yell at people.

Todd
00:21:53
Maybe he can't, you know, control his own reactions, or perhaps he thinks that's a good strategy, or perhaps he lacks other strategies, you know.

Todd
00:22:02
And so for me, it's always been very important to address the self regulation of parents, coaches, teachers, managers, all those things, because they're creating the environment almost like the soil in which we either grow or struggle to grow, right?

Todd
00:22:15
And so it's like, all right, do you find yourself, I guess, able to.

Todd
00:22:19
And often able to address that and find coaches receptive to the fact that they might be the ones causing this environment in which people are struggling to produce the results they want.

Graham Bechart
00:22:29
I think at this point, people are pretty aware of it, you know, like, and you see it as a culture that in general, people are aware and they're looking for how to do it.

Graham Bechart
00:22:38
Because we all, like, we've all coached, we know you and we've all.

Graham Bechart
00:22:41
If you watch your kids play sports, everyone feels strong feelings.

Graham Bechart
00:22:45
You know, if your kid gets fouled and there's no call, sheesh.

Graham Bechart
00:22:48
Parents, parents can react massive in those moments, you know, so, but that, that's the, like, we have a responsibility to show our kids how to choose our response in those moments, you know, and how to be emotionally intelligent and.

Graham Bechart
00:23:03
And how to do those things.

Graham Bechart
00:23:04
So I think it seems like everyone is receptive at this point.

Graham Bechart
00:23:08
Again, it might be someone, though, who's like, hey, I'm finally ready to work out.

Graham Bechart
00:23:11
They may have not hit the gym for 35 years, right?

Graham Bechart
00:23:14
So it doesn't mean like the first day you go, it even feels good, might, you know, the first day, but like, people are pretty aware of it.

Graham Bechart
00:23:21
And at this point, if you're not doing it, some team is going to really kick your ass that is doing this stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:23:27
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:23:28
And that's.

Graham Bechart
00:23:28
And that's what I notice all the time.

Graham Bechart
00:23:30
And that's why my dog gets excited sometimes.

Graham Bechart
00:23:33
Sorry.

Graham Bechart
00:23:34
But that's all good.

Graham Bechart
00:23:35
Why I wanted to go in with sports too is I knew, like, we could teach this stuff and beat other teams.

Graham Bechart
00:23:39
And when you beat other teams, they're going to open their eyes, right?

Graham Bechart
00:23:42
So they're like, oh, what are you doing?

Graham Bechart
00:23:43
I'm like, this is.

Graham Bechart
00:23:44
We're doing loving things, creating safe environments for people.

Graham Bechart
00:23:48
Loving things.

Graham Bechart
00:23:49
The next play fast, right?

Graham Bechart
00:23:51
Tap, you know tap.

Graham Bechart
00:23:53
What tap means is trust, acceptance and presence.

Graham Bechart
00:23:56
Trust your skills, accept the results and be present.

Graham Bechart
00:23:59
Like, that's it.

Graham Bechart
00:24:00
That's the entire competition.

Graham Bechart
00:24:02
That took me 27 years to get it.

Graham Bechart
00:24:04
That simple.

Graham Bechart
00:24:05
It doesn't mean it's easy to do, but when you say, hey, what's the goal?

Graham Bechart
00:24:08
It's tap.

Graham Bechart
00:24:09
Like, trust your skills right now.

Graham Bechart
00:24:11
And whatever thought is telling you not to do it, we're not going to listen to that.

Graham Bechart
00:24:16
Because there's never a time not to trust.

Graham Bechart
00:24:19
If I ask an athlete or a coach, hey, is this, would this be a good time to not trust your game?

Graham Bechart
00:24:23
They're always like, no, it's never a good time to not trust.

Graham Bechart
00:24:26
So it's the acceptance that is important.

Graham Bechart
00:24:28
Most people aren't trusting their game because they're not accepting something.

Graham Bechart
00:24:31
Maybe they don't want a result to happen.

Graham Bechart
00:24:33
They don't want to fail.

Graham Bechart
00:24:34
You have to ruthlessly accept, like, this is where.

Graham Bechart
00:24:38
This is the actual fight, right?

Graham Bechart
00:24:40
The part of you that's like, no, I can't make a make a mistake in front of my coach.

Graham Bechart
00:24:44
The acceptance is, I might make a mistake in front of my coach.

Graham Bechart
00:24:47
That might.

Graham Bechart
00:24:47
That might be what happens.

Graham Bechart
00:24:48
And I'm going to learn to live with that and I'm going to trust my game and I'm going to do it in the present right now.

Graham Bechart
00:24:53
I'm going to tap in right now.

Graham Bechart
00:24:54
That's the fight.

Graham Bechart
00:24:55
You just won the fight.

Graham Bechart
00:24:56
Now you might very well dribble it off your foot.

Graham Bechart
00:24:58
You might do something atrocious on the court, that shit happens.

Graham Bechart
00:25:02
But then we say, so what?

Graham Bechart
00:25:03
Next play, come back, do it again, right?

Graham Bechart
00:25:05
And we're not saying being reckless when you play, but we're like, if this is what you're here to trust, you have to trust it.

Graham Bechart
00:25:13
And once you know that tap is the fight, you just get to the root of the fight.

Graham Bechart
00:25:17
And so if someone's like, I'm competitive, I want to win, we go, okay, let's see.

Graham Bechart
00:25:20
We'll see about it.

Graham Bechart
00:25:21
Where this comes down to is a moment when you're playing.

Graham Bechart
00:25:24
You're going to have a subtle thought that's like, just don't trust.

Graham Bechart
00:25:27
And it'll be so subtle, so mellow, you probably won't notice it.

Graham Bechart
00:25:32
And then you just, boom.

Graham Bechart
00:25:33
You don't trust.

Graham Bechart
00:25:33
Just like that.

Graham Bechart
00:25:34
And that's how lethal it is.

Graham Bechart
00:25:37
And that's why when you're in this fight, you're like, you know how subtle it is, you know how powerful it comes to you in your moments.

Graham Bechart
00:25:43
And it just comes so subtle, you don't even notice it.

Graham Bechart
00:25:46
And you just let it in and then, boom, you're gone.

Graham Bechart
00:25:48
So consciousness is what we're doing, where as long as you're aware what the fight is in that moment and say the thought pops through, hey, don't trust.

Graham Bechart
00:25:56
The counter would be.

Graham Bechart
00:25:58
Laugh at it.

Graham Bechart
00:25:59
You're like, you're welcome to be here and say, not trust.

Graham Bechart
00:26:01
Guess what I'm going to do?

Graham Bechart
00:26:03
Guess what I'm going to do?

Graham Bechart
00:26:04
I'm going to go trust my shit right now.

Graham Bechart
00:26:07
And then that thing that told you not to trust, it has no counter for that.

Graham Bechart
00:26:11
You've.

Graham Bechart
00:26:12
You've literally got it right where you want it, and then you go for the kill shot and you go, okay, let's go see what happens.

Graham Bechart
00:26:17
I'm cool.

Graham Bechart
00:26:17
If I airball this shot, I'm cool with whatever it's.

Graham Bechart
00:26:20
Whatever reason you're telling me not to trust, I'm cool with that.

Graham Bechart
00:26:24
And that's the equivalent if you were in a real fight.

Graham Bechart
00:26:27
Like when I work with the Navy or police officers or something like that.

Graham Bechart
00:26:31
It's a different.

Graham Bechart
00:26:31
That's different than sports, right?

Graham Bechart
00:26:33
That's way different right there.

Graham Bechart
00:26:34
They have a bad day, they're.

Graham Bechart
00:26:36
Their family's devastated.

Graham Bechart
00:26:38
You know, you never want to fight someone that's down to die.

Graham Bechart
00:26:42
You know, like, if someone's like, if today's the day I die, today's the day I die.

Graham Bechart
00:26:46
If you fight that person, you better be there, too.

Graham Bechart
00:26:49
So imagine that in a non life or death situation, like sports in General where you're like, dude, if I have to fail miserably today, so be it.

Graham Bechart
00:26:57
That's.

Graham Bechart
00:26:58
That's confidence.

Graham Bechart
00:27:00
And you may feel vulnerable in that moment, uncomfortable.

Graham Bechart
00:27:02
But you have the clarity in what you have on your hands.

Graham Bechart
00:27:04
The devotion.

Graham Bechart
00:27:06
This is when the devotion gets tested.

Graham Bechart
00:27:07
You're like, devotion has nothing to do with motivation.

Graham Bechart
00:27:10
Most people want confidence and motivation.

Graham Bechart
00:27:12
I'm like, that's futile.

Graham Bechart
00:27:13
What's confidence anyway?

Graham Bechart
00:27:14
Like, a feeling.

Graham Bechart
00:27:15
What's motivation?

Graham Bechart
00:27:16
A feeling.

Graham Bechart
00:27:17
I'd rather have clarity and devotion.

Graham Bechart
00:27:19
And the clarity is I'm doing this, and the devotion is I'm doing it right now.

Graham Bechart
00:27:25
And that.

Graham Bechart
00:27:27
That's unstoppable.

Graham Bechart
00:27:28
But that's a real fight, right?

Graham Bechart
00:27:30
Because you are going to face some things inside of you that are telling you for really logically good reasons to not trust.

Graham Bechart
00:27:36
And in basketball, just a general story is say you miss your first five shots.

Graham Bechart
00:27:40
Logic is like, it's not my day, so I'm not going to trust.

Graham Bechart
00:27:44
You cannot unlearn how to shoot a basketball.

Graham Bechart
00:27:47
In a basketball game, missing five shots.

Graham Bechart
00:27:49
You can't.

Graham Bechart
00:27:50
It's impossible.

Graham Bechart
00:27:50
But if you stop trusting, you have essentially shut your whole self down.

Graham Bechart
00:27:54
And so once you know this fight and you're like, my only goal is to tap, then you put everything you have into that, and you become aware in the moments that you would usually bail, and you start to anticipate those.

Graham Bechart
00:28:08
And that's like a boxer that goes, I know where the punches are coming from.

Graham Bechart
00:28:11
So if you can anticipate the moments, you usually don't tap, slip it, bang, hit it right back with trust.

Graham Bechart
00:28:17
Now we're in a good fight, and you want to have no mercy on whatever's telling you not to trust because it's having no mercy on you.

Graham Bechart
00:28:25
Fact, right, it's having no mercy on you.

Graham Bechart
00:28:28
It just may come off subtle.

Graham Bechart
00:28:30
It may come off like some victim.

Graham Bechart
00:28:32
It may feel.

Graham Bechart
00:28:33
Come with an emotion that actually makes you feel comfortable in the moment where you're like, who?

Graham Bechart
00:28:37
If I don't have to trust now, I feel safe.

Graham Bechart
00:28:39
You ain't safe.

Graham Bechart
00:28:41
You're getting choked out in that moment.

Graham Bechart
00:28:42
You don't even know it.

Graham Bechart
00:28:43
And that choke's just slipping in deeper and deeper and deeper.

Graham Bechart
00:28:47
By the time you go home, you feel like you're dead because you just killed your spirit by not trusting.

Graham Bechart
00:28:52
So to me, that's the mental game, you know, is like, you can get it down to, like, what's the essence of what you do?

Graham Bechart
00:28:59
And whatever you're doing, trust that.

