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comedy4cast is the official podcast of the mandolin, type that is way too
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small to read, and teaser trailers.
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The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog-ear that for now.
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Oh, hi! You're here! Welcome to the show.
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I'm Clinton, and this is a very special episode of comedy4cast, episode 860.
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The Bob and Ray Show. This past summer, I participated in the Mutual Audio Network's
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annual Summer Stock event, where audio theater enthusiasts give new interpretations
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of classic audio productions.
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I decided to do a compilation of sketches by the comedy team of Bob Elliott
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and Ray Goulding, better known simply as Bob and Ray.
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For this episode, I've cut down the number of sketches from that Summer Stock
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production to give you a taste of the full show.
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More about all of that at the end of this episode. But right now,
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let's have some fun with my salute to Bob and Ray.
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Now, from approximately coast to coast, it's the Bob and Ray Show.
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And it's all possible thanks in part to two of our old sponsors.
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Einbinder, the greatest name in flypaper. This year, more than ever before,
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make flypaper an important part of your life.
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And by the Monongahela Metal Foundry, makers of shiny steel ingots.
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Monongahela, the metal foundry that casts its ingots with the housewife in mind.
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Hi there, boys and girls. Let's all gather round for another session of fun
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and learning on Prodigy Street.
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I know how anxious all of you little people are to become smarter than your
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mommies and daddies, So let's not waste another minute to find out what Mr.
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Wise Old Owl has to teach us today.
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I see you have your blackboard all set up ready to begin, Mr.
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Owl. Yes, I sure do, Wally the Word Man.
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And today, boys and girls, we're going to learn a lot more about numbers as
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we study the numeral one.
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First, I'm going to put a figure one on my Wise Old Owl blackboard.
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And, to help you remember, we'll write out the word one right next to it.
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O-N-E.
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Now we'll put... Excuse me, Mr. Wise Old Owl, but I think the boys and girls
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should notice that the word one begins with that W sound I was telling them
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about yesterday on Prodigy Street.
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But it isn't spelled with a W. How about that?
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Well, that's certainly interesting, Wally the Word Man. but today's lesson is about numbers.
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So I want all of you boys and girls to hold up one finger and then count it.
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But first, kids, you should take a moment to notice that one is spelled as if
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it should be pronounced Oni. But always remember...
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It isn't. Pardon me, Wally the Word Man, but I don't think we should confuse
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the boys and girls with too many ideas at once here, and I just asked them to
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count a finger when I'm afraid you got them off onto something else.
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I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Wise Old Owl. It's just that we were learning about
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the letter W yesterday, and I thought it would be good to bring it up at this
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point while it's still fresh in mind. But that was all, so please, continue.
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Thank you. Now, kids, hold up one more finger and count again.
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How many are there this time? That's right, two.
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So one plus one makes two.
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Now, I'll put the figure two on the blackboard and write next to it the word two, T-W-O.
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Well, look there, boys and girls. Our old friend, the letter W,
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is peeking out at us from the middle of the word two. Look, Wally,
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I really wish you'd knock it off with this letter W business.
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I'm trying to teach the kids simple addition.
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Well, actually, that's not very important to know. But the word to is unique in our language.
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See kids, it's spelled as if it should be pronounced twow. But always remember.
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It isn't. Wally, nobody needs to know how it's spelled to do arithmetic.
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For all I know, Einstein couldn't spell it.
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Well, I don't think our producer is going to be too happy to hear you implying
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to the boys and girls that Einstein was illiterate.
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Oh, I didn't say that.
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I just mean it's completely beside the point. You don't have to be able to spell
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numbers to do arithmetic. It's irrelevant.
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Now, hold up another finger, kids, and we'll... Well, I certainly don't consider
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any phase of the correct use of our language to be irrelevant.
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And I think you may be right out on your ear when the foundation that finances
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this show hears what you said.
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Why do you have to twist around everything I say? You English grammar smart
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alecks are always doing that.
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And I've got millions of kids out there holding up three fingers waiting for
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me to tell them what to do next. Well, I suppose you're going to have them count
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to their fingers again. So count your fingers, kids. Big deal.
