Louise (00:01)
Welcome back to the Building Confidence Podcast, where I your host, Louise as a party, share what I've learned through the years, through the tears, so you don't have to. This is episode 171, and we're gonna be talking about teaching men how to work with women. Okay. What do I mean by this and why are we even talking about this? So before I get started, this episode is proudly supported by Zadie, and I will talk a little bit more about them later on. Alright, so teaching men how to work with women. Okay.
When we start at a workplace, as women in the trades, whether we are fresh apprentices, like literally just starting out, or we're second or third Gs, or any point in our apprenticeship and we've changed workplaces, or even if we're fully qualified and we're in a new workplace, or even if we have a new co-worker as well. Some of these men, even other women as well, but in this context, talking majority about men, haven't worked with.
A woman before. A woman, girl, female, however you want, whatever word relates to you. But they haven't worked with someone before like that. And one of the things that can happen is that it can be new and daunting for them. It's obviously gonna be new and daunting for us too, depending on your confidence level. There's usually a little bit of angst there on a range of scale, that kind of newness of it more. But for us as women going into the workplace, we're experiencing newness, newness.
But then also the people that we're working with are also experience the newness of working with us. Okay. And as we add things on that make us more different to the demographic of the workplace, if you are working in a workplace which is predominantly white straight men, working with a woman.
Is something that's new to them or can be something that's new to them. Working with a woman who is LGBTQIA plus could be new to them. Working with a woman who has autism, working with a woman who is brown or like, you know, culturally diverse, like those kinds of things, as soon as we add more on, it's different for them to work with us. Okay, and the reason why I want you
the listener, I'm assuming you are a tradeswoman or around the trades. y the reason why I want you to think about this is because when we go into a workplace, we can have that kind of people being standoffish to us. And sometimes we think, okay, maybe they might be sexist, maybe this is unconscious bias, maybe they don't want me here. But also maybe they're just nervous and learning something new. When I hear of a girl starting in a workplace and even for myself,
I always give the people around me two to three months to kind of adjust to where I'm at. And one of the re one of the places this really clicked for me is when I was a fair like a decent chunk into my career. I was I was a trainer and assessor for a very large company and they had a training department and they had all of their other workshops all around. And I was going to teach a subject that I wasn't quite like I didn't have much field experience in it.
So I asked to go into that department and to get the experience in that department. And they sent me over and I did two weeks there. And like everyone was kind of like polite. No one was super chatty. And I kind of was just like being myself, talking, asking questions. it was a new space for me. Some of the boys I did know because they had been in my class for other subjects. So it was pretty cool to have them teaching me. So they knew me.
But on the last two days of that fortnight, the the boys that I was working with were quite different to what they had been for the rest of the week. And one of them actually opened up and said, Hey, we did have a girl come through here that we thought we were being polite, respectful, and you know, just having like we included her in our group, we we thought we were doing the quote unquote right thing.
And she took a few of the boys to HR and they were really nervous about having another girl in the workplace. So that's another lay to this. So I started off talking about the newness of it all. This is also kind of recovering from being burnt. and in this situation, I don't know the details of what happened in that scenario. but these things happen. People take people to HR,
Whether it is a differencing opinion, whether it is a misunderstanding, or whether it is straight up harassment. And sometimes we know that there are all people that there are people around that take advantage of the system. So then if they don't like someone, then they can spin a story to kind of escalate it. That's the word that I'm looking for. Escalate the scenario. And this happens in a range of contexts, not just in the trades, not just for women, like people
Try and mend the system to get what they want in scenarios. And having heard this situation, I I wasn't sure what had exactly happened. But all I know is as the next woman to come into this workplace after this, these men were really apprehensive of being themselves around me.
