Please Do Not Cancel Us Today... Oops

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Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, Candace Patrice, and of course it's Mother Dearest joining me, my co-host, Janet Hell.
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Hello, Mother! Hello, hello, hello.
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Guys, we have been on here talking for about an hour before we actually hit record.
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So much going on, so much to talk about so many things.
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So you guys have us today.
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I know that's your favorite episode when it's the two of us.
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So hello and welcome back.
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Oh, I'm gonna say it early today, guys.
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Share the episode with somebody, share a past episode with somebody.
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Like, subscribe, all of the beautiful things because we love you guys.
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Send us a text, send us an email, all of those beautiful things.
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Got it out early.
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All right, let's do it.
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How you doing, Ma?
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Excuse me, I'm good.
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I'm doing good.
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I'm doing good.
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Doing good, good, good.
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My daughter turned another year old.
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38.
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We can tell them.
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Oh, my daughter turned 38 years old.
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And um she's a she's been a grown woman, but she's entering the age of 40 is coming close.
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I'm just glad that I'm able to witness this turning 40.
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You know, when I when I turn 40, that's the year my mother died.
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I know, right?
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Really?
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I I thought about the fact that I'm 37 and my brother didn't make it past 35.
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Yeah, just start.
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Do you see how that was?
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Yeah.
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It's like, hmm, I was I was 40 when she when she passed.
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And um here's a good thing about that, I didn't know it was coming.
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So I was able to enjoy and love her because I didn't see it coming.
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Surely didn't.
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Night before a party.
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Sorely didn't see that coming.
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We were ready for the party.
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And still had the party.
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Yes.
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Yeah, I started the party with her bed, her body and upstairs.
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Yep.
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We did.
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We really did.
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Yeah.
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Everybody came to great grandma's house.
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Yeah.
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Or grandma's house.
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Wait.
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Who died first?
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My mother.
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But grandma was in Texas.
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But I'm teaching it.
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So grandma and Thomas Sena were staying at the house.
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Oh, snap! That's right.
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Yeah.
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That is so true.
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I remember trying, I remember um that day kind of you guys trying to decide whether we would still have that party or not.
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And then making the decision to go ahead and have it.
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And it was a good I I remember it was at Auntie Karen's house.
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And I remember a good time.
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It was not a sad day.
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Like I mean, it may have been.
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I don't know how you guys.
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It was.
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It was.
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Um but we just went on to.
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I think part of it, and I don't know what their side of the story would be.
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But I think it would for me, it was a way of continuing the celebration of her life.
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You know, even though it had just ended.
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She had her clothes out for the party.
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Yeah, she had them hanging up on the hangar outside the closet little door there.
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And um for us to just, you know, do it.
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Like whatever we were going to do, to go ahead and do it.
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What was that day like for you?
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Because, like I said, for me, I saw a celebration.
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I saw family.
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I was grateful to be with the family that was there in that moment.
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So my recollection is joy.
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Even though the last thing I remember seeing my grandmother, but I remember having a party and having joy, and joy sitting with me that day.
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So what was yours like that?
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So how old were you?
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How old were you?
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I don't know what year was that.
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Uh 2003.
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Fifteen?
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Yeah, you're a teenager.
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Oh, I was 14, because my birthday was in April.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Um wait, were you 15 or 14?
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I would have been 15 that year.
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Then April, she died the last day of the year.
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So you were 15.
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Of the okay, wait.
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2003.
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2003.
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Right.
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So 2000.
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Right?
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Okay, yes.
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I was already 15 because the next day was a new year.
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Yeah, because she died on the last day of the year.
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Right, right, right.
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So when you said the year, I was thinking January 1st and not December 31st.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so when you talk about the children, just whatever your experience was, we we didn't put the load of the grief on our children.
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We that was our mother.
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Yeah.
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Oh.
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And we did the best we could to keep you guys safe.
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For us to manage stuff, you know.
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Um, and we were able to do it.
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Now the the person that I was really concerned for was Thomas Cena.
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Because she was the one who found her.
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She called us to tell us.
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Um, I've heard uh uh folks say that she said we took a long time coming.
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And I can imagine whatever time it was, it was a long time.
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So to me, we didn't take that long, you know, back then.
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We didn't take that, what's she talking about?
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And then as time goes on, I'm thinking that had to be if it was two minutes, that had to be a very long two minutes, right?
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Yeah.
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So just that whole hmm.
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All of that.
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Did she call you guys first or the pol did the police get called or you guys called the police?
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How did they call it?
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I think we got called.
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I think we got called, and then you know, I knew someone who had a funeral home.
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Called them, came out to the house to get the part, the body.
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Um, I don't even know if the police had to be called.
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I don't remember.
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Yeah.
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For some reason I don't remember the police.
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I don't remember a police officer.
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I did not remember the police.
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We called the funeral home.
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Um, she had a history of health problems.
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Um, she had a uh pacemaker, you know, just different things where they were like, okay, you know, I guess.
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I don't know.
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I don't remember the police.
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I remember you guys choosing not to do an autopsy, right?
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Exactly.
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Yeah.
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What what did they um end up putting as her cause of death with the natural causes?
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I don't remember.
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It was either natural causes or or heart failure.
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It was one of the two.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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I know, right?
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Yeah.
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What a thing.
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How are you how do you deal with that now?
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Do you have like what does that look like?
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Years later.
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20 years.
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20 uh 20 uh two years later.
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Yeah.
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Um I was having a conversation about my mom uh earlier today.
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I was talking to somebody.
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And you know, my mother had addiction issues and different things like that.
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And I was talking about how I witnessed a lot of her addiction.
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And I remember when she was high.
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I was like, Mom, why the hell do you keep doing that with me?
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Like, what the hell?
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And she said, because I trust you.
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And for me, that warmed my heart.
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Because she trusted me with the broken parts of her.
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Right?
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So when I look back and I think about mama, I think about how much I loved my mama.
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Nothing came between me and my mama.
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See, I go into my mama.
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But in my mind, she was mine.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And I'm I'm like that with my kids.
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Yeah.
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They're mine, right?
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Uh-huh.
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Kamari says that all the time.
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You're my mommy.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Well, okay, maybe it's military.
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I don't know.
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But um, so you know, I just think about her in moments, in moments of good times, in moments of my growth, in moments of pain, in moments of um, she's always in my thoughts and in my heart, my mama.
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You know, I loved my mama.
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And I knew my mama loved me.
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Ooh, it's a powerful kind of love.
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Mm-hmm.
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How do you deal with it?
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I'm 63, yeah.
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How do you I'm 63 and that's still so fresh and so good to me.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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What was your question?
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Um, how about your dad?
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Losing your dad, granddaddy Eddie.
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Okay, you know I went there.
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Because now I look so much like my biological father.
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Like, there we go.
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So losing daddy was I had time to prepare for his dad.
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Ah, true.
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So when, you know, daddy was sick and daddy spent time with me, and that was so special.
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And my sister's gonna be mad to me again, because he was my daddy.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so, until they told me he wasn't, but in my heart, he was, you know, like you my daddy.
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And so you're here.
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Let's, what can I do to make life better for you and to make you comfortable, daddy?
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And so daddy had this thing because he liked to play the lottery.
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And I was working and running back and forth, you know, doing all the things.
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And I would call him from work and say, Daddy, do you need me to stop and play your lottery?
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No, no, girl.
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Yo, come on home.
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Oh, okay, come home, fix dinner, whatever I did.
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And he wait and say, Who need you to go play that lottery?
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Now he realized this is a thing with daddy.
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Like, okay, I cannot call him and say, Daddy, you know, I'm on, I'm on my way home.
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No, he would wait till I get home to get cooking and all of that, and uh he needed me to run to the store.
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So I just want to think that that was part of his love dance with me.
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You know?
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Um, I remember when he was here and the the um the air went out.
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And um, I don't know if the the uh electricity, you know, in the neighborhood went out or I can't remember.
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I think it did because the neighbors, it did.
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All the lights were out or whatever.
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And I said, Oh my goodness, I gotta take my daddy for a ride because it's hot in his house.
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You know, and I and I had a what kind of car was that?
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The red prism.
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Mm-mm.
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It was the gold one.
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The station wagon?
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No, you ain't had a car.
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Anyway, so uh it was actually a car, I think.
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I do, uh okay.
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It was it was a I can't think of the name of it, but um, so I got him in the car, you know, and I would just take them for a ride.
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Just me and daddy.
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And we didn't even have to talk.
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I wanted to do that with my daddy.
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We didn't get to to just go for a ride.
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That's one thing he wanted to do.
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He was like, I'm gonna get out the house and go for a ride.
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Yeah.
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So I mean, doctor's appointments or something like that, but just to go for a ride.
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Just a ride.
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Yeah.
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That was on my list of things to do.
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So with my mom and my dad, I have uh special memories of them.
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And they're just mine.
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It's like that sweet spot in here.
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It's like, mm, it's all mine, and it's good.
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So with them, I have no regrets.
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You know, it's like, shit, I get to hang out with them.
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In fact, this t-shirt I wear all the time.
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It was daddy's.
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This was daddy's t-shirt.
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So, you know, I wash it up and put it on, and when I get home from work, I put it on just about every day.
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How interesting.
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Yeah, this t-shirt.
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I didn't even know that.
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Oh, yeah, girl.
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I be holding on to my little stuff.
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Actually, this is my daddy's necklace that I have on.
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I remember that.
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I know I put it on, I think, yesterday.
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Was it more than one?
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Yep, I got both of them.
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Well, I actually have three gold chains from him.
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Yes.
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But two of them I wear.
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Yeah.
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The other one is a much smaller chain.
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Yeah.
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Now, the the thing about with your dad, which is interesting, of course, we had to divorce everybody.
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And we were mad as yelling at each other.
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It was, uh, but the the thing that was interesting about us, we both had gotten each other watches.
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Mm-hmm.
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This is the watch.
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And when he was asked to leave the home, I don't know if you remember this, you came to get some things, and I said, Candice, give him his watch.
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You said, but mama, he didn't ask for it.
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You don't remember this, do you?
00:13:37.120 --> 00:13:39.200
And I said, Well, he's gonna want it.
00:13:39.840 --> 00:13:42.720
And you later said, Mama, he did ask about that watch.
00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:44.480
I say all that to say this.
00:13:44.720 --> 00:13:50.240
I think for whatever reason, the watches are so significant.
00:13:50.399 --> 00:13:52.000
They were so significant to us.
00:13:52.320 --> 00:14:04.399
And when I try to think of figure it out, it was the gifts that we gave each other that we knew the other really wanted.
00:14:05.279 --> 00:14:08.000
Like whatever brand watch that was, I can't remember.
00:14:08.159 --> 00:14:09.279
But it was what he wanted.
00:14:09.759 --> 00:14:12.399
And he wanted a gold, and he wanted a leather band.
00:14:12.480 --> 00:14:13.679
I remember he was so specific.
00:14:13.919 --> 00:14:15.200
Oh, yeah, I remember that watch.
00:14:15.360 --> 00:14:18.799
He was so damn specific, but I got it just right.
00:14:19.039 --> 00:14:19.600
Yeah.
00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:22.720
And then my watch, I wanted this watch.
00:14:23.440 --> 00:14:25.279
And he got it just right.
00:14:25.440 --> 00:14:25.759
Okay.
00:14:26.240 --> 00:14:28.799
So, anyway, there's this thing about this watch stuff.
00:14:28.879 --> 00:14:35.200
Anyway, so um, and then with my mom, I have a ring that she gave me.
00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:35.840
This one?
00:14:36.960 --> 00:14:40.080
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:14:40.320 --> 00:14:41.360
Another one.
00:14:42.399 --> 00:14:43.759
Yeah, well, this one you wouldn't want.
00:14:43.840 --> 00:14:45.600
It's kind of and I don't know that you want it.
00:14:45.759 --> 00:14:47.519
Is it from my grandmother?
00:14:48.799 --> 00:14:49.759
Okay, stop.
00:14:50.080 --> 00:14:53.039
So, you know, this picture that we all have of my my mom.
00:14:53.200 --> 00:14:53.360
Yeah.
00:14:53.679 --> 00:14:55.360
The beautiful, slick looking picture.
00:14:55.600 --> 00:14:55.759
Yeah.
00:14:56.080 --> 00:14:57.679
Well, I have something.
00:14:57.919 --> 00:15:01.440
It's a ring that she, oh, we lived in California.
00:15:02.080 --> 00:15:04.559
So, oh, I don't know how old I was.
00:15:04.720 --> 00:15:06.320
Ten, nine, I don't know.
00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:09.440
But she had a ring and she had a friend, her name was Billy.
00:15:10.240 --> 00:15:13.120
And Billy had given, I don't even know if anybody else knows about the dance.
00:15:13.440 --> 00:15:14.960
I think you shared this story once before.
00:15:15.200 --> 00:15:17.519
Yeah, and Billy had given her the ring.
00:15:17.679 --> 00:15:20.080
And so when she died, I got the ring.
00:15:20.559 --> 00:15:24.320
So I have special little things of people, right?
00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:29.440
So when this t-shirt wears out, I have daddy's leather wallet.
00:15:29.840 --> 00:15:30.960
Where are these things at?
00:15:31.039 --> 00:15:32.639
And how come I don't know about them?
00:15:33.759 --> 00:15:35.360
Okay, shirt, I see.
00:15:36.399 --> 00:15:38.320
Ring, watch, got it.
00:15:38.879 --> 00:15:39.679
Ring is in there.
00:15:39.840 --> 00:15:40.879
Okay, and the wallet.
00:15:42.159 --> 00:15:43.200
Well, it's okay.
00:15:43.279 --> 00:15:44.000
I ran across it.
00:15:44.080 --> 00:15:45.200
Okay, I know where it's at, though.
00:15:45.279 --> 00:15:47.039
I'm not gonna tell everybody so they can come in and try to get it.
00:15:47.200 --> 00:15:49.200
I think I got Daddy's wallet.
00:15:49.440 --> 00:15:49.759
Yeah.