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Now, hold on. Are you trying to make me look foolish in front of all these children?
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I sure don't have to try very hard to do that, fella. Okay, Buster.
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Well, if you're looking for a knuckle sandwich, you've got one.
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Time's up for today's lesson, kids. But join us again tomorrow on Prodigy Street for more.
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You can stop holding your fingers up in the air now, boys and girls.
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Yeah, stop that. But remember to tune in tomorrow for more fun and learning.
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Same time, same station, on Prodigy Street.
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See you then, Mr. Wise Old Owl. Yeah, I suppose so.
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A word to you ladies now from our subscriber, the Monongahela Metal Foundry.
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Ladies, we don't expect you to take our word that Monongahela steel ingots are
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brighter and shinier than old-fashioned brands.
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Make a simple comparison test for yourself. Just drag one of your present-day
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ingots out in the yard on a sunny day and place it next to one of ours.
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If the Monongahela ingot doesn't shine more brightly, even without long hours
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of polishing, your money will be cheerfully refunded.
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Remember too, ladies, you know how ashamed you feel serving dinner guests when
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there are dull, corroded steel ingots piled on the table.
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That's why the folks at Monongahela have introduced new extra shiny ingots for home and office use.
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You'll be proud to display them along with your finest china and silverware.
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Ask about them at your local Monongahela Foundry salesroom today.
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Greetings and the warmest of felicitations to you, sports fans.
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This is Biff Burns, emanating from mic side here in the Biff Burns Sports Room.
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In the moments that lie directly ahead, we shall be scrutinizing all the highlights
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and sidelights from the world of sports.
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In addition, we'll be chatting with one of the truly dominant figures in sports, Edgar Barhorst.
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And Edgar, suppose we begin with a most penetrating question.
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What have you ever done to become a truly dominant figure in sports?
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Well, it's really not what I've done so far, Biff. It's what I'm about to do.
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I'm going to end all the legal fights over contracts and salaries that professional
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athletes have been getting into lately with the team owners.
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Well, I'm sure that such an achievement would indeed be hailed by all the leaders
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of the sporting fraternity, including myself.
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But how do you propose to keep sports stars from getting into contract disputes
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with team management, Edgar?
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Well, I've got an ingenious idea for that, Biff. You see what I- Excuse me for
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interjecting, Edgar, but before you begin, I'd just like to say that this is
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my show, and therefore I'll make the decision as to whether your idea is ingenious or not.
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Oh, sure, Biff. I didn't mean to be stepping over into your territory,
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but I'm sure you'll think the idea is pretty ingenious.
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You see, I plan to change the rules for all sports so they'll be a lot easier to play.
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Then athletes won't have the nerve to demand so much money because they'll know
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they're not doing anything very difficult.
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Well, that may or may not be an ingenious idea, Edgar. It all depends upon what
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you're talking about when you infer that sports will be easier to play under your proposed rules.
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Well, I think basketball is a good example of what I'm talking about, Biff.
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Right now, you've got young guys just out of school squabbling with management
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over a million dollar contracts.
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And the only reason they're able to ask for that kind of money is because they're seven feet tall,
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but still graceful and able to move around well.
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Well, with all due respect, Edgar, I don't see how you propose to make a young
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man more clumsy if he has a natural tendency to be graceful.
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Well, I think you'll see that's now what I'm proposing to do,
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if you'll just clam up and let me explain the thing, Biff.
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You see, under my rules, the basket will be lowered about two feet,
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and guys will be allowed to run with the ball if they want to,
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and we may also make the basket bigger around so it's easier to score.
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That way, I figure any middle-aged man standing five feet six should have enough talent to play pro ball.
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I see. And if this idea of yours proves to be as ingenious as you think,
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this will cut down on unreasonable salary demands in the NBA?
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Well, sure it will, Biff. How can a guy demand a million bucks when he knows
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that almost every man in the country under the age of 60 is able to play as good as he does?
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Well, that does indeed have all the superficial earmarks of being an ingenious idea, Edgar. Thanks.
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I believe my new rules will have an even bigger impact on Major League Baseball.
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There, I plan to make the ball a lot bigger and softer.
