Finding Peace in a Chaotic World: How to Reduce Clutter with Conny Graf

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I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently.
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Whether you feel stuck in survival, navigating a change or seeking more for your life, may this podcast be your weekly nudge to take a risk to build a life that is uniquely bold, authentic and in alignment with your deepest values.
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What if you worried less about the bumps in the road and instead got equipped for the journey?
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Get ready to rethink what's possible.
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Hey everyone, I'm excited today to have Conny Graff here on the show, and Conny is a certified clutter cleaning practitioner and her mission is to help people go from chaos to peace.
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And I just want to welcome you first, conny.
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I'm really excited to have this conversation.
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Thank you so much, Carla.
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I'm very excited to be here.
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I don't know about you, but I feel like I feel like an extra fire in my belly right now in the world.
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I feel like, more than ever, we need tools to go from chaos to peace and to find that peace inside of us, regardless of what is happening in our outer world, and so I feel like this is a very important mission.
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And I would love to start with how did you get on this path, like I'm always curious about, were there signs as a young girl that this would be something you would do, or did that sort of evolve later in your life?
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Yeah, no, funny that you ask, because actually it did show when I was young, like early teens, I don't remember, probably, but I was in high school, so probably 13, 14, I started to realize how my environment has an effect on me and I started to rearrange my room.
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I had a little, I had my own bedroom, but I always called it the room closet because it was very small.
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So I constantly rearranged it, I would perch things and all that, and so it did show early.
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But then that was not like something that I could pursue like as a profession.
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So I ended up in finance and I ended up here and there and everywhere, and how it has happened so often, as I heard from other people, all of a sudden we go full circle and we come back.
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And so I started in my forties, I think it was.
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I started again and I it all came back and I realized how our environment has so much effect on us.
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And when you mentioned the world out there, the world out there is really crazy, probably more than it has been ever before.
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Also, with all this information overload and all the other crazy things that go on, and we don't have any agency over what's going on out there, but we have certain agencies around us, so what goes on inside of us, but also what goes on in our own home if we have a business in our own business, right, and so this is kind of how this started to happen, and it showed a little bit already when I worked in finance, because people were always saying like, oh, you're so organized, how can you be so organized and you look so at peace at your desk and I'm like, yeah, but I'm very busy and I do a lot of stuff, but yeah, so this is kind of like.
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I try to keep the answer short, because I could go on for about an hour the process, but yes, it did start early on when I was a child.
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Start early on when I was a child.
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It was maybe a little bit weird as a teenager to constantly rearrange my room and see how it feels and does this make more sense for me, but that's how it started.
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Well, that makes so much sense.
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So I've actually done a podcast episode on rearrange your thinking and I kind of related it to when I was a kid.
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I rearranged my room all the time Like that was one of my I.
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Actually I still do it in my home.
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I do it when there's kind of a new stage or a season in my life or I just need to bring in like some new energy or I get, I get bored and my environment has a big impact on how I feel, and so my husband and I actually have been recently talking about that, how we both are very sensitive to our environment and it plays a big role.
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So do you find that a lot of people are, that everyone's that way, or certain people are that way?
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I'm curious.
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Yeah, it's a difficult question.
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So I my theory.
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I have no empiric scientific truth to it, but my theory is, yes, we're all.
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We're all sensitive that way that we react to our environment.
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But the brain is amazing, right?
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So I'm a little bit of a geek.
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I study what science says and what psychology says, and so our brain can really block out whatever, or they're also so used to the environment, let's say, bugging them or stressing them out that they don't even know that it could be better or that this is actually happening.
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But I think, yes, in general, the environment has a big impact on us and you can easily test this, like even if you say, oh no, it doesn't bother me at all, but when you go, for example, on vacation and you go into or just go into a hotel room, you can feel it right away whether that's a room that you feel comfortable in or not, and it's usually very minimal or decluttered, different to most people's homes or most people's offices.
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So I think that's where they maybe could get a glimpse that it.
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Yes, it does affect me too.
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But yeah, in general, I think everybody.
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But again, I'm not a scientist, so I have no proof for this.
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So let's start with like what is in your mind, from your perspective and the way that you teach people.
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Like what do you identify as clutter?
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Because I know it's more than just physical clutter just have the stuff we trip over it.
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It's also like all unfinished stuff, like stuff that stands around that has no home, or things that are broken, like burned out light bulbs or lip dripping faucets, all these little nagging things.
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That's all also considered clutter.