00:15:49.919 --> 00:15:50.320
Maybe.
00:15:50.399 --> 00:15:51.120
It's little things.
00:15:51.440 --> 00:15:51.679
I don't know.
00:15:51.840 --> 00:15:53.279
I don't know if I kept it or not.
00:15:53.759 --> 00:15:54.960
But I keep things like this.
00:15:55.840 --> 00:15:56.480
Yes.
00:15:56.720 --> 00:15:57.600
That are significant.
00:15:57.759 --> 00:15:59.279
Oh, and his Super Bowl jacket.
00:15:59.679 --> 00:16:01.919
Oh, yeah, that was and three jerseys.
00:16:02.159 --> 00:16:07.600
But that Super Bowl, in my opinion, that Super Bowl jacket is very significant.
00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:10.080
He was so proud of that damn.
00:16:10.559 --> 00:16:11.919
I wore it out in the world.
00:16:12.080 --> 00:16:12.559
I saw it.
00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:13.519
No, I saw it, right?
00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:16.320
I think I should wear it more.
00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:21.360
Because it actually doesn't have the greatest purpose sitting in the closet.
00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:24.960
I like wearing it and saying, this was my daddy's.
00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:33.919
And for my grandmother, my grandmother, I have a picture with her, and I'm crying.
00:16:34.159 --> 00:16:36.000
I'm getting my bachelor's degree.
00:16:39.919 --> 00:16:42.159
And I have a picture of me and my grandmother.
00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:44.240
So it's just little things.
00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:45.600
It don't have to be the big, big shit.
00:16:46.799 --> 00:16:57.039
It's those quiet, sweet moments that um, you know, that I um cherish and appreciate.
00:16:57.519 --> 00:16:59.519
Let's tuck in here.
00:16:59.840 --> 00:17:00.480
I love that.
00:17:01.360 --> 00:17:05.440
That actually, I think, is a good segue into our topic.
00:17:05.759 --> 00:17:06.480
Oh, yeah.
00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:25.599
And the reason I think that is because we're talking about the past, we're talking about history, the things that we hold on to, and our topic is about adapting to new things, new new processes, new technology, new ways of doing things, new ways of thinking.
00:17:25.920 --> 00:17:31.599
Um what that looks like, and how is that adaptation?
00:17:33.039 --> 00:17:44.240
Um, for me, I'm looking at technology, AI, how to not be afraid of it, how to utilize it, but also how to stay human.
00:17:44.559 --> 00:17:48.160
So many things, right, to think about in the process.
00:17:48.559 --> 00:17:56.480
Um, one of the things that is happening that I'm noticing is the speed of things.
00:17:56.640 --> 00:18:03.119
So there is a website called uh, what is it, Studio 44 or something like that.
00:18:03.680 --> 00:18:09.200
And you can type in um it's called base 44.
00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:17.599
You can type in something that you want and it will create an entire website for you based off of a prompt.
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:18.400
I tried it.
00:18:19.759 --> 00:18:22.240
I was like, what in the whole world?
00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:30.000
Every things that used to take so much time is literally at our fingertips to happen in an instant.
00:18:30.640 --> 00:18:38.079
Which then, if we are still doing things the old way, we are so behind.
00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:43.839
If I go to create a website, it's gonna take a little bit of time to work through or hire somebody to do it.
00:18:43.920 --> 00:18:45.200
They're gonna charge me a bunch of money.
00:18:45.440 --> 00:18:54.799
It's probably gonna be cute, but I could literally go to an AI app ad website, put in exactly what I want, and it will just create.
00:18:54.880 --> 00:18:57.599
Now you can pay, I don't know what the subscription fee is.
00:18:57.759 --> 00:19:01.279
They give you like five free prompts because there's a free option too.
00:19:01.759 --> 00:19:05.759
Um and from there, it's just like it happens in seconds.
00:19:05.839 --> 00:19:09.680
And I'm like, how in the whole world, where are we?
00:19:10.079 --> 00:19:11.519
What are we doing?
00:19:11.759 --> 00:19:16.559
And then how do we utilize this to our advantage?
00:19:18.640 --> 00:19:23.440
And where do we start with what's working and what's not?
00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:35.039
And one of the other things I learned was that I can't keep up with all of the technology, but find something that works, learn it, move through it, and then learn something new.
00:19:35.119 --> 00:19:41.920
Not ever, I'm not gonna know everything, not gonna know every way of doing it because there's so many different ways of doing things.
00:19:42.640 --> 00:19:46.000
But finding something that works is good, and being okay.
00:19:46.480 --> 00:19:51.599
I was I was talking to somebody, I was sharing with you um before we went on air.
00:19:51.759 --> 00:19:57.039
I was talking to somebody, we were having some technical difficulties um yesterday and trying to figure it all out.
00:19:57.119 --> 00:20:05.920
And it's a woman of, you know, around my age, and she was, and I said, Yes, it's okay, you know, take your time, you know, and you get it together, and she's it was working it out.
00:20:06.000 --> 00:20:11.839
And she said, Oh, all this stuff, you know, I have a computer here and I have a pad here, and you know, it's okay.
00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:21.519
And so we were just talking about technology, and I said, you know, I think about how it must have felt for my grandmother.
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:25.599
You know, um, there weren't flat screen TVs.
00:20:25.839 --> 00:20:28.400
In fact, there were not microwaves.
00:20:28.960 --> 00:20:31.920
Um, and how things changed and evolved.
00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:35.039
And now we even the car, I even talked about the car, the window.
00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:36.720
You had used that to roll it.
00:20:36.880 --> 00:20:38.480
Now I don't think they even make them like that.
00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:39.359
I don't think they do.
00:20:39.599 --> 00:20:40.880
You know, although she never drove.
00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:54.720
But um, but just how she had to figure out a way to transition into all the things that were changing that were new and all that and wasn't working the way it used to, and all the gadgets that are changing.
00:20:54.960 --> 00:21:00.960
Um and then uh when grandma died, there were cell phones.
00:21:01.680 --> 00:21:02.640
I do remember that.
00:21:02.720 --> 00:21:06.319
So she she lived from 1919.
00:21:06.799 --> 00:21:11.839
Um, so just that whole thing of watching how things must have looked for her.
00:21:12.960 --> 00:21:16.799
Because in her day, they didn't have corn syrup in the food.
00:21:18.799 --> 00:21:20.480
They didn't have all of this stuff.
00:21:20.720 --> 00:21:24.400
You know, grandma made her own garden, so we know it was always good with that.
00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:30.880
I mean, um, but just to see how things have, you know, changed before she left this world.
00:21:31.039 --> 00:21:42.240
And now I go to with mama and um there were some changes because I remember Tom used to, we had a uh TV.
00:21:42.720 --> 00:21:47.279
Um I forgot what we used to call those TVs, but when you had one of those big TVs, the big box TV.
00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:49.119
No, we call it a big box.
00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:50.400
How dare you disrespect the name?
00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:51.519
That's what we call it today.
00:21:51.680 --> 00:21:52.160
Big box.
00:21:52.400 --> 00:21:52.799
Big back.
00:21:53.119 --> 00:21:53.519
Oh no.
00:21:53.599 --> 00:21:54.079
Mm mm.
00:21:55.200 --> 00:21:56.000
Oh, I see.
00:21:57.119 --> 00:21:58.079
Google, Google, Google.
00:21:58.319 --> 00:21:58.960
What am I Googling?
00:21:59.119 --> 00:21:59.680
What am I Googling?
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:02.799
What was the big TVs called back in the day?
00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:05.599
But we, you know, when we got that, we were doing something.
00:22:05.680 --> 00:22:07.279
We were like, oh, we're so proud.
00:22:07.440 --> 00:22:08.880
And it was a black and white.
00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:12.160
Um, it was it was called the floor model TV, I think.
00:22:12.480 --> 00:22:12.559
Okay.
00:22:13.519 --> 00:22:13.920
Mm-hmm.
00:22:14.319 --> 00:22:20.000
And so, um, and then we got color TVs in our home.
00:22:20.319 --> 00:22:24.400
Um, and then mom and them lived through Rear projection TVs?
00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:24.880
No.
00:22:25.039 --> 00:22:25.359
Mm-mm.
00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:26.559
It's floor model.
00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:30.000
They may not, that's what we call in our neighborhood floor model TVs.
00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:30.559
Oh.
00:22:31.279 --> 00:22:33.119
They call them council TVs.
00:22:33.279 --> 00:22:33.839
No, ma'am.
00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:35.759
Floor standing units.
00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:37.920
No, just like we call a sofa couch.
00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:38.319
It's good.
00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:38.720
Okay.
00:22:38.880 --> 00:22:39.920
Like, stop looking it up.
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:40.799
I told you it is.
00:22:41.039 --> 00:22:41.359
Jesus.
00:22:41.759 --> 00:22:42.160
I remember.
00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:42.720
Okay.
00:22:43.440 --> 00:23:03.440
So um, you know, the TVs and the, you know, all that changed, and then the microwave was um the my the microwave, um, the microwave came up, and then um I remember Tom being so excited.
00:23:03.920 --> 00:23:05.119
Oh, look at this thing.
00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:05.920
This guy.
00:23:06.079 --> 00:23:11.599
But when the when um TV, when they had the D VRs and stuff like that.
00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:12.559
The VCR?
00:23:12.799 --> 00:23:13.119
VCR.
00:23:13.359 --> 00:23:14.400
The VCR, thank you.
00:23:14.559 --> 00:23:17.200
He couldn't believe he said, How are they able to do that?
00:23:17.279 --> 00:23:19.279
I remember he was just so blown away.
00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:21.440
Whoa! How can they do that?
00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:24.720
They know, because he knew a lot of things about the old way.
00:23:24.880 --> 00:23:25.359
Yeah.
00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:30.240
But once he got into it, you he DVR'd every dog on thing.
00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:32.799
Everything was on DVR, and he had the habit of stopping it.
00:23:32.880 --> 00:23:36.319
Like we'd be in a good movie, and he'll go, now what was that about you guys?
00:23:36.480 --> 00:23:38.319
And we're like, listen, we're trying to watch a movie.
00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:40.799
So that was that's that was Tom.
00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:46.960
And so then um, my generation of coming up, um, and we didn't have computers like you guys do.
00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:49.440
We didn't have cell phones when we were growing up.
00:23:50.079 --> 00:23:57.599
Um did the microwave.
00:23:57.680 --> 00:24:01.920
Well, I guess it came out when we were young or young adults that happened.
00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:04.799
Um the T the GPS.
00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:05.279
Oh, yeah.
00:24:05.359 --> 00:24:07.920
There was no such thing as a GPS.
00:24:08.240 --> 00:24:11.759
Um, rear view cameras when you're backing up back in.
00:24:12.240 --> 00:24:13.039
Oh, yeah, that came.
00:24:13.200 --> 00:24:14.000
I was here.
00:24:14.319 --> 00:24:14.880
Yeah.
00:24:15.200 --> 00:24:21.119
So, you know, just going with the change and just watch these flat screen TVs.
00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:27.599
I remember when they first came out and they were real expensive, and everybody had to run and get one.
00:24:27.680 --> 00:24:30.880
Now you can get one for$200 and you know, call it a day.
00:24:30.960 --> 00:24:31.359
What you doing?
00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:32.880
The microwave.
00:24:33.759 --> 00:24:40.079
Um, the first domestic countertop model was sold in 1955 for$1,295.
00:24:42.400 --> 00:24:43.039
Well.
00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:52.640
Well, uh in the 60s, 70s, countertop models are perfected and popularity increase.
00:24:53.920 --> 00:24:59.200
Wow, but it was um the first patent was October 8th of 1945.
00:25:01.119 --> 00:25:05.119
And it weighed over 750 pounds.
00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:06.160
I believe it.
00:25:06.240 --> 00:25:07.680
That's crazy.
00:25:09.440 --> 00:25:14.640
So knowing that going into the innovation phase was gonna cost a lot of money.
00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:17.680
That happened with the TVs too, the big screen TVs.
00:25:17.759 --> 00:25:22.319
Remember, they first started that like 32 inches was like$1,500.
00:25:22.720 --> 00:25:25.519
And oh, look at when uh$4,000.
00:25:25.599 --> 00:25:27.039
I want to say they were really expensive.
00:25:27.599 --> 00:25:29.039
Oh, yeah, yeah, they were.
00:25:29.279 --> 00:25:30.000
Yeah, they were.
00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:31.759
Now you can go get one for$400.
00:25:33.119 --> 00:25:39.359
And so when you talk about technology now, and I think about, you know, because there's some things that I'm, you know, figuring out.
00:25:39.519 --> 00:25:42.319
Thank goodness I have a young co-worker.
00:25:42.400 --> 00:25:43.759
I love her so much.
00:25:44.240 --> 00:25:46.480
She just she watches me struggle.
00:25:46.559 --> 00:25:49.599
This is the funny part, because I'll be trying to, you know, my little pride.
00:25:52.480 --> 00:25:54.720
You need do you need support, Janet?
00:25:55.119 --> 00:25:56.319
I'm fine.
00:25:56.720 --> 00:25:58.000
And she just goes over there.
00:25:58.160 --> 00:26:00.240
And I'll go, okay, I need support now.
00:26:02.079 --> 00:26:02.960
Okay, I need support.
00:26:03.119 --> 00:26:04.640
And come over and help.
00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:09.839
And I think part of um, you know, being 60s and hopefully, you know, 70s.
00:26:09.920 --> 00:26:13.759
I know we talk about w wanting to retire early and all that.
00:26:13.920 --> 00:26:14.960
I don't know about that.
00:26:15.119 --> 00:26:18.000
And I say that because I'm constantly learning.
00:26:19.200 --> 00:26:19.920
You know what I mean?
00:26:20.079 --> 00:26:25.440
I'm in the environment where I have to learn new things because that's part of, you know, making it through a work day.
00:26:25.519 --> 00:26:25.920
Yeah.
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:29.759
It's learning new systems and and all that stuff.
