Restaurant Improbable

WEBVTT
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Hi, is this the side quest dump?
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Uh great.
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Um yeah, I just uh uh I'm like four XP away from leveling up and I just I need a quick uh side quest.
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You need a side quest, you need a side quest, that's what I'm gonna do.
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Okay, are you gonna give it to me?
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Of course, of course, of course, uh, and you've got the ads.
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You're talking about total.
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So we're talking correct ads.
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It gives me the total.
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And if you're correct, I'll take you three.
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Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Comedy and Dice.
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My name is Tyler Wood.
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I play AIE.
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Anybody else?
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Oh, I'm Shane.
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I was like, is this which squay does this go around?
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Uh I'm Shane.
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I play Ranger Danger, the half elf ranger.
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Uh my name is Grant Janik.
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I am your DM.
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DM, of course, stands for Dildo Mammaries or uh Dungeon Master, whichever one you prefer.
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I'm the world.
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Oh, Grant, that reminds me I can hear your uh vibrations on recordings.
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If it's if your ears can hear it, I can hear it.
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I can't hear it now, so and it's off, it's off the table.
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So get fucked, liberal.
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Perfect.
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Alright, so we are in the middle of the desert still.
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Yes.
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We're we're trucking along.
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Shane, you just uh became conscious again.
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So well that's great.
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When we last left off, we all what you remember, Shane, is that AI has now cartoon powers.
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Oh yeah.
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And one thing that was happening is you were driving along the desert trying to catch up to that big hole where he went into.
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All of a sudden you hit something, and then you hit your head against the steering wheel and you blacked out.
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So as you're coming to, you're looking around, you start to notice, you take a gander, you see John, who is just deciding to take a nap.
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You guys are taking shifts, and AI is looking at you.
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AI now has tits.
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Oh, hell yeah.
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Yeah.
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Uh all right.
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So I'm just awake now.
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Yes, you're awake and AI has tits.
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What do you do?
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I like rub my eyes, and uh I imagine because uh, you know, I wasn't there for all the cartoon stuff, but like, you know, my I see my eyes getting big and I'm like, oh my god, look at those.
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That's exciting, but also that's my friend.
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That's not an object of my desire.
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Uh so I go over that.
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I go, hey, uh, what'd I miss?
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Uh yeah, we uh we went off, we we took care of the cat from uh when we was in the uh the the the snowman, the snow, the the probable uh snowman guy.
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We took care of his cat, everything's cool over there.
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That's good, and uh I got gifted this shirt.
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Oh, that's nice.
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What does it say again?
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Was it it says uh these are two massive honka donkaroo titties, is what they say.
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Amazing.
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But you've read you gotta read Braille.
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Yeah, I'm not doing that.
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I'm not doing that.
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Okay.
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Yeah, not good at touching.
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Here's what's crazy though, and I take the shirt off and I give it to give it to you.
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So when try it on.
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You take the shirt off.
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As soon as the shirt comes off, you see more so a shirt that is just made out of pure quartz.
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Oh, this is hard when it's off, soft when it's on.
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It's hard when it's when it's off, and then you're hard when it's on.
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Oh, okay.
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So I I put this shirt on.
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I put it on.
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All right, as you put it on, nothing changes to your perception, Ranger.
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You just look like you're wearing a quartz shirt, but to AI's perception, you now have massive honkers.
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Wow.
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Uh do I st this feels normal.
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Do you see anything on your end?
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What do you got?
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What do I got going on here?
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Yeah, it looks like you have giant titties.
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No.
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You think?
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Yeah.
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I know so.
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Oh, okay.
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I'm taking the shirt off.
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Taking the shirt off.
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This will be useful, I'm sure, at some point.
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Oh, f we we've been uh John and I on the way back here from uh our little side quest.
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We we talked about some things.
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We we have some plans.
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Yeah, we have some plans in place.
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All right, all right, all right.
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Well, so what's the plan now?
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What do we gotta do?
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I'm gonna save this thing for later.
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Uh, right as you say that, you hear a voice from behind you.
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I put the shirt back on.
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Perfect.
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A voice from behind you under the buggy, and he it goes, Hi, I'm the side quest dump.
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It's me, the side quest dump.
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Holy shit.
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All right.
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That that's who you think it is.
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Okay.
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Uh hey, what's going on?
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Uh what uh as you turn around you see a little tree stump with a couple of rings around it.
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He's like, Hey, I'm the side quest dump.
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Wanna go on a little side quest?
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Cause I'm the side quest dump.
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Uh AI, are you familiar with this stump?
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Yeah, he's how we he's how he gave me tits.
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Oh, okay.
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And we like this stump?
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We we no.
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I wouldn't say that I I like the stump, but he's who got us this uh this quartz shirt, and you know, we we took a little side quest back to one of the chapters we had already completed.
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Okay.
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And uh I think I think he maybe wants another one.
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Okay, I'm yeah, what what do you got for us?
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Well, I'm I'm interested in what side quest you have.
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Which th which chapter do you want to go to?
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You have a couple of chapters available.
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We have two through seven left.
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Oh, okay.
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Yeah, you can go to chapter two.
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You can go to chapter three.
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What's the one that's not the lawyer one?
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Anything but two.
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Okay, good.
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Okay.
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Uh, because I can't, my brain can't process the lawyer stuff.
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I'm like, what are we doing again?
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Uh oh, that one, no, it was nothing to do with the lawyer.
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We just have to go where you least expect.
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Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
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That's that's where the the tear is.
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And clearly not where I least expect, just go where you're not supposed to.
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Where you would least expect is an anthill playing Magic the Gathering, because that's also not Magic Pokemon or whatever.
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No, the where I'd least expect is inside my own asshole.
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And it wasn't there either.
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It's like post office number two, my own ass number one, and it turns out it's an anthill.
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Yes.
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Which uh was on nobody's radar because it was underground.
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Very punk rock.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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All right.
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Uh let's I don't want to walk through them.
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I'm just gonna pick one because I don't remember what they're for.
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What's hey, Tyler, what do you think is the most fun one?
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Oh, I already did.
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I got the I kind of picked two last time.
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Oh, okay.
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And uh now we're not allowed to go back to chapter one.
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Okay.
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Um, like we needed to see uh the fucking uh guy again.
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Yeah, what's your pick one?
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You can't go back.
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I'm the Star Quest duck.
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So we we picked that one, then it went to eight.
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Okay.
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And uh yeah, we're we're there.
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So oh man, I mean you were there for all the adventures that I were.
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What was your favorite one?
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I think I liked six.
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What was six?
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The fun the the We had a fun time.
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Uh what was it?
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Chapter six.
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Don't tell him.
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Don't tell him.
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I want to hear from Ranger why you had so much fun in chapter six.
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Listen, uh, I thought you'd have a memory.
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I don't remember.
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No, listen.
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Did you have fun in chapter six, part one, two, three, four, five?
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Oh shit.
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Chapter six, return to chapter six, fucking part four, or did you have fun with with the the the compendium uh thereof?
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Oh, so I was it five I like?
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I think it's five I like.
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Hold on.
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Let me chapter six.
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I'm gonna let me hold on, let me tell you what the name of the episode is.
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Okay, and you tell me if you can figure out what what it's about.
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Good luck.
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That's all I'm gonna say.
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Okay, I love this.
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This is awesome.
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Because I I get creative with these sometimes.
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Oh, yeah.
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Chapter six was oh, no.
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Oh well, it's a it's a combination.
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Okay, it's chapters five, six, and seven: the past, the present, and the future.
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Oh, Jesus Christ.
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Well, I gotta tell you what that was about.
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The present one.
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Do you remember what the present was?
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No.
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Mine was the past.
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Okay.
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Yours was the future.
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Okay.
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So chapter six is the only one that you guys did not go to.
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So are you going to chapter six?
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Oh, I don't know.
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Uh yeah, that sounds fun.
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Okay.
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Alright.
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Uh, so you push the sixth ring on the stump, and he goes, All right, time to suck you guys.
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And you get sucked into the stump as it spins and spins and spins, and then it spits you out, and you land as you look around, you see that there is a bunch of crates around you.
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You're in a very, very dark room.
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Dog crates, right?
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Yeah, dog crates, and you see a hooded figure above, like, behind you, like typing away at a computer.
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I cast poison spray.
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Ooh.
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Uh sure.
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Okay.
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Rolled a hit.
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Poison spray.
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Rolled a hit.
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Does an 18 hit.
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Oh shit.
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Yeah, an 18 does hit.
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How much damage?
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11.
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Okay.
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Uh fuck.
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Okay.
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Um It's the first time this has ever worked.
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Shit.
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Okay.
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I've cast poison spray on Edgar Allan Pooh no less than 14 times.
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Every time we come out of a chapter, a half chapter, or return to a chapter.
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Can't hit him, but this person, I walk into where they are, their home, and blast them.
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Just straight blast it.
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So to set the scene, what happens is the stump spits you guys out, and he's like, Oh right, you're sad quest.
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And with out as he's the stump is talking, you cast Poison Spray at the shadowy man, you hit the back of his head, which starts to melt and disintegrate into his brain, and you see him just fall over.
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And the stump goes, What you need to oh my god! Oh are we done?
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Did I do it?
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Um he he was supposed to give you give you your side quests, so well shit.
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Let's let's try to figure this out.
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Was he important?
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Oh, he's kinda important.
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Like to to the overall thing or just a side quest?
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A and B.
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He was pretty important.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Well, let's think about this.
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Um, I would like to cast uh Spare the Dying on this.
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Does this work?
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Would that work for this creature?
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Well, what does Spare the Dying say?
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Oh, zero hit points, but isn't dead.
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But this bro is probably dead.
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He's dead.
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Like this guy is dead, dead.
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Uh he didn't even go into like saving roles.
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No, he's super dead.
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He's he's guy in the chair.
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Guy in the chair has terrible stats.
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Like he's he was Mark's like spy dude.
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Um, that's right.
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Roll perception.
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I put on his headset.
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Oh, um okay.
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As you put on his headset, you roll perception for me.
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Both of us are the same.
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Each of you can roll perception.
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Five.
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An eight.
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Okay.
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You see a couple of like the screens he was looking at, it's multiple screens, and they look like security cam footages into bars, and you hear the audio of the security cam footages.
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I listen closer.
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Yeah, it's it's just uh security cam footages and whatnot, and the stump is kind of behind you, like, um, okay.
00:11:58.720 --> 00:12:02.799
Well I isolate the audio on the top left feed.
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Yeah, so as you isolate the audio on the top left feed, it zooms in so it's less of a clutter and more focused.
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You are able to determine all of these bars are being ran somewhat poorly.
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Oh, is this like kitchen nightmares?
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So there you see some servers like drinking behind the bar uh in the in the top left one.
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There's some servers draking behind the bar.
00:12:31.279 --> 00:12:32.159
Alright, what do we do?
00:12:32.399 --> 00:12:32.799
I don't know.
00:12:32.879 --> 00:12:37.039
I feel like we gotta get you think each one of these is a side quest, each one of these different cameras?
00:12:37.200 --> 00:12:38.399
You think it's a we just need to.
00:12:38.879 --> 00:12:41.759
So there are four cameras total.
00:12:42.080 --> 00:12:44.879
So top left, top right, bottom left, bottom right.
