Reggie Watts

WEBVTT
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Thank you.
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at weireland.ie today.
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Hi, my name is Reggie Watts. And I feel quixotic
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about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
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Very nice. I love that. No one's used that word yet.
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I don't think it's been used on the podcast.
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On the earth in at least 20 years.
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Yeah, that's true.
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Really?
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Fall is here, hear the yell.
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Back to school, ring the bell.
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Brand new shoes, walkin' loose. Climb the fence, books and pens.
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I can tell that we are gonna be friends.
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Yes, I can tell that we are.
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Gonna be friends.
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Get ready when you are. And even when you're not,
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it's Betty Crocker's Ready to Mix Frosting. Hey there. Welcome
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to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Come on. I came
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in hot. I think there are days where I come
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in hot, and today I nuclear-fueled Conan. Had a good
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workout this morning.
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Oh.
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Yep.
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Lifted a lot of... Well, thank you very much. You
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don't just get a body like mine. You need to
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really abuse yourself. Sona, good to see you.
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Nice to see you, too.
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You did come in hot, because we were laughing, and
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you're like, no one can laugh without me.
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When I hear laughter in a room I'm not in,
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I suspect fraud. You know? It's like a company that
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couldn't possibly make that. It just doesn't seem right. I'm
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always like, what? Laughter, and I'm not there? This must
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be some, someone's, something just is fundamentally wrong. So I
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came rushing in here. Yeah. And then I guess Gorley
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was chuckling, everybody.
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Yeah.
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I was just telling them something that you had said earlier.
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That was so funny.
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There we go. All right. Well, that makes sense. I'm satisfied.
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My name is joy killer. What laughter? I must go
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crush it. Make it about me. Yeah. I just noticed
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Sona's wedding ring. Yeah. Yeah, I was just about to
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hit on you. No. No, I was going to say
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it was your hand was out and it was tilted
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and it's very nice. What a rock.
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I have my fingers got skinnier. So I have this
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plastic coil around it and I've had it there.
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Can't you just go to a jeweler and they can
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quickly resize it?
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Well, because I think I'm going to it's going to
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go back up.
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I'm sure.
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I think so.
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I'm just leaving it there. So it's going to just
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get bigger. Eventually, the whole ring is just going to
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be a plastic coil, I think.
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Yeah.
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Why don't you just lose that? I'll hold on to
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the actual diamond and you can just wear a plastic coil.
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You'll get it back at one point.
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I don't want to do that.
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Well, anyway, I just noticed it and it's it's nice.
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I don't think I ever looked at it really before.
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Thank you. I actually don't even think I look at
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you very often.
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Oh, that's nice.
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No, no. I'm just very so focused on me and
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what I'm doing. Yeah, well, that's clear.
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Yeah.
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Oh, Gourley.
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That's me. This is what I look like.
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Oh, my God.
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You usually have a mirror in front of both of
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us just so you never have to actually look at us.
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I make every employee at Team Coco wear an oval
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mirror on their face.
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It's a two-way mirror so they can see through it,
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but you just see yourself.
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No, I actually am insisting on a one-way mirror so
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they crash into things. and get into terrible car accidents.
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It's a mess around here of just broken glass.
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People are just smashing into the wall all the time,
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but I'm happy because I just see me, me, me.
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I'm an opera singer warming up. Me, me, me, me, me.
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You did come in hot.
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You're singing a lot too.
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Yeah, I sure am. But you didn't come in hot.
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That usually implies like come in hot, you're grumpy, you're mad,
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you've got something to prove.
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No.
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No, you came in kind of just, you're just living,
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you're buzzing.
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You know what? I'm happy. Life is good. I'm happy
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to be here at the podcast. I'm with some of
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my favorite people. Hold on, let me put on my glasses.
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Oh, shit.
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I didn't see who was in the room.
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I'm sorry.
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No, I thought it was with Jeff Goldblum and the
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ghost of Abraham Lincoln. And then it turns out it's
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Gourley and Sona. I apologize.
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I wish Jeff Goldblum was here.
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And the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. He'd be like, I'm just,
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was at the theater. What the fuck?
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And I'm like, Gabe, you wrote the Gettysburg Address and
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you just said, what the fuck?
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I know. I've told you that, uh, sketch I always
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wanted to write where.
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Oh yeah.
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I think I mentioned on the air once.
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Yeah.
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Lincoln is in heaven and he's walking around and he
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sees a group having a really good time and he
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goes up to the group cause they're all laughing real hard.
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And John Wilkes Booth is at the center and everyone's
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Lincoln's like, what the fuck is he doing up here
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in heaven? And they're like, you know what? He was
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really good to his mom. And that night with you,
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he was having an off night. He was having an
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off night and Lincoln's really mad. And they're like, come
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on Abe. And, and then Booth was like, you know, I, Mr. Lincoln,
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I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking, but
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I am a big fan. He goes to shake Lincoln's
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hands and Lincoln swats it out of the way. Like,
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I'm not going to shake your hand. And then everyone else, Aristotle, Gandhi,
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everybody else was like, whoa, Abe, not cool. I had
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this idea like 25 years ago and I never wrote it.
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I know, we should make this happen because you've mentioned
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it a few times.
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I know.
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For your birthday.
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Yeah, how does it end?
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Yeah, does it have a button?
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They get into a fight and Booth shoots Lincoln again.
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Oh.
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And then he goes to second heaven.
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Yeah.
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But everyone says like, you know, Abe, you were kind
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of being a dick. And Abe's, so Abe gets sent
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down to hell. I don't know. I don't know how
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it ends, but.
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This has just been spitballed. You've never written it.
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I've talked about it a lot. I have so many
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sketches in my head that I never wrote because they
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just seemed too weird and arbitrary. But that one always
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amused me.
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I want to know what something it's. too weird for you?
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Because have you seen some of the shit you put
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on TV?
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What a nice way to put it. You know, I'm
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going to make sure if I ever get a major
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award for my work in comedy, I'm going to have
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Sona give it to me and she'll do the speech
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up front. Here to give the award to Conan O'Brien
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after 90 years in comedy is Sona Movsesian. You know,
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I don't know much about Conan, but have you seen
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some of the shit he did?
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I meant that in a loving way.
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I'm sure you did.
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In an admiring way.
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I don't like your wedding ring anymore. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay.
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That'll show you.
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Oh, no.
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Yeah, I think it's poorly fitted to your finger. There,
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that'll show you. All right, gang, let's all settle down.
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Okay.
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I like when I make it sound like we've got
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to get down to business and then it's talking to
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a funny person and being idiots. It's not like we're
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about to start an algebra class, but anyway. My guest today,
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of course, a talented musician, comedian, and now author with
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his new memoir entitled Great Falls, Montana, Fast Times, Post-Punk Weirdos,
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and a Tale of Coming Home Again. Very excited he's
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here today. My friend, Reggie Watts. Welcome. Reggie, you and
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I got some history, and that's why I'm so thrilled
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that you're here today. real history.
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Yes.
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Uh, you have written a book and you have a
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fantastic story to tell and you're, uh, a very talented
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and also a very strange fellow. Let's just be honest.
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I mean, the glasses alone, hold up those glasses so
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our viewers can see and our listeners. Um, those are, uh,
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are they hexagons? What are those?
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They're hexi.
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They're hexi babies. Yeah.
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The future's hexi.
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How many, uh, Now, I'm going to take, because I
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don't know if Matt Gorley, Sona knows this, but I
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don't know if Matt knows that Sona was on the tour. Yes.
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We did this kooky tour, which was really fun and
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out there in 2010. And it was a real happening.
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And we needed someone to open for me on this
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tour that went all around the United States of America.
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And we, of course, we found Mr. Reggie Watts. And
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Reggie- was a great opener for the show and you
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did an amazing job. And one of the things you
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did so brilliantly is people were coming to the show.
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We put it together so quickly that nobody knew what
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it was. And I wanted them to know right away,
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this isn't the show you thought you were going to get.
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In fact, this is unlike any show you've ever seen.
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So you can't just have a standard. I just can't
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have a comedian come out and go, Hey everybody, how's
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it going? How you doing?
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Hey, what's with the sweater?
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Who died and gave you the sweater because they were
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dead and didn't need the sweater anymore? That guy sucks. Oh,
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that guy's terrible.
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He sucks.
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He's dead, so he doesn't need the sweater, but the
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sweater's what fucking killed him. Anyway, I love that comment.
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It's a great bit.
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He is good in context.
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He's very good in context. And you should really see
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the sweater he would go after every night. And it
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was the same sweater. Plant. It was a plant.
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Hack, hack, hack.
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Anyway, we couldn't get that guy. I wanted that guy
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so badly. His name's Hackby Hackenstein. We couldn't get him. No,
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but but someone had heard of you. Have you seen
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Reggie Watts? And you were not a known quantity at
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the time, but we saw you and you were absolutely exact.
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what I wanted. And you would, I mean, I can't
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even describe what you would do, but it was so
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original and so fun and so interesting and so different
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that people would come in and they'd see the warmup
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and they would think you were there, Sona. Like, oh
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my God, what is happening? What is this going to be?
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And it was great. You were perfect.
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It was awesome.
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Yeah.
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But you did one thing that completely blew me away.
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And then I'm going to let you speak at some point,
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but I'm just going to monologue for a while because
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it's Reggie Watts and I'm very excited. You would, no matter,
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00:10:33.230 --> 00:10:35.350
we were touring in the summer. It was very hot.
253
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This gentleman would wear very, very heavy sweaters. Yes. All
254
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the time.
255
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Always. And lots of corduroy.
256
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Yep.
257
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And suspenders.
258
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And layers.
259
00:10:45.750 --> 00:10:50.490
And layers. Yeah. And we would be in Texas. We
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would be in, you tell me, Georgia. It would be
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130 degrees. Yeah. And you would be walking around. You
262
00:10:58.370 --> 00:11:03.159
never sweat. And then- I would be sitting in my
263
00:11:03.230 --> 00:11:07.889
dressing room alone doing guitar scales and trying to warm
264
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up my vocals for the show and just trying to
265
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get ready. And then I would wander down the hallway
266
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and I would pass Reggie's dressing room. And you will
267
00:11:18.690 --> 00:11:20.950
testify that this is true, Sona. I would pass Reggie's
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dressing room and it was always a happening. Yes. I
269
00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:26.379
would look in the room and there was always about
270
00:11:26.379 --> 00:11:30.629
35 people there. Beautiful women, but with like an eye patch,
271
00:11:30.649 --> 00:11:32.470
a beautiful woman with an eye patch and a falcon
272
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on her shoulder. Tanya. Yeah, exactly, Tanya. I mean, it
273
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really did.
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The coolest people I've ever seen.
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And it was, they were always different every time it
276
00:11:44.509 --> 00:11:48.990
was different people. Oh, there's a German man with a
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00:11:49.110 --> 00:11:52.960
miner's helmet. and he's got a goat with him, but
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he's also drinking absinthe. And it was just this insane
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collection of human beings, and they would always look at
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me like, hmm, was is los? Is dein Conan? And
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00:12:05.419 --> 00:12:07.179
you'd be like, oh hey Conan, I'd be like, oh hey,
282
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and you would all be like, a hookah, there are
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doves in the room, Prince was there, I don't know, like,
284
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you had the, it was always a happening. You're the
285
00:12:17.000 --> 00:12:20.019
coolest guy I've met. How did you do that? And
286
00:12:20.200 --> 00:12:23.139
we'd be nowhere. We'd be like, oh, we're here in Tallahassee,
287
00:12:23.440 --> 00:12:27.299
and there are those people again. And they don't... Did
288
00:12:27.320 --> 00:12:28.159
you fly them in?
289
00:12:28.179 --> 00:12:31.649
I don't know how that... You know what? Really, it
290
00:12:32.350 --> 00:12:33.990
had to do with the tour. I mean, who wouldn't
291
00:12:34.129 --> 00:12:37.129
want to come and hang out backstage at your tour?
292
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It was pretty fun.
293
00:12:38.149 --> 00:12:41.169
People were like, what is happening? They were like, as
294
00:12:41.230 --> 00:12:43.389
much as you're saying, what is happening with this guy?
295
00:12:43.860 --> 00:12:46.139
My friends were like, what's going on with Conan? It's like,
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00:12:46.200 --> 00:12:49.700
I'm opening for... It's impossible. Let me come. And I'd
297
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be like, yeah, it was easy. Everyone was so excited.
298
00:12:52.259 --> 00:12:53.899
It was so weird because we also never knew who
299
00:12:53.940 --> 00:12:57.690
was going to be backstage. And whatever state or city
300
00:12:57.730 --> 00:13:01.090
we were in, the most famous people from that state
301
00:13:01.129 --> 00:13:02.230
or city would show up.
302
00:13:02.590 --> 00:13:02.809
Right.
303
00:13:02.950 --> 00:13:05.730
And so we'd be in Seattle and they'd say, oh,
304
00:13:06.409 --> 00:13:08.950
Eddie Vedder is going to, Pearl Jam is going to
305
00:13:09.070 --> 00:13:11.289
come do something on the show. And I'd be like, what?
306
00:13:11.789 --> 00:13:15.110
And I'd say, this isn't funny. This is hurtful, this prank.
307
00:13:15.710 --> 00:13:17.649
And then Eddie Vedder, which, yeah, go ahead. One of
308
00:13:17.690 --> 00:13:22.070
my favorite- And this is Aaron Blair speaking. Yes. I
309
00:13:22.110 --> 00:13:24.429
discourage his interruptions, but go ahead, Aaron.
310
00:13:24.860 --> 00:13:27.600
I remember- And just so you know, you'll never be.
311
00:13:27.519 --> 00:13:29.620
Allowed to speak. Oh, no, no, no. I know that.
312
00:13:29.720 --> 00:13:30.740
I saw it in the contract.
313
00:13:30.779 --> 00:13:32.500
That tour was so nuts.
314
00:13:32.539 --> 00:13:35.120
I have a specific memory of being in San Francisco,
315
00:13:35.519 --> 00:13:38.460
and I was backstage trying to get from one side
316
00:13:38.480 --> 00:13:39.730
of the stage to the other, and there's this very
317
00:13:39.759 --> 00:13:43.669
narrow hallway. And I'm kind of walking very fast down
318
00:13:43.710 --> 00:13:45.629
the hallway, and you're talking to somebody, and And I
319
00:13:45.669 --> 00:13:47.889
just go to kind of push this person away. And
320
00:13:48.090 --> 00:13:50.250
as I'm about to touch them, I realized you're talking
321
00:13:50.269 --> 00:13:51.490
to Neil Young.
