Julie Bowen

WEBVTT
1
00:00:00.200 --> 00:00:04.330
Reckon we'll need a fleet of about 50 vehicles next quarter. Oh,
2
00:00:04.750 --> 00:00:06.710
one of our suppliers just pulled out of the market.
3
00:00:07.129 --> 00:00:08.130
Ten should do the job.
4
00:00:09.769 --> 00:00:12.220
Nice, just won a new contract. Make that 100 vehicles.
5
00:00:14.429 --> 00:00:16.809
Why tie up your valuable capital? Whether you need a
6
00:00:16.850 --> 00:00:19.410
car or van rental for two hours or two years,
7
00:00:19.690 --> 00:00:22.210
Europe Car offers total flexibility for you to get the
8
00:00:22.250 --> 00:00:24.910
job done. No matter what the job is, simply pay
9
00:00:24.949 --> 00:00:27.510
as you go. Search Europe Car Business to get moving.
10
00:00:27.829 --> 00:00:30.010
Europe Car, moving your business your way.
11
00:00:30.589 --> 00:00:33.869
A new McDonald's side mission has been unlocked. The Quarter
12
00:00:33.909 --> 00:00:39.049
Pounder Deluxe Legendary Edition. With double American cheese, crispy lettuce,
13
00:00:39.549 --> 00:00:43.469
fresh mustard and tomato. Available until the 29th of September.
14
00:00:43.700 --> 00:00:45.670
Take a side mission to McDonald's.
15
00:00:47.030 --> 00:00:47.670
From 11 a.m.
16
00:00:47.689 --> 00:00:48.289
Wasdox Last.
17
00:00:48.310 --> 00:00:50.049
Subject to availability. Participation varies.
18
00:00:53.299 --> 00:01:00.679
Hi, my name is Julie Bowen. And I feel....
19
00:01:01.369 --> 00:01:01.590
Wow.
20
00:01:01.979 --> 00:01:03.359
I mean, I've thought about this a lot.
21
00:01:05.519 --> 00:01:07.480
I'm a huge fan and there are no words that
22
00:01:07.500 --> 00:01:09.519
haven't been used here. So I'm just going to go
23
00:01:09.540 --> 00:01:11.319
with cautiously optimistic.
24
00:01:11.980 --> 00:01:15.920
Wow. The President Obama. That's exactly what President Obama said.
25
00:01:15.969 --> 00:01:18.310
I am such a fan and I know exactly when
26
00:01:18.349 --> 00:01:20.370
people become your friend and when they don't. There's all
27
00:01:20.409 --> 00:01:24.510
these clues. There's a lot of clues. There's a lot
28
00:01:24.530 --> 00:01:26.810
of stuff. There's coded language.
29
00:01:26.890 --> 00:01:27.109
Right.
30
00:01:27.189 --> 00:01:27.469
Wow.
31
00:01:27.489 --> 00:01:29.150
There's a lot of secret stuff.
32
00:01:29.209 --> 00:01:31.709
Have you Da Vinci coded this podcast? I have.
33
00:01:32.290 --> 00:01:39.629
Hello and welcome to another episode of Conor O'Brien.
34
00:01:38.689 --> 00:01:59.219
Needs a Friend. I do have some friends, but you
35
00:01:59.260 --> 00:02:02.099
can always use a few more. Who are these friends?
36
00:02:02.120 --> 00:02:04.459
The ones that I really have? Let's not get into that.
37
00:02:04.500 --> 00:02:07.359
Don't dig too deep. I don't know.
38
00:02:07.519 --> 00:02:10.080
People who have friends don't go like, oh, I have
39
00:02:10.120 --> 00:02:10.699
a lot of friends.
40
00:02:10.740 --> 00:02:11.039
I do.
41
00:02:11.219 --> 00:02:14.500
I do what? I have them. Does that give away
42
00:02:14.539 --> 00:02:16.550
the fact that I really don't have real friends? The
43
00:02:16.590 --> 00:02:19.490
fact that I constantly- It only does that. I have friends.
44
00:02:19.990 --> 00:02:22.990
You don't think I have friends? I have lots of friends.
45
00:02:23.530 --> 00:02:26.439
Sir- You got very defensive. Sir, just pay for the
46
00:02:26.490 --> 00:02:28.530
unleaded gas and go. But I do have friends.
47
00:02:29.770 --> 00:02:30.219
Of course I.
48
00:02:30.729 --> 00:02:34.250
Just put the nozzle back and... And I don't use unleaded.
49
00:02:34.289 --> 00:02:35.110
I use premium.
50
00:02:35.210 --> 00:02:38.289
Well, you didn't order that. And I have friends. Ask them. Okay, sir,
51
00:02:38.340 --> 00:02:43.580
who are your friends? I gotta go. That's also the
52
00:02:43.620 --> 00:02:45.639
voice I use when I'm not broadcasting. When I'm not
53
00:02:45.699 --> 00:02:48.699
on television or I'm not doing a podcast or some
54
00:02:48.719 --> 00:02:51.490
kind of personal appearance, this is how I really talk.
55
00:02:51.509 --> 00:02:51.810
Okay.
56
00:02:52.900 --> 00:02:54.699
Which is always a huge shock. People on the street
57
00:02:54.719 --> 00:02:57.580
are always saying, hey, are you Conor O'Brien? That's right.
58
00:02:57.599 --> 00:03:00.699
Bingo, you got it right on the nose.
59
00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:02.030
Oh, oh.
60
00:03:02.319 --> 00:03:04.789
And I go, oh, sorry, hold on a second. Would
61
00:03:04.810 --> 00:03:06.009
this be better for you?
62
00:03:06.650 --> 00:03:07.090
Yeah.
63
00:03:07.389 --> 00:03:11.090
What was that other voice? Oh, that's how I really talk. Well,
64
00:03:11.449 --> 00:03:14.530
gotta go. And then I get on a unicycle and
65
00:03:14.560 --> 00:03:18.680
I have a little horn that goes, bye-bye, ta-ta. And
66
00:03:18.759 --> 00:03:23.960
I drive away. Little window. into my life. Some people
67
00:03:24.020 --> 00:03:28.280
say comedians don't really open up, but I just did.
68
00:03:28.659 --> 00:03:32.210
I just made myself very vulnerable with that story and
69
00:03:32.250 --> 00:03:38.990
told you about the real me. Yeah. Well, I really
70
00:03:39.030 --> 00:03:42.229
brought the tone down. I'm sure there are people that
71
00:03:42.270 --> 00:03:44.110
were listening to the podcast that when I was doing
72
00:03:44.129 --> 00:03:48.169
that bit, where I used that voice, turned down their,
73
00:03:49.129 --> 00:03:52.979
you know, whether it's their phone, or whatever they're listening
74
00:03:53.020 --> 00:03:57.659
to this on, their computer. You couldn't think of anything
75
00:03:57.680 --> 00:03:58.900
other than a bomb. I know, you wanted to say
76
00:03:58.960 --> 00:04:00.120
radio so bad.
77
00:04:00.280 --> 00:04:02.759
Or the television. I feel like he really wanted to
78
00:04:02.800 --> 00:04:03.560
say television.
79
00:04:03.599 --> 00:04:06.539
I did want to say television. And I did want
80
00:04:06.560 --> 00:04:07.360
to say radio.
81
00:04:07.879 --> 00:04:08.240
I did.
82
00:04:08.620 --> 00:04:13.419
But now you've busted me again, because that's also true.
83
00:04:13.580 --> 00:04:17.399
I don't have friends, and I really do wish that
84
00:04:17.459 --> 00:04:20.720
everybody listened to this on a mahogany curb top radio.
85
00:04:22.399 --> 00:04:26.519
And just before I came on, the announcer said, well,
86
00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:30.160
that does it for Little Orphan Annie today. And remember,
87
00:04:30.279 --> 00:04:33.110
use Crisco when you're doing your deep frying. We'll have
88
00:04:33.139 --> 00:04:36.370
a fireside chat with President Franklin Roosevelt in about half
89
00:04:36.410 --> 00:04:39.389
an hour. But until then, Conan O'Brien is coming to
90
00:04:39.470 --> 00:04:43.029
us from his broadcast booth in Los Angeles, Conan. And
91
00:04:43.069 --> 00:04:46.430
that people were huddled around and they were wearing farmer's
92
00:04:46.569 --> 00:04:49.529
bib overalls because they had been working in the fields
93
00:04:49.610 --> 00:04:51.949
all day. trying to avoid the dust from the dust
94
00:04:51.990 --> 00:04:56.269
bowl and just hovered around listening to Conan's soothing tones.
95
00:04:56.930 --> 00:04:59.449
But no, that's not the world I live in. I
96
00:04:59.470 --> 00:05:05.480
live in a world of various downloads. You couldn't even
97
00:05:05.560 --> 00:05:09.680
get that out. Dynamic ad insertions. I don't even know
98
00:05:09.699 --> 00:05:12.319
when they'll say, Conan, it's a dynamic ad insertion.
99
00:05:12.759 --> 00:05:13.139
And I'll say, what?
100
00:05:13.220 --> 00:05:14.870
What do you mean? It's an ad that comes on
101
00:05:15.230 --> 00:05:16.350
when the podcast airs.
102
00:05:16.550 --> 00:05:17.649
The podcast doesn't air.
103
00:05:18.199 --> 00:05:23.009
The podcast exists in the cloud. It's meta. It's everywhere
104
00:05:23.209 --> 00:05:25.350
all the time. And you access it.
105
00:05:25.879 --> 00:05:26.079
What?
106
00:05:26.480 --> 00:05:26.879
No, what?
107
00:05:27.040 --> 00:05:27.360
It's not meta.
108
00:05:27.379 --> 00:05:29.850
Well, what is it? Do you know what the... How
109
00:05:29.870 --> 00:05:32.529
do I explain what the podcast is to my parents?
110
00:05:32.670 --> 00:05:34.670
They don't know. They don't listen to it. My brother
111
00:05:34.709 --> 00:05:37.980
Neil won't listen to it because it doesn't happen on
112
00:05:38.040 --> 00:05:41.759
television or the radio. And I'll say... It's hosted on
113
00:05:41.800 --> 00:05:44.620
a server and downloaded by a user. How's that? Well,
114
00:05:44.639 --> 00:05:47.610
it just sounds like porn. What kind of porn are
115
00:05:47.620 --> 00:05:50.519
you watching? Do you download your porn? Yeah, I download it.
116
00:05:50.529 --> 00:05:52.550
You can stream it. It's so much better.
117
00:05:52.800 --> 00:05:54.300
It's better to stream it than download it.
118
00:05:54.300 --> 00:05:57.189
I wanna make sure that I can save it for later.
119
00:05:57.290 --> 00:06:00.009
So I download it and I have it in, then
120
00:06:00.029 --> 00:06:04.149
I have it burned onto cellophane so that I can- Yeah, wait,
121
00:06:04.170 --> 00:06:07.889
excuse me. So I can- What? Not celluloid? Oh, well,
122
00:06:08.269 --> 00:06:12.149
you know, let me cover quickly for myself. I use
123
00:06:12.180 --> 00:06:15.519
cellophane because celluloid has been proven to be the worst
124
00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:17.500
way to show film.
125
00:06:18.170 --> 00:06:18.430
You know what?
126
00:06:18.490 --> 00:06:20.709
I don't know the word for anything. I don't know
127
00:06:20.730 --> 00:06:22.089
the word for anything anymore.
128
00:06:22.509 --> 00:06:24.750
I promised you did something recently that I would not
129
00:06:24.850 --> 00:06:26.689
let you live down and I have to bring it
130
00:06:26.769 --> 00:06:29.060
up because this will already be out by then. But
131
00:06:29.319 --> 00:06:33.220
we are on a Zoom and the lovely editor, Mars,
132
00:06:33.259 --> 00:06:35.660
who works on the ads for this show. had her
133
00:06:35.720 --> 00:06:39.300
background was from the video game Animal Crossing. And you
134
00:06:39.379 --> 00:06:42.060
in all sincerity went, wow, you have.
135
00:06:41.959 --> 00:06:45.290
A beautiful living room. And it was like pink wood,
136
00:06:45.629 --> 00:06:49.329
like a rabbit living room. Yeah, I'm gonna admit that Mars,
137
00:06:49.370 --> 00:06:51.750
who by the way, shout out to Mars, she's very cool,
138
00:06:51.870 --> 00:06:55.310
does great work for the podcast. And she had this background.
139
00:06:56.009 --> 00:06:59.009
In my defense, it was a small box. There were
140
00:06:59.050 --> 00:07:01.680
many boxes up. So it's not like I was watching
141
00:07:01.699 --> 00:07:04.560
it on a giant screen on this Zoom, but I
142
00:07:04.660 --> 00:07:10.970
complimented her on her lovely, creative, kind of cool Etsy-styled room.
143
00:07:11.689 --> 00:07:15.779
And then it turned out she had to tell me that, no,
144
00:07:16.100 --> 00:07:18.579
this is from, what is it from again? Animal Crossing.
145
00:07:18.600 --> 00:07:19.000
Animal Crossing.
146
00:07:19.019 --> 00:07:21.540
And that- And by the way, just so you know,
147
00:07:21.759 --> 00:07:24.439
this video game is not like a photorealistic video game.
148
00:07:24.480 --> 00:07:27.500
It's like kind of like the Smurfs. No, it really
149
00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:30.560
was if someone had put up as their background, the
150
00:07:30.600 --> 00:07:33.500
living room from the Flintstones. And I said, oh, I
151
00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:39.100
love your rock apartment. I think that's really beautiful. Yeah. So,
152
00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:43.920
and all of you laughed really hard, because ha ha,
153
00:07:43.959 --> 00:07:49.189
Conan's an idiot who doesn't understand how things work. Okay,
154
00:07:49.209 --> 00:07:49.970
I guess we're done then.
155
00:07:54.360 --> 00:07:57.990
Also, you never go, oh, I'm sorry, I was wrong.
156
00:07:58.029 --> 00:08:01.889
You were like, no, that living room looks very real.
157
00:08:01.949 --> 00:08:04.800
And everyone's like, it's a cartoon. And you're like, no, no, no.
158
00:08:04.879 --> 00:08:07.620
But from my perspective, you just couldn't- You go on
159
00:08:07.660 --> 00:08:08.519
to gaslight us.
160
00:08:08.639 --> 00:08:12.959
Yes. I am always, always hoping that I can- get
161
00:08:13.019 --> 00:08:15.550
myself out of trouble if I just keep talking. And
162
00:08:15.629 --> 00:08:19.189
so that is my modus operandi. And so I just
163
00:08:19.209 --> 00:08:22.670
thought if I keep talking, I'll hit upon something that
164
00:08:22.709 --> 00:08:24.949
will make you guys go, oh, I guess that kind
165
00:08:25.009 --> 00:08:26.839
of makes sense. And then I'm in the clear and
166
00:08:26.860 --> 00:08:29.420
then I get to shit on you guys for even
167
00:08:29.519 --> 00:08:33.879
thinking that I was wrong. It's never happened. So, well, anyway,
168
00:08:33.899 --> 00:08:40.049
I said 45 incorrect things about technology. in this improvised
169
00:08:40.210 --> 00:08:44.519
opening to the show. And if you can spot them all,
170
00:08:45.200 --> 00:08:48.759
you'll win a solid Cherrywood VCR.
171
00:08:51.980 --> 00:08:52.600
Solid.
172
00:08:53.860 --> 00:08:57.250
Is there room to put the videotape in?
173
00:08:57.490 --> 00:09:01.070
It's carved out of a solid chunk of cherry wood
174
00:09:01.129 --> 00:09:04.669
by Nick Offerman. And this VCR will be sent your
175
00:09:04.730 --> 00:09:06.480
way through the U.S.
176
00:09:06.600 --> 00:09:06.879
Mail.
177
00:09:11.610 --> 00:09:13.529
All right, let's do this. My guest today is an
178
00:09:13.700 --> 00:09:17.860
Emmy award-winning actress who starred as Claire Dunphy for 11
179
00:09:17.860 --> 00:09:21.039
seasons on the hit ABC series Modern Family. Now she
180
00:09:21.080 --> 00:09:25.980
has a new podcast, Quitters, available wherever you get your podcasts.
181
00:09:26.039 --> 00:09:33.330
I'm very excited. She's with us today. Julie Bowen, welcome.
182
00:09:37.629 --> 00:09:39.240
This podcast, I got to tell you, you guys got
183
00:09:39.279 --> 00:09:41.799
me through the pandemic. I refused to listen for a while, okay?
184
00:09:41.960 --> 00:09:44.340
I was a holdout. I was a holdout. I was
185
00:09:44.360 --> 00:09:45.440
like- That makes sense.
186
00:09:45.559 --> 00:09:46.240
I don't, yeah.
187
00:09:46.440 --> 00:09:47.139
That makes total sense.
188
00:09:47.159 --> 00:09:49.820
Whenever something's really popular, you know, you don't want to
189
00:09:49.840 --> 00:09:51.210
be like, I love Coke.
190
00:09:51.250 --> 00:09:52.889
I love Coca-Cola. It's so amazing.
191
00:09:53.269 --> 00:09:56.629
So I listened to this throughout the podcast while riding
192
00:09:56.669 --> 00:09:59.409
my bike up and down the Hollywood Hills because there
193
00:09:59.450 --> 00:09:59.970
was nothing else.
194
00:10:00.080 --> 00:10:00.429
To do.
195
00:10:01.200 --> 00:10:02.820
And I would listen to you guys go, oh, do
196
00:10:02.840 --> 00:10:05.009
you think someone's watching this when they're working out? Oh,
197
00:10:05.039 --> 00:10:07.419
dear God, I hope not. Oh, God, I hope they're
198
00:10:07.460 --> 00:10:09.899
not in the gym. And I'm like, I'm on my bike, Conan.
