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Well, in this episode, we're going to talk to comedian
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Jamie Lizow and Rudy Povich going to do the news. Now,
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we recorded this shortly before we heard about Charlie Kirk.
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Charlie Kirk obviously was assassinated. You guys have all heard
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the news. Charlie, I knew. I did not know him well,
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but I knew him. He was on this program July 16, 2019.
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He was as advertised, a lot of energy, a lot
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of vitality, and very nice. And I'd had the opportunity
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to do his radio show more than once and always
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found the conversation to be lively and entertaining. It's very
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sad because of his age and the age of his
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children and his young wife and all that. It's something
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that's sadly probably going to continue as long as the
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left keeps calling Trump Hitler, because if he is Hitler,
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then you must try to get rid of Hitler and
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or his lieutenants, because if Charlie Kirk is seen as
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in part responsible for getting Donald Trump elected, then it
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only makes sense that you need to take out the
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person who was helping Hitler to gain power. And that's
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where we're living right now, sadly. So folks on the left,
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you can say all you want about peace, love, and understanding,
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but as long as you keep calling Trump Hitlerian, then
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people around Trump and possibly Trump There's going to be
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attempts made on their lives because that's what a patriot
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would do if you lived in a country where Hitler
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was running for his third term or making policy. So
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you can say all you want about, you know, thoughts
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and prayers. You can talk about gun violence. You can
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talk about anything you want. But as long as you
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keep calling Trump Hitler, there is a math and the
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math works out in a way that gets people assassinated.
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So Charlie was a good dude, very effective, got a
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lot more done in his very short time on this
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planet than most of us. And his memory will live
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on and his work will live on and I assume
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he'll even grow stronger over the years. And I think
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a lot of people are going to pick up his
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mantle and continue his work. And he deserves a really
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good legacy. And for those of you who disagree with
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Charlie Kirk, that's fine. But I think the disconnect is
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he loved this country. He loved his God. And he
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loved his family. So whatever you want to say about
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disagreeing with him, it's hard to disagree with his motivation,
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which was a patriotism and a religion and a love
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of family. All right. He'll be missed. And without any
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further ado, we will start the program.
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From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is The
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Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Jamie Lissow, plus
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the news and trending topics with Rudy Povich. And now,
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he must be respected, protected, and never rejected.
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He is somebody.
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He is somebody.
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Yeah, get it on. Got to get on a choice.
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We're going to manage it. Get it on now. Jamie's
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back in studio. Rudy Pavich is back here as well.
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Jamie's got tour dates traveling all over the place. Irvine
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coming up September 12th through the 14th. Irvine Improv's a
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good place. Great club. It is a great club. Huge,
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but well done. Huge, but well done. Yeah, agreed. And, uh,
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You can go where he's going to be in St.
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Charles at the Funny Bone. You can go to his website. Jamie,
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and I'll spell it out, L-I-S-S-O-W.com is where you go.
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Good to see you, Jamie. Good to see you, too.
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And if anybody can't spell my name, I also bought greggutfeldsfriend.com
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just to make it easier.
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Oh, smart, smart. Yeah, Rudy did that.
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I did the same move with Corolla.
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Did you?
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Yeah, I bought adamcorollasopener.com.
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Oh, that's good.
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Yeah, which gets a big pop at the end of
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the show every time.
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Yeah, that's good.
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Mm-hmm.
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Just piggybacking off all that success.
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Well, I mean, Gutfeld, number one, and I don't even
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recall it late night anymore, just sort of number one,
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Fox News, beating all the... other news outlets out. I
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just saw a thing with that. They were number one,
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beating out all the networks and everything. And, you know,
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Gutfeld's such an unlikely late night show host. But I
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do also think we're living in a world where authentic
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is better than inauthentic. And I think the problem that
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the left is having is they're trying to synthesize authentic. Absolutely.
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So here's the deal. In the 70s, you kids don't
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know from fake wood. Everything is fake wood now, and
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it looks good. You go in, and you go into
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an office building, you see this porcelain tile, and it's
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got a wood grain on it, and you go, beautiful
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oak planks. It's like, that's tile. That just has an
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oak Stamp on it. I took Viagra last night. That's
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more fake wood. Yeah, same thing. Yeah, well, you go
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from a soft wood like a pine or a birch
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to a hardwood like oak or alder. Yeah. You need
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two guys to carry it. That's right. And when you
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back up, it makes it neat, neat, neat. And then
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when you're pulling out, neat, neat. That's how she knows
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you're done.
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Neat, neat.
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Yeah, we flag it. If we've got to flag it,
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we're going to walk it across the street. That's when
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you know you're going to get a flag on the
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end of that. That's good. My dick's so big, I
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gotta flag it when I drive. A ton of people
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hit their head on it. That's a big dick. A
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dick where you go, I can't drive a pickup truck
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without legally flagging my hog. That's how big my dick is.
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F-250 is how many inches this thing is.
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Yeah, I gotta go to Home Depot just to get
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the flags. I'm not even buying any lumber. It's to
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transport my dick home. So, what the hell were we
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talking about? Oh, okay. Here's what I want people to understand.
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Fake wood looks good now because they figured it out.
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They'll do it, grain on a refrigerator, on a thing.
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70s fake wood looked like weird fake wood, right? So
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you'd see like a 74 Mustang with a fake wood
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grain steering wheel. It just looked like shit, right? Or
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the weird plastic shift knob that was supposed to look
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like wood. But the wood grain would wear off where
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your hand was and it'd just be beige in that spot.
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And so... In a way, fake authentic is worse than
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bad authentic. Like synthesized authentic is worse. I'd rather just
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see a flawed guy than someone who was trying to.
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do a replication of a perfect person, but it didn't work.
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You know what I'm saying? And that was kind of
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the Kamala Harris thing. You know, that's like when Tim
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Walz of Your Home State, you know, he does that
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stuff where he'd like– All of a sudden, there's a
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camera on him, and he pops his head up, and
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he's like, oh, hey, you caught me gapping my plugs
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in my International Harvester. Anyway, he's holding a rag that
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he doesn't care about. All of a sudden, we're going
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to start a– look, before I go hunting today, I
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want to talk about the deficit. And it's like you
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don't gap your own plugs. You're playing a guy who–
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and now it's worse. Like I would rather– I think
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that's what people like about Trump. Trump would be like,
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I'm not fucking capping my own plugs. Why should I
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do that? I'm a billionaire. Pay someone to do that.
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They're always worried about their messaging.
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We've got to work on our messaging where Trump goes,
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I'm just going to talk like this and be this guy.
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Yeah, just talk. Just tell us what you want to
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do or what you're thinking. Don't worry about what you're trying.
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Why are you trying to get me to think of
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you a certain way? Why don't you just be that way?
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You're right.
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It's as obvious as the fake. It's so obvious when
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they're pretending. They're not fooling anybody.
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And what I'm saying is the best is a nice
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wood steering wheel, authentic. The second best is just a
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plastic steering wheel that's not pretending to be wood. But
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the worst is a fake wood steering wheel. And that's
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what you got with Kamala and some of that crew.
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Do you think sometimes people are just afraid to be
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authentic because maybe it's about being canceled? And I think
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it's a good question for maybe both you guys. When
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did you consciously make the decision to just say, this
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is what I feel, this is how I'm just going
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to say it, and... fuck the consequences. Whatever happens, happens.
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Yeah.
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Jamie, when did you start speaking about how I feel?
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When did you summon the guts?
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It's always been really easy for me to talk about
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how Adam feels, you know, just be open about that.
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If he gets canceled, I think he'll be fine. I
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feel like I never knew. I never knew another way.
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Like I had moments in.
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My career where I did colleges.
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Right.
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And I remember after a couple of years feeling like, wow,
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every time I get off stage, I feel a fake
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and limited and censored. And that didn't feel good. And
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so I think I always went towards that and stand
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up comedy. You don't have that. It's when you get
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on TV that you start to feel like, oh, if
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I say this one thing, they're never going to have
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me back. And then Gutfeld, it never, never came up.
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It was never like, what are you going to say
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in our show? What angle are you going to take?
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And so I don't know.
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I don't, I don't think I did anything very brave. Like, Oh,
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I'm going to say whatever. I just don't know if
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there was ever another option.
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Yeah.
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I think, well, I did so much radio before I
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started doing standup. I mean, I guess you start at
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the start. Like, I never made up a name for radio.
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Lots of people have fake radio names. A lot of St.
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Clair's and St. Cloud's and St., you know, a lot
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of Saints and Dusty Street and stuff like, you know,
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that kind of stuff. So I never, I just entered
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into it with my name, Cash Widecock.
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All the good names like Rudy Poppins were already taken.
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So I just kept it with what it says on
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the license. Cash Widecock. You were a flag cock for
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a while, right? Well, I had to flag it. Yeah,
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flag cock. Yeah.
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It's a little orange triangle on his license.
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So, and I kind of rebelled as I think back
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on it. I rebelled against it very early on. So
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speaking of colleges, so I was on in Los Angeles
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on K-Rock. K-Rock was a big alternative station, kind of
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the MTV of the radio dial. And if you notice,
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like the MTV... VJs, they never showed up in a
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three-piece suit. It was always like a short-sleeved shirt, and
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they were sort of hanging out. You had to have
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a kind of chill vibe, and no one ever talked
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about being at the Hamptons this weekend or flying privately
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or anything, because the whole deal was your audience is
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a bunch of 14- and 15-year-old skaters, you know what
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I mean? They don't want to see the Monopoly man
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up there interviewing, you know, Billy Idol or whatever it is.
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So I was told early on, you know, don't talk
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about like you flew first class the other week. Why
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don't talk about flying first class, you know? And, and,
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you know, and I noticed around K rock, like there
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was a lot of like jocks that were in their
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late forties and they're wearing like board shorts and flip
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flops and, you know, and, uh, Val surf t-shirt. And
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I'm like, you're, you're like, you're, you know, you have
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adult children, you know, what are you dressing like a
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skater boy for? And it's like, that's who they are.
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And they have to pretend to be into all the super,
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you like some 41, man. I dig those guys. You
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don't even know, you know, you want to hear, are
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you a speed wagon? That's what you listen to when
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you get in your car, but you had to have
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this veneer of, of this fake wood thing. And so
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I got told, you know, in the mid or nineties,
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you know, Hey man, this is your audience. So first
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class or private or buying a sports car, like don't
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start talking rich guy stuff. And I always rejected it.
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I said, no, no. I said, listen, I'm not them.
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They're not tuning in to listen to them. If they
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want to hear what them has to say, then put
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a trash can on their head. I'm better than they are. Like,
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I'm aspirational. Like, here's what happens when you work hard, kids,
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and you have talent. Then you can fly first class
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and drive a Porsche. So I'm like, I'm not going
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to dumb it down and pretend like I'm one of them. Mm-hmm.
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And I never thought, I never watched Johnny Carson. That
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guy's like me, man. His mom probably has a VW
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Squareback with retread tires in North High. And I was like,
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that guy lives in the Malibu. Shit, where did he live?
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Not the grove, the colonies. He lives in the colonies.
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He has his martinis. He eats at fancy restaurants. He's
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a rich guy. That's who he is. He deserves to
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be rich. I don't think he's like me. I don't
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want to think he's like me. So there was like, well, yeah,
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but this is how we're doing it now. And so
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I know I wasn't down with any of it because
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I coined the phrase in the 90s. I would go, oh,
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and Drew, you know, I'm a millionaire. Literally a millionaire. Literally.
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I would just say literally over and over a millionaire
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into the microphone. I didn't even have... a million dollars,
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once I'd calculated that my net worth would get to
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a million dollars, then I just kept saying literally a millionaire.
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And I, looking back on it, why did I keep
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saying literally, like I would yell literally a millionaire into
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the mic. And I was like, cause I was pushing
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back on the assholes that were telling me to pretend
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like I was going to junior college and trying to
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get along.
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Right.
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So for me, it's always been a, I started early
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with it.
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Yeah. I also think that the audience, whoever they're coaching
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to be like, you got to be this relatable person.
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I think we have to give the audience a little
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more credit that they also don't mind seeing a journey
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like Corolla from the guy that calls into the Kimmel
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radio show to becoming a success. And I want to
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hear that you, I might want to hear that you
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drive a Porsche that you're literally a millionaire. I even
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feel like Rodney Dangerfield, who is my number one favorite comedian.
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And he's like, I get no respect.
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That was his whole thing. I got no respect.
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And I remember towards the end going, I don't know, dude,
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it's your 53rd appearance on Carson. This feels like you're
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getting a little bit of respect. I feel like it
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would have been okay for him to go, hey, I'm
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getting a little respect now. I'm somewhat respected. I feel
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like that's okay to see a little bit of a journey.
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Yeah, and it's also when it does blow up in
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their face. I think we love to watch it. When
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we watch the guy who's the evangelical preacher who talks
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about gay is a sin, who gets busted in the
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MSP airport bathroom, we love to watch that blow up.
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And then when it does get pulled back, I remember
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I was a huge fan of Motley Crue.
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Love Motley Crue. These guys worship the devil, man. They
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shout at the devil.
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And then come to find out, I was watching VH1
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and they pulled the curtain back and Vince Neal's getting
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a facelift.
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And I was like, what? That guy, why is he
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walking around Beverly Hills?
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That guy's supposed to be like worshiping a pentagram right now.
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00:16:57.919 --> 00:17:00.960
Well, what he really should have had is the picture
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of Dorian Gray. aging in his attic because he made
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a deal with Beelzebub and he never aged. Vince never even.
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Heard that story. That's the sad part about it. He
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had no idea.
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Who Dorian Gray is.
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See, it was just all fake.
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And you were just so angry when you find out
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that these guys aren't devil worshipers.
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You're like, what?
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Well, in the story of the picture of Dorian Gray,
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Did he make a deal with the devil? He must have.
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There were lots of deals with the devil. Yeah, how
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do you get a hold of them? There's fiddle-related deals.
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That's right.
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They don't hear about oboe deals with the devil, but
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I'm sure there's some have been struck. But just they
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had to sign a do not disclose thing. It probably
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slid under the radar. I feel like the fiddle devil
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00:17:50.309 --> 00:17:53.890
deal was one of the worst deals. The fiddle devil
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deal was a fiddle made of Of gold.
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He got his soul in exchange for just him being able.
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I just feel like there's better.
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Yeah.
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00:18:03.180 --> 00:18:06.720
Well, if it was like a cello made of gold
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or something, a little like a large oversized guitar from
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00:18:10.349 --> 00:18:13.369
a mariachi band made of gold. It's more valuable. Because
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00:18:13.450 --> 00:18:16.390
the fiddle made of gold is a fair amount of gold,
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00:18:16.430 --> 00:18:19.269
but it may not get that young guy through a life.
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He may have to take a job at some point.
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00:18:21.109 --> 00:18:24.119
You could break off. A piece of the fiddle and, like,
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trade it for a used car and break off another.
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00:18:27.380 --> 00:18:28.579
It sucks when you make a deal with the devil
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and then you're driving for DoorDash because you didn't make
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the right deal.
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00:18:32.059 --> 00:18:34.539
Also, how are you going to fence that fiddle? Yeah.
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You know what I mean? Like, you walk in to
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a place, you know, and you're trying to fence. You're like,
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00:18:39.970 --> 00:18:41.849
I want, you know, and they're like, where'd you get
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00:18:41.890 --> 00:18:44.029
that fiddle, boy? And they're like, I got it from
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the devil fair and square. Next thing you know, the
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00:18:46.309 --> 00:18:47.470
cops are rolling up.
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Mm-hmm.
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They don't believe that devil story. They checked the Blue Book.
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It's worth one soul. Wow, that's a lot. Yeah, next
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00:18:53.619 --> 00:18:55.119
thing you know, you're on Pawn Stars.
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00:18:55.200 --> 00:18:57.160
As you say, the gold guys are calling, like, are
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00:18:57.180 --> 00:18:58.480
you sure you got this from the devil?
348
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Because we got to make.
349
00:18:59.250 --> 00:19:00.630
Sure we got a police report on it.
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00:19:00.650 --> 00:19:04.769
Yeah, and also, fiddles are hollow. Last time I checked.
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00:19:05.569 --> 00:19:08.039
And so if you're technically going to do a fiddle
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00:19:08.099 --> 00:19:10.740
made of gold, it's going to be back to the
353
00:19:10.779 --> 00:19:13.859
veneer of the gold. It may even be gold leaf.
354
00:19:13.900 --> 00:19:17.640
It's going to be hollow inside. Yeah. So there's not
355
00:19:17.660 --> 00:19:20.349
going to be that much gold there physically.
356
00:19:20.440 --> 00:19:22.410
It's that fake wood, just gold plated.
357
00:19:22.769 --> 00:19:25.210
Yeah. I'd make a deal for a kettlebell of gold.
358
00:19:25.809 --> 00:19:29.430
We should say, if we should redo that song and
359
00:19:29.450 --> 00:19:34.460
do a fiddle made of Bitcoin. Yeah. And he gets
360
00:19:34.500 --> 00:19:39.619
your soul. So in the story, the portrait of Dorian
361
00:19:39.700 --> 00:19:44.009
Gray was the deal with the devil or was it
362
00:19:44.049 --> 00:19:47.109
with just, you know, somebody like Hunter Biden or something
363
00:19:47.130 --> 00:19:49.950
who drew a picture of Dorian Gray in the pic?
364
00:19:50.640 --> 00:19:55.180
of Dorian Gray, handsome young Dorian wishes for eternal youth
365
00:19:55.279 --> 00:20:01.009
is painted. His portrait age is placed under the influence
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00:20:01.069 --> 00:20:05.250
of Lord Hennessy. So his wish comes true. But was
367
00:20:05.289 --> 00:20:07.150
there any deviltry in there?
368
00:20:07.170 --> 00:20:07.730
Because.
369
00:20:08.450 --> 00:20:11.279
Did he make the deal with the devil? Either way,
370
00:20:13.000 --> 00:20:18.099
here's an interesting thought. And Dawson, since Andrew's looking for
371
00:20:18.140 --> 00:20:22.299
the devil part of the Dorian Gray, but devil and Dorian,
372
00:20:22.319 --> 00:20:30.390
maybe there's something there. So I liked a tweet from
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00:20:30.430 --> 00:20:35.589
like yesterday, right? And it was somebody... somebody telling me
374
00:20:35.609 --> 00:20:38.970
I was never funny and I'm not funny or whatever.
375
00:20:39.049 --> 00:20:43.359
One of those, which I do like those. And so, uh,
376
00:20:43.369 --> 00:20:46.390
it's Oscar Wilde's picture. Dorian Gray, uh, doesn't make a
377
00:20:46.509 --> 00:20:50.390
formal deal with the devil. It's a handshake deal. Um,
378
00:20:52.069 --> 00:20:55.869
deal with a specific ending. So there's no specific, um,
379
00:20:56.250 --> 00:20:57.650
reference to Lucifer in that.
380
00:20:58.250 --> 00:20:58.490
All right.
381
00:20:58.869 --> 00:21:03.200
So, um, So here's an interesting thing, and I wonder
382
00:21:03.240 --> 00:21:05.420
if you think it's like we've turned the corner and
383
00:21:05.480 --> 00:21:12.769
it's kind of Trump whatever. People in the past have– oh, no.
384
00:21:13.150 --> 00:21:17.329
People in the past would flaunt their wealth. And they
385
00:21:17.369 --> 00:21:19.950
would say, like, I'm from the Rothschilds, you know. And
386
00:21:19.990 --> 00:21:23.359
my father was a great industrialist or shipping magnate or
387
00:21:23.380 --> 00:21:24.059
whatever it was.
388
00:21:24.099 --> 00:21:24.279
Right.
389
00:21:24.819 --> 00:21:27.579
And they'd have a pocket watch and say good day and, like,
390
00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:31.299
wear spats and stuff like that. Then at some point,
391
00:21:31.859 --> 00:21:36.220
we got the message and they started rounding down. You know, like,
392
00:21:36.240 --> 00:21:39.680
they'd go, you know, like, you see these guys that go, like,
393
00:21:39.720 --> 00:21:42.380
you know, we're very middle class, very middle class. And, like,
394
00:21:42.440 --> 00:21:44.279
at some point, the guy's friend will go, your dad
395
00:21:44.339 --> 00:21:48.940
ran Nabisco. Right. Yeah, but we were pretty– I mean, hey,
396
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:52.259
we weren't poor. It's like, no, no, no. You were rich.
397
00:21:53.319 --> 00:21:58.230
You're rounding it down. I slept in my car. There's
398
00:21:58.269 --> 00:22:02.250
all this bullshit, fake, poor shit that drives me nuts.
