Babbling About Getting Back To Yourself

WEBVTT
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:01.040
What is up, everyone?
00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:04.000
Welcome back to another episode of the Babbles Nonsense podcast.
00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:05.200
I hope you can hear me.
00:00:05.360 --> 00:00:12.320
Something is going on with my headphones and I can't hear myself speaking, so I don't even know what this is gonna sound like.
00:00:12.640 --> 00:00:13.679
But welcome back.
00:00:13.839 --> 00:00:15.759
I know I missed last week.
00:00:16.480 --> 00:00:20.960
Life is life, and that's where I'll end that there.
00:00:21.120 --> 00:00:25.359
Um, but I know the last episode, which was two weeks ago, was pretty heavy.
00:00:25.519 --> 00:00:31.039
So today I just wanted to talk about what happens when life starts feeling somewhat normal again.
00:00:31.280 --> 00:00:39.439
Not because everything is like fixed or figured out in that moment, but because eventually I think we realize we're still here.
00:00:39.759 --> 00:00:43.920
We still have a life, and maybe it's time to start finding our way back to ourselves.
00:00:44.159 --> 00:00:46.880
So let's babble about getting back to you.
00:00:47.039 --> 00:00:48.880
If you're interested, stay tuned.
00:01:09.439 --> 00:01:10.000
All right.
00:01:10.159 --> 00:01:17.439
So, like I was saying in the intro, I know the last episode got deep, got a lot deep.
00:01:17.680 --> 00:01:23.280
Um, and I feel like sometimes when we're going through something difficult, well, I say we, but I mean me.
00:01:23.680 --> 00:01:41.040
Um, every conversation maybe that you're having with friends or that I do on the podcast or just anyone in general that will listen to me, um, those conversations start feeling like TED talks or, you know, about healing and trauma and boundaries, grief, growth, attachment styles, all the things, right?
00:01:41.280 --> 00:01:44.959
And eventually I'm like, can I please just go get a coffee?
00:01:45.120 --> 00:01:49.280
Can I have a normal day where I don't analyze anything?
00:01:49.519 --> 00:01:55.359
Don't analyze why I didn't do anything, why I sat in silence, why I didn't talk to anybody.
00:01:55.599 --> 00:02:01.040
And it's like, can we just have one normal day where that happens?
00:02:01.280 --> 00:02:02.079
I don't know.
00:02:02.319 --> 00:02:05.599
Like, does getting oat milk mean that I have abandonment issues?
00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:06.799
Like things like that.
00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:07.760
Probably it does.
00:02:07.920 --> 00:02:08.560
Who knows?
00:02:08.800 --> 00:02:17.199
According to the internet, everything and everyone has trauma, trauma responses, childhood trauma, all the things we've talked about it all on the podcast.
00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:23.680
But I have been thinking a lot lately about what happens after you go through a hard season.
00:02:23.919 --> 00:02:36.400
Unfortunately, I'm still in my hard season, so I haven't quite made it out yet, but it's getting there because I do think eventually, even if everything isn't completely resolved in the moment, life starts happening again.
00:02:36.560 --> 00:02:39.520
Well, life never stops if we're being completely honest.
00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:41.199
We have to start doing things.
00:02:41.360 --> 00:02:44.080
We still have to do things like laundry and go to work.
00:02:44.159 --> 00:02:54.400
You know, maybe your dog needs something, maybe your kid needs something, you have to clean your house, um, pay your bills, run errands, go get groceries.
00:02:54.800 --> 00:02:56.879
All these things still have to be done.
00:02:57.039 --> 00:03:05.919
And if you have friends that can help you, a great family support system, or a great partner that can help you, that is amazing.
00:03:06.560 --> 00:03:19.599
And I think through all of that, we realize like, oh, I do actually have an entire life outside of this thing that I've been thinking about constantly that's life right now.
00:03:19.840 --> 00:03:38.479
And I think that realization can feel strange because when something does, you know, happen that's somewhat big to you or in your life, or maybe dramatic or traumatizing or whatever it is, especially something in the emotional realm, it can become the center of your entire world for a while.
