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What you put out is what you attract.
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So if you are putting out that confidence, I think you should wear it high because then you'll attract confidence back.
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Really, the ones being intimidated will be the insecure, not confident ones, right?
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And they're probably just jealous of the confidence that you carry and maybe the height that you carry if you are another tall girly or guy or them, whoever you may be.
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With me, Julie Bishop, just a tall girl in this world trying to make sense of life, dating, money, relationships, identity, culture, you know, all the things.
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I learned that my thoughts don't always land with the people around me.
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So I'm here to break it all down and talk it out.
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Probably over share and maybe find some who don't think I'm totally crazy after all.
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Hi everyone.
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Welcome back to Casually Spiraling.
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We are back with another episode.
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And oh my god, I'm like barely running on a fumes this week.
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Um I'm pre-recording this episode for next week because as you're listening to this, I will be on vacation.
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So I am getting ready for my vacation this week.
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Today's Monday, I leave Friday.
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You'll be hearing this on Thursday, and I'll still be on my week-long vacation that I'm so excited about.
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But up until then, I have so much to do and get done, and I just don't know how I'm gonna get everything done before my 6 a.m.
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flight on Friday.
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I am barely hanging on, but it's gonna be worth it, and I'll get relaxed and sleep next week.
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I just have so much to do every single day before then, all while working every single day and getting this podcast ready for you guys and class and auditions and you know all the things, all the things I tell you about all the time.
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Um, so yeah, I'm just barely hanging on right now, but we're almost there.
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We're almost there, and it's gonna be August, which is crazy.
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I can't believe it's almost August.
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That's actually insane.
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Like, how?
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That's so crazy.
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It was just, it seems like yesterday when I was making the summer episode of how didn't it let summer pass you by?
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And I was literally saying, before you know it, we're gonna blink.
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It's gonna be gone, and it's not gone, of course, yet, but it's already August, which is absolutely crazy.
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But I'm going to the Outer Banks with my family.
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We go every year, Outer Banks, North Carolina.
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And it's funny because a lot of people now just think of the show, Outer Banks.
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And I was like telling my coworker where I was going, and she was like, Oh, are you gonna like be doing fishing?
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Going fishing?
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I was like, fishing?
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What are you talking?
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What do you mean fishing?
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She was like, Yeah, you're going to the Outer Banks, right?
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Like you're gonna be fishing.
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I was like, no, no, I'm not gonna be fishing.
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Where'd you get fishing from?
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And she's like, like the show, like that's what there is to do there, right?
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I was like, oh no, no, no, no.
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They filmed that show in Charleston, South Carolina, not in the Outer Banks, not even in North Carolina, and it it's not an accurate representation, okay?
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John B.
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is not the it's the show is not accurate.
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I used to work on that show a little bit because um when I worked in extras casting, and yeah, people from North Carolina like was a little salty because it was like this is not what it's like at all.
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And one time in the show, they like take a ferry from somewhere to like Raleigh, and it the math just doesn't match geographically how it actually is.
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So, no.
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The Hatterbanks is a peninsula off the coast of uh North Carolina, and it's just so gorgeous, relaxing.
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Be doing lots of laying on the beach, lots of paddle boarding, um, but lots of sleep, but lots of food, lots of reading, lots of beach volleyball, um, watching movies, playing games.
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Very wholesome, very wholesome vacation.
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Um, but yeah, it's very, very nice and relaxing, and I love the Outer Banks so much.
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So I'm so excited.
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But until then, we're pushing through until we get there.
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So close, so close, trying to push through.
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Um, but I think you know what's crazy?
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We definitely need to be saying things out loud.
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Because I think I told you last week how Ananda and I were saying out loud, oh, we wish our friend Summer would come visit in LA, or we need to all get together, this or that, or her to move to LA.
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And then the next day she texted us and was like, I'm gonna be in town this weekend, and we were like, wow, we really said that out loud, and then it happened.
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Well, Emily and I, Emily, who's been on the pod a few times, we love Emily.
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Um, we have been, you know, as we talked about in her episode, she's going through her changes and job changes, and she's pursuing the influencing and content creation space and TikTok and all this.
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And I'm obviously pursuing the pursuing, oh my god, I can't talk, this podcast and the social media for it and getting it out there and trying to reach more people.
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And we've been speaking into existence that we are making this our full-time jobs and we are we are making this happen.
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And then just a few days later, we get invited uh to an influencer event for collab and so fit beauty.
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Um, it's a Korean skincare marketplace that they did.
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It was called the Soul Edit in the Beverly Center in Beverly Hills, and we both got invited as influencers.
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So we're like, wow, we need to say things out loud because we keep saying things out loud and then they keep happening.
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I don't know, like you know, everyone in LA is so woo-woo and this or that, but hey, it's working out, so I'm just gonna say out loud right here.
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I want to thick booty and I want money and I want laughter and love and all the things, of course.
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A fat ass, you know that I want a money and a fat ass.
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You know that um, I feel like that's a sound or something.
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I heard that somewhere, but hey, I want to hate it, I want to hate it.
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Um, so yeah, I think we just need to start saying some things out loud.
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But we had the best time ever, had such a good time, got so many fun products um that are just amazing, many compliments recently from people saying my skin is glowing, so I don't know if it's the new products I'm using, but it was just so fun, such a fun event to be at.
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Discovered many brands, new brands, um, all together in one place.
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They each had their own booths.
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We gotta ask questions, test out products.
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There was games, there's food, snacks, masha, there was color analysis, um, there was photo session, photo like sections, there was a wish wall, um a lot of really cool things.
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And we were very grateful to be invited.
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So I posted about it on the social media if you want to check it out.
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Um, but hopefully more to come.
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I want to get people interested in casually spiraling and the podcast and what I'm here doing and trying to represent and like the realness that we all are going to and figuring shit out as we go along and life.
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So really trying to spread the word and get out there with the podcast.
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So that was that was one step.
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One step, and we're making progress and we're moving forward.
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So, and it's all thanks to you who are listening and following along because and engaging and yeah, being dedicated listeners.
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So I appreciate you so much.
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But yeah, let's get in today.
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Um, today, what sparked the idea was something that a friend said to me recently and it stuck in my mind and it took me a little off guard.
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I was like, oh, oh, so I don't know, I just thought we'd chat about that a little bit today.
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So I was with my friends, um, and we were chatting, and before we ran a rooftop bar.
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So when we were going into the elevator to go up to the rooftop, you know, we got in the elevator, us two, and then these two guys got in, and some other people, and I noticed the one guy because he had tattoos and stuff, and I love that.
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Um, and we made like initial eye contact, and then whatever.
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We went up and we went up to our reservation, and then we got talking, and my friend was saying, like, she pointed out that he was like looking at me when it was in the elevator and kept like kept looking at me um later on in the night, and she noticed and she said, I noticed that you walk around with a lot of confidence, and you are a tall woman, I'm 5'11, and that's like a presence in itself, right?
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And then she questioned that with, Do you think that that intimidates men and plays a role into you not getting approached or them not approaching?
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And I was like, huh.
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I just thought it so she was visiting from out of town, and I just thought it was it was funny that like that was something instantly that she noticed and she took notice of.
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Like she saw guys looking at me and how I carry myself and then them not say anything or do anything about it.
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And she noticed the confidence I walk around with, and I wear heels when I go out, and I am tall, and I carry myself like nice and polished, and I had a clean look, clean girl aesthetic on that night.
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Um, so it's just funny that she noticed this and thought, does that intimidate men?
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Because I was like, hmm, that's interesting you say, because yes, I've thought about this before, and I've always thought about this, but no one's ever like noticed or said that to me or noticed that about me, um, or saw it in person.
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But I was like, yes, I definitely do think my height and how I carry myself and walk around confidently can intimidate people.
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And you know, it usually I do find like I feel like men usually think that women are the ones with the height issues of men, like they always want guys who are like above six foot and whatever.
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But at least in my instance, as being a tall girly, I find it a lot men having the issue with my height and me being tall.
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And they are the ones that feel insecure around it.
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Where I now love my height and I walk in it confidently and not afraid to wear heels, and I think it makes me a little different and stand out and makes me feel good.
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So I come into the instance a lot of it being the opposite, like they do I do think it intimidates some people and it gives off a different vibe.
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And but the matter of fact is that I need someone to be confident with me, and in the fact that I am tall and I take up space vertically, and I want to wear heels.
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So if you aren't already just initially intimidated by that and don't see the confidence, well, you probably see the confidence, but don't see the and find like confidence and that factor like attractive or intriguing, then you ain't for me.