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But then, of course, now with the online world, we have digital clutter, and that goes beyond too many photos or too many emails.
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It goes like all these accounts we have everywhere, all these passwords that we have everywhere, everything that is existent of us in the online world, which they say never gets deleted.
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It just gets stored away somewhere, which is sometimes a little bit scary, right.
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Then I talk about social clutter, so when we're putting too much on our plate, when we actually don't have priorities, when we help out other people rather than making sure we're okay, first I talk about mental clutter, all this negative chatter in our brain, which is one of my big missions, where I always say like this is where my clutter shows up Negative thinking, limiting beliefs, all this thing that then often leads to emotional clutter, where we're beating ourselves up and then feel really bad about it.
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There is, of course, spiritual clutter.
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I don't talk about that that much.
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I don't feel qualified.
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I struggle with that myself, but it's basically when you think you're enlightened, when you're not.
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Yeah, so there is more to clutter than we think.
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That I usually say.
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And the other thing is also, it's not that we can be 100% clutter-free, like even I watched a video the other day of a guy I think he's in Japan and he only owns 33 items or 32, don't quote me like a ridiculous low amount of items, including his clothes, his shoes, his whatever, and I don't know.
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That's not really what I'm striving for.
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It's also not what I'm helping people achieve, right?
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So it's not about restricting us or paring down to almost nothing.
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As human beings, I find we are by nature collectors.
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Just look at certain tribes that still travel.
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They take horses or wagons or whatever with us.
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So we are all prone to collect things.
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But there is a healthy way or healthy is maybe the wrong word but there is a way where we have just enough items that we can live our life the way we want it.
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We have everything we want, everything has its place, kind of thing, without being too crazy about it.
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And there is a tipping point when it becomes too much, when we're not letting things go, when they start to pile up and they have nothing to do with our life anymore.
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So it's basically clutter is whatever is in your life that hinders you and keeps you stuck in moving forward.
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And we all move forward, like, even if we're not on a path of self-development, we all move forward.
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We're all not like we used to be when we were 20 or when we were 25.
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Right so, and a lot of people miss letting go of these items from past lives or from past phases and stages of their life, and then that becomes clutter and that has an effect on them energetically and probably mentally, stresses them out, whether they're aware of it or not.
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And that is clutter.
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That's how I define it.
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Long answer.
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It's a good one.
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So it can feel kind of overwhelming when you talk about all the clutter, right, that there is, because there is a lot.
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But I loved that you said the goal isn't that we have to deal with all of this and get even get rid of all of it.
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But I think you said something really important is that it's the clutter that hinders us, right.
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That is that we might want to pay attention to or look at.
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And so how get from your experience, how would someone know that there's something clutter that's hindering them?
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Like, what are those indicators that someone might recognize?
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Yeah.
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So clutter, and that that is scientifically proven.
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Clutter actually stresses us out.
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So also, everything that is in in our visual makes our brain having to work extra hard, right.
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So it goes back to back, to noticing.
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How does my environment make me feel?
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We may have to become a little bit introspective, we may have to become a bit mindful.
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We may have to slow down for a minute and see Worst case scenario.
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As we know, stress can make us sick.
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Now I don't necessarily say if you have clutter in your home you get sick.
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That's not what I'm saying.
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I'm just saying stress is known to make us sick, and that's not me saying it, that's science saying it.
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Now, we don't have a lot of control over a lot of things that stress us out, lot of things that stress us out.
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But we do have control over our immediate environment, like our home, our family dynamics, to a degree, for sure, our friendship dynamics, right.
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And so if we slow down and we actually identify what stresses me out and where do I have some agency or control over to change this, I encourage anybody to go on the path and change it.
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And oftentimes it has to do with too many things, too many digital too, like digital, becomes a real problem.
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Too many emails, too many notifications everywhere, too much information entering your mind, and I'm the first one who noticed that, becoming overwhelmed with it.
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Because I am a seeker, I am a learner, I want to always know and I have to be careful to not just shower myself with it, to not just shower myself with it.
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So, to keep the answer shorter, I think, see where you're stressed, whether you can find a culprit, kind of like here you find a little guilty thing, and if not, it always helps to start with cleaning, maybe, the surfaces.
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So, like I said, our brain reacts to whatever we're seeing and then, if it sees a lot, it has to filter out whatever is not important.
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And if you have a lot of stuff standing around everywhere, like on your surfaces, like in the kitchen, on the counter or in your office, on your desk, and everywhere is all this stuff, your brain has to really work hard to filter that out so that you can actually go about your day and do what you wanted to do, and so you could just start clearing the surfaces and see then how you feel afterwards.
