WEBVTT
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All right, I'm a sinner and I tell my kids not to sin.
00:00:34.820 --> 00:00:36.500
Does that make me a hypocrite?
00:00:36.740 --> 00:00:40.740
Now, obviously, that's generally true for every single person.
00:00:40.899 --> 00:00:43.299
Uh, every single person without exception is a sinner.
00:00:43.460 --> 00:00:47.539
Every single father who loves Christ is trying to teach his kids not to sin.
00:00:47.700 --> 00:00:52.820
And so, on the one hand, everybody is looks like a hypocrite, but that's actually not really what a hypocrite is.
00:00:53.060 --> 00:00:57.379
Hypocrite comes from the Greek word, which means actor or to wear a mask or to put something on.
00:00:57.460 --> 00:00:58.899
It's basically being a pretender.
00:00:59.060 --> 00:01:02.579
So you're only a hypocrite if you say, I'm not a sinner when you are.
00:01:02.740 --> 00:01:09.299
It's not a hypocrite, it's not hypocritical to say, I sin and I shouldn't, and also you shouldn't.
00:01:09.460 --> 00:01:10.659
That's not hypocritical.
00:01:10.740 --> 00:01:16.099
And so sometimes we can feel like our guilty conscience gets in the way of our capacity to parent.
00:01:16.259 --> 00:01:21.140
Maybe as a dad, you've already ruined your previous marriage because you had committed adultery.
00:01:21.299 --> 00:01:24.420
Maybe as a dad, you've already lashed out in anger in ways that they've noticed.
00:01:24.500 --> 00:01:25.780
And you're going to tell them don't be angry.
00:01:25.939 --> 00:01:29.460
Maybe as a dad, you're terrible with your technology, and you tell them be good with your technology.
00:01:29.620 --> 00:01:33.780
Maybe as a dad, you tell them don't cheat in school, but you cheated in school.
00:01:33.859 --> 00:01:36.979
Maybe as a dad, you tell them be the same person everywhere.
00:01:37.060 --> 00:01:42.180
Don't be have two versions of yourself, but you go to work and you're one way and you go to church you're one way and you go with your buddies, you're another way.
00:01:42.259 --> 00:01:46.580
And so there's all this incongruity or lack of integrity.
00:01:46.659 --> 00:01:56.900
So integration is being the same person everywhere that we have to look in the face as a father, because under no circumstances will you not sin against your wife and kids.
00:01:57.060 --> 00:02:01.699
But also under no circumstances should you not help your wife and kids not sin.
00:02:01.780 --> 00:02:08.259
And so what you have to do is you have to be honest with your kids in age-appropriate ways about your sin.
00:02:08.419 --> 00:02:08.740
Right.
00:02:08.900 --> 00:02:18.340
So uh there's times where I've lashed out at my son, and then I have to circle back with him and repair that and say, like, hey, the way dad yelled, that was not right.
00:02:18.580 --> 00:02:19.699
Please forgive me.
00:02:19.860 --> 00:02:22.500
I should have done it like this instead of like that.
00:02:22.740 --> 00:02:30.020
And so then when I tell him, when he lashes out in anger against his sister, Jay, don't lash out against Olivia.
00:02:30.419 --> 00:02:38.900
I'm not telling him, do as I say, not as I do, but I'm telling him, he remember how dad's not the way he's supposed to be.
00:02:39.060 --> 00:02:39.299
Yeah.
00:02:39.379 --> 00:02:40.340
And we talked about it.
00:02:40.419 --> 00:02:42.900
And Jesus loves us even though we're not the way we're supposed to be.
00:02:43.060 --> 00:02:43.299
Yeah.
00:02:43.379 --> 00:02:46.419
And that God is forgiving us and calling us to be different and better.
00:02:46.500 --> 00:02:48.099
Yeah, it's the same for you.
00:02:48.419 --> 00:02:52.019
So I'm holding you the same standard I'm holding myself.
00:02:52.099 --> 00:02:59.939
And so the standard that I hold myself to and I model, which is sinner needing grace and in a repentance journey, is the same standard I'm giving to my kids.
