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What is my next challenge in daring to be human?
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How do I connect with life?
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How can I let go of my need for fixed answers in favor of aliveness?
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How do I live free from the experiences that shaped me?
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How can we be the change the world names right now?
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Join us weekly for Stony Conversations about life.
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It is our mission to allow life itself to reveal to us the answers.
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Welcome to Chasing Thoughts.
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Hi everybody, welcome to Chasing Thoughts.
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Today, Keith and I are going to talk a little bit about another change that we're making in our podcast.
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And if you followed us from the beginning, you have really been able to witness something that I'm so grateful for.
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And that is Keith and I co-creating in real time, responding to our intuitions to guide this podcast.
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And for me, it's the first time that I've operated with another person like that.
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And it's given me so much hope for all the collaborations in my future.
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Right, because I love this style of just being flexible enough to change things when they no longer align and find a deeper truth and more authenticity.
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That was so perfectly said.
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Yeah, so Keith and I, we canceled the guests for the rest of the year because we wanted things to be more in alignment with the changes that we're trying to make in our lives and embracing and leaning into.
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And that's really this idea, and man, well, hold on, let me finish the idea and then I'll tell you my aside.
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It's this idea of what if your life is art, what if your work is art, and how does that change the way that you regard it.
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And this came up for me the other day in my head, I was thinking, ah, damn, I got to like record videos today for social.
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Okay, I'll just, you know, like, ask chat GTP to come up with questions for me and then try to record it and then get it online.
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And then I'm like, what if this was art?
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I'm like, no way would I treat it that way.
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If this was my art that I was giving to the world, I would sit and tell I found something that wanted to like be said from my intuition, right.
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I would craft a beautiful video.
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And it totally changed the way I thought about it.
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Yeah, I've been I've been going through this the same thing and it.
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It's such a cool thing because I'm going through like a whole reset.
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Yeah.
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You know, and like you would say, well, like with like how we're creating this following our tuition in real time, you know, and it just made me think about, we have the external and the internal world.
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So while we're doing this externally, you know, having the gas on and stuff internally, we're also kind of built and that's where the building really is coming from.
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Yes, yes.
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And that's so important because I believe that goals are actually achieved inside.
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And I was right and everybody has this concept of I want this thing, I'm going to go get it and do these outer actions. But if you don't do the inner stuff to you ain't going to get there.
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Right. Like, you have to be a different person to get different results.
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Yeah, your inner your inner mindset, your inner guide is is going to determine the amount of energy that you put into that goal.
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Yeah, you know, so when we're already saying to ourselves, I'm not I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, give her I know there's a name for it, I do it all I just did it the other day.
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I asked Sandy where something was I was looking in the cabinets, and I was telling myself like, I don't know where she puts anything, because like everything has a place but that place changes week to week, you know.
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So, as I'm going to the cabin I'm like, I'm not going to I'm not going to be able to find this, it's going to be hidden behind something and I have an issue with moving things to look behind them.
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And sure enough, I didn't see it.
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And Sandy comes I'm like, I can't I can't find it. And she walks around looks and reaches to the shell I was I level with the shelf. And it was right there.
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Yeah, and, and that's what we do, you know, like when we have that mindset going into a task that we want to accomplish something that we want to do.
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And we're telling ourselves, all the reasons why we can't, which come naturally.
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The energy output is not going to be sufficient enough to reach that goal and then when we fail, that's going to be further proof that I can't do it so it's this vicious cycle of tearing ourselves down.
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Absolutely.
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And I think your belief system about others and the world comes into play. Your story reminded me of a story of my own where I would go to the gym every morning. And every time I was in the locker room.
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I thought, first something like, look at all these bitches, they think they're so hot. What a horrible place and I'd be like, I love going to the gym but I hate the locker room and all the people, right I had this like horrible experience of being around that kind of person.
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I did a bunch of personal development work got divorced right like all these things happened in my life started going back to the gym again.
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I was getting there and I thought, everybody here is so nice. I'm so lucky to be a part of this community. And as soon as I thought it, it was like, bam, I remembered when I had thought that other thought and it was the same community of people right.
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And so it's like that when we think about opportunities when we're doing business and we think, oh that person's going to say no to our contract or that person would never consider working with us. And we sabotage ourselves before we even have a chance.
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Yeah.
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And such as a lot of times, you don't even know you're doing it. You think this is just the way it is. And that's why I think, you know, cultivating investigation is so damn important.
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Oh my God, yeah.
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Yeah, I mean, our beliefs, they're, they're what guide everything, you know, and on being able to understand.
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And I think that using the term waking up, you know, just because it's become so cliche.
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But waking up to the idea that, you know, when we're born that philosophy tabula rasa, you know, and blank blank slate.
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And then our thoughts are designed by the experiences we begin to have almost like micro experiences every little thing when we're a baby, you know, and then as we're growing.
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And so, freaky experiment.
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I want to say like University of Missouri or something where they had a bunch of babies, and they released boa constrictors into this little playroom and the babies were like touching the snakes but the babies were watching the parents.
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And, and the doctor was explaining how babies are amazing they're like, they're like animals, how closely they watch all of our expressions.
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So if the parent has an expression of fear the baby will be afraid of the snake.
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But because the parents were trained and he said the snakes were trained like how do you train a snake though dude like, don't eat this baby, you know what I mean like, I guess you give him treats when they don't eat the babies.
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But, and so the parents were had gone through this whole thing where they weren't showing that emotion of fear and the babies were completely fine.
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Where if I was in that room dude I would be I would be like running through the wall like the Kool-Aid man trying to get out of there.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, that's fascinating on a lot of different levels.
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How babies pick up on it and how the snakes didn't seem to mind the babies when they were at peace.
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Yeah.
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Interesting.
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Yes, we have all these like micro experiences that begin to channel our thoughts particular ways and plus because the negativity bias that's built in it usually goes that way.
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But we can choose to start building new belief systems by creating new habitual thoughts that are different. And they're going to feel stupid and different in the beginning.
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And yeah, awkward and untrue and like you're faking it right like.
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Yeah.
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That fraud feeling will come up and you have to just go with it and work through it.
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Yeah, what did one of the first things exercises that that I had learned is from this book called Buddha's brain where it's like five of gratitude practice where you spend time, not a lot of time it could be just five minutes you know, but you're grateful for like something during like in the day.
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And you're fan of your loved ones, your acquaintances, yourself, and then somebody you don't like.
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And I would go out and smoke.
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And, and I would I would do this practice because we were you direct your internal world like we magnified it's like the James Webb Space Telescope man like it just sees into the deepest distances of you of your family.
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And it's like the distances of your of your consciousness.
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And it, and it helps you work there, you know, instead of on the surface level.
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And I would, I would watch America's Got Talent, you know, and I would I would never talk to anybody about this because I felt so stupid, you know, and, and I would feel gratitude towards like when the acts were really good.
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And I had taught himself how to do those aerial things, you know, in his backyard.
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And he's doing this stuff like 20 feet off the thing. I'm balling like a baby. You know, I mean I'm highest hell but I'm like balling it's so beautiful man is so much beauty in the world I love this kid, you know, I'm just like losing it.
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And I felt that I wouldn't tell anybody that but now I love that, you know, because I get to laugh at myself I get to laugh at something silly and you know but it's also understanding that the stupid is okay.
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Yeah.
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And you said is so great because we're talking about art, and that's how I feel. Like when I see something incredibly beautiful, or read a poem or something like art communicates with feeling, and it hits you.
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So how beautiful if your life did that every day where you're crying and going like oh my god this is beautiful. I'm connected everything's amazing, which it is there's miracles everywhere we look, but to live in that place all the time.
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I mean that's success right that's.
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That's what we want, I think is human beings is to feel alive and connected.
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Yeah. And we should feel connected not just with each other but I mean with nature, whatever whatever way you come at it if you come at it from an evolutionary standpoint or even a creationist standpoint we come from the earth.
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Yeah.
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You know so we are connected with that.
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And, and, but we see everything like.
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We stop seeing the world around us.
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You know, it's one of the things I loved about sad gurus he talks about spending time and just watching an ant for an hour.
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You know, I try to get into the woods like once a week, and, and I went out I went out to my secret spot.
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I always I always like invite people like you go on a hike I have this perfect spot we're all alone there's a herded deer and I'm like and no one can hear you scream.
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And I was out there and I was I was smoking and, and I saw this, like a flying ant holding a dead spider, like to its thing and it was so fascinating they just watched it for like, like a half hours I was sitting there, you know, and we don't we don't do that we're
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connected from nature, and we were plugged into whatever the economy or you know producing.
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Yeah, the news work or computers or email right all these things that ultimately aren't good for us.
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And a direct way like nature is, it's not actively healing us, it might be an into a mean right but nature is actively healing you.
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Yeah. Yeah, I had a, I had a similar experience in my garden, because for me, my gardens where I spend my space, and I always, you know smoke we ate in my gardens amazing.
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But I had like 10 little butterflies on this patch of daisies yesterday, and I went and got my husband because I'm like baby just got to experience this like this is so cool like let's just stand here for a minute you never see that many butterflies in one little location.