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Kind of like a volleyball. Test results indicate that it'll take a lot less
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talent to play in the major leagues under those conditions.
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I assume the ball will be easier to hit and also to field if it's large and
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soft. That's right. As I said, I've got test results on that, Biff.
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We tried the proposed equipment in a little league in my hometown last season,
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and even the worst hitter batted at 927.
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So I don't see how Rod Carew could ask for anything more than a couple hundred
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dollars a week, knowing that any eight-year-old kid can play ball as good as he does.
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Well, that's a fascinating concept for the imagination to toy with, Edgar.
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Thank you, Biff. Coming from you, that means more than it would normally.
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I suppose that's true. But there's one question that I continue tossing over in my mind.
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Why would fans pay money to come out and watch sports that don't require any playing skill?
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Well, I think the fans are going to have to lower their standards and stop expecting
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to see professional athletes who have talent. I see.
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And do you expect the fans to cooperate by lowering their standards that way? Uh, no.
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I don't think they'll do that, Biff. I don't think they will either.
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But thanks for stopping by to tell us about your impractical idea.
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And now, this is Biff Burns saying that until it's time for our next get-together
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in the sports room, this is Biff Burns saying, So long, fans!
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Say, here's good news for the busy gift shopper.
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Do you have trouble selecting just the right present for Christmas,
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birthdays, and other special occasions?
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Then why not offer the token of love and esteem that's welcomed by all?
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A gift certificate for Einbinder flypaper.
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They're available in denominations of $10, $50, and $100. and they can be redeemed
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for whichever size and style of flypaper best suits the needs of the recipient.
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Friends will love you for your thoughtfulness and they'll also admire your good
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taste in selecting a gift certificate for genuine Einbinder flypaper,
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the brand you've gradually grown to trust over the course of three generations.
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And now the Monongahela Metal Foundry, makers of extra shiny steel ingots for
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home and office use, invite you to ride with the men of Squad Car 119.
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My name's Sam Finch. Me and my partner, Ralph R. Kruger Jr.,
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are the unsung heroes of the police force.
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We ride a prowl car at night.
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Winter. Summer. Spring.
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Labor Day. Always on the lookout for trouble. The other evening,
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we'd just gone on duty, when my partner, Ralph R.
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Kruger Jr., turned to me and said, I'll sure be glad when this night's over, Sam.
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I haven't had any sleep in two days.
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Just lie there trying to think of a town in Washington that begins with W.
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What do you need to know that for? Well, I don't need to know it, Sam.
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It's just a way to get to sleep. You know, think of a town in every state that
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begins with the same letter as the state.
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You mean like Philadelphia, Pennsylvania?
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No, Sam, the same letter. Honolulu, Hawaii.
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Anchorage, Alaska. Milwaukee, Minnesota.
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Like that. Milwaukee is not in Minnesota, Ralph R. Kruger Jr. Really?
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Well, there's some town up there next to St. Paul. I'll try to stay awake and
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think of it. Calling car 119.
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Car 119. Go to the corner of Rossmont and La Brea to meet up with the officers
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from Unit 71 and help apprehend a suspect.
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Gee, they want us to meet the guys from Unit 71, Sam.
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Have we ever met them before? I don't think so.
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Sure would have worn my good suit if I'd known we were going to be meeting new people.
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I hate meeting people for the first time. Makes my palms get sweaty.
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I know what you mean. I never know what to say to them.
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Wearing this rumpled suit just makes it worse. With me, the bad part is having
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to shake hands when my palms are sweaty.
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New people always notice sweaty palms right off. Yeah, but you've got a knack for words, Ralph R.
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I never know what to say. I suppose I talk to them while you shake hands.
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Then they won't know I've got sweaty palms.
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They'll still see my rumpled suit, though.
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Maybe if I just stayed in the car and reached out the window to shake hands. That might work.
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I sure hate meeting new people for the first time.
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Car 119, Car 119, disregard that call to meet Unit 71 and help apprehend a suspect.
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The situation is now under control. The suspect has been apprehended,
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booked, and brought to trial.
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In a moment, the results of that trial.
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Now let me remind you that only two days remain to enter the giant sweepstakes
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contest now going on at your Monongahela Metal Foundry.