So they had to take a while to get used to me. Now, we did this in two weeks. Like the preference I had given you all is two to three months. I think I did it a bit faster because a few of the boys in that workshop did know me as a teacher, so they already had a few reps on how I was, how I communicated, all of that kind of stuff. And they were able to kind of put the rest of the workplace as ease at ease once I kind of proved that I was in this way. This is like so many things I talk about on the podcast that we take into mind and
keep on the back of our heads and take action to kind of solve. This is one of those things where I wish we didn't have to do it. And I totally totally acknowledge if you're like, shit, why is it my job again? Alright, I'm not saying I'm not wanting to put this on you as your job. I want to come from the angle of you are only in control of your actions and the way you respond and react to things.
If I had the opportunity to change the workplace, I would. But as one little person with a microphone, no, I don't have that ability, unfortunately, at the current time. So the best thing I can do is help you kind of get the skills and the ways of thinking or the things that I've learnt and being able to take advantage of those to help you in your situation. So I kind of come to this when someone says, I'm in this new workplace and nobody's talking to me, this and that, I'm like, okay, how long have you been there before? Has there been another female there before?
like that kind of thing. and having those conversations and breaking it down because a lot of the reason the problem isn't you being a woman in itself as such as they don't like you as you're a woman, but sometimes it's just new. And sometimes they have been burnt. And they have to recover from that. And as much as I wish they didn't have to and you could just fit straight into that workplace like any of the boys do. And even with the boys, they usually do have an integration period.
But from what I have seen, it is mostly a lot, a lot, a lot shorter than the one for women. And I wouldn't put a label on a situation saying that this situation is sexism happening or unconscious bias happening up until you've worked in that workplace for two to three months. That's how long I would give it before I would put a label on it and try and take action. In that two to three months, I would be doing my best to be myself, be polite.
being I don't know, I don't know if accommodating is the right word, but you know, sticking to my values and being myself as well as kind of okay, doing the best to kind of put my foot forward where people might be nervous to step towards me, like step towards me in a social sense, that kind of thing, and I can make that first step towards them. Ask the questions, try and start the conversations in that sense. And I know as an introvert that could probably be pretty hard for people to do.
but I do love my own alone time. I I do bounce between the typical quote unquote introvert and extrovert kind of space. But for me it's having my goal in mind that helps me work through the angst of one kind of tolerating and working with this two to three months where it takes people to get used to my existence as a woman in the space, but also having the effort and energy to be the person who steps forward in the social situations to start off those interactions. I have my goal in mind.
My goal in mind is to fix trucks and learn. Okay, when I'm a tradeie, like and I miss it so much, guys, I miss it so much. but anyway, I've been off the tools for seven years now. I'm like, what has even happened? But anyway, there's actually been eight. But in those scenarios, my goal as a trades person, even as a trainer and assessor, my goal is to fix trucks, to learn.
More about fixing trucks and in the trainer and assessor space to teach people how to fix trucks. Like my whole life is around fixing trucks. and in this podcast is around helping you people as tradeswomen. and if you are not a tradeswoman, whatever you like, wherever background you are, is to be able to do the thing you love without all of these little things getting in the way. Okay, that is my goal. That is what kind of helps me work through the angst of
you know, talking into a microphone and putting it out on the internet. that's what helps me work through these scenarios where men are telling me, the last woman that we come through here, she did this, she did that. The goal of fixing trucks and learning how to fix trucks better and like know more about trucks is I'm like, okay, well she's not me. Sh one woman does not represent the all of women and also there are quote unquote bad eggs.
on all sides of every conversation and argument in existence. All right. Not everyone has a positive agenda, unfortunately. And working through a situation where someone has been put or punished or had a really negative experience with someone who looks like me, then yeah, it can be hard. It can like shit, I didn't make this scenario for myself. I just want to be here and fix drugs.
But because I don't want that to get in my way, I give myself the grace and I encourage you to give yourself a grace. Like have your boundaries, have your guidelines kind of for yourself and make sure you are checking in with your values. But give them that two to three months to get used to you. Because some of the relationships that I've had after that time, after these people have let their wall down, mostly men,
The stuff that I've learned, the conversations that I've had, the friendships that I've created have been amazing. Absolutely amazing. And have had a really big impact on my career. So move forward with purpose. Make sure you are checking in with your values and what your boundaries are and what your guidelines are for yourself. Don't bend things about yourself.