00:03:38.719 --> 00:03:48.080
I think, well, for me, I can't speak for you, but I know that I like when I'm going through something difficult, I wake up thinking about it, or I go to sleep thinking about it.
00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:54.319
And then maybe I'm at work talking to colleagues about it or my friends about it, you know, talking to God about it, praying about it.
00:03:54.560 --> 00:03:58.879
It's looping in my mind, ri ruminating, ruminating, ruminating, I don't know.
00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:00.240
You figure it out.
00:04:00.719 --> 00:04:06.080
Um, maybe your friend is Chat GPT and you chat GPT things 47 times.
00:04:06.240 --> 00:04:09.199
And when I say maybe you, I'm talking about maybe me.
00:04:09.520 --> 00:04:23.839
And then it's the same question just over and over, but maybe it's slightly different wording, because apparently the first 46 answers that everyone else gave you wasn't emotionally satisfying enough.
00:04:24.160 --> 00:04:36.800
But I think that eventually one day comes and you realize that you did something normal, like go to the gym or go get lunch with a friend, and you laughed for the first time after a hard situation.
00:04:37.040 --> 00:04:41.279
And for like 45 minutes afterwards, you didn't think about it.
00:04:41.519 --> 00:04:46.879
That one hard thing, you got to, your your brain got to emotionally escape from it for a minute.
00:04:47.120 --> 00:04:54.480
And then sometimes our brains do this really ridiculous thing where it goes, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:04:54.639 --> 00:04:55.839
You were happy for a second.
00:04:56.000 --> 00:04:57.759
Are we allowed to be happy in this moment?
00:04:57.920 --> 00:05:02.720
Shouldn't we still be emotionally devastated by the trauma that you went through last week?
00:05:02.959 --> 00:05:06.000
And I think that's something we don't really talk about.
00:05:06.160 --> 00:05:17.120
I know I say that a lot on the podcast, and maybe it's because I'm not looking in the right places, but sometimes feeling better in hard situations can almost make you feel guilty.
00:05:17.360 --> 00:05:21.040
I mean, I I know that's how I have felt sometimes.
00:05:21.279 --> 00:05:25.759
Like if something really mattered to you, shouldn't you still be sad about it?
00:05:26.079 --> 00:05:30.399
Or if you love someone enough, shouldn't you still miss them constantly?
00:05:30.639 --> 00:05:33.759
If something hurt you, shouldn't you still be affected by it?
00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:41.519
And obviously there's no timeline for grieving or, you know, whatever you're going through, a hard life situation.
00:05:41.759 --> 00:05:46.800
But I've started realizing that moving forward does not erase what happened.
00:05:47.040 --> 00:05:49.360
Laughing does not mean it didn't matter.
00:05:49.600 --> 00:05:52.160
Having a good day doesn't mean you didn't care.
00:05:52.319 --> 00:05:57.279
And healing does not require you to remain miserable as proof that something was important.
00:05:57.680 --> 00:06:05.519
I think sometimes we accidentally confuse suffering with significance, like if I stop hurting, maybe it means it wasn't real.
00:06:05.759 --> 00:06:07.680
And that's just simply not true.
00:06:07.839 --> 00:06:21.519
You can appreciate something, miss something, grieve something, or learn from something traumatic in your life, and also eventually go eat Mexican food and have a margarita with your friends and laugh and still enjoy life.
00:06:21.759 --> 00:06:32.079
Or depending on your life choices, I know mine was the Mexican food and having margaritas, whatever you want to insert there in your life, you know, balance.
00:06:32.639 --> 00:06:37.839
But lately I've been trying to figure out what getting back to myself actually looks like.
00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:43.360
And I don't mean this in some like inspirational kind of way.
00:06:43.839 --> 00:06:50.959
Like, for example, I'm not saying like today I woke up at 4:30 and I journaled for two hours and I meditated and I drank chlorophyll, water, da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:06:51.120 --> 00:06:51.360
Whatever.
