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Welcome that ass manifestor. I am so glad you are here.
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I'm your hosts and head coach, Ashley Gordon, master mindset
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and manifestation, biz expert, founder of the Quantum Coaching Certification,
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and multiple six figure entrepreneur, obsessed with empowering you to
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create quantum leafs in your energy, your life, and your business.
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This is the show to help you make magic your
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everyday normal, where the ripple effect is real and the
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guest experts are world class. My mission is to power
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your conscious and subconscious mind with manifestation teachings, business tools,
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and coaching techniques to put your potential into action. Consider
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this your weekly up level. Are you ready for quantum transformation?
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Let's do this. Hello, I'm going to just welcome myself
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back to my own podcast because it's been a hot minute.
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I'm so excited to hit record on this one, y'all.
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It has been a long time coming, and every single
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day I'm like, I should record my birth podcast. I
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should record my birth podcast. I've had it outlined for
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a while because I didn't want to forget anything, and
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I let me just paint this picture for you. I'm
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sitting in the dark, Okay, I'm about I think eleven
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weeks wait, maybe twelve weeks postpartum at this point, so
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I have pretty much a twelve week old baby, which
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is insane, and nobody's home except me and baby girl.
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Todd and Maverick are on a little father son trip
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to visit Todd's brother, so I have the night to
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myself with baby Girl, and it's seven thirty and she
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is asleep, and I'm hitting record. So this is kind
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of a vibe right now. And I'm so excited to
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share this goodness with you because as much as it's
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my story, there's a lot of nuggets that you can
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take with you as well. And the feedback that I
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got from my first birth story with Maverick, a lot
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of amazing feedback on that episode that people could take
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with them, and that's always my intention here, So welcome
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back to the podcast. Today, I'm sharing something so sacred
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and so close to my heart, which is the birth
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story of my daughter live Sky. And I'll just start
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by saying that she arrived fashionably late, two days past
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her due date. Her due date was August thirteenth. She
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was born on August fifteenth, and she weighed seven pounds
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and ten ounces twenty one inches long. She's a long,
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long little girl. Maverick was also twenty one inches long.
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She was bigger than Maverick by a few ounces. And
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with her arrival, our family finally feels so whole and
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so complete. She is our dream girl. Like wow, she's amazing,
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our miracle, and she has already expanded our hearts in
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such beautiful ways. I didn't even know where possible. Watching
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Maverick with her and the love that he has for her,
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it's just truly so magical, and I feel so lucky.
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But to tell her a story, I need to start
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at the very beginning with IVF, which is so crazy
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and such a miracle in and of itself, and like
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as natural as I am, I'm a firm believer in
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science and the power of in vitro fertilization. It is
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truly life changing for so many families, and this little soul,
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this little girl, was dreamt of long before I ever
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held her in my arms. I went through two rounds
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of IVF. So for those of you who have been
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with me for the long haul, you already know my story.
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But if you're new or here, and I'll just kind
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of recap. The first round of ivy APF, it didn't
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give us what we hoped for. But the second time
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around at Spring fertility, on my first egg retrieval and cycle,
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we made two viable embryos and one was undetermined. And
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so when the doctor called me, he said to me,
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you have two viable embryos. Do you want to know
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the sex of the embryos? And I said, I just
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want to know one thing. Are they the same sex
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or are they opposite? And he said they're opposite and
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I was like, so I was crying. I was like,
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oh my gosh, okay boy and a girl. And you know,
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the likelihood of both of those embryos turning into live
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births is a very small percentage. Typically, doctors want you
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to have three viable embryos for every one child that
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you want to conceive. And so I had never gone
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through an embryo transfer at this point, well the first
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time around. So the fact that when we transferred Maverick,
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he took, and when we transferred live she took and
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became our babies is truly a miracle. Like really, I
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know so many people that don't have that outcome, and
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so I believe in these souls wanting to be connected
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to you, and it has to be like a very
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specific set of DNA and a very specific soul contract.
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And these babies were like, we're coming through, baby Mommy.
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And I had hoped and prayed that those two embryos
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would become our babies, and they did, which is super cool.
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I can't say enough about Spring Fertility in New York City.
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I'm not sponsored by them whatsoever, just had an incredible
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experience and I think their world class at what they do.
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So if you are struggling to get pregnant and conceive,
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I feel you. I was you, and there is help
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and amazing doctors out there and it's worth it. So
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all right, let's get into it. So from the beginning,
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I knew I wanted this birth to be redemptive. I
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wanted to go all natural, and I wanted to feel really,
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really supported. I wanted to labor at home as long
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as possible, like that was my birth plan with Maverick,
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and that was my birth plan again, just labor at
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home for as long as possible and then go to
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the hospital already well into active labor. And I also
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knew that I wanted a different dula experience. This time,
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with Maverick's birth, I paid top dollar and felt so
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unsupported with my doula. She brought her newborn to my labor.
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If you want the full story, listen to Maverick's birth story.
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Just search my birth story and it'll pop up, or
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our birth story, I think. AnyWho, my first duela with
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Maverick couldn't come to the hospital and I ended up
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feeling ultimately pretty abandoned at the time that I really
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needed her the most. And so this time I found
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Morgan more Sorg and she was absolutely life changing. She
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believed in me. She advocated the fuck out of everything
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for me. She supported me literally every step of the way,
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and she spoke belief into my heart and soul. And
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my intention was really clear right like, to prepare my body,
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my mind, and my spirit to do this naturally. Because
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with Maverick, I got to a certain point and then
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I got the epidural, which was totally fine and what
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I needed in the moment, but I really wanted to
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feel everything in this labor. And some of you might
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be listening and be like, you're crazy, give me the drugs,
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and yeah, I just wanted I wanted that experience in
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this life, and so in my third timester, I had
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a lot of prep that I was doing spiritual prep.
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I was meditating, I was doing pelvic floor exercises, I
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was taking gentle birth supplement to soften the cervix and
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just prepare for the labor that I was really manifesting,
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which was a natural, short, healthy, easeful, spiritual, rock my
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world type of labor. So I was at my forty
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week doctor's appointment and everyone was like texting me all
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day like are you dilated? Are you this? Are you
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in labor yet? Like you know when people at the end,
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people were like my story, views were like up to
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crazy numbers, numbers that I don't normally have because I
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think people were like, is she having the baby? Is
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she having the baby? So at my forty week appointment,
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the doctor checked me, she checked my cervix, and she
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told me that I was three and a half centimeters dilated.
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She's like, my fingers are touching the top of your
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baby's head right now, and she feels really smart. I
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was laughing, and I was just so fucking excited because
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here's the thing. They can check you and you could
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be dilated, but it doesn't mean anything. You're not in labor, right,
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But I knew that I was going to go into
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labor very soon. I was already past my due date.
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This was the fourteenth, and I was like, this is
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gonna happen any day. So I felt like it gave
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me a head start. I'm like, holy shit, I'm already
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three and a half centimeters. Like that's a lot of
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work that I had to do before that I didn't
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have to do any now. But the thing is about me.
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When I am pregnant, I get Braxton Hicks like crazy,
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Like I get a ton of brax and Hicks contractions,
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and some people don't have them at all, but they
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actually do something to your uterus. They actually start to
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tone your uterus for labor and also soften the cervix
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like they're doing work inside of your body. And mine
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were really intense, and so I was really freaking happy
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when she you told me that. So I left that
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appointment and I went and had myself a solo lunch,
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and I just thought to myself, this could be I
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have I found this place because my doctor's office is
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an hour away. In the hospital from where I live
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is an hour away. So imagine it's fine. So I
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found this place. It was like the best Mediterranean food.
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It was Kebab's, but instead of a kabab because I'm
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gluten free, I got a rice bowl with the lamb,
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with the with the Oh my brain postspart on, y'all,
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it's crazy. I can't think of basic words. Falafel, that's
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the word falafel, and feta and kalama la olives. And
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I had some tahini and some hummus. Oh my god,
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it was so good, and I was like, okay, this
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is probably like that was my go to place after
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my appointments, and at that point I was going there
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once a week because at the end you go once
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a week. I was like, this is probably my last
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time having this while I'm pregnant. So I had my lunch.
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I went to Whole Foods and I thought, you know,
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I'm probably gonna be going into labor. So I walked
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through Whole Foods and I bought a bunch of food,
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a bunch of snacks, and I picked up some roses.
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And roses became a really powerful anchor for me in
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my first labor, and I would visualize them opening and
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connect with my body opening and my cervix softening with
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the baby moving down, and I would constantly visualize this,
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and so I knew for my labor I wanted to
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have beautiful roses that were already bloomed and opened, so
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I could use that as a really powerful anchor and
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visualization technique to open up my body. And roses are
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SAIDs to hold the highest frequency in the universe, and
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I wanted to embody that energy. So I walked through
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whole Foods with these roses in my hand. I had
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my spiritual playlist in my ears, my birth playlist, and
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I just felt so ready. I was walking around like dancing,
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moving my hips and just getting into my zone. Like
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I think all of us know what that is for ours,
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and for me, it's like listening to really spiritual music
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and really tapping into that state of knowing, that state
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of being one with God, one with the universe, one
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with yourself, one with your energy. Like I was really
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getting super super tapped in and this is like what
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I personally needed. And I did the same exact thing before, Maverick,
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but I did it in a different way, like this
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was like I'm ready, let's go, and with Maverick. I
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had a lot of letting go to do. So AnyWho,
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I'm walking around Whole Foods kind of like in my
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own freaking world, and I really felt like I was
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walking towards a portal. I was walking towards transformation, and
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I was ready for it. So on my way home
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from Whole Foods and driving an hour, my sister called
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me and she said, do you want to go to
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dinner tonight? Let's go to Raberts and get crabs. And
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I was like okay. So I came home and I said, Dad,
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I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go have some crabs with Wendy.
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And he was like, okay, go ahead, have fun. So
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the sweetest freaking signs came the night before my labor started.
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So my sister and I we were sitting at the
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bar and we were just talking about our dad who
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passed away, and he always loved when we were together,
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and there was there's so many amazing things happening in
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both of our lives, like I'm about to have a baby,
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my niece, her daughter just got engaged, and all of
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her kids are thriving, and just life is beautiful and
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happening and they're planning a wedding, and it's just all
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these blessings are happening, and we're sitting there talking about
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all this, and two songs came on back to back,
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and the first song was My Way by Frank Sinatra,
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which was our dad's song. He loved to sing that song.
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And right after that song came on his like the
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number one song came on, which was Sweet Caroline, which
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is like our family's collective sign for him speaking to
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us and like letting us know that he's with us.
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I can't even tell you like all the times that
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this song has come on in moments that have been
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so undeniable of like he is here, He is here
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right now, and he was with us in that moment,
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and it was It brought us to tears. We were crying.
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It was just so beautiful and I felt like, Okay,
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like he he's ready to deliver this baby to me,
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and like he recognizes all the blessings and he sees
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them all happening and he's witnessing them, just not in
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the way that we would like him to. He passed
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away in twenty twenty, and hearing those songs back to
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back were just amazing, and we laughed and we cried
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and we had spicy crabs and we just knew that
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it would induce labor. And like my sister said the
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whole time, these spicy crabs are gonna put you into labor.
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And it was awesome because like now those that like
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moment in time of like us getting crabs. It was
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just really special sister night, and it freaking put me
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into labor. AnyWho, So that night, at three point thirty
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eight in the morning, I woke up with like the
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biggest surge, the kind that took me out of bed.
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I went to the bathroom and I was like, I
254
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must be bleeding right now. It was just such an
255
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intense contraction. I thought it was practice and hicks, but
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it was stronger. And I went to the bathroom and
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I saw that I lost my mucus plug and early
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labor had begun and I was just so amped. I
259
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like saw that. I was like, okay, there's something happened
260
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in here, and what it is is very clear, and
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I'm like, okay, I'm probably now four centimeters dilated because
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I just lost my freaking muvis plug. So and I
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was just excited. Okay, So the contractions that night were
264
00:16:09.679 --> 00:16:11.679
kind of all over the place, like that was at
265
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three thirty eight in the morning, and then until like
266
00:16:14.360 --> 00:16:18.200
seven thirty. They were very spaced out, like I would
267
00:16:18.200 --> 00:16:21.720
have one within thirty minutes, and then another one fifteen minutes,
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and then another one forty five minutes. Labor later, very
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00:16:26.039 --> 00:16:29.240
very sporadic, nothing to write home about, but some of
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00:16:29.240 --> 00:16:34.480
them were really intense. And I woke up the next morning.
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That day was really really peaceful. Maverick had his last
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day of camp. We got him off just to camp,
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and I called the doula and she came over in
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the morning. She wanted to see me have a contraction
275
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and just see how intense they were. So Morgan came over,
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and the day was so peaceful, like I was resting,
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I was eating, I was getting in the tub, I
278
00:17:02.240 --> 00:17:03.879
was hanging out with my mom my mom, and I
279
00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:06.279
tried to take a nap. The duela came in the morning.
280
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She broughb my legs, my belly, wee banana muffins, and
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she said this is very early and she left and
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she's like, I'll come back later if things, you know, intensify,
283
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and I just chilled out. It was such a different
284
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vibe than my first labor. I just really trusted the
285
00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:26.839
process and took each contraction as it came throughout the day.
286
00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:30.599
But at no point during the day were my contractions
287
00:17:31.519 --> 00:17:34.759
very very close together, like they were very sporadic throughout
288
00:17:34.799 --> 00:17:38.359
the day, but very intense. And I didn't know this,
289
00:17:38.559 --> 00:17:43.200
but some women don't have patterns in their contractions. They say, like, oh,
290
00:17:43.240 --> 00:17:46.480
when your contractions are five minutes apart or three minutes apart,
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come to the hospital. But for me, it was never
292
00:17:49.839 --> 00:17:51.880
like that. Even with Maverick, it was never like that
293
00:17:52.200 --> 00:17:55.079
until the very very very end, like close to the
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birth happening. And so around three pm, I just knew.
295
00:18:03.400 --> 00:18:06.480
I couldn't explain it. I just knew it was time
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00:18:06.559 --> 00:18:09.200
to get going to the hospital. And that was one
297
00:18:09.240 --> 00:18:11.200
of my fears during this labor because they say the
298
00:18:11.240 --> 00:18:13.960
second time, it does happen quicker. And I didn't want
299
00:18:13.960 --> 00:18:16.279
to stay at home for too long because I wasn't
300
00:18:16.279 --> 00:18:17.880
trying to have a baby in the car, you know,
301
00:18:17.960 --> 00:18:23.480
which does happen. And especially the fact that my doctor's
302
00:18:23.480 --> 00:18:25.640
office or my hospital that I was going to, and
303
00:18:25.720 --> 00:18:28.920
my doctor's office was an hour away, like a true hour.
304
00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:34.000
So Todd was out showing houses. My mom was at
305
00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:37.079
the house. I called the Duela back. I called Todd
306
00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:41.559
and I said come home, come over, come home. And
307
00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:45.680
they got here very very quickly. Todd packed the car up,
308
00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:50.160
my mom packed snacks, Morgan came back, and when everyone
309
00:18:50.200 --> 00:18:52.440
got here and everything was packed, we left. And it
310
00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:55.720
was perfectly timed so that we missed Maverick getting home
311
00:18:55.759 --> 00:18:58.599
from camp by like two minutes, literally divine timing. He
312
00:18:58.640 --> 00:19:01.559
was about to pull up, and I just didn't want
313
00:19:01.759 --> 00:19:03.720
I didn't want to see him and make him upset
314
00:19:04.039 --> 00:19:05.960
knowing that we were leaving, because that would really have
315
00:19:06.039 --> 00:19:09.880
upset him. So it really worked out, like literally by
316
00:19:10.559 --> 00:19:12.720
two minutes of a difference. We pulled away and he
317
00:19:12.759 --> 00:19:16.759
pulled up, and the car ride was actually fun, like
318
00:19:16.799 --> 00:19:18.799
you think, okay, you're in labor, you have an hour.
319
00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:21.079
The car ride was fun. In between contractions, Haad and
320
00:19:21.119 --> 00:19:24.160
I were laughing, we were blasting my playlist. I was
321
00:19:24.160 --> 00:19:26.799
like recording a video. Okay, we're having a baby, We're
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00:19:26.799 --> 00:19:30.720
on our way, let's have a baby. And we were
323
00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:33.640
just excited that we were about to meet our baby girl.
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And when I pulled up the GPS on the phone,
325
00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:42.079
our arrival time was four forty four PM, So we
326
00:19:42.160 --> 00:19:45.559
left for the hospital at like right before three forty five,
327
00:19:45.759 --> 00:19:49.440
and our arrival time was for forty four angel numbers. Okay,
328
00:19:50.279 --> 00:19:52.000
I knew I was being guided, and I'm in a
329
00:19:52.039 --> 00:19:54.720
personal year four numerology y, so it was just like
330
00:19:54.799 --> 00:19:58.880
a lot a lot happening, a lot of a lot
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00:19:58.880 --> 00:20:01.559
of signs all the time. Signs were occurring. And when
332
00:20:01.599 --> 00:20:04.839
I got to the hospital, they checked me, and I
333
00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:07.519
had no idea where I was and with Maverick. When
334
00:20:07.519 --> 00:20:09.279
I got to the hospital, I was six centimeters and
335
00:20:09.319 --> 00:20:12.640
I was so happy. And when I got here, guess
336
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:15.640
how much I was. I was eight freaking centimeters dilated.
337
00:20:15.799 --> 00:20:19.480
And I mean, no shade if you don't know, but
338
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:21.880
you need to be ten centimeters dilated to have a baby.