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There's nothing to buy and only a certain amount of obligation.
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But you could win a full new set of extra shiny ingots every month for as long as you live.
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Or one of 528 smaller prizes.
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And the sweepstakes is so simple to enter. Just visit your local Monongahela
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dealer and give him your estimate of the total number.
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If your guess is close, you're a winner. But you must act before midnight tomorrow.
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So get on your thinking cap and start preparing your estimate now.
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Are punished under state law by a
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term of no less than five years in the Correctional Institute at Soledad.
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Well, that's it for today, folks. We hope you enjoyed yourself. We sure did. Sure did.
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So this is Ray Goulding, reminding you to write if you get work.
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And this is Bob Elliott, reminding you to hang by your thumbs.
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Now take a few minutes to relax with Clinton after the episode.
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I hope you enjoyed that. It was a lot of fun. and also nerve-wracking.
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Because like Stan Freeberg, Bob Newhart, and Albert Brooks, Bob and Ray have
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been a big influence on me when it comes to comedy.
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But this project was the first time I've done an episode consisting entirely
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of someone else's work verbatim.
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Compiling the material, I picked lesser-known sketches.
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You see, I was worried that if I attempted their most famous bits,
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I'd end up doing them exactly the way Bob and Ray performed them,
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instead of interpreting the work in their style.
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The version I produced for the Mutual Audio Network contained an additional
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five short sketches, and I'll include a link to that in the show notes for this
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episode, The Bob and Ray Show.
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If you're unfamiliar with Bob and Ray, here's a bit of background.
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They began their careers working together at Boston radio station WHDH in the
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1940s. Bob Elliott was a disc jockey, and Ray Goulding was a newscaster.
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Their often absurdist improv banter led to a gig filling airtime when Boston
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Red Sox games were rained out.
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Hey, you have to start somewhere, right? It eventually led to their own weekday
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radio show, Matinee with Bob and Ray, in 1946.
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That cemented the billing order as Bob and Ray, and it's where they coined their
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Right if you get work, hang by your thumb sign-off.
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The pleasant slash unpleasant nature of the wording is just another example
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of their poking fun at tradition.
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The duo eventually moved to New York City, where they were an on-air staple for over 40 years.
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They also had their own TV show, did commercial voiceovers, and even staged
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a hit Broadway show, Bob and Ray, the two and only, in 1970,
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as well as playing Carnegie Hall in 1984,
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because that practice paid off.
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The duo won three Peabody Awards and were inducted into the Broadcasting Hall of Fame in 1995.
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And that just scratches the surface of their careers. You might also be familiar
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with Bob Elliott's son, Chris Elliott,
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probably best known for his work on Late Tonight with David Letterman,
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as the cameraman in Groundhog Day, and as the town mayor on the TV series Schitt's Creek.
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Chris's daughter, and by extension Bob Elliott's granddaughter,
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Abby Elliott, was a Saturday Night Live cast member for four years.
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Now that is one long comedy lineage. If you get a chance, please check out some
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Bob and Ray material performed by the actual Bob and Ray.
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Their Broadway show, Bob and Ray, The Two and Only, is available as an audio
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recording made in front of an audience.
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It's available on Spotify, and I'll have a link to it in the show notes for
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this episode, The Bob and Ray Show.
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That about wraps it up. But first, a very special shout out to the folks who
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help power comedy4cast, my Patreon patrons,
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including producer level patrons, Paul Barrie from the A Window to the Magic
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00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:15,630
podcast, Kirby Bartlett Sloan from the 20 Megabyte Doctor Who podcast,
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00:20:16,150 --> 00:20:20,310
Chuck Tomasi from the Technorama podcast, and Kyle Nishioka.
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You too can support comedy4cast
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00:20:22,650 --> 00:20:27,490
and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month.
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Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number four, on Patreon.com.
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Or just click on the link on the comedy4cast homepage.
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What could be easier? This episode was, of course, written by Bob Elliott and
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Ray Goulding with additional material by me, Clinton Alvord.
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I also did the voices and wrote the original music. Copyright 2025.
