Finding Your People & Building a Village After Betrayal ft. Florence Ann Romano

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Welcome to Coping with Ghosting, the podcast that provides hope, healing, and understanding for anyone who has been ghosted, betrayed, or hurt in relationships.
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I'm your host, Greta.
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I'm a certified post betrayal transformation coach.
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And today's topic is building your village.
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It's all about friendships.
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My guest, Florence Ann Romano, is a highly sought-after keynote speaker and author known for her ability to cultivate meaningful connections.
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She is passionate about helping others create their own community to be seen, heard, and understood.
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This is so important for people who have been betrayed and ghosted.
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And as an acclaimed author, Florence Ann's insights are captured in her book, Build Your Village: A Guide to Finding Joy and Community in Every Stage of Life, which has been celebrated as a top 10 in its category.
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And she's also currently a regular expert on over 10 various national TV affiliates across America.
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Thank you so much for being here today, Florence Ann.
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Goodness, thank you, Greta.
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What a beautiful way to start this, making me like red as a tomato, probably.
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But I'm I'm so excited about this conversation because it permeates so many different capacities and relationships.
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And I think it's a subject matter people don't talk about enough.
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And I love that you are putting it out there in such a vulnerable way.
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Thank you.
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Your work centers around this concept of the village.
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How do you define this village and why is it so vital to our well-being?
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I mean, I'm gonna put it simply like that, but uh I always get asked, of course, what my definition of the village is, and I believe it's about connection.
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But I'd like to dive a little bit deeper into that.
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It was during COVID when we saw on a global scale what it meant for people to lose their support systems.
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And it's very rare that you experience something on a global level.
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And so the one common denominator was that everyone understood what it felt like to not have the support that they're used to having.
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And so I would hear people bemoan the proverb, you know, the old proverb, it takes a village to raise a child.
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Well, they would talk about this village and this larger 20,000-foot concept.
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And they'd say, well, where are these people?
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Do they just show up at your front door?
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They help you raise your kids, they bring you some food, like a casserole.
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What are they doing?
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You know, where are they?
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Is there a phone number to call?
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Is there a roadmap?
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And so I would say to myself, well, you know, we probably should have a roadmap to this village.
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And it's not just about children, it's not just about having children.
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No matter how you design your life, you do need support.
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So it takes a village, period.
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And that that concept of village for me is about looking at what you're born into and also what you want to create for yourself, and then understanding that you're worthy of wanting that, of desiring that, of building that for yourself.
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So village is going to look however you design it to look.
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Right.
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I often call my friends my chosen family.
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Yeah.
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Uh they're my village.
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And when I spend time with them in real life, especially, I really feel like I've been plugged in.
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Like my battery has just been recharged.
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I love that.
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That's such a good visual.
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And it it's a beautiful thing to be chosen.
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You know, I that in life, I think is is part of what we all want to feel.
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We don't want to say it out loud.
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Sometimes that's a difficult thing to admit, but being chosen is a privilege.
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It's a gift.
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Uh, and if you're doing the choosing or you're the chosen, um, it it comes with, again, choice, um, but also discernment.
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Uh, you're deciding for yourself what feels right, what the boundaries should look like, what vulnerability and honesty and trust look like.
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Uh, and you know, you're born into stuff that you don't necessarily want to be born into and not necessarily maybe the healthiest thing.
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Um, so I love the idea of chosen family or chosen, however, you want to define it.
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Um, it's it is a chosen lifestyle, certainly.
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Yes.
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So once we're in a village, it can be kind of hard to notice changes.
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How can a person tell the difference between a natural change in rhythm, like a friend who's just kind of in a busy season, versus a pattern of disconnection that doesn't feel safe or supportive anymore?
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It's funny because I feel like right now this conversation is very personal to my life.
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And I think, Rana, you and I have had conversations about how you're in that too.
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And my friend group here in my small town uh has been rocked by a few different uh scandals, perhaps you could say, that has waterfalled itself onto other people and it's changed friendships, it's changed alliances, it's it's it's it's caused even more betrayal.
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Um, so we can dive deeper into that too.
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Um, but the signs really are about your how you feel, and then also what you're seeing.
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So let's start with you.
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Maybe your phone rings and that name comes up, or the text message pops up on your phone and you kind of roll your eyes, or let out a big sigh.
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And you know, that's not a great reaction to seeing that person's name.
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Something else is going on there.