00:03:00.019 --> 00:03:02.019
I'm a sinner needing grace on a repentance journey.
00:03:02.180 --> 00:03:14.180
The only time when your kids will grow up and say, my dad was a hypocrite, is if you gaslight them about dad's not a sinner, dad's doing fine, and you flinch the defensive and you go, dad doesn't lose his temper, and they know dad certainly loses temper.
00:03:14.259 --> 00:03:16.419
And they say, Dad doesn't struggle with sexual sin.
00:03:16.500 --> 00:03:19.219
Well, dad definitely struggles with sexual sin because I found the internet history.
00:03:19.379 --> 00:03:30.500
Or dad isn't greedy and he tells, but you they when they have this conflicting data about who dad says he is versus who dad is, they ogre up and learn that Christians are hypocrites, dad's a hypocrite, and they're all liars.
00:03:30.739 --> 00:03:42.979
But when you're able with appropriate or age-appropriate vulnerability to tell them, here is my sin, here is why I hate it, here's why I'm thankful that Jesus is saving me from it and has saved me from it.
00:03:43.139 --> 00:04:02.419
And here's where I'm being called to walk in repentance and to change my mind and change my behavior to conform to the will of God, when I can cast myself as a person on a journey and tell them they also need to be on a journey, and that journey is toward intimacy and fidelity with Christ, then they're not going to see me as a hypocrite, and I actually won't be a hypocrite.
00:04:02.579 --> 00:04:06.019
The hypocrite is a pretender, not a confessor.
00:04:06.259 --> 00:04:12.099
So if you're worried about hypocrisy, the answer is more confession, more repentance, more modeling of the inner life.
00:04:12.180 --> 00:04:14.500
The older your kids get, the more important that is.
00:04:14.659 --> 00:04:19.540
But under no circumstances does your sin invalidate your authority to parent.
00:04:19.699 --> 00:04:24.740
Now, obviously, there's certain sins which do really cut you off at the knees, right?
00:04:24.819 --> 00:04:26.980
You're physically abusive to your wife.
00:04:27.300 --> 00:04:32.420
You uh you hit your kids in a way that's absolutely inappropriate, you scream and yell.
00:04:32.579 --> 00:04:39.300
There will be these ruptures, these trust gaps that are created that take a long time to repair, right?
00:04:39.379 --> 00:04:44.019
You don't get to hit their mom and then continue to parent as though nothing happened.
00:04:44.100 --> 00:04:47.060
And you don't get just to confess your sin and that's all better.
00:04:47.219 --> 00:04:48.659
No, there's certain types of sin.
00:04:48.819 --> 00:04:53.300
So it's important to understand, not all sins are equally damaging, but it's all equally damning.
00:04:53.379 --> 00:04:57.139
So God hates all sin equally, it all sends you to hell, but it's not all equally damaging.
00:04:57.219 --> 00:05:01.540
So raising your voice of your wife versus hitting your wife, same damning, different damaging.
00:05:01.620 --> 00:05:05.939
And the more damaging it is, the longer the trust building process takes.
00:05:06.099 --> 00:05:18.579
So you may be like, for example, someone may be violent to their wife, which leads to their marriage ending, and you and that, and that that person and their wife may never reconcile because of the physical abuse.
00:05:18.819 --> 00:05:32.259
The possibility then of you having a lane to speak into your kids, it's a really, really long road where you're having to own it, own it, own it, walk through and model repentance over probably years, maybe even longer than that.
00:05:32.420 --> 00:05:49.939
Um, but that doesn't invalidate your ability to speak into your kids' life, period, ever, because you are saying, yes, if you are actually owning and naming the impact and severity of your sin, and you're not minimizing it or justifying it or rationalizing it, but you're going, like, yeah, that was horrendous.
00:05:50.099 --> 00:05:51.620
Uh, Lord, have mercy on me.
00:05:51.779 --> 00:05:53.379
Jesus died for that sin.
00:05:53.620 --> 00:05:56.339
And so, my son, don't be like I was.
00:05:56.579 --> 00:05:58.180
Be different, be better than me.
00:05:58.339 --> 00:06:04.500
Like you're now parenting and speaking into your son by using yourself as a negative example and using Christ as the great example.
