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Picture a familiar moment.
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It's Thursday afternoon.
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A leader looks up from the screen and notices something strange.
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Nobody has knocked today.
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Nobody has sent a message that starts with quick question.
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Nobody has leaned into the doorway with that half sentence, hey, do you have a second?
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For about 10 minutes, it feels wonderful.
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Finally, room to think.
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Then a second thought arrives.
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Quite hard to shake.
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Where did all the questions go?
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Because the work did not stop.
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The projects are moving, the deadlines are real, the questions still exist.
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They are just landing somewhere else now.
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In a chat window, in a tool that never sighs, never looks at the clock, never says, Can we talk about this tomorrow?
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And the leader is left holding a question nobody asked out loud.
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What I am no longer hearing because AI is answering first.
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Welcome to the AI Cafe Conversations Podcast.
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I'm Sahar Andradi.
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I am a neuroleadership coach, and this is where the neuroscience of pressure meets the future of leadership.
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Everything I share comes from my experience and my opinion as a coach.
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It's not a diagnosis and it's not a fact about you.
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You decide what fits.
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Today's question is simple to say and hard to sit with.
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When a team asks AI first, what stops reaching the leader?
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Last week I wrote about the day that turns into answering everyone's questions.
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The day that disappears into gut a minute or just one thing.
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That's a real problem, and many leaders are living it.
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Today is the opposite problem.
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Today is about the day the questions stop arriving.
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Let me share some numbers and let me be careful with them.
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In July of 2026, tech.co reported on an Adobe business survey of more than a thousand full-time US employees who use AI every week.
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When those employees had an obvious question, 68% said they turned to an AI agent for the answer.
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4% said they ask their manager.
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Sit with that for a second.
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68% to 4.
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Now, this is a survey of reported preferences.
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It tells us what people say they do.
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It doesn't follow anyone around the office with a clipboard.
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And it's about obvious questions, the kind with a clear answer.
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Still, if even part of that picture is true on a given team, a lot of small questions that once walked through a leader's door are now doing or going to a machine.
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Here is a second survey.
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MyIQ ran a global survey from June to July 2026, reported by FM magazine in August.
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More than 22,000 employees in 10 regions, almost regular AI users.
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74% said that they now direct questions to a chatbot that they would previously have asked a colleague.
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And 48% reported fewer spontaneous conversations during the workday.
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The report itself says its findings do not establish that AI use Wiccans workplace relationships.
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Fewer spontaneous conversations.
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That one stays with me.
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Because spontaneous conversation is where a lot of leadership information used to live.
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The hallway, the end of the call, the oh, one more thing on the way out.
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And here is a third piece.
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In October 2026, RGP released a study of 500 professionals who actively used AI, surveyed in August and September.
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For complex questions, not just obvious ones, 51% of Gen Z said they turned to AI first.
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Compare that with 19% of millennials and 11% of Gen X.
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And the C-suite?
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65% of C-suite's executives said they turn first to a colleague.
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7% turn to AI.
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So picture the gap.
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The people at the top still walk down the hall and ask a human.
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Parts of the team open a chat window instead.
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Two different habits, at least in what people report.
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Again, honesty first.
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These are reported preferences.
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They do not prove that leaders are losing information.
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Nobody measured that.
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But they point at a question every leader can check for themselves.
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Now let me bring in the human voice.
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A manager in a public online forum wrote this, and I want to read it exactly, verbatim, as written.
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They are managing around me now.
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Read that one more time in your head.
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They are managing around me now.
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One way to hear that sentence, they don't trust you.
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They don't trust me anymore or trust you anymore.
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They are scared or they are avoiding me.
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And that may be true for some teams, it's a real possibility.
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When asking a person feels risky, asking a machine feels safe.
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A chatbot does not remember that you asked a basic question.
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It does not raise an eyebrow.
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It does not bring it up in the performance review.
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But here is the misread I want to name today.
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Quiet does not always mean fear.
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Sometimes quite means convenience.
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AI is fast, AI is patient, AI is there at 11 at night when the leader is asleep.
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AI does not need a calendar invite.
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For an obvious question, of course, people go to the thing that answers in four seconds.
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That is not a judgment of the leader.
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That is just the shortest path.
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So there are two readings of the same silence.
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One reading says the team is afraid to ask, the other says the team found a faster way to get the easy answers.
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I'm not going to tell you which one is true for any particular team.
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I cannot know that from here.
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And honestly, a leader often cannot know it from the insider either, at least not right away.