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There's text with that subtext.
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So perhaps that relationship is starting to burn you out or tire you, or you're in it for the wrong reasons.
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You feel obligated.
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Um, you feel bad.
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You're trying to be a nice person, not a good person.
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That's a whole thing, being nice versus good.
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I think I'm in a season of my life now where I don't need to be nice anymore.
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I'd like to be a good person, not necessarily nice.
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Um, so these are signs that perhaps something is off, something is not sitting well with your soul.
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The external stuff, see how people are talking about maybe this person or the circumstance that this person is involved in.
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Is it not lining up with your values?
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It, you know, obviously there has to be two things in friendship for it to work.
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There has to be trust and shared values.
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And perhaps you're seeing that you're not growing together.
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Uh, maybe there's been decision making that it doesn't sit well with you or it's against your moral code.
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Uh, and that behavior is something that you don't want to tolerate or look like you're condoning.
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So again, external factors and then also your internal feelings.
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Uh, these are all things to pay attention to, a pattern versus a season.
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Of course, we need to give people grace.
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Of course, people go through things.
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Maybe they're going through something at work.
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Maybe there's a loved one that is passing away or has just passed away, and they're in a season of mourning and grief.
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Uh, and you're going to disconnect a bit just because you need to give them the space to heal.
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Those are things that we can accept.
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Those are things that we can understand.
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Um, but the other, the things that are becoming patterns that are maybe going to be unhealthy, that's what we have to pay attention to and don't want to let go too far because that's when we start to get ourselves into trouble.
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So when a friendship is heading toward an unhealthy place, whether it's going to be ghosting or some type of betrayal, what are the micro signals that we should be paying attention to?
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A little bit about what I talked about, you know, previously, but the micro signals, I think it's most important for you to be doing your evaluation, for you to think about how you're feeling in this friendship.
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Are you feeling joyful?
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Are you feeling satiated?
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Are you feeling seen?
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Are you seeing?
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Are you feeling valued?
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As you start thinking about these things, and I know it's can be uncomfortable for people to spend time thinking about how they feel in friendship, because it seems like that shouldn't be something we have to do, evaluating our friendships.
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But just like any relationship, romantic is you know, the what I'm going to use as the example, that takes watering, that takes tending to.
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And it's wonderful to have friendships where you're saying, oh, we don't need to talk or we don't need to do this, we don't need to connect, and we just pick up right where we left off.
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Well, you're lucky.
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You're lucky in those friendships if you can do that.
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Because the truth is you do have to work at it.
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And I think that's what a lot of people aren't willing to say out loud, is you do need to work on being a friend.
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And you need to work on also articulating what friendship means to you, what your expectations are.
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Oftentimes in life, when we fail at a relationship, there's a pillar of communication that needs to be explored.
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And that needs to be thought of in your friendships too.
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Are you telling people what you need?
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Are you saying that you even need?
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Are you asking for help?
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Are you telling people how you want to be loved, what that looks like for you, feels like for you?
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Um, I again, people don't necessarily think you have to be asking yourself these questions in friendship, but we do.
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We do need to be asking ourselves that, especially if we're talking about betrayal, ghosting, uh, some sort of disconnectivation of a friendship or even firing people from your village.
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You're reading my book.
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You know, you know, I talk about that, about firing people from your village.
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Yeah, this is all really resonating with me on such a personal level because I've been in a lot of friendships.
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I have a very strong village.
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Actually, I took the quiz on your on your website about what kind of village I have.
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It's like the I can't remember the exact name, but it was like the the one where you have this great village.
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Yep.
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And you've got it.
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That's a great score to get.
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I've got it, but it always hasn't been that easy.
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I've been through seasons of turbulence with these friends.
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And in fact, I want to share a quick story.
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One of my friends thought I was ghosting her because I went to Mexico and I had my phone off the whole time, basically.
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Like I didn't switch the settings so that I could receive texts from the USA.
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So I got back after a week and she's like, Well, I'm surprised you even contacted me.
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I thought you were ghosting.
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I've been ghosted so much.
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And I was like, No, I would never do that to you.
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This was even before coping with ghosting, and I I felt really bad, but I also really wanted to make a friendship pact.
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So I wrote her a note, an email, actually, and it said, I love you.
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I care about you.
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I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.
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And if I'm unavailable, it's because I'm busy or because maybe I didn't see your text.
