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Welcome to Embracing Continuous Behaviour Change for Anger Management, the podcast that
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helps you to calm your emotions and communicate effectively.
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And I'm your host Clare Bradley, the Anger Management Coach.
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In this podcast I'll bring you expert interviews, inspiring stories and practical advice on
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calming your emotions and living a more peaceful and fulfilling life. So sit back, relax and
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get ready to master your emotions.
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OK, good morning and welcome to our listeners. I'm Claire Broderley and today I have the
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lovely Tanya Levy who is joining us from the other side of the world. Tanya, welcome.
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Thank you so much and yes, it's a good evening for me, not a good morning at all.
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Just remind me whereabouts you're in Australia.
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I'm right down the bottom in Melbourne in Victoria. So yes, nice and cold at the moment,
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although not quite as cold as what I believe you guys experience, but still it's cold
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for me anyway.
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How cold's your cold?
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Well, we've had it pretty cold this winter, so we've had some highs of about, you know,
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eight or nine and our lows, we don't go below zero, but you know, today it was 15 or 16
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degrees and I was freezing.
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You know, that's probably our normal day.
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I know, I know. We actually had some sunshine, so you know, I can't complain about that.
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It's always a good thing. Brilliant. We've got some of that today, so fingers crossed
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it stays.
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Beautiful.
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So, thank you so much and I explained to you before we started that a lot of the podcasts
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that I do, I bring in everyday people who are happy to talk about things that they have
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been through in life, that they have come out the other side of and to share with our
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listeners the things that they've been through and how they have overcome them.
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And I know you sent me a short script a while ago just about the things that you're happy
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to share, etc.
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So if you wouldn't mind, I'm going to start off with that and I'll just, my style is very,
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very relaxed and coffee, coffee chat, that's how I like to call it anyway.
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So whatever your drink is, we'll have that kind of chat.
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Shame, I should have got one before I go.
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Oh no.
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Next up.
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So Tanya, you mentioned that you lost your mum at a very young age and that must have
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had such an impact on your life.
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Would you mind sharing that with us as to what happened?
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Sure, sure.
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So unfortunately my mum passed away when I was only two.
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She died of breast cancer, which is back then.
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So I'm currently now 53.
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I know we're not supposed to say that out loud, but that's okay.
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I'm good with that.
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And so that was a long time ago where there wasn't much treatment for cancer.
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And at the time I was one of four.
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And my mum had four kids in five years, which is kind of insane.
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I was, when you get to be a mother, you sort of think, oh my God, shoot me now, just hearing
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that.
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But, you know, and my dad has been a great dad.
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He was a heavy worker.
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So a lot of the load of raising the kids was on her.
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But she got unwell and passed away.
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So, you know, obviously a tragic event and quite sad.
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I think my dad at that stage wasn't quite sure how to handle it.
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So they do the best that he would did the best that he ever had at the time.
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He remarried actually quite quickly.
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And he actually married my cousin, one of my cousins, which is an interesting story because
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that means that my two mothers' mothers are sisters.
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So I...
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Oh wow, yeah.
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Sisters.
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So it was, you know, it comes with...
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It's tough, you know, in the beginning you're, you know, I'm now a step parent to somebody
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else's kids.
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And so it puts you in a situation where you actually understand, you know, what that's
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like, have a very good relationship with my now mum.
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I don't even call her my step mum because she's been my mum forever.
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But obviously, you know, when you're growing up and, you know, she was 29 and took on,
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you know, four young kids, which is a really tough thing to do.
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And obviously it had its ups and its downs of growing up, you know, without a mum.
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And, you know, there was many times when you sort of got all these special events that
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happen in your life.
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And you're, you know, you're sitting there, you find yourself sitting there thinking,
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you know, I wish she was there, you know, I wish she was seeing me.
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I wish she was registering this on some level.
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But, you know, and I think for me, it really, you know, I would brought up with probably
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what I would call now term abandonment issues, you know, that worry about, you know, the
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people that you love are going to leave you and all those sorts of things.
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But I was very fortunate that the home that I was brought up in was, you know, very safe
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and very secure.
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And, you know, my dad was a very loving man and, you know, my mum, I second mum did the
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best that she could.
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I'm very close with my brothers and sisters.
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We've all grown up really close and still remain to be at this size, because I think,
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you know, you really sort of band together to, you know, through that.
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Yeah, to really sort of do.
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Yeah.
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So it was, so it was really tricky for those younger years.
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But being the youngest, you know, I was the baby.
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I think, you know, I got a lot of extra mothering from my two older sisters and my older brother.
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I got another sister.
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So who's my other sister?
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I don't call her a step sister.
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She's just my other sister.
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I made my parents promise, actually, that I wasn't going to lose my title as baby of
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the family when the new one came along.
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I was nine and a half when she came along.
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And I think, you know, being younger, you still just accept things for the way they
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were.
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Yeah.
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There was a bit of anger in the house.
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You know, my second mum had a bit of an angry streak.
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And then, you know, you tend to get that anger between different family members and my brother
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had a tough time.
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You know, you go through being a boy and until you are a mother of a boy, you don't understand
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what that's like.
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And I must have been tough for him being the boy in the girl family, really.