399
00:22:02.490 --> 00:22:06.119
I mean, the– The greatest is, you know, Posh Spice
400
00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:09.150
doing her interview explaining they grew up middle class. And
401
00:22:09.170 --> 00:22:12.029
then David Beckham was like, what kind of car did
402
00:22:12.049 --> 00:22:13.950
you drive? And it was like, she didn't want to talk.
403
00:22:14.049 --> 00:22:17.089
And she got dropped off to school in a Rolls Royce.
404
00:22:17.150 --> 00:22:20.579
That is not, it's not middle class. So everyone is
405
00:22:20.759 --> 00:22:25.500
fighting for it. And there used to be, you know,
406
00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:29.519
lifestyles of the rich and famous and everyone went over
407
00:22:29.579 --> 00:22:35.660
the top. to flaunt their wealth. And now you have
408
00:22:36.279 --> 00:22:39.019
a target on your back, like a physical target, like
409
00:22:39.039 --> 00:22:41.940
there's an element of don't wear Rolex out at night
410
00:22:42.059 --> 00:22:44.890
in LA, you're going to get stuck up, right? But
411
00:22:44.910 --> 00:22:48.089
there's also a sort of social target, which is that
412
00:22:48.210 --> 00:22:53.460
rich guy out of touch, whatever. I come from such
413
00:22:53.619 --> 00:22:57.839
poverty and I work so hard that I always told
414
00:22:57.859 --> 00:23:00.769
everyone to fuck right off when they tried to do it.
415
00:23:00.779 --> 00:23:04.630
When I when I when I was battling with the L.A.
416
00:23:05.430 --> 00:23:10.599
teachers unions about opening schools. And by the way, the
417
00:23:10.640 --> 00:23:13.190
test scores have come in. I hope everyone's sitting down.
418
00:23:13.210 --> 00:23:15.730
The kids are fucking failing like shit. But when I
419
00:23:15.769 --> 00:23:20.490
was battling with the L.A. Unified School District on Twitter,
420
00:23:20.970 --> 00:23:23.269
yelling at them to open the schools and calling them
421
00:23:23.349 --> 00:23:27.460
cowards and everything I could call them. And they they.
422
00:23:27.960 --> 00:23:30.259
So what the left does is they make their try.
423
00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:33.819
They do. They do either racist or this rich guy.
424
00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:37.200
You know, so they wrote something like this. Oh, look
425
00:23:37.259 --> 00:23:40.440
at Adam sitting in a $ 7 million house, you know,
426
00:23:40.900 --> 00:23:43.609
counting his money, telling us to go back to work.
427
00:23:44.009 --> 00:23:47.730
And I just wrote back 7.3. That's all I wrote.
428
00:23:47.849 --> 00:23:50.490
I just wrote 7.3. That was my answer to him
429
00:23:50.529 --> 00:23:53.890
because the house was 7.3. It wasn't 7. And my
430
00:23:53.930 --> 00:23:57.619
thing is like, fuck you. You can't shame me. I've been...
431
00:23:57.960 --> 00:24:01.500
on too many construction sites, slept on too many floors
432
00:24:01.799 --> 00:24:04.380
and worked too fucking many weekends for you to even
433
00:24:04.440 --> 00:24:07.519
get near shaming me for your, by the way, you're
434
00:24:07.559 --> 00:24:10.059
lazy fucking ass. You want to be a teacher? Fuck off.
435
00:24:10.200 --> 00:24:12.500
I don't care. So you can't do it to me.
436
00:24:13.039 --> 00:24:16.859
But here's the interesting point. Have we turned, as Trump,
437
00:24:17.519 --> 00:24:20.000
have we turned the corner and gone the other way?
438
00:24:20.059 --> 00:24:24.279
Because somebody tweeted me about, you know, not being funny
439
00:24:24.460 --> 00:24:28.369
or never being funny. And then I answered the person
440
00:24:28.430 --> 00:24:30.990
this way. But the thing that was interesting about it
441
00:24:31.890 --> 00:24:35.430
is I read the 700 comments under it and they're
442
00:24:35.529 --> 00:24:38.069
all on my side. And I don't think they would
443
00:24:38.089 --> 00:24:39.470
have done it this way before.
444
00:24:39.490 --> 00:24:39.809
All right.
445
00:24:39.829 --> 00:24:43.359
So I'll read the thing. It's a guy says, remember
446
00:24:43.420 --> 00:24:47.519
that time you were funny. And I wrote that was
447
00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:48.839
$ 70 million ago.
448
00:24:48.920 --> 00:24:51.880
That's so good.
449
00:24:52.180 --> 00:24:57.490
Right. So. Now I'm expecting every third comment to go, hey,
450
00:24:57.609 --> 00:25:00.589
rich guy, there are people who can't afford groceries or whatever.
451
00:25:01.309 --> 00:25:05.039
Every single comment under it was burn that guy. Good answer.
452
00:25:05.160 --> 00:25:12.509
Fuck off. Right. And it's interesting that. There was no
453
00:25:12.670 --> 00:25:17.789
haters in the entire 50 comments. Not one person went, hey,
454
00:25:17.869 --> 00:25:21.910
rich guy, there's people out there with real problems, okay?
455
00:25:22.289 --> 00:25:25.630
Or whatever, my kid has leukemia and we lost our insurance.
456
00:25:26.170 --> 00:25:29.190
It was 50 comments of go get them, Ace, which
457
00:25:29.299 --> 00:25:31.660
I don't think I would have done that five years
458
00:25:31.720 --> 00:25:32.799
ago is what I'm saying.
459
00:25:33.119 --> 00:25:33.200
Yeah.
460
00:25:33.839 --> 00:25:36.259
Yeah, and the other thing that I've noticed with people
461
00:25:36.279 --> 00:25:38.599
is they always talk about how the rich are greedy.
462
00:25:38.619 --> 00:25:40.980
It's always the rich guy's fault that I'm poor.
463
00:25:41.000 --> 00:25:44.259
And I'm like, first off, greed doesn't know any sort
464
00:25:44.299 --> 00:25:45.539
of economic structure.
465
00:25:45.559 --> 00:25:46.779
It doesn't know if you're rich or poor.
466
00:25:47.119 --> 00:25:50.069
I've met a lot of greedy motherfuckers who are poor,
467
00:25:50.410 --> 00:25:50.930
and they're the.
468
00:25:50.930 --> 00:25:51.730
Worst people ever.
469
00:25:52.029 --> 00:25:59.400
Most people. I know who aren't successful, it's because they
470
00:25:59.440 --> 00:26:01.519
were grabby, greedy.
471
00:26:01.619 --> 00:26:01.880
Yes.
472
00:26:02.220 --> 00:26:04.470
They'd go, oh, could you talk to Jimmy about getting
473
00:26:04.490 --> 00:26:07.029
me some free Lakers tickets or whatever? And I'd go, uh.
474
00:26:07.109 --> 00:26:11.170
And then next thing you know, you associate this person
475
00:26:11.210 --> 00:26:15.210
with asking for shit. Anybody who's had that family member
476
00:26:15.250 --> 00:26:17.799
who's always trying to borrow money or asking for a favor,
477
00:26:18.279 --> 00:26:20.779
their phone rings, their name comes up in your phone,
478
00:26:20.799 --> 00:26:23.440
you look at it and go, Well, they want now. Yeah.
479
00:26:23.460 --> 00:26:25.759
I don't even know. I'm letting it go to voicemail.
480
00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:29.680
Like all of the ones that I grew up with,
481
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:35.460
the poor people, they're grabby and greedy and like, what?
482
00:26:36.039 --> 00:26:39.579
And for certain, won't work for free. Like when I
483
00:26:39.619 --> 00:26:41.859
started with K-Rock, I worked for a year for free.
484
00:26:42.259 --> 00:26:44.779
And my friends were like, what are you getting paid, man?
485
00:26:44.859 --> 00:26:47.630
Come on now. Because they're like, you're in show business.
486
00:26:47.670 --> 00:26:50.309
And I'm like, I'm not getting paid anything. And they're like, dude,
487
00:26:50.329 --> 00:26:52.549
you got to ask. Go in there and tell them
488
00:26:52.569 --> 00:26:55.029
to give you money. And I was like, I don't
489
00:26:55.049 --> 00:26:58.450
want to piss them off. And then the first time
490
00:26:59.910 --> 00:27:03.069
they agreed to pay me, they agreed to pay me
491
00:27:03.069 --> 00:27:07.769
$ 50 a bit. And my buddy Ray, he went working construction,
492
00:27:07.809 --> 00:27:10.740
by the way. He goes, how much did I pay you?
493
00:27:10.779 --> 00:27:11.859
I go, $ 50 a bit. He goes, $ 50 a bit?
494
00:27:11.880 --> 00:27:12.579
That's nothing.
495
00:27:12.740 --> 00:27:12.940
Yeah.
496
00:27:15.140 --> 00:27:19.200
That's nothing. And then I said famously, I go, Ray,
497
00:27:19.339 --> 00:27:22.500
I should be paying them. And six months later, I
498
00:27:22.759 --> 00:27:24.920
was rich off of radio.
499
00:27:25.079 --> 00:27:25.579
Yeah.
500
00:27:25.660 --> 00:27:29.029
But they don't get it. It's like, where's the cash? Yeah.
501
00:27:29.140 --> 00:27:30.009
Where's the cash?
502
00:27:30.180 --> 00:27:31.720
I tell people when I come and do this show,
503
00:27:31.829 --> 00:27:33.869
I drive from Las Vegas. I come here maybe once
504
00:27:33.910 --> 00:27:36.130
every two weeks, three weeks. I drive from Las Vegas.
505
00:27:36.170 --> 00:27:38.390
I get up in the morning, 6 a.m. I drive here.
506
00:27:38.410 --> 00:27:39.109
I do the show.
507
00:27:39.430 --> 00:27:41.029
We hang out two and a half hours. I drive
508
00:27:41.069 --> 00:27:43.329
right back to Las Vegas. Round trip is probably eight
509
00:27:43.349 --> 00:27:45.170
and a half, nine hours in the car. And I
510
00:27:45.210 --> 00:27:47.150
can't tell you how many people go, why would you
511
00:27:47.190 --> 00:27:47.509
do that?
512
00:27:47.829 --> 00:27:48.490
That's insane.
513
00:27:48.769 --> 00:27:50.789
The only person who I've ever told that story to
514
00:27:50.829 --> 00:27:53.059
who was like, dude, good for you, keep doing it,
515
00:27:53.329 --> 00:27:57.150
Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider was like, dude, we need that
516
00:27:57.259 --> 00:27:58.980
kind of get up and go in everybody.
517
00:27:59.180 --> 00:28:01.160
If other people were to do that, this would be
518
00:28:01.180 --> 00:28:02.019
a much better country.
519
00:28:02.299 --> 00:28:04.180
I can verify that. I worked for Rob Schneider unpaid
520
00:28:04.200 --> 00:28:06.700
for years. Yeah, I saw a TV show.
521
00:28:06.859 --> 00:28:08.319
Yeah, I agree.
522
00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:09.660
It's the long game, right?
523
00:28:09.720 --> 00:28:12.480
It's also understanding the value of being on or getting
524
00:28:12.500 --> 00:28:15.160
that exposure. And then also they want to work with you.
525
00:28:15.559 --> 00:28:17.160
And if you're not charging them a certain amount of money,
526
00:28:17.180 --> 00:28:18.900
they go, hey, come on every day. Come on every week.
527
00:28:18.920 --> 00:28:21.279
Like if you make it financial too quickly, you're sort
528
00:28:21.299 --> 00:28:23.599
of cutting yourself off of the long game.
529
00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:27.170
We have the Beckham video, I'm told, because it's perfect.
530
00:28:27.529 --> 00:28:29.650
It's so perfect. By the way, her name is Posh.
531
00:28:30.509 --> 00:28:34.460
It's not poverty spice. It's posh. My mom would have
532
00:28:34.480 --> 00:28:39.019
been poverty spice. My sister, now Lauren Carolla's poverty spice.
533
00:28:39.039 --> 00:28:42.099
She's got one flip-flop. She walks out there smoking.
534
00:28:42.359 --> 00:28:44.380
If you want to be on welfare, you got to
535
00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:45.480
get with my mom.
536
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:52.170
All right, here it is. We're very working class. Be honest.
537
00:28:52.950 --> 00:28:56.769
I am being honest. I am being honest. What kind
538
00:28:56.890 --> 00:28:59.190
of did your dad drive you to school in? So
539
00:28:59.349 --> 00:29:02.049
my dad did... No, one answer. My dad... What car
540
00:29:02.069 --> 00:29:04.359
was it? It's not a simple answer because.
541
00:29:04.420 --> 00:29:05.559
What car did you.
542
00:29:06.210 --> 00:29:08.210
Get your dad to drive you to school.
543
00:29:08.329 --> 00:29:08.650
It depends.
544
00:29:08.670 --> 00:29:09.710
No, no, no, no, no.
545
00:29:09.710 --> 00:29:09.849
Okay.
546
00:29:09.890 --> 00:29:11.650
In the 80s, my dad had a Rolls Royce.
547
00:29:11.670 --> 00:29:13.210
Thank you.
548
00:29:13.869 --> 00:29:14.089
I know.
549
00:29:14.130 --> 00:29:15.309
My girlfriend does the same thing.
550
00:29:15.349 --> 00:29:17.369
My girlfriend's great, but she does come from a family
551
00:29:17.410 --> 00:29:19.670
that had some money, and they had a sailboat on
552
00:29:19.730 --> 00:29:22.109
a lake in Minneapolis. And every time she talks about
553
00:29:22.390 --> 00:29:24.190
how the rich are the problem, I'm like, how many
554
00:29:24.630 --> 00:29:26.079
times did you go out in the summertime? Did you
555
00:29:26.119 --> 00:29:28.559
go out sailing? And she's like, it wasn't the same.
556
00:29:28.599 --> 00:29:30.220
I'm like, did you not own a boat on a
557
00:29:30.279 --> 00:29:32.859
lake in Minneapolis? If you did, then guess what? You're
558
00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:33.700
part of the rich, too.
559
00:29:34.039 --> 00:29:41.789
That's right. Yeah, so my whole thing is, There's two,
560
00:29:41.990 --> 00:29:45.549
my approach to like owning stuff was like, I am
561
00:29:45.930 --> 00:29:49.519
going to tell everyone I'm rich. And then I'm going
562
00:29:49.539 --> 00:29:52.519
to tell them I still have problems and it doesn't
563
00:29:52.559 --> 00:29:54.779
make you happy. And you still get fucked over at
564
00:29:54.819 --> 00:29:58.000
the airport and the security line and all the shit
565
00:29:58.039 --> 00:30:00.839
that happens that you don't think happens to rich people
566
00:30:00.900 --> 00:30:05.319
because they're rich. It all happens the same. Yeah. I
567
00:30:05.359 --> 00:30:07.480
like it's honesty, right? It's just being real.
568
00:30:07.990 --> 00:30:09.670
And it's funny you bring that up about money because
569
00:30:09.910 --> 00:30:13.349
I always thought being broke was the center of all
570
00:30:13.410 --> 00:30:15.670
my problems. And I thought once I get some money,
571
00:30:15.730 --> 00:30:18.130
then I'll be happy. And I sold my first house
572
00:30:18.210 --> 00:30:20.839
and they literally gave me a check for $ 60, 000. And
573
00:30:21.279 --> 00:30:23.160
I was driving to the bank to put it in there.
574
00:30:23.359 --> 00:30:26.539
And I remember thinking, I am equally as unhappy in
575
00:30:26.579 --> 00:30:29.420
this moment with $ 60, 000 as I was before they handed
576
00:30:29.440 --> 00:30:31.980
me the check. So money is obviously not the answer.
577
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:37.289
No, I think so. There's a couple of things. I
578
00:30:37.329 --> 00:30:41.920
think there's lessons like you should talk to someone who's
579
00:30:42.019 --> 00:30:44.519
rich and go, how did you do this? And my
580
00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:47.279
answer would be work for fucking free and don't piss
581
00:30:47.319 --> 00:30:50.380
people off and go get needy and grabby and don't
582
00:30:50.420 --> 00:30:52.670
have jobs you won't do. You know, like I don't
583
00:30:52.730 --> 00:30:54.670
do I'm not here. I'm not getting paid to just
584
00:30:54.809 --> 00:30:58.589
jump in, help out, that kind of stuff. And, you know,
585
00:30:58.609 --> 00:31:02.650
the boss always notices. When we would do the man show,
586
00:31:02.670 --> 00:31:05.750
we didn't even know the interns' names. It would just
587
00:31:05.829 --> 00:31:09.029
be at the end of the season, it would be like,
588
00:31:09.109 --> 00:31:10.759
who are we bringing back? And it would be like,
589
00:31:11.559 --> 00:31:14.259
the dude who's always wearing the Flock of Seagulls T-shirt,
590
00:31:14.279 --> 00:31:16.740
that guy's a bust. That guy's a bust. I didn't
591
00:31:16.759 --> 00:31:18.380
even know his name. That guy's a bust. And then
592
00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:20.240
Jimmy would go, yeah, he was supposed to pick me
593
00:31:20.369 --> 00:31:22.670
up on set. He was like 20 minutes late. And
594
00:31:22.950 --> 00:31:24.970
we'd go, all right, that guy's gone. It would just go,
595
00:31:24.990 --> 00:31:28.539
that guy's gone. And then the other guy... Would be like, oh, yeah,
596
00:31:28.559 --> 00:31:30.420
remember the guy who showed up early and he got
597
00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:35.700
us breakfast burritos? Yeah, that dude. He's coming back. We
598
00:31:35.740 --> 00:31:41.849
hired a guy, Adam De La Pena, who's a– I
599
00:31:41.890 --> 00:31:44.069
guess– look him up, but Adam's a friend. He does
600
00:31:44.089 --> 00:31:47.029
a lot of riding. We hired him. He came walking
601
00:31:47.089 --> 00:31:50.910
in for his job interview. He's wearing this Hawaiian shirt,
602
00:31:50.930 --> 00:31:53.940
but it was pretty killer. And Jimmy and I both
603
00:31:53.980 --> 00:31:57.289
looked at it and went– where'd you get that Hawaiian shirt?
604
00:31:57.309 --> 00:32:01.230
And he goes, he goes, uh, Adam, Dave, he's my
605
00:32:01.250 --> 00:32:06.349
writer's assistant. He goes, uh, I sewed it myself. I go,
606
00:32:06.869 --> 00:32:09.339
you made your own Hawaiian shirt. And he goes, I
607
00:32:09.380 --> 00:32:11.759
made my own Hawaiian shirt and you hire me. I'll
608
00:32:11.779 --> 00:32:13.799
make one for you too. And we're like, all right,
609
00:32:13.839 --> 00:32:17.720
he's hired. I didn't even remember if he ever made
610
00:32:17.740 --> 00:32:20.880
us a fucking shirt, but he, he, he made his
611
00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:24.569
own Hawaiian shirt and he showed up in it. And that's, uh,
612
00:32:24.609 --> 00:32:27.319
De La Pena. We had an assistant. Oh, no, that's
613
00:32:27.359 --> 00:32:33.049
where the word mijo. That was de la pena was mijo.
614
00:32:33.710 --> 00:32:36.210
And that's where all the mijos started with the man show.
615
00:32:36.289 --> 00:32:36.549
Go ahead.
616
00:32:36.829 --> 00:32:39.200
Oh, we had this guy on Real Rob Season 1.
617
00:32:39.190 --> 00:32:41.509
His name was David Tanner. And we had a series
618
00:32:41.589 --> 00:32:44.349
of guys that would come in for free that were
619
00:32:44.569 --> 00:32:48.430
unpaid interns. And this one dude was always the happiest
620
00:32:48.450 --> 00:32:49.950
to be there. He was there before all of us.
621
00:32:49.950 --> 00:32:51.829
And I remember he drove me home one night and
622
00:32:51.849 --> 00:32:53.190
I said something about, like, I don't drink alcohol. I
623
00:32:53.230 --> 00:32:55.170
drink sparkling water or something. And the next morning he
624
00:32:55.190 --> 00:32:56.690
had like a bunch of sparkling water for me and
625
00:32:56.710 --> 00:32:59.690
all this stuff. He was the executive producer of season
626
00:32:59.730 --> 00:33:02.430
two of Real Rob. He was an unpaid intern on
627
00:33:02.470 --> 00:33:05.339
season one with a group of other interns. And just
628
00:33:05.390 --> 00:33:08.430
by being that guy, he is a executive producer of
629
00:33:08.650 --> 00:33:11.579
many movies now. Just by being that guy that didn't go,
630
00:33:11.839 --> 00:33:13.220
how much do I get? Will you pay me back
631
00:33:13.259 --> 00:33:15.339
for the sparkling water? Like it was always just the
632
00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:17.440
guy that just wanted to be there, just hungry for
633
00:33:17.819 --> 00:33:18.160
the work.
