Welcome to Conversations with Thomas. I'm Thomas Kevin Dolan. My pronouns are he and him. Coming to you from the island of Oahu, homeland of the Kanakamali. I honor the indigenous stewards of this island whose wisdom and aloha are alive in every wave and breeze. Let's talk about dopamine. Yeah, that tiny neurotransmitter in your brain that basically runs the show. Some people call it the pleasure chemical. I call it the you up text of the brain. It gets you excited, but it almost never delivers what you think it's promising. Here's the thing. We're all chasing dopamine. Scrolling Instagram at 2 a.m., buying crap we don't need, refreshing email like it's a slot machine, even arguing on Facebook is just another way to get a dopamine hit. But what if we've been chasing the cheap stuff, like the dollar store version instead of the real deal? That's what I want to explore today. Dopamine isn't happiness. It's actually anticipation. It's the itch before the scratch, not the relief after. That's why those casino lights never turn off because your brain gets more juice from maybe winning than from actually cashing out. And our modern lives, they're engineered to keep you chasing that itch. Social media isn't free. You pay in dopamine. Netflix autoplay isn't a gift. It's a friaking leash. As one neuroscientist put it, we're outsourcing our dopamine regulation to Silicon Valley. I think about it this way. We're not addicted to Instagram. We're addicted to the feeling of maybe. Maybe this post will go viral. Maybe this text will change everything. Maybe this sale will make me feel valuable. And it's not living. It's gambling with your sanity. James Clear, the atomic habits guy, said it like this. The costs of your good habits are in the present. The cost of your bad habits are in the future. Dopamine hits are usually bad habits. The high is now, but the bill, it always comes later. So, what's real dopamine? It's not the chase. It's the creation. It's the quiet surge you feel when you finish a 10,000st step walk, not when you buy the sneakers. It's a buzz after writing a chapter of your book, not the dopamine of watching someone else talk about theirs on frigin YouTube. Real dopamine comes from congruence, right? When your actions line up with your values, when your life doesn't feel like an improv show, where you're faking a character, here's an irreverent truth, and I I kind of stole. I'm still stalling. I'm going to share it anyways. Tik Tok, social media for that matter, but I'll use Tik Tok, is like a hand job for your brain. It feels good for a second. It leaves you empty. Real dopamine is sex with someone you love. Messy, vulnerable, whole body alive. Do you see the difference? Here's the nerdy bit. Dopamine works on a prediction error system. Your brain releases it when something turns out better than you expected. That's why small winds matter. Your brain doesn't it doesn't care if you climbed Everest or just clean the kitchen. If if you didn't think you'd get it done and then you did, bam, dopamine flows. This means you don't need to hack your brain with apps or supplements. You just need to set yourself up for little rebellions, little surprises, moments where you prove to yourself, I can do this. My Angelo wrote this. Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and actually liking how you do it. That's real dopamine. It's the chemical of self-respect. R S PCT.