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But it's funny that she brought it up because recently a lot of people have bring been bringing up to me my posture and have made comments.
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This wasn't the first, so it's just I don't know what's going on recently or what's in the air recently.
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I heard Mercury's out of retrograde.
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I don't know if that has anything to do with anything.
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Um, but someone recently complimented my postures, like, I see you walking around and you have such a good posture.
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I was like, what, really me?
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And then she said that, and then just the other day, someone said, Does anyone tell you you give like you carry yourself?
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Like Carolyn, oh, what's her name?
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The love story, Carolyn Bessett.
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I'm blanking on her name, but you know what I mean.
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John F.
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Kennedy Jr.'s wife, and they just did that show, the love story, and people like are taking in Spo from her fashion and her attitude and things like that.
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Anyway, someone said I carry myself like that, apparently.
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And I was like, oh, people keep people keep noticing these things or recently it's come up.
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And I'm like, am I carrying myself a little bit differently recently than before?
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I'm not sure.
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And maybe it just has become naturally as I felt more confident in myself more recently.
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So maybe I am carrying that and showing that.
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And honestly, if then someone is hesitant to approach me because of that, they're not someone I would want to anyway.
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But it was just a noticing comment or like an intriguing comment for someone to notice about me.
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So this episode is for the confident girlies, the confident people, it is for the tall girlies as well.
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Um, because then she did go on to say, like, we know you and love you as a person.
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We know you, we know you're funny, goofy, silly, fun, and all these things.
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But because you're tall and you walk with confidence and like just as is when you command a room, that might not come across initially.
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And does the height play into a factor of like, oh, the height is an intimidating thing, and you're confident, and then like so people wouldn't necessarily see they don't know me yet, so they don't know that fun, goofy, silly side.
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They just see this tall woman commanding presence.
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They so it may like come across as that's not there before people get to know me.
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So it was just like an interesting combo that came up and thought it left me thinking, and I don't know, it was just something that stuck out.
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It was like interesting on preservation.
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I mean, obviously, anyone who doesn't find my confidence attractive, doesn't find my height attractive, um, then they're not the one for me anyway.
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But it did make me think, like, okay, maybe I do need to be a little bit more of aware, because those are great ways to hold myself, but also like people won't see the kind, sweet, not intimidating, very silly, very kind side to me.
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So do I need to be more cogniz?
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So what's the word?
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Aware?
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Do I need to I need to stop trying to say words?
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I don't know right now.
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Do I need to be more aware of like maybe showing that a little more if if I want, if I want.
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So it left me, it left me thinking to some things.
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And the first was, is confidence actually intimidating, or is that just something that you know we tell confident people to avoid the rejection and be like, oh, it's your confidence or whatever?
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And it's probably some truth in both, right?
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Like some people genuinely are intimidated by confidence, and honestly, that oh, sorry, I just shuck the camera.
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And honestly, that's like kind of lame if you're intimidated by confidence, because that's then maybe so they're just looking for someone that is like they want to be superior to and not someone as independent or whatever, and like they're that's just not gonna be my person, right?
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Like, I'm going to be very independent and confident in who I am.
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Um, but then so yeah, that definitely is intimidating some people, and they don't know how to handle that.
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Um, so they wouldn't know how to handle me.
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But also it is like convenient to put this problem on the woman who is just being confident instead of just accepting.
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She I don't think if you are carrying yourself confident and if you're tall, especially like you need to no one should put that, it shouldn't be put on you, like that this is the problem.
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Um sometimes there is just no genuine chemistry or or um someone's not interested, but there are times, you know, I think it's a little bit of both where, you know, people may be intimidated, and that's their issue, really.
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Because confidence can be and will be magnetic to the right person, and it'll be off-putting to the person that's not right for you, and just wants that to feel superior and feel big because they're probably actually insecure.
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Um, which tells you a lot about compatibility at from the jump or before anything even starts.
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So honestly, you can weed out some of the people you don't want to be talking to anyway, if you are a confident girly or a tall girly or whatever it may be.
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Because then the question you have to actually ask yourself is do you actually want someone who is intimidated by you and feeling good about yourself?
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Probably not.
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So also, you know, probably not the person you want to be attracting anyway.
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But at the same time, I think it was something to think about and for me to be aware of maybe my resting bitch face, possibly.
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Like take more notice of that a little bit just to show your personal my personality a little bit more because you know, I do have this presence that is tall and takes up space in a room, so maybe it could be beneficial to just throw in, you know, if I'm uh can in some way like something in my face or the eye contact, like a little more not resting bitch face, because then those three things combined can maybe come across as less approachable, but again, at the same time, the right person will love it.
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Um so then on top of this, it got me thinking like, does the height part play into it?
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And is it fair that it does?
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And yeah, probably the height does play into it, and it there is still this culturally weird kind of thing that you know it's definitely seen a man should be taller than the woman he's with.
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And me being 50 out of N immediately challenges that, immediately challenges that for a lot of people and a lot of guys.
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And honestly, that's not my problem.
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I'm not gonna shrink myself, I'm not gonna shrug my shoulders and seem smaller and not wear heels and change myself, and you shouldn't want to, and I don't want to, so it's really not my problem, but it is a thing acknowledging it's a to worth acknowledging that it is a real thing that exists, even if it is completely ridiculous, but that is like the norm to a lot of people, so it may just be a ridiculous factor that would weed me out for other people if they feel insecure being a little bit shorter or my height, and then yeah, it weeds weeds out the weirdos anyway.
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The ones that I don't know about weirdo, but you know, that wouldn't feel confident with me anyway, and I wouldn't want that or anyone to try and make me feel lesser than.
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So don't let anyone diminish your confidence.
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They're probably insecure if they do.
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But yeah, it is just this weird thing in culture that's talked about a lot, and this height thing, and men should be taller than women, and this or that.
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Um but then the so the second part of what she pointed out, obviously, is like when you get to know me, you know my warm, funny, goofy side.
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But a stranger just sees the exterior first.
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Like that is just facts, right?
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That is just facts.
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Like the people who love me and know me, they know I have the confidence, and on top of that, that confidence comes with humor and goofiness and warmth, and that's in a great combo.
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But a stranger doesn't have all that context yet, right?
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Context yet, context.
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Oh my god, I really can't talk.
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Context yet, they just see the exterior, so they just see the one side of it.
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And first impressions are like something, it's something to take note of.
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What is your first impression?
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How do you come across?
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It is a snapshot a little bit, and a confident tell put together, woman.
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Maybe that reads as unapproachable, does it?
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Even if that's the like opposite, if unapproachable is the opposite of me on the inside, maybe does that what that reads?
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Because I am tall and confident, but I'm very approachable and I'm very nice and genuine, and I want to be goofy and silly and all those things that I like having fun.
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It's a weird position to be in, right?
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Because it's not like I'm doing anything wrong, and it's not like you're doing anything wrong.
00:20:16.319 --> 00:20:21.839
But if you are taller or confident or this or that, you're not doing anything wrong, you're just being yourself.
00:20:22.079 --> 00:20:38.319
And yet the outside may read it a little bit differently than the inside, and the energy that you put out is usually what you attract, and I want to track, attract obviously the genuine, kind, funny, silly, goofy warm.
00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:46.640
So I don't know, it's all to say like never want to diminish yourself, and I want to embrace these things, the confident and the tall.
00:20:46.799 --> 00:20:51.839
But I think it's also just an interesting thing to be aware of, right?
00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:54.720
And resting bitch face is real, kind of.
00:20:54.960 --> 00:21:06.400
So stride around with your confidence, maybe what I need to tell myself, but at the same time, like show people the inside of you too, the warmth and the fun and the the other side.
00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:08.079
Give it a little sneak peek.
00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:11.200
Maybe a little a little sneak peek at first.
00:21:11.839 --> 00:21:18.480
But then it comes to this question of right and how, and like, should you smile more or make more eye contact?
00:21:18.559 --> 00:21:21.920
And why does it feel weird to have to think about those things?
00:21:22.079 --> 00:21:26.720
And like honestly, I mean the whole matter of fact is do what you want to do and how you're feeling.
00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:29.839
Like, it feels weird because it is a little weird.
00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:46.880
And the idea that you need to like soften yourself or signal like approachability, it's a weird thing, but sometimes like giving someone a little confidence to approach you that you won't reject them, or you know, a little a little something something.
00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:49.200
So they're like, Okay, yeah, you notice me too.