339
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:26.799
That's like part of the equation. So Todd didn't know that.
340
00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:30.400
So I had to explain that when I was eight centimeters,
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00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:32.720
I was one hundred percent a face, which means my
342
00:20:32.759 --> 00:20:37.079
cervix was completely like ready, and baby was stationed at zero,
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00:20:37.519 --> 00:20:40.319
which was like pretty low in my pelvis, and I
344
00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:42.519
knew she was low because I could feel I could
345
00:20:42.559 --> 00:20:46.039
feel the pressure down there for like weeks and I
346
00:20:46.119 --> 00:20:50.599
just started crying tears of joy, like really so happy,
347
00:20:50.880 --> 00:20:54.559
so excited. I'm like, we're doing this. And with Maverick,
348
00:20:54.680 --> 00:20:58.359
it had taken me days to get there, like to
349
00:20:58.400 --> 00:21:00.599
get to eight centimeters. I was in labor for so long,
350
00:21:00.759 --> 00:21:05.000
and now I was like walking in already so far along.
351
00:21:05.039 --> 00:21:09.960
It just felt really really powerful. And so they rolled
352
00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:13.599
me into the room and the duela set up the
353
00:21:13.640 --> 00:21:17.359
diffuser and the twinkle lights and we made it really cozy,
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00:21:17.400 --> 00:21:20.200
as cozy as you can in a hospital setting, and
355
00:21:20.599 --> 00:21:23.880
I mean it was perfect, Like the room was great,
356
00:21:24.119 --> 00:21:28.400
and my mom was there, Todd was there, Morgan was there,
357
00:21:28.400 --> 00:21:33.200
and she just kept saying to me, I could do this.
358
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She's like, you can freaking do this. Okay, you can
359
00:21:36.240 --> 00:21:38.759
do this. And I had this fear for like a
360
00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:40.640
couple of weeks going into it, like I hope that
361
00:21:40.680 --> 00:21:42.599
I don't disappoint her, you know what I mean, Like
362
00:21:43.920 --> 00:21:45.720
I know I can do it, but also what if
363
00:21:45.720 --> 00:21:48.599
I can't? What if I can't do it? And so
364
00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:51.960
we met the nurse and his name was sal which
365
00:21:52.000 --> 00:21:54.680
I loved because my dad's name was Saul. So I'm like, okay,
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00:21:55.119 --> 00:21:57.599
this is all connected here, and what I really loved
367
00:21:57.720 --> 00:21:59.960
was that the first time around, I didn't have the
368
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:02.880
doula at the hospital with me, and so the nurses
369
00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:06.799
were really really involved, and now they were kind of
370
00:22:07.160 --> 00:22:11.839
defaulting to Morgan, Like they really respected the doula and
371
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:14.680
like allowed her to coach me, allowed her to work
372
00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:19.519
with me, and kind of just sat back but stepped
373
00:22:19.519 --> 00:22:22.880
in when they were needed. And so I really appreciated that.
374
00:22:23.079 --> 00:22:28.039
And Morgan was just working with me, you know, having
375
00:22:28.079 --> 00:22:31.640
me in different positions for different contractions, and like in between,
376
00:22:31.799 --> 00:22:34.599
I had time, like I had a lot of space
377
00:22:34.640 --> 00:22:37.920
and time to recover from each contraction because they were
378
00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:43.680
still pretty sporadic. And I labored for probably another like
379
00:22:43.759 --> 00:22:46.519
forty five minutes and the doctor came in. She was
380
00:22:46.559 --> 00:22:49.119
with someone else. She finally came in and checked me,
381
00:22:49.160 --> 00:22:52.079
and I was still the same. I was still eight centimeters.
382
00:22:52.119 --> 00:22:54.200
I didn't progress at all, and the contractions were getting
383
00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:58.680
even more intense and harder and more challenging, and so
384
00:22:59.880 --> 00:23:04.480
the doctor suggested to break my waters. And basically the
385
00:23:04.519 --> 00:23:06.640
way the nurse described it was like this baby is
386
00:23:06.680 --> 00:23:09.319
looking for an exit, Like it was clear she's kicking down,
387
00:23:09.359 --> 00:23:12.400
she's looking to exit, but the water is like stopping
388
00:23:12.440 --> 00:23:16.799
her from from going like lower in the pelvis. And
389
00:23:16.880 --> 00:23:22.119
so typically when doctors you know, would recommend like an
390
00:23:22.119 --> 00:23:25.799
intervention like that, if you're not that far along, it
391
00:23:26.000 --> 00:23:29.759
could hinder the process. But because I was so far along,
392
00:23:30.519 --> 00:23:32.400
everyone was on the same page that it was going
393
00:23:32.440 --> 00:23:36.079
to speed it up. And Morgan and I talked it over,
394
00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:40.079
and intuitively it was like a full body yes, like yes,
395
00:23:40.160 --> 00:23:43.079
let's break the water. And so the doctor came in
396
00:23:43.319 --> 00:23:47.880
and she broke my water and we were like, okay,
397
00:23:47.880 --> 00:23:50.039
this is showtime. And this is exactly where I got
398
00:23:50.759 --> 00:23:53.519
stuck with Maverick, where like I was eight centimeters and
399
00:23:53.559 --> 00:23:55.839
I asked for the epidural because I couldn't even hold
400
00:23:55.880 --> 00:23:58.200
my body up anymore. I was just laboring for so long.
401
00:23:59.240 --> 00:24:01.279
And so by the the time I got checked into
402
00:24:01.319 --> 00:24:04.759
my room here it was five pm. Like I re
403
00:24:04.920 --> 00:24:07.119
arrived at like four forty four, got all checked in.
404
00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:11.880
Let's just call it five pm forty five minutes later,
405
00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:15.400
let's just say an hour later. They broke my water
406
00:24:15.440 --> 00:24:19.799
at six pm ish. What a crazy, intense, weird sensation
407
00:24:20.359 --> 00:24:23.799
where you just feel the water just crushing out of you.
408
00:24:24.400 --> 00:24:26.920
And so Morgan suggested that I stand up so they
409
00:24:27.000 --> 00:24:29.880
let me stand up and I didn't have an IV
410
00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:32.680
or anything, which was awesome. They did put one in
411
00:24:32.680 --> 00:24:35.079
my arm, but I wasn't connected to anything, but they
412
00:24:35.079 --> 00:24:37.599
were monitoring me. So I stood up and Morgan was
413
00:24:37.640 --> 00:24:41.480
hip squeezing me and just helping me through these contractions
414
00:24:41.480 --> 00:24:44.559
that were getting more intense by the moment. I mean,
415
00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:47.599
things went from like zero to sixty really really fast.
416
00:24:48.039 --> 00:24:51.240
And with Maverick, my nurse at the time, told me,
417
00:24:51.640 --> 00:24:54.039
you know you're doing natural. That's amazing. This is when
418
00:24:54.079 --> 00:24:56.319
I before I asked for the epidurl and she's like,
419
00:24:56.359 --> 00:24:58.480
I just want you to know that when your water breaks,
420
00:24:58.880 --> 00:25:02.960
things are going to intense. I like a millionfold, and
421
00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:08.880
I was like, holy shit, it scared me. But this
422
00:25:09.000 --> 00:25:11.759
time I was like, okay, I'm ready, bring it on.
423
00:25:12.039 --> 00:25:17.079
I wasn't scared. And the contractions started to become other
424
00:25:17.240 --> 00:25:22.640
fucking worldly. Like I am telling you, I left my body.
425
00:25:22.799 --> 00:25:25.519
I mean, I was standing there and at this point
426
00:25:25.559 --> 00:25:29.359
Todd was hip squeezing me. My arms were around Morgan's neck.
427
00:25:29.480 --> 00:25:34.160
I was standing up and I felt like I could faint,
428
00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:39.000
throw up, and literally bite take a big bite out
429
00:25:39.000 --> 00:25:42.079
of her neck all at once. It was that intense.
430
00:25:42.839 --> 00:25:46.200
It was so intense. I was like aw like snorting,
431
00:25:47.720 --> 00:25:51.079
And anytime my registry would get like too high. If
432
00:25:51.079 --> 00:25:52.920
I started to yell and I was like getting ah,
433
00:25:53.160 --> 00:25:58.440
like up here, she would tell me go down, root down,
434
00:25:58.599 --> 00:26:01.920
ground down, lower lower lower, and I started to get
435
00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:06.079
more guttural and like go into the and like it
436
00:26:06.160 --> 00:26:09.240
was so freaking primal, Like if you've given birth, you
437
00:26:09.240 --> 00:26:12.400
know what I'm talking about. I mean people say, like,
438
00:26:13.160 --> 00:26:16.000
you know, you get possessed, or like you get you know,
439
00:26:16.079 --> 00:26:19.680
this whole other personality that your husband's literally never seen
440
00:26:19.720 --> 00:26:22.759
comes out. I mean, whatever needs to come out comes out.
441
00:26:23.640 --> 00:26:27.240
And I was still able to take her cues. And
442
00:26:27.279 --> 00:26:29.680
I think that is like the value. There's so much
443
00:26:29.759 --> 00:26:32.640
value in having a doula. So many people I know
444
00:26:32.759 --> 00:26:35.480
don't have dulas, but so many people I know do.
445
00:26:35.720 --> 00:26:40.039
And I do feel like there is so much value
446
00:26:40.079 --> 00:26:43.000
in being coached by a professional. Like obviously, I'm a
447
00:26:43.000 --> 00:26:45.200
firm believer in coaching, and to me, like having a
448
00:26:45.240 --> 00:26:49.519
birth coach was a non negotiable at all, like at
449
00:26:49.559 --> 00:26:54.000
all at all. And this part of the labor was
450
00:26:54.440 --> 00:26:59.440
the most intense part of the labor. I had to
451
00:26:59.720 --> 00:27:04.279
dig so fucking deep in my heart and my soul,
452
00:27:04.440 --> 00:27:09.400
in my body to not run away. And I knew
453
00:27:09.440 --> 00:27:11.799
that there was nowhere to fucking go right, Like I
454
00:27:11.960 --> 00:27:14.000
wasn't about to get an abitural at that moment. It
455
00:27:14.079 --> 00:27:15.920
was just too intense, like it was too late at
456
00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:18.799
that point, it was I didn't even ask for one.
457
00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:21.839
It was just like in my mind that the only
458
00:27:21.880 --> 00:27:26.000
way out was through. And it's funny because we read
459
00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:28.119
this book to Maverick. It's called Going on a Bear Hunt.
460
00:27:28.119 --> 00:27:30.559
It's kind of like a classic, and it's about a
461
00:27:30.599 --> 00:27:32.880
family who's like, can't go over it, can't go under, it,
462
00:27:32.920 --> 00:27:34.759
got to go through it. And it's like going through
463
00:27:34.799 --> 00:27:37.079
the forest, going through the river, going through the snowstorm,
464
00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:40.079
going through the cave. And I was like I was
465
00:27:40.079 --> 00:27:42.160
going through the cave and I was meeting the bear.
466
00:27:42.839 --> 00:27:45.160
And if you know the book, you know the book.
467
00:27:45.200 --> 00:27:59.200
But it was the most invigorating, fucking like deep moment
468
00:27:59.359 --> 00:28:02.799
of like on support. I was fully supported by Todd,
469
00:28:02.839 --> 00:28:05.359
by my mom. My mom was holding my hands in
470
00:28:05.440 --> 00:28:11.359
between these contractions and it was just so beautiful and
471
00:28:11.400 --> 00:28:13.519
so it was just insane. It was just insane. And
472
00:28:13.839 --> 00:28:17.519
I looked at Morgan and I was just like, I
473
00:28:17.519 --> 00:28:19.119
don't know how I'm gonna do this right now. I
474
00:28:19.119 --> 00:28:21.519
don't know how I can handle another one of those contractions.
475
00:28:21.559 --> 00:28:24.559
And she looked at me and she said, which is
476
00:28:24.599 --> 00:28:27.559
exactly what I needed to hear. And this, let me
477
00:28:27.599 --> 00:28:30.559
just preface before I say it. This is never something
478
00:28:30.640 --> 00:28:33.079
that I would think to say to someone in a
479
00:28:33.119 --> 00:28:38.000
coaching scenario, but it was exactly what I needed to
480
00:28:38.039 --> 00:28:40.279
hear in that moment. And she looked at me dead
481
00:28:40.279 --> 00:28:44.720
in the eyes and she said, Ashley, it's okay if
482
00:28:44.799 --> 00:28:50.039
this breaks you right now. And I was like, you're right,
483
00:28:50.799 --> 00:28:54.759
it is okay. Like I'm breaking through, like I'm literally
484
00:28:54.799 --> 00:28:58.039
breaking through. And in that moment, I just let go.
485
00:28:58.160 --> 00:29:02.519
I allowed the breakdown, and on the other side, I
486
00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:08.359
felt the breakthrough. I felt just everything happened at once,
487
00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:12.039
and I felt the baby literally drop right into my pelvis.
488
00:29:12.279 --> 00:29:16.839
And in reflection of this moment, I understand why women
489
00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:20.480
were built to birth, because when I was on my
490
00:29:20.480 --> 00:29:23.680
epidural the first time, I couldn't feel any of this,
491
00:29:24.440 --> 00:29:28.400
and like, your body actually needs to be informed on
492
00:29:28.559 --> 00:29:32.480
where the baby is, Like you can feel everything for
493
00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:36.559
a reason, because that will inform you on your pushing,
494
00:29:37.079 --> 00:29:41.200
right because it's like pushing with the light on versus
495
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:43.519
the light off. Right when I was had my epidural,
496
00:29:43.559 --> 00:29:45.119
I felt like I was in the darkness and I
497
00:29:45.119 --> 00:29:48.400
couldn't I didn't know what was happening or when this
498
00:29:48.519 --> 00:29:51.920
baby was coming out. Two hours and forty minutes, that's
499
00:29:51.920 --> 00:29:55.319
how long the pushing took with Maverick, and with her,
500
00:29:56.079 --> 00:29:59.440
I felt everything, so I knew where she was and
501
00:29:59.480 --> 00:30:02.039
how much work I needed to do and how big
502
00:30:02.079 --> 00:30:04.880
of a push I needed to do, and like it
503
00:30:05.000 --> 00:30:07.599
informs so much. It's like pushing with the light on,
504
00:30:07.759 --> 00:30:10.400
like you just know where to go, what to do,
505
00:30:10.559 --> 00:30:13.440
how how intense it needs to be. It's just so
506
00:30:13.599 --> 00:30:18.240
intelligent the body, and it's just fucking insane. And so
507
00:30:20.599 --> 00:30:24.000
that was at like seven twenty, right when the baby
508
00:30:24.039 --> 00:30:26.119
dropped into the pelvis, and I was like, oh my god,
509
00:30:26.440 --> 00:30:29.160
Oh my gosh, I think I feel like I'm gonna
510
00:30:29.160 --> 00:30:32.240
fucking push right now. And I was standing up still,
511
00:30:32.920 --> 00:30:37.039
and so I jumped on the bed and most of
512
00:30:37.079 --> 00:30:39.799
the time throughout the entire experience, I was laboring on
513
00:30:39.880 --> 00:30:42.240
my hands and knees like I was in this like
514
00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:44.400
you know the cat, you know when you're on, you're
515
00:30:44.440 --> 00:30:46.119
on your hands and knees. Like that's how I was
516
00:30:46.200 --> 00:30:49.799
laboring the entire time. Any contraction I had, I was
517
00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:51.599
on my hands and knees. And that was a lot
518
00:30:51.640 --> 00:30:54.519
of the coaching from Morgan, she told me. Even like
519
00:30:54.839 --> 00:30:56.880
for my birth prep every night, I would get on
520
00:30:56.880 --> 00:30:59.160
my hands and knees and listen to a meditation and
521
00:30:59.160 --> 00:31:01.200
get into that zone of like, this is my normal
522
00:31:01.240 --> 00:31:04.079
position and I feel safe here. She said. The more
523
00:31:04.119 --> 00:31:07.160
you get into that position before you give birth, the
524
00:31:07.200 --> 00:31:09.680
safer your body feels in that position when you're in labor,
525
00:31:09.680 --> 00:31:13.880
which makes a lot of sense to me. So that's
526
00:31:13.880 --> 00:31:17.880
how I labored most of the time. And a huge
527
00:31:17.960 --> 00:31:21.160
difference too, was like Todd was so present for this
528
00:31:21.279 --> 00:31:24.200
labor for Maverick, it was so long, and it was
529
00:31:24.319 --> 00:31:26.880
we were up for two nights, three nights in a row.
530
00:31:27.519 --> 00:31:31.200
He was exhausted. He didn't really know how to support
531
00:31:31.240 --> 00:31:34.759
me fully. And I do feel like this time around
532
00:31:34.839 --> 00:31:38.319
he was just with me one hundred percent. And so
533
00:31:38.440 --> 00:31:40.480
when I told the nurse that I felt the baby
534
00:31:40.559 --> 00:31:45.200
drop into my pelvis, I jumped. She was like, get
535
00:31:45.240 --> 00:31:46.799
on the bed because they don't want you. They don't
536
00:31:46.799 --> 00:31:48.839
want you to have a baby on the drop onto
537
00:31:48.920 --> 00:31:51.559
the floor at the hospital room. It's not safe. So
538
00:31:52.200 --> 00:31:54.000
the nurse outed at me to get on the bed.
