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How does perfectionism show up across ADHD, from childhood to adulthood, and what impact can it have on self-worth, motivation and mental health?
In this episode of All Aboard ADHD, Claire is joined by Dr. J. Russell Ramsay - a clinical psychologist, author of Once I Get Started, and co-founder of the Adult ADHD Treatment and Research Program at the University of Pennsylvania. Drawing on decades of clinical work and research, he explains why perfectionism is the dominant thinking pattern he sees in ADHD, how it drives challenges such as procrastination, avoidance, and emotional overwhelm - and crucially, what parents of ADHD kids can do to support them. They discuss:
🔍 What Perfectionism Really Is: the different ways it shows up in ADHD such as having “unrelenting standards” and "all‑or‑nothing thinking"
🧠 The Difference Between Front-End vs Back-End Perfectionism: needing to be “in the right mood” to start something vs not submitting work that’s “good enough”
⏳ Procrastination, Emotions & Comparison: exploring the impact of the “Frankenstein” comparison where we build a fictional impossible standard from what we see of others
👦How Perfectionism Develops in Children the impact of negative messaging, subtle criticisms like “see, you can do it!" on a “good day”, and the compounding effect of giving up quickly when things get hard
🤝 Body Doubling & Practical Workarounds: the power of using another person’s presence to get started on a task and stay on track
💪 Self-Worth, Self-Trust & Parenting Differently: the impact on children of separating their worth from performance or grades, plus the importance of noticing their effort, not just the outcomes
This episode is a must-listen for parents of ADHD children with perfectionist traits. You’ll walk away with a new lens on your child’s challenges, plus concrete scripts, mindsets, and strategies to reduce shame, ease homework battles, and help your child trust themselves again.
Further resources & links
Find out more about Dr J Russell Ramsay: https://www.cbt4adhd.com/about/
Other Books by Dr. J Russell Ramsay: https://www.cbt4adhd.com/work/
Once I Get Started book by Dr. J. Russell Ramsay: https://amzn.eu/d/0eKNiXCi
Research by Dr. Russell Barkley on ADHD and Self-Regulation: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9276836/
Mindset Work by Dr. Carol Dweck: https://fs.blog/carol-dweck-mindset/
ADHD Coaching and Resources from Claire: https://allaboardadhd.com
Follow Claire on Instagram & TikTok: @allaboardADHD
The views shared in this episode are those of the guest, based on their professional expertise and personal experience. This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical, educational, or psychological advice. Please consult a qualified professional for personalised support relevant to your individual circumstances.