00:12:45.120 --> 00:12:46.639
I start going through the guy's pockets.
00:12:46.879 --> 00:12:47.840
Uh okay.
00:12:48.080 --> 00:13:07.840
You go through his pockets and you're able to find a ledger, and inside the ledger has bar one, bar two, bar three, bar four, and it shows earnings of each of those bars, and you see that his earnings are steadily going down.
00:13:08.639 --> 00:13:08.960
Ooh.
00:13:09.440 --> 00:13:09.759
Okay.
00:13:10.080 --> 00:13:10.960
It for each of the bars.
00:13:12.159 --> 00:13:13.200
Who whose earnings?
00:13:13.519 --> 00:13:15.519
You assume it's the guy you killed.
00:13:15.759 --> 00:13:16.000
Okay.
00:13:16.080 --> 00:13:18.240
I look at the side quest stump and I go, what do we do here?
00:13:18.639 --> 00:13:24.399
Technically speaking, you were supposed to save this guy's bars and he was gonna reward ya.
00:13:24.879 --> 00:13:25.120
Okay.
00:13:25.200 --> 00:13:28.879
Well who's who's who's next in line, like in his will, who's getting this next?
00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:30.639
Well, shit, I don't know.
00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:32.480
I think I um fuck.
00:13:32.720 --> 00:13:33.279
I don't know.
00:13:33.360 --> 00:13:36.399
I just I just I just deliver the news.
00:13:36.559 --> 00:13:44.720
Um, I'll tell you what though, if you save at least like three of the four bars, I'll let you get the item that he was gonna give you.
00:13:44.799 --> 00:13:46.080
I'm the side quist.
00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:47.840
Okay, alright.
00:13:48.000 --> 00:13:48.480
Sounds good.
00:13:48.559 --> 00:13:48.639
Yeah.
00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:50.399
Yeah, that's that's good enough to me.
00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:55.519
Um I uh do you want to go to the to the first bar where those uh girls are drinking?
00:13:55.759 --> 00:13:57.200
Yeah, do we have the addresses?
00:13:57.360 --> 00:13:58.879
Are they can we do we need that?
00:13:59.120 --> 00:14:02.879
Oh, I I think we just go outside and find the giant sign that says bar number one.
00:14:03.200 --> 00:14:06.559
Yeah, that's that's the name of the bar is bar number one.
00:14:06.879 --> 00:14:07.600
Perfect, perfect.
00:14:07.679 --> 00:14:08.240
Yeah, let's do that.
00:14:08.399 --> 00:14:10.000
We walk outside and look for bar number one.
00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:21.759
You find it, it's like uh all you walk out the door and you see right across the street bar one, bar two, bar three, and bar four all next to each other.
00:14:22.000 --> 00:14:23.919
Yeah, let's just walk into bar one.
00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:24.720
Let's check it out.
00:14:24.879 --> 00:14:33.360
All right, as you walk into bar one, you are seeing a bunch of people drinking behind the bar, like taking shots and shots and shots.
00:14:33.519 --> 00:14:37.120
Uh, it's kind of a dive bar situation.
00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:41.440
So, you know, not very much decoration, kind of fluorescent lights.
00:14:41.519 --> 00:14:44.000
They're drinking out of plastic cups, not glasses.
00:14:44.240 --> 00:14:45.440
Kind of rinky dink.
00:14:45.600 --> 00:14:48.080
Hey, this place is uh there I say rinky dink.
00:14:48.240 --> 00:14:49.279
Yeah, I was thinking of the same thing.
00:14:49.360 --> 00:14:55.039
And now that's not something I normally say about places, but I we're what we probably mind melded before we walked in here.
00:14:55.279 --> 00:15:01.519
Yeah, I was thinking uh, you know, usually I'd be like derelict, but no, this place is uh straight up a rinky dink.
00:15:01.679 --> 00:15:03.360
It's like a little roller rink.
00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:04.240
Is that where that comes from?
00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:05.440
Uh baby rinks?
00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:14.799
Yeah, rinky and then uh the dinkies are the uh they're they're the little uh the little fairy guys that are uh around all the the skating rinks.
00:15:15.440 --> 00:15:16.960
Hey, uh who's in charge here?
00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:23.120
Do you say that out loud, or are you just yeah like how do you are you going like who's in you just walked in and shouted?
00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:24.639
Yeah, who's in charge here?
00:15:25.039 --> 00:15:31.200
You you that goes out to the void, you see a couple people not even pay attention to you.
00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:32.799
No one pays attention to you.
00:15:32.960 --> 00:15:34.320
Oh who's drinking?
00:15:34.399 --> 00:15:35.200
Can you describe them?
00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:38.320
Yeah, so there are two servers behind the bar.
00:15:38.480 --> 00:15:43.360
They're both dragonborn that are just drinking and getting pretty wasted.
00:15:43.600 --> 00:15:50.480
There is a gentleman, he is a human, he is over on the bar and he is also drinking a bunch of drinks.
00:15:50.720 --> 00:15:54.240
And those are the only three currently out in front of you.
00:15:54.480 --> 00:15:57.759
I walk up to the you say as a human?
00:15:58.000 --> 00:15:58.480
Yeah.
00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:00.159
Yeah, I'm gonna walk up to the human.
00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:01.440
And I'm like, uh hey, bud.
00:16:02.080 --> 00:16:03.200
Do you know who's in charge?
00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:04.639
Uh it would be me.
00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:05.919
I am the bar manager.
00:16:06.159 --> 00:16:07.279
Okay, what's your name?
00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:08.480
Uh, Tim.
00:16:08.720 --> 00:16:09.120
Tim.
00:16:09.279 --> 00:16:10.000
Listen, Tim.
00:16:10.159 --> 00:16:12.720
Hey, we uh we saw your bar is kind of doing kind of shitty.
00:16:12.799 --> 00:16:13.440
We'd love to help you out.
00:16:13.519 --> 00:16:14.720
Is there anything we can do to help out?
00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:16.720
We're both he's a financier.
00:16:17.039 --> 00:16:18.159
So we know what we're talking about.
00:16:18.240 --> 00:16:20.480
Uh I'm the fanciest.
00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:22.159
The bar is doing fine.
00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:25.039
I think the far's the bar is doing great.
00:16:25.279 --> 00:16:27.679
Um you know, I think this guy's wasted.
00:16:28.000 --> 00:16:28.720
Should we kill him?
00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:30.000
I mean, might as well.
00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:32.639
I'm I'm having I'm just having a day.
00:16:33.120 --> 00:16:36.320
And I'm not really I'm not really wanting to put up with anybody today.
00:16:36.399 --> 00:16:37.200
So I get it.
00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:37.679
I get it.
00:16:38.159 --> 00:16:40.879
I think if we just got a clean house, yeah, I agree.
00:16:41.120 --> 00:16:42.799
It's gonna be much easier to start from the top.
00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:44.960
We could go through the whole thing where we like fire them.
00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:45.679
Right.
00:16:46.000 --> 00:16:54.000
But, you know, uh, depending on whether this is a an at-will state, uh you know, we gotta go through a whole thing with contracts.
00:16:54.080 --> 00:16:55.759
So I think it's easier we just off them.
00:16:56.000 --> 00:16:57.519
I agree start from the bottom up.
00:16:57.759 --> 00:16:58.639
Yeah, I think you're right.
00:16:58.720 --> 00:17:01.120
I think it because we're gonna get through it faster that way.
00:17:01.360 --> 00:17:01.679
Okay.
00:17:02.080 --> 00:17:06.079
You uh you take the two dragonborns, and I'll kill the human.
00:17:06.400 --> 00:17:06.880
What?
00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:09.359
No, I think it should be reversed for sure.
00:17:09.680 --> 00:17:12.160
Oh, no, no, I know what to do.
00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:13.119
I know what to do.
00:17:13.440 --> 00:17:14.000
What is it?
00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:15.680
I go, hey, you know what?
00:17:15.839 --> 00:17:17.519
We're gonna take over for you guys.
00:17:17.759 --> 00:17:21.759
We you're gonna have the rest of the day off paid.
00:17:21.920 --> 00:17:30.480
You're gonna go home, you're gonna drive home right now in a horse-drawn carriage, and we are gonna take over the rest of the bar.
00:17:30.640 --> 00:17:31.440
Does that sound alright?
00:17:31.759 --> 00:17:32.720
Oh shit.
00:17:32.799 --> 00:17:34.160
Uh roll perception.
00:17:34.319 --> 00:17:36.799
Roll it with advantage because he's pretty drunk.
00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:41.440
Okay, with advantage, I go, oh, I got a uh 12.
00:17:41.680 --> 00:17:43.119
Okay, that will work.
00:17:43.200 --> 00:17:45.599
Uh he goes, Ah, alright.
00:17:45.839 --> 00:17:49.359
I mean, fuck, somebody give me my keys.
00:17:49.519 --> 00:17:52.559
That's what I call the whip for the horse on the carriage.
00:17:53.759 --> 00:18:02.880
I find the whip on the wall, hand it to him, and then I walk him out to the carriage, and I go, Hey, you though, you got the rest of the day off.
00:18:02.960 --> 00:18:04.480
As a matter of fact, you got a bonus.
00:18:04.720 --> 00:18:08.000
Oh, uh, the two dragonborn, they're like, oh, really?
00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:09.680
Oh, love that.
00:18:11.599 --> 00:18:14.559
And I walk them outside to the carriage.
00:18:14.640 --> 00:18:16.960
I assume he's mumbling and fumbling as we're going.
00:18:17.599 --> 00:18:20.319
He's stumbling over, getting into his I'll drive you home.
00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:21.039
I'll drive you.
00:18:21.119 --> 00:18:24.400
You're in clearly no shape to drive other drive you home.
00:18:24.720 --> 00:18:33.680
And then as he gets inside, I I look underneath towards the uh the brake cables, and I spray poison spray.
00:18:33.839 --> 00:18:36.640
Well, it's not acid, but I have a question.
00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:40.559
So uh this is a horse-drawn carriage.
00:18:40.799 --> 00:18:41.200
Yeah.
00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:43.839
The brakes are the horse's legs.
00:18:44.960 --> 00:18:46.160
No, didn't they have brakes?
00:18:46.400 --> 00:18:46.880
I don't know.
00:18:47.759 --> 00:18:49.440
In this, I was imagining there are brakes.
00:18:49.680 --> 00:18:50.079
Fuck it.
00:18:50.160 --> 00:18:51.680
I'll give you I'll give you no brakes.
00:18:51.839 --> 00:18:57.519
I bet they had brakes on the wagon because they would have to like sometimes slower down faster to make those horses do their bidding.
00:18:57.839 --> 00:18:58.319
I guess.
00:18:58.400 --> 00:18:58.799
Alright.
00:18:58.880 --> 00:18:59.680
I'll give you that.
00:18:59.839 --> 00:19:00.960
That makes sense.
00:19:01.279 --> 00:19:02.000
Hold on.
00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:15.519
I I typed in brakes on wagons question mark, and uh the uh the term wagon brakes refers to braking mechanisms used either on motorized vehicles like Jeep Wagoneers, horse-drawn wagons, or mobile scenery platforms in theater.
00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:17.680
All right, I'll I'll give you brakes.
00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:18.720
Are they now poisoned?