322
00:13:51.529 --> 00:13:53.549
And I was like, oh yeah, maybe I'll just wait. Yeah,
323
00:13:53.590 --> 00:13:56.340
don't you fucking manhandle Neil Young. I just waited. But
324
00:13:56.429 --> 00:13:59.080
you were such a good, I don't know. It was
325
00:13:59.179 --> 00:14:02.340
one of those, so many things went miraculously right on
326
00:14:02.379 --> 00:14:06.240
that tour. And I would say the first thing was, oh,
327
00:14:06.480 --> 00:14:08.700
our opener, which was a total Hail Mary, it was
328
00:14:08.860 --> 00:14:12.919
Reggie Watts. And you just set the tone right away.
329
00:14:13.179 --> 00:14:16.519
And whatever happened on that crazy tour, You were like, uh-huh,
330
00:14:16.799 --> 00:14:19.860
of course this is happening. And then, of course, as
331
00:14:19.879 --> 00:14:22.320
I got to know you better throughout the tour, which
332
00:14:22.340 --> 00:14:26.279
was a real delight, and I've seen your career blossom
333
00:14:26.659 --> 00:14:29.299
so beautifully subsequently, and now you have this book out,
334
00:14:29.879 --> 00:14:35.500
I realized that you have this improbable background that kind
335
00:14:35.559 --> 00:14:38.080
of made you coming into that tour feel like, yeah,
336
00:14:38.120 --> 00:14:40.600
what else you got? You know what I mean? I
337
00:14:40.620 --> 00:14:43.440
don't think a weird situation could be created for you
338
00:14:43.480 --> 00:14:44.220
that you couldn't handle.
339
00:14:45.309 --> 00:14:49.309
You know, honestly, that's an amazing observation because that's how
340
00:14:49.389 --> 00:14:52.570
it feels. Because, you know, like all the stuff that
341
00:14:53.090 --> 00:14:55.370
I did that I chose electively to do, and that
342
00:14:55.389 --> 00:14:58.350
was available to me growing up. And that stuff was
343
00:14:58.389 --> 00:14:59.830
pretty weird. I'm going to.
344
00:14:59.830 --> 00:15:02.049
Take people through it quickly just to set the table.
345
00:15:02.129 --> 00:15:04.200
And then obviously I want you to tell this story.
346
00:15:04.259 --> 00:15:11.440
But you are born, you're born with no citizenship. Okay.
347
00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:12.279
Where were you born?
348
00:15:12.909 --> 00:15:17.629
I was born in Stuttgart. Stuttgart, Germany. Stuttgart, close to Sufenhausen. Okay.
349
00:15:17.669 --> 00:15:18.870
Well, that goes without saying.
350
00:15:18.889 --> 00:15:19.269
Of course.
351
00:15:19.570 --> 00:15:21.110
Right near the town of Lederhosen.
352
00:15:21.169 --> 00:15:23.190
Of course, Lederhosen, Sufenhausen, whatever.
353
00:15:23.309 --> 00:15:27.889
And your dad was an Air Force serviceman, right?
354
00:15:27.909 --> 00:15:28.049
Yes.
355
00:15:28.730 --> 00:15:33.669
And so you're born, you're a military brat. Mm-hmm. And
356
00:15:34.570 --> 00:15:36.289
you move a lot.
357
00:15:37.700 --> 00:15:40.299
Yeah, a few times. I will say, like, a lot.
358
00:15:40.960 --> 00:15:43.700
For the amount of time that we did move, other
359
00:15:43.720 --> 00:15:45.759
friends of mine were like, I was in Oklahoma for
360
00:15:45.779 --> 00:15:47.940
two years. Then I went to partial high school and
361
00:15:48.340 --> 00:15:50.580
partial junior high. For me, it's like we moved around.
362
00:15:50.600 --> 00:15:53.879
We moved to three different, four different countries and then
363
00:15:53.960 --> 00:15:57.000
ended up in the United States. Right. Until about three
364
00:15:57.019 --> 00:15:57.700
and a half or four.
365
00:15:58.159 --> 00:16:03.360
And you have this experience of you're living in Europe.
366
00:16:04.820 --> 00:16:06.820
Your parents are a biracial couple.
367
00:16:06.960 --> 00:16:07.120
Mm-hmm.
368
00:16:07.730 --> 00:16:11.929
And that is very accepted. And then you move to Montana,
369
00:16:12.669 --> 00:16:15.289
where there may be a different vibe, I'm guessing.
370
00:16:16.350 --> 00:16:16.610
Yeah.
371
00:16:16.789 --> 00:16:20.350
And I'm not just guessing. It's in your book. So
372
00:16:21.129 --> 00:16:21.919
tell us about that.
373
00:16:22.120 --> 00:16:25.299
It was very interesting. I mean, it was a mix
374
00:16:25.360 --> 00:16:29.519
of being aware of that and also not. Are we
375
00:16:29.539 --> 00:16:31.059
allowed to cuss on here?
376
00:16:31.100 --> 00:16:32.179
It's actually encouraged.
377
00:16:32.460 --> 00:16:36.289
Okay. Well, and I also just didn't give a fudge
378
00:16:36.330 --> 00:16:36.649
about it.
379
00:16:38.159 --> 00:16:39.379
That's a little too harsh.
380
00:16:39.700 --> 00:16:40.139
Sorry, guys.
381
00:16:40.179 --> 00:16:43.399
Yeah, fudge is not one of our favorite desserts. Can
382
00:16:43.600 --> 00:16:44.299
we take that out?
383
00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:45.320
Can we meep that out?
384
00:16:45.379 --> 00:16:47.860
Yeah, we have a delay. I love a hot fuck sundae,
385
00:16:48.320 --> 00:16:51.659
but I despise a hot fudge sundae.
386
00:16:52.120 --> 00:16:52.799
It's so close.
387
00:16:52.820 --> 00:16:54.240
It's so close. I'm telling you, if you haven't had
388
00:16:54.279 --> 00:16:56.659
a hot fuck sundae, you haven't lived!
389
00:16:56.710 --> 00:17:00.110
Oh, my lord. My lord, let me write down that
390
00:17:00.250 --> 00:17:00.830
time code.
391
00:17:00.950 --> 00:17:04.390
So it's interesting because don't you think, and I've always
392
00:17:04.430 --> 00:17:07.750
had this theory that growing up kind of with the
393
00:17:08.380 --> 00:17:12.160
what many people would describe as the radical instability of
394
00:17:12.920 --> 00:17:17.769
mixed race parents, Europe moving constantly in radically different countries,
395
00:17:18.329 --> 00:17:21.029
not really sure what the hell's going on, prepares you
396
00:17:21.069 --> 00:17:24.329
in a weird way to say, I'm going with whatever.
397
00:17:24.349 --> 00:17:27.930
Oh, 100%. I mean, everywhere that I go, I had
398
00:17:27.970 --> 00:17:31.170
to learn how to adapt because I was always ill-equipped.
399
00:17:31.630 --> 00:17:36.339
I wasn't speaking English very fluently when I first started
400
00:17:36.380 --> 00:17:39.690
going to preschool. So For me, I, you know, I
401
00:17:39.730 --> 00:17:41.579
was trying my best, but I had to learn English
402
00:17:41.619 --> 00:17:44.180
pretty quickly. And then I had to learn how to
403
00:17:44.200 --> 00:17:46.640
make friends. And, you know, friends were like, oh, this
404
00:17:46.680 --> 00:17:48.259
guy's weird, you know. And so I had to figure
405
00:17:48.299 --> 00:17:52.680
out ways to quickly get in to people's, like, center of, like,
406
00:17:52.819 --> 00:17:57.400
who they are. And that worked pretty well. I think eventually, like,
407
00:17:57.559 --> 00:17:59.960
you just get, you know, it's all about your rep. Even, like,
408
00:18:00.140 --> 00:18:02.720
in the entertainment industry, it was like, you know, your reputation,
409
00:18:02.799 --> 00:18:05.000
it says a lot about how you can get hired.
410
00:18:05.410 --> 00:18:08.750
It kind of goes back then too in school. It's
411
00:18:08.789 --> 00:18:12.339
like if you work on being someone who's helpful and
412
00:18:12.559 --> 00:18:16.920
funny and joking all the time and slightly ornery but
413
00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:21.609
with good intentions, that's your rep and it goes a
414
00:18:21.630 --> 00:18:22.990
long way with friends. Yeah.
415
00:18:23.309 --> 00:18:26.069
I've always maintained... Comedy is not a hobby. It's a
416
00:18:26.230 --> 00:18:29.630
defense mechanism that's learned very... It's a survival mechanism that
417
00:18:29.650 --> 00:18:30.789
you learn very early.
418
00:18:30.809 --> 00:18:31.410
It's totally true.
419
00:18:31.430 --> 00:18:33.470
You learn it very early and then you forge your
420
00:18:33.509 --> 00:18:36.250
whole life around it. And then someone later on in
421
00:18:36.269 --> 00:18:38.359
the process, people go... Oh, we'll give you a check
422
00:18:38.400 --> 00:18:38.599
for that.
423
00:18:38.619 --> 00:18:39.480
And you go, what?
424
00:18:39.900 --> 00:18:41.779
I've been using that to stay alive.
425
00:18:42.019 --> 00:18:43.980
Okay. All right. Are you sure?
426
00:18:44.000 --> 00:18:47.029
This is what kept me from being beaten by those hooligans.
427
00:18:47.049 --> 00:18:48.789
Oh, my God. So many fights averted.
428
00:18:49.490 --> 00:18:52.650
You moved to Great Falls, Montana. And I love this
429
00:18:52.670 --> 00:18:54.329
because the cover of your book, and I want people
430
00:18:54.349 --> 00:18:56.890
to get this book, but it's the kookiest.
431
00:18:56.910 --> 00:18:57.650
Just for the cover, guys.
432
00:18:57.670 --> 00:19:00.990
It's the kookiest book cover I've ever seen. It's yours.
433
00:19:01.490 --> 00:19:06.619
Your head floating majestically disembodied above what looks like the
434
00:19:06.680 --> 00:19:08.339
falls in Great Falls, Montana.
435
00:19:08.380 --> 00:19:10.700
Yeah, it's the Anaconda Hydroelectric Dam.
436
00:19:10.839 --> 00:19:11.420
Yeah, yeah.
437
00:19:11.920 --> 00:19:12.339
Yeah.
438
00:19:12.539 --> 00:19:15.380
You know, I'm mad at you because I need to
439
00:19:15.440 --> 00:19:16.890
write my autobiography.
440
00:19:16.970 --> 00:19:17.250
You do.
441
00:19:17.309 --> 00:19:18.750
There's a lot of pressure on me to write it.
442
00:19:18.869 --> 00:19:22.130
And my idea was my head floating above a hydroelectric
443
00:19:22.170 --> 00:19:23.990
dam somewhere in the Midwest.
444
00:19:24.210 --> 00:19:24.630
I got you.
445
00:19:24.750 --> 00:19:28.509
Yeah. Western Midwest. And so I'm screwed. Thank you.
446
00:19:29.029 --> 00:19:34.279
WMW. That's fine. There's a couple more ideas you can use.
447
00:19:34.529 --> 00:19:38.670
Did you encounter racism when you were a kid when
448
00:19:38.890 --> 00:19:39.970
showing up in this environment?
449
00:19:40.369 --> 00:19:42.950
For sure. Some of it I kind of chose to
450
00:19:43.470 --> 00:19:47.119
not acknowledge, you know, just to keep doing my thing.
451
00:19:47.160 --> 00:19:49.170
But definitely they were like full on, you know, I
452
00:19:49.210 --> 00:19:51.579
got chased by... some guys in a pickup truck with
453
00:19:51.619 --> 00:19:53.380
a BB gun, you know, like and I was like
454
00:19:53.420 --> 00:19:57.140
trying to hide from stuff for a while. That was fun. But,
455
00:19:57.180 --> 00:19:58.950
you know, really while it was happening, I was like, oh,
456
00:19:58.990 --> 00:20:03.980
this is what it's like. Just kidding. I'm like, this
457
00:20:04.059 --> 00:20:05.319
is a valuable experience.
458
00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:06.200
Okay, cool.
459
00:20:06.220 --> 00:20:06.960
So this is what it's like.
460
00:20:07.019 --> 00:20:09.960
Wait, did you look to a camera that wasn't there? Totally, totally.
461
00:20:10.299 --> 00:20:13.380
I did. I said, are we still rolling? I just
462
00:20:13.420 --> 00:20:14.839
yelled up to the sky or whatever.
463
00:20:14.859 --> 00:20:19.019
Although terrifying, running from these racists is a valuable experience.
464
00:20:19.579 --> 00:20:22.349
I'll probably learn from it. Well, back to running. Back
465
00:20:22.369 --> 00:20:24.930
to running again. And I don't even like running. No,
466
00:20:25.049 --> 00:20:27.609
I mean, there were, I think there were, I remember
467
00:20:27.630 --> 00:20:29.619
my gym teacher, I don't know if it was in
468
00:20:29.660 --> 00:20:31.660
the book or not, but there was my gym teacher.
469
00:20:32.019 --> 00:20:33.829
He and I had this weird, like, I just didn't
470
00:20:33.869 --> 00:20:37.789
like him. He didn't like me. And I remember walking
471
00:20:38.109 --> 00:20:40.650
to the gym and he was in the hallway before
472
00:20:40.930 --> 00:20:43.140
going into the gymnasium. And it was just he and I,
473
00:20:43.170 --> 00:20:44.690
and he, and he kind of pulled me aside and
474
00:20:44.710 --> 00:20:47.329
he was like, I want you to know that you're
475
00:20:47.369 --> 00:20:50.180
not fit to eat with pigs. And then, and then,
476
00:20:50.339 --> 00:20:51.480
and then I just looked at him. I was like,
477
00:20:51.680 --> 00:20:54.359
thank you so much. And then I walked away and
478
00:20:54.400 --> 00:20:56.759
it was like people saying stuff like that to me.
479
00:20:56.799 --> 00:20:59.119
I was like, what are you doing? Like for me,
480
00:20:59.160 --> 00:21:01.259
it wasn't so much like, oh, I feel hurt by it.
481
00:21:01.299 --> 00:21:03.279
It's mostly, I was just, I was going like, what
482
00:21:03.299 --> 00:21:03.779
are you doing?
483
00:21:04.059 --> 00:21:06.480
Well, it's interesting. I mean, first of all, that's horrible.
484
00:21:06.539 --> 00:21:09.099
But at the same time, what makes sense about it
485
00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:12.339
is that you're refusing to even honor it. You're refusing to,
486
00:21:12.720 --> 00:21:13.380
thank you so much.
487
00:21:13.400 --> 00:21:14.140
Yeah, totally.
488
00:21:14.349 --> 00:21:14.849
Good talk.
489
00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:15.460
You got it out.
490
00:21:15.740 --> 00:21:18.670
And then you keep moving and you're totally denying that
491
00:21:18.710 --> 00:21:22.029
person their anger, their rage, whatever is going to give
492
00:21:22.089 --> 00:21:24.750
their feet purchase on the ground, which in a way
493
00:21:24.829 --> 00:21:29.269
is genius, but The aspect I identify with is the
494
00:21:29.309 --> 00:21:33.900
non-confrontational aspect. I was always very light on my feet.