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Very figuratively.
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It was.
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He had a lot of advantages with that later on.
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Oh, yeah, I've got it.
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With all of our friends streaming through the house.
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But, you know, I think you start to sort of think, you know, when I was in my younger
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years, you sort of eyeballs not looking at it so much.
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For me, a lot of the frustration and the anger started to come up then in the second part
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of life and especially because I mentioned, you know, when I was 16 years of age, I had
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a boyfriend and he invited me to go skiing with him and his family up at our ski fields,
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which I did.
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And then I went up to Queensland, which is the north of Australia to holiday with my
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grandma and then unfortunately he decided to come home and was killed in a car accident.
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Oh, no.
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And that was devastating.
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That was just a horrific, horrific thing to go through.
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And I think that compounded then what had happened with losing my mum, you know.
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So I think a lot of that stuff was potentially I didn't have the vocabulary or the emotional
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understanding to express it.
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And then I think, you know, when I lost him, who, you know, at the time I was hopelessly
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in love with it as you do it in life, you know, then it brought up a lot of anger, you
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know.
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And I think first of all, I was just devastated beyond belief.
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Like I just couldn't believe, you know, why this happened to me.
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It came, you know, that whole thing when you ask yourself, why me?
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You know, I've lost my mum and my mother.
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And now you've taken, you know, my boyfriend, you know, what's going on.
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And then that started to bring up a lot of anger for me.
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You know, it was really tough.
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I didn't know what to do with it at the time, to be honest.
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And I started to just, there was a lot of anger and bustling inside.
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I was a very keen athlete.
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So I started to just run and run and run.
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It was a very interesting way to deal with it.
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It was a big straying, isn't it?
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It was.
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And then I started to, you know, that wasn't quite enough.
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I still had all this emotion and frustration that kept coming up.
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And you know, I was, you know, a bit sort of pissed off basically with the world and with
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God for, you know, what he'd done to me and felt really sort of victimised by the whole
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thing and just had this real situation where I just turned around and just said, well, stuff
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this, I just, not interested anymore.
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And then things started to flip.
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And I started to really take on this, you know, just, I wanted to push, push everything
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to its limits.
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You know, what could I get out of life?
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I did sort of lacked caring for life.
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I didn't care if I lived or if I didn't live.
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And so I started to do a lot of extreme activities.
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Yeah.
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I started jumping out of aeroplanes.
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I started to cut rock climbing and took up really adventurous rock climbing and really
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sort of care whether I was like, okay, well, if I live great and if I don't live, well,
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I don't care.
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I'm just really exactly what you said.
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I just really pushed the challenges to see how far can I push this.
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And, you know, it was that fact that, well, I just don't care anymore if I live or if
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I die, which was not the most, you know, constructive things.
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I, you know, also dabbled in, I must say, with drinking and with drug taking and everything.
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And just, you know, I started to travel when my mid-20s.
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And you know, you just get, I've traveled on my own to places like India and Nepal and
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where it wasn't so safe and looking back on myself into some very unsafe situations.
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But then I was kind of very lucky in terms of what happened to me because after I left
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school, I studied marketing and business.
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I had really had no regard for anything spiritual or anything religious or anything.
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I was just really, like I said before, very pissed off with how things had gone and felt
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like I got a rough deal and was not interested because, you know, how could, if there was
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something out there, how could it do that?
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You know, you take things very decently.
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Absolutely.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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You stop trusting people because, you know, just not sure.
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Getting into long-term relationships was just, I didn't want to go there because, you know,
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what happens if I love somebody again?
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Are they going to get to me?
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Yeah.
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For me?
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Yeah.
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Absolutely.
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I do completely get that.
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Yeah.
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So that was really interesting.
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And I was going through, like I said, this really rebellious stage.
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I had a job which was very stressful.
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And the role that I had, a lot of people knew who I was.
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I didn't know who they were even early on in my 20s.
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And it was really interesting.
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I like to share this story.
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This woman came up to me in our big corporate head area where we worked.
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And she said, I said, came up to me.
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She said, Tanya.
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And I said, yes.
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Like, hurry up.
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You're sort of wasting my time.
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She said, look, I have a message for you from this, from my auntie who's a psychic.
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And that for me was alarm bells.
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I was not interested in any of that sort of thing.
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And I sort of looked at her and I was a little bit annoyed.
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I was like, what are you talking about?
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She said, she has a message from you from your late mother.
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Wow.
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And I looked at her like, I don't know this woman.
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Yeah.
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I mean, no, she had a, she know my mother has passed away.
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You know, looked at her and I said, well, take me to this woman.
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You know, really take me to her.
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I want to meet her.
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Anyway, so the next day I go with her, we go to this beautiful cafe and we're sitting
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at that there.
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I knew who this woman was straightaway when we walked in.
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Beautiful old non-arm with white hair and everything.
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I knew that way.
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That was the line.
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And we went up and we spoke to her and she sat down.
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Now I was very standoffish, I must say.
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And she proceeded to go through and recall all those times in my childhood where I had
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sat there and gone, mum, I wish you were here to see this or mum, I wish you were here or
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you know, hiding under our dining room table going, you know, mum, where are you?