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It was like a miracle. It was so cool to experience.
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Yeah.
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And the more you recognize that.
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The more you begin to see it. Yes. Yes.
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But your life has to be slow enough to allow for the opportunity, because when I think back to when my husband and I were both working 60 hours a week and driving everywhere and shuttling our son and this.
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We would have walked past those flowers 100 times and never seen the butterflies.
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And like a fast paced life simply does not allow for magic.
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And maybe my opinion will change in the future but right now, that's a rule for me, like, I don't think it's possible for us as humans to live the way that this world is pressuring us to live.
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It's just the magic of just being and being part of this amazing thing we call life and nature.
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Yeah, and I get it. Like, I mean, we have to make money we have we have bills to pay you know we have to, you know, feed ourselves like meet those needs.
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But, you know, for the, for the majority of human existence we were hunter gatherers and on average they work about four hours a day.
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And the rest of the time is socialization maintenance of their stuff, you know but while they're doing that they're socializing, you know, and there was and there was more so there was more downtime and now and we've kind of reverse that.
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Yeah, you know, just with industry because that has to constantly be moving 24 hours a day to meet the demands.
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You know, so you have to.
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You have to take that purposeful action to slow ourselves down take a step back, take a breath and and start to recognize what is around us.
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Yeah.
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And it might mean that your kids aren't in activities, five days a week, and it might mean that you don't go to the gym every day or you don't meet with your like the pressure on us in society is insane.
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You know, you have to do a job have hobbies have a side hustle do all these things for your kids, make sure to do all your own self care be the good partner to your like it would be impossible, you don't have enough time to do all the things that you're told that you have to do to be a good person.
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You can't.
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You can you have to change the definition in your own head of what a good person is or successes throw away the one that culturally you're told right and make your own.
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And that that's such a beautiful thing and I think that's what what is going on to with with us with this podcast is taking that time to reflect to look look on on your beliefs and to question like was this given to me and if it was, if it if it aligns with you great.
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Yeah, you know, or did I choose this.
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Even with that, if you did, is it still true for you, does it still align I mean beliefs can align for a season.
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With with all my issues with with growing up and strict Christianity, I'm grateful because I have Sandy and I have my girls.
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You know, again, like things can exist in two different places I think in quantum mechanics they call the superposition I could be completely wrong but I want to start really learning about that stuff.
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So that that time could be bad and amazing at the same time.
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And it just, it what matters is where I direct my energy.
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I direct my energy to I hated all of this stuff. I wasted 40 years of my life, whatever, you know, then I'm going to feel like shit.
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But if I look over here and I think and I and I focus on the good times that I had.
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Because even though I lost all the friends that like everybody like took off you know, I don't blame them I was an asshole at the time, you know, but I still had good times with them.
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You know, I'm still part of your story.
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Yeah, you. Yeah.
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Yeah, so it just it what matters is what we decide to focus that that energy on.
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Yeah.
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I was challenged with energy focus this week.
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In regards to what we've been talking about and going through where I have felt a lot of discomfort this week.
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I have a mental and emotional discomfort.
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And there's this poll to there's this thought in my head that says, this is uncomfortable. You clearly don't know what you're doing or where you're going.
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So you better just bounce back and start doing things the same way you've done them for 45 years.
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Because I don't know how I don't know what the next step looks like. And so my brain is like the brain doesn't like not knowing. So it will go to its last knowing.
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And you have to say no, I'm going to stay uncomfortable right now.
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And that's the place I've been in all week because I know things are moving and changing for me and my business and our podcast.
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I don't really know what it's going to look like.
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And my brain's freaking out.
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And I'm just sitting here letting it right because that is how you move forward sometimes.
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Yeah.
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And nobody ever talked to me about that part of the process like that little uncomfortable blip between not anymore and not yet.
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And how to just sit there and wait, which seems so counterintuitive.
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Yeah. And when you fight against that uncomfortability when you fight like to shore up the walls of your comfortability, that's when you start living reactive.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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Everything is a threat.
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And like everything is a threat.
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Yes.
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Somebody cuts me off or somebody misunderstands what I say and I'm like, why would you think I'm a liar? You know, something like like everything
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that doesn't go my way sets me up.
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But when you're open to that uncomfortability, it's so funny you said that because these last two weeks have been so interesting since we've decided to do this.
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I fought with that like going back to old habitual thoughts, you know, pushing myself onto this got stuck in this thing where I wasn't doing anything except trying to
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fix my own mindset, you know, kind of settle in this, this new belief system I'm taking on.
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But then just also, dude, I got bit by a dog.
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Like, I don't know. I mean, it wasn't bad at all. And I think I think it was my fault. It was one of those like sheep herding dogs.
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And I was talking to the guy. And I think I got too close. And so it jumped. And I thought I jumped out of excitement.
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But it hit me so hard, it like bruised me.
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And I read that those types of dogs will many times use their bodies to bully.
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Right.
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Like the like when they're hurting. And so after he did that, I stepped forward again.
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And he it was just a net because like if he he kind of pulled like my wrist off if he wanted to, you know, but it was just like a little net like a pinch that left like these marks.
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And she's never done that. She's never done that. So I started reading up and like, I think that was my fault actually triggered thousands of years of breeding in this thing.
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But yeah, it's been almost like, like a challenging week, you know, a couple of weeks. And it's really and it's just just settling into that.
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And trusting that the answer is going to come and the next step is going to come.
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Because there has to be empty space for it to arrive.
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And that's I think what this like uncomfortable stages between not anymore and not yet is the draining of like old ideas or belief grief and saying goodbye to that and then once you clear that spot and do that work, the new thing comes in and fills that empty space.
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You just like blew my mind when you said trusting that the answer will come. So I've had this lesson from mushrooms that I didn't know what it what it meant.
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I didn't know where it fit into my life and it fight and it just snapped into place.
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And it's like, I don't know, you know, like, you know, like, I don't know what it meant when you said that. And it's this is freaking cool. So a lot of times I'll think about that whole idea of flow.
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You know, just just being more fluid that I mean physically mentally emotionally like in all aspects of life.
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And
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I was I was the fact looking at a brick wall once. And we're all the mortar kind of outlines the brick colors were coming out of that almost like you know an electromagnetic field looking thing, you know, and it was all just all the colors of the rainbow.
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And it was fascinating. And I was so fixated on it.
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And then it would change. And I would be so upset that it would change and then finally I started thinking.
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That's the deal though, nothing is set nothing is eternal.
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Except this idea of change and we try to fight to keep everything in this home neostasis and it's it that you can't.
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Yeah, so when you said, trust in the answer will come.
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I really think it's more of like trusting that the answer is in this moment each moment, following that intuition, following that thing that you that gives you more passion that's the answer.
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Yes, yes.
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Yeah, that is more accurate I think and the truth is is.
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I just found that last night because I've been having a lot of anxiety recently. And last night it was really bad and so I sat down and I was like, what's happening inside of me right now.
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And I realized that it wasn't anxiety like the rug's going to be pulled out from under me or I'm going to lose this job or something's bad going to all those bad bad things are going to happen thoughts, I have those all the time.
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But usually my response to those thoughts is, I can handle that that happened. I can handle that that happened.
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And I think that anxiety totally disconnects my ability to access my resilience. So all of my thoughts are like, yeah and if it happens you'll never be able to find another job again. Yeah and if like, and that's kind of what you're saying is that like, that connection to your core and to self trust and knowing,
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you know, your intuition. That is what's guiding right and what I recognized last night was that that's what seems to be missing when I feel anxious or disrupted.
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And that's why I'm anxious.
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And that's why anxiety can be such a beautiful thing, you know, we hate the way it makes us feel so we put it in the bad category.
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Our brains are so amazing that without any effort, without any, any like, like purposeful focus on something our brains try to keep us safe.
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So all of that it makes us feel horrific, but it's doing it to protect us because it sees uncomfortability as damage and constant damage equals death.
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Right.
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And so our brains not going to do everything it can to not get to that point.
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Yeah. So it's not about ending it. It's about the relationship you established with it. And last night, it ended up being two gifts for me.
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One was like a deeper knowledge that I just told you about and then I, you know, I did a little like self trust meditation.
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And then I went to my husband and shared all that with my husband and asked for him to like really show me that I was lovable, because when I'm anxious, I feel like I'm not.
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So I got two gifts last night out of feeling shitty and anxious because I didn't run away from it. Right. I actually leaned into it more.
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And I love that, that you went to your husband, like for that, that little bit of foundation.
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Yeah.
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And that gets lost in couples, especially with guys, like I always have to be the rock, you know, and sometimes I don't feel like the rock, you know, I mean, sometimes I feel very beat up.
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Yeah, I think that into individualistic belief system and cultural idea that you should be able to do it alone and pull yourself up by your bootstraps and be strong is so incredibly damaging to all of us collectively because we're meant to be there for each other.
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We're meant to hold each other up.
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And then there's so much shame around that because it's not culturally accepted. I even said that to my husband, I'm like right now I'm sitting in shame. I'm embarrassed to tell you I feel unlovable.
