Chasing Thoughts | S03 E04 - The Arena of Dreams: Navigating Fear and Growth

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What is my next challenge in daring to be human?
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How do I connect with life?
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How can I let go of my need for fixed answers in favor of aliveness?
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How do I live free from the experiences that shaped me?
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How can we be the change the world names right now?
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Join us weekly for stony conversations about life.
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It is our mission to allow life itself to reveal to us the answers.
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Welcome to Chasing Thoughts.
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Good morning, everybody, or good afternoon.
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Welcome to Chasing Thought.
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Still morning for me over here in Bend, Oregon, 10 AM for Keith.
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It's afternoon.
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Yeah, 1 o'clock.
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Yeah, you've already had a lot of your day.
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Yeah, not much to show for it.
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I feel like my day ends at 3.
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Like, I don't want to do shit after 3.
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Yeah.
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I like getting up early.
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I like being super productive.
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And then around 3, like, I want to start winding down.
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Maybe I'll do some chores, clean up some.
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If I have to work late, it is not good.
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I'm not built for that.
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Yeah, it's funny because I'm the exact opposite.
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Like, my things go slow.
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And then I'll go up until, like, Sandy gets home, you know,
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and then we'll have dinner and stuff like that.
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And then once she goes to bed, I'll do, like, another hour,
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hour and a half.
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Like, I have more energy later.
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Yeah.
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That's pretty cool.
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It's something that is so neat about working from home
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and the shift in culture and being content creators
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or all these jobs that let you align with your own rhythms.
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Yeah.
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What has been, like, the biggest gift
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I never knew I wasn't getting?
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Right?
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Yeah.
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I feel like my whole life, I had to work.
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And, you know, when I was a single mom, it was like,
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I couldn't even go home early.
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I needed 40 hours on my paycheck.
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And when you are just on somebody else's schedule all the time,
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when you eat, when you go to the bathroom, when you wake up,
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when you don't realize how dishonoring that can be.
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And I feel like after my accident and as I get older,
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and my body needs its own rhythms to be happy.
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And like, my psyche too, right?
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Mental and physical.
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And I just hope more people, you know,
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with the change of technology and stuff,
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can find jobs that let them do it their way, right?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I remember I saw a video from a psychiatrist.
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And she was talking about one of the best practices
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to start sort of like to calm your nervous system, you know?
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And it was just listen to your body.
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When you're thirsty, like once you hit that realization,
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go get a drink.
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You know, don't wait, you know, whatever.
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And if you got to use the bathroom,
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once you have that realization, just go.
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You know?
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But there's a huge section of our day that's
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carved out where you can't listen to the rhythms of your body.
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Not even the normal nine to five work world, you can't.
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Yeah.
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And it's, I don't know.
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I guess you have to double down when you get home
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or something, you know?
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But you have to go off the schedule.
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Yeah, yeah.
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That's what I'm loving about this season of my life
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is just doing whatever I want when I want to.
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And it's not that I'm not working hard,
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but having the flexibility to respond to how I feel.
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It's everything to me.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, it's a hard transition to make, too.
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Oh my gosh.
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Yeah.
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And that's kind of what I want to talk about,
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because we said we wanted to talk about where we wanted
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to go with the show, kind of pipe dreams,
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and also what's going on in our lives right now that's
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really blocking us.
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Like what are we wrestling with?
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That's what we texted about, right?
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Is that, do I have that?
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Yeah.
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And I thought about it a lot since we were texting.
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And I realized I'm living my dream life right now.
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And you talk about manifesting and things like that.
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Like I manifested my dad to move here, my sister to move here,
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right?
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Friends, jobs I love doing a podcast, right?
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You know how many people I talk to and they're like,
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oh, I've been wanting to do a podcast for a long time,
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like fucking doing it.
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Like just everything in my life, right?
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I have a great marriage.
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It's going so well.
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I have my flexibility of time.
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We have enough money.
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Like I have never been so happy.
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And when I think about the future of the podcast
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and where I want to go with my business,
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it could get so good.
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I don't even know how to describe how good it would be for me
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and what a dream come true.
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Like how much I'm living the life I dreamed of for 30 plus years,
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right?
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Like most of my life.
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And that is terrifying.
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Like I try so hard to lean into the gratitude
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and just be like, thank you, thank you, thank you.
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But there is terror.
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Like right here, this is just like,
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woo, I want to come up and grab you.
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Like I feel it.
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And that is my biggest block.
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Like how, what is my relationship with this fear?
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And it feels so like animalistic, right?
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Like so much part of my animal self is like,
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we've kept you alive.
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We're going to keep keeping you alive, right?
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You've got to be aware all the time.
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You can't get too happy, right?
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Like this fear that's so visceral.
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And if I want to go where I want to go,
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I have to develop a new relationship with that.
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And I don't know what the F that looks like.
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So that's where I'm at today.
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Like I would love to explore like, what does it really
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look like to change your relationship with fear?
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Because all of us have it.
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It's not going to go completely away, right?
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Like there is an animal part of us,
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and some of us have more PTSD or anxiety.
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But yeah, what do you think?
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I think you perfectly described where both of us
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are right now.
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You know, yesterday I did, I got so much done.
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Dude, I downloaded CapCut for the desktop.
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Like the app, and I'm loving that thing.
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That's really cool.
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Oh my god.
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Yeah, I feel like a movie editor just sitting there,
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and I'm like, oh, I'm changing the color,
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changing the contrast filters, just playing with all this stuff.
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I'm like, I feel it just made me so freaking happy doing that.
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Yeah, and it's pretty intuitive learning
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how to use the tools.
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And you can have it put captions on your videos,
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and it'll automatically do that.
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And it's a great tool.
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And I did that yesterday too, and I had so much fun.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And I'm sure there are tons of videos
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that you can watch how to learn how to use it in depth.
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But like you said, it's very intuitive.
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Like I haven't watched anything, any tutorials on it.
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And it's so easy to pick up.
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You know, it's very, very user friendly.
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I feel like we're doing a commercial right now for Cap.
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So put it in.
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Yeah, put it in.
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I'm gonna just sponsor this episode.
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Put in promo code weed, and I get 20% off.
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Yeah, CapCut, reach out, man.
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But all right, so yeah, that.
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But yeah, so I've been having the same exact feeling.
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And what made me think of that is because when
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I get into the work, I sort of lose, it's meditative.
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So I sort of lose the thought I'm completely present.
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And I lose all of that fear.
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But even like right now, and even when you were,
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you know, moving, like showing down here in your stomach,
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I feel this like tightness in my stomach,
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a tightness in my chest.
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And it's almost like my brain is yelling at me
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24 hours a day, like what the fuck are you doing?
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You know, and like you said, like to keep me safe.
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It's shocking to me to see that even getting what we want,
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you know, our comfort zone not only has a basement,
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but it has a ceiling to it.
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And it is developing a new relationship.
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And I think belief is one of those fundamental blocks
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of like emotion, you know, we all have different triggers.
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We all have different things we get happy and excited about.
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But when you get down to like the atomic level emotionally,
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like belief is one of those foundational things.
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And what gives me hope for having this new relationship
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with fear is what we just did going from doing a business
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to being creators and artists.
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And how for me that sort of, I had that wall there
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that would stop me when I thought of myself
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as I own a business, I'm running a business.
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And then it was almost like a teleportation,
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like Star Trek, man, you know, like they just
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booped me out to this other side when I started thinking of,
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I'm an artist, I'm a creator, you know, I'm a story,
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I'm a stoner story teller.
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And that's what gives me hope that all of this fear of,
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and when it comes down to it, I'm not good enough.
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Right.
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You know, that it's gonna prove,
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this is gonna prove to me that I am not good enough
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and my nervous system doesn't, I mean,
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all of our nervous systems don't wanna face that.
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Yep.
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And it is kicking my ass.
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Yeah, it's really, as Bernay Brown would say,
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getting into the arena, like fully showing up
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and going after something that feels
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so incredible and that you're so in love with,
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that the idea of losing it or it crashing or, right,
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or being judged, right, like all those things,
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the loss of it, I'm not good enough to sustain this,
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whatever it is, is very real.
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Yeah.
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And I think you're right.
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It's always amazing to me how I can change a belief system
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or reframe a thought.
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And then like you said, it's like teleportation, right?
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You're like, oh, I see it differently.
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So because both of us have had those types of experiences,
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we know this is gonna be like that too, right?
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We don't quite see the way around it right now.
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But if we investigate, we might find the answer, right?
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That little nut that goes like click
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and then everything flows again.
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That's what I always tell my clients.
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If you feel like you're pushing a rock uphill
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with your growth, that's not,
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you're not doing it right.
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It's searching and investigating
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and then finding the one nut, I think,
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and then everything flows.
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But you don't quite, like, I don't know if this fear is this,
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my poverty and my childhood,
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is this my mom leaving when I was young?
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Is this like, why do I have things that are overactive
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in my fear department?
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Is it childhood stuff?
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Or is it just the world I live in,
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which always tells me be afraid
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and that's what I see on TV and that's what I think.
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Right, what is creating this fear is my first question.
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And then second, yeah, like what's my relationship with it?
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I'd like to know both those things.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I think the creation aspect is everything.
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You know, it's all of that combined,
260
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which makes it a hard thing because then it's like,
261
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:12,440
all right, do I deal with the past that is,
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this is reminding me of something in the past
263
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and it's telling me to stay away from it.
264
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Do I deal with that?
265
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Do I deal with the society?
266
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Like you said, that is always wanting us to be afraid.