199
00:10:09.919 --> 00:10:12.080
Can you hear me? We could hear you, actually.
200
00:10:13.820 --> 00:10:16.039
I don't understand how that's possible, but the technology has
201
00:10:16.059 --> 00:10:19.120
gotten so good that we would hear you, and we
202
00:10:19.159 --> 00:10:21.460
could kind of tell this is a steep hill.
203
00:10:22.840 --> 00:10:23.559
She's huffing.
204
00:10:23.639 --> 00:10:27.259
Yeah, she's on the bird street. She's climbed like 3,000 feet.
205
00:10:27.299 --> 00:10:30.320
This is incredible. Oh, my glutes.
206
00:10:31.740 --> 00:10:34.639
I would seriously get so excited, though, because I would
207
00:10:34.679 --> 00:10:37.210
go out for the entirety of however long the podcast was,
208
00:10:37.269 --> 00:10:39.149
and then I would even listen to the ads.
209
00:10:39.970 --> 00:10:40.669
Oh, there you go.
210
00:10:40.690 --> 00:10:42.149
Because I get really excited when they change.
211
00:10:42.419 --> 00:10:43.019
Yeah.
212
00:10:43.059 --> 00:10:47.720
I get super excited. And I got so into Sona
213
00:10:47.779 --> 00:10:48.120
and Matt.
214
00:10:48.179 --> 00:10:48.639
I'm sorry.
215
00:10:48.659 --> 00:10:51.830
No, no, but that's the whole... Listen, I can handle that.
216
00:10:52.049 --> 00:10:58.730
I think I'm not an egomaniacal monster. Sona. I think
217
00:10:58.809 --> 00:11:01.360
one of the things that helps the podcast work is
218
00:11:01.399 --> 00:11:04.320
that we are a parfait. I might be.
219
00:11:06.990 --> 00:11:09.940
There are many levels here. There are at least three
220
00:11:10.019 --> 00:11:11.899
levels of creamy goodness.
221
00:11:12.179 --> 00:11:14.379
But they don't mix in a parfait, do they? They
222
00:11:14.419 --> 00:11:15.120
kind of, you just.
223
00:11:15.159 --> 00:11:17.139
We don't mix really that well. That's true.
224
00:11:17.159 --> 00:11:18.220
That is pretty accurate.
225
00:11:18.299 --> 00:11:22.149
I am a layer of like granola and then- You're
226
00:11:22.210 --> 00:11:22.669
the base.
227
00:11:22.710 --> 00:11:23.470
You're the yogurt.
228
00:11:23.669 --> 00:11:26.789
Okay. I'm the yogurt. Sure. But a high quality yogurt.
229
00:11:27.269 --> 00:11:31.629
Like a full fat Greek? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your
230
00:11:31.710 --> 00:11:33.580
real full fat Greek yogurt.
231
00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:35.700
Yeah. You're my big fat Greek yogurt.
232
00:11:35.720 --> 00:11:35.919
Yeah.
233
00:11:36.360 --> 00:11:39.419
What does that make Gourley? Gourley, I want to say,
234
00:11:39.600 --> 00:11:45.220
is this... like a cyberry. Something tangy. Yeah, that's become
235
00:11:45.259 --> 00:11:49.529
very trendy. And people say it's good for you, but
236
00:11:49.549 --> 00:11:50.970
it will be found out in a couple of years
237
00:11:50.990 --> 00:11:53.309
that it's really not good for you.
238
00:11:53.350 --> 00:11:53.929
Like cigarettes.
239
00:11:53.970 --> 00:11:56.850
Yeah, exactly. And that it has no- Oh, you mean cool?
240
00:11:56.889 --> 00:12:02.120
It has no nutrients. It actually robs nutrients from your body.
241
00:12:02.129 --> 00:12:06.379
It leaches them. But then, Sona, you are the whipped topping.
242
00:12:06.539 --> 00:12:07.259
I'm gonna say that.
243
00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:07.879
Okay.
244
00:12:07.980 --> 00:12:12.799
Not substantial, but everyone loves you. That's very nice. You're
245
00:12:12.840 --> 00:12:15.620
the part they save for last, and then they take
246
00:12:15.679 --> 00:12:18.700
that big dollop of whipped fun at the top of
247
00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:19.299
the parfait.
248
00:12:19.419 --> 00:12:20.139
Okay, cool.
249
00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:22.279
So I am the base. I'll take it. I provide
250
00:12:22.350 --> 00:12:26.460
most of the nutrients and, of course, important fats. And
251
00:12:26.500 --> 00:12:29.490
all that good dairy protein. Matt, nothing.
252
00:12:29.899 --> 00:12:30.259
And then.
253
00:12:30.279 --> 00:12:33.289
Matt, nothing.
254
00:12:33.490 --> 00:12:36.830
Matt, it crushed cigarette in the middle of your parfait.
255
00:12:37.330 --> 00:12:39.590
Can I start my own parfait? I want out of
256
00:12:39.610 --> 00:12:40.809
this one.
257
00:12:41.129 --> 00:12:43.789
Well, I was listening and I was listening intently and
258
00:12:43.830 --> 00:12:46.529
I loved it so much that I got hit by
259
00:12:46.570 --> 00:12:46.830
a truck.
260
00:12:47.629 --> 00:12:47.710
What?
261
00:12:47.789 --> 00:12:49.169
That's right. What are you talking about?
262
00:12:49.230 --> 00:12:52.870
So look, you can't... I know this is a visual medium, right?
263
00:12:53.370 --> 00:12:53.659
This is.
264
00:12:53.970 --> 00:12:54.529
It's audio.
265
00:12:54.850 --> 00:12:55.250
But I mean.
266
00:12:55.759 --> 00:12:57.159
This and these two fingers.
267
00:12:57.240 --> 00:12:57.820
Oh, my God.
268
00:12:57.899 --> 00:12:59.450
All these three fingers, they're all broken.
269
00:12:59.470 --> 00:13:04.710
They aren't usually as crone-like and like a bird's hands.
270
00:13:04.809 --> 00:13:07.970
But these are broken because I was listening and laughing
271
00:13:08.110 --> 00:13:09.090
and I got hit by a truck.
272
00:13:09.129 --> 00:13:09.370
Oh, my.
273
00:13:09.470 --> 00:13:12.820
Or were you– I mean, your hands were hurt. Any
274
00:13:12.889 --> 00:13:15.039
other injuries? The rest of me was fine.
275
00:13:15.059 --> 00:13:16.600
I mean, clearly I'm not well in the head to
276
00:13:16.639 --> 00:13:20.279
begin with. So there wasn't much they could do. And
277
00:13:20.600 --> 00:13:23.620
I'm the idiot. I know that you famously walk around
278
00:13:23.679 --> 00:13:28.220
Los Angeles in sort of like full– Lance Armstrong circa
279
00:13:28.220 --> 00:13:31.179
2000 gear, right?
280
00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:34.000
I walk around LA and- Don't you clack into, I
281
00:13:34.039 --> 00:13:35.960
feel like I've been somewhere and seen you clack, clack,
282
00:13:36.000 --> 00:13:36.940
clack in somewhere.
283
00:13:36.980 --> 00:13:39.220
Years ago, I would wear that stuff because I was
284
00:13:39.320 --> 00:13:42.320
biking with friends who were super intense bikers and they
285
00:13:42.340 --> 00:13:44.639
would all do that. And then at some point, I
286
00:13:44.679 --> 00:13:48.070
think it's been like eight years, I said, I don't
287
00:13:48.110 --> 00:13:51.289
want to dress like a spaceman to go ride a bike.
288
00:13:51.789 --> 00:13:55.509
And so I totally started riding with a different friend, Brad,
289
00:13:56.159 --> 00:13:59.139
And he showed me the real way that I prefer
290
00:13:59.620 --> 00:14:02.279
which is I wear shorts, I wear a t-shirt, and
291
00:14:02.320 --> 00:14:06.639
I wear like some long sleeve. It looks like I'm
292
00:14:06.659 --> 00:14:07.679
a roadie in a band now.
293
00:14:07.840 --> 00:14:08.899
And you wear a brain bucket.
294
00:14:09.159 --> 00:14:10.799
You wear a helmet. You have to wear a helmet.
295
00:14:10.840 --> 00:14:13.100
Did not wear one when hit by a truck.
296
00:14:13.419 --> 00:14:15.070
No, that's bad. That's very bad.
297
00:14:15.179 --> 00:14:17.659
I know it's bad. So you guys owe me something.
298
00:14:17.779 --> 00:14:18.200
Yeah.
299
00:14:18.299 --> 00:14:21.120
So be nice. Be nice because I'm like.
300
00:14:21.139 --> 00:14:23.490
This is my fault, yes. I'm listening for all.
301
00:14:23.379 --> 00:14:25.509
The coded clues about whether or not you're going.
302
00:14:25.330 --> 00:14:26.190
To like me.
303
00:14:26.509 --> 00:14:26.830
Yeah.
304
00:14:27.350 --> 00:14:30.169
Well, we've hung out before, by the way, because you're
305
00:14:30.230 --> 00:14:33.049
friends with one of my neighbors. And I remember going
306
00:14:33.149 --> 00:14:36.990
over to the neighbor's house once and you were hanging
307
00:14:37.009 --> 00:14:38.909
there and we had a lovely time hanging out.
308
00:14:39.009 --> 00:14:41.269
And then I ran away because I was terrified.
309
00:14:41.850 --> 00:14:42.590
Terrified of?
310
00:14:42.730 --> 00:14:42.990
You.
311
00:14:43.429 --> 00:14:45.769
She said one day, come over. We're just going to
312
00:14:45.809 --> 00:14:48.009
hang out. We're having a pool thing. And I said,
313
00:14:48.049 --> 00:14:50.830
is Conan going to be there? And she said, yeah.
314
00:14:50.850 --> 00:14:52.230
And I go, well, then I can't wear my friends
315
00:14:52.269 --> 00:14:55.950
and family bikini because like I've given birth to twins
316
00:14:56.149 --> 00:15:00.070
and another child and I could not, I hold you
317
00:15:00.110 --> 00:15:01.149
in high regard.
318
00:15:01.370 --> 00:15:04.230
That's very nice. I don't understand how this relates to.
319
00:15:05.409 --> 00:15:06.529
How, why I like you?
320
00:15:06.669 --> 00:15:07.129
No, no, no.
321
00:15:07.230 --> 00:15:09.669
I mean, I don't understand why.
322
00:15:09.690 --> 00:15:10.490
Why I run away.
323
00:15:10.730 --> 00:15:15.970
Why you are a very attractive person. And yeah, I didn't,
324
00:15:16.600 --> 00:15:18.289
that would never enter my mind that you would be
325
00:15:18.389 --> 00:15:21.879
worried about. I can't wear this bikini around Conan.
326
00:15:22.019 --> 00:15:22.460
Oh, yes.
327
00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:25.240
Oh, definitely. Sona, how do you feel about your body
328
00:15:25.279 --> 00:15:28.240
after babies? Not the best. I'm not going to lie.
329
00:15:28.299 --> 00:15:31.000
I'm trying to get back there, but it's taking a while.
330
00:15:31.019 --> 00:15:34.100
The boobs are probably working. They can't discuss this. Gourley
331
00:15:34.320 --> 00:15:36.519
and Conan cannot even chime in.
332
00:15:36.519 --> 00:15:39.240
Gourley was about to jump in and start talking. I
333
00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:40.860
saved you. You're welcome.
334
00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:41.740
Thank you.
335
00:15:41.860 --> 00:15:44.080
I'm still open to talking about my breasts, but I
336
00:15:44.120 --> 00:15:44.799
won't force you.
337
00:15:44.820 --> 00:15:47.580
Gorley is lactating. He has a child recently. You know,
338
00:15:47.620 --> 00:15:48.919
he's got a newborn. Gorley.
339
00:15:49.019 --> 00:15:49.279
I know.
340
00:15:49.340 --> 00:15:51.659
It's just not as exciting as twins. I'm sorry, Gorley.
341
00:15:51.720 --> 00:15:52.259
It's okay.
342
00:15:52.320 --> 00:15:53.970
I understand. It's half as exciting.
343
00:15:53.990 --> 00:15:55.730
And it's not your first child, right?
344
00:15:55.750 --> 00:15:56.769
It is my first child.
345
00:15:56.789 --> 00:15:57.629
Oh, it is your first.
346
00:15:57.669 --> 00:15:57.929
Yeah.
347
00:15:58.049 --> 00:15:59.809
It kind of got swept under the carpet.
348
00:16:00.279 --> 00:16:00.909
With all the excitement.
349
00:16:00.970 --> 00:16:04.529
Well, I think what happened was because, I mean, look, Gorley,
350
00:16:04.549 --> 00:16:08.190
that's a hard act to follow. Sona had twins and
351
00:16:08.230 --> 00:16:10.269
then you were like, hey, look at me. We had
352
00:16:10.289 --> 00:16:12.279
one child. It's the best I could do. And every,
353
00:16:12.299 --> 00:16:15.279
you know, I think everyone listening to the podcast was like, boo,
354
00:16:15.700 --> 00:16:17.039
why not three? Why not four?
355
00:16:17.059 --> 00:16:17.360
Boo!
356
00:16:17.379 --> 00:16:18.720
You hack.
357
00:16:18.820 --> 00:16:23.370
And I think that's terrible that people reacted that way. But, yeah, Sona,
358
00:16:23.490 --> 00:16:25.909
you guys should bond about this because you've had twins
359
00:16:26.269 --> 00:16:27.070
and you've had twins.
360
00:16:27.250 --> 00:16:29.710
I have had twins. But also, Gorley, just I have
361
00:16:29.750 --> 00:16:30.210
to say.
362
00:16:30.169 --> 00:16:35.600
Your contribution I'm sure will be grand throughout this child's life.
363
00:16:35.620 --> 00:16:37.700
It was nothing on the outset.
364
00:16:37.740 --> 00:16:39.200
Like you'd have to bear the child.
365
00:16:39.220 --> 00:16:40.799
You didn't have to destroy the body.
366
00:16:41.159 --> 00:16:42.000
Completely acknowledged that.
367
00:16:42.019 --> 00:16:44.149
You don't have a Nikki Glaser vagina now.
368
00:16:44.169 --> 00:16:44.230
No.
369
00:16:45.419 --> 00:16:49.460
No, mine's more of a Lisa Lampanelli. I love that
370
00:16:49.519 --> 00:16:53.340
reference to Nikki Glaser who made me laugh so hard
371
00:16:53.379 --> 00:16:55.620
because she was on the late night show once and
372
00:16:55.639 --> 00:16:59.279
said that, what did she say? She said- I remember.
373
00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:01.659
She said her vagina was a hastily packed suitcase.
374
00:17:01.679 --> 00:17:03.139
A hastily packed suitcase.
375
00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:08.400
And that, I remember thinking to myself, dear God, it's time.
376
00:17:08.420 --> 00:17:12.069
And for the first time after having twins, taking my
377
00:17:12.109 --> 00:17:15.089
clothing off alone and walking towards the mirror and going, oh!
378
00:17:16.069 --> 00:17:17.750
No, she's right.
379
00:17:17.829 --> 00:17:19.009
It's a shirt tail.
380
00:17:19.029 --> 00:17:24.880
It's not okay.
381
00:17:25.460 --> 00:17:28.900
I didn't want to admit it to myself or others.
382
00:17:28.980 --> 00:17:30.420
And then Nikki just said it.
383
00:17:30.819 --> 00:17:31.079
Right.
384
00:17:31.099 --> 00:17:31.799
She just said it.
385
00:17:31.940 --> 00:17:32.660
Yeah.
386
00:17:32.740 --> 00:17:33.500
And there I was.
387
00:17:33.799 --> 00:17:36.920
I know, it's rough. I mean, although I didn't, I
388
00:17:37.000 --> 00:17:40.809
got a C-section. So I can't really- Her children, her
389
00:17:40.829 --> 00:17:42.670
babies walked out. Yeah, they did.
390
00:17:42.750 --> 00:17:44.180
They were crawling out.
391
00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:46.420
They walked out fully clothed.
392
00:17:46.460 --> 00:17:47.799
Did you schedule a C-section?
393
00:17:47.880 --> 00:17:48.220
I did.
394
00:17:48.269 --> 00:17:50.630
I had to because of my age and- Here's the
395
00:17:50.650 --> 00:17:51.049
creepy part.
396
00:17:51.069 --> 00:17:54.390
How big they were. I scheduled a C-section. For her? Yeah,
397
00:17:54.490 --> 00:17:58.150
for her to work around the podcast schedule. And the
398
00:17:58.190 --> 00:18:00.799
doctor said, I don't think this is actually the good time.
399
00:18:00.819 --> 00:18:03.059
I don't think they're ready. And I was like, hey,
400
00:18:03.099 --> 00:18:04.619
this is what's happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
401
00:18:04.680 --> 00:18:07.079
Coden had a conversation with my gyno and was like,
402
00:18:07.180 --> 00:18:08.740
we need it to happen now.
403
00:18:08.900 --> 00:18:14.720
Yeah, and then I assisted, which I thought was completely- Inappropriate. Inappropriate,
404
00:18:14.809 --> 00:18:16.250
and I didn't know what I was doing.
405
00:18:16.349 --> 00:18:18.630
No, all of the doctors involved lost their licenses.
406
00:18:18.650 --> 00:18:19.109
Yeah, yeah.
407
00:18:19.309 --> 00:18:21.529
To allow you into the OR. I would love to
408
00:18:21.589 --> 00:18:21.829
see that.