539
00:31:54.200 --> 00:31:58.839
So I climbed up, hands and knees, and in this moment,
540
00:31:59.400 --> 00:32:01.920
the bed was like half up right, so the back
541
00:32:01.960 --> 00:32:03.960
of the bed was up, so I'm holding onto the
542
00:32:03.960 --> 00:32:06.359
back of the bed, but I'm holding on Todd was
543
00:32:06.440 --> 00:32:11.839
back there and I'm holding onto his shoulders. Morgan jumps
544
00:32:11.839 --> 00:32:16.039
on the bed behind me and she's hip squeezing me.
545
00:32:16.160 --> 00:32:19.680
But before she started to hip squeeze me, she did
546
00:32:19.720 --> 00:32:24.279
something that I have watched countless, like tiktoks on and
547
00:32:24.319 --> 00:32:27.559
reels on where they always say, when you're in labor,
548
00:32:28.119 --> 00:32:32.680
make sure to tilt your knees inward, not outward. Like
549
00:32:32.720 --> 00:32:35.200
when you're in labor and you're laying on your back
550
00:32:35.240 --> 00:32:39.279
and you're about to push, your knees are like out
551
00:32:39.640 --> 00:32:44.240
not in and that actually closes your pelvis. And I
552
00:32:44.440 --> 00:32:46.480
always said to myself, I want to remember this, I
553
00:32:46.519 --> 00:32:48.559
want to remember this, but in the moment, you just
554
00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:52.200
don't remember that. And so it was crazy because Morgan
555
00:32:52.759 --> 00:32:58.960
was so present. She immediately tilts my knees inward, and
556
00:32:59.039 --> 00:33:01.640
I was like, she's so fucking smart, like thank you,
557
00:33:01.799 --> 00:33:05.960
like yes, And when she did that, I got the biggest,
558
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:09.519
like Charlie Horse cramp in my right butt cheek and
559
00:33:09.599 --> 00:33:12.440
it was like I couldn't. I had to address that
560
00:33:12.559 --> 00:33:17.119
because it was really really bad. So the nurse very
561
00:33:17.160 --> 00:33:20.920
intuitively just starts massaging the shit out of my right
562
00:33:20.920 --> 00:33:23.359
butt cheek. And I have a new nurse at this point.
563
00:33:23.440 --> 00:33:27.720
She was awesome. Her name is Michelle, and she like
564
00:33:27.839 --> 00:33:30.519
got the cramp out immediately. It was just like very cool,
565
00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:33.359
just that she knew exactly what I needed in that moment.
566
00:33:33.519 --> 00:33:35.839
And it was perfect timing because a contraction was about
567
00:33:35.880 --> 00:33:39.480
to hit, so I like bore down into this contraction
568
00:33:40.440 --> 00:33:46.599
and I gave my first huge push, and let me
569
00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:49.680
tell you, I literally felt half her head come out.
570
00:33:49.960 --> 00:33:52.160
Half of her freaking head came out during that push.
571
00:33:52.720 --> 00:33:55.720
One push, and then I started feeling the ring of
572
00:33:55.759 --> 00:33:58.839
fire come on, which I felt with Maverick because I
573
00:33:58.839 --> 00:34:01.160
don't know, like you can still feel the ring of fire.
574
00:34:01.200 --> 00:34:03.920
And they were oiling me up with Maverick oiling me up,
575
00:34:04.359 --> 00:34:07.119
and this was all happening so fast they had to
576
00:34:07.119 --> 00:34:09.679
call the doctor in. Took her a minute to come in,
577
00:34:10.280 --> 00:34:12.800
and I was screaming. I was like, oil me up,
578
00:34:13.000 --> 00:34:15.000
oil me up, because I could feel the ring of
579
00:34:15.039 --> 00:34:21.159
fire just like coming on so strong, and it's crazy
580
00:34:21.239 --> 00:34:26.079
because the feeling of that ring of fire is nothing
581
00:34:26.599 --> 00:34:29.519
compared to the contractions that I had just lived through,
582
00:34:29.960 --> 00:34:32.159
Like it was crazy. So I was just like I
583
00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:34.360
was cool with the ring of fire, but I was like,
584
00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:37.119
oil me up, because it makes a difference. And so
585
00:34:37.239 --> 00:34:41.639
that one push, half of her head came out. Morgan
586
00:34:41.679 --> 00:34:44.679
coached me again to like drop my screams into my gut,
587
00:34:45.239 --> 00:34:48.760
not high pitch, but like lo that guttural primal and
588
00:34:48.880 --> 00:34:55.760
it worked, and the next push, I squeezed the shit
589
00:34:55.840 --> 00:34:58.360
out of Todd's shoulders like I probably dug my nails
590
00:34:58.360 --> 00:35:01.360
into him. The next push, her entire head came out,
591
00:35:01.679 --> 00:35:03.599
and I was like, oh my god, like this is
592
00:35:03.719 --> 00:35:06.760
fucking happening right now, Like this is crazy. She's like, actually,
593
00:35:06.760 --> 00:35:09.239
you're doing it, You're doing it, You're doing it. And
594
00:35:10.159 --> 00:35:12.440
the I knew that I had one more push, I
595
00:35:12.519 --> 00:35:14.000
was like, her body has to come out, like I
596
00:35:14.079 --> 00:35:17.800
knew that that was it. Intuitively, I knew one more
597
00:35:17.880 --> 00:35:20.320
push and she was going to be here, and so
598
00:35:20.519 --> 00:35:23.159
I am squeezing to her like I did not give
599
00:35:23.199 --> 00:35:27.199
a shit how how much pain it was going to be,
600
00:35:27.199 --> 00:35:29.000
because I knew it was all going to be over.
601
00:35:29.360 --> 00:35:31.000
It was all going to be over, because she was
602
00:35:31.039 --> 00:35:33.760
going to come out, and it just instantly fades away.
603
00:35:34.119 --> 00:35:40.920
I did the most ferocious, primal push you could ever imagine.
604
00:35:41.119 --> 00:35:49.239
I screamed as she came out. She came out, and
605
00:35:49.280 --> 00:35:51.480
I was on my hands and knees, and the doctor
606
00:35:51.599 --> 00:35:54.719
was like, look down, and she literally handed me the
607
00:35:54.760 --> 00:35:58.840
baby through my legs and I was just holding this
608
00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:01.159
baby in my arm since she was here, and I
609
00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:04.039
was just every we were all just freaking out, like
610
00:36:04.239 --> 00:36:07.880
the doctors, the nurses and my mom, Morgan tab we
611
00:36:07.880 --> 00:36:10.440
were all just like, oh my god, oh my god.
612
00:36:11.360 --> 00:36:14.039
I'm gonna play a little video clip from that moment
613
00:36:14.199 --> 00:36:18.760
because my mom actually recorded it, or I forget who
614
00:36:18.800 --> 00:36:20.800
recorded it, maybe Morgan did. I don't even know, but
615
00:36:20.840 --> 00:36:22.079
I'm gonna play a clip from it.
616
00:36:24.559 --> 00:36:41.599
Oh my god, Oh my god, you cried right away.
617
00:36:40.039 --> 00:36:45.079
I told you you're amazing.
618
00:36:46.079 --> 00:36:53.400
Okay, And if you listen back, you hear Morgan just
619
00:36:53.440 --> 00:36:55.440
say I told you you can fucking do it. I
620
00:36:55.480 --> 00:36:59.880
told you, I told you, and like, uh, oh my god.
621
00:37:00.119 --> 00:37:04.199
Like the oxytocin and the level of just like pure
622
00:37:04.599 --> 00:37:10.039
awe and just pure bliss that you feel in a
623
00:37:10.079 --> 00:37:15.199
moment like that is just what life is about. It's
624
00:37:15.239 --> 00:37:18.679
just what life is about. It's like the peakest of
625
00:37:18.719 --> 00:37:22.280
peak moments you could ever experience. And I'm so blessed.
626
00:37:22.320 --> 00:37:26.000
And so we got to the hospital at five PM
627
00:37:26.039 --> 00:37:29.280
and she was born at seven thirty one. I started
628
00:37:29.320 --> 00:37:32.599
pushing at like seven twenty and she was born at
629
00:37:32.639 --> 00:37:36.760
seven thirty one. Live Sky Gordon came out. And I
630
00:37:36.960 --> 00:37:45.039
was an absolute shock, Like I just can't believe it. It
631
00:37:43.679 --> 00:37:48.199
was just so primal and it was the most redemptive, beautiful,
632
00:37:48.280 --> 00:37:55.639
empowering moment of my life. And it was really powerful.
633
00:37:55.719 --> 00:37:59.679
And so she had a shorter ambolical cord. And one
634
00:37:59.760 --> 00:38:02.400
of these that was really, really really important to me
635
00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:04.280
was like I wanted her to get all of her
636
00:38:04.280 --> 00:38:08.159
cord blood, and with Maverick like delayed cord clamping in
637
00:38:08.199 --> 00:38:10.639
the hospitals like four or five minutes, and I that
638
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:13.599
just wasn't cool with me. I wanted like a solid
639
00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:18.239
twenty thirty minutes of being you know, connected and having
640
00:38:18.280 --> 00:38:21.159
her get all that blood. And so that's another important
641
00:38:21.159 --> 00:38:23.880
reason why Dula is so key is because she was
642
00:38:23.920 --> 00:38:26.760
the one communicating with the doctor like this is what
643
00:38:26.880 --> 00:38:29.679
my wishes, her wishes are, and you know, can she
644
00:38:29.719 --> 00:38:32.599
stay connected to the placenta, and like, let this happen
645
00:38:33.719 --> 00:38:37.599
before we deliver the placenta. So I turned around because
646
00:38:37.599 --> 00:38:38.880
I was on my hands and knee, so I turned
647
00:38:38.880 --> 00:38:41.440
around and they let me stay connected for like fifteen
648
00:38:41.480 --> 00:38:44.719
twenty minutes, I think, and I got to birth my
649
00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:48.880
placenta naturally, which was really beautiful, and I didn't tear
650
00:38:49.039 --> 00:38:52.000
at all. I needed no stitches. I just had a
651
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:55.480
tiny abrasion that healed on its own. And when the
652
00:38:55.480 --> 00:38:59.719
baby came out, she was covered in vernex, which is
653
00:38:59.719 --> 00:39:02.920
that creamy protective coating. And that was another one of
654
00:39:02.960 --> 00:39:05.920
my like birth preferences was I wanted to keep the
655
00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:08.199
vernux on her because there's a lot of benefits to
656
00:39:08.239 --> 00:39:11.360
the vernic staying on and just like absorbing into the skin.
657
00:39:12.440 --> 00:39:14.599
So I asked them not even to wipe her, no bath,
658
00:39:14.679 --> 00:39:18.159
no nothing, and she was just covered in the in
659
00:39:18.199 --> 00:39:20.039
the vernux, and I loved it. It was like so
660
00:39:20.079 --> 00:39:22.119
cool because Maverick actually didn't have a lot of that
661
00:39:22.239 --> 00:39:25.159
on him. So I'm really glad she got to have
662
00:39:25.199 --> 00:39:28.320
that soak into her skin, and when we did skin
663
00:39:28.400 --> 00:39:33.000
to skin, she immediately latched onto my breast while still
664
00:39:33.000 --> 00:39:36.719
connected to the placenta. It was just so instinctive. It
665
00:39:36.760 --> 00:39:39.760
was perfect. It was really perfect. The whole room was
666
00:39:39.800 --> 00:39:42.880
just crying. My doula kept whispering to me like I
667
00:39:42.920 --> 00:39:46.159
knew you could do it. You're so powerful. And the
668
00:39:46.239 --> 00:39:49.320
doctor even said, like we've seen so many berths and
669
00:39:49.360 --> 00:39:51.840
that was just really beautiful, and it was. It was
670
00:39:51.880 --> 00:39:58.679
just really really beautiful birth. And wow, the bliss that
671
00:39:58.760 --> 00:40:01.199
I felt in the golden hour, And like I made
672
00:40:01.239 --> 00:40:04.119
a joke immediately after, I was like, Okay, I'm ready
673
00:40:04.159 --> 00:40:06.800
for plates. I'm ready to go to pilates now. Like
674
00:40:06.840 --> 00:40:10.119
I mean, it's just such a different experience, like having
675
00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:13.159
the boat, the two experiences of an epidural versus not.
676
00:40:13.519 --> 00:40:16.599
So it's like night and day. And I just want
677
00:40:16.599 --> 00:40:18.800
to pause here for a moment because I want to
678
00:40:18.840 --> 00:40:24.880
really honor my husband. He was really the most incredible partner.
679
00:40:25.239 --> 00:40:27.239
He was so present, He was so steady. He was
680
00:40:27.280 --> 00:40:32.599
so supportive, from hip squeezing to pack in the car
681
00:40:32.719 --> 00:40:35.639
to holding space for me at literally every stage, just
682
00:40:35.719 --> 00:40:38.960
stepping up and like taking care of Maverick when I
683
00:40:39.039 --> 00:40:44.519
was super super pregnant and like couldn't even move, and
684
00:40:44.559 --> 00:40:49.039
then watching him hold his daughter for the first time,
685
00:40:51.119 --> 00:40:57.360
doing a skin to skin I don't really have like
686
00:40:57.440 --> 00:40:59.920
the words to explain it, but I just remember when
687
00:40:59.920 --> 00:41:03.199
we were struggling so hard to get pregnant, like I
688
00:41:03.400 --> 00:41:06.760
just wanted him to be a father, Like I just
689
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:11.639
wanted to make him a dad, and he's really the best,
690
00:41:11.679 --> 00:41:17.599
best dad. There's really no words to explain like what
691
00:41:17.639 --> 00:41:21.960
your heart feels when you can make your partner a
692
00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:25.239
mom or a dad. It's just like really really such
693
00:41:25.239 --> 00:41:31.320
a gift that like you can give someone And there's
694
00:41:31.360 --> 00:41:35.039
just no words for how your heart expands when you
695
00:41:35.079 --> 00:41:38.760
welcome another baby into the world. That night in the hospital,
696
00:41:39.000 --> 00:41:41.599
just the three of us and our little bubble before
697
00:41:41.639 --> 00:41:45.559
going home and like connecting as a family of four,
698
00:41:46.719 --> 00:41:50.360
it was just so sacred and it was the sweetest transition,
699
00:41:51.000 --> 00:41:53.800
really really was. And so after we got settled into
700
00:41:53.920 --> 00:41:59.199
our new room, Morgan went home and like it was
701
00:41:59.239 --> 00:42:00.559
great because she was going to be home at a
702
00:42:00.559 --> 00:42:02.920
reasonable hour. It wasn't like an all night thing, which
703
00:42:02.960 --> 00:42:05.000
was I was happy. I was happy for that for
704
00:42:05.079 --> 00:42:07.840
her and my mom went home to get some rest,
705
00:42:07.960 --> 00:42:09.400
and she knew she was going to help out with
706
00:42:09.400 --> 00:42:11.760
Maverick the next day until we came home from the
707
00:42:11.760 --> 00:42:15.239
hospital the next morning. Before the sun even came up,
708
00:42:15.280 --> 00:42:17.840
I was like in this half a week half dream state,
709
00:42:18.679 --> 00:42:21.559
live was sleeping on my chest and the room was
710
00:42:21.639 --> 00:42:25.159
just completely still, and a nurse came in quietly to
711
00:42:25.199 --> 00:42:28.519
take my vitals and I asked her what her name was,
712
00:42:28.960 --> 00:42:33.239
and she smiled and she said, it's surely and I
713
00:42:33.320 --> 00:42:37.599
froze because Shirley was my grandmother's name. She was my bubby,
714
00:42:38.519 --> 00:42:41.920
my mom's mom, who passed away in twenty fourteen. And
715
00:42:41.960 --> 00:42:44.000
I looked at her and I said, oh my god,
716
00:42:44.320 --> 00:42:49.360
my grandmother's name was Shirley. And she kind of laughed
717
00:42:49.360 --> 00:42:53.039
politely and she said, my grandmother's name was Shirley, and
718
00:42:53.159 --> 00:42:59.079
I'm named after her. And I was just feeling my
719
00:42:59.079 --> 00:43:03.920
grandmother's presence so strongly, like my grandmother had literally stepped
720
00:43:03.960 --> 00:43:07.000
into the room through this nurse to say I'm here,
721
00:43:07.400 --> 00:43:10.440
I'm with you. And I instantly felt this just like
722
00:43:10.519 --> 00:43:14.519
big wave of emotion and gratitude and awe in chills,
723
00:43:14.559 --> 00:43:17.039
and I just looked down and live and thought about
724
00:43:17.159 --> 00:43:21.800
my mom, and I just felt the lineage right, the
725
00:43:21.840 --> 00:43:25.199
thread of women, my grandmother, my mom, me, my daughter,
726
00:43:25.400 --> 00:43:29.000
just like all linked together. And I had done so
727
00:43:29.159 --> 00:43:31.360
much in her work during this pregnancy to heal my
728
00:43:31.440 --> 00:43:35.960
relationship with my mom, to soften the wounded feminine patterns
729
00:43:35.960 --> 00:43:39.880
in our family line, and in that moment, I just
730
00:43:39.960 --> 00:43:42.800
knew my Bubby was acknowledging it, and I felt like
731
00:43:42.840 --> 00:43:47.360
she was saying, you did it. You healed something big,
732
00:43:47.920 --> 00:43:51.079
You opened the door for this new energy to come through,
733
00:43:51.440 --> 00:43:55.199
And it was just so full circle for me, almost
734
00:43:55.199 --> 00:43:59.000
like her spirit was just blessing this next chapter, this
735
00:43:59.039 --> 00:44:02.840
next generation of in our family, because I also like
736
00:44:02.920 --> 00:44:06.599
saw this this TikTok I think, and it just resonated
737
00:44:06.639 --> 00:44:09.320
with me so much where someone said if you have
738
00:44:09.400 --> 00:44:13.000
a boy first and then you have a girl, that
739
00:44:13.159 --> 00:44:17.719
boy kind of closes the chain on the lineage and
740
00:44:17.400 --> 00:44:24.159
the girl that you have next starts a new healing
741
00:44:24.239 --> 00:44:28.360
cycle in your lineage, and just was like, whoa. It
742
00:44:28.480 --> 00:44:32.400
just resonated so much that morning as the light started
743
00:44:32.400 --> 00:44:34.920
pouring through the hospital window and I just stared at
744
00:44:34.920 --> 00:44:38.679
my daughter, just still in disbelief that I now have
745
00:44:38.719 --> 00:44:43.559
a daughter and she's finally here and I literally dreamt
746
00:44:43.599 --> 00:44:48.719
about this moment, Like after I had Maverick, I just
747
00:44:49.000 --> 00:44:52.719
thought about that other embryo, that other girl embryo that
748
00:44:52.760 --> 00:44:55.519
we had. I thought about her every single day, Like
749
00:44:55.639 --> 00:44:58.800
every single day I thought about her, and she was
750
00:44:59.079 --> 00:45:05.320
finally here, and I just realized how profoundly this birth
751
00:45:05.599 --> 00:45:10.000
changed me. After two rounds of IVF, after years of
752
00:45:10.039 --> 00:45:14.800
waiting and hoping and healing, I finally experienced birth in
753
00:45:14.840 --> 00:45:17.639
the exact way I always dreamed of. And it was
754
00:45:17.679 --> 00:45:22.719
just so present and lighthearted and natural and fully embodied
755
00:45:22.800 --> 00:45:28.480
and fully awake. It was redemptive, It was healing. It
756
00:45:28.519 --> 00:45:33.719
was proof that I could trust myself completely. And like
757
00:45:33.960 --> 00:45:38.400
years of going through impertility and IVF, like you start
758
00:45:38.480 --> 00:45:41.519
to like not trust yourself and not trust your body anymore.