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But more than that, I want to connect with you.
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And yeah, I, I hope for the future that we can change that and go back to more of a tribal idea of, hey, we all need each other.
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Yeah.
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I think that's actually imperative for the survival of our species.
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Yes.
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100%. It's so strange, like how on the same page we always are, because I was just thinking that I was like, how do we, we can't go back to hunter gathering days, you know, everybody starts wandering around and you know, like little like
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it would be traffic jams everywhere just people, you know, so so we're in we're in the society we're in and this is what we have to work in but it's that tribal mindset.
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Yes.
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You know, so alright I'm at work and I don't like my job but I have to you know I have to do it. I'm not passionate about it or something like that but in that moment.
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You know, you're always confronted with that choice like, what can you see that does ignite that and I think that's how we start creating art with our lives. Yes.
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You know when I was in school and I took an art appreciation class like we saw this one thing the guy makes videos, and they're in museums and I don't get it.
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And where's full hockey gear walks into a pond that in summer, and he starts smacking a pineapple with a hockey stick.
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And, and, and this is in museums all over the country and the write up on it said that he's challenging the concept of man versus nature and I'm like, what the hell.
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Like it's it's words, but it doesn't say anything you know, and I realized like art is is all in the way that you present what you're doing.
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So I wrote a like my paper on this class I wrote a story about how I'm also an artist and I used a story of like being in the military at a weekend party that lasts from Friday to Monday.
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And people throwing up in the stalls, creating art like you know this, our canvas is the, is the porcelain bowl you know all that stuff.
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And if we just follow our passions in the moment.
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Finding that thing whatever it is even if it's a memory.
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Yes.
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We begin to create and that's what art is.
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It doesn't have to be accepted by everybody but art is creation.
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Yeah.
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And I think that if you are into manifesting or believe in that sort of thing.
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That's the key to it. And I have a story in my past where I was really into the law of attraction. And I used to work at a fish market. So all day long I'd fill a fish and slug fish, go home smelling like fish every day.
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And what I wanted to be doing was the type of work I'm doing now coaching and mediating right like connecting with people changing people's lives.
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And I had a friend that told me, Well, how can you do all those things at the fish market.
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That's how you do it you water the seed of that there.
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So I started having deeper conversations with customers going out of my way to make everybody's day right started to add the elements that I thought I had to wait to have until I was a coach.
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And then it happened faster.
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Right because I was watering the seed of that which was already there.
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Instead of waiting. So I think that's key for art and it's key for creating anything is finding the beingness of it in the now and watering that passion and that love and that, you know, attraction that you have to something in this world.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, it's almost like creation or creating is always there. Something outside of us that we tap into instead of in us that that is expressed through us you know I mean, or maybe it's just both of those things that this again at the same time.
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Yeah, I love that you said creating is always there.
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Because a lot of times I'll tell clients, there's no standing still.
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You're either walking towards your goal, or you're walking away from it. And it's this illusion that like, you're standing still, and it's a harmful illusion, because it keeps you from getting to your goals.
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So what that's what you're saying is creations always happening like evolution is happening creations happening.
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And you're either helping guide it, right and leaning into it, or you're just allowing like whatever weirdness to come up.
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A bunch of mushrooms come up in the middle of my flower bed. I don't know why right but you're like mushrooms and flowers and squash and right.
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Yeah, yeah, it'll be messy if you don't put some like intention into it.
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Right.
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Yeah, just interesting like you know, like great artists talking about their muses, you know, muses like it connects you with that there.
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And it can be anything.
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Yeah, literally be anything anything in the moment you but you have to be prepared for that you know what I mean like staying in a place of, of openness to it to accept that experience that becomes the muse that connects you
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with creation.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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I'm also going to add to that. I mean amuse can be anything it can be my garden it can be a poem.
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It can also be another human.
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And I think we are so terrified of intimacy, and there's so many weird thoughts about like being emotionally or spiritually intimate with someone who's not your partner.
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That we just avoid all these connections, and we, I think a lot of us keep ourselves from opening doors that were meant to open, because we're scared of the depth of the relationship.
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I know that's true for me.
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Right to really be seen to be known to really see the other person to manage hardships as they come because if you're going to enter into relationship with someone is not going to be all rainbows and unicorns.
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Because that's not the way relationships work so you're signing up to work through hardships.
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And, you know, we're a tribe and we need each other. And also it's very scary, like to need each other and to move into that.
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That's one of the things I loved about, you know, Jared and his call was how open and willing he was to allow everybody to fall in love with him and to fall in love with everybody else.
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And it didn't mean anything about his beautiful wife and daughter and it didn't mean anything about right it didn't mean anything other than the love human beings in nature all naturally have for each other.
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And I mean just think about that, like what you said just how we're afraid of how good the relationships can get, you know, and staying in our comfort zone is being afraid of how good life can be.
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And just thinking about those intense feelings, but good feelings of love of gratitude of peace of joy.
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How intense that can get I mean that can be a very intimidating thing.
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Yes. I've also as much as I've been trying to make myself stay in discomfort. I've been trying to force myself to stay longer in those feelings.
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Like they're really good feelings you know, I was trying to describe love to myself and my head the other day like when I'm with my husband.
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And we're in those moments of love like what's happening like the air feels thicker. My, my cells feel like they're merging with other cells right you feel light and it feels thick at the same time like that feeling of love is like gooey right.
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And that's such a beautiful feeling.
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And much of my life. I've shrunk back from it.
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And not just with my husband right or partners with my garden with my friends with my
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And I've been trying to force myself to stay in those places longer.
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And one of the coolest experiences I had with mushrooms. I was I was in the woods, and I was looking my eyes just kind of glanced over and in between a tree and a branch there was a spider web.
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And it was really cool looking I was looking at it for a minute. And when I looked away, you know, like a spider web you barely see the web, you know, you only really see it because like the the sun is like reflecting off of it in some way or, and, and I saw those webs, even fainter,
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everywhere. I mean, they were so overwhelming. I felt like, if this was if this was actual reality, I wouldn't be able to move. You know, but, and this is going to sound weird, but this is like my thought on it is that they are real they're just in a different
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higher dimension than than I can normally see and that's why I can move through it not interact with them.
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Or I interact with them and I don't realize I am but
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in the moment what I was thinking about was these are these are the strings of emotion of all the things that we feel and we have such a small amount of words to describe the emotions on this infinite spectrum of what they actually are.
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And all it is is connecting with that thread, pulling on that, that string of consciousness of love and holding on to that and by you know, plucking it making that vibration.
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So at any point, I can feel that I can spend time in those emotions just by setting my intention to reach out and pluck that that thread.
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I love that idea of plucking a thread, because I've always loved, you know, like my son played the bass so we had the big stand up base and you lean your body against it and you pluck the string and you feel all the vibration, and it feels so good.
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And so that's very visceral for me to imagine like, you're right, that's what it feels like when I pluck the string of compassion or love or kindness, or even self love in the form of boundaries, because that just happened to me is I had a situation with a client that I was uncomfortable with.
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I felt powerless. And then I found a way to establish my boundaries. And when I did that, it was like, right, like, everything came to rest again.
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That's beautiful. Yeah.
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And what was when before you made that decision.
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How, how was your was your mind telling you like you're going to screw something up or this is. Yeah. Yeah.
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Yeah, and a lot like when I look deeper at it, it and broke it down it was more like, I'm a child and this other person's an adult they know more than me, I don't have the right to stand up to them.
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I have the right to take up space or assert my needs in this situation. Right. It was like a cowering people pleasing child.
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And I was identifying with it.
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And then I was like, wait a second, that's not who I am. I'm the professional in this situation. I have the right to say what is not working for me in this relationship.
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It took me, it took me a while to remember that.
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Yeah.
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And to pluck that string and reach out for that.
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Dude, we should make that like a logo for the for the new, the new vibe of the show like some like hippie looking dude playing the bass but instead of like musical notes like love pieces coming coming out of that. You should work with the AI stuff and see if you can get something like that.
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Yeah, yeah, I'm going to try I'm going to try to do that. I'd be pretty cool.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I, I love fantasy. We talked about that a lot. There's not a lot of American fantasy to be found so I find myself watching a lot of foreign TV shows.
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And there's this new Turkish show on Netflix called the gift.
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Absolutely amazing. It's actually about go glio tepe. I never see that archaeological site right.
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And so it's kind of based off like magic and wonder of like a real archaeology, you know, site. And one of the things there's like this woman who is sort of connected to the earth and connected to this site.
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And one of the things she says is, if you learn to listen to the language of the earth, it has so many things to tell you.
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And you reminded me of that when you were talking, right, it's like, that's another language we've forgotten, right, or connection that we've forgotten that has so much wisdom for us.
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Somebody told me this morning they have a rule that there's no shoes in their garden.
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And I thought, I actually love that I might do that.
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Yeah, I that's awesome. Yeah.
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I mean, there's science behind how walking barefoot on dirt is beneficial to you. It's no longer just a woo woo concept of energy.