00:21:49.279 --> 00:21:51.200
Let me come up and say hi and talk to you.
00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:54.880
A little a little mating call, if you mean, if you may say.
00:21:55.039 --> 00:21:55.839
It's so weird.
00:21:55.920 --> 00:21:57.519
It is like that, like animals.
00:21:57.920 --> 00:22:01.839
Your little mating call, like, hey, I give You permission to approach.
00:22:02.079 --> 00:22:19.440
Um, it's just a weird thing that you like feel like you need to think about, but at the same time, like eye contact can do a lot and just a little smile, it does signal openness and warmth, and like it is like a human natural signal of that, right?
00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:24.400
That may work regardless of gender and regardless of height or this or that.
00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:40.480
Um, but I think overall it's just not about it's not about performing, it's just maybe about letting people in a little bit more and show that little openness and trying to stay open in your confident, tall, reassured self all in one, right?
00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:48.799
And I think there's a difference between like smiling because you want to, and that's actually how you're feeling in the moment.
00:22:48.880 --> 00:22:59.519
So maybe show it versus not wanting to smile, not feeling it, feeling like you have to, or being told to for someone else to appease someone else.
00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:02.400
I actually like hate that.
00:23:02.640 --> 00:23:14.079
I like I I hate sometimes when like I feel like older men used to do this a lot when I worked in like customer service, and they'd be like, Why don't you smile for me?
00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:18.079
Or like what they tell you, like you should smile more and this or that.
00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:24.640
Sometimes it's like the worst thing to tell someone because one if what if I'm not feeling that way?
00:23:24.720 --> 00:23:34.799
Like, we should be able to express how we're feeling, and two, like, who are you to ask someone to like you think someone, especially a woman to a man, like owes that to you?
00:23:34.960 --> 00:23:39.039
Like, I don't know, just like it can be a really weird, unsettling thing sometimes.
00:23:39.200 --> 00:23:54.640
So there's definitely a difference between like you are happy right now and like working on your resting bitch face and your approachability and when it feels natural to you versus like don't shrink yourself to anything you're not and how you're not feeling and this or that.
00:23:54.799 --> 00:24:11.599
Like and maybe like being told that is just my trauma from like working at like places like Starbucks or I don't know, different customer service places, and older men especially just seem to think that you owe them something, and I think it just triggers something in me.
00:24:11.759 --> 00:24:18.720
Like, you don't owe anything to anyone, so do what you want, obviously, and carry yourself how you want, and the right person will love that.
00:24:19.039 --> 00:24:27.119
But it's always just something to be aware of because I too, like I'm so bad at always making eye contact with other people.
00:24:27.200 --> 00:24:33.279
Like, we all are looking down on the ground, we all look at phones or we make eye contact with someone and then quickly turn away.
00:24:33.440 --> 00:24:36.000
Like, I am bad at those things, I will say.
00:24:36.160 --> 00:24:43.200
It's such a seems like a simple thing, yet it seems like the hardest thing to do and the most uncomfortable.
00:24:43.359 --> 00:24:45.680
So there is something to it for sure.
00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:54.000
And maybe the move isn't to change anything, but just to be a little more open when you actually are interested in someone around.
00:24:54.160 --> 00:25:02.079
You know, it's not as a default, but maybe a little bit of an intentional thing in the moment to be aware of.
00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:12.000
Because, like, overall, is this actually a problem to solve, or is the right person just not gonna be intimidated by those factors and they're gonna love it?
00:25:12.160 --> 00:25:17.200
They're gonna love it and find it hot and attractive and sexy and want that.
00:25:17.359 --> 00:25:18.480
Probably that's it.
00:25:18.640 --> 00:25:31.680
Like, I know my husband is gonna love my height, love when I wear heels, love how I carry myself with confidence, and that will make them feel any lesser or any lower, any other type of way, right?
00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:36.480
Like, it's that's the most freeing to talk about, to think about.
00:25:36.559 --> 00:25:38.799
And I what you put out is what you attract.
00:25:38.880 --> 00:25:45.119
So if you are putting out that confidence, I think you should wear it high because then you'll attract confidence back.
00:25:45.279 --> 00:25:49.200
Really, the ones being intimidated will be the insecure, not confidence ones, right?
00:25:49.279 --> 00:26:01.519
And they're probably just jealous of the confidence that you carry and maybe the height that you carry if you are another tall girly or guy or them, whoever you may be, along with me.
00:26:01.680 --> 00:26:08.000
And someone who is genuinely right for you is gonna be drawn to that and gonna be drawn to you and not put off by it.
00:26:08.240 --> 00:26:11.839
And you don't want to attract someone by making yourself smaller.
00:26:11.920 --> 00:26:12.160
Uh-huh.
00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:22.000
Growing up when I was insecure about my height, I for sure used to carry around myself smaller and felt like I needed to shrink myself and crouch down and this or that.
00:26:22.160 --> 00:26:29.599
And I'm so glad I got over that because that was not a good ver that's not an attractive ver like whatever, not attractive, but you know what I mean.
00:26:29.680 --> 00:26:34.240
That is a small me smalling myself smalling myself, me making myself smaller, right?
00:26:34.400 --> 00:26:38.880
So you don't want to have to do that in the like to please someone else.
00:26:39.039 --> 00:26:40.400
Like, absolutely not.
00:26:40.640 --> 00:26:48.240
The right person sees you walk into that room and thinks, yes, yes, not oh, she seems like a lot.
00:26:48.559 --> 00:26:56.319
No, look, I do, I am a lot, I take up a lot of space, I have a lot of emotions, I have a lot of good characteristics, and I have a lot of confidence.
00:26:56.480 --> 00:26:58.319
So yeah, maybe that is a lot.
00:26:58.640 --> 00:27:01.519
So the right person will be like, oh yeah.
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:12.559
And you know, too, I think growing up, there are many times where I've been told, like, you're tall enough already, like you really gotta be tall.
00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:14.400
Ugh, we're also shorter than you.
00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:15.920
Like, why you gotta wear heels?
00:27:16.079 --> 00:27:20.480
You're tall enough already, and like trauma, cause like, what?
00:27:21.200 --> 00:27:21.519
What?
00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:23.519
Why are you telling me to shrink myself?
00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:26.000
Like, just because you're shorter than me, okay?
00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:29.359
I'm gonna walk around and be tall, and I am gonna wear heels.
00:27:29.519 --> 00:27:33.359
Why should I not wear what I want to wear just because I'm naturally taller?
00:27:33.759 --> 00:27:35.359
Literally, it's something you can't help.
00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:39.039
It's literally how I'm bored and my genetics and my height, okay?
00:27:39.200 --> 00:27:42.400
So, like, I definitely was the one growing up.
00:27:42.559 --> 00:27:50.480
I did want to wear heels, and all the time, anytime I wear heels, it just seems there is some kind of comment, like, you're tall enough.
00:27:50.559 --> 00:27:52.400
Why do you have to wear heels and this or that?
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:54.400
Because I want to, bitch.
00:27:54.640 --> 00:27:54.960
Okay.
00:27:55.440 --> 00:27:59.759
Like, let me live, and why don't you see that as a good thing instead of a bad thing?
00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:04.160
Be like, damn, I love your height, and I love that you're confident in it.
00:28:04.240 --> 00:28:07.759
I love that you're confident in it to make yourself even taller and wear heels.
00:28:07.920 --> 00:28:12.000
Whenever I see another tallly girly pop, I always say, like, I love your height.
00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:15.759
Because I like that's never the first reaction that I get from people.
00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:18.720
It's usually like, whoa, like, oh my god, you are tall.
00:28:18.799 --> 00:28:20.160
Like, oh, you're tall enough.
00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:22.000
God, like, what are you doing?
00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:24.559
Like, that is all the majority of the reaction.
00:28:24.720 --> 00:28:30.160
Being a tall girl in this world, you know, I stick out and that's the reaction I get.
00:28:30.240 --> 00:28:32.079
So I try to pay it forward.
00:28:32.240 --> 00:28:35.599
And whenever I see tall girly, I say, hey, I love your height.
00:28:35.759 --> 00:28:39.920
I love a tall woman walking around and shredding with confidence.
00:28:40.160 --> 00:28:45.119
Because, yeah, there are a lot of times where I walk into a room and I can see over top of everyone else.
00:28:45.279 --> 00:28:45.599
Okay?
00:28:45.839 --> 00:28:47.519
You just gotta own it.
00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:49.920
You just gotta own it.