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So always feel free to like come over if I'm unresponsive.
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Like this is an important friendship to me, and I want you to know that this is a place where you can always come to, where it's safe and secure.
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Like I'm a safe and secure friend for you.
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That is so beautiful.
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It gave me goosebumps.
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I love that.
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And I, you know, again, you just gave a beautiful illustration to what we were just talking about, which is voicing how you feel, voicing what you need, voicing um what your boundaries are.
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Even though you're giving permission to this friend to really not have a whole lot of boundaries, which I'm not criticizing at all.
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I think that's wonderful.
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We all want those friends.
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You're saying, no, come over to my house if I'm not responding.
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No, tell me that you know nudge me in a text message if I haven't responded.
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And, you know, I've started doing that more in my life too, Greta.
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There's one girlfriend I have who's a newer girlfriend, and she's a terrible texter.
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Oh, God.
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And I am like a super responsive person.
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So she's a terrible texter.
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I am not that way.
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So I was out with her for lunch the other day, and I said, Listen, you can totally tell me if I am annoyed.
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Okay.
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I send you audio notes.
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I send this.
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I am like maybe an over-articulate person.
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I said, you can tell me.
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And she goes, No.
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Oh, she was like, I'm so bad with my phone.
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I'm trying to get better at it.
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I love your audio notes.
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I love your text.
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And I go, I am a person that if I need you or something's going on, I have no problem nudging you.
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Like, hey, just making sure you saw the thing above or whatever it is.
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And she said, Yes, absolutely do that.
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So we had a very funny but honest conversation about communication style.
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Um, and we're opposite in that way with our phones.
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Um, but it's it's such a relief though, because in this friendship with her now, I know how she reacts, how she behaves, and she knows that about me too.
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So we're not gonna sit there and lose sleep over whether or not I've said too much or she's not putting enough effort in and she's gonna think I don't care about the friendship.
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So communication, again, really it comes down to that in so many instances in life.
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Totally.
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It solves a lot of problems.
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So if we realize a friendship is no longer a place of mutual respect, or if we've outgrown it, how can we exit the connection with integrity?
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I always think about the person that you're gonna have to exit this friendship with.
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Think of their personality, think of how they process and then back into it.
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Think to yourself, what's my goal?
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My goal is to leave this friendship, but I want to do it with compassion, I want to do it with conviction, I want to do it with grace.
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So spend some time thinking about how you need to word it, how you need to deliver this message.
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And again, how does this person think?
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And because again, at this point, you probably will know how to answer that question if it's a deep enough relationship where you're putting thought into it.
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Um it doesn't mean that there isn't going to be a reaction from that person that is not emotional, emotional or less than favorable or desired.
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You can't control how they feel or how they react.
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But you can spend time pausing, you can spend time being thoughtful about your delivery.
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And then at least you can walk away from that knowing that you put in meaningful time into ending it in a way where you're gonna be able to feel good about yourself, the person that you are, how you handled the situation.
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Even if they're upset, it's still about how can I walk away from this and make sure I'm doing the human thing.
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Absolutely.
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It's easier said than done.
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I've had to do this, and it is not a pleasant experience on any level.
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It's supposed to be, you know, especially if the other person doesn't feel how you do, right?
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If this is coming out of nowhere, they're totally blindsided.
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No, it's not going to be pleasant.
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But the old there, what's the alternative?
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You know it.
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Ghosting.
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And is that better?
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Ghosting is not okay.
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You're the expert, right?
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It's not okay.
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Yeah.
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And so for me, one of the greatest lessons I've learned is that even though I ended a friendship and it's what I wanted and what I needed for my own peace of mind, having a self-care plan in place for myself after doing it is what also can really help.
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Letting other people know what's going on.
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Yeah.
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Going to the villagers that are still intact and leaning on them.
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That's fantastic.
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I I love that you have the foresight for that and also the fortitude for that to put together a self-care plan.
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I think um, gosh, that that's not something a lot of people would consider on the other side of the conversation.
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I really love that suggestion.
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Thank you.
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Well, we want to be there for our village, but sometimes we take on our friends' crisis as if it's our own.
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I mean, I think a lot of people do this when they have been ghosted and maybe the ghost comes back and maybe they leave again, but you know that this person in friendship is going through something really hard.
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And so you have like a deep sense of compassion for them, and you know that everything in their life is flipped upside down.
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Well, what tips do you have for people who are experiencing this type of emotional burnout in their friendships?