00:06:51.519 --> 00:06:52.959
No, absolutely not.
00:06:53.759 --> 00:06:55.439
Because that sounds exhausting.
00:06:55.600 --> 00:07:22.720
I'm just talking about simple, normal, mundane things, getting back into my gym routine, starting to meal prep, actually washing my hair, cleaning my house, going to see friends, maybe reading a book, maybe listening to a podcast, driving somewhere without turning, you know, turning that drive into this emotional documentary where you're looping and reminding yourself of everything that you just went through.
00:07:23.759 --> 00:07:28.720
Or just remembering, like, oh yeah, I did exist before this thing.
00:07:28.959 --> 00:07:30.399
I had interests before this.
00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:34.879
I had plans and goals and a sense of humor before all of this happened.
00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:42.000
And I think sometimes when we're hurting, we actually accidentally turn the pain into our entire identity.
00:07:42.160 --> 00:07:52.959
Everything becomes about a relationship or a breakup, a decision, job, loss, whatever happened, whatever you're grieving, like I said, whatever traumatic event that may have taken place in your life.
00:07:53.199 --> 00:07:56.720
And I don't think we necessarily mean to do this.
00:07:56.959 --> 00:07:59.199
I think it's just consuming.
00:07:59.680 --> 00:08:12.720
Our brain wants to solve it, it wants answers, and our brain most of the time wants closure, or maybe it wants someone to explain exactly why everything happened because it's trying to protect you.
00:08:12.879 --> 00:08:21.759
And I know again, Mean You has talked about this on the podcast before where it's just trying to tell stories to make sense of something that maybe doesn't really make sense.
00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:26.160
But unfortunately, life is just rude like that.
00:08:26.319 --> 00:08:34.159
Sometimes there is no neat explanation, sometimes there is no dramatic final conversation that we see in movies.
00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:38.559
You know, sometimes nobody comes back and says, You were right.
00:08:38.720 --> 00:08:44.080
Here is your certificate and here's your emotional validation, and you, you know, handled that perfectly.
00:08:44.320 --> 00:08:46.159
That's just it's not how life happens.
00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:56.960
We kind of like when we watch movies and things like that and we see endings and how things go, we sometimes I think can get caught up in that and think, like, why can't that be life?
00:08:57.120 --> 00:09:07.039
That's just the ending is in this perfect little bow and we know why everything happened, which would honestly be very helpful if you ask me.
00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:14.799
But I think sometimes you just have to keep living without having every answer, which is really hard for me being a control freak.
00:09:15.120 --> 00:09:25.120
Um, but I'm learning that there's a difference between processing something and living inside of it, which processing is probably the more healthy thing to do.
00:09:25.279 --> 00:09:40.000
And then thinking about what happened or learning from it, you know, talking about it with safe people, praying about it, going to therapy if you need to, and just having a core group of people that you just feel safe with can all be good.
00:09:40.240 --> 00:09:48.080
But there's also a point where you can accidentally start circling that same question just over and over, like why did this happen?
00:09:48.240 --> 00:09:49.759
What if I had done something differently?
00:09:49.840 --> 00:09:51.360
What if I had said this instead?
00:09:51.519 --> 00:09:52.399
What if I had waited?
00:09:52.559 --> 00:09:53.600
What if I hadn't waited?
00:09:53.679 --> 00:09:54.480
What if they change?
00:09:54.639 --> 00:09:55.279
What if they don't?
00:09:55.440 --> 00:09:56.320
What if I regret this?
00:09:56.399 --> 00:09:57.519
What if I don't?
00:09:57.759 --> 00:10:02.399
You know, those are most of the questions that loop through my brain over and over on repeat.
00:10:02.480 --> 00:10:05.919
And my brain is just trying to give it an answer that makes sense.
00:10:06.080 --> 00:10:09.519
And like I said, sometimes the answer just doesn't make sense.
00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:19.919
But you'll realize sometimes that you've spent hours mentally arguing with this version of your life that never existed or wasn't going to exist.