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All those really deep, meaningful situations where I found myself in.
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And she was recalling every single one of you here when you were asking about this.
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And I'm just sitting there, my whole world was, right?
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And I was like, what is going on?
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How does this woman know this?
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You know, I'm looking, I've got tears pouring down my eyes.
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I just, you know, I just really couldn't believe it.
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And I turned around to her and I just said to her, I said, if you can do it, so can I.
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I said, teach me what you know.
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Wow.
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So it was at that point that, you know, I started to go and sit with her and she taught
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me how to talk to my mum, which I was then able to do.
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She then taught me healing modalities.
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She taught me to meditate.
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She sent me to all these other different therapists and so began my healing journey, basically.
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Where I was able to start, you know, step by step removing some of the trauma.
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There was a lot of, I had a lot of controlling personalities at that stage because you lose
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somebody or you've got that trauma in your life.
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You just feel a lot of control.
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Yeah.
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Everything and every, you know, yeah.
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So I was just, you know, I started to learn a lot with her.
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I became a healer and started to learn all about crystals and I did a lot of soul searching
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and personal development and everything just to help me to deal with, you know, the traumas
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that I'd been through and, you know, to really heal.
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So it was really, really helpful.
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And how did that feel to, I mean, it must have been the most, as you say, standoffish
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as to who are you, what are you, you know, almost like, are you taking, are you taking
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advantage of my vulnerability because I've lost my mom?
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And how did it then feel when she told you all of these things and you, I'm guessing
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it was almost like your mom was back in your life.
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How did that feel then to like the days, the weeks afterwards to think my mom's
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here?
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It was amazing.
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I'm getting goosebumps just as I said.
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I've had them.
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I've had them, yeah.
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Because she's around me all the time and it's interesting just quickly, you know, so many
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years from then till now I've had so many readings and everyone's like, you've got some
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woman who, I said, that's my mom.
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She just comes with me everywhere.
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I've found myself in some ridiculous situations where, you know, I'm just, you know, she's
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there looking after me.
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So it was, it was so comforting actually to be able to feel her and at one stage I got
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so good to have these six James.
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I actually felt her touch my head.
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That freaks me out a little bit.
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Oh my God.
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Enough now.
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That was that got a little bit, a little bit crazy, but, but it was just really nice
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to know.
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It was like, okay, she's gone physically from my life, but actually she's still around.
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She's there for me to connect to and to be comforted.
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And I just know, like I said, I've been through so many situations where I just know she's
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looking out for me and she's organizing things.
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I love her.
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And it's, and then sometimes, you know, if I'm feeling lonely, I'll just sort of sit
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down and have a chat.
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Literally.
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Yeah.
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And that actually enabled me to help so many of my clients that have come to me in the similar
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situation to let them know that all they have to do is actually sit down and call in that
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person, you know, where the, where the ones with the resistance to it, where the one's
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the limitations to think of that can't be possible.
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Yeah.
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And then just like any other tool, it's practice after that to be able to sort of speak to them.
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And you just feel like you're being, you know, wrapped up in this beautiful warm hug.
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And it was just, it was just really, company's not the word, I just felt content, you know,
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I just felt really loved again.
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And I know that comes for ourselves, but it was just this warmth that, you know, she's
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it, she is there, you know, and she's like what you needed.
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Absolutely.
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You were warm there holding you.
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It's made me feel so warm and I've got the biggest smile just to think that what a lovely
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story of, although not a lovely story because you've lost your mom, you've lost your boyfriend,
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but mom's there and she's holding you.
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I love that.
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Yeah.
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Maybe you feel so content in myself.
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Yeah.
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And I think what was really important to me, which I think has been a really big lesson
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moving forward, like just so many years, I used to think, why is this happened to me
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and was so in the mode of this was happening to me.
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And then there was that point where I started to work with this woman and she wasn't taking,
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I never felt at any stage that she was taking advantage of me or anything in terms of learning
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with her.
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I think I was the only person that ever said that to her.
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I don't believe she had a whole lot of, and she didn't take any money for any of the work
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that we did or anything.
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She just sort of offered it up.
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But it's at that point, I started to turn around and think, I've learned quite a lot
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of good skills.
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I've learned some really bad habits, control being one of them, which I needed to unravel
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and unlearn and then learn a different way.
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And some abandonment things, which again became a bit of a program that I was just running
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for my life again, which I needed to unravel and undo.
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But then it allowed me to see that I had gained strength.
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I gained resilience.
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I had gained my own sense of self-worth because I had to in order to do it.
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I had courage to just keep going through the life basically.
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All of a sudden, I felt this immense gratitude for what had happened.
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Yes, it's terrible events, but it's the qualities that I've been able to gain as a result.
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I've gone through these things.
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So then all of a sudden, I was able to flip it and look at, maybe these things happened
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for me.
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Is it to me?
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Yeah, it's incredible.
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I thought, all right, I could turn this into a learning situation rather than saying, you
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know, poor me.
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Yeah, rather than it being a victim situation.
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Yeah, and that really helped me, Claire.
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That was a really big springboard into being able to turn things around.
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And then since then, the amount of people that have come to me with similar sorts of
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woundings who are being able to help them do the same thing and then see, look at all
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the qualities they've learned from that, that's the gift because we go through these
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things in life.