00:26:29.839 --> 00:26:32.559
Um, and also to have community.
00:26:32.799 --> 00:26:33.440
Yeah.
00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:35.279
It's community is a beautiful thing.
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:37.359
Especially when you like your community.
00:26:37.680 --> 00:26:42.400
Man, I you know what, and I know people shouldn't say this, but I love my little work folks.
00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:43.359
I'll be loving them.
00:26:43.680 --> 00:26:44.319
Me too.
00:26:44.559 --> 00:26:45.039
Me too.
00:26:45.200 --> 00:26:49.200
I even, you know, even when we have a little tension, I don't care about that tension.
00:26:49.279 --> 00:26:49.440
Yeah.
00:26:49.599 --> 00:26:51.279
Look, we all in this together.
00:26:52.079 --> 00:26:54.240
And I'll tell them too, you know, I'm here.
00:26:54.319 --> 00:26:55.599
You know y'all my people.
00:26:55.759 --> 00:26:56.880
And they're like, okay.
00:26:57.200 --> 00:26:57.519
Yeah.
00:26:58.000 --> 00:26:58.880
I'm here.
00:26:59.039 --> 00:27:04.079
And um, you know, and and and aging and working is a thing too, Candace.
00:27:04.799 --> 00:27:10.799
Because, you know, some um places disregard you, discard you.
00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:12.559
You know, you're a particular age.
00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:18.640
Well, no, we're still we're looking for the, but listen, there's an advantage to having an old woman on your team, okay?
00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:21.519
Because the old woman gets to work with, you know, all kinds of people.
00:27:21.599 --> 00:27:26.480
We just got little different ways of doing things, the old-fashioned way, and we still need the new.
00:27:27.519 --> 00:27:28.720
It's a great merit.
00:27:28.880 --> 00:27:30.079
And you know what else?
00:27:30.400 --> 00:27:34.880
To teach the new the old, because it gets lost in translation sometimes.
00:27:35.039 --> 00:27:35.200
Yeah.
00:27:35.359 --> 00:27:36.160
And that's important.
00:27:36.240 --> 00:27:38.000
The foundation is really important.
00:27:38.240 --> 00:27:38.559
Yeah.
00:27:38.799 --> 00:27:56.319
Um, I was thinking about how it's gotta be very difficult now to, and I'm a part of this, to keep up with things because like you were sharing with your grandma, well, my grandmama, my great grandmother, look, because she's my great-grandma.
00:27:56.400 --> 00:27:59.599
I I caught that I caught it.
00:27:59.839 --> 00:28:03.839
But how the rate at which we have to adapt to new things.
00:28:04.000 --> 00:28:08.559
Because if you think about it back in the day when a the when the TV came out, right?
00:28:08.720 --> 00:28:10.799
Or even let's go back to the microwave.
00:28:11.519 --> 00:28:15.680
Well, back in the, we don't even know about what are they doing with 700 pounds.
00:28:16.160 --> 00:28:16.640
Exactly.
00:28:16.799 --> 00:28:19.599
But look at how much time it took to get to that.
00:28:19.839 --> 00:28:23.119
So we're looking at 45 is when the patent starts.
00:28:23.279 --> 00:28:28.160
47 is when the when they first launched the commercial range.
00:28:28.480 --> 00:28:33.119
55 is when they introduced the first home microwave.
00:28:33.279 --> 00:28:39.359
That is was um eight years later.
00:28:40.400 --> 00:28:44.160
And then the 60s and 70s is when the countertop was perfected.
00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:48.480
So we're looking from 45 until the 60s, 70s, right?
00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:54.400
15 to 20 years um later that it took just to get that one thing.
00:28:54.559 --> 00:28:59.519
Now we're looking at things that get perfected, quote unquote, in a matter of months.
00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:08.880
So the the adaption rate has to happen so fast, we get into it and then have to get right back out of it because something new comes along.
00:29:08.960 --> 00:29:17.839
That's like, oh, I know y'all learned this next last month, but even cell phones, if you think about that, when that first came out, how long did it take a new model to come out?
00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:20.640
Yeah, you know, now it's like every year.
00:29:20.880 --> 00:29:24.880
I have a S22 Ultra, Samsung S22 Ultra.
00:29:25.119 --> 00:29:27.440
Okay, but I think they're on like 26.
00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:31.920
I'm like, I'm still cool with the phone that I had.
00:29:32.559 --> 00:29:44.000
Not only that, um one of the good things about holding on to a phone is that my phone is now paid off because you know they say you don't do contracts anymore, but the contract Oh, they don't?
00:29:44.799 --> 00:29:46.960
The contract is actually in the phone.
00:29:47.119 --> 00:29:51.359
What they do is they make you rent the phone.
00:29:51.519 --> 00:29:56.720
So they'll put it in, they say you can trade in the phone, get a new one for free.
00:29:56.960 --> 00:30:00.960
The credit that they give you for the phone is spread out over three years.
00:30:01.200 --> 00:30:07.039
Now, during this three years that you have to pay on this phone, you really can't go to another phone carrier or you have to pay for it.
00:30:07.200 --> 00:30:08.319
All right, oh, I've been there.
00:30:08.559 --> 00:30:08.960
Right.
00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:14.079
So technically, they're holding you in a contract, but not a phone contract.
00:30:14.160 --> 00:30:16.880
Because if the phone is paid off, you can go wherever you want to.
00:30:17.359 --> 00:30:19.359
That happened to me two months before I switched.
00:30:19.599 --> 00:30:20.720
I didn't know this was a thing.
00:30:20.960 --> 00:30:23.680
Two months before I switched my phone services, I had paid off the phone.
00:30:23.759 --> 00:30:25.839
So I was free to do what I wanted to do.
00:30:26.240 --> 00:30:30.880
But then when I think about getting a new phone, I hear them like, yeah, well, you know, come with us.
00:30:30.960 --> 00:30:41.359
There's no bill, but we're gonna spread out this payment that we told you you had for the trade in over three years so you can stay with us, you know.
00:30:41.519 --> 00:30:45.359
And I see Xfinity is doing that five-year contract thing.
00:30:45.839 --> 00:30:46.960
I did it too.
00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:48.559
Um, lock me in.
00:30:49.359 --> 00:30:50.319
I've been with them all my life.
00:30:50.480 --> 00:30:51.119
I know me too.
00:30:51.359 --> 00:30:52.319
Lock me in at a good rate.
00:30:52.400 --> 00:30:52.880
I'm good with that.
00:30:53.119 --> 00:30:55.039
Lock me in, because yeah, because y'all were messing with me.
00:30:55.119 --> 00:30:55.440
Yeah.
00:30:55.599 --> 00:30:57.440
Um, I got tired of it, but go ahead.
00:30:57.599 --> 00:31:00.720
And then switching my phone service over to Xfinity because I did that too.
00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:02.640
And then I did.
00:31:02.799 --> 00:31:04.480
They give you a year for free.
00:31:04.640 --> 00:31:05.519
Um with the phone.
00:31:05.839 --> 00:31:06.880
So then what happens after the year?
00:31:07.359 --> 00:31:08.559
I think it was only like$35.
00:31:09.200 --> 00:31:09.440
Okay.
00:31:09.680 --> 00:31:16.960
It wasn't, it was worth the trade for I was paying like$70 with Verizon.
00:31:17.519 --> 00:31:23.519
So merging and get the year of the free um bill, and then it'll be cheaper afterwards.
00:31:23.680 --> 00:31:24.799
It'll be bundled, whatever.
00:31:24.880 --> 00:31:31.359
I'm not a fan of bundling just because if I want to exit one of the things, so I try not to bundle too much things.
00:31:31.599 --> 00:31:31.920
Right.
00:31:32.079 --> 00:31:33.599
Even my streaming services.
00:31:34.799 --> 00:31:35.759
I know sometimes it's good.
00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:38.240
Netflix is going up again.
00:31:38.480 --> 00:31:38.640
Again.
00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:39.519
What are they going up to?
00:31:40.160 --> 00:31:41.279
$20 now.
00:31:42.960 --> 00:31:48.160
I have still been on the$699 plan from when I first no, no, no, listen.
00:31:48.480 --> 00:31:50.960
I never upgraded, updated anything.
00:31:51.039 --> 00:31:57.440
They always tell me what my new rate is gonna be because they're making changes, and now I'm up to the$20, but it's the ad-free.
00:31:57.680 --> 00:32:00.480
I've never made a change to my Xfinity account.
00:32:00.799 --> 00:32:03.680
They always do it on their own because of the upgrades that they're doing.
00:32:03.759 --> 00:32:06.400
I'm like, yeah, guess I just gotta pay an extra$3.
00:32:07.039 --> 00:32:10.240
So over the years, I've made it from$6.99 to$20.
00:32:11.519 --> 00:32:16.720
Yeah, I um you know, because I was a cable person, you know that.
00:32:16.799 --> 00:32:18.799
I mean, people have talked me off of that one.
00:32:18.960 --> 00:32:22.400
But now I'm almost, is it going up to that now?
00:32:22.559 --> 00:32:23.440
No, it's not.
00:32:23.680 --> 00:32:24.960
Is what going up to what?
00:32:25.200 --> 00:32:28.240
The price, like cable versus streaming.
00:32:28.480 --> 00:32:29.359
Yes, actually.
00:32:29.599 --> 00:32:36.480
Oh, it is depending on what you um what you're interested in and how many different platforms.
00:32:36.799 --> 00:32:39.359
Netflix, I'm actually glad I never canceled.
00:32:39.519 --> 00:32:43.279
That's a platform that I think is, I mean, it's good for me.
00:32:43.359 --> 00:32:44.720
It's good for my household.
00:32:44.880 --> 00:32:48.480
Um and then they're including different things, like there's gaming on there now.
00:32:48.720 --> 00:32:54.319
Oh, they play, I guess, different pay-per-view events, like fights and things.
00:32:54.480 --> 00:32:57.119
Uh the football games can be streamed on.
00:32:57.200 --> 00:32:58.480
It's like they're adding things.
00:32:58.559 --> 00:33:03.839
So it's a it's an increasingly better platform to me.
00:33:04.079 --> 00:33:07.039
Um, and I like the programs that they have on there.
00:33:07.279 --> 00:33:09.680
I know they were trying to merge with Warner Brothers.
00:33:09.759 --> 00:33:11.119
That deal got cut.
00:33:11.359 --> 00:33:15.599
Um, it was like 140 billion, but another company outbid them.
00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:16.960
They was like, it's not even worth it.
00:33:17.119 --> 00:33:20.960
So they had to pay a one point, a two billion dollar breakup fee, but that's okay.
00:33:21.039 --> 00:33:21.359
Okay.
00:33:21.920 --> 00:33:23.759
Why do I know these random things?
00:33:24.000 --> 00:33:25.119
Yeah, yeah.
00:33:26.319 --> 00:33:27.359
Oh my goodness.
00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:28.720
Uh, but I like the platform.
00:33:28.799 --> 00:33:29.759
So that's one of those things.
00:33:29.920 --> 00:33:37.119
And even with the evolve, like when we talk about technology and all things that are evolving, I am okay.
00:33:37.279 --> 00:33:38.480
So let me back up.
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:40.559
I went to school for finance.
00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:45.359
I ended up doing accounting because I realized I did not like the analytic parts of financing.
00:33:45.440 --> 00:33:46.319
You have to predict.
00:33:46.480 --> 00:33:47.440
I'm not a predictor.
00:33:47.519 --> 00:33:49.599
Don't I don't like to play with vitality.
00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:52.240
Um, not for somebody else and all of those things.
00:33:52.319 --> 00:33:55.920
I'm not going to work for a company, tell you what you need to do because I'm gonna be I could be wrong.
00:33:56.079 --> 00:33:58.960
I don't have time to play those games, but I'll do them with myself.
00:33:59.920 --> 00:34:02.000
So, um, what am I talking about?
00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:03.519
Because now the coffee's kicking in.
00:34:03.599 --> 00:34:04.160
I'm all over the place.
00:34:04.319 --> 00:34:05.440
ADHD is kicking in.
00:34:05.680 --> 00:34:09.039
You said you went to school for financial, right?
00:34:09.199 --> 00:34:16.159
So I'm looking at the different things that are happening and trying to pinpoint how what's going to be most effective.
00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:18.239
So, like you're talking about cable, I'm talking about Netflix.
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:22.159
I'm like, I think Netflix would be a good streaming service to keep long term.
00:34:23.119 --> 00:34:25.519
Um, I think eventually it will gain things.
00:34:25.840 --> 00:34:27.039
Same with Chat GPT.
00:34:27.199 --> 00:34:31.199
I know there are some people who's like, ooh, I don't know, it's not always right.
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:32.960
Well, not nothing is always right.
00:34:33.119 --> 00:34:38.239
But some of the things that they add to it, I'm like, I could see this being long-term beneficial.
00:34:38.480 --> 00:34:43.920
So having Netflix, having Chat GPT, and a couple of other things.
00:34:44.159 --> 00:34:49.039
So my point of saying that when I was bringing it to the financing was the predictability of things.
00:34:49.199 --> 00:34:52.239
So now I'm somehow a strategist at different things.
00:34:52.320 --> 00:34:57.199
And my own, my own strategist, not for the world, but just kind of figuring things out.
00:34:57.360 --> 00:35:00.159
How do I want to move forward in this world?
00:35:00.400 --> 00:35:02.480
So we were having, all right, y'all.
00:35:02.639 --> 00:35:10.800
Don't I'm not getting canceled, but listen, we were having a pause for a minute because I'm afraid.
00:35:11.280 --> 00:35:30.559
Well, we were having a conversation about Hitler, and so my questions were how does one individual get the world or a bunch of people to think the way that they think when it is at the detriment of humanity?
00:35:30.800 --> 00:35:31.760
I'll say that.
00:35:32.079 --> 00:35:49.280
Um, and what I learned was it was a very manipulative way to get people to believe what he believed, to get them on his side, and also to um put fear in the hearts of those who are not thinking the same way that he thought.
