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Patricia: Hey party people!
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Welcome to Enthusiastic Encouragement
and Dubious Advice, the podcast for
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folks who would rather curl into
the fetal position than lean in.
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I'm your host, Patricia Elzie-Tuttle.
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Nicole: And I'm your
co-hostess with the co-mostess?
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Nicole Elzie-Tuttle.
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We are recording this show
on December 18th, 2023.
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Patricia: I am so happy
this year is almost over.
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Nicole: I think you and a lot of people.
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Patricia: Yeah, yeah.
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In a recent newsletter, I wrote about
how this year has been pretty terrible
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for a lot of people, us included.
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Also that it's weird that we still need
to go to work and eat and do chores and
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everything else, when there is just an
absolutely crushing amount of grief and
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loss and injustice with no end in sight.
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Nicole: It has actually
been a lot, hasn't it?
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Like, it seems way more than
before, or is it just because
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we're like older adults now?
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Patricia: Mmmmm
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Nicole: With more access to news.
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Patricia: I think that's a good question.
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You know, I think there's a few things.
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I think it's because of our age and
our elders being of certain ages, but
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also, yeah, access to news is one thing.
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But also, I think things
are just more terrible.
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Like, there are so many slides
backward in reproductive rights,
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in trans rights, in LGBTQ rights.
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Nicole: I feel like there's been
a lot more, like, war and, like,
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genocidal activity going on this
last year, which is horrifying.
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Patricia: Yeah, and then the book
bans, they are flabbergasting me.
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Nicole: Yes, I have seen
your gaster been flabbered.
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Patricia: Whoa, maybe...
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Nicole: Maybe we cut that one out.
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Patricia: No, you know
what, I'm keeping it.
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Nicole: Great.
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But this year hasn't been
a hundred percent awful.
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Of course, there have been moments of joy.
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These are often smaller,
you know, between us.
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But I think it's important to be able
to see and acknowledge both of these
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things, both the grief and the loss,
but also the joy and the happiness.
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For me, as hard as one is or as high as
the other, they only really make sense
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when experienced alongside each other.
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In some ways, I, I really only understand
the grief and the loss alongside the
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happiness and the joy, and vice versa.
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Patricia: That makes sense to me.
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And, you know, it's, it's the
saying, no, no rainbows without rain.
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Nicole: Yeah.
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Patricia: But there's been too much rain.
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There's been too much rain.
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And it is outsized compared to the joy.
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So we are at the end of 2023, and
I am grateful for it, and I am
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hoping for more rainbows in 2024.
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Nicole: Oh, absolutely.
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Patricia: And, you know, it starts
off with a bang, as it were.
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New Year's is actually one
of my favorite holidays.
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The past few years, I've really
leaned into my father's side of the
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family and our Southern traditions.
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Especially the past couple of years, I've
been learning so much more about Southern
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traditions and superstitions as well.
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And they're kind of one in
the same in a lot of ways, the
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superstitions became tradition.
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And a lot of it for New
Year's for me is around food.
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Of course, I make black eyed
peas with collard greens.
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The black eyed peas are supposed to
signify wealth and prosperity, as
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well as the cornbread, you know, color
of gold, greens, color of money, so
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whole bunch of luck and prosperity.
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You're supposed to get a whole bunch
of luck and prosperity on the new year.
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And so one of the things is that you
don't do any cleaning on New Year's Day.
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You don't shower, you don't wash
the dishes, you don't do the
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laundry because you don't want to
wash away that New Year's luck.
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So you clean the house, you do all
your cleaning the day before, and then
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you do some cleanup on January 2nd.
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But on the first no cleaning.
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Nicole: Yeah, this has been really nice.
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Patricia: Well, and the idea is also
the New Year's Day is when you kind of
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set your intention out to the universe.
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So what you are doing on New
Year's Day is what you will
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be doing the rest of the year.
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That is the intention that is
traditionally, again, going back
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to my southern roots, that is kind
of the vibe they're going for.
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So on New Year's Day, you spend
it in leisure, you read, you watch
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television, you do things you enjoy,
because then the idea is you'll be
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doing things you enjoy all year.
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Nicole: I have absolutely no
intention spending the whole
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year scrubbing the bathtub.
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Patricia: That sounds awful.
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Nicole: It really does.
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It really does.
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Patricia: And then another thing,
which also some folks do this at the
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beginning of the month, is blowing
cinnamon in through your front doorway.
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And so, I usually do it at the beginning
of the month, on day one of the
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month, and that is supposed to bring
luck and prosperity into your home.
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Nicole: Is this one of the
things you do without telling me?
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Patricia: Yep, it's my undercover hoodoo.
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Don't worry about it.
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Nicole: I won't.
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I absolutely won't worry about it.
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Patricia: One of the things
I love is the goal setting.
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I like the optimism of a new year and
yes, time is arbitrary and you don't
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have to start things on the new year,
but I do really love goal setting.
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And so, our plan for today's show is we're
going to reflect a little bit on a few
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of the lessons that we learned in 2023,
whether we wanted to learn them or not.
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And then we're going to share
some ideas of what some of
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our goals might be for 2024.
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Nicole: Are you asking me to
do some of that introspection
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you keep telling me about?
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Patricia: Until the day I die.
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Nicole: Oh wow.
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Okay, I think we can work on that.
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We're starting with some
of the lessons we learned.
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I'm gonna start off with something
that I picked up earlier this year
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that did bring me a lot of simple joy
and that was growing some flowers.
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Some of you out there may follow me on
Instagram where I shared the progress
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of my chaos garden as it became
known because my garden was wild and
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overgrown and I I really loved it.
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It was my own little slice of nature
that I could, in the middle of the
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day, just take a few minutes and go
sit with it, go kind of explore it.
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It seemed like every day something
was changing, some new butterfly
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or something was out there, and it
really just, it brought a little, a
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little slice of nature into my life
that I felt like I'd been needing.
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And now that winter's come and everything
is just bare sticks out there, I'm really
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looking forward to it again in the spring.
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Patricia: Yeah, I could feel your
palpable joy when there was like a
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sprout and you're like, is it one
of the flowers you actually planted?
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Is it a weed?
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I don't know, gonna be excited either way.
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Nicole: Yeah, something's
growin' out there.
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Patricia: So, a little change of
speed, for folks who don't know, I
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fairly suddenly and tragically lost
my mother at the beginning of this
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year, so this whole year was nothing
like either of us had planned.
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And the biggest thing I've learned this
year, and I'm going to try to share this
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without crying, is how to let people help.
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I have always been fiercely
and stubbornly independent.
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As always the first one to jump up
and help someone else and I definitely
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got that from my mother and when mom
got sick and we also suddenly had
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to like pack up our lives and move
across town people really showed up.
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Friends, family, they showed up
for mom, they showed up for us
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in helping us pack up our lives
and move to another larger place.
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And I really didn't have an
option to not let people help
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because it was so overwhelming
the amount of things we had to do.
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That I knew we couldn't do this
ourselves and I wouldn't ask it
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of you either to do everything.
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I'm still in the process of learning
that I am deserving of help, but I
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did learn people really want to help.
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Like, it's not even a burden to
people to help a lot of times.
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Like, if they are offering help, they
sincerely want to help, and It is just
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a confirmation, or a re-confirmation,
of the importance of community.
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When we moved up to the Bay Area,
over five years now, we packed
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up and did that all ourselves.
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Nicole: Yeah, it was a lot.
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Patricia: It was a lot and it was
traumatic and the reason we moved up
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to the Bay Area is because we have more
community up here that is more accessible.
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Like, we definitely have people down
in LA, but everyone is so spread out.
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Nicole: And the thing about LA
too is that people can even be
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like close by a couple miles, but
it'll still be like an hour away.
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Patricia: Right, right.
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So yeah, I have learned a lot of
lessons about accepting help and the
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importance of community this year.
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Nicole: And that's also
being transferred to me.
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That is, that is a hard lesson
for me to learn as well.
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I spent so long just doing everything
on my own and, and learning to
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have that community has been
really an important step and I'm
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hoping we can continue to see that.
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And grow that.
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Patricia: Yeah and we're not going to dig
into it today, but I've been reading a
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lot about community and also loneliness
and how it is sometimes divided by gender.
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It is sometimes divided
by ethnicity, right?
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I have a big Filipino family.
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I have a lot of people and cousins
are like siblings and it is
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something thinking about community
isn't something that is a...
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it was always just a given, and
I've learned that that's not the
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same in a lot of people's lives.
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But maybe we'll dig
into that in the future.
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Have you learned any
other lessons this year?
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Nicole: Oh!
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Well, I think part of the community thing
is we learned we can podcast together.
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And part of the talk about
starting this was also about
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building a community as well.
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So...
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Patricia: you heard it here, folks.
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We started a podcast to make friends.
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Nicole: Whoops.
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No, but I learned that we
could do this together.
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I know I was really
nervous coming into this.
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But I did get some good feedback off
the first couple of episodes, and you
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were also really good at reassuring
me that it was gonna be okay.
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And I've gotten a little more
comfortable with it, I think.
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But also, I just like to work on
projects with you, so it wasn't that
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hard to get me to do this, honestly.
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Patricia: You know, this is going
to be a little gross and I am sorry
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listeners, but Nicole and I are such a
good team and I am, I am convinced that
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if double dare we're still a thing.
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And also if either of us could
stand getting even a little
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dirty, that we would just sweep
the floor with the other people.
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Nicole: Probably.
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As long as I could wipe
my hands off afterwards.
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Because that slime looks
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very gross.
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Patricia: The slime looks slimy, it does.
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Nicole: Yes.
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Patricia: It does.
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So those are some of the lessons we've
learned, and now I want to look forward
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and talk about some of the ideas we have
for goals because these are not finalized.
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We still have some time
before the end of the year.
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And we also have like a monstrous
list of all the things we want to do.
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We tend to be very optimistic
about our capabilities.
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Before we get into the details of what
these goals are, I want to cover a bit
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of the framework that we use and the
questions I ask when goal setting with my
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mentees or even my friends or co workers.
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I try to focus on making
goals that are fun.
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And focus on not making a goal
because it's what I think I should
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do or what other people are doing.
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And you're going to see this
reflected in some of the goals
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that we mention in a few minutes.
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I also try to figure out some
kind of accountability structure
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or partner for a lot of my goals.
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And sometimes that is just announcing
to the internet I'm gonna do this thing.
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It might not be a specific person.
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that I am checking in with, or it
might be, it might be a mentor,
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it might be a co worker, it might
be my wife, it might be a friend.
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Although, okay, so full disclosure,
she's smiling at me over her microphone.
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My wife is not a good accountability
partner for me because she never tells
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me no or even wants to do anything
that would push me or make me mildly
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uncomfortable, even if I say you should
really check in on me about this thing.
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Nicole: I, I love going
along for the ride.
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And if the ride has changed, like,
cool, let, we're changing it.
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Um, I am not the best
accountability buddy.
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Patricia: It's okay.
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It's okay.
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We have, we have a lot of other buddies.
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So another thing that I recently even
asked one of my mentees about around goal
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setting is, what is your plan for that?
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For instance, if the goal is to be
on social media less, I basically
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ask, how are you going to do that?
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Are you going to use the Forest app?
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Are you going to deactivate your accounts?
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Are you going to delete the apps
completely from your devices?
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But on the flip side, and this is the
part that a lot of people I find miss
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around the goals that are about doing
less of something, is asking yourself,
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what are you going to do instead?
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If you are not on social media
all the time, what are you
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going to fill that time with?
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So, if you don't have a list of things
of what you're going to do, you're
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just going to default back to the
social media on the phone because
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that's what's easiest, that's what
gives you a little dopamine rush.
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Likewise, if you say you are going
to drink less coffee, what are
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you going to reach for instead
when you have the urge for coffee?
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Maybe you're just switching to tea.
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Maybe you are just going to
have a big cup of ice water.
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I still suggest that you hydrate
with something, but maybe you're
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drinking coffee because you're
bored and maybe examine looking
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into, like, why are you reaching
for that and what do you want to do?
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Nicole: This is why it's really
important to always have a good
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book and a cup of hot chocolate.
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Patricia: That's fair.
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Nicole: Keeps you off social
media and stops you from
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drinking coffee in the evening.
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That's Nicole's secret.
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Patricia: Wow.
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Nicole: No, it's not, but
it is also very important.
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The other thing we do, though, is we
have monthly check ins on our goals.
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This is where Patricia is a really good
accountability buddy for this, because she
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helps me remember the monthly check ins.
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But this is a good opportunity to
review the goals, check if any of
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them are still working for you, or if
there's a goal that's no longer serving
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you, don't be afraid to reprioritize
halfway through the year, or stretch
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a goal that you've already met.
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Also, this has just been helpful for me
when I really get off track for a month.
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It gives me the opportunity
to review and reprioritize the
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goals that I want to work on.
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So, Patricia, we were talking
about our goals before this.
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Surprise, we prepped for this show.
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Patricia: I know it doesn't sound
like it, but we prepped for this.
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Nicole: But a lot of the goals
we were talking about focus on
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getting back on track where we
left off at the end of 2022.
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About a year ago was when your mom
first got sick, and it really derailed
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us, and 2023 was just absolutely rough.
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I personally don't like to think
of this as we're trying to get
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back to some sense of normalcy, but
it's helping point us back in the
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direction we wanted to be heading.