00:19:18.799 --> 00:19:20.559
Because I've I sprayed poison spray on them.
00:19:20.640 --> 00:19:21.920
I've been using this like it's assuming.
00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:23.920
The brakes are poisoned.
00:19:24.559 --> 00:19:25.599
They're poisoned.
00:19:25.839 --> 00:19:28.240
Great, they're gonna die eventually.
00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:33.839
Uh and then while I've sprayed is the is my my poison spray isn't corrosive, is it?
00:19:34.079 --> 00:19:40.559
Uh it's I say it can be for comedic effect because it did corrode the one guy's brain.
00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:45.920
So while I'm at it, I'm just gonna take my sword and and cut the brake wire also.
00:19:46.160 --> 00:19:46.640
Yeah, that's easy.
00:19:46.960 --> 00:19:47.519
Just for good measure.
00:19:47.599 --> 00:19:48.880
Yeah, that's just in case you got that.
00:19:49.279 --> 00:19:49.440
Yeah.
00:19:49.759 --> 00:19:49.920
Okay.
00:19:50.079 --> 00:19:56.720
And I go, you guys, we're gonna see you here bright and early tomorrow, and you're doing a great job, and we're gonna see you then.
00:19:56.960 --> 00:19:57.920
Uh sure.
00:19:58.079 --> 00:19:58.400
Fine.
00:19:58.480 --> 00:19:59.039
Here we go.
00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:03.759
Yeah, and the horse kind of starts trotting along.
00:20:03.920 --> 00:20:04.640
That was easy.
00:20:04.799 --> 00:20:05.359
Good job.
00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:10.640
I I cut my hand to my ear to listen for the calamity I'm sure is to follow.
00:20:10.880 --> 00:20:12.240
Where are you when you do this?
00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:13.599
Uh, right where I left him.
00:20:13.680 --> 00:20:15.359
Are you st so are you still outside though?
00:20:15.519 --> 00:20:15.680
Yes.
00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:16.079
All right.
00:20:16.160 --> 00:20:21.119
You see the horse drawn carriage run straight through the wall of bar number two.
00:20:21.519 --> 00:20:24.559
So now this is good.
00:20:25.039 --> 00:20:27.920
I wanted an open concept eventually between all the world.
00:20:28.319 --> 00:20:29.599
So this is helping me get there.
00:20:29.759 --> 00:20:32.240
Yeah, we do a nice pergola with vines in between.
00:20:32.480 --> 00:20:32.720
Yes.
00:20:32.960 --> 00:20:35.519
So the horse is dead.
00:20:35.839 --> 00:20:39.200
The three members that were in there are dead.
00:20:39.440 --> 00:20:39.680
Good.
00:20:39.839 --> 00:20:44.240
There's nobody in bar one, and bar two now has a giant hole in it.
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:45.519
I go into bar two.
00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:46.480
What do we see?
00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:51.759
As you walk into bar two, you see a whole bunch of rats running out of the hole.
00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:55.200
Uh, are they like are they big rats or are they normal rats?
00:20:55.440 --> 00:20:56.240
They're normal rats.
00:20:56.640 --> 00:20:56.960
Okay.
00:20:57.200 --> 00:20:58.880
I was like, is this like a Disney situation?
00:20:59.279 --> 00:21:07.839
And as you walk in, you see that this place is so uncleanly that there is mold growing on the sides of the walls.
00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:10.240
There are mushrooms sprouting.
00:21:10.559 --> 00:21:16.799
You go and you can examine like drinks that are open on the table, have fruit flies in them.
00:21:16.960 --> 00:21:20.160
It is unhygienic to a tea.
00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:22.720
And you see nobody drinking.
00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:27.920
You they're just at empty they're at empty tape, not empty tables, but the tables have nothing on them.
00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:30.960
There's just customers sitting there, not even wanting to order.
00:21:31.119 --> 00:21:36.559
And they all have their feet hiked up because the mice were apparently under them.
00:21:36.880 --> 00:21:43.920
And then there is uh one bartender, a human bartender, behind the bar, and there is a back office.
00:21:44.160 --> 00:21:45.599
That is the doors closed.
00:21:45.839 --> 00:21:50.319
I uh I walk up to the bar kicking kicking rats out of my way as I go.
00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:51.119
I assume.
00:21:51.200 --> 00:21:54.799
And I walk up to the bartender, I go, Did you excuse me, do you guys know you have a rat problem?
00:21:55.039 --> 00:21:58.240
That we did, but they all ran out that hole.
00:21:58.480 --> 00:21:59.039
Oh yeah.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:01.599
Sounds like we've we solved this one.
00:22:01.839 --> 00:22:02.799
Yeah, nice.
00:22:03.039 --> 00:22:03.599
Oh yeah.
00:22:03.759 --> 00:22:04.160
Well, cool.
00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:05.279
That's that was my only question.
00:22:05.440 --> 00:22:06.640
I'm just glad that one was solved.
00:22:06.880 --> 00:22:08.240
Yeah, do you want a drink?
00:22:08.400 --> 00:22:08.880
Uh sure.
00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:09.839
Yeah, I'll take a drink.
00:22:10.079 --> 00:22:10.319
Okay.
00:22:10.400 --> 00:22:10.960
What do you want?
00:22:11.119 --> 00:22:14.079
I want what's what are those chocolate martinis or everyone's getting that's so annoying.
00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:16.000
Call it coffee martinis or whatever.
00:22:16.240 --> 00:22:18.880
No, one of those coming right up.
00:22:18.960 --> 00:22:27.200
And they turn around, they start pouring and making it, they hand it back to you, and there are like dead fruit flies in the glass that they gave you.
00:22:27.519 --> 00:22:27.839
Okay.
00:22:28.160 --> 00:22:28.559
Thank you.
00:22:28.720 --> 00:22:29.359
Uh thanks.
00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:29.920
I don't tip.
00:22:30.880 --> 00:22:32.000
Uh okay.
00:22:32.240 --> 00:22:33.839
So I think we got this one.
00:22:33.920 --> 00:22:35.839
It'll take them a bit to get back on their feet, right?
00:22:36.079 --> 00:22:40.160
Oh, uh well, maybe let's uh do do you are you the manager?
00:22:40.319 --> 00:22:42.000
Uh uh no, I'm just the bartender.
00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:43.440
The manager's uh in the office.
00:22:43.680 --> 00:22:44.480
Oh, in the office.
00:22:44.720 --> 00:22:46.240
Oh yeah, I forgot about the office.
00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:48.720
Let's go uh let's go see what's going on over there.
00:22:48.799 --> 00:22:49.839
I go knock on the door.
00:22:50.079 --> 00:22:52.000
Yeah, you knock on the door and it opens up.
00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:52.960
It's not a big office.
00:22:53.039 --> 00:22:57.119
Uh as they open the door, you see a short little gnome look up at you and go, hello.
00:22:57.519 --> 00:22:58.319
What's what's wrong?
00:22:58.400 --> 00:22:59.279
Why is this place so dirty?
00:22:59.440 --> 00:23:01.039
Why what do you mean it's dirty?
00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:04.799
I I don't it's I I swear we just cleaned it yesterday.
00:23:05.039 --> 00:23:06.160
Do you want to or should I?
00:23:06.319 --> 00:23:07.279
I mean you you can.
00:23:07.359 --> 00:23:08.799
I I don't like when people lie to me.
00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:09.759
Clearly he's lying.
00:23:09.839 --> 00:23:11.920
You know, you know, so I might lose my temper.
00:23:12.000 --> 00:23:13.680
It's probably best for you to do it.
00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:16.400
Oh, I I think you don't you don't even know what I was gonna do, do you?
00:23:16.799 --> 00:23:17.119
Kill him.
00:23:17.200 --> 00:23:18.000
Were you gonna kill him?
00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:18.960
I was gonna kill him, yeah.
00:23:19.200 --> 00:23:20.559
Yeah, but I don't want to do it angrily.
00:23:20.640 --> 00:23:23.599
I want to do it because it's my job, not because I'm invested, you know.
00:23:23.920 --> 00:23:38.160
I unsheath my hand axe, and I uh like I'm driving a giant railroad spike, I like with a sledgehammer, I slam it down onto the top of the gnome's head.
00:23:38.319 --> 00:23:39.279
Roll the hit.
00:23:39.519 --> 00:23:40.559
That is a 17.
00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:42.799
That hits, roll your damage.
00:23:43.039 --> 00:23:43.519
Nice.
00:23:43.759 --> 00:23:44.799
That is an eight.
00:23:45.039 --> 00:24:03.680
Okay, with eight, you the axe swings down and gets buried into his skull, and you go to pick your axe up out of his head, but it's so far lodged in there that he just lifts up dead, lifeless with your axe.
00:24:03.839 --> 00:24:06.799
So now he's just hanging and swinging from it.
00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:08.079
You ever chopped wood?
00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:08.640
Me?
00:24:08.799 --> 00:24:09.440
Who, me?
00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:10.400
Either of you.
00:24:10.559 --> 00:24:11.200
Ever chopped wood?
00:24:11.359 --> 00:24:11.680
Yes.
00:24:11.920 --> 00:24:12.480
Not well.
00:24:12.720 --> 00:24:14.799
Yeah, so whenever that happens, you know what you do?
00:24:14.880 --> 00:24:20.240
You just like lift it up and then you slam it back down into the ground again to see if the log will fully split.
00:24:21.119 --> 00:24:24.240
As you bring it back down, it does he splits in two.
00:24:24.640 --> 00:24:27.119
He is split straight down the middle.
00:24:27.279 --> 00:24:33.119
We're talking King Solomon style from the Bible, just straight down the middle.
00:24:33.359 --> 00:24:37.759
Meanwhile, the other patrons No no, please, my my gnome, don't kill my gnome.
00:24:37.920 --> 00:24:42.720
Yeah, the other patrons have ran out of the bar, including the bartender.
00:24:42.880 --> 00:24:45.279
This bar is empty once they saw like a murder.
00:24:45.599 --> 00:24:46.880
Oh, I assume there weren't people in there.
00:24:47.039 --> 00:24:55.920
No, there were- I told you there was people sitting there, tables were like nothing on the tables, but there were patrons there just not drinking anything, and then there was the bartender.
00:24:56.000 --> 00:24:57.039
Oh, you see, this is a good thing.
00:24:57.119 --> 00:24:58.480
We don't want those patrons anyway.
00:24:58.559 --> 00:25:01.039
If they're willing to eat a place like this, I don't want them here.
00:25:01.200 --> 00:25:02.480
So now the bar is empty.
00:25:02.720 --> 00:25:03.039
Good.
00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:04.480
On the bar number three.
00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:06.559
Here we go.
00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:08.079
Problem solved.
00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:08.880
Okay.
00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:14.960
So you walk into the third bar and you see it is a beer garden.
00:25:15.279 --> 00:25:20.960
So there is a whole bunch of taps at the back wall, kind of behind the bar.
00:25:21.200 --> 00:25:29.920
You see more of a wooden atmosphere, kind of orange lighting, a little bit more hearthy, more homey, just inviting.
00:25:30.240 --> 00:25:35.440
And when you walk in, you see that they are also serving food.
00:25:35.680 --> 00:25:36.960
So what do you do?
00:25:37.119 --> 00:25:38.160
Who's in charge here?