267
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And then you have the sort of entertainment world
268
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that is standard of beauty and success.
269
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:36,440
That is, I mean, even like a lot of models and actors
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00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,440
will say like, I don't look like that.
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You know what I mean?
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And when you see that like pictures of them, you know,
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just on the street or whatever, it's like, wow, they look very,
274
00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,440
they look more like a normal person.
275
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:57,440
You know, so we have this standard of success that is,
276
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is so high and it comes with material possessions and material
277
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,440
gains and all that sort of stuff.
278
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So it's all of that.
279
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And then it's our own personal belief about, about how we feel
280
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,440
about it. And like one of the things that I learned is that we,
281
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we all, all, all humans share two basic fears that I'm not going
282
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to be enough.
283
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:25,440
And that since I'm not, I won't be loved.
284
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,440
Right.
285
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:33,440
So everything comes down to these two core fears that we love
286
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:39,440
and we learn so, so early in our lives that are so deep inside.
287
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,440
Yeah.
288
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:46,440
Yeah. So how do you go back for them? Right?
289
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:52,440
How do you ease that and soften that fear, right?
290
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:56,440
Or whatever memories are lingering from childhood,
291
00:14:56,440 --> 00:15:00,440
bring them into alignment, become the one that's in control,
292
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:01,440
right?
293
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,440
Become the parent of these fears.
294
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:07,440
Cause right now I think my fears, I've got like 51%.
295
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:11,440
Right. Like my fears used to be, they were running the show more,
296
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:15,440
I think this month or two, like with what we've been doing in the
297
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:20,440
personal growth work, I might like 51, but that's barely it.
298
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,440
Like to respond to this dream and keep working.
299
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:26,440
I need to be at like 80% at least over these fears,
300
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:28,440
these little bitches.
301
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:34,440
And what habits do I need or what do I need to tell myself so that
302
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:38,440
I can do that every day and practice it and practice it and remember it
303
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:39,440
and remember it.
304
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:46,440
What's real enough to me to pull me into that space.
305
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,440
And what, what if this is like the question I always ask myself,
306
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:57,440
like what if the answer is by ignoring them?
307
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,440
And so here's my thought.
308
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:05,440
So to me, like those fears and my anxiety and all this,
309
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,440
all this feeling, they're like,
310
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:11,440
when you're on a road trip with kids and that are in the backseat and
311
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,440
like, you're on my side, no, you're on my side.
312
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,440
We're going to be like, and they just don't stop.
313
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,440
And you, you sit there and you try to take it, you know,
314
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:21,440
and you try to focus on like, oh, we're going on vacation or whatever.
315
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,440
But at a certain point,
316
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:27,440
you know, like either my mom or dad's hand was always flinging around
317
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,440
the seat, like just waving wildly, like just trying to get us to shut up.
318
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:36,440
You know, so it demands our attention.
319
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:41,440
And the more we focus on it, even focusing on not wanting to feel it
320
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:42,440
or why am I feeling it?
321
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,440
We're focusing on that feeling.
322
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,440
And then our brain gives us more of that feeling.
323
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,440
And then we're going to be like,
324
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:53,440
we're going to be like, what's the point in that feeling?
325
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,440
And then our brain gives us more of that feeling.
326
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,440
Right. So really the trick is what is the opposite of that?
327
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:02,440
Or what do you want to feel so we can put our focus there?
328
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,440
Yeah. And then the way,
329
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,440
because the way you were describing your dream life,
330
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:11,440
like when you got into that, I mean, there was a change.
331
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:15,440
Like kind of glowed with, with everything that you were saying.
332
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,440
Yeah.
333
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,440
I know what you're talking about. Yeah, you're right.
334
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:24,440
So what if it's really just, and ignoring is a harsh word because
335
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,440
you want to honor your feeling, but accepting say, okay,
336
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,440
I'm really anxious right now.
337
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:30,440
Right.
338
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:34,440
That's trying to drive my focus into this.
339
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,440
Thing of like, why am I feeling this way?
340
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,440
I need to figure this thing out so I can answer it.
341
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,440
And that answer will make it go away.
342
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:42,440
Right.
343
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,440
Instead of looking at,
344
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,440
I'm going to keep my focus on the horizon.
345
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:48,440
Yeah.
346
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:49,440
Yeah.
347
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:50,440
I like that a lot.
348
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:53,440
I feel like for me, how that would look in my life is.
349
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:57,440
When I feel that come up, I'd say, like you said, like, oh,
350
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,440
I recognize my fear is trying to like.
351
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,440
Run the show right now.
352
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,440
And then like,
353
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,440
pause and do a 10 minute meditation,
354
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,440
especially because I like to make my own meditation.
355
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:09,440
So like,
356
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:14,440
I could make a meditation of my future vision or what I need to
357
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,440
hear real line and then get back to my day or get back to work.
358
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:18,440
Like that.
359
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,440
I've been trying to deal with myself in that way.
360
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,440
When I notice my brain going.
361
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:23,440
To a crazy place.
362
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:24,440
It's like, time out.
363
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:25,440
I don't keep working.
364
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,440
I don't keep doing whatever I'm doing.
365
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,440
I actually go spend some time trying to like.
366
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,440
Change my mindset.
367
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,440
And this has been really helpful.
368
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:34,440
Yeah.
369
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:35,440
Yeah.
370
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:36,440
Yeah.
371
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,440
And, and, and I think it's important too to understand that.
372
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,440
Doing that won't necessarily make the feeling go away.
373
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:43,440
Right.
374
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,440
You know, because then I start to ask myself what,
375
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:50,440
what is my expectation of this is my expectation of this to be able
376
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:54,440
to overcome this, this fear, change that belief system.
377
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,440
That's driving this feeling that I don't like.
378
00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:00,440
Or is my expectation to get the feeling to stop.
379
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:01,440
Right.
380
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:06,440
Yes.
381
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,440
Was that, was that your phone?
382
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,440
That was the best.
383
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,440
Griffin texts.
384
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:12,440
Yeah.
385
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,440
Isn't that great.
386
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,440
I downloaded it from somewhere.
387
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,440
It was like, Hey, this texted me.
388
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,440
It's so awesome.
389
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:20,440
Yeah.
390
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:21,440
Cause I just hear Pete.
391
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,440
And you know how much I love Peter Griffin.
392
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,440
You're the person who needs that key.
393
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:26,440
Yeah.
394
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:29,440
I mean, I'm not sure if I'm the one who's the one who's the one who
395
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,440
is.
396
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,440
You're the person who needs that key.
397
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,440
If you will go and download Peter Griffin ringtone,
398
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:43,440
because that's for.
399
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,440
Oh, that's so awesome.
400
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:46,440
Yeah.
401
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,440
So yeah, that.
402
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,440
Oh,
403
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,440
so tell me.
404
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,440
What is the thing that you really want?
405
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,440
Like what would be your focus?
406
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:03,440
like that dream that makes you glow when you talk about it?
407
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,120
What are the aspects of that?
408
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:12,200
So I want to basically like you said,
409
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:19,160
enjoy that freedom and free my mind from preconceived ideas
410
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,520
of what that freedom means.
411
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:24,760
You know what I mean?
412
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,040
Take away the good or the bad.
413
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:30,960
I want to spend my day watching documentaries,
414
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,320
reading books, smoking weed.
415
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:38,420
Like it opens my mind up.
416
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:41,960
The way I picture it,
417
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,840
and I just smoke before we come on.
418
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,320
So I'm like, I'm feeling that right now.
419
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,200
I feel like the top of my head is just like wide open,
420
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,600
you know, and the way I picture it in my mind is
421
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:55,920
you ever see like those books like in a movie or something,
422
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,320
it's going to be a fairy tale story.
423
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:59,120
It's like all ornate and everything.
424
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,080
Yeah, it opens up and like the story kind of comes up
425
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:02,920
out of the book.
426
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,400
That's what my mind feels like when I smoke
427
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:10,440
and then focus it on this stuff,
428
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,840
on what we're doing and all the stuff I'm learning.
429
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:19,120
And it feels like I move through like, you know,
430
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:21,920
hyperspace on Star Trek, you know?
431
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:26,920
And I feel the focus, the line that just pulls me.
432
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,520
It's almost like this never ending thing
433
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,920
of all of these realizations and ideas and thoughts
434
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,320
that just fly by my mind that I can,
435
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:40,720
there's so many of them,
436
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:44,320
but I can grasp onto each one, you know, momentarily.
437
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:47,920
And that's why I like making my videos when I'm like that,
438
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:48,920
you know?
439
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,920
And that's what I want to do, you know, do that
440
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:57,920
and figure out those puzzle pieces and explore
441
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:04,920
and figure out exactly who I am,
442
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:06,920
the parts that I can see and understand
443
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,920
and also the parts that we don't have,
444
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:14,920
like our senses can't comprehend that consciousness part.
445
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,920
Yeah.
446
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,920
And then just if people want to come along for the ride, great.
447
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:22,920
You know, if they don't, great.
448
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:24,920
It's just what I want to do.
449
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:25,920
Yeah.
450
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,920
Yeah, I think for me, there's two parts.
451
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:30,920
One that's very similar to yours,
452
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,920
just know myself and research things I'm passionate about
453
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,920
and read all the personal development books.
454
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,920
And, right, I love that stuff so much.
455
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,920
Talk about it on podcasts, right?
456
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,920
That's what I want to do.
457
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:53,920
But I also have a desire to figure out, like, play in the world
458
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:58,920
in such a way where I figure out, how do you make money as an influencer
459
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,920
and what does content creating and how do you link the,
460
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:05,920
like I have fun playing in that entrepreneurial world.