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Patricia: Yeah, I like that, because
honestly, after the pandemic began, I
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don't even know what normal is anymore.
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Like, normal's just
kind of out the window.
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Nicole: Right, and I don't, you know,
with a lot of things we mentioned
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at the top of the show, I don't
want to consider any of that normal.
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Patricia: Right, right.
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00:18:44,885 --> 00:18:51,964
So, I do have a lot of food centric
goals, and by food centric, I don't mean
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dieting, I mean food I want to make.
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And so if you are someone who has followed
me on Instagram for a while, you know
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00:19:02,195 --> 00:19:08,925
that the last couple of years I've
been on a really big adventure to learn
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00:19:08,935 --> 00:19:14,084
how to make beans from scratch, that's
sorting the beans, soaking the beans.
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00:19:14,490 --> 00:19:18,950
Being in the kitchen for four
hours on a Sunday and having bean
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day Sunday, and it's been amazing.
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00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:29,440
I have not had bean day Sunday in a few
months now, or a couple months at least.
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Things have just been chaotic,
and so I look forward to
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00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:35,530
getting back to Bean Day Sunday.
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00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:39,410
Nicole: I look forward to getting
back to eating Bean Day Sunday.
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00:19:42,679 --> 00:19:49,399
Patricia: And I think that I also am
going to revive one of my goals I had
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initially set for this year, which I did
not do because, again, here, sideways,
300
00:19:55,149 --> 00:19:57,379
which is making pasta from scratch.
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00:19:58,274 --> 00:20:04,265
Last Christmas, you had gotten me some
beautiful pasta making tools, and I
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00:20:04,275 --> 00:20:06,745
really look forward to using them.
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00:20:06,974 --> 00:20:11,995
Nicole: I will be very excited to see
these get put into use, finally, because
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they are really great and beautiful tools.
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00:20:15,495 --> 00:20:19,805
And also, there is
nothing like fresh pasta.
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Patricia: Yeah.
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00:20:20,215 --> 00:20:22,385
Nicole: We love carbs in this household.
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00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:29,900
Patricia: Speaking of which, I also had
gotten a pizza steel last Christmas, and
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00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:35,970
I haven't made any pizza, and so I really
want to, like, nail down my pizza making.
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00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:43,059
Nicole: Yeah, we had one go with a pizza
stone that shattered on the first attempt.
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00:20:43,870 --> 00:20:48,340
Patricia: Yeah, that was, that
was not successful, but I'm, I'm
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00:20:48,350 --> 00:20:49,840
looking forward to trying again.
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00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:54,369
Nicole: I'm more optimistic that you
will not shatter this piece of steel.
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00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:55,850
Patricia: Is that a challenge?
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00:20:56,410 --> 00:21:00,309
Nicole: No, please do not shatter
a giant piece of steel in our oven.
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00:21:00,629 --> 00:21:01,099
Patricia: Okay.
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00:21:01,549 --> 00:21:07,795
Nicole: New Year's goals, though, don't
have to be so elaborate as making homemade
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00:21:07,815 --> 00:21:14,265
pasta, or they, they don't even have to be
things that will take more than one event.
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One of the things I put on my list this
year, and I guess this makes all of you
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00:21:18,884 --> 00:21:20,824
listeners accountability buddies for this.
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00:21:21,574 --> 00:21:22,864
I want to go get my nose pierced.
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That's on my list for 2024.
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00:21:25,610 --> 00:21:28,890
I also want to go talk to
Patricia's tattoo artist.
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00:21:29,110 --> 00:21:33,140
I've had in mind some ink I want
to get put down, and I feel like
325
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:34,680
2024 is a good year for that.
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00:21:34,730 --> 00:21:39,790
So, those are things that
are on my 2024 goal list.
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00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:39,830
Patricia: Yes.
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00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:42,410
I also want more tattoos.
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00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,200
But I always want more tattoos.
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00:21:45,690 --> 00:21:48,980
And I can never like, I have some ideas.
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Nicole: Yeah.
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00:21:49,649 --> 00:21:50,850
Patricia: I have some ideas.
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00:21:51,090 --> 00:21:53,040
Nicole: And that's why I feel like
we should go talk to the artist.
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00:21:53,909 --> 00:21:54,620
Patricia: Absolutely.
335
00:21:54,620 --> 00:21:55,719
I am not an artist.
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00:21:55,719 --> 00:21:57,030
I am not a tattoo artist.
337
00:21:57,749 --> 00:22:05,939
But speaking of maybe arts, I
know that I am a happier person
338
00:22:06,270 --> 00:22:08,610
when I am learning something.
339
00:22:09,110 --> 00:22:16,010
So, I have quite the Duolingo streak
going, and sometimes I do the bare minimum
340
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:20,700
on the multiple languages that I am
learning, and so one of my goals this year
341
00:22:20,709 --> 00:22:26,970
is to do maybe three lessons a day instead
of just one in order to keep my streak.
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00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:31,550
The other things that, uh, this
is a carry over from last year,
343
00:22:31,620 --> 00:22:33,570
is learning how to crochet.
344
00:22:33,870 --> 00:22:35,220
My grandmother crocheted.
345
00:22:35,450 --> 00:22:38,730
It's something I've wanted to learn
for years and I've been intimidated
346
00:22:38,730 --> 00:22:45,259
by, but we finally have all of the
things here and so, who knows, folks,
347
00:22:45,259 --> 00:22:48,529
by the time you're listening to this,
I may have already picked up a hook.
348
00:22:49,539 --> 00:22:56,110
The other thing is, if I ever get my
vehicle back from the mechanic, I want
349
00:22:56,120 --> 00:23:00,380
to look into going back to piano lessons.
350
00:23:00,919 --> 00:23:02,350
Nicole: Ooh, I would love that.
351
00:23:02,790 --> 00:23:04,330
Patricia: I am sure you would.
352
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:10,620
Nicole: One of the things for me
that I want to get back on this year,
353
00:23:10,620 --> 00:23:15,870
this is something that I had started
in 2022 and that I mentioned that
354
00:23:15,870 --> 00:23:18,620
we kind of, I kind of lost in 2023.
355
00:23:18,829 --> 00:23:20,250
It was my snail mail.
356
00:23:20,830 --> 00:23:22,429
Patricia's really big on snail mail.
357
00:23:22,459 --> 00:23:26,100
I was starting to get
better at it in 2022.
358
00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:31,290
I was sending out a lot of
cards for special occasions.
359
00:23:31,685 --> 00:23:39,635
And I really want to expand more on that,
and in particular, I want to expand on
360
00:23:39,635 --> 00:23:47,465
snail mail in a way that kind of pulls
out of social media, in that I want to,
361
00:23:47,664 --> 00:23:53,340
to share more of the kinds of things that
often get shared on things like Instagram.
362
00:23:53,830 --> 00:24:00,519
So this looks like, for me, like, taking
more pictures of Patricia and I, or
363
00:24:00,519 --> 00:24:07,620
places we've been, or just things I find
interesting, and sending that to friends,
364
00:24:07,809 --> 00:24:13,980
family, along with a letter about it,
with the intention of kind of cultivating
365
00:24:13,990 --> 00:24:18,660
a more intimate experience than what
you would get on, say, Instagram.
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00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:21,409
This is, this is a much
more tactile experience.
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00:24:22,110 --> 00:24:24,770
Patricia: Yeah, and you're talking
about physically printing the picture.
368
00:24:24,790 --> 00:24:29,590
Nicole: Yes, physically printing out
a picture, tucking it in a letter, and
369
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,229
sending it in an envelope to someone.
370
00:24:33,070 --> 00:24:38,040
So that, that's just something I
share with that individual person.
371
00:24:38,350 --> 00:24:43,770
And it's less of just another thing
I've put out there into the ether
372
00:24:43,830 --> 00:24:49,819
of the internets and helping just
expand on those relationships and
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in that way that you don't see done
very much anymore, especially with
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00:24:54,109 --> 00:24:57,120
people who we don't live near anymore.
375
00:24:57,239 --> 00:24:59,469
I've got a lot of family
still in Southern California.
376
00:24:59,479 --> 00:25:02,870
We've got friends on the East
Coast, family on the East Coast.
377
00:25:03,110 --> 00:25:06,209
I'm looking for other ways to
connect with people other than like,
378
00:25:06,550 --> 00:25:08,469
hope you saw my Instagram reel.
379
00:25:09,339 --> 00:25:10,389
Patricia: Right, right.
380
00:25:10,429 --> 00:25:19,340
I, as someone who had a mother who
was a photographer, and also my job
381
00:25:19,350 --> 00:25:25,920
for a long time was working in photo
labs, and camera stores, and alongside
382
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:30,930
my mom, and there is something very
special about a printed picture.
383
00:25:31,490 --> 00:25:36,139
You know, you can't go over
to people's houses and flip
384
00:25:36,139 --> 00:25:38,430
through photo albums anymore.
385
00:25:38,919 --> 00:25:43,310
Nicole: And no one still wants you to show
up with a slide projector and a carousel.
386
00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:45,890
Patricia: That's fair.
387
00:25:46,429 --> 00:25:52,600
And I think it's also, I recognize
that this is not an explicit show,
388
00:25:53,040 --> 00:26:01,529
but Polaroids back in the day used
to be known as a way people would
389
00:26:01,529 --> 00:26:06,980
share scandalous images because they
wouldn't be, there was no internet.
390
00:26:07,490 --> 00:26:13,300
And it was also something that was
just for that person unless that person
391
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,090
physically shared it with someone else.
392
00:26:15,580 --> 00:26:19,440
Nicole: Don't expect me to send scandalous
photos to listeners or other friends.
393
00:26:20,050 --> 00:26:21,610
I'm putting that out there right now.
394
00:26:25,529 --> 00:26:30,080
Patricia: You know, I also have some
snail mail goals, not scandalous pictures.
395
00:26:31,059 --> 00:26:34,549
But I love sending snail mail.
396
00:26:34,770 --> 00:26:38,840
I've kind of fallen off the snail mail
wagon, and I want to jump back on.
397
00:26:39,110 --> 00:26:41,890
And I don't know what this looks like yet.
398
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:47,960
I don't know if it looks like three
pieces of mail a week, which a postcard
399
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,900
takes like three minutes to write.
400
00:26:50,230 --> 00:26:52,230
Three sounds like a lot.
401
00:26:52,259 --> 00:26:53,450
It's not for me.
402
00:26:53,850 --> 00:26:58,870
And I also have some overdue thank-yous.
403
00:26:59,410 --> 00:27:04,390
Some heartfelt thank-yous
to some of my elders.
404
00:27:04,715 --> 00:27:10,375
And I'm taking inspiration from
Nancy Davis Kho, who wrote The
405
00:27:10,375 --> 00:27:15,145
Thank-You Project, who I think she
wrote, what was it, 52 thank-you
406
00:27:15,194 --> 00:27:18,495
letters for a certain birthday year.
407
00:27:18,895 --> 00:27:24,175
And they were thank-you letters
that she may or may not have sent.
408
00:27:24,205 --> 00:27:27,855
She may have written it and
then read it out loud to the
409
00:27:27,855 --> 00:27:30,175
person that she was thanking.
410
00:27:30,185 --> 00:27:35,399
It could be parents, it could be friends,
it could be a teacher, first grade
411
00:27:35,399 --> 00:27:43,689
teacher, your, and I think there are a few
people that I want to write these letters
412
00:27:43,689 --> 00:27:48,340
to, and one of the things I learned
this year is, like, give people their
413
00:27:48,340 --> 00:27:50,439
flowers while they're still alive, so.
414
00:27:50,659 --> 00:27:53,340
Nicole: Yeah, we talked about
that a lot earlier this year.
415
00:27:53,730 --> 00:28:00,810
Patricia: Another one alongside of that
is, I want to give more compliments.
416
00:28:01,230 --> 00:28:01,460
Right.
417
00:28:01,470 --> 00:28:05,020
I want to give more compliments,
whether it's in person or whether it's
418
00:28:05,050 --> 00:28:09,120
on Instagram beyond just like sending
a little heart or something like, and
419
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:11,559
not just like, I love your meme, right?
420
00:28:12,259 --> 00:28:18,429
Like, but compliments if a person
posts a selfie or something and an
421
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:24,629
actual, authentic, genuine compliment
and give my wife more compliments.
422
00:28:25,750 --> 00:28:27,870
So she learns how to take a compliment.
423
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:29,470
Nicole: I don't know what those are.
424
00:28:29,550 --> 00:28:30,760
I don't know what you're talking about.
425
00:28:32,290 --> 00:28:37,470
Patricia: And again, another related thing
is I want to get back to writing reviews
426
00:28:37,530 --> 00:28:41,050
for like everything I buy for service.
427
00:28:41,620 --> 00:28:46,069
I usually, when I go to the post
office, I fill out their survey
428
00:28:46,089 --> 00:28:51,240
and I tell them everyone was great
all the time because I know it's a
429
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,540
silly thing that managers look at.
430
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:58,835
And I only want to leave good, like,
I'm only reviewing things that are
431
00:28:58,835 --> 00:29:03,955
good, I just give good reviews,
but I want to get back to that.
432
00:29:03,984 --> 00:29:06,515
It's a little thing that can
actually help someone out.