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Does it help with the stress, does it help with the overwhelm?
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And I mean, I could talk, we could have a three-hour conversation around it, right?
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Because when you're dealing with clutter, so stress, we feel it in our body, right.
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What is then going on in our brain when we feel it in our body?
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What are then the emotions that come out of it?
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So it's kind of like it goes on and on and on, right, and if we find somewhere an entry point where we can start reducing some of it, we'll have big benefits.
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Well, I think that's great, and I mean what I hear you saying is you know, if you have stress, it's good to say, like how do I feel in my environment?
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What is creating this stress?
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Is it physical?
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Is it mental clutter?
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Is it the negative thinking?
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Is it social clutter?
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Is it relationship clutter?
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I think those are great starting points to kind of zoom in on an area that feels like you could make a significant impact.
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And you're talking about just our surfaces, like just just like a couple days ago, we have, you know, maybe like everybody does that countertop, that kind of we call it the collect.
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All you know.
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It's like the place where you come in the house and you set your everything and there was something that there was like a little plant holder that had been sitting there for like a couple weeks, I think, and I literally was like I just need to move this to a shelf, cause I'm not going to deal with it anytime soon.
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I need to plant something in it and like, just moving that and putting it out of sight just freed my brain up, I just felt better, and so that has a huge impact.
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I also, um, in my business related to what you were saying because I'm in a new season in my business and I'm doing sort of a reset to grow and in my journal was to like feel organized and on top of some of these things that like when I go to do them, you know I'm spinning my wheels, looking for things or trying to find things in my digital world, and I spent I don't know a few hours last weekend just clearing up and organizing my files for where my business is today, like that.
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I don't even know how much time it saved me because I can find things so much quicker, but it saves so much brain space too, and so I hear what you're saying.
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I think it's so important.
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Yeah, and I call this investing time right, and it depends on your type of person whether you can do a few hours like you just did, or whether you're somebody that sounds daunting to you.
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But then I have a process where you can do just a few minutes a day, like one of my sayings is a few minutes a day keeps the chaos away, so you can transition in a few minutes a day towards a more organized space and you can feel it how your nervous system starts to calm down if you don't have to scramble every day and trying to find things.
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And this is what I'm saying is there is so much stress in the world.
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Why put more stress on us when some small tweaks and some little investing some time instead of wasting it?
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I always say, like you can invest time, organize it, so then you save so much time in the future and not waste it anymore.
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And it it makes you just confirmed, it.
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It makes you feel so much more confident or calm or clear, like if you don't have to run, like run around on your computer trying to find files, you, which makes you frantic, right, you're so clear and you can be confident.
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And what's the word?
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Grounded, sitting there and actually radiant leadership then rather than when, and I always say, yeah, but you can't change that.
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But what you can change is that you have no jumble on chaos in the things that you have to deal with every single day.
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That's where you get the peace, you know.
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Well, I think that is so.
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So important to just highlight is that you reminded me of something just in our marriage and in our home is like the world is crazy out there, and so we put as much energy and effort as we can into making our marriage and our home like a place that we can feel peace because of that and that counts for your inner world.
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Right, which is my work, is helping people manage the mental clutter, and for me, like my faith plays a huge role.
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But it's focusing on the things where we have control to create peace.
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Because if we're focused always out there which I did for many years of my life, focused on trying to get everything out here, which I did for many years of my life focused on trying to get everything out here, you know, organized and aligned and in its right spot so that I could feel okay, and that was exhausting.
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But when I flip the thing, flip the script to focusing on what I actually have control over, then you can find yourself peaceful and grounded, like you're saying, in the midst of chaos, right?
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Yeah, and that doesn't mean we're not affected or saddened by what happens out in the world, because I sometimes get the pushback where people say, well, how can I create peace and be peaceful at home when all this is going on out in the world?
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But I say it, what does it help if you have and I'm not saying war but if you're having chaos in your home and around you as well, and on top of whatever is going on out there, you're more likely to.
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You know we can't create world peace as much as we want it as a single person, but what we can do is create peace from the inside out and then, when we're peaceful, we can maybe create more peace in our family, and then maybe we can create more peace in our neighborhood.
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And then we can.
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And if we all would do that, then we would end up probably creating more peace in the world would do that, then we would end up probably creating more peace in the world.