461
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:10,920
And so for me, like, I spend so much time watching educational videos
462
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,920
and that kind of stuff, how to make better videos,
463
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,920
how to do, especially now that these last couple of weeks is you
464
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,920
and I've changed this idea.
465
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,920
When I think of myself as an artist, I'm like, oh, I need to spend time
466
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:21,920
learning how to do my craft.
467
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:25,920
And so it's totally changed the way and I'm so thrilled with how much
468
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:30,920
I've learned, but being financially successful or making beautiful
469
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:34,920
videos or figuring out how to get paid from a brand for making a
470
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:39,920
beautiful, like to me, that is also part of the fun of what I want
471
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,920
in my future.
472
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,920
Because to me, that's fine.
473
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:49,920
Yeah. Yeah, I definitely want to be able to support myself by doing
474
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:50,920
this.
475
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:54,920
And I think I found out a way that I can do it that aligns like very
476
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,920
well with me, you know, offering like, you know, like we were talking
477
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:03,920
about like the Patreon thing for very cheap, you know, and then some
478
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,920
other ideas and stuff.
479
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:10,920
And that, that, that is, that is a cool and like a fun part of that.
480
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,920
So yeah, I think, I think you're right.
481
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,920
Like being able to do this.
482
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:20,920
And just being able to like just play with our lives.
483
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,920
And make money from it, you know, who was the dude that said that
484
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,920
get paid to play.
485
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:30,920
Yeah, I can't think of his head either.
486
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:31,920
Yeah, cheese.
487
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,920
Alan Watts.
488
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:34,920
Yeah.
489
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:35,920
Yeah.
490
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,920
What a dream, man.
491
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,920
Right. I know that's that big dream.
492
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:44,920
So when you, when you think about that.
493
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:49,920
Do you feel clear? Is it like good and you feel like, or is that
494
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,920
some of that fear lingering onto it?
495
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:57,920
There's definite fear because I have a, like a narrative in my
496
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:02,920
head that that's just not how the world works.
497
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,920
Like it's too good to be true.
498
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:05,920
Yeah.
499
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:09,920
And I think that's what that's what that's what mine says is like,
500
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:12,920
what you're thinking of is too good to be true.
501
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,920
And it must be the next sentence must be like,
502
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:16,920
and you don't deserve something that good, right?
503
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,920
Or it has to be go back to on worthiness.
504
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:21,920
Cause like you said, that's the crux of everything.
505
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:22,920
Yeah.
506
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,920
I'm not good enough to get that done.
507
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,920
Yeah.
508
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,920
So there, there's a big part of that.
509
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,920
But interestingly though,
510
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:35,920
I think that's what I'm talking about.
511
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,920
I think that's what I'm talking about.
512
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,920
And so while I was talking about that and something I just realized
513
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,920
because I had that, I now I got that feeling back, you know,
514
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,920
the tightness in my stomach and in my chest.
515
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,920
When I was talking about that though.
516
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,920
I don't remember anything else I was thinking about.
517
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:51,920
And a lot of times when I'm talking.
518
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,920
Like the voice in my head can be louder than what I'm saying.
519
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,920
So like that's why it's easy for me to forget what I was,
520
00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:58,920
what I was talking about.
521
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,920
And I'm like, I'm not going to forget it.
522
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:02,920
I'm not going to forget it.
523
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:04,920
And everything was relaxed.
524
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:06,920
Yeah.
525
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,920
So yeah, I mean, I feel completely.
526
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,920
Aligned clear, whatever.
527
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,920
Like whatever word best describes it, I feel.
528
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,920
Me.
529
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,920
And the, and it's doing that.
530
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:20,920
I would agree. I feel.
531
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:25,920
It's almost like more.
532
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,920
It's like, I feel so me and so strong. And so.
533
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:30,920
And then I also have this fear,
534
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:32,920
but they're not all co-mingled, right?
535
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:36,920
It feels like they're more separate than they have been previously.
536
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:38,920
But I do know.
537
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,920
This is interesting because I thought of this while you were talking.
538
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,920
Sometimes I can say something and I can feel in my body.
539
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:47,920
How true I believe that thing is.
540
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:49,920
Right.
541
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:51,920
So if I say.
542
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:56,920
I think it's totally possible to make a lot of money easily and
543
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:58,920
having fun the whole time.
544
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:03,920
I can feel where I believe that and it is not at a hundred percent.
545
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:04,920
Yeah.
546
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:09,920
And I think that's the belief that I'm growing right now every day.
547
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:12,920
It's like, no, it is possible.
548
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,920
You can love your life and you can make money and you can help people
549
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,920
and you can have all your friends and family.
550
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:20,920
You can have all of it. It's okay. Right.
551
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,920
Like it's okay to be happy.
552
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,920
And just telling myself that.
553
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:28,920
Over and over and over again, almost like soothing a child.
554
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,920
And maybe that is soothing my inner child. Like it's okay. Yep.
555
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,920
You can have it all. We're going to go get ice cream too.
556
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,920
Really.
557
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:42,920
Really soothing part of myself to just.
558
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:44,920
Treat it more like that. Right.
559
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,920
Like it's the whining kid in the back of the car.
560
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:52,920
And then your other friends.
561
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:53,920
Yeah, it's like, you know,
562
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:54,920
five.
563
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:58,920
You know, you help people that you can't really control with love,
564
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:00,920
but also with, like, all right.
565
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,920
Yeah. And that's where I mean, just,
566
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,920
just treating yourself right. Like having love for yourself is so
567
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:06,920
important.
568
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,920
You, like, you and Jack Cornfield, who.
569
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:10,920
You know, I,
570
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:12,920
from what I understand, like he went over to debatt or somewhere,
571
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,920
like lived as a Buddhist monk for.
572
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:16,920
2030 years.
573
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,520
about when that stuff comes up.
574
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,720
You know, you literally saying like,
575
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:24,600
thank you for keeping me safe.
576
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:28,560
I appreciate that, but I don't need it right now.
577
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:29,840
And when I heard that, I was like,
578
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,400
that is the stupidest thing I ever heard.
579
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,000
But you get to a point where you're like,
580
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:36,120
I'm willing to try something stupid, you know?
581
00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:37,520
It'll only happen in my head.
582
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,720
So nobody will know I'm doing it.
583
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,000
Lovely.
584
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,160
So I tried it and it was weird
585
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:48,960
because I felt a relief in the anxiety attack I was having.
586
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:53,440
Yes. And then you get to stay in the vibration of gratitude.
587
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:54,680
Yeah.
588
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,960
Right. And that's where when you get into the flow, right?
589
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:01,320
It's being in those like higher vibrations of gratitude
590
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:02,800
and love and passion.
591
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,800
That's what the flow is.
592
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:08,200
And so you don't want to get out of that space.
593
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,240
And so if you stay in gratitude, you're like,
594
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,440
thank you for bringing this to me.
595
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,360
I don't need it.
596
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,640
And all situations, like we always talk about,
597
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:21,800
like it's how we respond, not how we react to the situation,
598
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,320
but how we respond to them.
599
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:29,480
You can say, OK, what I'm feeling is bad, right?
600
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,280
So I'm putting a negative connotation on it
601
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:33,000
and now I'm going to get upset.
602
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:34,520
I don't want to feel this.
603
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:35,520
Why am I feeling this way?
604
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,720
In fact, in Buddhism, they call it the second dart.
605
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,320
You know, the first is what you're feeling.
606
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:39,960
It's inevitable.
607
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:41,120
You are feeling that.
608
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:44,160
The second dart is the one that we hit ourselves with,
609
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:47,480
you know, where we get upset and we create even more
610
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:53,960
negativity inside because of that first dart.
611
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,960
Or you can come at it, like you said,
612
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,880
from a place of gratitude, like Jack Hornfield was saying,
613
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,160
like, I thank you.
614
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,520
I understand what you're trying to do.
615
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,560
And you're getting the result that you want.
616
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:12,600
And keeping yourself in a more loving and grateful place.
617
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,160
Yeah.
618
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:15,000
I love that.
619
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:18,440
And it also helps me realize I still
620
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:24,600
have the tendency to want to fix things or fix myself
621
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:29,640
and how I believe just like nobody wants to be fixed, right?
622
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:30,920
Nobody wants to be fixed.
623
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:32,640
That feels super icky.
624
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:34,800
I think sometimes it's the same with our feelings.
625
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,720
Like they don't want to be fixed, right?
626
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,080
The inner child doesn't want to be fixed.
627
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,560
So when you come out of that fixing position
628
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,920
and just let it be what it is, oh, here you are.
629
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:45,680
You're doing this.
630
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:46,400
Thank you.
631
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:47,920
OK.
632
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:48,720
Yeah.
633
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:50,680
Then it kind of calms down because it's like, oh,
634
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:51,960
you're not trying to fix me anymore.
635
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:53,520
Like I can relax a little bit.
636
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,400
I feel like that happens to the feeling.
637
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:57,200
Yeah.
638
00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:58,120
Yeah.
639
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,960
And I think that's one of the dangers of turning everything
640
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,080
into a disorder.
641
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:05,680
I mean, it's clear that there are things that
642
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:09,960
can go wrong with the mind or with the brain.
643
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:15,560
But turning anger, turning sadness, anxiety,
644
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:21,160
like everything being a disorder, you see it as something's
645
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,320
wrong and now it needs to be fixed.
646
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:29,360
But how we are, like the meme that you had sent me,
647
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,320
how we're all star dust, but we're also poop particles too.