433
00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:11,235
Nicole: Yeah, it is a small thing
that can really turn around someone's
434
00:29:11,235 --> 00:29:15,045
day sometimes, because typically,
I feel like especially right now,
435
00:29:15,195 --> 00:29:19,325
most people are only leaving, like,
negative reviews, or calling and,
436
00:29:19,395 --> 00:29:21,735
and, when they're mad about something.
437
00:29:21,985 --> 00:29:25,695
So to leave positive reviews
and compliments is, that
438
00:29:25,695 --> 00:29:27,195
can make little changes.
439
00:29:27,225 --> 00:29:27,395
Patricia: Yeah.
440
00:29:27,855 --> 00:29:31,735
Nicole: One of our bigger goals, and
this is one of those kind of more
441
00:29:31,795 --> 00:29:38,085
nebulous things where we know what
the end goal is, is making space in
442
00:29:38,085 --> 00:29:40,534
the office for me to move in there.
443
00:29:40,534 --> 00:29:45,470
I currently still work from the
kitchen table when I work from home.
444
00:29:46,180 --> 00:29:52,710
Patricia: Yeah, and a lot of the stuff in
there is stuff in our old place that we
445
00:29:52,710 --> 00:29:58,439
had kind of in a storage room and now it
actually really needs to be dealt with.
446
00:29:58,990 --> 00:30:02,459
So my strategy for this, again,
I ask myself like, okay, what's
447
00:30:02,460 --> 00:30:05,060
your plan, is 20 minutes a day.
448
00:30:05,420 --> 00:30:11,040
Initially, we had thought maybe like one
box a week or something like that, but
449
00:30:11,050 --> 00:30:13,240
sometimes a box could take four hours.
450
00:30:13,310 --> 00:30:15,660
Nicole: I feel like we've been
telling ourselves, like, one box a
451
00:30:15,660 --> 00:30:19,300
week for the past, like, three or
four years since we moved up here.
452
00:30:19,810 --> 00:30:24,120
Patricia: Yeah, so, so twenty minutes
a day I think is more manageable.
453
00:30:24,465 --> 00:30:27,945
Something else that is, you
know, like I said, we have all
454
00:30:27,945 --> 00:30:29,305
these ideas for all these goals.
455
00:30:29,305 --> 00:30:30,525
We're really optimistic.
456
00:30:30,855 --> 00:30:36,004
And another one is, I want to
hire a photographer and take
457
00:30:36,004 --> 00:30:37,805
some nice photos together.
458
00:30:37,945 --> 00:30:40,305
Nicole: I would love to take
some nice photos with you.
459
00:30:40,664 --> 00:30:41,774
Patricia: Like get big.
460
00:30:42,055 --> 00:30:45,635
poofy dresses or something, I don't
know, spend some money on some
461
00:30:45,645 --> 00:30:51,564
outfits, go to a location, but we
don't have any nice pictures of us
462
00:30:52,305 --> 00:30:56,134
since our wedding, and actually you
transitioned after our wedding...
463
00:30:56,134 --> 00:30:56,224
Nicole: Yeah...
464
00:30:56,414 --> 00:31:03,085
Patricia: So we have no nice
pictures of the real you and me.
465
00:31:03,635 --> 00:31:06,535
Nicole: Are you telling me that
the selfies you take of us all the
466
00:31:06,545 --> 00:31:09,655
time are not quote unquote nice?
467
00:31:11,985 --> 00:31:16,395
Patricia: They're fine, but
they aren't as dramatic as what
468
00:31:16,435 --> 00:31:18,494
I have pictured in my mind.
469
00:31:18,825 --> 00:31:20,894
Nicole: No, I totally agree with you.
470
00:31:20,935 --> 00:31:27,725
I can't wait to take some fun, fancy,
actual professional pictures with you.
471
00:31:27,885 --> 00:31:31,645
Another one, I hope we can
keep this podcast going.
472
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:33,260
Patricia: Oh, absolutely.
473
00:31:33,290 --> 00:31:38,350
I think, you know, we definitely
have sat and said, okay, let's keep
474
00:31:38,350 --> 00:31:41,850
it going for three months and then
we'll check in after three months
475
00:31:41,850 --> 00:31:43,090
and we'll see how we're doing.
476
00:31:43,100 --> 00:31:47,780
And again, it's just something that we're
going to have regular check ins about
477
00:31:47,780 --> 00:31:53,450
because we want it to stay fun for us and
we want it to stay fun for the listeners.
478
00:31:53,955 --> 00:32:00,865
And, okay, this is just me geeking
out and I realize that this is not for
479
00:32:00,915 --> 00:32:10,535
everyone, but this is the first year
where we are going to use a joint planner.
480
00:32:10,865 --> 00:32:18,575
I historically have aspired to be a
planner person, and I'm not, and I feel
481
00:32:18,575 --> 00:32:20,305
like this has been a long time coming.
482
00:32:20,715 --> 00:32:26,914
I had asked for us to use a planner
together years ago, but I don't
483
00:32:26,914 --> 00:32:28,655
think either of us was ready.
484
00:32:28,905 --> 00:32:33,635
Nicole: Right, and then when the pandemic
started, something we started doing when
485
00:32:33,635 --> 00:32:39,325
we were both working from home was every
day, writing down when our meetings
486
00:32:39,325 --> 00:32:44,015
were, to know where we overlapped,
where did someone need to maybe go to
487
00:32:44,015 --> 00:32:49,355
another room to take a meeting, so that
we weren't talking over each other.
488
00:32:49,704 --> 00:32:54,424
This evolved then into you finding
some actual notepads that had,
489
00:32:54,715 --> 00:33:00,705
like, 7am to 10pm or something
on them for us to fill out daily.
490
00:33:00,955 --> 00:33:03,905
Patricia: Right, and so we
got in the habit of doing that
491
00:33:03,905 --> 00:33:05,754
for the past three years now.
492
00:33:06,135 --> 00:33:12,250
And then on top of that, we would always
write our goals down for the year on
493
00:33:12,250 --> 00:33:17,280
a physical piece of paper and have
that hanging up where we could see it.
494
00:33:17,420 --> 00:33:17,770
Nicole: Mmhmm.
495
00:33:18,060 --> 00:33:22,610
Patricia: And then we also got
in the habit of writing a joint
496
00:33:22,779 --> 00:33:27,109
weekend to do list that would then
bleed over into the following week.
497
00:33:27,109 --> 00:33:28,610
And every week there was a fresh list.
498
00:33:28,610 --> 00:33:34,260
And so we really got habituated to
having these things written down.
499
00:33:34,550 --> 00:33:34,820
Nicole: Yeah.
500
00:33:34,890 --> 00:33:39,910
Patricia: And so now that we are well
established in writing the things down,
501
00:33:40,300 --> 00:33:46,820
we can then consolidate all of these
pieces of ephemera into a single planner.
502
00:33:46,850 --> 00:33:55,900
So I am really optimistic, and my
advice for what the best planner is?
503
00:33:56,515 --> 00:33:59,945
The best planner is the one
that you're going to use.
504
00:34:00,705 --> 00:34:06,115
It doesn't matter if it has all
these amazing layouts and stickers
505
00:34:06,145 --> 00:34:08,875
and colored pens and everything.
506
00:34:09,555 --> 00:34:12,475
The best planner is the
one you're going to use.
507
00:34:12,935 --> 00:34:18,505
Nicole: And I am really kind of excited
to see how this turns out, because I'm
508
00:34:18,625 --> 00:34:23,905
going to be able to go to one place to
find our to do list, to see our weekly
509
00:34:23,905 --> 00:34:29,215
schedules, to see our goals, like,
it's all going to be in one place.
510
00:34:29,215 --> 00:34:33,205
I'm not going to have to go to one room
to find the things that are stuck on the
511
00:34:33,205 --> 00:34:37,425
wall, to another room to find the to do
list, and over to the kitchen table to
512
00:34:37,425 --> 00:34:42,695
find the daily it's all going to be in
one place, which really helps me out.
513
00:34:43,350 --> 00:34:47,110
I think the next item though is
something that some of the listeners
514
00:34:47,110 --> 00:34:50,840
who are here for you in particular
are very interested to hear.
515
00:34:51,090 --> 00:34:56,910
Patricia: Yeah, I can't get through
a whole annual goal setting show
516
00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,719
without talking about reading goals.
517
00:34:59,980 --> 00:35:05,460
And so actually the past couple of
years I've just set my Goodreads goal
518
00:35:05,460 --> 00:35:07,150
to 100 because I know I'd hit it.
519
00:35:07,380 --> 00:35:16,330
And it was just a way for me to easily
track the books that I have read.
520
00:35:16,759 --> 00:35:21,149
I also use StoryGraph sometimes,
you know, I go back and forth.
521
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:25,900
Sometimes I use them both at the same
time, but I think I'm still going to
522
00:35:25,900 --> 00:35:28,990
just set that goal at a hundred books.
523
00:35:29,020 --> 00:35:29,170
Nicole: Mmhmm.
524
00:35:29,170 --> 00:35:34,640
Patricia: You know, I don't really have
a book number, like amount of reading,
525
00:35:34,670 --> 00:35:39,280
reading goal, but something I carried
over that I wanted to do last year.
526
00:35:39,740 --> 00:35:45,800
Which I, I'm gonna try to do this
year is read all of Octavia E.
527
00:35:45,830 --> 00:35:47,060
Butler's works.
528
00:35:47,650 --> 00:35:49,100
Nicole: Yesss.
529
00:35:49,900 --> 00:35:51,630
Patricia: And I wanted
to do that last year.
530
00:35:51,830 --> 00:35:57,430
I have a tattoo with one of her
quotes in her handwriting on my arm.
531
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:59,530
And I just...
532
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:01,890
I think it's time.
533
00:36:01,890 --> 00:36:04,280
And I know some of, like,
they're going to be hard reads
534
00:36:04,380 --> 00:36:04,750
Nicole: Mmhmm
535
00:36:04,930 --> 00:36:06,960
Patricia: but I, I want to do that.
536
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:14,009
I also recently have read a bunch
of picture books from the library.
537
00:36:14,589 --> 00:36:18,120
And talk about a dopamine spike.
538
00:36:18,579 --> 00:36:22,340
Like, I just want to get more
picture books from the library.
539
00:36:22,370 --> 00:36:25,390
And my friend Laura
over at Books and Bakes.
540
00:36:26,030 --> 00:36:28,099
She, I think, is going to read.
541
00:36:28,515 --> 00:36:30,055
365 picture books.
542
00:36:30,055 --> 00:36:31,875
She's trying to read a picture book a day.
543
00:36:31,905 --> 00:36:32,205
Nicole: Whoa.
544
00:36:33,155 --> 00:36:36,285
Patricia: And so I think
those are more my goals.
545
00:36:36,295 --> 00:36:39,505
More picture books and Octavia E.
546
00:36:39,505 --> 00:36:40,545
Butler's works.
547
00:36:40,835 --> 00:36:43,585
Nicole: I think for me, one
of mine in that realm is just
548
00:36:43,585 --> 00:36:45,084
to pick up tracking again.
549
00:36:45,134 --> 00:36:50,815
I did really well in 2022 logging
just about every book I read into
550
00:36:50,815 --> 00:36:54,825
Goodreads and this year, I just didn't.
551
00:36:55,065 --> 00:36:59,565
And I tried to do some where I shared
what I'm reading on Instagram or whatever.
552
00:36:59,885 --> 00:37:03,815
I want to make it a goal this year to
try to keep track of everything in...
553
00:37:03,815 --> 00:37:04,124
Patricia: StoryGraph?
554
00:37:04,305 --> 00:37:05,925
Nicole: StoryGraph!
555
00:37:05,925 --> 00:37:06,705
The not Goodreads one.
556
00:37:06,725 --> 00:37:07,685
But yeah, Storygraph.
557
00:37:07,705 --> 00:37:08,674
I like that one.
558
00:37:09,015 --> 00:37:11,125
I like the interface more on it.
559
00:37:11,325 --> 00:37:12,795
So I'm going to try to do that.
560
00:37:13,375 --> 00:37:19,285
The other thing I want to kind
of talk about in the book realm
561
00:37:19,345 --> 00:37:22,245
is this idea of books to revisit.
562
00:37:22,670 --> 00:37:27,180
I know in some of your other book related
work you've mentioned there are books
563
00:37:27,180 --> 00:37:33,330
you like to revisit at the beginning
of the year or during the year, and
564
00:37:33,730 --> 00:37:38,649
there's one for me that I read this last
year that I really feel like is one I
565
00:37:38,649 --> 00:37:44,900
need to revisit regularly, and that is
Falling Back in Love with Being Human,
566
00:37:45,060 --> 00:37:48,279
Letters to Lost Souls by Kai Cheng Thom.
567
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:55,335
I read it earlier this year, it was
It was heartbreaking and enlightening
568
00:37:55,365 --> 00:38:00,055
and so many things, but it also is
a book that can be taken in very
569
00:38:00,075 --> 00:38:03,064
tiny bits over long pieces of time.
570
00:38:03,475 --> 00:38:07,544
The author also provides you with
prompts of activities or journaling
571
00:38:07,545 --> 00:38:11,510
or things to do and I feel like it's
just the kind of thing that I need to
572
00:38:11,510 --> 00:38:17,660
revisit regularly to, as the title says,
fall back in love with being human.
573
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:20,110
Patricia: I would love
to revisit that book.