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And, you know, I really don't believe bad happens for no reason.
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I believe that we have to sometimes go through bad things so we can experience it, you know,
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go into the depths of the shit basically, learn to become friends with it so that we
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come out and then all is I find with most people I know myself, then somebody comes
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into your life that then you can pass that sharing on.
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I completely agree.
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It's almost like falling into a pit of despair where all these bad things happen to us, but
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it's only when we're at the right point in life that we can understand the learnings
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from that and then gradually get out of that pit and as you've clearly are showing you're
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living this completely different and fulfilled life where you're even glowing, you know,
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we don't glow when we're in our pits, do we?
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We don't.
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We definitely don't.
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We don't doom and gloom.
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And I love that it's puts a spin on that we could sit there and be that victim and we
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could sit there and be that vulnerability.
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But what we're doing and I completely agree, life is full of lessons and it's about learning
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what those lessons are and they're not always nice as you said.
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No.
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And it was interesting because after I'd gone through these two death experiences that had
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happened in my life, I decided, you know, once I was starting to delve into the spiritual
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world and meditation, I got into Buddhism and I started to really explore what death
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was and their meaning interpretation because I've got quite a lot of information and books
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written on it.
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And it was very interesting because I was reading the Tibetan Book of the Living and
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Dying and they explain that book.
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Sogyo Rinpoche has written that book.
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It's brilliant.
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And he talks about the fact that, you know, we are like the clear blue sky.
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And if you think about it, you know, really, you go up in an aeroplane and it's a cloud
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crappy day and it's raining and there's terrible weather around and you go up through the clouds
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and on the other side of the clouds, there is a clear sky.
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The clouds are never touching the clear blue sky.
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It's always separate.
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And that's basically what our essential self is like.
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It's like this beautiful clear blue sky, which is untainted and untouched.
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And sometimes we go through life where we experience bad weather, you know.
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Ah, yeah.
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Bad weather comes and it's only a matter of time before the weather shifts and the clear
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blue sky comes out again, isn't it?
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Yeah.
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I love that.
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This guy is always there.
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But unfortunately what happens, excuse me, I just have to cough, is that sometimes we
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get too attached to the weather.
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Yes.
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And we think we are the weather.
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And so we get into whether it's our anger, our frustration, our fears, our anxiety, and
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we get so much into that emotion, we forget that it's weather.
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And it's just that we're the clear blue sky.
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And that's where I feel it's so important for people to find some support, you know,
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find somebody, a friend that they can talk to, or a therapist, or a group, or some, you
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know, these amazing podcasts like What You Offer, where they remember that what they're
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attaching their identity to is the weather.
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Yeah.
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And they need to see that clear blue sky and they need to pass that, connect again to
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that clear blue sky, and then wait for the weather and the storm to pass.
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I absolutely love that.
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What I'm just imagining it, and it's absolutely so true, isn't it?
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You can imagine that, you know, some people are thunderclouds, aren't they, with their
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anger.
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Yeah.
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I love that.
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I am going to tell that message.
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I am going to repeat that.
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Lovely.
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I think, so we've decided before we started this podcast that we were going to split it
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into two, because you've got so much to tell.
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So I think if it's all right with you, on that fantastic note, I'm going to end this
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first part of our podcast, and then we're going to come back and we're going to talk
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about you in your later.
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Second part.
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Yeah.
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Second half of life.
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Second half of life.
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It's the second act.
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Thank you.
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Don't make some un-scribs.
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Go to the toilet.
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Go to the bar.
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We're coming back.
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00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:32,560
Exactly.
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Thank you so much Claire.
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It's been divine.
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Thank you.
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Tanya, just before we end this, if people don't get the opportunity to listen to part
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two, where can they find you if they need to or want to?
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So they can find me on my website, which is inpurpose.com.au or I'm on social media.
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I'm on Instagram and on Facebook as either Tanya Levy as you see my name or in purpose.
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And I'm also on LinkedIn as well.
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So love to have you send me a message or be in touch or follow all the things that I do.
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I'm also going to be running a beautiful, yummy self-care retreat next year in Bali
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for those that are interested.
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I know.
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You know, lots of amazing things coming up.
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Fantastic.
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And I will put all the links in the bio of the podcast.
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Tanya, thank you so very much.
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Go and enjoy your evening.
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I'm going to get on with my day.
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Lovely.
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I'll see you soon.
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00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:37,080
Bye bye.
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00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:38,080
Thanks.
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00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,080
Thank you for listening.
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I hope you enjoy listening to the episode and learn some tips on how to manage your
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emotions in a healthy way.
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If you've been affected by anything in the podcast or if you want to share your feedback
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00:27:53,160 --> 00:28:00,280
or questions, please email Claire at AngleManagementCoach.co.uk.
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Thank you for listening and do remember you have the power to calm your emotions and communicate
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effectively.
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,480
Welcome to Embracing Continuous Behaviour Change for Anger Management, the podcast that
2
00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:12,240
helps you to calm your emotions and communicate effectively.
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00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:17,120
And I'm your host Clare Bradley, the Anger Management Coach.