648
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:34,360
So calm down.
649
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:35,520
I love that.
650
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:39,760
But we're from the universe.
651
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:42,880
And the universe exists specifically
652
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,640
because of the imperfections in it.
653
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:51,400
So the imperfections in us are what make us different.
654
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,000
And sound the same as in a hole, right?
655
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:55,440
It makes us whole.
656
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:56,400
Yeah.
657
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:02,280
And the thing that moves us is thinking about it as imperfections.
658
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:03,600
Yeah.
659
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,440
That's a big one.
660
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,360
Yeah, I don't know how to not do it.
661
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:13,720
That's like one of those things that I feel is true inside.
662
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:14,640
Yes.
663
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:18,960
And now it's just trying to explore and investigate
664
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:22,080
ways to connect with that.
665
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:22,880
Yeah.
666
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,920
And I think what you just said and what's come up a couple times
667
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:32,720
is worth noting is you and I have both taken the time
668
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:38,000
to be able to recognize truth in our bodies, to know,
669
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,800
like to be self-aware enough to go, I can say this
670
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:42,240
and I feel it's true, right?
671
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,960
I feel truth from you, right?
672
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:48,160
And how important that is to cultivate
673
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:50,840
if you want to go on the personal growth and development
674
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:51,880
journey.
675
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:53,120
Like that's key.
676
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:54,480
And that's why you have to slow down
677
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,000
and you can't just stay in the hustle and really busy
678
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,760
all the time because you won't be able to know yourself
679
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:03,640
enough to be able to really navigate your feelings,
680
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:05,520
I think.
681
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:10,520
And that's, it's sucks doing that.
682
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:14,360
Like it was one of the things that surprised me.
683
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:22,200
And I think that kept me stuck for a while after I started
684
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:23,880
was realizing that the pain is going
685
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,840
to get a little bit worse before it gets better
686
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,920
because you're going to confront it.
687
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:30,680
Yeah.
688
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:31,880
You know?
689
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:35,640
And it reminds me like in my head, I see like this.
690
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:39,720
You're like in a scary movie, they close the medicine cabinet
691
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:41,240
and they see themselves in the mirror,
692
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:46,760
like this disgusting, like putrid version of themselves.
693
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:48,120
I feel like that's what it is.
694
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:51,840
It's staring into the face of what I see as my demons,
695
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,600
the worst part of me.
696
00:33:54,600 --> 00:34:01,280
And really developing a relationship with them
697
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:03,240
because they're always going to be a part of me.
698
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:03,840
You know?
699
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:08,680
I have the capacity to go back to that place.
700
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,960
So it's having a relationship with them
701
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:14,200
instead of defeating them or banishing them
702
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:15,720
or like all this other stuff.
703
00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:22,640
I mean, being alive is a spectrum.
704
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,800
But we have this idea of shutting off
705
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:26,440
everything beyond a certain point,
706
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:28,800
beyond like this neutral contentment,
707
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:29,800
all the negative stuff.
708
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:33,320
We need to shut it off because that means we're broken.
709
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:34,320
Yeah.
710
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:38,760
So what we're trying to do is live half a life.
711
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,520
And it's impossible.
712
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:41,280
Yeah.
713
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,840
I also want to say I think that this is a really good time
714
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:49,960
to talk about plant medicine or even other types of drugs
715
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:56,080
because for me, in a couple different directions,
716
00:34:56,080 --> 00:35:01,400
being able to do mushrooms and face some of those darker
717
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:03,680
aspects and have to surrender and have
718
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:08,840
to continue to find self, I guess,
719
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:12,240
is so valuable and helpful in a journey.
720
00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:14,080
And you practice it there and then you
721
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,960
know how to do it here in real life.
722
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:23,280
I feel like that gave me a practice run to learn
723
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:24,720
how to navigate stuff.
724
00:35:24,720 --> 00:35:27,560
And I think it's really cool.
725
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:32,200
And I think drugs like MDMA have allowed
726
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,240
me to see the love part and the total acceptance part
727
00:35:35,240 --> 00:35:38,160
and help burn those pathways in my brain
728
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,720
so that I know where the trail is.
729
00:35:40,720 --> 00:35:43,080
Yeah.
730
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:45,160
Yeah, I love that.
731
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,680
You know, I think the gift of drugs
732
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,840
is helping you see like, OK, this is the trail.
733
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,320
And you go, oh, OK, I get it.
734
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,640
And then you get to grow that direction.
735
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:56,040
Yep.
736
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:56,480
Yep.
737
00:35:56,480 --> 00:36:01,480
Since I started with mushrooms, there's
738
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:05,280
been a constant narrative throughout all of my trips.
739
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:11,080
And it's the idea of flowing, acceptance and flowing
740
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:15,040
in that river that life is going to take us.
741
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:17,240
But that's complete surrender.
742
00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:20,040
Complete surrender.
743
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:24,880
And that, you know, when you have been raised your whole life
744
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:28,600
to be in control of yourself and control of your life,
745
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:34,280
in this way, ABCDE, letting go of all that,
746
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,600
whether your outside life changes or not, you have to be.
747
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:38,800
I love this.
748
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:40,720
Glennon Doyle says this in one of her books.
749
00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:45,400
She says, you have to be willing to burn it all to the ground.
750
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:50,920
Like you have to have that level of surrender for it to work.
751
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:54,960
And that gives me chills in my body when I say it, right?
752
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:57,720
Like I feel that.
753
00:36:57,720 --> 00:37:00,200
It's huge.
754
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:04,880
Imagine what the world would look like, you know,
755
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:09,320
especially our country that has an incredible high rate
756
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:14,120
of people on mental health meds and therapists and stuff
757
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:15,560
like that.
758
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:20,800
But imagine if that was taught.
759
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:24,040
How to do that, you know, and there's not one way.
760
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:25,840
Like we all have to figure out our ways.
761
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:29,800
But there's, I truly believe there's these elements to it.
762
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,960
You know, belief, identity, perspective,
763
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:34,960
and they all kind of work together.
764
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:40,000
You know, but if we can learn how to develop those things
765
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:44,160
so that we can focus our mind and our energies
766
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:47,400
towards those things and not just, you know,
767
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,320
this daydreaming aspect of it, you know,
768
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:55,960
but taking the action to move through it, you know.
769
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:58,840
Imagine just what would happen.
770
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:00,960
I think pharmaceutical companies would start
771
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,720
going out of business, man.
772
00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:09,280
And I think, hold on, let me back up.
773
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:14,080
Over the past couple months, as I have increased my self-love,
774
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:18,400
I've also noticed a huge increase in my hope for humanity.
775
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,080
And I don't know if they're connected,
776
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:23,120
but it's been interesting to me.
777
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:28,640
And I see so many people wanting a better world
778
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:31,720
and healing themselves and knowing that it starts with them
779
00:38:31,720 --> 00:38:33,240
and passing along the message.
780
00:38:33,240 --> 00:38:36,280
I'm going to heal me and then I'm going to help heal you and you.
781
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:39,720
And I just see that everywhere I look, I feel like now,
782
00:38:39,720 --> 00:38:42,680
which is such a gift because I put boundaries around
783
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,160
where I get my news and this and that.
784
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:47,640
And it's a whole other conversation.
785
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:54,480
But, you know, the news is never going to report that stuff to us.
786
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:55,080
Right?
787
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:56,920
Like they operate off fear.
788
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:59,760
They're like a profit-making machine off fear.
789
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,920
So like it doesn't mean that it's not happening.
790
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:07,280
That's why it's so important to seek other sources.
791
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:12,480
And I just I've been loving that so much,
792
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:15,960
this hope for humanity and for what you're saying.
793
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:17,280
Maybe people will do this.
794
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,200
Maybe people will use more plant medicine.
795
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,800
Maybe people will really deeply heal.
796
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:25,560
And there will be another renaissance of sorts.
797
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:29,160
Yeah, I truly believe it's starting to happen.
798
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,000
You know, like I feel that optimism too.
799
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:41,600
I know even the VA, I believe they are going to start using MDMA for PTSD.
800
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,240
It's like, it's going to be amazing, you know.
801
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:53,440
And I can't for me, I started with cannabis, you know,
802
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:58,840
and I had to learn prior to because Sandy was completely against it.
803
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:09,480
And so I studied its history, how it affects us, how it works, the dangers of it.
804
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,680
I studied all of that for about two years.
805
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:16,520
And every once in a while, I would just talk to her about, you know,
806
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:21,240
and then finally she was like, all right, you just go ahead and try it.
807
00:40:21,240 --> 00:40:26,360
You know, so she thought like it was going to do absolutely nothing, you know.
808
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:31,120
And then like a month later, she was telling me,
809
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:34,000
why don't you go in the garage and smoke, you know,
810
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:38,720
because I was angry, I was getting frustrated, whatever it is.
811
00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:41,040
And the cool thing is, is like the smoke,
812
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:43,000
yeah, the smoking is going to come, you know, stuff like that,
813
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,440
but it's not going to make that go away.
814
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:48,200
You know, so that I would not only would I go out and smoke,
815
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:53,080
but I would take my iPad out there and I watch a documentary or documentary
816
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:56,680
or something in archaeology or the space or cosmos, whatever, you know,
817
00:40:56,680 --> 00:41:03,080
something I get into and it the cannabis connects me with that feeling of wonder,
818
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,720
but then just makes it my world.
819
00:41:05,720 --> 00:41:06,880
Yes.
820
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:09,520
And just the gratitude that.
821
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,200
So I would come back inside feeling amazing.