495
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:36.180
And if people didn't like me or thought I was
496
00:21:36.279 --> 00:21:39.109
weird or was coming after me for one of a
497
00:21:39.140 --> 00:21:43.329
thousand reasons, I wouldn't stand my ground and go, oh, yeah?
498
00:21:43.589 --> 00:21:45.440
What are you going to do about it? I would
499
00:21:45.509 --> 00:21:48.710
say 35 things that kind of confuse them, behave in
500
00:21:48.730 --> 00:21:52.029
a strange way, and then sort of drift through the wall.
501
00:21:54.029 --> 00:21:56.039
And I'm not... I don't know. I.
502
00:21:57.549 --> 00:22:00.869
I'm not advocating that approach in life because there's part
503
00:22:00.890 --> 00:22:04.119
of me that wishes that in the movies what you
504
00:22:04.160 --> 00:22:07.160
do is you kiss your fist and punch them across
505
00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:07.660
the room.
506
00:22:07.720 --> 00:22:10.519
You get your goddamn hands off of me. Yeah.
507
00:22:10.579 --> 00:22:11.920
What would happen to me is I would kiss my
508
00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:14.460
fist and then fall in love with my fist. No!
509
00:22:14.579 --> 00:22:15.440
And then start cunging.
510
00:22:15.559 --> 00:22:17.109
Oh, no!
511
00:22:17.269 --> 00:22:19.549
And then you would fudge it. Yeah, exactly. I would
512
00:22:19.650 --> 00:22:21.029
fudge the shit out of that fist.
513
00:22:21.809 --> 00:22:22.329
Oh, no.
514
00:22:32.069 --> 00:22:33.609
Good nights are about the people.
515
00:22:34.470 --> 00:22:34.930
The laughs.
516
00:22:35.450 --> 00:22:38.220
The real moments you don't want to miss. So why
517
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518
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520
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521
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522
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already use nicotine.
523
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On the Connolly family farm in Monaghan, every egg tells
524
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525
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that manages every step themselves. It's simple food done with integrity.
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528
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regulated by the Central Bank of Ireland.
542
00:24:05.160 --> 00:24:06.960
My highest compliment I can pay to you is that
543
00:24:06.980 --> 00:24:10.809
you are impossible to categorise because you're, it's like, he's
544
00:24:10.849 --> 00:24:13.529
a musician, yeah. He's a band leader. Well, but he's
545
00:24:13.549 --> 00:24:16.470
also he's a comedian, but he's also an artist, but
546
00:24:16.509 --> 00:24:18.910
he's also a performer, but he's also a prankster. It's
547
00:24:18.930 --> 00:24:22.279
like which I think is is great. It's like you
548
00:24:22.460 --> 00:24:25.769
you refuse to be categorized. But music must have come
549
00:24:25.809 --> 00:24:27.150
to you very early, I would think.
550
00:24:27.490 --> 00:24:30.660
Music, I think music is the secret weapon. I think
551
00:24:30.900 --> 00:24:33.759
for me growing up, I loved music. My parents loved music.
552
00:24:33.779 --> 00:24:35.680
They listened to it. My dad was a huge jazz head.
553
00:24:37.019 --> 00:24:39.700
And my mom and he shared their love of jazz,
554
00:24:39.740 --> 00:24:44.539
but also specifically more funk, like James Brown and things
555
00:24:44.579 --> 00:24:48.759
of that nature. And my mom loved folk music, like
556
00:24:48.799 --> 00:24:51.779
Nana Muscuri and those types of, Eddie Piaf and those
557
00:24:51.819 --> 00:24:55.619
types of singers, Julio Iglesias. And so I was around
558
00:24:56.180 --> 00:24:58.880
So much music. Ray Charles was someone I gravitated to
559
00:24:59.019 --> 00:25:00.940
as a kid. I loved watching the way that he
560
00:25:01.000 --> 00:25:04.819
moved when he played piano. And then, for some weird reason,
561
00:25:04.900 --> 00:25:07.140
Elvis Presley. I was like, huge. My first record was
562
00:25:07.160 --> 00:25:10.170
an Elvis Presley record. I just, I was impressed with
563
00:25:10.190 --> 00:25:16.829
the press. But he was, you can, that's trademarked. You
564
00:25:16.869 --> 00:25:17.789
will have to meet that.
565
00:25:19.190 --> 00:25:24.160
No one's ever said that about Elvis Presley. No one's. Ever.
566
00:25:24.369 --> 00:25:27.210
And everything's been said about him. And no one's ever
567
00:25:27.269 --> 00:25:32.569
said I'm impressed with the press. I feel fondly for
568
00:25:32.609 --> 00:25:33.069
the Lee.
569
00:25:33.789 --> 00:25:34.109
Lee?
570
00:25:34.710 --> 00:25:35.349
Press Lee.
571
00:25:36.009 --> 00:25:36.349
What?
572
00:25:37.130 --> 00:25:40.329
Lee for the Lee. Fondly for the Lee. What the fuck?
573
00:25:40.589 --> 00:25:41.509
I told you.
574
00:25:42.089 --> 00:25:44.130
What did you?
575
00:25:44.630 --> 00:25:47.809
No, I mean, but discovering music, like my parents saw
576
00:25:47.869 --> 00:25:51.109
me like on my, I would be like bedside pretending
577
00:25:51.210 --> 00:25:54.059
to be Ray Charles. I was a mimic. as far
578
00:25:54.079 --> 00:25:56.309
back as I can remember. And they saw me doing
579
00:25:56.349 --> 00:25:57.950
that and they got me this toy piano and I
580
00:25:57.950 --> 00:26:00.049
was playing on the toy piano a lot. And then
581
00:26:00.089 --> 00:26:02.250
as soon as we moved to Montana, I think at
582
00:26:02.349 --> 00:26:04.329
age like five and a half or something like that,
583
00:26:04.450 --> 00:26:09.480
I went into, um, uh, classical piano training and took
584
00:26:09.519 --> 00:26:11.549
to it pretty well. And I loved, but I was,
585
00:26:11.579 --> 00:26:13.400
I was social. So for me, it was like, oh,
586
00:26:13.420 --> 00:26:15.079
I get to be with all these kids and like, oh,
587
00:26:15.160 --> 00:26:17.230
I'll learn music. But what about all these kids? You know,
588
00:26:17.789 --> 00:26:21.079
the music was fascinating. But, um, really, I think that's
589
00:26:21.099 --> 00:26:23.400
what creates that adaptability. Cause for me, the one thing
590
00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:25.140
I always tell all my artists friends where they're like,
591
00:26:25.200 --> 00:26:26.950
you know, I'm doing this one thing, but I'm not
592
00:26:27.029 --> 00:26:30.609
sure I'm thinking about maybe doing painting. I'm like, those
593
00:26:30.630 --> 00:26:33.130
are just extensions of yourself. It's like, if you imagine
594
00:26:33.170 --> 00:26:36.420
yourself as like a person sitting on a, on a
595
00:26:36.500 --> 00:26:40.299
floor and you're surrounded by all these different medium tools,
596
00:26:40.960 --> 00:26:43.140
you can rotate to any position and pick one. It's
597
00:26:43.160 --> 00:26:45.700
like this, the core is always the same. You're the creator.
598
00:26:46.309 --> 00:26:48.630
pick different tools, but you've got the most important part,
599
00:26:48.650 --> 00:26:50.440
which is like, I have an idea of something I
600
00:26:50.460 --> 00:26:53.059
want to do. And so for me, I think music
601
00:26:53.220 --> 00:26:55.319
enabled that because I would be on the playground. It
602
00:26:55.339 --> 00:26:57.140
would save me if, you know, people would be like,
603
00:26:57.299 --> 00:26:59.720
I be hostile towards me. And I would start singing
604
00:26:59.759 --> 00:27:02.539
like Olivia Newton, John or something. Let's get physical. And
605
00:27:02.559 --> 00:27:03.420
they'd be like, oh, that's a good song.
606
00:27:03.440 --> 00:27:05.809
I tried that and I was, again, savagely beaten.
607
00:27:05.829 --> 00:27:06.529
Were you?
608
00:27:06.549 --> 00:27:06.789
Yeah.
609
00:27:06.809 --> 00:27:07.750
Let's make the right song.
610
00:27:07.789 --> 00:27:10.869
Let's get physical, physical.
611
00:27:11.349 --> 00:27:11.990
Okay.
612
00:27:12.450 --> 00:27:13.930
I know how to stop these hooligans.
613
00:27:14.099 --> 00:27:16.900
Sure thing, O'Brien. How about this for physical? Yeah.
614
00:27:17.809 --> 00:27:20.589
Hey, O'Brien, we're going to beat the shit out of you. No,
615
00:27:20.910 --> 00:27:24.690
I don't think so, sir. For I'm about to sing
616
00:27:24.710 --> 00:27:28.589
a classic tune by Olivia Newton-John.
617
00:27:28.930 --> 00:27:29.549
What the fuck?
618
00:27:29.950 --> 00:27:36.420
Oh, you'll see. Let's get physical, physical. When I awoke
619
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:42.500
in the ICU, there's not one unbroken bone in his body.
620
00:27:45.680 --> 00:27:47.299
That bully was Olivia Newton-John.
621
00:27:47.420 --> 00:27:49.779
I know. I was just imagining the bullies.
622
00:27:49.819 --> 00:27:51.160
What was she doing at the playground?
623
00:27:51.480 --> 00:27:53.160
I was just imagining the bullies going, like, is that
624
00:27:53.200 --> 00:27:54.779
all of them? It's like, I don't know. Actually, no,
625
00:27:54.799 --> 00:27:57.569
I think this pinky is like, okay, now we're done.
626
00:27:57.730 --> 00:27:58.990
Get out of here. Masterpiece.
627
00:27:59.029 --> 00:28:04.650
Yeah. These are bullies that really took their job seriously,
628
00:28:04.690 --> 00:28:05.849
and if they found out later on that there was
629
00:28:05.869 --> 00:28:09.319
an unbroken pinky, they were like, you know, you gotta
630
00:28:09.359 --> 00:28:11.440
respect your craft. It's a warranty.
631
00:28:12.269 --> 00:28:14.609
Did the teachers just watch this happen, too?
632
00:28:14.690 --> 00:28:16.390
Are they joining in? Oh, they would sell seats.
633
00:28:16.630 --> 00:28:17.430
Oh, my God.
634
00:28:17.529 --> 00:28:22.130
O'Brien, left uppercut. O'Brien, watch out. There's another beating of O'Brien.
635
00:28:22.529 --> 00:28:24.599
Everyone to the north side of the parking lot.
636
00:28:26.240 --> 00:28:26.680
Roger that.
637
00:28:26.700 --> 00:28:30.980
We're suspending all lessons for the day. The SAT has
638
00:28:31.019 --> 00:28:36.289
been canceled. The PSAT has been canceled. No one's going
639
00:28:36.329 --> 00:28:44.200
to college. Goodyear blimp passes. It's already got like messaging
640
00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:47.599
about me. The Conan beating. You know what else can
641
00:28:47.640 --> 00:28:49.480
take a beating? A Goodyear tire.
642
00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:54.339
Yeah. Soft, soft focus, hard on the tire.
643
00:28:54.359 --> 00:28:58.579
So it's funny. You're also, uh, you're so influenced. You're
644
00:28:58.599 --> 00:29:01.779
so influenced by, uh, pop culture at this time too,
645
00:29:01.839 --> 00:29:06.359
because you're a sponge and, and, and, uh, You are
646
00:29:07.119 --> 00:29:11.589
watching television. You're watching movies and you're picking up on comedy.
647
00:29:11.630 --> 00:29:13.230
What stuff are you watching? What are you loving?
648
00:29:13.750 --> 00:29:16.309
Man, I would. Well, we were kind of speaking earlier
649
00:29:16.329 --> 00:29:18.910
about the Pink Panther.
650
00:29:18.930 --> 00:29:20.269
Pink Panther, Peter Sellers.
651
00:29:20.329 --> 00:29:22.559
Yes. And my dad and I would watch those. And
652
00:29:22.579 --> 00:29:25.779
I remember probably the most intense laughter I ever had
653
00:29:25.859 --> 00:29:29.240
with my father that I can remember. Is Peter Sellers
654
00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:31.799
doing that bit where he's on the parallel bars?
655
00:29:32.099 --> 00:29:33.299
I've talked about the same thing.
656
00:29:33.380 --> 00:29:33.819
Oh, my God.
657
00:29:33.880 --> 00:29:36.690
I swear to God, this is in my, if I'm
658
00:29:36.809 --> 00:29:41.109
only left with eight images in my brain before I die, okay,
659
00:29:41.130 --> 00:29:43.490
I'll reserve some for my two children and my wife.
660
00:29:43.509 --> 00:29:43.769
Okay.
661
00:29:44.029 --> 00:29:44.990
I'll give them three spots.
662
00:29:45.089 --> 00:29:46.319
Good idea.
663
00:29:46.470 --> 00:29:48.039
But then the rest is going to be, and one
664
00:29:48.059 --> 00:29:49.759
of them is going to be Peter Sellers on the
665
00:29:49.799 --> 00:29:51.539
parallel bars upstairs.
666
00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:52.119
Upstairs.
667
00:29:52.200 --> 00:29:52.880
In the mansion.
668
00:29:53.200 --> 00:29:55.420
Next to a flight of stairs going down. Yes.
669
00:29:56.099 --> 00:30:01.380
Dismounts. with a graceful dismount and falls down the stairs.
670
00:30:01.890 --> 00:30:04.000
Look this up on YouTube or wherever you want to
671
00:30:04.039 --> 00:30:06.420
see it. Because he's so poppy, he's like, ah, it's
672
00:30:06.500 --> 00:30:09.680
a parallel bars. I did this at the Lyceum, you know,
673
00:30:09.720 --> 00:30:11.160
and he gets on them and he's doing, and then
674
00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:15.079
he dismounts and then, and crashes into the room where
675
00:30:15.099 --> 00:30:19.740
the staff has been assembled for his questioning. And my
676
00:30:19.799 --> 00:30:22.079
favorite thing is he enters a room with all of
677
00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:25.680
his dignity and authority stripped. Yes. Because he just fell
678
00:30:25.720 --> 00:30:28.059
down a slide of stairs. But he immediately stands up.
679
00:30:28.460 --> 00:30:28.680
Yes.
680
00:30:28.960 --> 00:30:33.849
And, well, we'll just see.
681
00:30:33.910 --> 00:30:37.690
Yeah, that scene, because you're just watching and going, okay, sure.
682
00:30:37.710 --> 00:30:40.549
All right, he's swinging back and forth. That's great. All right, cool.