00:35:49.599 --> 00:35:58.239
So my takeaway from that was I can do the same thing on a positive note, right?
00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:01.519
How do we get the world to focus on love?
00:36:01.760 --> 00:36:07.519
How do we get the world to believe in goodness and practice good?
00:36:08.000 --> 00:36:14.480
And it's really doing the same gestures that Hitler did on a different level.
00:36:14.719 --> 00:36:17.039
Literally the reverse, the opposite.
00:36:17.119 --> 00:36:30.639
So if we're talking um evil, we're talking pain, we're talking killing, then then the other is to get people to believe in love, to get people to believe in healing, to get people to believe in helping.
00:36:30.880 --> 00:36:32.239
And how do I do that?
00:36:32.320 --> 00:36:40.000
So that's one of those projection things in the like when we're thinking finance and all of those, we're thinking of how people use their power.
00:36:40.639 --> 00:36:46.559
And I'm looking at it, how do I take that and reverse it for the greater good of humanity?
00:36:46.719 --> 00:36:48.000
Because it can be done.
00:36:48.239 --> 00:36:56.320
Because when people believe what you have to say, and you can convince them of what you're saying is right, they will follow.
00:36:56.880 --> 00:37:01.840
So we were having this conversation.
00:37:01.920 --> 00:37:04.000
So I'm I'm a I question things.
00:37:05.840 --> 00:37:08.719
Um, from religion to the AA.
00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:18.320
I'm I listen, I'm not a blanket, you could just tell me some stuff because I'm just gonna, I'm gonna have a question about something, especially if it's contradictory or whatever.
00:37:18.559 --> 00:37:20.880
And some things need to change and evolve, whatever.
00:37:21.039 --> 00:37:27.920
Um, and I I say that when I'm thinking about um AA and different things like that, because I think it's a great place to be.
00:37:28.239 --> 00:37:32.079
Um, however, I think you could make it uniquely yours.
00:37:32.320 --> 00:37:38.400
But when you were talking about um Hitler and how he, you know, manipulated folks and got people.
00:37:38.719 --> 00:37:39.760
You probably like that word.
00:37:40.159 --> 00:37:41.280
Well, it's still all manipulation.
00:37:41.519 --> 00:37:43.440
You can use a different word, but it's still manipulation.
00:37:43.840 --> 00:37:48.880
But um, and I was thinking about how most things are that way.
00:37:49.599 --> 00:37:50.079
Mm-hmm.
00:37:50.639 --> 00:37:51.199
It is.
00:37:51.360 --> 00:37:52.880
It's I'm gonna convince you.
00:37:53.039 --> 00:37:53.280
Yep.
00:37:53.440 --> 00:38:04.880
I need you to come to my way of you know, I need you on this team, I need you on this side, so I'm gonna say whatever I need to say to influence you to pull you, pull you this away.
00:38:05.039 --> 00:38:12.880
So, um, so with with Hitler, that's what he did, but that's what we do constantly, right?
00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:13.440
Yeah.
00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:17.519
You know, um that's all that's all I want to say about Mr.
00:38:17.599 --> 00:38:17.920
Hitler.
00:38:18.159 --> 00:38:18.719
Me too.
00:38:18.880 --> 00:38:26.320
So how do we said it, we you know, stuck on topic, we're not gonna go deeper.
00:38:27.119 --> 00:38:35.440
Um but yeah, I think at the end of the day, it totally is the same side, nothing new under the sun.
00:38:36.800 --> 00:38:37.360
Nothing.
00:38:37.760 --> 00:38:39.119
Nothing new under the sun.
00:38:39.599 --> 00:38:45.840
Um and I want to believe that good is right, right?
00:38:47.280 --> 00:38:56.239
Um, and of course, it's my interpretation of good, it's my interpretation of right.
00:38:57.039 --> 00:39:10.800
Uh I don't know what to do with that because I do understand that it's my interpretation, and even if my goal is to get others to believe my perspective of good, it's still mine.
00:39:12.400 --> 00:39:13.039
What?
00:39:13.360 --> 00:39:16.159
Yeah, what?
00:39:16.480 --> 00:39:16.800
Yeah.
00:39:16.960 --> 00:39:19.920
Um I I was I had some moments like that.
00:39:20.559 --> 00:39:29.840
And I was like, well, you know, I'm looking at a situation this way, and I want them to know how I see it, and I had to play that all the way through.
00:39:30.719 --> 00:39:35.360
Because if I tell them how I see it, it's not gonna change what has been done.
00:39:35.599 --> 00:39:41.039
It's not going to change the pattern, it's not gonna change their thinking, it's not gonna change their heart path.
00:39:41.199 --> 00:39:42.000
Uh what do you call it?
00:39:42.079 --> 00:39:42.719
Heart posture.
00:39:42.960 --> 00:39:43.519
Heart heart posture.
00:39:43.679 --> 00:39:52.960
It's not going, and so I'm for me, I'm careful about that because I don't want to get into a situation where I'm manipulative.
00:39:53.119 --> 00:39:54.480
Yes, that's why I said I don't like that word.
00:39:54.960 --> 00:40:00.000
And I watch my language because someone said mentioned that I was like, oh, I love the way you worded that.
00:40:00.079 --> 00:40:00.480
Yes.
00:40:00.639 --> 00:40:04.239
And so I'm careful, even when my feelings are hurt.
00:40:04.320 --> 00:40:10.000
I have to like, damn, I need to call somebody else about this because sometimes it's not good to take it to the person.
00:40:10.159 --> 00:40:10.880
It's not.
00:40:11.280 --> 00:40:15.760
Because that person is where they are, and where they are, even if it's not something I like.
00:40:15.840 --> 00:40:16.159
Yeah.
00:40:16.400 --> 00:40:18.400
It's like, but that's where you are.
00:40:18.639 --> 00:40:26.639
And what oh, and one of the things I think about, and you you know, when you've heard heard me talk about this, I have a hard time with people on the fence.
00:40:26.800 --> 00:40:28.480
That's the thing that bothers me to know.
00:40:29.360 --> 00:40:32.639
Because at some point you need to make a decision, you need to pick a side.
00:40:32.719 --> 00:40:34.320
That's my view, like you said.
00:40:34.719 --> 00:40:40.400
My view, because that fence crap, mm-mm, because uh uh, because at the end of the day, you will make a choice.
00:40:40.480 --> 00:40:46.719
But here's what I learned for myself is if I have to question what side you're on, you're not on my side.
00:40:47.280 --> 00:40:51.440
If it's a question in my mind, you're you've already made a decision.
00:40:51.599 --> 00:40:52.960
That's just where I'm at with it.
00:40:53.119 --> 00:40:53.360
Question.
00:40:53.599 --> 00:41:00.480
And I have to figure out, like, okay, but that's a decision they make, because then I have to watch myself from trying to convince another person.
00:41:00.880 --> 00:41:05.360
Like, okay, I see you, you know, I feel like you made your mind, but let me give you reasons to come over here.
00:41:05.440 --> 00:41:05.840
You know what?
00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:06.400
Hell no.
00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:07.360
I'm not doing it.
00:41:07.519 --> 00:41:09.119
Don't come to hell over here.
00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:12.159
It's okay, and but that has to be okay with me.
00:41:12.400 --> 00:41:15.360
How do you feel about people not choosing a side?
00:41:16.239 --> 00:41:16.960
I just told you.
00:41:17.119 --> 00:41:17.599
No, no, no.
00:41:17.679 --> 00:41:19.360
What I mean is Look, I'm all in the camera now.
00:41:20.079 --> 00:41:26.719
No, what I mean by that is so because you feel like if they didn't, if they're on the fence, they're not on your side.
00:41:26.800 --> 00:41:28.800
Does that mean that you believe they're on the either side?
00:41:29.119 --> 00:41:29.679
No, no, no.
00:41:29.840 --> 00:41:33.760
What I'm saying is this if someone is on the fence, they've already made a decision.
00:41:33.840 --> 00:41:34.480
I I do believe it.
00:41:34.800 --> 00:41:35.760
When you say that, what does that mean?
00:41:35.920 --> 00:41:36.559
No, no, no, no.
00:41:36.639 --> 00:41:40.800
Let me tell you, there's something in there that's saying, uh, or they're doing this.
00:41:41.039 --> 00:41:45.199
Well, okay, well, I get their point of view today.
00:41:45.360 --> 00:41:49.199
And then, oh, I kind of get, you know, it kind of gets into that thing, I guess.
00:41:49.280 --> 00:41:50.800
I don't know, because I'm not a fence person.
00:41:51.679 --> 00:41:52.719
I've been there.
00:41:52.880 --> 00:41:54.480
I've been a fence person.
00:41:54.800 --> 00:41:56.639
So when let's get back to your question.
00:41:56.800 --> 00:42:03.840
So if I'm dealing with somebody and I'm like, there's a fence thing going on, and then I'm screwed up in my head trying to figure it all out.
00:42:04.320 --> 00:42:19.360
For me, if I have to, if my question is, what I wonder, what side I if I'm wondering if you're on my side or not, right there, the wondering right there in my mind says you're not on my side.
00:42:19.519 --> 00:42:20.639
I can't worry about that.
00:42:20.800 --> 00:42:23.920
If it's the damn fence or on the other side, it ain't my side.
00:42:24.400 --> 00:42:25.760
So that's where I'm at with that.
00:42:25.920 --> 00:42:27.599
And I have to watch me.
00:42:28.000 --> 00:42:29.920
I have to watch me with that.
00:42:31.199 --> 00:42:31.920
You know what I mean?
00:42:32.000 --> 00:42:34.639
I I watched that, I'd be like, okay then.
00:42:34.800 --> 00:42:39.039
Um you know, um huh.
00:42:43.760 --> 00:42:49.440
Because it it I think about I had a situation recently.
00:42:49.679 --> 00:42:50.320
You had a situation.
00:42:50.559 --> 00:42:59.599
Listen, I had a conversation, and someone I was talking to really is a not on the fence kind of person.
00:43:00.719 --> 00:43:01.840
Oh, can I have their number?
00:43:01.920 --> 00:43:02.719
No, I'm just kidding.
00:43:05.039 --> 00:43:23.360
And they came to me, not they came to me wanting someone not on their side because they needed a middle ground because the the thought process was everybody who's on my side is for me.
00:43:23.840 --> 00:43:25.679
And I need an objective opinion.
00:43:25.840 --> 00:43:37.599
I need to see things from a broader perspective and not just my side, because I know they care about me and I know they, you know, want to support me, but right now I need to hear something different.
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:40.719
I need I need a broader perspective.
00:43:41.599 --> 00:43:46.480
Um, so I think sometimes that fence is more for me.
00:43:46.559 --> 00:43:46.960
Let me speak.
00:43:47.360 --> 00:43:48.639
I know you're gonna defend this fence.
00:43:48.960 --> 00:43:51.679
Let me speak from me because I am a fencer, okay?
00:43:52.559 --> 00:43:53.519
I stay on the fence.
00:43:53.760 --> 00:43:55.840
Matter of fact, I don't, I just sit on the fence.
00:43:55.920 --> 00:43:59.760
I I think I sit with one leg on one side, one leg on the other side.
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:01.840
Drink my water with that.
00:44:02.320 --> 00:44:02.639
Yep.
00:44:02.880 --> 00:44:04.320
Because I have questions.
00:44:04.480 --> 00:44:08.079
There are so many variables to people's situations.
00:44:08.159 --> 00:44:12.000
And when they share a story, only so many variables can be told.
00:44:12.079 --> 00:44:15.360
And so I'm coming from a perspective of the variables of which I have.
00:44:15.599 --> 00:44:28.480
And I get more variables, which then later allows me to make constructive criticisms for the greater good and be a utilitarian in every situation and say, huh, let's look at all the perspectives here.
00:44:28.719 --> 00:44:29.519
Let's head talk.
00:44:29.599 --> 00:44:30.639
I'm talking hard talk.
00:44:30.719 --> 00:44:31.920
Oh no, we don't talk about talking about it.
00:44:32.079 --> 00:44:32.400
No, I am.
00:44:32.480 --> 00:44:33.119
I know that.
00:44:33.199 --> 00:44:33.599
I went there.
00:44:33.760 --> 00:44:34.960
I went there because that's what you do.
00:44:35.119 --> 00:44:35.920
But here's the thing.
00:44:36.239 --> 00:44:37.599
Here's the thing, though.
00:44:37.760 --> 00:44:39.920
If here's how I this is just me.
00:44:40.079 --> 00:44:40.320
Okay.
00:44:40.480 --> 00:44:43.199
Okay, so and we understand we're talking about Janet at this point.
00:44:43.440 --> 00:44:45.360
And Janet feels like she's right in the moment.
00:44:45.519 --> 00:44:46.239
So right now.
00:44:46.320 --> 00:44:46.639
Okay.
00:44:46.800 --> 00:44:48.079
So here's the thing for me.
00:44:48.800 --> 00:45:00.239
If I'm in a situation and you know, not you, whoever, know that this person hurt me, and you know they did.
00:45:00.480 --> 00:45:02.960
And you able to go on the stand and hang with them.
00:45:03.119 --> 00:45:04.480
I now this just might be people.
00:45:04.800 --> 00:45:05.119
Uh-huh.
00:45:05.360 --> 00:45:06.400
I have a problem with that.
00:45:06.559 --> 00:45:07.440
I'm like, hold up.
00:45:07.519 --> 00:45:08.559
Now you know.
00:45:09.519 --> 00:45:11.280
You know what they've done.
00:45:11.360 --> 00:45:13.360
I mean, like, you know, and you kikiing.
00:45:14.000 --> 00:45:18.400
Because see what I'm not gonna do, I'm not kikiing with somebody that's done you wrong.
00:45:18.559 --> 00:45:19.519
I'm not that's just me.
00:45:19.679 --> 00:45:20.559
I'm not doing it.
00:45:20.639 --> 00:45:21.519
Now, let me say this.
00:45:21.599 --> 00:45:27.599
Now, if it's something that I'm not close to, there's nothing in the game, then whatever, I can do that.