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In this podcast I'll bring you expert interviews, inspiring stories and practical advice on
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00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:31,880
calming your emotions and living a more peaceful and fulfilling life. So sit back, relax and
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00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,880
get ready to master your emotions.
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00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:48,360
OK, good morning and welcome to our listeners. I'm Claire Broderley and today I have the
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lovely Tanya Levy who is joining us from the other side of the world. Tanya, welcome.
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Thank you so much and yes, it's a good evening for me, not a good morning at all.
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Just remind me whereabouts you're in Australia.
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I'm right down the bottom in Melbourne in Victoria. So yes, nice and cold at the moment,
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although not quite as cold as what I believe you guys experience, but still it's cold
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for me anyway.
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How cold's your cold?
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Well, we've had it pretty cold this winter, so we've had some highs of about, you know,
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eight or nine and our lows, we don't go below zero, but you know, today it was 15 or 16
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degrees and I was freezing.
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You know, that's probably our normal day.
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I know, I know. We actually had some sunshine, so you know, I can't complain about that.
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It's always a good thing. Brilliant. We've got some of that today, so fingers crossed
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it stays.
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Beautiful.
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So, thank you so much and I explained to you before we started that a lot of the podcasts
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that I do, I bring in everyday people who are happy to talk about things that they have
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been through in life, that they have come out the other side of and to share with our
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listeners the things that they've been through and how they have overcome them.
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And I know you sent me a short script a while ago just about the things that you're happy
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to share, etc.
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So if you wouldn't mind, I'm going to start off with that and I'll just, my style is very,
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very relaxed and coffee, coffee chat, that's how I like to call it anyway.
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So whatever your drink is, we'll have that kind of chat.
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Shame, I should have got one before I go.
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Oh no.
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Next up.
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So Tanya, you mentioned that you lost your mum at a very young age and that must have
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had such an impact on your life.
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Would you mind sharing that with us as to what happened?
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Sure, sure.
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So unfortunately my mum passed away when I was only two.
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She died of breast cancer, which is back then.
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So I'm currently now 53.
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I know we're not supposed to say that out loud, but that's okay.
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I'm good with that.
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And so that was a long time ago where there wasn't much treatment for cancer.
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And at the time I was one of four.
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And my mum had four kids in five years, which is kind of insane.
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I was, when you get to be a mother, you sort of think, oh my God, shoot me now, just hearing
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that.
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But, you know, and my dad has been a great dad.
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He was a heavy worker.
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So a lot of the load of raising the kids was on her.
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But she got unwell and passed away.
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So, you know, obviously a tragic event and quite sad.
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I think my dad at that stage wasn't quite sure how to handle it.
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So they do the best that he would did the best that he ever had at the time.
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He remarried actually quite quickly.
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And he actually married my cousin, one of my cousins, which is an interesting story because
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that means that my two mothers' mothers are sisters.
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So I...
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Oh wow, yeah.
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Sisters.
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So it was, you know, it comes with...
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It's tough, you know, in the beginning you're, you know, I'm now a step parent to somebody
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else's kids.
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And so it puts you in a situation where you actually understand, you know, what that's
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like, have a very good relationship with my now mum.
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I don't even call her my step mum because she's been my mum forever.
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But obviously, you know, when you're growing up and, you know, she was 29 and took on,
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you know, four young kids, which is a really tough thing to do.
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And obviously it had its ups and its downs of growing up, you know, without a mum.
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And, you know, there was many times when you sort of got all these special events that
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happen in your life.
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And you're, you know, you're sitting there, you find yourself sitting there thinking,
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you know, I wish she was there, you know, I wish she was seeing me.
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I wish she was registering this on some level.
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But, you know, and I think for me, it really, you know, I would brought up with probably
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what I would call now term abandonment issues, you know, that worry about, you know, the
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people that you love are going to leave you and all those sorts of things.
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But I was very fortunate that the home that I was brought up in was, you know, very safe
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and very secure.
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And, you know, my dad was a very loving man and, you know, my mum, I second mum did the
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best that she could.
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I'm very close with my brothers and sisters.
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We've all grown up really close and still remain to be at this size, because I think,
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you know, you really sort of band together to, you know, through that.
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Yeah, to really sort of do.
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Yeah.
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So it was, so it was really tricky for those younger years.
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But being the youngest, you know, I was the baby.
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I think, you know, I got a lot of extra mothering from my two older sisters and my older brother.
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I got another sister.
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So who's my other sister?
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I don't call her a step sister.
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She's just my other sister.
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I made my parents promise, actually, that I wasn't going to lose my title as baby of
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the family when the new one came along.
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I was nine and a half when she came along.
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And I think, you know, being younger, you still just accept things for the way they
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were.
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Yeah.
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There was a bit of anger in the house.
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You know, my second mum had a bit of an angry streak.
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And then, you know, you tend to get that anger between different family members and my brother
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had a tough time.
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You know, you go through being a boy and until you are a mother of a boy, you don't understand
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what that's like.
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And I must have been tough for him being the boy in the girl family, really.
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Very figuratively.
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It was.
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He had a lot of advantages with that later on.
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Oh, yeah, I've got it.
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With all of our friends streaming through the house.