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So I love it that you discovered that for yourself to create this peace at home this is basically what it is, and I'm talking a lot about.
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It has to do with how you feel in your home, where you live.
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Is it a calm, supportive space, or is it sabotaging you and sabotaging in a way like it creates even more stress, you know?
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And?
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And oftentimes people hang on so tightly to things because they think they can't let them go, which creates so much stress.
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And and then once they're like we're working together and I never say they have to let it go, but once they're ready and they decide themselves, okay, I can let it go the weight that lifts off of them that I hear so often brings them so much peace.
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And yes, it doesn't help the world out there, like it's more indirect, right, because the more peaceful, the more people feel, the better the world will be.
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So, yeah, so, so I love it.
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You get it out for yourself too, that that helps so let's talk about.
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Something you just said is that and I've worked with clients who, who maybe are people who grew up in a chaotic environment, and so they that is their normal, and there's a sense of comfort to that chaos, even if it's impacting them in a negative way how do you help people through that?
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Yeah, that is hard, very unfamiliar, which may stress them out in the beginning, because they're feeling more normal when they're surrounded by chaos, I think so.
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I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a trained psychiatrist.
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So, depending on how traumatic their upbringing was, they may need to work on that with some professionals first, or at least parallel.
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I can always help with the practical parts.
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I'm trained to help to a degree with all the emotions that come with it.
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But if somebody had really a hard upbringing really a hard upbringing, depending on how hard, they need some professional help on top of it.
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But that said, I'm trained.
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So, and I went through extensive training I was like people were saying why would you go and learn more about how to declutter?
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And I said because there is more to it than meets the eye.
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So I'm very practical.
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I kind of felt it in myself, right, but that doesn't mean I know then how to help others.
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So what I learned, what I went through training to, is how to ask the right questions so that people can think for themselves to decide whether they want to keep something or not, whether they want to organize something or not, whether they want to go through the maybe temporary unfamiliar feeling of oh my God, this is weird.
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I'm not used to having a clearer space, but I'm willing to go through this to see whether it has a long-term positive effect.
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So I'm trained in that.
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So that's what I can help.
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Oftentimes people get these insights, these ahas.
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They can loosen the grip on certain things that they keep, or they notice the sabotaging habits they have and then go on a journey to change this.
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But it's not an overnight thing.
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So I often say decluttering is not an event, it is a journey.
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It's an introspective journey and it's showing them in the outside.
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So I don't know whether you ever heard, as with ins or without, it's an old hermetic law.
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So if we're inside ready to, at least ready to want to change and want to move forward, then it will start having an effect on the outside.
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But it will be unfamiliar for a while.
00:24:44.731 --> 00:24:50.442
So, having somebody who they can talk to, I always try to be a very safe place.
00:24:50.442 --> 00:24:53.955
I always say too I never tell you what to let go of or what to do.
00:24:53.955 --> 00:24:57.983
What I'm doing is I'm helping you discover what is right for you.
00:24:57.983 --> 00:25:09.986
So this some people call it coaching, I call it more guiding guiding you through the process, being here as a sounding board, as a safe place, also, when it's not working out.
00:25:09.986 --> 00:25:14.359
It's often needed a safe place, so that's how I help.
00:25:14.359 --> 00:25:28.619
And just to talk about surfaces, it's so funny sometimes to watch when you help people clear surfaces and then they feel so uncomfortable with the clear surface that they have to put something messy there just to feel better again.
00:25:28.619 --> 00:25:39.278
And then we're talking about it and to tolerate this for a little bit, this unfamiliar feeling, especially when you live in chaos for a long time.
00:25:39.278 --> 00:25:40.760
That is.
00:25:40.760 --> 00:25:44.732
That is where you then make progress and where you can have breakthroughs.
00:25:45.933 --> 00:25:46.875
That makes so much sense.
00:25:46.875 --> 00:25:50.298
I think we originally originally talked like your.
00:25:50.298 --> 00:26:07.921
Your approach really is differently, um, and I I love that you are not telling people how to do this or what to do, or here's the 10 steps to follow, necessarily, but helping people find their own answers, and that is so important to me.
00:26:07.921 --> 00:26:46.276
I feel like, in such a noisy world, um, and as someone who used to always look to like somebody else has got the answers somebody else knows better than I do to like really returning to my own inner wisdom and trusting that and teaching people that's my goal too when I work with somebody is I I say you're the expert on your life, I'm the expert on helping you move all the crap that's in the way of you leading that powerfully, and I love that you're returning, just helping people get to their own answers and learning to trust that right.