00:25:38.319 --> 00:25:42.880
Uh somebody meets you at the front and goes, Hello, my name is Rhonda.
00:25:43.039 --> 00:25:44.720
Can we just can we just sit wherever?
00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:46.160
Yeah, sit wherever.
00:25:46.319 --> 00:25:47.119
Wherever you like.
00:25:47.279 --> 00:25:48.960
Can I get you guys some menus?
00:25:49.440 --> 00:25:51.599
No, I sit on top of the bar.
00:25:52.079 --> 00:25:52.400
Okay.
00:25:52.720 --> 00:25:53.759
You sit on top of the bar.
00:25:53.920 --> 00:25:55.759
She's like, Oh right, that's fun.
00:25:56.400 --> 00:25:58.720
Uh all right, yeah, I'll sit, I'll sit on top of the bar too.
00:25:58.799 --> 00:25:59.759
I sit up right next to him.
00:25:59.839 --> 00:26:02.799
I was like, uh, do you make uh chocolate martinis?
00:26:03.200 --> 00:26:05.599
Uh we're a beer garden, so no.
00:26:05.920 --> 00:26:06.799
So no, okay.
00:26:07.119 --> 00:26:08.880
I'll take a hefeweizen, please.
00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:09.359
Yeah.
00:26:09.519 --> 00:26:17.920
Uh she goes and starts pouring you the uh beer and she gives you the foamyest beer you have ever seen.
00:26:18.319 --> 00:26:19.440
Oh, I love these kinds.
00:26:19.519 --> 00:26:20.000
Thanks.
00:26:20.160 --> 00:26:21.200
Thanks for the foam.
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:22.000
Appreciate that.
00:26:22.240 --> 00:26:25.680
Yeah, like this is about like seven eighths foam.
00:26:26.319 --> 00:26:26.559
Okay.
00:26:26.960 --> 00:26:30.240
Well, uh, I'm not gonna order again because this feels wrong.
00:26:30.319 --> 00:26:32.079
Uh do you like foamy beer at all?
00:26:32.240 --> 00:26:32.640
AI?
00:26:33.119 --> 00:26:33.279
No.
00:26:33.440 --> 00:26:34.480
No, I can't say what I do.
00:26:34.799 --> 00:26:34.960
Okay.
00:26:35.039 --> 00:26:35.359
All right.
00:26:35.519 --> 00:26:38.960
Well, I uh you know what I would want though?
00:26:39.119 --> 00:26:39.519
Huh.
00:26:39.839 --> 00:26:41.599
Can we get some fucking menus?
00:26:41.839 --> 00:26:43.279
And I snap my fingers.
00:26:43.599 --> 00:26:47.759
Rhonda comes back and she's like, I listen, I thought you I offered you menus.
00:26:47.839 --> 00:26:48.640
Here you go.
00:26:48.799 --> 00:27:00.400
And it's menus that it's just one-sided, and they have nachos, they have a pulled pork, they have a steak, and they have mozzarella sticks.
00:27:01.680 --> 00:27:03.599
Let me get you a finest steak.
00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:06.000
Okay, how would you like that cooked?
00:27:06.400 --> 00:27:07.599
Medium rare.
00:27:08.079 --> 00:27:09.279
Okay, anything for you?
00:27:09.440 --> 00:27:10.880
And she looks at you, Ranger.
00:27:11.039 --> 00:27:12.640
Uh, chicken tenders, please.
00:27:12.799 --> 00:27:15.119
Oh, oh, we don't have any chicken tenders.
00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:16.240
I'm very sorry.
00:27:16.799 --> 00:27:20.079
Uh I'll do a steak.
00:27:20.319 --> 00:27:20.640
Steak.
00:27:20.720 --> 00:27:22.000
How would you like that cooked?
00:27:22.480 --> 00:27:23.519
Well done, please.
00:27:23.759 --> 00:27:25.359
Well done and medium rare.
00:27:25.680 --> 00:27:26.079
All right.
00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:28.640
I'll go ahead and put those in.
00:27:28.880 --> 00:27:29.519
Thank you.
00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:32.240
And you see her walk back behind the bar.
00:27:32.319 --> 00:27:34.160
There's a door that swings into.
00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:36.160
You hear a bunch of like kitchen noises.
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:37.920
Presumably your orders in.
00:27:38.160 --> 00:27:39.440
Yeah, this place is nice.
00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:40.559
This place is nice.
00:27:40.799 --> 00:27:42.799
Yeah, I go, hey, hey Rhonda, come here.
00:27:42.960 --> 00:27:44.160
Oh, Rhonda comes from the back.
00:27:44.240 --> 00:27:46.960
She's like, hey! What's wrong with this place?
00:27:47.279 --> 00:27:47.599
Yeah.
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:50.240
Do you truthfully want to know?
00:27:50.880 --> 00:27:52.400
Fucking what do you think?
00:27:52.480 --> 00:27:54.640
I've of some type of like troll?
00:27:55.039 --> 00:27:56.799
I wouldn't speak in riddles.
00:27:57.279 --> 00:27:59.359
I wouldn't trust the food here.
00:27:59.920 --> 00:28:00.960
Oh no.
00:28:01.359 --> 00:28:02.319
Oh, why is that?
00:28:02.880 --> 00:28:08.880
Uh you know, I just I just wouldn't trust the food, is all.
00:28:09.359 --> 00:28:10.559
That's the whole thing.
00:28:10.880 --> 00:28:11.920
Yeah, that's uh yeah.
00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:13.920
This is all consumables.
00:28:14.240 --> 00:28:15.039
But no, there's beer.
00:28:15.440 --> 00:28:16.400
Is the beer alright?
00:28:16.640 --> 00:28:19.440
Uh it's it's foamy.
00:28:19.839 --> 00:28:22.480
The kegs haven't been changed in like a year.
00:28:23.279 --> 00:28:24.799
How is there beer left?
00:28:25.839 --> 00:28:29.599
Well, we just pour beer into the old keg.
00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:30.880
Oh, okay.
00:28:31.039 --> 00:28:31.200
Okay.
00:28:31.440 --> 00:28:35.759
Yeah, we get a vat and we pour it into the keg.
00:28:36.000 --> 00:28:37.920
This sounds like a perpetual motion machine.
00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:39.039
I don't think this is real.
00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:41.680
It sounds like a uh perpetual stew kind of too.
00:28:42.160 --> 00:28:42.799
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
00:28:42.880 --> 00:28:44.400
This is always just bubble in a way.
00:28:44.559 --> 00:28:47.039
Yeah, all the beer tastes the same.
00:28:48.960 --> 00:28:52.880
Um okay, so uh how do you guys have regular customers?
00:28:53.119 --> 00:28:57.680
Oh, I mean, we uh don't have any regulars, we just kind of get one and duns.
00:28:58.240 --> 00:28:59.200
Do they die?
00:29:01.359 --> 00:29:02.880
Not on property.
00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:04.160
Oh no, okay.
00:29:04.319 --> 00:29:05.920
Hey, this place is a mess.
00:29:06.079 --> 00:29:08.160
Do we just do our regular thing?
00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:08.880
All right.
00:29:09.119 --> 00:29:12.240
Rhonda, is the is the manager here reasonable?
00:29:12.480 --> 00:29:14.559
Uh well I'm the I'm the manager.
00:29:14.640 --> 00:29:15.440
I'm Rhonda.
00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:16.640
Okay, yeah, let's try this.
00:29:16.799 --> 00:29:17.119
Okay.
00:29:17.359 --> 00:29:19.039
I'm the manager, I'm Rhonda.
00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:22.559
I'm facless.
00:29:23.039 --> 00:29:27.119
Okay, Rhonda, you you obviously um you're the one in charge here.
00:29:27.359 --> 00:29:30.400
Well, I mean, yeah, I'm not the owner, but yeah, I'm the manager here.
00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:36.079
Yeah, but but you know, you you're you're in charge of changing things if they need to be changed and things aren't changing.
00:29:36.400 --> 00:29:40.319
Well, I mean, I guess, but you know, just to have- You don't care?
00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:42.720
Uh I of course I care.
00:29:42.799 --> 00:29:43.759
It's my livelihood.
00:29:43.839 --> 00:29:45.200
I'm Rhonda.
00:29:45.920 --> 00:29:48.400
Well, Rhonda, we need to make some changes here.
00:29:48.720 --> 00:29:49.039
Okay.
00:29:49.519 --> 00:29:51.519
Um I'm I'm all ears.
00:29:51.599 --> 00:29:52.559
I'm ready to listen.
00:29:52.799 --> 00:29:53.920
No, you're Rhonda.
00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:54.799
Oh, I'm sorry.
00:29:54.960 --> 00:29:56.960
I'm all ears, I'm Rhonda.
00:29:58.079 --> 00:29:59.039
Okay, Rhonda.
00:29:59.119 --> 00:30:00.400
Uh, this can go one of two ways.
00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:09.920
Either we're gonna kill you, oh, or you come up with a reasonable plan in about 10 minutes when we get back from bar number four on how to turn this business around.
00:30:10.079 --> 00:30:10.319
Okay.
00:30:10.799 --> 00:30:12.079
Alright, we're gonna be right back.
00:30:12.240 --> 00:30:12.400
Okay.
00:30:12.720 --> 00:30:13.599
Let's head to bar number four.
00:30:13.839 --> 00:30:16.240
You'll be my first return customers.
00:30:17.119 --> 00:30:18.640
Do you want your food still?
00:30:18.880 --> 00:30:19.039
No.
00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:22.559
I assume it won't be out until we get back.
00:30:23.759 --> 00:30:25.039
They do take quite a while.
00:30:25.119 --> 00:30:28.720
You would be waiting for like an hour for your food if you just sat and waited.
00:30:28.960 --> 00:30:31.759
They cook it on low temperature, so they keep it medium rare.
00:30:31.920 --> 00:30:32.559
Yeah.
00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:48.000
Uh so you walk next door to bar four, and you walk in, and you hear a bunch of sea shanty music, and you look around, there's a whole bunch of pirate decor, and all of the wait staff are dressed like pirates.
00:30:48.319 --> 00:30:56.880
Except they have like an open kitchen where you can see into it, and there's only one chef in the back, and the chef is not wearing pirate decor.
00:30:57.680 --> 00:30:58.799
I already see the problem.
00:30:59.200 --> 00:31:01.519
There are nobody there are no customers here.
00:31:02.799 --> 00:31:04.880
All right, Ranji, you see the problem, you fix it.
00:31:05.039 --> 00:31:08.319
Uh I don't know if I want to fix it, but I'm just I'm I'm good at pointing things out.
00:31:08.559 --> 00:31:12.720
Do you notice that the guy cooking isn't really into pirate stuff?
00:31:12.960 --> 00:31:13.759
I think that's a problem.
00:31:13.839 --> 00:31:14.880
There's no love in the food.
00:31:14.960 --> 00:31:16.079
I bet that's the problem.
00:31:16.400 --> 00:31:16.880
I see.
00:31:16.960 --> 00:31:21.839
Yeah, he's gonna he's gotta really embody being a pirate to make authentic pirate food.
00:31:22.079 --> 00:31:23.759
Yeah, I would I would assume.
00:31:24.079 --> 00:31:25.119
Like like what?
00:31:25.680 --> 00:31:34.000
Uh coconuts, oranges, grilled sea bass, and uh I'm sure there's some cocaine in there.