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But, you know, I think you start to sort of think, you know, when I was in my younger
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years, you sort of eyeballs not looking at it so much.
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For me, a lot of the frustration and the anger started to come up then in the second part
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of life and especially because I mentioned, you know, when I was 16 years of age, I had
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a boyfriend and he invited me to go skiing with him and his family up at our ski fields,
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which I did.
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And then I went up to Queensland, which is the north of Australia to holiday with my
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grandma and then unfortunately he decided to come home and was killed in a car accident.
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Oh, no.
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And that was devastating.
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That was just a horrific, horrific thing to go through.
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And I think that compounded then what had happened with losing my mum, you know.
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So I think a lot of that stuff was potentially I didn't have the vocabulary or the emotional
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understanding to express it.
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And then I think, you know, when I lost him, who, you know, at the time I was hopelessly
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in love with it as you do it in life, you know, then it brought up a lot of anger, you
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know.
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And I think first of all, I was just devastated beyond belief.
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Like I just couldn't believe, you know, why this happened to me.
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It came, you know, that whole thing when you ask yourself, why me?
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You know, I've lost my mum and my mother.
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And now you've taken, you know, my boyfriend, you know, what's going on.
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And then that started to bring up a lot of anger for me.
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You know, it was really tough.
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I didn't know what to do with it at the time, to be honest.
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And I started to just, there was a lot of anger and bustling inside.
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I was a very keen athlete.
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So I started to just run and run and run.
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It was a very interesting way to deal with it.
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It was a big straying, isn't it?
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It was.
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And then I started to, you know, that wasn't quite enough.
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I still had all this emotion and frustration that kept coming up.
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And you know, I was, you know, a bit sort of pissed off basically with the world and with
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God for, you know, what he'd done to me and felt really sort of victimised by the whole
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thing and just had this real situation where I just turned around and just said, well, stuff
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this, I just, not interested anymore.
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And then things started to flip.
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And I started to really take on this, you know, just, I wanted to push, push everything
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to its limits.
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You know, what could I get out of life?
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I did sort of lacked caring for life.
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I didn't care if I lived or if I didn't live.
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And so I started to do a lot of extreme activities.
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Yeah.
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I started jumping out of aeroplanes.
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I started to cut rock climbing and took up really adventurous rock climbing and really
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sort of care whether I was like, okay, well, if I live great and if I don't live, well,
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I don't care.
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I'm just really exactly what you said.
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I just really pushed the challenges to see how far can I push this.
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And, you know, it was that fact that, well, I just don't care anymore if I live or if
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I die, which was not the most, you know, constructive things.
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I, you know, also dabbled in, I must say, with drinking and with drug taking and everything.
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And just, you know, I started to travel when my mid-20s.
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And you know, you just get, I've traveled on my own to places like India and Nepal and
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where it wasn't so safe and looking back on myself into some very unsafe situations.
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But then I was kind of very lucky in terms of what happened to me because after I left
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school, I studied marketing and business.
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I had really had no regard for anything spiritual or anything religious or anything.
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I was just really, like I said before, very pissed off with how things had gone and felt
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like I got a rough deal and was not interested because, you know, how could, if there was
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something out there, how could it do that?
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You know, you take things very decently.
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Absolutely.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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You stop trusting people because, you know, just not sure.
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Getting into long-term relationships was just, I didn't want to go there because, you know,
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what happens if I love somebody again?
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Are they going to get to me?
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Yeah.
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For me?
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Yeah.
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Absolutely.
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I do completely get that.
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Yeah.
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So that was really interesting.
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And I was going through, like I said, this really rebellious stage.
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I had a job which was very stressful.
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And the role that I had, a lot of people knew who I was.
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I didn't know who they were even early on in my 20s.
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And it was really interesting.
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I like to share this story.
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This woman came up to me in our big corporate head area where we worked.
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And she said, I said, came up to me.
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She said, Tanya.
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And I said, yes.
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Like, hurry up.
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You're sort of wasting my time.
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She said, look, I have a message for you from this, from my auntie who's a psychic.
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And that for me was alarm bells.
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I was not interested in any of that sort of thing.
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And I sort of looked at her and I was a little bit annoyed.
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I was like, what are you talking about?
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She said, she has a message from you from your late mother.
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Wow.
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And I looked at her like, I don't know this woman.
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Yeah.
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I mean, no, she had a, she know my mother has passed away.
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You know, looked at her and I said, well, take me to this woman.
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You know, really take me to her.
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I want to meet her.
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Anyway, so the next day I go with her, we go to this beautiful cafe and we're sitting
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at that there.
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I knew who this woman was straightaway when we walked in.
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Beautiful old non-arm with white hair and everything.
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I knew that way.
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That was the line.
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And we went up and we spoke to her and she sat down.
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Now I was very standoffish, I must say.
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And she proceeded to go through and recall all those times in my childhood where I had
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sat there and gone, mum, I wish you were here to see this or mum, I wish you were here or
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you know, hiding under our dining room table going, you know, mum, where are you?
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All those really deep, meaningful situations where I found myself in.
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And she was recalling every single one of you here when you were asking about this.
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And I'm just sitting there, my whole world was, right?
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And I was like, what is going on?