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All rights reserved. Talk to you again next time. But for now,
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that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye-bye.
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comedy4cast is the official podcast of the mandolin, type that is way too
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small to read, and teaser trailers.
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The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog-ear that for now.
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Oh, hi! You're here! Welcome to the show.
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I'm Clinton, and this is a very special episode of comedy4cast, episode 860.
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The Bob and Ray Show. This past summer, I participated in the Mutual Audio Network's
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annual Summer Stock event, where audio theater enthusiasts give new interpretations
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of classic audio productions.
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I decided to do a compilation of sketches by the comedy team of Bob Elliott
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and Ray Goulding, better known simply as Bob and Ray.
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For this episode, I've cut down the number of sketches from that Summer Stock
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production to give you a taste of the full show.
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More about all of that at the end of this episode. But right now,
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let's have some fun with my salute to Bob and Ray.
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Now, from approximately coast to coast, it's the Bob and Ray Show.
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And it's all possible thanks in part to two of our old sponsors.
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Einbinder, the greatest name in flypaper. This year, more than ever before,
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make flypaper an important part of your life.
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And by the Monongahela Metal Foundry, makers of shiny steel ingots.
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Monongahela, the metal foundry that casts its ingots with the housewife in mind.
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Hi there, boys and girls. Let's all gather round for another session of fun
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and learning on Prodigy Street.
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I know how anxious all of you little people are to become smarter than your
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mommies and daddies, So let's not waste another minute to find out what Mr.
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Wise Old Owl has to teach us today.
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I see you have your blackboard all set up ready to begin, Mr.
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Owl. Yes, I sure do, Wally the Word Man.
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And today, boys and girls, we're going to learn a lot more about numbers as
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we study the numeral one.
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First, I'm going to put a figure one on my Wise Old Owl blackboard.
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And, to help you remember, we'll write out the word one right next to it.
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O-N-E.
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Now we'll put... Excuse me, Mr. Wise Old Owl, but I think the boys and girls
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should notice that the word one begins with that W sound I was telling them
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about yesterday on Prodigy Street.
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But it isn't spelled with a W. How about that?
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Well, that's certainly interesting, Wally the Word Man. but today's lesson is about numbers.
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So I want all of you boys and girls to hold up one finger and then count it.
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But first, kids, you should take a moment to notice that one is spelled as if
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it should be pronounced Oni. But always remember...
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It isn't. Pardon me, Wally the Word Man, but I don't think we should confuse
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the boys and girls with too many ideas at once here, and I just asked them to
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count a finger when I'm afraid you got them off onto something else.
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I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Wise Old Owl. It's just that we were learning about
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the letter W yesterday, and I thought it would be good to bring it up at this
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point while it's still fresh in mind. But that was all, so please, continue.
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Thank you. Now, kids, hold up one more finger and count again.
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How many are there this time? That's right, two.
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So one plus one makes two.
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Now, I'll put the figure two on the blackboard and write next to it the word two, T-W-O.
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Well, look there, boys and girls. Our old friend, the letter W,
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is peeking out at us from the middle of the word two. Look, Wally,
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I really wish you'd knock it off with this letter W business.
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I'm trying to teach the kids simple addition.
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Well, actually, that's not very important to know. But the word to is unique in our language.
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See kids, it's spelled as if it should be pronounced twow. But always remember.
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It isn't. Wally, nobody needs to know how it's spelled to do arithmetic.
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For all I know, Einstein couldn't spell it.
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Well, I don't think our producer is going to be too happy to hear you implying
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to the boys and girls that Einstein was illiterate.
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Oh, I didn't say that.
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I just mean it's completely beside the point. You don't have to be able to spell
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numbers to do arithmetic. It's irrelevant.
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Now, hold up another finger, kids, and we'll... Well, I certainly don't consider
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any phase of the correct use of our language to be irrelevant.
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And I think you may be right out on your ear when the foundation that finances
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this show hears what you said.
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Why do you have to twist around everything I say? You English grammar smart
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alecks are always doing that.
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And I've got millions of kids out there holding up three fingers waiting for
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me to tell them what to do next. Well, I suppose you're going to have them count
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to their fingers again. So count your fingers, kids. Big deal.