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And maybe this person's person isn't treating them very well.
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I think there's a few different things there when it comes to the emotional burnout, because it it's not necessarily a friendship you want to end and experiencing emotional burnout with someone.
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I I'll give you an example.
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Uh, my one of my best friends from college, her sister passed away about seven years ago from cancer, and she was in her early 40s, leaving behind two young girls.
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Uh, and I was there during the diagnosis to when she passed away, which was a very short amount of time, really, you know, about less than a year and a half.
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Uh, and there's a saying that when one person is sick in the home, and I think you and I would agree that with your chosen family, you feel like you share that home experience.
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When one person is sick, the whole house is sick.
00:18:11.920 --> 00:18:27.920
And uh I know that during that time, wanting to be there for her for me was very emotional, not just because of the certain the obvious circumstances, but because I'm a fixer.
00:18:27.920 --> 00:18:30.160
And I could not fix any of it.
00:18:30.160 --> 00:18:34.240
I could not help her in a way that I felt was making it better.
00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:36.799
I I didn't necessarily know how to handle it.
00:18:36.799 --> 00:18:43.440
I had never had a friend that had gone through something like this before at that this level, this like level of best friend connection.
00:18:43.440 --> 00:18:51.119
And wondering if you're saying the right thing, doing the right thing, you know, and and it wears on you.
00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:57.200
And all of a sudden you realize that you also are becoming emotionally depleted.
00:18:57.200 --> 00:19:05.519
But you want to so badly show up for this friend in a time where it shouldn't be about me, it's about her, it's about her family.
00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:16.400
But I am also falling apart at the same time she is, because I'm worried that I'm not there to help pick up the pieces of how she's falling apart and being hard on myself about how I'm doing that.
00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:19.680
And the person I would talk to about how I'm feeling is her.
00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:21.839
And I can't put this on her now.
00:19:21.839 --> 00:19:38.480
So that's just an example of a relationship that you don't want to walk away from, but is almost debilitating you in some ways because you are overthinking it, overfeeling it, burning out from it.
00:19:38.480 --> 00:19:48.000
And I had to figure out how to create some sort of boundaries, if we want to use that word, while all that was going on.
00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:52.799
So I stopped feeling like I was failing her all the time.
00:19:52.799 --> 00:20:02.880
And um, then with relationships where the burnout is a sign that you are going to probably walk away from this friendship.
00:20:02.880 --> 00:20:07.440
I we were talking about how difficult it is to have these conversations.
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:12.000
And sometimes you don't have to say everything that pops into your head.
00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:14.880
Sometimes brutal honesty is just brutal.
00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:20.640
And it's not necessarily going to fix anything, it's not necessarily gonna make it better.
00:20:20.640 --> 00:20:24.400
You don't necessarily need to say every thought that comes in your head.
00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:35.119
Uh so picking and choosing uh how you're gonna deliver a message to someone, I always say is you can say what you mean without saying it mean.
00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:49.359
And even if this relationship has been a hard one, even if this relationship is one you have to walk away from and they have hurt you or betrayed you or whatever it is, you can absolutely still choose your words wisely.
00:20:49.359 --> 00:20:51.039
And sometimes less is more.
00:20:52.079 --> 00:20:57.759
First of all, I just want to say I'm so sorry, deeply sorry for the loss of your friend.
00:20:57.759 --> 00:21:00.960
And my heart goes out to you and their family.
00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:07.680
I too have been there for my friends who have gone through illness, cancer.
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:20.240
I also know that sometimes people do pull away from relationships and friendships if they're going through something really hard.
00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:39.759
And, you know, they're putting out a fire in their life, they're in survival mode, and so they might be ghosting you quite unintentionally because it's not on their top list of priorities to nurture the friendship right now when they just literally have to be able to breathe.
00:21:39.759 --> 00:21:48.079
So I think you're right about like just clear communication, telling your friends, you know, what you need.
00:21:48.079 --> 00:21:49.680
I I want to support you.
00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:51.119
I want to be here for you.
00:21:51.119 --> 00:21:53.119
How, what can I do?
00:21:53.119 --> 00:21:56.079
Uh, to do you need what do you need?
00:21:56.079 --> 00:21:56.720
Like a hug?
00:21:56.720 --> 00:21:58.240
Do you just want some advice?
00:21:58.240 --> 00:21:59.759
Or do you need, you know.