00:06:04.579 --> 00:06:11.540
And so uh you're never fully off the table as a dad, even if you've completely train wrecked uh so many things at home.
00:06:11.699 --> 00:06:16.500
Just that process and the earning the right to speak into a child's life may be a really long one.
00:06:16.659 --> 00:06:21.379
And so anytime you sin against your child, small way, you have to rebuild trust to repair.
00:06:21.540 --> 00:06:24.740
The bigger that sin, the bigger that trust repair process looks like.
00:06:24.819 --> 00:06:26.339
But it's gonna play out over time.
00:06:26.500 --> 00:06:38.259
But if you kind of insecurity decide that you don't have the right to parent your kids because of your sin, you're gonna kind of hang it up, mail it in, and be an abdicator rather than an engaged, loving father who's doing what God has called him to do.
00:06:38.500 --> 00:06:47.459
Now, my guess is most of the people listening to this podcast haven't already exploded or destroyed the household through their level 10 sinful behavior.
00:06:47.620 --> 00:06:50.579
But it's more these small ways that insecurity gets in.
00:06:50.740 --> 00:07:08.099
And I do think that's one of the things Satan uses is he's called the accuser of the brethren, the one who reminds you of your guilt, who reminds you of your sin, says you're not good enough, you're not worthy, and is teaching you or trying to get you to believe that the grace of God is insufficient for your calling as a father.
00:07:08.259 --> 00:07:17.379
And you have to rebuke that in the name of Jesus Christ and say, I was dead in my trespass and sin, but I'm made alive by the grace of Jesus Christ.
00:07:17.459 --> 00:07:21.219
And the Spirit is now working on me to do what he's called me to do.
00:07:21.300 --> 00:07:38.740
And so rather than kind of withdrawing into shame, which is what Satan wants hiding, covering, withdrawing, you want to cling to Christ, the sufficiency of his death, and then engage graciously and lovingly, not as a pretender, but as a clear conscience before the Lord, confessor and modeler of faith and repentance.
00:00:31.780 --> 00:00:34.659
All right, I'm a sinner and I tell my kids not to sin.
00:00:34.820 --> 00:00:36.500
Does that make me a hypocrite?
00:00:36.740 --> 00:00:40.740
Now, obviously, that's generally true for every single person.
00:00:40.899 --> 00:00:43.299
Uh, every single person without exception is a sinner.
00:00:43.460 --> 00:00:47.539
Every single father who loves Christ is trying to teach his kids not to sin.
00:00:47.700 --> 00:00:52.820
And so, on the one hand, everybody is looks like a hypocrite, but that's actually not really what a hypocrite is.
00:00:53.060 --> 00:00:57.379
Hypocrite comes from the Greek word, which means actor or to wear a mask or to put something on.
00:00:57.460 --> 00:00:58.899
It's basically being a pretender.
00:00:59.060 --> 00:01:02.579
So you're only a hypocrite if you say, I'm not a sinner when you are.
00:01:02.740 --> 00:01:09.299
It's not a hypocrite, it's not hypocritical to say, I sin and I shouldn't, and also you shouldn't.
00:01:09.460 --> 00:01:10.659
That's not hypocritical.
00:01:10.740 --> 00:01:16.099
And so sometimes we can feel like our guilty conscience gets in the way of our capacity to parent.
00:01:16.259 --> 00:01:21.140
Maybe as a dad, you've already ruined your previous marriage because you had committed adultery.
00:01:21.299 --> 00:01:24.420
Maybe as a dad, you've already lashed out in anger in ways that they've noticed.
00:01:24.500 --> 00:01:25.780
And you're going to tell them don't be angry.
00:01:25.939 --> 00:01:29.460
Maybe as a dad, you're terrible with your technology, and you tell them be good with your technology.
00:01:29.620 --> 00:01:33.780
Maybe as a dad, you tell them don't cheat in school, but you cheated in school.
00:01:33.859 --> 00:01:36.979
Maybe as a dad, you tell them be the same person everywhere.