634
00:33:18.619 --> 00:33:20.880
I want to ask you guys, you're younger than I am.
635
00:33:21.160 --> 00:33:25.390
I don't, I don't know what a lot of, abbreviations are.
636
00:33:25.789 --> 00:33:30.920
I mean, I figured out cuck, you know, but I've
637
00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:34.859
gotten a bunch of different variations on what a simp is.
638
00:33:36.259 --> 00:33:41.869
Keith Oberman called me a simp and somebody said simple
639
00:33:42.609 --> 00:33:47.250
and the other person said sympathizer. So it's weird when
640
00:33:47.269 --> 00:33:51.089
you're being insulted, but you're confused on how the insult goes.
641
00:33:51.109 --> 00:33:53.990
So first off, what is a simp? I have no.
642
00:33:54.569 --> 00:33:57.119
Is a cuck where you like to watch people have
643
00:33:57.220 --> 00:33:58.720
sex with your person?
644
00:33:58.779 --> 00:34:01.859
I like to do that if I'm the other guy. Yeah.
645
00:34:01.900 --> 00:34:03.700
I don't know simp. I don't know what it means. Yeah.
646
00:34:03.940 --> 00:34:07.319
I imagine if it's coming from Keith, it must mean simpleton, correct?
647
00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:09.789
Yeah. Yeah. It's not symphony if it's coming from... No,
648
00:34:09.800 --> 00:34:10.860
but it could be simple.
649
00:34:11.360 --> 00:34:12.460
But sympathetic.
650
00:34:12.639 --> 00:34:13.300
Sympathetic.
651
00:34:13.320 --> 00:34:14.380
Someone who is overly sympathetic.
652
00:34:14.400 --> 00:34:15.179
I'm overly sympathetic.
653
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:16.579
If you're a simp, he was probably calling you a
654
00:34:16.699 --> 00:34:17.619
simp for Trump.
655
00:34:18.219 --> 00:34:20.900
Yeah, but it wasn't because it wasn't talking about Trump.
656
00:34:20.920 --> 00:34:24.039
But yeah, you're right. You're right. But first off, I've
657
00:34:24.099 --> 00:34:26.179
never been called overly sympathetic.
658
00:34:26.239 --> 00:34:26.460
No.
659
00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:30.840
So come on, Dawson. I hate when I get called
660
00:34:30.860 --> 00:34:33.480
something and I have to Google it. I had to
661
00:34:33.780 --> 00:34:37.280
ask around. It was like being sworn at in a
662
00:34:37.320 --> 00:34:39.559
foreign language or something. I had to look it up,
663
00:34:39.619 --> 00:34:43.730
see what that cab driver was talking about. I was like,
664
00:34:44.250 --> 00:34:49.389
it's not effective when you... First off, you abbreviating a
665
00:34:49.449 --> 00:34:55.179
word doesn't make it an insult. The number one trait
666
00:34:55.559 --> 00:34:58.320
any woman has ever accused me of not having is
667
00:34:58.340 --> 00:35:01.579
being sympathetic enough. I'm the rub some dirt on it guy.
668
00:35:01.619 --> 00:35:03.860
Come on, let's go. kind of thing. You know, I'm
669
00:35:03.900 --> 00:35:06.619
the guy, you know, you go, I'm allergic to shelf.
670
00:35:06.659 --> 00:35:08.869
You're fine. Let's go eat it up. Eat that shrimp.
671
00:35:08.929 --> 00:35:11.650
Here we go. Like I'm that guy. So I'm not the,
672
00:35:12.269 --> 00:35:13.789
I'm the worst guy in the world to tell me
673
00:35:13.809 --> 00:35:14.869
you're not feeling well.
674
00:35:15.030 --> 00:35:15.289
Yeah.
675
00:35:15.449 --> 00:35:17.690
Cause I'm always like, I'm not feeling well either. Nobody's
676
00:35:17.730 --> 00:35:21.289
a hundred percent. Now let's go to work. So, uh,
677
00:35:21.730 --> 00:35:24.079
it's a tweet. I think it was a tweet he
678
00:35:24.139 --> 00:35:26.679
sent me. Oh no, Andrew, you sent it to me.
679
00:35:26.739 --> 00:35:29.340
That's the, the other part that's weird is I wouldn't
680
00:35:29.380 --> 00:35:32.199
have seen it, but Andrew found it and he sent
681
00:35:32.239 --> 00:35:34.670
it to me. And then he called me a simp.
682
00:35:35.530 --> 00:35:41.590
But again, with the simp, if I'm being labeled as sympathetic,
683
00:35:42.150 --> 00:35:46.989
then I thank you, Keith Oberman, because no one's ever
684
00:35:47.070 --> 00:35:51.909
called me that. But I think it was me making
685
00:35:51.949 --> 00:35:54.489
fun of Gavin Newsom. And I just said, name me
686
00:35:54.610 --> 00:35:57.190
one thing that got It was like Gavin Newsom's right
687
00:35:57.230 --> 00:36:00.039
about everything is what the tweet was. And I said,
688
00:36:00.059 --> 00:36:02.340
as I said to everyone, name one thing he got
689
00:36:02.380 --> 00:36:05.139
right about COVID. One thing. Now, to be fair to him,
690
00:36:05.199 --> 00:36:07.500
he wasn't wrong. He was just lying. He didn't care.
691
00:36:07.559 --> 00:36:11.369
But name one thing he got right about COVID. And
692
00:36:11.409 --> 00:36:16.059
then Keith Oberman wrote all of it. Which is like, really?
693
00:36:16.079 --> 00:36:18.019
Because I got a friend who owned a restaurant called
694
00:36:18.059 --> 00:36:20.340
Tin Horn Flats three miles from here. And it's got
695
00:36:20.360 --> 00:36:22.239
a fence around it now because they're out of business
696
00:36:22.599 --> 00:36:25.400
because they kept their patio open for outdoor dining. And
697
00:36:25.440 --> 00:36:29.239
he shut down outdoor dining with no signs. He took
698
00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:32.050
bulldozers and filled in skate parks at the beach. He
699
00:36:32.110 --> 00:36:35.590
cut down volleyball nets at the beach. He arrested a
700
00:36:35.610 --> 00:36:39.050
guy for paddle boarding in the bay. He kept schools
701
00:36:39.110 --> 00:36:40.849
closed way too long. I'm going to say he got
702
00:36:41.090 --> 00:36:45.130
everything wrong. But by the way, who's the simp here? Yeah.
703
00:36:45.190 --> 00:36:49.300
The guy who says Gavin Newsom got everything right about
704
00:36:49.380 --> 00:36:53.880
COVID when all he did was get everything wrong about COVID.
705
00:36:54.420 --> 00:36:58.730
But again, the simp, the unfunny part. Do you think
706
00:36:58.769 --> 00:37:01.369
he was tweeting and just. Drove off the road. It
707
00:37:01.489 --> 00:37:02.710
feels like it might have just ended. He was going
708
00:37:02.730 --> 00:37:06.150
to finish, right? Yeah. Like, sympathizer. Maybe he's going to
709
00:37:06.190 --> 00:37:11.000
write simpleton or simple syrup. Yeah. Maybe. Symposium?
710
00:37:11.039 --> 00:37:11.400
Yeah, he.
711
00:37:11.420 --> 00:37:16.199
You unfunny simp. All right, so this is a sympathizer,
712
00:37:17.179 --> 00:37:22.909
but not a simpleton. Again... Look, you're three or four
713
00:37:22.969 --> 00:37:24.309
letters away from clarity.
714
00:37:24.610 --> 00:37:26.949
Look, we're also in the mind of Keith Olbermann. Who
715
00:37:26.989 --> 00:37:28.030
knows what the hell he meant?
716
00:37:28.050 --> 00:37:28.730
Yeah, man.
717
00:37:28.809 --> 00:37:31.230
Talk about guys who have gone off the rails. Jesus,
718
00:37:31.250 --> 00:37:32.210
what happened to that dude?
719
00:37:32.929 --> 00:37:35.010
What does he do? Does he do stuff? Does he,
720
00:37:35.670 --> 00:37:36.389
is he doing anything?
721
00:37:37.010 --> 00:37:38.920
Remember he was on like a, like a TV show
722
00:37:38.960 --> 00:37:40.590
on a real channel. And then it was like, oh,
723
00:37:40.670 --> 00:37:42.090
he's on this other base.
724
00:37:42.159 --> 00:37:45.380
He was on the face of ESPN for a long time.
725
00:37:45.420 --> 00:37:45.800
Yeah, ESPN.
726
00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:48.039
Then he had a show on select jet blue flights. Like,
727
00:37:48.079 --> 00:37:50.539
it just kept getting less and less. He's on the
728
00:37:50.579 --> 00:37:55.449
ring doorbell network now. You know, that Ring Doorbell Network
729
00:37:55.469 --> 00:37:58.179
joke was a joke I made like five years ago,
730
00:37:58.199 --> 00:38:00.960
but then I realized, oh, we're getting there. Absolutely.
731
00:38:01.099 --> 00:38:02.039
Oh, yeah.
732
00:38:02.099 --> 00:38:04.440
There is going to be a Ring Doorbell Network soon.
733
00:38:04.860 --> 00:38:07.219
Yeah. And one of the things I like about, I've
734
00:38:07.239 --> 00:38:09.559
always said about you, Adam, is your ability, and you've
735
00:38:09.599 --> 00:38:11.659
brought this up many times, is your ability to keep
736
00:38:11.679 --> 00:38:14.039
your heart rate low. And Adam and I had a
737
00:38:14.079 --> 00:38:17.559
moment like two weeks ago where everybody was gone, me
738
00:38:17.599 --> 00:38:20.019
and another guy who works here in the building, another Adam,
739
00:38:20.380 --> 00:38:22.079
were just like, you know, hanging out, and all of
740
00:38:22.119 --> 00:38:23.280
a sudden the toilet just broke.
741
00:38:23.909 --> 00:38:25.460
And water is spewing everywhere.
742
00:38:25.500 --> 00:38:27.420
I mean, it's literally flooding the hallway and I'm on
743
00:38:27.440 --> 00:38:29.489
the phone with Adam and I'm like, we gotta fix this.
744
00:38:29.809 --> 00:38:31.530
And the whole time just super even keel. He's like,
745
00:38:31.570 --> 00:38:32.260
there's a.
746
00:38:33.909 --> 00:38:37.539
There's a screwdriver in the back. Let's see. Is it
747
00:38:37.579 --> 00:38:39.460
a Phillips head? And in my mind, I'm like, move
748
00:38:39.500 --> 00:38:42.079
your ass. I need to find the goddamn screwdriver. But
749
00:38:42.099 --> 00:38:43.900
you're just so even keel all the time.
750
00:38:43.920 --> 00:38:46.199
So when he says, say, if it is simple, then yes,
751
00:38:46.260 --> 00:38:48.349
he is correct in saying that you are somewhat kind
752
00:38:48.369 --> 00:38:51.329
of a simple guy where you really don't, the anxiety
753
00:38:51.369 --> 00:38:52.110
does not get to you.
754
00:38:52.369 --> 00:38:55.150
I don't have that heart rate thing. I'm, I'm one
755
00:38:55.170 --> 00:39:00.070
of the, I literally can spin a race car out
756
00:39:00.130 --> 00:39:03.690
at 120 miles an hour and be very relaxed while
757
00:39:03.750 --> 00:39:11.119
doing it. But it's more logic than it is nerves
758
00:39:11.179 --> 00:39:15.320
or something. It's more like it doesn't... Once you're along
759
00:39:15.360 --> 00:39:17.440
for the ride, you're kind of along for the ride.
760
00:39:17.599 --> 00:39:20.010
You can't do anything about it. You can't fight it.
761
00:39:20.079 --> 00:39:22.289
If you fight it, it kind of makes it worse.
762
00:39:22.889 --> 00:39:24.389
The thing that was funny about that.
763
00:39:26.739 --> 00:39:31.239
Talking you through the toilet flood situation we had is
764
00:39:32.739 --> 00:39:36.880
that I literally left that the day before in the afternoon.
765
00:39:37.699 --> 00:39:41.909
And thank God Rudy showed up. And I had in
766
00:39:41.969 --> 00:39:46.909
that bathroom a flathead screwdriver, can of WD-40, and some
767
00:39:46.949 --> 00:39:52.260
channel locks because the– the toilet, the urinal was giving
768
00:39:52.280 --> 00:39:56.159
me issues. And, and it was just sitting there in
769
00:39:56.179 --> 00:39:58.769
the bathroom and I left during the afternoon. So it
770
00:39:58.889 --> 00:40:02.550
was there. And so I said to Rudy, well, there
771
00:40:02.590 --> 00:40:06.150
should be a flathead screwdriver. I know how to fix it. Well,
772
00:40:06.250 --> 00:40:10.159
I know how to shut off the water to, I
773
00:40:10.199 --> 00:40:14.360
can shut the Sloan valve off on a, on a urinal. There's,
774
00:40:14.500 --> 00:40:16.820
there's no angle stop like a toilet. You got to
775
00:40:17.000 --> 00:40:21.449
get a screwdriver and do it. And I, So I said, well,
776
00:40:21.469 --> 00:40:23.440
there should be a screwdriver there and you should be
777
00:40:23.460 --> 00:40:25.039
able to just put it in the center. And it's
778
00:40:25.079 --> 00:40:27.559
a brass bolt. Everything else is chrome and it's a
779
00:40:27.619 --> 00:40:31.800
slot head. And Rudy looks around. He goes, there's nothing here.
780
00:40:31.889 --> 00:40:34.489
There's nothing in the bathroom. And I go, well, I
781
00:40:34.530 --> 00:40:38.050
left last night and there was tools in the bathroom
782
00:40:38.090 --> 00:40:40.789
to shut this off. And he goes, nothing in there.
783
00:40:41.710 --> 00:40:44.650
And I go, huh. Hold on. So we put the
784
00:40:44.710 --> 00:40:47.650
call out. Hey, everyone, what the hell happened to the
785
00:40:48.070 --> 00:40:53.610
tools in the bathroom? And Mayhem Miller put them away. Now,
786
00:40:54.170 --> 00:40:56.030
by the way, a lot of people at that point
787
00:40:56.070 --> 00:40:58.789
would go, Jesus fucking Christ, just leave it where it is.
788
00:40:59.190 --> 00:41:02.269
But I'm like, hey, somebody did something. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah,
789
00:41:02.349 --> 00:41:06.329
God bless you. You know what I mean? Yeah. To me,
790
00:41:06.389 --> 00:41:10.639
it's sort of like the employee equivalent to the hooker going,
791
00:41:10.960 --> 00:41:12.380
you want me to put a finger in your ass?
792
00:41:12.659 --> 00:41:15.480
And you go, no, but hey, I do appreciate where
793
00:41:15.500 --> 00:41:16.619
your head's at with that.
794
00:41:17.400 --> 00:41:18.769
She's like, you're already paying for it.
795
00:41:18.780 --> 00:41:22.940
Yeah, I like that. So they go, Mayhem put this
796
00:41:22.960 --> 00:41:24.980
stuff away. He put it, no, he put it in
797
00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:30.329
the back. So I said, okay, good. Weird bad timing,
798
00:41:30.409 --> 00:41:34.079
but okay, he's doing something. God bless him. So I said, Rudy,
799
00:41:34.300 --> 00:41:38.550
go to the back where the tools are. And that
800
00:41:38.590 --> 00:41:41.599
screwdriver that we need to shut the toilet is going
801
00:41:41.639 --> 00:41:45.400
to be sitting with a tall can of WD-40. Because
802
00:41:45.480 --> 00:41:47.840
if he put it away, he put it all together,
803
00:41:47.880 --> 00:41:50.500
he set it in one place, and you will spot
804
00:41:50.840 --> 00:41:54.969
a tall can of WD-40 on that back bench because
805
00:41:55.030 --> 00:41:58.389
that's where the tools are. And then Rudy went back
806
00:41:58.449 --> 00:42:02.929
there and he said, no can of WD-40, no screwdriver,
807
00:42:02.969 --> 00:42:07.730
nothing is back here. And then I went. Now I'm
808
00:42:07.769 --> 00:42:11.369
confused because he put it away and all the tools
809
00:42:11.409 --> 00:42:15.489
are in the back. Fucking mayhem went halfway back, turned
810
00:42:15.570 --> 00:42:18.280
left and went down the hall and set it over
811
00:42:18.340 --> 00:42:19.280
to the other side.
812
00:42:19.599 --> 00:42:20.599
He did half the chore.
813
00:42:20.639 --> 00:42:21.739
Where there are no tools.
814
00:42:21.760 --> 00:42:22.699
There's no tools over there.
815
00:42:22.900 --> 00:42:25.420
No tools. So I kept saying to Rudy. He just
816
00:42:25.480 --> 00:42:28.170
left it out somewhere else. I kept saying to Rudy, Rudy.
817
00:42:29.489 --> 00:42:32.389
Find that can of WD-40. It's going to be sitting.
818
00:42:32.489 --> 00:42:35.389
It's not in a cabinet. He set it on something.
819
00:42:35.429 --> 00:42:39.179
And wherever that thing is sitting, that screwdriver is going
820
00:42:39.199 --> 00:42:41.079
to be next to it. And I have no fucking
821
00:42:41.139 --> 00:42:43.389
idea why he put it away but didn't put it
822
00:42:43.429 --> 00:42:46.329
with all the tools in the back bench. And so
823
00:42:46.389 --> 00:42:47.329
Rudy went looking.
824
00:42:48.159 --> 00:42:50.639
Yeah, it went and found, and of course, the WD-40
825
00:42:50.659 --> 00:42:53.820
was sitting on a bar area, and next to it
826
00:42:53.949 --> 00:42:54.929
was the flathead screwdriver.
827
00:42:54.949 --> 00:42:56.570
That's like the hooker putting your finger in someone else's
828
00:42:56.650 --> 00:42:59.349
ass after offering. So he went, yeah, and a little
829
00:42:59.409 --> 00:43:01.190
shot of WD-40 before that finger goes in.
830
00:43:01.210 --> 00:43:01.590
Absolutely, yeah.
831
00:43:01.610 --> 00:43:06.820
It's always helped. Yeah. So then, Rudy, then it was like,
832
00:43:07.739 --> 00:43:10.780
I was like air traffic controller trying to talk the
833
00:43:10.880 --> 00:43:13.679
housewife into landing the plane. I was like, all right.
834
00:43:14.530 --> 00:43:18.829
There should be a brass slot head screw straight. And
835
00:43:18.849 --> 00:43:22.420
Rudy's like, on the whatever side, like on the metal part.
836
00:43:22.539 --> 00:43:24.139
I didn't know if it had a cap back on
837
00:43:24.179 --> 00:43:24.659
it or not.
838
00:43:24.699 --> 00:43:25.559
Yeah, a cap was on it.
839
00:43:25.639 --> 00:43:28.340
Is it spilling everywhere as this is happening?
840
00:43:28.420 --> 00:43:31.119
It's literally, it's like an inch, like my shoes are soaked.
841
00:43:31.179 --> 00:43:32.809
Water is coming up. Absolutely, yeah.
842
00:43:32.909 --> 00:43:33.150
Right.
843
00:43:33.190 --> 00:43:34.750
We've got pictures. I'll show them to you after the show.
844
00:43:34.769 --> 00:43:36.690
So I'm like, I don't know if there's a cap
845
00:43:36.849 --> 00:43:40.030
on there. Because he could have put the cap back on.
846
00:43:40.809 --> 00:43:42.909
And now you can't see the brass screw where the
847
00:43:42.929 --> 00:43:46.179
screwdriver goes. So I'm like, there should be a cap.
848
00:43:46.900 --> 00:43:50.480
It's chrome. It's facing you. It'll be the only nut-looking thing.
849
00:43:50.599 --> 00:43:52.139
I don't know. Rudy figured it out. Yeah.
850
00:43:52.179 --> 00:43:54.519
So it was literally just finger tight. It was like
851
00:43:54.539 --> 00:43:56.480
he screwed it on there. I popped it off. And
852
00:43:56.500 --> 00:43:58.239
then as soon as it came off, I saw where
853
00:43:58.260 --> 00:44:00.300
the brass slot was for the flathead.
854
00:44:00.340 --> 00:44:01.280
We turned the water off.
855
00:44:01.800 --> 00:44:05.869
And Adam is more animated now about it than he was.
856
00:44:05.769 --> 00:44:06.150
On the phone.
857
00:44:06.170 --> 00:44:07.489
Because when he was on the phone, he was so.