Graham Bechart
00:29:01
And when I say the essence like say you're shooting a basketball.

Graham Bechart
00:29:04
It might be like, get my feet squared up and flick my wrist.

Graham Bechart
00:29:07
You're like, I just do that.

Graham Bechart
00:29:09
Whether it goes in or out, dude, I don't know.

Graham Bechart
00:29:10
I don't know.

Graham Bechart
00:29:11
Like, who knows?

Graham Bechart
00:29:12
I just do the essence.

Graham Bechart
00:29:13
I get my.

Graham Bechart
00:29:13
As long as my feet are right, we're straight.

Graham Bechart
00:29:15
I'm not thinking about making shots, missing shots.

Graham Bechart
00:29:17
I don't care about any of that.

Graham Bechart
00:29:19
I just go feet, right?

Graham Bechart
00:29:20
Trust it.

Graham Bechart
00:29:22
And then the acceptance is where you get into faith.

Graham Bechart
00:29:24
Acceptance is where the spirituality comes in, right?

Graham Bechart
00:29:26
That's where the real fight comes in.

Graham Bechart
00:29:28
And that's where you want to, you want to have deep mental game in those moments.

Graham Bechart
00:29:31
You want to have a deep bag of what acceptance means and what.

Graham Bechart
00:29:35
And like the opposite of acceptance is holding on.

Graham Bechart
00:29:37
Holding on is like holding hundred pound weights in a pool.

Graham Bechart
00:29:40
Like you're going to go down.

Graham Bechart
00:29:41
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:29:42
Like, no matter how much you can tread water, you won't be, it won't be long before, before that in acceptance is drop the weights.

Graham Bechart
00:29:52
Yeah, drop it.

Graham Bechart
00:29:53
And.

Graham Bechart
00:29:53
But a lot of times that's, that's a big transformative moment to do that.

Graham Bechart
00:29:57
The athletes that go through that experience and, and do that, they develop a confidence that's otherworldly because it's transformation.

Graham Bechart
00:30:05
It's not like I have to feel good to tap in.

Graham Bechart
00:30:08
Then you get to the other level, like we say, victory to the vulnerable, where you're like, dude, I'm fine, I'll tap in no matter what because I'm safe.

Graham Bechart
00:30:15
And you realize you're actually not safe if you don't tap in.

Graham Bechart
00:30:18
Once you get to that, once you get to.

Graham Bechart
00:30:20
If I don't trust right now and don't accept that I don't do in the present, that's dangerous.

Graham Bechart
00:30:26
And that's dangerous on a spiritual level.

Graham Bechart
00:30:27
That's dangerous to your energy, that's dangerous to everything that eventually days and days of doing that compound into stress, disease, all kinds of stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:30:36
So you're like, oh, this is dangerous.

Graham Bechart
00:30:38
So like, if my fear is I miss this shot, it.

Graham Bechart
00:30:40
I'll miss every shot because if I don't, I'm dying inside and I ain't doing that.

Graham Bechart
00:30:46
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:30:47
So.

Graham Bechart
00:30:47
And of course, this only works if you practice your sport.

Graham Bechart
00:30:49
You're dedicated.

Graham Bechart
00:30:50
This can't be like you've never tried or you don't work out.

Graham Bechart
00:30:53
You go join some, try to join some team and just tap in.

Graham Bechart
00:30:56
This is predicated with I do all the work, I do the physical work, I do all of that, then of course I'm going to go trust myself.

Graham Bechart
00:31:04
If you don't do all the prep work, you're trusting nonsense at that point, right?

Graham Bechart
00:31:08
So this is.

Graham Bechart
00:31:09
This is the final piece of, like, I do everything, and now the final piece is, let's just go trust and see what happens.

Graham Bechart
00:31:15
And you don't know what's going to happen.

Graham Bechart
00:31:17
And you accept that.

Graham Bechart
00:31:18
You don't know results.

Graham Bechart
00:31:20
That's even more lethal for your opponents.

Graham Bechart
00:31:22
Because if you don't know what you're going to do, how could they know what you're going to do, right?

Graham Bechart
00:31:27
So you don't want to know what you're going to do.

Graham Bechart
00:31:29
You don't want to know if you're going to win or you're going to lose or when you're going to score.

Graham Bechart
00:31:33
You don't want to know that.

Graham Bechart
00:31:35
You want to be like, the more I don't know, the more this defender, they're in big trouble.

Graham Bechart
00:31:41
Of course a part of you wants to know, right?

Graham Bechart
00:31:42
Of course it wants to know, but that's the part of you we're getting rid of.

Graham Bechart
00:31:46
That's what mental training is, is getting to your higher self.

Graham Bechart
00:31:48
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:31:49
Listening to that.

Graham Bechart
00:31:50
And that's why we say you're actually playing a different game.

Graham Bechart
00:31:52
Like, I'm not playing volleyball.

Graham Bechart
00:31:54
I'm playing the mental game.

Graham Bechart
00:31:55
I'm playing, can I tap?

Graham Bechart
00:31:56
Can I trust?

Graham Bechart
00:31:57
Can I accept?

Graham Bechart
00:31:58
Can I be present?

Graham Bechart
00:31:59
Whatever happens in volleyball is whatever's going to happen, that if you're competing against someone like that, oh, you already know you're gonna have, like, it's gonna be a long day and you better be back.

Graham Bechart
00:32:09
Same thing.

Graham Bechart
00:32:10
Because they're like, I'm not even playing against you.

Graham Bechart
00:32:12
They're like, I'm.

Graham Bechart
00:32:12
Thank God my opponent is here.

Graham Bechart
00:32:13
You're giving me a chance to go do this tap work.

Graham Bechart
00:32:15
Thank you.

Graham Bechart
00:32:16
Thank you.

Graham Bechart
00:32:17
Better you are, the better I am.

Graham Bechart
00:32:19
You better be doing the same stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:32:21
If they're like that, if you go to a place of fear in that moment and be like, oh, my God, I got to beat them, you're already lost.

Graham Bechart
00:32:27
You're like, all I got to do is tap, you know, and once like that to me, I've seen that unlock a lot of people.

Todd
00:32:32
So anyway, that's what I was going to ask that.

Todd
00:32:36
So I mean, that.

Todd
00:32:37
That already sounds like incredibly beneficial for anyone to hear as far as the positive advantages of, you know, being really focused in the moment and how much more of an edge it really can be.

Todd
00:32:50
And then also on the flip side, the disadvantages of, you know, how, how much weight it can bear on you, how it's like literally like you said that holding those dumbbells and, you know, all you have to do to come up to the top and stay afloat is, is like, oh, you know.

Todd
00:33:05
And so do you find, are there other methods in which you might be able to help someone who finds themselves obsessed with the results really, like struggling, like they don't want to make an air ball in front of everybody.

Todd
00:33:15
You know, they'll be so embarrassed and they're kind of like, you know, if you're having a one on one talk with them and not just addressing a group of people with these concepts, you know, what might that look like?

Graham Bechart
00:33:25
I mean, it's really very similar, you know, I mean, if you're talking with someone one on one in general, they're probably open to it.

Graham Bechart
00:33:32
And you ask them, hey, what does it feel like when you don't trust?

Graham Bechart
00:33:35
What's that like in your life?

Graham Bechart
00:33:36
And they're all going to be like, it's horrible.

Graham Bechart
00:33:39
Like, and you just talk to them like, what's it like when you don't accept, what's it like trying to control results?

Graham Bechart
00:33:43
How's that going for you?

Graham Bechart
00:33:45
Are you getting the results you like?

Graham Bechart
00:33:47
You know, so you just.

Graham Bechart
00:33:48
Because they're using logic in those moments, right?

Graham Bechart
00:33:50
They're using logic.

Graham Bechart
00:33:51
So you just be with them, you just talk to them logically and usually you can get that pretty quick that they realize if I'm avoiding making mistakes, that's like a baby saying, I want to learn to walk, but I don't want to fall.

Graham Bechart
00:34:03
You're like, you know that's not going to happen, right?

Graham Bechart
00:34:05
Like, you have to embrace falling all the time as that's the actual thing, you know, so if someone doesn't want to miss, you know, and they're avoiding missing shots, you're like, hey, that's a baby.

Graham Bechart
00:34:16
Avoiding falling.

Graham Bechart
00:34:18
You know you're never going to walk, right?

Graham Bechart
00:34:20
Like, you'll never go through that experience.

Graham Bechart
00:34:22
So you just try to get them to embrace it and then be like, you know, this is training, so like it's okay to feel uncomfortable.

Graham Bechart
00:34:28
And then, you know, I got this belt that says victory to the vulnerable on it.

Graham Bechart
00:34:32
I pulled a belt out and I'm like, look man, like, if you want to be competitive, let's compete at trusting and accepting and whatever you're afraid of.

Graham Bechart
00:34:39
That's the weights you need for your mind.

Graham Bechart
00:34:42
Like, we need those weights.

Graham Bechart
00:34:43
You know, So I just try to be with people and connect with them.

Graham Bechart
00:34:48
It is similar to someone working out at a gym, though.

Graham Bechart
00:34:51
Everyone knows they should be working out, right?

Graham Bechart
00:34:53
Pretty much every human being in the world.

Graham Bechart
00:34:54
Does that mean they do it?

Graham Bechart
00:34:56
No, there's still.

Graham Bechart
00:34:57
There's still a part of.

Graham Bechart
00:34:58
There's an effort to doing that.

Graham Bechart
00:35:00
Like, you have to.

Graham Bechart
00:35:00
It takes effort.

Graham Bechart
00:35:02
So mental training is the same thing.

Graham Bechart
00:35:03
This stuff takes effort, takes work, and for some people, it's not the right moment for them.

Graham Bechart
00:35:08
So what I tell them is, hey, whenever you're ready, I'm here.

Graham Bechart
00:35:11
But if you don't want to do it, we can't talk about you wanting to win, because you don't want to win.

Graham Bechart
00:35:16
You just want to.

Graham Bechart
00:35:17
You want to feel comfortable in these moments, and that's totally fine.

Graham Bechart
00:35:19
That's like walking to the weight room and going, I just want to walk around.

Graham Bechart
00:35:22
You're like, no problem.

Graham Bechart
00:35:23
You can walk around.

Graham Bechart
00:35:23
Like, we're not going to do anything.

Graham Bechart
00:35:25
But after, if you're like, where are my muscles?

Graham Bechart
00:35:26
You're like, man, it doesn't work like that.

Graham Bechart
00:35:30
You just.

Graham Bechart
00:35:31
You just kind of, you know, you take your time with folks and I might send them a song.

Graham Bechart
00:35:34
I'm like, just listen to this song, right?

Graham Bechart
00:35:36
Just.

Graham Bechart
00:35:36
You meet people right where they are and just try to connect and let them know, like, hey, whenever you're ready, it's here.

Graham Bechart
00:35:43
But most people get it that when they're avoiding making mistakes, they know that doesn't feel good.

Graham Bechart
00:35:50
They know that.

Graham Bechart
00:35:51
They know that's not it.

Graham Bechart
00:35:52
They just don't know what to do in those moments.

Graham Bechart
00:35:54
They know that's not it, or else they would feel good.

Graham Bechart
00:35:56
They'd be like, oh, it's amazing avoiding making mistakes.

Graham Bechart
00:35:59
I feel so great later.

