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"Just be yourself" sounds like the safest advice there is. Nathalie hears a version of it all the time, from executives with 25 years of experience and from new coaches: "I just want to be myself."
For most of us, being yourself means falling back on your default communication style. Think of it like the browser that came pre-installed on your computer: it does the job, and you've been running it for 20, 30, 40 years without a second look. We usually call that default being authentic: expressing yourself with whatever comes naturally. Being genuine keeps the sincerity and adds self-regulation, so you stay honest while taking responsibility for how your words land. That's what the conversations that matter most ask of you.
Moving from authentic to genuine takes skill, and any new skill feels unnatural at first. That out-of-your-depth feeling, the one many of us call being an imposter, can be a sign you're learning. In the conscious competence model, that feeling tends to show up at the second of four stages, when you first notice a gap you didn't know existed.
The next step is choosing your words on purpose, which raises a fair question: does that make you fake? Nathalie's answer is that when your intention is to support the other person, being deliberate is a way of caring about your impact. That care shapes teams, too: how a leader responds to a hard question teaches everyone in the room whether it's safe to speak up.
This week's connection experiment brings the idea back to you. Record yourself in a conversation with the other person's knowledge (a voice note works) and listen for habits you didn't know you had. Then, before your next important conversation, ask yourself:
1. What does this person need from me right now in this conversation?
2. What might this person be thinking or feeling that I need to stay connected to?
3. How might my tone, my pace, my choice of words or my silence affect what becomes possible in this conversation?
Being yourself is something you can get better at. Coach Academy's ICF-accredited programs are built around that practice: noticing your defaults, then choosing how you show up. Learn more at coachacademy.com.
The blog post this episode grew from: Authentic vs. Genuine: The Leadership Skill Most People Were Never Taught
https://coachacademy.com/authentic-vs-genuine-leadership-communication-skills/
Connect with Nathalie: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nathalieblais/