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What I can say is this: in my experience, either way, the leader's early signal can dry up.
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Because the questions were never really just questions, they were information.
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A question tells a leader what someone is working on, where they are stuck, or what confuses them, or even what they are worried about, what they think the leader cares about.
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A steady stream of questions is a live feed of the team's reality.
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When that feed goes quiet, the leader doesn't get an alert.
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Nothing pinks.
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There is no notification that says three questions you would have needed did not arrive this week.
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There is just a slightly quieter inbox and a slightly calmer afternoon.
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That is the crisis.
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Not that AI answers question, that's useful.
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The crisis is that the leader can lose a source of early warning without ever noticing it left.
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What does that actually cost?
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Let me walk you through it.
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Outward, the way it tends to show up in organizations.
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The first cost is timing.
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In my experience, small questions often carry early warnings.
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Is it normal that the vendor change the delivery date?
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Should this number look like this?
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Who owns this now that the project moved?
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None of those sound like a crisis.
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They sound like housekeeping.
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But sometimes they are the first visible edge of a problem that will be big in six weeks.
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When those questions go to AI, the person may get a reasonable answer.
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The tool may say, delivery days change often.
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Here is how to update the plan.
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Fine.
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Accurate even.
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But the leader who knows that this vendor changed it twice, already discorder, never hears it.
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The leader had the contacts.
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The machine had the question.
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They never met.
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So the cost is not a wrong answer.
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The cost is that the right person never saw the right question at the right time.
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The second cost is texture.
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Leaders learn a lot from how people ask, not just what they ask.
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The hesitation, the this might be a dumb question.
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The person who asks the same kind of question three weeks in a row.
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A leader who hears these things starts to see who is stretched, who is new to something, who is quietly carrying more than the raw.
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That texture is hard to get from a dashboard.
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It mostly comes from the questions.
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The third cost is the second opinion.
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Remember that my IQ figure, 59% of regular AI users said they asked colleagues for second opinions less often.
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A second opinion is not only about getting a better answer, it's how a team checks itself.
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It's how one person's blind spot gets caught by another person's experience.
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If more of those checks go to a machine, the team may still get answers.
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What it may lose, in my opinion, is the habit of checking each other.
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The fourth cost is the lowest and the hardest to see is the leader's map.
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Every leader carries a map of the team in their head.
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Who knows what?
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Who is stuck, what is moving, what is not.
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That map gets updated mostly by the questions that come in.
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When fewer questions come in, the map does not erase itself, it just stops updating.
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And in my experience, a leader reading an old map can feel just as confident as a leader reading a new one.
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That is the part I want leaders to hear.
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In my experience, confidence does not drop when information drops, it often stays right where it was.
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So a leader can be making decisions from a map from three months ago, the landscape changed.
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They feel grounded, they feel informed, but they are quietly behind.
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And under pressure, this gets worse.
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A leader under load has less attention to spare.
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When the calendar is full and the stakes are high, a quiet inbox feels or looks like a gift, not a gap.
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Nobody under strain goes looking for problems that did not knock.
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That is not a discipline problem, it's a load problem.
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The leader is not careless, the leader is busy, and silence does not ask for attention.
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Let me be fair on the other side too.
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Some of this quiet is pure game.
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People get unstuck faster.
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They stop waiting two hours for a reply to an easy question.
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They learn on their own.
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A team that can answer its own routine question in many ways is a stronger team.
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So the cost is not AI is bad for teams.
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That's not what I'm saying here.
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The cost is narrower and sharper.
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The leader can lose the small, odd, early signals, and those were never the routine ones.
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Now, why is this so easy to miss?
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Why would a smart, experienced leader not notice that something stopped arriving?
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There is one idea from behavioral science that helps here.
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It's called the feature positive effect.
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And here is what it is.
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Across many studies, people and animals too learn from what is present faster than from what is absent.
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They learn from what is present faster than what is absent.
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The classic work goes back to Newman, Wolfe, and Hearst in 1980, and it has been replicated since.
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In simple terms, when a signal shows up, we pick up on it.
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When a signal is missing, we are much slower to learn anything from that missing piece.
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It's actually one of the biases that we have.
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We call that the availability bias.
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Like, for example, when we ask a question, what is more dangerous of a job, being a cop or being a logger in the forest?
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Most people will answer very quickly a cop.
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Actually, the logger in the forest is a more dangerous job.
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But why they jump into being a cop of police officer?