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Now, hold on. Are you trying to make me look foolish in front of all these children?
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I sure don't have to try very hard to do that, fella. Okay, Buster.
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Well, if you're looking for a knuckle sandwich, you've got one.
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Time's up for today's lesson, kids. But join us again tomorrow on Prodigy Street for more.
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You can stop holding your fingers up in the air now, boys and girls.
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Yeah, stop that. But remember to tune in tomorrow for more fun and learning.
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Same time, same station, on Prodigy Street.
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See you then, Mr. Wise Old Owl. Yeah, I suppose so.
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A word to you ladies now from our subscriber, the Monongahela Metal Foundry.
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Ladies, we don't expect you to take our word that Monongahela steel ingots are
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brighter and shinier than old-fashioned brands.
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Make a simple comparison test for yourself. Just drag one of your present-day
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ingots out in the yard on a sunny day and place it next to one of ours.
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If the Monongahela ingot doesn't shine more brightly, even without long hours
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of polishing, your money will be cheerfully refunded.
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Remember too, ladies, you know how ashamed you feel serving dinner guests when
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there are dull, corroded steel ingots piled on the table.
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That's why the folks at Monongahela have introduced new extra shiny ingots for home and office use.
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You'll be proud to display them along with your finest china and silverware.
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Ask about them at your local Monongahela Foundry salesroom today.
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Greetings and the warmest of felicitations to you, sports fans.
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This is Biff Burns, emanating from mic side here in the Biff Burns Sports Room.
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In the moments that lie directly ahead, we shall be scrutinizing all the highlights
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and sidelights from the world of sports.
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In addition, we'll be chatting with one of the truly dominant figures in sports, Edgar Barhorst.
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And Edgar, suppose we begin with a most penetrating question.
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What have you ever done to become a truly dominant figure in sports?
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Well, it's really not what I've done so far, Biff. It's what I'm about to do.
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I'm going to end all the legal fights over contracts and salaries that professional
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athletes have been getting into lately with the team owners.
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Well, I'm sure that such an achievement would indeed be hailed by all the leaders
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of the sporting fraternity, including myself.
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But how do you propose to keep sports stars from getting into contract disputes
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with team management, Edgar?
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Well, I've got an ingenious idea for that, Biff. You see what I- Excuse me for
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interjecting, Edgar, but before you begin, I'd just like to say that this is
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my show, and therefore I'll make the decision as to whether your idea is ingenious or not.
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Oh, sure, Biff. I didn't mean to be stepping over into your territory,
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but I'm sure you'll think the idea is pretty ingenious.
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You see, I plan to change the rules for all sports so they'll be a lot easier to play.
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Then athletes won't have the nerve to demand so much money because they'll know
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they're not doing anything very difficult.
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Well, that may or may not be an ingenious idea, Edgar. It all depends upon what
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you're talking about when you infer that sports will be easier to play under your proposed rules.
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Well, I think basketball is a good example of what I'm talking about, Biff.
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Right now, you've got young guys just out of school squabbling with management
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over a million dollar contracts.
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And the only reason they're able to ask for that kind of money is because they're seven feet tall,
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but still graceful and able to move around well.
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Well, with all due respect, Edgar, I don't see how you propose to make a young
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man more clumsy if he has a natural tendency to be graceful.
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Well, I think you'll see that's now what I'm proposing to do,
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if you'll just clam up and let me explain the thing, Biff.
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You see, under my rules, the basket will be lowered about two feet,
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and guys will be allowed to run with the ball if they want to,
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and we may also make the basket bigger around so it's easier to score.
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That way, I figure any middle-aged man standing five feet six should have enough talent to play pro ball.
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I see. And if this idea of yours proves to be as ingenious as you think,
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this will cut down on unreasonable salary demands in the NBA?
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Well, sure it will, Biff. How can a guy demand a million bucks when he knows
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that almost every man in the country under the age of 60 is able to play as good as he does?
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Well, that does indeed have all the superficial earmarks of being an ingenious idea, Edgar. Thanks.
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I believe my new rules will have an even bigger impact on Major League Baseball.