00:01:37.060 --> 00:01:42.180
Don't be have two versions of yourself, but you go to work and you're one way and you go to church you're one way and you go with your buddies, you're another way.
00:01:42.259 --> 00:01:46.580
And so there's all this incongruity or lack of integrity.
00:01:46.659 --> 00:01:56.900
So integration is being the same person everywhere that we have to look in the face as a father, because under no circumstances will you not sin against your wife and kids.
00:01:57.060 --> 00:02:01.699
But also under no circumstances should you not help your wife and kids not sin.
00:02:01.780 --> 00:02:08.259
And so what you have to do is you have to be honest with your kids in age-appropriate ways about your sin.
00:02:08.419 --> 00:02:08.740
Right.
00:02:08.900 --> 00:02:18.340
So uh there's times where I've lashed out at my son, and then I have to circle back with him and repair that and say, like, hey, the way dad yelled, that was not right.
00:02:18.580 --> 00:02:19.699
Please forgive me.
00:02:19.860 --> 00:02:22.500
I should have done it like this instead of like that.
00:02:22.740 --> 00:02:30.020
And so then when I tell him, when he lashes out in anger against his sister, Jay, don't lash out against Olivia.
00:02:30.419 --> 00:02:38.900
I'm not telling him, do as I say, not as I do, but I'm telling him, he remember how dad's not the way he's supposed to be.
00:02:39.060 --> 00:02:39.299
Yeah.
00:02:39.379 --> 00:02:40.340
And we talked about it.
00:02:40.419 --> 00:02:42.900
And Jesus loves us even though we're not the way we're supposed to be.
00:02:43.060 --> 00:02:43.299
Yeah.
00:02:43.379 --> 00:02:46.419
And that God is forgiving us and calling us to be different and better.
00:02:46.500 --> 00:02:48.099
Yeah, it's the same for you.
00:02:48.419 --> 00:02:52.019
So I'm holding you the same standard I'm holding myself.
00:02:52.099 --> 00:02:59.939
And so the standard that I hold myself to and I model, which is sinner needing grace and in a repentance journey, is the same standard I'm giving to my kids.
00:03:00.019 --> 00:03:02.019
I'm a sinner needing grace on a repentance journey.
00:03:02.180 --> 00:03:14.180
The only time when your kids will grow up and say, my dad was a hypocrite, is if you gaslight them about dad's not a sinner, dad's doing fine, and you flinch the defensive and you go, dad doesn't lose his temper, and they know dad certainly loses temper.
00:03:14.259 --> 00:03:16.419
And they say, Dad doesn't struggle with sexual sin.
00:03:16.500 --> 00:03:19.219
Well, dad definitely struggles with sexual sin because I found the internet history.
00:03:19.379 --> 00:03:30.500
Or dad isn't greedy and he tells, but you they when they have this conflicting data about who dad says he is versus who dad is, they ogre up and learn that Christians are hypocrites, dad's a hypocrite, and they're all liars.
00:03:30.739 --> 00:03:42.979
But when you're able with appropriate or age-appropriate vulnerability to tell them, here is my sin, here is why I hate it, here's why I'm thankful that Jesus is saving me from it and has saved me from it.
00:03:43.139 --> 00:04:02.419
And here's where I'm being called to walk in repentance and to change my mind and change my behavior to conform to the will of God, when I can cast myself as a person on a journey and tell them they also need to be on a journey, and that journey is toward intimacy and fidelity with Christ, then they're not going to see me as a hypocrite, and I actually won't be a hypocrite.
00:04:02.579 --> 00:04:06.019
The hypocrite is a pretender, not a confessor.
00:04:06.259 --> 00:04:12.099
So if you're worried about hypocrisy, the answer is more confession, more repentance, more modeling of the inner life.
00:04:12.180 --> 00:04:14.500
The older your kids get, the more important that is.
00:04:14.659 --> 00:04:19.540
But under no circumstances does your sin invalidate your authority to parent.
00:04:19.699 --> 00:04:24.740
Now, obviously, there's certain sins which do really cut you off at the knees, right?
00:04:24.819 --> 00:04:26.980
You're physically abusive to your wife.