Graham Bechart
00:36:00
No, they're all like, I feel horrible.

Graham Bechart
00:36:02
And it's like, devastating.

Graham Bechart
00:36:04
I'm like, no, you feel heavy, don't you?

Graham Bechart
00:36:06
By definition, you should feel heavy because you're holding on.

Graham Bechart
00:36:09
You're not accepting.

Graham Bechart
00:36:09
And I don't mean you should, like, but I mean, like, this isn't hooey.

Graham Bechart
00:36:13
This is real.

Graham Bechart
00:36:14
So if you hold on, you're going to be heavy, right?

Graham Bechart
00:36:18
If you learn to accept, which takes compassion and love, a willingness to feel vulnerable, you're going to feel lighter.

Graham Bechart
00:36:24
And once you experience that, the first time, you're like, oh, I just figured out how to train.

Graham Bechart
00:36:28
So when I feel scared, I feel like gripping and holding on to something.

Graham Bechart
00:36:31
Ah, that's a side to breathe and let go.

Graham Bechart
00:36:34
And usually what we mean by let go, let's say you're holding on to not wanting to make a mistake.

Graham Bechart
00:36:39
And you're like, well, what does let go mean?

Graham Bechart
00:36:40
Let go means let's go make a bunch of mistakes.

Graham Bechart
00:36:44
Like, counter it.

Graham Bechart
00:36:45
Because if it's like, don't make a mistake.

Graham Bechart
00:36:47
You're like, well, today we make a mistake, then we're going to make mistakes.

Graham Bechart
00:36:50
And it doesn't have a counter to that.

Graham Bechart
00:36:53
Because if you can love yourself unconditionally when you make mistakes, you've just won a fight, right?

Graham Bechart
00:36:59
Because the fear is telling you if you make mistake, your life is over.

Graham Bechart
00:37:01
It's not going to work.

Graham Bechart
00:37:02
That's all an illusion.

Graham Bechart
00:37:03
None of that is real.

Graham Bechart
00:37:04
But until you actually go face it and say, look, if a mistake happens, a mistake happens, which is a lethal punch, right?

Graham Bechart
00:37:11
That's a wham.

Graham Bechart
00:37:12
It doesn't know how to counter that.

Graham Bechart
00:37:14
And then you tell it, you know what?

Graham Bechart
00:37:15
By making mistakes, that's how I'm going to learn to really do this.

Graham Bechart
00:37:18
This isn't a mistake.

Graham Bechart
00:37:19
This is the mechanics of success.

Graham Bechart
00:37:21
What are you talking about?

Graham Bechart
00:37:23
And then you counter it with something like that.

Graham Bechart
00:37:24
And then it's like, it's in a.

Graham Bechart
00:37:27
It's in a.

Graham Bechart
00:37:27
It's in a bad fight and you got it right where you want it.

Todd
00:37:31
Yeah.

Graham Bechart
00:37:32
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:37:33
Like, basically all you're doing is talking yourself into allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable for a little moment.

Graham Bechart
00:37:38
That's it.

Graham Bechart
00:37:38
That's what this all comes down to.

Graham Bechart
00:37:40
People don't want to feel uncomfortable.

Graham Bechart
00:37:42
So just like.

Graham Bechart
00:37:43
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:37:44
So if you can just feel uncomfortable for a brief moment with no hesitation, you can win the fight very quickly.

Graham Bechart
00:37:49
Most people prolong it.

Graham Bechart
00:37:51
They avoid the uncomfortable peace.

Graham Bechart
00:37:52
And then that causes suffering and that causes profound injury.

Graham Bechart
00:37:56
And all these other things where once you realize, look, I'm going to go, like, if you're going to lift weights, we're going to get uncomfortable for a sec.

Graham Bechart
00:38:02
Let's go get it.

Graham Bechart
00:38:03
We don't have to linger around forever, but let's go get it.

Graham Bechart
00:38:06
And then after.

Graham Bechart
00:38:07
How do you feel?

Graham Bechart
00:38:08
Really good.

Todd
00:38:09
Yeah, you want to.

Graham Bechart
00:38:10
So once you get those habits down and you're like, when I say victory to the vulnerable, that literally means if you allow yourself to feel vulnerable and you still tap in, you, you will experience victory.

Graham Bechart
00:38:21
And by victory, we mean incredible energy.

Graham Bechart
00:38:23
You will unlock real energy and you will enlighten.

Graham Bechart
00:38:27
This isn't like a joke.

Graham Bechart
00:38:29
Like, and if you hold on, you will feel heavy.

Graham Bechart
00:38:32
There's, like, really, like, real.

Graham Bechart
00:38:34
You'll really feel heavy.

Graham Bechart
00:38:36
You'll feel like gravity's stronger on you.

Graham Bechart
00:38:39
And then when the word enlightenment is real, like when you start to work on acceptance, you're like, I feel lighter.

Graham Bechart
00:38:45
I've had athletes figure this stuff out when they're 32, 33, and they're like, I'm more athletic at 34 than I was at 24.

Graham Bechart
00:38:52
Because at 24, they were holding on.

Graham Bechart
00:38:54
And finally at some point, they're like, I'm done holding on.

Graham Bechart
00:38:57
I want to experience life after.

Graham Bechart
00:38:59
And all of a sudden, they totally open up and they're moving with more fluidity, more grace, they're lighter.

Graham Bechart
00:39:04
Like all these things happen and it doesn't make any sense till you do it.

Graham Bechart
00:39:08
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
00:39:09
Because you're like, how could that be?

Graham Bechart
00:39:10
You know, or whatever, you know?

Graham Bechart
00:39:12
But that's why this is such an advantage if you do it, you know?

Graham Bechart
00:39:15
Yeah.

Todd
00:39:17
So.

Todd
00:39:18
So going through that 27 years of it, it taking you to developing this tap method and having it be so simple.

Todd
00:39:25
Can you talk about some of the stuff that you were teaching at the very beginning that may have not been so simple and kind of your journey of getting to the tap method, you know, just some of the things that you did coming up that may not have been the smartest or the best or.

Todd
00:39:40
Or that you optimized.

Graham Bechart
00:39:42
Man.

Graham Bechart
00:39:42
You know, sometimes early on, you end up saying everything you know to people because you just want to make sure you give.

Graham Bechart
00:39:49
Like someone like a strength and conditioning coach, when they first work someone out, they usually just do way too much, you know, I mean, they.

Graham Bechart
00:39:55
They work everything out times a thousand.

Graham Bechart
00:39:57
That's not what that person needed.

Graham Bechart
00:39:59
So I definitely felt that early on this, like, oh, like, do I need to tell them everything I know, but I always, honestly, I always knew the fight was, it's got to be simple.

Graham Bechart
00:40:09
Like, I knew that was it because, like, the woman teaching me, it was so vast what she was teaching it, like, in it and like, it incorporated, like, essentially everything.

Graham Bechart
00:40:20
So you're like, okay, I always knew I gotta get it to a 14 year old in 30 seconds in real time.

Graham Bechart
00:40:25
And if I can, if I can get it to a 14 year old in 30 seconds in real time, then we've got something here.

Graham Bechart
00:40:31
Then any human being could essentially do this, right?

Graham Bechart
00:40:33
Then we got e equals mc squared.

Graham Bechart
00:40:35
So I was just grinding in the early 2000s, working with a JV basketball team every day and going, okay, what words do we use?

Graham Bechart
00:40:43
And that's where things started to come together.

Graham Bechart
00:40:44
Like, I was teaching play present, which is like the Actual goals to be present.

Graham Bechart
00:40:48
I didn't know what to do in the present yet, but I knew we had to be in the present.

Graham Bechart
00:40:52
And then we taught what we call next play speed.

Graham Bechart
00:40:54
I got this little next play speed whistle, which is like, after you shoot a basketball or after you do something, how fast can you move on to the next play?

Graham Bechart
00:41:02
And we were saying, we don't care if you make or miss shots.

Graham Bechart
00:41:05
Essentially, that's acceptance.

Graham Bechart
00:41:06
But we didn't.

Graham Bechart
00:41:06
I didn't know to use the word acceptance.

Graham Bechart
00:41:08
I just was like, I don't care if you make or miss.

Graham Bechart
00:41:10
And they were like, what do you mean you don't care?

Graham Bechart
00:41:11
Like, we have to make shots.

Graham Bechart
00:41:12
And I was like, you know, if you're great, you're going to miss half if you're great.

Graham Bechart
00:41:17
So we have to do well on the ones we miss.

Graham Bechart
00:41:19
We have to be able to move forward with grace and get going and move on.

Graham Bechart
00:41:22
So that was the language we started with and just worked on play present and next play speed.

Graham Bechart
00:41:28
And it was like, just be in the moment, and then when that moment's done, get on with the next moment as fast as you can and do it again.

Graham Bechart
00:41:34
And then that's what we're going to judge you on.

Graham Bechart
00:41:36
Like, that's it.

Graham Bechart
00:41:37
We're not going to judge you on results and outcomes.

Graham Bechart
00:41:39
And we just started doing that.

Graham Bechart
00:41:40
I didn't think it was going to win as big as it started to win.

Graham Bechart
00:41:43
I just was like, this is going to help some kids out.

Graham Bechart
00:41:45
We'll use basketball.

Graham Bechart
00:41:47
And then working at Mission High School in San Francisco, where I started, like, like, within four years, we won the city championship in San Francisco.

Graham Bechart
00:41:54
And, like, the program just took off, and I was just an assistant coach helping out.

Graham Bechart
00:42:00
And my job was like, the mental game and just helping a little bit.

Graham Bechart
00:42:03
But, like, the head coach was so solid.

Graham Bechart
00:42:05
He was the dean of the school.

Graham Bechart
00:42:06
Like, we had support, and they.

Graham Bechart
00:42:08
They might have won 12 city championships in, like, 16 years.

Graham Bechart
00:42:12
After that, even won the state title.

Graham Bechart
00:42:14
And, you know, so doing all this historical stuff and so that stuff, to me, just let me know, okay?

Graham Bechart
00:42:19
It is simple.

Graham Bechart
00:42:19
We got the language simple.

Graham Bechart
00:42:21
And then I knew I had to get it into a book.

Graham Bechart
00:42:23
I had to make it real.

Graham Bechart
00:42:24
I had to just go from, like, I'm just saying some stuff, which is every dime a dozen, right?

Graham Bechart
00:42:29
Everyone's got a few things to say.

Graham Bechart
00:42:31
Maybe a little personality.

Graham Bechart
00:42:32
I'm like, and a good friend.

Graham Bechart
00:42:33
It was like, if you don't write in a book, you're just going to be a Dude with a cool personality who talks a little bit, and that's everywhere, and you need to be different.

Graham Bechart
00:42:42
So I was like, I can't write.

Graham Bechart
00:42:43
I don't know how to write.

Graham Bechart
00:42:44
And he was like, well, you have to.

Graham Bechart
00:42:46
So I struggled through and wrote Play Present, my first book, and got that done by 2015.

Graham Bechart
00:42:52
And it's 50 pages long.

Graham Bechart
00:42:55
I worked with an artist, so it has art.

Graham Bechart
00:42:57
It's really simple.

Graham Bechart
00:42:59
It took me like my whole life to get it to 50 pages to make.