822
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:13,480
Yes.
823
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:18,440
I love that because it's like know your power sources,
824
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:21,480
like your battery packs and where you can plug in.
825
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:26,640
And then, yeah, use weed or something to make that even bigger.
826
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:29,080
And that's how you stay more in the vibration.
827
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:31,880
I've heard people say the more you love your life,
828
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:34,600
the more your life will be something to love, right?
829
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,600
That it's loving things that's opening that door.
830
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:43,200
So learning how to plug into that so that your feelings are in love
831
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:47,640
and off and your vibration is that I think is key.
832
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:51,160
Like that's what I mean when I tell people they need their own recipe.
833
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:52,880
Like what's your things?
834
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:59,320
How do you plug in to and make this work?
835
00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:00,280
And you have to know that.
836
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,520
And I don't think a lot of people know that.
837
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:03,680
No.
838
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:04,520
Yeah.
839
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,040
And you're not going to find that out.
840
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,800
Living defensively.
841
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:10,280
No.
842
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:14,360
You know, because people pleaser, right?
843
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:15,200
Yeah, you know what?
844
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:16,560
I was actually thinking about this.
845
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,000
Tell me what you think.
846
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:23,480
So one of the things that they, one of the like little my pet peeves
847
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:29,440
is how this idea that being nice is a trauma response.
848
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:34,080
Now, and they always say like, OK, like, like people pleaser,
849
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:38,800
people pleaser, being so nice that, you know,
850
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:41,520
and that's that's the trauma response, right?
851
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,360
But I don't quite that with being nice.
852
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:51,880
So my question is this, is people pleasing actually disguised selfishness?
853
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,840
I think it's a way to get a need met, certainly.
854
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:10,200
So yeah, that was selfish, right?
855
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:10,840
Because.
856
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:20,880
So, for example, I used to have a lot of people pleasing tendencies.
857
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:23,160
And when I say people pleasing, I mean.
858
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:28,120
And I think this is part of being in an emotionally abusive marriage, right?
859
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:33,040
You learn to read their cues and then do or be who or what they want.
860
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:35,600
That's like what I call people pleasing, right?
861
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:38,040
That you're not doing things by your rhythms,
862
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:41,640
but you're trying to do something by someone else's rhythms.
863
00:43:43,720 --> 00:43:49,080
And I did that because I thought that that was the way to be lovable,
864
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:53,120
like to mold myself around another person.
865
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:54,880
And so.
866
00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:58,480
And take away the negative connotation of selfishness, too.
867
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:03,160
So I guess it allowed me to feel loved, right?
868
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:05,760
Even though it was an unhealthy way of love,
869
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:08,800
if it it was a working mechanism in my life.
870
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:11,160
Right, right.
871
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,960
And that's what I was thinking of, like when I did that,
872
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:20,000
I was doing it to achieve a certain thing to look.
873
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:25,000
Christian manipulation, right? In a way. Yeah.
874
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:26,320
Yeah. So I'm being manipulated.
875
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:29,600
You know, it is an abusive thing that creates that in somebody.
876
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:33,840
Like, you know, in your case, abusive marriage, but it's a way for you.
877
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:35,280
And it's a survival thing.
878
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:36,480
Yeah, absolutely.
879
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:43,120
And survival is selfish, you know, but again, take away the negative
880
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:47,680
sort of belief around that because you're you're not being able to do that.
881
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:51,280
You know, that's why people that put their own lives in danger
882
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:52,720
to save somebody else.
883
00:44:52,720 --> 00:44:56,960
I mean, it's luckily there's a lot, but it's still kind of rare,
884
00:44:56,960 --> 00:45:00,240
you know, because the instinctual drive is to save yourself.
885
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:01,240
Yeah.
886
00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:07,280
And in that way, I started looking at like my my people pleasing as
887
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:09,840
more about myself.
888
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:13,280
It's more about making yourself feel like you're a person.
889
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:21,520
As more about myself, it's more about making myself feel better from not
890
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:27,840
feeling guilt for not doing something that somebody convinced me I had to do.
891
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:31,760
And I came with a lot of stuff where I had to understand that
892
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:35,520
this the belief system that I'm operating off of is not mine, but it was given to me.
893
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:41,040
And then change that belief system, which again is another big step
894
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:47,920
for myself, come to the realization that that people pleasing is not kindness,
895
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:54,720
but it's it's a selfishness on my part, but not, you know, and when I say that,
896
00:45:54,720 --> 00:45:57,040
I'm not blaming myself for saying it's bad.
897
00:45:57,600 --> 00:45:58,240
It's survive.
898
00:45:59,280 --> 00:45:59,600
Yeah.
899
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:02,560
It's bringing my focus towards me.
900
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:04,080
Yeah.
901
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:07,120
I love your example because
902
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:11,760
this is actually a coaching technique, but it's an abrasive one.
903
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:15,120
So I don't ever use it, but it's just what you're saying.
904
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:18,800
If somebody presents you with a negative situation, I hate this person.
905
00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:21,840
They're always doing this to me or this is the worst you say.
906
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:23,920
Like, what are you getting out of it?
907
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:25,920
Because you're getting something.
908
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:27,840
One of your needs is being met.
909
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:29,840
Something is in it for you.
910
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:34,720
And if you find that thing and replace it in a different way, you won't need this anymore.
911
00:46:34,720 --> 00:46:38,960
But it's hard for a lot of people to hear that because like you said, it's
912
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:39,520
associate.
913
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:44,800
There's so many right, wrong, good, bad, all these blames and judgments that you can't
914
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:48,160
navigate it easily with another person, right?
915
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:50,000
Or even with yourself, right?
916
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:50,960
It's right.
917
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:51,200
Yeah.
918
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:55,440
You said that, like if I'm if I'm mad and you're like, okay, well, how is this
919
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:56,160
serving you?
920
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:57,440
That's true.
921
00:46:57,440 --> 00:46:58,800
And we're talking.
922
00:46:58,800 --> 00:46:59,200
Yeah.
923
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:02,720
I mean, but you can use that tool within your system.
924
00:47:02,720 --> 00:47:07,120
But you can use that tool within yourself if you're strong enough within yourself to go,
925
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:11,520
okay, Mindy, you've had this fight with your husband four times now.
926
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:13,680
What are you, what are you getting out of this?
927
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:19,840
About what are you getting out of keeping your position so that this isn't getting resolved?
928
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:21,520
Right.
929
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:26,400
You getting out of like and really ask myself the hard questions so that I can move forward.
930
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:29,920
But that's hardcore personal development work.
931
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:30,720
It's not easy.
932
00:47:30,720 --> 00:47:32,160
Yeah.
933
00:47:32,160 --> 00:47:35,360
One of those things of like facing your own personal demons.
934
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:36,480
Oh, much so.
935
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:36,960
Yeah.
936
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:41,520
You're like, oh, shit, I do this because of this and like I am doing this.
937
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:42,320
Like, yeah.
938
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:44,080
Okay.
939
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:47,840
With that example is people pleasing just disguise selfishness.
940
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:51,600
Like let's let's just say I'm 100% wrong.
941
00:47:52,240 --> 00:47:58,720
But because I'm able to give my own meaning to things, yeah, resonates with me.
942
00:47:59,280 --> 00:47:59,840
Yes.
943
00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:01,040
Okay.
944
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:02,960
And I'm like, all right, I don't want to do that.
945
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:05,760
I want to push my focus outward onto others.
946
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:09,040
You know, and when I when I talked about like even on some videos about,
947
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:14,000
you know, what I do with Sandy, I've been told like by quite a few comments
948
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,120
that I'm not taking care of myself.
949
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:18,960
This is a non healthy relationship.
950
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:22,160
You know, all this stuff.
951
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:27,680
And then when I respond to those, like I'm not saying I let her walk all over me.
952
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:28,800
Yeah.
953
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:33,280
So if she does something that frustrates me, I'll tell her that that pissed me off.
954
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:34,720
You know what I mean?
955
00:48:34,720 --> 00:48:40,240
But I won't yell and scream at you know, but other than that, if she wants me to hang a dish
956
00:48:40,240 --> 00:48:45,360
towel up when I'm done doing dishes, I'll hang it up instead of just what I normally did was
957
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:46,800
just throw it on the counter because I'm me.
958
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:47,680
I'm like, all right, I'm done.
959
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:48,560
Drive my hands off.
960
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:49,520
Done.
961
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:50,000
Yeah.
962
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:50,400
Yeah.
963
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:57,440
That's that's just me putting her her need first because I don't want to be white.
964
00:48:57,440 --> 00:48:59,600
I want to be with her.
965
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:00,800
Yeah.
966
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:02,080
Absolutely.
967
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:03,200
Yeah.
968
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:10,720
One of the things I love that my husband and I do is kind of talk about our feelings in the third
969
00:49:10,720 --> 00:49:11,600
person.
970
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:18,880
So like this is really silly, but I have this tiny blanket that I use all the time on the couch
971
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:24,160
and he folded it up and put it away the other day and like he left other shit out and I'm like,
972
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:26,080
why'd you do why'd you put my blanket away?
973
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:33,200
See, this is like so silly, but he had whatever his reason was.
974
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:39,120
And then I just say like, my feelings are telling me that they're hurt right now and to be mad at
975
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:40,880
you and like, I need a minute.
976
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:45,840
Like, I realize this is ridiculous, but my feelings were what they were.
977
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:47,520
I got triggered for some reason.
978
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:53,040
It was a dumb ass reason and it was nice just to be able to say like, I'm triggered.