00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:55.680
The last kind of thing that this comment made me start thinking about was, is it a double standard, right?
00:28:55.759 --> 00:28:57.200
Like the confidence part of it.
00:28:57.279 --> 00:29:01.920
Is confidence in a woman does it read differently than confidence in a man?
00:29:02.319 --> 00:29:07.680
Does a confident man is that seen as attractive and magnetic and a green flag?
00:29:07.759 --> 00:29:17.599
But is does confidence in a woman get coded as intimidating and they're aggressive and unapproachable in a way that just doesn't happen, vice versa?
00:29:17.759 --> 00:29:20.160
I don't know, it's just something to think about, right?
00:29:20.319 --> 00:29:38.960
Like maybe I think sometimes that does happen, other times it's not, but it's worth naming and it's worth you know paying attention to because it is real and and I don't know, maybe you've felt it in some form or type of way where your confidence gets taken a different way than someone else's.
00:29:39.200 --> 00:29:44.240
Um but yeah, it's just a frustrating part because there is no real fix here.
00:29:44.319 --> 00:29:49.839
You know, when she said this comment, it was it was intr interesting and it was observation, it was something to think about.
00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:53.519
But it's like I am who I am, I'm tall, I'm confident, and that's that.
00:29:53.599 --> 00:30:12.559
So there's not much to think about, it's just maybe to be aware of and without needing to really change anything, but just be aware of like the real answers to just to be yourself and show that and wear that proud and the right people will appreciate it and love it and see you and see it, you know?
00:30:13.039 --> 00:30:14.559
You know what I mean?
00:30:14.799 --> 00:30:17.279
So thanks for going on this tangent with me.
00:30:17.440 --> 00:30:39.599
That one comment just really got me thinking and it thought it was interesting, and yeah, let me know when you walk around feeling you're most confident, and I think that does attract the right people and the right energy, and there is this aura and it's magnetic, but at the same time, does it give a little unapproachable?
00:30:39.839 --> 00:30:42.400
And not saying that it should or that it does.
00:30:42.640 --> 00:30:45.680
Again, it was just something, it's just an observation.
00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:52.799
But I know the right people will find you and your confidence attractive and the best thing ever.
00:30:52.960 --> 00:31:01.200
And yeah, so it's just it's just interesting being aware of the aura you give, and like me repeatedly hearing these comments over and over again.
00:31:01.359 --> 00:31:02.480
I just found it, hmm.
00:31:02.720 --> 00:31:04.079
Did something change inside of me?
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:05.759
Like, am I carrying myself different?
00:31:05.839 --> 00:31:07.039
And should I take notes of that?
00:31:07.119 --> 00:31:07.680
And is it good?
00:31:07.759 --> 00:31:08.240
Is it bad?
00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:09.200
Probably good.
00:31:09.359 --> 00:31:12.960
And if you like what you're doing, then yeah, it's a good thing.
00:31:13.119 --> 00:31:13.680
So yeah.
00:31:13.920 --> 00:31:16.160
Thanks for going on this tangent with me.
00:31:16.319 --> 00:31:17.839
We're gonna end it here.
00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:27.519
A little more quick episode for me to get everything done and in and heading off on vacation, but I want to still drop one even when I'm out of town.
00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:30.480
So I hope you guys are having the best week ever.
00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:38.480
I hope right now for myself I'm manifesting that I'm laying on a beach right now, relaxing and feeling very peace and not spiraling.
00:31:38.559 --> 00:31:41.759
A week of not spiraling, I better be coming my way.
00:31:42.000 --> 00:31:44.319
That better be next week for me, okay?
00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:45.039
I need a break.
00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:46.880
I need a break from the spirals, okay?
00:31:47.039 --> 00:31:52.160
A girl spirals all the other days, so she's taking a break from the spirals this week.
00:31:52.319 --> 00:31:53.680
Um, but yeah, I love you.
00:31:53.839 --> 00:31:54.880
Thanks for the support.
00:31:55.119 --> 00:31:56.400
Let me know your thoughts.
00:31:56.559 --> 00:31:58.400
Are you a tall girly?
00:31:58.640 --> 00:31:59.839
Have you experienced any of that?
00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:02.319
What about just a confident, confident person?
00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:06.319
And how do people read that or are they receptive of that or not?
00:32:06.480 --> 00:32:09.359
It's just something, it's just interesting, I thought.
00:32:09.599 --> 00:32:11.759
Um, but yeah, own your confidence.
00:32:11.920 --> 00:32:12.720
I love it.
00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:15.039
I love it about you, be you.
00:32:15.359 --> 00:32:20.960
Um, okay, I'm rambling now because my brain is non-existent anymore.
00:32:21.119 --> 00:32:23.359
But yeah, I'll talk to you next week.
00:32:23.519 --> 00:32:25.200
Have a great rest of your week.
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:01.760
What you put out is what you attract.
00:00:01.840 --> 00:00:07.839
So if you are putting out that confidence, I think you should wear it high because then you'll attract confidence back.
00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:11.919
Really, the ones being intimidated will be the insecure, not confident ones, right?
00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:22.800
And they're probably just jealous of the confidence that you carry and maybe the height that you carry if you are another tall girly or guy or them, whoever you may be.
00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:52.880
With me, Julie Bishop, just a tall girl in this world trying to make sense of life, dating, money, relationships, identity, culture, you know, all the things.
00:00:53.039 --> 00:00:56.000
I learned that my thoughts don't always land with the people around me.
00:00:56.079 --> 00:00:58.799
So I'm here to break it all down and talk it out.
00:00:59.039 --> 00:01:04.560
Probably over share and maybe find some who don't think I'm totally crazy after all.
00:01:04.959 --> 00:01:06.159
Hi everyone.
00:01:06.400 --> 00:01:09.040
Welcome back to Casually Spiraling.
00:01:09.200 --> 00:01:11.439
We are back with another episode.
00:01:11.680 --> 00:01:15.920
And oh my god, I'm like barely running on a fumes this week.
00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:23.599
Um I'm pre-recording this episode for next week because as you're listening to this, I will be on vacation.
00:01:23.760 --> 00:01:26.000
So I am getting ready for my vacation this week.
00:01:26.159 --> 00:01:28.000
Today's Monday, I leave Friday.
00:01:28.159 --> 00:01:34.400
You'll be hearing this on Thursday, and I'll still be on my week-long vacation that I'm so excited about.
00:01:34.719 --> 00:01:45.200
But up until then, I have so much to do and get done, and I just don't know how I'm gonna get everything done before my 6 a.m.
00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:46.400
flight on Friday.
00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:52.239
I am barely hanging on, but it's gonna be worth it, and I'll get relaxed and sleep next week.
00:01:52.560 --> 00:02:06.400
I just have so much to do every single day before then, all while working every single day and getting this podcast ready for you guys and class and auditions and you know all the things, all the things I tell you about all the time.
00:02:06.640 --> 00:02:11.520
Um, so yeah, I'm just barely hanging on right now, but we're almost there.
00:02:11.759 --> 00:02:14.560
We're almost there, and it's gonna be August, which is crazy.
00:02:14.719 --> 00:02:16.319
I can't believe it's almost August.
00:02:16.400 --> 00:02:17.680
That's actually insane.
00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:19.599
Like, how?
00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:20.879
That's so crazy.
00:02:21.039 --> 00:02:26.560
It was just, it seems like yesterday when I was making the summer episode of how didn't it let summer pass you by?
00:02:26.719 --> 00:02:29.439
And I was literally saying, before you know it, we're gonna blink.
00:02:29.520 --> 00:02:34.960
It's gonna be gone, and it's not gone, of course, yet, but it's already August, which is absolutely crazy.
00:02:35.039 --> 00:02:37.439
But I'm going to the Outer Banks with my family.
00:02:37.599 --> 00:02:40.560
We go every year, Outer Banks, North Carolina.
00:02:40.960 --> 00:02:45.520
And it's funny because a lot of people now just think of the show, Outer Banks.
00:02:45.759 --> 00:02:51.840
And I was like telling my coworker where I was going, and she was like, Oh, are you gonna like be doing fishing?
00:02:52.000 --> 00:02:52.800
Going fishing?
00:02:52.960 --> 00:02:54.080
I was like, fishing?
00:02:54.319 --> 00:02:55.039
What are you talking?
00:02:55.120 --> 00:02:56.240
What do you mean fishing?
00:02:56.400 --> 00:02:58.560
She was like, Yeah, you're going to the Outer Banks, right?