Graham Bechart
00:43:02
And to my knowledge, I think it's the smallest mental training book that might exist, or maybe not.

Graham Bechart
00:43:07
But, like, that was my goal.

Graham Bechart
00:43:09
And that was 10 years ago almost.

Graham Bechart
00:43:11
And since then, I feel like I have it a thousand times simpler now to where, like you said, literally, it's just this.

Graham Bechart
00:43:16
It's just tap.

Todd
00:43:17
Yes.

Graham Bechart
00:43:18
And I got a song called Tap.

Graham Bechart
00:43:20
And so we went from like putting it on words and pages to where you have to read it to process it into an action to now it's a symbol.

Graham Bechart
00:43:28
And then you can put a song on.

Graham Bechart
00:43:29
Listen to the song for three minutes and you're being trained in it and it's hitting your subconscious.

Graham Bechart
00:43:33
And we train through music, not.

Graham Bechart
00:43:35
Not just because music is fun.

Graham Bechart
00:43:36
And like, why wouldn't you want to train with music?

Graham Bechart
00:43:38
Like, who would want something without that?

Graham Bechart
00:43:40
But the science behind learning with music is profound.

Graham Bechart
00:43:43
That you retain the information at twice, twice the ability with melody.

Graham Bechart
00:43:48
And if you were.

Graham Bechart
00:43:48
If you're singing something, right, you can retain it because it has melody to it.

Graham Bechart
00:43:54
So we say, like, I don't react, I respond, I take a breath and I move on.

Graham Bechart
00:43:59
Right?

Graham Bechart
00:44:00
That's just a little example of something that.

Graham Bechart
00:44:01
Like that once or twice, that might be with you for life.

Graham Bechart
00:44:05
And then if you start saying that yourself ten times a day and you get it into, I don't react, I respond, I take a breath, and I move on.

Graham Bechart
00:44:13
Now it's like we're working on cognitive, behavioral, tried and true principles of the mental game, like shift how you're thinking and shift what you're doing, right?

Graham Bechart
00:44:24
So all this stuff, while it seems kind of fun and like, not silly, but like, is this real?

Graham Bechart
00:44:29
Hell yeah, this is real.

Graham Bechart
00:44:31
And it's based.

Graham Bechart
00:44:31
It's backed on all the deep science and all that.

Graham Bechart
00:44:34
And for kids, again, if you can get this into something simple where they don't even know it's.

Graham Bechart
00:44:39
It's like they're doing anything.

Graham Bechart
00:44:41
Like you just have a song in the background, but, like, it's hitting your subconscious, right?

Graham Bechart
00:44:45
It's sticking there.

Graham Bechart
00:44:46
Then we've made something so simple.

Graham Bechart
00:44:48
It's like, you know, it's, it's there.

Graham Bechart
00:44:51
So that's why.

Graham Bechart
00:44:52
But I got it into like chains.

Graham Bechart
00:44:54
Like another one was like Walk to Win.

Graham Bechart
00:44:56
I got all these like wild chains and like and you put them out there.

Graham Bechart
00:45:00
Because what people are Walk to Win is the counter to anxiously running to results.

Graham Bechart
00:45:04
Most people are anxiously trying to get to like some level or they want to get to some place and then when they're there they're still feel like how they were before they got there because they're like, I need to get somewhere else.

Graham Bechart
00:45:15
And so Walk to Win helps remind you that it's here right now.

Graham Bechart
00:45:17
Everything you're looking for is here.

Graham Bechart
00:45:20
And lock in today with a one day deal.

Graham Bechart
00:45:22
That's the other chain.

Graham Bechart
00:45:23
It's not, hasn't arrived yet.

Graham Bechart
00:45:24
But one day deal means just do it today.

Graham Bechart
00:45:26
So walk to Win tap one day deal, palms down.

Graham Bechart
00:45:30
The opposite of doing this.

Graham Bechart
00:45:31
All of those came after I wrote Play present.

Graham Bechart
00:45:34
So Play present took me 20 years to write.

Graham Bechart
00:45:37
And then from 2015 to now we just try to make it simpler and simpler and simpler and we got it down to a couple letters.

Graham Bechart
00:45:44
Tap is shorter than E equals MC squared.

Graham Bechart
00:45:47
So that's something I'm proud of because it really does take a while.

Graham Bechart
00:45:53
But my mind is obsessed with this stuff and it's cool sometimes.

Graham Bechart
00:45:59
But sometimes I'd have to tell myself, please give me a break because I can't just keep like downloading information, trying to process it and bringing it to the earth.

Graham Bechart
00:46:08
I mean that's what this is.

Graham Bechart
00:46:09
When you can tap into it, you tap into where it comes from.

Graham Bechart
00:46:12
I didn't make any of this stuff up.

Graham Bechart
00:46:14
I just tapped into it and was like, oh, there it is.

Graham Bechart
00:46:17
My job is to bring it to this world.

Graham Bechart
00:46:20
That's like why I call myself a guide.

Graham Bechart
00:46:22
I'm like, okay, I can pick it up, I can hear it pretty well and I can pick it up and then use creativity to bring it to us, how we need to bring it.

Graham Bechart
00:46:33
And yeah, I find myself like it's amazing where it goes basically.

Graham Bechart
00:46:38
Like I didn't know I was going to go here, going to music, going to this stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:46:42
But like there it is.

Graham Bechart
00:46:44
So yeah, at first you're just saying a bunch of words, right?

Graham Bechart
00:46:48
And eventually you get into a book, then you get into a song.

Graham Bechart
00:46:51
I always had the hardest time, Todd, with five year olds because a five year old, you can't just talk to a five year old, right?

Graham Bechart
00:46:58
If you're not singing and Dancing, they will laugh at you.

Graham Bechart
00:47:00
Like, you can talk to a teenager in general, you can talk to someone who's in their 20s, you can talk to someone in their 30s.

Graham Bechart
00:47:06
But a five year old, if you go in and you're like, hey, let's be present, they're just going to like turn around and look to the side and they're like, what are you talking about?

Graham Bechart
00:47:15
But if you're like, okay, everyone, you ready to do sing along?

Graham Bechart
00:47:18
Okay, you ready?

Graham Bechart
00:47:19
We don't want to do this.

Graham Bechart
00:47:20
We do this.

Graham Bechart
00:47:21
All right, everyone do this.

Graham Bechart
00:47:22
I don't react, I respond.

Graham Bechart
00:47:25
Every five year old, it's like, I don't react, I respond, right, then you.

Graham Bechart
00:47:30
It's like teaching the ABCs doesn't mean they're going to do it at a high level or anything like that.

Graham Bechart
00:47:34
But, but it's there, right?

Graham Bechart
00:47:36
So as you go through life, you're like, hey, wait.

Graham Bechart
00:47:38
I don't react, I respond.

Graham Bechart
00:47:40
I'm in a moment where I feel like just reacting.

Graham Bechart
00:47:42
I guess I have a choice how I respond.

Graham Bechart
00:47:45
Oh, okay, I'll take a breath.

Graham Bechart
00:47:47
Oh, then I move on.

Graham Bechart
00:47:49
So that talk track is there, that cognition is there to hopefully influence behavior in those moments.

Graham Bechart
00:47:56
Right.

Graham Bechart
00:47:56
And do that.

Graham Bechart
00:47:57
So now I'm like, okay, if I can get into a five year old or a four year old and it makes sense to them and they can repeat it, then really anybody can do this stuff.

Todd
00:48:09
Yeah.

Todd
00:48:10
So is it, is it like hip hop kind of like music?

Graham Bechart
00:48:13
Yeah, hip hop, jazz, R B, spoken word, Afro beats.

Graham Bechart
00:48:20
I mean, like really country.

Graham Bechart
00:48:21
I made a country song the other day.

Todd
00:48:23
Like, no way.

Graham Bechart
00:48:24
It's.

Graham Bechart
00:48:24
Well, yeah, it was whatever comes like.

Graham Bechart
00:48:26
And I'm under Graham the guide.

Graham Bechart
00:48:27
So that's where I do all the music I draw.

Graham Bechart
00:48:30
I've dropped probably close to 200 songs in the last two years.

Graham Bechart
00:48:35
I make the beats.

Graham Bechart
00:48:36
So I've turned into, I mean, you did some music.

Todd
00:48:38
I didn't know it was like that.

Graham Bechart
00:48:39
Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

Graham Bechart
00:48:40
I've, I've produced a couple R B songs that have nothing to do with mental training.

Graham Bechart
00:48:45
They're love songs with some great artists who are like just rappers and singers and we don't even have a connection in the mental performance space.

Graham Bechart
00:48:52
I'm just producing music.

Graham Bechart
00:48:54
So that's the, like, you never know where life's going to go when you keep listening to your heart and keep doing the work.

Graham Bechart
00:49:00
And I would have never thought in my 40s I'd become a music producer.

Graham Bechart
00:49:04
But I have, you know, and I, I, I've made probably 700 beats in the last year and a half.

Graham Bechart
00:49:11
And I can't even explain it, really.

Graham Bechart
00:49:15
You know, I'm just here serving, doing the work.

Graham Bechart
00:49:18
And I knew I was supposed to make music.

Graham Bechart
00:49:20
I didn't know why.

Graham Bechart
00:49:21
I knew I loved it, and I just kept sticking with it.

Graham Bechart
00:49:24
And it's fun to see where it goes.

Graham Bechart
00:49:26
I found myself speaking at Solano County Prison the other week with the Golden State warriors, their basketball camps.

Graham Bechart
00:49:33
They were helping out, teaching inmates how to coach.

Graham Bechart
00:49:36
And that was one of the most powerful experiences in my life.

Graham Bechart
00:49:40
To go work with them, with some folks in there being lifers, you know, no chance of coming out, and you're working on being present.

Graham Bechart
00:49:47
You're like, okay, this is a whole different level.

Graham Bechart
00:49:49
Like, someone may not want to be there, but yet this is where we are.

Graham Bechart
00:49:53
And learning to, like, make our home where we are is really important for your mental health and that.

Graham Bechart
00:49:59
And what.

Graham Bechart
00:50:01
How much more profound is it to do it with folks like that?

Graham Bechart
00:50:04
So I'm blown away where this goes.

Graham Bechart
00:50:07
I find myself training police officers and prisoners at the same time, and I think it's interesting to be like, wow, hopefully what we're doing.

Graham Bechart
00:50:17
Like, I agreed to help train police officers because I wanted to lower use of force.

Graham Bechart
00:50:22
And I was like, if we give them mental skills and equip them with all this stuff, right, Instead of reacting, right, learning to choose your response, that we know, deescalate, we know it intuitively, that's going to de.

Graham Bechart
00:50:33
Escalate scenes.

Graham Bechart
00:50:34
And when you see someone who's emotionally intelligent, we like to look at that as being an alpha.

Graham Bechart
00:50:38
And Alpha is not who's got the biggest gun and muscles.

Graham Bechart
00:50:41
It's who's the one who can harmonize the energy of the room.

Graham Bechart
00:50:44
I always knew Alphas to be women around my life, you know, because they were the most skilled at this stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:50:50
So I find myself working with police officers now, teaching them, and then most recently, being called to work in prisons.

Graham Bechart
00:50:56
And I see this, like, amazing thing of, like, okay, someone gets released from prison, right, and they're coming back into the world, there is some pretty good odds against them at that point of re coming back in, you know, of just kind of playing out the same loop.