00:45:27.760 --> 00:45:29.840
But when it's close, close, uh-uh.
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:33.039
I'm gonna share something with you because there's a person I talked to.
00:45:33.280 --> 00:45:34.480
She's so funny.
00:45:34.719 --> 00:45:36.000
And I'll just mention something.
00:45:36.079 --> 00:45:38.239
I don't even mean to be telling on people.
00:45:39.599 --> 00:45:41.039
I'm just talking.
00:45:41.280 --> 00:45:43.920
And she'll go, Jenny, wait a minute.
00:45:44.079 --> 00:45:44.480
Uh-uh.
00:45:45.760 --> 00:45:49.519
I don't like that they said that because, and I'm like, well, what they said.
00:45:49.840 --> 00:45:50.000
No.
00:45:50.079 --> 00:45:50.800
And she breaks it down.
00:45:50.880 --> 00:45:52.239
I'll be like, whoa, I missed that.
00:45:52.559 --> 00:45:54.159
Right, but that was her interpretation.
00:45:54.320 --> 00:45:55.760
What if that wasn't even a thing?
00:45:55.920 --> 00:45:59.519
Now you got her thoughts in your brain, you don't even know the truth.
00:45:59.840 --> 00:46:00.880
No, it was a thing.
00:46:00.960 --> 00:46:01.840
No, no, no, no.
00:46:01.920 --> 00:46:02.559
It was a thing.
00:46:02.639 --> 00:46:03.599
Because I went back on past.
00:46:04.000 --> 00:46:04.800
No, no, I'm just saying.
00:46:04.880 --> 00:46:06.559
I went back on past conversation.
00:46:06.639 --> 00:46:08.239
You know, see, then she took you to the past.
00:46:08.320 --> 00:46:08.960
You was moving forward.
00:46:09.039 --> 00:46:10.000
You wasn't even thinking about that.
00:46:10.320 --> 00:46:15.360
So for me, anybody who wants to be my friend, look, because I'm your girl.
00:46:15.679 --> 00:46:18.400
But you you said something about being messy.
00:46:18.480 --> 00:46:19.840
I can tell you a story real quick.
00:46:20.159 --> 00:46:21.119
You gonna be messy?
00:46:21.280 --> 00:46:22.639
I wouldn't, I wasn't intending to.
00:46:22.719 --> 00:46:24.960
You said you accidentally told on somebody or something.
00:46:25.039 --> 00:46:27.039
You said something, you be accidentally saying something.
00:46:27.280 --> 00:46:28.480
Anywho, let me just tell you the story.
00:46:28.639 --> 00:46:28.880
I don't know.
00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:29.519
I probably did.
00:46:29.679 --> 00:46:31.360
So I was um doing an equipment.
00:46:31.519 --> 00:46:33.760
I look like my I look like my biological father.
00:46:34.000 --> 00:46:34.880
The older I get.
00:46:35.119 --> 00:46:38.000
I don't really know this man's face is so out of here.
00:46:38.320 --> 00:46:39.360
I don't know what he looked like for real.
00:46:39.440 --> 00:46:39.840
I don't remember.
00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:40.480
Oh, I do.
00:46:41.119 --> 00:46:41.760
Send me a picture.
00:46:42.239 --> 00:46:43.119
I look like him.
00:46:43.440 --> 00:46:44.239
This is weird.
00:46:44.480 --> 00:46:48.000
Well, you know what's weird is that my brother's brother looked like him.
00:46:48.079 --> 00:46:48.719
Now that's weird.
00:46:49.360 --> 00:46:50.159
She got so mad.
00:46:51.679 --> 00:46:53.039
Red has got a half brother.
00:46:54.239 --> 00:46:56.000
This boy looks like my brother.
00:46:58.400 --> 00:46:59.679
Well, how do you think I feel?
00:46:59.760 --> 00:47:01.039
My none of my kids look like me.
00:47:01.119 --> 00:47:02.639
Y'all look like your daddies.
00:47:03.519 --> 00:47:06.239
I don't know how you feel, but I know how I felt.
00:47:06.480 --> 00:47:07.440
Yeah, you were upset.
00:47:07.679 --> 00:47:08.559
She got mad.
00:47:10.239 --> 00:47:11.840
Okay, so I have a story.
00:47:12.079 --> 00:47:13.199
Come on, fence lady.
00:47:13.519 --> 00:47:14.400
Stay on fence.
00:47:14.559 --> 00:47:17.440
Um, and so I'm glad we all know.
00:47:17.679 --> 00:47:22.480
Do not be mad at me when I start asking questions to your anger.
00:47:23.360 --> 00:47:24.320
To your anger, girl.
00:47:24.639 --> 00:47:27.280
Because you know, somebody be mad and I'll be like, well, what was they thinking?
00:47:27.360 --> 00:47:29.360
And y'all be like, I don't give a fuck what they was thinking.
00:47:29.440 --> 00:47:31.039
Be I'm telling you my perspective.
00:47:31.280 --> 00:47:33.039
So sometimes I learn, listen.
00:47:33.519 --> 00:47:35.119
Anywho, I gotta get this story out.
00:47:35.440 --> 00:47:36.400
Come on, come on, fancy.
00:47:36.960 --> 00:47:37.840
Kingdom Knights.
00:47:38.000 --> 00:47:41.679
I was there and um I was helping out with different things.
00:47:41.840 --> 00:47:43.280
And so there was music playing.
00:47:45.360 --> 00:47:46.000
I'll up in here.
00:47:46.800 --> 00:47:51.519
One of the girls had made a statement and was like, oh, we need some new music because this is elevator music.
00:47:51.679 --> 00:47:56.559
So a guy came and was like, Oh, you guys can hook up to the Bluetooth and play your music.
00:47:56.880 --> 00:48:01.119
And um, I was like, oh my god, that's so great because XYZ is sick of the elevator music.
00:48:01.440 --> 00:48:04.719
So he knew who I was talking about because I said her name at the time.
00:48:04.960 --> 00:48:11.920
And apparently he saw her later and told her about the Bluetooth, and then told her that I said that she was tired of the elevator music.
00:48:12.000 --> 00:48:14.719
And she came back to me later and was like, You so messy.
00:48:14.880 --> 00:48:16.000
I was like, What'd I do?
00:48:16.079 --> 00:48:18.800
But when I said it, it wasn't in an attempt to be messy.
00:48:18.880 --> 00:48:23.199
I was like, Cool, thank you for giving us the Bluetooth because we really need to change the music.
00:48:23.599 --> 00:48:28.079
So I felt bad for a second because she wasn't coming at me, like she don't know me like that, right?
00:48:28.239 --> 00:48:31.840
So when I told her, I had to explain, I was like, oh my God, I did not mean that in a messy way.
00:48:31.920 --> 00:48:33.039
I told her exactly how I said everything.
00:48:33.119 --> 00:48:34.239
She was like, oh no, it's cool.
00:48:34.400 --> 00:48:36.320
I text her later, like, I'm still feeling bad.
00:48:36.480 --> 00:48:38.000
Like, I don't want you to think I was trying to be.
00:48:38.079 --> 00:48:39.920
She was like, girl, it's okay.
00:48:40.559 --> 00:48:48.159
But sometimes my innocence doesn't, or my, I don't know, some people call it naivety, naive naivety.
00:48:48.639 --> 00:48:50.320
Girl, you're not that naive, but go ahead.
00:48:50.480 --> 00:48:52.400
Well, I didn't think I didn't think You're my daughter.
00:48:52.480 --> 00:48:59.280
You're not that I well, I'm I guess what I'm saying is my um, I don't come with an intent a lot of times to do anything wrong.
00:48:59.440 --> 00:49:00.079
So I do something.
00:49:00.239 --> 00:49:00.719
Oh, I can't do it.
00:49:00.800 --> 00:49:01.360
You know what I'm saying?
00:49:01.440 --> 00:49:04.880
So I come, I come and I'll do it, and it'll be like, hey, did I want you to?
00:49:04.960 --> 00:49:05.760
I'm like, oh my bad.
00:49:05.840 --> 00:49:06.960
I didn't think that was a big thing.
00:49:07.039 --> 00:49:08.480
And you know, just correct the situation.
00:49:08.960 --> 00:49:10.480
Ah, you know what, little lady.
00:49:10.800 --> 00:49:11.920
Well, did you little lady?
00:49:12.159 --> 00:49:13.440
I didn't think that was a thing.
00:49:13.679 --> 00:49:14.639
No, I don't think you know.
00:49:14.719 --> 00:49:16.320
Oh, intentional at all.
00:49:16.480 --> 00:49:19.760
Yeah, yeah, no, no, but you were saying how innocent you are.
00:49:19.920 --> 00:49:20.719
I am innocent.
00:49:20.880 --> 00:49:21.440
Nah, mm-hmm.
00:49:21.679 --> 00:49:22.880
I be thinking real purely.
00:49:23.679 --> 00:49:25.760
And y'all be putting stuff in my own head.
00:49:26.159 --> 00:49:26.719
No, no.
00:49:26.800 --> 00:49:27.840
You fight like me.
00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:29.119
No, I don't.
00:49:29.599 --> 00:49:30.079
Yes, you do.
00:49:30.320 --> 00:49:31.599
No, I do not.
00:49:31.840 --> 00:49:32.400
Yes, you do.
00:49:32.559 --> 00:49:33.360
Maybe I used to.
00:49:33.519 --> 00:49:35.039
I don't fight like no, you do.
00:49:35.119 --> 00:49:35.679
You still do.
00:49:35.840 --> 00:49:37.760
And I'll mention it off air.
00:49:38.559 --> 00:49:39.039
But you do.
00:49:39.360 --> 00:49:40.239
I don't think so.
00:49:40.480 --> 00:49:43.760
But that's we're gonna figure out the perspectives in a little bit off the air.
00:49:44.159 --> 00:49:45.840
But anyway, we're talking about the fence.
00:49:46.000 --> 00:49:47.679
Oh, yeah, I stay on the fence.
00:49:48.480 --> 00:49:49.920
That fence is just now.
00:49:50.000 --> 00:49:50.639
I will say this.
00:49:50.719 --> 00:49:53.039
I um I don't know if I'm gonna hear what you have to say.
00:49:53.280 --> 00:49:54.559
Well, I chose the fence person.
00:49:54.880 --> 00:49:59.920
I chose an um, there was a time I chose not to be on the fence, and someone was mad at me.
00:50:00.159 --> 00:50:01.599
Whoa, was it on the news?
00:50:01.840 --> 00:50:04.320
Nah, I kept this one, kept this one quiet.
00:50:04.960 --> 00:50:06.079
Are you gonna share it now?
00:50:06.159 --> 00:50:07.119
Wait a minute, what's going on?
00:50:07.360 --> 00:50:07.760
No, listen.
00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:09.840
Yes, yes, yes.
00:50:10.079 --> 00:50:19.519
Well, so there was a friend of mine who had opposition with someone, and they basically was like, we don't mess with them no more.
00:50:19.679 --> 00:50:21.119
And I was like, cool.
00:50:21.599 --> 00:50:24.079
But I still feel bad to this day.
00:50:25.920 --> 00:50:28.000
Because they ain't do nothing to me.
00:50:28.880 --> 00:50:31.519
No, well, see how hard it was for you to do it.
00:50:31.679 --> 00:50:32.480
It's so hard.
00:50:32.559 --> 00:50:34.239
I'm still over here feeling bad.
00:50:34.480 --> 00:50:39.440
Because I'm like, well, I wanna and I'm a relationship ain't had nothing bad.
00:50:39.519 --> 00:50:40.719
I mean whatever.
00:50:40.960 --> 00:50:42.239
Listen, then here's the thing.
00:50:42.400 --> 00:50:43.119
Okay, here's the thing.
00:50:43.199 --> 00:50:45.519
Because you know I've had many friendships.
00:50:45.679 --> 00:50:46.800
I because I love hard.
00:50:46.880 --> 00:50:47.360
I love my friends.
00:50:47.519 --> 00:50:52.800
I'll be like, you might and if it goes a little south or don't work out, I'm okay.
00:50:52.880 --> 00:50:57.519
Because in the moment, in the time of the friendship, it was so deep.
00:50:57.599 --> 00:50:59.599
And you know about my deep friendships.
00:51:00.239 --> 00:51:02.320
They were deep, and I honor these people.
00:51:02.400 --> 00:51:04.559
Now I might have been mad when we first broke up.
00:51:04.639 --> 00:51:06.000
I mean, you know, that's natural.
00:51:06.239 --> 00:51:13.280
But I can say that those folks, when I was in relationship with them, it wasn't no fence situation.
00:51:13.360 --> 00:51:18.239
It's like, listen, um, we need to go battle, and I don't mean fight, you guys, like physically.
00:51:18.719 --> 00:51:19.440
I need you to come.
00:51:19.679 --> 00:51:20.320
You gonna be with me?
00:51:20.480 --> 00:51:28.480
And I had one friend, um, it was Bumpy, which is some gangster person, and um Malcolm X.
00:51:28.719 --> 00:51:31.440
And one of us was Malcolm X, and one of us was Bumpy.
00:51:31.519 --> 00:51:36.960
I mean, we just had this little dance that we did, but it was a loyalty to one another until it wasn't.
00:51:37.039 --> 00:51:40.000
But that's okay because I'm for the pick a side.
00:51:40.079 --> 00:51:41.599
Like if you jump off my side, cool.
00:51:41.679 --> 00:51:42.880
You was on it for a minute.
00:51:42.960 --> 00:51:50.320
But that fence thing, I just I mean, you know, for anybody listening, and if you're my friend and you are a fence person, you might not want me to know.
00:51:50.480 --> 00:51:53.280
If I don't know, just keep it to yourself.
00:51:53.519 --> 00:52:01.440
Well, for those who know me, if um I ask questions, I just want a clear picture to understand, expect exactly where I'm putting from whatever.
00:52:01.679 --> 00:52:05.599
Um, maybe even give you a different perspective on where they're coming from, you know.