574
00:38:20,129 --> 00:38:26,219
I had listened to it on audio and
I had turned up the speed and so
575
00:38:26,660 --> 00:38:33,530
it was just getting these intense,
beautiful, powerful poems just
576
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:37,000
absolutely fire- hosed into my head.
577
00:38:37,380 --> 00:38:39,140
And it was so good.
578
00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:41,520
And yeah, I want to revisit that one.
579
00:38:41,610 --> 00:38:45,255
Nicole: I would definitely
recommend this time taking it slow.
580
00:38:45,475 --> 00:38:46,265
Patricia: I don't know what that means.
581
00:38:48,135 --> 00:38:53,674
There are so many books I want to
revisit, and I rarely do because
582
00:38:53,675 --> 00:39:00,195
I'm like, oh, I have limited time on
earth, and I can only read so many
583
00:39:00,195 --> 00:39:02,145
books, so why don't I read new books?
584
00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:09,190
But one that I definitely want to
revisit is Never Say You Can't Survive:
585
00:39:09,510 --> 00:39:14,170
How to Get Through Hard Times by Making
Up Stories by Charlie Jane Anders.
586
00:39:15,009 --> 00:39:19,660
I almost always hate books
that have writing advice.
587
00:39:20,299 --> 00:39:25,240
I am never excited by books
that have writing advice.
588
00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:31,660
It's so unique to the people and
it's not one size fits all, but Never
589
00:39:31,660 --> 00:39:36,380
Say You Can't Survive is perhaps the
best writing advice book I've read,
590
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,890
and it just, every page resonated.
591
00:39:40,420 --> 00:39:42,899
And so I, I would like to
revisit that this year.
592
00:39:43,420 --> 00:39:47,520
Nicole: I love Charlie Jane's work,
so I will always support that.
593
00:39:48,409 --> 00:39:50,729
Patricia: Do you have any
other goals for next year?
594
00:39:51,210 --> 00:39:56,660
Nicole: There's one I want
to just float out there as...
595
00:39:57,085 --> 00:39:57,665
a...
596
00:39:57,995 --> 00:39:58,705
maybe....?
597
00:39:58,705 --> 00:40:00,225
Patricia: Mm hmm.
598
00:40:00,685 --> 00:40:04,645
Nicole: We've talked about this off
and on for the last couple of years.
599
00:40:04,965 --> 00:40:06,424
Maybe we get some kittens?
600
00:40:06,825 --> 00:40:09,444
Patricia: I really want
kittens, and I'm scared.
601
00:40:09,455 --> 00:40:11,914
What if we get evil kittens, though?
602
00:40:12,775 --> 00:40:14,305
Nicole: I, no, that wouldn't happen.
603
00:40:14,515 --> 00:40:16,485
Patricia: That wouldn't,
kittens wouldn't do that to us?
604
00:40:16,665 --> 00:40:17,155
Nicole: No.
605
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:24,980
Patricia: Uh, yeah, yeah, we want kittens.
606
00:40:25,570 --> 00:40:30,490
Nicole: It's a good reason to clean up and
make our house a little more kitten safe.
607
00:40:30,750 --> 00:40:31,380
Patricia: That's fair.
608
00:40:32,119 --> 00:40:36,810
We also have hella boring goals
about finances and regular movement
609
00:40:36,829 --> 00:40:38,460
like walks and yoga at home.
610
00:40:39,049 --> 00:40:42,030
But these were some of our fun goal ideas.
611
00:40:42,070 --> 00:40:45,260
And we have some takeaways.
612
00:40:45,550 --> 00:40:47,249
So our big takeaways are: Yes!
613
00:40:47,470 --> 00:40:47,990
Have.
614
00:40:48,340 --> 00:40:48,820
Fun.
615
00:40:49,030 --> 00:40:49,600
Goals.
616
00:40:49,630 --> 00:40:52,960
You're going to be more inspired
to do them if you are into them.
617
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:56,370
Also have a plan around your goals.
618
00:40:57,030 --> 00:41:01,750
And have regularly scheduled check-ins
to see if the goal still serves you.
619
00:41:01,980 --> 00:41:05,780
And this doesn't necessarily mean
check-ins with a partner or even another
620
00:41:05,789 --> 00:41:07,499
person, like check in with yourself.
621
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:13,290
And a reminder that time is
arbitrary and you can start anything
622
00:41:13,310 --> 00:41:16,170
at any time, even on a Tuesday.
623
00:41:16,810 --> 00:41:18,130
Nicole: Even on a Tuesday...
624
00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:19,340
Patricia: ha haaa.
625
00:41:19,340 --> 00:41:20,490
Nicole: It really is okay.
626
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:23,900
Patricia: I'm gonna start making
you start things on Tuesdays.
627
00:41:23,910 --> 00:41:26,270
Nicole: Oh god, Tuesday's not
a good day to start things.
628
00:41:28,110 --> 00:41:35,759
I say that and I realized the other day
that I totally start my pillbox cycle
629
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:41,679
on a Tuesday and had some friends give
me some, give me some grief about it.
630
00:41:42,659 --> 00:41:45,079
But I feel like it's okay.
631
00:41:45,485 --> 00:41:47,335
It's okay to start things on a Tuesday.
632
00:41:47,735 --> 00:41:50,105
Just, sometimes Tuesdays aren't good days.
633
00:41:51,685 --> 00:41:54,085
Patricia: It's okay sometimes
except for when it's not.
634
00:41:54,704 --> 00:41:56,275
Nicole: Yeah, yeah, there you go.
635
00:41:56,315 --> 00:41:58,365
That should be a sticker we make.
636
00:41:58,365 --> 00:42:00,334
Sometimes it's okay except when it's not.
637
00:42:00,834 --> 00:42:01,344
Patricia: Sure.
638
00:42:09,705 --> 00:42:12,025
So, I'm not going to
share a resource today.
639
00:42:12,045 --> 00:42:18,130
We have talked and talked, and it's
also the end of the year, so I I
640
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:24,020
would like everyone to just celebrate
and reflect, and a little bit of
641
00:42:24,020 --> 00:42:26,450
housekeeping about moving forward.
642
00:42:26,810 --> 00:42:31,220
In December we have posted a show
every Wednesday, and we are finally
643
00:42:31,220 --> 00:42:36,860
in the new year going to our every
other week schedule, so our next show
644
00:42:36,870 --> 00:42:41,159
will drop on Wednesday, January 10th.
645
00:42:41,470 --> 00:42:45,780
Nicole: With that said, I think we're at
the point in the show where I have to ask
646
00:42:45,780 --> 00:42:48,620
you, Patricia, what is filling your cup?
647
00:42:49,130 --> 00:42:54,839
Patricia: Well, it's a simple and
complicated thing, which is we've
648
00:42:54,870 --> 00:43:00,970
been making our annual massive
amount of homemade marshmallows.
649
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:07,640
Which is a pretty involved process over
the course of two days, but we now live in
650
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:16,020
a place with a bigger kitchen and we kind
of have a well choreographed marshmallow
651
00:43:16,030 --> 00:43:23,260
making factory in here and they are just,
uh, they ruin me for regular marshmallows.
652
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:24,540
Nicole: It really does.
653
00:43:24,540 --> 00:43:28,490
And just about anyone who's tasted
them is like, well, now I can't have
654
00:43:28,490 --> 00:43:30,050
store bought marshmallows anymore.
655
00:43:30,930 --> 00:43:34,900
Patricia: The recipe is from America's
Test Kitchen, but I will look around
656
00:43:34,910 --> 00:43:38,200
and see if I can find a comparable
recipe to share in the show notes.
657
00:43:38,730 --> 00:43:41,079
Nicole, what is filling
your cup right now?
658
00:43:41,235 --> 00:43:45,265
Nicole: I am still riding
high after this weekend.
659
00:43:45,415 --> 00:43:52,305
We took Friday off to celebrate my
birthday and we went out and had an
660
00:43:52,305 --> 00:43:56,675
expensive dinner and it was really good.
661
00:43:57,115 --> 00:43:59,834
And we went out and saw
some holiday lights.
662
00:44:00,380 --> 00:44:04,720
And then the next day, we went into the
city and had some more food that I really
663
00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:09,420
enjoy at one of my favorite spots to eat
it, which is under the Golden Gate Bridge.
664
00:44:10,070 --> 00:44:13,169
And it was just a really nice weekend,
and it felt like it'd been a while
665
00:44:13,179 --> 00:44:19,490
since the two of us had had time to just
go out and have fun, and be ourselves
666
00:44:19,490 --> 00:44:26,210
together and it was just a really good
weekend and I missed doing that and I
667
00:44:26,210 --> 00:44:31,170
look forward to doing it more, but I'm
definitely still kind of floating on that.
668
00:44:31,549 --> 00:44:31,789
Patricia: Good.
669
00:44:31,810 --> 00:44:32,779
I'm happy to hear it.
670
00:44:32,950 --> 00:44:33,800
I'm happy to hear it.
671
00:44:33,820 --> 00:44:34,360
So am I.
672
00:44:34,410 --> 00:44:36,460
It was, it was a great weekend.
673
00:44:36,679 --> 00:44:38,470
I'm I'm glad you had a birthday.
674
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:41,470
Nicole: I am too.
675
00:44:42,170 --> 00:44:44,145
Patricia: Well, that's our show for today.
676
00:44:44,475 --> 00:44:47,385
We'd like to thank our awesome
audio editor, Jen Zink.
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You can find her at loopdlou.com.
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00:44:50,724 --> 00:44:52,625
We'll leave a link to
that in our show notes.
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00:44:53,265 --> 00:44:58,905
Nicole: You can find the full show
notes and transcript at eedapod.com.
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00:44:58,925 --> 00:45:02,814
That's E E D A P O D dot com.
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00:45:03,105 --> 00:45:07,144
There you can also find a link to
our Patreon, our Bookshop link, the
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00:45:07,145 --> 00:45:11,475
podcast email list, and a link to the
ongoing Enthusiastic Encouragement
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00:45:11,475 --> 00:45:12,774
and Dubious Advice newsletter.
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00:45:13,175 --> 00:45:18,725
You can also find us on Instagram
and BlueSky at eedapod and
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00:45:18,725 --> 00:45:21,355
email us at eedapod@gmail.com.
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00:45:21,635 --> 00:45:23,465
Patricia: We're nothing if not consistent.
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00:45:23,975 --> 00:45:28,385
Nicole: We would also appreciate it so
much if you would subscribe and rate us
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00:45:28,385 --> 00:45:33,765
on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever
you get your podcasts that allow ratings.
689
00:45:34,285 --> 00:45:36,675
It really goes far in
helping other people find us.
690
00:45:37,325 --> 00:45:41,435
Patricia: We would also appreciate anyone
who can subscribe to us on Patreon.
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00:45:41,835 --> 00:45:46,114
Support is going to help us keep this
show going, especially without ads.
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00:45:46,404 --> 00:45:50,154
You can find us at patreon.com/eedapod.
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00:45:50,175 --> 00:45:54,355
In the meantime, we hope you find
ways to be kind to yourself, drink
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00:45:54,355 --> 00:45:57,894
some water, make good decisions,
and we'll be talking to you soon.
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00:45:59,984 --> 00:46:03,660
Nicole: I'm really gonna actually
have to go get my nose pierced now.
00:00:14,130 --> 00:00:15,189
Patricia: Hey party people!
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00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:19,490
Welcome to Enthusiastic Encouragement
and Dubious Advice, the podcast for
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00:00:19,490 --> 00:00:22,620
folks who would rather curl into
the fetal position than lean in.
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00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:25,380
I'm your host, Patricia Elzie-Tuttle.
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00:00:25,395 --> 00:00:29,435
Nicole: And I'm your
co-hostess with the co-mostess?
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00:00:29,765 --> 00:00:30,885
Nicole Elzie-Tuttle.
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00:00:31,285 --> 00:00:35,775
We are recording this show
on December 18th, 2023.
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00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:39,735
Patricia: I am so happy
this year is almost over.
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00:00:40,405 --> 00:00:42,105
Nicole: I think you and a lot of people.
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00:00:42,204 --> 00:00:43,194
Patricia: Yeah, yeah.
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00:00:43,235 --> 00:00:50,485
In a recent newsletter, I wrote about
how this year has been pretty terrible
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00:00:50,685 --> 00:00:54,515
for a lot of people, us included.
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00:00:54,930 --> 00:01:02,889
Also that it's weird that we still need
to go to work and eat and do chores and
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00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:10,789
everything else, when there is just an
absolutely crushing amount of grief and
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loss and injustice with no end in sight.
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00:01:15,789 --> 00:01:18,109
Nicole: It has actually
been a lot, hasn't it?
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00:01:18,139 --> 00:01:22,009
Like, it seems way more than
before, or is it just because
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00:01:22,009 --> 00:01:23,470
we're like older adults now?
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00:01:23,830 --> 00:01:24,400
Patricia: Mmmmm
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00:01:24,419 --> 00:01:25,710
Nicole: With more access to news.
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00:01:26,164 --> 00:01:27,824
Patricia: I think that's a good question.
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You know, I think there's a few things.
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00:01:30,785 --> 00:01:37,384
I think it's because of our age and
our elders being of certain ages, but
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00:01:37,475 --> 00:01:41,804
also, yeah, access to news is one thing.
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But also, I think things
are just more terrible.
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Like, there are so many slides
backward in reproductive rights,
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in trans rights, in LGBTQ rights.