Graham Bechart
00:51:13
So if we give them the mental skills to kind of choose their response in moments, right, and to breathe and not react, because most of them are in there because they reacted in a really challenging moment.

Graham Bechart
00:51:24
And if we give the same skills to police officers now, we're creating a moment where perhaps two folks come together and they're like, the most mindful people in the world connecting in that moment.

Graham Bechart
00:51:35
And maybe in the past, that was a, could be a pretty lethal, dangerous moment, you know, and now we're doing something different.

Graham Bechart
00:51:41
So I'm always blown away where this stuff goes.

Graham Bechart
00:51:44
And, you know, I, I don't feel called to sports.

Graham Bechart
00:51:47
Like, I once, I mean, I still help out UConn this year.

Graham Bechart
00:51:49
And, you know, I have the, my mental training academy I do every Sunday called Palms down for Kids.

Graham Bechart
00:51:55
But, like, I'm not like, dying to go work with teams or to go help more pro athletes get better at being pros or something like that.

Graham Bechart
00:52:02
Like, I did that for 20 straight years, and that's kind of like run its course on a deep level for me.

Graham Bechart
00:52:09
And so it is kind of fun to see where it's going now and, you know, see where I'm supposed to, like, take this and serve.

Graham Bechart
00:52:15
And I never would have thought police officers and prisoners, but pretty cool when you just kind of follow your heart to kind of see that so much bigger than you and it goes to play.

Graham Bechart
00:52:25
Like when you're devoted to something and you just keep showing up, like, it goes there.

Graham Bechart
00:52:28
And so, yeah, basically a producer working with police officers and prisoners.

Todd
00:52:34
So, so crazy.

Todd
00:52:36
Do you have, do you, do you have a larger dream or.

Todd
00:52:40
I mean, I know a lot of people are going to be like, perfectly in the moment and seeing where it goes, and that's totally fair.

Todd
00:52:45
You know, like, I have no idea where my business is taking me, and we'll just see what happens.

Todd
00:52:49
But at the same time, do you have, like, a larger vision for how you might like to impact more and more people?

Graham Bechart
00:52:55
I mean, I, I, I always do.

Graham Bechart
00:52:58
I always see a big vision and I just remind myself to come back and handle it today.

Graham Bechart
00:53:04
And that's how you get, like, the big things happening is you just do the little work today and it gets to really big stuff.

Graham Bechart
00:53:10
So I've always known this was going to go to business for me, that it was going to be really, really big in a business space.

Graham Bechart
00:53:17
And so I help out this company now called Dream Team and Dream Team DreamTeam wins.com is the website and we help ex athletes transition into software sales to make the make the leap.

Graham Bechart
00:53:31
When they're done playing sports and they're done doing what they do, we help them kind of transition into this other space.

Graham Bechart
00:53:37
And the two founders I've worked with, they're both basketball people.

Graham Bechart
00:53:40
One I've coached with for 18 years, one did really well in sales and was always, always loved Basketball and was like, hey, I've been part of the three of the bigger IPOs in software sales.

Graham Bechart
00:53:49
By the time I was 35, I got generational wealth.

Graham Bechart
00:53:52
What I need to, like, help other people come into the space.

Graham Bechart
00:53:56
And so they called me to ask me to be a part.

Graham Bechart
00:53:58
My heart was like, yes, man.

Graham Bechart
00:54:00
Like, this is it.

Graham Bechart
00:54:02
So sports and sales are essentially identical, you know, so I've always had a big passion for both of those, and I see it going into the business realm now, into that space.

Graham Bechart
00:54:12
And I'm building a team, a dream team, like, where I'm kind of.

Graham Bechart
00:54:15
I'm the chief mindset officer.

Graham Bechart
00:54:17
I think that's a pretty cool title.

Graham Bechart
00:54:19
And I've always.

Graham Bechart
00:54:20
And I'm just building a team.

Graham Bechart
00:54:21
So I'm bringing on mental performance coaches and kind of.

Graham Bechart
00:54:23
I really like helping other people be successful.

Graham Bechart
00:54:26
I like helping other people set up generational wealth, you know, for their families.

Graham Bechart
00:54:31
I really enjoy all of that.

Graham Bechart
00:54:32
And, of course, all that starts with a mindset.

Graham Bechart
00:54:34
So, yeah, it's going to business.

Graham Bechart
00:54:38
I kind of knew it was always going to go there, and I just had to, you know, wait for the timing.

Graham Bechart
00:54:42
And, you know, the last couple years when I've transitioned from basketball, I've kind of just been making this transition into business.

Graham Bechart
00:54:49
And of course, music and, you know, police and folks who have been locked up.

Graham Bechart
00:54:53
That's happening.

Graham Bechart
00:54:54
But I see the next 20 years of my life really doing big things in business and helping companies create cultures where the mental game is seamlessly integrated into everything they do.

Graham Bechart
00:55:09
And it's not some outside thing or some love luck.

Graham Bechart
00:55:12
It's like we.

Graham Bechart
00:55:13
Everything we do is a mindset.

Graham Bechart
00:55:15
Everything we do, we develop people mentally.

Graham Bechart
00:55:17
We develop them as human beings.

Graham Bechart
00:55:19
And of course, what that does in business is profound.

Graham Bechart
00:55:23
You know, so the cool thing about businesses in general, no one's physically trying to stop you.

Graham Bechart
00:55:28
So it's a little bit different in sports.

Graham Bechart
00:55:30
Like, in sports, someone's physically trying to stop you.

Graham Bechart
00:55:32
In business, no one's doing that.

Graham Bechart
00:55:35
So it's like you don't even have as many obstacles in sports, but you find the obstacles are just yourself.

Graham Bechart
00:55:40
So the word CEO to me stands for Conscious Energy Officer.

Graham Bechart
00:55:44
And if we can help train people to be a leader and lead from a place of energy, where they're only putting energy into the space that brings out the best and the people they're called to lead, can you imagine.

Graham Bechart
00:55:57
Can you imagine what that does, how powerful that is?

Graham Bechart
00:56:00
Like, sports is usually the first to pick up on stuff like this.

Graham Bechart
00:56:02
It's kind of the barometer, that business copy sports.

Graham Bechart
00:56:05
So just seems like a natural thing for me, Todd, to go into it.

Graham Bechart
00:56:09
And I'm having a blast, man.

Graham Bechart
00:56:12
Like, I'm really having a blast doing it.

Graham Bechart
00:56:14
And I enjoy watching people flourish.

Graham Bechart
00:56:17
And you know, that transition from being like, if you've been an athlete your whole life and transitioning into something else, that's not easy, you know, because you built an identity in a certain space and that's what's made you feel comfortable and.

Graham Bechart
00:56:29
But yet that same mindset you had being successful as an athlete is overwhelmingly successful in business, let alone sales, where it is astronomically successful.

Graham Bechart
00:56:41
And most people with software sales may not even know about that industry.

Graham Bechart
00:56:45
It's an incredible industry.

Graham Bechart
00:56:47
I think a lot of athletes get involved in, you know, maybe real estate or some kind of finance or something like that.

Graham Bechart
00:56:55
And software sales is one of those things that is sky's the limit to what you can do with it.

Graham Bechart
00:57:01
And as you know, like open AI or cloud, like, these businesses are booming, you know, and they're not going anywhere.

Graham Bechart
00:57:09
And so to this point, AI can't sell big ticket, big ticket items.

Graham Bechart
00:57:15
You need a human being for all those type of things.

Graham Bechart
00:57:18
Turns out you need the nuance of a human being.

Graham Bechart
00:57:20
So these human skills of being able to perform under pressure, to be present and all those, that in my assessment, is the ultimate thing where this is all going like all the technology we have, all the apps and whatever it is it's all leading to, can you connect to a human being?

Graham Bechart
00:57:39
Because if you are not connected to a human being, you'll always be yearning for that.

Graham Bechart
00:57:44
And once you know that, you know that, you know that every human needs to connect with other human beings.

Graham Bechart
00:57:50
And so I see a peak of this technology that's like, say, for example, you're on a dating app and it gets everything but the actual human connection piece.

Graham Bechart
00:57:58
It'll set you up next to the person, it'll tee the whole thing up, and then what's the last piece?

Graham Bechart
00:58:02
You got to actually know how to be present with someone, to lean into vulnerability.

Graham Bechart
00:58:06
Right?

Graham Bechart
00:58:06
The actual, the actual thing.

Graham Bechart
00:58:08
So to me, Todd, this technology here, this is the final frontier of what we're learning to use ourselves.

Graham Bechart
00:58:15
And that's where everything is leading.

Graham Bechart
00:58:16
So ultimately, when I, when I say I'm in business, I'm in the business of human development, you know, I'm in the business of helping humans unlock themselves, unleash themselves, and become unlimited.

Graham Bechart
00:58:26
And we're just, we're going to do it through business.

Graham Bechart
00:58:28
But whether you like it or not, that's where it's going, dude.

Todd
00:58:32
100% agree is.

Todd
00:58:33
Yeah, especially on the technology front.

Todd
00:58:35
You know, I think that technology is giving us, you know, how, how you said that there's those challenges that kind of produce results essentially, you know, at a.

Todd
00:58:43
At a rapid rate.

Todd
00:58:44
And so now with technology, I think it kind of forces us to ask ourselves, what does it mean to be human?

Todd
00:58:49
As if we are putting a neural link in our head and if we're replacing our arms and all, what does it actually mean to be human?

Todd
00:58:57
And what does it mean to optimize ourselves as a human being?

Todd
00:59:00
Does it mean putting in machinery?

Todd
00:59:02
Does it mean increasing our character traits?

Todd
00:59:06
To me, what it means to be human really means the love and the connection and all those things that are not tangible, you know, and so for us to, to improve those seems like one of the most important things as we move forward into a increasingly technological world.

Graham Bechart
00:59:21
That's it, man.

Graham Bechart
00:59:22
That's.

Graham Bechart
00:59:22
That's how I.

Graham Bechart
00:59:23
I mean, if you can't connect with another human being, right?

Graham Bechart
00:59:28
If you can't get deep most of the time, another human being is the deepest we'll get in life.

Graham Bechart
00:59:32
Like a relationship, something, could be a friendship, could be romantic.

Graham Bechart
00:59:35
Whatever it is that requires you like to be open in that to open yourself up requires incredible work.

Graham Bechart
00:59:43
So many people have just closed off their whole technology because they don't want to be hurt or whatever it is and don't even know how to get to the higher states of vibration, the higher states of existence.

Graham Bechart
00:59:53
And when you get to the higher state of vibration or existence, nobody is wondering what the purpose of life is in those places.

Graham Bechart
00:59:59
They're experiencing the totality of life and they're like, oh, my God.

Graham Bechart
01:00:04
No one is like, what's.

Graham Bechart
01:00:05
Why am I here?

Graham Bechart
01:00:06
You really only ask that when you're not experiencing those levels of energy.

Graham Bechart
01:00:09
When you experience that level of energy, you're not asking why you're here.

Graham Bechart
01:00:12
You're like, this is it now.

Graham Bechart
01:00:14
How.

Graham Bechart
01:00:14
How do I feel this totality?

Graham Bechart
01:00:17
How do I open myself up to this thing?

Graham Bechart
01:00:20
And that's where the mental skills come in.