00:26:46.877 --> 00:26:51.609
Yeah Well, we, of course, are trained and socialized to listen to others.
00:26:51.609 --> 00:26:53.294
Like when you think about us children, first we have to listen to what the parents say, then we have to listen to others.
00:26:53.294 --> 00:26:57.539
Like when you think about us children, first we have to listen to what the parents say, then we have to listen to what the school says.
00:26:57.539 --> 00:27:02.298
So we're kind of trained to always have somebody that tells us what to do.
00:27:02.298 --> 00:27:07.174
And I don't want to tell you what to do, but I can guide you.
00:27:07.174 --> 00:27:08.538
I have like principles.
00:27:08.538 --> 00:27:13.034
I can also show you where where you sabotage yourself.
00:27:13.054 --> 00:27:23.954
Like often people when they start this journey of creating a more calm, decluttered space in their home, they try to take on too much and then they crush and burn right Because it's too much.
00:27:23.954 --> 00:27:32.476
They haven't considered all the emotional effects or just also the energetic effects, so they take on too much.
00:27:32.476 --> 00:27:34.691
So I do have some I call them more principles.
00:27:34.691 --> 00:27:37.577
I'm a little bit of a rebel, so I don't like rules.
00:27:37.577 --> 00:27:40.674
I myself don't like rules, so I don't give my clients rules.
00:27:40.674 --> 00:27:45.431
But I have some principles that I talk them through, but I never tell them what to do.
00:27:45.431 --> 00:27:47.073
And this is a change.
00:27:47.073 --> 00:27:50.237
Yes, a lot of people then tell me well, just tell me what to do.
00:27:50.237 --> 00:28:01.336
And I said, well, I could do that, but it's not going to work, because if I tell you what to do, this may not align with your habits and all that, so it will not help.
00:28:01.336 --> 00:28:03.663
Or be, sustainable.
00:28:04.990 --> 00:28:06.798
It's not sustainable, exactly, thank you.
00:28:06.798 --> 00:28:21.557
So you will slide back and all the clutter will slide back and it will feel like a failure, even though it's not, but it will feel like one, and then all the mental clutter starts about oh I'm just not, I just can't do it, and I always knew I can't do it.
00:28:21.557 --> 00:28:25.551
No, you just used the wrong approach and we're so.
00:28:25.551 --> 00:28:42.997
We want to have instant results, right Like in Amazon prime time, where you can order something in the morning while you're drinking your morning coffee and two hours later it's at your doorstep, and so we're expecting this kind of prime delivery in a lot of things.
00:28:44.459 --> 00:28:48.404
But we ourselves are not wired that way.
00:28:48.404 --> 00:28:53.563
We need a little bit more time, like I had one client once that said to me and I thought it was beautiful.
00:28:53.563 --> 00:28:59.143
She said I don't even know whether how that would feel an organized me.
00:28:59.143 --> 00:29:09.298
And this is where I'm saying you can't just go from an unorganized or a person who has a lot of clutter to a person who has no clutter overnight.
00:29:09.298 --> 00:29:11.811
This, this is too much right.
00:29:11.811 --> 00:29:26.917
So this is where I come in with my principles, where I guide people but I never tell them what to do, because I think it's overstepping a boundary, it's not my life, it's not my, my thing, so I can't just tell them well, just get rid of it.
00:29:26.917 --> 00:29:30.525
That would be overstepping my boundary and being rude.
00:29:31.970 --> 00:29:49.529
Well, and it sounds like you're helping people also kind of tune into their own natural rhythms and like a story came up as you were sharing that, that for years, like I just resented or resisted that I have piles, like I work in piles.
00:29:49.529 --> 00:29:58.963
If you saw, right here, I have like piles of projects, you know, and I have created organization for those piles.
00:29:58.963 --> 00:30:16.363
But when I'm working on, like, say, I have like three to five things I'm kind of working on, I like them out where I can see them and I'm kind of like a mad scientist, like a little bit, and then I'll, like I have to clear my immediate space to create and work.
00:30:16.363 --> 00:30:29.714
But I think it's also like understanding your own rhythms and, instead of judging them or comparing them to what somebody else does, it's like how can I work with this natural behavior that I have?
00:30:30.759 --> 00:30:33.135
Yeah, instead of just being frustrated by it.
00:30:33.798 --> 00:30:38.109
Yeah, yeah, I call it how you tick like what your nature is, right.