00:52:05.920 --> 00:52:07.199
We could work through this together.
00:52:07.440 --> 00:52:11.199
This is mother and daughter, and we, you know, we're just having this conversation.
00:52:11.280 --> 00:52:12.639
And it's not the first time we've had it.
00:52:12.719 --> 00:52:13.760
No, we have it all the time.
00:52:14.480 --> 00:52:18.880
We have this conversation all the time, and she's not gonna get off that damn fence.
00:52:18.960 --> 00:52:19.519
Nope.
00:52:19.840 --> 00:52:20.639
And I'm gonna go.
00:52:20.800 --> 00:52:23.039
And I used to want to because I I felt bad.
00:52:23.119 --> 00:52:27.119
I was like, my mother, my sister, these people are like, get off the damn fence.
00:52:27.199 --> 00:52:29.599
And I'm like, Oh, you're gonna put me and your sister.
00:52:30.079 --> 00:52:30.400
Damn right.
00:52:30.880 --> 00:52:32.159
Go put us together.
00:52:32.400 --> 00:52:32.880
Yep.
00:52:33.679 --> 00:52:37.519
Sissy, I know you want me off the fence, and I ain't getting off damage.
00:52:37.679 --> 00:52:38.320
Nope, me and her.
00:52:38.719 --> 00:52:39.840
And I love you.
00:52:40.400 --> 00:52:42.639
Yeah, we love you too, but that's sense crap.
00:52:42.719 --> 00:52:44.960
We be like, listen, we need you, we need a soldier.
00:52:45.199 --> 00:52:46.639
But you know what else I realize?
00:52:46.800 --> 00:52:49.760
As long as I'm consistently me, y'all gonna always know what to expect.
00:52:49.840 --> 00:52:52.639
Y'all gonna be like, don't call Candace to get off the fence.
00:52:52.719 --> 00:52:55.039
I mean, at the end of the day, I'm not gonna be the off-the-fense girl.
00:52:55.199 --> 00:52:56.320
And I'm okay with that.
00:52:56.559 --> 00:52:58.000
I'm okay with that.
00:52:58.239 --> 00:52:58.960
And you know what?
00:52:59.039 --> 00:52:59.920
And we love you anyway.
00:53:00.079 --> 00:53:00.639
I know y'all do.
00:53:00.719 --> 00:53:06.400
And I think as long as I continue to be I won't mess up with y'all because I won't be trying to do it somebody else's way.
00:53:06.480 --> 00:53:08.400
It's gonna be like, y'all know Candace, okay?
00:53:08.559 --> 00:53:09.679
We we gonna be mad at her.
00:53:09.920 --> 00:53:10.880
But now, but can I say something?
00:53:11.039 --> 00:53:11.519
Yeah, all right.
00:53:11.599 --> 00:53:12.639
We all love you and all that.
00:53:12.880 --> 00:53:13.599
We don't love each other.
00:53:13.760 --> 00:53:15.920
One of us died, and then afterwards, I'm not dying if you die.
00:53:16.239 --> 00:53:16.719
Okay, right.
00:53:16.800 --> 00:53:17.840
Well, I'll love you till I die.
00:53:18.079 --> 00:53:18.320
Whatever.
00:53:18.400 --> 00:53:19.199
So till the end of the day.
00:53:19.280 --> 00:53:19.840
And don't die, sir.
00:53:20.880 --> 00:53:21.440
No, no, no.
00:53:21.519 --> 00:53:23.360
No, I don't think I'm I don't think I'm leaving you.
00:53:23.519 --> 00:53:24.320
Yeah, I'm saying so.
00:53:24.639 --> 00:53:25.920
I just feel like I'm gonna be around.
00:53:26.000 --> 00:53:32.639
Like, because if I'm dying after you, now don't make no promises because my daddy did it, and he didn't make it to a hundred.
00:53:33.199 --> 00:53:33.360
Okay.
00:53:33.760 --> 00:53:34.400
I'm not doing that.
00:53:34.480 --> 00:53:34.639
No.
00:53:35.039 --> 00:53:38.719
I'm just saying, no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, no, no, what I'm saying.
00:53:39.360 --> 00:53:40.400
Uh uh, here's what I'm saying.
00:53:40.480 --> 00:53:41.039
I know what you're saying.
00:53:41.360 --> 00:53:44.800
So I live my day, you know, I gotta live my life like this is my last damn day.
00:53:44.960 --> 00:53:46.239
Like, what is this?
00:53:46.400 --> 00:53:48.480
Even on a on a lazy day, right?
00:53:48.639 --> 00:53:50.079
I make it a good lazy day.
00:53:50.239 --> 00:53:51.519
Oh my god, such a good day.
00:53:51.599 --> 00:53:54.480
Like this chair I need to clean off that I won't even let the camera show.
00:53:54.639 --> 00:53:56.159
I need to clean that thing a little, you know.
00:53:56.239 --> 00:53:57.599
I'm gonna get to it.
00:53:57.679 --> 00:53:59.039
I am what was I gonna say though?
00:54:01.360 --> 00:54:02.159
But go ahead.
00:54:02.559 --> 00:54:03.360
I know, right?
00:54:03.679 --> 00:54:05.760
But um, what what where were we?
00:54:05.920 --> 00:54:06.559
Where were we?
00:54:06.800 --> 00:54:07.840
Everywhere.
00:54:08.320 --> 00:54:13.119
About the the fence and the this and the y'all know not to call me.
00:54:13.280 --> 00:54:16.320
He said, I love you and all of that, but what I am gonna say is.
00:54:17.280 --> 00:54:17.599
No?
00:54:17.760 --> 00:54:18.000
Okay.
00:54:18.239 --> 00:54:19.760
That is what I said, isn't it?
00:54:20.239 --> 00:54:22.000
That's exactly what I said.
00:54:22.559 --> 00:54:25.280
The hell, girl, wait.
00:54:25.440 --> 00:54:27.280
Um That's okay.
00:54:27.599 --> 00:54:28.320
Yeah, yeah.
00:54:28.480 --> 00:54:34.000
It's just um, oh, I was gonna say something when you were talking earlier, and I gotta ask questions.
00:54:34.079 --> 00:54:36.719
No, sometimes if you know the answer, what the hell are you asking questions?
00:54:36.960 --> 00:54:37.760
Because I don't know the answer.
00:54:38.079 --> 00:54:39.119
You do my know the answer.
00:54:39.280 --> 00:54:39.679
Yes, you do.
00:54:40.000 --> 00:54:40.320
You do.
00:54:40.719 --> 00:54:41.360
You do.
00:54:42.000 --> 00:54:43.760
I can assume the answer.
00:54:44.079 --> 00:54:45.760
No, here's the thing, but I'm gonna say this to you.
00:54:47.519 --> 00:54:50.639
I'm still your mother, gonna be your mother forever.
00:54:50.880 --> 00:54:52.239
And nothing's gonna change that.
00:54:52.320 --> 00:54:56.960
So while you're on that funky fence, be on that funky fence, and I'm at I think I need to find it.
00:54:57.119 --> 00:54:58.800
And do your and do your funky thing.
00:54:58.960 --> 00:55:03.199
I think you agree, but I need to uh rebuild the fence because it's it's a little uncomfortable.
00:55:03.280 --> 00:55:06.320
I'm gonna put a ledge up there so I can sit properly.
00:55:06.559 --> 00:55:07.840
You know, I don't want to fall off.
00:55:08.159 --> 00:55:08.559
That's sad.
00:55:09.519 --> 00:55:10.800
That's so sad, too.
00:55:10.880 --> 00:55:11.599
That's sad.
00:55:12.079 --> 00:55:13.199
Oh, that's sad.
00:55:14.239 --> 00:55:15.119
That's so sad.
00:55:16.159 --> 00:55:16.960
That's so sad.
00:55:17.280 --> 00:55:18.239
Oh my goodness.
00:55:18.320 --> 00:55:21.360
And one day it's not gonna be you're gonna find joy in my fence.
00:55:21.599 --> 00:55:24.800
Matter of fact, you might be like, You got room up there for me?
00:55:25.039 --> 00:55:26.719
I see you at 77.
00:55:27.679 --> 00:55:28.000
No.
00:55:28.320 --> 00:55:28.719
Yep.
00:55:29.440 --> 00:55:31.599
No, I'm not pick a side.
00:55:31.840 --> 00:55:32.400
That's okay.
00:55:32.480 --> 00:55:34.559
You don't have to be stuck by the ways your whole life.
00:55:34.719 --> 00:55:35.119
I'll change.
00:55:35.440 --> 00:55:36.719
No, well, let me say I'm just kidding.
00:55:36.800 --> 00:55:42.480
I'm just saying, like I said, no, you may not say that wasn't sitting up straight, too.
00:55:44.000 --> 00:55:45.280
So here's the thing about that.
00:55:45.360 --> 00:55:47.679
So if I'm gonna it depends on the circumstance the situation.
00:55:47.760 --> 00:55:50.159
If they're not close, then that's it.
00:55:50.320 --> 00:55:56.079
But when it's somebody close, no, I'm picking up that's me.
00:55:56.159 --> 00:55:56.719
Hold on.
00:55:56.880 --> 00:55:58.079
That's where I'm at.
00:55:58.320 --> 00:56:01.199
That's where I'm at, and that's just where I'm at.
00:56:01.360 --> 00:56:04.239
And I know that I can't change other people's minds.
00:56:05.599 --> 00:56:07.840
So, you know, it is what it is.
00:56:08.000 --> 00:56:09.119
You know what I mean?
00:56:09.360 --> 00:56:15.440
Um, and so that's growth for me because I'm not, there was a time I be like, I really want you to get it.
00:56:15.519 --> 00:56:15.679
Yeah.
00:56:15.920 --> 00:56:17.519
You don't get it because you don't want to get it.
00:56:17.760 --> 00:56:18.400
Or I get it.
00:56:19.039 --> 00:56:20.079
Oh, hold on, hold on.
00:56:20.239 --> 00:56:23.519
And I I remember something that see, I watch how things happen.
00:56:23.920 --> 00:56:25.199
Gotta pay attention and go back.
00:56:25.280 --> 00:56:29.119
Because I remember you said something, and when you said it, I thought, ooh, that was.
00:56:29.360 --> 00:56:32.719
And I was talking about my gut, like that gut feeling.
00:56:32.880 --> 00:56:33.360
You said something.
00:56:33.440 --> 00:56:35.519
Yeah, not unless the gut ain't clean.
00:56:35.679 --> 00:56:36.960
I said, Oh, hold on now.
00:56:37.039 --> 00:56:38.719
What the, what the what are you saying?
00:56:38.880 --> 00:56:43.679
And so when I look at the different things that have taken place, I'm like, girl, whatever.
00:56:43.920 --> 00:56:45.760
Well, the the clean gut came from that conversation.
00:56:45.920 --> 00:56:48.320
Remember, we were talking about, we had a conversation about that.
00:56:48.559 --> 00:56:51.119
So that was recollection, not necessarily about you.
00:56:51.440 --> 00:56:51.920
Oh, anyway.
00:56:52.079 --> 00:56:52.320
Whatever.
00:56:52.480 --> 00:56:54.559
So you be taking stuff you ain't asked.
00:56:55.519 --> 00:56:57.519
It doesn't matter because you still where you at.
00:56:57.760 --> 00:56:58.320
See what I mean?
00:56:58.400 --> 00:56:59.199
So it doesn't seem like that.
00:56:59.360 --> 00:57:00.639
But your interpretation of where I am.
00:57:01.119 --> 00:57:02.480
That's why nobody cares about that.
00:57:02.719 --> 00:57:03.360
I care.
00:57:03.920 --> 00:57:05.280
Well, then I shouldn't have told you.
00:57:05.440 --> 00:57:07.440
But you just that's all that's all that means.
00:57:09.440 --> 00:57:13.280
But because it is what it is, because at the end of the day, I'm your mother.
00:57:13.360 --> 00:57:15.599
You're gonna always come back here.
00:57:16.639 --> 00:57:17.119
Period.
00:57:18.159 --> 00:57:19.280
Just not live by their home.
00:57:19.599 --> 00:57:20.880
To everybody that's oh, that part.
00:57:20.960 --> 00:57:21.760
That puts me off.
00:57:21.840 --> 00:57:23.760
But anyway, that's a whole nother story.
00:57:24.239 --> 00:57:26.400
You rather live in a dumpster than come live with your mama.
00:57:26.559 --> 00:57:29.519
No, I'd rather live in my house than live there.
00:57:29.840 --> 00:57:30.480
But that's okay.
00:57:30.639 --> 00:57:31.519
That's okay.
00:57:31.920 --> 00:57:32.480
Not a job.
00:57:33.760 --> 00:57:36.800
Got me up here acting out.
00:57:37.119 --> 00:57:38.320
Got me all out in these.
00:57:38.719 --> 00:57:40.000
No, I wasn't acting out.
00:57:40.239 --> 00:57:42.239
I would come there before a dumpster, okay?
00:57:42.400 --> 00:57:43.119
I'll come there before.
00:57:43.760 --> 00:57:44.880
I will come there before a dumpster.
00:57:45.760 --> 00:57:46.480
It doesn't matter.
00:57:46.719 --> 00:57:47.280
You do you.
00:57:47.440 --> 00:57:48.880
But I'm gonna try not to.
00:57:49.039 --> 00:57:49.679
Let me say that.
00:57:49.760 --> 00:57:51.039
I'm gonna try real hard.
00:57:52.000 --> 00:57:52.320
It is.
00:57:52.719 --> 00:57:53.360
Do you?
00:57:53.440 --> 00:58:00.639
I'm you know, and I remember when um I was transitioning at some point, and I didn't want to go live with my mom.
00:58:01.599 --> 00:58:04.480
But I wasn't willing to just go live anywhere, not to live with my mom.
00:58:04.719 --> 00:58:04.800
No.
00:58:05.199 --> 00:58:05.760
I wasn't doing that.
00:58:06.000 --> 00:58:06.320
Me either.