858
00:44:07.929 --> 00:44:09.230
Just like super level.
859
00:44:09.289 --> 00:44:12.250
And I'm freaking out because I'm like, in my mind,
860
00:44:12.349 --> 00:44:14.670
I'm resorted back to like the 11-year-old me that's like,
861
00:44:15.150 --> 00:44:16.130
how is this my fault?
862
00:44:16.530 --> 00:44:17.130
What did I do?
863
00:44:17.190 --> 00:44:18.190
I didn't even touch the toilet.
864
00:44:18.210 --> 00:44:20.139
It just started like overflowing everywhere. But I'm going to
865
00:44:20.159 --> 00:44:21.320
get blamed for this somehow.
866
00:44:21.699 --> 00:44:25.260
I feel like you could be those 911 operators. Those
867
00:44:25.280 --> 00:44:28.500
guys are chill. No matter what is going on. Well,
868
00:44:28.920 --> 00:44:31.460
in LA, they don't even pick up the phone. So
869
00:44:31.480 --> 00:44:35.500
that's a good job. No, I would be a hostage negotiator.
870
00:44:35.519 --> 00:44:36.719
You know what I mean?
871
00:44:36.900 --> 00:44:37.099
Yeah.
872
00:44:37.659 --> 00:44:40.219
Like, I'd be like, okay, Sir Han, what do you
873
00:44:40.239 --> 00:44:41.079
want on that pizza?
874
00:44:42.380 --> 00:44:42.659
Okay.
875
00:44:42.960 --> 00:44:46.840
You want cheese in the crust? Yeah, I want a helicopter. Hey, listen,
876
00:44:46.900 --> 00:44:49.550
not for nothing, and there's nothing wrong with the pepperoni,
877
00:44:49.570 --> 00:44:51.929
but have you done the sausage on it? I'll try
878
00:44:51.949 --> 00:44:54.510
the sausage. Pizza. I'll get the sausage. I have to
879
00:44:54.630 --> 00:44:56.250
order pizza at some point.
880
00:44:56.349 --> 00:44:58.250
Ooh, they got a deal, two stuffed crusts for the
881
00:44:58.269 --> 00:44:58.849
price of one.
882
00:44:59.449 --> 00:45:02.059
Also, I'd probably be like, you know, you probably should
883
00:45:02.099 --> 00:45:04.340
work a salad in to that. I don't know how
884
00:45:04.360 --> 00:45:06.739
much fiber you're getting. I don't know how many hostages
885
00:45:06.800 --> 00:45:08.340
you're taking, but it's a long night.
886
00:45:08.380 --> 00:45:10.519
Yeah, let me suggest the garlic sauce dip. It's pretty
887
00:45:10.539 --> 00:45:11.440
damn good, you know?
888
00:45:11.760 --> 00:45:12.000
Yeah.
889
00:45:13.159 --> 00:45:17.820
So there's another vid that I saw that bothered me.
890
00:45:18.579 --> 00:45:22.329
I don't know why, but it was a woman, and
891
00:45:22.429 --> 00:45:26.530
she went to the railing of one of those people
892
00:45:26.610 --> 00:45:30.960
movers at the airport. and took like a moist towelette
893
00:45:31.039 --> 00:45:35.940
and like rubbed it along the, this is her. First off,
894
00:45:36.940 --> 00:45:39.840
any bitches that find germs, I'm fucking done with you.
895
00:45:40.400 --> 00:45:45.489
Our problem with our society is too much hand sanitizer,
896
00:45:45.570 --> 00:45:49.829
too much sanitizing, not enough germs, not enough immune system,
897
00:45:50.329 --> 00:45:52.889
not enough rolling around in the dirt. The reason every
898
00:45:52.969 --> 00:45:56.280
kid is fat and allergic to peanuts and has asthmas
899
00:45:56.340 --> 00:45:59.159
because of bitches like you who walk around and they
900
00:45:59.219 --> 00:46:02.420
wipe everything down and then they give you, yo, do
901
00:46:02.460 --> 00:46:05.320
you know it turns out that there are more germs
902
00:46:05.400 --> 00:46:08.639
on a pay phone than there are on a toilet seat? Yeah, okay.
903
00:46:08.659 --> 00:46:09.260
There's germs.
904
00:46:09.300 --> 00:46:12.440
There's germs everywhere. Yep. There's germs everywhere. Yeah. Do you
905
00:46:12.480 --> 00:46:14.500
want to know what's in that hot dog? No, I don't.
906
00:46:14.940 --> 00:46:16.199
I want to have a beer and a fucking hot
907
00:46:16.239 --> 00:46:18.840
dog and you take your fucking haggard ass and move it.
908
00:46:19.199 --> 00:46:20.480
Because I don't give a fuck. Couldn't agree more.
909
00:46:20.519 --> 00:46:22.880
I just heard that one of the dirtiest things is
910
00:46:22.920 --> 00:46:25.719
the self-checkout screen. Someone was giving me a scare. They
911
00:46:25.739 --> 00:46:28.630
were like, oh, there's drug residue and fecal matter. And
912
00:46:28.650 --> 00:46:30.650
I'm like, what are people touching the screens with? Hunter Biden?
913
00:46:31.730 --> 00:46:34.550
Everything has everything on it. I get it. But the
914
00:46:34.630 --> 00:46:39.289
airport is a weird thing. Because the airport, you know
915
00:46:39.309 --> 00:46:42.219
how many people I see? kick their shoes off to
916
00:46:42.260 --> 00:46:44.780
go through security and they're barefoot. I don't like that.
917
00:46:44.800 --> 00:46:47.610
Like guys who roll in there with their Crocs and
918
00:46:47.630 --> 00:46:50.070
they kick on their bare... Now they're walking barefoot through
919
00:46:50.110 --> 00:46:52.989
some of the filthiest fucking carpet and flooring you've seen
920
00:46:53.030 --> 00:46:56.170
in your life. And they're walking right... And then if
921
00:46:56.190 --> 00:47:00.010
you said to that person... Would you ever get out
922
00:47:00.030 --> 00:47:04.170
of your car and just walk through that sizzler restaurant barefoot?
923
00:47:04.190 --> 00:47:07.250
They'd go, no way. No way. Okay, well, what are
924
00:47:07.269 --> 00:47:10.179
you doing? What's so sacred about the airport? And then
925
00:47:10.219 --> 00:47:12.420
you see every time I go to the airport, somebody's
926
00:47:12.500 --> 00:47:15.619
bivouacking it, man. They're on the floor. They got their
927
00:47:15.639 --> 00:47:19.000
backpack for a pillow. They got a T-shirt over their face.
928
00:47:19.039 --> 00:47:21.519
They missed their flight. And they're just sprawled out, like
929
00:47:21.679 --> 00:47:25.780
on the carpet. Like, okay, do you care about germs
930
00:47:25.860 --> 00:47:28.909
or do you not? I don't care about germs. So
931
00:47:28.949 --> 00:47:32.389
this bitch, let's watch her. So she takes her moist towelette,
932
00:47:32.929 --> 00:47:36.929
and she's going to rub it on the black plastic
933
00:47:37.010 --> 00:47:37.710
or rubber.
934
00:47:37.730 --> 00:47:39.909
She's going to have to wait to go, though, until
935
00:47:39.969 --> 00:47:40.960
it goes all the way around.
936
00:47:40.980 --> 00:47:42.699
By the way, I love that she talks to you.
937
00:47:42.760 --> 00:47:44.820
You know how you put your hands on? Yeah, it's
938
00:47:44.860 --> 00:47:48.940
called a railing, bitch. Yes, I understand that concept. She's
939
00:47:48.960 --> 00:47:49.860
going to wipe it down.
940
00:47:49.880 --> 00:47:50.739
Wait, I'll show you in a second.
941
00:47:50.880 --> 00:47:51.579
Oh, my God.
942
00:47:51.699 --> 00:47:54.719
Oh, my God. You guys, malls, airports, don't touch this stuff.
943
00:47:55.480 --> 00:47:57.639
Don't touch anything. It's got stuff on it.
944
00:47:58.139 --> 00:48:01.139
It also goes to like a mechanism that is like
945
00:48:01.199 --> 00:48:03.019
gears and there's probably oil and.
946
00:48:04.340 --> 00:48:07.760
Okay, pause it for one second. If you take a
947
00:48:07.860 --> 00:48:13.340
moist towelette and take a brand new Goodyear tire out
948
00:48:13.360 --> 00:48:16.090
of the store and rub it real hard on the sidewall,
949
00:48:16.159 --> 00:48:19.710
it'll be black when you pull the towelette away. But anyway,
950
00:48:19.730 --> 00:48:22.760
she's going to... The thing that's great about women is,
951
00:48:25.840 --> 00:48:28.400
I would just say to her, hey, do you suck cock? Yeah.
952
00:48:28.820 --> 00:48:30.039
You ever get a hot load in your mouth?
953
00:48:30.239 --> 00:48:30.400
Yeah.
954
00:48:30.800 --> 00:48:34.230
You cool with that? Yeah. Okay, then shut the fuck up,
955
00:48:34.250 --> 00:48:37.170
because I wouldn't be. I'll tell you what I'd rather do.
956
00:48:37.969 --> 00:48:40.510
I would rather touch this railing than have a rusty
957
00:48:40.550 --> 00:48:45.010
load dropped on my forehead. That's me. But that's me.
958
00:48:45.909 --> 00:48:49.860
I'm peculiar that way. All right, so she's wiping it down.
959
00:48:50.409 --> 00:48:52.230
Put my hand on there and go. I never touch these.
960
00:48:52.449 --> 00:48:53.409
Don't touch anything.
961
00:48:53.510 --> 00:48:53.949
Watch this.
962
00:48:54.010 --> 00:48:55.760
You'll see how gross they are. I don't think you
963
00:48:55.780 --> 00:48:56.820
can eat that bad, right?
964
00:48:56.940 --> 00:48:57.239
Oh, really?
965
00:48:57.280 --> 00:49:00.440
You want to know that? Oh, yeah? Let's see. She's
966
00:49:00.460 --> 00:49:04.139
been rubbing on for 20 minutes, by the way. Oh, wait. Oh,
967
00:49:04.179 --> 00:49:04.639
hold on.
968
00:49:04.679 --> 00:49:06.780
Yeah, when you ride those, you literally grab onto a
969
00:49:06.840 --> 00:49:08.400
section that is four inches wide.
970
00:49:08.460 --> 00:49:14.389
Right, right. She did 77 linear feet of railing. So
971
00:49:15.150 --> 00:49:16.570
this is not an experiment.
972
00:49:17.170 --> 00:49:17.409
What?
973
00:49:17.630 --> 00:49:24.840
Oh, snap. There's stuff on stuff. It's barely beige. It's
974
00:49:24.880 --> 00:49:27.659
barely beige. You can go to any fucking car in America,
975
00:49:27.699 --> 00:49:30.400
take that same wet nap, just wipe any seat down
976
00:49:30.420 --> 00:49:33.920
and pull it up and go, oh. And who's the cuck,
977
00:49:34.019 --> 00:49:37.579
by the way, who stands next to her? I'd be like, Sandy, yeah,
978
00:49:37.760 --> 00:49:40.909
our fucking flight's leaving. Get the fuck over here. By
979
00:49:40.929 --> 00:49:43.909
the way, if I was the maintenance man, I'd find
980
00:49:43.949 --> 00:49:46.130
this bitch and be like, hey, man, I hear there's
981
00:49:46.190 --> 00:49:48.429
scuba all over. Oh, that's good. And then I'd get
982
00:49:48.469 --> 00:49:51.510
her doing, it'd be like a Tom Sawyer thing. Paint
983
00:49:51.530 --> 00:49:53.710
the fence. That's so clever. Like, you go clean it
984
00:49:53.750 --> 00:49:55.630
with your wet nap, bitch. Set her to that mop
985
00:49:55.690 --> 00:49:57.110
as we were done with the floor. Yeah, you got
986
00:49:57.130 --> 00:49:59.269
to check the toilet seat in the men's room, too. Yeah,
987
00:49:59.329 --> 00:50:02.260
bring your wet naps. And then you'd get a raise.
988
00:50:03.059 --> 00:50:06.099
From your boss, because this place is so sparkling clean. Yeah,
989
00:50:06.159 --> 00:50:08.719
I got a bunch of dumb bitches wiping shit down.
990
00:50:08.739 --> 00:50:14.280
And then the guy's the worst, because the guy's like, oh, man. Yeah. Yeah,
991
00:50:14.380 --> 00:50:19.139
you're right. In the experiment department, if in fact you
992
00:50:19.179 --> 00:50:23.550
touched a railing, your hand takes up four linear inches
993
00:50:23.570 --> 00:50:28.510
of rail. If you dragged your hand of 700 feet
994
00:50:28.570 --> 00:50:32.219
of rail, then yeah. Yeah, who's touching it? You'd have
995
00:50:32.239 --> 00:50:35.519
to be tripping the whole time. To do the experiment correctly,
996
00:50:35.659 --> 00:50:38.659
she should put it in one spot, go to the end,
997
00:50:38.679 --> 00:50:40.679
and then lift it off, in which case there'd be
998
00:50:40.780 --> 00:50:42.079
nothing there. Absolutely.
999
00:50:42.900 --> 00:50:44.900
There was a homeless guy in Vegas a couple nights ago.
1000
00:50:44.940 --> 00:50:46.579
I was walking into a gas station, and a guy
1001
00:50:46.619 --> 00:50:50.539
walked out of the bathroom. Homeless guy. No shoes, no shirt. Just,
1002
00:50:50.559 --> 00:50:52.420
I mean, literally, I mean, he looked like he had
1003
00:50:52.460 --> 00:50:54.969
just been rolling around in the dirt. And the woman
1004
00:50:54.989 --> 00:50:55.480
behind me goes.
1005
00:50:55.510 --> 00:50:57.239
Can you believe that that guy had no shoes on?
1006
00:50:57.300 --> 00:50:58.449
I'm like, yeah, that poor floor.
1007
00:50:58.949 --> 00:51:00.510
That poor floor is so dirty now.
1008
00:51:00.570 --> 00:51:00.969
Gross.
1009
00:51:01.010 --> 00:51:02.090
That's disgusting.
1010
00:51:02.110 --> 00:51:06.150
I want to hear what the guy– I'm usually more
1011
00:51:06.269 --> 00:51:09.340
interested in the guys, the enablers.
1012
00:51:09.980 --> 00:51:10.219
Yeah.
1013
00:51:10.260 --> 00:51:10.860
You know what I mean?
1014
00:51:10.940 --> 00:51:12.420
I just had a weird thing in my– I was
1015
00:51:12.480 --> 00:51:14.039
at the Seattle airport and I was at like this
1016
00:51:14.079 --> 00:51:16.679
really steep staircase and I was holding a bag and
1017
00:51:16.719 --> 00:51:18.360
I had like a backpack on because the escalator was broken.
1018
00:51:18.719 --> 00:51:20.929
And my wife just said she goes– she's a doctor.
1019
00:51:20.949 --> 00:51:23.670
She goes, there's so much. I grabbed the handrail for balance.
1020
00:51:23.690 --> 00:51:26.130
She's like, there's so many germs and whatever. And I go,
1021
00:51:26.170 --> 00:51:28.750
but I'll bet there's less on there than in my asshole.
1022
00:51:29.650 --> 00:51:31.030
And she was like, why would you say that?
1023
00:51:31.050 --> 00:51:32.309
And I go, if I fall down these stairs, you're
1024
00:51:32.329 --> 00:51:33.769
going to have to wipe my asshole for me.
1025
00:51:34.349 --> 00:51:36.010
So I think what you meant to say was, thank
1026
00:51:36.030 --> 00:51:38.989
you for thinking of me. Not to mention the digit
1027
00:51:39.030 --> 00:51:47.099
dropping from the night before. I thought it was a callback.
1028
00:51:47.139 --> 00:51:50.659
All right, I want to hear her again. I'm more
1029
00:51:50.739 --> 00:51:56.179
interested in the guy's role. In this. Because he's an enabler.
1030
00:51:56.500 --> 00:52:01.039
I wish I could see the guy. Okay, here it is.
1031
00:52:02.760 --> 00:52:03.699
It's on these.
1032
00:52:03.820 --> 00:52:04.969
They're so dirty.
1033
00:52:05.010 --> 00:52:07.110
They have more germs than the toilet seat.
1034
00:52:07.150 --> 00:52:07.789
Yeah.
1035
00:52:07.809 --> 00:52:09.010
I'll show you. Just watch.
1036
00:52:09.389 --> 00:52:10.019
If you can see it.
1037
00:52:10.030 --> 00:52:13.530
Look, you can see it through there. Okay, just wait.
1038
00:52:13.570 --> 00:52:15.269
I'll show you in a second.
1039
00:52:15.429 --> 00:52:15.949
This is.
1040
00:52:16.579 --> 00:52:19.309
You guys, malls, airports don't touch this stuff.
1041
00:52:19.369 --> 00:52:20.210
It's so gross.
1042
00:52:20.289 --> 00:52:23.650
And this is just a baby wipe. Imagine your hands. Yeah.
1043
00:52:23.710 --> 00:52:24.750
I never thought about that.
1044
00:52:24.809 --> 00:52:25.829
I always touch these, too.
1045
00:52:25.849 --> 00:52:26.230
Oh, wait, here.
1046
00:52:26.250 --> 00:52:27.389
You touch these?
1047
00:52:27.429 --> 00:52:29.849
Hold on. This guy's like one of the guys from
1048
00:52:29.869 --> 00:52:33.090
the infomercial, you know, where they go, you know when
1049
00:52:33.110 --> 00:52:36.219
you make spaghetti, Tim, and then you got to strain it,
1050
00:52:36.260 --> 00:52:38.440
but you can't get it out of the pot. It's
1051
00:52:38.480 --> 00:52:41.980
the worst. It's the worst. Well, now we have the
1052
00:52:42.039 --> 00:52:45.280
super micro sieve. You're kidding me. That's the spaghetti colander
1053
00:52:45.400 --> 00:52:47.920
built into the pot where you boil the spaghetti. I've
1054
00:52:47.960 --> 00:52:50.900
always needed that. I always like when the ham do stuff.
1055
00:52:50.940 --> 00:52:53.170
They go, Tim, why don't you go ahead and take
1056
00:52:53.210 --> 00:52:56.429
that pot of pasta and strain it? Do I have to?
1057
00:52:56.469 --> 00:52:59.750
Do I really have to? There's got to be a
1058
00:52:59.809 --> 00:53:01.429
better way. There is now.
1059
00:53:02.889 --> 00:53:04.090
One of my favorite videos of all time is that
1060
00:53:04.159 --> 00:53:06.130
one where the guy does the ladder, the infomercial for
1061
00:53:06.150 --> 00:53:06.530
the ladder.
1062
00:53:06.730 --> 00:53:06.949
Yeah.
1063
00:53:07.030 --> 00:53:08.590
And they show it and he falls off. It breaks
1064
00:53:08.949 --> 00:53:12.030
right in the middle of it. Oh, sure. That's great.
1065
00:53:12.150 --> 00:53:15.809
She says, and this is just a baby wipe. Imagine
1066
00:53:15.869 --> 00:53:18.650
if it was your hand. Oh, my hand is not
1067
00:53:18.769 --> 00:53:21.769
made out of moist cloth.
1068
00:53:22.369 --> 00:53:25.969
I agree. And also, this is why I could never
1069
00:53:26.030 --> 00:53:28.250
do this, because I'd be like, look, you want to
1070
00:53:28.269 --> 00:53:31.489
do this experiment right? Set the, here's what we're going
1071
00:53:31.510 --> 00:53:34.369
to do. Put your hand down on one four inch
1072
00:53:34.550 --> 00:53:36.469
square of this, go to the other end, then take
1073
00:53:36.510 --> 00:53:38.929
the baby wipe and wipe your hand. And whatever comes
1074
00:53:38.989 --> 00:53:42.230
off your hand, that'll work for this experiment. You wiping
1075
00:53:42.269 --> 00:53:45.610
the entire system down is not working. You know what
1076
00:53:45.630 --> 00:53:45.969
I would do?
1077
00:53:45.989 --> 00:53:47.349
I would do exactly that. I would go put it
1078
00:53:47.389 --> 00:53:48.690
on four. And when she went to the other side,
1079
00:53:48.989 --> 00:53:50.710
when she came back, I would have left forever.
1080
00:53:51.670 --> 00:53:53.050
I'd be gone. That's right.
1081
00:53:53.070 --> 00:53:53.230
Yeah.
1082
00:53:55.179 --> 00:53:57.119
I want to hear this guy one more time. I mean,
1083
00:53:57.480 --> 00:53:59.519
I never thought about it. I just put my hand
1084
00:53:59.579 --> 00:54:00.099
on there and go.