But this is more of a way to kind of, okay, this situation's not gonna last forever. And if it does last beyond that three months kind of point, then maybe they are sexist. Maybe they are. Yeah, and then that's a whole nother conversation. I have podcasts about sexism, that kind of thing. That's not exactly what we're talking about here, but that conversation is some that we have. So please just go. If you if you've looked if you've done your three months and they're still being pretty shit.
Have a look at the the sexism episode, it's quite early on. but also I'm open to have a conversation with you to kind of work out and help you work out what the bless best plan is for you. Because my best plan might not be the best plan for you. And in the same scenario when I'm mentoring and coaching people, I want them to have the best answer for them. I don't want to plug and play what works for me because what works for me doesn't work for everyone. And all of these podcasts are just my ideas and things that you can try if you think they're worth a shot and they could work.
Okay. So like I said, this podcast is proudly supported by Zadie. Zadie is a women's workwear brand. They make boot not boots. They make pants and shorts for tradeswomen that fit your hips, thighs and butt. They are made by an amazing plumber called Amy. Called Amy, her name is Amy. She's gonna be coming on the podcast soon, which is gonna be exciting. but yes, so please
If you're looking for new work plans, check Zadie out. They are an amazing women owned brand that is for Tradeswoman by Tradeswoman. And like I said, I mentioned before, if you do want any help or support with navigating a new workplace or anything that you've heard on the podcast so far, please reach out to me. The link to reach out to me is in the description of the podcast. I'd love the opportunity to support you. I hate that you are going through not a great time.
But I would love the opportunity to support you to help make that better. Have an amazing day, and I will talk to everyone next week. And remember, if you don't believe in yourself right now, please borrow my belief in you. I know you can do anything you put your mind to. You might need to have a nap or a snack first, but I know you can do it. I'll see you next week.
Welcome back to the Building Confidence Podcast, where I your host, Louise as a party, share what I've learned through the years, through the tears, so you don't have to. This is episode 171, and we're gonna be talking about teaching men how to work with women. Okay. What do I mean by this and why are we even talking about this? So before I get started, this episode is proudly supported by Zadie, and I will talk a little bit more about them later on. Alright, so teaching men how to work with women. Okay.
When we start at a workplace, as women in the trades, whether we are fresh apprentices, like literally just starting out, or we're second or third Gs, or any point in our apprenticeship and we've changed workplaces, or even if we're fully qualified and we're in a new workplace, or even if we have a new co-worker as well. Some of these men, even other women as well, but in this context, talking majority about men, haven't worked with.
A woman before. A woman, girl, female, however you want, whatever word relates to you. But they haven't worked with someone before like that. And one of the things that can happen is that it can be new and daunting for them. It's obviously gonna be new and daunting for us too, depending on your confidence level. There's usually a little bit of angst there on a range of scale, that kind of newness of it more. But for us as women going into the workplace, we're experiencing newness, newness.
But then also the people that we're working with are also experience the newness of working with us. Okay. And as we add things on that make us more different to the demographic of the workplace, if you are working in a workplace which is predominantly white straight men, working with a woman.
Is something that's new to them or can be something that's new to them. Working with a woman who is LGBTQIA plus could be new to them. Working with a woman who has autism, working with a woman who is brown or like, you know, culturally diverse, like those kinds of things, as soon as we add more on, it's different for them to work with us. Okay, and the reason why I want you
the listener, I'm assuming you are a tradeswoman or around the trades. y the reason why I want you to think about this is because when we go into a workplace, we can have that kind of people being standoffish to us. And sometimes we think, okay, maybe they might be sexist, maybe this is unconscious bias, maybe they don't want me here. But also maybe they're just nervous and learning something new. When I hear of a girl starting in a workplace and even for myself,
I always give the people around me two to three months to kind of adjust to where I'm at. And one of the re one of the places this really clicked for me is when I was a fair like a decent chunk into my career. I was I was a trainer and assessor for a very large company and they had a training department and they had all of their other workshops all around. And I was going to teach a subject that I wasn't quite like I didn't have much field experience in it.