Graham Bechart
01:00:21
That's where the devotion, the practice comes in.

Graham Bechart
01:00:24
And so it's like all the technology is guiding you to that.

Graham Bechart
01:00:30
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
01:00:31
And just like, I.

Graham Bechart
01:00:33
I guess I bet, like, no technology can work out for you, no matter what.

Graham Bechart
01:00:37
It can set it up, it can create a workout for you, can make, put it in your house, it can make it easy, but it can't actually do it for you.

Graham Bechart
01:00:45
You know, and so it's still, this still comes down to you have to have be responsible for yourself.

Graham Bechart
01:00:51
And there's nothing going to take that away.

Graham Bechart
01:00:53
There's nothing that you can just like avoid that work.

Graham Bechart
01:00:56
And you could have what looks like everything in life, but if you can't connect with another human, you'll always know that something really profound is missing.

Graham Bechart
01:01:04
That's something on a very deep level or else people will just go away.

Graham Bechart
01:01:08
They would just want to be by themselves.

Graham Bechart
01:01:10
That's not what happens.

Graham Bechart
01:01:11
People need other human beings.

Graham Bechart
01:01:13
What's the worst thing you can do to someone in prison?

Graham Bechart
01:01:15
Isolate them, like take them away from everybody.

Graham Bechart
01:01:19
It's worse than keeping them around everybody, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
01:01:22
Like, that's the torture in life.

Graham Bechart
01:01:24
So I think like to me all this stuff is just leading to, we're going to learn how to connect as humans.

Graham Bechart
01:01:31
And that takes some work, it takes some vulnerability.

Graham Bechart
01:01:33
But that's where all, that's where all the breakthroughs are, you know.

Graham Bechart
01:01:36
So I'm in the business of that.

Graham Bechart
01:01:39
I'm in the business of helping humans unlock themselves.

Graham Bechart
01:01:42
And if technology can get you closer to the gym, no problem.

Graham Bechart
01:01:46
You still got to walk through the doors.

Todd
01:01:48
Yeah, right.

Graham Bechart
01:01:49
You still, you could basically he can drop you off in front and tell you like, great job and here's all your metrics.

Graham Bechart
01:01:53
But like you still gotta go, like still gotta go do it.

Todd
01:01:57
So I'm curious about some of the deeper, let's say self worth issues that are behind someone's obsession with results or someone's inability or unwillingness to make mistakes, you know, as if it's like going to mean something very significant for them in a negative way.

Todd
01:02:14
And so how would you kind of traverse or I guess I'm curious about some of your experiences traversing that line between counselor, therapist and mental skills coach.

Todd
01:02:24
Because I personally believe that you could, you could solve.

Todd
01:02:27
I don't want to.

Todd
01:02:28
Maybe not solve is not the right word, but you can treat a lot of these, these things going on through the mental skills and not necessarily need to go to a counselor or therapist.

Todd
01:02:35
But obviously everyone's completely different.

Todd
01:02:37
Everyone's experiencing their own stuff.

Todd
01:02:39
And so how have you kind of come up against that as a mental skills coach?

Todd
01:02:42
Because that's something that personally scares me a little bit.

Graham Bechart
01:02:46
Like just kind of like if something gets deep, like if someone.

Todd
01:02:49
Yeah, like depression, like dealing with like actual depression, anxiety, being, being willing to refer out kind of that, that kind of stuff.

Todd
01:02:55
I'm sure you've probably referred out someone at Some point.

Todd
01:02:58
But at the same time you're kind of doing mental skills presentation, so you don't really need to like, you know, deal with that necessarily.

Todd
01:03:04
So I'm curious, just important to know.

Graham Bechart
01:03:07
Your own boundaries too.

Graham Bechart
01:03:08
Like if you feel uncomfortable with something or something is like not where you feel qualified to help someone, it's definitely important to have like really great referrals within your system.

Graham Bechart
01:03:18
I have some great doctors that I've built relationships with and I always have like a marriage and family therapy referrals.

Graham Bechart
01:03:26
I got referrals that can help you through incredible trauma, you know, like, really, really, really deep stuff.

Graham Bechart
01:03:32
So it's just important where you feel comfortable doing that and knowing your own boundaries and knowing kind of like, okay, what's my lane here?

Graham Bechart
01:03:40
You know, I look at myself like a strength coach for your mind, you know, so if you're in like a life or death crisis, that's.

Graham Bechart
01:03:47
I'm not the person, you know, can I help people?

Graham Bechart
01:03:50
Can, you know, of course.

Graham Bechart
01:03:51
But like, that's not my role.

Graham Bechart
01:03:52
If someone.

Graham Bechart
01:03:54
So for me, it's always really important to do this stuff now at this, with boundaries now.

Graham Bechart
01:03:58
At the same time, I look at myself as a proactive teacher and most of the time, most of the stuff I'm teaching is addressing really, really deep stuff without them even knowing it.

Graham Bechart
01:04:09
Right?

Graham Bechart
01:04:09
When we're like, okay, we're going to work on total acceptance, that is incredibly deep, right?

Graham Bechart
01:04:15
You're like, acceptance.

Graham Bechart
01:04:15
Well, I'm going to start accepting how my parents are.

Graham Bechart
01:04:18
I'm going to start accepting all this stuff I've been holding on to and all these things.

Graham Bechart
01:04:22
So you might have incredible trauma built up in your life and then someone tells you that, hey, acceptance is totally okay.

Graham Bechart
01:04:28
And that might start your work in that space, you know, to start looking at some of this stuff and exploring some of this stuff.

Graham Bechart
01:04:34
But I'm always like, man, work with as many teachers as you can.

Graham Bechart
01:04:37
Work with as many people who can help you out, you know, as you can and find the benefits of learning how to work with.

Graham Bechart
01:04:44
Yeah, someone who's maybe a counselor, someone who's a therapist, someone who's a marriage and family therapist.

Graham Bechart
01:04:50
Work with a mystical person.

Graham Bechart
01:04:52
Work with someone.

Graham Bechart
01:04:52
I know I have people in my life who have no degrees and they've written best selling books and they're just like, I'm so tapped into God.

Graham Bechart
01:04:59
I can hear it clear and I'm, I can, I can write it out.

Graham Bechart
01:05:02
I'm like, cool, man, let it rip.

Graham Bechart
01:05:04
So I get like, let it rip.

Graham Bechart
01:05:06
Like I Know, people with certifications and degrees and couldn't cross the street, you know, on their own, with their own selves.

Graham Bechart
01:05:12
So never let education get in the way of intelligence.

Graham Bechart
01:05:16
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
01:05:17
Never, never mistake those two things at all.

Graham Bechart
01:05:21
But it's important, you know, I hear a lot, I get this a lot, that, hey, Graham, there's a lot of frauds out there, and there's a lot of, like, people out, and I'm like, man, they don't come around me, you know?

Graham Bechart
01:05:30
So I like, I.

Graham Bechart
01:05:31
For whatever reason, I'm like, I don't really meet them, but I hear about that.

Graham Bechart
01:05:35
So it's important, like, when you're looking to work with somebody, you know, to really feel confident, feel comfortable with them, and feel like this is the right thing, and even if someone has all the degrees and all that and it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

Graham Bechart
01:05:46
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
01:05:47
Like, listen.

Graham Bechart
01:05:48
Listen to your deep intelligence.

Graham Bechart
01:05:49
I think the important thing with doing this work is you got to have a connection with somebody, you know, like anyone's going to crop, you know, help you do this work.

Graham Bechart
01:05:56
Like, you got to feel connected to them, just like a strength coach or something.

Graham Bechart
01:05:59
Like, if you're working out with someone you feel connected to, that's way better than, you know, maybe working out with someone you don't.

Graham Bechart
01:06:05
So.

Graham Bechart
01:06:06
But this.

Graham Bechart
01:06:06
This field is so vast now, Todd.

Graham Bechart
01:06:08
It's so great.

Graham Bechart
01:06:09
There's so many different specialists, so many different people who do amazing things in this space.

Graham Bechart
01:06:14
And, you know, if you ever feel uncomfortable, it's important just to be like, hey, this is.

Graham Bechart
01:06:19
This is out of my league.

Graham Bechart
01:06:20
Let me refer you to someone who could really help you kick ass in this, you know?

Graham Bechart
01:06:24
And I tell them, this is who I go to to work on this stuff.

Graham Bechart
01:06:27
So, like, this is who I go to to work on my marriage and all that kind of stuff.

Graham Bechart
01:06:31
This person has helped me out in all this space, so I like to talk about it loud and proud and be like, this is the stuff I'm doing with my life.

Graham Bechart
01:06:38
So if I'm going to refer you to someone.

Graham Bechart
01:06:40
No, I'm using them in the same way I'm referring them to you, you know?

Todd
01:06:44
Hmm.

Todd
01:06:46
So you said something really interesting to me, which was the fact that you could basically begin someone's journey through the kind of process of acceptance, or just them hearing about that idea and beginning to kind of unfold what that might mean to them and on how many levels they might need to really, truly accept things to.

Todd
01:07:04
To move forward if people, if people are beginning that process of acceptance and they're leaving your talk and now they have a whole bag of things they need to process now, where might they begin?

Todd
01:07:14
At home.

Todd
01:07:15
You know, some resources, some things, some places to go to be like, okay, you know, Graham just opened a can of worms.

Todd
01:07:22
He said some shit that hit me deep.

Todd
01:07:24
And now I need to kind of like unpack this, you know, where would they go?

Graham Bechart
01:07:28
I think like, well, first of all, congratulations in that moment, like once you've started your journey, right, so just start with this everyday thing and we're not going to go solve something like in one day or be like, oh my God, like, you go, thank God this is opened and we're going to start working on this stuff.

Graham Bechart
01:07:45
So it could mean you're reading books.

Graham Bechart
01:07:48
You just start checking everything out in the space that helps out because the start of it is it's awareness that activates your ability.

Graham Bechart
01:07:54
So clearly something hit you that made you like, oh, I'm aware now, right?

Graham Bechart
01:07:58
So you like, say you became aware of acceptance and you're like, okay, I'm aware now.

Graham Bechart
01:08:03
That's activated something inside of you, right?

Graham Bechart
01:08:06
So that thing is active.

Graham Bechart
01:08:07
And once it's active now, it's just time to kind of check it out all the time, you know?

Graham Bechart
01:08:13
And so for me, I started with books.

Graham Bechart
01:08:15
I asked people around me, hey, I need help.

Graham Bechart
01:08:16
Who would I go talk to?

Graham Bechart
01:08:18
You know, you just start with that and you just start really, it's curiosity and courage is what this is.

Graham Bechart
01:08:24
And you just start being curious of, like, what was I holding onto?

Graham Bechart
01:08:27
I just, just became aware of acceptance.

Graham Bechart
01:08:29
What the hell have I been holding on to?

Graham Bechart
01:08:31
And you just start there, right?

Graham Bechart
01:08:33
And you start your journey and you just start it and you'll go through it and you'll start doing research and you'll find people to read.

Graham Bechart
01:08:39
And, you know, it gets fun because you're like, oh, who's it?

Graham Bechart
01:08:42
Like, just however you found me, Todd, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
01:08:45
Like, as it starts to open up, what helps is, hey, it's an everyday practice.

Graham Bechart
01:08:50
Start with educating yourself, right?