409
00:18:21.849 --> 00:18:24.789
I didn't wash up. I didn't wear gloves.
410
00:18:24.809 --> 00:18:26.130
Washings for weaklings.
411
00:18:26.190 --> 00:18:29.799
I just thought, oh, everyone's being a baby. He left
412
00:18:29.880 --> 00:18:33.039
a watch in there. I left, well, first of all.
413
00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:37.829
And guess what? I want it back. Because that is a.
414
00:18:37.849 --> 00:18:40.299
You're just gonna have to birth at that.
415
00:18:40.319 --> 00:18:43.099
That'll birth. That is a really, that Timex means a
416
00:18:43.119 --> 00:18:45.859
lot to me and I want that fucker back. So
417
00:18:46.220 --> 00:18:48.799
I've scheduled another C-section to go back in and get-
418
00:18:48.920 --> 00:18:50.720
And get it out again? What was, I think when
419
00:18:50.759 --> 00:18:53.420
I got it in 1989, a $ 35 Timex. Okay.
420
00:18:54.180 --> 00:18:55.740
But now it's an heirloom.
421
00:18:56.420 --> 00:18:58.779
Now we can sell it as an NFT or whatever
422
00:18:58.799 --> 00:18:59.119
it's called.
423
00:19:00.220 --> 00:19:02.579
No, we can't. Non-fungible thing.
424
00:19:02.599 --> 00:19:04.940
Oh, right. It is fungible. I don't even know what
425
00:19:04.960 --> 00:19:05.589
I'm talking about.
426
00:19:05.609 --> 00:19:09.589
Well, you joke about making her get a, I think,
427
00:19:09.670 --> 00:19:12.089
I hope you joke about making her get a C-section.
428
00:19:13.309 --> 00:19:17.089
Yes, I am. For our listeners, that was me. And
429
00:19:17.109 --> 00:19:18.960
for the legal department. And for the legal department, that
430
00:19:19.000 --> 00:19:21.720
was me. All in good fun. You know how I
431
00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:29.349
like to joke about forcing women to have invasive surgery? Oh,
432
00:19:29.390 --> 00:19:31.099
that's just one of my many riffs.
433
00:19:31.740 --> 00:19:36.019
My now ex-husband heard me mumbling about wanting one more
434
00:19:36.079 --> 00:19:38.910
kid after we had had twins. Because I thought, after
435
00:19:38.930 --> 00:19:40.349
you have twins, I thought I could do one more
436
00:19:40.369 --> 00:19:41.490
with my eyes closed, right?
437
00:19:41.509 --> 00:19:42.269
It would be so easy.
438
00:19:42.670 --> 00:19:46.230
So he immediately scheduled a vasectomy, as one does.
439
00:19:47.220 --> 00:19:49.940
And I went with him to the appointment to get
440
00:19:49.980 --> 00:19:53.079
the information and they gave us some pamphlet that described
441
00:19:53.220 --> 00:19:55.460
all the like what to expect. And there's all these
442
00:19:55.529 --> 00:19:59.769
drawings like out of this, like a 1960s textbook in school.
443
00:20:00.230 --> 00:20:03.369
And there's a woman standing there that first of all,
444
00:20:03.390 --> 00:20:06.619
the doctor says, We like to do this on a
445
00:20:06.940 --> 00:20:10.980
Thursday afternoon, Friday morning. Have you back at work Monday?
446
00:20:11.700 --> 00:20:14.460
And I was like, hell no, we're doing this. I
447
00:20:14.500 --> 00:20:17.740
need him up and running on the weekend. We got
448
00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:19.849
coverage during the week. Hell no, we're doing this on
449
00:20:19.869 --> 00:20:22.990
a Tuesday. I need that fucker up and running by Friday.
450
00:20:23.130 --> 00:20:25.210
So you referred to your ex- As.
451
00:20:25.130 --> 00:20:27.230
That fucker at the time with love.
452
00:20:27.250 --> 00:20:29.529
At the time, right, right, right. Could be a clue.
453
00:20:29.890 --> 00:20:30.029
Yeah.
454
00:20:31.170 --> 00:20:33.849
So what went wrong in the marriage? Hey, fucker.
455
00:20:34.049 --> 00:20:34.250
Hey.
456
00:20:34.450 --> 00:20:35.470
Happy Valentine's Day.
457
00:20:35.609 --> 00:20:38.390
There was a lot wrong with me. He's so nice.
458
00:20:38.410 --> 00:20:39.910
I don't know why he put up with me. But
459
00:20:39.930 --> 00:20:42.349
they give us this pamphlet that says like what to expect.
460
00:20:42.849 --> 00:20:43.549
If you get a vasectomy.
461
00:20:43.589 --> 00:20:44.329
If you get a vasectomy.
462
00:20:44.390 --> 00:20:47.589
And there's a woman sort of like leaning over with
463
00:20:47.630 --> 00:20:50.670
a tray of potato skins as her husband sits in
464
00:20:50.710 --> 00:20:53.210
a Barca lounger, all drawn, you know, that sort of
465
00:20:53.450 --> 00:20:56.799
with like ferns and like patio doors going out to
466
00:20:56.839 --> 00:21:00.029
a pool. And he's watching the game and he's got
467
00:21:00.490 --> 00:21:03.470
some frozen peas on his crotch and she's serving him
468
00:21:03.490 --> 00:21:06.730
potato skins. And I said, we do not fucking need this.
469
00:21:06.809 --> 00:21:08.390
And I ripped it up and I threw it out.
470
00:21:08.410 --> 00:21:12.420
I was like, you're going to be fine. I gave
471
00:21:12.460 --> 00:21:14.940
birth to twins. You're going to be great. Up and
472
00:21:15.019 --> 00:21:15.259
at him.
473
00:21:15.779 --> 00:21:17.619
So he had the vasectomy.
474
00:21:17.799 --> 00:21:20.430
Without the benefit of the pamphlet.
475
00:21:21.470 --> 00:21:22.549
And he said to me.
476
00:21:24.009 --> 00:21:28.359
I pick him up afterwards. He's gray-faced. This poor man.
477
00:21:28.480 --> 00:21:29.329
Why did he put up with me?
478
00:21:29.359 --> 00:21:29.569
He goes.
479
00:21:31.279 --> 00:21:32.359
Just drive and I.
480
00:21:32.319 --> 00:21:34.980
Said what happened in there he goes just drive and
481
00:21:35.019 --> 00:21:37.160
he's doubled over I said what happened he goes should
482
00:21:37.180 --> 00:21:41.039
have read the pamphlet and I said what did we
483
00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:44.099
miss and he was like I was supposed to shave
484
00:21:44.599 --> 00:21:45.990
and I was like oh no oh.
485
00:21:45.940 --> 00:21:48.910
No oh you're supposed to shave down there apparently I
486
00:21:48.900 --> 00:21:51.309
didn't know that why I don't.
487
00:21:51.369 --> 00:21:53.250
I was not allowed in the room that is his
488
00:21:53.309 --> 00:21:55.049
story to tell I realize I've told 99% of him
489
00:21:55.150 --> 00:21:57.609
but that 1% is.
490
00:21:57.150 --> 00:21:58.950
His that's the kind of thing where I would fuck
491
00:21:59.029 --> 00:22:02.849
up and go to the barber Oh, no. Yeah, and
492
00:22:02.890 --> 00:22:05.089
I would just think like, no, no, no, not up here,
493
00:22:05.150 --> 00:22:07.970
down here. And it would be like this sort of
494
00:22:08.269 --> 00:22:11.029
stereotypical Italian barber who's like, what are you talking about?
495
00:22:11.890 --> 00:22:12.630
Come on.
496
00:22:12.650 --> 00:22:14.109
He's got a hot towel.
497
00:22:14.130 --> 00:22:17.079
It's the same principle, yeah, hot towel. And he's got
498
00:22:17.119 --> 00:22:20.380
the blade. And other people are coming in and I'm saying, yeah,
499
00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:23.359
so anyway, big game this weekend. And I've got my
500
00:22:23.420 --> 00:22:24.339
legs in stirrups.
501
00:22:24.359 --> 00:22:24.779
Your legs up.
502
00:22:26.339 --> 00:22:27.900
I know I like this stuff.
503
00:22:29.009 --> 00:22:32.009
What if he spins the chair away from the door, though,
504
00:22:32.049 --> 00:22:33.470
and you know you're going to get murdered?
505
00:22:34.980 --> 00:22:38.160
They're here to murder your balls. My God, why did
506
00:22:38.200 --> 00:22:41.119
he do it, though? I don't understand why he... Why
507
00:22:41.160 --> 00:22:44.660
he got a vasectomy? No, why the barber shaved your balls.
508
00:22:44.720 --> 00:22:46.700
Oh, in that scenario, he did it because I'm a
509
00:22:46.740 --> 00:22:47.400
good tipper.
510
00:22:48.079 --> 00:22:48.900
Exactly.
511
00:22:48.920 --> 00:22:50.789
Yeah, and I sat and I waited my turn, and
512
00:22:50.829 --> 00:22:52.720
I read the magazine like everyone else, and then it
513
00:22:52.740 --> 00:22:54.529
was my turn, and I took my pants off, and
514
00:22:54.549 --> 00:22:56.470
he went, what do you do? And he went, well,
515
00:22:56.849 --> 00:23:00.130
you know, it's the same principle. Not every day you
516
00:23:00.170 --> 00:23:01.250
meet an Irish legend.
517
00:23:01.470 --> 00:23:02.710
I know what you mean, Coo Collin.
518
00:23:02.990 --> 00:23:06.089
Leaping vast distances, holding off armies.
519
00:23:06.230 --> 00:23:08.349
Eating tonnes of fresh grass.
520
00:23:08.509 --> 00:23:08.769
What?
521
00:23:08.950 --> 00:23:12.039
Not you or cows. That's one of the reasons Irish
522
00:23:12.079 --> 00:23:15.700
milk is so good. It's famous all over the world.
523
00:23:16.039 --> 00:23:17.599
Legendary.
524
00:23:18.099 --> 00:23:21.180
Ireland's grass and our farmers' commitment to more sustainable actions
525
00:23:21.460 --> 00:23:25.000
help make Irish dairy a true Irish legend. Always look
526
00:23:25.019 --> 00:23:26.869
for the National Dairy Council guarantee.
527
00:23:27.029 --> 00:23:29.089
Learn more at ndc.ie.
528
00:23:29.349 --> 00:23:33.480
Reckon we'll need a fleet of about 50 vehicles next quarter. Oh,
529
00:23:33.880 --> 00:23:35.849
one of our suppliers just pulled out of the market.
530
00:23:36.289 --> 00:23:40.480
Ten should do the job. Nice, just won a new contract.
531
00:23:40.799 --> 00:23:41.359
Make that 100, vehicles.
532
00:23:43.589 --> 00:23:45.960
Why tie up your valuable capital? Whether you need a
533
00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:48.559
car or van rental for two hours or two years,
534
00:23:48.839 --> 00:23:51.380
Europe Car offers total flexibility for you to get the
535
00:23:51.420 --> 00:23:54.069
job done. No matter what the job is, simply pay
536
00:23:54.109 --> 00:23:56.690
as you go. Search Europe Car Business to get moving.
537
00:23:56.990 --> 00:23:59.170
Europe Car, moving your business your way.
538
00:23:59.349 --> 00:24:01.210
Did you always want to become a teacher?
539
00:24:01.390 --> 00:24:02.529
For as long as I can remember.
540
00:24:02.650 --> 00:24:04.539
Bad Apples, starring Saoirse Ronan.
541
00:24:04.619 --> 00:24:05.019
Danny!
542
00:24:05.299 --> 00:24:05.500
Shut up!
543
00:24:06.700 --> 00:24:07.400
Oh!
544
00:24:07.420 --> 00:24:08.799
He pushed a girl down the stairs.
545
00:24:08.819 --> 00:24:10.619
I'm going to tell everyone you attacked me.
546
00:24:10.660 --> 00:24:11.119
Let me go!
547
00:24:11.140 --> 00:24:11.700
I hate you!
548
00:24:11.819 --> 00:24:12.880
Investigations continue into.
549
00:24:12.819 --> 00:24:13.980
The disappearance of Danny Carter.
550
00:24:14.019 --> 00:24:15.799
You're never letting me go, are you? Is anyone feeling
551
00:24:15.819 --> 00:24:16.200
sad or anxious?
552
00:24:16.220 --> 00:24:16.279
No?
553
00:24:16.279 --> 00:24:16.839
All right.
554
00:24:35.319 --> 00:24:37.539
This is, first of all, no one's ever come in
555
00:24:37.559 --> 00:24:38.700
a guns a blazing.
556
00:24:38.859 --> 00:24:39.200
What?
557
00:24:39.279 --> 00:24:41.480
Like Julie Bowen. I love it. Nobody has ever come in.
558
00:24:41.480 --> 00:24:42.160
Are you kidding me?
559
00:24:42.220 --> 00:24:45.440
This is like, I was doing like pump up laps
560
00:24:45.619 --> 00:24:46.180
in my house.
561
00:24:46.200 --> 00:24:47.819
Like, you got this. You got this.
562
00:24:47.859 --> 00:24:50.960
Like a 14 year old boy before the big game.
563
00:24:51.640 --> 00:24:53.839
And I was so nervous because.
564
00:24:54.200 --> 00:24:54.269
Why?
565
00:24:54.380 --> 00:24:54.859
It's us.
566
00:24:55.299 --> 00:24:57.539
No, because I've listened to you way too much.
567
00:24:57.940 --> 00:24:58.559
I've listened to you.
568
00:24:58.789 --> 00:25:01.150
And like I said, I feel like I've got the code.
569
00:25:01.410 --> 00:25:04.079
And so, although I am losing track of it right now.
570
00:25:04.089 --> 00:25:06.059
I'm not sure there is a code. I honestly don't
571
00:25:06.099 --> 00:25:09.960
think there is. I think, but not an intentional code anyway.
572
00:25:10.180 --> 00:25:11.990
I don't, Pay attention that much.
573
00:25:12.390 --> 00:25:12.630
I know.
574
00:25:12.769 --> 00:25:13.190
We all know.
575
00:25:13.349 --> 00:25:15.529
I zone out often. That is your MO. That has
576
00:25:15.569 --> 00:25:17.710
always been your MO, has you zone out.
577
00:25:17.750 --> 00:25:20.730
Sona, why do you put up with this? He puts
578
00:25:20.789 --> 00:25:23.049
up with a lot, too. But are you really as
579
00:25:23.210 --> 00:25:25.549
terrible an employee as they make you out to be?
580
00:25:25.569 --> 00:25:26.210
No!
581
00:25:26.269 --> 00:25:27.769
I mean, they make you out to be like somebody
582
00:25:27.789 --> 00:25:28.049
who's like.
583
00:25:28.589 --> 00:25:31.759
starts to make an airline reservation and kind of gets
584
00:25:31.819 --> 00:25:33.980
through one half of the ticket.
585
00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:35.099
I mean, I have done that.
586
00:25:36.039 --> 00:25:39.289
You cannot... You know what? I'm going to say this
587
00:25:39.730 --> 00:25:42.549
in Sona's defense. You probably don't want to go down
588
00:25:42.589 --> 00:25:46.789
this path because... And listen, I say this with love.
589
00:25:46.829 --> 00:25:49.769
I am quite... Sona's got a book that's coming out
590
00:25:50.369 --> 00:25:51.710
called World's Worst Assistant.
591
00:25:51.750 --> 00:25:52.210
I do.
592
00:25:52.269 --> 00:25:55.329
That she wrote that's really good. And I wrote the foreword.
593
00:25:55.670 --> 00:25:59.210
And I'm quite honest in the foreword, I believe.
594
00:25:59.259 --> 00:25:59.500
Yes.
595
00:26:00.740 --> 00:26:02.779
But one of the things I go out of my
596
00:26:02.819 --> 00:26:06.640
way to say is that I really... I love Sona,
597
00:26:07.220 --> 00:26:11.529
we are besties, but some of the shit she has pulled,
598
00:26:11.720 --> 00:26:14.440
oh yeah, no, I mean- Who pals? You know what's interesting?
599
00:26:14.940 --> 00:26:17.690
My wife has pointed out to me that I, she's
600
00:26:17.890 --> 00:26:20.509
never seen me, the minute Sona had these twins and
601
00:26:20.529 --> 00:26:24.029
I started getting pictures, I stop everybody and make them
602
00:26:24.049 --> 00:26:26.309
look at pictures of her kids and she said- Charlie
603
00:26:26.329 --> 00:26:28.230
and Mikey. Yeah, and she said, you didn't do this
604
00:26:28.269 --> 00:26:30.670
with our kids. And you still don't do it with
605
00:26:30.730 --> 00:26:33.289
our kids. I'm like, ah, kids, look at these guys.
606
00:26:33.349 --> 00:26:35.009
I mean, I'm going to say he's going to be
607
00:26:35.029 --> 00:26:36.329
the godfather to my boys.
608
00:26:36.450 --> 00:26:37.390
Yeah. To both?
609
00:26:37.410 --> 00:26:40.089
That's how, yeah, that's how we're very close. He's going
610
00:26:40.130 --> 00:26:41.970
to be. Has he been told this? Is this, am
611
00:26:42.049 --> 00:26:44.210
I in on like the big reveal? Oh, by the way,
612
00:26:44.230 --> 00:26:44.799
can you do it?
613
00:26:44.910 --> 00:26:45.089
No.
614
00:26:45.650 --> 00:26:46.009
No.
615
00:26:46.269 --> 00:26:49.390
Pretty busy. No, I haven't done it yet.