So I asked to go into that department and to get the experience in that department. And they sent me over and I did two weeks there. And like everyone was kind of like polite. No one was super chatty. And I kind of was just like being myself, talking, asking questions. it was a new space for me. Some of the boys I did know because they had been in my class for other subjects. So it was pretty cool to have them teaching me. So they knew me.
But on the last two days of that fortnight, the the boys that I was working with were quite different to what they had been for the rest of the week. And one of them actually opened up and said, Hey, we did have a girl come through here that we thought we were being polite, respectful, and you know, just having like we included her in our group, we we thought we were doing the quote unquote right thing.
And she took a few of the boys to HR and they were really nervous about having another girl in the workplace. So that's another lay to this. So I started off talking about the newness of it all. This is also kind of recovering from being burnt. and in this situation, I don't know the details of what happened in that scenario. but these things happen. People take people to HR,
Whether it is a differencing opinion, whether it is a misunderstanding, or whether it is straight up harassment. And sometimes we know that there are all people that there are people around that take advantage of the system. So then if they don't like someone, then they can spin a story to kind of escalate it. That's the word that I'm looking for. Escalate the scenario. And this happens in a range of contexts, not just in the trades, not just for women, like people
Try and mend the system to get what they want in scenarios. And having heard this situation, I I wasn't sure what had exactly happened. But all I know is as the next woman to come into this workplace after this, these men were really apprehensive of being themselves around me.
So they had to take a while to get used to me. Now, we did this in two weeks. Like the preference I had given you all is two to three months. I think I did it a bit faster because a few of the boys in that workshop did know me as a teacher, so they already had a few reps on how I was, how I communicated, all of that kind of stuff. And they were able to kind of put the rest of the workplace as ease at ease once I kind of proved that I was in this way. This is like so many things I talk about on the podcast that we take into mind and
keep on the back of our heads and take action to kind of solve. This is one of those things where I wish we didn't have to do it. And I totally totally acknowledge if you're like, shit, why is it my job again? Alright, I'm not saying I'm not wanting to put this on you as your job. I want to come from the angle of you are only in control of your actions and the way you respond and react to things.
If I had the opportunity to change the workplace, I would. But as one little person with a microphone, no, I don't have that ability, unfortunately, at the current time. So the best thing I can do is help you kind of get the skills and the ways of thinking or the things that I've learnt and being able to take advantage of those to help you in your situation. So I kind of come to this when someone says, I'm in this new workplace and nobody's talking to me, this and that, I'm like, okay, how long have you been there before? Has there been another female there before?
like that kind of thing. and having those conversations and breaking it down because a lot of the reason the problem isn't you being a woman in itself as such as they don't like you as you're a woman, but sometimes it's just new. And sometimes they have been burnt. And they have to recover from that. And as much as I wish they didn't have to and you could just fit straight into that workplace like any of the boys do. And even with the boys, they usually do have an integration period.
But from what I have seen, it is mostly a lot, a lot, a lot shorter than the one for women. And I wouldn't put a label on a situation saying that this situation is sexism happening or unconscious bias happening up until you've worked in that workplace for two to three months. That's how long I would give it before I would put a label on it and try and take action. In that two to three months, I would be doing my best to be myself, be polite.
being I don't know, I don't know if accommodating is the right word, but you know, sticking to my values and being myself as well as kind of okay, doing the best to kind of put my foot forward where people might be nervous to step towards me, like step towards me in a social sense, that kind of thing, and I can make that first step towards them. Ask the questions, try and start the conversations in that sense. And I know as an introvert that could probably be pretty hard for people to do.
but I do love my own alone time. I I do bounce between the typical quote unquote introvert and extrovert kind of space. But for me it's having my goal in mind that helps me work through the angst of one kind of tolerating and working with this two to three months where it takes people to get used to my existence as a woman in the space, but also having the effort and energy to be the person who steps forward in the social situations to start off those interactions. I have my goal in mind.