Graham Bechart
01:08:52
And just go from there.

Graham Bechart
01:08:53
Just be curious about it.

Graham Bechart
01:08:55
And then you start and there's a million places to go, you know, but like, once it's activated inside of you, it started like that, that's the moment, like, that's the whole thing.

Graham Bechart
01:09:07
And you kind of curious and you check it out and you start becoming a student of the game.

Graham Bechart
01:09:11
So I don't have an exact.

Graham Bechart
01:09:12
Like, this is what you do, right after that or here's the exact thing.

Todd
01:09:15
Yeah.

Graham Bechart
01:09:15
But your curiosity's opened, so explore that.

Todd
01:09:20
And that's.

Todd
01:09:20
And that's powerful.

Graham Bechart
01:09:21
Yeah.

Graham Bechart
01:09:22
You start to look at yourself as being an explorer, right?

Graham Bechart
01:09:24
And you go, okay.

Graham Bechart
01:09:25
All great discoveries come from not knowing.

Graham Bechart
01:09:27
You can't make a discovery if you already know.

Graham Bechart
01:09:29
So the fact that you don't know this stuff, fantastic.

Graham Bechart
01:09:33
Like, the one thing I do know, Todd, is I don't know.

Graham Bechart
01:09:35
And the fact that I don't know means I can keep discovering every day.

Graham Bechart
01:09:38
You know, Socrates, it works.

Graham Bechart
01:09:42
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
01:09:43
Don't know means, like, don't get caught up in stuff that ain't it.

Graham Bechart
01:09:48
Like, listen deep and find a way to listen.

Graham Bechart
01:09:50
So for me, it's every day.

Graham Bechart
01:09:52
So every day I exercise, right?

Graham Bechart
01:09:54
Every day I exercise because I hear better.

Graham Bechart
01:09:56
And after I exercise, your mind tends to be a little more quiet.

Graham Bechart
01:10:00
You tend to hear a little deeper.

Graham Bechart
01:10:01
And what I'm attempting to do is, after I exercise, I want to hear essentially, my heart.

Graham Bechart
01:10:06
Not up here, and if I can hear down here, I go serve that, and I follow it.

Graham Bechart
01:10:12
And that's where the devotion comes in.

Graham Bechart
01:10:14
That's just an everyday practice.

Graham Bechart
01:10:16
And if you're like, I don't have time to work out, that's an absolute sign.

Graham Bechart
01:10:18
You need to do it right?

Graham Bechart
01:10:20
Because if you think about, say, like, a practice like yoga, and when I say working out, it could be like, take a walk around the block.

Graham Bechart
01:10:27
Anything, just anything.

Graham Bechart
01:10:29
And what you'll notice is if you devote yourself to a practice of something physical, it quiets your mind a little bit.

Graham Bechart
01:10:35
You can hear a little better.

Graham Bechart
01:10:37
And then when you can hear your heart a little better, now we start to build the skill set to follow it, right?

Graham Bechart
01:10:43
To, like, follow this thing.

Graham Bechart
01:10:44
And that's where the mental skills come in.

Graham Bechart
01:10:45
Oh, I got to be present to hear it.

Graham Bechart
01:10:47
I got to focus on what's in my control.

Graham Bechart
01:10:49
I got to not react.

Graham Bechart
01:10:50
I got to respond.

Graham Bechart
01:10:51
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Graham Bechart
01:10:52
I got to take a breath and move on, right?

Graham Bechart
01:10:54
You start working all this stuff to make sure you hear.

Graham Bechart
01:10:56
And as you do the work today, that's it, you know, and that's what you start doing.

Graham Bechart
01:11:02
And you just build your practice from there.

Graham Bechart
01:11:05
And it never ends, you know, there's never, like an end game.

Graham Bechart
01:11:08
You just keep kind of enjoying the journey and checking it out, and you'll read all the books.

Graham Bechart
01:11:13
You'll.

Graham Bechart
01:11:13
You'll find all these philosophers and great, you know, teachers.

Graham Bechart
01:11:16
And eventually you'll go back thousands of years and you'll.

Graham Bechart
01:11:19
You'll start to Figure out where this stuff comes from.

Graham Bechart
01:11:22
And none of this stuff is new.

Graham Bechart
01:11:24
None of this stuff is like brand new stuff.

Graham Bechart
01:11:26
It's been around forever.

Graham Bechart
01:11:27
It's just, you know, whether or not you've been practicing in or what culture came up and did it.

Graham Bechart
01:11:32
So, yeah, I mean, a great place to start.

Graham Bechart
01:11:35
There's a great book, the Mindful Athlete by George Mumford.

Graham Bechart
01:11:38
It's a great place.

Todd
01:11:39
I love it.

Todd
01:11:40
I love it.

Graham Bechart
01:11:41
It's a great, great place to start.

Graham Bechart
01:11:42
Kind of gives you like a little bit of everything in there and that, that should kind of spark your interest a little bit.

Graham Bechart
01:11:48
Jerry lynch is another great author.

Graham Bechart
01:11:51
He's written like 30 or 40 books.

Graham Bechart
01:11:53
Anything by Jerry lynch, the Way of the Champion is a great one to start with.

Graham Bechart
01:11:57
If you just start with the Way of the champion and the Mindful Athlete, those two are like really, really good.

Graham Bechart
01:12:03
And they'll give you like a foundation of all this stuff and give you a place to start and practice and yeah, I mean, sheesh, that's a great place to start.

Todd
01:12:13
That's perfect.

Todd
01:12:13
That's perfect.

Todd
01:12:14
And I love the key point for me there was the curiosity because there's a guy named Gaber Mate.

Todd
01:12:20
He's like a doctor who's kind of turned into almost like a self regulation guru or I'm not really sure how to describe him, almost a therapist.

Todd
01:12:28
But he talks about compassionate inquiry.

Todd
01:12:30
So asking yourself things compassionately, not like, what's wrong with me?

Todd
01:12:34
But like, you know, hey, what's, what's going on?

Todd
01:12:36
What am I feeling?

Todd
01:12:37
What's, you know, and so they're changing those, you know, from statements to, to compassionate questions.

Todd
01:12:42
And I thought that was like kind of hinting at what you were getting out there too.

Graham Bechart
01:12:45
You know, I always called it competitive compassion.

Graham Bechart
01:12:48
Just to put it in a framework so someone knows how hardcore it is.

Graham Bechart
01:12:52
Like when you're doing this stuff and being compassionate and curious, you are facing fears.

Graham Bechart
01:12:58
Like that's what they're essentially saying is like instead of trying to force your way through something, you're like, hey, what am I actually afraid of?

Graham Bechart
01:13:05
What is this?

Graham Bechart
01:13:06
Eventually you're going to get to death.

Graham Bechart
01:13:08
You're going to get to like, why am I afraid of dying?

Graham Bechart
01:13:10
Like that's where it's going to go.

Graham Bechart
01:13:11
I mean, anything you do afraid of failures, if you keep checking it out, eventually it's like there's a fear of death.

Graham Bechart
01:13:17
And so if you keep exploring that, it'll take you there, it'll take you there.

Graham Bechart
01:13:21
And once you start to get there and you're like, okay, what actually dies?

Graham Bechart
01:13:24
What?

Graham Bechart
01:13:25
Like, clearly the body comes and goes.

Graham Bechart
01:13:27
Then you start to explore consciousness, and you start to, you know, check out consciousness a little bit, and you're like, man, seems like consciousness doesn't die ever.

Graham Bechart
01:13:37
So you go, okay, if I identify with consciousness, is that everlasting life?

Graham Bechart
01:13:44
I said that to my first teacher one time, and she just did this.

Graham Bechart
01:13:49
He just put her thumb up, and I was like, okay, got it.

Graham Bechart
01:13:51
Because I'm like, this body clearly doesn't last forever, right?

Graham Bechart
01:13:54
Like, no.

Todd
01:13:54
Yeah, yeah.

Graham Bechart
01:13:55
But you're.

Graham Bechart
01:13:55
But they're like, something does.

Graham Bechart
01:13:58
And if you can start to figure out what that thing is on your journey.

Graham Bechart
01:14:02
Yeah, I see a lot of people kind of really open up to a.

Graham Bechart
01:14:06
To a different level.

Todd
01:14:08
Yeah, I love it.

Todd
01:14:09
And as you said earlier, it's like when you are at that place, when you find that place, then all of a sudden you're not so worried about what is my purpose.

Todd
01:14:15
And now I need to prove myself.

Graham Bechart
01:14:17
It's just a place of being.

Graham Bechart
01:14:18
That stuff is like.

Graham Bechart
01:14:20
It's almost like the sooner you can get through that part of your journey, the better.

Graham Bechart
01:14:24
Not even better.

Graham Bechart
01:14:24
I don't mean to say it like that, but, like, whatever you think your first goal is in life, I pray you hit that really quick.

Graham Bechart
01:14:30
So then you realize that's not it.

Graham Bechart
01:14:32
And then it's usually what happens after that.

Graham Bechart
01:14:34
That's when it starts to get real.

Graham Bechart
01:14:35
Because the first one, you're like, say you had a goal to make a billion dollars, and you make it, and you're like, damn, that.

Graham Bechart
01:14:40
That didn't do anything for me.

Graham Bechart
01:14:42
But, like, it drove you your whole life, you know?

Graham Bechart
01:14:44
And then you get to this big outcome, and you're like, turns out that wasn't it.

Graham Bechart
01:14:48
Then that can open up a lot of curiosity because you're like, if that wasn't it, well, what is it?

Todd
01:14:55
What's the thing?

Graham Bechart
01:14:56
And that's why most people that we talk about who are like, they usually hit some big goals, then they're like, oh, now I get it.

Graham Bechart
01:15:04
You know, now I know what it is.

Graham Bechart
01:15:05
It's not that.

Graham Bechart
01:15:07
And so that's like a cool place to be, you know, was to be.

Graham Bechart
01:15:11
Like, it's way beyond me.

Graham Bechart
01:15:12
It's beyond what I think this is.

Graham Bechart
01:15:14
And now I'm really curious and courageous, and I just want to go see what this is every day, you know, and kind of.

Graham Bechart
01:15:20
And be in that space.

Todd
01:15:22
Yeah, yeah.

Todd
01:15:23
Like you said at first, it's probably going to be like, playoffs, so I just want to make it the playoffs and I'll be happy.

Todd
01:15:27
Or then it's championship, then it's 2, 3, 4.

Todd
01:15:30
Yeah.

Todd
01:15:30
You know what I mean?

Todd
01:15:31
Like, there's.

Todd
01:15:31
What is it really?

Todd
01:15:32
What is it really?

Todd
01:15:33
You know, how do we think longer?

Todd
01:15:34
How do we think bigger?

Todd
01:15:35
I think that's very powerful for you to create that perspective for people.

Graham Bechart
01:15:39
It'll help, too, because whatever you were into when you were six years old, it seemed really real, right?

Graham Bechart
01:15:43
Like, so say it was legos.

Graham Bechart
01:15:45
Say it was Legos and, like, Hot Wheels cars.

Graham Bechart
01:15:48
Just making that up.

Graham Bechart
01:15:51
And then you're like, this is it.

Graham Bechart
01:15:53
Like, you know, Nintendo, video games, whatever it is, clearly a little while later, that's not it.