759
00:45:42.679 --> 00:45:46.519
And this was just so healing and like I feel
760
00:45:46.519 --> 00:45:49.800
like it closed the chapter of that like disbelief in
761
00:45:49.840 --> 00:45:54.039
myself and in my body and healed so much of
762
00:45:54.079 --> 00:45:59.400
that like old story that I had. And this time
763
00:45:59.519 --> 00:46:03.440
I wasn't fighting my body. I was just in partnership
764
00:46:03.480 --> 00:46:06.519
with it. And during this like labor and birth experience,
765
00:46:06.880 --> 00:46:14.039
I just I realized that like I didn't need control,
766
00:46:14.400 --> 00:46:16.519
I didn't need to try to have control. I wasn't
767
00:46:16.559 --> 00:46:20.639
trying to control anything. I was surrendering and allowing and trusting.
768
00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:27.199
And that changed me on a cellular level. And it's like,
769
00:46:27.280 --> 00:46:32.519
of course, we want to always find that surrender within ourselves,
770
00:46:32.519 --> 00:46:35.599
and like these are age old lessons like surrender and
771
00:46:35.639 --> 00:46:40.920
trust and allowing and being embodied. All of these things
772
00:46:41.000 --> 00:46:43.760
we all know, but we don't know them until we
773
00:46:43.760 --> 00:46:46.480
get them on a cellular level. And that's what happened
774
00:46:46.559 --> 00:46:50.239
during this experience, where all of these lessons became solely
775
00:46:50.320 --> 00:46:58.559
embodied in my being. And this labor, this birth, this
776
00:46:58.719 --> 00:47:02.440
storyed me. Like it really has changed me on a
777
00:47:02.480 --> 00:47:05.239
cellular level. I didn't feel like the same person the
778
00:47:05.280 --> 00:47:10.320
next moment after it happened. I'm not the same woman
779
00:47:10.480 --> 00:47:13.920
that I was before this experience. It just cracked me
780
00:47:14.000 --> 00:47:16.880
open and has rebuilt me. And one of the biggest
781
00:47:16.880 --> 00:47:23.679
things that it healed for me was my fear of disappointment. Okay,
782
00:47:24.960 --> 00:47:27.960
I have this fear of disappointing people. And I said
783
00:47:27.960 --> 00:47:29.719
it earlier where I was like, I'm afraid that I'm
784
00:47:29.719 --> 00:47:32.000
going to disappoint my duel if I don't go natural right,
785
00:47:32.119 --> 00:47:35.880
Like it's a fear of disappointment in a lot of
786
00:47:35.880 --> 00:47:39.679
different ways, of disappointing others, of disappointing myself, And it
787
00:47:39.760 --> 00:47:43.559
showed me that every fear I had was just an
788
00:47:43.599 --> 00:47:48.079
invitation to trust deeper. And a psychic once told me
789
00:47:48.840 --> 00:47:53.039
palm Rader, actually psychic palm Rader pretty well world renowned.
790
00:47:53.519 --> 00:47:56.039
She told me, your greatest disappointments will come from your
791
00:47:56.079 --> 00:47:59.480
own mind. And I think about that a lot, because
792
00:48:00.440 --> 00:48:06.760
in this birth I proved the opposite. My greatest triumph
793
00:48:06.920 --> 00:48:10.440
it came from my own mind too. I believed in
794
00:48:10.480 --> 00:48:13.800
myself so deeply that I created the experience that I
795
00:48:13.840 --> 00:48:17.800
always wanted. And I think that's a lesson for all
796
00:48:17.800 --> 00:48:21.199
of us to hear. Like, I'm not special in that, right,
797
00:48:21.239 --> 00:48:25.360
When you believe in yourself so deeply with whatever you
798
00:48:25.400 --> 00:48:28.119
want to be creating whatever you want to do, whether
799
00:48:28.159 --> 00:48:31.760
it's having a natural childbirth or building your dream business
800
00:48:31.880 --> 00:48:38.000
or whatever it is, it doesn't matter. You can do it.
801
00:48:39.320 --> 00:48:41.679
You can do it. When you believe in yourself that much,
802
00:48:41.760 --> 00:48:47.079
you create the experience you desire. And as I look
803
00:48:47.079 --> 00:48:49.760
at my daughter and at Todd, and at our family
804
00:48:49.840 --> 00:48:53.000
now at Maverick, I just feel this unshakeable knowing that
805
00:48:54.519 --> 00:48:58.559
I can literally do fucking anything. It just instilled me
806
00:48:58.639 --> 00:49:01.280
with that belief in myself. And I felt like I
807
00:49:01.360 --> 00:49:05.800
had that before. I knew it in my head, but
808
00:49:05.960 --> 00:49:08.320
now I have it in my body. And there's a
809
00:49:08.360 --> 00:49:13.519
difference because once you've walked through something like that, once
810
00:49:13.559 --> 00:49:16.760
you've met yourself in that level of power and surrender,
811
00:49:16.920 --> 00:49:19.920
there's just really nothing that you can't prick and do.
812
00:49:20.440 --> 00:49:24.400
We're always so much more powerful than we even know
813
00:49:24.519 --> 00:49:27.079
or give ourselves credit for. You can do anything that
814
00:49:27.119 --> 00:49:30.320
you set your mind to. And so whatever season you're in,
815
00:49:30.480 --> 00:49:34.079
whether it's pregnancy or postpartum or just navigating life because
816
00:49:34.159 --> 00:49:38.199
life is wild, trust that you are capable of more
817
00:49:38.360 --> 00:49:42.440
than you can imagine. Another incredibly valuable lesson is that
818
00:49:42.480 --> 00:49:47.239
our bodies have such divine intelligence. And this birth reminded
819
00:49:47.280 --> 00:49:50.760
me that my body isn't separate from my spirit. It's
820
00:49:50.840 --> 00:49:53.800
one with it. It's wise, it's responsive, it's intuitive, and
821
00:49:55.280 --> 00:49:58.280
you can trust your body because it was made for miracles.
822
00:49:58.360 --> 00:50:02.079
And so I know so many people battling different health
823
00:50:02.119 --> 00:50:07.000
issues and chronic illness and autoimmune shit and lines and whatever, like,
824
00:50:07.039 --> 00:50:08.960
there's so much stuff and there's so much healing that
825
00:50:08.960 --> 00:50:13.400
we're always constantly working on. And I think it's a
826
00:50:13.440 --> 00:50:15.559
really important reminder and like one of the biggest things
827
00:50:15.599 --> 00:50:19.119
that I'm learning is like really trusting your body, trusting
828
00:50:19.159 --> 00:50:23.360
the wisdom of your body. So to every mama listening,
829
00:50:23.599 --> 00:50:26.400
however your baby came into the world, whether through your
830
00:50:26.440 --> 00:50:30.400
belly or through your body, whether it's natural or medicated,
831
00:50:30.519 --> 00:50:36.199
or induced or c section, your birth story is powerful
832
00:50:36.280 --> 00:50:41.840
and sacred and there's really no hierarchy in motherhood. There's
833
00:50:41.920 --> 00:50:49.559
just love and fucking bravery and camaraderie. And motherhood is
834
00:50:49.639 --> 00:50:53.920
like the coolest club I've ever entered. It's like so
835
00:50:53.920 --> 00:50:57.159
so real, so relatable, and I'm so lucky to have
836
00:50:57.679 --> 00:51:01.400
such amazing moms in my life to help me, guide me,
837
00:51:01.519 --> 00:51:05.960
teach me, like be the village, really be the village
838
00:51:06.239 --> 00:51:10.280
for each other. I hope live story reminds you to
839
00:51:10.320 --> 00:51:14.239
just continue to trust yourself, your body, your timing, and
840
00:51:14.280 --> 00:51:19.199
trust your power because it's already within you. It's already
841
00:51:19.199 --> 00:51:21.159
within you, And I hope that listening to this gave
842
00:51:21.199 --> 00:51:27.719
you some nuggets for yourself. That's always my intention. And yeah,
843
00:51:27.840 --> 00:51:31.079
the days of following coming home from the hospital were
844
00:51:31.159 --> 00:51:34.960
just so so precious and watching Maverick meet his sister
845
00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:37.559
for the first time was just the most beautiful, beautiful thing.
846
00:51:37.559 --> 00:51:40.079
I posted it on Instagram. There's like two parts to it.
847
00:51:40.559 --> 00:51:42.920
He was just so sweet. It was such like a
848
00:51:43.039 --> 00:51:46.079
core memory. I'll never forget it. It was so so special.
849
00:51:46.840 --> 00:51:49.880
And I'm going to record another episode on my whole
850
00:51:49.920 --> 00:51:58.159
postpartum journey and experience so far and kind of continue
851
00:51:58.199 --> 00:52:01.840
the story, but I'll end the one here. Keep this
852
00:52:02.000 --> 00:52:06.679
under an hour, because I think Maverick's podcasts are Our
853
00:52:06.719 --> 00:52:08.679
birth story with him was like ninety minutes and I'm like,
854
00:52:08.719 --> 00:52:11.079
holy shit, this is so long. I'm going to keep
855
00:52:11.079 --> 00:52:13.360
this one shorter, and luckily the birth was shorter, so
856
00:52:13.719 --> 00:52:16.599
we have a shorter episode here. And before I close
857
00:52:16.639 --> 00:52:18.639
this episode, I just want to take a moment and
858
00:52:18.679 --> 00:52:21.639
honor and thank my birth team, the people who made
859
00:52:21.679 --> 00:52:26.480
this entire experience what it was, because yes, birth is
860
00:52:26.559 --> 00:52:31.599
powerful and primal and divine, and it's also sacred teamwork. First,
861
00:52:31.880 --> 00:52:35.159
my husband, Todd, you are literally my rock. For the
862
00:52:35.199 --> 00:52:38.559
moment those first contractions started. You were there, you were grounded,
863
00:52:38.599 --> 00:52:42.719
you were calm, you were present. And to my mom,
864
00:52:43.000 --> 00:52:46.400
just thank you for being such a nurturing presence. I'm
865
00:52:46.519 --> 00:52:49.280
so lucky that my mom could be there. Some people
866
00:52:49.280 --> 00:52:51.199
think I'm crazy for having my mom in the room.
867
00:52:51.519 --> 00:52:53.840
She was there for both, and I wanted to give
868
00:52:53.880 --> 00:52:59.239
her that honor. You've been through both my birth now
869
00:52:59.320 --> 00:53:02.119
and your energy brings me comfort and safety in a
870
00:53:02.159 --> 00:53:06.639
way only a mother can. And having you there to
871
00:53:06.679 --> 00:53:10.599
witness your granddaughter and grandson come into the world was
872
00:53:10.679 --> 00:53:15.400
just so so special. And to my Dula Morgan Sorg,
873
00:53:15.760 --> 00:53:18.599
I could cry just thinking about how much you gave me.
874
00:53:19.280 --> 00:53:22.360
You weren't just my Dula. You were my mirror, my coach,
875
00:53:22.440 --> 00:53:27.440
my anchor, and my advocate. You helped me prepare mentally
876
00:53:27.519 --> 00:53:30.639
and physically and spiritually, and you reminded me to breathe,
877
00:53:30.760 --> 00:53:33.920
to trust, and just to stay grounded and connected to
878
00:53:33.960 --> 00:53:37.719
my power. In the hardest of moments, when I felt
879
00:53:37.719 --> 00:53:41.840
like I couldn't even keep going, you just said everything
880
00:53:41.880 --> 00:53:45.400
that I needed to hear. And I'm just so grateful
881
00:53:45.440 --> 00:53:48.440
to you. I'm so grateful to my doctor. Shout out,
882
00:53:48.480 --> 00:53:52.400
doctor Danko. Thank you for your calm, your confidence, and
883
00:53:52.440 --> 00:53:56.360
your respect. You stepped in at exactly the right times.
884
00:53:56.519 --> 00:53:58.960
You trusted me to listen to my body and allowed
885
00:53:58.960 --> 00:54:01.679
my birth to unfold as naturally as it possibly could,
886
00:54:02.599 --> 00:54:04.239
and that means more to me than you'll ever know.
887
00:54:05.760 --> 00:54:09.480
Every single person in that room just held such beautiful, loving, attentive,
888
00:54:09.639 --> 00:54:13.960
peaceful space and it felt like everyone was working together
889
00:54:14.239 --> 00:54:16.320
with the same goal, which was to bring lives safely
890
00:54:16.360 --> 00:54:19.159
into the world, and it was just the most aligned, gentle,
891
00:54:19.320 --> 00:54:24.599
empowering way possible. So thank you, Thank you all. And
892
00:54:24.840 --> 00:54:27.360
this was really the story of our rebirth as a family,
893
00:54:27.920 --> 00:54:30.920
as parents, as a family of four now, and as
894
00:54:30.960 --> 00:54:36.119
a woman remembering just how powerful she truly is. So
895
00:54:36.199 --> 00:54:39.440
that is the story and I'm sticking to it, y'all.
896
00:54:39.920 --> 00:54:42.559
I will record another episode as I am going through
897
00:54:42.599 --> 00:54:47.480
like this crazy identity shift postpartum, and I know my
898
00:54:47.519 --> 00:54:51.559
postpartum hormones are still raging, so look forward to that
899
00:54:51.599 --> 00:54:56.760
episode very soon. And until then, keeping the badass creator
900
00:54:56.920 --> 00:54:59.280
of your life, and I would love to hear from you.
901
00:55:00.039 --> 00:55:01.840
Let me know what resonated with you the most, Let
902
00:55:01.840 --> 00:55:05.599
me know. Yeah, anything you want to share with me,
903
00:55:05.639 --> 00:55:07.760
you can always DM me on Instagram at the Quantum
904
00:55:07.760 --> 00:55:11.280
Dot coach and funny you all so much love oo
905
00:55:12.360 --> 00:55:15.280
we did some work today. Thank you so much for listening.
906
00:55:15.599 --> 00:55:19.719
You know I love my bamfan. If this episode resonated
907
00:55:19.760 --> 00:55:22.079
with you, please share it with someone who you know
908
00:55:22.119 --> 00:55:24.280
would love it too. Because we live for the ripple
909
00:55:24.320 --> 00:55:27.119
effect over here. And how can you best support the show?
910
00:55:27.519 --> 00:55:30.400
Make sure you're subscribed, Hit the five stars and leave
911
00:55:30.440 --> 00:55:33.320
a review on iTunes and let me know how the
912
00:55:33.360 --> 00:55:36.719
podcast has impacted you. I love being part of your
913
00:55:36.719 --> 00:55:39.880
real time journey, so screenshot the episode and tag me
914
00:55:40.079 --> 00:55:43.719
and my guests on Instagram at manifest with Ash. Now
915
00:55:43.800 --> 00:55:47.000
say it with me. I am my own power source.
916
00:55:47.679 --> 00:55:51.719
I am the master of my own energy, and I
917
00:55:51.840 --> 00:55:56.320
deserve everything that I desire. We don't just talk about
918
00:55:56.320 --> 00:56:00.840
it over here, we be about it. Now, go get
919
00:56:00.920 --> 00:56:04.039
'em
1
00:00:04.280 --> 00:00:08.679
Welcome that ass manifestor. I am so glad you are here.
2
00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:14.039
I'm your hosts and head coach, Ashley Gordon, master mindset
3
00:00:14.119 --> 00:00:18.760
and manifestation, biz expert, founder of the Quantum Coaching Certification,
4
00:00:19.359 --> 00:00:23.920
and multiple six figure entrepreneur, obsessed with empowering you to
5
00:00:23.960 --> 00:00:28.280
create quantum leafs in your energy, your life, and your business.