My goal in mind is to fix trucks and learn. Okay, when I'm a tradeie, like and I miss it so much, guys, I miss it so much. but anyway, I've been off the tools for seven years now. I'm like, what has even happened? But anyway, there's actually been eight. But in those scenarios, my goal as a trades person, even as a trainer and assessor, my goal is to fix trucks, to learn.
More about fixing trucks and in the trainer and assessor space to teach people how to fix trucks. Like my whole life is around fixing trucks. and in this podcast is around helping you people as tradeswomen. and if you are not a tradeswoman, whatever you like, wherever background you are, is to be able to do the thing you love without all of these little things getting in the way. Okay, that is my goal. That is what kind of helps me work through the angst of
you know, talking into a microphone and putting it out on the internet. that's what helps me work through these scenarios where men are telling me, the last woman that we come through here, she did this, she did that. The goal of fixing trucks and learning how to fix trucks better and like know more about trucks is I'm like, okay, well she's not me. Sh one woman does not represent the all of women and also there are quote unquote bad eggs.
on all sides of every conversation and argument in existence. All right. Not everyone has a positive agenda, unfortunately. And working through a situation where someone has been put or punished or had a really negative experience with someone who looks like me, then yeah, it can be hard. It can like shit, I didn't make this scenario for myself. I just want to be here and fix drugs.
But because I don't want that to get in my way, I give myself the grace and I encourage you to give yourself a grace. Like have your boundaries, have your guidelines kind of for yourself and make sure you are checking in with your values. But give them that two to three months to get used to you. Because some of the relationships that I've had after that time, after these people have let their wall down, mostly men,
The stuff that I've learned, the conversations that I've had, the friendships that I've created have been amazing. Absolutely amazing. And have had a really big impact on my career. So move forward with purpose. Make sure you are checking in with your values and what your boundaries are and what your guidelines are for yourself. Don't bend things about yourself.
But this is more of a way to kind of, okay, this situation's not gonna last forever. And if it does last beyond that three months kind of point, then maybe they are sexist. Maybe they are. Yeah, and then that's a whole nother conversation. I have podcasts about sexism, that kind of thing. That's not exactly what we're talking about here, but that conversation is some that we have. So please just go. If you if you've looked if you've done your three months and they're still being pretty shit.
Have a look at the the sexism episode, it's quite early on. but also I'm open to have a conversation with you to kind of work out and help you work out what the bless best plan is for you. Because my best plan might not be the best plan for you. And in the same scenario when I'm mentoring and coaching people, I want them to have the best answer for them. I don't want to plug and play what works for me because what works for me doesn't work for everyone. And all of these podcasts are just my ideas and things that you can try if you think they're worth a shot and they could work.
Okay. So like I said, this podcast is proudly supported by Zadie. Zadie is a women's workwear brand. They make boot not boots. They make pants and shorts for tradeswomen that fit your hips, thighs and butt. They are made by an amazing plumber called Amy. Called Amy, her name is Amy. She's gonna be coming on the podcast soon, which is gonna be exciting. but yes, so please
If you're looking for new work plans, check Zadie out. They are an amazing women owned brand that is for Tradeswoman by Tradeswoman. And like I said, I mentioned before, if you do want any help or support with navigating a new workplace or anything that you've heard on the podcast so far, please reach out to me. The link to reach out to me is in the description of the podcast. I'd love the opportunity to support you. I hate that you are going through not a great time.
But I would love the opportunity to support you to help make that better. Have an amazing day, and I will talk to everyone next week. And remember, if you don't believe in yourself right now, please borrow my belief in you. I know you can do anything you put your mind to. You might need to have a nap or a snack first, but I know you can do it. I'll see you next week.