683
00:30:40.849 --> 00:30:44.569
So you're done with your Salisbury steak. And then that happens,
684
00:30:44.630 --> 00:30:47.089
and my dad and I lost it. We were laughing
685
00:30:47.130 --> 00:30:49.250
for a bit. for quite a while.
686
00:30:49.269 --> 00:30:51.710
That's so funny because those, I would go to the
687
00:30:51.750 --> 00:30:53.490
movie theater when those movies would come out and I
688
00:30:53.529 --> 00:30:55.690
would go, my family would go, my father would go
689
00:30:55.779 --> 00:30:59.210
and that's where I would, you always pay attention to,
690
00:30:59.230 --> 00:31:00.759
and this is what I can relate to, is I
691
00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:04.299
would watch my dad. Like if my dad was laughing
692
00:31:04.400 --> 00:31:09.319
really hard, that was, because when you're a kid and
693
00:31:09.380 --> 00:31:11.500
sometimes you're not sure how you're going to connect with
694
00:31:11.539 --> 00:31:12.079
your dad.
695
00:31:12.140 --> 00:31:12.319
True.
696
00:31:12.339 --> 00:31:14.180
I think times have changed a little bit.
697
00:31:14.339 --> 00:31:14.940
Yeah, that's true.
698
00:31:15.180 --> 00:31:17.759
If at all you feel that quite know how to
699
00:31:17.799 --> 00:31:20.490
connect with this guy he can seem remote sometimes i'm
700
00:31:20.829 --> 00:31:23.710
grumpy and i'm scared he's at work a lot and
701
00:31:23.730 --> 00:31:26.470
then when you see him laughing really hard at that
702
00:31:27.089 --> 00:31:28.910
uh at a moment in a pink panther movie like
703
00:31:28.950 --> 00:31:33.680
that uh that was that there's no coincidence that later
704
00:31:33.859 --> 00:31:37.680
on you find out huh i'm in comedy yeah oh
705
00:31:37.700 --> 00:31:39.180
man this is my way of connecting.
706
00:31:38.859 --> 00:31:41.299
To people 100 my dad my and my dad was
707
00:31:41.319 --> 00:31:43.509
like very strange guy you know he was like very
708
00:31:43.609 --> 00:31:46.400
quiet because he's a war vet and He was obviously
709
00:31:46.420 --> 00:31:50.569
more animated when I was younger, but he it was
710
00:31:50.609 --> 00:31:52.849
just like few and far between. Like those were our
711
00:31:52.890 --> 00:31:55.789
moments to connect was really humor. Him laughing at me,
712
00:31:55.910 --> 00:31:59.430
like doing something dumb or whatever, or like hiding peas,
713
00:31:59.569 --> 00:32:01.410
you know, like in my pocket when they weren't looking
714
00:32:01.450 --> 00:32:03.210
and then like him discovering it and then just like
715
00:32:03.250 --> 00:32:05.740
laughing about it. Like those types of things.
716
00:32:05.900 --> 00:32:08.779
Not to, but it's in your book. He had PTSD.
717
00:32:08.920 --> 00:32:09.259
He did, yeah.
718
00:32:09.279 --> 00:32:11.559
He had a lot of trauma from serving. He had
719
00:32:11.740 --> 00:32:12.819
been in Vietnam, is that right?
720
00:32:12.839 --> 00:32:14.640
He had been in Vietnam. He hadn't seen like a
721
00:32:14.759 --> 00:32:17.319
ton of action, but he did see some action towards
722
00:32:17.359 --> 00:32:21.119
the end of his second round in Vietnam. And so
723
00:32:21.200 --> 00:32:23.829
I think, you know, all that stuff catches up to you.
724
00:32:23.880 --> 00:32:26.339
Even if you're not like on the front line, even
725
00:32:26.380 --> 00:32:28.519
if you're on the base. And I mean, like he was,
726
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:31.720
I think he was on a base once. and had
727
00:32:31.880 --> 00:32:35.920
gotten notice that they were surrounded and that the, that, uh,
728
00:32:36.400 --> 00:32:39.920
the Vietnamese were, were closing in on this base. And
729
00:32:39.940 --> 00:32:43.039
so everybody was arming up and getting ready. And then
730
00:32:43.180 --> 00:32:45.420
there was a, then there was a notice that said
731
00:32:45.440 --> 00:32:48.619
the war was over. Yeah. So it didn't happen, but
732
00:32:48.660 --> 00:32:50.920
I mean, I couldn't imagine the stress of just like
733
00:32:50.980 --> 00:32:53.480
this impending thing. And you're like, I don't know what's,
734
00:32:53.880 --> 00:32:55.289
I don't know how this is going to turn out.
735
00:32:55.329 --> 00:32:57.710
All of that definitely got to him. And, and so,
736
00:32:57.750 --> 00:33:00.180
I mean, I will say that, Unlike some of my
737
00:33:00.220 --> 00:33:03.759
friends who've had difficult times with their fathers, I think
738
00:33:03.819 --> 00:33:06.799
he did the best he could with what he had, really.
739
00:33:07.660 --> 00:33:09.720
And who knows? He was ill-prepared for that. He also
740
00:33:09.769 --> 00:33:11.809
didn't have any help. There was nobody going like, well,
741
00:33:11.829 --> 00:33:14.769
you've got shell shock. Let's sit down and talk about it.
742
00:33:15.009 --> 00:33:17.670
That was more esoteric, or it was more for people
743
00:33:17.710 --> 00:33:19.630
that were a little bit more forward-thinking. My mom was
744
00:33:19.670 --> 00:33:22.750
always like, go in the basement and yell. And he
745
00:33:22.789 --> 00:33:24.509
just wouldn't do any of that stuff. He'd just kind
746
00:33:24.549 --> 00:33:27.079
of be silent and hang out in the dark at
747
00:33:27.079 --> 00:33:27.319
2 a.m.
748
00:33:27.789 --> 00:33:29.950
So, but you could connect to him through comedy and
749
00:33:29.970 --> 00:33:30.470
through music.
750
00:33:30.589 --> 00:33:33.809
Yes. Yes. Yeah. I think he wasn't like a guy
751
00:33:33.849 --> 00:33:35.369
that was like, I'm really proud of you, son. He
752
00:33:35.410 --> 00:33:37.970
didn't do that, but you kind of knew when, when
753
00:33:38.390 --> 00:33:40.690
I knew when he dug something or he would just
754
00:33:40.710 --> 00:33:42.609
be like, oh man, this guy's crazy. Or, you know,
755
00:33:42.650 --> 00:33:44.769
he would shake his head and have this grin on
756
00:33:44.809 --> 00:33:46.930
his face. And I knew that that was him going like,
757
00:33:47.630 --> 00:33:49.640
I don't know what this guy is, but I like him.
758
00:33:50.569 --> 00:33:53.690
What's interesting to me is that you were in a
759
00:33:54.329 --> 00:34:00.549
legit band when you start to discover, I can kind
760
00:34:00.589 --> 00:34:04.349
of do comedy using the same tools.
761
00:34:04.369 --> 00:34:05.089
I mean, your.
762
00:34:04.950 --> 00:34:07.490
Repertoire is you can play all these different instruments, but
763
00:34:07.529 --> 00:34:13.070
also by messing around with pedals, getting different sounds going, uh, um,
764
00:34:13.409 --> 00:34:19.159
you're able to start to make something and, and repeating, uh, phrases.
765
00:34:19.280 --> 00:34:22.659
And it's, it's, it's really cool to watch you put
766
00:34:22.699 --> 00:34:25.480
it all together, but When do you start to figure
767
00:34:25.500 --> 00:34:28.239
that out? And do the members of the legitimate band
768
00:34:28.300 --> 00:34:30.880
get irritated that you're doing that? Do you know what
769
00:34:30.900 --> 00:34:31.119
I mean?
770
00:34:31.260 --> 00:34:35.800
Massively irritated. Yes. People would be annoyed with me doing
771
00:34:35.880 --> 00:34:38.969
comedic bits. Because, you know, I did comedy in high school.
772
00:34:39.210 --> 00:34:42.250
We had competitive drama. So I got to do a
773
00:34:42.289 --> 00:34:44.469
humorous solo the first year. And it was just very
774
00:34:44.510 --> 00:34:47.449
strange to just get on a tour bus. Here's $ 40
775
00:34:47.409 --> 00:34:50.150
for the weekend and two nights at a hotel. And
776
00:34:50.289 --> 00:34:53.039
good luck competing against other people. students from around the
777
00:34:53.079 --> 00:34:56.119
state and a weird high school on a weekend, you know?
778
00:34:56.260 --> 00:34:58.139
And so, but it was great. Cause you'd meet all
779
00:34:58.159 --> 00:35:01.019
these other drama kids that are all a bunch of weirdos,
780
00:35:01.139 --> 00:35:03.340
you know? So they're just like doing these crazy monologues
781
00:35:03.420 --> 00:35:04.800
and you're like, okay, great. And what am I going
782
00:35:04.820 --> 00:35:06.280
to do? I don't know. But my teacher was like, Hey,
783
00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:07.699
you can do whatever you want. That's okay. If you
784
00:35:07.719 --> 00:35:10.050
want to improvise. And then I would improvise. So I
785
00:35:10.090 --> 00:35:13.489
think all of that. And then actually stand, I tried
786
00:35:13.550 --> 00:35:16.590
out for a standup competition in high school and won it.
787
00:35:16.789 --> 00:35:18.250
And it was like 300 bucks or something like that.
788
00:35:18.269 --> 00:35:21.710
And immediately bought like a shit ton of weed. for
789
00:35:21.730 --> 00:35:23.309
my friends my friends were like great you won do
790
00:35:23.349 --> 00:35:25.349
you want to buy some weed like immediately it's like
791
00:35:25.389 --> 00:35:26.909
not about like you were great up there and you
792
00:35:26.949 --> 00:35:29.030
won it's like we got money now you want to get.
793
00:35:28.949 --> 00:35:31.989
Some you did good at the weed winning competition you
794
00:35:32.030 --> 00:35:35.219
mean the stand up thing whatever yeah totally but the
795
00:35:35.280 --> 00:35:37.300
weed the weed procuring thing went well.
796
00:35:37.139 --> 00:35:40.059
I did good with weed But like, yeah. So, I mean,
797
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:42.900
I think that started creeping back in because, you know,
798
00:35:42.920 --> 00:35:46.920
I have a hyperactive imagination and when I'm on stage
799
00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:49.800
and I hear a sound or like someone says something
800
00:35:49.840 --> 00:35:52.760
and that immediately links to some other silly thing and
801
00:35:53.219 --> 00:35:56.170
I can't help it after a while, you know, there
802
00:35:56.190 --> 00:35:58.989
were times I understood it. I mean, you know, you're,
803
00:35:59.269 --> 00:36:01.150
you don't, you're the drummer back there. You don't have
804
00:36:01.170 --> 00:36:02.590
a mic and you're like, what the fuck is this
805
00:36:02.630 --> 00:36:04.670
guy doing? You know, like I get it. It was,
806
00:36:05.170 --> 00:36:08.809
I wasn't like, you guys should understand me, but There
807
00:36:08.829 --> 00:36:12.260
were definitely moments when I felt them going, like, would
808
00:36:12.280 --> 00:36:14.760
you just can we just play the next song? Like, yes,
809
00:36:14.780 --> 00:36:16.199
that's a good idea. Let's play the next song.
810
00:36:16.440 --> 00:36:18.659
When did you decide, all right, this is what I'm
811
00:36:18.679 --> 00:36:20.139
going to do. I'm going to go out on my
812
00:36:20.340 --> 00:36:23.989
own and I'm going to use this tech that I
813
00:36:24.030 --> 00:36:28.349
have and my improvisational skills and my wits. And I'm
814
00:36:28.389 --> 00:36:32.369
going to make this musical mashup of music comedy. When
815
00:36:32.409 --> 00:36:32.909
does that happen?
816
00:36:33.369 --> 00:36:37.269
I mean, that happened, I think, when I was about 31, 32.
817
00:36:37.269 --> 00:36:41.880
I was in my band MockTube, which was a really
818
00:36:41.909 --> 00:36:44.429
amazing band to be a part of, a great band.
819
00:36:45.559 --> 00:36:48.019
But we had been, I think we'd been together for
820
00:36:48.099 --> 00:36:50.119
five years, and we'd gone through a bunch of hype
821
00:36:50.179 --> 00:36:54.340
cycles with labels and execs coming out, Jimmy Iovine coming
822
00:36:54.400 --> 00:36:56.739
out to watch us and doing showcases in LA and
823
00:36:56.760 --> 00:37:02.849
stuff like that, Viper Room. And we'd almost... almost something
824
00:37:02.989 --> 00:37:05.369
would happen. And then we'd go back to like, oh,
825
00:37:05.389 --> 00:37:07.530
they passed or whatever. And then we would work on
826
00:37:07.590 --> 00:37:10.230
another record or something like that. And, uh, and I
827
00:37:10.289 --> 00:37:13.849
just wasn't seeing it evolving beyond, you know, the third
828
00:37:13.949 --> 00:37:16.550
time that we'd gone through that. So, um, and I
829
00:37:16.590 --> 00:37:19.170
was doing comedy and then I saw, uh, what are
830
00:37:19.190 --> 00:37:22.969
they called? Please. Uh, Michael Showalter, Michael Ian Black.
831
00:37:23.239 --> 00:37:23.659
The State?
832
00:37:23.760 --> 00:37:26.610
Yeah, The State. Uh, not the state Stella. Yeah. I
833
00:37:26.630 --> 00:37:28.949
was post state. I learned about state later, but I
834
00:37:29.010 --> 00:37:31.449
saw Stella and I was like, what is this? Those DV,
835
00:37:31.510 --> 00:37:34.010
those little shorts shot on DV. And I was like,
836
00:37:34.280 --> 00:37:38.300
this is my humor. These guys know how meaningless things are.
837
00:37:38.440 --> 00:37:40.579
And like, and, and that's so beautiful. And so I
838
00:37:40.599 --> 00:37:43.219
am identified with that. And then they ended up, I
839
00:37:43.260 --> 00:37:44.820
think wet hot American summer came out.
840
00:37:45.340 --> 00:37:45.639
Yeah.
841
00:37:45.719 --> 00:37:49.050
And I saw that and I was like, totally like, oh, Yes,
842
00:37:49.110 --> 00:37:51.460
I want to do that. I was so driven and
843
00:37:51.519 --> 00:37:53.320
inspired by those things. And then they happened to come
844
00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:56.599
to town. Stella did come to town. I met Eugene
845
00:37:56.619 --> 00:37:59.849
Merman and I was introduced by a friend and he
846
00:37:59.889 --> 00:38:01.710
was like, we have a comedy night in New York.