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Because of the availability of the information that we always have about cops and police officers being in danger all the time on the news and everywhere we go.
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So it's called an availability bias.
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So think of it like this: if a smoke alarm goes off, everyone notices.
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If the sound of the dishwasher stops, it can take a long time for anyone to realize it's quiet.
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Presence grabs us, absence slips by.
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There is one more finding I find generally hopeful.
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A study by Rasen in 2014 found that simply alerting people to this tendency reduced it.
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Just alerting people to the then the tendency reduced it.
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That is part of why I'm telling you about it today.
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Now, the honest limit, and I wanted to say this out loud, these studies were lab learning tasks.
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They were not about leaders, they were not about teams, they were not about AI.
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Applying the feature positive effect to a leader whose team has started asking AI first is my inference, not their finding.
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And that is why, or here is why I think the inference is useful.
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A question that arrives is a feature.
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It's present, a leader can react to it.
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A question that does not arrive is an absence.
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There is nothing to react to.
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The research suggests that people tend to be slower to learn from that kind of absence.
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So a missing question may be exactly the kind of thing that is easy not to notice.
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That is the whole mechanism, or that's what all the mechanism needs to explain.
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It does not explain why a team went quiet.
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It does not tell us whether it's fear or convenience.
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It only explains why the leaders may not notice the quiet in the first place.
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And if the recent finding holds in real life, and again, that's a leap, okay?
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Then naming it is the first step.
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Leader who knows that absence is easy to miss can start looking for it on purpose.
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That's what the solution is built on.
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Not more monitoring, not surveillance of anyone's chat history, just deliberately looking for what is missing.
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So, what can a leader actually do?
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Four moves.
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Each one is small, each one involves AI directly, because AI is now part of how the team works and pretending otherwise is not a plan.
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Move number one.
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Once a week, write down three questions that used to reach you and did not this week.
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That's it.
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Three.
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On a paper or in a note on your laptop.
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Friday afternoon works for many leaders.
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Here is my thinking.
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If absence is easy to miss, the leader makes absence visible.
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Writing it down turns a missing thing into a present thing.
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Suddenly, there is a list to look at.
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What might be on that list?
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Something like nobody asked me how to handle the pricing exception this week.
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Or nobody checked with me before sending the client update.
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Or the new analyst used to ask me about the reporting format every Tuesday, not this week.
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Some weeks the list will be boring.
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Good.
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That may mean mostly routine questions moved.
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Other weeks, one item on the list will make the leader sit up.
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That is the week the habit paid for itself.
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A practical tip: if writing three feels hard, that itself is information.
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It may mean the leader's map is already a little old.
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Move number two.
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Ask one person plainly.
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What did you ask AI this week that you used to ask me?
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Say it with curiosity, not judgment.
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That is not a gotcha moment.
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It's not a compliance check.
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It's not an honest question.
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Here is what it can sound like word for word at the start of a one-on-one.
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Quick one before we start.
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I'm curious, not checking up.
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What did you ask AI this week that you used to ask me?
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I know you're trying to help me and relieve some of the work that I do, and I appreciate it, but I just want to make sure that we're not missing anything.
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Then stop talking.
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Let them answer.
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Often the answer will be easy and useful.
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All the formatting for the board deck or how the word, uh, how to word the reply to that supplier.
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Great.
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Now the leader knows what kinds of question moved.
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Sometimes the answer will be more interesting.
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Like, I asked it how to tell a client we were going to miss the date.
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That is a question with weight.
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That is a question the leader may want to know about.
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And now the leader does just because they asked.
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One more thing about this move.
00:18:37.839 --> 00:18:42.720
Asking it tells the person that bringing questions to the leader, it's still welcome.
00:18:43.039 --> 00:18:44.960
The question itself sends a message.
00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:46.880
I still want to hear from you.
00:18:47.200 --> 00:18:49.359
Move number three.
00:18:49.599 --> 00:18:52.319
Listen for which kind of quiet it is.
00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:55.440
Remember the two readings convenience or caution.
00:18:55.599 --> 00:18:57.680
Convenience sounds like this.
00:18:58.079 --> 00:18:59.200
It was faster.
00:18:59.440 --> 00:19:02.480
Or I did not want to bother you with something that small.
00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:04.480
Or it was 10 at night.
00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:06.799
That is the tool doing its job.
00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:10.000
AI is fast, patient, always there.
00:19:10.160 --> 00:19:11.440
That is a good thing.