00:10:20.559 --> 00:10:30.879
You know, meanwhile, you have your clothes in the dryer and you still need to get your laundry done, which honestly just feels very disrespectful that the laundry can't fold itself.
00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:33.759
I don't know about you, but I'm just saying.
00:10:34.000 --> 00:10:39.679
Like, can someone else come fold these clothes or can we invent a dryer at some point to fold clothes?
00:10:39.759 --> 00:10:43.519
We all know that we don't mind putting clothes in the washer and transferring them to the dryer.
00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:44.240
It's the folding.
00:10:44.320 --> 00:10:46.080
Anyways, that's another soapbox.
00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:54.240
Um, but I've also noticed something else that we really romanticize options once they disappear.
00:10:54.480 --> 00:10:58.000
This is one of the weirdest things I feel like humans do.
00:10:58.320 --> 00:11:10.080
I want to know the neuroscience behind it, honestly, because you can be completely uninterested in something or someone, and then suddenly that option is gone, and now you're like, wait, wait a minute.
00:11:10.320 --> 00:11:11.440
Did I want that?
00:11:11.679 --> 00:11:17.279
I'm never, you know, for example, like when I cut my hair into bangs, bangs are a great example.
00:11:17.440 --> 00:11:18.960
Any woman can relate to this.
00:11:19.200 --> 00:11:23.360
You know, we don't ever really go, oh yeah, give me some bangs.
00:11:23.519 --> 00:11:34.799
I mean, maybe somebody does, but like we see it on someone else, and then maybe we have a huge life change, and we're like, I want bangs, you know, or maybe you're like, I've never wanted bangs.
00:11:34.960 --> 00:11:43.840
Tell me tomorrow that I can never have bangs again, and then suddenly I'm watching YouTube tutorials with scissors in my hands, which I'm not even lying.
00:11:43.919 --> 00:11:46.399
I did this one time myself.
00:11:47.120 --> 00:12:05.759
And another example would be like maybe you see a house that you don't even want, or you do want it, but you know you can't afford it, maybe it's too expensive, or maybe it's farther out than you wanted to live, or the wrong neighborhood, or maybe the kitchen is very old and looks very 2004.
00:12:06.240 --> 00:12:08.879
And you're like, I don't really have the money to remodel that.
00:12:08.960 --> 00:12:18.720
But then you leave the house, someone else buys it, and suddenly you're like, well, maybe that house really did have potential, maybe I could have made it work.
00:12:18.960 --> 00:12:24.559
You know, apparently I was going to raise a family there, even though I don't really want a family.
00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:25.759
I don't know, who knew?
00:12:25.840 --> 00:12:26.480
You know?
00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:34.159
There's another example of like job interviews, and you think, I'm gonna interview for this job.
00:12:34.399 --> 00:12:37.919
I don't even know if I want this job, I have a great job.
00:12:38.159 --> 00:12:42.799
Then they hire somebody else and didn't even pick you, and suddenly you were deeply offended.
00:12:42.960 --> 00:12:44.960
Like, hold up, excuse me.
00:12:45.200 --> 00:12:47.919
That was my job, that was my position.
00:12:48.639 --> 00:13:01.360
And I really think like with these examples and just like talking them out, I think sometimes losing options make us romanticize the version of life that could have existed inside a what-if moment.
00:13:01.519 --> 00:13:03.679
We could what-if ourselves to death.
00:13:03.919 --> 00:13:12.720
And it's not because we necessarily wanted it, but because now we can't know what would have happened if we chose differently.
00:13:12.960 --> 00:13:23.840
And the brain loves, well, my brain loves, an alternative timeline, especially because an alternative timeline always gets edited so beautifully.
00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:28.799
You know, like nobody imagines the alternative timeline where everything went terrible.
00:13:29.039 --> 00:13:35.840
Like you moved into that house, you, you know, you lost your job, you couldn't remodel, then you find mold or something.
00:13:35.919 --> 00:13:37.279
Like you don't imagine that.