616
00:26:49.630 --> 00:26:52.990
No, no. No, they asked me, I came over and
617
00:26:53.009 --> 00:26:55.390
you and Tack asked me to do it. And it
618
00:26:55.430 --> 00:26:58.420
was really funny because it was very subtle, but. Her husband, Tack,
619
00:26:58.440 --> 00:27:01.400
who's a very funny guy, he had music playing in
620
00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:03.009
the background. And then they said they wanted to talk
621
00:27:03.029 --> 00:27:06.049
to me about something. And then he quietly, I don't
622
00:27:06.069 --> 00:27:07.849
know if with a remote control or something, but he
623
00:27:07.930 --> 00:27:09.730
switched the song. And it was just playing kind of
624
00:27:09.750 --> 00:27:11.789
quietly in the background. But he started playing, as he
625
00:27:11.809 --> 00:27:13.890
was asking me, as they were both asking me, the
626
00:27:13.910 --> 00:27:14.609
Godfather theme.
627
00:27:14.690 --> 00:27:15.609
I was going to go.
628
00:27:15.670 --> 00:27:18.779
I love it. And so he's talking. And it's so-
629
00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:22.700
You come to me. Yeah. But it was so subliminal.
630
00:27:22.759 --> 00:27:25.099
It was at this kind of low level. And then
631
00:27:25.160 --> 00:27:29.890
I heard like the- But it's subliminal. And then they're like,
632
00:27:29.930 --> 00:27:32.230
we want to ask you something. And then they, it
633
00:27:32.250 --> 00:27:35.210
was really, it was really funny. It was cute. It
634
00:27:35.250 --> 00:27:39.599
was very funny. But I think your awe and excitement
635
00:27:39.680 --> 00:27:41.279
to be here is misplaced.
636
00:27:41.559 --> 00:27:43.359
Oh no, you should be flattered.
637
00:27:43.599 --> 00:27:45.660
I am very flattered. Be flattered.
638
00:27:45.859 --> 00:27:47.660
We're flattered.
639
00:27:47.700 --> 00:27:49.920
I've always loved your show and I've always thought you
640
00:27:49.940 --> 00:27:54.700
were hilariously funny. But getting this format is the bomb.
641
00:27:54.779 --> 00:27:58.150
Like getting to let you just roll and riff is
642
00:27:58.490 --> 00:27:59.049
so good.
643
00:27:59.069 --> 00:28:02.069
That's the part that I've, you know, it was such
644
00:28:02.089 --> 00:28:06.390
a surprise to me was started to do it. And
645
00:28:06.410 --> 00:28:07.970
I had this inkling like, well, wait, this could be
646
00:28:08.009 --> 00:28:10.230
kind of fun. And I remember them coming to me
647
00:28:10.269 --> 00:28:12.390
and saying, well, there's one thing you're probably going to
648
00:28:12.430 --> 00:28:15.779
say no to, which is you have to read ads.
649
00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:19.019
And I said, so that's probably going to negate the
650
00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:20.869
whole thing for you. And I said, Do I get
651
00:28:20.910 --> 00:28:23.410
to sort of read them as myself and be kind
652
00:28:23.430 --> 00:28:25.609
of honest? And they went, well, yes. And I said, well,
653
00:28:25.630 --> 00:28:28.619
that just sounds like fun. Yeah. And then, you know,
654
00:28:29.119 --> 00:28:33.940
they brought Gorley in. And despite all of the jokes
655
00:28:34.279 --> 00:28:38.210
and cruel older brother riffing that I do with him,
656
00:28:38.289 --> 00:28:41.359
he's spectacular. I mean, he really makes this thing hum. No, no,
657
00:28:41.380 --> 00:28:45.500
it's true. No, it's true. And so this is where
658
00:28:45.539 --> 00:28:48.250
I feel like you and I can really connect, which.
659
00:28:48.230 --> 00:28:48.670
Is so nice.
660
00:28:48.769 --> 00:28:49.630
Are you being serious?
661
00:28:49.670 --> 00:28:49.950
I am.
662
00:28:50.069 --> 00:28:53.450
Is he being genuine? Yeah, that's very genuine. Of course.
663
00:28:53.609 --> 00:28:55.950
He's about to drop like an ice cold funny bomb
664
00:28:56.109 --> 00:28:56.529
on my head.
665
00:28:56.569 --> 00:28:57.109
No, no, no, no.
666
00:28:57.170 --> 00:28:57.589
I love that.
667
00:28:57.609 --> 00:29:00.440
Because I am wearing my friends and family bikini under
668
00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:08.480
this outfit. If it went well, I thought, maybe, just maybe.
669
00:29:08.839 --> 00:29:11.119
I'll go, no, this is, by the way, I wore
670
00:29:11.140 --> 00:29:14.079
this for you. I love that sweater. It's a ram's head.
671
00:29:14.119 --> 00:29:16.880
No, it's obviously, it's clearly a female reproductive system.
672
00:29:16.900 --> 00:29:18.799
Be female. You have a lovely sweater and you know
673
00:29:18.819 --> 00:29:21.240
what's nice? It looks, it's kind of a Christmassy sweater
674
00:29:21.619 --> 00:29:23.680
and it's got this design that at first glance you
675
00:29:23.700 --> 00:29:25.640
think is just kind of a nice design. And then
676
00:29:25.660 --> 00:29:30.420
you realize, oh, that is a quite precise design. rendering
677
00:29:30.599 --> 00:29:32.099
of the female reproductive system.
678
00:29:32.180 --> 00:29:35.210
You know, I saw it on Lena Dunham, I think
679
00:29:35.269 --> 00:29:38.069
was wearing it. And I was like, well, if she could,
680
00:29:38.210 --> 00:29:39.170
I can rock that.
681
00:29:39.190 --> 00:29:39.289
Yeah.
682
00:29:39.960 --> 00:29:42.680
And I'm a big knitter. I know that's as nerdy
683
00:29:42.829 --> 00:29:44.970
as F. But you might like that. I feel like
684
00:29:45.029 --> 00:29:46.869
you guys get into old school stuff.
685
00:29:47.170 --> 00:29:47.490
Oh, yeah.
686
00:29:47.509 --> 00:29:48.210
He just fell asleep.
687
00:29:48.430 --> 00:29:54.150
No, no, no. No, no. He fainted looking at you. No, no. Exactly.
688
00:29:54.210 --> 00:29:55.529
It's so much for you.
689
00:29:55.569 --> 00:29:57.289
I'm staring at the female reproductive system.
690
00:29:57.349 --> 00:29:57.630
I know.
691
00:29:57.690 --> 00:29:59.039
I thought I'd help you get comfortable with it because
692
00:29:59.099 --> 00:30:00.230
I am a huge fan.
693
00:30:00.660 --> 00:30:03.359
And one of my favorite things that nearly knocks me
694
00:30:03.420 --> 00:30:06.279
off the bike every time, but only really knocked me
695
00:30:06.319 --> 00:30:09.619
off the bike once, was when you make the penis talk.
696
00:30:10.500 --> 00:30:15.660
And the voice, and how uncomfortable though you are talking
697
00:30:15.789 --> 00:30:17.230
about the lady parts.
698
00:30:17.309 --> 00:30:17.630
Yeah.
699
00:30:17.670 --> 00:30:19.990
And I'm okay with that. I respect it. I just
700
00:30:20.009 --> 00:30:20.630
thought we'd.
701
00:30:20.670 --> 00:30:24.569
Have it here. I have a very, I am an
702
00:30:24.670 --> 00:30:29.059
uptight person. It's funny, I have two sides. I'm quite
703
00:30:29.480 --> 00:30:32.019
almost Victorian and uptight in some ways.
704
00:30:32.039 --> 00:30:32.119
Yeah.
705
00:30:32.539 --> 00:30:35.019
But then as a reaction to that, the other side,
706
00:30:35.039 --> 00:30:36.829
I have this Jekyll Hyde thing, the other side is,
707
00:30:37.559 --> 00:30:40.240
I'm not afraid of anything. And I don't understand how
708
00:30:40.299 --> 00:30:42.789
these two people can be jammed into one pair.
709
00:30:42.809 --> 00:30:45.990
I think it's when you feel safe, right? If somebody's
710
00:30:46.029 --> 00:30:48.990
being sort of restrictive, you can be expansive.
711
00:30:49.029 --> 00:30:50.329
Yes, very good.
712
00:30:50.529 --> 00:30:52.589
And if they're so crazy and you don't know where
713
00:30:52.609 --> 00:30:55.150
they're going to go, that's me. And you're like, oh, shit,
714
00:30:55.309 --> 00:30:56.710
then you sort of have to take it down.
715
00:30:56.930 --> 00:31:01.529
Now, I was curious about something. You are a middle child, right?
716
00:31:01.750 --> 00:31:03.400
So there's three sisters?
717
00:31:03.559 --> 00:31:04.180
Three sisters.
718
00:31:04.279 --> 00:31:05.000
And you're the middle.
719
00:31:05.039 --> 00:31:06.880
You talk about your family a lot.
720
00:31:06.980 --> 00:31:07.599
Yeah.
721
00:31:07.720 --> 00:31:10.579
But are you, and I try to imagine them, are
722
00:31:10.599 --> 00:31:11.839
they all really tall?
723
00:31:12.940 --> 00:31:15.569
They're quite. Yeah, they are. They're pretty tall. I have
724
00:31:15.730 --> 00:31:19.690
a sister who's average height, Kate.
725
00:31:19.910 --> 00:31:20.309
Yeah.
726
00:31:20.529 --> 00:31:22.190
Is that being like six foot?
727
00:31:22.829 --> 00:31:23.269
She's 6'4.
728
00:31:24.670 --> 00:31:25.109
She's 6'4.
729
00:31:25.269 --> 00:31:27.680
Average in your family is.
730
00:31:28.900 --> 00:31:31.839
But yeah, I would say for the most part, We are.
731
00:31:32.200 --> 00:31:36.650
I think I was one of the tallest until my brother,
732
00:31:36.769 --> 00:31:39.890
my youngest brother, Justin, overtook me. Now, I think he
733
00:31:39.930 --> 00:31:40.569
was juicing.
734
00:31:40.589 --> 00:31:43.029
I think he was on steroids.
735
00:31:43.089 --> 00:31:45.950
He was juicing. Yeah, he was just trying to take
736
00:31:45.990 --> 00:31:49.210
me down. And then he barely creeped up above me.
737
00:31:49.230 --> 00:31:51.170
Did that bother you?
738
00:31:51.450 --> 00:31:53.190
No, it really didn't. And you know what's so funny
739
00:31:53.230 --> 00:31:55.750
is I have a son who is, I have a
740
00:31:55.890 --> 00:31:58.809
son and a daughter, but my son had this crazy
741
00:31:58.849 --> 00:32:03.029
growth spurt during COVID. But he was quite vocal that
742
00:32:03.130 --> 00:32:05.160
he does not want to be my height because he
743
00:32:05.220 --> 00:32:08.259
says that's too tall. You're too tall and it's kind
744
00:32:08.299 --> 00:32:12.440
of weird. And he keeps saying it. And I'm like,
745
00:32:12.599 --> 00:32:15.559
you know, it's a little hurtful. And he's like, look,
746
00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:18.940
don't get me wrong. I'm happy to be tall. I
747
00:32:18.960 --> 00:32:21.880
just don't want to be that kind of tall. And
748
00:32:22.259 --> 00:32:24.609
I said, you know, I'm not in the circus. You know,
749
00:32:24.710 --> 00:32:27.309
people aren't coming for thousands of miles to check me out.
750
00:32:27.710 --> 00:32:29.630
But it's not a functional tall.
751
00:32:29.890 --> 00:32:30.269
It isn't.
752
00:32:30.450 --> 00:32:30.849
It doesn't.
753
00:32:30.930 --> 00:32:33.589
It's like a decorative tall. Like I have decorative muscles.
754
00:32:34.049 --> 00:32:36.349
Like I work out a lot and they're just decorative.
755
00:32:36.410 --> 00:32:38.210
They're not doing it. There's no reason.
756
00:32:38.250 --> 00:32:40.769
Well, also my height is wasted on me. It doesn't,
757
00:32:41.029 --> 00:32:43.559
you know, for years people say like, oh man, I
758
00:32:43.599 --> 00:32:45.960
bet you play. I bet you're great at basketball. And
759
00:32:45.980 --> 00:32:51.609
I'd say, well, actually, apparently you need... You need sort
760
00:32:51.650 --> 00:32:52.529
of hand to eye skills.
761
00:32:52.569 --> 00:32:53.269
Not just tight.
762
00:32:53.369 --> 00:32:56.710
Yeah. You need to care about getting the ball in
763
00:32:56.750 --> 00:33:00.210
the basket, which is something that I've always, and whenever
764
00:33:00.230 --> 00:33:01.930
I would play basketball, because I used to play it
765
00:33:02.029 --> 00:33:03.809
a lot, sort of just in the neighborhood when I
766
00:33:03.829 --> 00:33:06.059
was growing up, and all I would do was invent
767
00:33:06.130 --> 00:33:08.680
characters and babble the whole time and try and make
768
00:33:08.700 --> 00:33:11.500
people laugh. But I didn't give a shit if the
769
00:33:11.700 --> 00:33:14.380
basket went into the hoop. I didn't care. I just
770
00:33:14.500 --> 00:33:16.380
cared about, no, no, no, isn't this a funny guy
771
00:33:16.420 --> 00:33:18.529
I'm being now? And they'd be like, you know- It'd
772
00:33:18.549 --> 00:33:20.339
be great if you helped a little bit.
773
00:33:20.710 --> 00:33:20.910
Yeah.
774
00:33:21.279 --> 00:33:23.559
You could at least just stand there under the basket
775
00:33:23.619 --> 00:33:24.980
and be like a big, like a shack.
776
00:33:25.019 --> 00:33:28.829
Yeah, but I would not be paying attention. You didn't care.
777
00:33:29.049 --> 00:33:31.470
I'd be doing a bit underneath the basket where I
778
00:33:31.509 --> 00:33:34.779
pretend the pole that's holding up. you know, is like
779
00:33:34.839 --> 00:33:38.140
another person. And I would have a backstory. I used
780
00:33:38.180 --> 00:33:41.089
to play with my brother, Luke, all the time. And
781
00:33:41.140 --> 00:33:43.150
I used to, and some other friends. And I would
782
00:33:43.250 --> 00:33:45.730
always go on and on about, okay, the guy I
783
00:33:45.809 --> 00:33:48.490
am now who's playing stickball, who's up to the plate. Okay,
784
00:33:48.509 --> 00:33:50.950
he committed murder a couple of years ago. He attacked
785
00:33:51.190 --> 00:33:54.170
a fan. And I had, his name was Nicky Fiss.
786
00:33:55.309 --> 00:33:55.910
This is true.
787
00:33:55.990 --> 00:33:56.730
Wait, really?
788
00:33:56.789 --> 00:33:59.170
Yeah. I'd say, okay, it's Nicky Fiss is now up
789
00:33:59.210 --> 00:34:00.269
at the plate. And they'd be like, what the fuck
790
00:34:00.309 --> 00:34:03.240
are you doing? You can just, just get up. because
791
00:34:03.700 --> 00:34:06.569
we would play stickball across the street at this park,
792
00:34:06.609 --> 00:34:08.289
and I'd be like, no, no, no, no, I'm Nicky
793
00:34:08.329 --> 00:34:10.349
Fist now. Now, Nicky Fist just spent two years in
794
00:34:10.409 --> 00:34:14.139
prison because he attacked a fan in the stands and
795
00:34:14.260 --> 00:34:17.059
beat him with his bat. He's hated by everyone. He's
796
00:34:17.079 --> 00:34:20.690
a cheap shot. He's mostly, but he's a quick infielder.
797
00:34:20.710 --> 00:34:21.869
And they'd be like, would you shut up?
798
00:34:21.869 --> 00:34:23.469
This is before every at-bat.
799
00:34:23.510 --> 00:34:24.369
Before every at-bat.
800
00:34:24.409 --> 00:34:26.769
Guys, you need to hear Nikki's backstory.
801
00:34:26.809 --> 00:34:28.590
And everybody hated it.
802
00:34:28.650 --> 00:34:29.170
Oh, man.
803
00:34:29.190 --> 00:34:31.230
Didn't they all have it memorized at a certain point?
804
00:34:31.250 --> 00:34:32.550
Or did you bring in new elements? You're like.
805
00:34:32.570 --> 00:34:34.190
I brought in different, different people.
806
00:34:34.869 --> 00:34:36.530
Nikki has tuberculosis.
807
00:34:36.650 --> 00:34:40.050
Yeah, yeah, yeah. How did they not beat you? Nikki
808
00:34:40.070 --> 00:34:43.329
lost a leg to diabetes, but he's still playing the game.
809
00:34:43.469 --> 00:34:43.829
Oh, God.
810
00:34:43.889 --> 00:34:49.429
Despite his vaccine, Nikki has polio. Poor Nikki. And then
811
00:34:49.469 --> 00:34:54.860
you'd run to first, like a disabled young man.
812
00:34:55.159 --> 00:34:57.800
It's shocking that I wasn't beaten to death as a child.
813
00:34:58.440 --> 00:35:01.800
And several people tried, but I'd never, I'd made it.
814
00:35:01.860 --> 00:35:02.480
I made it through.
815
00:35:02.760 --> 00:35:04.900
But that's where the height works in your favor, even
816
00:35:04.960 --> 00:35:07.400
if it's not functional. Like you can't play basketball or
817
00:35:07.420 --> 00:35:11.969
volleyball and by your admission. then maybe it kept you
818
00:35:11.989 --> 00:35:13.489
out of fights because they were scared. They're like, what
819
00:35:13.510 --> 00:35:15.690
if he unleashed that height at a certain point?