00:21:59.759 --> 00:22:03.839
Me to listen and sit here, but also like, can you please?
00:22:03.839 --> 00:22:05.759
I know it's really hard for you right now.
00:22:05.759 --> 00:22:13.200
I also need some type of communication to know you're okay, sometimes at least because of what you're going through.
00:22:13.200 --> 00:22:16.480
So please, I might reach out to you occasionally.
00:22:16.480 --> 00:22:18.240
Can you can you respond?
00:22:18.240 --> 00:22:19.119
Right.
00:22:19.440 --> 00:22:21.440
Or also say that you don't have to.
00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:24.720
And sometimes you're checking in and saying this does not need a response.
00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:28.319
This is just me telling you I love you, and that's it.
00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:29.599
And you could say that.
00:22:29.599 --> 00:22:35.039
And then sometimes it's, you know, you don't even need to respond to this with a feeling or a declarative sentence.
00:22:35.039 --> 00:22:37.200
Send an emoji or thumbs up it.
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:41.519
Just so I, you know, what this is something I do with my girlfriends when we haven't talked for a minute.
00:22:41.519 --> 00:22:42.559
I will call them.
00:22:42.559 --> 00:22:44.559
I just a lot of people don't use the phone anymore.
00:22:44.559 --> 00:22:45.519
I do still call people.
00:22:45.519 --> 00:22:48.319
I will call people and say this, or I will text people and say this.
00:22:48.319 --> 00:22:50.960
And I'll all I will write is wellness check.
00:22:50.960 --> 00:23:01.920
And then that's their sign that when it's when it's a moment that works for them, send me an audio note, call me, send me a text, and just give me an update on your life.
00:23:01.920 --> 00:23:03.519
But that's my nudge.
00:23:03.519 --> 00:23:08.160
That's my pebble that I'm dropping to you saying, I just want to know how you're doing.
00:23:08.160 --> 00:23:11.279
One of my best friends will text me and go on a scale of one to 10.
00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:12.240
How's the week?
00:23:12.240 --> 00:23:16.000
And that's a simple question that I can answer and be like, it's a nine.
00:23:16.000 --> 00:23:17.839
I'm just hanging on by a thread.
00:23:17.839 --> 00:23:19.119
I'll talk to you next week.
00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:28.319
You know, so there's ways that you can do it where it's not these long, drawn out monologues, you know, where you're having all these emotional conversations all the time.
00:23:28.319 --> 00:23:38.559
Sometimes just show, you know, sending a reel or a meme or something like that is enough for connection in that moment where you're like, gosh, that person thought of me today.
00:23:38.559 --> 00:23:42.799
This person watched this beautiful thing and thought of me, this funny thing and thought of me.
00:23:42.799 --> 00:23:47.759
And that's enough sometimes to kind of put a little pep in your step and you know, make you walk a little taller.
00:23:47.759 --> 00:23:50.079
And you're like, gosh, someone thought of me today.
00:23:50.079 --> 00:23:51.839
And that makes me feel so good.
00:23:52.640 --> 00:23:59.440
Yeah, if somebody's going through something really, really intense, the last thing they need is an obligation to a friend.
00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:01.440
And so what you've just said is so perfect.
00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:02.960
Yeah, that's exactly right.
00:24:02.960 --> 00:24:09.920
And after the betrayal of being ghosted, it's natural for our protective walls to go up.
00:24:09.920 --> 00:24:10.240
Yeah.
00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:11.359
Of course.
00:24:11.920 --> 00:24:14.079
I've been so afraid to make friends in the past.
00:24:14.079 --> 00:24:20.480
Like when I went to college, I was like, I'm not gonna be friends with any of the girls because one of my best friends at my high school ghosted me.
00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:23.039
And so I was like, I'm never gonna trust anyone again.
00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:26.000
But of course, you know, the walls did come down.
00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:37.359
How do you suggest people begin softening those defenses so that they can stay open to new healthy connections without feeling overly vulnerable?
00:24:38.000 --> 00:24:45.839
Well, the reason that people put those walls up after betrayal or after hurt is because they don't want to feel that way ever again.
00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:47.680
So, what's the alternative?
00:24:47.680 --> 00:24:51.359
You just don't have friends anymore, you don't confide in people anymore.
00:24:51.359 --> 00:24:52.960
You know, you got to try again.
00:24:52.960 --> 00:24:54.160
It's as simple as that.