00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:47.519
What if you imagine, oh, it was gonna be beautiful, I was gonna have this family that I've never even wanted, and then I was going to update everything and add on to everything.
00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:50.799
No, you know, that's just not what our brains do.
00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:56.240
Our imaginary alternate life has this perfect lighting.
00:13:56.399 --> 00:14:05.840
You know, everyone communicates, nobody gains weight, the house is always clean, everyone's behaving, you're financially secure, your skin looks amazing.
00:14:06.000 --> 00:14:17.919
Um, somehow we have endless vacation times in our imaginary life, and nobody is getting on your nerves, nobody's being annoying, which is how you know it's fictional because life does not happen like this.
00:14:18.080 --> 00:14:20.399
Life is not perfect, it's messy.
00:14:20.639 --> 00:14:26.399
If we all keep looking at Instagram and see this perfect Instagram life of people, it's just not real.
00:14:26.559 --> 00:14:35.679
I'm not gonna say that people don't have happy lives or that they don't live good lives, and maybe bad things don't happen to them at the moment, but life is messy.
00:14:36.000 --> 00:14:52.399
And I think part of getting back to ourselves is learning to stop competing with imaginary versions of our own lives, more or less anyone else online, or your friends or neighbors or whatever, whoever else you're imagining your version being compared to.
00:14:52.799 --> 00:15:00.399
Because in the end, when we do that, we're the ones that are losing because our real life still has those bills that have to be paid.
00:15:00.559 --> 00:15:04.159
You're gonna have bad hair days, you're not gonna wash your hair on some days.
00:15:04.320 --> 00:15:08.799
There's gonna be miscommunication between, you know, friends, partners, colleagues.
00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:11.440
You're gonna get in traffic and cuss up a storm.
00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:15.679
You know, if you're a woman, you're gonna have raging hormones at times.
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:18.399
Um, if you're a man, maybe your testosterone's law.
00:15:18.480 --> 00:15:23.759
I don't want to leave you out on the hormones part, but unexpected expenses can come.
00:15:23.919 --> 00:15:25.840
You know, people will disappoint you.
00:15:26.000 --> 00:15:27.679
You may disappoint yourself.
00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:33.440
The imaginary life has none of that because you invented it to be perfect.
00:15:33.679 --> 00:15:39.360
Of course, that imaginary life looks good, but you didn't get to live that timeline.
00:15:39.519 --> 00:15:41.519
You have the one that you have.
00:15:41.919 --> 00:15:44.159
And I don't mean that in a sad way.
00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:49.600
I actually think that can be very freeing if we stop what ifing ourselves to death.
00:15:49.679 --> 00:16:00.559
And I know I'm really speaking to me in this moment because eventually it may make us stop asking, like, what would have happened if I chose different differently?
00:16:00.879 --> 00:16:08.080
And it may start having us ask, you know, okay, what do I want to happen now?
00:16:08.240 --> 00:16:13.279
What do I want my life to look like from here, from this moment, from what I learned from?
00:16:13.519 --> 00:16:14.960
What do I want more of?
00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:16.639
What do I want less of?
00:16:16.879 --> 00:16:18.240
Who do I want around me?
00:16:18.399 --> 00:16:20.080
What makes me feel like myself?
00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:21.679
Have I neglected myself?
00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:23.440
Have I neglected someone else?
00:16:23.679 --> 00:16:25.279
What have I been putting off?
00:16:25.440 --> 00:16:27.440
What does actually make me laugh?
00:16:27.600 --> 00:16:29.519
Where do I want to go from here?
00:16:29.840 --> 00:16:31.120
What do I want to learn?
00:16:31.279 --> 00:16:33.519
What do I want to learn from this process?
00:16:33.759 --> 00:16:37.840
Like all these questions can then come from your actual life.
00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:41.120
And maybe the answers don't have to be profound.
00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:48.960
Maybe the answers this week, if you're going through a hard time and you're trying to get on the other side of it, is I just want to go back to the gym today.