820
00:35:15.710 --> 00:35:19.769
There is, yeah. I am, right? If I ever truly unleashed,
821
00:35:20.389 --> 00:35:23.800
because I have, people are surprised. I get mad. I
822
00:35:23.840 --> 00:35:25.800
have a temper. You do have a temper. I have
823
00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:28.719
a temper. It's not a physical. No, but it is
824
00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:32.840
an Irish, like I will, that person just screwed me
825
00:35:32.920 --> 00:35:35.219
or my friend or one of my family members over.
826
00:35:35.679 --> 00:35:39.750
And I will hate them and I will never forget it.
827
00:35:39.869 --> 00:35:41.750
Will you just drink at them?
828
00:35:42.050 --> 00:35:44.710
I will drink at them. I will drink at you.
829
00:35:44.809 --> 00:35:46.630
I am Irish, I will.
830
00:35:46.530 --> 00:35:46.909
Drink at you.
831
00:35:46.929 --> 00:35:48.730
You know what I'm gonna do?
832
00:35:48.769 --> 00:35:50.610
You can't even stand it.
833
00:35:50.710 --> 00:35:54.550
I'm gonna shorten my life by drinking and thinking about you.
834
00:35:54.570 --> 00:35:56.590
And you're never gonna know.
835
00:35:58.190 --> 00:35:58.889
My life.
836
00:35:58.909 --> 00:36:02.429
Yeah. Oh, man. I'll take at least 15 years off
837
00:36:02.489 --> 00:36:06.500
my life expectancy drinking and hating you. And guess what?
838
00:36:06.579 --> 00:36:08.559
I'll never tell you so it won't affect you in
839
00:36:08.639 --> 00:36:11.320
any way. So fucking chew on that.
840
00:36:11.440 --> 00:36:12.139
Yeah.
841
00:36:12.380 --> 00:36:15.000
And when you show up at my funeral and I'm
842
00:36:15.099 --> 00:36:17.579
dead and you're not, just think about that.
843
00:36:17.599 --> 00:36:17.880
Yeah.
844
00:36:18.019 --> 00:36:20.219
And think about how you never knew how much I
845
00:36:20.260 --> 00:36:24.619
hated you. Now, I have a question because, you know,
846
00:36:24.909 --> 00:36:28.090
on your character on Modern Family, always day drinking, and
847
00:36:28.110 --> 00:36:31.409
it almost put this thought in my head. Claire is
848
00:36:31.449 --> 00:36:35.369
such a day drinker that sometimes, and I do this
849
00:36:35.429 --> 00:36:37.510
and I should know better, but we all do it.
850
00:36:38.449 --> 00:36:40.980
I think of you that way as like day drinking
851
00:36:41.480 --> 00:36:43.639
and having a glass of wine all the time, or
852
00:36:44.119 --> 00:36:45.219
maybe on your bike.
853
00:36:45.929 --> 00:36:49.130
You have- Do I have like a squeezed bottle of wine?
854
00:36:49.230 --> 00:36:52.829
Not even, you have a glass of wine filled with
855
00:36:52.869 --> 00:36:56.320
Chardonnay and you've jammed it into the little basket of
856
00:36:56.360 --> 00:37:01.659
the bike. But I know that it's called acting, but
857
00:37:01.699 --> 00:37:03.800
I swear to God, you were so good in that
858
00:37:03.860 --> 00:37:05.750
role that there was part of me that just would
859
00:37:05.789 --> 00:37:09.769
assume Oh, yeah, yeah. Julie's going to walk in here with, like,
860
00:37:09.809 --> 00:37:13.949
a large glass of very, very oaky Chardonnay.
861
00:37:14.090 --> 00:37:16.809
No, I mean, a buttery Chardonnay with ice cubes to
862
00:37:16.869 --> 00:37:21.010
honor my mother, who never got an expensive wine that
863
00:37:21.050 --> 00:37:24.000
she didn't want to put an ice cube in. No,
864
00:37:24.019 --> 00:37:27.619
I am actually a very weak-willed, weak drinker.
865
00:37:29.099 --> 00:37:29.719
When I drink.
866
00:37:30.500 --> 00:37:32.579
It's three hours to bedtime from that point. So if
867
00:37:32.619 --> 00:37:35.300
I drink at noon, we're done at 3 p.m.
868
00:37:35.360 --> 00:37:35.599
Right.
869
00:37:36.320 --> 00:37:38.980
So I have a glass of wine with dinner. I'm
870
00:37:39.000 --> 00:37:40.989
going to bed at 10. That's just the way it is.
871
00:37:41.050 --> 00:37:42.750
I'm not that much fun.
872
00:37:42.889 --> 00:37:45.250
What about– because this is a question I have for you.
873
00:37:46.230 --> 00:37:49.190
You might be able to relate to this because Sona
874
00:37:49.710 --> 00:37:52.409
is very good at self-medicating.
875
00:37:52.780 --> 00:37:53.260
Yeah.
876
00:37:53.320 --> 00:37:54.880
And it's talked about it. You've been open about it.
877
00:37:54.880 --> 00:37:55.420
It's legal.
878
00:37:55.539 --> 00:37:56.159
It's legal.
879
00:37:56.179 --> 00:37:56.599
It's legal.
880
00:37:56.619 --> 00:37:58.199
Don't let them weed shame you.
881
00:37:58.300 --> 00:37:58.769
No, no, no.
882
00:37:58.849 --> 00:38:00.670
I'm not weed shaming you. I'm very.
883
00:38:01.289 --> 00:38:02.989
You weed shame me constantly.
884
00:38:03.010 --> 00:38:06.050
There's probably thousands of hours on tape of me weed
885
00:38:06.070 --> 00:38:07.989
shaming you, but I don't think I really do it
886
00:38:08.010 --> 00:38:12.489
that much. But you... But you're a believer in gummies.
887
00:38:12.510 --> 00:38:16.110
Have you done that? Have you done pot in any manner?
888
00:38:16.409 --> 00:38:19.360
I have a therapist whom I really like and she's
889
00:38:19.380 --> 00:38:21.300
a full doctor. So I was trying to squeeze her
890
00:38:21.340 --> 00:38:23.280
for some Ambien or something because I never sleep. I'm
891
00:38:23.300 --> 00:38:26.400
a terrible sleeper. And she said, no, you really need
892
00:38:26.480 --> 00:38:30.400
some marijuana. And I was like, what do you think
893
00:38:30.559 --> 00:38:33.380
I am? I come to you for a professional opinion
894
00:38:33.420 --> 00:38:35.940
and this is very unprofessional. And she said, what if
895
00:38:36.019 --> 00:38:39.010
I wrote you a prescription for marijuana?
896
00:38:39.409 --> 00:38:40.909
And I was like, okay.
897
00:38:41.860 --> 00:38:45.380
So basically she wrote me a prescription for a half
898
00:38:45.440 --> 00:38:49.960
an edible gummy at bedtime every night and they will
899
00:38:50.179 --> 00:38:53.480
put you down and then you just have to hope
900
00:38:53.539 --> 00:38:56.219
that you're not a middle of the night peer, which
901
00:38:56.699 --> 00:38:59.590
I am. Did I mention how many babies I had?
902
00:39:00.070 --> 00:39:04.190
That bladder is basically in my pocket. I carry it
903
00:39:04.230 --> 00:39:04.690
with me.
904
00:39:04.730 --> 00:39:08.590
Most of my internal organs.
905
00:39:08.670 --> 00:39:10.289
I saw you, I'm sorry. I thought that was a
906
00:39:10.349 --> 00:39:14.889
change purse. No, no, it's my bladder. Because you took
907
00:39:14.949 --> 00:39:16.670
it out at one point and I thought, you know.
908
00:39:16.690 --> 00:39:19.389
I thought I'd just pour this water right onto it.
909
00:39:19.469 --> 00:39:22.989
She's gonna give me a coin. And no, I didn't
910
00:39:23.010 --> 00:39:25.619
realize that was your bladder. No, that's my bladder. And
911
00:39:25.699 --> 00:39:26.820
so when you have to get in the middle of
912
00:39:26.840 --> 00:39:28.309
the night, but what do you do? What do you
913
00:39:28.329 --> 00:39:31.039
need to do? Do you like meditate? or masturbate or
914
00:39:31.079 --> 00:39:31.800
what's the story?
915
00:39:31.820 --> 00:39:33.570
He's not gonna answer that, is he?
916
00:39:33.579 --> 00:39:34.099
No, I am.
917
00:39:34.159 --> 00:39:37.579
I'm gonna answer it right now. For me, masturbation is
918
00:39:37.760 --> 00:39:39.119
the form of meditation.
919
00:39:39.360 --> 00:39:39.940
I understand.
920
00:39:40.300 --> 00:39:43.860
I understand. You know, I got a special mat. Oh,
921
00:39:44.659 --> 00:39:46.820
come on. It's not me, is it? Oh my God.
922
00:39:47.400 --> 00:39:49.039
Oh my God.
923
00:39:50.769 --> 00:39:52.429
A special mat-mat.
924
00:39:52.610 --> 00:39:56.340
That's why I got this job? No, not you, Matt.
925
00:39:56.380 --> 00:39:59.260
The other, you know, yoga mat. You know what they
926
00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:01.440
say in meditations, you're supposed to stare into the middle
927
00:40:01.500 --> 00:40:04.659
distance with a fixed gaze. That's what I'm doing as
928
00:40:04.739 --> 00:40:05.989
I'm self-pleasuring.
929
00:40:06.269 --> 00:40:06.989
Oh, man.
930
00:40:07.050 --> 00:40:09.869
You abuse yourself while staring into the middle distance.
931
00:40:10.050 --> 00:40:11.250
I'm staring into the middle distance.
932
00:40:11.309 --> 00:40:13.570
As it comes in, you've got candles.
933
00:40:13.690 --> 00:40:19.420
I'm on a special mat. Yeah, and it's much faster
934
00:40:19.599 --> 00:40:22.920
than normal meditation, let me just say. It's much quicker.
935
00:40:23.559 --> 00:40:29.110
You get into a real great head space.
936
00:40:29.170 --> 00:40:33.369
Oh, I've met Liza, and as everyone says, she is
937
00:40:33.389 --> 00:40:33.849
so good.
938
00:40:35.789 --> 00:40:37.250
And she is so- This is.
939
00:40:37.210 --> 00:40:38.869
My wife Liza, yes. Your wife Liza. I thought you
940
00:40:38.909 --> 00:40:40.110
meant Liza Minnelli for a minute.
941
00:40:40.349 --> 00:40:41.110
No, she's not.
942
00:40:41.250 --> 00:40:44.010
What a name dropper. What a name dropper. By the way,
943
00:40:44.130 --> 00:40:46.150
and it comes out of nowhere. By the way, I've
944
00:40:46.190 --> 00:40:48.550
met Liza Minnelli. Where the fuck did that come from?
945
00:40:49.320 --> 00:40:51.440
I've met all famous Liza's. I just thought I'd let
946
00:40:51.460 --> 00:40:52.599
you know that right now.
947
00:40:53.159 --> 00:40:54.139
My wife Liza, yes.
948
00:40:54.159 --> 00:40:57.260
Your wife Liza is way above this kind of humor.
949
00:40:57.380 --> 00:41:01.500
To quote the great Sonoma Sessian said to me once,
950
00:41:02.289 --> 00:41:06.010
Liza is the only thing I like about you, which
951
00:41:06.090 --> 00:41:08.300
is she's a rock star. Yeah, she's great.
952
00:41:08.320 --> 00:41:09.840
But you know, there's people that you- People.
953
00:41:09.739 --> 00:41:13.519
Think there must be something to him because this very intelligent,
954
00:41:13.539 --> 00:41:16.420
beautiful woman seems to be sticking it out with him. And,
955
00:41:17.019 --> 00:41:19.239
you know, if she walked at any point, she could-
956
00:41:19.780 --> 00:41:21.530
no court, every court in the land would say you
957
00:41:21.570 --> 00:41:24.989
can have everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's California. We've
958
00:41:25.010 --> 00:41:27.269
listened to the podcast. They'd say it anyhow. We've listened
959
00:41:27.289 --> 00:41:29.679
to the podcast. Yeah, you've put up with enough. No,
960
00:41:29.690 --> 00:41:31.570
not even just half. You can have all of it.
961
00:41:31.570 --> 00:41:33.610
All of it. Conan's going to the Ramada Inn.
962
00:41:33.639 --> 00:41:37.840
It was the masturbation mat that did it 100% for Liza.
963
00:41:37.860 --> 00:41:41.039
Your Honor, we'd like to play the bit he did
964
00:41:41.079 --> 00:41:44.039
when Julie Boehm was on where he has a type
965
00:41:44.099 --> 00:41:49.340
of yoga meditation where he masturbates. That's not necessary, Your Honor.
966
00:41:49.360 --> 00:41:52.050
We concede the point. And we rule in favor.
967
00:41:52.070 --> 00:41:54.409
Oh, man.
968
00:41:55.050 --> 00:42:00.090
Sona, is your brain back? It's getting there. It's bad.
969
00:42:00.440 --> 00:42:00.900
It is.
970
00:42:01.159 --> 00:42:03.539
It is bad. And there's a lot of other stuff too.
971
00:42:03.599 --> 00:42:06.340
That's just like, you know, sleep, no sleep.
972
00:42:06.460 --> 00:42:06.739
Yeah.
973
00:42:06.900 --> 00:42:10.280
Also like a lot of grandparents that, which I love,
974
00:42:10.380 --> 00:42:12.800
but there's also a lot of voices, a lot of things.
975
00:42:12.920 --> 00:42:14.659
It's, it's, you have to put on, you have to
976
00:42:14.679 --> 00:42:17.070
like put on earmuffs and not listen to all the advice.
977
00:42:17.320 --> 00:42:17.590
Yeah.
978
00:42:17.699 --> 00:42:19.469
Conan, have you given her a lot of like child
979
00:42:19.489 --> 00:42:21.710
rearing advice or you were like, I was not present.
980
00:42:22.130 --> 00:42:24.889
No, I think I was, um, I wasn't helpful, but
981
00:42:24.909 --> 00:42:28.630
I was present. Uh, I was not at all helpful,
982
00:42:28.670 --> 00:42:32.360
but I was present. I was very good at getting
983
00:42:32.380 --> 00:42:37.820
our daughter to eat because I can make kids laugh.
984
00:42:38.059 --> 00:42:40.380
And I was really good at saying, no one's taking
985
00:42:40.460 --> 00:42:44.969
these strained carrots from me and playing those kinds of games.
986
00:42:45.090 --> 00:42:47.769
And she would, like Liza could not get her to
987
00:42:47.889 --> 00:42:50.110
eat for a while. And then I would come in
988
00:42:50.150 --> 00:42:54.590
and I'd be like, ah, good. my strained squash. It's
989
00:42:54.780 --> 00:42:56.989
just for me. Now I'll just turn this way. And
990
00:42:57.050 --> 00:42:59.670
she would shovel all this food into her mouth. And
991
00:42:59.710 --> 00:43:02.610
then I'd turn around and go like, what? What's happened?
992
00:43:02.989 --> 00:43:05.590
And I'd have her stuffed animals up in arms. And
993
00:43:05.650 --> 00:43:09.090
she would be like, suddenly, I think she gained 60 pounds. Yeah.
994
00:43:09.349 --> 00:43:12.449
And she was only two years old. But I wanna
995
00:43:12.469 --> 00:43:14.510
make sure I talk to you about, because I think,
996
00:43:14.860 --> 00:43:17.019
you know, there are, obviously there's a lot of people
997
00:43:17.099 --> 00:43:20.480
out there jumping into the podcast space, as they say.
998
00:43:20.989 --> 00:43:25.619
I think you are uniquely equipped to be doing a
999
00:43:25.659 --> 00:43:28.469
podcast and you're doing one called– it's brand new and
1000
00:43:28.489 --> 00:43:29.349
it's called Quitters.
1001
00:43:29.389 --> 00:43:29.750
Quitters.
1002
00:43:29.929 --> 00:43:33.449
And it's going to– it premiered– Yesterday. Yesterday.
1003
00:43:33.530 --> 00:43:34.230
Well, yeah.
1004
00:43:34.250 --> 00:43:36.659
We'll say– I'll do it this way. It premiered on
1005
00:43:36.699 --> 00:43:41.179
February 14th and– I really like the idea behind this.
1006
00:43:41.320 --> 00:43:42.409
I want you to talk about it.
1007
00:43:42.469 --> 00:43:44.429
I don't know how you do this day in and
1008
00:43:44.489 --> 00:43:48.309
day out. But yes, we started, my partner Chad Sanders
1009
00:43:48.489 --> 00:43:51.989
and I started a podcast. He's the brains and I'm
1010
00:43:52.090 --> 00:43:55.500
the talky one. But he wrote a book called Black Magic,
1011
00:43:55.619 --> 00:43:58.260
which is about turning the trauma of being black in
1012
00:43:58.300 --> 00:44:01.380
America into something positive. Like if you can survive that,
1013
00:44:01.400 --> 00:44:05.019
you can survive anything. And he also wrote a New
1014
00:44:05.039 --> 00:44:09.460
York Times op-ed piece called I don't want your love texts.
1015
00:44:09.820 --> 00:44:14.070
That was really upsetting during all the BLM movement, during
1016
00:44:14.110 --> 00:44:17.309
all of those protests that was basically like, don't do
1017
00:44:17.349 --> 00:44:20.130
not text me white people and tell me, you know,
1018
00:44:20.170 --> 00:44:21.269
what can I, how are you?