00:02:58.639 --> 00:03:00.159
Like you're gonna be fishing.
00:03:00.400 --> 00:03:03.280
I was like, no, no, I'm not gonna be fishing.
00:03:03.360 --> 00:03:05.039
Where'd you get fishing from?
00:03:05.280 --> 00:03:09.520
And she's like, like the show, like that's what there is to do there, right?
00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:12.639
I was like, oh no, no, no, no.
00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:21.199
They filmed that show in Charleston, South Carolina, not in the Outer Banks, not even in North Carolina, and it it's not an accurate representation, okay?
00:03:21.520 --> 00:03:22.080
John B.
00:03:22.719 --> 00:03:25.439
is not the it's the show is not accurate.
00:03:25.599 --> 00:03:39.280
I used to work on that show a little bit because um when I worked in extras casting, and yeah, people from North Carolina like was a little salty because it was like this is not what it's like at all.
00:03:39.439 --> 00:03:49.840
And one time in the show, they like take a ferry from somewhere to like Raleigh, and it the math just doesn't match geographically how it actually is.
00:03:50.000 --> 00:03:50.560
So, no.
00:03:50.639 --> 00:03:58.560
The Hatterbanks is a peninsula off the coast of uh North Carolina, and it's just so gorgeous, relaxing.
00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:09.280
Be doing lots of laying on the beach, lots of paddle boarding, um, but lots of sleep, but lots of food, lots of reading, lots of beach volleyball, um, watching movies, playing games.
00:04:09.439 --> 00:04:11.520
Very wholesome, very wholesome vacation.
00:04:11.599 --> 00:04:16.160
Um, but yeah, it's very, very nice and relaxing, and I love the Outer Banks so much.
00:04:16.240 --> 00:04:17.199
So I'm so excited.
00:04:17.360 --> 00:04:20.160
But until then, we're pushing through until we get there.
00:04:20.319 --> 00:04:22.639
So close, so close, trying to push through.
00:04:22.879 --> 00:04:26.160
Um, but I think you know what's crazy?
00:04:26.399 --> 00:04:30.160
We definitely need to be saying things out loud.
00:04:30.480 --> 00:04:40.959
Because I think I told you last week how Ananda and I were saying out loud, oh, we wish our friend Summer would come visit in LA, or we need to all get together, this or that, or her to move to LA.
00:04:41.120 --> 00:04:47.680
And then the next day she texted us and was like, I'm gonna be in town this weekend, and we were like, wow, we really said that out loud, and then it happened.
00:04:48.000 --> 00:04:52.800
Well, Emily and I, Emily, who's been on the pod a few times, we love Emily.
00:04:52.959 --> 00:05:04.720
Um, we have been, you know, as we talked about in her episode, she's going through her changes and job changes, and she's pursuing the influencing and content creation space and TikTok and all this.
00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:14.240
And I'm obviously pursuing the pursuing, oh my god, I can't talk, this podcast and the social media for it and getting it out there and trying to reach more people.
00:05:14.399 --> 00:05:21.040
And we've been speaking into existence that we are making this our full-time jobs and we are we are making this happen.
00:05:21.279 --> 00:05:29.279
And then just a few days later, we get invited uh to an influencer event for collab and so fit beauty.
00:05:29.439 --> 00:05:33.680
Um, it's a Korean skincare marketplace that they did.
00:05:33.759 --> 00:05:39.360
It was called the Soul Edit in the Beverly Center in Beverly Hills, and we both got invited as influencers.
00:05:39.439 --> 00:05:46.399
So we're like, wow, we need to say things out loud because we keep saying things out loud and then they keep happening.
00:05:46.560 --> 00:05:54.959
I don't know, like you know, everyone in LA is so woo-woo and this or that, but hey, it's working out, so I'm just gonna say out loud right here.
00:05:55.120 --> 00:06:02.399
I want to thick booty and I want money and I want laughter and love and all the things, of course.
00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:05.759
A fat ass, you know that I want a money and a fat ass.
00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:07.920
You know that um, I feel like that's a sound or something.
00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:12.800
I heard that somewhere, but hey, I want to hate it, I want to hate it.
00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:16.800
Um, so yeah, I think we just need to start saying some things out loud.
00:06:16.879 --> 00:06:32.560
But we had the best time ever, had such a good time, got so many fun products um that are just amazing, many compliments recently from people saying my skin is glowing, so I don't know if it's the new products I'm using, but it was just so fun, such a fun event to be at.
00:06:32.800 --> 00:06:37.439
Discovered many brands, new brands, um, all together in one place.
00:06:37.519 --> 00:06:38.639
They each had their own booths.
00:06:38.720 --> 00:06:40.720
We gotta ask questions, test out products.
00:06:40.800 --> 00:06:54.639
There was games, there's food, snacks, masha, there was color analysis, um, there was photo session, photo like sections, there was a wish wall, um a lot of really cool things.
00:06:54.720 --> 00:06:56.720
And we were very grateful to be invited.
00:06:56.800 --> 00:06:59.839
So I posted about it on the social media if you want to check it out.
00:06:59.920 --> 00:07:01.519
Um, but hopefully more to come.
00:07:01.759 --> 00:07:14.800
I want to get people interested in casually spiraling and the podcast and what I'm here doing and trying to represent and like the realness that we all are going to and figuring shit out as we go along and life.
00:07:15.040 --> 00:07:18.720
So really trying to spread the word and get out there with the podcast.
00:07:18.959 --> 00:07:21.519
So that was that was one step.
00:07:21.680 --> 00:07:24.560
One step, and we're making progress and we're moving forward.
00:07:24.639 --> 00:07:34.800
So, and it's all thanks to you who are listening and following along because and engaging and yeah, being dedicated listeners.
00:07:34.959 --> 00:07:37.680
So I appreciate you so much.
00:07:37.920 --> 00:07:39.839
But yeah, let's get in today.
00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:48.639
Um, today, what sparked the idea was something that a friend said to me recently and it stuck in my mind and it took me a little off guard.
00:07:48.720 --> 00:07:53.680
I was like, oh, oh, so I don't know, I just thought we'd chat about that a little bit today.
00:07:54.000 --> 00:08:01.199
So I was with my friends, um, and we were chatting, and before we ran a rooftop bar.
00:08:01.279 --> 00:08:13.680
So when we were going into the elevator to go up to the rooftop, you know, we got in the elevator, us two, and then these two guys got in, and some other people, and I noticed the one guy because he had tattoos and stuff, and I love that.
00:08:13.759 --> 00:08:17.120
Um, and we made like initial eye contact, and then whatever.
00:08:17.199 --> 00:08:45.200
We went up and we went up to our reservation, and then we got talking, and my friend was saying, like, she pointed out that he was like looking at me when it was in the elevator and kept like kept looking at me um later on in the night, and she noticed and she said, I noticed that you walk around with a lot of confidence, and you are a tall woman, I'm 5'11, and that's like a presence in itself, right?
00:08:45.440 --> 00:08:55.279
And then she questioned that with, Do you think that that intimidates men and plays a role into you not getting approached or them not approaching?
00:08:55.519 --> 00:08:57.039
And I was like, huh.
00:08:57.200 --> 00:09:06.879
I just thought it so she was visiting from out of town, and I just thought it was it was funny that like that was something instantly that she noticed and she took notice of.
00:09:07.039 --> 00:09:15.360
Like she saw guys looking at me and how I carry myself and then them not say anything or do anything about it.
00:09:15.600 --> 00:09:27.679
And she noticed the confidence I walk around with, and I wear heels when I go out, and I am tall, and I carry myself like nice and polished, and I had a clean look, clean girl aesthetic on that night.
00:09:27.840 --> 00:09:33.120
Um, so it's just funny that she noticed this and thought, does that intimidate men?
00:09:33.360 --> 00:09:47.200
Because I was like, hmm, that's interesting you say, because yes, I've thought about this before, and I've always thought about this, but no one's ever like noticed or said that to me or noticed that about me, um, or saw it in person.
00:09:47.440 --> 00:09:56.159
But I was like, yes, I definitely do think my height and how I carry myself and walk around confidently can intimidate people.
00:09:56.480 --> 00:10:09.039
And you know, it usually I do find like I feel like men usually think that women are the ones with the height issues of men, like they always want guys who are like above six foot and whatever.
00:10:09.200 --> 00:10:17.600
But at least in my instance, as being a tall girly, I find it a lot men having the issue with my height and me being tall.
00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:20.399
And they are the ones that feel insecure around it.