1085
00:54:00.119 --> 00:54:02.570
I never touched these. And I was like, watch. Watch this.
1086
00:54:02.590 --> 00:54:04.630
You'll see how gross. I don't think it can be
1087
00:54:04.690 --> 00:54:05.829
that bad, right?
1088
00:54:05.889 --> 00:54:08.730
Oh, really? You want to bet? No.
1089
00:54:08.909 --> 00:54:10.030
Okay.
1090
00:54:10.130 --> 00:54:13.250
Get ready. What a sip. Wait. Oh, hold on. Wait,
1091
00:54:13.289 --> 00:54:17.599
someone else go. I'd be like, I'd be like, hey, bitch.
1092
00:54:18.159 --> 00:54:19.900
Remember that time in Phoenix when we missed our flight
1093
00:54:19.920 --> 00:54:23.059
because you were wiping everything down? Remember that one? Remember
1094
00:54:23.079 --> 00:54:25.199
that one? We missed our connection in Houston because you
1095
00:54:25.219 --> 00:54:27.760
were fucking wiping down everything in the fucking airport? Put
1096
00:54:28.199 --> 00:54:30.400
your fucking baby laps back. Let's go get on this
1097
00:54:30.420 --> 00:54:32.340
fucking plane and hopefully they got some free booze.
1098
00:54:35.110 --> 00:54:36.489
Ew, I just felt like dirt.
1099
00:54:36.590 --> 00:54:37.840
Oh, I saw dirt.
1100
00:54:38.139 --> 00:54:38.980
Oh, my God.
1101
00:54:39.059 --> 00:54:39.320
I saw dirt.
1102
00:54:39.400 --> 00:54:39.860
Are you ready?
1103
00:54:40.079 --> 00:54:41.579
Are you ready to see it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1104
00:54:42.659 --> 00:54:44.739
Oh, my God. It's a different color.
1105
00:54:44.880 --> 00:54:45.480
It's tan.
1106
00:54:45.539 --> 00:54:48.070
This is why you don't touch these. No. I don't
1107
00:54:48.090 --> 00:54:50.329
think it's that bad. I don't think it's that bad.
1108
00:54:50.349 --> 00:54:51.050
Yeah.
1109
00:54:51.090 --> 00:54:53.449
If I was in charge... I can pause. If I
1110
00:54:53.489 --> 00:54:56.150
was in charge of that stretch of people mover at
1111
00:54:56.190 --> 00:54:58.860
that airport... I'd be pretty happy with that outcome. You
1112
00:54:58.880 --> 00:54:59.440
feel good about it.
1113
00:54:59.429 --> 00:54:59.570
Yeah.
1114
00:54:59.679 --> 00:54:59.840
Yeah.
1115
00:54:59.860 --> 00:55:00.300
That's good.
1116
00:55:00.340 --> 00:55:01.340
I'll take that.
1117
00:55:01.440 --> 00:55:04.139
Yeah, this feels like a fifth grader science experiment. Like,
1118
00:55:04.179 --> 00:55:05.760
this is what you do when you have nothing.
1119
00:55:06.199 --> 00:55:10.539
Yeah. And I don't know why, but for some reason,
1120
00:55:11.719 --> 00:55:15.559
I look at these videos on the internet. It's like that.
1121
00:55:16.690 --> 00:55:19.809
a week ago when the woman discovered the swastika made
1122
00:55:19.889 --> 00:55:22.829
out of tile in her basement. And I was like,
1123
00:55:23.369 --> 00:55:25.530
I look at these videos that are supposed to make
1124
00:55:25.590 --> 00:55:29.059
me feel a certain way about a certain thing. And
1125
00:55:29.219 --> 00:55:32.059
instead I get angry at the women, which is probably
1126
00:55:32.119 --> 00:55:34.900
something for me to sort out, you know, with a therapist.
1127
00:55:35.619 --> 00:55:39.000
The women are going... You're supposed to be angry about
1128
00:55:39.039 --> 00:55:41.860
the previous homeowner with the swastika or you're supposed to
1129
00:55:41.900 --> 00:55:44.840
be angry at the airport maintenance crew. But I'm watching
1130
00:55:44.860 --> 00:55:47.570
your video and I'm angry at you for doing this.
1131
00:55:47.590 --> 00:55:49.639
I don't know what that is about me.
1132
00:55:49.739 --> 00:55:51.730
I got angry at the person that made it a
1133
00:55:51.789 --> 00:55:54.510
story that made it a new story because it seems
1134
00:55:54.530 --> 00:55:59.010
like you would just. tile over it? Why put that
1135
00:55:59.110 --> 00:56:02.949
out if you don't want to create outrage? Yes, I'm good.
1136
00:56:02.969 --> 00:56:05.449
I'm glad we're all on the same page with that.
1137
00:56:05.489 --> 00:56:08.360
Yeah, they're on the tile. I went to Hibbing High School.
1138
00:56:08.400 --> 00:56:10.219
If you look it up, Hibbing High School is a
1139
00:56:10.760 --> 00:56:14.019
national landmark. It's an absolutely beautiful, stunning high school. And
1140
00:56:14.119 --> 00:56:16.960
on the tile, there's small swastikas. And they were put
1141
00:56:17.000 --> 00:56:18.940
there in like the 1930s when it had a different
1142
00:56:18.960 --> 00:56:21.559
meaning before the Nazis. And everybody says that it's like,
1143
00:56:21.579 --> 00:56:23.590
I don't know, six, seven years ago. We got to
1144
00:56:23.630 --> 00:56:26.090
tear these up. And Hibbing High School is like, pound sand.
1145
00:56:26.590 --> 00:56:28.489
We're not tearing. We ain't doing that. That's insane.
1146
00:56:28.510 --> 00:56:30.170
Like this was built during a time when that didn't
1147
00:56:30.210 --> 00:56:31.630
mean what it meant. So, no, we're not going to
1148
00:56:31.670 --> 00:56:31.980
touch it.
1149
00:56:32.769 --> 00:56:33.150
I agree.
1150
00:56:34.130 --> 00:56:34.489
All right.
1151
00:56:35.090 --> 00:56:39.800
We should take a little break. Rudy's got news. And
1152
00:56:39.820 --> 00:56:41.800
we'll do that right after this.
1153
00:56:51.010 --> 00:56:52.230
This one guy came up to me after the show,
1154
00:56:52.250 --> 00:56:54.090
and he was like, hey, comedy guy. And I was like,
1155
00:56:54.219 --> 00:56:56.780
what's up, man? And he goes, what in the heck's
1156
00:56:56.840 --> 00:56:58.960
a studio apartment? And so I explained to him what
1157
00:56:58.980 --> 00:56:59.219
it was.
1158
00:56:59.260 --> 00:57:00.059
He'd never heard of it.
1159
00:57:00.460 --> 00:57:02.360
And he goes, do you realize for that much money
1160
00:57:02.400 --> 00:57:05.539
that you spent, you could get in this town like
1161
00:57:05.599 --> 00:57:09.829
a 10-bedroom house on about 20 acres of land? And
1162
00:57:09.849 --> 00:57:11.670
I was like, I know, man, but the only problem
1163
00:57:11.710 --> 00:57:12.710
is out the front.
1164
00:57:12.550 --> 00:57:14.670
Door, you got to live here.
1165
00:57:17.750 --> 00:57:20.050
Jamie Lissow is on The Adam Carolla Show.
1166
00:57:20.719 --> 00:57:23.500
You're not still in Alaska, are you? Actually, I'm still
1167
00:57:23.519 --> 00:57:25.510
in Alaska. Oh, you are? So the kids are up there.
1168
00:57:26.119 --> 00:57:26.650
I go up there.
1169
00:57:26.670 --> 00:57:29.349
I get them about a week a month. And so
1170
00:57:29.429 --> 00:57:31.090
I go up there and hang out with them. But
1171
00:57:31.110 --> 00:57:32.329
they're getting to the age where they can visit me
1172
00:57:32.369 --> 00:57:33.230
a little bit more on the road.
1173
00:57:33.250 --> 00:57:36.590
So it's getting easier. How old are your kids now?
1174
00:57:36.750 --> 00:57:41.969
They're 10, 14, and 16. Yeah, there is a thing
1175
00:57:42.699 --> 00:57:48.000
which is interesting because I just had this conversation with
1176
00:57:48.059 --> 00:57:56.860
my daughter recently. today, earlier today, who's 19, who spent
1177
00:57:57.519 --> 00:58:01.760
most of her life kind of going, Dad, Dad, come on,
1178
00:58:01.780 --> 00:58:04.260
you know, leave me alone, you know, kind of dad stuff.
1179
00:58:05.360 --> 00:58:11.170
And not interested in any, you know, showbiz or, you know, any,
1180
00:58:11.429 --> 00:58:15.909
any form of any of that. And so like, recently,
1181
00:58:17.409 --> 00:58:20.690
she's been like kind of saying stuff like, Oh, I was, uh,
1182
00:58:21.710 --> 00:58:24.590
do you know this comedian or that comedian? And I go, yeah, yeah.
1183
00:58:24.630 --> 00:58:27.090
There's some, we and him are up on stage in
1184
00:58:27.130 --> 00:58:29.599
New York. You can, you can, you, Oh, you know,
1185
00:58:29.679 --> 00:58:32.480
Shane Gillis. Yeah. We're, we did a thing in New York.
1186
00:58:32.500 --> 00:58:33.860
I think it's on that. I think it was a
1187
00:58:33.880 --> 00:58:36.000
podcast and you can listen to it if you want.
1188
00:58:36.780 --> 00:58:41.340
And all of a sudden she's like writing me texts like, Oh, Hey,
1189
00:58:41.380 --> 00:58:45.059
I was listening to you with the Joe Rogan, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
1190
00:58:45.900 --> 00:58:48.800
And I was like, oh, she's kind of become an
1191
00:58:48.840 --> 00:58:50.980
adult now. It's kind of waking up a little bit.
1192
00:58:51.059 --> 00:58:54.179
And then she said to me just a few hours ago,
1193
00:58:54.260 --> 00:58:59.840
she goes, I was with my roommate and she said
1194
00:58:59.889 --> 00:59:01.550
something like, you know, what's your dad do or something?
1195
00:59:01.570 --> 00:59:03.849
Does your dad do any movies or something like that?
1196
00:59:03.869 --> 00:59:07.130
And then my daughter said, yeah, my dad made a
1197
00:59:07.150 --> 00:59:10.179
few movies. And then she said, well, why don't we
1198
00:59:10.239 --> 00:59:13.500
watch one? And so me and my friends, we all
1199
00:59:13.539 --> 00:59:15.739
watched The Hammer last night. We loved it. And I
1200
00:59:15.739 --> 00:59:18.800
was like, ah, it's so nice. And, you know, I
1201
00:59:18.860 --> 00:59:23.639
told her, well. Yeah, I got a whole, I got books,
1202
00:59:23.679 --> 00:59:25.920
I got docs, I got season one of this show
1203
00:59:25.980 --> 00:59:27.780
and season one of that show. But you got a
1204
00:59:27.800 --> 00:59:29.099
lot of catching up to do if you want to
1205
00:59:29.139 --> 00:59:32.760
see your pops. But it's nice. It's nice that you
1206
00:59:32.780 --> 00:59:34.840
sort of woke up and you're kind of into it.
1207
00:59:34.909 --> 00:59:38.849
And it's always surprising to me because my kids were
1208
00:59:38.909 --> 00:59:41.250
always just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, come on.
1209
00:59:41.469 --> 00:59:43.610
It's very cool. I love that. Was the hammer where
1210
00:59:43.630 --> 00:59:45.230
you did the jump rope thing? Yeah.
1211
00:59:45.250 --> 00:59:46.750
That is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.
1212
00:59:47.409 --> 00:59:49.780
The jumper where you have your earbuds on. And you
1213
00:59:49.820 --> 00:59:50.400
can't hear the.
1214
00:59:50.760 --> 00:59:54.099
Yeah, it was a scene that I wrote that I
1215
00:59:54.280 --> 00:59:56.840
kind of figured out that it took a lot of
1216
00:59:56.920 --> 00:59:59.320
kind of editing. You had to do it. It was
1217
00:59:59.340 --> 01:00:02.099
so funny. I remember being in the edit bay, like going, no,
1218
01:00:02.119 --> 01:00:04.889
you can't just play music through it. You have to
1219
01:00:04.949 --> 01:00:09.070
have my music when I'm through my POV. And then
1220
01:00:09.110 --> 01:00:12.250
when she's there, you can't hear anything. Right. You just
1221
01:00:12.269 --> 01:00:17.869
hear me mugging along with the music. Yeah, yeah. Remember, like,
1222
01:00:17.909 --> 01:00:20.280
so yeah, there's a lot of that. Kind of stuff
1223
01:00:20.300 --> 01:00:21.860
when you make a movie where you kind of have
1224
01:00:21.880 --> 01:00:22.820
to figure it out.
1225
01:00:22.929 --> 01:00:24.829
It's funny too with kids. I felt the same with
1226
01:00:24.889 --> 01:00:26.789
my son where I didn't feel like he cared about
1227
01:00:26.949 --> 01:00:28.750
much of the stuff I'm doing. And one of the
1228
01:00:28.789 --> 01:00:31.949
big ones was, he goes, you know Theo Vaughn? It's
1229
01:00:31.989 --> 01:00:34.829
cool when you see your friends sort of become famous.
1230
01:00:34.869 --> 01:00:37.929
And I go, not only do I know Theo Vaughn,
1231
01:00:37.949 --> 01:00:40.269
I'm like, Theo Vaughn held you when you were a baby.
1232
01:00:40.329 --> 01:00:42.150
He came over to my house and whatever.
1233
01:00:42.190 --> 01:00:44.179
And so I messaged Theo and I go, dude, my
1234
01:00:44.219 --> 01:00:46.699
son loves you if you get a second. And Theo
1235
01:00:46.719 --> 01:00:50.070
left the coolest message about And he was hilarious. So
1236
01:00:50.090 --> 01:00:51.349
he was like, dude, back then, you know, he's like,
1237
01:00:51.369 --> 01:00:53.409
you were not contributing at all to the family.
1238
01:00:53.489 --> 01:00:55.570
And he's like, I have... But like that little thing
1239
01:00:55.610 --> 01:00:58.769
got me so much cred. Yeah, I think they have
1240
01:00:58.829 --> 01:01:01.619
to go in through the back door. They have to
1241
01:01:01.659 --> 01:01:04.739
find somebody and they go, you know this guy? Yeah.
1242
01:01:04.840 --> 01:01:06.659
And they go, I know that guy. I've been on
1243
01:01:06.699 --> 01:01:09.820
a show. He's been on my show, whatever. And they go, oh.
1244
01:01:09.960 --> 01:01:12.329
And then all of a sudden it becomes... You become
1245
01:01:12.369 --> 01:01:18.139
de facto cool because you know Theo Vaughn. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah,
1246
01:01:18.880 --> 01:01:21.239
it's just, it was a weird coinkydink. But, yeah, your
1247
01:01:21.460 --> 01:01:24.400
kids get older and they can kind of appreciate things
1248
01:01:24.460 --> 01:01:30.610
and they wake up a little. And the good, I mean,
1249
01:01:30.650 --> 01:01:32.949
I guess the good news is, you know, I just
1250
01:01:32.989 --> 01:01:34.730
told my daughter, I go, look, you know, when I
1251
01:01:34.789 --> 01:01:39.070
was doing this stuff, you were crazy. four or two
1252
01:01:39.130 --> 01:01:42.530
or not born or whatever, but now you're an adult
1253
01:01:42.739 --> 01:01:45.510
and it's all there. If you want to enjoy it,
1254
01:01:45.760 --> 01:01:47.400
you couldn't, you couldn't do it when you were nine,
1255
01:01:47.440 --> 01:01:49.159
but you can, you can do it now if you like.
1256
01:01:49.300 --> 01:01:51.300
Do you think it's like, I feel like for some
1257
01:01:51.340 --> 01:01:54.420
part of it, as the kids are little, you're just dad, right?
1258
01:01:54.440 --> 01:01:56.239
You're doing all like the dad stuff. And maybe as
1259
01:01:56.260 --> 01:01:58.539
they get older, then they can sort of appreciate your
1260
01:01:58.579 --> 01:02:01.400
career as they get older. I'm not, I like little kids.
1261
01:02:01.800 --> 01:02:02.840
I kind of want them to get old. You know,
1262
01:02:02.860 --> 01:02:04.500
people go like, oh, it goes by so fast and
1263
01:02:04.820 --> 01:02:06.659
they're only little for so long. I like it so
1264
01:02:06.699 --> 01:02:09.679
much better when they're older. I feel like that's just
1265
01:02:09.719 --> 01:02:12.239
as important of a relationship as the relationship you have
1266
01:02:12.280 --> 01:02:12.900
when they're little.
1267
01:02:12.960 --> 01:02:16.710
You can talk about real subjects. You can explore spirituality.
1268
01:02:16.730 --> 01:02:18.530
You can have sex with their friends. I mean, it's
1269
01:02:18.710 --> 01:02:23.030
all there, you know, once they're older. You know what
1270
01:02:23.050 --> 01:02:26.190
I'm saying? Absolutely. Yeah, not in that order, obviously, but
1271
01:02:26.210 --> 01:02:29.679
they're adults now. Well, that gives me hope. I can't wait.
1272
01:02:29.699 --> 01:02:30.400
Absolutely.
1273
01:02:30.599 --> 01:02:32.340
It's months away for you. I know, right?
1274
01:02:32.360 --> 01:02:34.519
You had such a nice conversation with your daughter on
1275
01:02:34.559 --> 01:02:36.079
speakerphone one day, and you were like, well, I was
1276
01:02:36.099 --> 01:02:37.739
just calling to say hi, and I love you.
1277
01:02:37.780 --> 01:02:39.760
And she goes, oh, Dad, thank you so much. And
1278
01:02:39.780 --> 01:02:41.059
then you got off the phone, and I was like,
1279
01:02:41.119 --> 01:02:43.420
I'll never have that conversation with my daughter. And you said,
1280
01:02:43.480 --> 01:02:45.969
give it time. When they're in their 20s or like
1281
01:02:45.989 --> 01:02:48.130
their early teens, late teens is when it happens. All
1282
01:02:48.150 --> 01:02:48.420
sort of.
1283
01:02:48.449 --> 01:02:51.989
Yes, it does. She she became a very different person
1284
01:02:52.010 --> 01:02:54.500
a little later in life. Yeah. All right.
1285
01:02:54.619 --> 01:02:58.079
News. Let's do it. Kamala Harris on Biden in first
1286
01:02:58.239 --> 01:03:02.030
excerpt from the new memoir. It was recklessness. Her new
1287
01:03:02.050 --> 01:03:05.429
book says that Biden's team undermined her. as vice president
1288
01:03:05.809 --> 01:03:09.909
in the new book that's coming out. It was 107 days.
1289
01:03:10.250 --> 01:03:13.409
She talks about the attacks Biden and his team had
1290
01:03:13.449 --> 01:03:16.199
against not only her, but also against Donald Trump. She
1291
01:03:16.239 --> 01:03:18.840
says that when it comes to the prospect of Biden
1292
01:03:18.900 --> 01:03:21.719
running again, whenever she brought it up, the standard response
1293
01:03:21.760 --> 01:03:24.960
in the White House was always, it's Joe and Jill's decision.
1294
01:03:25.219 --> 01:03:27.719
It was kind of a mantra. It had us all hypnotized.
1295
01:03:28.000 --> 01:03:31.300
Was it grace or was it recklessness? In retrospect, I
1296
01:03:31.380 --> 01:03:32.400
think it was recklessness.
1297
01:03:33.320 --> 01:03:35.380
Well, you know, it's funny. I was watching the news
1298
01:03:35.420 --> 01:03:37.300
and I had a clip and they go like, finally,
1299
01:03:37.349 --> 01:03:40.289
we get to hear what Kamala thinks and saw and heard,
1300
01:03:40.309 --> 01:03:43.800
you know, finally her voice. And I'm like, is it?
1301
01:03:43.809 --> 01:03:44.369
Yeah.
1302
01:03:44.449 --> 01:03:47.820
I have no reason to believe that someone else did
1303
01:03:47.860 --> 01:03:50.280
just write this or she go. I mean, she obviously
1304
01:03:50.300 --> 01:03:55.710
wrote it, but. I believe so little of what she
1305
01:03:55.889 --> 01:03:59.010
says that even when she writes a book, I go,
1306
01:03:59.030 --> 01:04:01.269
I don't know. Did she say that? I don't know.
1307
01:04:01.289 --> 01:04:03.510
Does she work at McDonald's? I don't know.