1019
00:44:21.289 --> 00:44:24.469
And I was like, wait, no, I'm not supposed to.
1020
00:44:24.610 --> 00:44:27.480
Which is also a little bit in line with, you know,
1021
00:44:27.519 --> 00:44:32.349
what I was hearing at the time from a from
1022
00:44:32.389 --> 00:44:34.210
black people that I was talking to was, was that
1023
00:44:34.269 --> 00:44:38.500
we also don't want to be, uh, explaining our situation
1024
00:44:38.519 --> 00:44:42.329
to you, which, which I completely understand. Like the last thing,
1025
00:44:42.849 --> 00:44:45.579
you know, they wanted was for white America to say,
1026
00:44:45.599 --> 00:44:46.340
now tell us.
1027
00:44:46.639 --> 00:44:46.920
Right.
1028
00:44:47.179 --> 00:44:48.019
Explain to us.
1029
00:44:48.019 --> 00:44:48.820
Now explain.
1030
00:44:48.860 --> 00:44:50.440
Yeah, now explain. Now we're ready.
1031
00:44:50.559 --> 00:44:52.340
But I didn't get that either. I didn't get that either.
1032
00:44:52.360 --> 00:44:54.679
Because I was like, don't you want to explain? Haven't
1033
00:44:54.719 --> 00:44:57.469
you been waiting for this opportunity?
1034
00:44:57.489 --> 00:44:58.090
Right.
1035
00:44:58.130 --> 00:45:01.090
Which is so grandiose. Haven't you just been waiting for
1036
00:45:01.130 --> 00:45:03.210
me to sit down and pour you a cup of Joe?
1037
00:45:03.230 --> 00:45:03.670
Yeah.
1038
00:45:03.809 --> 00:45:07.159
So we can talk about your experience. Um, but Chad
1039
00:45:07.179 --> 00:45:09.360
and I just started talking and we were going to do,
1040
00:45:09.659 --> 00:45:11.059
we were looking at doing a TV show or a
1041
00:45:11.059 --> 00:45:14.699
movie together or something. And he had this idea, um,
1042
00:45:15.019 --> 00:45:17.260
for a podcast. And I said, I want to do it. Let's,
1043
00:45:17.440 --> 00:45:19.969
let's do that. That sounds good. And 40 million people
1044
00:45:20.429 --> 00:45:23.429
quit their jobs in America in the last, in 2021. That's,
1045
00:45:23.969 --> 00:45:26.630
so there's a lot of people quitting stuff and it's
1046
00:45:26.750 --> 00:45:29.829
not necessarily about quitting like, um, oh, I couldn't hack it.
1047
00:45:30.250 --> 00:45:32.849
The kind of old school, like, cause I had, um,
1048
00:45:33.710 --> 00:45:36.989
I've had people say to me, like, what about stick-to-itiveness?
1049
00:45:37.320 --> 00:45:37.570
Right.
1050
00:45:37.980 --> 00:45:38.639
That's my father.
1051
00:45:40.559 --> 00:45:42.739
It's also most prospectors in.
1052
00:45:44.420 --> 00:45:46.000
Cartoons.
1053
00:45:46.139 --> 00:45:49.519
What about fighting your way to the top already? That
1054
00:45:50.340 --> 00:45:51.539
was George.
1055
00:45:51.900 --> 00:45:53.360
I was going to say.
1056
00:45:54.469 --> 00:45:57.360
So this is more about quitting the stuff that you
1057
00:45:57.409 --> 00:46:01.230
thought really defined you and it was really important. And
1058
00:46:01.369 --> 00:46:03.730
in order to let it go to do something else,
1059
00:46:03.869 --> 00:46:07.010
not necessarily just like, I don't want to work and quitting.
1060
00:46:07.429 --> 00:46:11.409
We don't actually support that. And Chad quit the tech world.
1061
00:46:12.670 --> 00:46:15.610
And in doing so, actually quit a lot of white
1062
00:46:15.659 --> 00:46:18.420
culture because he was working at Google and then went
1063
00:46:18.500 --> 00:46:20.360
back to, started writing for television.
1064
00:46:20.420 --> 00:46:21.360
He was working with Spike Lee.
1065
00:46:21.400 --> 00:46:23.579
And he's like, why do I, why am I dealing
1066
00:46:23.639 --> 00:46:27.039
with a corporate structure that is based on whiteness that
1067
00:46:27.179 --> 00:46:29.260
I will never be able to climb that ladder?
1068
00:46:29.699 --> 00:46:32.340
And I thought that was really interesting. And so we
1069
00:46:32.360 --> 00:46:33.010
have this podcast.
1070
00:46:33.050 --> 00:46:35.110
We talk to people about things they're quitting, things.
1071
00:46:34.989 --> 00:46:36.389
They have quit, things they want to quit.
1072
00:46:37.050 --> 00:46:41.530
And the greatest slash worst part of it is Chad
1073
00:46:41.570 --> 00:46:44.320
instituted these bells that you can ring on one another.
1074
00:46:45.079 --> 00:46:46.500
Naturally, I never ring the bell.
1075
00:46:46.539 --> 00:46:49.219
It is constantly being rung on me when I put
1076
00:46:49.300 --> 00:46:53.179
my foot in my mouth, which happens all the goddamn time.
1077
00:46:54.039 --> 00:46:56.650
But I'm hoping people can kind of go on this
1078
00:46:56.809 --> 00:47:00.989
ride with us and go, you know, she's educated. We're
1079
00:47:01.010 --> 00:47:04.349
not going to say smart. but I went, I have,
1080
00:47:04.550 --> 00:47:09.409
I have some college and I definitely, I have some college.
1081
00:47:10.329 --> 00:47:12.349
That was, I got a true, that was a Jesse
1082
00:47:12.369 --> 00:47:13.050
Tyler Ferguson.
1083
00:47:13.090 --> 00:47:15.010
Yeah, that's a good one. I have some college.
1084
00:47:15.170 --> 00:47:18.909
I have a little college, but I'm, I'm educated and
1085
00:47:19.210 --> 00:47:22.389
I should know better. And I think I stand in
1086
00:47:22.409 --> 00:47:25.570
for a lot of people who stick their, their, their
1087
00:47:25.699 --> 00:47:28.699
foot right squarely in their mouth. And in, in this
1088
00:47:28.760 --> 00:47:31.840
whole cancel culture period that we're in, it's kind of,
1089
00:47:32.340 --> 00:47:34.789
Are you hoping that you can learn as you go?
1090
00:47:34.809 --> 00:47:37.530
Well, I think that– I mean, first of all, quitting
1091
00:47:37.570 --> 00:47:42.429
has a negative connotation, which I don't think it deserves
1092
00:47:42.550 --> 00:47:44.409
because there are many things you should quit.
1093
00:47:44.550 --> 00:47:45.050
Yeah.
1094
00:47:45.530 --> 00:47:48.929
And somewhere along the line, quitting became, well, if you quit,
1095
00:47:49.389 --> 00:47:52.360
you gave up. It's like, no, you're quitting something so
1096
00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:53.500
that you can find something else.
1097
00:47:53.519 --> 00:47:53.739
Right.
1098
00:47:53.760 --> 00:47:56.000
You're quitting something so that you can help figure out
1099
00:47:56.039 --> 00:47:57.360
what it is you're supposed to be doing.
1100
00:47:57.539 --> 00:47:57.800
Right.
1101
00:47:58.360 --> 00:47:59.800
Have you ever quit anything?
1102
00:48:00.099 --> 00:48:00.480
Yeah.
1103
00:48:00.800 --> 00:48:04.070
I mean, I– You quit late night? Yeah, I did.
1104
00:48:04.289 --> 00:48:06.210
I mean, that's the biggest thing is I quit.
1105
00:48:06.230 --> 00:48:07.269
That's kind of huge.
1106
00:48:07.449 --> 00:48:07.789
Yeah.
1107
00:48:08.409 --> 00:48:10.670
Why did you? Can I ask that? I'm asking. Fuck it,
1108
00:48:10.750 --> 00:48:11.090
I'm asking.
1109
00:48:11.170 --> 00:48:15.860
Yeah, sure. Because it was 28 years of doing it
1110
00:48:16.300 --> 00:48:18.159
and it was in the back of my mind that
1111
00:48:18.880 --> 00:48:21.800
it would be time to wrap up the night to
1112
00:48:21.860 --> 00:48:24.880
night of it, which I almost began to feel when
1113
00:48:24.900 --> 00:48:27.699
I started doing late night way a million years ago,
1114
00:48:27.760 --> 00:48:32.050
back in 93, there was much less television around. And
1115
00:48:32.210 --> 00:48:35.510
there was this real estate and it felt like, no,
1116
00:48:35.530 --> 00:48:38.800
there has to be something on at 1230. And you've
1117
00:48:38.860 --> 00:48:41.659
got to fill this time every night. And I remember
1118
00:48:41.699 --> 00:48:44.699
at the time, I think I was on, we hardly
1119
00:48:44.719 --> 00:48:48.760
got any vacation. We hardly got any breaks at all
1120
00:48:48.820 --> 00:48:51.030
because there was this feeling that you've got to keep
1121
00:48:51.070 --> 00:48:54.590
this thing going. And then after a long period of time,
1122
00:48:54.690 --> 00:48:57.480
I started to feel like I still want to make
1123
00:48:57.579 --> 00:49:00.039
funny things or things that I– I want to try
1124
00:49:00.079 --> 00:49:02.159
to make funny things or things that I think are funny.
1125
00:49:02.500 --> 00:49:06.480
But I don't think anybody needs to see me every night.
1126
00:49:06.500 --> 00:49:08.579
It really did come from that. I do not think
1127
00:49:08.679 --> 00:49:12.590
this is necessary anymore for me. I really– I don't
1128
00:49:12.650 --> 00:49:17.789
think America demands it. So you don't read the comments. No,
1129
00:49:17.849 --> 00:49:22.960
I– And it's just volume. It had been, I think,
1130
00:49:23.679 --> 00:49:29.039
something like 4,500 hours of entertaining people. And I thought,
1131
00:49:29.159 --> 00:49:32.420
I still want to do that. And the podcast gives
1132
00:49:32.460 --> 00:49:35.900
me the ability to do this quite regularly. But when
1133
00:49:35.920 --> 00:49:41.699
I make something for television, I'd like to Right. And
1134
00:49:41.719 --> 00:49:45.840
maybe put a little more time into it. So we'll see.
1135
00:49:47.380 --> 00:49:48.380
Was it a hard decision?
1136
00:49:49.400 --> 00:49:51.820
You know, I have to say it really wasn't.
1137
00:49:52.300 --> 00:49:58.139
So did your life change significantly before and after? When
1138
00:49:58.159 --> 00:50:01.820
you were like, I am done, your day-to-day, is it different?
1139
00:50:02.159 --> 00:50:04.659
It's different, but I was surprised at how busy it
1140
00:50:04.699 --> 00:50:05.170
still is.
1141
00:50:05.289 --> 00:50:06.050
It's very busy.
1142
00:50:06.110 --> 00:50:09.829
Because there's a lot to do. I mean, we're working
1143
00:50:09.889 --> 00:50:14.630
on the next thing, but also I... The podcast, we
1144
00:50:14.650 --> 00:50:17.389
do this, and we also do fan episodes once a week.
1145
00:50:17.429 --> 00:50:20.469
Oh, I know, yeah. How about that guy with the tanks?
1146
00:50:20.989 --> 00:50:21.570
Oh, man.
1147
00:50:21.590 --> 00:50:22.610
Yeah, I can't believe it.
1148
00:50:22.639 --> 00:50:23.389
I wanna buy that tank.
1149
00:50:23.429 --> 00:50:26.050
I could not understand. I came in in the middle.
1150
00:50:26.070 --> 00:50:28.679
I know, because I do listen like it's radio. I
1151
00:50:29.260 --> 00:50:30.320
appreciate that when you go.
1152
00:50:30.340 --> 00:50:31.340
You came in the middle?
1153
00:50:31.659 --> 00:50:34.079
Well, how? That is something I would do, too. And
1154
00:50:34.099 --> 00:50:36.860
I would be like, I wish I had heard the beginning. Well,
1155
00:50:37.219 --> 00:50:40.039
guess that'll never happen. That's the kind of thing I
1156
00:50:40.079 --> 00:50:41.840
would say in front of my son and he'd say, no,
1157
00:50:41.900 --> 00:50:44.239
you slide it back to the beginning. Yeah, you can
1158
00:50:44.280 --> 00:50:46.820
control your destiny as a podcast listener.
1159
00:50:46.840 --> 00:50:48.659
You can, but when you listen, so in the middle
1160
00:50:48.679 --> 00:50:50.320
of the night when I can't sleep, I try not
1161
00:50:50.340 --> 00:50:51.260
to look at a screen.
1162
00:50:51.440 --> 00:50:51.659
Right.
1163
00:50:52.050 --> 00:50:55.710
But I don't want to get in my crazy wheelie thoughts.
1164
00:50:56.170 --> 00:50:58.530
So I hit the podcast button on my phone and
1165
00:50:58.550 --> 00:51:01.929
I usually hit the sleep timer for like 30 minutes
1166
00:51:01.969 --> 00:51:04.949
or something. But every now and again, I miss the
1167
00:51:05.010 --> 00:51:07.170
timer and it just keeps going and going and going.
1168
00:51:07.489 --> 00:51:10.630
So it says that I've listened to 17 podcasts that
1169
00:51:10.650 --> 00:51:11.130
I haven't.
1170
00:51:11.570 --> 00:51:13.230
So I'm going back and I'm just hitting and it's
1171
00:51:13.250 --> 00:51:13.650
in the middle.
1172
00:51:13.889 --> 00:51:17.170
I love that I'm getting into your head while you're sleeping.
1173
00:51:17.230 --> 00:51:17.670
I know, you do.
1174
00:51:17.909 --> 00:51:20.630
But that tank guy, the fan guy was amazing.
1175
00:51:20.670 --> 00:51:21.469
He builds tanks.
1176
00:51:21.530 --> 00:51:24.960
That was crazy. That was like your dream dude, right?
1177
00:51:25.000 --> 00:51:25.239
Yeah.
1178
00:51:25.800 --> 00:51:27.239
I have to admit, there is part of me that
1179
00:51:27.280 --> 00:51:28.139
wants to have a tank.
1180
00:51:28.460 --> 00:51:28.880
Yeah, I know.
1181
00:51:29.219 --> 00:51:32.219
We all know. And I want to blow things up. Yeah.
1182
00:51:33.019 --> 00:51:35.920
So you have to do, you've had fan episodes and
1183
00:51:35.940 --> 00:51:37.449
you've got this and then you've got all the other
1184
00:51:37.469 --> 00:51:38.630
podcasts that you produce.
1185
00:51:38.869 --> 00:51:41.030
Plus, you don't just get a body like mine. Like
1186
00:51:41.150 --> 00:51:46.480
I'm working out constantly. I'm using various ropes and pulleys.
1187
00:51:47.199 --> 00:51:50.360
I'm using- What? You're an old ship. I'm an old ship.
1188
00:51:51.000 --> 00:51:56.369
We have to re, I need rigging. I've got barnacles
1189
00:51:56.889 --> 00:51:59.909
in my nether regions. Oh no. There's a lot of-
1190
00:51:59.949 --> 00:52:00.349
Oh no.
1191
00:52:00.369 --> 00:52:03.289
We've talked too much about your penis. Oh, for God's sake.
1192
00:52:03.630 --> 00:52:07.340
And yet the penis hasn't spoken, which is- Oh no.
1193
00:52:09.789 --> 00:52:13.690
The thing is when my penis talks, it's like, he's very,
1194
00:52:15.199 --> 00:52:18.000
he's an introvert. Yeah. And he likes to read like
1195
00:52:18.039 --> 00:52:23.739
the New Yorker. Yes. And back when I was in
1196
00:52:23.760 --> 00:52:25.809
my single days and I'd be like, yeah, and he gets,
1197
00:52:25.829 --> 00:52:27.369
you know, like, I'd be like, come on, we're on
1198
00:52:27.409 --> 00:52:29.269
a hot date. You gotta, you gotta, you know.
1199
00:52:29.789 --> 00:52:30.690
Don't wanna.
1200
00:52:34.489 --> 00:52:36.809
What are you reading? Are you reading The Atlantic? I'm
1201
00:52:36.869 --> 00:52:41.800
reading an article about global warming. Stop it. This is...
1202
00:52:42.400 --> 00:52:44.340
We gotta get to work here now, you know? This
1203
00:52:44.559 --> 00:52:48.599
woman's hot. This date's going really well. You're a problem.
1204
00:52:48.760 --> 00:52:50.460
You know, like, just a really.
1205
00:52:51.210 --> 00:52:53.380
I have an idea that we should wrap up this
1206
00:52:53.570 --> 00:52:57.079
podcast episode with the understanding that you'll be listening to
1207
00:52:57.099 --> 00:52:59.860
this half asleep, Julie, and we can end this episode
1208
00:52:59.900 --> 00:53:01.500
with some little whispers for you.
1209
00:53:02.059 --> 00:53:04.139
Oh, that's a good idea. Oh my gosh. Because you
1210
00:53:04.159 --> 00:53:07.489
know you're going to listen to yourself. Yeah. And now
1211
00:53:07.550 --> 00:53:10.869
it's time for you to relax.
1212
00:53:12.150 --> 00:53:13.730
Sleep. Sleep.
1213
00:53:14.010 --> 00:53:15.010
Oh my, this is so nice.
1214
00:53:15.099 --> 00:53:15.340
Sleep.
1215
00:53:15.920 --> 00:53:17.420
Please.