00:31:34.160 --> 00:31:35.440
I don't know what pirates did.
00:31:35.680 --> 00:31:37.039
Those were four things.
00:31:37.519 --> 00:31:38.079
They were.
00:31:41.519 --> 00:31:42.240
All right, cool.
00:31:42.319 --> 00:31:43.680
I I'm gonna let you steer this one.
00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:44.720
Okay, here we go.
00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:45.200
Okay.
00:31:45.359 --> 00:31:46.799
Uh is there anybody sitting in here?
00:31:46.880 --> 00:31:48.079
Or is it you said it was empty?
00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:50.400
It is empty aside from the wait staff.
00:31:50.640 --> 00:31:50.960
Okay.
00:31:51.200 --> 00:31:59.039
I go I walk up to the first wait person, I see, and I go, uh, hey, who's who's the second shift cook?
00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:04.480
Arthur be no second shift cook here on the high seas.
00:32:05.039 --> 00:32:05.359
Okay.
00:32:05.680 --> 00:32:07.039
You just have one cook then?
00:32:07.359 --> 00:32:08.400
RC.
00:32:08.799 --> 00:32:09.440
And your hours?
00:32:09.599 --> 00:32:10.559
Your hours are what?
00:32:10.799 --> 00:32:12.559
Oh what, 24-7.
00:32:13.519 --> 00:32:13.599
Okay.
00:32:13.839 --> 00:32:16.319
Well, did you just did you just say RC?
00:32:17.920 --> 00:32:18.240
Yes.
00:32:18.559 --> 00:32:19.920
Did you just answer in Spanish?
00:32:20.160 --> 00:32:20.400
He did.
00:32:20.640 --> 00:32:23.440
No, he was referencing like where pirates live.
00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:28.960
I didn't want to kill everybody here, but they're oh man.
00:32:29.279 --> 00:32:30.559
Yeah, we may have to.
00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:31.599
We may have to.
00:32:31.759 --> 00:32:34.559
Okay, so yeah, he's just he doesn't want to cook.
00:32:34.720 --> 00:32:36.319
Uh there's no second shift.
00:32:36.480 --> 00:32:36.640
I guess.
00:32:37.039 --> 00:32:38.400
Oh, he'll he'll cook.
00:32:39.680 --> 00:32:41.200
Okay, is he good though?
00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:42.960
He's subpar.
00:32:44.480 --> 00:32:44.799
Okay.
00:32:45.359 --> 00:32:48.880
Uh, I think we're just gonna have to kill everybody on this thing.
00:32:50.319 --> 00:32:52.240
I think we're gonna have to kill everybody at this one.
00:32:52.319 --> 00:32:59.599
I think it's just like do you think the problem could be that everybody's a little too into pirate stuff?
00:32:59.920 --> 00:33:01.839
Oh, oh, so the opposite.
00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:03.519
The opposite of what I was thinking.
00:33:03.759 --> 00:33:04.079
Oh.
00:33:04.559 --> 00:33:07.359
Would you like to place a fucking order or no?
00:33:07.839 --> 00:33:09.119
Oh, sure, sure, sure.
00:33:09.279 --> 00:33:09.519
Oh, no.
00:33:09.759 --> 00:33:10.559
They're Irish.
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:16.720
Uh I'd like an orange, please.
00:33:17.039 --> 00:33:17.359
Okay.
00:33:17.759 --> 00:33:19.440
Is that on the what's on the menu?
00:33:19.680 --> 00:33:24.319
Well, there's surprisingly, an orange is there, but you can also we have grog.
00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:26.079
We have your finest grog and a rum.
00:33:26.240 --> 00:33:28.319
We are rum specialized.
00:33:28.880 --> 00:33:30.400
It's more of a drinking place, I guess.
00:33:30.799 --> 00:33:30.960
Yes.
00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:32.720
We do have bar food.
00:33:32.799 --> 00:33:39.759
It's coconuts and we have coconuts, we have oranges, we have grilled sea bass, and we have cocaine.
00:33:39.839 --> 00:33:42.720
Those are the four things you can order from our bar.
00:33:43.440 --> 00:33:44.559
Where are you from?
00:33:45.680 --> 00:33:47.759
All over tortuga.
00:33:49.200 --> 00:33:50.240
Arrrrr.
00:33:51.119 --> 00:33:54.160
Alright, what's wrong with the with this restaurant, would you say?
00:33:54.400 --> 00:33:54.799
Nothing.
00:33:54.880 --> 00:33:55.599
It's perfect.
00:33:56.480 --> 00:33:59.680
We just don't get enough customers who love pirates.
00:34:00.400 --> 00:34:01.200
Are you the manager?
00:34:01.359 --> 00:34:04.160
No, I'm I'm I'm Tum.
00:34:05.599 --> 00:34:05.920
Tum.
00:34:06.160 --> 00:34:09.360
Hey Tum, can you get can you get us the manager, Tum, or do you make the decisions?
00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:12.000
No, no, I'll I can get you the manager.
00:34:12.239 --> 00:34:12.480
Sure.
00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:12.800
Sure.
00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:13.199
Thank you.
00:34:13.599 --> 00:34:16.480
Uh let me go to the captain's quarters.
00:34:16.639 --> 00:34:26.559
And they walk away, and you see a very old woman step out, also dressed in pirate gear, and she goes, Avast!
00:34:27.280 --> 00:34:28.320
Is that how they say hello?
00:34:28.480 --> 00:34:28.880
Avast.
00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:30.800
Oh yeah, yeah.
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:31.599
Hey, Avast.
00:34:31.760 --> 00:34:33.199
Avast as well to you.
00:34:33.840 --> 00:34:36.320
Ah, how can I be of service?
00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:39.760
Uh this place this place kind of sucks, right?
00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:41.920
Whoa, I think it's lovely.
00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:43.760
Everybody loves pirates.
00:34:44.960 --> 00:34:46.000
What do you think of the chef?
00:34:46.079 --> 00:34:46.880
You think he's a good guy?
00:34:47.039 --> 00:34:48.079
He's not into pirate stuff?
00:34:48.239 --> 00:34:48.480
I don't know.
00:34:48.719 --> 00:34:49.039
I don't know.
00:34:49.599 --> 00:34:57.119
The chef, I mean, is is I I he could be more, you know, into the whole pirate thing.
00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:02.159
Like we all are here, but he just is only more focused on the customers.
00:35:02.400 --> 00:35:05.440
Oh, qualifies you to run this place?
00:35:05.760 --> 00:35:06.480
Pardon?
00:35:06.719 --> 00:35:09.840
What qualifies you to run this place?
00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:11.199
Do you speak fucking English?
00:35:11.440 --> 00:35:13.440
I'm a I I love pirates.
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:14.800
I'm a pirate.
00:35:15.119 --> 00:35:16.079
I love pirates.
00:35:16.639 --> 00:35:18.320
Well, that was your answer to what qualifies you.
00:35:18.559 --> 00:35:19.920
Yes, I love pirates.
00:35:24.079 --> 00:35:29.519
What happens when a pirate is not living up to what they need to be doing?
00:35:29.679 --> 00:35:33.519
They're into the bargain on the on the the high seas.
00:35:33.679 --> 00:35:36.000
Oh, they walk the plank, of course.
00:35:36.239 --> 00:35:41.599
And what would you say is your mission as the main pirate in charge of this ship?
00:35:41.840 --> 00:35:45.679
Uh, to plunder everyone's booty, i.e., get their money.
00:35:45.920 --> 00:35:46.880
How's business?
00:35:47.119 --> 00:35:48.320
Oh, bad.
00:35:48.639 --> 00:35:50.239
Have you done your job?
00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:52.079
Well, here's the thing.
00:35:52.400 --> 00:35:55.119
At that moment, I take out my great axe and chop her head off.
00:35:55.519 --> 00:35:56.960
Okay, roll the hit.
00:35:57.440 --> 00:35:59.519
Oh, will a 13 do?
00:35:59.760 --> 00:36:00.719
A 13 will hit.
00:36:00.800 --> 00:36:01.920
Roll your damage.
00:36:02.159 --> 00:36:03.199
That is an eight.
00:36:03.519 --> 00:36:05.280
She is also decapitated.
00:36:05.519 --> 00:36:06.159
Oh, wow.
00:36:06.400 --> 00:36:08.880
So her head flops on the floor.
00:36:09.119 --> 00:36:11.360
All the pirates, people dressed as pirates.
00:36:11.760 --> 00:36:12.880
Flop onto the bar.
00:36:13.199 --> 00:36:14.880
It flops onto the bar.
00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:18.320
All the pot people dressed as pirates start to cheer.
00:36:18.639 --> 00:36:23.679
The only person that screams and runs out is the cook who just dips the floor.
00:36:24.000 --> 00:36:25.199
Alright, we might have been on to something.
00:36:25.280 --> 00:36:28.719
They are just kind of into the pirate thing, like to a tee a little too much.
00:36:29.679 --> 00:36:31.679
I'm I this is what I'm thinking.
00:36:31.920 --> 00:36:35.199
And I I go up to the guy that's obviously the second in command.
00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:36.159
I give him her head.
00:36:36.320 --> 00:36:36.480
Yeah.
00:36:37.039 --> 00:36:39.119
And I go, on the first mate.
00:36:39.360 --> 00:36:40.960
Yeah, hold hold this for a second.
00:36:41.119 --> 00:36:42.400
Let's go back to the third bar.
00:36:42.639 --> 00:36:42.960
Okay.
00:36:43.440 --> 00:36:43.840
Sure.
00:36:44.159 --> 00:36:50.320
You go back to the third bar, walking, it's more of a warm atmosphere, and uh Rhonda looks at you.
00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:51.679
She's like, Oh, you're back.
00:36:51.760 --> 00:36:53.599
Uh your stakes are almost ready.
00:36:53.760 --> 00:36:56.400
They're they're just the finishing touches.
00:36:57.119 --> 00:36:58.639
I don't think that's what Rhonda sounded like.
00:36:58.800 --> 00:36:59.840
I'm Rhonda.
00:37:00.480 --> 00:37:00.960
There you go.
00:37:01.119 --> 00:37:07.119
I tried to give Rhonda not a feminine voice because you know, women women don't talk like this.
00:37:07.360 --> 00:37:08.559
So it's true.
00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:11.039
That's how side quest stumps talk.
00:37:11.280 --> 00:37:11.760
That's right.
00:37:11.840 --> 00:37:14.639
I'm the side quest stump, and I'm Rhonda.
00:37:15.119 --> 00:37:17.360
All right, Rhonda, what's that what's that PowerPoint?
00:37:17.599 --> 00:37:24.480
Well, it's there's no PowerPoint, but I do have a to-do list because we don't have anything that utilizes the capable projection technology here.
00:37:24.639 --> 00:37:24.800
Okay.
00:37:25.039 --> 00:37:30.480
So first things first, we're gonna get new actual kegs so that the flavor can be maintained.
00:37:30.559 --> 00:37:31.519
That's our first goal.
00:37:31.679 --> 00:37:34.880
Second goal is gonna be customer retention, right?
00:37:34.960 --> 00:37:38.079
So we're all gonna be about customer service coming in up at the front.
00:37:38.239 --> 00:37:40.480
We're gonna make sure that everything tastes.
