Importance Keeping Up Appearances in Dementia Care: looking good and feeling good counts.

Nancy May:
00:00:02
Hey everybody, it's Nancy May and Doing it Best With Eldercare Success.



Nancy May:
00:00:07
Years back, I remember flying down to see mom and dad.



Nancy May:
00:00:10
It was always a treat for both of them, mom, dad, and



Nancy May:
00:00:14
me and spending time together.



Nancy May:
00:00:16
although mostly my visits were to monitor their well being.



Nancy May:
00:00:20
Make sure aides were doing their job well, seeing firsthand versus



Nancy May:
00:00:25
phone calls, video monitoring, and emails is always the best way to make



Nancy May:
00:00:29
sure that things are kept at best.



Nancy May:
00:00:32
I'd also use that time to make sure I could go to doctor's appointments



Nancy May:
00:00:36
and keep that refrigerator stocked with fresh, healthy foods.



Nancy May:
00:00:40
and then any extra effort I could do to make their aides caregiving



Nancy May:
00:00:45
job just a little bit easier.



Nancy May:
00:00:48
but one thing had been bothering me on these visits.



Nancy May:
00:00:52
And it was getting worse.



Nancy May:
00:00:54
I know my lead aide had been trying to be very conscious about helping me maintain



Nancy May:
00:00:58
a good budget and had decided to take it upon herself to become mom's hairstylist.



Nancy May:
00:01:05
This aide also loved shopping for sparkly blingy clothing for mom,



Nancy May:
00:01:09
which mom loved, and we all enjoyed seeing the smile on her face.



Nancy May:
00:01:13
When she saw some shiny new shirt or a cute pair of pants, but that haircut.



Nancy May:
00:01:19
Well, they kept getting worse and worse and worse.



Nancy May:
00:01:23
You see, the reason why bring this up is because physical appearance and style



Nancy May:
00:01:28
was always important to mom and dad too.



Nancy May:
00:01:31
But we're talking about mom this time.



Nancy May:
00:01:34
From the very first day that I can remember, mom always



Nancy May:
00:01:37
took pride in how she looked.



Nancy May:
00:01:39
for herself and for dad.



Nancy May:
00:01:41
She took weekly trips to the beauty salon.



Nancy May:
00:01:44
And then taking special care in between each salon visit with her



Nancy May:
00:01:48
teased hair and that gentle backflip style of a bouffant of the day.



Nancy May:
00:01:54
Then as times changed and styles changed, the teasing and the lacquered hairspray



Nancy May:
00:01:59
styles became a lot more relaxed.



Nancy May:
00:02:02
Clothing was another important thing for mom.



Nancy May:
00:02:04
I remember a very special Easter hat that she had with these delicate



Nancy May:
00:02:08
little strawberries that would hang off tendrils on the top of a small cap.



Nancy May:
00:02:13
I don't know what it was, but I just loved watching those things



Nancy May:
00:02:17
dance around the top of her head.



Nancy May:
00:02:19
and I remember when she bought a brightly colored lily pulitzer



Nancy May:
00:02:23
dress that came into style.



Nancy May:
00:02:25
Dad loved that one too.



Nancy May:
00:02:27
But now lily pulitzer is back in fashion.



Nancy May:
00:02:30
But what does this have to do with mom who had dementia?



Nancy May:
00:02:33
Well, actually quite a lot.



Nancy May:
00:02:36
As I mentioned, mom's handy aid haircuts were We're going



Nancy May:
00:02:39
from bad to what the heck.



Nancy May:
00:02:43
I knew mom was still checking herself out in the mirror and as time went



Nancy May:
00:02:47
on she wasn't feeling too good about herself and she wasn't looking too good.



Nancy May:
00:02:52
so on one visit and during one of our regular group aid meetings to assess



Nancy May:
00:02:56
where things really were going from the aid side too, I blurted out.



Nancy May:
00:03:01
What the heck is up with mom's hair?



Nancy May:
00:03:04
She looks like hell.



Nancy May:
00:03:06
all of a sudden, there was stunned silence.



Nancy May:
00:03:10
my lead aide at the time said, she likes it when I cut and style her hair.



Nancy May:
00:03:15
My reply?



Nancy May:
00:03:16
Take her to a salon.



Nancy May:
00:03:18
You're doing a bad job.



Nancy May:
00:03:20
Okay.



Nancy May:
00:03:21
Sometimes I open mouth and insert foot.