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How does this woman know this?
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You know, I'm looking, I've got tears pouring down my eyes.
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I just, you know, I just really couldn't believe it.
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And I turned around to her and I just said to her, I said, if you can do it, so can I.
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I said, teach me what you know.
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Wow.
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So it was at that point that, you know, I started to go and sit with her and she taught
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me how to talk to my mum, which I was then able to do.
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She then taught me healing modalities.
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She taught me to meditate.
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She sent me to all these other different therapists and so began my healing journey, basically.
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Where I was able to start, you know, step by step removing some of the trauma.
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There was a lot of, I had a lot of controlling personalities at that stage because you lose
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somebody or you've got that trauma in your life.
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You just feel a lot of control.
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Yeah.
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Everything and every, you know, yeah.
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So I was just, you know, I started to learn a lot with her.
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I became a healer and started to learn all about crystals and I did a lot of soul searching
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and personal development and everything just to help me to deal with, you know, the traumas
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that I'd been through and, you know, to really heal.
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So it was really, really helpful.
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And how did that feel to, I mean, it must have been the most, as you say, standoffish
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as to who are you, what are you, you know, almost like, are you taking, are you taking
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advantage of my vulnerability because I've lost my mom?
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And how did it then feel when she told you all of these things and you, I'm guessing
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it was almost like your mom was back in your life.
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How did that feel then to like the days, the weeks afterwards to think my mom's
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here?
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It was amazing.
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I'm getting goosebumps just as I said.
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I've had them.
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I've had them, yeah.
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Because she's around me all the time and it's interesting just quickly, you know, so many
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years from then till now I've had so many readings and everyone's like, you've got some
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woman who, I said, that's my mom.
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She just comes with me everywhere.
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I've found myself in some ridiculous situations where, you know, I'm just, you know, she's
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there looking after me.
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So it was, it was so comforting actually to be able to feel her and at one stage I got
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so good to have these six James.
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I actually felt her touch my head.
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That freaks me out a little bit.
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Oh my God.
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Enough now.
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That was that got a little bit, a little bit crazy, but, but it was just really nice
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to know.
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It was like, okay, she's gone physically from my life, but actually she's still around.
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She's there for me to connect to and to be comforted.
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And I just know, like I said, I've been through so many situations where I just know she's
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looking out for me and she's organizing things.
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I love her.
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And it's, and then sometimes, you know, if I'm feeling lonely, I'll just sort of sit
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down and have a chat.
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Literally.
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Yeah.
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And that actually enabled me to help so many of my clients that have come to me in the similar
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situation to let them know that all they have to do is actually sit down and call in that
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person, you know, where the, where the ones with the resistance to it, where the one's
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the limitations to think of that can't be possible.
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Yeah.
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And then just like any other tool, it's practice after that to be able to sort of speak to them.
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And you just feel like you're being, you know, wrapped up in this beautiful warm hug.
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And it was just, it was just really, company's not the word, I just felt content, you know,
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I just felt really loved again.
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And I know that comes for ourselves, but it was just this warmth that, you know, she's
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it, she is there, you know, and she's like what you needed.
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Absolutely.
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You were warm there holding you.
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It's made me feel so warm and I've got the biggest smile just to think that what a lovely
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story of, although not a lovely story because you've lost your mom, you've lost your boyfriend,
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but mom's there and she's holding you.
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I love that.
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Yeah.
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Maybe you feel so content in myself.
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Yeah.
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And I think what was really important to me, which I think has been a really big lesson
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moving forward, like just so many years, I used to think, why is this happened to me
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and was so in the mode of this was happening to me.
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And then there was that point where I started to work with this woman and she wasn't taking,
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I never felt at any stage that she was taking advantage of me or anything in terms of learning
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with her.
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I think I was the only person that ever said that to her.
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I don't believe she had a whole lot of, and she didn't take any money for any of the work
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that we did or anything.
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She just sort of offered it up.
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But it's at that point, I started to turn around and think, I've learned quite a lot
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of good skills.
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I've learned some really bad habits, control being one of them, which I needed to unravel
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and unlearn and then learn a different way.
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And some abandonment things, which again became a bit of a program that I was just running
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for my life again, which I needed to unravel and undo.
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But then it allowed me to see that I had gained strength.
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I gained resilience.
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I had gained my own sense of self-worth because I had to in order to do it.
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I had courage to just keep going through the life basically.
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All of a sudden, I felt this immense gratitude for what had happened.
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Yes, it's terrible events, but it's the qualities that I've been able to gain as a result.
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I've gone through these things.
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So then all of a sudden, I was able to flip it and look at, maybe these things happened
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for me.
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Is it to me?
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Yeah, it's incredible.
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I thought, all right, I could turn this into a learning situation rather than saying, you
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know, poor me.
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Yeah, rather than it being a victim situation.
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Yeah, and that really helped me, Claire.
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That was a really big springboard into being able to turn things around.
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And then since then, the amount of people that have come to me with similar sorts of
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woundings who are being able to help them do the same thing and then see, look at all
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the qualities they've learned from that, that's the gift because we go through these
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things in life.
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And, you know, I really don't believe bad happens for no reason.