1308
01:04:03.630 --> 01:04:06.130
I would listen to the audio book if she drank
1309
01:04:06.170 --> 01:04:09.110
the whole time. Yeah.
1310
01:04:09.309 --> 01:04:11.730
I would listen to shit out of that. I like that.
1311
01:04:11.769 --> 01:04:13.820
But you're right. All of it is so put through
1312
01:04:13.860 --> 01:04:18.139
a processor. Everything she says. Yeah. Do you know Biden's
1313
01:04:18.159 --> 01:04:21.070
the only guy to have an autobiography that was ghostwritten? Really?
1314
01:04:21.090 --> 01:04:24.110
I'm just kidding.
1315
01:04:24.130 --> 01:04:26.250
Somebody sent me the other day, a liberal friend of mine.
1316
01:04:26.289 --> 01:04:29.230
It was basically a meme that just said Democratic Party
1317
01:04:29.909 --> 01:04:34.019
expresses interest in a Harris AOC 2028 ticket. And I
1318
01:04:34.139 --> 01:04:35.280
was like, that's never going to happen.
1319
01:04:35.440 --> 01:04:36.699
Oh, I thought you meant a fight at first.
1320
01:04:36.920 --> 01:04:39.760
Wouldn't that be amazing? Sponsored by Don King. That would
1321
01:04:39.780 --> 01:04:42.280
be so amazing. But I was like, first off, there's
1322
01:04:42.320 --> 01:04:44.599
no way because I'm looking at the stuff that Gavin
1323
01:04:44.619 --> 01:04:47.280
Newsom is doing. And that is the route that obviously
1324
01:04:47.300 --> 01:04:49.510
they're going to start taking is He's trying to go
1325
01:04:49.550 --> 01:04:51.429
more down on what they think Trump's level is.
1326
01:04:51.929 --> 01:04:56.090
Yeah. He's doing Trump stuff. He's trying to troll. Also,
1327
01:04:56.329 --> 01:04:59.750
they all have to tack back toward the middle. And
1328
01:04:59.809 --> 01:05:02.989
it's kind of a weird thing where you go, well,
1329
01:05:03.010 --> 01:05:05.889
what happened to all your crazy ideas that nobody liked?
1330
01:05:05.969 --> 01:05:08.530
And it's like, well, I was 59 and a half.
1331
01:05:08.610 --> 01:05:09.909
I was a young man, you know, full of foolish dreams.
1332
01:05:09.929 --> 01:05:11.860
I didn't know what I was thinking back then. I
1333
01:05:11.860 --> 01:05:15.539
didn't know what I was thinking back then. barely 41
1334
01:05:15.539 --> 01:05:20.619
years out of college, you know, sleeping on a futon. Like, yeah.
1335
01:05:20.739 --> 01:05:22.260
What about all the shit you said when you were
1336
01:05:22.280 --> 01:05:25.599
in your forties and fifties? Like, nah, nah, nah, I'm moving.
1337
01:05:25.880 --> 01:05:29.239
I'm going this way now. And I'm like, I don't
1338
01:05:29.280 --> 01:05:32.420
know if I believe you, but why should I believe you?
1339
01:05:32.460 --> 01:05:34.820
If the other guy never was saying that shit, then
1340
01:05:34.840 --> 01:05:37.719
why don't we just go with, with him? Like I've
1341
01:05:37.760 --> 01:05:42.699
basically said, look, it's like you go, look, um, who's
1342
01:05:42.719 --> 01:05:45.449
going to watch your, Who's going to watch your young
1343
01:05:45.530 --> 01:05:47.909
twins when you go out to dinner and a movie?
1344
01:05:48.230 --> 01:05:53.110
You go, well, there's Jamie over here, and then there's Rudy. Now,
1345
01:05:53.349 --> 01:05:58.360
Rudy used to be a pedophile, but he says no more.
1346
01:05:58.659 --> 01:06:00.699
I'm very clean. He says he's clean.
1347
01:06:00.760 --> 01:06:02.880
Ever since Chris Hansen and I hung out here.
1348
01:06:02.920 --> 01:06:06.300
Jamie's never been a pedophile. And then someone's going, well,
1349
01:06:06.340 --> 01:06:08.360
why don't we go with Rudy? Because he says he's
1350
01:06:08.420 --> 01:06:10.139
not a pedophile anymore. And I go, how about we
1351
01:06:10.179 --> 01:06:12.059
just go with the guy who was never a pedophile? Like,
1352
01:06:12.099 --> 01:06:12.510
he never.
1353
01:06:14.309 --> 01:06:17.110
This person says they wanted to end fracking, and then
1354
01:06:17.130 --> 01:06:19.409
you go, but we want fracking. Yeah, no, she says
1355
01:06:19.469 --> 01:06:21.679
she changed her mind. Like, okay, she changed her mind
1356
01:06:21.719 --> 01:06:23.679
about a bunch of shit that we don't want, but
1357
01:06:24.380 --> 01:06:26.500
maybe she didn't. Yeah. But why don't we just go
1358
01:06:26.519 --> 01:06:27.960
with the person that never said that?
1359
01:06:28.159 --> 01:06:30.480
Are you telling me I bought all this candy for nothing, Ace?
1360
01:06:30.780 --> 01:06:32.429
Son of a bitch.
1361
01:06:32.469 --> 01:06:33.789
I just want to thank you for making me that
1362
01:06:33.849 --> 01:06:37.170
half of the analogy. I had a choice. That's right.
1363
01:06:39.780 --> 01:06:42.590
Whoopi Goldberg says that she is too poor to retire
1364
01:06:42.630 --> 01:06:45.630
from The View because she did not marry well. Apparently,
1365
01:06:45.969 --> 01:06:47.670
she has a net worth of $ 60 million with an
1366
01:06:47.909 --> 01:06:50.309
annual salary of $ 80 million, but saying.
1367
01:06:50.070 --> 01:06:52.269
That that is— Wait, wait, an annual salary of what?
1368
01:06:52.309 --> 01:06:55.030
I'm sorry, did I say $ 80? Sorry, an annual salary
1369
01:06:55.170 --> 01:07:00.039
of $ 8 million. Sorry about that. Yeah, the 69-year-old comedian, which,
1370
01:07:00.079 --> 01:07:01.539
by the way, should we call her a comedian?
1371
01:07:01.559 --> 01:07:02.760
No! No!
1372
01:07:03.719 --> 01:07:05.179
I was thinking about it on the way in today
1373
01:07:05.219 --> 01:07:07.559
because somebody brought her up to me. We do not
1374
01:07:07.659 --> 01:07:11.000
hold in reverence any Whoopi Goldberg special. Even the times
1375
01:07:11.019 --> 01:07:13.500
that she did, what was it with Billy Crystal? What
1376
01:07:13.519 --> 01:07:16.019
was the thing that she always, Comic Relief, whatever it was.
1377
01:07:16.059 --> 01:07:16.820
Yeah, Comic Relief.
1378
01:07:16.980 --> 01:07:18.840
No one gives a shit about any of that stuff.
1379
01:07:18.920 --> 01:07:20.539
All the comedies that she did in the 80s and
1380
01:07:20.599 --> 01:07:24.159
early 90s were absolute trash. Nobody watches those movies. We
1381
01:07:24.199 --> 01:07:25.340
can't call her a comedian anymore.
1382
01:07:25.360 --> 01:07:27.800
Hold on, hold on. Have you seen Jumping Jack Flash?
1383
01:07:28.119 --> 01:07:29.400
Many, well, first off.
1384
01:07:29.519 --> 01:07:30.519
Or Burglar. Yeah.
1385
01:07:31.239 --> 01:07:31.900
Okay. Okay.
1386
01:07:33.300 --> 01:07:36.050
I always like when people say this, like you're talking
1387
01:07:36.070 --> 01:07:40.510
to some plumber, some housewife, and you go, $ 80 million
1388
01:07:40.550 --> 01:07:43.309
a year for the year. Oh, I should take that job.
1389
01:07:46.110 --> 01:07:47.659
I don't know if that's going to work. You'd have
1390
01:07:47.699 --> 01:07:50.039
to take your tool bags off and everything. You got
1391
01:07:50.099 --> 01:07:53.179
to drive your van to New York and go get
1392
01:07:53.219 --> 01:07:58.699
that job. I like when people do that. But- First off,
1393
01:07:59.179 --> 01:08:02.920
she is sort of the opposite of funny. There are
1394
01:08:03.079 --> 01:08:07.510
people that aren't comedians, but they're still kind of clever.
1395
01:08:07.610 --> 01:08:10.889
They're still kind of interesting. They're kind of funny. Jesse
1396
01:08:10.949 --> 01:08:13.730
Waters is not a comedian, but he's funny on his
1397
01:08:13.750 --> 01:08:15.650
show and can be funny on The Five or whatever.
1398
01:08:16.210 --> 01:08:20.750
She doesn't attempt to do comedy. Number one, I don't
1399
01:08:20.789 --> 01:08:22.850
know when the last time she was funny. And you're right.
1400
01:08:22.890 --> 01:08:24.670
I don't know if she was ever fucking funny. So
1401
01:08:24.710 --> 01:08:27.710
it's a weird mantle to have. Yeah, I don't like
1402
01:08:27.729 --> 01:08:28.390
that haircut.
1403
01:08:28.909 --> 01:08:30.479
I don't know if she still has it, but it
1404
01:08:30.500 --> 01:08:32.079
looks like she was getting a haircut and then the
1405
01:08:32.140 --> 01:08:32.760
power went out.
1406
01:08:33.720 --> 01:08:36.159
Have you seen that haircut? It's still worse than the
1407
01:08:36.239 --> 01:08:41.420
power surge guy. That's the worst. Can I ask you
1408
01:08:41.439 --> 01:08:41.779
a question?
1409
01:08:41.800 --> 01:08:44.850
So I think it's interesting when people make what is
1410
01:08:45.189 --> 01:08:46.890
objectively like a ton of money and then they have
1411
01:08:46.930 --> 01:08:49.789
financial problems. Do you have, Adam, as literally a millionaire,
1412
01:08:50.250 --> 01:08:52.069
did you feel like you had a good grasp because
1413
01:08:52.109 --> 01:08:53.550
you grew up the way you grew up of not
1414
01:08:54.369 --> 01:08:57.359
outliving your means? Do you still have this mindset of like,
1415
01:08:58.020 --> 01:09:00.739
I can't... Because it sounds like this is some bad...
1416
01:09:01.000 --> 01:09:02.600
She's making a lot of money.
1417
01:09:02.420 --> 01:09:04.979
To say she can't retire. How does that happen?
1418
01:09:05.060 --> 01:09:07.079
Is it overspending or bad.
1419
01:09:07.600 --> 01:09:09.500
How does this happen? I can't wrap my head around it.
1420
01:09:09.779 --> 01:09:14.100
You basically... It depends. A lot of it has to
1421
01:09:14.149 --> 01:09:15.970
do with your partner. I mean, if you got screwed
1422
01:09:15.989 --> 01:09:17.869
in a divorce or you have a partner that just
1423
01:09:17.909 --> 01:09:20.949
spends and doesn't think about it, whatever. I had that.
1424
01:09:21.069 --> 01:09:24.289
So that doesn't help at all. There's partners that are
1425
01:09:24.609 --> 01:09:27.930
successful lawyers and business savvy and do all that. That's
1426
01:09:27.970 --> 01:09:33.159
a different direction. I think you end up. I think
1427
01:09:33.199 --> 01:09:35.760
what happens to a lot of people is you end
1428
01:09:35.880 --> 01:09:38.979
up sort of spending the amount that you make. Right.
1429
01:09:39.470 --> 01:09:43.229
And that's where people get into trouble. You just... You go,
1430
01:09:43.329 --> 01:09:46.310
how do you spend $ 5 million a year? It's like, well,
1431
01:09:46.670 --> 01:09:49.449
at some point, you made $ 100, 000 a year, and that's
1432
01:09:49.489 --> 01:09:53.029
how much you spent. And at some point earlier than that,
1433
01:09:53.069 --> 01:09:55.409
you made $ 19, 000 a year, and that's how much you spent.
1434
01:09:55.850 --> 01:09:59.510
There's a way of spending as much as you make.
1435
01:09:59.609 --> 01:10:02.829
And then... You get to Whoopi and you go, where's
1436
01:10:02.930 --> 01:10:05.760
all the money? And she's like, I can't stop working.
1437
01:10:05.859 --> 01:10:08.260
I spend as much as I make. But what was
1438
01:10:08.279 --> 01:10:10.760
her husband's situation?
1439
01:10:10.920 --> 01:10:12.699
She was talking about she didn't marry well and that
1440
01:10:12.739 --> 01:10:15.699
she still considers herself to be working class.
1441
01:10:15.720 --> 01:10:16.880
One of the things she talks about is.
1442
01:10:18.079 --> 01:10:20.600
Yeah. She considers herself working class. Yeah, she goes, I.
1443
01:10:20.579 --> 01:10:22.590
Appreciate that people are having a hard time.
1444
01:10:22.600 --> 01:10:23.359
Me too.
1445
01:10:23.590 --> 01:10:25.250
I work for a living. If I had all the
1446
01:10:25.289 --> 01:10:27.310
money in the world, I would still be here, okay?
1447
01:10:27.569 --> 01:10:29.850
So I'm a working person. My kid has to feed
1448
01:10:29.869 --> 01:10:33.069
her family, and my great-granddaughter has to be fed by her.
1449
01:10:32.989 --> 01:10:34.930
Family, which I don't understand what that has anything.
1450
01:10:34.750 --> 01:10:36.869
To do with this. Right, but we're circling back to,
1451
01:10:37.170 --> 01:10:39.069
we were, the posh spice.
1452
01:10:39.189 --> 01:10:39.529
Yeah.
1453
01:10:39.710 --> 01:10:43.149
Explaining, she's saying, first off, everyone on the left have
1454
01:10:43.170 --> 01:10:45.640
to go, they're working class. They're working class.
1455
01:10:46.020 --> 01:10:46.140
You.
1456
01:10:46.640 --> 01:10:49.279
First off, she works on TV, so it's not like
1457
01:10:49.300 --> 01:10:52.399
she's on the roof, number one. The only pain in
1458
01:10:52.439 --> 01:10:57.720
the ass, like literally the tough part about work, if
1459
01:10:57.760 --> 01:11:01.850
you're doing work for TV, is the women... and it's
1460
01:11:01.869 --> 01:11:05.449
sort of hair, makeup, wardrobe. Like, they're there two hours early.
1461
01:11:06.010 --> 01:11:10.310
She shows up in a bathrobe. She literally works in
1462
01:11:10.350 --> 01:11:13.520
a bathrobe and doesn't appear to have hair and makeup.
1463
01:11:13.579 --> 01:11:18.260
So whatever the difficult part of work, Anne never seems informed.
1464
01:11:18.680 --> 01:11:20.539
You're so right. It's not like she's doing her homework
1465
01:11:20.619 --> 01:11:21.260
or anything.
1466
01:11:22.479 --> 01:11:23.739
If I showed up to the cast of The View
1467
01:11:23.800 --> 01:11:25.539
and I needed to find hair and makeup, I wouldn't
1468
01:11:25.560 --> 01:11:26.420
ask Whoopi where it was.
1469
01:11:26.439 --> 01:11:26.500
No.
1470
01:11:28.100 --> 01:11:33.199
You know? That's right. Where's craft service, Joe? Oh, you're
1471
01:11:33.220 --> 01:11:35.489
just handing me your bagel. Okay, thank you. Where's the
1472
01:11:35.510 --> 01:11:38.630
robe department? Yeah.
1473
01:11:38.869 --> 01:11:39.899
Speaking of Joy Behar.
1474
01:11:39.939 --> 01:11:41.279
I'd love to go to the robe department. Do you
1475
01:11:41.300 --> 01:11:42.439
have something in a clan?
1476
01:11:47.250 --> 01:11:49.510
Speaking of Joy Behar, did you see this video that
1477
01:11:49.529 --> 01:11:50.479
just came out the other day?
1478
01:11:50.720 --> 01:11:54.619
She's wiping down the railing at the music hall.
1479
01:11:54.680 --> 01:11:57.279
Yep. While she was doing that, she was also talking
1480
01:11:57.340 --> 01:12:00.100
about Trump and how he is to blame for, you
1481
01:12:00.119 --> 01:12:01.699
guys were talking about this the other day, the.
1482
01:12:01.659 --> 01:12:04.449
Murder of that poor woman in Charlotte on the bus.
1483
01:12:04.569 --> 01:12:05.149
He's to blame.
1484
01:12:05.310 --> 01:12:07.569
Yeah, he's to blame. It's not the Democrats that let
1485
01:12:07.609 --> 01:12:09.670
him out of jail 14 times. It's actually Trump who
1486
01:12:09.710 --> 01:12:10.890
cut funding to mental health.
1487
01:12:12.689 --> 01:12:13.449
I have to say.
1488
01:12:13.600 --> 01:12:15.380
Let me just say.
1489
01:12:15.739 --> 01:12:20.439
So, if y'all could stop cutting funding for places... But
1490
01:12:20.479 --> 01:12:24.310
that's why it is political. That is exactly why it
1491
01:12:24.430 --> 01:12:27.770
is a political situation. Because in the first 40 days
1492
01:12:27.810 --> 01:12:30.170
of the Trump administration, this one, they terminated 128 grants
1493
01:12:31.670 --> 01:12:34.369
from the National Institute of Mental Health. In May, they
1494
01:12:34.390 --> 01:12:37.689
cut $ 1 billion in federal grants for mental health services.
1495
01:12:37.689 --> 01:12:38.560
$ 1 billion?
1496
01:12:38.779 --> 01:12:38.960
Yes.
1497
01:12:39.199 --> 01:12:41.819
And then they talk about, oh, mentally ill people are
1498
01:12:42.159 --> 01:12:44.720
with the guns and mentally ill people are killing, blah, blah, blah.
1499
01:12:44.899 --> 01:12:46.279
But then they cut the services.
1500
01:12:46.619 --> 01:12:47.119
I also.
1501
01:12:47.279 --> 01:12:48.430
So it is political.
1502
01:12:48.439 --> 01:12:52.130
All right. So we spent $ 24 billion on homelessness and
1503
01:12:52.170 --> 01:12:55.130
we have nothing. So it's a weird thing. Everything for
1504
01:12:55.149 --> 01:12:59.229
them is about money. We spend more on education than
1505
01:12:59.649 --> 01:13:02.029
almost every other nation, or maybe every other, and we
1506
01:13:02.069 --> 01:13:05.350
have the worst results. So what do you mean money? Like,
1507
01:13:05.390 --> 01:13:09.180
where is the money? Look, family. These people don't have
1508
01:13:09.199 --> 01:13:11.539
a family. They don't have a network. The guy probably
1509
01:13:11.579 --> 01:13:13.760
never met his dad, and that's what they did. They
1510
01:13:13.800 --> 01:13:17.260
never talk about that. And it's always like, we need funding. Like,
1511
01:13:17.340 --> 01:13:21.960
we need funding. First off, how much money can you spend? Like,
1512
01:13:22.399 --> 01:13:25.180
here's the deal. We have.
1513
01:13:26.539 --> 01:13:29.659
The most expensive gas in the nation is in California,
1514
01:13:29.800 --> 01:13:33.310
and we have the worst roads. You go through— I was
1515
01:13:33.369 --> 01:13:36.710
in Alabama. The roads are beautiful. You go to Tennessee.
1516
01:13:36.789 --> 01:13:39.670
The roads are beautiful. You pay half the gas, you
1517
01:13:39.710 --> 01:13:43.390
get twice the road. So where is this— You know
1518
01:13:43.409 --> 01:13:45.890
what I mean? Like LA, New York, we spend the
1519
01:13:45.989 --> 01:13:48.770
most on students. We get the worst fucking results. Like,
1520
01:13:48.869 --> 01:13:52.270
where is this money thing? It's like saying you're in
1521
01:13:52.310 --> 01:13:55.319
horrible shape. You have to give your personal trainer more money.
1522
01:13:55.359 --> 01:13:57.939
It's like, or you could stop eating so much shit
1523
01:13:58.079 --> 01:14:01.439
and start getting some exercise. What about a personal trainer?
1524
01:14:01.479 --> 01:14:04.659
If we got everyone... Everyone, a personal trainer is not
1525
01:14:04.680 --> 01:14:07.600
going to fucking work if they don't do the diet
1526
01:14:07.619 --> 01:14:11.029
and the exercise. And you're right. It's almost posturing to go.
1527
01:14:11.090 --> 01:14:12.729
We spent this much on mental health.