979
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:55,120
Like my feelings are being weird right now.
980
00:49:55,120 --> 00:50:01,920
Let's give them a minute and acknowledge what was happening, but in such a way that it
981
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,200
we're both on the same team still.
982
00:50:06,720 --> 00:50:07,280
Right.
983
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:13,200
Because because because what what we normally do is instead of acknowledging, okay,
984
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:18,400
this is the way I feel like you're my feelings are kind of out of my control.
985
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:22,160
They're just going to come, but you didn't respond to it.
986
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:22,880
You know what I mean?
987
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:27,040
You just acknowledged it and then allowed the feeling to take its course,
988
00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:28,400
just went with the flow of it.
989
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:29,520
Yeah.
990
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:34,560
Because ultimately I have a great marriage, a husband that loves me and arguing about a blanket
991
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:37,680
is stupid, but that's what my feelings wanted me to do.
992
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:38,640
Right.
993
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:44,800
My feelings wanted me to argue about the blanket, but you can't live from that place.
994
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:45,120
Right.
995
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:46,480
You have to go like, no.
996
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:50,880
And then you choose a path that's going to be less conflict.
997
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:51,920
Yeah.
998
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:59,280
I mean, as much as I've learned to love my emotions and I think they're such an incredibly
999
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:07,200
powerful place to live from your emotions, your feelings can definitely skew the narrative in your
1000
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:14,880
head and tell you a meaning for something that is so far away from the truth.
1001
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:16,480
Yeah.
1002
00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:22,080
So being able to think about it from a higher place is so important.
1003
00:51:22,720 --> 00:51:23,120
Yeah.
1004
00:51:23,120 --> 00:51:25,760
Your feelings are one piece of information.
1005
00:51:25,760 --> 00:51:26,000
Right.
1006
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:27,280
You have feelings.
1007
00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:28,320
You have your thoughts.
1008
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:29,760
You have your intuition.
1009
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:29,920
Right.
1010
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:30,880
You have all these things.
1011
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:37,120
Feelings are just one piece of information and being able to operate in that truth has
1012
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:38,640
been life changing for me.
1013
00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:42,720
And now even when I interact with other people sometimes I'm like, oh, you're just totally
1014
00:51:42,720 --> 00:51:43,760
operating from your feelings.
1015
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:44,480
I get it.
1016
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:48,320
Like you don't know yet that you don't have to do that.
1017
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:50,000
I did that once upon a time too.
1018
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:51,920
I just did whatever my feelings told me to do.
1019
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:53,440
Oh, yeah.
1020
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:54,000
Yeah.
1021
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:54,960
I think it's natural.
1022
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:59,440
I mean, like you can always talk about like these feelings are coming up, you know, our
1023
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:02,800
feelings generate in older parts of the brain like that fear.
1024
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:04,400
You know what I mean?
1025
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:05,520
So it's survival.
1026
00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:06,640
It's instinctual.
1027
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:15,520
So many times I don't know the times it takes, but it takes an experience to be like processed
1028
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:20,080
and get to the fear center quicker than it does to get to the prefrontal cortex.
1029
00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:25,680
So by the time we're able to logically think through a situation, we're already reacting.
1030
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:26,320
Yeah.
1031
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:34,880
So it's all about training ourselves to slow that process down and not react when our feelings
1032
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:40,320
coming from that fear center and that survival instinct kicks in and tells us that because
1033
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:45,280
your husband folded your blanket and put it away, that means he now hates you.
1034
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:45,920
You know what I mean?
1035
00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:50,960
Because like that's kind of like, I know that always would be where I went with Sandy.
1036
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:51,200
Yeah.
1037
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:52,240
Right.
1038
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:53,680
Yeah.
1039
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:56,080
I can't take up space in this house, right?
1040
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:58,160
Like I'm not static bullshit.
1041
00:52:59,040 --> 00:52:59,440
Yeah.
1042
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:01,440
You always blame everything on me.
1043
00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:01,840
Yeah.
1044
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:02,640
Yeah.
1045
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:06,000
Yeah. And now I just see that stuff as being hilarious.
1046
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:15,440
Like it's because it's so in the game, which is fine, right?
1047
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:20,960
Sometimes we get lost in the game, but that's the game playing out, right?
1048
00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:22,480
Yeah.
1049
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:31,840
And that's like, that's the hope I have is that I feel that there's an understanding
1050
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:36,720
that's going around that the way that we live life is a game.
1051
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:40,640
And it's a game that other people are playing and we're just part of the pieces.
1052
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:41,520
Yep.
1053
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:47,680
And then people are really beginning, it seems to move more towards living,
1054
00:53:48,240 --> 00:53:50,400
you know, experiencing life.
1055
00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:54,800
And that's where joy and contentment and peace is found.
1056
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:56,000
Yes.
1057
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:57,600
Absolutely.
1058
00:53:57,600 --> 00:54:02,720
Yeah. And when there's more joy, peace and contentment in a person's life,
1059
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:06,720
the easier and more compassionate they're going to be on the people around them.
1060
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:07,840
Yeah.
1061
00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:08,720
Because healthier.
1062
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:10,480
That's why you can't.
1063
00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:12,880
That's why I always think it's funny.
1064
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:15,840
Like for me, I am such a, I guess, socialist.
1065
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:20,560
I'm like, I'll give up half my paycheck to know that like people everywhere have stuff.
1066
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:22,080
Like to me, I don't care.
1067
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:23,280
I just want people well.
1068
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:24,560
I'd pay tons of taxes.
1069
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:29,520
But I mean, more than that, nowadays we have this reality that you could tax corporations,
1070
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:33,760
right, as technology comes up and everybody could have a universal basic income.
1071
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:42,000
And then that renaissance we spoke of before, you detach value from this doing drudgery of a job
1072
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:49,600
and you put value towards art and advancement and painting and you see it totally another renaissance.
1073
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:50,960
I think that's possible.
1074
00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:51,760
Yeah.
1075
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:54,640
That's what my heart's pulling for.
1076
00:54:54,640 --> 00:54:56,640
That's what I want to see for humanity.
1077
00:54:56,640 --> 00:55:01,680
And then the pieces are there just like the pieces are there for the scenario.
1078
00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:04,160
Right?
1079
00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:14,400
Imagine if we, if we could, I mean, like, plan it wide, give up all these dumbass constructs
1080
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:19,520
that have been made of borders and stuff like, I mean, during colonialism, I mean,
1081
00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:23,120
that's what drew everything like, look at, you know, even before that, like the Roman,
1082
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:28,080
all the empire building and stuff just conquering as much land because that's mine, you know, but
1083
00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:34,880
I think we're at a place like where we can just give all that up and just cooperate.
1084
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:37,520
Imagine what we could do.
1085
00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:40,080
Like as it says, a species.
1086
00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:45,040
And people say, oh, man's always been greedy or oh, it's always been this way.
1087
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:49,040
Like they think that that kind of changes not reason.
1088
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:55,680
But when you look at big, long evolution and you're like, oh, we didn't have tools.
1089
00:55:56,240 --> 00:55:58,320
Then we started using tools.
1090
00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:00,080
Then we learned how to communicate, right?
1091
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:02,880
Like huge leaps in consciousness.
1092
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:08,400
When you look at it in that scale, you're like, oh, well, of course someday humans will become
1093
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:13,120
more conscious creatures than they are now and operate in new ways with new tools.
1094
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:19,760
That's what we're talking about is, you know, science being able to prove that your thoughts
1095
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:24,800
impact your body and like living within these truths and building a new world based on those truths.
1096
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:27,840
Yeah.
1097
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:35,840
On the show, Seth McFarland's show, Orville, they talked about, I thought it was going to be
1098
00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:38,720
like sort of a parody of Star Trek, but it's not.
1099
00:56:38,720 --> 00:56:44,640
It's a lot more funnier, but it's a pretty cool show, kind of like a Star Trek.
1100
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:50,320
But they talked about how they got to this place and they were explaining how
1101
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:58,000
the world kind of banded together and people basically didn't have to work anymore.
1102
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:03,760
There was enough of everything for everybody just to survive.
1103
00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:11,280
And so when people would do stuff, they wouldn't work for the necessity of money.
1104
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:13,360
They would work because it was their passion.
1105
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:19,920
So everybody that's out on the Starships exploring and stuff like that, they're there for their passion,
1106
00:57:19,920 --> 00:57:21,520
you know, not for anything else.
1107
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:29,680
And I really believe that we can have that a society like that and even Stephen Greer,
1108
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:35,600
who did the unacknowledged movie, like the UFOs and stuff like he talks about,
1109
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:40,960
he doesn't believe that there's an advanced civilization that's out there that is looking
1110
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:48,560
to destroy us because in order to become an advanced civilization, you eventually have
1111
00:57:48,560 --> 00:57:51,120
to evolve to that point of complete cooperation.
1112
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:52,260
Yeah.
1113
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:57,680
You know, because look at how divided we are right now, where I do believe we are moving
1114
00:57:57,680 --> 00:58:03,280
that way about how divided we are right now and the state of politics, environment,
1115
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:05,680
like I mean, quality of life.
1116
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:12,800
But it's kind of like we were saying last time that like, you know, in the sound waves of life,
1117
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:20,000
like the point is like the greatest convex is the next point is the greatest concave, right?
1118
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:25,200
And so even though things are dark right now, it doesn't necessarily mean that that's not
1119
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:30,640
the pain point necessary to open things up in a new direction because suffering
1120
00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:37,680
in pain points are often what opens the next wave of personal development, wave of evolution,
1121
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:38,180
right?