00:37:41.039 --> 00:37:43.039
I shoot a look at Ranger.
00:37:43.280 --> 00:37:43.760
I don't know.
00:37:43.840 --> 00:37:46.239
It sounds good, it sounds like they've done their research.
00:37:46.559 --> 00:37:48.559
Sounds like a bunch of talk to me.
00:37:48.880 --> 00:37:49.599
You think?
00:37:49.840 --> 00:37:50.239
Hmm.
00:37:50.480 --> 00:37:51.840
It doesn't seem actionable.
00:37:52.159 --> 00:37:52.960
Well, I'll tell you what.
00:37:53.440 --> 00:37:54.320
Yeah, maybe not.
00:37:54.559 --> 00:37:57.119
See, judge it by your stakes.
00:37:57.280 --> 00:37:59.039
Because it seems like your stakes are ready.
00:37:59.599 --> 00:38:07.519
So a waiter comes out and brings your steaks, and let me just roll for how these steaks are.
00:38:08.000 --> 00:38:10.239
I mean, she's talking about like getting new kegs.
00:38:10.400 --> 00:38:14.880
I don't know why she needs like the threat of death to get that rolling.
00:38:15.119 --> 00:38:16.079
Yeah, that's weird, right?
00:38:16.159 --> 00:38:16.400
You're right.
00:38:16.639 --> 00:38:20.239
So, Ranger, you get your steak and it is perfectly well done.
00:38:20.559 --> 00:38:23.519
Like it is garnished beautifully.
00:38:23.840 --> 00:38:25.920
It has like a side of mashed potatoes.
00:38:26.000 --> 00:38:30.960
It looks like a five-star restaurant level steak.
00:38:31.760 --> 00:38:34.480
AI, you get your steak and it is burnt.
00:38:34.559 --> 00:38:35.920
It is like a hockey puck.
00:38:36.079 --> 00:38:37.199
There is no garnish.
00:38:37.280 --> 00:38:39.840
There, it is just like disgusting.
00:38:40.159 --> 00:38:45.199
Chard, flat, it's no fat, all bone.
00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:47.679
Like it's not even on a plate.
00:38:47.760 --> 00:38:49.199
They gave it to you in a bowl.
00:38:49.280 --> 00:38:50.800
Like, it is disgusting.
00:38:51.599 --> 00:38:54.719
I look down at the steak and then slowly up at Rhonda.
00:38:54.960 --> 00:38:56.960
That's how you ordered it, right?
00:38:57.920 --> 00:38:59.920
And then over at Ranger.
00:39:00.159 --> 00:39:01.360
Um, you can have some mind.
00:39:01.519 --> 00:39:02.639
You want some just have some mind.
00:39:02.719 --> 00:39:03.920
You know, it's probably not a big deal.
00:39:04.000 --> 00:39:05.760
You know, sometimes they mess up orders.
00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:07.679
What you got the hearts for or something?
00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:11.440
No, no, but I want when we kill them to be a surprise.
00:39:11.679 --> 00:39:11.840
Oh.
00:39:12.239 --> 00:39:13.519
You're gonna kill me?
00:39:13.760 --> 00:39:14.400
I'm Ronda.
00:39:14.880 --> 00:39:15.519
You heard that?
00:39:16.239 --> 00:39:17.119
With kindness.
00:39:17.360 --> 00:39:18.079
With kindness.
00:39:18.320 --> 00:39:24.320
Okay, that's that's actually step four of my plan for uh making this bar better is to kill them with kindness.
00:39:24.480 --> 00:39:25.199
I'm Rhonda.
00:39:25.440 --> 00:39:26.079
Of course.
00:39:26.400 --> 00:39:29.599
I thought this thing would be solved and there'd be like balloons and shit.
00:39:29.840 --> 00:39:30.559
Hey Rhonda.
00:39:30.719 --> 00:39:36.239
Yeah, and then I toss my hard hockey puck steak at her head like a frisbee.
00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:37.199
I go, eat this.
00:39:37.360 --> 00:39:37.679
Ah.
00:39:38.159 --> 00:39:47.360
She goes, Well, actually, this doesn't seem also very apat- Oh! Oh! I would love a chance to redo your steak.
00:39:48.800 --> 00:39:50.079
Willing to change.
00:39:50.400 --> 00:39:57.599
Asking me to allow her to fix this problem instead of oh my god, I'm so sorry.
00:39:57.760 --> 00:40:00.159
I can't even believe we sent this out of the kitchen.
00:40:00.239 --> 00:40:03.360
I will make this up to you, grabbing the plate and going in the back.
00:40:03.519 --> 00:40:04.880
She goes, This looks like shit.
00:40:05.039 --> 00:40:06.559
Want a different one?
00:40:08.639 --> 00:40:10.960
Yeah, it's that's Rhonda.
00:40:11.199 --> 00:40:13.519
I would love the chance to make this up to you.
00:40:13.840 --> 00:40:15.039
Ranger, your thoughts.
00:40:15.280 --> 00:40:16.880
Um, I'm cool with my steak.
00:40:17.039 --> 00:40:19.519
You don't you don't always have to eat it every meal.
00:40:20.239 --> 00:40:21.679
Close, I'm gonna kill you too.
00:40:22.320 --> 00:40:22.960
I know.
00:40:26.000 --> 00:40:38.960
Uh I look in my bag and I I start looking at all the uh the weapons I have in there, and I uh I take out my hand axe and I look at it, and I look at her and I go, no, I put that back in.
00:40:39.199 --> 00:40:42.960
I take out my great axe, I look at her, I go, no, I put it back in.
00:40:43.039 --> 00:40:43.840
What is she doing?
00:40:44.079 --> 00:40:49.199
Oh, she's just going like, oh, I can I get an answer to your question or to my question?
00:40:49.280 --> 00:40:51.760
I'd love can I can I make you a new one?
00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:52.960
Take me to the chef.
00:40:53.119 --> 00:40:55.119
Um, I can bring the chef out here.
00:40:55.199 --> 00:40:56.159
Is that fine with you?
00:40:56.400 --> 00:40:57.920
Is that what I fucking asked?
00:40:58.159 --> 00:41:02.079
Well, uh, it's only employees only behind there.
00:41:02.320 --> 00:41:05.920
So since you were not in a What you afraid a good idea might get in?
00:41:06.079 --> 00:41:07.119
No, no, no, no, no.
00:41:07.199 --> 00:41:07.679
It's not that.
00:41:07.840 --> 00:41:12.559
It's just I had to, you know, for sanitary reasons, we have to keep customers.
00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:14.400
Customers.
00:41:14.480 --> 00:41:15.360
Yeah, sanitary reasons.
00:41:15.440 --> 00:41:16.000
We have to keep the.
00:41:16.320 --> 00:41:17.760
Does this look sanitary to you?
00:41:17.920 --> 00:41:19.360
And I hold up the steak.
00:41:19.679 --> 00:41:20.639
It it it does.
00:41:20.800 --> 00:41:24.480
It looks burnt, so all the bacteria would have come off of it.
00:41:24.719 --> 00:41:26.159
I storm into the kitchen.
00:41:26.400 --> 00:41:45.519
Okay, as you storm into the kitchen, you see one chef who has eight arms, and whenever he's cooking something, he chops off his arm and puts it on a grill, and then another arm like grows out from where it's at.
00:41:45.599 --> 00:41:49.119
So this cook is just cooking himself and regrowing himself.
00:41:49.599 --> 00:41:52.639
Hey, you're not supposed to be back here.
00:41:53.519 --> 00:41:55.280
What the fuck are you?
00:41:56.000 --> 00:41:57.920
Whoa, I'm the chef.
00:41:58.559 --> 00:41:59.599
Get out of here.
00:41:59.920 --> 00:42:02.400
What are you you're chopping off your own arms?
00:42:02.559 --> 00:42:10.079
Hey! And then Rhonda comes back and she's like, Oh, um, uh I push her back out.
00:42:10.320 --> 00:42:10.639
Oh!
00:42:11.119 --> 00:42:13.039
Hey, you can't push Ronda.
00:42:13.440 --> 00:42:14.400
Answer my questions.
00:42:14.639 --> 00:42:15.039
Right.
00:42:15.760 --> 00:42:17.360
I was sent here by your boss.
00:42:17.519 --> 00:42:18.239
You know your boss?
00:42:18.559 --> 00:42:21.039
Oh, but Rhonda's my boss.
00:42:21.280 --> 00:42:22.639
The other one, the above her.
00:42:22.880 --> 00:42:24.559
Oh, corporate, okay.
00:42:24.880 --> 00:42:26.559
Corporate, I was sent here by corporate.
00:42:26.719 --> 00:42:27.119
Yeah.
00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:28.159
What you asked?
00:42:28.239 --> 00:42:29.840
Why are you chopping off your arms, goddammit?
00:42:30.239 --> 00:42:33.039
Oh, that's what they pay me to do.
00:42:33.280 --> 00:42:34.480
What are you?
00:42:34.800 --> 00:42:37.199
Oh, I'm uh I'm Sid.
00:42:37.440 --> 00:42:38.559
From Monsters Inc.
00:42:38.800 --> 00:42:39.679
Is that what this is from?
00:42:39.840 --> 00:42:40.719
From Toy Story?
00:42:41.039 --> 00:42:41.599
Toy Story?
00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:43.679
No, it's different, Sid.
00:42:44.719 --> 00:42:46.480
I can't ask that a lot, though.
00:42:46.559 --> 00:42:49.199
I'm just a guy that comes in, does my gab and go home.
00:42:49.360 --> 00:42:53.679
I while he's yapping, I go over to him, grab him by the back of the head.
00:42:55.039 --> 00:42:56.079
Punch him in the stomach.
00:42:56.320 --> 00:42:57.519
Ugh, hey.
00:42:58.000 --> 00:42:59.360
Does he kind of double over?
00:42:59.519 --> 00:43:00.159
Yeah.
00:43:00.559 --> 00:43:03.360
And then I push his head onto the flat top.
00:43:05.360 --> 00:43:07.119
So that it starts to sizzle.
00:43:07.440 --> 00:43:07.840
Ouch.
00:43:08.239 --> 00:43:09.599
Ouchy, ouchy.
00:43:10.079 --> 00:43:13.440
And then I pull his head back and I go, What are you?
00:43:13.679 --> 00:43:15.360
I'm literally just saying.
00:43:15.679 --> 00:43:17.360
I put his head back in the middle.
00:43:20.480 --> 00:43:25.039
I roll it around so the whole thing is getting a nice even trunk.
00:43:26.400 --> 00:43:30.559
Ranger, um, kind of just pisses me off he's not answering my questions.
00:43:30.639 --> 00:43:34.239
Uh, I'm good to do this for another uh 20 minutes to an hour if you don't have any other ideas.
00:43:34.719 --> 00:43:39.360
No, no, I think that I think we should uh cut him loose uh from the neck.
00:43:39.679 --> 00:43:40.639
Oh, okay.
00:43:40.880 --> 00:43:43.920
And then as his head is like, wait a minute.
00:43:44.639 --> 00:43:45.599
I pull his head up.
00:43:45.679 --> 00:43:46.400
Try your steak.
00:43:46.480 --> 00:43:47.119
Do you like it?