847
00:38:01.909 --> 00:38:04.090
And then I ended up writing with a band and
848
00:38:04.130 --> 00:38:05.789
they needed me in New York for the writing session
849
00:38:05.829 --> 00:38:07.289
for a month. So while I was there, I did
850
00:38:07.309 --> 00:38:10.010
a couple spots at invite them up and instant friends
851
00:38:10.170 --> 00:38:11.909
with everybody. That's great. It was like being in high
852
00:38:11.929 --> 00:38:14.409
school again. I mean, when some of my younger friends
853
00:38:14.469 --> 00:38:16.780
or younger artists are like, you know, how did you,
854
00:38:16.909 --> 00:38:18.460
how do you make it? And you know, how'd you,
855
00:38:19.179 --> 00:38:21.789
basically that's like the question, but how do you make it?
856
00:38:21.800 --> 00:38:23.460
And I'm like, well, I don't know. You don't have
857
00:38:23.500 --> 00:38:25.679
to worry about making it. Like what you have to
858
00:38:25.760 --> 00:38:28.460
make is the thing that you love to do and
859
00:38:28.500 --> 00:38:30.599
do that. You know, I always tell people like, if
860
00:38:30.639 --> 00:38:33.159
you wake up in the morning and you can't not, thinking,
861
00:38:33.300 --> 00:38:35.699
be thinking about a bit. And if you're always doing bits,
862
00:38:35.780 --> 00:38:38.079
like that's, that's kind of what you are. Yeah. You're
863
00:38:38.099 --> 00:38:39.460
not going to change that. So you might as well
864
00:38:39.480 --> 00:38:40.349
make a career out of it.
865
00:38:40.739 --> 00:38:45.030
No, I, I, I always maintained that I've, my career
866
00:38:45.110 --> 00:38:47.730
is me doing what I'd be doing anyway. And then
867
00:38:47.769 --> 00:38:52.289
I was fortunate to find some people who had money who, and,
868
00:38:52.929 --> 00:38:56.469
and owned the machinery who were like, well, you can
869
00:38:56.849 --> 00:39:01.679
do it for us. Uh, but it's, it's, The dirty
870
00:39:01.699 --> 00:39:03.860
little secret is that if they said, well, we're done
871
00:39:04.280 --> 00:39:07.949
and we're taking away all the equipment, I'd say, okay, well,
872
00:39:08.030 --> 00:39:11.449
back to my bits.
873
00:39:11.469 --> 00:39:13.570
My old bits, like you just open up his closet.
874
00:39:13.690 --> 00:39:16.409
Whatever. And I would just do it in an empty field.
875
00:39:16.449 --> 00:39:20.469
And I think, you know, whatever, a passing dove would say,
876
00:39:20.730 --> 00:39:26.929
that seems sad. He's not aging well.
877
00:39:27.090 --> 00:39:28.469
He sure isn't.
878
00:39:28.489 --> 00:39:29.969
Who are you, mister?
879
00:39:30.239 --> 00:39:34.480
Turtle? Well, I didn't know you could talk.
880
00:39:35.219 --> 00:39:36.000
Everyone talks.
881
00:39:36.039 --> 00:39:37.840
It just becomes this whole thing about how they can't
882
00:39:37.860 --> 00:39:40.139
believe each other can talk. But my bits.
883
00:39:40.400 --> 00:39:41.099
But my bits.
884
00:39:41.719 --> 00:39:43.610
We're finding out we can talk.
885
00:39:43.780 --> 00:39:45.760
And you're obsessed with your bits, Conan?
886
00:39:46.030 --> 00:39:48.150
Yeah, but here's my bit about Ronald Reagan.
887
00:39:48.570 --> 00:39:52.969
Well, well, well, well, well.
888
00:39:53.269 --> 00:39:56.769
That's not interesting enough. So how did you learn to talk? Toadstool.
889
00:39:56.789 --> 00:40:04.670
Toadstool. How could the toadstool not like my Reagan bit?
890
00:40:05.269 --> 00:40:09.900
You write in the book that because you, I noticed
891
00:40:10.119 --> 00:40:14.760
that just in tour that the women are quite taken
892
00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:17.059
with Mr. Reggie Watts. And then you write in the
893
00:40:17.079 --> 00:40:22.250
book that you're, your dream girl is Pippi Longstocking. Oh,
894
00:40:22.530 --> 00:40:23.550
me too.
895
00:40:23.989 --> 00:40:24.269
Really?
896
00:40:24.289 --> 00:40:27.110
I have a huge crush on Inger Nilsson, the original.
897
00:40:27.210 --> 00:40:30.050
Oh, yeah. Well, also the concept, but yes, she was great.
898
00:40:30.130 --> 00:40:31.719
She was great. She was a great embodiment of it.
899
00:40:32.349 --> 00:40:34.510
Oh, and Inger called Stop Writing Her Letters.
900
00:40:35.130 --> 00:40:37.639
Well, no, but because of this show, they interviewed me
901
00:40:37.699 --> 00:40:38.920
for a Pippi documentary.
902
00:40:38.960 --> 00:40:40.219
No! So we talked about it on here.
903
00:40:40.559 --> 00:40:44.639
They sent me a signed vinyl with Inger, Tommy, and Annika.
904
00:40:44.659 --> 00:40:46.519
What? Yeah. Wait, who are the other two?
905
00:40:46.639 --> 00:40:48.179
Tommy and Annika. Okay.
906
00:40:48.760 --> 00:40:50.559
Can you fill in just for people that are listening
907
00:40:50.599 --> 00:40:53.309
and had some sort of a childhood? People want to
908
00:40:53.349 --> 00:40:54.469
know who the other two are.
909
00:40:55.190 --> 00:40:58.250
Tommy and Annika are like her normal kid sidekicks.
910
00:40:58.269 --> 00:40:58.610
Okay.
911
00:40:58.630 --> 00:41:01.349
That's all we needed to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're friends.
912
00:41:01.610 --> 00:41:02.349
They're part of the crew.
913
00:41:02.389 --> 00:41:02.820
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
914
00:41:03.030 --> 00:41:04.179
But she's amazing.
915
00:41:04.280 --> 00:41:07.539
She's amazing. She was super strong. She had a basement
916
00:41:07.559 --> 00:41:10.480
full of treasure. So she had unlimited funds. She could
917
00:41:10.500 --> 00:41:11.219
travel anywhere.
918
00:41:11.260 --> 00:41:12.320
She could lift a horse.
919
00:41:12.380 --> 00:41:15.909
She could lift a horse. She was magical. She had
920
00:41:15.989 --> 00:41:21.309
red hair. I'm half redhead. She had pigtails that were magical.
921
00:41:21.389 --> 00:41:22.590
And she had cool style.
922
00:41:22.920 --> 00:41:25.090
I'm having such a sense memory right now. I'm in
923
00:41:25.130 --> 00:41:30.170
my grandfather's small house in in Miss Quamacut, Rhode Island.
924
00:41:30.590 --> 00:41:32.789
And there's a Pippi Longstocking movie that comes on. And
925
00:41:32.809 --> 00:41:34.289
this might have been with Inger.
926
00:41:34.389 --> 00:41:34.590
I'm sure.
927
00:41:34.610 --> 00:41:36.670
And it was. And back then, there's only three channels.
928
00:41:37.469 --> 00:41:40.079
This TV in Miss Quamacut, Connecticut, near the state beach,
929
00:41:40.219 --> 00:41:44.480
doesn't get many of much reception of anything. So you'd
930
00:41:44.519 --> 00:41:45.920
see the same thing over and over again. And they
931
00:41:45.960 --> 00:41:50.699
were running a commercial for the Pippi Longstocking movie. And
932
00:41:50.719 --> 00:41:52.679
there was just one line that rang in my head,
933
00:41:52.739 --> 00:41:57.889
which is a weird overdubbed, someone, I think, overdubbing.
934
00:41:57.929 --> 00:41:58.909
Yeah, because it was Swedish.
935
00:41:58.969 --> 00:41:59.429
It's Swedish.
936
00:41:59.469 --> 00:42:02.030
Her accent would change from film to film. She would
937
00:42:02.050 --> 00:42:04.030
have just like a transatlantic. And then some films, she'd
938
00:42:04.050 --> 00:42:04.440
just be like.
939
00:42:04.940 --> 00:42:05.679
I'm from Brooklyn.
940
00:42:05.699 --> 00:42:07.760
I'm Pippi Longstocking.
941
00:42:08.059 --> 00:42:08.820
Well, okay.
942
00:42:08.840 --> 00:42:10.519
So what I remember, you tell me if this at
943
00:42:10.539 --> 00:42:13.309
all rings a bell is, She's lifting a horse. She's
944
00:42:13.369 --> 00:42:15.449
running super fast, like 100 miles an hour, and they've
945
00:42:15.469 --> 00:42:17.579
just sped up her legs. She's doing all these crazy things.
946
00:42:17.659 --> 00:42:20.579
And then they just cut to a very European weird kid,
947
00:42:20.820 --> 00:42:23.639
and it looked like poor quality film stock, who goes, Pippi,
948
00:42:23.800 --> 00:42:27.760
are you crazy? Yeah, that's probably Tommy. Yeah, okay. And
949
00:42:27.780 --> 00:42:30.400
I remember seeing that and going, what kind of movie
950
00:42:30.519 --> 00:42:33.610
is this? You summed it up. My grandfather, a retired policeman,
951
00:42:33.619 --> 00:42:39.699
would say, turn that crap off! Pippi, are you crazy? Wow.
952
00:42:39.780 --> 00:42:41.119
But they're using.
953
00:42:41.000 --> 00:42:44.059
Clips from this podcast in that documentary because we talked
954
00:42:44.119 --> 00:42:44.420
about it.
955
00:42:44.460 --> 00:42:46.320
Well, we're going to talk about it more now. I know.
956
00:42:46.699 --> 00:42:49.110
And where's my cut, by the way? I want a
957
00:42:49.139 --> 00:42:51.769
piece of that. Pippi Money's here. Pippi Money.
958
00:42:51.789 --> 00:42:53.050
Give me that long stocking.
959
00:42:53.070 --> 00:42:55.769
I want in on that long stocking money. So what
960
00:42:55.809 --> 00:42:58.369
is it about Pippi Longstocking? You first and then you, Matt.
961
00:42:58.389 --> 00:42:58.800
What is it?
962
00:43:00.250 --> 00:43:03.349
I think, I don't know. I guess I liked that
963
00:43:03.409 --> 00:43:06.210
she was like fully independent. You know, like she ran
964
00:43:06.250 --> 00:43:10.309
her own operation and she... She ran her own operation.
965
00:43:10.489 --> 00:43:12.829
She just went on adventures. She was just like going
966
00:43:12.889 --> 00:43:14.929
on adventures all the time. Cause that's what she was.
967
00:43:15.239 --> 00:43:17.360
Her grandfather was a pirate or something. Her father was
968
00:43:17.400 --> 00:43:20.059
a pirate and, but no longer in the picture. And then,
969
00:43:20.579 --> 00:43:22.519
you know, and had like this gang of, kids and
970
00:43:22.599 --> 00:43:23.820
I don't know I just I had a huge crush
971
00:43:23.880 --> 00:43:25.139
on her I thought that she was hot.
972
00:43:25.099 --> 00:43:27.789
That's cool yeah I mean I think Superman was always
973
00:43:27.829 --> 00:43:29.710
the ideal when you're a kid but Pippi was kind
974
00:43:29.730 --> 00:43:32.110
of a little bit more realistic her parent left her
975
00:43:32.150 --> 00:43:34.389
dad left her alone that's right just to live in
976
00:43:34.429 --> 00:43:36.809
this house called Villa Villa Kula and he just goes
977
00:43:36.869 --> 00:43:38.989
and sails the seas and I had a huge crush
978
00:43:39.030 --> 00:43:41.010
on her too yeah I think it was maybe like
979
00:43:41.170 --> 00:43:42.989
Blondie and Pippi were my first two.
980
00:43:42.809 --> 00:43:46.690
Oh my god yeah Blondie was pretty amazing.
981
00:43:46.610 --> 00:43:49.670
Yeah they're a little different but yeah Or, you.
982
00:43:49.610 --> 00:43:53.139
Know what, actually, Dale Bozio. Oh, yeah.
983
00:43:53.159 --> 00:43:54.119
Wait, who's Dale Bozio?
984
00:43:54.699 --> 00:43:57.000
No, no, from Missing Persons. Yes, that's right.
985
00:43:57.079 --> 00:43:58.179
Band?
986
00:43:58.260 --> 00:43:59.280
Woman. She's like.
987
00:43:59.300 --> 00:44:01.159
Yeah, she looked like Blondie, kind of, right?
988
00:44:01.179 --> 00:44:03.449
She kind of, well, she kind of looked like a
989
00:44:03.630 --> 00:44:08.030
cross between Blondie and People Are Gonna Kill Me. And
990
00:44:08.150 --> 00:44:10.570
who's the dude from Twisted Sister? Oh, Dee Snider?
991
00:44:10.590 --> 00:44:11.150
Dee Snider.
992
00:44:11.309 --> 00:44:13.130
Like a tiny bit, like a hair, like 5%.
993
00:44:13.130 --> 00:44:15.230
Oh, I have a huge crush on Dee Snider.
994
00:44:15.389 --> 00:44:15.909
There you go.
995
00:44:15.929 --> 00:44:16.829
Yeah, that's my ideal.
996
00:44:16.849 --> 00:44:17.420
There you go.
997
00:44:17.710 --> 00:44:17.929
Yeah.
998
00:44:17.949 --> 00:44:22.099
No, that's interesting. No, Blondie hit, really hit big my
999
00:44:22.159 --> 00:44:25.840
freshman year of high school. And I remembered her just
1000
00:44:25.880 --> 00:44:29.360
being the ideal. Like, oh, that's the sexiest. And she
1001
00:44:29.400 --> 00:44:31.599
still is! Yeah, she still is. For God's sake. She's
1002
00:44:31.739 --> 00:44:34.579
the most, she's the sexiest, coolest woman alive.
1003
00:44:34.909 --> 00:44:37.530
We need to get Blondie and Pippi on this podcast.
1004
00:44:37.590 --> 00:44:38.409
And have them fight.
1005
00:44:38.929 --> 00:44:40.860
Yeah, but Pippi would probably win.
1006
00:44:41.239 --> 00:44:43.519
Yeah, she'd start beating Blondie and I'd go, Pippi, are
1007
00:44:43.539 --> 00:44:47.280
you crazy?
1008
00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:50.320
16 millimeter. Stored improperly.
1009
00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:52.519
Okay, here's another huge influence on you and you mention
1010
00:44:52.539 --> 00:44:55.800
it in the book. The Ferris Bueller. Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
1011
00:44:56.719 --> 00:44:57.579
Yes, huge.
1012
00:44:57.599 --> 00:44:59.639
That was a huge influence on you because he broke
1013
00:44:59.679 --> 00:45:00.280
the fourth wall.