1122
00:58:38,180 --> 00:58:47,680
And whether you're talking big or small, that's one of the reasons why it's important to have suffering, right?
1123
00:58:47,680 --> 00:58:53,840
Yeah, it sucks, but I mean, no growth comes without pain.
1124
00:58:55,520 --> 00:58:56,020
Yeah.
1125
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:58,560
Sort of like a foundational aspect of growth.
1126
00:58:59,840 --> 00:59:00,340
Yeah.
1127
00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:02,020
Yeah.
1128
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:06,160
Well, I feel pretty good about our conversation.
1129
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:13,680
I feel really good about where we're both going individually and where the world's going,
1130
00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:18,000
where the podcast's going, it's really good stuff.
1131
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:24,240
And I feel there's like a different energy too about our conversations and stuff.
1132
00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:27,040
It's very cool.
1133
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:35,520
Yeah, it's interesting how the feeling of shared space and meditation and drugs,
1134
00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:39,280
to me, there gets to be like this like gooey dense feeling.
1135
00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:40,740
Yeah.
1136
00:59:40,740 --> 00:59:46,260
I don't know how else to describe it, but when I feel in the flow, everything feels kind of like
1137
00:59:46,260 --> 00:59:48,260
gooey and dense around me.
1138
00:59:48,820 --> 00:59:50,420
And I love that feeling.
1139
00:59:51,060 --> 00:59:55,060
Yeah, I'm feeling that so right now, man.
1140
00:59:55,060 --> 00:59:55,380
Yeah.
1141
00:59:56,100 --> 00:59:56,580
Yeah.
1142
00:59:56,580 --> 01:00:00,420
And it's kind of almost like deja vu in a way like sort of that like,
1143
01:00:01,620 --> 01:00:05,220
like just it feels so good and so rich.
1144
01:00:05,220 --> 01:00:09,540
And yeah, this is the place I want to live in all the time.
1145
01:00:09,540 --> 01:00:10,040
Yeah.
1146
01:00:11,140 --> 01:00:14,020
Yeah, it's like it's like getting a hug from the universe.
1147
01:00:15,140 --> 01:00:18,340
And what I think is that possible to live in this space?
1148
01:00:18,340 --> 01:00:24,020
Like, you know, 100% of the time is that unreasonable?
1149
01:00:24,020 --> 01:00:30,260
I mean, of course there's hardships and suffering and stuff, but I don't know.
1150
01:00:30,260 --> 01:00:36,740
I'm curious about this new wave of, I guess, being the watcher that I've been experiencing
1151
01:00:36,740 --> 01:00:40,740
lately.
1152
01:00:40,740 --> 01:00:44,180
Maybe that's maybe that's what enlightenment is, you know, getting to the point where
1153
01:00:46,100 --> 01:00:54,580
you're you're so open that you even you see suffering as part of the master plan of all life.
1154
01:00:55,140 --> 01:00:55,620
Yeah.
1155
01:00:55,620 --> 01:00:58,740
And in that way, it's a blessing in your life.
1156
01:00:59,620 --> 01:01:00,120
Yeah.
1157
01:01:00,660 --> 01:01:03,700
That's not something I want to be like tried with though, man.
1158
01:01:03,700 --> 01:01:09,780
Oh, that is one thing I like about I love reincarnation.
1159
01:01:09,780 --> 01:01:14,820
I don't believe it, but I pretend to believe it because I love it so much.
1160
01:01:14,820 --> 01:01:16,420
I love the way it makes me feel.
1161
01:01:16,420 --> 01:01:18,740
I'm not 100% believe there yet.
1162
01:01:18,740 --> 01:01:19,940
Maybe I'll be a believer someday.
1163
01:01:19,940 --> 01:01:26,020
But the idea that in other lives, I've played the role of the sufferer and now I play this
1164
01:01:26,020 --> 01:01:31,540
role and now you play this role and we're all playing all the roles in different timescapes
1165
01:01:31,540 --> 01:01:35,460
of this illusion that I love that.
1166
01:01:35,460 --> 01:01:36,900
That makes me feel really good.
1167
01:01:37,540 --> 01:01:38,900
That belief system.
1168
01:01:38,900 --> 01:01:40,580
I don't know if it's true, but I like it.
1169
01:01:41,540 --> 01:01:41,780
Yeah.
1170
01:01:43,380 --> 01:01:47,220
You know, there's some big scale of this that we don't understand.
1171
01:01:48,180 --> 01:01:56,500
And in that scale of things, I've been homeless and I've been tortured and I've also been the
1172
01:01:56,500 --> 01:02:02,100
torturer and I've been the bully and I've been this and I've been that and I've played all the roles.
1173
01:02:03,140 --> 01:02:07,860
Because it's just consciousness coming into human form to see itself in this big dance.
1174
01:02:08,820 --> 01:02:10,660
Like I fucking love that idea.
1175
01:02:11,780 --> 01:02:13,220
I don't know how to believe it though.
1176
01:02:13,220 --> 01:02:19,380
I don't know why I just I love it, but something keeps me from like committing my belief to it.
1177
01:02:20,420 --> 01:02:21,460
And that's that.
1178
01:02:21,460 --> 01:02:24,100
See that to me is a very, very interesting thing because
1179
01:02:24,100 --> 01:02:28,100
the beliefs don't have to be true.
1180
01:02:29,060 --> 01:02:31,460
They don't even have to be able to be proven true.
1181
01:02:31,460 --> 01:02:32,900
They just have to align with you.
1182
01:02:33,780 --> 01:02:34,100
Yeah.
1183
01:02:36,500 --> 01:02:40,660
So I have desire and love and openness towards this belief.
1184
01:02:42,180 --> 01:02:46,820
And I also have a sliver of doubt or cynicism, right?
1185
01:02:46,820 --> 01:02:54,500
Like something else is happening in me that is not allowing me to say this is the way it is.
1186
01:02:54,500 --> 01:02:56,100
This is the way I believe it is.
1187
01:02:56,820 --> 01:02:57,060
Yeah.
1188
01:02:58,020 --> 01:03:00,180
And I'm not sure exactly what that is right now.
1189
01:03:02,340 --> 01:03:04,660
I used to be so scared of dying.
1190
01:03:07,300 --> 01:03:13,220
Ironically, like, I mean, all through my decades in Christianity, I was always so afraid of dying.
1191
01:03:13,220 --> 01:03:25,220
But now that I've taken on this new belief of when we die, it's more of a path to a different
1192
01:03:25,220 --> 01:03:28,500
dimensional state, a dimensional state that we already came from.
1193
01:03:29,700 --> 01:03:31,140
And I feel that same thing.
1194
01:03:31,140 --> 01:03:34,180
Like when I say that, I'm like, oh, shut up, dude.
1195
01:03:34,180 --> 01:03:36,340
You know, but I'm like, no, I love that, though.
1196
01:03:36,340 --> 01:03:43,140
I love that idea that the me who's like dying,
1197
01:03:43,140 --> 01:03:46,900
the higher version of self is going to go on.
1198
01:03:46,900 --> 01:03:53,300
I'm going to take these memories and continue to exist in a different form.
1199
01:03:54,340 --> 01:03:55,700
That is so comforting.
1200
01:03:55,700 --> 01:04:00,340
And then when I think about dying or something like that, it's more of a,
1201
01:04:01,140 --> 01:04:03,780
I still don't want to like rush into it, you know what I mean?
1202
01:04:03,780 --> 01:04:04,740
But I'm over here.
1203
01:04:04,740 --> 01:04:05,540
Fear isn't there.
1204
01:04:06,100 --> 01:04:06,340
Yeah.
1205
01:04:07,060 --> 01:04:08,980
And there's no way I can prove this.
1206
01:04:09,780 --> 01:04:10,340
Right.
1207
01:04:10,340 --> 01:04:15,940
But believing it makes your life better now and your experience of being in the moment better now.
1208
01:04:16,580 --> 01:04:16,900
Yes.
1209
01:04:18,020 --> 01:04:19,060
And what I don't have.
1210
01:04:19,700 --> 01:04:24,020
But now, I mean, really, you don't know anything for sure besides this.
1211
01:04:26,260 --> 01:04:28,340
I think that's what's powerful about beliefs.
1212
01:04:28,340 --> 01:04:32,420
Like if you're really living in the present moment, there is no other moment.
1213
01:04:32,420 --> 01:04:33,780
There is nothing else.
1214
01:04:33,780 --> 01:04:36,020
So like you're saying, it doesn't matter if it's true or not.
1215
01:04:36,020 --> 01:04:40,420
Because that's a future idea or an other, right?
1216
01:04:40,420 --> 01:04:40,900
Yeah.
1217
01:04:40,900 --> 01:04:44,980
It'll be proven right or wrong at some point.
1218
01:04:44,980 --> 01:04:51,140
You know, like we'll all have that point where our ideas of the afterlife will be proven right or wrong.
1219
01:04:52,820 --> 01:04:57,620
But for this moment now, I'm going to sit in this belief and it gives me peace.
1220
01:04:58,500 --> 01:04:58,740
Yeah.
1221
01:04:59,460 --> 01:05:01,380
Do you know the band, the Avid Brothers?
1222
01:05:02,420 --> 01:05:02,660
No.
1223
01:05:03,300 --> 01:05:04,900
I'm going to send you a link to this song.
1224
01:05:04,900 --> 01:05:05,940
It's so beautiful.
1225
01:05:06,820 --> 01:05:15,540
And some of the words are like, when my body finally sets me free, right?