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We get that it changes, you know, the way we feel on the inside.
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Yeah, I know Jared did a video on that like walking on the beach. And he was talking about how it releases free radicals and I didn't know that that's crazy.
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I thought that was only what was it, Welsh's grape juice or something accidents and the free radicals and stuff.
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Yeah, one of the other things I was thinking about is so listeners Keith and I both attended a call with soul of Jared where he talked a little bit about how relationships and marketing look on social media.
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And I was telling my husband that it actually has the energy more of like the old trade and barter tribe feeling like, hey, I can do these things. Oh, you can do these things.
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Oh, great. Great. Like I'll do these things for you. And like, even though there's still money being exchanged.
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It's very different than this, I would say current soon to be outdated model of, I'm the expert on this one thing, and I'm above you and you're below me. And you come to me for my wisdom, right.
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It's more like everybody's equals and everybody's trading what they know.
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And that really helped it like sink in like, Oh, I get how that's different.
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Yeah. That was so helpful. Yeah.
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That was so because that was one of the judgments I had on myself is, you know, I don't have all these credentials I don't have 18 letters after my name and all that stuff but you know like when he said like, don't be an expert.
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Yeah.
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And how we've turned being an expert into meaning a specific thing, you know, but we're all experts on our experiences. Yes.
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Yep. Exactly.
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But we have to be also aware to that what worked for me might not work for you or something that didn't work for me might work for you.
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You know, so not being married to the fact that I this is what this is how I you know I came out of all my crap. So this is the only way to do it.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I love that idea that my knower works for me. My knower doesn't work for you. Right. It doesn't work for anybody else. And that's how it is it's always an inside job. So the best way we can help people is tell them about how we got closer to our
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knower. Oh, I slowed down my life. I started meditating right and we say these things, not to try to like, you know, control somebody else but to try to give ideas about how to get more in touch with your own self.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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And like, you know, with people that like I tried meditation I can't do it can't you know can't do. Okay, great.
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You tried one form.
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You know, but for like all the gym rats, like, I mean, go into the gym, throwing your headphones on and being in that complete focus where you lose all thoughts that that's meditation.
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Yeah, so there's a writing bike writing like whatever you want your thing to be finding.
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I was I was just watch I was smoking before we did this and I was just watching a video on on the different dimensions trying to get some type of very small understanding of what they are and what you can do with them and stuff.
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But the guy was talking about if somebody in the third dimension reaches down into the second dimension so I put my finger into a 2D world.
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And the creature is not going to see my finger as it is, because as it is is three dimensional. They're going to see slices, infinite slices of of my finger like so the 2D slices and then there's going to you know it'll appear like it's like an infinite thing to that.
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And I have no idea what I was about to say.
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I think it just help. Yeah, like that.
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That I have access to other dimensions where I can see things differently.
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And I don't even know it.
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But I'm seeing things on this plane this way, assuming that's the way they are.
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Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, you're awesome. Yeah, that that yeah.
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So, even like the light spectrum we see the visible light spectrum which is such a small amount of the totality of it. You know, and, and our experiences.
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There's an infinite amount of sectioned out pieces that we experienced but we take it as the whole of our existence.
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Yeah, so success is going to look different for everybody. You know I just read an article.
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Talking about how, you know, you know that saying money is the key to happiness.
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And it was like, you know, study finds that actually it's kind of reversed.
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Happiness is the key to, you know, more successful people are happier something like that was the article is getting to so it starts with that that internal side.
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You know, but the one little subsection of our reality is not our whole.
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Yeah, you know it's, it's, but being open to all of those.
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Yeah, I think the thing with money that does not get talked about is that it has a drastic input for like, I don't know the bottom 10%.
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If you're cold and hungry, and you get a blanket and your stomach filled, your satisfaction in life is increasing exponentially right.
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And after everybody gets on a plane of my basic needs are taken care of, and I'm no longer living hand to mouth or scared of what's coming next.
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Above that money doesn't do a whole bunch, like it, it loses its ability to impact happiness.
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But nobody thinks that way. They just think it's going to be more happiness.
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And you know it's kind of like the drunk who thinks, Oh, I'm just going to keep having drinks and I'll keep feeling better.
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No, at some point you're going to feel real real bad. And I think that is how money is.
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Yeah, 100%. I've seen so many studies that show anywhere between like 70 and 90,000 like in that area.
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But you'll find the happiest people, most content people, you know, because the problem gets like when when all our needs are met at such a high level.
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You know, again, I mean, it's a financial principle like if we saturate the market with money, money loses its value.
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So saturate our lives with a sense of safety.
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And then it's almost like danger or unsafe to kind of loses the value that it is. So we begin to see everything is unsafe.
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That is a really good you should write that down.
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Really.
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But yes, I love that thought that is so true.
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Yeah.
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So thinking about work as art and life as art.
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Let's talk about something we want to take away or lean into or try this next week. That's different new.
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Maybe our listeners want to try or come up with their own thing.
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I want to get into being more open speaking how I want to speak because I judge myself as like this is going to sound stupid.
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And some of the stuff I said here, that's one of the reasons why I wanted to smoke before we came on.
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That's why the vibe, you know,
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I wouldn't even use the word vibe, you know, because most of the time like when people use that word, I'm like, shut up man, everything is vibes, you know what I mean but it's a good it's a cool word.
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It's got a good vibe to it.
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And
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get into
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because I lost my my drive, my motivation to post things.
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And I want to get into posting
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things that are real instead of sterilized versions, you know, I don't want to just do like,
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here's a coaching strategy, you know, focus language, physiology out like, like to me that's just that falls flat.
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Yeah, you know, I want to show that
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through somehow.
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Mm hmm.
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You know, um,
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so yeah, that's that's going to be like my my focus this week the thing I really want to lean into, you know, and then because because what what screws me up is when I think about it as okay I got to do this it's work it's work.
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I get fixated on time, and how I don't have the time to do everything that I want to do.
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Yes.
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And when I'm focused on that, I tend to procrastinate more, which sabotages the time that I do have.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I think that relationship with time is kind of my focus and I was going to say quality over quantity.
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Yeah.
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Because right now, I pretty much live and judge myself on quantity how much did I get done today.
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Not how beautiful was what I produced whether it was my relationship with my husband or my house or my marriage or my son but wherever I put my focus how beautiful did I make those moments of my life.
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And yeah, my brain tells me you cannot live that way. It's not practical. You will not get enough done.
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And then I tell my brain, I'm going to try it for one week brain.
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If it doesn't work will put you back in charge and we'll start doing a lot right and my brain says, okay.
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Sometimes my brain likes a time limit of an experiment so that it doesn't harass me as much.
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Yeah, so this week I want to make everything I touch as beautiful as I can.
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That's awesome man. I love that.
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And that's that's just the key every moment we have just making it the best that we can no matter it doesn't matter what we're doing or have to do or anything.
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It's just accepting the moment for what it is and experiencing it fully.
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Yep. And I know you and I have brought this up before the David Sedaris story about being in line at the grocery store and asking the person when was the last time they touched a monkey.
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Yeah, yeah.
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For him, that was the most beautiful that he could make that moment.
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I mean I listened to his master class and his whole life is about how can it impact his art, right because he's a writer and that is everything about his life and he talks about living his life as an artist, and that's it, right.
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Engage in weird conversations with people, right.
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Whatever it is it's going to make that moment beautiful to you.
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You know, I'm glad you brought up David Sedaris he if you want to do some homework and and watch someone who lives in making the most out of every moment and creating with every moment David Sedaris.
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Even to the most embarrassing things. He happily shares them so that we can all laugh with him because he's not. He laughs at that he doesn't he doesn't judge himself. He told the story of he was in France.
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And he had to go to the doctor and so he went in to the room they gave him the gown, you know, which doesn't close in the back and then I've like afterwards he had to go into another sort of room.
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And he made a wrong turn, and he opened up and it was another waiting room, but there was no one in there. So he was like, Oh, I guess that's the way they do it here.
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So he's sitting down in the little Johnny, you know, his ass hanging out and then people fully clothed just walking off the street or walking in and he's sitting there, half naked in this gown.
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And, and then he realized like he walked out of the office and into another different waiting room and everybody just looked at him like he was insane.
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Right. Yeah.
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You know, but he tells that story and puts it in a book and of all these just stories like that. You know, we're just looking at his life and looking at the absurdity of it all and then finding beauty in that he had one story of his, his brother and his dad sitting through a hurricane eating
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a bucket of candy. And his brother had this line that was like sometimes you just got to say fuck it, watch it come at you while you're eating a bucket of candy.
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And I was like, yes, that sometimes that's what you got to do.
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Yeah, I love it.
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All right, anything else to add before we close.
422
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I'm excited for this, this new, this new chapter man. Yeah, me too. Me too.
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No. All right, thanks everybody for joining us.
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Thank you so much for joining us. We are so grateful for all of our listeners.
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Thank you for supporting us and doing what we love. It's as simple as hitting that like or subscribe button. It would really mean a lot to us.
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Thanks guys. And we'll see you next week.