Nancy May:
00:03:25
However, sometimes being blunt and letting those working for your folks



Nancy May:
00:03:29
know who's in charge is important.



Nancy May:
00:03:31
not just for yourself, but for your parents.



Nancy May:
00:03:34
You see, even with dementia, appearance is important.



Nancy May:
00:03:38
Not just physical hygiene, although that's critical to good health, but simple,



Nancy May:
00:03:43
plain old looking good or looking hot.



Nancy May:
00:03:46
is important to self esteem.



Nancy May:
00:03:48
and yes, anybody who has dementia or Alzheimer's still has a sense



Nancy May:
00:03:53
of self importance and self esteem.



Nancy May:
00:03:56
Yes, self esteem is important to all of us.



Nancy May:
00:03:58
And if that feeling of looking good and feeling good is lost, it can



Nancy May:
00:04:03
often cause individuals with dementia to feel insecure, lose confidence in



Nancy May:
00:04:07
themselves and their ability to do things for themselves, even worse, even



Nancy May:
00:04:12
wanting to get up the next morning.



Nancy May:
00:04:14
can you imagine looking in a mirror day in and day out and seeing yourself?



Nancy May:
00:04:19
Just sloppy and unkept for days on end?



Nancy May:
00:04:22
You'd probably quickly lose interest in doing much of anything yourself, let



Nancy May:
00:04:26
alone wanting to sit outside in the sun.



Nancy May:
00:04:29
Now imagine if you had dementia.



Nancy May:
00:04:31
How much worse you'd feel.



Nancy May:
00:04:34
Making sure our parents have a way to maintain their appearance is important.



Nancy May:
00:04:38
It creates a sense of positive self esteem and gives them



Nancy May:
00:04:42
a greater sense of normalcy.



Nancy May:
00:04:44
Doing so can also impact how we or others treat our parents.



Nancy May:
00:04:50
If you don't look good, (we're not talking about Miss America here



Nancy May:
00:04:53
by any means, but just looking nice), then others, Aids, Doctors,



Nancy May:
00:04:58
Hospitals, Restaurant Servers, etc.



Nancy May:
00:05:02
tend to lower the way they treat our parents.



Nancy May:
00:05:05
It's sad but true.



Nancy May:
00:05:08
Have you ever seen anybody standing on line who looks kind of disheveled?



Nancy May:
00:05:12
and how people tend to just sort of stare or even back away a little bit?



Nancy May:
00:05:18
That can happen to your folks too.



Nancy May:
00:05:20
Beyond good haircuts and dressing well, I have another pet peeve.



Nancy May:
00:05:25
And this one's important too.



Nancy May:
00:05:27
It's those adult bibs.



Nancy May:
00:05:29
I saw oversized baby bibs with a catch all type pocket at the bottom,



Nancy May:
00:05:35
quite often being used in the facility where mom and dad first lived.



Nancy May:
00:05:38
I understand why AIDS place those things on some of the residents at mealtime,



Nancy May:
00:05:43
But, if they do not look like something that an adult would wear, ditch it.



Nancy May:
00:05:48
Yes, this is my opinion, but I think it shows lack of respect



Nancy May:
00:05:53
and understanding for somebody who's having difficulty eating.



Nancy May:
00:05:56
In that case, find a way to make sure that food is more



Nancy May:
00:06:00
easily able to stay on a fork.



Nancy May:
00:06:02
They have bigger forks, bigger spoons, some that are just easier to handle.



Nancy May:
00:06:06
or simply plan on a quick change after a meal, a blouse, a shirt,



Nancy May:
00:06:13
a t shirt, whatever it is.



Nancy May:
00:06:15
It's okay.



Nancy May:
00:06:15
it's only a piece of clothing and can be easily thrown into the wash.



Nancy May:
00:06:20
helping your parents.



Nancy May:
00:06:22
Keep a sense of physical pride in themselves is important.



Nancy May:
00:06:25
It makes them feel better about themselves, and you



Nancy May:
00:06:28
feel better about them too.



Nancy May:
00:06:30
It will support their desire to stay strong and healthy and mentally positive.



Nancy May:
00:06:34
PMA all the way was one of my mom's sayings.



Nancy May:
00:06:38
Dad would say, don't let the bastards get you down.



Nancy May:
00:06:41
Well, I guess that's just another way of saying PMA.



Nancy May:
00:06:45
Physically looking good encourages normalcy, even when days are



Nancy May:
00:06:49
tough, physically and emotionally.