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There, I plan to make the ball a lot bigger and softer.
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Kind of like a volleyball. Test results indicate that it'll take a lot less
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talent to play in the major leagues under those conditions.
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I assume the ball will be easier to hit and also to field if it's large and
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soft. That's right. As I said, I've got test results on that, Biff.
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We tried the proposed equipment in a little league in my hometown last season,
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and even the worst hitter batted at 927.
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So I don't see how Rod Carew could ask for anything more than a couple hundred
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dollars a week, knowing that any eight-year-old kid can play ball as good as he does.
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Well, that's a fascinating concept for the imagination to toy with, Edgar.
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Thank you, Biff. Coming from you, that means more than it would normally.
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I suppose that's true. But there's one question that I continue tossing over in my mind.
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Why would fans pay money to come out and watch sports that don't require any playing skill?
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Well, I think the fans are going to have to lower their standards and stop expecting
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to see professional athletes who have talent. I see.
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And do you expect the fans to cooperate by lowering their standards that way? Uh, no.
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I don't think they'll do that, Biff. I don't think they will either.
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But thanks for stopping by to tell us about your impractical idea.
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And now, this is Biff Burns saying that until it's time for our next get-together
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in the sports room, this is Biff Burns saying, So long, fans!
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Say, here's good news for the busy gift shopper.
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Do you have trouble selecting just the right present for Christmas,
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birthdays, and other special occasions?
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Then why not offer the token of love and esteem that's welcomed by all?
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A gift certificate for Einbinder flypaper.
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They're available in denominations of $10, $50, and $100. and they can be redeemed
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for whichever size and style of flypaper best suits the needs of the recipient.
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Friends will love you for your thoughtfulness and they'll also admire your good
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taste in selecting a gift certificate for genuine Einbinder flypaper,
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the brand you've gradually grown to trust over the course of three generations.
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And now the Monongahela Metal Foundry, makers of extra shiny steel ingots for
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home and office use, invite you to ride with the men of Squad Car 119.
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My name's Sam Finch. Me and my partner, Ralph R. Kruger Jr.,
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are the unsung heroes of the police force.
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We ride a prowl car at night.
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Winter. Summer. Spring.
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Labor Day. Always on the lookout for trouble. The other evening,
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we'd just gone on duty, when my partner, Ralph R.
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Kruger Jr., turned to me and said, I'll sure be glad when this night's over, Sam.
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I haven't had any sleep in two days.
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Just lie there trying to think of a town in Washington that begins with W.
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What do you need to know that for? Well, I don't need to know it, Sam.
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It's just a way to get to sleep. You know, think of a town in every state that
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begins with the same letter as the state.
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You mean like Philadelphia, Pennsylvania?
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No, Sam, the same letter. Honolulu, Hawaii.
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Anchorage, Alaska. Milwaukee, Minnesota.
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Like that. Milwaukee is not in Minnesota, Ralph R. Kruger Jr. Really?
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Well, there's some town up there next to St. Paul. I'll try to stay awake and
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think of it. Calling car 119.
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Car 119. Go to the corner of Rossmont and La Brea to meet up with the officers
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from Unit 71 and help apprehend a suspect.
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Gee, they want us to meet the guys from Unit 71, Sam.
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Have we ever met them before? I don't think so.
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Sure would have worn my good suit if I'd known we were going to be meeting new people.
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I hate meeting people for the first time. Makes my palms get sweaty.
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I know what you mean. I never know what to say to them.
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Wearing this rumpled suit just makes it worse. With me, the bad part is having
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to shake hands when my palms are sweaty.
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New people always notice sweaty palms right off. Yeah, but you've got a knack for words, Ralph R.
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I never know what to say. I suppose I talk to them while you shake hands.
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Then they won't know I've got sweaty palms.
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They'll still see my rumpled suit, though.
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Maybe if I just stayed in the car and reached out the window to shake hands. That might work.
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I sure hate meeting new people for the first time.
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Car 119, Car 119, disregard that call to meet Unit 71 and help apprehend a suspect.
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The situation is now under control. The suspect has been apprehended,
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booked, and brought to trial.
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In a moment, the results of that trial.