00:58:06.400 --> 00:58:06.880
That's why I'm here.
00:58:07.360 --> 00:58:07.760
That part.
00:58:07.840 --> 00:58:08.719
Like, what you doing?
00:58:08.880 --> 00:58:10.000
Now to stay in my own crib.
00:58:10.320 --> 00:58:10.639
That's different.
00:58:10.800 --> 00:58:11.360
That's where I'm at.
00:58:11.760 --> 00:58:12.400
Figure out a way.
00:58:12.559 --> 00:58:12.800
Whatever.
00:58:13.039 --> 00:58:14.639
You talking about I go stay in a dumpster.
00:58:14.880 --> 00:58:16.800
I'm still in the same location.
00:58:17.199 --> 00:58:18.079
Anyway.
00:58:18.559 --> 00:58:20.960
Oh, whatever.
00:58:21.280 --> 00:58:22.079
Girl.
00:58:22.800 --> 00:58:25.280
My mama brain be brainish.
00:58:25.519 --> 00:58:26.000
I did what?
00:58:26.159 --> 00:58:28.000
I said, my mama brain be brainish.
00:58:28.159 --> 00:58:29.119
She be like, I thought about it.
00:58:29.599 --> 00:58:34.639
Wait, you got she gonna bring her little squad of people over my house to get her stuff and then leave all the trash here.
00:58:34.800 --> 00:58:35.760
I'm still upset.
00:58:35.840 --> 00:58:38.960
Every time I I say, come get I'm gonna come get it.
00:58:39.199 --> 00:58:39.519
No.
00:58:39.679 --> 00:58:41.920
You ain't gonna then gonna have her girlfriend come here pregnant.
00:58:42.079 --> 00:58:43.039
Can't help do nothing.
00:58:43.199 --> 00:58:44.960
So what is she, your support person?
00:58:45.199 --> 00:58:46.480
What the hell was that about?
00:58:46.960 --> 00:58:47.599
Did you say yeah?
00:58:47.760 --> 00:58:49.119
No, she had the truck, mama.
00:58:49.679 --> 00:58:50.480
Oh, whatever.
00:58:51.440 --> 00:58:52.719
They was tripping all around here.
00:58:53.119 --> 00:58:57.679
Nobody was tripping! And wait, and still have the trash all in my house.
00:58:58.639 --> 00:58:59.519
Partially.
00:58:59.679 --> 00:59:00.719
It ain't all mine.
00:59:00.960 --> 00:59:01.280
No.
00:59:02.400 --> 00:59:03.199
Don't do that.
00:59:03.360 --> 00:59:05.360
Your whatever is yours is still here.
00:59:05.599 --> 00:59:06.079
That part.
00:59:06.320 --> 00:59:07.519
Because you was doing a math.
00:59:07.599 --> 00:59:10.079
She was all I said, girl.
00:59:11.599 --> 00:59:15.199
See, this is the real part about being adult daughters and their mamas.
00:59:15.840 --> 00:59:17.280
This is what happens right here.
00:59:17.440 --> 00:59:17.679
Yep.
00:59:17.760 --> 00:59:19.679
We got some stuff.
00:59:21.119 --> 00:59:23.280
My daughter on the fence until it's her shit.
00:59:23.599 --> 00:59:24.559
She ain't on the fence.
00:59:24.719 --> 00:59:25.679
What you mean?
00:59:25.920 --> 00:59:26.719
That's what I said.
00:59:26.960 --> 00:59:27.519
I don't get it.
00:59:27.599 --> 00:59:27.840
That's all.
00:59:28.239 --> 00:59:29.519
You came and swiped up your stuff.
00:59:29.599 --> 00:59:31.199
I was like, okay, well, get your stuff.
00:59:31.280 --> 00:59:31.519
Okay.
00:59:32.079 --> 00:59:33.440
I'll be back next week.
00:59:33.599 --> 00:59:35.360
Well, next week, what, two months?
00:59:35.679 --> 00:59:36.320
Yeah.
00:59:37.840 --> 00:59:38.480
Yeah.
00:59:39.280 --> 00:59:40.400
I don't have a shelf.
00:59:40.559 --> 00:59:41.519
That was my new thing.
00:59:41.679 --> 00:59:46.559
Anyway, she always see all the mothers out there with these adult daughters, this is what they do to us.
00:59:46.719 --> 00:59:47.280
You know what?
00:59:47.440 --> 00:59:48.800
I'm coming by next week.
00:59:49.039 --> 00:59:50.400
I ain't gonna have this one again.
00:59:50.880 --> 00:59:51.360
Watch.
00:59:51.679 --> 00:59:52.159
Don't matter.
00:59:52.239 --> 00:59:53.679
Oh, yeah, because I'm a reporter.
00:59:53.920 --> 00:59:54.320
Yep.
00:59:55.280 --> 00:59:56.239
Dang right.
00:59:56.719 --> 00:59:58.800
I want to give you guys a full report.
00:59:58.960 --> 01:00:00.320
Yep, because I'll you know what?
01:00:00.480 --> 01:00:02.480
I was coming this Sunday and things changed.
01:00:02.800 --> 01:00:03.840
She always was coming.
01:00:03.920 --> 01:00:04.639
Oh my goodness.
01:00:04.800 --> 01:00:05.360
No, seriously.
01:00:05.440 --> 01:00:08.320
I was supposed to drop I was supposed to drop Kamari off.
01:00:08.719 --> 01:00:10.719
And I met her dads, but they plans change.
01:00:10.880 --> 01:00:12.000
And so she didn't go till Monday.
01:00:12.079 --> 01:00:13.679
Because I was gonna drop she said before five.
01:00:15.119 --> 01:00:16.000
Yeah, before five.
01:00:16.079 --> 01:00:20.880
But I didn't, I don't tell you these things because in case things happen, I figured I'll just call you and say, Because I'll be mad.
01:00:21.440 --> 01:00:23.199
Yes, sometimes I get upset.
01:00:23.360 --> 01:00:23.599
Yeah.
01:00:23.679 --> 01:00:27.599
So because I realized my plans don't be working the way I planned them to plan.
01:00:27.920 --> 01:00:28.960
Well, that's a whole nother thing.
01:00:29.039 --> 01:00:30.480
Because, okay, you guys, here's the thing.
01:00:30.639 --> 01:00:33.360
She's talking like she I was gonna go see you.
01:00:34.079 --> 01:00:34.239
No.
01:00:34.719 --> 01:00:36.079
You make time if you want to do something.
01:00:36.159 --> 01:00:40.159
See, that's why I don't listen to people and they say, Well, I didn't I didn't want to come with Kamari and clean up.
01:00:41.039 --> 01:00:41.679
Hello, hello.
01:00:42.079 --> 01:00:42.960
Oh, it's a cleanup visit.
01:00:43.039 --> 01:00:43.599
See, I ain't know what the case is.
01:00:43.679 --> 01:00:44.079
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:00:44.239 --> 01:00:45.440
Sunday would have been a cleanup visit.
01:00:45.760 --> 01:00:46.880
Look, she's trying to hush me up.
01:00:47.039 --> 01:00:47.599
No, I'm not.
01:00:47.679 --> 01:00:49.199
I'm sharing the truth.
01:00:49.519 --> 01:00:50.079
Uh-oh.
01:00:50.320 --> 01:00:51.119
So here's the thing.
01:00:51.199 --> 01:00:53.199
When people want to do something, they do it.
01:00:53.679 --> 01:00:55.440
Yes, that I could not do.
01:00:55.840 --> 01:00:56.239
But listen to that.
01:00:56.719 --> 01:00:57.119
Listen, y'all.
01:00:57.599 --> 01:00:58.320
Y'all hear my daughter?
01:00:58.480 --> 01:00:58.639
Yes.
01:00:59.280 --> 01:00:59.760
Absolutely.
01:00:59.920 --> 01:01:01.039
I wanted to come in clean.
01:01:01.119 --> 01:01:02.639
I did not want Kamari with me.
01:01:02.880 --> 01:01:03.760
She was with me.
01:01:03.920 --> 01:01:05.119
I could not come in clean.
01:01:05.280 --> 01:01:07.119
You never knew about it until right now.
01:01:07.360 --> 01:01:10.400
Look, and she's getting a little upset.
01:01:10.559 --> 01:01:11.199
Her body language.
01:01:11.679 --> 01:01:12.719
Y'all can't see it.
01:01:13.039 --> 01:01:14.079
Yes, yes, I am.
01:01:14.400 --> 01:01:14.880
That's what she does.
01:01:15.119 --> 01:01:17.199
Because those are the facts, and I want you to hear them.
01:01:17.440 --> 01:01:18.960
But I but I when she does that.
01:01:20.320 --> 01:01:26.000
When she does that, me and her sister, Sissy, me and her sister, when she do that what she's doing right now, we start running for cover.
01:01:26.159 --> 01:01:28.000
Yes, because you're not listening to me.
01:01:28.400 --> 01:01:29.280
Damn it.
01:01:29.760 --> 01:01:33.760
I'm sharing the facts, and you're still like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:01:34.239 --> 01:01:35.119
We start running for cover.
01:01:35.440 --> 01:01:37.599
This is why I stay on the fence, because people don't be listening.
01:01:38.239 --> 01:01:39.039
They don't be listening.
01:01:39.280 --> 01:01:39.599
Like you.
01:01:39.840 --> 01:01:40.960
They don't be listening.
01:01:41.760 --> 01:01:44.239
You got your own interpretation, even though I'm giving you the whole thing.
01:01:44.400 --> 01:01:44.719
But you know what?
01:01:44.800 --> 01:01:45.599
But listen to this.
01:01:45.679 --> 01:01:46.320
Let me tell you this.
01:01:46.400 --> 01:01:52.960
So there was a time with my mother, and um, my mother and I had a very authentic, honest convers uh relationship.
01:01:53.039 --> 01:01:53.599
You know that, right?
01:01:53.920 --> 01:01:54.719
I guess you do.
01:01:54.880 --> 01:01:57.840
And so, and so when I get upset, you guys, I'll be all mad.
01:01:57.920 --> 01:01:59.760
Like I'll be, mm, I'm so mad.
01:02:00.000 --> 01:02:07.360
So one day I said to my mother, I said, Mama, I'm about to get real upset.
01:02:07.519 --> 01:02:10.800
My mother said, boom, boom, bam, bam, motherfucker.
01:02:14.960 --> 01:02:18.000
And I was like, Well, my mother got upset.
01:02:19.119 --> 01:02:21.119
I didn't even know how to be upset anymore.
01:02:21.199 --> 01:02:22.400
I was like, whoa.
01:02:22.559 --> 01:02:24.880
So I say that to say, Ken, did you be all right?
01:02:25.199 --> 01:02:26.880
Boom, boom, bam, bam.
01:02:28.480 --> 01:02:30.320
Because you can't be afraid.
01:02:30.480 --> 01:02:32.480
Listen to you guys, listen out there.
01:02:32.639 --> 01:02:36.239
Do not be afraid of your adult children and their feelings.
01:02:36.480 --> 01:02:37.599
Nope, just make sure you listen to you.
01:02:37.840 --> 01:02:47.199
And a lot of times, and a lot of times what happens is we as um parents want to be into corrective, you know, we want to correct some stuff.
01:02:47.360 --> 01:02:48.159
Guess what?
01:02:48.400 --> 01:02:52.800
All of us out there, 60, 50, 70, we did the best we could.
01:02:53.039 --> 01:02:55.840
We gave all we can give, and that's it.
01:02:56.079 --> 01:02:56.400
Okay?
01:02:57.039 --> 01:03:04.960
Love them, and they gotta love us, and if they don't, and and unfortunately, some folks don't even realize how much they love their mama until they long gone.
01:03:05.199 --> 01:03:11.199
But some of them understand, like Candace, while we still living, even though she's over there about to jump through the screen.
01:03:12.320 --> 01:03:13.760
She's about to lose it.
01:03:14.000 --> 01:03:16.960
Well, yeah, don't let these adult children bully you around.
01:03:17.119 --> 01:03:17.440
Uh-huh.
01:03:17.599 --> 01:03:18.079
I was in.
01:03:18.239 --> 01:03:18.800
No, mm-mm.
01:03:19.199 --> 01:03:19.440
No.
01:03:19.840 --> 01:03:20.480
My time.
01:03:21.280 --> 01:03:21.920
I love you.
01:03:22.000 --> 01:03:22.480
I love you.
01:03:23.039 --> 01:03:24.079
Now, parents.
01:03:24.639 --> 01:03:26.960
When your kids tell you something, just believe them.
01:03:27.199 --> 01:03:28.239
It's their truth.
01:03:30.000 --> 01:03:31.920
Okay, so we're having a freaking fight.
01:03:32.159 --> 01:03:32.960
We're fighting!
01:03:36.000 --> 01:03:37.280
It is literally going down.
01:03:37.599 --> 01:03:38.719
You know what's beautiful?
01:03:38.960 --> 01:03:43.760
We talk about our fights all the time on here, but they don't know what our fights look like.
01:03:44.719 --> 01:03:50.480
So actually, to give them a real authentic in the moment, this is what they look like, y'all.
01:03:50.639 --> 01:03:54.960
So they're not really if y'all's interpretation is, oh my god, they da-da-da-da-da.
01:03:55.280 --> 01:03:55.519
This is it.
01:03:55.679 --> 01:03:56.320
This is it.
01:03:57.039 --> 01:03:59.519
This is this is our big fight of the day, y'all.
01:03:59.840 --> 01:04:02.000
Yeah, I'm still pissed about her being on the fence.
01:04:02.239 --> 01:04:04.079
She's gonna stay on the fence, right?
01:04:04.239 --> 01:04:07.119
She says she's gonna put a thing up there so you can get comfortable on the fence.
01:04:07.360 --> 01:04:08.960
Yes! Give me a linge on the fence.
01:04:09.199 --> 01:04:11.280
I don't understand this fence business.
01:04:11.679 --> 01:04:15.599
Um but I I do understand that I've been on a fence person.