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Nicole: I feel like there's been
a lot more, like, war and, like,
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genocidal activity going on this
last year, which is horrifying.
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Patricia: Yeah, and then the book
bans, they are flabbergasting me.
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Nicole: Yes, I have seen
your gaster been flabbered.
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00:02:10,645 --> 00:02:12,764
Patricia: Whoa, maybe...
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Nicole: Maybe we cut that one out.
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Patricia: No, you know
what, I'm keeping it.
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Nicole: Great.
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But this year hasn't been
a hundred percent awful.
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Of course, there have been moments of joy.
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These are often smaller,
you know, between us.
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But I think it's important to be able
to see and acknowledge both of these
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things, both the grief and the loss,
but also the joy and the happiness.
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For me, as hard as one is or as high as
the other, they only really make sense
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00:02:47,665 --> 00:02:50,415
when experienced alongside each other.
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In some ways, I, I really only understand
the grief and the loss alongside the
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happiness and the joy, and vice versa.
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Patricia: That makes sense to me.
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And, you know, it's, it's the
saying, no, no rainbows without rain.
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00:03:06,425 --> 00:03:06,525
Nicole: Yeah.
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00:03:06,795 --> 00:03:08,865
Patricia: But there's been too much rain.
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There's been too much rain.
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And it is outsized compared to the joy.
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So we are at the end of 2023, and
I am grateful for it, and I am
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hoping for more rainbows in 2024.
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Nicole: Oh, absolutely.
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00:03:26,410 --> 00:03:30,430
Patricia: And, you know, it starts
off with a bang, as it were.
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New Year's is actually one
of my favorite holidays.
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The past few years, I've really
leaned into my father's side of the
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family and our Southern traditions.
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Especially the past couple of years, I've
been learning so much more about Southern
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traditions and superstitions as well.
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And they're kind of one in
the same in a lot of ways, the
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superstitions became tradition.
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And a lot of it for New
Year's for me is around food.
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Of course, I make black eyed
peas with collard greens.
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The black eyed peas are supposed to
signify wealth and prosperity, as
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well as the cornbread, you know, color
of gold, greens, color of money, so
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whole bunch of luck and prosperity.
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You're supposed to get a whole bunch
of luck and prosperity on the new year.
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And so one of the things is that you
don't do any cleaning on New Year's Day.
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You don't shower, you don't wash
the dishes, you don't do the
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laundry because you don't want to
wash away that New Year's luck.
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So you clean the house, you do all
your cleaning the day before, and then
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you do some cleanup on January 2nd.
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But on the first no cleaning.
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Nicole: Yeah, this has been really nice.
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Patricia: Well, and the idea is also
the New Year's Day is when you kind of
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set your intention out to the universe.
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So what you are doing on New
Year's Day is what you will
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be doing the rest of the year.
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That is the intention that is
traditionally, again, going back
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to my southern roots, that is kind
of the vibe they're going for.
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So on New Year's Day, you spend
it in leisure, you read, you watch
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television, you do things you enjoy,
because then the idea is you'll be
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doing things you enjoy all year.
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00:05:34,070 --> 00:05:37,049
Nicole: I have absolutely no
intention spending the whole
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00:05:37,049 --> 00:05:39,420
year scrubbing the bathtub.
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Patricia: That sounds awful.
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Nicole: It really does.
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It really does.
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Patricia: And then another thing,
which also some folks do this at the
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beginning of the month, is blowing
cinnamon in through your front doorway.
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And so, I usually do it at the beginning
of the month, on day one of the
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month, and that is supposed to bring
luck and prosperity into your home.
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00:06:02,885 --> 00:06:04,685
Nicole: Is this one of the
things you do without telling me?
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Patricia: Yep, it's my undercover hoodoo.
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00:06:06,865 --> 00:06:07,675
Don't worry about it.
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Nicole: I won't.
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00:06:09,025 --> 00:06:13,664
I absolutely won't worry about it.
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00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:24,455
Patricia: One of the things
I love is the goal setting.
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I like the optimism of a new year and
yes, time is arbitrary and you don't
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00:06:29,585 --> 00:06:35,814
have to start things on the new year,
but I do really love goal setting.
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And so, our plan for today's show is we're
going to reflect a little bit on a few
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of the lessons that we learned in 2023,
whether we wanted to learn them or not.
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And then we're going to share
some ideas of what some of
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our goals might be for 2024.
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00:06:55,870 --> 00:06:58,390
Nicole: Are you asking me to
do some of that introspection
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00:06:58,420 --> 00:06:59,659
you keep telling me about?
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00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,840
Patricia: Until the day I die.
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00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:03,609
Nicole: Oh wow.
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Okay, I think we can work on that.
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We're starting with some
of the lessons we learned.
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I'm gonna start off with something
that I picked up earlier this year
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that did bring me a lot of simple joy
and that was growing some flowers.
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Some of you out there may follow me on
Instagram where I shared the progress
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of my chaos garden as it became
known because my garden was wild and
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00:07:31,224 --> 00:07:33,985
overgrown and I I really loved it.
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00:07:34,205 --> 00:07:37,415
It was my own little slice of nature
that I could, in the middle of the
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00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:42,635
day, just take a few minutes and go
sit with it, go kind of explore it.
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00:07:42,685 --> 00:07:46,715
It seemed like every day something
was changing, some new butterfly
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00:07:46,715 --> 00:07:50,234
or something was out there, and it
really just, it brought a little, a
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little slice of nature into my life
that I felt like I'd been needing.
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And now that winter's come and everything
is just bare sticks out there, I'm really
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looking forward to it again in the spring.
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00:08:01,839 --> 00:08:07,559
Patricia: Yeah, I could feel your
palpable joy when there was like a
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00:08:07,559 --> 00:08:12,940
sprout and you're like, is it one
of the flowers you actually planted?
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00:08:13,190 --> 00:08:13,929
Is it a weed?
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00:08:14,169 --> 00:08:16,630
I don't know, gonna be excited either way.
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00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,039
Nicole: Yeah, something's
growin' out there.
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00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:25,710
Patricia: So, a little change of
speed, for folks who don't know, I
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00:08:25,719 --> 00:08:29,369
fairly suddenly and tragically lost
my mother at the beginning of this
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00:08:29,369 --> 00:08:35,030
year, so this whole year was nothing
like either of us had planned.
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And the biggest thing I've learned this
year, and I'm going to try to share this
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without crying, is how to let people help.
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00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:51,929
I have always been fiercely
and stubbornly independent.
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00:08:52,210 --> 00:08:59,680
As always the first one to jump up
and help someone else and I definitely
135
00:08:59,719 --> 00:09:05,829
got that from my mother and when mom
got sick and we also suddenly had
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00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:11,219
to like pack up our lives and move
across town people really showed up.
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00:09:11,770 --> 00:09:18,280
Friends, family, they showed up
for mom, they showed up for us
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00:09:18,290 --> 00:09:26,109
in helping us pack up our lives
and move to another larger place.
139
00:09:26,670 --> 00:09:34,650
And I really didn't have an
option to not let people help
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00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:39,310
because it was so overwhelming
the amount of things we had to do.
141
00:09:39,855 --> 00:09:44,175
That I knew we couldn't do this
ourselves and I wouldn't ask it
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00:09:44,195 --> 00:09:47,655
of you either to do everything.
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00:09:48,140 --> 00:09:53,449
I'm still in the process of learning
that I am deserving of help, but I
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00:09:53,449 --> 00:09:55,490
did learn people really want to help.
145
00:09:56,229 --> 00:10:01,469
Like, it's not even a burden to
people to help a lot of times.
146
00:10:01,469 --> 00:10:07,880
Like, if they are offering help, they
sincerely want to help, and It is just
147
00:10:08,130 --> 00:10:14,610
a confirmation, or a re-confirmation,
of the importance of community.
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00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:20,030
When we moved up to the Bay Area,
over five years now, we packed
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00:10:20,079 --> 00:10:22,500
up and did that all ourselves.
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00:10:23,139 --> 00:10:24,669
Nicole: Yeah, it was a lot.
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00:10:24,910 --> 00:10:29,099
Patricia: It was a lot and it was
traumatic and the reason we moved up
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00:10:29,099 --> 00:10:34,829
to the Bay Area is because we have more
community up here that is more accessible.
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00:10:34,879 --> 00:10:39,759
Like, we definitely have people down
in LA, but everyone is so spread out.
154
00:10:40,530 --> 00:10:43,929
Nicole: And the thing about LA
too is that people can even be
155
00:10:43,930 --> 00:10:47,599
like close by a couple miles, but
it'll still be like an hour away.
156
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,619
Patricia: Right, right.
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00:10:50,069 --> 00:10:56,969
So yeah, I have learned a lot of
lessons about accepting help and the
158
00:10:56,979 --> 00:10:58,920
importance of community this year.
159
00:10:59,060 --> 00:11:01,049
Nicole: And that's also
being transferred to me.
160
00:11:01,049 --> 00:11:05,589
That is, that is a hard lesson
for me to learn as well.
161
00:11:05,879 --> 00:11:11,190
I spent so long just doing everything
on my own and, and learning to
162
00:11:11,190 --> 00:11:15,890
have that community has been
really an important step and I'm
163
00:11:15,890 --> 00:11:18,170
hoping we can continue to see that.
164
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:19,430
And grow that.
165
00:11:19,650 --> 00:11:23,410
Patricia: Yeah and we're not going to dig
into it today, but I've been reading a
166
00:11:23,410 --> 00:11:34,549
lot about community and also loneliness
and how it is sometimes divided by gender.
167
00:11:34,849 --> 00:11:39,189
It is sometimes divided
by ethnicity, right?
168
00:11:39,259 --> 00:11:41,899
I have a big Filipino family.
169
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:49,000
I have a lot of people and cousins
are like siblings and it is
170
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:53,680
something thinking about community
isn't something that is a...
171
00:11:54,439 --> 00:11:58,050
it was always just a given, and
I've learned that that's not the
172
00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,449
same in a lot of people's lives.
173
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,760
But maybe we'll dig
into that in the future.
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00:12:02,939 --> 00:12:05,069
Have you learned any
other lessons this year?
175
00:12:05,530 --> 00:12:05,839
Nicole: Oh!
176
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:13,410
Well, I think part of the community thing
is we learned we can podcast together.
177
00:12:13,695 --> 00:12:16,795
And part of the talk about
starting this was also about
178
00:12:16,795 --> 00:12:19,314
building a community as well.
179
00:12:19,325 --> 00:12:19,765
So...
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00:12:20,415 --> 00:12:21,305
Patricia: you heard it here, folks.
181
00:12:21,305 --> 00:12:23,515
We started a podcast to make friends.
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00:12:25,804 --> 00:12:26,104
Nicole: Whoops.
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00:12:26,835 --> 00:12:29,465
No, but I learned that we
could do this together.
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00:12:29,465 --> 00:12:32,519
I know I was really
nervous coming into this.
185
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:36,069
But I did get some good feedback off
the first couple of episodes, and you
186
00:12:36,069 --> 00:12:40,140
were also really good at reassuring
me that it was gonna be okay.
187
00:12:40,470 --> 00:12:42,800
And I've gotten a little more
comfortable with it, I think.
188
00:12:43,020 --> 00:12:46,180
But also, I just like to work on
projects with you, so it wasn't that
189
00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:48,099
hard to get me to do this, honestly.
190
00:12:48,475 --> 00:12:53,815
Patricia: You know, this is going
to be a little gross and I am sorry
191
00:12:53,820 --> 00:13:00,525
listeners, but Nicole and I are such a
good team and I am, I am convinced that
192
00:13:00,525 --> 00:13:03,375
if double dare we're still a thing.
193
00:13:03,435 --> 00:13:07,815
And also if either of us could
stand getting even a little
194
00:13:07,815 --> 00:13:11,740
dirty, that we would just sweep
the floor with the other people.
195
00:13:12,420 --> 00:13:12,500
Nicole: Probably.
196
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:15,360
As long as I could wipe
my hands off afterwards.
197
00:13:17,850 --> 00:13:19,520
Because that slime looks
198
00:13:19,530 --> 00:13:20,110
very gross.
199
00:13:20,260 --> 00:13:21,839
Patricia: The slime looks slimy, it does.
200
00:13:21,839 --> 00:13:22,119
Nicole: Yes.
201
00:13:22,150 --> 00:13:22,880
Patricia: It does.
202
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:29,940
So those are some of the lessons we've
learned, and now I want to look forward
203
00:13:29,950 --> 00:13:36,575
and talk about some of the ideas we have
for goals because these are not finalized.
204
00:13:36,575 --> 00:13:38,845
We still have some time
before the end of the year.
205
00:13:39,215 --> 00:13:44,865
And we also have like a monstrous
list of all the things we want to do.
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We tend to be very optimistic
about our capabilities.
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Before we get into the details of what
these goals are, I want to cover a bit
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of the framework that we use and the
questions I ask when goal setting with my
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mentees or even my friends or co workers.
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I try to focus on making
goals that are fun.
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And focus on not making a goal
because it's what I think I should
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do or what other people are doing.
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And you're going to see this
reflected in some of the goals
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that we mention in a few minutes.
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I also try to figure out some
kind of accountability structure
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or partner for a lot of my goals.
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And sometimes that is just announcing
to the internet I'm gonna do this thing.
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It might not be a specific person.
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that I am checking in with, or it
might be, it might be a mentor,
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it might be a co worker, it might
be my wife, it might be a friend.