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I believe that we have to sometimes go through bad things so we can experience it, you know,
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go into the depths of the shit basically, learn to become friends with it so that we
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come out and then all is I find with most people I know myself, then somebody comes
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into your life that then you can pass that sharing on.
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I completely agree.
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It's almost like falling into a pit of despair where all these bad things happen to us, but
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it's only when we're at the right point in life that we can understand the learnings
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from that and then gradually get out of that pit and as you've clearly are showing you're
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living this completely different and fulfilled life where you're even glowing, you know,
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we don't glow when we're in our pits, do we?
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We don't.
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We definitely don't.
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We don't doom and gloom.
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And I love that it's puts a spin on that we could sit there and be that victim and we
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could sit there and be that vulnerability.
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But what we're doing and I completely agree, life is full of lessons and it's about learning
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what those lessons are and they're not always nice as you said.
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No.
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And it was interesting because after I'd gone through these two death experiences that had
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happened in my life, I decided, you know, once I was starting to delve into the spiritual
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world and meditation, I got into Buddhism and I started to really explore what death
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was and their meaning interpretation because I've got quite a lot of information and books
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written on it.
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And it was very interesting because I was reading the Tibetan Book of the Living and
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Dying and they explain that book.
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Sogyo Rinpoche has written that book.
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It's brilliant.
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And he talks about the fact that, you know, we are like the clear blue sky.
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And if you think about it, you know, really, you go up in an aeroplane and it's a cloud
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crappy day and it's raining and there's terrible weather around and you go up through the clouds
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and on the other side of the clouds, there is a clear sky.
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The clouds are never touching the clear blue sky.
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It's always separate.
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And that's basically what our essential self is like.
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It's like this beautiful clear blue sky, which is untainted and untouched.
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And sometimes we go through life where we experience bad weather, you know.
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Ah, yeah.
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Bad weather comes and it's only a matter of time before the weather shifts and the clear
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blue sky comes out again, isn't it?
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Yeah.
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I love that.
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This guy is always there.
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But unfortunately what happens, excuse me, I just have to cough, is that sometimes we
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get too attached to the weather.
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Yes.
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And we think we are the weather.
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And so we get into whether it's our anger, our frustration, our fears, our anxiety, and
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we get so much into that emotion, we forget that it's weather.
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And it's just that we're the clear blue sky.
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And that's where I feel it's so important for people to find some support, you know,
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find somebody, a friend that they can talk to, or a therapist, or a group, or some, you
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know, these amazing podcasts like What You Offer, where they remember that what they're
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attaching their identity to is the weather.
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Yeah.
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And they need to see that clear blue sky and they need to pass that, connect again to
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that clear blue sky, and then wait for the weather and the storm to pass.
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I absolutely love that.
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What I'm just imagining it, and it's absolutely so true, isn't it?
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You can imagine that, you know, some people are thunderclouds, aren't they, with their
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anger.
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00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:47,160
Yeah.
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I love that.
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I am going to tell that message.
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I am going to repeat that.
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Lovely.
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I think, so we've decided before we started this podcast that we were going to split it
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into two, because you've got so much to tell.
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So I think if it's all right with you, on that fantastic note, I'm going to end this
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first part of our podcast, and then we're going to come back and we're going to talk
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about you in your later.
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Second part.
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00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:23,560
Yeah.
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Second half of life.
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Second half of life.
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It's the second act.
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Thank you.
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00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:28,560
Don't make some un-scribs.
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00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:29,560
Go to the toilet.
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00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:30,560
Go to the bar.
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00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:31,560
We're coming back.
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00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:32,560
Exactly.
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00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:33,560
Thank you so much Claire.
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00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:34,560
It's been divine.
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00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:35,560
Thank you.
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00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:43,400
Tanya, just before we end this, if people don't get the opportunity to listen to part
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00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:47,680
two, where can they find you if they need to or want to?
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00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:57,560
So they can find me on my website, which is inpurpose.com.au or I'm on social media.
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00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:05,000
I'm on Instagram and on Facebook as either Tanya Levy as you see my name or in purpose.
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00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:08,040
And I'm also on LinkedIn as well.
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00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:14,360
So love to have you send me a message or be in touch or follow all the things that I do.
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00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:19,680
I'm also going to be running a beautiful, yummy self-care retreat next year in Bali
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00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:20,680
for those that are interested.
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00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:21,680
I know.
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00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,080
You know, lots of amazing things coming up.
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00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:25,080
Fantastic.
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00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:28,720
And I will put all the links in the bio of the podcast.
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00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,560
Tanya, thank you so very much.
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Go and enjoy your evening.
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00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,080
I'm going to get on with my day.
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Lovely.
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00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:36,080
I'll see you soon.
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00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:37,080
Bye bye.
446
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:38,080
Thanks.
447
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,080
Thank you for listening.
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00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:46,120
I hope you enjoy listening to the episode and learn some tips on how to manage your
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emotions in a healthy way.
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00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:53,160
If you've been affected by anything in the podcast or if you want to share your feedback
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00:27:53,160 --> 00:28:00,280
or questions, please email Claire at AngleManagementCoach.co.uk.
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Thank you for listening and do remember you have the power to calm your emotions and communicate
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effectively.