00:30:38.109 --> 00:30:50.680
So I'm coming from astrology, so in astrology we have also different elements like fire, earth, air and water, and depending on what you're more of, you do different.
00:30:50.680 --> 00:30:52.051
I hinted that earlier.
00:30:52.051 --> 00:30:56.871
I said some people can do a few hours of organization like you just did with your files.
00:30:56.871 --> 00:31:01.121
For others, this is just not in their nature, it's not possible.
00:31:01.121 --> 00:31:05.400
And then to tell them they have to do this is more counterproductive, right?
00:31:05.400 --> 00:31:28.880
So figuring out how you tick that's also something that I help people with, which takes a lot of emotional and mental clutter away, because we're telling ourselves, oh I see that this and this person could do it, and so I should be able to do it too, but you may not factor in that you're wired differently, so the approach that this person took may not work.
00:31:28.880 --> 00:31:33.086
You can still get to the same result, but with a different approach, right?
00:31:33.289 --> 00:31:43.702
So yeah, so could you share with us, maybe like a principle, or a couple simple strategies that people could start with?
00:31:45.125 --> 00:31:48.051
Yeah, so you mentioned something about that.
00:31:48.051 --> 00:31:51.894
You always need your space clear, so I work with zones.
00:31:51.894 --> 00:31:55.497
So I'm not like I said, I'm a little bit of a sponge for information.
00:31:55.497 --> 00:32:04.603
So I'm not only having a certificate in clutter clearing, I also I'm also a financial expert because I was in finance many years.
00:32:04.603 --> 00:32:32.554
I'm still with one foot in finance and I also have a degree in permaculture design and permaculture is a way of gardening with the nature, with nature I have to say it that way, and so I saw early on that this is actually something that I do naturally, not just with gardening, but with setting up my space, and in permaculture we have these zones zone one to five, with setting up my space, and in permaculture we have these zones zone one to five and the lower the number is.
00:32:32.574 --> 00:32:36.215
So zone zero is when we talk about, for example, the office.
00:32:36.215 --> 00:32:43.160
Zone zero is the surface of your desk, so that's the immediate environment around you, and you said already oh, I need this clear.
00:32:43.160 --> 00:32:57.988
Yes, this makes us more powerful and more clear in our head if the immediate environment is clear, and then afterwards I say okay, and then whatever you need during the day at your fingertips.
00:32:57.988 --> 00:33:07.778
I always say like everything at your fingertips you put just outside of this zone one, and then I have this whole concept of all the zones and what items to put where.
00:33:07.798 --> 00:33:11.625
To kind of, because people always ask me, well, how should I organize my office?
00:33:11.625 --> 00:33:13.710
And this to kind of, because people always ask me, well, how should I organize my office?
00:33:13.710 --> 00:33:19.878
And this is kind of how all the things that you use a lot need to be closer to you, everything that you don't use as much further away.
00:33:19.878 --> 00:33:34.820
Now then a lot of people tell me, well, duh, that makes sense, connie, but you won't believe how many times I come and help somebody organize their office and on their desk is some papers that need to be filed, and they're there for three years already and they have never looked at them.
00:33:34.820 --> 00:33:35.892
And to me they don't.
00:33:35.892 --> 00:33:44.017
Okay, if you don't want to file them, that's one thing, right, but why have them in your immediate zone where you try to work?
00:33:44.017 --> 00:33:45.981
Those are not important anymore.
00:33:45.981 --> 00:33:47.571
So that is one of the concepts.
00:33:47.571 --> 00:33:51.279
And then the other one so it's like these layers.
00:33:51.299 --> 00:33:52.048
I like that.
00:33:52.509 --> 00:33:56.298
Yeah, I call them concentric rings towards the outside.
00:33:56.298 --> 00:34:07.124
I actually found a quote that I can't properly give anymore by a poet that also talked about these concentric rings.
00:34:07.124 --> 00:34:15.358
It's just, it's you know how you you have inside of your heart, and then we have all the bone structure and then we have the muscles and then we have the skin.
00:34:15.358 --> 00:34:22.820
So that is also like layers or rings to the outside, not just extend that to the environment.
00:34:22.820 --> 00:34:35.358
And the further away it is from me, the less I have to actually worry about whether it's organized or not right, and the closer it is to me, the more I want to make sure it is.
00:34:35.358 --> 00:34:41.498
Like you also said, it doesn't stress me out, I find it easy, I don't have to scramble around, it's right here.
00:34:41.498 --> 00:34:45.655
So that is one concept, and then the other one is to achieve this.