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Although, okay, so full disclosure,
she's smiling at me over her microphone.
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My wife is not a good accountability
partner for me because she never tells
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me no or even wants to do anything
that would push me or make me mildly
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uncomfortable, even if I say you should
really check in on me about this thing.
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Nicole: I, I love going
along for the ride.
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And if the ride has changed, like,
cool, let, we're changing it.
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Um, I am not the best
accountability buddy.
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Patricia: It's okay.
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It's okay.
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We have, we have a lot of other buddies.
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So another thing that I recently even
asked one of my mentees about around goal
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setting is, what is your plan for that?
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For instance, if the goal is to be
on social media less, I basically
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ask, how are you going to do that?
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Are you going to use the Forest app?
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Are you going to deactivate your accounts?
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Are you going to delete the apps
completely from your devices?
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But on the flip side, and this is the
part that a lot of people I find miss
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around the goals that are about doing
less of something, is asking yourself,
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what are you going to do instead?
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If you are not on social media
all the time, what are you
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going to fill that time with?
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So, if you don't have a list of things
of what you're going to do, you're
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just going to default back to the
social media on the phone because
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that's what's easiest, that's what
gives you a little dopamine rush.
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Likewise, if you say you are going
to drink less coffee, what are
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you going to reach for instead
when you have the urge for coffee?
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Maybe you're just switching to tea.
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Maybe you are just going to
have a big cup of ice water.
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I still suggest that you hydrate
with something, but maybe you're
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drinking coffee because you're
bored and maybe examine looking
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into, like, why are you reaching
for that and what do you want to do?
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Nicole: This is why it's really
important to always have a good
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book and a cup of hot chocolate.
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Patricia: That's fair.
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Nicole: Keeps you off social
media and stops you from
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drinking coffee in the evening.
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That's Nicole's secret.
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Patricia: Wow.
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Nicole: No, it's not, but
it is also very important.
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The other thing we do, though, is we
have monthly check ins on our goals.
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This is where Patricia is a really good
accountability buddy for this, because she
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helps me remember the monthly check ins.
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But this is a good opportunity to
review the goals, check if any of
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them are still working for you, or if
there's a goal that's no longer serving
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you, don't be afraid to reprioritize
halfway through the year, or stretch
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a goal that you've already met.
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Also, this has just been helpful for me
when I really get off track for a month.
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It gives me the opportunity
to review and reprioritize the
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goals that I want to work on.
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So, Patricia, we were talking
about our goals before this.
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Surprise, we prepped for this show.
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Patricia: I know it doesn't sound
like it, but we prepped for this.
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Nicole: But a lot of the goals
we were talking about focus on
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getting back on track where we
left off at the end of 2022.
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About a year ago was when your mom
first got sick, and it really derailed
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us, and 2023 was just absolutely rough.
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I personally don't like to think
of this as we're trying to get
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back to some sense of normalcy, but
it's helping point us back in the
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direction we wanted to be heading.
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Patricia: Yeah, I like that, because
honestly, after the pandemic began, I
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don't even know what normal is anymore.
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Like, normal's just
kind of out the window.
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Nicole: Right, and I don't, you know,
with a lot of things we mentioned
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at the top of the show, I don't
want to consider any of that normal.
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Patricia: Right, right.
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00:18:44,885 --> 00:18:51,964
So, I do have a lot of food centric
goals, and by food centric, I don't mean
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dieting, I mean food I want to make.
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And so if you are someone who has followed
me on Instagram for a while, you know
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00:19:02,195 --> 00:19:08,925
that the last couple of years I've
been on a really big adventure to learn
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how to make beans from scratch, that's
sorting the beans, soaking the beans.
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00:19:14,490 --> 00:19:18,950
Being in the kitchen for four
hours on a Sunday and having bean
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day Sunday, and it's been amazing.
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00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:29,440
I have not had bean day Sunday in a few
months now, or a couple months at least.
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Things have just been chaotic,
and so I look forward to
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00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:35,530
getting back to Bean Day Sunday.
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00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:39,410
Nicole: I look forward to getting
back to eating Bean Day Sunday.
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00:19:42,679 --> 00:19:49,399
Patricia: And I think that I also am
going to revive one of my goals I had
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initially set for this year, which I did
not do because, again, here, sideways,
300
00:19:55,149 --> 00:19:57,379
which is making pasta from scratch.
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00:19:58,274 --> 00:20:04,265
Last Christmas, you had gotten me some
beautiful pasta making tools, and I
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00:20:04,275 --> 00:20:06,745
really look forward to using them.
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00:20:06,974 --> 00:20:11,995
Nicole: I will be very excited to see
these get put into use, finally, because
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they are really great and beautiful tools.
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00:20:15,495 --> 00:20:19,805
And also, there is
nothing like fresh pasta.
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Patricia: Yeah.
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00:20:20,215 --> 00:20:22,385
Nicole: We love carbs in this household.
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00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:29,900
Patricia: Speaking of which, I also had
gotten a pizza steel last Christmas, and
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I haven't made any pizza, and so I really
want to, like, nail down my pizza making.
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00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:43,059
Nicole: Yeah, we had one go with a pizza
stone that shattered on the first attempt.
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00:20:43,870 --> 00:20:48,340
Patricia: Yeah, that was, that
was not successful, but I'm, I'm
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looking forward to trying again.
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00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:54,369
Nicole: I'm more optimistic that you
will not shatter this piece of steel.
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Patricia: Is that a challenge?
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00:20:56,410 --> 00:21:00,309
Nicole: No, please do not shatter
a giant piece of steel in our oven.
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00:21:00,629 --> 00:21:01,099
Patricia: Okay.
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Nicole: New Year's goals, though, don't
have to be so elaborate as making homemade
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00:21:07,815 --> 00:21:14,265
pasta, or they, they don't even have to be
things that will take more than one event.
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One of the things I put on my list this
year, and I guess this makes all of you
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00:21:18,884 --> 00:21:20,824
listeners accountability buddies for this.
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00:21:21,574 --> 00:21:22,864
I want to go get my nose pierced.
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That's on my list for 2024.
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00:21:25,610 --> 00:21:28,890
I also want to go talk to
Patricia's tattoo artist.
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I've had in mind some ink I want
to get put down, and I feel like
325
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2024 is a good year for that.
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So, those are things that
are on my 2024 goal list.
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Patricia: Yes.
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I also want more tattoos.
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But I always want more tattoos.
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And I can never like, I have some ideas.
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Nicole: Yeah.
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Patricia: I have some ideas.
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Nicole: And that's why I feel like
we should go talk to the artist.
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Patricia: Absolutely.
335
00:21:54,620 --> 00:21:55,719
I am not an artist.
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00:21:55,719 --> 00:21:57,030
I am not a tattoo artist.
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00:21:57,749 --> 00:22:05,939
But speaking of maybe arts, I
know that I am a happier person
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00:22:06,270 --> 00:22:08,610
when I am learning something.
339
00:22:09,110 --> 00:22:16,010
So, I have quite the Duolingo streak
going, and sometimes I do the bare minimum
340
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:20,700
on the multiple languages that I am
learning, and so one of my goals this year
341
00:22:20,709 --> 00:22:26,970
is to do maybe three lessons a day instead
of just one in order to keep my streak.
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The other things that, uh, this
is a carry over from last year,
343
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is learning how to crochet.
344
00:22:33,870 --> 00:22:35,220
My grandmother crocheted.
345
00:22:35,450 --> 00:22:38,730
It's something I've wanted to learn
for years and I've been intimidated
346
00:22:38,730 --> 00:22:45,259
by, but we finally have all of the
things here and so, who knows, folks,
347
00:22:45,259 --> 00:22:48,529
by the time you're listening to this,
I may have already picked up a hook.
348
00:22:49,539 --> 00:22:56,110
The other thing is, if I ever get my
vehicle back from the mechanic, I want
349
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to look into going back to piano lessons.
350
00:23:00,919 --> 00:23:02,350
Nicole: Ooh, I would love that.
351
00:23:02,790 --> 00:23:04,330
Patricia: I am sure you would.
352
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:10,620
Nicole: One of the things for me
that I want to get back on this year,
353
00:23:10,620 --> 00:23:15,870
this is something that I had started
in 2022 and that I mentioned that
354
00:23:15,870 --> 00:23:18,620
we kind of, I kind of lost in 2023.
355
00:23:18,829 --> 00:23:20,250
It was my snail mail.
356
00:23:20,830 --> 00:23:22,429
Patricia's really big on snail mail.
357
00:23:22,459 --> 00:23:26,100
I was starting to get
better at it in 2022.
358
00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:31,290
I was sending out a lot of
cards for special occasions.
359
00:23:31,685 --> 00:23:39,635
And I really want to expand more on that,
and in particular, I want to expand on
360
00:23:39,635 --> 00:23:47,465
snail mail in a way that kind of pulls
out of social media, in that I want to,
361
00:23:47,664 --> 00:23:53,340
to share more of the kinds of things that
often get shared on things like Instagram.
362
00:23:53,830 --> 00:24:00,519
So this looks like, for me, like, taking
more pictures of Patricia and I, or
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00:24:00,519 --> 00:24:07,620
places we've been, or just things I find
interesting, and sending that to friends,
364
00:24:07,809 --> 00:24:13,980
family, along with a letter about it,
with the intention of kind of cultivating
365
00:24:13,990 --> 00:24:18,660
a more intimate experience than what
you would get on, say, Instagram.
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00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:21,409
This is, this is a much
more tactile experience.
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00:24:22,110 --> 00:24:24,770
Patricia: Yeah, and you're talking
about physically printing the picture.
368
00:24:24,790 --> 00:24:29,590
Nicole: Yes, physically printing out
a picture, tucking it in a letter, and
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00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,229
sending it in an envelope to someone.
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So that, that's just something I
share with that individual person.
371
00:24:38,350 --> 00:24:43,770
And it's less of just another thing
I've put out there into the ether
372
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of the internets and helping just
expand on those relationships and
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in that way that you don't see done
very much anymore, especially with
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people who we don't live near anymore.
375
00:24:57,239 --> 00:24:59,469
I've got a lot of family
still in Southern California.
376
00:24:59,479 --> 00:25:02,870
We've got friends on the East
Coast, family on the East Coast.
377
00:25:03,110 --> 00:25:06,209
I'm looking for other ways to
connect with people other than like,
378
00:25:06,550 --> 00:25:08,469
hope you saw my Instagram reel.
379
00:25:09,339 --> 00:25:10,389
Patricia: Right, right.
380
00:25:10,429 --> 00:25:19,340
I, as someone who had a mother who
was a photographer, and also my job
381
00:25:19,350 --> 00:25:25,920
for a long time was working in photo
labs, and camera stores, and alongside
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00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:30,930
my mom, and there is something very
special about a printed picture.
383
00:25:31,490 --> 00:25:36,139
You know, you can't go over
to people's houses and flip
384
00:25:36,139 --> 00:25:38,430
through photo albums anymore.
385
00:25:38,919 --> 00:25:43,310
Nicole: And no one still wants you to show
up with a slide projector and a carousel.
386
00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:45,890
Patricia: That's fair.
387
00:25:46,429 --> 00:25:52,600
And I think it's also, I recognize
that this is not an explicit show,
388
00:25:53,040 --> 00:26:01,529
but Polaroids back in the day used
to be known as a way people would
389
00:26:01,529 --> 00:26:06,980
share scandalous images because they
wouldn't be, there was no internet.
390
00:26:07,490 --> 00:26:13,300
And it was also something that was
just for that person unless that person
391
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,090
physically shared it with someone else.
392
00:26:15,580 --> 00:26:19,440
Nicole: Don't expect me to send scandalous
photos to listeners or other friends.
393
00:26:20,050 --> 00:26:21,610
I'm putting that out there right now.
394
00:26:25,529 --> 00:26:30,080
Patricia: You know, I also have some
snail mail goals, not scandalous pictures.
395
00:26:31,059 --> 00:26:34,549
But I love sending snail mail.
396
00:26:34,770 --> 00:26:38,840
I've kind of fallen off the snail mail
wagon, and I want to jump back on.
397
00:26:39,110 --> 00:26:41,890
And I don't know what this looks like yet.
398
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:47,960
I don't know if it looks like three
pieces of mail a week, which a postcard
399
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,900
takes like three minutes to write.
400
00:26:50,230 --> 00:26:52,230
Three sounds like a lot.
401
00:26:52,259 --> 00:26:53,450
It's not for me.
402
00:26:53,850 --> 00:26:58,870
And I also have some overdue thank-yous.
403
00:26:59,410 --> 00:27:04,390
Some heartfelt thank-yous
to some of my elders.
404
00:27:04,715 --> 00:27:10,375
And I'm taking inspiration from
Nancy Davis Kho, who wrote The
405
00:27:10,375 --> 00:27:15,145
Thank-You Project, who I think she
wrote, what was it, 52 thank-you
406
00:27:15,194 --> 00:27:18,495
letters for a certain birthday year.
407
00:27:18,895 --> 00:27:24,175
And they were thank-you letters
that she may or may not have sent.
408
00:27:24,205 --> 00:27:27,855
She may have written it and
then read it out loud to the
409
00:27:27,855 --> 00:27:30,175
person that she was thanking.