6
00:00:29.239 --> 00:00:31.920
This is the show to help you make magic your
7
00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:35.560
everyday normal, where the ripple effect is real and the
8
00:00:35.719 --> 00:00:41.159
guest experts are world class. My mission is to power
9
00:00:41.280 --> 00:00:46.359
your conscious and subconscious mind with manifestation teachings, business tools,
10
00:00:46.399 --> 00:00:51.000
and coaching techniques to put your potential into action. Consider
11
00:00:51.039 --> 00:00:54.560
this your weekly up level. Are you ready for quantum transformation?
12
00:00:55.439 --> 00:01:01.560
Let's do this. Hello, I'm going to just welcome myself
13
00:01:01.560 --> 00:01:04.560
back to my own podcast because it's been a hot minute.
14
00:01:06.120 --> 00:01:08.719
I'm so excited to hit record on this one, y'all.
15
00:01:08.879 --> 00:01:11.159
It has been a long time coming, and every single
16
00:01:11.239 --> 00:01:13.120
day I'm like, I should record my birth podcast. I
17
00:01:13.120 --> 00:01:16.280
should record my birth podcast. I've had it outlined for
18
00:01:16.400 --> 00:01:19.719
a while because I didn't want to forget anything, and
19
00:01:20.400 --> 00:01:22.640
I let me just paint this picture for you. I'm
20
00:01:22.719 --> 00:01:28.319
sitting in the dark, Okay, I'm about I think eleven
21
00:01:28.400 --> 00:01:33.480
weeks wait, maybe twelve weeks postpartum at this point, so
22
00:01:33.519 --> 00:01:35.799
I have pretty much a twelve week old baby, which
23
00:01:35.840 --> 00:01:41.120
is insane, and nobody's home except me and baby girl.
24
00:01:41.799 --> 00:01:45.840
Todd and Maverick are on a little father son trip
25
00:01:46.000 --> 00:01:48.280
to visit Todd's brother, so I have the night to
26
00:01:48.319 --> 00:01:50.799
myself with baby Girl, and it's seven thirty and she
27
00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:55.239
is asleep, and I'm hitting record. So this is kind
28
00:01:55.280 --> 00:01:57.519
of a vibe right now. And I'm so excited to
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share this goodness with you because as much as it's
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my story, there's a lot of nuggets that you can
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take with you as well. And the feedback that I
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got from my first birth story with Maverick, a lot
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of amazing feedback on that episode that people could take
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with them, and that's always my intention here, So welcome
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back to the podcast. Today, I'm sharing something so sacred
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and so close to my heart, which is the birth
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story of my daughter live Sky. And I'll just start
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by saying that she arrived fashionably late, two days past
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her due date. Her due date was August thirteenth. She
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was born on August fifteenth, and she weighed seven pounds
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and ten ounces twenty one inches long. She's a long,
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long little girl. Maverick was also twenty one inches long.
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She was bigger than Maverick by a few ounces. And
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with her arrival, our family finally feels so whole and
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so complete. She is our dream girl. Like wow, she's amazing,
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our miracle, and she has already expanded our hearts in
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such beautiful ways. I didn't even know where possible. Watching
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Maverick with her and the love that he has for her,
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it's just truly so magical, and I feel so lucky.
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But to tell her a story, I need to start
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at the very beginning with IVF, which is so crazy
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and such a miracle in and of itself, and like
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as natural as I am, I'm a firm believer in
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science and the power of in vitro fertilization. It is
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truly life changing for so many families, and this little soul,
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this little girl, was dreamt of long before I ever
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held her in my arms. I went through two rounds
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of IVF. So for those of you who have been
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with me for the long haul, you already know my story.
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But if you're new or here, and I'll just kind
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of recap. The first round of ivy APF, it didn't
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give us what we hoped for. But the second time
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around at Spring fertility, on my first egg retrieval and cycle,
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we made two viable embryos and one was undetermined. And
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so when the doctor called me, he said to me,
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you have two viable embryos. Do you want to know
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the sex of the embryos? And I said, I just
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want to know one thing. Are they the same sex
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or are they opposite? And he said they're opposite and
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I was like, so I was crying. I was like,
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oh my gosh, okay boy and a girl. And you know,
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the likelihood of both of those embryos turning into live
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births is a very small percentage. Typically, doctors want you
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to have three viable embryos for every one child that
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you want to conceive. And so I had never gone
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through an embryo transfer at this point, well the first
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time around. So the fact that when we transferred Maverick,
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he took, and when we transferred live she took and
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became our babies is truly a miracle. Like really, I
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know so many people that don't have that outcome, and
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so I believe in these souls wanting to be connected
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to you, and it has to be like a very
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specific set of DNA and a very specific soul contract.
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And these babies were like, we're coming through, baby Mommy.
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And I had hoped and prayed that those two embryos
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would become our babies, and they did, which is super cool.
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I can't say enough about Spring Fertility in New York City.
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I'm not sponsored by them whatsoever, just had an incredible
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experience and I think their world class at what they do.
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So if you are struggling to get pregnant and conceive,
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I feel you. I was you, and there is help
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and amazing doctors out there and it's worth it. So
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all right, let's get into it. So from the beginning,
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I knew I wanted this birth to be redemptive. I
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wanted to go all natural, and I wanted to feel really,
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really supported. I wanted to labor at home as long
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as possible, like that was my birth plan with Maverick,
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and that was my birth plan again, just labor at
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home for as long as possible and then go to
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the hospital already well into active labor. And I also
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knew that I wanted a different dula experience. This time,
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with Maverick's birth, I paid top dollar and felt so
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unsupported with my doula. She brought her newborn to my labor.
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If you want the full story, listen to Maverick's birth story.
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Just search my birth story and it'll pop up, or
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our birth story, I think. AnyWho, my first duela with
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Maverick couldn't come to the hospital and I ended up
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feeling ultimately pretty abandoned at the time that I really
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needed her the most. And so this time I found
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Morgan more Sorg and she was absolutely life changing. She
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believed in me. She advocated the fuck out of everything
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for me. She supported me literally every step of the way,
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and she spoke belief into my heart and soul. And
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my intention was really clear right like, to prepare my body,
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my mind, and my spirit to do this naturally. Because
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with Maverick, I got to a certain point and then
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I got the epidural, which was totally fine and what
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I needed in the moment, but I really wanted to
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feel everything in this labor. And some of you might
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be listening and be like, you're crazy, give me the drugs,
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and yeah, I just wanted I wanted that experience in
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this life, and so in my third timester, I had
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a lot of prep that I was doing spiritual prep.
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I was meditating, I was doing pelvic floor exercises, I
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was taking gentle birth supplement to soften the cervix and
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just prepare for the labor that I was really manifesting,
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which was a natural, short, healthy, easeful, spiritual, rock my
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world type of labor. So I was at my forty
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week doctor's appointment and everyone was like texting me all
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day like are you dilated? Are you this? Are you
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in labor yet? Like you know when people at the end,
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people were like my story, views were like up to
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crazy numbers, numbers that I don't normally have because I
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think people were like, is she having the baby? Is
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she having the baby? So at my forty week appointment,
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the doctor checked me, she checked my cervix, and she
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told me that I was three and a half centimeters dilated.
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She's like, my fingers are touching the top of your
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baby's head right now, and she feels really smart. I
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was laughing, and I was just so fucking excited because
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here's the thing. They can check you and you could
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be dilated, but it doesn't mean anything. You're not in labor, right,
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But I knew that I was going to go into
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labor very soon. I was already past my due date.
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This was the fourteenth, and I was like, this is
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gonna happen any day. So I felt like it gave
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me a head start. I'm like, holy shit, I'm already
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three and a half centimeters. Like that's a lot of
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work that I had to do before that I didn't
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have to do any now. But the thing is about me.
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When I am pregnant, I get Braxton Hicks like crazy,
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Like I get a ton of brax and Hicks contractions,
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and some people don't have them at all, but they
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actually do something to your uterus. They actually start to
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tone your uterus for labor and also soften the cervix
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like they're doing work inside of your body. And mine
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were really intense, and so I was really freaking happy
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when she you told me that. So I left that
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appointment and I went and had myself a solo lunch,
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and I just thought to myself, this could be I
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have I found this place because my doctor's office is
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an hour away. In the hospital from where I live
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is an hour away. So imagine it's fine. So I
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found this place. It was like the best Mediterranean food.
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It was Kebab's, but instead of a kabab because I'm
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gluten free, I got a rice bowl with the lamb,
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with the with the Oh my brain postspart on, y'all,
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it's crazy. I can't think of basic words. Falafel, that's
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the word falafel, and feta and kalama la olives. And
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I had some tahini and some hummus. Oh my god,
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it was so good, and I was like, okay, this
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is probably like that was my go to place after
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my appointments, and at that point I was going there
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once a week because at the end you go once
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a week. I was like, this is probably my last
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time having this while I'm pregnant. So I had my lunch.
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I went to Whole Foods and I thought, you know,
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I'm probably gonna be going into labor. So I walked
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through Whole Foods and I bought a bunch of food,
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a bunch of snacks, and I picked up some roses.
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And roses became a really powerful anchor for me in
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my first labor, and I would visualize them opening and
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connect with my body opening and my cervix softening with
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the baby moving down, and I would constantly visualize this,
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and so I knew for my labor I wanted to
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have beautiful roses that were already bloomed and opened, so
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I could use that as a really powerful anchor and
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visualization technique to open up my body. And roses are
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SAIDs to hold the highest frequency in the universe, and
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I wanted to embody that energy. So I walked through
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whole Foods with these roses in my hand. I had
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my spiritual playlist in my ears, my birth playlist, and
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I just felt so ready. I was walking around like dancing,
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moving my hips and just getting into my zone. Like
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I think all of us know what that is for ours,
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and for me, it's like listening to really spiritual music
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and really tapping into that state of knowing, that state
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of being one with God, one with the universe, one
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with yourself, one with your energy. Like I was really
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getting super super tapped in and this is like what
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I personally needed. And I did the same exact thing before, Maverick,
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but I did it in a different way, like this
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was like I'm ready, let's go, and with Maverick. I
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had a lot of letting go to do. So AnyWho,
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I'm walking around Whole Foods kind of like in my
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own freaking world, and I really felt like I was
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walking towards a portal. I was walking towards transformation, and
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I was ready for it. So on my way home
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from Whole Foods and driving an hour, my sister called
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me and she said, do you want to go to
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dinner tonight? Let's go to Raberts and get crabs. And
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I was like okay. So I came home and I said, Dad,
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I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go have some crabs with Wendy.
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And he was like, okay, go ahead, have fun. So
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the sweetest freaking signs came the night before my labor started.
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So my sister and I we were sitting at the
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bar and we were just talking about our dad who
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passed away, and he always loved when we were together,
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and there was there's so many amazing things happening in
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both of our lives, like I'm about to have a baby,
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my niece, her daughter just got engaged, and all of
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her kids are thriving, and just life is beautiful and
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happening and they're planning a wedding, and it's just all
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these blessings are happening, and we're sitting there talking about
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all this, and two songs came on back to back,
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and the first song was My Way by Frank Sinatra,
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which was our dad's song. He loved to sing that song.
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And right after that song came on his like the
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number one song came on, which was Sweet Caroline, which
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is like our family's collective sign for him speaking to
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us and like letting us know that he's with us.
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I can't even tell you like all the times that
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this song has come on in moments that have been
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so undeniable of like he is here, He is here
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right now, and he was with us in that moment,
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and it was It brought us to tears. We were crying.
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It was just so beautiful and I felt like, Okay,
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like he he's ready to deliver this baby to me,
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and like he recognizes all the blessings and he sees
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them all happening and he's witnessing them, just not in
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the way that we would like him to. He passed
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away in twenty twenty, and hearing those songs back to
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back were just amazing, and we laughed and we cried
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and we had spicy crabs and we just knew that
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it would induce labor. And like my sister said the
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whole time, these spicy crabs are gonna put you into labor.
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And it was awesome because like now those that like
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moment in time of like us getting crabs. It was
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just really special sister night, and it freaking put me
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into labor. AnyWho, So that night, at three point thirty
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eight in the morning, I woke up with like the
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biggest surge, the kind that took me out of bed.
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I went to the bathroom and I was like, I
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must be bleeding right now. It was just such an
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intense contraction. I thought it was practice and hicks, but
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it was stronger. And I went to the bathroom and
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I saw that I lost my mucus plug and early
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labor had begun and I was just so amped. I
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like saw that. I was like, okay, there's something happened
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in here, and what it is is very clear, and
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I'm like, okay, I'm probably now four centimeters dilated because
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I just lost my freaking muvis plug. So and I
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was just excited. Okay, So the contractions that night were
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kind of all over the place, like that was at
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three thirty eight in the morning, and then until like
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seven thirty. They were very spaced out, like I would
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have one within thirty minutes, and then another one fifteen minutes,
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and then another one forty five minutes. Labor later, very
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very sporadic, nothing to write home about, but some of
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them were really intense. And I woke up the next morning.
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That day was really really peaceful. Maverick had his last
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day of camp. We got him off just to camp,
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and I called the doula and she came over in
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the morning. She wanted to see me have a contraction
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and just see how intense they were. So Morgan came over,
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and the day was so peaceful, like I was resting,
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I was eating, I was getting in the tub, I
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00:17:02.240 --> 00:17:03.879
was hanging out with my mom my mom, and I
279
00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:06.279
tried to take a nap. The duela came in the morning.
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She broughb my legs, my belly, wee banana muffins, and
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she said this is very early and she left and
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she's like, I'll come back later if things, you know, intensify,
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and I just chilled out. It was such a different
284
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vibe than my first labor. I just really trusted the
285
00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:26.839
process and took each contraction as it came throughout the day.
286
00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:30.599
But at no point during the day were my contractions
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00:17:31.519 --> 00:17:34.759
very very close together, like they were very sporadic throughout
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00:17:34.799 --> 00:17:38.359
the day, but very intense. And I didn't know this,
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00:17:38.559 --> 00:17:43.200
but some women don't have patterns in their contractions. They say, like, oh,
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when your contractions are five minutes apart or three minutes apart,
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come to the hospital. But for me, it was never
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00:17:49.839 --> 00:17:51.880
like that. Even with Maverick, it was never like that
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00:17:52.200 --> 00:17:55.079
until the very very very end, like close to the
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birth happening. And so around three pm, I just knew.
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00:18:03.400 --> 00:18:06.480
I couldn't explain it. I just knew it was time
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00:18:06.559 --> 00:18:09.200
to get going to the hospital. And that was one
297
00:18:09.240 --> 00:18:11.200
of my fears during this labor because they say the
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00:18:11.240 --> 00:18:13.960
second time, it does happen quicker. And I didn't want
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00:18:13.960 --> 00:18:16.279
to stay at home for too long because I wasn't
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00:18:16.279 --> 00:18:17.880
trying to have a baby in the car, you know,
301
00:18:17.960 --> 00:18:23.480
which does happen. And especially the fact that my doctor's
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00:18:23.480 --> 00:18:25.640
office or my hospital that I was going to, and
303
00:18:25.720 --> 00:18:28.920
my doctor's office was an hour away, like a true hour.
304
00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:34.000
So Todd was out showing houses. My mom was at
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00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:37.079
the house. I called the Duela back. I called Todd
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00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:41.559
and I said come home, come over, come home. And
307
00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:45.680
they got here very very quickly. Todd packed the car up,
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00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:50.160
my mom packed snacks, Morgan came back, and when everyone
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00:18:50.200 --> 00:18:52.440
got here and everything was packed, we left. And it
310
00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:55.720
was perfectly timed so that we missed Maverick getting home
311
00:18:55.759 --> 00:18:58.599
from camp by like two minutes, literally divine timing. He
312
00:18:58.640 --> 00:19:01.559
was about to pull up, and I just didn't want
313
00:19:01.759 --> 00:19:03.720
I didn't want to see him and make him upset
314
00:19:04.039 --> 00:19:05.960
knowing that we were leaving, because that would really have
315
00:19:06.039 --> 00:19:09.880
upset him. So it really worked out, like literally by
316
00:19:10.559 --> 00:19:12.720
two minutes of a difference. We pulled away and he
317
00:19:12.759 --> 00:19:16.759
pulled up, and the car ride was actually fun, like
318
00:19:16.799 --> 00:19:18.799
you think, okay, you're in labor, you have an hour.
319
00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:21.079
The car ride was fun. In between contractions, Haad and
320
00:19:21.119 --> 00:19:24.160
I were laughing, we were blasting my playlist. I was
321
00:19:24.160 --> 00:19:26.799
like recording a video. Okay, we're having a baby, We're
322
00:19:26.799 --> 00:19:30.720
on our way, let's have a baby. And we were
323
00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:33.640
just excited that we were about to meet our baby girl.
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00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:37.599
And when I pulled up the GPS on the phone,
325
00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:42.079
our arrival time was four forty four PM, So we
326
00:19:42.160 --> 00:19:45.559
left for the hospital at like right before three forty five,
327
00:19:45.759 --> 00:19:49.440
and our arrival time was for forty four angel numbers. Okay,
328
00:19:50.279 --> 00:19:52.000
I knew I was being guided, and I'm in a
329
00:19:52.039 --> 00:19:54.720
personal year four numerology y, so it was just like
330
00:19:54.799 --> 00:19:58.880
a lot a lot happening, a lot of a lot
331
00:19:58.880 --> 00:20:01.559
of signs all the time. Signs were occurring. And when
332
00:20:01.599 --> 00:20:04.839
I got to the hospital, they checked me, and I
333
00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:07.519
had no idea where I was and with Maverick. When
334
00:20:07.519 --> 00:20:09.279
I got to the hospital, I was six centimeters and
335
00:20:09.319 --> 00:20:12.640
I was so happy. And when I got here, guess
336
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:15.640
how much I was. I was eight freaking centimeters dilated.