01:04:16.159 --> 01:04:20.639
And um, yeah, I've been that that fence, you know.
01:04:20.719 --> 01:04:22.880
I wanna be neutral and I wanna plea.
01:04:23.119 --> 01:04:24.239
This is my thing.
01:04:24.480 --> 01:04:25.920
I wanted to please both sides.
01:04:26.000 --> 01:04:29.199
I'm not sure what to that's because I was afraid to take a side.
01:04:29.760 --> 01:04:32.159
Well, I'm not saying it's you, I'm talking about me.
01:04:32.800 --> 01:04:35.039
I'm not afraid anymore, because guess what?
01:04:36.079 --> 01:04:38.719
People take a side against me in a minute or for me.
01:04:38.880 --> 01:04:41.920
They the people pick sides, so Janet will pick a side.
01:04:42.400 --> 01:04:43.679
And you know, it feels good.
01:04:43.840 --> 01:04:45.519
It feels good to pick a side.
01:04:45.599 --> 01:04:48.320
And and I'm gonna say this about the side thing.
01:04:48.480 --> 01:04:55.440
Um, because when I was growing up, I was never felt that I could take a side.
01:04:56.000 --> 01:04:57.039
Mm-hmm that's deep.
01:04:57.199 --> 01:04:57.679
Just happened.
01:04:57.760 --> 01:04:58.079
Mm-hmm.
01:04:58.559 --> 01:05:03.199
Didn't it was like, oh, I'm just here, let me figure it out, let me oh, oh God, I don't know.
01:05:03.280 --> 01:05:04.719
Ooh, okay, that ain't my daddy.
01:05:04.800 --> 01:05:05.519
Whoa, why not?
01:05:05.599 --> 01:05:08.159
Ooh, that was ooh, definitely, oh, that's it.
01:05:08.239 --> 01:05:08.639
Ooh.
01:05:08.800 --> 01:05:10.239
Now, didn't that happen?
01:05:10.400 --> 01:05:11.119
Oh, okay.
01:05:11.280 --> 01:05:14.719
Then just sitting there just not having any control over anything.
01:05:15.039 --> 01:05:19.280
And having to be neutral because of grown folks' decisions.
01:05:20.079 --> 01:05:20.480
Right?
01:05:20.639 --> 01:05:24.960
And so, you know, now I'm a grown folk and I'm picking suck.
01:05:26.480 --> 01:05:28.400
And you have the right to do so.
01:05:29.360 --> 01:05:31.039
Let's not hurt like she's gonna give me permission here.
01:05:31.280 --> 01:05:32.000
Give me your permission.
01:05:32.239 --> 01:05:33.440
Oh, I can't wait to hear this back.
01:05:33.679 --> 01:05:35.920
From your daughter, you have permission.
01:05:36.239 --> 01:05:40.400
Oh she believes that in her in her head, you guys.
01:05:40.719 --> 01:05:43.519
But no, you are my, you know, Candace, I love you so much.
01:05:43.760 --> 01:05:44.000
I love you.
01:05:44.239 --> 01:05:44.559
You know that.
01:05:44.719 --> 01:05:44.880
I do.
01:05:45.039 --> 01:05:45.360
I really do.
01:05:45.679 --> 01:05:46.079
I know you do.
01:05:46.400 --> 01:05:47.039
You are my girl.
01:05:47.119 --> 01:05:47.280
I know.
01:05:48.400 --> 01:05:51.039
You know, sometimes you don't, mama just gotta give it to you.
01:05:53.039 --> 01:05:56.079
You know, I was thinking about that yesterday.
01:05:56.159 --> 01:06:01.280
I was with Kamari, and she was just being Kamari, she was pausing the TV, wanted to do a dance.
01:06:01.360 --> 01:06:02.559
I just wanted to watch the show.
01:06:02.800 --> 01:06:05.119
I just wanted us to focus, sit down, be quiet.
01:06:05.280 --> 01:06:06.159
What enough of that?
01:06:06.320 --> 01:06:08.400
And I thought, and I said, I'm a mother.
01:06:08.559 --> 01:06:10.159
This is my daughter.
01:06:10.480 --> 01:06:13.599
And we're gonna do this dance for a long time.
01:06:13.920 --> 01:06:15.119
And it was just that.
01:06:15.280 --> 01:06:23.519
Like, no matter what I was feeling, because I really just wanted to be like, can we just but that was that's no, you saw that, but you could have stopped her from that crap.
01:06:23.599 --> 01:06:24.159
No, look.
01:06:24.400 --> 01:06:28.639
I hadn't, I had, I hadn't spent time with her a whole lot last night because I had to laugh.
01:06:29.280 --> 01:06:30.639
Listen, I got my own reasons.
01:06:31.039 --> 01:06:31.599
Can I say this?
01:06:31.679 --> 01:06:33.039
No, you're doing the best you can.
01:06:33.119 --> 01:06:34.000
Just to just say it, mama.
01:06:34.239 --> 01:06:35.119
Listen, I want to hear this.
01:06:35.280 --> 01:06:37.840
And it was because she just wanted to spend time, you know.
01:06:38.000 --> 01:06:41.760
She just wanted to laugh and she wanted to make me laugh.
01:06:41.840 --> 01:06:45.679
And it was just, I just wanted to chill, but I recognize it.
01:06:45.920 --> 01:06:46.719
It was desperate.
01:06:47.039 --> 01:06:48.320
No, don't let her bully you around with that.
01:06:48.559 --> 01:06:49.440
She does not bully me.
01:06:49.519 --> 01:06:50.800
Why do you think my child be bullying?
01:06:50.880 --> 01:06:51.360
No, she don't.
01:06:51.920 --> 01:06:52.639
She does not.
01:06:52.800 --> 01:06:53.599
And I love her too.
01:06:53.760 --> 01:06:55.360
She doesn't do not bully me.
01:06:55.840 --> 01:06:57.199
But here's the thing about love, you guys.
01:06:57.679 --> 01:06:59.039
Next, next podcast.
01:06:59.280 --> 01:07:02.239
Because love is this love is honesty.
01:07:03.599 --> 01:07:04.480
That to me.
01:07:04.719 --> 01:07:05.599
Love is honesty.
01:07:05.760 --> 01:07:08.239
Because if you start BSing me, but I love you.
01:07:08.320 --> 01:07:09.119
No, that ain't love.
01:07:09.360 --> 01:07:10.480
Give me some honest thumb.
01:07:10.719 --> 01:07:11.119
You know?
01:07:11.519 --> 01:07:12.320
Honesty.
01:07:12.559 --> 01:07:13.360
Honesty.
01:07:13.679 --> 01:07:14.800
Shit on bully me.
01:07:15.360 --> 01:07:16.239
Honestly.
01:07:16.639 --> 01:07:17.039
Ha ha!
01:07:18.239 --> 01:07:20.559
Yeah, she still wants to get the last words out.
01:07:20.719 --> 01:07:21.119
That's okay.
01:07:21.280 --> 01:07:22.960
I just want my truth.
01:07:23.760 --> 01:07:25.199
This is Kamarian action.
01:07:25.440 --> 01:07:26.400
That's about 38.
01:07:26.559 --> 01:07:27.280
Oh, whatever.
01:07:28.880 --> 01:07:31.039
We have okay, so we're well over our hour.
01:07:31.679 --> 01:07:32.559
Okay, love you.
01:07:32.719 --> 01:07:34.639
This was a good This was fun.
01:07:34.800 --> 01:07:36.000
I can't wait to hear this.
01:07:36.159 --> 01:07:39.199
I know it's what I love about when it is just the two of us.
01:07:39.360 --> 01:07:40.400
It's so fun.
01:07:40.880 --> 01:07:46.880
Um and I I love that this isn't about performing for anyone else.
01:07:47.119 --> 01:07:49.519
If you get to hear the conversation, great.
01:07:49.760 --> 01:07:51.199
If not, great.
01:07:51.519 --> 01:07:53.519
But we do it because we do it.
01:07:53.840 --> 01:07:56.079
And this is this is real life.
01:07:56.400 --> 01:07:57.039
That's it.
01:07:57.360 --> 01:07:58.159
And we enjoy it.
01:07:58.239 --> 01:07:58.639
I enjoy it.
01:07:58.719 --> 01:07:59.760
I don't even speak for you.
01:08:00.000 --> 01:08:00.880
I enjoy it.
01:08:01.760 --> 01:08:04.480
I I do enjoy it when it's, but you just said something.
01:08:04.559 --> 01:08:05.519
Okay, I know we gotta go.
01:08:05.599 --> 01:08:07.119
The performing for other people.
01:08:07.360 --> 01:08:08.400
I'm glad you said that.
01:08:08.559 --> 01:08:08.960
Uh-huh.
01:08:09.840 --> 01:08:18.960
Um because to stay in that vein of just having authentic conversations.
01:08:19.279 --> 01:08:24.720
And even if someone is joining us, to still continue that, you know?
01:08:26.239 --> 01:08:27.840
Well, thank you for this conversation.
01:08:28.000 --> 01:08:29.760
Thank you for you shared a lot.
01:08:30.000 --> 01:08:44.880
You took me on a journey, no, from history, childhood to the loss of your parents, to how to deal with grief, to adaptation to new things, to tantrums, to fights, to bringing it all the way back to love.
01:08:45.039 --> 01:08:47.600
Like this, this felt really good.
01:08:47.760 --> 01:08:53.119
And I'm really grateful that we do get an opportunity to do this together.
01:08:53.520 --> 01:08:55.439
Because these days don't come back.
01:08:55.680 --> 01:08:56.640
And that's right, Mr.
01:08:56.720 --> 01:08:56.960
Charles.
01:08:57.520 --> 01:08:57.920
That's right.
01:08:58.000 --> 01:09:02.640
And we'll always have these moments recorded for us.
01:09:03.600 --> 01:09:04.800
And I'm grateful.
01:09:05.840 --> 01:09:07.840
I am grateful for the time, girl.
01:09:08.079 --> 01:09:09.039
I love you.
01:09:10.399 --> 01:09:11.039
I know.
01:09:11.119 --> 01:09:12.479
And I love you too.
01:09:14.159 --> 01:09:15.279
They can't see me doing the dance.
01:09:15.439 --> 01:09:15.680
Uh uh.
01:09:15.920 --> 01:09:17.760
She got her head things going on.
01:09:18.159 --> 01:09:20.720
Um well, I just want to say thank you to our listeners.
01:09:20.800 --> 01:09:23.680
Did you want to give any last words before we jump off?
01:09:25.920 --> 01:09:26.880
Look, happy.
01:09:27.439 --> 01:09:31.199
Oh, I don't know if I could say day of the week because Easter, we didn't even mention Easter, but anyway.
01:09:31.760 --> 01:09:37.119
Easter is so happy Easter to all you people that you know do the bunny rapping.
01:09:37.840 --> 01:09:38.319
Bunny rapping.
01:09:39.039 --> 01:09:40.000
I was gonna say, wait a minute.
01:09:41.920 --> 01:09:44.000
We about to wear it.
01:09:44.079 --> 01:09:45.760
We about to get off the fence, okay?
01:09:46.479 --> 01:09:47.199
Wait, wait, oh, wait, wait.
01:09:47.359 --> 01:09:47.920
Let me say this real quick.
01:09:48.079 --> 01:09:48.960
Wait, wait, did you hear me?
01:09:49.039 --> 01:09:50.479
We about to get off the fence.
01:09:50.640 --> 01:09:51.680
Yeah, see if she get off the fence.
01:09:51.840 --> 01:09:52.399
I get off the fence.
01:09:52.560 --> 01:09:53.920
But anyway, but whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:09:54.159 --> 01:10:01.279
So somebody that um uh was talking to, and they were like, well, you know, um, I shared my uh beliefs or whatever.
01:10:01.359 --> 01:10:06.319
And she was like, Well, I don't know that I want you, you know, to be a part of something because it's a lot of Jesus talk, right?
01:10:07.279 --> 01:10:09.359
I say, you haven't met my daughter.
01:10:10.960 --> 01:10:12.880
She brings Jesus in every room.
01:10:13.039 --> 01:10:14.640
Um I'm fine, right?
01:10:15.119 --> 01:10:16.079
It is all good.
01:10:16.319 --> 01:10:19.840
So I apologize about the Easter and the bunny rabbit.
01:10:20.159 --> 01:10:22.319
It's the resurrection and stuff, right?
01:10:22.479 --> 01:10:22.880
I know.
01:10:23.039 --> 01:10:26.720
Well, as long as we we got that out now, we can yes, the bunny and all the things.
01:10:26.800 --> 01:10:27.279
Yeah, exactly.
01:10:27.439 --> 01:10:28.880
So we're not gonna get canceled or anything.
01:10:29.199 --> 01:10:29.439
I don't know.
01:10:29.840 --> 01:10:30.319
I don't know.
01:10:30.560 --> 01:10:34.960
Might we have to check and see the status, see what people have to say, how they respond.
01:10:35.119 --> 01:10:35.840
I'll let you know.
01:10:36.000 --> 01:10:36.560
Keep the test.
01:10:40.000 --> 01:10:43.439
Oh, but we, you know, we had some other things in this podcast we could cancel for too.
01:10:43.520 --> 01:10:45.680
So, you know, it just all depends how far they got into the conversation.
01:10:45.840 --> 01:10:46.399
Oh, we did.
01:10:46.560 --> 01:10:48.319
Yeah, so all right.
01:10:48.560 --> 01:10:52.159
Well, we'll call this one don't cancel us.
01:10:53.920 --> 01:10:54.720
Exactly.
01:10:54.960 --> 01:10:56.000
Please don't.
01:10:56.479 --> 01:10:57.359
All right, guys.
01:10:57.520 --> 01:10:58.720
Thank you so much.
01:10:59.199 --> 01:11:02.960
Always remember to love hard, forgive often, and laugh frequently.
01:11:03.279 --> 01:11:04.399
Peace, y'all.
01:11:04.720 --> 01:11:05.920
Bye bye.