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What is my next challenge in daring to be human?
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How do I connect with life?
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How can I let go of my need for fixed answers in favor of aliveness?
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How do I live free from the experiences that shaped me?
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How can we be the change the world names right now?
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Join us weekly for Stony Conversations about life.
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It is our mission to allow life itself to reveal to us the answers.
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Welcome to Chasing Thoughts.
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Hi everybody, welcome to Chasing Thoughts.
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Today, Keith and I are going to talk a little bit about another change that we're making in our podcast.
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And if you followed us from the beginning, you have really been able to witness something that I'm so grateful for.
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And that is Keith and I co-creating in real time, responding to our intuitions to guide this podcast.
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And for me, it's the first time that I've operated with another person like that.
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And it's given me so much hope for all the collaborations in my future.
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Right, because I love this style of just being flexible enough to change things when they no longer align and find a deeper truth and more authenticity.
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That was so perfectly said.
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Yeah, so Keith and I, we canceled the guests for the rest of the year because we wanted things to be more in alignment with the changes that we're trying to make in our lives and embracing and leaning into.
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And that's really this idea, and man, well, hold on, let me finish the idea and then I'll tell you my aside.
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It's this idea of what if your life is art, what if your work is art, and how does that change the way that you regard it.
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And this came up for me the other day in my head, I was thinking, ah, damn, I got to like record videos today for social.
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Okay, I'll just, you know, like, ask chat GTP to come up with questions for me and then try to record it and then get it online.
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And then I'm like, what if this was art?
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I'm like, no way would I treat it that way.
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If this was my art that I was giving to the world, I would sit and tell I found something that wanted to like be said from my intuition, right.
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I would craft a beautiful video.
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And it totally changed the way I thought about it.
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Yeah, I've been I've been going through this the same thing and it.
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It's such a cool thing because I'm going through like a whole reset.
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Yeah.
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You know, and like you would say, well, like with like how we're creating this following our tuition in real time, you know, and it just made me think about, we have the external and the internal world.
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So while we're doing this externally, you know, having the gas on and stuff internally, we're also kind of built and that's where the building really is coming from.
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Yes, yes.
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And that's so important because I believe that goals are actually achieved inside.
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And I was right and everybody has this concept of I want this thing, I'm going to go get it and do these outer actions. But if you don't do the inner stuff to you ain't going to get there.
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Right. Like, you have to be a different person to get different results.
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Yeah, your inner your inner mindset, your inner guide is is going to determine the amount of energy that you put into that goal.
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Yeah, you know, so when we're already saying to ourselves, I'm not I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, give her I know there's a name for it, I do it all I just did it the other day.
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I asked Sandy where something was I was looking in the cabinets, and I was telling myself like, I don't know where she puts anything, because like everything has a place but that place changes week to week, you know.
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So, as I'm going to the cabin I'm like, I'm not going to I'm not going to be able to find this, it's going to be hidden behind something and I have an issue with moving things to look behind them.
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And sure enough, I didn't see it.
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And Sandy comes I'm like, I can't I can't find it. And she walks around looks and reaches to the shell I was I level with the shelf. And it was right there.
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Yeah, and, and that's what we do, you know, like when we have that mindset going into a task that we want to accomplish something that we want to do.
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And we're telling ourselves, all the reasons why we can't, which come naturally.
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The energy output is not going to be sufficient enough to reach that goal and then when we fail, that's going to be further proof that I can't do it so it's this vicious cycle of tearing ourselves down.
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Absolutely.
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And I think your belief system about others and the world comes into play. Your story reminded me of a story of my own where I would go to the gym every morning. And every time I was in the locker room.
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I thought, first something like, look at all these bitches, they think they're so hot. What a horrible place and I'd be like, I love going to the gym but I hate the locker room and all the people, right I had this like horrible experience of being around that kind of person.
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I did a bunch of personal development work got divorced right like all these things happened in my life started going back to the gym again.
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I was getting there and I thought, everybody here is so nice. I'm so lucky to be a part of this community. And as soon as I thought it, it was like, bam, I remembered when I had thought that other thought and it was the same community of people right.
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And so it's like that when we think about opportunities when we're doing business and we think, oh that person's going to say no to our contract or that person would never consider working with us. And we sabotage ourselves before we even have a chance.
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Yeah.
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And such as a lot of times, you don't even know you're doing it. You think this is just the way it is. And that's why I think, you know, cultivating investigation is so damn important.
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Oh my God, yeah.
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Yeah, I mean, our beliefs, they're, they're what guide everything, you know, and on being able to understand.
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And I think that using the term waking up, you know, just because it's become so cliche.
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But waking up to the idea that, you know, when we're born that philosophy tabula rasa, you know, and blank blank slate.
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And then our thoughts are designed by the experiences we begin to have almost like micro experiences every little thing when we're a baby, you know, and then as we're growing.
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And so, freaky experiment.
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I want to say like University of Missouri or something where they had a bunch of babies, and they released boa constrictors into this little playroom and the babies were like touching the snakes but the babies were watching the parents.
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And, and the doctor was explaining how babies are amazing they're like, they're like animals, how closely they watch all of our expressions.
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So if the parent has an expression of fear the baby will be afraid of the snake.
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But because the parents were trained and he said the snakes were trained like how do you train a snake though dude like, don't eat this baby, you know what I mean like, I guess you give him treats when they don't eat the babies.
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But, and so the parents were had gone through this whole thing where they weren't showing that emotion of fear and the babies were completely fine.
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Where if I was in that room dude I would be I would be like running through the wall like the Kool-Aid man trying to get out of there.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, that's fascinating on a lot of different levels.
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How babies pick up on it and how the snakes didn't seem to mind the babies when they were at peace.
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Yeah.
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Interesting.
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Yes, we have all these like micro experiences that begin to channel our thoughts particular ways and plus because the negativity bias that's built in it usually goes that way.
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But we can choose to start building new belief systems by creating new habitual thoughts that are different. And they're going to feel stupid and different in the beginning.
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And yeah, awkward and untrue and like you're faking it right like.
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Yeah.
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That fraud feeling will come up and you have to just go with it and work through it.
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Yeah, what did one of the first things exercises that that I had learned is from this book called Buddha's brain where it's like five of gratitude practice where you spend time, not a lot of time it could be just five minutes you know, but you're grateful for like something during like in the day.
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And you're fan of your loved ones, your acquaintances, yourself, and then somebody you don't like.
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And I would go out and smoke.
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And, and I would I would do this practice because we were you direct your internal world like we magnified it's like the James Webb Space Telescope man like it just sees into the deepest distances of you of your family.
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And it's like the distances of your of your consciousness.
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And it, and it helps you work there, you know, instead of on the surface level.
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And I would, I would watch America's Got Talent, you know, and I would I would never talk to anybody about this because I felt so stupid, you know, and, and I would feel gratitude towards like when the acts were really good.
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And I had taught himself how to do those aerial things, you know, in his backyard.
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And he's doing this stuff like 20 feet off the thing. I'm balling like a baby. You know, I mean I'm highest hell but I'm like balling it's so beautiful man is so much beauty in the world I love this kid, you know, I'm just like losing it.
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And I felt that I wouldn't tell anybody that but now I love that, you know, because I get to laugh at myself I get to laugh at something silly and you know but it's also understanding that the stupid is okay.
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Yeah.
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And you said is so great because we're talking about art, and that's how I feel. Like when I see something incredibly beautiful, or read a poem or something like art communicates with feeling, and it hits you.
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So how beautiful if your life did that every day where you're crying and going like oh my god this is beautiful. I'm connected everything's amazing, which it is there's miracles everywhere we look, but to live in that place all the time.
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I mean that's success right that's.
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That's what we want, I think is human beings is to feel alive and connected.
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Yeah. And we should feel connected not just with each other but I mean with nature, whatever whatever way you come at it if you come at it from an evolutionary standpoint or even a creationist standpoint we come from the earth.
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Yeah.
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You know so we are connected with that.
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And, and, but we see everything like.
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We stop seeing the world around us.
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You know, it's one of the things I loved about sad gurus he talks about spending time and just watching an ant for an hour.
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You know, I try to get into the woods like once a week, and, and I went out I went out to my secret spot.
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I always I always like invite people like you go on a hike I have this perfect spot we're all alone there's a herded deer and I'm like and no one can hear you scream.
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And I was out there and I was I was smoking and, and I saw this, like a flying ant holding a dead spider, like to its thing and it was so fascinating they just watched it for like, like a half hours I was sitting there, you know, and we don't we don't do that we're
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connected from nature, and we were plugged into whatever the economy or you know producing.
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Yeah, the news work or computers or email right all these things that ultimately aren't good for us.
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And a direct way like nature is, it's not actively healing us, it might be an into a mean right but nature is actively healing you.
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Yeah. Yeah, I had a, I had a similar experience in my garden, because for me, my gardens where I spend my space, and I always, you know smoke we ate in my gardens amazing.
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But I had like 10 little butterflies on this patch of daisies yesterday, and I went and got my husband because I'm like baby just got to experience this like this is so cool like let's just stand here for a minute you never see that many butterflies in one little location.