337
00:20:15.799 --> 00:20:19.480
And I mean, no shade if you don't know, but
338
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:21.880
you need to be ten centimeters dilated to have a baby.
339
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:26.799
That's like part of the equation. So Todd didn't know that.
340
00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:30.400
So I had to explain that when I was eight centimeters,
341
00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:32.720
I was one hundred percent a face, which means my
342
00:20:32.759 --> 00:20:37.079
cervix was completely like ready, and baby was stationed at zero,
343
00:20:37.519 --> 00:20:40.319
which was like pretty low in my pelvis, and I
344
00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:42.519
knew she was low because I could feel I could
345
00:20:42.559 --> 00:20:46.039
feel the pressure down there for like weeks and I
346
00:20:46.119 --> 00:20:50.599
just started crying tears of joy, like really so happy,
347
00:20:50.880 --> 00:20:54.559
so excited. I'm like, we're doing this. And with Maverick,
348
00:20:54.680 --> 00:20:58.359
it had taken me days to get there, like to
349
00:20:58.400 --> 00:21:00.599
get to eight centimeters. I was in labor for so long,
350
00:21:00.759 --> 00:21:05.000
and now I was like walking in already so far along.
351
00:21:05.039 --> 00:21:09.960
It just felt really really powerful. And so they rolled
352
00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:13.599
me into the room and the duela set up the
353
00:21:13.640 --> 00:21:17.359
diffuser and the twinkle lights and we made it really cozy,
354
00:21:17.400 --> 00:21:20.200
as cozy as you can in a hospital setting, and
355
00:21:20.599 --> 00:21:23.880
I mean it was perfect, Like the room was great,
356
00:21:24.119 --> 00:21:28.400
and my mom was there, Todd was there, Morgan was there,
357
00:21:28.400 --> 00:21:33.200
and she just kept saying to me, I could do this.
358
00:21:33.640 --> 00:21:36.200
She's like, you can freaking do this. Okay, you can
359
00:21:36.240 --> 00:21:38.759
do this. And I had this fear for like a
360
00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:40.640
couple of weeks going into it, like I hope that
361
00:21:40.680 --> 00:21:42.599
I don't disappoint her, you know what I mean, Like
362
00:21:43.920 --> 00:21:45.720
I know I can do it, but also what if
363
00:21:45.720 --> 00:21:48.599
I can't? What if I can't do it? And so
364
00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:51.960
we met the nurse and his name was sal which
365
00:21:52.000 --> 00:21:54.680
I loved because my dad's name was Saul. So I'm like, okay,
366
00:21:55.119 --> 00:21:57.599
this is all connected here, and what I really loved
367
00:21:57.720 --> 00:21:59.960
was that the first time around, I didn't have the
368
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:02.880
doula at the hospital with me, and so the nurses
369
00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:06.799
were really really involved, and now they were kind of
370
00:22:07.160 --> 00:22:11.839
defaulting to Morgan, Like they really respected the doula and
371
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:14.680
like allowed her to coach me, allowed her to work
372
00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:19.519
with me, and kind of just sat back but stepped
373
00:22:19.519 --> 00:22:22.880
in when they were needed. And so I really appreciated that.
374
00:22:23.079 --> 00:22:28.039
And Morgan was just working with me, you know, having
375
00:22:28.079 --> 00:22:31.640
me in different positions for different contractions, and like in between,
376
00:22:31.799 --> 00:22:34.599
I had time, like I had a lot of space
377
00:22:34.640 --> 00:22:37.920
and time to recover from each contraction because they were
378
00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:43.680
still pretty sporadic. And I labored for probably another like
379
00:22:43.759 --> 00:22:46.519
forty five minutes and the doctor came in. She was
380
00:22:46.559 --> 00:22:49.119
with someone else. She finally came in and checked me,
381
00:22:49.160 --> 00:22:52.079
and I was still the same. I was still eight centimeters.
382
00:22:52.119 --> 00:22:54.200
I didn't progress at all, and the contractions were getting
383
00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:58.680
even more intense and harder and more challenging, and so
384
00:22:59.880 --> 00:23:04.480
the doctor suggested to break my waters. And basically the
385
00:23:04.519 --> 00:23:06.640
way the nurse described it was like this baby is
386
00:23:06.680 --> 00:23:09.319
looking for an exit, Like it was clear she's kicking down,
387
00:23:09.359 --> 00:23:12.400
she's looking to exit, but the water is like stopping
388
00:23:12.440 --> 00:23:16.799
her from from going like lower in the pelvis. And
389
00:23:16.880 --> 00:23:22.119
so typically when doctors you know, would recommend like an
390
00:23:22.119 --> 00:23:25.799
intervention like that, if you're not that far along, it
391
00:23:26.000 --> 00:23:29.759
could hinder the process. But because I was so far along,
392
00:23:30.519 --> 00:23:32.400
everyone was on the same page that it was going
393
00:23:32.440 --> 00:23:36.079
to speed it up. And Morgan and I talked it over,
394
00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:40.079
and intuitively it was like a full body yes, like yes,
395
00:23:40.160 --> 00:23:43.079
let's break the water. And so the doctor came in
396
00:23:43.319 --> 00:23:47.880
and she broke my water and we were like, okay,
397
00:23:47.880 --> 00:23:50.039
this is showtime. And this is exactly where I got
398
00:23:50.759 --> 00:23:53.519
stuck with Maverick, where like I was eight centimeters and
399
00:23:53.559 --> 00:23:55.839
I asked for the epidural because I couldn't even hold
400
00:23:55.880 --> 00:23:58.200
my body up anymore. I was just laboring for so long.
401
00:23:59.240 --> 00:24:01.279
And so by the the time I got checked into
402
00:24:01.319 --> 00:24:04.759
my room here it was five pm. Like I re
403
00:24:04.920 --> 00:24:07.119
arrived at like four forty four, got all checked in.
404
00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:11.880
Let's just call it five pm forty five minutes later,
405
00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:15.400
let's just say an hour later. They broke my water
406
00:24:15.440 --> 00:24:19.799
at six pm ish. What a crazy, intense, weird sensation
407
00:24:20.359 --> 00:24:23.799
where you just feel the water just crushing out of you.
408
00:24:24.400 --> 00:24:26.920
And so Morgan suggested that I stand up so they
409
00:24:27.000 --> 00:24:29.880
let me stand up and I didn't have an IV
410
00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:32.680
or anything, which was awesome. They did put one in
411
00:24:32.680 --> 00:24:35.079
my arm, but I wasn't connected to anything, but they
412
00:24:35.079 --> 00:24:37.599
were monitoring me. So I stood up and Morgan was
413
00:24:37.640 --> 00:24:41.480
hip squeezing me and just helping me through these contractions
414
00:24:41.480 --> 00:24:44.559
that were getting more intense by the moment. I mean,
415
00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:47.599
things went from like zero to sixty really really fast.
416
00:24:48.039 --> 00:24:51.240
And with Maverick, my nurse at the time, told me,
417
00:24:51.640 --> 00:24:54.039
you know you're doing natural. That's amazing. This is when
418
00:24:54.079 --> 00:24:56.319
I before I asked for the epidurl and she's like,
419
00:24:56.359 --> 00:24:58.480
I just want you to know that when your water breaks,
420
00:24:58.880 --> 00:25:02.960
things are going to intense. I like a millionfold, and
421
00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:08.880
I was like, holy shit, it scared me. But this
422
00:25:09.000 --> 00:25:11.759
time I was like, okay, I'm ready, bring it on.
423
00:25:12.039 --> 00:25:17.079
I wasn't scared. And the contractions started to become other
424
00:25:17.240 --> 00:25:22.640
fucking worldly. Like I am telling you, I left my body.
425
00:25:22.799 --> 00:25:25.519
I mean, I was standing there and at this point
426
00:25:25.559 --> 00:25:29.359
Todd was hip squeezing me. My arms were around Morgan's neck.
427
00:25:29.480 --> 00:25:34.160
I was standing up and I felt like I could faint,
428
00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:39.000
throw up, and literally bite take a big bite out
429
00:25:39.000 --> 00:25:42.079
of her neck all at once. It was that intense.
430
00:25:42.839 --> 00:25:46.200
It was so intense. I was like aw like snorting,
431
00:25:47.720 --> 00:25:51.079
And anytime my registry would get like too high. If
432
00:25:51.079 --> 00:25:52.920
I started to yell and I was like getting ah,
433
00:25:53.160 --> 00:25:58.440
like up here, she would tell me go down, root down,
434
00:25:58.599 --> 00:26:01.920
ground down, lower lower lower, and I started to get
435
00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:06.079
more guttural and like go into the and like it
436
00:26:06.160 --> 00:26:09.240
was so freaking primal, Like if you've given birth, you
437
00:26:09.240 --> 00:26:12.400
know what I'm talking about. I mean people say, like,
438
00:26:13.160 --> 00:26:16.000
you know, you get possessed, or like you get you know,
439
00:26:16.079 --> 00:26:19.680
this whole other personality that your husband's literally never seen
440
00:26:19.720 --> 00:26:22.759
comes out. I mean, whatever needs to come out comes out.
441
00:26:23.640 --> 00:26:27.240
And I was still able to take her cues. And
442
00:26:27.279 --> 00:26:29.680
I think that is like the value. There's so much
443
00:26:29.759 --> 00:26:32.640
value in having a doula. So many people I know
444
00:26:32.759 --> 00:26:35.480
don't have dulas, but so many people I know do.
445
00:26:35.720 --> 00:26:40.039
And I do feel like there is so much value
446
00:26:40.079 --> 00:26:43.000
in being coached by a professional. Like obviously, I'm a
447
00:26:43.000 --> 00:26:45.200
firm believer in coaching, and to me, like having a
448
00:26:45.240 --> 00:26:49.519
birth coach was a non negotiable at all, like at
449
00:26:49.559 --> 00:26:54.000
all at all. And this part of the labor was
450
00:26:54.440 --> 00:26:59.440
the most intense part of the labor. I had to
451
00:26:59.720 --> 00:27:04.279
dig so fucking deep in my heart and my soul,
452
00:27:04.440 --> 00:27:09.400
in my body to not run away. And I knew
453
00:27:09.440 --> 00:27:11.799
that there was nowhere to fucking go right, Like I
454
00:27:11.960 --> 00:27:14.000
wasn't about to get an abitural at that moment. It
455
00:27:14.079 --> 00:27:15.920
was just too intense, like it was too late at
456
00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:18.799
that point, it was I didn't even ask for one.
457
00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:21.839
It was just like in my mind that the only
458
00:27:21.880 --> 00:27:26.000
way out was through. And it's funny because we read
459
00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:28.119
this book to Maverick. It's called Going on a Bear Hunt.
460
00:27:28.119 --> 00:27:30.559
It's kind of like a classic, and it's about a
461
00:27:30.599 --> 00:27:32.880
family who's like, can't go over it, can't go under, it,
462
00:27:32.920 --> 00:27:34.759
got to go through it. And it's like going through
463
00:27:34.799 --> 00:27:37.079
the forest, going through the river, going through the snowstorm,
464
00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:40.079
going through the cave. And I was like I was
465
00:27:40.079 --> 00:27:42.160
going through the cave and I was meeting the bear.
466
00:27:42.839 --> 00:27:45.160
And if you know the book, you know the book.
467
00:27:45.200 --> 00:27:59.200
But it was the most invigorating, fucking like deep moment
468
00:27:59.359 --> 00:28:02.799
of like on support. I was fully supported by Todd,
469
00:28:02.839 --> 00:28:05.359
by my mom. My mom was holding my hands in
470
00:28:05.440 --> 00:28:11.359
between these contractions and it was just so beautiful and
471
00:28:11.400 --> 00:28:13.519
so it was just insane. It was just insane. And
472
00:28:13.839 --> 00:28:17.519
I looked at Morgan and I was just like, I
473
00:28:17.519 --> 00:28:19.119
don't know how I'm gonna do this right now. I
474
00:28:19.119 --> 00:28:21.519
don't know how I can handle another one of those contractions.
475
00:28:21.559 --> 00:28:24.559
And she looked at me and she said, which is
476
00:28:24.599 --> 00:28:27.559
exactly what I needed to hear. And this, let me
477
00:28:27.599 --> 00:28:30.559
just preface before I say it. This is never something
478
00:28:30.640 --> 00:28:33.079
that I would think to say to someone in a
479
00:28:33.119 --> 00:28:38.000
coaching scenario, but it was exactly what I needed to
480
00:28:38.039 --> 00:28:40.279
hear in that moment. And she looked at me dead
481
00:28:40.279 --> 00:28:44.720
in the eyes and she said, Ashley, it's okay if
482
00:28:44.799 --> 00:28:50.039
this breaks you right now. And I was like, you're right,
483
00:28:50.799 --> 00:28:54.759
it is okay. Like I'm breaking through, like I'm literally
484
00:28:54.799 --> 00:28:58.039
breaking through. And in that moment, I just let go.
485
00:28:58.160 --> 00:29:02.519
I allowed the breakdown, and on the other side, I
486
00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:08.359
felt the breakthrough. I felt just everything happened at once,
487
00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:12.039
and I felt the baby literally drop right into my pelvis.
488
00:29:12.279 --> 00:29:16.839
And in reflection of this moment, I understand why women
489
00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:20.480
were built to birth, because when I was on my
490
00:29:20.480 --> 00:29:23.680
epidural the first time, I couldn't feel any of this,
491
00:29:24.440 --> 00:29:28.400
and like, your body actually needs to be informed on
492
00:29:28.559 --> 00:29:32.480
where the baby is, Like you can feel everything for
493
00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:36.559
a reason, because that will inform you on your pushing,
494
00:29:37.079 --> 00:29:41.200
right because it's like pushing with the light on versus
495
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:43.519
the light off. Right when I was had my epidural,
496
00:29:43.559 --> 00:29:45.119
I felt like I was in the darkness and I
497
00:29:45.119 --> 00:29:48.400
couldn't I didn't know what was happening or when this
498
00:29:48.519 --> 00:29:51.920
baby was coming out. Two hours and forty minutes, that's
499
00:29:51.920 --> 00:29:55.319
how long the pushing took with Maverick, and with her,
500
00:29:56.079 --> 00:29:59.440
I felt everything, so I knew where she was and
501
00:29:59.480 --> 00:30:02.039
how much work I needed to do and how big
502
00:30:02.079 --> 00:30:04.880
of a push I needed to do, and like it
503
00:30:05.000 --> 00:30:07.599
informs so much. It's like pushing with the light on,
504
00:30:07.759 --> 00:30:10.400
like you just know where to go, what to do,
505
00:30:10.559 --> 00:30:13.440
how how intense it needs to be. It's just so
506
00:30:13.599 --> 00:30:18.240
intelligent the body, and it's just fucking insane. And so
507
00:30:20.599 --> 00:30:24.000
that was at like seven twenty, right when the baby
508
00:30:24.039 --> 00:30:26.119
dropped into the pelvis, and I was like, oh my god,
509
00:30:26.440 --> 00:30:29.160
Oh my gosh, I think I feel like I'm gonna
510
00:30:29.160 --> 00:30:32.240
fucking push right now. And I was standing up still,
511
00:30:32.920 --> 00:30:37.039
and so I jumped on the bed and most of
512
00:30:37.079 --> 00:30:39.799
the time throughout the entire experience, I was laboring on
513
00:30:39.880 --> 00:30:42.240
my hands and knees like I was in this like
514
00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:44.400
you know the cat, you know when you're on, you're
515
00:30:44.440 --> 00:30:46.119
on your hands and knees. Like that's how I was
516
00:30:46.200 --> 00:30:49.799
laboring the entire time. Any contraction I had, I was
517
00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:51.599
on my hands and knees. And that was a lot
518
00:30:51.640 --> 00:30:54.519
of the coaching from Morgan, she told me. Even like
519
00:30:54.839 --> 00:30:56.880
for my birth prep every night, I would get on
520
00:30:56.880 --> 00:30:59.160
my hands and knees and listen to a meditation and
521
00:30:59.160 --> 00:31:01.200
get into that zone of like, this is my normal
522
00:31:01.240 --> 00:31:04.079
position and I feel safe here. She said. The more
523
00:31:04.119 --> 00:31:07.160
you get into that position before you give birth, the
524
00:31:07.200 --> 00:31:09.680
safer your body feels in that position when you're in labor,
525
00:31:09.680 --> 00:31:13.880
which makes a lot of sense to me. So that's
526
00:31:13.880 --> 00:31:17.880
how I labored most of the time. And a huge
527
00:31:17.960 --> 00:31:21.160
difference too, was like Todd was so present for this
528
00:31:21.279 --> 00:31:24.200
labor for Maverick, it was so long, and it was
529
00:31:24.319 --> 00:31:26.880
we were up for two nights, three nights in a row.
530
00:31:27.519 --> 00:31:31.200
He was exhausted. He didn't really know how to support
531
00:31:31.240 --> 00:31:34.759
me fully. And I do feel like this time around
532
00:31:34.839 --> 00:31:38.319
he was just with me one hundred percent. And so
533
00:31:38.440 --> 00:31:40.480
when I told the nurse that I felt the baby
534
00:31:40.559 --> 00:31:45.200
drop into my pelvis, I jumped. She was like, get
535
00:31:45.240 --> 00:31:46.799
on the bed because they don't want you. They don't
536
00:31:46.799 --> 00:31:48.839
want you to have a baby on the drop onto
537
00:31:48.920 --> 00:31:51.559
the floor at the hospital room. It's not safe. So
538
00:31:52.200 --> 00:31:54.000
the nurse outed at me to get on the bed.