410
00:27:30,185 --> 00:27:35,399
It could be parents, it could be friends,
it could be a teacher, first grade
411
00:27:35,399 --> 00:27:43,689
teacher, your, and I think there are a few
people that I want to write these letters
412
00:27:43,689 --> 00:27:48,340
to, and one of the things I learned
this year is, like, give people their
413
00:27:48,340 --> 00:27:50,439
flowers while they're still alive, so.
414
00:27:50,659 --> 00:27:53,340
Nicole: Yeah, we talked about
that a lot earlier this year.
415
00:27:53,730 --> 00:28:00,810
Patricia: Another one alongside of that
is, I want to give more compliments.
416
00:28:01,230 --> 00:28:01,460
Right.
417
00:28:01,470 --> 00:28:05,020
I want to give more compliments,
whether it's in person or whether it's
418
00:28:05,050 --> 00:28:09,120
on Instagram beyond just like sending
a little heart or something like, and
419
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:11,559
not just like, I love your meme, right?
420
00:28:12,259 --> 00:28:18,429
Like, but compliments if a person
posts a selfie or something and an
421
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:24,629
actual, authentic, genuine compliment
and give my wife more compliments.
422
00:28:25,750 --> 00:28:27,870
So she learns how to take a compliment.
423
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:29,470
Nicole: I don't know what those are.
424
00:28:29,550 --> 00:28:30,760
I don't know what you're talking about.
425
00:28:32,290 --> 00:28:37,470
Patricia: And again, another related thing
is I want to get back to writing reviews
426
00:28:37,530 --> 00:28:41,050
for like everything I buy for service.
427
00:28:41,620 --> 00:28:46,069
I usually, when I go to the post
office, I fill out their survey
428
00:28:46,089 --> 00:28:51,240
and I tell them everyone was great
all the time because I know it's a
429
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,540
silly thing that managers look at.
430
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:58,835
And I only want to leave good, like,
I'm only reviewing things that are
431
00:28:58,835 --> 00:29:03,955
good, I just give good reviews,
but I want to get back to that.
432
00:29:03,984 --> 00:29:06,515
It's a little thing that can
actually help someone out.
433
00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:11,235
Nicole: Yeah, it is a small thing
that can really turn around someone's
434
00:29:11,235 --> 00:29:15,045
day sometimes, because typically,
I feel like especially right now,
435
00:29:15,195 --> 00:29:19,325
most people are only leaving, like,
negative reviews, or calling and,
436
00:29:19,395 --> 00:29:21,735
and, when they're mad about something.
437
00:29:21,985 --> 00:29:25,695
So to leave positive reviews
and compliments is, that
438
00:29:25,695 --> 00:29:27,195
can make little changes.
439
00:29:27,225 --> 00:29:27,395
Patricia: Yeah.
440
00:29:27,855 --> 00:29:31,735
Nicole: One of our bigger goals, and
this is one of those kind of more
441
00:29:31,795 --> 00:29:38,085
nebulous things where we know what
the end goal is, is making space in
442
00:29:38,085 --> 00:29:40,534
the office for me to move in there.
443
00:29:40,534 --> 00:29:45,470
I currently still work from the
kitchen table when I work from home.
444
00:29:46,180 --> 00:29:52,710
Patricia: Yeah, and a lot of the stuff in
there is stuff in our old place that we
445
00:29:52,710 --> 00:29:58,439
had kind of in a storage room and now it
actually really needs to be dealt with.
446
00:29:58,990 --> 00:30:02,459
So my strategy for this, again,
I ask myself like, okay, what's
447
00:30:02,460 --> 00:30:05,060
your plan, is 20 minutes a day.
448
00:30:05,420 --> 00:30:11,040
Initially, we had thought maybe like one
box a week or something like that, but
449
00:30:11,050 --> 00:30:13,240
sometimes a box could take four hours.
450
00:30:13,310 --> 00:30:15,660
Nicole: I feel like we've been
telling ourselves, like, one box a
451
00:30:15,660 --> 00:30:19,300
week for the past, like, three or
four years since we moved up here.
452
00:30:19,810 --> 00:30:24,120
Patricia: Yeah, so, so twenty minutes
a day I think is more manageable.
453
00:30:24,465 --> 00:30:27,945
Something else that is, you
know, like I said, we have all
454
00:30:27,945 --> 00:30:29,305
these ideas for all these goals.
455
00:30:29,305 --> 00:30:30,525
We're really optimistic.
456
00:30:30,855 --> 00:30:36,004
And another one is, I want to
hire a photographer and take
457
00:30:36,004 --> 00:30:37,805
some nice photos together.
458
00:30:37,945 --> 00:30:40,305
Nicole: I would love to take
some nice photos with you.
459
00:30:40,664 --> 00:30:41,774
Patricia: Like get big.
460
00:30:42,055 --> 00:30:45,635
poofy dresses or something, I don't
know, spend some money on some
461
00:30:45,645 --> 00:30:51,564
outfits, go to a location, but we
don't have any nice pictures of us
462
00:30:52,305 --> 00:30:56,134
since our wedding, and actually you
transitioned after our wedding...
463
00:30:56,134 --> 00:30:56,224
Nicole: Yeah...
464
00:30:56,414 --> 00:31:03,085
Patricia: So we have no nice
pictures of the real you and me.
465
00:31:03,635 --> 00:31:06,535
Nicole: Are you telling me that
the selfies you take of us all the
466
00:31:06,545 --> 00:31:09,655
time are not quote unquote nice?
467
00:31:11,985 --> 00:31:16,395
Patricia: They're fine, but
they aren't as dramatic as what
468
00:31:16,435 --> 00:31:18,494
I have pictured in my mind.
469
00:31:18,825 --> 00:31:20,894
Nicole: No, I totally agree with you.
470
00:31:20,935 --> 00:31:27,725
I can't wait to take some fun, fancy,
actual professional pictures with you.
471
00:31:27,885 --> 00:31:31,645
Another one, I hope we can
keep this podcast going.
472
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:33,260
Patricia: Oh, absolutely.
473
00:31:33,290 --> 00:31:38,350
I think, you know, we definitely
have sat and said, okay, let's keep
474
00:31:38,350 --> 00:31:41,850
it going for three months and then
we'll check in after three months
475
00:31:41,850 --> 00:31:43,090
and we'll see how we're doing.
476
00:31:43,100 --> 00:31:47,780
And again, it's just something that we're
going to have regular check ins about
477
00:31:47,780 --> 00:31:53,450
because we want it to stay fun for us and
we want it to stay fun for the listeners.
478
00:31:53,955 --> 00:32:00,865
And, okay, this is just me geeking
out and I realize that this is not for
479
00:32:00,915 --> 00:32:10,535
everyone, but this is the first year
where we are going to use a joint planner.
480
00:32:10,865 --> 00:32:18,575
I historically have aspired to be a
planner person, and I'm not, and I feel
481
00:32:18,575 --> 00:32:20,305
like this has been a long time coming.
482
00:32:20,715 --> 00:32:26,914
I had asked for us to use a planner
together years ago, but I don't
483
00:32:26,914 --> 00:32:28,655
think either of us was ready.
484
00:32:28,905 --> 00:32:33,635
Nicole: Right, and then when the pandemic
started, something we started doing when
485
00:32:33,635 --> 00:32:39,325
we were both working from home was every
day, writing down when our meetings
486
00:32:39,325 --> 00:32:44,015
were, to know where we overlapped,
where did someone need to maybe go to
487
00:32:44,015 --> 00:32:49,355
another room to take a meeting, so that
we weren't talking over each other.
488
00:32:49,704 --> 00:32:54,424
This evolved then into you finding
some actual notepads that had,
489
00:32:54,715 --> 00:33:00,705
like, 7am to 10pm or something
on them for us to fill out daily.
490
00:33:00,955 --> 00:33:03,905
Patricia: Right, and so we
got in the habit of doing that
491
00:33:03,905 --> 00:33:05,754
for the past three years now.
492
00:33:06,135 --> 00:33:12,250
And then on top of that, we would always
write our goals down for the year on
493
00:33:12,250 --> 00:33:17,280
a physical piece of paper and have
that hanging up where we could see it.
494
00:33:17,420 --> 00:33:17,770
Nicole: Mmhmm.
495
00:33:18,060 --> 00:33:22,610
Patricia: And then we also got
in the habit of writing a joint
496
00:33:22,779 --> 00:33:27,109
weekend to do list that would then
bleed over into the following week.
497
00:33:27,109 --> 00:33:28,610
And every week there was a fresh list.
498
00:33:28,610 --> 00:33:34,260
And so we really got habituated to
having these things written down.
499
00:33:34,550 --> 00:33:34,820
Nicole: Yeah.
500
00:33:34,890 --> 00:33:39,910
Patricia: And so now that we are well
established in writing the things down,
501
00:33:40,300 --> 00:33:46,820
we can then consolidate all of these
pieces of ephemera into a single planner.
502
00:33:46,850 --> 00:33:55,900
So I am really optimistic, and my
advice for what the best planner is?
503
00:33:56,515 --> 00:33:59,945
The best planner is the one
that you're going to use.
504
00:34:00,705 --> 00:34:06,115
It doesn't matter if it has all
these amazing layouts and stickers
505
00:34:06,145 --> 00:34:08,875
and colored pens and everything.
506
00:34:09,555 --> 00:34:12,475
The best planner is the
one you're going to use.
507
00:34:12,935 --> 00:34:18,505
Nicole: And I am really kind of excited
to see how this turns out, because I'm
508
00:34:18,625 --> 00:34:23,905
going to be able to go to one place to
find our to do list, to see our weekly
509
00:34:23,905 --> 00:34:29,215
schedules, to see our goals, like,
it's all going to be in one place.
510
00:34:29,215 --> 00:34:33,205
I'm not going to have to go to one room
to find the things that are stuck on the
511
00:34:33,205 --> 00:34:37,425
wall, to another room to find the to do
list, and over to the kitchen table to
512
00:34:37,425 --> 00:34:42,695
find the daily it's all going to be in
one place, which really helps me out.
513
00:34:43,350 --> 00:34:47,110
I think the next item though is
something that some of the listeners
514
00:34:47,110 --> 00:34:50,840
who are here for you in particular
are very interested to hear.
515
00:34:51,090 --> 00:34:56,910
Patricia: Yeah, I can't get through
a whole annual goal setting show
516
00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,719
without talking about reading goals.
517
00:34:59,980 --> 00:35:05,460
And so actually the past couple of
years I've just set my Goodreads goal
518
00:35:05,460 --> 00:35:07,150
to 100 because I know I'd hit it.
519
00:35:07,380 --> 00:35:16,330
And it was just a way for me to easily
track the books that I have read.
520
00:35:16,759 --> 00:35:21,149
I also use StoryGraph sometimes,
you know, I go back and forth.
521
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:25,900
Sometimes I use them both at the same
time, but I think I'm still going to
522
00:35:25,900 --> 00:35:28,990
just set that goal at a hundred books.
523
00:35:29,020 --> 00:35:29,170
Nicole: Mmhmm.
524
00:35:29,170 --> 00:35:34,640
Patricia: You know, I don't really have
a book number, like amount of reading,
525
00:35:34,670 --> 00:35:39,280
reading goal, but something I carried
over that I wanted to do last year.
526
00:35:39,740 --> 00:35:45,800
Which I, I'm gonna try to do this
year is read all of Octavia E.
527
00:35:45,830 --> 00:35:47,060
Butler's works.
528
00:35:47,650 --> 00:35:49,100
Nicole: Yesss.
529
00:35:49,900 --> 00:35:51,630
Patricia: And I wanted
to do that last year.
530
00:35:51,830 --> 00:35:57,430
I have a tattoo with one of her
quotes in her handwriting on my arm.
531
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:59,530
And I just...
532
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:01,890
I think it's time.
533
00:36:01,890 --> 00:36:04,280
And I know some of, like,
they're going to be hard reads
534
00:36:04,380 --> 00:36:04,750
Nicole: Mmhmm
535
00:36:04,930 --> 00:36:06,960
Patricia: but I, I want to do that.
536
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:14,009
I also recently have read a bunch
of picture books from the library.
537
00:36:14,589 --> 00:36:18,120
And talk about a dopamine spike.
538
00:36:18,579 --> 00:36:22,340
Like, I just want to get more
picture books from the library.
539
00:36:22,370 --> 00:36:25,390
And my friend Laura
over at Books and Bakes.
540
00:36:26,030 --> 00:36:28,099
She, I think, is going to read.
541
00:36:28,515 --> 00:36:30,055
365 picture books.
542
00:36:30,055 --> 00:36:31,875
She's trying to read a picture book a day.
543
00:36:31,905 --> 00:36:32,205
Nicole: Whoa.
544
00:36:33,155 --> 00:36:36,285
Patricia: And so I think
those are more my goals.
545
00:36:36,295 --> 00:36:39,505
More picture books and Octavia E.
546
00:36:39,505 --> 00:36:40,545
Butler's works.
547
00:36:40,835 --> 00:36:43,585
Nicole: I think for me, one
of mine in that realm is just
548
00:36:43,585 --> 00:36:45,084
to pick up tracking again.
549
00:36:45,134 --> 00:36:50,815
I did really well in 2022 logging
just about every book I read into
550
00:36:50,815 --> 00:36:54,825
Goodreads and this year, I just didn't.
551
00:36:55,065 --> 00:36:59,565
And I tried to do some where I shared
what I'm reading on Instagram or whatever.