1216
00:53:17.460 --> 00:53:18.739
Sona's talking to me now, too.
1217
00:53:19.539 --> 00:53:23.059
Is this really happening? What if this actually happens? You
1218
00:53:23.119 --> 00:53:25.269
should just go to sleep.
1219
00:53:25.369 --> 00:53:25.869
Oh, my God.
1220
00:53:25.909 --> 00:53:27.289
I'm awake now. I'm awake.
1221
00:53:27.309 --> 00:53:28.360
Why does he come into it?
1222
00:53:28.409 --> 00:53:32.469
Conan's penis. That's a waker up there. Nobody wants to
1223
00:53:32.489 --> 00:53:37.329
talk to your penis. I had caffeine about three hours ago.
1224
00:53:38.489 --> 00:53:40.929
Shut up. We're trying to get Julie Bowen to go
1225
00:53:40.969 --> 00:53:41.429
to sleep.
1226
00:53:42.519 --> 00:53:44.320
It brings me so much joy.
1227
00:53:44.340 --> 00:53:47.019
You have got to sleep at night. And that is true. Matt,
1228
00:53:47.059 --> 00:53:50.400
you're right. And to all of our listeners right now,
1229
00:53:50.440 --> 00:53:52.380
I don't care where you're listening. If you're at work,
1230
00:53:52.539 --> 00:53:57.030
if you're performing surgery, important surgery, life-saving surgery, I want
1231
00:53:57.050 --> 00:54:00.750
you to go to sleep. If you're listening in the car.
1232
00:54:01.469 --> 00:54:03.059
And you're transporting a bunch of it.
1233
00:54:03.400 --> 00:54:05.519
And children to preschool.
1234
00:54:05.539 --> 00:54:06.380
Sleep.
1235
00:54:06.440 --> 00:54:09.719
Just not all. Just let it go.
1236
00:54:09.840 --> 00:54:16.260
Julie, you came in loaded for bear and fantastic.
1237
00:54:16.300 --> 00:54:17.219
Thank you for saying that.
1238
00:54:17.260 --> 00:54:17.800
I love it.
1239
00:54:17.900 --> 00:54:21.269
Some people like people being nerdy super fans. I am
1240
00:54:21.429 --> 00:54:22.969
such a nerdy super fan.
1241
00:54:22.989 --> 00:54:23.590
Well, that's sweet.
1242
00:54:23.630 --> 00:54:26.889
I have favorite episodes. I have favorite bits.
1243
00:54:27.230 --> 00:54:30.860
And to be here is like, it's a full armpit
1244
00:54:30.969 --> 00:54:32.639
explosion of sweat.
1245
00:54:32.679 --> 00:54:41.260
Jesus. I just love you. And you're really good at this.
1246
00:54:41.280 --> 00:54:44.320
And you're really, you're like, you are kind of the godfather.
1247
00:54:44.340 --> 00:54:46.099
If we could get some godfather music.
1248
00:54:48.460 --> 00:54:54.920
We don't have to pay for this. The licensing that
1249
00:54:55.019 --> 00:55:00.059
Coppola will hit us for. It costs so much.
1250
00:55:00.739 --> 00:55:03.969
But you are, you are the, you, you made this
1251
00:55:04.090 --> 00:55:07.190
weird thing that people do in their basements and in
1252
00:55:07.230 --> 00:55:11.070
their closets. Incredibly cool and interesting.
1253
00:55:11.210 --> 00:55:14.510
And I've actually learned a lot and you've inspired me
1254
00:55:14.590 --> 00:55:17.190
and inspired me to do my own podcast.
1255
00:55:17.230 --> 00:55:19.869
But everybody comes on here and I'm always like, I
1256
00:55:19.909 --> 00:55:21.889
want to be the person that, that he says.
1257
00:55:22.610 --> 00:55:23.650
We should get a meal.
1258
00:55:25.050 --> 00:55:25.190
Ooh.
1259
00:55:25.889 --> 00:55:31.380
Look, I'm pretty busy. Oh, no. And I know you
1260
00:55:31.400 --> 00:55:34.619
just put yourself in a very vulnerable position. I really did. Jeez.
1261
00:55:35.099 --> 00:55:37.570
Are you kidding? I mean, first of all, my wife
1262
00:55:37.610 --> 00:55:39.210
is also going to be jealous if she's not part
1263
00:55:39.250 --> 00:55:40.130
of it, because as you.
1264
00:55:40.090 --> 00:55:42.070
Know, she is- I won't wear inflammatory sweaters.
1265
00:55:42.550 --> 00:55:44.530
No, you should. That's not inflammatory. No, you absolutely should. No,
1266
00:55:44.530 --> 00:55:48.630
it's not inflammatory. It's the female reproductive system. It's the
1267
00:55:48.670 --> 00:55:50.469
reason we're all here, for Christ's sake.
1268
00:55:50.489 --> 00:55:54.380
Well, I thought if nothing else, because for talk show segments,
1269
00:55:54.400 --> 00:55:56.320
you have to have stories and stories and stories. And
1270
00:55:56.340 --> 00:55:59.699
I was driving here or getting dressed and I said, okay, nothing.
1271
00:55:59.980 --> 00:56:02.300
There's no pre-interview. There's nothing. All I know is these
1272
00:56:02.340 --> 00:56:05.599
people talking. And I knew I loved your penis voice.
1273
00:56:05.800 --> 00:56:10.730
And I knew- that didn't necessarily have a vagina.
1274
00:56:10.309 --> 00:56:12.500
Voice or a uterus voice. He's scared of it.
1275
00:56:12.510 --> 00:56:16.190
It usually makes you cringe. He can't hear the word uterus.
1276
00:56:16.250 --> 00:56:18.670
He can't hear the word ovary.
1277
00:56:18.730 --> 00:56:20.889
It would sound like Saron from Lord of the Rings.
1278
00:56:23.659 --> 00:56:25.880
Why are you here?
1279
00:56:28.179 --> 00:56:30.659
Gee, I knew this wasn't going to work out.
1280
00:56:31.670 --> 00:56:36.389
You have no right.
1281
00:56:36.429 --> 00:56:37.730
Wow, you're dancing around.
1282
00:56:37.750 --> 00:56:38.849
I'm so happy.
1283
00:56:39.030 --> 00:56:39.789
Oh, my God.
1284
00:56:40.130 --> 00:56:43.230
In my wildest dreams, I didn't think I would actually
1285
00:56:43.369 --> 00:56:45.429
hear this.
1286
00:56:45.949 --> 00:56:48.449
Oh, my God. Be gone.
1287
00:56:49.090 --> 00:56:49.730
Okay.
1288
00:56:51.230 --> 00:56:56.349
I'll just take this little ring and go. You'll take nothing.
1289
00:56:57.800 --> 00:56:58.280
Oh, wow.
1290
00:56:58.679 --> 00:57:01.159
Okay, well, there we go. There it is. That's the
1291
00:57:01.199 --> 00:57:01.840
vagina voice.
1292
00:57:02.159 --> 00:57:02.800
Oh, wow.
1293
00:57:02.820 --> 00:57:03.840
The voice of Saron.
1294
00:57:03.900 --> 00:57:06.820
I could seriously die.
1295
00:57:06.860 --> 00:57:09.159
The most evil force in the universe. All right, well, Julie,
1296
00:57:09.179 --> 00:57:11.760
you gotta come back because this was- I will, please.
1297
00:57:12.400 --> 00:57:12.980
Sorry.
1298
00:57:13.019 --> 00:57:15.420
Yeah, you gotta come back because this was too much
1299
00:57:15.500 --> 00:57:21.010
fun and congrats on your new venture. Quitters, which is
1300
00:57:21.050 --> 00:57:23.510
available where? Wherever you get your podcast.
1301
00:57:23.650 --> 00:57:25.030
I mean, wherever you get your podcast.
1302
00:57:25.090 --> 00:57:25.449
Conan!
1303
00:57:25.469 --> 00:57:26.449
Thank you so much.
1304
00:57:26.789 --> 00:57:30.289
I'm sorry I ruined it. You didn't ruin anything. You
1305
00:57:30.309 --> 00:57:33.230
were great. Quitters, check it out. And Julie, please come
1306
00:57:33.269 --> 00:57:33.650
back soon.
1307
00:57:33.690 --> 00:57:35.110
Thank you. Thank you so much.
1308
00:57:35.530 --> 00:57:37.539
Not every day you meet an Irish legend.
1309
00:57:37.820 --> 00:57:39.059
I know what you mean, Coo Column.
1310
00:57:39.340 --> 00:57:42.420
Leaping vast distances, holding off armies.
1311
00:57:42.559 --> 00:57:44.679
Eating tonnes of fresh grass.
1312
00:57:44.860 --> 00:57:45.199
What?
1313
00:57:45.280 --> 00:57:48.360
Not you or cows. That's one of the reasons Irish
1314
00:57:48.400 --> 00:57:52.079
milk is so good. It's famous all over the world.
1315
00:57:52.360 --> 00:57:53.940
Legendary.
1316
00:57:54.440 --> 00:57:57.519
Ireland's grass and our farmers' commitment to more sustainable actions
1317
00:57:57.800 --> 00:58:01.320
help make Irish dairy a true Irish legend. Always look
1318
00:58:01.360 --> 00:58:05.400
for the National Dairy Council guarantee. Learn more at ndc.ie.
1319
00:58:05.679 --> 00:58:09.829
Reckon we'll need a fleet of about 50 vehicles next quarter. Oh,
1320
00:58:10.230 --> 00:58:12.199
one of our suppliers just pulled out of the market.
1321
00:58:12.619 --> 00:58:16.829
Ten should do the job. Nice, just won a new contract.
1322
00:58:17.150 --> 00:58:17.710
Make that 100, vehicles.
1323
00:58:19.940 --> 00:58:22.300
Why tie up your valuable capital? Whether you need a
1324
00:58:22.340 --> 00:58:24.889
car or van rental for two hours or two years,
1325
00:58:25.170 --> 00:58:27.710
Europe Car offers total flexibility for you to get the
1326
00:58:27.750 --> 00:58:30.409
job done. No matter what the job is, simply pay
1327
00:58:30.449 --> 00:58:33.010
as you go. Search Europe Car Business to get moving.
1328
00:58:33.329 --> 00:58:35.510
Europe Car, moving your business your way.
1329
00:58:35.690 --> 00:58:37.550
Did you always want to become a teacher?
1330
00:58:37.710 --> 00:58:38.869
For as long as I can remember.
1331
00:58:38.989 --> 00:58:40.840
Bad Apples, starring Saoirse Ronan.
1332
00:58:40.949 --> 00:58:41.380
Danny!
1333
00:58:41.639 --> 00:58:42.429
Shut up!
1334
00:58:42.530 --> 00:58:43.739
Four stars, Empire.
1335
00:58:43.780 --> 00:58:45.179
You pushed a girl down the stairs.
1336
00:58:45.199 --> 00:58:48.039
I'm going to tell everyone you attacked me. Let me go!
1337
00:58:48.159 --> 00:58:48.760
I hate you!
1338
00:58:48.780 --> 00:58:50.500
A relentless dark comedy, IndieWire.
1339
00:58:50.519 --> 00:58:53.099
Investigations continue into the disappearance of Danny Carter.
1340
00:58:53.159 --> 00:58:55.340
Deliciously twisted, BBC talking movies.
1341
00:58:55.360 --> 00:58:56.440
You're never letting me go, are you?
1342
00:58:56.460 --> 00:58:58.300
Top of its class, The Hollywood Reporter.
1343
00:58:58.380 --> 00:59:00.420
Is anyone feeling sad or anxious?
1344
00:59:00.440 --> 00:59:00.500
No?
1345
00:59:00.719 --> 00:59:02.239
All right.
1346
00:59:02.699 --> 00:59:05.070
Bad Apples in cinemas September 18th. Cert 15A.
1347
00:59:11.679 --> 00:59:14.940
Hey, Conan, you popped up on Saturday Night Live very
1348
00:59:15.019 --> 00:59:16.599
recently and very specially.
1349
00:59:16.659 --> 00:59:16.840
Yeah.
1350
00:59:16.880 --> 00:59:20.219
Yeah, it was, uh... Specially. Yeah, specially. I don't know
1351
00:59:20.239 --> 00:59:23.309
if that's the right way. It was a very special
1352
00:59:23.389 --> 00:59:25.429
episode of Saturday Night Live where they.
1353
00:59:25.449 --> 00:59:25.530
They.
1354
00:59:28.920 --> 00:59:31.480
They addressed eating disorders, and it started out by saying,
1355
00:59:31.500 --> 00:59:35.119
this is a very special Saturday Night Live tonight. Specially?
1356
00:59:35.159 --> 00:59:36.989
What am I thinking? I don't know what you were thinking,
1357
00:59:37.050 --> 00:59:41.250
but yeah, it was really nice. It was special. I
1358
00:59:41.289 --> 00:59:45.929
don't know when people will be hearing this, but as
1359
00:59:45.989 --> 00:59:50.309
I speak, it was just the other day, and what
1360
00:59:50.349 --> 00:59:53.469
happened was John Mulaney, who I'm a huge fan of,
1361
00:59:53.849 --> 01:00:00.139
and we've become pals over the years, he... basically told
1362
01:00:00.159 --> 01:00:02.480
me that he was going to be hosting Saturday Night
1363
01:00:02.519 --> 01:00:04.739
Live for the fifth time and that I was invited
1364
01:00:04.860 --> 01:00:08.480
to come by and see the show. And I had
1365
01:00:08.519 --> 01:00:15.360
not been back to 30 Rockefeller Center pretty much since
1366
01:00:15.699 --> 01:00:19.880
I departed in 2009 to come out West. So I
1367
01:00:19.880 --> 01:00:23.599
hadn't been back there and it felt like this is
1368
01:00:23.639 --> 01:00:25.820
a nice way to go back. The plan was just
1369
01:00:25.860 --> 01:00:28.650
for me to sit in the audience and get to
1370
01:00:28.690 --> 01:00:30.829
see some of the people that I've, you know, or
1371
01:00:30.869 --> 01:00:35.389
hang around backstage and watch the show and then, um, and,
1372
01:00:35.530 --> 01:00:39.639
and reconnect with people like Jim Downey, who's the head, uh,
1373
01:00:39.679 --> 01:00:41.980
was the head writer at Saturday Night Live, uh, who
1374
01:00:42.019 --> 01:00:44.800
hired me, who's one of the icons, one of the
1375
01:00:45.059 --> 01:00:47.579
great comedy writers of all time. He and I have
1376
01:00:47.639 --> 01:00:50.159
reconnected recently. So I was going to see him and
1377
01:00:50.199 --> 01:00:52.789
we were going to see the show together and, uh,
1378
01:00:52.949 --> 01:00:57.570
watch John do his thing and, And then John mentioned
1379
01:00:57.889 --> 01:00:59.230
to me, he called me up, I think it was
1380
01:00:59.309 --> 01:01:01.789
on Thursday or something, and said, hey, we're writing a sketch.
1381
01:01:01.869 --> 01:01:04.170
Would you want to be in it? And I thought,
1382
01:01:05.250 --> 01:01:06.210
if I get paid.
1383
01:01:07.630 --> 01:01:07.750
Oh.
1384
01:01:08.650 --> 01:01:13.429
No, I didn't. I said, sure. And what was nice
1385
01:01:13.510 --> 01:01:15.670
about it was I always like whenever I can close
1386
01:01:15.710 --> 01:01:19.190
a circle or in this sort of cosmic way. There's
1387
01:01:19.230 --> 01:01:23.639
a sketch called Five Timers Club. And it's basically anytime
1388
01:01:23.679 --> 01:01:28.119
someone's hosted the show their fifth time, they're welcomed into
1389
01:01:28.159 --> 01:01:32.340
the club. Long time ago, I think this was 1989, maybe,
1390
01:01:32.840 --> 01:01:36.280
or 1990, when I was a writer at SNL, they
1391
01:01:36.320 --> 01:01:38.699
did the sketch for the first time. Someone thought of it,
1392
01:01:39.239 --> 01:01:42.909
and they were welcoming Tom Hanks into the Five Timers Club.
1393
01:01:43.670 --> 01:01:46.610
And I'm just a writer at the show, a skinny
1394
01:01:46.730 --> 01:01:49.989
kid in his 20s. I remember Jim Downey, I think,
1395
01:01:50.090 --> 01:01:53.449
said- Well, there should be a doorman who opens people
1396
01:01:53.599 --> 01:01:56.599
up– who opens the door and lets people into the club. Conan,
1397
01:01:56.619 --> 01:01:59.880
why don't you do that? And so there's this footage
1398
01:01:59.900 --> 01:02:04.409
you can probably see online of the very first five-timer
1399
01:02:04.429 --> 01:02:07.889
sketch from whatever it is, 90 or– I saw that.
1400
01:02:07.969 --> 01:02:10.090
Was that the first time you were on camera? No,
1401
01:02:10.250 --> 01:02:12.960
I had done other things, but this was a big
1402
01:02:13.119 --> 01:02:17.530
one just because– Steve Martin's in the sketch and Elliot
1403
01:02:17.570 --> 01:02:21.119
Gould's in the sketch and Paul Simon's in the sketch
1404
01:02:21.139 --> 01:02:25.869
and And my job was just to open the door.
1405
01:02:25.989 --> 01:02:29.090
And I think Tom Hanks unnecessarily says a fake name
1406
01:02:29.139 --> 01:02:32.119
for me. He says, oh, hello, Sean. Like there was
1407
01:02:32.159 --> 01:02:34.480
no reason for me to have a name, but I
1408
01:02:34.500 --> 01:02:37.340
think he just said, oh, hello, Sean. And it's like,
1409
01:02:38.179 --> 01:02:40.039
and then I put a smoking jacket on him. I
1410
01:02:40.079 --> 01:02:42.519
remember having a little trouble with the smoking jacket for
1411
01:02:42.539 --> 01:02:45.119
a second and having a heart attack.