00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:31.120
Where I now love my height and I walk in it confidently and not afraid to wear heels, and I think it makes me a little different and stand out and makes me feel good.
00:10:31.360 --> 00:10:40.159
So I come into the instance a lot of it being the opposite, like they do I do think it intimidates some people and it gives off a different vibe.
00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:52.240
And but the matter of fact is that I need someone to be confident with me, and in the fact that I am tall and I take up space vertically, and I want to wear heels.
00:10:52.559 --> 00:11:10.399
So if you aren't already just initially intimidated by that and don't see the confidence, well, you probably see the confidence, but don't see the and find like confidence and that factor like attractive or intriguing, then you ain't for me.
00:11:10.559 --> 00:11:18.159
But it's funny that she brought it up because recently a lot of people have bring been bringing up to me my posture and have made comments.
00:11:18.240 --> 00:11:22.960
This wasn't the first, so it's just I don't know what's going on recently or what's in the air recently.
00:11:23.120 --> 00:11:24.960
I heard Mercury's out of retrograde.
00:11:25.039 --> 00:11:26.960
I don't know if that has anything to do with anything.
00:11:27.120 --> 00:11:32.639
Um, but someone recently complimented my postures, like, I see you walking around and you have such a good posture.
00:11:32.799 --> 00:11:34.000
I was like, what, really me?
00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:40.000
And then she said that, and then just the other day, someone said, Does anyone tell you you give like you carry yourself?
00:11:40.159 --> 00:11:44.320
Like Carolyn, oh, what's her name?
00:11:44.799 --> 00:11:47.200
The love story, Carolyn Bessett.
00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:50.080
I'm blanking on her name, but you know what I mean.
00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:50.559
John F.
00:11:50.639 --> 00:12:00.399
Kennedy Jr.'s wife, and they just did that show, the love story, and people like are taking in Spo from her fashion and her attitude and things like that.
00:12:00.559 --> 00:12:03.919
Anyway, someone said I carry myself like that, apparently.
00:12:04.240 --> 00:12:10.320
And I was like, oh, people keep people keep noticing these things or recently it's come up.
00:12:10.399 --> 00:12:14.480
And I'm like, am I carrying myself a little bit differently recently than before?
00:12:14.720 --> 00:12:15.600
I'm not sure.
00:12:15.759 --> 00:12:20.799
And maybe it just has become naturally as I felt more confident in myself more recently.
00:12:20.879 --> 00:12:23.919
So maybe I am carrying that and showing that.
00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:32.080
And honestly, if then someone is hesitant to approach me because of that, they're not someone I would want to anyway.
00:12:32.240 --> 00:12:37.360
But it was just a noticing comment or like an intriguing comment for someone to notice about me.
00:12:37.519 --> 00:12:45.039
So this episode is for the confident girlies, the confident people, it is for the tall girlies as well.
00:12:45.279 --> 00:12:50.639
Um, because then she did go on to say, like, we know you and love you as a person.
00:12:50.799 --> 00:12:56.399
We know you, we know you're funny, goofy, silly, fun, and all these things.
00:12:57.200 --> 00:13:08.480
But because you're tall and you walk with confidence and like just as is when you command a room, that might not come across initially.
00:13:08.720 --> 00:13:22.559
And does the height play into a factor of like, oh, the height is an intimidating thing, and you're confident, and then like so people wouldn't necessarily see they don't know me yet, so they don't know that fun, goofy, silly side.
00:13:22.720 --> 00:13:25.759
They just see this tall woman commanding presence.
00:13:25.840 --> 00:13:30.960
They so it may like come across as that's not there before people get to know me.
00:13:31.120 --> 00:13:40.000
So it was just like an interesting combo that came up and thought it left me thinking, and I don't know, it was just something that stuck out.
00:13:40.080 --> 00:13:42.080
It was like interesting on preservation.
00:13:42.240 --> 00:13:52.480
I mean, obviously, anyone who doesn't find my confidence attractive, doesn't find my height attractive, um, then they're not the one for me anyway.
00:13:52.639 --> 00:14:08.879
But it did make me think, like, okay, maybe I do need to be a little bit more of aware, because those are great ways to hold myself, but also like people won't see the kind, sweet, not intimidating, very silly, very kind side to me.
00:14:09.120 --> 00:14:11.519
So do I need to be more cogniz?
00:14:11.759 --> 00:14:12.399
So what's the word?
00:14:12.559 --> 00:14:12.879
Aware?
00:14:13.039 --> 00:14:14.879
Do I need to I need to stop trying to say words?
00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:15.679
I don't know right now.
00:14:15.919 --> 00:14:21.840
Do I need to be more aware of like maybe showing that a little more if if I want, if I want.
00:14:22.000 --> 00:14:24.639
So it left me, it left me thinking to some things.
00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:35.840
And the first was, is confidence actually intimidating, or is that just something that you know we tell confident people to avoid the rejection and be like, oh, it's your confidence or whatever?
00:14:36.000 --> 00:14:38.000
And it's probably some truth in both, right?
00:14:38.080 --> 00:14:44.399
Like some people genuinely are intimidated by confidence, and honestly, that oh, sorry, I just shuck the camera.
00:14:44.720 --> 00:15:00.879
And honestly, that's like kind of lame if you're intimidated by confidence, because that's then maybe so they're just looking for someone that is like they want to be superior to and not someone as independent or whatever, and like they're that's just not gonna be my person, right?
00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:04.320
Like, I'm going to be very independent and confident in who I am.
00:15:04.559 --> 00:15:09.840
Um, but then so yeah, that definitely is intimidating some people, and they don't know how to handle that.
00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:12.080
Um, so they wouldn't know how to handle me.
00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:21.200
But also it is like convenient to put this problem on the woman who is just being confident instead of just accepting.
00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:30.320
She I don't think if you are carrying yourself confident and if you're tall, especially like you need to no one should put that, it shouldn't be put on you, like that this is the problem.
00:15:30.559 --> 00:15:45.039
Um sometimes there is just no genuine chemistry or or um someone's not interested, but there are times, you know, I think it's a little bit of both where, you know, people may be intimidated, and that's their issue, really.
00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:58.720
Because confidence can be and will be magnetic to the right person, and it'll be off-putting to the person that's not right for you, and just wants that to feel superior and feel big because they're probably actually insecure.
00:15:58.960 --> 00:16:04.879
Um, which tells you a lot about compatibility at from the jump or before anything even starts.
00:16:04.960 --> 00:16:14.799
So honestly, you can weed out some of the people you don't want to be talking to anyway, if you are a confident girly or a tall girly or whatever it may be.
00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:23.840
Because then the question you have to actually ask yourself is do you actually want someone who is intimidated by you and feeling good about yourself?
00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:25.200
Probably not.
00:16:25.519 --> 00:16:32.480
So also, you know, probably not the person you want to be attracting anyway.
00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:41.279
But at the same time, I think it was something to think about and for me to be aware of maybe my resting bitch face, possibly.
00:16:41.440 --> 00:17:20.720
Like take more notice of that a little bit just to show your personal my personality a little bit more because you know, I do have this presence that is tall and takes up space in a room, so maybe it could be beneficial to just throw in, you know, if I'm uh can in some way like something in my face or the eye contact, like a little more not resting bitch face, because then those three things combined can maybe come across as less approachable, but again, at the same time, the right person will love it.
00:17:21.119 --> 00:17:26.640
Um so then on top of this, it got me thinking like, does the height part play into it?
00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:29.359
And is it fair that it does?
00:17:29.599 --> 00:17:42.720
And yeah, probably the height does play into it, and it there is still this culturally weird kind of thing that you know it's definitely seen a man should be taller than the woman he's with.
00:17:42.960 --> 00:17:50.880
And me being 50 out of N immediately challenges that, immediately challenges that for a lot of people and a lot of guys.
00:17:51.119 --> 00:17:53.599
And honestly, that's not my problem.
00:17:53.759 --> 00:18:30.960
I'm not gonna shrink myself, I'm not gonna shrug my shoulders and seem smaller and not wear heels and change myself, and you shouldn't want to, and I don't want to, so it's really not my problem, but it is a thing acknowledging it's a to worth acknowledging that it is a real thing that exists, even if it is completely ridiculous, but that is like the norm to a lot of people, so it may just be a ridiculous factor that would weed me out for other people if they feel insecure being a little bit shorter or my height, and then yeah, it weeds weeds out the weirdos anyway.