00:34:45.735 --> 00:34:48.534
We always have to make sure we don't try to take on too much.
00:34:48.534 --> 00:34:54.077
Again, there's a little bit of a deeper discussion, because what type are you?
00:34:54.077 --> 00:35:01.762
Are you somebody that can power through, let's say, two or three hours, or are you somebody that can maximum do 15 or 20 minutes?
00:35:01.762 --> 00:35:13.682
That's how we approach it, but what often people do is they take on too much and then, like somebody said to me, oh, I pulled everything out, and then it was all there and I got overwhelmed.
00:35:13.682 --> 00:35:16.960
Well, yeah, don't pull everything out, is my suggestion, don't.
00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:27.619
So go, take small, manageable chunks and also like when you're more dealing with emotional stuff, like household stuff.
00:35:27.619 --> 00:35:40.103
A mistake that a lot of people do is they start with the most emotional thing when they ask me well, connie, how do I deal with the China I got from my grandma who passed?
00:35:40.103 --> 00:35:42.659
Well, that's probably not where we start.
00:35:42.659 --> 00:35:52.244
We probably start somewhere where there's less emotions and we leave that China from grandma for now to decide.
00:35:53.931 --> 00:35:55.132
So that makes so much sense.
00:35:55.132 --> 00:35:56.396
That makes so much sense.
00:35:56.396 --> 00:36:05.054
So anything else that we didn't cover, that you want to make sure to share.
00:36:07.958 --> 00:36:13.164
Yeah, so it probably you could read it through the lines already a little bit.
00:36:13.184 --> 00:36:21.103
So to me, clearing clutter or creating a supportive and peaceful environment is an act of self-love.
00:36:21.103 --> 00:36:27.474
That's what I often say, and I'm the first one who struggled a lot with self-love, and self-love is maybe also a loaded thing.
00:36:27.474 --> 00:36:32.094
It's like self-care, and it's not a lot of people that say, oh, it's selfish.
00:36:32.094 --> 00:36:41.534
I have to look after everybody else first, and I always say, like no, you have to make sure that you are grounded, that you are at peace, and then you can help the others actually way better.
00:36:41.534 --> 00:36:51.670
That goes back to how we can create more peace in our immediate environment is by being at peace ourselves and then moving it outwards.
00:36:51.670 --> 00:37:02.074
And to be more at peace and more grounded is actually by creating our environment in a way that doesn't stress us out.
00:37:02.175 --> 00:37:08.474
So hence, clear and clutter is self-love, and I do want to get that across.
00:37:08.474 --> 00:37:35.579
It's not about beating yourself up oh, I'm so chaotic and Connie said I shouldn't be no, it's about being empathic and compassionate with yourself and then figuring out where can I change something that I always just get a little bit of relief and then the next day I do something else and I get a little bit of relief, and that is self-love and self-care that will ripple out into the world in a positive way, that's so beautiful.
00:37:36.262 --> 00:37:40.255
I feel like there's a journaling prompt there that I can leave everybody with.
00:37:40.255 --> 00:37:51.943
I was thinking, as you were saying all of that, that if it is peace that we want more peace in our life, you could fill in the blank with whatever it is that you want.
00:37:51.943 --> 00:37:53.052
It could be joy, or.
00:37:53.052 --> 00:38:03.242
But it's like if I want to feel more peace, what could I change in my environment that would create more peace for me?
00:38:03.242 --> 00:38:07.460
Like I feel like if you sat with that question, something's going to pop up.
00:38:07.460 --> 00:38:10.219
It might just be dealing with one thing right.
00:38:11.230 --> 00:38:14.338
Yeah, like I said, a few minutes a day keeps the chaos away.
00:38:14.338 --> 00:38:23.114
Maybe it's just one little corner with your favorite chair that you're clearing it around there, so it actually is really comfy, or whatever it is.
00:38:23.114 --> 00:38:25.101
I love, I love your journaling prompt.
00:38:26.630 --> 00:38:27.213
That's beautiful.
00:38:27.213 --> 00:38:30.402
So how can so do you work virtually?
00:38:30.402 --> 00:38:34.753
I know you're in Vancouver, but do you work virtually with people?
00:38:35.456 --> 00:38:36.418
Yes, I do.
00:38:36.418 --> 00:38:46.150
I did actually already before the pandemic, but since the pandemic for sure, and it has, like anything, advantages and disadvantages.