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It was like a miracle. It was so cool to experience.
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Yeah.
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And the more you recognize that.
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The more you begin to see it. Yes. Yes.
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But your life has to be slow enough to allow for the opportunity, because when I think back to when my husband and I were both working 60 hours a week and driving everywhere and shuttling our son and this.
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We would have walked past those flowers 100 times and never seen the butterflies.
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And like a fast paced life simply does not allow for magic.
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And maybe my opinion will change in the future but right now, that's a rule for me, like, I don't think it's possible for us as humans to live the way that this world is pressuring us to live.
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It's just the magic of just being and being part of this amazing thing we call life and nature.
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Yeah, and I get it. Like, I mean, we have to make money we have we have bills to pay you know we have to, you know, feed ourselves like meet those needs.
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But, you know, for the, for the majority of human existence we were hunter gatherers and on average they work about four hours a day.
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And the rest of the time is socialization maintenance of their stuff, you know but while they're doing that they're socializing, you know, and there was and there was more so there was more downtime and now and we've kind of reverse that.
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Yeah, you know, just with industry because that has to constantly be moving 24 hours a day to meet the demands.
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You know, so you have to.
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You have to take that purposeful action to slow ourselves down take a step back, take a breath and and start to recognize what is around us.
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Yeah.
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And it might mean that your kids aren't in activities, five days a week, and it might mean that you don't go to the gym every day or you don't meet with your like the pressure on us in society is insane.
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You know, you have to do a job have hobbies have a side hustle do all these things for your kids, make sure to do all your own self care be the good partner to your like it would be impossible, you don't have enough time to do all the things that you're told that you have to do to be a good person.
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You can't.
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You can you have to change the definition in your own head of what a good person is or successes throw away the one that culturally you're told right and make your own.
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And that that's such a beautiful thing and I think that's what what is going on to with with us with this podcast is taking that time to reflect to look look on on your beliefs and to question like was this given to me and if it was, if it if it aligns with you great.
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Yeah, you know, or did I choose this.
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Even with that, if you did, is it still true for you, does it still align I mean beliefs can align for a season.
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With with all my issues with with growing up and strict Christianity, I'm grateful because I have Sandy and I have my girls.
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You know, again, like things can exist in two different places I think in quantum mechanics they call the superposition I could be completely wrong but I want to start really learning about that stuff.
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So that that time could be bad and amazing at the same time.
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And it just, it what matters is where I direct my energy.
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I direct my energy to I hated all of this stuff. I wasted 40 years of my life, whatever, you know, then I'm going to feel like shit.
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But if I look over here and I think and I and I focus on the good times that I had.
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Because even though I lost all the friends that like everybody like took off you know, I don't blame them I was an asshole at the time, you know, but I still had good times with them.
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You know, I'm still part of your story.
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Yeah, you. Yeah.
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Yeah, so it just it what matters is what we decide to focus that that energy on.
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Yeah.
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I was challenged with energy focus this week.
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In regards to what we've been talking about and going through where I have felt a lot of discomfort this week.
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I have a mental and emotional discomfort.
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And there's this poll to there's this thought in my head that says, this is uncomfortable. You clearly don't know what you're doing or where you're going.
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So you better just bounce back and start doing things the same way you've done them for 45 years.
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Because I don't know how I don't know what the next step looks like. And so my brain is like the brain doesn't like not knowing. So it will go to its last knowing.
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And you have to say no, I'm going to stay uncomfortable right now.
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And that's the place I've been in all week because I know things are moving and changing for me and my business and our podcast.
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I don't really know what it's going to look like.
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And my brain's freaking out.
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And I'm just sitting here letting it right because that is how you move forward sometimes.
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Yeah.
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And nobody ever talked to me about that part of the process like that little uncomfortable blip between not anymore and not yet.
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And how to just sit there and wait, which seems so counterintuitive.
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Yeah. And when you fight against that uncomfortability when you fight like to shore up the walls of your comfortability, that's when you start living reactive.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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Everything is a threat.
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And like everything is a threat.
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Yes.
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Somebody cuts me off or somebody misunderstands what I say and I'm like, why would you think I'm a liar? You know, something like like everything
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that doesn't go my way sets me up.
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But when you're open to that uncomfortability, it's so funny you said that because these last two weeks have been so interesting since we've decided to do this.
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I fought with that like going back to old habitual thoughts, you know, pushing myself onto this got stuck in this thing where I wasn't doing anything except trying to
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fix my own mindset, you know, kind of settle in this, this new belief system I'm taking on.
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But then just also, dude, I got bit by a dog.
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Like, I don't know. I mean, it wasn't bad at all. And I think I think it was my fault. It was one of those like sheep herding dogs.
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And I was talking to the guy. And I think I got too close. And so it jumped. And I thought I jumped out of excitement.
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But it hit me so hard, it like bruised me.
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And I read that those types of dogs will many times use their bodies to bully.
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Right.
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Like the like when they're hurting. And so after he did that, I stepped forward again.
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And he it was just a net because like if he he kind of pulled like my wrist off if he wanted to, you know, but it was just like a little net like a pinch that left like these marks.
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And she's never done that. She's never done that. So I started reading up and like, I think that was my fault actually triggered thousands of years of breeding in this thing.
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But yeah, it's been almost like, like a challenging week, you know, a couple of weeks. And it's really and it's just just settling into that.
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And trusting that the answer is going to come and the next step is going to come.
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Because there has to be empty space for it to arrive.
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And that's I think what this like uncomfortable stages between not anymore and not yet is the draining of like old ideas or belief grief and saying goodbye to that and then once you clear that spot and do that work, the new thing comes in and fills that empty space.
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You just like blew my mind when you said trusting that the answer will come. So I've had this lesson from mushrooms that I didn't know what it what it meant.
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I didn't know where it fit into my life and it fight and it just snapped into place.
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And it's like, I don't know, you know, like, you know, like, I don't know what it meant when you said that. And it's this is freaking cool. So a lot of times I'll think about that whole idea of flow.
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You know, just just being more fluid that I mean physically mentally emotionally like in all aspects of life.
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And
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I was I was the fact looking at a brick wall once. And we're all the mortar kind of outlines the brick colors were coming out of that almost like you know an electromagnetic field looking thing, you know, and it was all just all the colors of the rainbow.
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And it was fascinating. And I was so fixated on it.
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And then it would change. And I would be so upset that it would change and then finally I started thinking.
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That's the deal though, nothing is set nothing is eternal.
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Except this idea of change and we try to fight to keep everything in this home neostasis and it's it that you can't.
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Yeah, so when you said, trust in the answer will come.
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I really think it's more of like trusting that the answer is in this moment each moment, following that intuition, following that thing that you that gives you more passion that's the answer.
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Yes, yes.
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Yeah, that is more accurate I think and the truth is is.
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I just found that last night because I've been having a lot of anxiety recently. And last night it was really bad and so I sat down and I was like, what's happening inside of me right now.
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And I realized that it wasn't anxiety like the rug's going to be pulled out from under me or I'm going to lose this job or something's bad going to all those bad bad things are going to happen thoughts, I have those all the time.
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But usually my response to those thoughts is, I can handle that that happened. I can handle that that happened.
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And I think that anxiety totally disconnects my ability to access my resilience. So all of my thoughts are like, yeah and if it happens you'll never be able to find another job again. Yeah and if like, and that's kind of what you're saying is that like, that connection to your core and to self trust and knowing,
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you know, your intuition. That is what's guiding right and what I recognized last night was that that's what seems to be missing when I feel anxious or disrupted.
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And that's why I'm anxious.
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And that's why anxiety can be such a beautiful thing, you know, we hate the way it makes us feel so we put it in the bad category.
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Our brains are so amazing that without any effort, without any, any like, like purposeful focus on something our brains try to keep us safe.
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So all of that it makes us feel horrific, but it's doing it to protect us because it sees uncomfortability as damage and constant damage equals death.
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Right.
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And so our brains not going to do everything it can to not get to that point.
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Yeah. So it's not about ending it. It's about the relationship you established with it. And last night, it ended up being two gifts for me.
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One was like a deeper knowledge that I just told you about and then I, you know, I did a little like self trust meditation.
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And then I went to my husband and shared all that with my husband and asked for him to like really show me that I was lovable, because when I'm anxious, I feel like I'm not.
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So I got two gifts last night out of feeling shitty and anxious because I didn't run away from it. Right. I actually leaned into it more.
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And I love that, that you went to your husband, like for that, that little bit of foundation.
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Yeah.
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And that gets lost in couples, especially with guys, like I always have to be the rock, you know, and sometimes I don't feel like the rock, you know, I mean, sometimes I feel very beat up.
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Yeah, I think that into individualistic belief system and cultural idea that you should be able to do it alone and pull yourself up by your bootstraps and be strong is so incredibly damaging to all of us collectively because we're meant to be there for each other.
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We're meant to hold each other up.
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And then there's so much shame around that because it's not culturally accepted. I even said that to my husband, I'm like right now I'm sitting in shame. I'm embarrassed to tell you I feel unlovable.