1226
01:05:15,540 --> 01:05:20,740
Like this idea like I'm in this body and when it finally sets me free, will I be ready?
1227
01:05:21,620 --> 01:05:22,900
It's the line of the song.
1228
01:05:22,900 --> 01:05:29,220
It's just a really beautiful song about death and like feeling you're describing where you're like
1229
01:05:29,220 --> 01:05:32,020
kind of greeting an old friend, right?
1230
01:05:32,020 --> 01:05:35,060
And you're like, let's go to the next dimension.
1231
01:05:35,060 --> 01:05:38,100
Let's go to the next play, whatever it is, right?
1232
01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:40,660
But there's a welcoming home almost of it.
1233
01:05:43,940 --> 01:05:44,740
That's pretty cool.
1234
01:05:44,740 --> 01:05:45,380
I like that.
1235
01:05:45,940 --> 01:05:46,420
Yeah.
1236
01:05:49,140 --> 01:05:51,540
But it's a weird feeling because I still have that.
1237
01:05:51,540 --> 01:05:54,980
Like I don't want to experience that.
1238
01:05:55,540 --> 01:05:58,500
That was the one thing I loved about, you know, being a Christian.
1239
01:05:58,500 --> 01:06:03,940
Like, I mean, my whole desire was to be raptured.
1240
01:06:03,940 --> 01:06:05,220
So I would never have to die.
1241
01:06:06,500 --> 01:06:06,980
Yes.
1242
01:06:06,980 --> 01:06:11,940
That'd be like, man, see, then I get lucky.
1243
01:06:11,940 --> 01:06:18,020
I wouldn't have to go through whatever that is, whatever process that is because it looks so horrible.
1244
01:06:18,820 --> 01:06:21,540
I'll reveal a judgment of my own.
1245
01:06:21,540 --> 01:06:23,940
This is a story made up in my head.
1246
01:06:23,940 --> 01:06:25,780
I have no idea if it's true.
1247
01:06:25,780 --> 01:06:32,660
But I made up that story about my dad because my dad talks a lot about the rapture.
1248
01:06:32,660 --> 01:06:35,300
He's still very heavily Christian.
1249
01:06:36,340 --> 01:06:44,100
And every time he talks about it to me, I feel like you're avoiding death, right?
1250
01:06:44,100 --> 01:06:47,780
You're avoiding this thing that's coming towards you.
1251
01:06:49,060 --> 01:06:53,220
Like when you get to, you know, be our parents age, like,
1252
01:06:53,220 --> 01:06:59,940
you're at the doorstep, so you better be pretty fucking comfortable with the idea.
1253
01:07:01,220 --> 01:07:05,380
And I don't see that he's done that work.
1254
01:07:05,380 --> 01:07:06,500
This is all my judgment.
1255
01:07:06,500 --> 01:07:07,700
Maybe he has, right?
1256
01:07:07,700 --> 01:07:12,580
Please, anybody listening know that this, I'm telling you more about me than I am about my dad, right?
1257
01:07:12,580 --> 01:07:13,780
This is my judgment.
1258
01:07:15,060 --> 01:07:22,100
And I feel afraid that when things get down to it, he's not going to be able to do that.
1259
01:07:22,100 --> 01:07:24,420
Get down to it. He's not going to be ready.
1260
01:07:24,420 --> 01:07:27,220
And I want him to be ready and I want to be there with him.
1261
01:07:27,220 --> 01:07:33,940
And there's this beautiful relationship that I want to have with my dad going into his final chapter
1262
01:07:34,820 --> 01:07:40,260
that he's not ready to talk about because he doesn't want to admit that his final chapter is coming.
1263
01:07:41,300 --> 01:07:45,220
Right? And it's kind of heartbreaking to me.
1264
01:07:46,020 --> 01:07:48,900
And that's, this is the story I made about my heartbreak, right?
1265
01:07:48,900 --> 01:07:50,260
Who knows what the truth is?
1266
01:07:50,260 --> 01:07:51,620
Who knows what he thinks?
1267
01:07:51,620 --> 01:07:56,580
But, yeah, it's been interesting to live to live in, right?
1268
01:07:57,540 --> 01:08:00,580
Like, I'm not like a human experience like, huh, okay.
1269
01:08:01,300 --> 01:08:02,740
Some people are close to their parents.
1270
01:08:02,740 --> 01:08:03,540
Some people aren't.
1271
01:08:03,540 --> 01:08:04,420
Some people try this.
1272
01:08:04,420 --> 01:08:05,140
Some people, right?
1273
01:08:05,140 --> 01:08:09,380
We all have these desires and lives and it's rich.
1274
01:08:09,380 --> 01:08:12,340
Like each experience can be really, really rich.
1275
01:08:13,300 --> 01:08:14,340
Oh my God. Yeah.
1276
01:08:15,860 --> 01:08:16,260
Yeah.
1277
01:08:16,260 --> 01:08:19,540
Especially those ones that you don't realize what they are until like,
1278
01:08:19,540 --> 01:08:22,980
you know, the time goes by and you're like, oh my God.
1279
01:08:24,180 --> 01:08:26,020
Yep. Yep.
1280
01:08:26,740 --> 01:08:34,820
Well, speaking of that, I should go because I'm going on a little road trip last night.
1281
01:08:34,820 --> 01:08:36,420
You know, my husband and I are homebodies.
1282
01:08:36,420 --> 01:08:37,620
We don't go out to dinner.
1283
01:08:37,620 --> 01:08:38,580
We don't go places.
1284
01:08:38,580 --> 01:08:39,540
We just love being home.
1285
01:08:39,540 --> 01:08:41,060
We both love watching sports.
1286
01:08:42,660 --> 01:08:43,700
We're introverts.
1287
01:08:44,340 --> 01:08:49,140
And yesterday we were talking about how much fun we had the last time we were at a casino
1288
01:08:49,140 --> 01:08:51,380
and right playing picao poker.
1289
01:08:52,100 --> 01:08:55,540
And then my husband's like, I bet we could get some rooms comp.
1290
01:08:55,540 --> 01:08:56,500
Do you want me to call?
1291
01:08:56,500 --> 01:08:57,620
And I was like, sure.
1292
01:08:58,420 --> 01:09:00,420
Then all of a sudden we're going to Reno today.
1293
01:09:00,420 --> 01:09:03,140
So yeah.
1294
01:09:03,140 --> 01:09:04,340
So I'm very excited.
1295
01:09:04,340 --> 01:09:06,500
So after this, I'm going to go pack the car.
1296
01:09:07,220 --> 01:09:15,620
And then my husband and I, I feel like I really love, you know, big, disparate things.
1297
01:09:15,620 --> 01:09:19,620
So I love backpacking and not showering for two weeks and walking 200 miles.
1298
01:09:20,260 --> 01:09:25,620
And I love being in a casino for three days and not leaving their property and watching sports
1299
01:09:26,500 --> 01:09:27,780
and slot machines.
1300
01:09:27,780 --> 01:09:32,580
And like both of them are delicious aspects of my life.
1301
01:09:33,140 --> 01:09:38,500
Now I can be where if you did this one too much, it could become unhealthy.
1302
01:09:39,540 --> 01:09:43,140
But being able to soak at this one, if you just, right?
1303
01:09:43,140 --> 01:09:45,140
You know, so it's about balance.
1304
01:09:45,140 --> 01:09:46,180
Yeah.
1305
01:09:46,180 --> 01:09:46,740
Yeah.
1306
01:09:46,740 --> 01:09:46,980
Yeah.
1307
01:09:46,980 --> 01:09:47,220
Yeah.
1308
01:09:47,220 --> 01:09:48,980
That's so freaking awesome, man.
1309
01:09:48,980 --> 01:09:50,500
That is so cool.
1310
01:09:50,500 --> 01:09:52,820
Hopefully I'll win a ton of money.
1311
01:09:52,820 --> 01:09:54,100
Yes.
1312
01:09:56,020 --> 01:09:56,420
Yeah.
1313
01:09:56,420 --> 01:09:56,900
Yeah.
1314
01:09:56,900 --> 01:09:57,700
Win enough, dude.
1315
01:09:57,700 --> 01:10:01,300
And then me and Sandy will move out your way and we'll build a studio.
1316
01:10:01,300 --> 01:10:02,020
Okay.
1317
01:10:02,020 --> 01:10:02,580
Sounds good.
1318
01:10:02,580 --> 01:10:04,100
It's a couple of mil.
1319
01:10:04,100 --> 01:10:04,820
That's all you need.
1320
01:10:07,220 --> 01:10:07,700
All right.
1321
01:10:07,700 --> 01:10:09,780
Thank you, Keith, for a really great show.
1322
01:10:09,780 --> 01:10:10,660
Yeah.
1323
01:10:10,660 --> 01:10:11,460
This was fun, man.
1324
01:10:11,460 --> 01:10:12,100
Yeah.
1325
01:10:12,100 --> 01:10:12,820
Thank you.
1326
01:10:12,820 --> 01:10:15,700
Everybody for joining us and we will see you next week.
1327
01:10:16,660 --> 01:10:20,340
Thank you so much for joining us.
1328
01:10:20,340 --> 01:10:24,500
We are so grateful for all of our listeners.
1329
01:10:25,460 --> 01:10:28,820
Please support us in doing what we love.
1330
01:10:28,820 --> 01:10:32,660
It's as simple as hitting that like or subscribe button.
1331
01:10:32,660 --> 01:10:34,900
It would really mean a lot to us.
1332
01:10:34,900 --> 01:10:44,900
Thanks, guys, and we'll see you next week.