00:24:54.160 --> 00:24:57.359
I know it's easier said than done, but you do have to try again.
00:24:57.359 --> 00:25:06.559
And the reason why people, I think, get nervous about letting those walls down too is they don't trust their own discernment to use that word again.
00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:12.079
Even in romantic relationships, you've loved someone, even I can think about my ex from a few years ago.
00:25:12.079 --> 00:25:15.279
After we broke up, I was like, oh, that was a bad guy.
00:25:15.279 --> 00:25:21.599
Uh, I don't think I can make decisions for myself anymore about dating because clearly I do not make good decisions.
00:25:21.599 --> 00:25:24.079
And so I didn't trust myself.
00:25:24.079 --> 00:25:25.279
Same goes for friendship.
00:25:25.279 --> 00:25:27.519
Sometimes you're like, oh man, I really didn't trust myself.
00:25:27.519 --> 00:25:29.039
I thought that person was my ride or die.
00:25:29.039 --> 00:25:30.880
I cannot believe they did that to me.
00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:33.920
So, nope, I can't make decisions anymore.
00:25:33.920 --> 00:25:35.119
I can't make friends anymore.
00:25:35.119 --> 00:25:38.400
I can't date anymore because I don't want to ever feel this way again.
00:25:38.400 --> 00:25:39.359
This is horrible.
00:25:39.359 --> 00:25:41.519
And so, again, not a way to live.
00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:43.440
We're human beings that are meant for connection.
00:25:43.440 --> 00:25:44.319
We're meant for people.
00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:45.119
We have to do it.
00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:46.079
That is part of life.
00:25:46.079 --> 00:25:47.680
It is the human thing to do.
00:25:47.680 --> 00:25:53.119
So I always think about things starting as small as you can for the big results.
00:25:53.119 --> 00:25:59.200
Start making decisions on a micro level that start making you trust yourself more.
00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:00.480
It's going to start with you.
00:26:00.480 --> 00:26:02.319
It's not about anybody else.
00:26:02.319 --> 00:26:03.599
It's going to start with you.
00:26:03.599 --> 00:26:05.279
You decide, you know what?
00:26:05.279 --> 00:26:06.480
I'm going to go shopping.
00:26:06.480 --> 00:26:08.880
I'm going to buy some new clothes.
00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:16.400
I trust myself to make this choice for myself that I can buy some clothes that I'm going to like, that I'm going to feel confident in.
00:26:16.400 --> 00:26:18.319
I'm going to feel good about spending that money.
00:26:18.319 --> 00:26:20.640
And I'm going to do this for myself because I deserve it.
00:26:20.640 --> 00:26:23.519
That sounds stupid or small, right?
00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:27.759
But it's you deciding to trust yourself with something.
00:26:27.759 --> 00:26:30.799
And that is a good first step.
00:26:30.799 --> 00:26:36.720
And again, I'm not asking you to go out there, tap someone on the shoulder and say, do you want to be my friend?
00:26:36.720 --> 00:26:38.640
Or hey, do you want to go have a drink?
00:26:38.640 --> 00:26:39.680
You know, you're cute.
00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:42.319
I like that's the dating concept.
00:26:42.319 --> 00:26:55.039
I'm getting you to start practicing decision making again and knowing that you are confident and can do it, and you can start doing these small things while healing.
00:26:55.039 --> 00:26:56.480
Two things can be true at once.
00:26:56.720 --> 00:26:57.519
I love that advice.
00:26:57.519 --> 00:26:58.559
Thank you.
00:26:58.559 --> 00:27:02.960
What are your favorite ways to build a village?
00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:05.279
I always start with philanthropy.
00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:10.240
I always say if you're coming to me and you're like, Florence Ann, I am starting from ground zero.
00:27:10.240 --> 00:27:11.519
I'm starting from rubble.
00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:13.200
I do not know where to begin.
00:27:13.200 --> 00:27:16.960
I always say, you need to think about what makes your heart flutter.
00:27:16.960 --> 00:27:19.039
Think about a way you can give back in this world.
00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:21.920
I do believe we are meant to live a life in service of others.
00:27:21.920 --> 00:27:28.640
Google it, find something nearby, whether it's through your church or your community or your friend or whatever it is.
00:27:28.640 --> 00:27:30.160
It's not you writing a check.
00:27:30.160 --> 00:27:33.039
You know, it's not necessarily anything that's going to cost money.