Okay, here's your practice. Let's create your own dopamine, the real kind. Step one, pick something tiny. A drawer you've been meaning to clean, a call you've been avoiding. writing a paragraph, not a book. Dopamine doesn't need grandeur. It actually needs completion. Step two, set the stage. Say it out loud, even just to yourself. I'm going to do this. By naming it, you trick your monkey mind, your brain, into a little prediction. And when you beat it, dopamine flows. Step three, do it fully. Don't halfass it while scrolling your phone. Put the put the world away for 10 minutes. Step four, celebrate like a weirdo. Seriously, fist pump. Uh, dance. Scream into a pillow. Tell your brain this is the hit we want. Anchor the good stuff. Bear with me. A quick coach promo here. And hey, if you're listening to this and thinking, "Damn, I've been renting my dopamine from Instagram and caffeine for years." That's exactly the kind of thing I help people untangle in coaching. Because here's the deal. You don't need another productivity hack. You need to stop abandoning yourself. Coaching with me is about building a life where dopamine is real, earned, and aligned, not just a drip feed from your phone. So, if you're tired of chasing cheap highs and ready to actually feel at home in your own skin, book a discovery call with me. A free discovery call with me. No pressure, no clipboards, just a conversation. Go to Thomas, Go to thomaskeolan.com. There we go. And let's start creating the kind of life that doesn't need a constant refill. Back to the podcast. Here's another truth. You don't need to quit dopamine. You need to stop renting it from companies that profit off your emptiness. You can grow your own by living aligned, by finishing what matters, by choosing creation over consumption. Isn't that cool? Choosing creation over consumption. Stop chasing maybe. Start chasing congruence. Real dopamine isn't found in a slot machine or a scroll feed. It's found in a moment you show up to your own damn life. If this episode made you laugh, maybe squirm or possibly rethink how you're chasing your next hit, good. That means the medicine is working. Conversations with Tommen is brought to you by the Thomas Kevin Dolan Coaching Company and lovingly executive produced by my amazing husband, Adam Ma. If something here sparked an insight, maybe it lifted your spirit or made you giggle, I'd be grateful if you hit subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. or if you're so moved, even leave me a five-star review. I'd really appreciate that. I'm all for tending your mental health garden with help from actual pros like therapists, counselors, certified coaches, or doctors. What I share here is food for thought, not substance, not substitution, not substitute for professional care. A gentle reminder, dopamine is flashy, persuasive, and always teasing. But the real stuff, that's where you actually show up.
Okay, here's your practice. Let's create your own dopamine, the real kind. Step one, pick something tiny. A drawer you've been meaning to clean, a call you've been avoiding. writing a paragraph, not a book. Dopamine doesn't need grandeur. It actually needs completion. Step two, set the stage. Say it out loud, even just to yourself. I'm going to do this. By naming it, you trick your monkey mind, your brain, into a little prediction. And when you beat it, dopamine flows. Step three, do it fully. Don't halfass it while scrolling your phone. Put the put the world away for 10 minutes. Step four, celebrate like a weirdo. Seriously, fist pump. Uh, dance. Scream into a pillow. Tell your brain this is the hit we want. Anchor the good stuff. Bear with me. A quick coach promo here. And hey, if you're listening to this and thinking, "Damn, I've been renting my dopamine from Instagram and caffeine for years." That's exactly the kind of thing I help people untangle in coaching. Because here's the deal. You don't need another productivity hack. You need to stop abandoning yourself. Coaching with me is about building a life where dopamine is real, earned, and aligned, not just a drip feed from your phone. So, if you're tired of chasing cheap highs and ready to actually feel at home in your own skin, book a discovery call with me. A free discovery call with me. No pressure, no clipboards, just a conversation. Go to Thomas, Go to thomaskeolan.com. There we go. And let's start creating the kind of life that doesn't need a constant refill. Back to the podcast. Here's another truth. You don't need to quit dopamine. You need to stop renting it from companies that profit off your emptiness. You can grow your own by living aligned, by finishing what matters, by choosing creation over consumption. Isn't that cool? Choosing creation over consumption. Stop chasing maybe. Start chasing congruence. Real dopamine isn't found in a slot machine or a scroll feed. It's found in a moment you show up to your own damn life. If this episode made you laugh, maybe squirm or possibly rethink how you're chasing your next hit, good. That means the medicine is working. Conversations with Tommen is brought to you by the Thomas Kevin Dolan Coaching Company and lovingly executive produced by my amazing husband, Adam Ma. If something here sparked an insight, maybe it lifted your spirit or made you giggle, I'd be grateful if you hit subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. or if you're so moved, even leave me a five-star review. I'd really appreciate that. I'm all for tending your mental health garden with help from actual pros like therapists, counselors, certified coaches, or doctors. What I share here is food for thought, not substance, not substitution, not substitute for professional care. A gentle reminder, dopamine is flashy, persuasive, and always teasing. But the real stuff, that's where you actually show up.