00:43:47.280 --> 00:43:48.639
Uh okay, I take my steak.
00:43:48.719 --> 00:43:49.360
Take a bite.
00:43:49.599 --> 00:43:52.480
It is delicious.
00:43:52.719 --> 00:43:53.280
It's good.
00:43:53.760 --> 00:43:54.320
It's good.
00:43:54.719 --> 00:43:56.239
So he can actually cook a steak.
00:43:56.320 --> 00:43:56.559
He can.
00:43:56.880 --> 00:43:57.280
He can do it.
00:43:58.000 --> 00:43:59.119
I'm gonna ask you this one more time.
00:43:59.280 --> 00:43:59.599
Yeah.
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:03.360
What type of thing are you?
00:44:03.519 --> 00:44:05.199
What is your race?
00:44:05.679 --> 00:44:06.639
What are you called?
00:44:06.960 --> 00:44:09.440
I'm an I am known as an amoeba.
00:44:09.760 --> 00:44:10.719
That's gross.
00:44:12.480 --> 00:44:14.000
We're eating like bacteria.
00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:15.920
It tastes like meat though.
00:44:18.400 --> 00:44:21.679
It's you know, grated, it's cooked to temp.
00:44:21.840 --> 00:44:23.519
It's it's safe to eat.
00:44:23.840 --> 00:44:29.519
Is this like commonplace for people to chop your arms off and and like make them into stuff?
00:44:29.599 --> 00:44:31.599
How what is the ch what is the sea bass?
00:44:31.840 --> 00:44:34.400
Don't tell me this is the sea bass, because that's mislabeling.
00:44:34.880 --> 00:44:36.320
That's one of my legs.
00:44:36.880 --> 00:44:37.199
Okay.
00:44:37.440 --> 00:44:40.159
And then I chop it to look like a sea bass.
00:44:40.400 --> 00:44:42.079
Alright, Ranger, this is where I'm at.
00:44:42.239 --> 00:44:43.679
I'm extremely frustrated.
00:44:44.000 --> 00:44:48.320
Yeah, I think with how these uh these people speak to me.
00:44:49.280 --> 00:44:50.719
Dude, I'm answering your questions.
00:44:50.800 --> 00:44:52.320
I just work a nine to five.
00:44:52.559 --> 00:44:54.159
I've put his head back on the grill.
00:44:55.519 --> 00:44:58.239
They're rude, they interrupt me, they don't answer my questions.
00:44:58.559 --> 00:44:59.679
This is true.
00:45:00.639 --> 00:45:04.719
But he's like an unlimited meat machine.
00:45:04.880 --> 00:45:05.360
Oh, yeah.
00:45:05.519 --> 00:45:08.159
The food, if it's cooked well, comes out good.
00:45:08.239 --> 00:45:08.880
It tastes good.
00:45:09.199 --> 00:45:10.079
It does taste great.
00:45:10.239 --> 00:45:11.119
It's great.
00:45:11.519 --> 00:45:14.880
So what I'm thinking is we tie him up.
00:45:15.119 --> 00:45:15.440
Okay.
00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:18.079
We chop off his arms as needed.
00:45:18.159 --> 00:45:25.440
That's the uh, you know, the unlimited uh meat factory for whatever this thing is gonna be.
00:45:25.679 --> 00:45:29.360
Um and uh yeah, we kind of we kind of go from there on regrouping everything else.
00:45:29.440 --> 00:45:29.920
What do you think?
00:45:30.239 --> 00:45:37.119
I think that works because you know, uh I think it could offer supplemental income, and really we don't really have to do much, you know.
00:45:37.679 --> 00:45:39.360
Uh thing is a good investment.
00:45:39.599 --> 00:45:39.840
Okay.
00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:42.000
I want to tie him up and put him in the freezer.
00:45:42.159 --> 00:45:42.480
Yeah.
00:45:42.719 --> 00:45:47.360
He's like, hey! Oh man, am I gonna get paid?
00:45:47.679 --> 00:45:48.079
Alright.
00:45:48.239 --> 00:45:49.280
Uh we leave.
00:45:49.360 --> 00:45:51.679
Uh what is Rhonda, she's still there?
00:45:55.440 --> 00:45:56.400
Cast Firebolt.
00:45:56.639 --> 00:45:56.960
Ah!
00:45:57.440 --> 00:45:57.760
Okay.
00:45:58.079 --> 00:45:58.960
Rolled a hit.
00:45:59.280 --> 00:45:59.920
Eleven.
00:46:00.159 --> 00:46:01.039
That hits.
00:46:01.519 --> 00:46:07.760
One ouch! And I look at my hand, I kind of shake it, I cast firebolt again.
00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:08.239
Okay.
00:46:08.559 --> 00:46:09.199
Fifte.
00:46:09.440 --> 00:46:10.400
That hits.
00:46:10.960 --> 00:46:12.159
And eight.
00:46:12.400 --> 00:46:14.800
Oh, Rhonda dies.
00:46:15.199 --> 00:46:16.880
Rhonda burns to a crisp.
00:46:17.039 --> 00:46:20.719
She's like, ah! Oh, look, it's my steak.
00:46:21.039 --> 00:46:21.360
Hey.
00:46:25.039 --> 00:46:25.760
No, I wasn't gonna.
00:46:25.920 --> 00:46:26.559
I wasn't gonna.
00:46:26.800 --> 00:46:28.719
Alright, back to the pirates.
00:46:29.280 --> 00:46:31.679
Yeah, you walk back to bar four.
00:46:32.480 --> 00:46:35.920
I love that there's just uh holes and doors everywhere we need to go.
00:46:36.159 --> 00:46:37.360
Nothing has changed.
00:46:37.519 --> 00:46:39.679
They're just still there at the pirates.
00:46:40.159 --> 00:46:40.719
Arrr.
00:46:41.679 --> 00:46:44.400
Who is ready for a change?
00:46:44.719 --> 00:46:47.039
Are we plundering more booty?
00:46:47.519 --> 00:46:51.039
Hey, I'm sorry, are you are you paid to ask me fucking questions?
00:46:51.280 --> 00:46:52.400
I don't get paid.
00:46:52.480 --> 00:46:54.480
I do this for the love of the game.
00:46:54.719 --> 00:46:57.440
And if you don't want to be killed, you will shut the fuck up.
00:46:57.519 --> 00:46:58.079
Do you understand?
00:46:58.320 --> 00:47:00.719
Oh, you shouldn't talk to a pirate like that.
00:47:01.920 --> 00:47:05.760
And I look at the rest of the pirates and I give them a knowing glance.
00:47:06.159 --> 00:47:11.119
They are ready to you can tell that they're ready to back up this first mate who is now their captain.
00:47:11.280 --> 00:47:12.079
Hey, you know what?
00:47:12.159 --> 00:47:14.880
Maybe I read the read the scene a little wrong, fellas.
00:47:16.159 --> 00:47:17.119
I apologize.
00:47:18.079 --> 00:47:18.880
Apologize.
00:47:19.199 --> 00:47:20.159
That's a good shot, though.
00:47:20.400 --> 00:47:21.280
It was worth a shot.
00:47:21.519 --> 00:47:27.039
No, it's uh I pull Ranger aside so that none of them can hear, and I go, these mutinous fucks.
00:47:27.280 --> 00:47:33.360
I was about to bring them in on the best money-making scheme they'd ever heard in their life.
00:47:33.519 --> 00:47:37.119
We were gonna overhaul all four of these restaurants into one big one.
00:47:37.360 --> 00:47:38.400
Oh man, yeah, that's right.
00:47:38.480 --> 00:47:40.880
They would have made so much money, they would have got a piece of that pie.
00:47:41.119 --> 00:47:44.480
They would have gotten a piece of that pie, but no, they want to sit here and they want to play pirate.
00:47:44.719 --> 00:47:45.360
Are we saying this?
00:47:45.519 --> 00:47:47.360
Is he saying this loud enough for them to hear?
00:47:47.599 --> 00:47:50.239
No, I specifically pulled you aside so they couldn't hear.
00:47:50.480 --> 00:47:52.320
Oh, because if they heard that, they might get on board.
00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:54.800
They'd be like, oh, we missed out on an opportunity.
00:47:55.199 --> 00:48:00.639
Oh, no, because this that was right before the second half where I go, I'm gonna fucking kill each and every one of them.
00:48:02.000 --> 00:48:02.559
Oh, okay.
00:48:03.039 --> 00:48:04.000
My bad.
00:48:04.480 --> 00:48:05.920
Uh how many are there?
00:48:06.159 --> 00:48:09.360
Uh I would say there are four, including the first mate.
00:48:09.760 --> 00:48:10.320
Ooh.
00:48:11.039 --> 00:48:12.400
That's a lot less than I thought it was.
00:48:12.480 --> 00:48:13.199
I don't know, Shane.
00:48:13.519 --> 00:48:17.119
Do you think we should take a more reasonable approach to this and maybe use them for hard labor?
00:48:17.440 --> 00:48:20.239
What uh what do we need done, I guess?
00:48:20.639 --> 00:48:33.840
We need to I I assume they're made like townhomes where ever like the structure stretches across all four buildings and we could like knock out walls and make like openings into all of them so that they become one.
00:48:34.159 --> 00:48:36.880
And that would cut down on on costs.
00:48:37.039 --> 00:48:42.000
Uh, we need to cut down on the overhead of four businesses if you condense it into one.
00:48:42.239 --> 00:48:46.639
Oh, right, and uh less staff uh for each one.
00:48:46.719 --> 00:48:48.400
We don't need four manager salaries.
00:48:48.480 --> 00:48:50.960
I mean we've chopped those in half at least.
00:48:51.199 --> 00:48:51.360
Right.
00:48:51.440 --> 00:48:51.599
Yeah.
00:48:51.760 --> 00:48:55.039
I say we keep them and uh if they'll uh bow to our needs.
00:48:55.360 --> 00:48:59.039
You've killed all three you've killed uh every manager, by the way.
00:48:59.760 --> 00:49:00.960
Oh yeah, the users.
00:49:01.440 --> 00:49:01.599
Yeah.
00:49:02.239 --> 00:49:02.480
Okay.
00:49:02.800 --> 00:49:04.559
Shane, uh, excuse me, range it.
00:49:04.639 --> 00:49:05.760
Uh I'll know where Shane came from.
00:49:05.840 --> 00:49:06.159
Range it.
00:49:06.320 --> 00:49:06.880
I don't know either.
00:49:06.960 --> 00:49:07.280
Yeah.
00:49:07.599 --> 00:49:10.079
Uh I'm a little I'm a little I'm a little frustrated.
00:49:10.239 --> 00:49:11.679
I say this aloud enough for everyone to hear.
00:49:11.760 --> 00:49:12.719
I'm a little frustrated.
00:49:12.880 --> 00:49:20.639
And I uh you know I don't want to get uh out of sorts here with my anger, so why don't you try to uh reason with these imbeciles?
00:49:21.119 --> 00:49:21.840
Sure, sure.
00:49:22.000 --> 00:49:23.599
Uh hey, fellas.
00:49:23.760 --> 00:49:24.239
Hey.
00:49:24.480 --> 00:49:25.599
R yes.
00:49:25.840 --> 00:49:27.360
Oh sorry, I was waiting for the three.
00:49:27.440 --> 00:49:28.159
There's four of them.