00:27:33.039 --> 00:27:35.599
It's going to be a way you can show up.
00:27:35.599 --> 00:27:42.079
And you're probably going to show up at this place or do this thing with people that are like-minded, have similar values.
00:27:42.079 --> 00:27:44.240
You're there for the same reasons.
00:27:44.240 --> 00:27:47.359
And you are probably going to start forming friendship.
00:27:47.359 --> 00:27:49.759
You're probably going to form some sort of bond.
00:27:49.759 --> 00:27:55.759
And it's a low, a low-risk way of doing it because you're there for the right reasons.
00:27:55.759 --> 00:28:04.799
You're there for, you know, all of these, all of these similar, similar desires or similar interests.
00:28:04.799 --> 00:28:09.359
And so it's not you again walking in a room saying, does someone want to be my friend here?
00:28:09.359 --> 00:28:12.319
Uh so I always say start with philanthropy.
00:28:12.319 --> 00:28:16.319
I think it's a really, really beautiful way to begin connection.
00:28:16.960 --> 00:28:18.160
That is great.
00:28:18.160 --> 00:28:20.720
I love volunteer work.
00:28:20.720 --> 00:28:24.240
It gives me such a deep sense of purpose.
00:28:24.240 --> 00:28:26.160
And I do it once a month.
00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:27.839
And I have made friends that way.
00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:28.480
And it's great.
00:28:28.480 --> 00:28:31.920
They're deep, fulfilling friendships with people, exactly what you said.
00:28:31.920 --> 00:28:33.839
They care about the same things that I care about.
00:28:33.839 --> 00:28:34.480
So it's great.
00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:36.799
I'm so glad that the proof is in the pudding.
00:28:36.799 --> 00:28:37.519
There you go.
00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:38.319
Yeah.
00:28:38.319 --> 00:28:42.720
Is there anything else you'd like to share with us today?
00:28:42.720 --> 00:28:46.880
You've you've shared so many amazing things, and your book is so great.
00:28:46.880 --> 00:28:58.720
And I'm reading it, and I just want to let anybody who's watching or listening know that this book is here and it's a treasure trove of ideas and suggestions, and it's just so beautifully written and personal.
00:28:58.720 --> 00:29:02.640
And I would highly recommend everybody go get it.
00:29:02.640 --> 00:29:08.240
And I just wonder, is there anything else you'd like to share with people right now?
00:29:08.559 --> 00:29:14.000
If you're struggling with this right now, we have a triple threat of things you don't want a triple threat of.
00:29:14.000 --> 00:29:19.440
We have a loneliness epidemic, a friendship recession, and a mental health crisis in our society today.
00:29:19.440 --> 00:29:28.160
And if you're looking to take a step toward connection and you don't know how to do it and you don't know where to go, I hope you can think of me as your virtual village.
00:29:28.160 --> 00:29:30.319
Look me up on Instagram, DM me.
00:29:30.319 --> 00:29:32.880
I answer every DM, and we could talk about it.
00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:40.720
And, you know, if you want to, if you want to reach for something for someone, then I hope you'll reach for me and I will reach back.
00:29:41.440 --> 00:29:42.880
That is so beautiful.
00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:46.559
Thank you so much for being here and sharing everything.
00:29:46.559 --> 00:29:47.200
Thank you.
00:29:47.440 --> 00:29:49.519
You're wonderful and I love what you're doing.
00:29:49.519 --> 00:29:50.559
Keep going, girl.
00:29:50.559 --> 00:29:53.920
Shine that light on everything that you're doing because it's so important.
00:29:54.640 --> 00:29:55.519
Thank you.
00:29:55.519 --> 00:30:01.279
And to the listeners and viewers, please leave a review for this podcast.
00:30:01.279 --> 00:30:04.480
It helps people find me when they most need it.
00:30:04.480 --> 00:30:10.480
You can also leave a comment and follow me at coping with ghosting on social media.
00:30:10.480 --> 00:30:18.400
If you're in the weeds right now after being ghosted, I also have a free coping with ghosting Facebook group.
00:30:18.400 --> 00:30:20.559
Just look it up on Facebook and you'll find it.
00:30:20.559 --> 00:30:25.680
And finally remember, no matter what you're facing, you're not alone.
00:30:25.680 --> 00:30:31.039
And you're worthy of care and connection because you deserve the best.