539
00:31:54.200 --> 00:31:58.839
So I climbed up, hands and knees, and in this moment,
540
00:31:59.400 --> 00:32:01.920
the bed was like half up right, so the back
541
00:32:01.960 --> 00:32:03.960
of the bed was up, so I'm holding onto the
542
00:32:03.960 --> 00:32:06.359
back of the bed, but I'm holding on Todd was
543
00:32:06.440 --> 00:32:11.839
back there and I'm holding onto his shoulders. Morgan jumps
544
00:32:11.839 --> 00:32:16.039
on the bed behind me and she's hip squeezing me.
545
00:32:16.160 --> 00:32:19.680
But before she started to hip squeeze me, she did
546
00:32:19.720 --> 00:32:24.279
something that I have watched countless, like tiktoks on and
547
00:32:24.319 --> 00:32:27.559
reels on where they always say, when you're in labor,
548
00:32:28.119 --> 00:32:32.680
make sure to tilt your knees inward, not outward. Like
549
00:32:32.720 --> 00:32:35.200
when you're in labor and you're laying on your back
550
00:32:35.240 --> 00:32:39.279
and you're about to push, your knees are like out
551
00:32:39.640 --> 00:32:44.240
not in and that actually closes your pelvis. And I
552
00:32:44.440 --> 00:32:46.480
always said to myself, I want to remember this, I
553
00:32:46.519 --> 00:32:48.559
want to remember this, but in the moment, you just
554
00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:52.200
don't remember that. And so it was crazy because Morgan
555
00:32:52.759 --> 00:32:58.960
was so present. She immediately tilts my knees inward, and
556
00:32:59.039 --> 00:33:01.640
I was like, she's so fucking smart, like thank you,
557
00:33:01.799 --> 00:33:05.960
like yes, And when she did that, I got the biggest,
558
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:09.519
like Charlie Horse cramp in my right butt cheek and
559
00:33:09.599 --> 00:33:12.440
it was like I couldn't. I had to address that
560
00:33:12.559 --> 00:33:17.119
because it was really really bad. So the nurse very
561
00:33:17.160 --> 00:33:20.920
intuitively just starts massaging the shit out of my right
562
00:33:20.920 --> 00:33:23.359
butt cheek. And I have a new nurse at this point.
563
00:33:23.440 --> 00:33:27.720
She was awesome. Her name is Michelle, and she like
564
00:33:27.839 --> 00:33:30.519
got the cramp out immediately. It was just like very cool,
565
00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:33.359
just that she knew exactly what I needed in that moment.
566
00:33:33.519 --> 00:33:35.839
And it was perfect timing because a contraction was about
567
00:33:35.880 --> 00:33:39.480
to hit, so I like bore down into this contraction
568
00:33:40.440 --> 00:33:46.599
and I gave my first huge push, and let me
569
00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:49.680
tell you, I literally felt half her head come out.
570
00:33:49.960 --> 00:33:52.160
Half of her freaking head came out during that push.
571
00:33:52.720 --> 00:33:55.720
One push, and then I started feeling the ring of
572
00:33:55.759 --> 00:33:58.839
fire come on, which I felt with Maverick because I
573
00:33:58.839 --> 00:34:01.160
don't know, like you can still feel the ring of fire.
574
00:34:01.200 --> 00:34:03.920
And they were oiling me up with Maverick oiling me up,
575
00:34:04.359 --> 00:34:07.119
and this was all happening so fast they had to
576
00:34:07.119 --> 00:34:09.679
call the doctor in. Took her a minute to come in,
577
00:34:10.280 --> 00:34:12.800
and I was screaming. I was like, oil me up,
578
00:34:13.000 --> 00:34:15.000
oil me up, because I could feel the ring of
579
00:34:15.039 --> 00:34:21.159
fire just like coming on so strong, and it's crazy
580
00:34:21.239 --> 00:34:26.079
because the feeling of that ring of fire is nothing
581
00:34:26.599 --> 00:34:29.519
compared to the contractions that I had just lived through,
582
00:34:29.960 --> 00:34:32.159
Like it was crazy. So I was just like I
583
00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:34.360
was cool with the ring of fire, but I was like,
584
00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:37.119
oil me up, because it makes a difference. And so
585
00:34:37.239 --> 00:34:41.639
that one push, half of her head came out. Morgan
586
00:34:41.679 --> 00:34:44.679
coached me again to like drop my screams into my gut,
587
00:34:45.239 --> 00:34:48.760
not high pitch, but like lo that guttural primal and
588
00:34:48.880 --> 00:34:55.760
it worked, and the next push, I squeezed the shit
589
00:34:55.840 --> 00:34:58.360
out of Todd's shoulders like I probably dug my nails
590
00:34:58.360 --> 00:35:01.360
into him. The next push, her entire head came out,
591
00:35:01.679 --> 00:35:03.599
and I was like, oh my god, like this is
592
00:35:03.719 --> 00:35:06.760
fucking happening right now, Like this is crazy. She's like, actually,
593
00:35:06.760 --> 00:35:09.239
you're doing it, You're doing it, You're doing it. And
594
00:35:10.159 --> 00:35:12.440
the I knew that I had one more push, I
595
00:35:12.519 --> 00:35:14.000
was like, her body has to come out, like I
596
00:35:14.079 --> 00:35:17.800
knew that that was it. Intuitively, I knew one more
597
00:35:17.880 --> 00:35:20.320
push and she was going to be here, and so
598
00:35:20.519 --> 00:35:23.159
I am squeezing to her like I did not give
599
00:35:23.199 --> 00:35:27.199
a shit how how much pain it was going to be,
600
00:35:27.199 --> 00:35:29.000
because I knew it was all going to be over.
601
00:35:29.360 --> 00:35:31.000
It was all going to be over, because she was
602
00:35:31.039 --> 00:35:33.760
going to come out, and it just instantly fades away.
603
00:35:34.119 --> 00:35:40.920
I did the most ferocious, primal push you could ever imagine.
604
00:35:41.119 --> 00:35:49.239
I screamed as she came out. She came out, and
605
00:35:49.280 --> 00:35:51.480
I was on my hands and knees, and the doctor
606
00:35:51.599 --> 00:35:54.719
was like, look down, and she literally handed me the
607
00:35:54.760 --> 00:35:58.840
baby through my legs and I was just holding this
608
00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:01.159
baby in my arm since she was here, and I
609
00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:04.039
was just every we were all just freaking out, like
610
00:36:04.239 --> 00:36:07.880
the doctors, the nurses and my mom, Morgan tab we
611
00:36:07.880 --> 00:36:10.440
were all just like, oh my god, oh my god.
612
00:36:11.360 --> 00:36:14.039
I'm gonna play a little video clip from that moment
613
00:36:14.199 --> 00:36:18.760
because my mom actually recorded it, or I forget who
614
00:36:18.800 --> 00:36:20.800
recorded it, maybe Morgan did. I don't even know, but
615
00:36:20.840 --> 00:36:22.079
I'm gonna play a clip from it.
616
00:36:24.559 --> 00:36:41.599
Oh my god, Oh my god, you cried right away.
617
00:36:40.039 --> 00:36:45.079
I told you you're amazing.
618
00:36:46.079 --> 00:36:53.400
Okay, And if you listen back, you hear Morgan just
619
00:36:53.440 --> 00:36:55.440
say I told you you can fucking do it. I
620
00:36:55.480 --> 00:36:59.880
told you, I told you, and like, uh, oh my god.
621
00:37:00.119 --> 00:37:04.199
Like the oxytocin and the level of just like pure
622
00:37:04.599 --> 00:37:10.039
awe and just pure bliss that you feel in a
623
00:37:10.079 --> 00:37:15.199
moment like that is just what life is about. It's
624
00:37:15.239 --> 00:37:18.679
just what life is about. It's like the peakest of
625
00:37:18.719 --> 00:37:22.280
peak moments you could ever experience. And I'm so blessed.
626
00:37:22.320 --> 00:37:26.000
And so we got to the hospital at five PM
627
00:37:26.039 --> 00:37:29.280
and she was born at seven thirty one. I started
628
00:37:29.320 --> 00:37:32.599
pushing at like seven twenty and she was born at
629
00:37:32.639 --> 00:37:36.760
seven thirty one. Live Sky Gordon came out. And I
630
00:37:36.960 --> 00:37:45.039
was an absolute shock, Like I just can't believe it. It
631
00:37:43.679 --> 00:37:48.199
was just so primal and it was the most redemptive, beautiful,
632
00:37:48.280 --> 00:37:55.639
empowering moment of my life. And it was really powerful.
633
00:37:55.719 --> 00:37:59.679
And so she had a shorter ambolical cord. And one
634
00:37:59.760 --> 00:38:02.400
of these that was really, really really important to me
635
00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:04.280
was like I wanted her to get all of her
636
00:38:04.280 --> 00:38:08.159
cord blood, and with Maverick like delayed cord clamping in
637
00:38:08.199 --> 00:38:10.639
the hospitals like four or five minutes, and I that
638
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:13.599
just wasn't cool with me. I wanted like a solid
639
00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:18.239
twenty thirty minutes of being you know, connected and having
640
00:38:18.280 --> 00:38:21.159
her get all that blood. And so that's another important
641
00:38:21.159 --> 00:38:23.880
reason why Dula is so key is because she was
642
00:38:23.920 --> 00:38:26.760
the one communicating with the doctor like this is what
643
00:38:26.880 --> 00:38:29.679
my wishes, her wishes are, and you know, can she
644
00:38:29.719 --> 00:38:32.599
stay connected to the placenta, and like, let this happen
645
00:38:33.719 --> 00:38:37.599
before we deliver the placenta. So I turned around because
646
00:38:37.599 --> 00:38:38.880
I was on my hands and knee, so I turned
647
00:38:38.880 --> 00:38:41.440
around and they let me stay connected for like fifteen
648
00:38:41.480 --> 00:38:44.719
twenty minutes, I think, and I got to birth my
649
00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:48.880
placenta naturally, which was really beautiful, and I didn't tear
650
00:38:49.039 --> 00:38:52.000
at all. I needed no stitches. I just had a
651
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:55.480
tiny abrasion that healed on its own. And when the
652
00:38:55.480 --> 00:38:59.719
baby came out, she was covered in vernex, which is
653
00:38:59.719 --> 00:39:02.920
that creamy protective coating. And that was another one of
654
00:39:02.960 --> 00:39:05.920
my like birth preferences was I wanted to keep the
655
00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:08.199
vernux on her because there's a lot of benefits to
656
00:39:08.239 --> 00:39:11.360
the vernic staying on and just like absorbing into the skin.
657
00:39:12.440 --> 00:39:14.599
So I asked them not even to wipe her, no bath,
658
00:39:14.679 --> 00:39:18.159
no nothing, and she was just covered in the in
659
00:39:18.199 --> 00:39:20.039
the vernux, and I loved it. It was like so
660
00:39:20.079 --> 00:39:22.119
cool because Maverick actually didn't have a lot of that
661
00:39:22.239 --> 00:39:25.159
on him. So I'm really glad she got to have
662
00:39:25.199 --> 00:39:28.320
that soak into her skin, and when we did skin
663
00:39:28.400 --> 00:39:33.000
to skin, she immediately latched onto my breast while still
664
00:39:33.000 --> 00:39:36.719
connected to the placenta. It was just so instinctive. It
665
00:39:36.760 --> 00:39:39.760
was perfect. It was really perfect. The whole room was
666
00:39:39.800 --> 00:39:42.880
just crying. My doula kept whispering to me like I
667
00:39:42.920 --> 00:39:46.159
knew you could do it. You're so powerful. And the
668
00:39:46.239 --> 00:39:49.320
doctor even said, like we've seen so many berths and
669
00:39:49.360 --> 00:39:51.840
that was just really beautiful, and it was. It was
670
00:39:51.880 --> 00:39:58.679
just really really beautiful birth. And wow, the bliss that
671
00:39:58.760 --> 00:40:01.199
I felt in the golden hour, And like I made
672
00:40:01.239 --> 00:40:04.119
a joke immediately after, I was like, Okay, I'm ready
673
00:40:04.159 --> 00:40:06.800
for plates. I'm ready to go to pilates now. Like
674
00:40:06.840 --> 00:40:10.119
I mean, it's just such a different experience, like having
675
00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:13.159
the boat, the two experiences of an epidural versus not.
676
00:40:13.519 --> 00:40:16.599
So it's like night and day. And I just want
677
00:40:16.599 --> 00:40:18.800
to pause here for a moment because I want to
678
00:40:18.840 --> 00:40:24.880
really honor my husband. He was really the most incredible partner.
679
00:40:25.239 --> 00:40:27.239
He was so present, He was so steady. He was
680
00:40:27.280 --> 00:40:32.599
so supportive, from hip squeezing to pack in the car
681
00:40:32.719 --> 00:40:35.639
to holding space for me at literally every stage, just
682
00:40:35.719 --> 00:40:38.960
stepping up and like taking care of Maverick when I
683
00:40:39.039 --> 00:40:44.519
was super super pregnant and like couldn't even move, and
684
00:40:44.559 --> 00:40:49.039
then watching him hold his daughter for the first time,
685
00:40:51.119 --> 00:40:57.360
doing a skin to skin I don't really have like
686
00:40:57.440 --> 00:40:59.920
the words to explain it, but I just remember when
687
00:40:59.920 --> 00:41:03.199
we were struggling so hard to get pregnant, like I
688
00:41:03.400 --> 00:41:06.760
just wanted him to be a father, Like I just
689
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:11.639
wanted to make him a dad, and he's really the best,
690
00:41:11.679 --> 00:41:17.599
best dad. There's really no words to explain like what
691
00:41:17.639 --> 00:41:21.960
your heart feels when you can make your partner a
692
00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:25.239
mom or a dad. It's just like really really such
693
00:41:25.239 --> 00:41:31.320
a gift that like you can give someone And there's
694
00:41:31.360 --> 00:41:35.039
just no words for how your heart expands when you
695
00:41:35.079 --> 00:41:38.760
welcome another baby into the world. That night in the hospital,
696
00:41:39.000 --> 00:41:41.599
just the three of us and our little bubble before
697
00:41:41.639 --> 00:41:45.559
going home and like connecting as a family of four,
698
00:41:46.719 --> 00:41:50.360
it was just so sacred and it was the sweetest transition,
699
00:41:51.000 --> 00:41:53.800
really really was. And so after we got settled into
700
00:41:53.920 --> 00:41:59.199
our new room, Morgan went home and like it was
701
00:41:59.239 --> 00:42:00.559
great because she was going to be home at a
702
00:42:00.559 --> 00:42:02.920
reasonable hour. It wasn't like an all night thing, which
703
00:42:02.960 --> 00:42:05.000
was I was happy. I was happy for that for
704
00:42:05.079 --> 00:42:07.840
her and my mom went home to get some rest,
705
00:42:07.960 --> 00:42:09.400
and she knew she was going to help out with
706
00:42:09.400 --> 00:42:11.760
Maverick the next day until we came home from the
707
00:42:11.760 --> 00:42:15.239
hospital the next morning. Before the sun even came up,
708
00:42:15.280 --> 00:42:17.840
I was like in this half a week half dream state,
709
00:42:18.679 --> 00:42:21.559
live was sleeping on my chest and the room was
710
00:42:21.639 --> 00:42:25.159
just completely still, and a nurse came in quietly to
711
00:42:25.199 --> 00:42:28.519
take my vitals and I asked her what her name was,
712
00:42:28.960 --> 00:42:33.239
and she smiled and she said, it's surely and I
713
00:42:33.320 --> 00:42:37.599
froze because Shirley was my grandmother's name. She was my bubby,
714
00:42:38.519 --> 00:42:41.920
my mom's mom, who passed away in twenty fourteen. And
715
00:42:41.960 --> 00:42:44.000
I looked at her and I said, oh my god,
716
00:42:44.320 --> 00:42:49.360
my grandmother's name was Shirley. And she kind of laughed
717
00:42:49.360 --> 00:42:53.039
politely and she said, my grandmother's name was Shirley, and
718
00:42:53.159 --> 00:42:59.079
I'm named after her. And I was just feeling my
719
00:42:59.079 --> 00:43:03.920
grandmother's presence so strongly, like my grandmother had literally stepped
720
00:43:03.960 --> 00:43:07.000
into the room through this nurse to say I'm here,
721
00:43:07.400 --> 00:43:10.440
I'm with you. And I instantly felt this just like
722
00:43:10.519 --> 00:43:14.519
big wave of emotion and gratitude and awe in chills,
723
00:43:14.559 --> 00:43:17.039
and I just looked down and live and thought about
724
00:43:17.159 --> 00:43:21.800
my mom, and I just felt the lineage right, the
725
00:43:21.840 --> 00:43:25.199
thread of women, my grandmother, my mom, me, my daughter,
726
00:43:25.400 --> 00:43:29.000
just like all linked together. And I had done so
727
00:43:29.159 --> 00:43:31.360
much in her work during this pregnancy to heal my
728
00:43:31.440 --> 00:43:35.960
relationship with my mom, to soften the wounded feminine patterns
729
00:43:35.960 --> 00:43:39.880
in our family line, and in that moment, I just
730
00:43:39.960 --> 00:43:42.800
knew my Bubby was acknowledging it, and I felt like
731
00:43:42.840 --> 00:43:47.360
she was saying, you did it. You healed something big,
732
00:43:47.920 --> 00:43:51.079
You opened the door for this new energy to come through,
733
00:43:51.440 --> 00:43:55.199
And it was just so full circle for me, almost
734
00:43:55.199 --> 00:43:59.000
like her spirit was just blessing this next chapter, this
735
00:43:59.039 --> 00:44:02.840
next generation of in our family, because I also like
736
00:44:02.920 --> 00:44:06.599
saw this this TikTok I think, and it just resonated
737
00:44:06.639 --> 00:44:09.320
with me so much where someone said if you have
738
00:44:09.400 --> 00:44:13.000
a boy first and then you have a girl, that
739
00:44:13.159 --> 00:44:17.719
boy kind of closes the chain on the lineage and
740
00:44:17.400 --> 00:44:24.159
the girl that you have next starts a new healing
741
00:44:24.239 --> 00:44:28.360
cycle in your lineage, and just was like, whoa. It
742
00:44:28.480 --> 00:44:32.400
just resonated so much that morning as the light started
743
00:44:32.400 --> 00:44:34.920
pouring through the hospital window and I just stared at
744
00:44:34.920 --> 00:44:38.679
my daughter, just still in disbelief that I now have
745
00:44:38.719 --> 00:44:43.559
a daughter and she's finally here and I literally dreamt
746
00:44:43.599 --> 00:44:48.719
about this moment, Like after I had Maverick, I just
747
00:44:49.000 --> 00:44:52.719
thought about that other embryo, that other girl embryo that
748
00:44:52.760 --> 00:44:55.519
we had. I thought about her every single day, Like
749
00:44:55.639 --> 00:44:58.800
every single day I thought about her, and she was
750
00:44:59.079 --> 00:45:05.320
finally here, and I just realized how profoundly this birth
751
00:45:05.599 --> 00:45:10.000
changed me. After two rounds of IVF, after years of
752
00:45:10.039 --> 00:45:14.800
waiting and hoping and healing, I finally experienced birth in
753
00:45:14.840 --> 00:45:17.639
the exact way I always dreamed of. And it was
754
00:45:17.679 --> 00:45:22.719
just so present and lighthearted and natural and fully embodied
755
00:45:22.800 --> 00:45:28.480
and fully awake. It was redemptive, It was healing. It
756
00:45:28.519 --> 00:45:33.719
was proof that I could trust myself completely. And like
757
00:45:33.960 --> 00:45:38.400
years of going through impertility and IVF, like you start
758
00:45:38.480 --> 00:45:41.519
to like not trust yourself and not trust your body anymore.