1014
00:45:00.909 --> 00:45:03.690
Yeah, that was mind-blowing. I mean, one of the smartest
1015
00:45:06.440 --> 00:45:09.489
moves of a of a movie script ever i think
1016
00:45:09.949 --> 00:45:12.170
i mean sure not the first movie but definitely of
1017
00:45:12.250 --> 00:45:14.530
those coming of age films which i was all about
1018
00:45:14.989 --> 00:45:17.789
i just liked all the things that he accomplished in
1019
00:45:17.849 --> 00:45:19.949
a day i mean it was insane and like is
1020
00:45:19.969 --> 00:45:22.409
he gonna make it you know all that rascally principle
1021
00:45:22.469 --> 00:45:24.739
you know and the sister is kind of badass you
1022
00:45:24.760 --> 00:45:29.380
know like there were so many adventurous things and it
1023
00:45:29.760 --> 00:45:32.619
totally took place in a day and then at the
1024
00:45:32.739 --> 00:45:35.519
end like him or just once in a while throughout
1025
00:45:35.539 --> 00:45:37.139
the movie too, but like looking at the camera, I
1026
00:45:37.139 --> 00:45:39.159
was like, that is so cool. I love that. Like
1027
00:45:39.199 --> 00:45:42.019
we're in on it. Like he's, like he's experiencing that
1028
00:45:42.059 --> 00:45:43.179
reality for us.
1029
00:45:43.400 --> 00:45:45.449
And also it's very hard to do because it can
1030
00:45:45.570 --> 00:45:46.409
be done badly.
1031
00:45:46.570 --> 00:45:46.769
Yes.
1032
00:45:47.190 --> 00:45:52.250
And of course, uh, John Hughes and Matthew Broderick, that just,
1033
00:45:52.610 --> 00:45:54.170
they did it perfectly. Perfectly.
1034
00:45:54.570 --> 00:45:56.809
Yeah. It was just like, it was practical. It's kind
1035
00:45:56.829 --> 00:45:59.739
of a perfect movie. It's a, it's totally a perfect movie. I,
1036
00:46:00.280 --> 00:46:02.420
I've watched it, you know, some, some, some of those
1037
00:46:02.460 --> 00:46:05.730
movies are like, ugh, But just moments of it are
1038
00:46:05.929 --> 00:46:07.250
kind of, you know, breakfast club.
1039
00:46:07.269 --> 00:46:10.429
This is totally aside and random, but I was down
1040
00:46:10.449 --> 00:46:16.670
in Venice here in California with David Hopping like a
1041
00:46:16.710 --> 00:46:18.829
week and a half ago. And we wander into a
1042
00:46:18.909 --> 00:46:22.539
store and I'm chatting with the guy who runs the store.
1043
00:46:23.099 --> 00:46:27.579
And he says to a woman there who's also working there,
1044
00:46:28.059 --> 00:46:31.269
this very attractive woman who's probably in her early 20s.
1045
00:46:32.619 --> 00:46:34.719
more mid twenties. And he says to her, I can't
1046
00:46:34.739 --> 00:46:38.360
remember her name, but he says like, you know, Syria, Syria,
1047
00:46:38.420 --> 00:46:41.380
tell Conan your story, tell her your story. And she
1048
00:46:41.420 --> 00:46:43.820
comes over kind of sheepishly because she's being forced to.
1049
00:46:43.900 --> 00:46:47.800
And she says, um, my parents are the parents on
1050
00:46:47.840 --> 00:46:50.570
Ferris Bueller. And I said, what, what do you mean?
1051
00:46:50.949 --> 00:46:54.110
And she said, the two actors that play the mother
1052
00:46:54.150 --> 00:46:57.070
and the father on Ferris Bueller, they met on that
1053
00:46:57.130 --> 00:47:00.139
movie and they're my parents. Oh my God. And then
1054
00:47:00.179 --> 00:47:02.260
the guy at the store is like, isn't that crazy?
1055
00:47:03.059 --> 00:47:04.559
And at this point, I feel like I have to
1056
00:47:04.619 --> 00:47:05.239
buy something.
1057
00:47:07.409 --> 00:47:07.670
Yeah.
1058
00:47:07.849 --> 00:47:10.230
And they met on that movie. And then she is
1059
00:47:10.289 --> 00:47:14.210
their child. And she is drop dead gorgeous, by the way.
1060
00:47:14.230 --> 00:47:14.900
Oh, my God.
1061
00:47:15.050 --> 00:47:15.309
Yeah.
1062
00:47:15.429 --> 00:47:15.769
Wow.
1063
00:47:15.809 --> 00:47:17.849
And very nice and very cool. But I just thought,
1064
00:47:18.730 --> 00:47:22.889
wait a minute. Are you insane that you think? Because
1065
00:47:23.159 --> 00:47:25.280
when you think of people who are playing a couple
1066
00:47:25.300 --> 00:47:27.139
in a movie, you never think.
1067
00:47:27.179 --> 00:47:27.280
No.
1068
00:47:27.599 --> 00:47:29.929
And she said, no, they met on that movie and
1069
00:47:29.969 --> 00:47:31.230
then had me.
1070
00:47:31.329 --> 00:47:32.429
She's the real life Bueller.
1071
00:47:32.650 --> 00:47:34.070
She is the real life Bueller.
1072
00:47:34.489 --> 00:47:34.710
Yeah.
1073
00:47:35.170 --> 00:47:36.030
That was a cool story.
1074
00:47:36.090 --> 00:47:39.210
She's real Bueller. That's crazy. Does she ever just randomly
1075
00:47:39.230 --> 00:47:40.530
stop in the middle of the street and just turn
1076
00:47:40.550 --> 00:47:41.630
to a camera that's not there?
1077
00:47:41.730 --> 00:47:42.250
Well, I was.
1078
00:47:42.760 --> 00:47:44.300
Get a load of me. Yeah. Yeah.
1079
00:47:44.420 --> 00:47:45.539
She did while I was talking to her.
1080
00:47:45.559 --> 00:47:45.940
Oh, no way.
1081
00:47:45.960 --> 00:47:48.039
Yeah. She turned to a camera that wasn't there and said,
1082
00:47:48.559 --> 00:47:50.880
I meet a lot of celebrities at this store here,
1083
00:47:51.340 --> 00:47:54.980
you know, in near Venice Beach. Conan, kind of bottom
1084
00:47:55.000 --> 00:47:57.500
of the pile. But you know what? You got to
1085
00:47:57.539 --> 00:47:59.920
pretend to be excited. And then she turned back to me. Oh,
1086
00:47:59.940 --> 00:48:02.880
you were still there? I was still there. Oh, man.
1087
00:48:03.000 --> 00:48:05.760
And I said, that's rude. And then she turned back
1088
00:48:05.800 --> 00:48:08.130
to a different camera and said, who knew he could
1089
00:48:08.170 --> 00:48:11.750
hear me? Multicam. Yeah, multicam. The fifth wall.
1090
00:48:11.829 --> 00:48:14.210
Yeah. She broke the fifth wall.
1091
00:48:14.230 --> 00:48:15.989
She broke so many walls, the roof collapsed.
1092
00:48:16.030 --> 00:48:16.500
It's not easy to do.
1093
00:48:16.530 --> 00:48:16.650
No.
1094
00:48:17.519 --> 00:48:18.179
Oh, my God.
1095
00:48:18.219 --> 00:48:19.659
She's living in a hypercube.
1096
00:48:20.489 --> 00:48:22.710
Anyway, I don't know her name, but shout out to her.
1097
00:48:22.929 --> 00:48:24.070
No kidding.
1098
00:48:24.230 --> 00:48:26.869
And very lovely, cool person. So glad to know that.
1099
00:48:26.909 --> 00:48:28.210
That's fucking mind-blowing.
1100
00:48:29.389 --> 00:48:30.349
Yeah.
1101
00:48:30.369 --> 00:48:32.159
I love Bueller. Bueller is great. But also, I love
1102
00:48:32.199 --> 00:48:33.820
Weird Science. Weird Science was huge.
1103
00:48:33.980 --> 00:48:36.079
Weird Science is so insane.
1104
00:48:36.179 --> 00:48:36.639
So insane.
1105
00:48:36.920 --> 00:48:41.179
Because, I'm sorry, but the premise is crazy. It's so crazy.
1106
00:48:43.019 --> 00:48:44.920
It's because I remembered seeing that. This is how old
1107
00:48:45.010 --> 00:48:47.210
I am. I saw that in the theater as an
1108
00:48:47.250 --> 00:48:50.429
adult who could choose to purchase or not purchase a ticket.
1109
00:48:50.710 --> 00:48:52.590
And I went with Greg Daniels because we were both
1110
00:48:52.650 --> 00:48:56.369
writers and we had no girlfriends. Big surprise. We're living
1111
00:48:56.409 --> 00:48:58.860
out here in L.A. and this movie comes out, Weird Science.
1112
00:48:58.880 --> 00:49:01.030
And we think, well, let's go to Westwood and watch it.
1113
00:49:01.199 --> 00:49:02.480
To learn how to make a girlfriend.
1114
00:49:02.559 --> 00:49:05.760
Yeah, exactly. We both need to make a girlfriend, clearly,
1115
00:49:05.800 --> 00:49:08.360
because no one we meet wants to talk to us.
1116
00:49:09.139 --> 00:49:11.570
So we go to this theater and These two guys
1117
00:49:11.630 --> 00:49:15.119
just basically, I think, cut out a bunch of pictures
1118
00:49:15.199 --> 00:49:18.230
from magazines and feed them into a what?
1119
00:49:18.329 --> 00:49:19.969
A supercomputer. A supercomputer.
1120
00:49:20.760 --> 00:49:21.960
And a home computer.
1121
00:49:22.000 --> 00:49:22.659
A brassiere.
1122
00:49:22.679 --> 00:49:24.179
Then a brassiere.
1123
00:49:24.199 --> 00:49:26.239
A Barbie doll.
1124
00:49:27.079 --> 00:49:29.139
And there's a Barbie doll. And then I think because
1125
00:49:29.199 --> 00:49:32.139
they run a cable to the roof and lightning hits it,
1126
00:49:32.699 --> 00:49:34.360
that makes Kelly LeBrock.
1127
00:49:34.559 --> 00:49:35.070
That's true.
1128
00:49:35.300 --> 00:49:35.590
That's true.
1129
00:49:36.090 --> 00:49:38.610
Yeah, but they designed her on the computer.
1130
00:49:38.789 --> 00:49:41.710
I know, but I was like, the leaps people were
1131
00:49:41.750 --> 00:49:43.530
making with, you know, if you take a personal computer
1132
00:49:43.639 --> 00:49:46.300
and there's a lightning storm and you have a bra
1133
00:49:46.920 --> 00:49:50.380
and some dolls around, you can make Kelly LeBron.
1134
00:49:50.420 --> 00:49:53.500
Yeah, computers were still like fancy enough that you couldn't
1135
00:49:53.539 --> 00:49:55.199
pin it down for, oh, could it do that?
1136
00:49:55.260 --> 00:49:57.349
Yeah, I know. People just didn't question it. They're like,
1137
00:49:57.389 --> 00:49:57.909
that'll happen.
1138
00:49:57.969 --> 00:50:00.070
I guess that can happen with a computer and a
1139
00:50:00.150 --> 00:50:02.329
lightning storm if they both have it at the same time.
1140
00:50:02.349 --> 00:50:02.670
We need both.
1141
00:50:02.789 --> 00:50:05.130
It's very hard. So, you know, those kids got lucky
1142
00:50:05.150 --> 00:50:05.650
in that movie.
1143
00:50:06.230 --> 00:50:09.050
I remember that happening and being like a 22-year-old in
1144
00:50:09.090 --> 00:50:13.059
the theater and just saying, okay, I guess I really
1145
00:50:13.099 --> 00:50:14.400
don't understand computers.
1146
00:50:15.860 --> 00:50:17.000
I'm glad that that was the case.
1147
00:50:17.019 --> 00:50:19.880
But myself and my writing partner, we went out that night,
1148
00:50:20.079 --> 00:50:24.239
we bought an Apple. We bought seven Barbies.
1149
00:50:24.460 --> 00:50:25.539
And you're still waiting.
1150
00:50:25.619 --> 00:50:27.260
And Greg was electrocuted.
1151
00:50:29.320 --> 00:50:34.489
No LeBrock. Here he is, electrocuted LeBrock-less.
1152
00:50:36.030 --> 00:50:37.900
The firefighters showed up and all they said when they
1153
00:50:37.940 --> 00:50:40.079
saw us, we were both smoldering, was trying to make
1154
00:50:40.119 --> 00:50:44.320
a LeBrock, huh? A lot of that lately. We got
1155
00:50:44.380 --> 00:50:46.820
two more nerds on Barrington trying to make a LeBrock.
1156
00:50:47.920 --> 00:50:50.000
You two stop LeBrocking around. Get out of here.
1157
00:50:52.400 --> 00:50:57.079
Enough LeBrocking, you idiots. All the power surge is going
1158
00:50:57.139 --> 00:50:59.099
in these different nerd areas of town.
1159
00:50:59.820 --> 00:51:06.239
Then some shadow creature emerges in the background. I mean, yeah,
1160
00:51:06.300 --> 00:51:08.199
that show was, I mean, also it had Mad Max
1161
00:51:08.260 --> 00:51:10.539
vibes in it. It had like, I mean, it had every,
1162
00:51:10.579 --> 00:51:11.159
it was so crazy.
1163
00:51:11.420 --> 00:51:12.579
And the guy from Mad Max.
1164
00:51:12.639 --> 00:51:15.000
Yeah, the guy from Mad Max was in it. It
1165
00:51:15.039 --> 00:51:17.360
was insane. But the crazy thing was that my first
1166
00:51:17.460 --> 00:51:25.050
girlfriend was English. And she was a model for like teen,
1167
00:51:25.110 --> 00:51:28.110
like nightwear or something like that. And so she came
1168
00:51:28.150 --> 00:51:31.130
from London because her mother married an Air Force guy.
1169
00:51:31.670 --> 00:51:34.429
And so my first girlfriend was like this English model.
1170
00:51:35.110 --> 00:51:38.880

1171
00:51:38.929 --> 00:51:41.440

1172
00:51:41.460 --> 00:51:45.059

1173
00:51:45.099 --> 00:51:47.599

1174
00:51:47.619 --> 00:51:49.139

1175
00:51:49.199 --> 00:51:50.510

1176
00:51:50.550 --> 00:51:51.579
.
1177
00:51:51.429 --> 00:51:53.369
.
1178
00:51:53.230 --> 00:51:56.150

1179
00:51:56.170 --> 00:51:56.889
.
1180
00:51:56.750 --> 00:51:59.829
.
1181
00:51:59.829 --> 00:52:05.110
There's
1182
00:52:05.150 --> 00:52:08.730
no way you're totally leaving me. Can we at least
1183
00:52:08.829 --> 00:52:09.969
finish this first?