552
00:36:59,885 --> 00:37:03,815
I want to make it a goal this year to
try to keep track of everything in...
553
00:37:03,815 --> 00:37:04,124
Patricia: StoryGraph?
554
00:37:04,305 --> 00:37:05,925
Nicole: StoryGraph!
555
00:37:05,925 --> 00:37:06,705
The not Goodreads one.
556
00:37:06,725 --> 00:37:07,685
But yeah, Storygraph.
557
00:37:07,705 --> 00:37:08,674
I like that one.
558
00:37:09,015 --> 00:37:11,125
I like the interface more on it.
559
00:37:11,325 --> 00:37:12,795
So I'm going to try to do that.
560
00:37:13,375 --> 00:37:19,285
The other thing I want to kind
of talk about in the book realm
561
00:37:19,345 --> 00:37:22,245
is this idea of books to revisit.
562
00:37:22,670 --> 00:37:27,180
I know in some of your other book related
work you've mentioned there are books
563
00:37:27,180 --> 00:37:33,330
you like to revisit at the beginning
of the year or during the year, and
564
00:37:33,730 --> 00:37:38,649
there's one for me that I read this last
year that I really feel like is one I
565
00:37:38,649 --> 00:37:44,900
need to revisit regularly, and that is
Falling Back in Love with Being Human,
566
00:37:45,060 --> 00:37:48,279
Letters to Lost Souls by Kai Cheng Thom.
567
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:55,335
I read it earlier this year, it was
It was heartbreaking and enlightening
568
00:37:55,365 --> 00:38:00,055
and so many things, but it also is
a book that can be taken in very
569
00:38:00,075 --> 00:38:03,064
tiny bits over long pieces of time.
570
00:38:03,475 --> 00:38:07,544
The author also provides you with
prompts of activities or journaling
571
00:38:07,545 --> 00:38:11,510
or things to do and I feel like it's
just the kind of thing that I need to
572
00:38:11,510 --> 00:38:17,660
revisit regularly to, as the title says,
fall back in love with being human.
573
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:20,110
Patricia: I would love
to revisit that book.
574
00:38:20,129 --> 00:38:26,219
I had listened to it on audio and
I had turned up the speed and so
575
00:38:26,660 --> 00:38:33,530
it was just getting these intense,
beautiful, powerful poems just
576
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:37,000
absolutely fire- hosed into my head.
577
00:38:37,380 --> 00:38:39,140
And it was so good.
578
00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:41,520
And yeah, I want to revisit that one.
579
00:38:41,610 --> 00:38:45,255
Nicole: I would definitely
recommend this time taking it slow.
580
00:38:45,475 --> 00:38:46,265
Patricia: I don't know what that means.
581
00:38:48,135 --> 00:38:53,674
There are so many books I want to
revisit, and I rarely do because
582
00:38:53,675 --> 00:39:00,195
I'm like, oh, I have limited time on
earth, and I can only read so many
583
00:39:00,195 --> 00:39:02,145
books, so why don't I read new books?
584
00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:09,190
But one that I definitely want to
revisit is Never Say You Can't Survive:
585
00:39:09,510 --> 00:39:14,170
How to Get Through Hard Times by Making
Up Stories by Charlie Jane Anders.
586
00:39:15,009 --> 00:39:19,660
I almost always hate books
that have writing advice.
587
00:39:20,299 --> 00:39:25,240
I am never excited by books
that have writing advice.
588
00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:31,660
It's so unique to the people and
it's not one size fits all, but Never
589
00:39:31,660 --> 00:39:36,380
Say You Can't Survive is perhaps the
best writing advice book I've read,
590
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,890
and it just, every page resonated.
591
00:39:40,420 --> 00:39:42,899
And so I, I would like to
revisit that this year.
592
00:39:43,420 --> 00:39:47,520
Nicole: I love Charlie Jane's work,
so I will always support that.
593
00:39:48,409 --> 00:39:50,729
Patricia: Do you have any
other goals for next year?
594
00:39:51,210 --> 00:39:56,660
Nicole: There's one I want
to just float out there as...
595
00:39:57,085 --> 00:39:57,665
a...
596
00:39:57,995 --> 00:39:58,705
maybe....?
597
00:39:58,705 --> 00:40:00,225
Patricia: Mm hmm.
598
00:40:00,685 --> 00:40:04,645
Nicole: We've talked about this off
and on for the last couple of years.
599
00:40:04,965 --> 00:40:06,424
Maybe we get some kittens?
600
00:40:06,825 --> 00:40:09,444
Patricia: I really want
kittens, and I'm scared.
601
00:40:09,455 --> 00:40:11,914
What if we get evil kittens, though?
602
00:40:12,775 --> 00:40:14,305
Nicole: I, no, that wouldn't happen.
603
00:40:14,515 --> 00:40:16,485
Patricia: That wouldn't,
kittens wouldn't do that to us?
604
00:40:16,665 --> 00:40:17,155
Nicole: No.
605
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:24,980
Patricia: Uh, yeah, yeah, we want kittens.
606
00:40:25,570 --> 00:40:30,490
Nicole: It's a good reason to clean up and
make our house a little more kitten safe.
607
00:40:30,750 --> 00:40:31,380
Patricia: That's fair.
608
00:40:32,119 --> 00:40:36,810
We also have hella boring goals
about finances and regular movement
609
00:40:36,829 --> 00:40:38,460
like walks and yoga at home.
610
00:40:39,049 --> 00:40:42,030
But these were some of our fun goal ideas.
611
00:40:42,070 --> 00:40:45,260
And we have some takeaways.
612
00:40:45,550 --> 00:40:47,249
So our big takeaways are: Yes!
613
00:40:47,470 --> 00:40:47,990
Have.
614
00:40:48,340 --> 00:40:48,820
Fun.
615
00:40:49,030 --> 00:40:49,600
Goals.
616
00:40:49,630 --> 00:40:52,960
You're going to be more inspired
to do them if you are into them.
617
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:56,370
Also have a plan around your goals.
618
00:40:57,030 --> 00:41:01,750
And have regularly scheduled check-ins
to see if the goal still serves you.
619
00:41:01,980 --> 00:41:05,780
And this doesn't necessarily mean
check-ins with a partner or even another
620
00:41:05,789 --> 00:41:07,499
person, like check in with yourself.
621
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:13,290
And a reminder that time is
arbitrary and you can start anything
622
00:41:13,310 --> 00:41:16,170
at any time, even on a Tuesday.
623
00:41:16,810 --> 00:41:18,130
Nicole: Even on a Tuesday...
624
00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:19,340
Patricia: ha haaa.
625
00:41:19,340 --> 00:41:20,490
Nicole: It really is okay.
626
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:23,900
Patricia: I'm gonna start making
you start things on Tuesdays.
627
00:41:23,910 --> 00:41:26,270
Nicole: Oh god, Tuesday's not
a good day to start things.
628
00:41:28,110 --> 00:41:35,759
I say that and I realized the other day
that I totally start my pillbox cycle
629
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:41,679
on a Tuesday and had some friends give
me some, give me some grief about it.
630
00:41:42,659 --> 00:41:45,079
But I feel like it's okay.
631
00:41:45,485 --> 00:41:47,335
It's okay to start things on a Tuesday.
632
00:41:47,735 --> 00:41:50,105
Just, sometimes Tuesdays aren't good days.
633
00:41:51,685 --> 00:41:54,085
Patricia: It's okay sometimes
except for when it's not.
634
00:41:54,704 --> 00:41:56,275
Nicole: Yeah, yeah, there you go.
635
00:41:56,315 --> 00:41:58,365
That should be a sticker we make.
636
00:41:58,365 --> 00:42:00,334
Sometimes it's okay except when it's not.
637
00:42:00,834 --> 00:42:01,344
Patricia: Sure.
638
00:42:09,705 --> 00:42:12,025
So, I'm not going to
share a resource today.
639
00:42:12,045 --> 00:42:18,130
We have talked and talked, and it's
also the end of the year, so I I
640
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:24,020
would like everyone to just celebrate
and reflect, and a little bit of
641
00:42:24,020 --> 00:42:26,450
housekeeping about moving forward.
642
00:42:26,810 --> 00:42:31,220
In December we have posted a show
every Wednesday, and we are finally
643
00:42:31,220 --> 00:42:36,860
in the new year going to our every
other week schedule, so our next show
644
00:42:36,870 --> 00:42:41,159
will drop on Wednesday, January 10th.
645
00:42:41,470 --> 00:42:45,780
Nicole: With that said, I think we're at
the point in the show where I have to ask
646
00:42:45,780 --> 00:42:48,620
you, Patricia, what is filling your cup?
647
00:42:49,130 --> 00:42:54,839
Patricia: Well, it's a simple and
complicated thing, which is we've
648
00:42:54,870 --> 00:43:00,970
been making our annual massive
amount of homemade marshmallows.
649
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:07,640
Which is a pretty involved process over
the course of two days, but we now live in
650
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:16,020
a place with a bigger kitchen and we kind
of have a well choreographed marshmallow
651
00:43:16,030 --> 00:43:23,260
making factory in here and they are just,
uh, they ruin me for regular marshmallows.
652
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:24,540
Nicole: It really does.
653
00:43:24,540 --> 00:43:28,490
And just about anyone who's tasted
them is like, well, now I can't have
654
00:43:28,490 --> 00:43:30,050
store bought marshmallows anymore.
655
00:43:30,930 --> 00:43:34,900
Patricia: The recipe is from America's
Test Kitchen, but I will look around
656
00:43:34,910 --> 00:43:38,200
and see if I can find a comparable
recipe to share in the show notes.
657
00:43:38,730 --> 00:43:41,079
Nicole, what is filling
your cup right now?
658
00:43:41,235 --> 00:43:45,265
Nicole: I am still riding
high after this weekend.
659
00:43:45,415 --> 00:43:52,305
We took Friday off to celebrate my
birthday and we went out and had an
660
00:43:52,305 --> 00:43:56,675
expensive dinner and it was really good.
661
00:43:57,115 --> 00:43:59,834
And we went out and saw
some holiday lights.
662
00:44:00,380 --> 00:44:04,720
And then the next day, we went into the
city and had some more food that I really
663
00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:09,420
enjoy at one of my favorite spots to eat
it, which is under the Golden Gate Bridge.
664
00:44:10,070 --> 00:44:13,169
And it was just a really nice weekend,
and it felt like it'd been a while
665
00:44:13,179 --> 00:44:19,490
since the two of us had had time to just
go out and have fun, and be ourselves
666
00:44:19,490 --> 00:44:26,210
together and it was just a really good
weekend and I missed doing that and I
667
00:44:26,210 --> 00:44:31,170
look forward to doing it more, but I'm
definitely still kind of floating on that.
668
00:44:31,549 --> 00:44:31,789
Patricia: Good.
669
00:44:31,810 --> 00:44:32,779
I'm happy to hear it.
670
00:44:32,950 --> 00:44:33,800
I'm happy to hear it.
671
00:44:33,820 --> 00:44:34,360
So am I.
672
00:44:34,410 --> 00:44:36,460
It was, it was a great weekend.
673
00:44:36,679 --> 00:44:38,470
I'm I'm glad you had a birthday.
674
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:41,470
Nicole: I am too.
675
00:44:42,170 --> 00:44:44,145
Patricia: Well, that's our show for today.
676
00:44:44,475 --> 00:44:47,385
We'd like to thank our awesome
audio editor, Jen Zink.
677
00:44:47,745 --> 00:44:50,495
You can find her at loopdlou.com.
678
00:44:50,724 --> 00:44:52,625
We'll leave a link to
that in our show notes.
679
00:44:53,265 --> 00:44:58,905
Nicole: You can find the full show
notes and transcript at eedapod.com.
680
00:44:58,925 --> 00:45:02,814
That's E E D A P O D dot com.
681
00:45:03,105 --> 00:45:07,144
There you can also find a link to
our Patreon, our Bookshop link, the
682
00:45:07,145 --> 00:45:11,475
podcast email list, and a link to the
ongoing Enthusiastic Encouragement
683
00:45:11,475 --> 00:45:12,774
and Dubious Advice newsletter.
684
00:45:13,175 --> 00:45:18,725
You can also find us on Instagram
and BlueSky at eedapod and
685
00:45:18,725 --> 00:45:21,355
email us at eedapod@gmail.com.
686
00:45:21,635 --> 00:45:23,465
Patricia: We're nothing if not consistent.
687
00:45:23,975 --> 00:45:28,385
Nicole: We would also appreciate it so
much if you would subscribe and rate us
688
00:45:28,385 --> 00:45:33,765
on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever
you get your podcasts that allow ratings.
689
00:45:34,285 --> 00:45:36,675
It really goes far in
helping other people find us.
690
00:45:37,325 --> 00:45:41,435
Patricia: We would also appreciate anyone
who can subscribe to us on Patreon.
691
00:45:41,835 --> 00:45:46,114
Support is going to help us keep this
show going, especially without ads.
692
00:45:46,404 --> 00:45:50,154
You can find us at patreon.com/eedapod.
693
00:45:50,175 --> 00:45:54,355
In the meantime, we hope you find
ways to be kind to yourself, drink
694
00:45:54,355 --> 00:45:57,894
some water, make good decisions,
and we'll be talking to you soon.
695
00:45:59,984 --> 00:46:03,660
Nicole: I'm really gonna actually
have to go get my nose pierced now.