00:19:11.680 --> 00:19:15.119
When it's convenience, respond with thanks and curiosity.
00:19:15.279 --> 00:19:17.839
Something like, that's great, honestly.
00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:20.079
What did you learn from it?
00:19:20.400 --> 00:19:22.000
Anything surprising?
00:19:22.319 --> 00:19:29.680
The leader stays connected to what the person is learning without pulling them back into asking permission for small things.
00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:31.839
Caution sounds different.
00:19:32.079 --> 00:19:35.440
Something like, I wasn't sure how you would take it.
00:19:35.759 --> 00:19:38.960
Or I figured it was something I should already know.
00:19:39.519 --> 00:19:43.119
Or it felt safer to just check first.
00:19:43.279 --> 00:19:48.960
That is a question that went on a machine because the machine felt less risky than the person.
00:19:49.359 --> 00:19:54.160
When it's a caution, the move is to make the next question easier to bring.
00:19:55.119 --> 00:20:01.680
Not with a speech, with a simple, specific invitation like the following.
00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:05.680
Bring me the have form ones too.
00:20:05.920 --> 00:20:12.079
I would rather hear a messy question early than a polished one late.
00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:14.240
That sentence does a lot.
00:20:14.319 --> 00:20:15.759
It lowers the bar.
00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:25.759
It says unfinished thinking is welcome and it gives the person a concrete permission, not a vague my door is always open kind of permission.
00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:29.440
Which in my experience, many people quietly do not believe.
00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:33.519
Notice that the leader is not deciding in advance which kind of quiet it is.
00:20:33.680 --> 00:20:36.960
The leader is listening for it, one person at a time.
00:20:37.200 --> 00:20:43.920
Some people on the same team will be convenience, some may be caution, both can be true in one room.
00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:45.440
Now, move number four.
00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:48.960
Keep one channel that only a person can fill.
00:20:49.279 --> 00:20:50.799
AI can answer a lot.
00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:56.240
It can explain a policy, draft an email, check a formula, summarize a meeting.
00:20:56.480 --> 00:21:05.279
What it cannot do is tell a leader what a specific person is worried about unless that person says it to the leader.
00:21:05.759 --> 00:21:09.279
So protect one question that AI cannot answer for them.
00:21:09.440 --> 00:21:12.960
A simple version at the end of every one-on-one.
00:21:13.519 --> 00:21:14.480
Ask this.
00:21:24.640 --> 00:21:28.240
What worries me is a human question.
00:21:28.559 --> 00:21:34.160
It invites the odd thing, the small thing, the thing that does not fit in a project record.
00:21:34.400 --> 00:21:36.400
Here is how that might go.
00:21:36.559 --> 00:21:40.240
The leader asks, before we wrap, what worries you right now?
00:21:40.400 --> 00:21:43.279
The person says, honestly, nothing big.
00:21:43.599 --> 00:21:50.799
Maybe that the new process is going to double the work for the support team, but I'm probably overthinking it.
00:21:51.119 --> 00:21:59.759
That last line, probably overthinking it, is exactly the kind of early signal that used to arrive in a hallway question.
00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:07.920
Now it has a home, a regular, predictable place where only one person can put it.
00:22:08.079 --> 00:22:12.079
So let me put the four moves together so they are easy to carry.
00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:16.079
One, weakly write down three questions that did not arrive.
00:22:16.319 --> 00:22:21.759
Two, ask one person what they asked AI that they used to ask the leader.
00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:26.960
Three, listen for convenience or caution and answer each one differently.
00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:32.400
Four, keep one human-only channel like what worries you at the end of every one-on-one.
00:22:33.759 --> 00:22:36.480
None of this is actually anti-AI.
00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:41.519
In fact, it takes AI for what it is, a real part of how work happens now.
00:22:41.680 --> 00:22:46.960
The team is going to keep asking AI first for a lot of things, and in many cases they should.
00:22:47.200 --> 00:22:49.519
The goal is not to pull those questions back.
00:22:49.680 --> 00:22:54.079
The goal is to make sure the leader is still hearing the one that matters.
00:22:54.319 --> 00:22:58.319
In my opinion, that is what a grounded leader does with AI in the room.
00:22:58.480 --> 00:23:06.000
Not compete with it, not ignore it, just stay curious about what is now carrying the cues to come to them.
00:23:06.400 --> 00:23:10.880
Now you might be thinking, good, fewer interruptions, isn't that exactly what I wanted?