759
00:45:42.679 --> 00:45:46.519
And this was just so healing and like I feel
760
00:45:46.519 --> 00:45:49.800
like it closed the chapter of that like disbelief in
761
00:45:49.840 --> 00:45:54.039
myself and in my body and healed so much of
762
00:45:54.079 --> 00:45:59.400
that like old story that I had. And this time
763
00:45:59.519 --> 00:46:03.440
I wasn't fighting my body. I was just in partnership
764
00:46:03.480 --> 00:46:06.519
with it. And during this like labor and birth experience,
765
00:46:06.880 --> 00:46:14.039
I just I realized that like I didn't need control,
766
00:46:14.400 --> 00:46:16.519
I didn't need to try to have control. I wasn't
767
00:46:16.559 --> 00:46:20.639
trying to control anything. I was surrendering and allowing and trusting.
768
00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:27.199
And that changed me on a cellular level. And it's like,
769
00:46:27.280 --> 00:46:32.519
of course, we want to always find that surrender within ourselves,
770
00:46:32.519 --> 00:46:35.599
and like these are age old lessons like surrender and
771
00:46:35.639 --> 00:46:40.920
trust and allowing and being embodied. All of these things
772
00:46:41.000 --> 00:46:43.760
we all know, but we don't know them until we
773
00:46:43.760 --> 00:46:46.480
get them on a cellular level. And that's what happened
774
00:46:46.559 --> 00:46:50.239
during this experience, where all of these lessons became solely
775
00:46:50.320 --> 00:46:58.559
embodied in my being. And this labor, this birth, this
776
00:46:58.719 --> 00:47:02.440
storyed me. Like it really has changed me on a
777
00:47:02.480 --> 00:47:05.239
cellular level. I didn't feel like the same person the
778
00:47:05.280 --> 00:47:10.320
next moment after it happened. I'm not the same woman
779
00:47:10.480 --> 00:47:13.920
that I was before this experience. It just cracked me
780
00:47:14.000 --> 00:47:16.880
open and has rebuilt me. And one of the biggest
781
00:47:16.880 --> 00:47:23.679
things that it healed for me was my fear of disappointment. Okay,
782
00:47:24.960 --> 00:47:27.960
I have this fear of disappointing people. And I said
783
00:47:27.960 --> 00:47:29.719
it earlier where I was like, I'm afraid that I'm
784
00:47:29.719 --> 00:47:32.000
going to disappoint my duel if I don't go natural right,
785
00:47:32.119 --> 00:47:35.880
Like it's a fear of disappointment in a lot of
786
00:47:35.880 --> 00:47:39.679
different ways, of disappointing others, of disappointing myself, And it
787
00:47:39.760 --> 00:47:43.559
showed me that every fear I had was just an
788
00:47:43.599 --> 00:47:48.079
invitation to trust deeper. And a psychic once told me
789
00:47:48.840 --> 00:47:53.039
palm Rader, actually psychic palm Rader pretty well world renowned.
790
00:47:53.519 --> 00:47:56.039
She told me, your greatest disappointments will come from your
791
00:47:56.079 --> 00:47:59.480
own mind. And I think about that a lot, because
792
00:48:00.440 --> 00:48:06.760
in this birth I proved the opposite. My greatest triumph
793
00:48:06.920 --> 00:48:10.440
it came from my own mind too. I believed in
794
00:48:10.480 --> 00:48:13.800
myself so deeply that I created the experience that I
795
00:48:13.840 --> 00:48:17.800
always wanted. And I think that's a lesson for all
796
00:48:17.800 --> 00:48:21.199
of us to hear. Like, I'm not special in that, right,
797
00:48:21.239 --> 00:48:25.360
When you believe in yourself so deeply with whatever you
798
00:48:25.400 --> 00:48:28.119
want to be creating whatever you want to do, whether
799
00:48:28.159 --> 00:48:31.760
it's having a natural childbirth or building your dream business
800
00:48:31.880 --> 00:48:38.000
or whatever it is, it doesn't matter. You can do it.
801
00:48:39.320 --> 00:48:41.679
You can do it. When you believe in yourself that much,
802
00:48:41.760 --> 00:48:47.079
you create the experience you desire. And as I look
803
00:48:47.079 --> 00:48:49.760
at my daughter and at Todd, and at our family
804
00:48:49.840 --> 00:48:53.000
now at Maverick, I just feel this unshakeable knowing that
805
00:48:54.519 --> 00:48:58.559
I can literally do fucking anything. It just instilled me
806
00:48:58.639 --> 00:49:01.280
with that belief in myself. And I felt like I
807
00:49:01.360 --> 00:49:05.800
had that before. I knew it in my head, but
808
00:49:05.960 --> 00:49:08.320
now I have it in my body. And there's a
809
00:49:08.360 --> 00:49:13.519
difference because once you've walked through something like that, once
810
00:49:13.559 --> 00:49:16.760
you've met yourself in that level of power and surrender,
811
00:49:16.920 --> 00:49:19.920
there's just really nothing that you can't prick and do.
812
00:49:20.440 --> 00:49:24.400
We're always so much more powerful than we even know
813
00:49:24.519 --> 00:49:27.079
or give ourselves credit for. You can do anything that
814
00:49:27.119 --> 00:49:30.320
you set your mind to. And so whatever season you're in,
815
00:49:30.480 --> 00:49:34.079
whether it's pregnancy or postpartum or just navigating life because
816
00:49:34.159 --> 00:49:38.199
life is wild, trust that you are capable of more
817
00:49:38.360 --> 00:49:42.440
than you can imagine. Another incredibly valuable lesson is that
818
00:49:42.480 --> 00:49:47.239
our bodies have such divine intelligence. And this birth reminded
819
00:49:47.280 --> 00:49:50.760
me that my body isn't separate from my spirit. It's
820
00:49:50.840 --> 00:49:53.800
one with it. It's wise, it's responsive, it's intuitive, and
821
00:49:55.280 --> 00:49:58.280
you can trust your body because it was made for miracles.
822
00:49:58.360 --> 00:50:02.079
And so I know so many people battling different health
823
00:50:02.119 --> 00:50:07.000
issues and chronic illness and autoimmune shit and lines and whatever, like,
824
00:50:07.039 --> 00:50:08.960
there's so much stuff and there's so much healing that
825
00:50:08.960 --> 00:50:13.400
we're always constantly working on. And I think it's a
826
00:50:13.440 --> 00:50:15.559
really important reminder and like one of the biggest things
827
00:50:15.599 --> 00:50:19.119
that I'm learning is like really trusting your body, trusting
828
00:50:19.159 --> 00:50:23.360
the wisdom of your body. So to every mama listening,
829
00:50:23.599 --> 00:50:26.400
however your baby came into the world, whether through your
830
00:50:26.440 --> 00:50:30.400
belly or through your body, whether it's natural or medicated,
831
00:50:30.519 --> 00:50:36.199
or induced or c section, your birth story is powerful
832
00:50:36.280 --> 00:50:41.840
and sacred and there's really no hierarchy in motherhood. There's
833
00:50:41.920 --> 00:50:49.559
just love and fucking bravery and camaraderie. And motherhood is
834
00:50:49.639 --> 00:50:53.920
like the coolest club I've ever entered. It's like so
835
00:50:53.920 --> 00:50:57.159
so real, so relatable, and I'm so lucky to have
836
00:50:57.679 --> 00:51:01.400
such amazing moms in my life to help me, guide me,
837
00:51:01.519 --> 00:51:05.960
teach me, like be the village, really be the village
838
00:51:06.239 --> 00:51:10.280
for each other. I hope live story reminds you to
839
00:51:10.320 --> 00:51:14.239
just continue to trust yourself, your body, your timing, and
840
00:51:14.280 --> 00:51:19.199
trust your power because it's already within you. It's already
841
00:51:19.199 --> 00:51:21.159
within you, And I hope that listening to this gave
842
00:51:21.199 --> 00:51:27.719
you some nuggets for yourself. That's always my intention. And yeah,
843
00:51:27.840 --> 00:51:31.079
the days of following coming home from the hospital were
844
00:51:31.159 --> 00:51:34.960
just so so precious and watching Maverick meet his sister
845
00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:37.559
for the first time was just the most beautiful, beautiful thing.
846
00:51:37.559 --> 00:51:40.079
I posted it on Instagram. There's like two parts to it.
847
00:51:40.559 --> 00:51:42.920
He was just so sweet. It was such like a
848
00:51:43.039 --> 00:51:46.079
core memory. I'll never forget it. It was so so special.
849
00:51:46.840 --> 00:51:49.880
And I'm going to record another episode on my whole
850
00:51:49.920 --> 00:51:58.159
postpartum journey and experience so far and kind of continue
851
00:51:58.199 --> 00:52:01.840
the story, but I'll end the one here. Keep this
852
00:52:02.000 --> 00:52:06.679
under an hour, because I think Maverick's podcasts are Our
853
00:52:06.719 --> 00:52:08.679
birth story with him was like ninety minutes and I'm like,
854
00:52:08.719 --> 00:52:11.079
holy shit, this is so long. I'm going to keep
855
00:52:11.079 --> 00:52:13.360
this one shorter, and luckily the birth was shorter, so
856
00:52:13.719 --> 00:52:16.599
we have a shorter episode here. And before I close
857
00:52:16.639 --> 00:52:18.639
this episode, I just want to take a moment and
858
00:52:18.679 --> 00:52:21.639
honor and thank my birth team, the people who made
859
00:52:21.679 --> 00:52:26.480
this entire experience what it was, because yes, birth is
860
00:52:26.559 --> 00:52:31.599
powerful and primal and divine, and it's also sacred teamwork. First,
861
00:52:31.880 --> 00:52:35.159
my husband, Todd, you are literally my rock. For the
862
00:52:35.199 --> 00:52:38.559
moment those first contractions started. You were there, you were grounded,
863
00:52:38.599 --> 00:52:42.719
you were calm, you were present. And to my mom,
864
00:52:43.000 --> 00:52:46.400
just thank you for being such a nurturing presence. I'm
865
00:52:46.519 --> 00:52:49.280
so lucky that my mom could be there. Some people
866
00:52:49.280 --> 00:52:51.199
think I'm crazy for having my mom in the room.
867
00:52:51.519 --> 00:52:53.840
She was there for both, and I wanted to give
868
00:52:53.880 --> 00:52:59.239
her that honor. You've been through both my birth now
869
00:52:59.320 --> 00:53:02.119
and your energy brings me comfort and safety in a
870
00:53:02.159 --> 00:53:06.639
way only a mother can. And having you there to
871
00:53:06.679 --> 00:53:10.599
witness your granddaughter and grandson come into the world was
872
00:53:10.679 --> 00:53:15.400
just so so special. And to my Dula Morgan Sorg,
873
00:53:15.760 --> 00:53:18.599
I could cry just thinking about how much you gave me.
874
00:53:19.280 --> 00:53:22.360
You weren't just my Dula. You were my mirror, my coach,
875
00:53:22.440 --> 00:53:27.440
my anchor, and my advocate. You helped me prepare mentally
876
00:53:27.519 --> 00:53:30.639
and physically and spiritually, and you reminded me to breathe,
877
00:53:30.760 --> 00:53:33.920
to trust, and just to stay grounded and connected to
878
00:53:33.960 --> 00:53:37.719
my power. In the hardest of moments, when I felt
879
00:53:37.719 --> 00:53:41.840
like I couldn't even keep going, you just said everything
880
00:53:41.880 --> 00:53:45.400
that I needed to hear. And I'm just so grateful
881
00:53:45.440 --> 00:53:48.440
to you. I'm so grateful to my doctor. Shout out,
882
00:53:48.480 --> 00:53:52.400
doctor Danko. Thank you for your calm, your confidence, and
883
00:53:52.440 --> 00:53:56.360
your respect. You stepped in at exactly the right times.
884
00:53:56.519 --> 00:53:58.960
You trusted me to listen to my body and allowed
885
00:53:58.960 --> 00:54:01.679
my birth to unfold as naturally as it possibly could,
886
00:54:02.599 --> 00:54:04.239
and that means more to me than you'll ever know.
887
00:54:05.760 --> 00:54:09.480
Every single person in that room just held such beautiful, loving, attentive,
888
00:54:09.639 --> 00:54:13.960
peaceful space and it felt like everyone was working together
889
00:54:14.239 --> 00:54:16.320
with the same goal, which was to bring lives safely
890
00:54:16.360 --> 00:54:19.159
into the world, and it was just the most aligned, gentle,
891
00:54:19.320 --> 00:54:24.599
empowering way possible. So thank you, Thank you all. And
892
00:54:24.840 --> 00:54:27.360
this was really the story of our rebirth as a family,
893
00:54:27.920 --> 00:54:30.920
as parents, as a family of four now, and as
894
00:54:30.960 --> 00:54:36.119
a woman remembering just how powerful she truly is. So
895
00:54:36.199 --> 00:54:39.440
that is the story and I'm sticking to it, y'all.
896
00:54:39.920 --> 00:54:42.559
I will record another episode as I am going through
897
00:54:42.599 --> 00:54:47.480
like this crazy identity shift postpartum, and I know my
898
00:54:47.519 --> 00:54:51.559
postpartum hormones are still raging, so look forward to that
899
00:54:51.599 --> 00:54:56.760
episode very soon. And until then, keeping the badass creator
900
00:54:56.920 --> 00:54:59.280
of your life, and I would love to hear from you.
901
00:55:00.039 --> 00:55:01.840
Let me know what resonated with you the most, Let
902
00:55:01.840 --> 00:55:05.599
me know. Yeah, anything you want to share with me,
903
00:55:05.639 --> 00:55:07.760
you can always DM me on Instagram at the Quantum
904
00:55:07.760 --> 00:55:11.280
Dot coach and funny you all so much love oo
905
00:55:12.360 --> 00:55:15.280
we did some work today. Thank you so much for listening.
906
00:55:15.599 --> 00:55:19.719
You know I love my bamfan. If this episode resonated
907
00:55:19.760 --> 00:55:22.079
with you, please share it with someone who you know
908
00:55:22.119 --> 00:55:24.280
would love it too. Because we live for the ripple
909
00:55:24.320 --> 00:55:27.119
effect over here. And how can you best support the show?
910
00:55:27.519 --> 00:55:30.400
Make sure you're subscribed, Hit the five stars and leave
911
00:55:30.440 --> 00:55:33.320
a review on iTunes and let me know how the
912
00:55:33.360 --> 00:55:36.719
podcast has impacted you. I love being part of your
913
00:55:36.719 --> 00:55:39.880
real time journey, so screenshot the episode and tag me
914
00:55:40.079 --> 00:55:43.719
and my guests on Instagram at manifest with Ash. Now
915
00:55:43.800 --> 00:55:47.000
say it with me. I am my own power source.
916
00:55:47.679 --> 00:55:51.719
I am the master of my own energy, and I
917
00:55:51.840 --> 00:55:56.320
deserve everything that I desire. We don't just talk about
918
00:55:56.320 --> 00:56:00.840
it over here, we be about it. Now, go get
919
00:56:00.920 --> 00:56:04.039
'em