00:18:31.119 --> 00:18:42.240
The ones that I don't know about weirdo, but you know, that wouldn't feel confident with me anyway, and I wouldn't want that or anyone to try and make me feel lesser than.
00:18:42.319 --> 00:18:45.039
So don't let anyone diminish your confidence.
00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:47.519
They're probably insecure if they do.
00:18:47.680 --> 00:18:55.200
But yeah, it is just this weird thing in culture that's talked about a lot, and this height thing, and men should be taller than women, and this or that.
00:18:55.440 --> 00:19:04.400
Um but then the so the second part of what she pointed out, obviously, is like when you get to know me, you know my warm, funny, goofy side.
00:19:04.559 --> 00:19:07.200
But a stranger just sees the exterior first.
00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:09.039
Like that is just facts, right?
00:19:09.200 --> 00:19:10.240
That is just facts.
00:19:10.400 --> 00:19:21.039
Like the people who love me and know me, they know I have the confidence, and on top of that, that confidence comes with humor and goofiness and warmth, and that's in a great combo.
00:19:21.279 --> 00:19:24.319
But a stranger doesn't have all that context yet, right?
00:19:24.480 --> 00:19:26.240
Context yet, context.
00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:27.920
Oh my god, I really can't talk.
00:19:28.160 --> 00:19:34.079
Context yet, they just see the exterior, so they just see the one side of it.
00:19:34.160 --> 00:19:38.079
And first impressions are like something, it's something to take note of.
00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:39.279
What is your first impression?
00:19:39.359 --> 00:19:40.480
How do you come across?
00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:46.960
It is a snapshot a little bit, and a confident tell put together, woman.
00:19:47.599 --> 00:19:50.319
Maybe that reads as unapproachable, does it?
00:19:50.640 --> 00:19:59.759
Even if that's the like opposite, if unapproachable is the opposite of me on the inside, maybe does that what that reads?
00:20:00.880 --> 00:20:10.400
Because I am tall and confident, but I'm very approachable and I'm very nice and genuine, and I want to be goofy and silly and all those things that I like having fun.
00:20:10.640 --> 00:20:12.559
It's a weird position to be in, right?
00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:16.160
Because it's not like I'm doing anything wrong, and it's not like you're doing anything wrong.
00:20:16.319 --> 00:20:21.839
But if you are taller or confident or this or that, you're not doing anything wrong, you're just being yourself.
00:20:22.079 --> 00:20:38.319
And yet the outside may read it a little bit differently than the inside, and the energy that you put out is usually what you attract, and I want to track, attract obviously the genuine, kind, funny, silly, goofy warm.
00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:46.640
So I don't know, it's all to say like never want to diminish yourself, and I want to embrace these things, the confident and the tall.
00:20:46.799 --> 00:20:51.839
But I think it's also just an interesting thing to be aware of, right?
00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:54.720
And resting bitch face is real, kind of.
00:20:54.960 --> 00:21:06.400
So stride around with your confidence, maybe what I need to tell myself, but at the same time, like show people the inside of you too, the warmth and the fun and the the other side.
00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:08.079
Give it a little sneak peek.
00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:11.200
Maybe a little a little sneak peek at first.
00:21:11.839 --> 00:21:18.480
But then it comes to this question of right and how, and like, should you smile more or make more eye contact?
00:21:18.559 --> 00:21:21.920
And why does it feel weird to have to think about those things?
00:21:22.079 --> 00:21:26.720
And like honestly, I mean the whole matter of fact is do what you want to do and how you're feeling.
00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:29.839
Like, it feels weird because it is a little weird.
00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:46.880
And the idea that you need to like soften yourself or signal like approachability, it's a weird thing, but sometimes like giving someone a little confidence to approach you that you won't reject them, or you know, a little a little something something.
00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:49.200
So they're like, Okay, yeah, you notice me too.
00:21:49.279 --> 00:21:51.200
Let me come up and say hi and talk to you.
00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:54.880
A little a little mating call, if you mean, if you may say.
00:21:55.039 --> 00:21:55.839
It's so weird.
00:21:55.920 --> 00:21:57.519
It is like that, like animals.
00:21:57.920 --> 00:22:01.839
Your little mating call, like, hey, I give You permission to approach.
00:22:02.079 --> 00:22:19.440
Um, it's just a weird thing that you like feel like you need to think about, but at the same time, like eye contact can do a lot and just a little smile, it does signal openness and warmth, and like it is like a human natural signal of that, right?
00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:24.400
That may work regardless of gender and regardless of height or this or that.
00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:40.480
Um, but I think overall it's just not about it's not about performing, it's just maybe about letting people in a little bit more and show that little openness and trying to stay open in your confident, tall, reassured self all in one, right?
00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:48.799
And I think there's a difference between like smiling because you want to, and that's actually how you're feeling in the moment.
00:22:48.880 --> 00:22:59.519
So maybe show it versus not wanting to smile, not feeling it, feeling like you have to, or being told to for someone else to appease someone else.
00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:02.400
I actually like hate that.
00:23:02.640 --> 00:23:14.079
I like I I hate sometimes when like I feel like older men used to do this a lot when I worked in like customer service, and they'd be like, Why don't you smile for me?
00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:18.079
Or like what they tell you, like you should smile more and this or that.
00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:24.640
Sometimes it's like the worst thing to tell someone because one if what if I'm not feeling that way?
00:23:24.720 --> 00:23:34.799
Like, we should be able to express how we're feeling, and two, like, who are you to ask someone to like you think someone, especially a woman to a man, like owes that to you?
00:23:34.960 --> 00:23:39.039
Like, I don't know, just like it can be a really weird, unsettling thing sometimes.
00:23:39.200 --> 00:23:54.640
So there's definitely a difference between like you are happy right now and like working on your resting bitch face and your approachability and when it feels natural to you versus like don't shrink yourself to anything you're not and how you're not feeling and this or that.
00:23:54.799 --> 00:24:11.599
Like and maybe like being told that is just my trauma from like working at like places like Starbucks or I don't know, different customer service places, and older men especially just seem to think that you owe them something, and I think it just triggers something in me.
00:24:11.759 --> 00:24:18.720
Like, you don't owe anything to anyone, so do what you want, obviously, and carry yourself how you want, and the right person will love that.
00:24:19.039 --> 00:24:27.119
But it's always just something to be aware of because I too, like I'm so bad at always making eye contact with other people.
00:24:27.200 --> 00:24:33.279
Like, we all are looking down on the ground, we all look at phones or we make eye contact with someone and then quickly turn away.
00:24:33.440 --> 00:24:36.000
Like, I am bad at those things, I will say.
00:24:36.160 --> 00:24:43.200
It's such a seems like a simple thing, yet it seems like the hardest thing to do and the most uncomfortable.
00:24:43.359 --> 00:24:45.680
So there is something to it for sure.
00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:54.000
And maybe the move isn't to change anything, but just to be a little more open when you actually are interested in someone around.
00:24:54.160 --> 00:25:02.079
You know, it's not as a default, but maybe a little bit of an intentional thing in the moment to be aware of.
00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:12.000
Because, like, overall, is this actually a problem to solve, or is the right person just not gonna be intimidated by those factors and they're gonna love it?
00:25:12.160 --> 00:25:17.200
They're gonna love it and find it hot and attractive and sexy and want that.
00:25:17.359 --> 00:25:18.480
Probably that's it.
00:25:18.640 --> 00:25:31.680
Like, I know my husband is gonna love my height, love when I wear heels, love how I carry myself with confidence, and that will make them feel any lesser or any lower, any other type of way, right?
00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:36.480
Like, it's that's the most freeing to talk about, to think about.
00:25:36.559 --> 00:25:38.799
And I what you put out is what you attract.
00:25:38.880 --> 00:25:45.119
So if you are putting out that confidence, I think you should wear it high because then you'll attract confidence back.
00:25:45.279 --> 00:25:49.200
Really, the ones being intimidated will be the insecure, not confidence ones, right?
00:25:49.279 --> 00:26:01.519
And they're probably just jealous of the confidence that you carry and maybe the height that you carry if you are another tall girly or guy or them, whoever you may be, along with me.
00:26:01.680 --> 00:26:08.000
And someone who is genuinely right for you is gonna be drawn to that and gonna be drawn to you and not put off by it.
00:26:08.240 --> 00:26:11.839
And you don't want to attract someone by making yourself smaller.
00:26:11.920 --> 00:26:12.160
Uh-huh.
00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:22.000
Growing up when I was insecure about my height, I for sure used to carry around myself smaller and felt like I needed to shrink myself and crouch down and this or that.