1184
00:52:10.280 --> 00:52:12.980
Baby born. There's no way.
1185
00:52:13.659 --> 00:52:17.780
How? My new book, How? My life with the real
1186
00:52:17.820 --> 00:52:21.599
Kelly LeBron.
1187
00:52:21.960 --> 00:52:24.289
I love that you have also had a Seattle period,
1188
00:52:24.329 --> 00:52:27.690
which I totally get because you went to Seattle to...
1189
00:52:28.199 --> 00:52:32.260
You wanted to experience creativity, randomness. So you just decided
1190
00:52:32.280 --> 00:52:33.260
I'm going to Seattle.
1191
00:52:33.500 --> 00:52:33.780
Yeah.
1192
00:52:33.960 --> 00:52:37.659
And a cloud cover that's about six inches above the
1193
00:52:37.699 --> 00:52:38.780
roof line of any house.
1194
00:52:38.840 --> 00:52:42.010
Yeah, it's about like max 100 feet. Yeah. Yeah, it's...
1195
00:52:43.110 --> 00:52:45.530
I mean, it was the biggest city closest to Great Falls.
1196
00:52:45.699 --> 00:52:48.199
I mean, you could drive there in 13 hours, which
1197
00:52:48.239 --> 00:52:51.780
for Montanans, that's like double the usual.
1198
00:52:51.820 --> 00:52:53.059
That's a trip to CVS.
1199
00:52:53.079 --> 00:52:55.599
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, you gotta go
1200
00:52:55.619 --> 00:52:57.639
through Mount Pass, gotta take your time, though. There is
1201
00:52:57.679 --> 00:53:01.260
a shortcut through Lolo, but don't worry about it. Just
1202
00:53:01.280 --> 00:53:04.530
keep going straight. Black Ice Patch is reportedly on the...
1203
00:53:05.530 --> 00:53:09.150
We're like two-wheel drive right now. But, um... Yeah, I mean,
1204
00:53:09.349 --> 00:53:12.489
it was close enough. And then I got lucky. I've
1205
00:53:12.510 --> 00:53:15.190
been lucky everywhere I've moved. But I moved there in 1990.
1206
00:53:15.170 --> 00:53:18.050
It was just before grunge was going to explode. And
1207
00:53:18.110 --> 00:53:21.519
so I was living with a bunch of weirdos in
1208
00:53:21.559 --> 00:53:24.880
a house as a band. And that shit blew up.
1209
00:53:24.960 --> 00:53:26.539
And I was a huge Soundgarden fan.
1210
00:53:26.559 --> 00:53:27.639
Cool.
1211
00:53:27.980 --> 00:53:32.019
And seeing all of that explode and then see the
1212
00:53:32.059 --> 00:53:34.969
industry move into that town so fast with all these
1213
00:53:34.989 --> 00:53:37.590
satellite offices looking for the next new thing. And then
1214
00:53:37.750 --> 00:53:39.360
four new, cause when I moved there, there were two
1215
00:53:39.389 --> 00:53:41.579
venues to play at. That was it. It was like
1216
00:53:41.760 --> 00:53:45.039
two venues, nighttime, hardly any cars driving around the streets.
1217
00:53:45.159 --> 00:53:47.219
It was so dead. It was such a small town
1218
00:53:47.760 --> 00:53:50.639
vibe anyways. And, uh, and then within a period of
1219
00:53:50.719 --> 00:53:53.659
about three years, it completely changed. It was insane. And
1220
00:53:53.679 --> 00:53:55.949
then coffee was like espresso culture was born.
1221
00:53:55.969 --> 00:53:58.929
Oh my Lord. My, uh, my wife is from Seattle
1222
00:53:59.050 --> 00:54:01.489
and I got married there and it's my, it's my
1223
00:54:01.900 --> 00:54:04.010
You know, home away from home because we go there.
1224
00:54:04.260 --> 00:54:06.909
Just when I was first dating my wife, I'd say like, oh,
1225
00:54:06.969 --> 00:54:08.570
you know, let's go get some coffee. And she said,
1226
00:54:08.590 --> 00:54:11.469
we are not going in there because she was like
1227
00:54:11.510 --> 00:54:15.869
a sommelier of coffee. Oh, no, they burn the coffee there. Well,
1228
00:54:15.889 --> 00:54:18.510
what about we could go in this place? No, we're
1229
00:54:18.550 --> 00:54:20.639
not going there either. I'll tell you where we're gonna
1230
00:54:20.679 --> 00:54:22.800
get coffee. And she would take me to the one
1231
00:54:22.860 --> 00:54:25.679
place that made the coffee just right. And I couldn't
1232
00:54:25.760 --> 00:54:29.760
taste the difference. And I still can't taste the difference.
1233
00:54:30.280 --> 00:54:32.460
I grew up on Sanka.
1234
00:54:32.539 --> 00:54:33.920
I didn't know the difference.
1235
00:54:33.940 --> 00:54:36.829
Sanka's good enough. I'd take Sanka over Starbucks any day.
1236
00:54:36.909 --> 00:54:40.090
But it was a crazy time to be there. And
1237
00:54:40.230 --> 00:54:44.730
we played Jeff Bezos' parties. I played two of his parties.
1238
00:54:44.769 --> 00:54:51.820
Met him in 1995, 1996. saw Bill Gates, you know,
1239
00:54:51.840 --> 00:54:53.480
like at the restaurant that I used to go to,
1240
00:54:53.519 --> 00:54:55.980
you know, like it was really weird to have all
1241
00:54:56.039 --> 00:55:00.019
those worlds, you know, these ripples that are now affecting
1242
00:55:00.059 --> 00:55:03.059
our entire everyday lives, but being there in that moment.
1243
00:55:03.159 --> 00:55:06.159
Playing a party like that just sounds, it always reminds
1244
00:55:06.219 --> 00:55:09.360
me of, I did not, I wrote on the script,
1245
00:55:09.400 --> 00:55:11.150
but I didn't write this joke, but there was a
1246
00:55:11.179 --> 00:55:14.469
great Simpsons joke that one of the writers came up with,
1247
00:55:14.510 --> 00:55:18.010
which Mr. Burns is having a birthday party, and of course,
1248
00:55:18.590 --> 00:55:20.650
Smithers is trying to make it the perfect party for him.
1249
00:55:21.250 --> 00:55:24.429
And at one point, he books the Ramones to play
1250
00:55:24.449 --> 00:55:27.840
for Mr. Burns. And the Ramones, they got the actual Ramones.
1251
00:55:27.579 --> 00:55:30.130
To go like, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,
1252
00:55:30.159 --> 00:55:31.559
happy birthday to you.
1253
00:55:31.920 --> 00:55:34.699
And then they drop their instruments and Joey Ramone just goes,
1254
00:55:35.000 --> 00:55:39.010
happy birthday, you old bastard, and walks off. And they
1255
00:55:39.050 --> 00:55:41.610
cut to Mr. Burns and he says to Smithers, have
1256
00:55:41.650 --> 00:55:48.469
the Rolling Stones killed? And Smithers says, sir, that's not
1257
00:55:48.489 --> 00:55:50.510
the Rolling Stones. And he says, do it! And so
1258
00:55:50.530 --> 00:55:54.519
Smithers leaves. And it's always loved the joke that somewhere
1259
00:55:54.539 --> 00:55:57.519
the Rolling Stones are being killed in that world because
1260
00:55:57.539 --> 00:56:01.019
that old man misidentified them.
1261
00:56:01.199 --> 00:56:01.780
Oh my God.
1262
00:56:01.840 --> 00:56:03.800
And I think about that all the time when I
1263
00:56:04.590 --> 00:56:07.070
imagine me playing or having to do anything at one
1264
00:56:07.090 --> 00:56:10.309
of those parties. If I was on the David Geffen
1265
00:56:10.369 --> 00:56:13.250
yacht and told a story or did some kind of
1266
00:56:13.329 --> 00:56:15.369
comedy thing, I could just see Geffen leaning over to
1267
00:56:15.409 --> 00:56:20.869
someone and saying, Have the Rolling Stones killed. Have Gallagher destroyed. Sir,
1268
00:56:20.889 --> 00:56:26.440
that's not Gallagher. Do it! Have Carrot Top murdered. Sir,
1269
00:56:26.480 --> 00:56:26.900
that's not.
1270
00:56:26.960 --> 00:56:27.400
Do it!
1271
00:56:28.820 --> 00:56:34.539
Have Jane Leach. That's her. That's a man. That's not Jane. Yeah,
1272
00:56:34.579 --> 00:56:39.900
just going through. Listen, Mr. Reggie Watts, it was a,
1273
00:56:40.260 --> 00:56:42.829
I've been blessed many times in my life, but the
1274
00:56:42.869 --> 00:56:46.489
day that you signed on to be my opening act
1275
00:56:46.550 --> 00:56:48.030
and I got to go on that crazy adventure with
1276
00:56:48.070 --> 00:56:50.750
you and then we became friends was a great, great
1277
00:56:50.789 --> 00:56:53.730
day for me and I'm blessed to know you. Keep
1278
00:56:53.769 --> 00:56:56.269
me in your life and let's do something together again.
1279
00:56:56.289 --> 00:56:56.630
Let's do it.
1280
00:56:56.630 --> 00:56:57.320
I would love to do that.
1281
00:56:57.409 --> 00:56:57.909
Let's do that.
1282
00:56:58.079 --> 00:57:00.719
Let's open a store that sells something nobody wants.
1283
00:57:00.739 --> 00:57:02.679
Yes, oh my God, and see how long it takes
1284
00:57:02.719 --> 00:57:03.820
to not sell anything.
1285
00:57:04.840 --> 00:57:07.449
And we'll get the woman in Venice who is- Oh
1286
00:57:07.469 --> 00:57:09.389
my God. Whose parents are the parents.
1287
00:57:09.409 --> 00:57:10.670
She'll manage, she'll manage.
1288
00:57:10.690 --> 00:57:14.869
And it'll be called, yes, yes, Ferris Bueller's parents do
1289
00:57:14.929 --> 00:57:15.690
have a child.
1290
00:57:15.769 --> 00:57:16.929
Ferris Bueller's half off.
1291
00:57:19.110 --> 00:57:20.889
You idiot. TRSB.
1292
00:57:20.989 --> 00:57:25.210
I admire that. Ferris Bueller's half off. All right, Mr.
1293
00:57:25.250 --> 00:57:27.329
Reggie Watts, go in peace to love and serve the Lord.
1294
00:57:27.369 --> 00:57:28.590
Have a nice day. Have a nice week.
1295
00:57:28.909 --> 00:57:29.750
And peace be with you.
1296
00:57:29.769 --> 00:57:32.789
Peace be with you. Blimey. We're going to make a woman.
1297
00:57:45.219 --> 00:57:48.980
Good nights are about the people. The laughs, the real
1298
00:57:49.019 --> 00:57:52.179
moments you don't want to miss. So why step outside?
1299
00:57:53.099 --> 00:57:57.139
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1300
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1302
00:58:05.460 --> 00:58:07.489
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Mello you should not use this product if you do
1304
00:58:09.280 --> 00:58:10.750
not already use nicotine.
1305
00:58:12.510 --> 00:58:15.849
Great Irish strawberries don't happen by accident in North County
1306
00:58:15.869 --> 00:58:18.829
Dublin M & S select growers handpick only the deepest
1307
00:58:18.889 --> 00:58:22.590
red perfectly ripe berries twisted gently from the stem pollinated
1308
00:58:22.630 --> 00:58:26.789
naturally by bees grown for flavour first they're sweet fragrant
1309
00:58:27.170 --> 00:58:30.510
and unmistakably Irish this is not just food This is
1310
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M & S Food.
1311
00:58:32.570 --> 00:58:37.369
Behind this family's moving day is their dream home. A
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1313
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kitchen fitted for rushed mornings, slow Sundays, and chats that
1314
00:58:45.130 --> 00:58:48.460
go on well after dinner. And behind it all is
1315
00:58:48.579 --> 00:58:53.699
John the Builder. Volkswagen Commercial Vehicles. Transport you can rely
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00:58:53.780 --> 00:58:57.440
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1319
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1320
00:59:05.800 --> 00:59:09.230
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1321
00:59:09.250 --> 00:59:11.969
the Central Bank of Ireland. See VolkswagenVans.ie for more.
1322
00:59:17.969 --> 00:59:21.590
We have an ongoing saga on this podcast that continues
1323
00:59:21.670 --> 00:59:23.230
to write its own narrative.
1324
00:59:25.110 --> 00:59:27.269
It is that. Terrible author.
1325
00:59:29.880 --> 00:59:33.900
I'm not writing and I'm just living it. Remember that
1326
00:59:34.260 --> 00:59:37.699
Jay Elmore, who runs a deli in New York, has
1327
00:59:37.860 --> 00:59:41.159
taken our sandwich creations and has been selling them. And
1328
00:59:41.179 --> 00:59:44.190
he has an update on the numbers. He's running actual
1329
00:59:44.250 --> 00:59:48.190
science now. Because last time you also, you complained about
1330
00:59:48.210 --> 00:59:50.030
the fact that I had an American flag in mind
1331
00:59:50.070 --> 00:59:52.369
and you said that that was responsible for why I
1332
00:59:52.429 --> 00:59:53.809
was leading sales.
1333
00:59:53.909 --> 00:59:55.489
I think that goosed things a little bit.
1334
00:59:55.760 --> 00:59:56.099
Okay.
1335
00:59:56.139 --> 01:00:00.679
Because, you know, we're a patriotic people and yours had
1336
01:00:00.699 --> 01:00:04.360
an American flag and ours had no flag. So I
1337
01:00:04.409 --> 01:00:06.260
think that put us at a disadvantage. He took the
1338
01:00:06.280 --> 01:00:07.179
flag out. Thank you.
1339
01:00:07.219 --> 01:00:08.469
And started the tally again.
1340
01:00:08.650 --> 01:00:09.289
Good. Okay.
1341
01:00:09.510 --> 01:00:11.590
These are Jay's words. Once again, I just wanted to
1342
01:00:11.630 --> 01:00:14.150
say you made my day with the mention on the podcast.
1343
01:00:14.190 --> 01:00:15.619
I'm so happy you guys are enjoying it.
1344
01:00:16.090 --> 01:00:16.750
You're welcome.
1345
01:00:18.489 --> 01:00:19.849
Thank you, Wilford Brimley.
1346
01:00:19.869 --> 01:00:23.809
Yeah, you sounded angry. Lovely. It's a lot of skin
1347
01:00:23.849 --> 01:00:25.789
off your nose. No free pub.
1348
01:00:25.789 --> 01:00:32.170
551 sandwiches sold. Final tally so far. Sona's Euro, 172.
1349
01:00:32.170 --> 01:00:37.809
Conan's corned beef, 186. Matty Melt, 193.