00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:53.600
You know, I'm gonna go home and clean out my closet and donate all my clothes to goodwill.
00:16:53.840 --> 00:16:58.240
Or maybe you're gonna take a weekend trip with your girlfriends and just let loose.
00:16:58.480 --> 00:17:03.120
Maybe it's just putting down your phone and stop checking it every four seconds.
00:17:03.360 --> 00:17:10.000
Whatever it is, all of them are legitimate goals, especially in my opinion, the phone one, because I'm really bad about that.
00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:22.000
Because I do feel like sometimes the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves is put the phone down in another room and stop looking for information that probably doesn't exist because it feeds into that what if moment.
00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:35.440
But I also think that getting back to yourself just sometimes is simply remembering who you were before you started trying so hard to understand a situation or maybe someone else.
00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:40.720
That's something that as I get on the other side, hopefully soon.
00:17:40.880 --> 00:17:45.440
I don't know, you know, life can life, but that's what I've been thinking about.
00:17:45.599 --> 00:17:50.720
Like, how much energy do I want to spend trying to figure everyone else out?
00:17:50.960 --> 00:17:52.720
Why did they say this that way?
00:17:52.799 --> 00:17:54.400
Or what do they mean by that?
00:17:54.640 --> 00:17:55.440
Do they care?
00:17:55.599 --> 00:17:56.319
Are they upset?
00:17:56.480 --> 00:17:57.519
Are they avoiding me?
00:17:57.680 --> 00:17:59.359
Are they going through something?
00:17:59.519 --> 00:18:01.839
You know, are they emotionally available?
00:18:02.079 --> 00:18:04.160
Are they secretly overwhelmed?
00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:13.440
All these questions, instead of asking about other people, is you can just focus on you and say, what do you want?
00:18:13.599 --> 00:18:14.559
How do you feel?
00:18:14.720 --> 00:18:16.720
What do you need in this moment?
00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:33.920
And I'm realizing I can spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to understand someone else and almost none of the time asking myself whether the situation is even working for me, which is kind of insane because you live with yourself, not anyone else.
00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:38.400
And that's probably because I'm a people pleaser and it wouldn't seem that way, but I am.
00:18:38.799 --> 00:18:47.759
So, like, sure, maybe I understand exactly why someone behaves the way they do in certain situations, which is congratulations to me for figuring that out, you know.
00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:53.200
Um, maybe you've earned a doctorate in someone else's behavior because you're overanalyzing them.
00:18:53.279 --> 00:18:55.119
But what have you learned about yourself?
00:18:55.359 --> 00:19:09.200
Because understanding someone does not automatically mean that you have to tolerate everything or, you know, put your own feelings aside in moments because compassion and boundaries can apparently coexist.
00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:10.480
Who knew that?
00:19:10.720 --> 00:19:12.880
Not me until recently.
00:19:13.200 --> 00:19:21.359
And maybe getting back to yourself just means redirecting some of that curiosity inward, but not in a self-critical way.
00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:25.920
So don't go the opposite, you know, in a whole nother direction.
00:19:26.319 --> 00:19:41.279
Just like what actually makes you feel good, makes you feel safe, what environments bring out the best in you, you know, try to figure out where you're constantly feeling anxious or or where you can feel like you can breathe.
00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:47.200
Um and these questions don't have to like be at the forefront of your brain.
00:19:47.279 --> 00:20:00.559
It's just something, you know, hindsight looking back, you can I can see this and say I should do this and try to do this or implement this, but we don't have to solve our entire lives in that moment, that hard time.
00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:04.480
You know, these are just good questions, I feel like.
00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:06.640
And maybe you don't agree, and that's okay.
00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:11.839
But I also think there's something really underrated about doing normal things while you're healing.
00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:20.319
You know, everybody feels like they just want some kind of dramatic breakthrough or okay to feel better, and sometimes there just isn't one.