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But more than that, I want to connect with you.
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And yeah, I, I hope for the future that we can change that and go back to more of a tribal idea of, hey, we all need each other.
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Yeah.
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I think that's actually imperative for the survival of our species.
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Yes.
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100%. It's so strange, like how on the same page we always are, because I was just thinking that I was like, how do we, we can't go back to hunter gathering days, you know, everybody starts wandering around and you know, like little like
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it would be traffic jams everywhere just people, you know, so so we're in we're in the society we're in and this is what we have to work in but it's that tribal mindset.
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Yes.
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You know, so alright I'm at work and I don't like my job but I have to you know I have to do it. I'm not passionate about it or something like that but in that moment.
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You know, you're always confronted with that choice like, what can you see that does ignite that and I think that's how we start creating art with our lives. Yes.
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You know when I was in school and I took an art appreciation class like we saw this one thing the guy makes videos, and they're in museums and I don't get it.
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And where's full hockey gear walks into a pond that in summer, and he starts smacking a pineapple with a hockey stick.
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And, and, and this is in museums all over the country and the write up on it said that he's challenging the concept of man versus nature and I'm like, what the hell.
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Like it's it's words, but it doesn't say anything you know, and I realized like art is is all in the way that you present what you're doing.
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So I wrote a like my paper on this class I wrote a story about how I'm also an artist and I used a story of like being in the military at a weekend party that lasts from Friday to Monday.
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And people throwing up in the stalls, creating art like you know this, our canvas is the, is the porcelain bowl you know all that stuff.
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And if we just follow our passions in the moment.
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Finding that thing whatever it is even if it's a memory.
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Yes.
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We begin to create and that's what art is.
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It doesn't have to be accepted by everybody but art is creation.
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Yeah.
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And I think that if you are into manifesting or believe in that sort of thing.
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That's the key to it. And I have a story in my past where I was really into the law of attraction. And I used to work at a fish market. So all day long I'd fill a fish and slug fish, go home smelling like fish every day.
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And what I wanted to be doing was the type of work I'm doing now coaching and mediating right like connecting with people changing people's lives.
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And I had a friend that told me, Well, how can you do all those things at the fish market.
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That's how you do it you water the seed of that there.
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So I started having deeper conversations with customers going out of my way to make everybody's day right started to add the elements that I thought I had to wait to have until I was a coach.
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And then it happened faster.
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Right because I was watering the seed of that which was already there.
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Instead of waiting. So I think that's key for art and it's key for creating anything is finding the beingness of it in the now and watering that passion and that love and that, you know, attraction that you have to something in this world.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, it's almost like creation or creating is always there. Something outside of us that we tap into instead of in us that that is expressed through us you know I mean, or maybe it's just both of those things that this again at the same time.
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Yeah, I love that you said creating is always there.
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Because a lot of times I'll tell clients, there's no standing still.
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You're either walking towards your goal, or you're walking away from it. And it's this illusion that like, you're standing still, and it's a harmful illusion, because it keeps you from getting to your goals.
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So what that's what you're saying is creations always happening like evolution is happening creations happening.
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And you're either helping guide it, right and leaning into it, or you're just allowing like whatever weirdness to come up.
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A bunch of mushrooms come up in the middle of my flower bed. I don't know why right but you're like mushrooms and flowers and squash and right.
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Yeah, yeah, it'll be messy if you don't put some like intention into it.
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Right.
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Yeah, just interesting like you know, like great artists talking about their muses, you know, muses like it connects you with that there.
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And it can be anything.
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Yeah, literally be anything anything in the moment you but you have to be prepared for that you know what I mean like staying in a place of, of openness to it to accept that experience that becomes the muse that connects you
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with creation.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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I'm also going to add to that. I mean amuse can be anything it can be my garden it can be a poem.
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It can also be another human.
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And I think we are so terrified of intimacy, and there's so many weird thoughts about like being emotionally or spiritually intimate with someone who's not your partner.
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That we just avoid all these connections, and we, I think a lot of us keep ourselves from opening doors that were meant to open, because we're scared of the depth of the relationship.
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I know that's true for me.
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Right to really be seen to be known to really see the other person to manage hardships as they come because if you're going to enter into relationship with someone is not going to be all rainbows and unicorns.
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Because that's not the way relationships work so you're signing up to work through hardships.
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And, you know, we're a tribe and we need each other. And also it's very scary, like to need each other and to move into that.
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That's one of the things I loved about, you know, Jared and his call was how open and willing he was to allow everybody to fall in love with him and to fall in love with everybody else.
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And it didn't mean anything about his beautiful wife and daughter and it didn't mean anything about right it didn't mean anything other than the love human beings in nature all naturally have for each other.
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And I mean just think about that, like what you said just how we're afraid of how good the relationships can get, you know, and staying in our comfort zone is being afraid of how good life can be.
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And just thinking about those intense feelings, but good feelings of love of gratitude of peace of joy.
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How intense that can get I mean that can be a very intimidating thing.
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Yes. I've also as much as I've been trying to make myself stay in discomfort. I've been trying to force myself to stay longer in those feelings.
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Like they're really good feelings you know, I was trying to describe love to myself and my head the other day like when I'm with my husband.
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And we're in those moments of love like what's happening like the air feels thicker. My, my cells feel like they're merging with other cells right you feel light and it feels thick at the same time like that feeling of love is like gooey right.
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And that's such a beautiful feeling.
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And much of my life. I've shrunk back from it.
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And not just with my husband right or partners with my garden with my friends with my
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And I've been trying to force myself to stay in those places longer.
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And one of the coolest experiences I had with mushrooms. I was I was in the woods, and I was looking my eyes just kind of glanced over and in between a tree and a branch there was a spider web.
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And it was really cool looking I was looking at it for a minute. And when I looked away, you know, like a spider web you barely see the web, you know, you only really see it because like the the sun is like reflecting off of it in some way or, and, and I saw those webs, even fainter,
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everywhere. I mean, they were so overwhelming. I felt like, if this was if this was actual reality, I wouldn't be able to move. You know, but, and this is going to sound weird, but this is like my thought on it is that they are real they're just in a different
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higher dimension than than I can normally see and that's why I can move through it not interact with them.
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Or I interact with them and I don't realize I am but
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in the moment what I was thinking about was these are these are the strings of emotion of all the things that we feel and we have such a small amount of words to describe the emotions on this infinite spectrum of what they actually are.
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And all it is is connecting with that thread, pulling on that, that string of consciousness of love and holding on to that and by you know, plucking it making that vibration.
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So at any point, I can feel that I can spend time in those emotions just by setting my intention to reach out and pluck that that thread.
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I love that idea of plucking a thread, because I've always loved, you know, like my son played the bass so we had the big stand up base and you lean your body against it and you pluck the string and you feel all the vibration, and it feels so good.
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And so that's very visceral for me to imagine like, you're right, that's what it feels like when I pluck the string of compassion or love or kindness, or even self love in the form of boundaries, because that just happened to me is I had a situation with a client that I was uncomfortable with.
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I felt powerless. And then I found a way to establish my boundaries. And when I did that, it was like, right, like, everything came to rest again.
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That's beautiful. Yeah.
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And what was when before you made that decision.
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How, how was your was your mind telling you like you're going to screw something up or this is. Yeah. Yeah.
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Yeah, and a lot like when I look deeper at it, it and broke it down it was more like, I'm a child and this other person's an adult they know more than me, I don't have the right to stand up to them.
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I have the right to take up space or assert my needs in this situation. Right. It was like a cowering people pleasing child.
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And I was identifying with it.
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And then I was like, wait a second, that's not who I am. I'm the professional in this situation. I have the right to say what is not working for me in this relationship.
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It took me, it took me a while to remember that.
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Yeah.
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And to pluck that string and reach out for that.
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Dude, we should make that like a logo for the for the new, the new vibe of the show like some like hippie looking dude playing the bass but instead of like musical notes like love pieces coming coming out of that. You should work with the AI stuff and see if you can get something like that.
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Yeah, yeah, I'm going to try I'm going to try to do that. I'd be pretty cool.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I, I love fantasy. We talked about that a lot. There's not a lot of American fantasy to be found so I find myself watching a lot of foreign TV shows.
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And there's this new Turkish show on Netflix called the gift.
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Absolutely amazing. It's actually about go glio tepe. I never see that archaeological site right.
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And so it's kind of based off like magic and wonder of like a real archaeology, you know, site. And one of the things there's like this woman who is sort of connected to the earth and connected to this site.
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And one of the things she says is, if you learn to listen to the language of the earth, it has so many things to tell you.
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And you reminded me of that when you were talking, right, it's like, that's another language we've forgotten, right, or connection that we've forgotten that has so much wisdom for us.
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Somebody told me this morning they have a rule that there's no shoes in their garden.
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And I thought, I actually love that I might do that.
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Yeah, I that's awesome. Yeah.
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I mean, there's science behind how walking barefoot on dirt is beneficial to you. It's no longer just a woo woo concept of energy.