Graham Bechart
01:15:58
So then maybe you're like, oh, maybe it's this next thing, I need a car or a home.

Graham Bechart
01:16:03
So you get that, and you're like, damn, that wasn't it.

Graham Bechart
01:16:05
And I'm not saying a car isn't great and a home isn't great.

Graham Bechart
01:16:07
I'm not saying that.

Graham Bechart
01:16:08
I'm just saying once you realize it's not an outside thing that you're looking for, and sometimes you got to go through a few of that to realize that's not it.

Graham Bechart
01:16:15
It'll never be the outside thing.

Graham Bechart
01:16:17
That's actually it.

Graham Bechart
01:16:18
It's not.

Graham Bechart
01:16:19
It's not that in nature.

Graham Bechart
01:16:20
It's more transient than that.

Graham Bechart
01:16:22
It's like, meaning, purpose, freedom, joy, and love.

Graham Bechart
01:16:25
Like, how do you grasp those?

Graham Bechart
01:16:27
You're like, where's meaning?

Graham Bechart
01:16:29
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
01:16:29
Like, where's meaning?

Graham Bechart
01:16:31
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
01:16:31
So you're like, these things aren't physical in nature, but yet those are the things we're really seeking.

Graham Bechart
01:16:37
Those are the things or else we just would have been with Legos and 5, and I just have like 10 billion Legos now.

Graham Bechart
01:16:42
And I'll be like, that's it, man.

Graham Bechart
01:16:43
That's the whole key to happiness is a Lego.

Graham Bechart
01:16:45
You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
01:16:46
So, I mean, that's how you can.

Graham Bechart
01:16:49
Right in that moment, right?

Graham Bechart
01:16:50
We laugh because we know in that moment that's real.

Graham Bechart
01:16:52
You're like, oh, it's so.

Graham Bechart
01:16:53
It can never be an outside thing, even 35 or 45.

Graham Bechart
01:16:57
You're like, now I need this, this and this.

Graham Bechart
01:16:58
You're like, you might need that, but you know that's not it.

Graham Bechart
01:17:01
It can't.

Graham Bechart
01:17:02
It can't be it.

Graham Bechart
01:17:03
You know?

Graham Bechart
01:17:04
And so it's like.

Graham Bechart
01:17:05
It's kind of like both have the big home, have all the stuff you want, but also know that's not it and that.

Graham Bechart
01:17:12
So you don't you know, it doesn't feel heavy.

Graham Bechart
01:17:14
You still feel light.

Graham Bechart
01:17:15
And you're not just holding on to stuff, but you have the stuff, but you're aware of that.

Graham Bechart
01:17:19
It's the energy in the moment.

Graham Bechart
01:17:20
That's the actual thing.

Graham Bechart
01:17:22
Like, that's the realest thing.

Graham Bechart
01:17:24
That's the realest offering I've noticed I ever have.

Graham Bechart
01:17:26
It's just the energy, you know, it's just energy.

Graham Bechart
01:17:28
The words are.

Graham Bechart
01:17:29
Later, the words are describing the energy, but it's not the actual thing.

Todd
01:17:33
Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Todd
01:17:35
Even you were even talking about that example earlier.

Todd
01:17:37
If people were to communicate with each other and be given, you know, then the dating app set up to each other, they could literally be given scripts.

Todd
01:17:43
But it's like, it doesn't.

Todd
01:17:45
It doesn't matter.

Todd
01:17:45
You're going to be, what's the energy behind.

Todd
01:17:48
Behind the words?

Todd
01:17:49
And imagine how am I feeling?

Graham Bechart
01:17:50
Like athlete doesn't know when they're going to have success.

Graham Bechart
01:17:53
They can't tell you, hey, in the four, four minutes into the game, I'm going to score, and then eight minutes later, I'm gonna like, nobody knows.

Graham Bechart
01:17:58
That's why athletes, they're like, dude, I don't know.

Graham Bechart
01:18:00
I'm gonna be present and go see, you know, and that can.

Graham Bechart
01:18:03
To your intellect, to the smaller self, that can feel really scary because the intellect wants to know when it's all going to happen, how it's going to work.

Graham Bechart
01:18:11
And just ask it, do you want to know the day you're going to die?

Graham Bechart
01:18:14
And it'll be like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Graham Bechart
01:18:16
So you're like, you don't want to know where this goes.

Graham Bechart
01:18:18
That's where it's going.

Graham Bechart
01:18:19
So that's where it's like, that's not the thing we want to follow, right?

Graham Bechart
01:18:24
We follow that thing deeper.

Graham Bechart
01:18:25
And what I found about the deeper intelligence, call it your heart.

Graham Bechart
01:18:28
Put that in front and then put your intellect behind that and let your intellect support the heart.

Graham Bechart
01:18:34
Most of the time we have the intellect first.

Graham Bechart
01:18:37
Convincing the heart what to do.

Graham Bechart
01:18:39
And that's like, you know, that's like having a blind person drive your car.

Graham Bechart
01:18:44
You're like, you know what?

Graham Bechart
01:18:45
This ain't going to work well for very long.

Graham Bechart
01:18:47
And I'm not talking about a driverless car.

Graham Bechart
01:18:49
Like, I'm talking about someone who's like, I got the directions.

Graham Bechart
01:18:51
You're like, you don't have the directions.

Todd
01:18:53
You don't got.

Graham Bechart
01:18:54
Your intellect will convince you it has the directions.

Graham Bechart
01:18:58
It doesn't.

Graham Bechart
01:18:58
It doesn't know any different.

Graham Bechart
01:19:00
And what, what our job to do is be like, hey, I totally get it, but you're not in charge and have an intellect big enough to grasp that, you know, and like, have an intellect big enough they can understand.

Graham Bechart
01:19:11
This thing doesn't understand how it works.

Graham Bechart
01:19:13
It tries.

Graham Bechart
01:19:14
It can only grasp what it can understand.

Graham Bechart
01:19:16
But once it goes into curiosity and the unknown, it is like it does not know what's going on.

Graham Bechart
01:19:21
And so don't put it in charge in those moments.

Todd
01:19:24
Yeah, so.

Todd
01:19:25
So I want to segue into.

Todd
01:19:27
I'm curious, I know that you worked with Aaron Gordon and Jalen Brown more as kids when you're doing your kids camps and stuff.

Todd
01:19:33
And so you were, you had a message that resonated with them at the time.

Todd
01:19:40
And these are young kids, so obviously, you know, we're talking about deep things right now.

Todd
01:19:43
We're talking about death, we're talking about life, we're talking about all these things.

Todd
01:19:46
And obviously, like, that's not going to be quite the thing that's going to hit them the same way.

Todd
01:19:50
And so.

Todd
01:19:51
And so, yeah, so I'm curious, like, what, what did you say in those kind of camps that resonated with them specifically and how if you can kind of share a story about their development at all about how some of these things started clicking maybe later on even.

Graham Bechart
01:20:06
Well, one, I don't need anything from them.

Graham Bechart
01:20:08
So you never want to look for validation from kids with whatever you're doing, and that's very powerful.

Graham Bechart
01:20:12
When I do that, I don't need validation from anyone.

Graham Bechart
01:20:15
So that opens up a pathway to talk to someone that's not transactional.

Graham Bechart
01:20:20
It's not like, well, if I do this, I need you to do this thing.

Graham Bechart
01:20:22
Like, I don't have any experience in that at all.

Graham Bechart
01:20:25
So most of the time that opens people's minds up and we're just talking hoops, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
01:20:30
Like, we're just, we're just talking getting buckets and hoops and that.

Graham Bechart
01:20:32
And that's an easy way to connect with a young person.

Graham Bechart
01:20:35
And it's only later on in life as you do a bunch of work together, that it goes to wherever, you know, wherever it's going to go.

Graham Bechart
01:20:41
But we always just start off with basketball.

Graham Bechart
01:20:43
You always just meet someone where they're at.

Graham Bechart
01:20:45
Usually they want to win at something.

Graham Bechart
01:20:46
So you just kind of, you start there, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
01:20:49
And that's kind of the foundation.

Graham Bechart
01:20:50
And I'm culturally competent in basketball and with athletes, so I'm always comfortable in that space.

Graham Bechart
01:20:56
And yeah, you just kind of Roll there.

Graham Bechart
01:20:59
Like you don't come off, jump in the deep end the first day you meet somebody, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart
01:21:03
And you just kind of meet them where they are.

Graham Bechart
01:21:05
Go from there and talk hoops and sheesh.

Graham Bechart
01:21:08
That's, you know, that's, that's, that's what I'm good at.

Graham Bechart
01:21:11
So just kind of building everyday relationships and connections.

Graham Bechart
01:21:15
That's it.

Graham Bechart
01:21:16
You know, just start there.

Graham Bechart
01:21:18
Sorry, bird just flew in my room here too.

Graham Bechart
01:21:20
Wow.

Todd
01:21:20
Oh my gosh.

Todd
01:21:21
No way.

Graham Bechart
01:21:22
Yeah, two hummingbirds are just right here, right above me right now.

Graham Bechart
01:21:27
It's wild.

Todd
01:21:27
That's crazy.

Graham Bechart
01:21:28
One just flew out, but one's here.

Graham Bechart
01:21:30
Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Todd
01:21:32
Where can people find you if they are super interested in your work?

Todd
01:21:34
Have loved what you have to say and want to.

Todd
01:21:36
Want to hear some of your talks and things.

Graham Bechart
01:21:38
Yeah, totally.

Graham Bechart
01:21:38
I mean, I'm, you know, grandbechard.com is my website and dream teamwins.com that's the, the company I work with.

Graham Bechart
01:21:45
And you know, Palms down is my Sunday mental training gym for athletes.

Graham Bechart
01:21:50
So it's every Sunday, 4:30pm West Coast.

Graham Bechart
01:21:53
We do it all on Zoom.

Graham Bechart
01:21:57
Palmsdown.co is there.

Graham Bechart
01:21:59
Maybe it's palmsdown us.

Graham Bechart
01:22:00
The website's not, not up yet, but we've been running that business for like a year.

Graham Bechart
01:22:04
And then music wise, I'm under Graham the guide guidance, so if you want to check out some of the music, it's all there.

Graham Bechart
01:22:10
Oh, and I also just finished my first course that designed with 96 videos, 80 audios and 40 music that's taken me a decade to make.

Graham Bechart
01:22:21
That's mindset fusion www.mindsetfusion.co we just released that course last week so that's available for everyone.

Graham Bechart
01:22:30
And then, you know, trainthemind.com I got a of stuff going on, man.

Graham Bechart
01:22:35
My, my job is service so I'll just keep making this stuff, trying to make it simple.

Graham Bechart
01:22:38
So hit me up.

Graham Bechart
01:22:39
I'll always hit you back.

Todd
01:22:40
I love it, dude.

Todd
01:22:41
I love it and it's been an honor having you on the show and I'm definitely gonna have to bring you on and I definitely need more of your time to talk about more things.

Todd
01:22:46
But you've.

Todd
01:22:47
You've been amazing.

Todd
01:22:48
Super grateful to have you.

Todd
01:22:49
Thank you everybody for watching and, and you take care.

Todd
01:22:52
Graham, right?

Graham Bechart
01:22:53
I hate Todd.

Graham Bechart
01:22:53
That was awesome, man.