Nancy May:
00:06:52
there's nothing better than feeling self sufficient.



Nancy May:
00:06:55
Even when you can't do things entirely by yourself.



Nancy May:
00:06:58
And having a sense of pride in looking good also help somebody want to continue



Nancy May:
00:07:03
to contribute to the world, even if that's only in their own home, with a



Nancy May:
00:07:08
family member, or just helping out in aid.



Nancy May:
00:07:12
It's just a matter of respect.



Nancy May:
00:07:14
Now, if you're not living with your parents, or even if you are take a



Nancy May:
00:07:18
look at how they're physically looking.



Nancy May:
00:07:21
don't have to really be ready for the next Yves Saint Laurent Runway.



Nancy May:
00:07:24
Runway event, but looking good will help them physically and mentally.



Nancy May:
00:07:30
It may even help with some cognitive challenges.



Nancy May:
00:07:34
Vanity can be a good thing for them and you.



Nancy May:
00:07:38
On your next visit with mom and dad, pay them a compliment and see how they react.



Nancy May:
00:07:43
Gee mom, you're looking good.



Nancy May:
00:07:45
My mom once told me, you're full of shit.



Nancy May:
00:07:48
Well, she certainly told me how she was feeling, but if they smile and say thank



Nancy May:
00:07:53
you, you know, you're on the right path.



Nancy May:
00:07:56
And if they frown and look a little bewildered, you also know



Nancy May:
00:07:59
what path you're on, other than the comment that my mom have said.



Nancy May:
00:08:04
I hope this short episode helps you think just a little bit differently



Nancy May:
00:08:07
in caring for mom and dad.



Nancy May:
00:08:08
And it'll help yourself too.



Nancy May:
00:08:11
Pride in our parents also gives us extra pride in who we



Nancy May:
00:08:14
are and how well we're doing.



Nancy May:
00:08:16
Looking good can help both ways.



Nancy May:
00:08:19
On that note, if you're looking good, you'll also want to do good.



Nancy May:
00:08:23
one way you can do that is by getting the book, How to Survive 9 1 1



Nancy May:
00:08:27
Medical Emergencies, a step by step guide before, during, and after.



Nancy May:
00:08:31
You'll learn what to do in the most difficult times,



Nancy May:
00:08:34
and How To Manage Through A Healthcare System That Is Not Always Looking Out



Nancy May:
00:08:38
For You And Your Folks Best Interest.



Nancy May:
00:08:41
Being Ready Versus Reacting.



Nancy May:
00:08:44
is the best gift that you can give yourself and your folks.



Nancy May:
00:08:48
Also, if you like the show, go to eldercaresuccess.



Nancy May:
00:08:51
live and give it a five star rating.



Nancy May:
00:08:52
You can give that rating there, Or you can go to your favorite listening



Nancy May:
00:08:55
platform from eldercaresuccess.



Nancy May:
00:08:57
live as well.



Nancy May:
00:08:59
Finally, if you have a question or comment, please leave me a voicemail



Nancy May:
00:09:03
message or drop me an You can also do that at EldercareSuccess.



Nancy May:
00:09:06
Live.



Nancy May:
00:09:07
There's a blue tab on the right hand side of the screen that



Nancy May:
00:09:10
says, Leave Nancy a voicemail.



Nancy May:
00:09:12
You can leave me a voicemail or send me an email.



Nancy May:
00:09:15
Simply click and follow the instructions.



Nancy May:
00:09:17
It's easy.



Nancy May:
00:09:18
I'll read your comment or question on the next episode.



Nancy May:
00:09:22
thank you for following and being a part of the Eldercare Success Podcast family.



Nancy May:
00:09:28
Thank you for following, listening, and being a part of the



Nancy May:
00:09:31
Eldercare Success Podcast family.



Nancy May:
00:09:33
If you see somebody online behind you at Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, or



Nancy May:
00:09:37
even at the grocery store who looks a little stressed out, You might want to



Nancy May:
00:09:41
give them a link to this show as well.



Nancy May:
00:09:44
As I said, it's eldercaresuccess.



Nancy May:
00:09:46
live.



Nancy May:
00:09:47
It can be your gift and they might be a caregiver too.



Nancy May:
00:09:53
It can be your gift to them because it's my gift to you.



Nancy May:
00:09:58
Be well, stay well, and keep caring.



Nancy May:
00:10:01
Bye bye.