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Now let me remind you that only two days remain to enter the giant sweepstakes
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contest now going on at your Monongahela Metal Foundry.
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There's nothing to buy and only a certain amount of obligation.
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But you could win a full new set of extra shiny ingots every month for as long as you live.
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Or one of 528 smaller prizes.
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And the sweepstakes is so simple to enter. Just visit your local Monongahela
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dealer and give him your estimate of the total number.
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If your guess is close, you're a winner. But you must act before midnight tomorrow.
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So get on your thinking cap and start preparing your estimate now.
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Are punished under state law by a
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term of no less than five years in the Correctional Institute at Soledad.
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Well, that's it for today, folks. We hope you enjoyed yourself. We sure did. Sure did.
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So this is Ray Goulding, reminding you to write if you get work.
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And this is Bob Elliott, reminding you to hang by your thumbs.
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Now take a few minutes to relax with Clinton after the episode.
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I hope you enjoyed that. It was a lot of fun. and also nerve-wracking.
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Because like Stan Freeberg, Bob Newhart, and Albert Brooks, Bob and Ray have
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been a big influence on me when it comes to comedy.
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But this project was the first time I've done an episode consisting entirely
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of someone else's work verbatim.
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Compiling the material, I picked lesser-known sketches.
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You see, I was worried that if I attempted their most famous bits,
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I'd end up doing them exactly the way Bob and Ray performed them,
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instead of interpreting the work in their style.
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The version I produced for the Mutual Audio Network contained an additional
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five short sketches, and I'll include a link to that in the show notes for this
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episode, The Bob and Ray Show.
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If you're unfamiliar with Bob and Ray, here's a bit of background.
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They began their careers working together at Boston radio station WHDH in the
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1940s. Bob Elliott was a disc jockey, and Ray Goulding was a newscaster.
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Their often absurdist improv banter led to a gig filling airtime when Boston
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Red Sox games were rained out.
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Hey, you have to start somewhere, right? It eventually led to their own weekday
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radio show, Matinee with Bob and Ray, in 1946.
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That cemented the billing order as Bob and Ray, and it's where they coined their
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Right if you get work, hang by your thumb sign-off.
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The pleasant slash unpleasant nature of the wording is just another example
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of their poking fun at tradition.
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The duo eventually moved to New York City, where they were an on-air staple for over 40 years.
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They also had their own TV show, did commercial voiceovers, and even staged
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a hit Broadway show, Bob and Ray, the two and only, in 1970,
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as well as playing Carnegie Hall in 1984,
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because that practice paid off.
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The duo won three Peabody Awards and were inducted into the Broadcasting Hall of Fame in 1995.
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And that just scratches the surface of their careers. You might also be familiar
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with Bob Elliott's son, Chris Elliott,
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probably best known for his work on Late Tonight with David Letterman,
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as the cameraman in Groundhog Day, and as the town mayor on the TV series Schitt's Creek.
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Chris's daughter, and by extension Bob Elliott's granddaughter,
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Abby Elliott, was a Saturday Night Live cast member for four years.
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Now that is one long comedy lineage. If you get a chance, please check out some
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Bob and Ray material performed by the actual Bob and Ray.
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Their Broadway show, Bob and Ray, The Two and Only, is available as an audio
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recording made in front of an audience.
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It's available on Spotify, and I'll have a link to it in the show notes for
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this episode, The Bob and Ray Show.
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That about wraps it up. But first, a very special shout out to the folks who
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help power comedy4cast, my Patreon patrons,
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including producer level patrons, Paul Barrie from the A Window to the Magic
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podcast, Kirby Bartlett Sloan from the 20 Megabyte Doctor Who podcast,
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Chuck Tomasi from the Technorama podcast, and Kyle Nishioka.
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You too can support comedy4cast
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and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month.
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Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number four, on Patreon.com.
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Or just click on the link on the comedy4cast homepage.
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What could be easier? This episode was, of course, written by Bob Elliott and
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Ray Goulding with additional material by me, Clinton Alvord.
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I also did the voices and wrote the original music. Copyright 2025.
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All rights reserved. Talk to you again next time. But for now,
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that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye-bye.