1350
01:00:37.809 --> 01:00:39.170
Oh, these are all pretty close.
1351
01:00:39.190 --> 01:00:40.409
Yes, and then it goes on.
1352
01:00:40.769 --> 01:00:41.150
Okay.
1353
01:00:41.389 --> 01:00:44.449
He said, I will cross the 200 mark today. Conan
1354
01:00:44.469 --> 01:00:47.070
may cross it too. He said, Matty Melt, these are
1355
01:00:47.130 --> 01:00:49.760
updates as they come in. Matty Melt just hit 200.
1356
01:00:49.760 --> 01:00:52.750
Conan is at six away. I said stall it, take
1357
01:00:52.769 --> 01:00:54.489
it off the menu, meaning yours.
1358
01:00:55.510 --> 01:00:58.409
Where is this? New York. I know, but let's be
1359
01:00:58.449 --> 01:01:00.489
a little clear about where this place is because I'd
1360
01:01:00.510 --> 01:01:01.639
like to make a personal appeal.
1361
01:01:01.949 --> 01:01:03.260
I don't know where it is exactly.
1362
01:01:03.320 --> 01:01:05.460
Isn't this EJ's Luncheonette?
1363
01:01:05.619 --> 01:01:05.840
Yeah.
1364
01:01:05.940 --> 01:01:09.420
I believe it's on the Upper East Side, 3rd Avenue
1365
01:01:09.460 --> 01:01:13.179
between 73rd and 74th EJ's. A very nice guy named
1366
01:01:13.239 --> 01:01:16.880
Jay came out of his diner and said hello to me.
1367
01:01:16.920 --> 01:01:19.110
We chatted for a little bit. That's when the idea
1368
01:01:19.170 --> 01:01:22.329
for maybe these sandwiches came up. And I would just
1369
01:01:22.369 --> 01:01:25.630
like to say that my sandwich is, I believe it's
1370
01:01:25.750 --> 01:01:29.929
a corned beef, Russian dressing, coleslaw. It's a terrific sandwich.
1371
01:01:30.269 --> 01:01:32.869
It's a classic. And it's called the Conan O'Brien or
1372
01:01:32.889 --> 01:01:33.429
just the Conan?
1373
01:01:33.650 --> 01:01:36.929
I think it's just, I'm not sure. Okay. So you're
1374
01:01:36.949 --> 01:01:38.800
saying that the name recognition is important?
1375
01:01:39.090 --> 01:01:42.429
Well, what I'm saying is I would like to win this.
1376
01:01:42.719 --> 01:01:42.820
Oh.
1377
01:01:42.900 --> 01:01:44.880
And so I'm talking to all my listeners now who
1378
01:01:44.900 --> 01:01:47.019
might be- Oh, no, no. Yeah, who might be in
1379
01:01:47.059 --> 01:01:48.079
New York City. Just hear me out.
1380
01:01:48.340 --> 01:01:48.409
Oh.
1381
01:01:49.409 --> 01:01:51.670
Maybe give my sandwich a try. No. Go there and
1382
01:01:51.750 --> 01:01:53.050
order it. And then if you see me around New
1383
01:01:53.070 --> 01:01:55.739
York City, I'm there a lot. Just mention I had
1384
01:01:55.760 --> 01:01:58.559
your sandwich, Conan. And maybe you get a little quick
1385
01:01:58.579 --> 01:01:59.420
hug and a selfie.
1386
01:01:59.519 --> 01:01:59.900
That's all.
1387
01:02:00.179 --> 01:02:01.019
Oh, my God.
1388
01:02:01.059 --> 01:02:02.940
You can't use the bully pulpit like that. You have
1389
01:02:02.960 --> 01:02:04.079
to give equal time to us.
1390
01:02:04.199 --> 01:02:05.989
I don't know what kind of cash I'll have on me,
1391
01:02:06.070 --> 01:02:08.449
but I don't carry a lot of cash. I'll just
1392
01:02:08.469 --> 01:02:08.900
say that right now.
1393
01:02:08.909 --> 01:02:11.190
You're going to go and just buy a ton of sandwiches.
1394
01:02:11.489 --> 01:02:11.989
Probably.
1395
01:02:12.210 --> 01:02:12.510
No.
1396
01:02:12.670 --> 01:02:14.849
I feel like you probably will. I'm going to have
1397
01:02:15.030 --> 01:02:17.489
David Hopping go buy a lot of sandwiches.
1398
01:02:17.510 --> 01:02:19.239
Jay, you have to watch out for this. Sona, you
1399
01:02:19.280 --> 01:02:20.480
can make your plea for your euro.
1400
01:02:20.519 --> 01:02:24.369
Mine is clearly... The healthiest out of all three of them.
1401
01:02:24.449 --> 01:02:26.730
Oh, good. Oh, thank you for saying that. Oh, nothing
1402
01:02:26.769 --> 01:02:31.880
gets people into a diner like a healthy choice. Good job. Yes,
1403
01:02:31.980 --> 01:02:35.559
if you are going to EJ's Luncheonette because you're really
1404
01:02:35.619 --> 01:02:42.559
feeling like slimming down. Rush over and get Sona's gyro? Gyro?
1405
01:02:42.659 --> 01:02:43.840
Gyro!
1406
01:02:43.960 --> 01:02:46.400
I love to pretend not to know how to say it.
1407
01:02:46.420 --> 01:02:48.659
And then yours is what? A foreign sandwich, right?
1408
01:02:48.860 --> 01:02:49.059
What?
1409
01:02:49.460 --> 01:02:52.239
No, mine's the most patriotic thing. It's called a matty melt.
1410
01:02:52.260 --> 01:02:53.199
Yeah, what's going on there?
1411
01:02:53.280 --> 01:02:56.570
It's a patty melt with Hawaiian... Bread?
1412
01:02:56.909 --> 01:02:58.610
Calories, calories, death, death.
1413
01:02:58.800 --> 01:02:59.469
What do you mean?
1414
01:02:59.489 --> 01:03:00.780
Cholesterol, fat.
1415
01:03:01.039 --> 01:03:02.889
No, no, no, that's not the way to go after it.
1416
01:03:02.900 --> 01:03:04.940
Come on, let me do it. No, that gets people
1417
01:03:05.079 --> 01:03:07.679
into the tent. This is America. You forgot where you were.
1418
01:03:07.699 --> 01:03:09.059
But it's New York.
1419
01:03:09.139 --> 01:03:11.380
People care in New York. They walk, they're healthy, they
1420
01:03:11.420 --> 01:03:12.460
work out, they do yoga.
1421
01:03:12.500 --> 01:03:14.400
Hawaii became a state very late in the game. And
1422
01:03:14.420 --> 01:03:17.630
I'm just going to say... That's better? That's like the
1423
01:03:17.670 --> 01:03:21.360
last star... On the flag? That's the bread you want? Oh,
1424
01:03:21.369 --> 01:03:22.070
what a lady.
1425
01:03:22.170 --> 01:03:23.250
Go ahead.
1426
01:03:23.309 --> 01:03:26.429
Based in New York with Hawaiian bread, I'm covering not
1427
01:03:26.489 --> 01:03:30.380
only the continental United States, but practically Hawaii and Alaska.
1428
01:03:30.389 --> 01:03:35.219
Oh, please. With corned beef, I am covering... I mean,
1429
01:03:35.340 --> 01:03:40.039
just all cultures. No. You know, yes. What? Yes. The
1430
01:03:40.079 --> 01:03:42.239
Jewish people, the Irish people. Done.
1431
01:03:42.460 --> 01:03:42.840
That's it.
1432
01:03:42.860 --> 01:03:43.219
Seriously.
1433
01:03:43.260 --> 01:03:43.679
I'm sorry.
1434
01:03:43.739 --> 01:03:47.030
The Greeks are responsible for our whole civilization.
1435
01:03:47.070 --> 01:03:47.650
Are you kidding?
1436
01:03:47.690 --> 01:03:50.630
What are you talking about? You're welcome. Sign the constitution.
1437
01:03:51.150 --> 01:03:51.489
Okay.
1438
01:03:52.190 --> 01:03:54.070
First of all, what did you say the Greeks did?
1439
01:03:54.190 --> 01:03:57.710
They're responsible for our modern type of civilization.
1440
01:03:57.730 --> 01:03:57.949
That's true.
1441
01:03:57.989 --> 01:03:59.110
What have they done lately?
1442
01:03:59.239 --> 01:03:59.469
Right.
1443
01:04:00.260 --> 01:04:03.699
Except shield a bunch of money. Yeah. A bunch of
1444
01:04:03.739 --> 01:04:04.519
tax shelters.
1445
01:04:04.940 --> 01:04:06.599
I don't know.
1446
01:04:06.619 --> 01:04:07.050
You know what?
1447
01:04:07.119 --> 01:04:10.190
Socrates kept all of his money in a tax shelter.
1448
01:04:10.469 --> 01:04:10.570
Okay.
1449
01:04:10.650 --> 01:04:12.570
That was his big advice to his students.
1450
01:04:12.590 --> 01:04:13.739
All right, great, great.
1451
01:04:13.800 --> 01:04:17.420
Shelter your money, he said. Same thing with Play-Doh. Yeah.
1452
01:04:17.500 --> 01:04:18.280
Because the U.S.
1453
01:04:18.340 --> 01:04:19.880
Is doing great, you guys.
1454
01:04:20.280 --> 01:04:21.269
What did you say?
1455
01:04:21.280 --> 01:04:21.760
Yeah, the U.S.
1456
01:04:21.800 --> 01:04:24.710
Is doing great. With attitudes like that. Yeah. Okay, well,
1457
01:04:24.730 --> 01:04:28.949
guess what? Your gyro, I think, has plummeted because it's
1458
01:04:29.010 --> 01:04:33.070
healthy and its inventor hates America. Oh, wow. I would say, hey,
1459
01:04:33.090 --> 01:04:37.309
give the Conan O'Brien a try. EJ's Luncheonette. EJ's Luncheonette.
1460
01:04:37.690 --> 01:04:40.670
Just go on by. Check it out. The Conan O'Brien.
1461
01:04:41.469 --> 01:04:42.170
Oh, come on.
1462
01:04:42.710 --> 01:04:43.989
Corned beef, coleslaw.
1463
01:04:44.929 --> 01:04:49.150
Here's my message. I say, listener, eat whatever you think
1464
01:04:49.289 --> 01:04:50.110
sounds delicious.
1465
01:04:50.449 --> 01:04:51.329
Be you, be you.
1466
01:04:51.449 --> 01:04:55.550
Don't fall prey to sway. Don't fall prey to sway. Eat,
1467
01:04:56.250 --> 01:04:58.639
eat the meat. Don't fall prey to sway.
1468
01:04:58.760 --> 01:04:59.159
Eat the meat.
1469
01:04:59.320 --> 01:05:00.820
I'll take a selfie with you. I'll give you a
1470
01:05:00.820 --> 01:05:04.239
quick hello. I'm easy to spot in New York. If
1471
01:05:04.280 --> 01:05:06.599
you think you see Jane Lynch wearing a red wig,
1472
01:05:07.019 --> 01:05:07.400
that's me.
1473
01:05:07.679 --> 01:05:09.679
If you do, by mine, you don't have to take
1474
01:05:09.760 --> 01:05:10.690
a selfie with Connie.
1475
01:05:10.710 --> 01:05:14.980
You can get out of it. All right. Thank you, Jay.
1476
01:05:14.989 --> 01:05:17.010
I think we accomplished a lot there. And thanks to
1477
01:05:17.150 --> 01:05:21.510
Jay Elmore for selling, creating these sandwiches in our image.
1478
01:05:21.570 --> 01:05:24.010
And there's a very good chance that this saga will
1479
01:05:24.170 --> 01:05:28.489
actually have quite a resolution, possibly even in the flesh.
1480
01:05:28.889 --> 01:05:29.269
Yes.
1481
01:05:29.449 --> 01:05:29.670
Yeah.
1482
01:05:29.849 --> 01:05:32.010
I know what you're talking about. More later.
1483
01:05:32.090 --> 01:05:33.739
Why don't we get a piece of these sandwiches?
1484
01:05:33.820 --> 01:05:34.110
Sorry.
1485
01:05:34.239 --> 01:05:35.760
I know we ended it, but why don't we get
1486
01:05:35.820 --> 01:05:36.460
paid for.
1487
01:05:36.320 --> 01:05:38.400
A piece of these sandwiches? Like we should get a check.
1488
01:05:38.940 --> 01:05:39.159
No?
1489
01:05:39.639 --> 01:05:40.099
No check?
1490
01:05:40.340 --> 01:05:40.519
No.
1491
01:05:40.619 --> 01:05:41.119
Nobody else?
1492
01:05:41.360 --> 01:05:42.760
No, we're not doing this for money.
1493
01:05:43.039 --> 01:05:43.199
Oh.
1494
01:05:43.559 --> 01:05:46.239
What are we doing it for?
1495
01:05:46.300 --> 01:05:46.909
Real estate.
1496
01:05:48.550 --> 01:05:52.449
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian,
1497
01:05:52.710 --> 01:05:56.409
and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced
1498
01:05:56.449 --> 01:05:59.769
by Adam Sachs, Nick Leal, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco,
1499
01:06:00.010 --> 01:06:03.610
and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song
1500
01:06:03.639 --> 01:06:06.820
by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
1501
01:06:07.139 --> 01:06:07.820
Take it away, Jimmy.
1502
01:06:10.949 --> 01:06:13.949
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent
1503
01:06:13.969 --> 01:06:18.449
producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production
1504
01:06:18.469 --> 01:06:22.530
support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista,
1505
01:06:22.809 --> 01:06:25.400
and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show
1506
01:06:25.440 --> 01:06:28.099
on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read
1507
01:06:28.199 --> 01:06:30.860
on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call
1508
01:06:30.880 --> 01:06:35.809
the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.
1509
01:06:36.110 --> 01:06:38.389
It too could be featured on a future episode. And
1510
01:06:38.429 --> 01:06:41.230
if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs
1511
01:06:41.269 --> 01:06:43.880
a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
1512
01:06:59.909 --> 01:07:01.469
Good nights are about the people.
1513
01:07:02.320 --> 01:07:02.800
The laughs.
1514
01:07:03.320 --> 01:07:06.079
The real moments you don't want to miss. So why
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already use nicotine.
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01:07:27.199 --> 01:07:30.840
Great Irish strawberries don't happen by accident. In North County Dublin,
1522
01:07:31.219 --> 01:07:33.820
M & S select growers handpick only the deepest red,
1523
01:07:34.079 --> 01:07:37.639
perfectly ripe berries, twisted gently from the stem, pollinated naturally
1524
01:07:37.679 --> 01:07:41.969
by bees, grown for flavour first. They're sweet, fragrant and
1525
01:07:42.110 --> 01:07:45.599
unmistakably Irish. This is not just food, this is M
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& S food.