00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:13.839
That's a fair objection and it's a strong one.
00:23:14.079 --> 00:23:19.680
Last week's piece was about how answering everyone's question can swallow a leader's day.
00:23:19.839 --> 00:23:23.119
So when the questions slow down, shouldn't a leader celebrate?
00:23:23.359 --> 00:23:24.319
Partly yes.
00:23:24.559 --> 00:23:27.039
For the routine questions, absolutely.
00:23:27.279 --> 00:23:37.599
If AI is handling what the temp what is the template for this and how do I format that, the leader gets time back and the team gets answers faster.
00:23:37.759 --> 00:23:40.799
That is a win, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.
00:23:41.039 --> 00:23:42.400
But here is the problem.
00:23:42.640 --> 00:23:45.839
The questions did not leave in a neat order.
00:23:46.160 --> 00:23:50.960
AI did not take only the boring ones and leave the important ones behind.
00:23:51.279 --> 00:23:57.200
People choose where to send each question, one at a time, often in a hurry.
00:23:57.440 --> 00:24:05.200
Some of the small odd ones went too, and those small odd ones are the ones that used to carry early warnings.
00:24:05.599 --> 00:24:09.279
Is it normal that this customer emailed three times this week?
00:24:09.440 --> 00:24:11.039
That sounds routine.
00:24:11.440 --> 00:24:16.720
It might be routine, or it might be the first sign of an account in trouble.
00:24:16.960 --> 00:24:20.400
And this is where the feature positive effect comes back in.
00:24:20.559 --> 00:24:24.640
If the routine questions disappear, a leader notices the relief.
00:24:24.799 --> 00:24:27.279
Relief is present, it's easy to feel.
00:24:27.519 --> 00:24:33.519
But if one of the odd early warning questions also disappears, the leader feels nothing.
00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:36.640
There is no gap to feel.
00:24:36.880 --> 00:24:39.279
Absence is hard to notice.
00:24:39.519 --> 00:24:44.240
The research suggests people tend to learn more slowly from what is missing.
00:24:44.799 --> 00:24:50.319
And while applying that to leaders, in my inference, it is a reasonable warning.
00:24:50.799 --> 00:24:59.759
So the honest answer to is not this what I wanted is a leader wants fewer interruptions, yes, not fewer warnings.
00:25:00.079 --> 00:25:03.759
And from the inside, those two look exactly the same.
00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:06.160
That is why the weekly list matters.
00:25:06.240 --> 00:25:10.559
That is how a leader keeps the relief and still checks the gap.
00:25:10.880 --> 00:25:15.200
Today was about what stops reaching the leader, but there is a mirror question.
00:25:15.440 --> 00:25:23.599
On Friday, we asked why a team can't hear the leader in a perfect college AI written message.
00:25:24.720 --> 00:25:28.720
If this conversation is lending for you, I want to invite you to one thing.
00:25:29.039 --> 00:25:31.359
Register for the pressure room.
00:25:31.519 --> 00:25:36.559
It's a free live session for executives, 45 minutes on Zoom.
00:25:36.640 --> 00:25:41.759
The next one is Thursday, October 29 at 11 Pacific a.m.
00:25:42.160 --> 00:25:49.359
The session title is Why Does a Small Problem Suddenly Feels Like an Emergency Under Pressure?
00:25:49.599 --> 00:25:55.680
You can register at saharandradi.com slash pressure dash rule.
00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:58.799
So this week look for what did not arrive.
00:25:59.039 --> 00:26:03.119
Write down three questions, ask one person what they asked.
00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:06.799
AI, listen for which kind of quite it is.
00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:10.559
The quite is information too.
00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:12.480
It just does not knock.
00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:14.480
Leadership does not fail.
00:26:14.799 --> 00:26:17.839
Systems, nervous systems do.
00:26:18.240 --> 00:26:22.319
As usual, before I wrap up, I want to ask you to show me some love.
00:26:22.720 --> 00:26:26.000
Rate, comment, save, share the podcast.
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:31.359
Thank you for your support for making us one of the top 2% global podcasts that exist.
00:26:31.440 --> 00:26:32.880
I really appreciate you.
00:26:33.039 --> 00:26:36.880
Share it so we can reach more people that need to hear that.
00:26:37.119 --> 00:26:38.559
This is Sahara Andradi.
00:26:38.799 --> 00:26:43.440
Till we meet again at AI Cafe Conversation Podcast.
00:26:43.680 --> 00:26:44.640
Peace out.