1528
01:14:12.789 --> 01:14:14.810
If the results aren't there, like if you see a
1529
01:14:14.829 --> 01:14:16.510
big fat dude and he goes, Hey, well, I'm spending
1530
01:14:16.529 --> 01:14:17.489
a hundred grand a year on a trainer.
1531
01:14:17.930 --> 01:14:19.170
It doesn't matter. You're like a fat guy.
1532
01:14:19.510 --> 01:14:19.930
Right.
1533
01:14:20.010 --> 01:14:24.930
It's not doing anything. Yeah. Family, family, family, family. They're nuts.
1534
01:14:25.329 --> 01:14:28.260
I mean, it's an issue. It's a thing. I've been,
1535
01:14:28.500 --> 01:14:33.229
I brought it up a thousand, a thousand times. And
1536
01:14:33.270 --> 01:14:37.109
they always argue, oh, you can find the Huffington Post
1537
01:14:37.189 --> 01:14:40.560
clip again, Andrew, just because it makes me laugh. I've
1538
01:14:40.689 --> 01:14:45.810
been saying my entire life, just basically. Family and education.
1539
01:14:45.930 --> 01:14:49.189
Where's the family? Keep the family together. These people are
1540
01:14:49.229 --> 01:14:52.470
suffering because their families are busted up. The black community
1541
01:14:52.510 --> 01:14:56.579
is doing horribly because their families are busted up. Somebody
1542
01:14:56.619 --> 01:14:58.939
needs to talk about this. It's always, no, they need
1543
01:14:58.979 --> 01:15:04.520
more resources. Resources for what? After-school programs, free lunches where
1544
01:15:04.560 --> 01:15:07.180
they eat slop? Tell me what, and by the way,
1545
01:15:07.239 --> 01:15:10.579
how long have you been wanting more resources to do what?
1546
01:15:10.680 --> 01:15:13.439
Throw more money at a problem that's getting worse or
1547
01:15:13.590 --> 01:15:16.470
we could do family and education. But all they do
1548
01:15:16.529 --> 01:15:18.970
is fucking argue. And so when I was on like
1549
01:15:19.090 --> 01:15:22.409
HuffPo like 15 years ago, I was like family and education.
1550
01:15:22.550 --> 01:15:25.430
And the bitch who was interviewing me was like, whoa, whoa, whoa,
1551
01:15:25.489 --> 01:15:27.090
wait a second. Wait a minute. I've said it a
1552
01:15:27.090 --> 01:15:31.909
million times. Everyone's fat. Yeah, good. Diet and exercise. Yeah,
1553
01:15:31.949 --> 01:15:34.750
but what about diet and exercise? Well, what about my
1554
01:15:34.829 --> 01:15:39.829
personal metabolism? Diet and fucking exercise. That's it. Diet and exercise. Yeah,
1555
01:15:39.869 --> 01:15:44.010
but other people process food in a different... Diet and exercise.
1556
01:15:44.109 --> 01:15:46.390
I'm just telling you diet and exercise. You can go
1557
01:15:46.409 --> 01:15:48.489
to the fucking park and do chin-ups and do push-ups.
1558
01:15:50.020 --> 01:15:56.479
Guys in prison are jacked. I've seen Con Air... Nick
1559
01:15:56.520 --> 01:16:00.479
Cage on plumbing. There's a lot of plumbing going through.
1560
01:16:00.500 --> 01:16:04.899
I bet there's much less actual plumbing going through. They're
1561
01:16:04.960 --> 01:16:08.359
always doing the chin-ups. They do the chin-ups on the plumbing.
1562
01:16:08.560 --> 01:16:10.199
It's all the PEX now. They don't have any copper
1563
01:16:10.239 --> 01:16:12.590
pipe going through there anymore. Oh, they got the PEX. Yeah,
1564
01:16:12.779 --> 01:16:16.210
it's too flexible. You're right. You're right. It's flexible. It's
1565
01:16:16.270 --> 01:16:18.590
not going to work. You can't do chin-ups on PEX.
1566
01:16:18.670 --> 01:16:20.970
I know my grandpa told me that when I was
1567
01:16:20.989 --> 01:16:21.569
a young lad.
1568
01:16:22.850 --> 01:16:23.109
Yep.
1569
01:16:23.449 --> 01:16:25.449
And you can't pull wire through Romex, man.
1570
01:16:28.359 --> 01:16:29.520
Now you sound like Jamie's wife.
1571
01:16:29.579 --> 01:16:32.920
Well, pecs is the Romex of pecs is the plumbing.
1572
01:16:32.960 --> 01:16:35.140
What Romex is to electric.
1573
01:16:35.279 --> 01:16:35.920
Oh, gotcha.
1574
01:16:35.960 --> 01:16:39.090
That's okay. But not conduit. Okay. The whole point is,
1575
01:16:39.130 --> 01:16:43.310
is you can just do pushups in your cell. Sure.
1576
01:16:43.529 --> 01:16:46.069
And you can do chin ups on your plumbing and
1577
01:16:46.109 --> 01:16:49.130
you can be jacked or you can just keep saying,
1578
01:16:49.250 --> 01:16:52.869
what if, what about, what if, what about. And this
1579
01:16:52.949 --> 01:16:56.630
is me. It's actually, it's just audio because we couldn't
1580
01:16:56.649 --> 01:17:00.210
find the vid, but it's just this chick. 15 years ago.
1581
01:17:00.229 --> 01:17:05.050
So here's the whole point. I made the mistake of
1582
01:17:05.069 --> 01:17:09.500
saying diet and education. Sorry, diet and exercise, education and family.
1583
01:17:09.539 --> 01:17:12.659
Just education and family. You want to fix all this shit,
1584
01:17:13.539 --> 01:17:17.970
stay intact, educate. family and feed your own fucking kids
1585
01:17:18.109 --> 01:17:20.090
and make them breakfast and make them lunch and get
1586
01:17:20.109 --> 01:17:25.399
the fucking family involved. And it turned into a controversy,
1587
01:17:25.899 --> 01:17:29.840
literally a controversy, like the same controversy, like when Bill
1588
01:17:29.880 --> 01:17:33.199
Maher during COVID was like, hey, if everyone's fat is dying,
1589
01:17:33.560 --> 01:17:36.659
maybe we should start talking about dieting. And they were like, oh,
1590
01:17:36.680 --> 01:17:39.760
he's going to body shame people. It's like, no, the
1591
01:17:39.930 --> 01:17:42.430
guy who's in shape is talking about people getting in
1592
01:17:42.489 --> 01:17:43.550
shape so they don't die.
1593
01:17:44.590 --> 01:17:44.850
Is that?
1594
01:17:45.270 --> 01:17:45.829
Yeah.
1595
01:17:45.869 --> 01:17:48.449
What kind of– oh, he's an evil guy. Evil guy
1596
01:17:48.470 --> 01:17:51.539
because you're 13 and you're morbidly obese and you have
1597
01:17:51.560 --> 01:17:55.180
diabetes already? Like he's the– who's the bad guy? So
1598
01:17:56.640 --> 01:17:59.560
I'm always just like family and education. And then the
1599
01:17:59.600 --> 01:18:02.319
word got out to Huffington Post and they had to
1600
01:18:02.390 --> 01:18:06.869
settle my hash. And this is what it sounded like. Sorry.
1601
01:18:07.729 --> 01:18:08.909
And the whole idea was to get out of that.
1602
01:18:09.369 --> 01:18:10.470
That's true. Through how?
1603
01:18:10.569 --> 01:18:10.869
Hard work.
1604
01:18:10.890 --> 01:18:11.390
Education.
1605
01:18:11.409 --> 01:18:11.789
Education.
1606
01:18:12.359 --> 01:18:15.590
Oh, that's true, but we'll play you the clip. That's old-fashioned.
1607
01:18:15.600 --> 01:18:17.270
What the hell's the matter with you? All right, so anyway,
1608
01:18:17.529 --> 01:18:21.369
there we go. Here's the clip. Family and education. I mean,
1609
01:18:21.390 --> 01:18:23.529
I'm not Christian or anything. You're not going to solve everything.
1610
01:18:23.949 --> 01:18:25.329
It would solve everything, yeah.
1611
01:18:25.729 --> 01:18:28.550
Just family and education? What about the drug war that
1612
01:18:28.569 --> 01:18:29.979
we have that's failing?
1613
01:18:29.989 --> 01:18:35.119
What about the school-to-prison pipeline, things like this? The school-to-prison pipeline,
1614
01:18:35.159 --> 01:18:39.260
if you focused on education, I think would interrupt the
1615
01:18:39.319 --> 01:18:40.159
school-to-prison pipeline.
1616
01:18:41.609 --> 01:18:45.279
Well, the problem is that schools are maybe.
1617
01:18:44.479 --> 01:18:46.930
Not focusing on education so much as we are. So anyway,
1618
01:18:46.989 --> 01:18:49.489
what about, what about, what about all this other fucking
1619
01:18:49.550 --> 01:18:52.909
external shit that doesn't amount to anything? Hey, bitch, family
1620
01:18:52.939 --> 01:18:56.039
and education, diet and exercise. We're done. We're fucking done.
1621
01:18:57.000 --> 01:18:59.939
It's always like money, more grants, more money. We need
1622
01:18:59.979 --> 01:19:02.539
to study this. You don't need that. You just need
1623
01:19:02.560 --> 01:19:05.180
to get back to fucking diet and exercise. We're falling
1624
01:19:05.239 --> 01:19:08.340
apart because we're getting away from this. Why is everything money?
1625
01:19:09.869 --> 01:19:12.130
I scream about it all the time. It doesn't take
1626
01:19:12.289 --> 01:19:14.880
money to feed your kids. It takes a fucking mom
1627
01:19:14.899 --> 01:19:17.340
and a dad with the will to feed their kids.
1628
01:19:17.939 --> 01:19:21.640
To be healthy, it's easily done. It's fucking hard boil
1629
01:19:21.659 --> 01:19:23.300
a bunch of eggs and cook up some rice and
1630
01:19:23.359 --> 01:19:27.829
beans and whatever. It's not going out to eat, but
1631
01:19:27.890 --> 01:19:28.409
it's healthy.
1632
01:19:28.430 --> 01:19:31.689
Yeah, I think it's weird when people go, like someone
1633
01:19:31.710 --> 01:19:33.210
will come up on the road and be like, oh, man,
1634
01:19:33.229 --> 01:19:33.909
you stay in shape.
1635
01:19:33.930 --> 01:19:35.149
Like, what do you do?
1636
01:19:35.989 --> 01:19:38.130
Because it's always diet and exercise it's never like oh
1637
01:19:38.149 --> 01:19:40.680
I have these special shoes right you can eat whatever
1638
01:19:40.720 --> 01:19:43.899
you want it's always the same everyone knows how to
1639
01:19:43.939 --> 01:19:46.899
do it it's just not easy yeah Yeah.
1640
01:19:47.020 --> 01:19:47.220
Yeah.
1641
01:19:47.619 --> 01:19:48.020
Sucks.
1642
01:19:48.119 --> 01:19:48.279
Yeah.
1643
01:19:48.319 --> 01:19:50.800
Nobody wants it, but yeah. Uh, it is funny how
1644
01:19:50.840 --> 01:19:52.729
you can hear it in her voice too, how condescending
1645
01:19:52.789 --> 01:19:56.090
it is. She has no absolute answers. That's it. That's
1646
01:19:56.130 --> 01:19:57.430
all it is. It's really, that's all it is.
1647
01:19:57.729 --> 01:20:00.170
Yeah. We've been going through this shit in Minneapolis because, uh,
1648
01:20:00.989 --> 01:20:03.949
there's the school shooting that happened at Annunciation. We were
1649
01:20:04.420 --> 01:20:07.279
very directly affected to it. My, my, my girlfriend's son
1650
01:20:07.479 --> 01:20:09.779
attends that school. Her children all went to that school and,
1651
01:20:10.340 --> 01:20:12.939
And everybody who is just you're trying to come up
1652
01:20:12.979 --> 01:20:15.600
with some sort of answer to something like I had
1653
01:20:15.760 --> 01:20:17.739
one idea. And I'm like, this isn't even a good idea.
1654
01:20:18.399 --> 01:20:21.229
It's probably the worst idea ever. But it is an idea.
1655
01:20:21.270 --> 01:20:23.949
And I said, listen, people who don't get to take
1656
01:20:23.989 --> 01:20:26.909
maternity leave anymore. My daughter's 17. I'm never having kids
1657
01:20:26.970 --> 01:20:29.569
ever again. How about once a year? We just get
1658
01:20:29.609 --> 01:20:31.909
to have a week off of work and paid and
1659
01:20:31.930 --> 01:20:33.939
we just go stand in front of the school. Just
1660
01:20:34.020 --> 01:20:36.600
to keep an eye on shit. It might not deter
1661
01:20:36.640 --> 01:20:38.800
somebody with a gun to come in, but it's an idea.
1662
01:20:38.840 --> 01:20:39.739
It's something that we can implement.
1663
01:20:39.760 --> 01:20:41.859
And everyone goes, oh, that's all it takes? That's all
1664
01:20:41.899 --> 01:20:44.380
it takes? I'm like, no, dipshit. But it's an idea,
1665
01:20:44.439 --> 01:20:46.439
and it's something that we can at least try.
1666
01:20:46.500 --> 01:20:50.560
Just try it. What's the harm in that?
1667
01:20:50.579 --> 01:20:53.859
You brought up school shootings. And yesterday, I looked up
1668
01:20:53.930 --> 01:20:58.069
in one of my books, I'm Your Emotional Support Animal,
1669
01:20:58.090 --> 01:20:59.729
I think is the name of the book. But I
1670
01:20:59.909 --> 01:21:05.000
found this thing that was... an op-ed that I print
1671
01:21:05.039 --> 01:21:07.699
in the book that's from the LA Times about school
1672
01:21:07.739 --> 01:21:12.239
shootings and guns. And I had to, I read it,
1673
01:21:12.289 --> 01:21:13.869
I hadn't read it in a long time since I
1674
01:21:14.130 --> 01:21:19.510
wrote the book, and I realized how insane it sounded,
1675
01:21:19.529 --> 01:21:22.850
this op-ed, and I forgot how nuts it was. But
1676
01:21:24.109 --> 01:21:28.260
to your point, Like I've said, yeah, like my whole life,
1677
01:21:28.319 --> 01:21:30.600
I go like, how about we just, let's just do this.
1678
01:21:30.699 --> 01:21:32.640
Let's just, I'm like, that's never gonna, and I'm like,
1679
01:21:32.720 --> 01:21:36.170
how about we do something? I know your plan is
1680
01:21:36.710 --> 01:21:43.760
you want some sort of, gun buyback, ban something, background check,
1681
01:21:43.960 --> 01:21:46.119
something that's just, it's never going to happen. And if
1682
01:21:46.180 --> 01:21:49.500
it does, it's not going to affect anything. And I'm saying,
1683
01:21:49.680 --> 01:21:52.289
why don't we do something that might affect something? And
1684
01:21:52.350 --> 01:21:55.260
you're arguing. It's like the whole time. And this was a,
1685
01:21:56.390 --> 01:21:59.470
and Dawson will read it when he finds it, but
1686
01:22:00.260 --> 01:22:05.180
This was arming teachers, right? And my thing with arming–
1687
01:22:05.279 --> 01:22:08.979
and whoever disagrees with you is always like, oh, so
1688
01:22:09.020 --> 01:22:10.789
we should just take Glocks and put them in a
1689
01:22:10.810 --> 01:22:12.850
pinata and have all the kids beat it until the
1690
01:22:12.890 --> 01:22:15.210
guns fall out and then whoever grabs the gun the first.
1691
01:22:15.489 --> 01:22:18.369
I'm like, no. There's plenty of people associated with the
1692
01:22:18.390 --> 01:22:22.810
school that were ex-cops or Marines or service people that
1693
01:22:22.850 --> 01:22:24.380
have experience.
1694
01:22:24.399 --> 01:22:24.899
Right.
1695
01:22:25.239 --> 01:22:28.840
With, with firearms. And we'd find that person. And then
1696
01:22:28.880 --> 01:22:31.300
what we do is we put them through a program.
1697
01:22:31.600 --> 01:22:33.920
And then that person would have a weapon on them.
1698
01:22:33.979 --> 01:22:36.939
If they were the janitor or the history teacher, because
1699
01:22:36.960 --> 01:22:40.739
the history teacher could be a decorated Marine of, you know,
1700
01:22:40.739 --> 01:22:43.079
14 years. Fine. Then he'll go through the search. Then
1701
01:22:43.119 --> 01:22:45.420
he'll have a fucking gun. And then if the shooting starts,
1702
01:22:45.760 --> 01:22:48.619
he'll be able to fire back. Your plan is everyone
1703
01:22:48.659 --> 01:22:52.369
hides under the desks until the person executes them. And
1704
01:22:52.409 --> 01:22:56.250
they go like, well, we can't, um, So this was
1705
01:22:57.170 --> 01:23:00.529
the L.A. Times. And you have to just listen how
1706
01:23:00.789 --> 01:23:02.810
nuts this is. And I can't remember the woman who
1707
01:23:02.909 --> 01:23:06.539
wrote this. She's probably still working there. This is her
1708
01:23:06.720 --> 01:23:09.029
answer to this. But you have to really listen to it.
1709
01:23:09.840 --> 01:23:14.000
We listened to the bleatings of the gun enthusiasts that, well,
1710
01:23:14.060 --> 01:23:17.079
if those teachers had guns, well, then this wouldn't have
1711
01:23:17.119 --> 01:23:21.359
been as bad. Been as bad. Think about that. If
1712
01:23:21.420 --> 01:23:25.239
a pistol-strapping chemistry teacher had grabbed her. 45 and unloaded
1713
01:23:25.319 --> 01:23:28.640
on today's gunman after he was killed, after he killed what?
1714
01:23:28.880 --> 01:23:29.439
One student?
1715
01:23:29.819 --> 01:23:34.560
Three? Five? That would be good news? Well, yeah.
1716
01:23:34.590 --> 01:23:36.869
Of course it would be good news, you fucking imbeciles.
1717
01:23:37.170 --> 01:23:41.449
That's me talking now. But there's a repeat it where
1718
01:23:41.529 --> 01:23:47.590
she goes, wouldn't have been as bad. Yeah. Think about that. Well,
1719
01:23:48.069 --> 01:23:51.270
there's airplane crashes where everyone on the airplane dies. And
1720
01:23:51.289 --> 01:23:54.079
then there's airplane crashes where half the people on the
1721
01:23:54.100 --> 01:23:57.680
airplane die, which aren't as bad as the ones where
1722
01:23:57.739 --> 01:24:01.170
everyone dies. That's a pretty easy math. And yeah, in
1723
01:24:01.189 --> 01:24:04.529
this particular shooting, I think eight kids were killed. But
1724
01:24:04.670 --> 01:24:08.170
if the teacher with the 45 returned fire and only
1725
01:24:08.210 --> 01:24:11.149
three people were killed, then it'd be a lot better
1726
01:24:11.210 --> 01:24:14.880
for the five kids and their family that they weren't
1727
01:24:15.069 --> 01:24:19.760
amongst the victims. This is an op-ed making the point
1728
01:24:19.800 --> 01:24:23.739
that you shouldn't have guns in there. And in doing so,
1729
01:24:23.779 --> 01:24:26.659
they're making my point. They're actually making the point for
1730
01:24:26.699 --> 01:24:29.000
having the guns. Read again. It's crazy.
1731
01:24:29.699 --> 01:24:32.600
We listened to the bleedings of gun enthusiasts that, well,
1732
01:24:32.819 --> 01:24:35.949
if those teachers had guns, then this wouldn't have been
1733
01:24:36.210 --> 01:24:40.869
as bad. Been as bad. Think about that.
1734
01:24:40.949 --> 01:24:43.310
I thought about it. I don't want it to be
1735
01:24:43.350 --> 01:24:43.829
as bad.
1736
01:24:44.409 --> 01:24:49.050
If a pistol-strapping chemistry teacher had grabbed her. 45 and
1737
01:24:49.289 --> 01:24:52.250
unloaded on today's gunman after he killed what?
1738
01:24:52.909 --> 01:24:53.649
One student?
1739
01:24:53.760 --> 01:24:54.020
Yeah.
1740
01:24:54.260 --> 01:24:54.760
Three?
1741
01:24:55.069 --> 01:24:56.260
Better. Five?
1742
01:24:56.279 --> 01:24:58.420
That would be good news?
1743
01:24:58.439 --> 01:24:58.760
Yeah.
1744
01:24:59.760 --> 01:25:02.140
It would be good news if the final number's eight.
1745
01:25:02.720 --> 01:25:02.899
Right.