00:04:27.300 --> 00:04:32.420
You uh you hit your kids in a way that's absolutely inappropriate, you scream and yell.
00:04:32.579 --> 00:04:39.300
There will be these ruptures, these trust gaps that are created that take a long time to repair, right?
00:04:39.379 --> 00:04:44.019
You don't get to hit their mom and then continue to parent as though nothing happened.
00:04:44.100 --> 00:04:47.060
And you don't get just to confess your sin and that's all better.
00:04:47.219 --> 00:04:48.659
No, there's certain types of sin.
00:04:48.819 --> 00:04:53.300
So it's important to understand, not all sins are equally damaging, but it's all equally damning.
00:04:53.379 --> 00:04:57.139
So God hates all sin equally, it all sends you to hell, but it's not all equally damaging.
00:04:57.219 --> 00:05:01.540
So raising your voice of your wife versus hitting your wife, same damning, different damaging.
00:05:01.620 --> 00:05:05.939
And the more damaging it is, the longer the trust building process takes.
00:05:06.099 --> 00:05:18.579
So you may be like, for example, someone may be violent to their wife, which leads to their marriage ending, and you and that, and that that person and their wife may never reconcile because of the physical abuse.
00:05:18.819 --> 00:05:32.259
The possibility then of you having a lane to speak into your kids, it's a really, really long road where you're having to own it, own it, own it, walk through and model repentance over probably years, maybe even longer than that.
00:05:32.420 --> 00:05:49.939
Um, but that doesn't invalidate your ability to speak into your kids' life, period, ever, because you are saying, yes, if you are actually owning and naming the impact and severity of your sin, and you're not minimizing it or justifying it or rationalizing it, but you're going, like, yeah, that was horrendous.
00:05:50.099 --> 00:05:51.620
Uh, Lord, have mercy on me.
00:05:51.779 --> 00:05:53.379
Jesus died for that sin.
00:05:53.620 --> 00:05:56.339
And so, my son, don't be like I was.
00:05:56.579 --> 00:05:58.180
Be different, be better than me.
00:05:58.339 --> 00:06:04.500
Like you're now parenting and speaking into your son by using yourself as a negative example and using Christ as the great example.
00:06:04.579 --> 00:06:11.540
And so uh you're never fully off the table as a dad, even if you've completely train wrecked uh so many things at home.
00:06:11.699 --> 00:06:16.500
Just that process and the earning the right to speak into a child's life may be a really long one.
00:06:16.659 --> 00:06:21.379
And so anytime you sin against your child, small way, you have to rebuild trust to repair.
00:06:21.540 --> 00:06:24.740
The bigger that sin, the bigger that trust repair process looks like.
00:06:24.819 --> 00:06:26.339
But it's gonna play out over time.
00:06:26.500 --> 00:06:38.259
But if you kind of insecurity decide that you don't have the right to parent your kids because of your sin, you're gonna kind of hang it up, mail it in, and be an abdicator rather than an engaged, loving father who's doing what God has called him to do.
00:06:38.500 --> 00:06:47.459
Now, my guess is most of the people listening to this podcast haven't already exploded or destroyed the household through their level 10 sinful behavior.
00:06:47.620 --> 00:06:50.579
But it's more these small ways that insecurity gets in.
00:06:50.740 --> 00:07:08.099
And I do think that's one of the things Satan uses is he's called the accuser of the brethren, the one who reminds you of your guilt, who reminds you of your sin, says you're not good enough, you're not worthy, and is teaching you or trying to get you to believe that the grace of God is insufficient for your calling as a father.
00:07:08.259 --> 00:07:17.379
And you have to rebuke that in the name of Jesus Christ and say, I was dead in my trespass and sin, but I'm made alive by the grace of Jesus Christ.
00:07:17.459 --> 00:07:21.219
And the Spirit is now working on me to do what he's called me to do.
00:07:21.300 --> 00:07:38.740
And so rather than kind of withdrawing into shame, which is what Satan wants hiding, covering, withdrawing, you want to cling to Christ, the sufficiency of his death, and then engage graciously and lovingly, not as a pretender, but as a clear conscience before the Lord, confessor and modeler of faith and repentance.