00:38:46.150 --> 00:39:20.539
But one advantage is you don't have a stranger in your home necessarily right when I'm working with you, which is um oftentimes very stressful for people if this connie comes, who is supposedly so organized, and she comes now and helps me, and they often get all stressed and or they often did get all stressed and started to clean up their house and organize everything so that Conny could come and help them organize which is actually the opposite, and so it actually does help doing virtual work.
00:39:20.730 --> 00:39:25.195
A lot of stuff is in this realm so much easier to do virtual.
00:39:25.195 --> 00:39:42.572
And I also have a little bit of a new small group program, but that's not for everybody, because sometimes there's a lot of they feel maybe even ashamed or or embarrassed so they don't want to share with other people.
00:39:42.572 --> 00:39:45.396
So most of it I still work one-on-one.
00:39:45.396 --> 00:39:53.045
For some more courageous people I have a small group program to work together.
00:39:53.789 --> 00:39:54.090
Nice.
00:39:54.090 --> 00:40:00.117
So let everybody know where they can find out more about all of this and the good work that you're doing.
00:40:00.849 --> 00:40:02.974
Yeah, so the hub is my website.
00:40:02.974 --> 00:40:09.434
It's connygrafcom C-O-N-N-Y-G-R-A-Fcom C-O-N-N-Y-G-R-A-F.
00:40:09.434 --> 00:40:09.594
Dot com.
00:40:09.594 --> 00:40:20.927
That's the main website and there is links to all of it to how to sign up for a consultation call where we can see whether we would be a good fit to work together.
00:40:20.927 --> 00:40:27.282
There is a link to my little group program when the next live round starts.
00:40:27.282 --> 00:40:34.175
I do those live so that because I noticed that if people just sign up for something then they don't take action.
00:40:34.175 --> 00:40:46.159
When we're doing it live, then they're in a container with some accountability, then it works better, and so they will find there when this starts next.
00:40:46.159 --> 00:40:50.536
Then they can sign up for the waiting list and they also find my podcast there.
00:40:50.536 --> 00:40:51.981
If you're not ready to.
00:40:52.731 --> 00:40:54.557
Yes, share a little bit about your podcast.
00:40:54.858 --> 00:40:55.690
Yeah yeah.
00:40:55.690 --> 00:41:02.903
For people that are not ready to hire me in any way, they can just listen to my podcast.
00:41:02.903 --> 00:41:21.074
I have 225 episodes or something, sometimes with guests, but a lot of times alone, where I just talk about what you just asked me, just my point of view, how I look at clearing the clutter in your home, creating peace out of chaos.
00:41:21.074 --> 00:41:30.460
All kinds of different viewpoints, and sometimes it's an episode where I ask them or inspire them to do something.
00:41:30.460 --> 00:41:34.702
Sometimes it's more like inspire them to think about or ponder about something.
00:41:34.702 --> 00:41:39.878
So lots of episodes and the podcast is called From Chaos to Peace with Connye.
00:41:40.880 --> 00:41:41.601
Well, it's beautiful.
00:41:41.601 --> 00:42:10.182
Conny, thank you so much for taking this time today with us, and I am reminded just of all the places that we do have control, and I hope that the listener today is just feeling that too that, whether you're feeling a little bit unsettled or a little bit chaotic in your world, there are so many places that you can have an impact and make a difference right where you are, and you've given us so many ideas, so thank you so much for being here today.
00:42:11.451 --> 00:42:13.235
Thank you so much, Carla, for having me.
00:42:13.235 --> 00:42:15.940
As you can hear, I'm very passionate about it.
00:42:15.940 --> 00:42:23.849
I love whenever I can talk about this and inspire people to get back into their power and do something Awesome.
00:42:23.947 --> 00:42:25.219
Have an amazing day.
00:42:25.219 --> 00:42:27.009
Thank you, have an amazing day.
00:42:27.829 --> 00:42:30.972
Thank you.
00:42:31.074 --> 00:42:34.056
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Differently.
00:42:34.056 --> 00:42:36.820
It's been an honor to share this conversation with you.
00:42:36.820 --> 00:42:42.827
You know, one of the keys to living fully is to take action when you're inspired to do so.
00:42:42.827 --> 00:42:48.657
I hope you found that spark of inspiration today and would you help us spread the word.
00:42:48.657 --> 00:42:51.692
Did someone you know come to mind while you were listening?
00:42:51.692 --> 00:42:57.630
If this episode could impact someone you know, please share it and pass it along.
00:42:57.630 --> 00:43:09.784
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