00:26:22.160 --> 00:26:29.599
And I'm so glad I got over that because that was not a good ver that's not an attractive ver like whatever, not attractive, but you know what I mean.
00:26:29.680 --> 00:26:34.240
That is a small me smalling myself smalling myself, me making myself smaller, right?
00:26:34.400 --> 00:26:38.880
So you don't want to have to do that in the like to please someone else.
00:26:39.039 --> 00:26:40.400
Like, absolutely not.
00:26:40.640 --> 00:26:48.240
The right person sees you walk into that room and thinks, yes, yes, not oh, she seems like a lot.
00:26:48.559 --> 00:26:56.319
No, look, I do, I am a lot, I take up a lot of space, I have a lot of emotions, I have a lot of good characteristics, and I have a lot of confidence.
00:26:56.480 --> 00:26:58.319
So yeah, maybe that is a lot.
00:26:58.640 --> 00:27:01.519
So the right person will be like, oh yeah.
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:12.559
And you know, too, I think growing up, there are many times where I've been told, like, you're tall enough already, like you really gotta be tall.
00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:14.400
Ugh, we're also shorter than you.
00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:15.920
Like, why you gotta wear heels?
00:27:16.079 --> 00:27:20.480
You're tall enough already, and like trauma, cause like, what?
00:27:21.200 --> 00:27:21.519
What?
00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:23.519
Why are you telling me to shrink myself?
00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:26.000
Like, just because you're shorter than me, okay?
00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:29.359
I'm gonna walk around and be tall, and I am gonna wear heels.
00:27:29.519 --> 00:27:33.359
Why should I not wear what I want to wear just because I'm naturally taller?
00:27:33.759 --> 00:27:35.359
Literally, it's something you can't help.
00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:39.039
It's literally how I'm bored and my genetics and my height, okay?
00:27:39.200 --> 00:27:42.400
So, like, I definitely was the one growing up.
00:27:42.559 --> 00:27:50.480
I did want to wear heels, and all the time, anytime I wear heels, it just seems there is some kind of comment, like, you're tall enough.
00:27:50.559 --> 00:27:52.400
Why do you have to wear heels and this or that?
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:54.400
Because I want to, bitch.
00:27:54.640 --> 00:27:54.960
Okay.
00:27:55.440 --> 00:27:59.759
Like, let me live, and why don't you see that as a good thing instead of a bad thing?
00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:04.160
Be like, damn, I love your height, and I love that you're confident in it.
00:28:04.240 --> 00:28:07.759
I love that you're confident in it to make yourself even taller and wear heels.
00:28:07.920 --> 00:28:12.000
Whenever I see another tallly girly pop, I always say, like, I love your height.
00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:15.759
Because I like that's never the first reaction that I get from people.
00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:18.720
It's usually like, whoa, like, oh my god, you are tall.
00:28:18.799 --> 00:28:20.160
Like, oh, you're tall enough.
00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:22.000
God, like, what are you doing?
00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:24.559
Like, that is all the majority of the reaction.
00:28:24.720 --> 00:28:30.160
Being a tall girl in this world, you know, I stick out and that's the reaction I get.
00:28:30.240 --> 00:28:32.079
So I try to pay it forward.
00:28:32.240 --> 00:28:35.599
And whenever I see tall girly, I say, hey, I love your height.
00:28:35.759 --> 00:28:39.920
I love a tall woman walking around and shredding with confidence.
00:28:40.160 --> 00:28:45.119
Because, yeah, there are a lot of times where I walk into a room and I can see over top of everyone else.
00:28:45.279 --> 00:28:45.599
Okay?
00:28:45.839 --> 00:28:47.519
You just gotta own it.
00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:49.920
You just gotta own it.
00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:55.680
The last kind of thing that this comment made me start thinking about was, is it a double standard, right?
00:28:55.759 --> 00:28:57.200
Like the confidence part of it.
00:28:57.279 --> 00:29:01.920
Is confidence in a woman does it read differently than confidence in a man?
00:29:02.319 --> 00:29:07.680
Does a confident man is that seen as attractive and magnetic and a green flag?
00:29:07.759 --> 00:29:17.599
But is does confidence in a woman get coded as intimidating and they're aggressive and unapproachable in a way that just doesn't happen, vice versa?
00:29:17.759 --> 00:29:20.160
I don't know, it's just something to think about, right?
00:29:20.319 --> 00:29:38.960
Like maybe I think sometimes that does happen, other times it's not, but it's worth naming and it's worth you know paying attention to because it is real and and I don't know, maybe you've felt it in some form or type of way where your confidence gets taken a different way than someone else's.
00:29:39.200 --> 00:29:44.240
Um but yeah, it's just a frustrating part because there is no real fix here.
00:29:44.319 --> 00:29:49.839
You know, when she said this comment, it was it was intr interesting and it was observation, it was something to think about.
00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:53.519
But it's like I am who I am, I'm tall, I'm confident, and that's that.
00:29:53.599 --> 00:30:12.559
So there's not much to think about, it's just maybe to be aware of and without needing to really change anything, but just be aware of like the real answers to just to be yourself and show that and wear that proud and the right people will appreciate it and love it and see you and see it, you know?
00:30:13.039 --> 00:30:14.559
You know what I mean?
00:30:14.799 --> 00:30:17.279
So thanks for going on this tangent with me.
00:30:17.440 --> 00:30:39.599
That one comment just really got me thinking and it thought it was interesting, and yeah, let me know when you walk around feeling you're most confident, and I think that does attract the right people and the right energy, and there is this aura and it's magnetic, but at the same time, does it give a little unapproachable?
00:30:39.839 --> 00:30:42.400
And not saying that it should or that it does.
00:30:42.640 --> 00:30:45.680
Again, it was just something, it's just an observation.
00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:52.799
But I know the right people will find you and your confidence attractive and the best thing ever.
00:30:52.960 --> 00:31:01.200
And yeah, so it's just it's just interesting being aware of the aura you give, and like me repeatedly hearing these comments over and over again.
00:31:01.359 --> 00:31:02.480
I just found it, hmm.
00:31:02.720 --> 00:31:04.079
Did something change inside of me?
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:05.759
Like, am I carrying myself different?
00:31:05.839 --> 00:31:07.039
And should I take notes of that?
00:31:07.119 --> 00:31:07.680
And is it good?
00:31:07.759 --> 00:31:08.240
Is it bad?
00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:09.200
Probably good.
00:31:09.359 --> 00:31:12.960
And if you like what you're doing, then yeah, it's a good thing.
00:31:13.119 --> 00:31:13.680
So yeah.
00:31:13.920 --> 00:31:16.160
Thanks for going on this tangent with me.
00:31:16.319 --> 00:31:17.839
We're gonna end it here.
00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:27.519
A little more quick episode for me to get everything done and in and heading off on vacation, but I want to still drop one even when I'm out of town.
00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:30.480
So I hope you guys are having the best week ever.
00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:38.480
I hope right now for myself I'm manifesting that I'm laying on a beach right now, relaxing and feeling very peace and not spiraling.
00:31:38.559 --> 00:31:41.759
A week of not spiraling, I better be coming my way.
00:31:42.000 --> 00:31:44.319
That better be next week for me, okay?
00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:45.039
I need a break.
00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:46.880
I need a break from the spirals, okay?
00:31:47.039 --> 00:31:52.160
A girl spirals all the other days, so she's taking a break from the spirals this week.
00:31:52.319 --> 00:31:53.680
Um, but yeah, I love you.
00:31:53.839 --> 00:31:54.880
Thanks for the support.
00:31:55.119 --> 00:31:56.400
Let me know your thoughts.
00:31:56.559 --> 00:31:58.400
Are you a tall girly?
00:31:58.640 --> 00:31:59.839
Have you experienced any of that?
00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:02.319
What about just a confident, confident person?
00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:06.319
And how do people read that or are they receptive of that or not?
00:32:06.480 --> 00:32:09.359
It's just something, it's just interesting, I thought.
00:32:09.599 --> 00:32:11.759
Um, but yeah, own your confidence.
00:32:11.920 --> 00:32:12.720
I love it.
00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:15.039
I love it about you, be you.
00:32:15.359 --> 00:32:20.960
Um, okay, I'm rambling now because my brain is non-existent anymore.
00:32:21.119 --> 00:32:23.359
But yeah, I'll talk to you next week.
00:32:23.519 --> 00:32:25.200
Have a great rest of your week.