00:49:28.480 --> 00:49:30.159
Yeah, they said that all in unison.
00:49:30.480 --> 00:49:34.480
Okay, I was gonna say, I was like, I'm waiting for the other three and all be different accents.
00:49:34.639 --> 00:49:36.480
Uh but that might be a bit much.
00:49:36.559 --> 00:49:39.199
Uh R, R, R, R.
00:49:40.639 --> 00:49:44.000
No, uh uh listen, hey, we're we're looking for some workers.
00:49:44.159 --> 00:49:46.559
If you're interested in joining us, we pay handsomely.
00:49:47.119 --> 00:49:49.280
Oh, you pay booty.
00:49:49.599 --> 00:49:50.960
Yeah, lots of booty.
00:49:51.199 --> 00:49:52.880
Ooh, okay.
00:49:54.000 --> 00:49:56.239
Can can I still be a pirate?
00:49:56.559 --> 00:50:01.760
No, no, you're you're that's a big bit that's a big thing for us.
00:50:02.000 --> 00:50:03.440
Okay, yeah, you can be a pirate.
00:50:03.599 --> 00:50:03.760
Okay.
00:50:04.000 --> 00:50:05.440
Just don't steal from your employer.
00:50:05.760 --> 00:50:07.119
Uh, we won't steal from our employer.
00:50:07.280 --> 00:50:10.239
As long as we get booty and can be pirates, that's all we care about.
00:50:10.480 --> 00:50:10.639
Okay.
00:50:10.880 --> 00:50:15.039
Not a pirate in a traditional sense, but an even better version of a pirate.
00:50:15.360 --> 00:50:15.760
That's fine.
00:50:15.840 --> 00:50:18.159
I still want to dress up and talk the same way.
00:50:18.400 --> 00:50:19.679
No, you won't be doing that.
00:50:19.840 --> 00:50:23.599
Um, kind of a kind of a deal breaker with us.
00:50:23.920 --> 00:50:27.119
No, you get to dress in an even more dreaded outfit.
00:50:27.360 --> 00:50:29.119
Oh, do tell, do tell.
00:50:29.360 --> 00:50:31.519
A three-piece suit.
00:50:31.760 --> 00:50:33.760
Um, roll persuasion.
00:50:34.239 --> 00:50:36.159
That is a tin.
00:50:36.960 --> 00:50:37.599
Nice.
00:50:38.000 --> 00:50:40.639
Um I don't know.
00:50:40.880 --> 00:50:45.039
Uh and then I show them a picture of Jason Statham.
00:50:45.519 --> 00:50:47.280
Oh shit, okay.
00:50:48.639 --> 00:50:49.039
Sure.
00:50:50.400 --> 00:51:02.559
And I go, you're gonna be stealing more than just the riches and the spoils that one might find handily lying around a ship or a uh a home.
00:51:02.800 --> 00:51:02.960
Okay.
00:51:03.199 --> 00:51:10.559
You're gonna be stealing people's livelihoods and leeching on their very soul for the rest of their life.
00:51:10.880 --> 00:51:14.800
Oh, talking about raiding and plundering.
00:51:15.280 --> 00:51:18.639
I'm talking about franchisees.
00:51:20.000 --> 00:51:20.320
Oh.
00:51:21.599 --> 00:51:22.400
We're in.
00:51:22.880 --> 00:51:23.199
Okay.
00:51:24.159 --> 00:51:25.920
Go go get dressed.
00:51:26.559 --> 00:51:32.159
Um, did I I wore this to work, so get dressed in the suits I fucking showed you.
00:51:32.400 --> 00:51:34.800
What did you give them suits?
00:51:35.199 --> 00:51:35.519
No.
00:51:36.639 --> 00:51:40.239
We don't we don't have the Oh sorry, is this my problem?
00:51:41.679 --> 00:51:43.119
I thought you were a go-getter.
00:51:43.199 --> 00:51:47.039
I thought you threw you through your full, however the fucking man of you are that you were pirates.
00:51:47.280 --> 00:51:47.840
We can go.
00:51:48.159 --> 00:51:53.119
You had the We could go go get suits, but we don't fucking Okay.
00:51:53.679 --> 00:51:54.480
They they leave.
00:51:54.639 --> 00:51:56.559
They walk out the door to go get suits.
00:51:56.800 --> 00:51:59.360
And if you're not back in ten minutes, you're fired.
00:51:59.519 --> 00:51:59.840
Okay.
00:52:00.320 --> 00:52:01.440
Does ten minutes pass?
00:52:01.679 --> 00:52:04.239
Ten minutes pass, they all come back in three-piece suits.
00:52:04.480 --> 00:52:04.960
Wait a minute.
00:52:05.039 --> 00:52:06.719
Didn't we ask them to do manual labor?
00:52:06.800 --> 00:52:08.000
Why are we having them with suits?
00:52:08.320 --> 00:52:09.440
They're about to do the manual labor.
00:52:09.519 --> 00:52:11.280
I just wanted to make sure they were speeded up first.
00:52:11.599 --> 00:52:16.480
They come back in, their voices have all changed to Jathan Statham or Jason Statham.
00:52:16.719 --> 00:52:18.159
Jason Statham.
00:52:18.639 --> 00:52:19.920
Jason Statham.
00:52:23.039 --> 00:52:25.440
Alright, so I I you almost got me.
00:52:25.519 --> 00:52:27.360
I almost almost copied yours for a second.
00:52:27.599 --> 00:52:28.800
Uh all right.
00:52:29.199 --> 00:52:32.480
Here's the plan for these four restaurants.
00:52:32.639 --> 00:52:36.719
We're gonna knock down the walls, no supporting beams that are gonna make them fall.
00:52:36.800 --> 00:52:42.800
You're gonna knock down all the walls in between all four of them, and you're gonna pick a uh I like the beer garden aesthetic the most.
00:52:42.960 --> 00:52:46.320
You're gonna go in and you're gonna copy that throughout.
00:52:46.559 --> 00:52:50.159
And uh there's a guy in a freezer that's got a whole bunch of arms, leave him alone.
00:52:50.400 --> 00:52:50.719
Okay.
00:52:50.880 --> 00:52:52.159
Yep, do that, guys.
00:52:52.400 --> 00:52:56.159
Uh, and if there are uh any other staff from any of the other restaurants, you kill them.
00:52:56.400 --> 00:52:57.119
Got it.
00:52:57.440 --> 00:53:03.599
And they do all of that to the efficiency of Amish people building houses.
00:53:03.679 --> 00:53:09.280
It is insanely, insanely specific, articulate, and perfect.
00:53:09.519 --> 00:53:15.679
So standing before you is one mega bar with the bar aesthetic of the beer garden.
00:53:15.920 --> 00:53:16.239
Okay.
00:53:17.199 --> 00:53:18.880
Let's go back to the side quest stump.
00:53:19.119 --> 00:53:32.719
Alright, you go back to the side quest stump and you just see him looking in horror at the video screens like, uh I don't I don't know how you managed to do that.
00:53:32.960 --> 00:53:34.880
I didn't I didn't see that.
00:53:35.679 --> 00:53:37.920
Uh working out in your favor?
00:53:38.719 --> 00:53:41.599
Somehow you made it you made it work.
00:53:41.840 --> 00:53:45.360
Um here's here's your item.
00:53:45.760 --> 00:53:48.079
And he gives you a finger.
00:53:48.320 --> 00:53:50.159
It looks like just a regular finger.
00:53:50.719 --> 00:53:51.440
I slap him.
00:53:51.920 --> 00:53:54.400
Ah for giving me the finger.
00:53:56.239 --> 00:54:04.000
No, that that's the finger of the chef that uh would like chop off his arms and stuff.
00:54:04.159 --> 00:54:08.719
So that thing can grow infinitely and you can like cut it off and shit.
00:54:09.519 --> 00:54:12.719
Oh, so we can just have food constantly and it fits in our pocket.
00:54:13.360 --> 00:54:24.400
Yeah, or if you need to like reach something or point at something really far away, you can like grow it a little bit and be like, look over there, and then it's kind of longer.
00:54:25.440 --> 00:54:31.039
Or we can put it in our pocket and let it grow a little bit so it looks like we have a real long skinny penis.
00:54:31.280 --> 00:54:32.320
Yeah, that's true too.
00:54:32.400 --> 00:54:33.760
That's with a knuckle.
00:54:34.159 --> 00:54:36.159
That's a third uh use for it.
00:54:36.320 --> 00:54:36.800
Yeah.
00:54:37.119 --> 00:54:40.079
That there you go, at the side quest um.
00:54:40.880 --> 00:54:42.000
Cool, wow.
00:54:42.239 --> 00:54:43.119
That's exciting.
00:54:43.199 --> 00:54:44.239
Look what we got here.
00:54:44.400 --> 00:54:44.960
Yeah.
00:54:45.199 --> 00:54:45.519
Yeah.
00:54:45.840 --> 00:54:46.719
Is it worth it?
00:54:46.960 --> 00:54:48.639
I've killed a lot of people today.
00:54:49.119 --> 00:54:50.320
You have, you have.
00:54:50.559 --> 00:54:53.360
But we wouldn't be where we are today with it if it weren't for you.
00:54:53.679 --> 00:54:56.719
Yeah, well, back to the desert.
00:54:57.440 --> 00:55:03.199
He sucks you guys in and plops you guys right in front of the buggy.
00:55:03.360 --> 00:55:05.920
And you see John kind of wake up.
00:55:06.000 --> 00:55:12.880
Uh, he does that yawn that dog stewer goes like, and looks like you guys are ready to get off and moving.
00:55:13.039 --> 00:55:16.639
And with that, we end our short little side quest.
00:55:19.840 --> 00:55:22.320
That does it for another episode of Comedy and Dice.
00:55:22.480 --> 00:55:24.000
Thank you guys so much for listening.
00:55:24.159 --> 00:55:29.360
We hope to be back to some regularly scheduled programming very soon, hopefully with our next release.
00:55:29.599 --> 00:55:36.000
Uh, we've had some scheduling conflicts, so we appreciate everybody enjoying these side quest adventures for a little bit.
00:55:36.320 --> 00:55:38.320
Want to say thank you as always to our cast.
00:55:38.480 --> 00:55:40.400
I have been Tyler Wood playing AIE.
00:55:40.559 --> 00:55:47.760
We have Shane Smith as Ranger Danger, Grant Janik as our dungeon master, and uh absent from this episode, but we still love him.
00:55:47.840 --> 00:55:50.079
It is Mark Brady that usually plays John Blake.
00:55:50.239 --> 00:55:58.480
Shout out to Lisa Correo for being the voice of the narrator, and thank you to DD Sluggers that is at DD Sluggers, aka Tim White.
00:55:58.800 --> 00:56:05.280
Uh, you can catch him at DD Sluggers on all social media for providing this wonderful intro and outro music.
00:56:05.519 --> 00:56:06.960
Thank you to our patrons.
00:56:07.119 --> 00:56:08.239
Uh, we appreciate you.
00:56:08.400 --> 00:56:14.639
Thank you to everyone who listens, and we will see you back here in two weeks for another episode.
00:56:14.880 --> 00:56:15.679
Thank you.
00:56:18.639 --> 00:56:23.440
Uh uh, so uh uh uh and uh