1412
01:02:46.659 --> 01:02:50.380
Something probably nobody else remembered. Yeah.
1413
01:02:50.679 --> 01:02:52.460
I remember seeing this live.
1414
01:02:52.480 --> 01:02:52.699
Yeah.
1415
01:02:52.739 --> 01:02:54.960
I watched that. And did you look at the guy
1416
01:02:55.000 --> 01:02:57.400
who was opening the door who worked at the Five
1417
01:02:57.440 --> 01:03:00.159
Timers Club named Sean and think, that guy looks like
1418
01:03:00.179 --> 01:03:01.210
he's got what it takes.
1419
01:03:01.489 --> 01:03:03.650
No, I thought that guy will someday be the bane
1420
01:03:03.670 --> 01:03:05.409
of my existence.
1421
01:03:05.969 --> 01:03:07.989
A lot of people thought that and they were right.
1422
01:03:08.269 --> 01:03:10.369
So anyway, I did that and it was kind of
1423
01:03:10.389 --> 01:03:13.070
just a nice moment. you know, of all the moments
1424
01:03:13.210 --> 01:03:15.000
in my life, that was just a nice little moment
1425
01:03:15.019 --> 01:03:20.929
that I had. So then John Mulaney very kindly, said, oh,
1426
01:03:20.980 --> 01:03:22.780
it'd be kind of cool if Conan was in this
1427
01:03:22.840 --> 01:03:26.820
five-timer sketch and came by. And he gave us the
1428
01:03:26.880 --> 01:03:29.019
reason when they asked me, what are you doing here?
1429
01:03:29.079 --> 01:03:33.349
I said, I'm here to sign up for Peacock. That
1430
01:03:33.449 --> 01:03:37.829
was a great line. And then, you know, so John
1431
01:03:38.130 --> 01:03:41.329
wrote this nice thing and I thought, well, this is okay.
1432
01:03:41.369 --> 01:03:43.789
This will be fun. And then I come back to
1433
01:03:43.949 --> 01:03:46.380
NBC and I hadn't been there in a long time.
1434
01:03:46.460 --> 01:03:52.780
And It was just lovely because all these cameramen, I mean, Blay,
1435
01:03:52.860 --> 01:03:55.699
you can jump in here because Aaron Blay, you worked
1436
01:03:55.780 --> 01:03:58.599
with me at Saturday Night Live. You worked with me
1437
01:03:58.619 --> 01:04:01.769
at Late Night, which was on the ninth. We were
1438
01:04:01.809 --> 01:04:04.969
on the ninth floor and SNL was on the eighth floor.
1439
01:04:06.409 --> 01:04:09.050
and their offices are on the 17th floor. I'm just
1440
01:04:09.070 --> 01:04:12.130
going to start naming what's on- Oh yeah, keep telling us.
1441
01:04:12.329 --> 01:04:14.389
Then there's an insurance company on the fifth floor.
1442
01:04:14.730 --> 01:04:16.130
And you walk in from the front door.
1443
01:04:16.159 --> 01:04:19.539
Our studio, of course, on the sixth floor. No, anyway, yeah.
1444
01:04:19.980 --> 01:04:24.940
It's Floors with Conan O'Brien. Now on the 43rd floor,
1445
01:04:25.099 --> 01:04:29.639
it's interesting. There's a Bitcoin company now. But anyway, you
1446
01:04:29.679 --> 01:04:33.070
work there, Blay. And so there are all these people
1447
01:04:33.670 --> 01:04:37.320
that have worked at 30 Rock forever. And so you
1448
01:04:37.340 --> 01:04:41.139
go there and people are just coming off of, it's nice.
1449
01:04:41.159 --> 01:04:44.119
Have you ever seen the movie Sunset Boulevard? There's a
1450
01:04:44.179 --> 01:04:49.449
scene where Nora Desmond, the aging silent film star goes
1451
01:04:49.510 --> 01:04:51.780
back to the studio. And she goes back to the
1452
01:04:51.829 --> 01:04:53.550
film studio and she hasn't been there in a long time.
1453
01:04:54.050 --> 01:04:56.110
And she walks in and all these people up in
1454
01:04:56.130 --> 01:04:59.409
the cameras and holding the lights go, Nora, Nora, you know,
1455
01:04:59.449 --> 01:05:01.849
it's me. And she goes, oh, Giuseppe, you know? And
1456
01:05:01.869 --> 01:05:04.230
then another guy will go like, Ms. Desmond, you know,
1457
01:05:04.269 --> 01:05:06.190
good to see you. And she go, oh, it's, you know,
1458
01:05:06.969 --> 01:05:09.840
it's Tommy. Hello there, Tommy. That's how it felt a
1459
01:05:09.860 --> 01:05:14.239
little bit. I was a very old silent film star
1460
01:05:14.300 --> 01:05:18.400
who went back, but it was really very meaningful and
1461
01:05:18.440 --> 01:05:21.340
sweet because- Some of the people that worked on my
1462
01:05:21.380 --> 01:05:25.460
late night show are there. Tina Ryan, who did, you know,
1463
01:05:25.639 --> 01:05:30.019
worked in wardrobe. She came and found me and started,
1464
01:05:30.820 --> 01:05:33.699
she was crying and I practically started crying, although I
1465
01:05:33.739 --> 01:05:36.800
didn't because I don't have, well, I don't have a soul.
1466
01:05:36.820 --> 01:05:41.820
But we had a really nice connection. And so many
1467
01:05:41.889 --> 01:05:47.500
people came out and said hi. And I absolutely loved it.
1468
01:05:48.289 --> 01:05:51.630
And then- To boot, I get to... I don't take
1469
01:05:51.650 --> 01:05:54.340
it for granted, but anytime I get to hang out,
1470
01:05:54.409 --> 01:05:56.239
because you really do have to hang out there for
1471
01:05:56.280 --> 01:05:58.420
a while. If you're doing it, you have to do
1472
01:05:58.440 --> 01:05:59.820
it at dress, you have to do it at air.
1473
01:05:59.900 --> 01:06:04.199
So who am I hanging out with? Tina Fey, Steve Martin,
1474
01:06:04.840 --> 01:06:08.679
Candice Bergen was in the sketch, and Elliot Gould, and
1475
01:06:09.019 --> 01:06:12.179
Paul Rudd, who... It's one of those things where you'd
1476
01:06:12.219 --> 01:06:13.340
love to be able to say, you know the way
1477
01:06:13.380 --> 01:06:15.659
you think Paul Rudd is a nice guy? Well, let
1478
01:06:15.699 --> 01:06:19.409
me tell you. And then you... He is... there is
1479
01:06:19.510 --> 01:06:21.750
not a nicer human being in the world than Paul Rudd.
1480
01:06:21.969 --> 01:06:26.010
And he's really funny, obviously, and great. So I was
1481
01:06:26.050 --> 01:06:27.880
just having the time of my life hanging out with
1482
01:06:27.900 --> 01:06:31.079
these guys. And you mentioned the podcast. Oh, yeah.
1483
01:06:31.139 --> 01:06:31.480
I know.
1484
01:06:31.659 --> 01:06:35.019
That was really- Disparagingly. You're bearing the lead. Disparagingly, yeah.
1485
01:06:35.039 --> 01:06:35.199
Yeah.
1486
01:06:35.360 --> 01:06:37.900
Well, they had this great setup line, which was, you know,
1487
01:06:37.920 --> 01:06:40.860
I basically say- John Mulaney, this is a very special thing.
1488
01:06:40.920 --> 01:06:45.610
Why I host, you know, I was on TV for whatever,
1489
01:06:45.610 --> 01:06:49.969
30 years and I can, you know, I think I'm
1490
01:06:50.010 --> 01:06:51.969
bragging or somewhat about how I've been on TV for
1491
01:06:51.969 --> 01:06:54.849
30 years and then he says, or for decades and
1492
01:06:55.150 --> 01:06:56.650
then he says, well, what do you do now? And
1493
01:06:56.670 --> 01:07:02.119
I just went, I have a podcast. And getting to
1494
01:07:02.159 --> 01:07:04.800
just hang out with such, you know, I mean, these
1495
01:07:04.900 --> 01:07:07.619
are It's funny because people assume that because I've been
1496
01:07:07.639 --> 01:07:09.619
doing this a long time that I wouldn't get phased
1497
01:07:09.659 --> 01:07:12.820
by people. But I'm always going to be a little
1498
01:07:12.860 --> 01:07:16.639
intimidated by a Steve Martin and, frankly, also a Tina Fey.
1499
01:07:16.679 --> 01:07:21.380
I think she's absolutely brilliant. And every time I'm around Tina,
1500
01:07:21.420 --> 01:07:26.210
I'm like, I want my best behavior because– I, you know,
1501
01:07:26.489 --> 01:07:29.670
she's one of the best of all time. And I just,
1502
01:07:29.849 --> 01:07:32.380
so anyway, that was all great. But what was really
1503
01:07:32.460 --> 01:07:35.099
funny as I make that kind of joke about, yeah,
1504
01:07:35.119 --> 01:07:37.860
I'm just doing a podcast, big deal, ha ha. And
1505
01:07:37.880 --> 01:07:40.679
the crowd really laughs. And then I'm walking, when the
1506
01:07:40.719 --> 01:07:42.940
sketch is over and the band's playing, you have to
1507
01:07:42.980 --> 01:07:45.340
walk through the crowd to get back to your dressing room.
1508
01:07:45.760 --> 01:07:48.730
And people in the crowd started shouting, Katakai, Katakai, Katakai.
1509
01:07:51.210 --> 01:07:54.010
And I was turning around and yeah, it was so funny.
1510
01:07:54.090 --> 01:07:55.989
Cause I've just been like, yeah, I just have a podcast.
1511
01:07:56.250 --> 01:07:58.989
And then I'm walking through that crowd and those chairs
1512
01:07:59.050 --> 01:08:00.670
are on the floor and a guy goes, Katakai. And
1513
01:08:00.690 --> 01:08:02.730
then someone else goes, Katakai. And then someone else was like,
1514
01:08:02.789 --> 01:08:05.739
is God made here? And I'm like, man, yeah, this
1515
01:08:05.780 --> 01:08:10.099
is great. And then they, yeah. So that was, I mean,
1516
01:08:10.280 --> 01:08:12.480
and then I, of course, I went to the after
1517
01:08:12.539 --> 01:08:15.840
party and talked to Lorne Michaels for a really long time,
1518
01:08:15.860 --> 01:08:19.279
which was, he's the reason anybody knows me at all.
1519
01:08:19.359 --> 01:08:22.899
He put me He plucked me from pretty much complete
1520
01:08:22.920 --> 01:08:26.000
obscurity and put me in this impossible position. So that
1521
01:08:26.020 --> 01:08:30.460
was anytime I get to cross paths with him and
1522
01:08:30.500 --> 01:08:34.409
sit there and have a drink and talk is really
1523
01:08:35.010 --> 01:08:38.149
a big deal for me. And also getting to talk
1524
01:08:38.210 --> 01:08:42.189
to that cast and those writers, they're super talented. And
1525
01:08:42.270 --> 01:08:47.100
so it just was kind of emotional to get to
1526
01:08:47.140 --> 01:08:51.520
go back and have that connection again. And also just
1527
01:08:51.560 --> 01:08:54.470
see what good hands that show is in. I mean,
1528
01:08:54.489 --> 01:09:01.180
they're very, very– man, they're talented writers and incredibly talented performers. Anyway,
1529
01:09:01.460 --> 01:09:01.880
that was a treat.
1530
01:09:01.899 --> 01:09:02.579
That's very cool.
1531
01:09:02.659 --> 01:09:05.359
Now let's get back to what floor, what things happen on.
1532
01:09:05.520 --> 01:09:06.329
No.
1533
01:09:06.449 --> 01:09:07.149
As I said.
1534
01:09:07.170 --> 01:09:07.810
No.
1535
01:09:07.909 --> 01:09:11.989
NBC News, third floor. Yeah, exactly. And a lot of
1536
01:09:12.029 --> 01:09:16.770
people don't know, but the legal counsel for Nike shoes.
1537
01:09:17.170 --> 01:09:20.640
Now that is on the 55th floor, but it's on
1538
01:09:20.680 --> 01:09:22.260
the north side, not the south.
1539
01:09:22.560 --> 01:09:25.119
When we redid the offices and half of our offices
1540
01:09:25.159 --> 01:09:27.939
moved to eight, half of our offices were shared with
1541
01:09:27.960 --> 01:09:29.220
the tax department.
1542
01:09:29.279 --> 01:09:31.500
Guess what? If I've ever heard of a chunk that
1543
01:09:31.520 --> 01:09:34.680
can get cut, it's... This is riveting.
1544
01:09:34.800 --> 01:09:38.449
This is a very specially episode.
1545
01:09:38.670 --> 01:09:41.890
I love how I got super... about as emotional as
1546
01:09:41.970 --> 01:09:44.510
I can get about going back to Saturday Night Live
1547
01:09:44.529 --> 01:09:47.470
and saying such sweet things and having a real moment
1548
01:09:47.529 --> 01:09:50.930
and then immediately we veer into hey remember when we
1549
01:09:50.970 --> 01:09:56.449
shared offices with the tax department anyway a big huge
1550
01:09:56.489 --> 01:10:00.460
thank you to everyone at SNL and John Mulaney especially
1551
01:10:00.760 --> 01:10:05.380
but everyone else who made me so feel so welcome
1552
01:10:05.640 --> 01:10:10.420
and they were so sweet and and so thank you all.
1553
01:10:12.100 --> 01:10:16.010
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian,
1554
01:10:16.270 --> 01:10:17.010
and Matt Gourley.
1555
01:10:17.289 --> 01:10:18.789
Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
1556
01:10:19.090 --> 01:10:22.720
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross
1557
01:10:22.800 --> 01:10:26.159
at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
1558
01:10:26.439 --> 01:10:30.109
Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
1559
01:10:30.449 --> 01:10:31.130
Take it away, Jimmy.
1560
01:10:34.529 --> 01:10:37.529
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent
1561
01:10:37.550 --> 01:10:38.869
producer is Jennifer Samples.
1562
01:10:39.329 --> 01:10:40.560
Engineering by Will Becton.
1563
01:10:40.899 --> 01:10:44.800
Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis,
1564
01:10:45.079 --> 01:10:48.239
Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review
1565
01:10:48.279 --> 01:10:50.760
this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your
1566
01:10:50.800 --> 01:10:52.460
review read on a future episode.
1567
01:10:52.800 --> 01:10:53.840
Got a question for Conan?
1568
01:10:54.140 --> 01:10:59.079
Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message.
1569
01:10:59.380 --> 01:11:01.659
It too could be featured on a future episode. And
1570
01:11:01.699 --> 01:11:04.500
if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs
1571
01:11:04.520 --> 01:11:06.720
a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher.
1572
01:11:07.050 --> 01:11:16.000
Or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a
1573
01:11:16.039 --> 01:11:19.680
Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.
1574
01:11:25.739 --> 01:11:29.890
Reckon we'll need a fleet of about 50 vehicles next quarter. Oh,
1575
01:11:30.289 --> 01:11:32.250
one of our suppliers just pulled out of the market.
1576
01:11:32.689 --> 01:11:36.869
Ten should do the job. Nice, just won a new contract.
1577
01:11:37.189 --> 01:11:37.750
Make that 100 vehicles.
1578
01:11:39.979 --> 01:11:42.350
Why tie up your valuable capital? Whether you need a
1579
01:11:42.390 --> 01:11:44.949
car or van rental for two hours or two years,
1580
01:11:45.229 --> 01:11:47.770
Europe Car offers total flexibility for you to get the
1581
01:11:47.810 --> 01:11:50.449
job done. No matter what the job is, simply pay
1582
01:11:50.489 --> 01:11:53.069
as you go. Search Europe Car Business to get moving.
1583
01:11:53.390 --> 01:11:55.550
Europe Car, moving your business your way.
1584
01:11:55.750 --> 01:11:57.590
Did you always want to become a teacher?
1585
01:11:57.770 --> 01:11:58.869
For as long as I can remember.
1586
01:12:01.189 --> 01:12:01.439
Danny!
1587
01:12:01.699 --> 01:12:02.500
Shut up!
1588
01:12:02.600 --> 01:12:03.800
Four stars empire.
1589
01:12:03.819 --> 01:12:05.220
You pushed a girl down the stairs.
1590
01:12:05.239 --> 01:12:08.100
I'm going to tell everyone you attacked me. Let me go!
1591
01:12:08.220 --> 01:12:08.779
I hate you!
1592
01:12:08.819 --> 01:12:10.119
A relentless dark comedy.
1593
01:12:10.180 --> 01:12:10.539
Indie-wise.
1594
01:12:10.579 --> 01:12:13.180
Investigations continue into the disappearance of Danny Carter.
1595
01:12:13.220 --> 01:12:15.409
Deliciously twisted. BBC talking movies.
1596
01:12:15.430 --> 01:12:16.510
You're never letting me go, are you?
1597
01:12:16.529 --> 01:12:18.369
Top of its class. The Hollywood Reporter.
1598
01:12:18.430 --> 01:12:20.550
Is anyone feeling sad or anxious?
1599
01:12:21.090 --> 01:12:21.250
No?
1600
01:12:22.050 --> 01:12:22.310
Alright.
1601
01:12:22.770 --> 01:12:25.140
Bad Apples. In cinemas September 18th. Cert 15A.