00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:42.160
Sometimes it's just waking up in the morning and realizing you slept through the night or you didn't cry today, or maybe you cried one time less than you did yesterday, or maybe you went one afternoon without replaying a conversation in your head on repeat, or actually enjoying something, or maybe even laughing, which is progress, you know.
00:20:42.319 --> 00:20:48.480
I know those are not clappable moments to some, you know, there's no trophy being awarded to you.
00:20:48.799 --> 00:21:13.279
You know, maybe it's you you don't post about it on Instagram, but you can some, you know, just honestly say that you're healing in that moment, it's probably more quiet and more boring and truly almost unnoticeable until one day you can look back and realize the thing that consumed your entire brain now only visits occasionally.
00:21:13.440 --> 00:21:28.720
And I think that's the part I'm trying to embrace in the moment that I'm in, not forcing myself to be quote unquote over anything, not trying to pretend things don't hurt me, but also giving myself permission to live while things are still healing.
00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:34.160
Because I think we sometimes wait for perfect emotional closure before we let ourselves move forward.
00:21:34.319 --> 00:21:36.799
And I don't know if that ever comes.
00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:42.400
It may come for some, but I've honestly never experienced this perfect closure moment.
00:21:43.119 --> 00:21:49.839
And maybe sometimes closure is just simply realizing that something happened, you learned from it.
00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:59.440
You know, some parts of that still hurt, some questions will probably never be answered, and I still get to build a life that's ahead of me.
00:21:59.599 --> 00:22:00.880
I still have a future.
00:22:01.839 --> 00:22:06.640
And doing these simple things kind of feels more realistic to me.
00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:14.720
And I'll be very honest, I'm in much dire need for normalcy.
00:22:15.039 --> 00:22:16.960
Um I'm ready to laugh.
00:22:17.119 --> 00:22:19.599
I'm ready to talk about stupid things again.
00:22:19.839 --> 00:22:30.960
You know, I've I'm ready to go back to complaining to my friends about the most insignificant things and be the dramatic one, which who knew I was the dramatic one.
00:22:31.039 --> 00:22:33.680
I'm sure y'all have thought that.
00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:40.240
But I think that's one of the strange signs, like when you can start doing these little things is getting back to yourself.
00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:53.440
You know, you start caring about dumb things again, you start making plans with your friends, you start getting excited about something, you can start thinking about next month instead of yesterday or a week ago or two weeks ago.
00:22:53.680 --> 00:22:58.160
You can start laughing without immediately remembering that you're supposed to be sad.
00:22:58.640 --> 00:23:02.799
And I really want to remember that none of that is betrayal to myself.
00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:21.359
You know, you're not betraying you or the experience or a decision or someone else because that version of yourself was hurting, you're just continuing, and maybe just continuing life and still participating in life is enough.
00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:32.000
So if you're in some weird season where you don't feel completely okay yet, but you also don't feel completely destroyed anymore, maybe you don't have to define it.
00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:48.960
Maybe we just are somewhere in the middle, and maybe today you just do one thing that feels like you, not something productive or impressive or for anyone else, something that just makes you think, okay, I feel like myself again.
00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:56.160
There I am, because you are still you and you don't have to dramatically reinvent yourself either.
00:23:56.400 --> 00:24:04.960
Sometimes I know like that's what we do as humans is we go out and do something crazy and they call it a midlife crisis, but I really think it happens in any crisis sometimes.
00:24:05.119 --> 00:24:08.640
You feel like you need to just be different or be someone different.
00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:13.440
But sometimes you just have to slowly come home to yourself again.
00:24:13.839 --> 00:24:19.920
And yeah, anyway, that is enough emotional maturity for this episode.
00:24:20.319 --> 00:24:28.559
Maybe next week we can talk about something completely ridiculous and less emotional and less dramatic for balance.
00:24:28.720 --> 00:24:30.799
You know, there's all about balance.
00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:32.880
So I hope someone found this helpful.
00:24:33.039 --> 00:24:34.720
If you did, share it with a friend.
00:24:34.880 --> 00:24:38.400
But anyways, guys, until next time, bye.