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We get that it changes, you know, the way we feel on the inside.
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Yeah, I know Jared did a video on that like walking on the beach. And he was talking about how it releases free radicals and I didn't know that that's crazy.
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I thought that was only what was it, Welsh's grape juice or something accidents and the free radicals and stuff.
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Yeah, one of the other things I was thinking about is so listeners Keith and I both attended a call with soul of Jared where he talked a little bit about how relationships and marketing look on social media.
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And I was telling my husband that it actually has the energy more of like the old trade and barter tribe feeling like, hey, I can do these things. Oh, you can do these things.
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Oh, great. Great. Like I'll do these things for you. And like, even though there's still money being exchanged.
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It's very different than this, I would say current soon to be outdated model of, I'm the expert on this one thing, and I'm above you and you're below me. And you come to me for my wisdom, right.
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It's more like everybody's equals and everybody's trading what they know.
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And that really helped it like sink in like, Oh, I get how that's different.
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Yeah. That was so helpful. Yeah.
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That was so because that was one of the judgments I had on myself is, you know, I don't have all these credentials I don't have 18 letters after my name and all that stuff but you know like when he said like, don't be an expert.
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Yeah.
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And how we've turned being an expert into meaning a specific thing, you know, but we're all experts on our experiences. Yes.
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Yep. Exactly.
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But we have to be also aware to that what worked for me might not work for you or something that didn't work for me might work for you.
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You know, so not being married to the fact that I this is what this is how I you know I came out of all my crap. So this is the only way to do it.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I love that idea that my knower works for me. My knower doesn't work for you. Right. It doesn't work for anybody else. And that's how it is it's always an inside job. So the best way we can help people is tell them about how we got closer to our
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knower. Oh, I slowed down my life. I started meditating right and we say these things, not to try to like, you know, control somebody else but to try to give ideas about how to get more in touch with your own self.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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And like, you know, with people that like I tried meditation I can't do it can't you know can't do. Okay, great.
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You tried one form.
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You know, but for like all the gym rats, like, I mean, go into the gym, throwing your headphones on and being in that complete focus where you lose all thoughts that that's meditation.
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Yeah, so there's a writing bike writing like whatever you want your thing to be finding.
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I was I was just watch I was smoking before we did this and I was just watching a video on on the different dimensions trying to get some type of very small understanding of what they are and what you can do with them and stuff.
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But the guy was talking about if somebody in the third dimension reaches down into the second dimension so I put my finger into a 2D world.
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And the creature is not going to see my finger as it is, because as it is is three dimensional. They're going to see slices, infinite slices of of my finger like so the 2D slices and then there's going to you know it'll appear like it's like an infinite thing to that.
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And I have no idea what I was about to say.
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I think it just help. Yeah, like that.
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That I have access to other dimensions where I can see things differently.
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And I don't even know it.
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But I'm seeing things on this plane this way, assuming that's the way they are.
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Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, you're awesome. Yeah, that that yeah.
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So, even like the light spectrum we see the visible light spectrum which is such a small amount of the totality of it. You know, and, and our experiences.
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There's an infinite amount of sectioned out pieces that we experienced but we take it as the whole of our existence.
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Yeah, so success is going to look different for everybody. You know I just read an article.
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Talking about how, you know, you know that saying money is the key to happiness.
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And it was like, you know, study finds that actually it's kind of reversed.
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Happiness is the key to, you know, more successful people are happier something like that was the article is getting to so it starts with that that internal side.
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You know, but the one little subsection of our reality is not our whole.
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Yeah, you know it's, it's, but being open to all of those.
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Yeah, I think the thing with money that does not get talked about is that it has a drastic input for like, I don't know the bottom 10%.
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If you're cold and hungry, and you get a blanket and your stomach filled, your satisfaction in life is increasing exponentially right.
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And after everybody gets on a plane of my basic needs are taken care of, and I'm no longer living hand to mouth or scared of what's coming next.
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Above that money doesn't do a whole bunch, like it, it loses its ability to impact happiness.
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But nobody thinks that way. They just think it's going to be more happiness.
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And you know it's kind of like the drunk who thinks, Oh, I'm just going to keep having drinks and I'll keep feeling better.
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No, at some point you're going to feel real real bad. And I think that is how money is.
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Yeah, 100%. I've seen so many studies that show anywhere between like 70 and 90,000 like in that area.
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But you'll find the happiest people, most content people, you know, because the problem gets like when when all our needs are met at such a high level.
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You know, again, I mean, it's a financial principle like if we saturate the market with money, money loses its value.
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So saturate our lives with a sense of safety.
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And then it's almost like danger or unsafe to kind of loses the value that it is. So we begin to see everything is unsafe.
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That is a really good you should write that down.
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Really.
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But yes, I love that thought that is so true.
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Yeah.
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So thinking about work as art and life as art.
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Let's talk about something we want to take away or lean into or try this next week. That's different new.
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Maybe our listeners want to try or come up with their own thing.
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I want to get into being more open speaking how I want to speak because I judge myself as like this is going to sound stupid.
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And some of the stuff I said here, that's one of the reasons why I wanted to smoke before we came on.
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That's why the vibe, you know,
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I wouldn't even use the word vibe, you know, because most of the time like when people use that word, I'm like, shut up man, everything is vibes, you know what I mean but it's a good it's a cool word.
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It's got a good vibe to it.
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And
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get into
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because I lost my my drive, my motivation to post things.
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And I want to get into posting
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things that are real instead of sterilized versions, you know, I don't want to just do like,
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here's a coaching strategy, you know, focus language, physiology out like, like to me that's just that falls flat.
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Yeah, you know, I want to show that
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through somehow.
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Mm hmm.
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You know, um,
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so yeah, that's that's going to be like my my focus this week the thing I really want to lean into, you know, and then because because what what screws me up is when I think about it as okay I got to do this it's work it's work.
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I get fixated on time, and how I don't have the time to do everything that I want to do.
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Yes.
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And when I'm focused on that, I tend to procrastinate more, which sabotages the time that I do have.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I think that relationship with time is kind of my focus and I was going to say quality over quantity.
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Yeah.
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Because right now, I pretty much live and judge myself on quantity how much did I get done today.
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Not how beautiful was what I produced whether it was my relationship with my husband or my house or my marriage or my son but wherever I put my focus how beautiful did I make those moments of my life.
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And yeah, my brain tells me you cannot live that way. It's not practical. You will not get enough done.
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And then I tell my brain, I'm going to try it for one week brain.
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If it doesn't work will put you back in charge and we'll start doing a lot right and my brain says, okay.
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Sometimes my brain likes a time limit of an experiment so that it doesn't harass me as much.
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Yeah, so this week I want to make everything I touch as beautiful as I can.
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That's awesome man. I love that.
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And that's that's just the key every moment we have just making it the best that we can no matter it doesn't matter what we're doing or have to do or anything.
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It's just accepting the moment for what it is and experiencing it fully.
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Yep. And I know you and I have brought this up before the David Sedaris story about being in line at the grocery store and asking the person when was the last time they touched a monkey.
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Yeah, yeah.
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For him, that was the most beautiful that he could make that moment.
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I mean I listened to his master class and his whole life is about how can it impact his art, right because he's a writer and that is everything about his life and he talks about living his life as an artist, and that's it, right.
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Engage in weird conversations with people, right.
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Whatever it is it's going to make that moment beautiful to you.
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You know, I'm glad you brought up David Sedaris he if you want to do some homework and and watch someone who lives in making the most out of every moment and creating with every moment David Sedaris.
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Even to the most embarrassing things. He happily shares them so that we can all laugh with him because he's not. He laughs at that he doesn't he doesn't judge himself. He told the story of he was in France.
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And he had to go to the doctor and so he went in to the room they gave him the gown, you know, which doesn't close in the back and then I've like afterwards he had to go into another sort of room.
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And he made a wrong turn, and he opened up and it was another waiting room, but there was no one in there. So he was like, Oh, I guess that's the way they do it here.
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So he's sitting down in the little Johnny, you know, his ass hanging out and then people fully clothed just walking off the street or walking in and he's sitting there, half naked in this gown.
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And, and then he realized like he walked out of the office and into another different waiting room and everybody just looked at him like he was insane.
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Right. Yeah.
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You know, but he tells that story and puts it in a book and of all these just stories like that. You know, we're just looking at his life and looking at the absurdity of it all and then finding beauty in that he had one story of his, his brother and his dad sitting through a hurricane eating
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a bucket of candy. And his brother had this line that was like sometimes you just got to say fuck it, watch it come at you while you're eating a bucket of candy.
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And I was like, yes, that sometimes that's what you got to do.
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Yeah, I love it.
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All right, anything else to add before we close.
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I'm excited for this, this new, this new chapter man. Yeah, me too. Me too.
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No. All right, thanks everybody for joining us.
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Thank you so much for joining us. We are so grateful for all of our listeners.
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Thank you for supporting us and doing what we love. It's as simple as hitting that like or subscribe button. It would really mean a lot to us.
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Thanks guys. And we'll see you next week.