1746
01:25:03.319 --> 01:25:05.750
In a sea of bad news, it would be good
1747
01:25:05.810 --> 01:25:09.810
news if one died versus eight. I don't know who
1748
01:25:09.829 --> 01:25:13.109
this fucking nut is. This is how they think, by
1749
01:25:13.149 --> 01:25:14.949
the way. This is like, I'm going to write an
1750
01:25:15.060 --> 01:25:17.579
op-ed for the LA Times and I'm going to prove
1751
01:25:17.600 --> 01:25:20.180
to you that this is my point. Except for you're
1752
01:25:20.220 --> 01:25:23.359
making everyone else's. You're making the NRA's point. Yeah, he
1753
01:25:23.380 --> 01:25:24.840
shouldn't have said think about it because that's when I
1754
01:25:24.859 --> 01:25:25.739
realized it was stupid.
1755
01:25:25.760 --> 01:25:27.970
Oh, with 17 people.
1756
01:25:30.750 --> 01:25:33.449
I don't know, 17, 14 students. I don't remember. I
1757
01:25:33.489 --> 01:25:37.319
just had a vague recollection that, well, if one, well,
1758
01:25:37.340 --> 01:25:40.600
let's keep doing your math. What if nobody was killed?
1759
01:25:40.819 --> 01:25:42.600
Would that be better? Yes, it would be better.
1760
01:25:42.739 --> 01:25:43.399
It would be better.
1761
01:25:43.520 --> 01:25:46.399
It would all be better than whatever that final number is.
1762
01:25:46.529 --> 01:25:49.270
There was a shooting at a Palestinian bus stop the
1763
01:25:49.289 --> 01:25:50.770
other day. I don't know if you guys saw this.
1764
01:25:50.789 --> 01:25:53.350
I don't know gay slang, but keep going. I got
1765
01:25:53.369 --> 01:25:56.069
to look that move up. You ever had a Palestinian
1766
01:25:56.109 --> 01:26:00.100
bus stop? Hey, you think what was on that railing
1767
01:26:00.140 --> 01:26:04.960
was dirty? You get a Palestinian bus stop. There ain't
1768
01:26:05.000 --> 01:26:07.560
enough wet nap, son, to ever clean up that mess.
1769
01:26:08.380 --> 01:26:10.720
I wanted to. It was just such an upcharge. It's
1770
01:26:10.859 --> 01:26:14.189
also something that your agent threatens you with. You don't
1771
01:26:14.229 --> 01:26:16.050
go on this dish, you're going to be working at
1772
01:26:16.069 --> 01:26:20.770
a Palestinian bus stop, okay? Christ, you never listen.
1773
01:26:20.970 --> 01:26:21.229
Yeah.
1774
01:26:21.550 --> 01:26:23.050
All right, sorry. Palestinian bus stop.
1775
01:26:23.069 --> 01:26:24.560
Yeah, and I believe you'd have to look it up,
1776
01:26:24.569 --> 01:26:27.479
but I do believe that after whatever it was, three
1777
01:26:27.489 --> 01:26:31.039
or four people were killed and 17 were injured, that
1778
01:26:31.460 --> 01:26:34.140
the gunmen were taken out by an off-duty police officer
1779
01:26:34.340 --> 01:26:39.020
and somebody who was strapping, who was illegal to carry
1780
01:26:39.079 --> 01:26:39.970
a firearm in Palestine.
1781
01:26:39.979 --> 01:26:40.159
Yeah.
1782
01:26:40.470 --> 01:26:41.949
So obviously you're proving the point.
1783
01:26:42.109 --> 01:26:44.970
Well, let's just put it to you this way. We
1784
01:26:45.069 --> 01:26:49.250
all have kids. If your kid was in the third
1785
01:26:49.310 --> 01:26:53.949
grade and you heard that there was a school shooting
1786
01:26:54.189 --> 01:27:01.319
at your kid's school, would you prefer that their teacher,
1787
01:27:01.539 --> 01:27:05.279
their homeroom teacher that happened during homeroom or something? If
1788
01:27:05.319 --> 01:27:09.590
you knew that that person had a gun and was
1789
01:27:09.689 --> 01:27:15.300
trained- Would you feel better knowing no other information or
1790
01:27:15.380 --> 01:27:18.500
would you like this op ed bitch be praying that
1791
01:27:18.520 --> 01:27:21.420
that teacher had no gun in this situation? If the
1792
01:27:21.560 --> 01:27:25.600
answer is I'm I would feel better waiting for the
1793
01:27:25.659 --> 01:27:29.229
news to come out, knowing that Mr. Johnson used to
1794
01:27:29.270 --> 01:27:32.289
be a cop and had a nine millimeter in his desk, then, yeah,
1795
01:27:32.449 --> 01:27:34.970
I would. I'd be happy to hear that news. Of course.
1796
01:27:35.130 --> 01:27:36.529
I went to school in northern Minnesota.
1797
01:27:36.550 --> 01:27:38.149
Oh, it was a Jerusalem bus stop.
1798
01:27:38.170 --> 01:27:39.590
A Jerusalem bus stop. I apologize.
1799
01:27:39.609 --> 01:27:42.010
That's all right. I think that's more guys. I got
1800
01:27:42.029 --> 01:27:50.779
that move, too. Six Israelis were killed by Palestinian gunmen
1801
01:27:50.819 --> 01:27:52.100
at a Jerusalem bus stop.
1802
01:27:52.159 --> 01:27:52.380
Right.
1803
01:27:53.279 --> 01:27:54.199
But it could have been 16.
1804
01:27:54.199 --> 01:27:54.579
Yeah.
1805
01:27:55.180 --> 01:27:58.119
Okay. All right. Yeah. It's not as bad. Think about that.
1806
01:27:58.739 --> 01:27:59.119
Think about it.
1807
01:27:59.119 --> 01:28:01.600
That's a little like a dance, too, the Jerusalem bus stop.
1808
01:28:01.619 --> 01:28:01.760
It does.
1809
01:28:02.079 --> 01:28:02.380
It does.
1810
01:28:03.149 --> 01:28:06.210
A lot of snapping of fingers. Get the symbols on
1811
01:28:06.229 --> 01:28:08.050
the fingers, yeah. I apologize.
1812
01:28:08.130 --> 01:28:09.770
This came in right before we walked in, so I
1813
01:28:09.770 --> 01:28:11.699
haven't had a chance to read it, but we figured
1814
01:28:11.739 --> 01:28:15.380
something that you'd be pretty interested in. Ace, $ 100 million
1815
01:28:15.420 --> 01:28:17.930
in LA Wildlife Aid is being doled out to fund
1816
01:28:18.020 --> 01:28:22.510
pet clinics, DEI projects, and fungus planting. Not a dime
1817
01:28:22.529 --> 01:28:24.250
has gone directly to victims.
1818
01:28:24.770 --> 01:28:30.199
Oh, wait, did you say wild? Oh, you said wildlife aids. Wildfire? Sorry.
1819
01:28:30.220 --> 01:28:31.979
Did I say wild? No, no, no. Oh, so L.A.
1820
01:28:32.060 --> 01:28:33.550
Wildfire Aid is being doled out.
1821
01:28:33.579 --> 01:28:34.399
Wildfire.
1822
01:28:34.420 --> 01:28:34.619
Oh, sorry.
1823
01:28:34.659 --> 01:28:36.710
Yeah, so there was, yeah, there's a, sorry. Like I said,
1824
01:28:36.729 --> 01:28:38.090
I hadn't had a chance to read this yet.
1825
01:28:38.470 --> 01:28:41.300
So they're talking about the hundred million that Lady Gaga
1826
01:28:41.460 --> 01:28:43.560
and Billie Eilish helped for L.A.
1827
01:28:43.960 --> 01:28:45.279
Wildfires in January.
1828
01:28:45.680 --> 01:28:46.020
Right.
1829
01:28:46.039 --> 01:28:48.079
They're saying that struggling locals have never seen a dime
1830
01:28:48.100 --> 01:28:48.640
of any of this.
1831
01:28:48.979 --> 01:28:51.970
Yeah. It's a, it's kind of a weird thing because
1832
01:28:52.189 --> 01:28:57.949
California doesn't have any of the sort of hallmarks of
1833
01:28:58.029 --> 01:29:03.109
corruption in Because the thing– it's an interesting– well, I
1834
01:29:03.149 --> 01:29:05.399
guess we're going to end up talking about what we
1835
01:29:05.409 --> 01:29:09.350
were talking about before, which is when I grew up,
1836
01:29:09.920 --> 01:29:13.859
corrupt politicians had pinky rings and they smoked cigars and
1837
01:29:13.880 --> 01:29:17.060
they called black people boy and son. And they had
1838
01:29:17.119 --> 01:29:23.529
like– they looked like greedy, greasy. They wore like cowboy
1839
01:29:23.569 --> 01:29:26.529
boots with their suits, you know, and they smoked cigars
1840
01:29:26.550 --> 01:29:29.569
and they smacked their secretary on the ass when they left.
1841
01:29:29.630 --> 01:29:33.130
They laughed real hard. California's got a bunch of like
1842
01:29:33.270 --> 01:29:37.319
women and progressives and folks that dress down and they're
1843
01:29:37.340 --> 01:29:41.300
kind of frumpy. They don't have any of the earmarks
1844
01:29:41.380 --> 01:29:46.750
of like slimy, corrupt politician, but yet we waste more
1845
01:29:46.840 --> 01:29:50.739
money and give more money to the politicians, you know,
1846
01:29:50.840 --> 01:29:54.319
daughter who's running the nonprofit and whatever, and her salary
1847
01:29:54.340 --> 01:29:56.989
is 700 K a year and nothing ever fucking, it's
1848
01:29:57.029 --> 01:30:03.979
a homeless. We, we get, First things first, they start
1849
01:30:04.020 --> 01:30:07.859
a foundation and they give it some name like Ahead
1850
01:30:07.939 --> 01:30:11.829
Now or All Kids Ahead Now or some sort of
1851
01:30:12.489 --> 01:30:15.010
Loves in Bloom or some sort of bullshit. And then
1852
01:30:15.050 --> 01:30:18.029
they just take tons of money and waste it or
1853
01:30:18.869 --> 01:30:21.989
spend it on themselves. But they don't have... We got
1854
01:30:22.010 --> 01:30:24.609
this sort of laid back, board shorts, flip flop. We
1855
01:30:24.649 --> 01:30:28.359
don't have greasy on the take politicians, but I think
1856
01:30:28.979 --> 01:30:32.000
we're more corrupt than any other state because we get
1857
01:30:32.079 --> 01:30:36.970
less results. We get $ 14 billion into a train that
1858
01:30:36.989 --> 01:30:39.630
we're going to scrap. You know, we get $ 24 billion
1859
01:30:39.649 --> 01:30:42.789
into homeless. We get more homeless. Like we don't get anything.
1860
01:30:43.649 --> 01:30:48.689
And there's all these NGOs. And all these foundations. And
1861
01:30:48.750 --> 01:30:51.100
whenever there's a big pot of money, and it turns
1862
01:30:51.270 --> 01:30:57.279
out everyone, like when I was convinced, I thought the
1863
01:30:57.380 --> 01:31:01.939
only bad politicians are men and the Republicans. Those are
1864
01:31:02.539 --> 01:31:04.340
the ones that are on the take. Those are the
1865
01:31:04.460 --> 01:31:07.409
ones that are. getting the kickbacks from the oil companies
1866
01:31:07.470 --> 01:31:10.829
and stuff like that. Turns out women are just as
1867
01:31:10.890 --> 01:31:13.550
fucking bad as dudes, like maybe worse, or they don't
1868
01:31:13.590 --> 01:31:16.069
do as good a job of covering their tracks and
1869
01:31:16.130 --> 01:31:19.229
just as fucking greedy. And the Democrats are just as greedy,
1870
01:31:19.659 --> 01:31:24.199
if not more so. And so California, $ 100 million, no
1871
01:31:24.239 --> 01:31:25.979
one will ever see that. It just goes to all
1872
01:31:26.020 --> 01:31:29.979
these foundations. And what are they worried about? They're worried about.
1873
01:31:30.000 --> 01:31:34.340
Oh, yeah, they're worried about DEI projects, pet clinics, and
1874
01:31:34.420 --> 01:31:35.220
fungus planting.
1875
01:31:35.500 --> 01:31:39.170
So here's the thing about the DEI stuff. You want
1876
01:31:39.210 --> 01:31:42.369
to start a foundation and you want to make it
1877
01:31:42.430 --> 01:31:46.369
about invisible shit where there's not a real problem.
1878
01:31:46.770 --> 01:31:46.970
Right.
1879
01:31:46.989 --> 01:31:48.819
Because if your foundation is.
1880
01:31:50.489 --> 01:31:53.590
You know, dentists without borders, then someone's going to go,
1881
01:31:53.869 --> 01:31:55.350
how many times you've been to Africa and how many
1882
01:31:55.390 --> 01:31:57.229
fillings have you filled in? Well, I've never been to
1883
01:31:57.329 --> 01:31:59.069
Africa and we've never actually done it. Then it's like,
1884
01:31:59.130 --> 01:32:02.399
fuck you. And if your thing is like, you have
1885
01:32:02.439 --> 01:32:06.100
a foundation that repairs roofs, people are going to want
1886
01:32:06.119 --> 01:32:08.699
to see how many roofs you've worked on and what
1887
01:32:08.739 --> 01:32:11.340
the situation is. When you do a thing where you go,
1888
01:32:11.359 --> 01:32:16.359
I do equity, I do fairness. What I, our foundation
1889
01:32:16.399 --> 01:32:19.250
is about children having a seat at the table, every
1890
01:32:19.310 --> 01:32:22.479
voice being heard. Like, okay, there's no way... You can't
1891
01:32:22.520 --> 01:32:25.600
quantify it. It's not measurable. It's quantified. Like, what'd you do?
1892
01:32:25.720 --> 01:32:27.979
I went down to LA Valley College and we had
1893
01:32:28.000 --> 01:32:30.609
somebody speak to the students. Like, all right, did any...
1894
01:32:31.090 --> 01:32:33.229
What'd they speak about? Like, how did this work? What
1895
01:32:33.250 --> 01:32:35.010
do you mean a seat at the table? Like, how
1896
01:32:35.029 --> 01:32:37.850
does this work? So you... Make it about– you give
1897
01:32:37.869 --> 01:32:40.760
it some euphemistic title. You make it about some invisible
1898
01:32:40.859 --> 01:32:43.439
bullshit that can never really be tracked, and you hear
1899
01:32:43.460 --> 01:32:45.479
it all the time. It's like, oh, the government gave
1900
01:32:45.500 --> 01:32:48.300
the military $ 2 billion for DEI or whatever. It's like, well,
1901
01:32:48.359 --> 01:32:50.609
what came out the other end? I don't know. You
1902
01:32:50.649 --> 01:32:53.710
can't measure it. It's an– You can't give someone a
1903
01:32:53.750 --> 01:32:56.109
billion dollars to build a stadium. At some point, we
1904
01:32:56.130 --> 01:32:59.010
need a stadium. Someone's going to go, where's the fucking stadium? Yeah.
1905
01:32:59.229 --> 01:33:02.449
Well, you know, luckily they didn't build any new homes
1906
01:33:02.510 --> 01:33:05.689
or playgrounds or schools, but a group who makes podcasts
1907
01:33:05.729 --> 01:33:09.310
about the wildfires received $ 100, 000.
1908
01:33:08.149 --> 01:33:09.449
Right.
1909
01:33:09.699 --> 01:33:15.439
So that $ 100 million is never going to find its way. Also,
1910
01:33:15.500 --> 01:33:18.840
they're not interested in giving those people money. Those aren't
1911
01:33:18.880 --> 01:33:23.550
their friends. Those are victims. Right. So... It'll never come
1912
01:33:23.609 --> 01:33:27.609
out the other end. And it's weird how much of
1913
01:33:27.630 --> 01:33:31.229
that there is in California. I mean, how much of
1914
01:33:31.510 --> 01:33:35.020
the $ 24 billion for homeless was just grift? Like, where'd
1915
01:33:35.029 --> 01:33:38.140
it go? It all went to foundations. Foundations that do what?
1916
01:33:38.619 --> 01:33:42.699
Foundations that go away if you fix homelessness. So here
1917
01:33:42.739 --> 01:33:43.880
we are. Yes, Dustin.
1918
01:33:43.920 --> 01:33:46.279
Foundations that feed money back into Gavin Newsom.
1919
01:33:46.640 --> 01:33:51.399
Right. So it's one big, shitty, corrupt grift. And like
1920
01:33:51.460 --> 01:33:55.319
I said, like, Nothing comes out the other end. Where
1921
01:33:55.460 --> 01:33:56.239
is the train?
1922
01:33:56.239 --> 01:33:56.760
$ 24 billion.
1923
01:34:01.310 --> 01:34:06.489
SoFi was built for 5.5 billion, 5.5. Shouldn't we be
1924
01:34:06.550 --> 01:34:11.069
driving down the 110 freeway and see a giant homeless facility,
1925
01:34:11.569 --> 01:34:15.850
like some 10-story thing with subterranean parking and a hospital
1926
01:34:15.869 --> 01:34:18.109
and a mental... Shouldn't we be passing that on the
1927
01:34:18.149 --> 01:34:20.670
way to the airport instead of just looking at squalor
1928
01:34:20.710 --> 01:34:23.300
and more people sleeping on the floor and on the parks?
1929
01:34:23.350 --> 01:34:26.359
It's like, where is this thing? Where's the housing? Where's
1930
01:34:26.760 --> 01:34:28.420
all these units you were going to build?
1931
01:34:28.439 --> 01:34:28.579
Like.
1932
01:34:29.199 --> 01:34:32.380
I don't get where the stuff is.
1933
01:34:32.779 --> 01:34:36.640
And there's no penalty for not having any results. They
1934
01:34:36.680 --> 01:34:40.979
don't give the money back. They don't have to show anything. Yeah,
1935
01:34:41.020 --> 01:34:42.890
by the way, it did not have that billion dollars.
1936
01:34:42.930 --> 01:34:46.029
They're still out there, the homeless. I just saw some.
1937
01:34:46.109 --> 01:34:48.529
It's not working. Nothing's working.
1938
01:34:48.810 --> 01:34:49.149
I know.
1939
01:34:49.310 --> 01:34:51.789
And there's a bunch of poor people in Altadena who
1940
01:34:51.829 --> 01:34:56.229
never got a fucking penny. Yeah. But those podcasters. Yeah.
1941
01:34:56.250 --> 01:34:56.510
You know?
1942
01:34:57.050 --> 01:34:59.810
I saw a guy- I keep seeing guys yelling at themselves,
1943
01:35:00.289 --> 01:35:03.090
which I know is clearly like a mental health issue.
1944
01:35:03.250 --> 01:35:03.970
Always yelling at this.
1945
01:35:04.109 --> 01:35:06.329
And if I, if I ever become homeless, I'm going
1946
01:35:06.350 --> 01:35:07.409
to make an invisible friend.
1947
01:35:07.430 --> 01:35:09.369
That's nice to me. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?
1948
01:35:09.390 --> 01:35:11.130
Someone there, you know, I'm like, what'd you just say? Oh,
1949
01:35:11.149 --> 01:35:12.189
this old thing. Thank you.
1950
01:35:12.310 --> 01:35:12.520
Yeah.
1951
01:35:12.760 --> 01:35:17.260
You know, why has it always got to be so aggressive? Well, complimentary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
1952
01:35:17.560 --> 01:35:18.720
This is New York. Thank you.
1953
01:35:18.899 --> 01:35:21.340
Luckily those podcasts were sponsored by better help. So you
1954
01:35:21.359 --> 01:35:22.760
can get yourself some mental health.
1955
01:35:22.800 --> 01:35:23.859
See, look at that.
1956
01:35:24.539 --> 01:35:31.260
Yeah. I, the sad part, part is, is everyone is greedy.
1957
01:35:32.000 --> 01:35:35.119
Everyone just fucking wants money and they want to do
1958
01:35:35.180 --> 01:35:41.079
nothing to earn it. And as I was saying to Dr. Drew, everybody,
1959
01:35:41.180 --> 01:35:44.329
like it, it turns out that at everyone's core, you know,
1960
01:35:44.470 --> 01:35:46.890
AOC and Bernie Sanders are going out on the stop
1961
01:35:46.909 --> 01:35:50.329
the oligarchy tour, but they're flying privately in first class
1962
01:35:50.390 --> 01:35:52.710
and staying in thousand dollar a night suites and stuff
1963
01:35:52.729 --> 01:35:55.890
like that. And I'm like, The reason this experiment won't
1964
01:35:55.970 --> 01:36:00.180
work is because that's everyone's default setting. Everybody's default setting
1965
01:36:00.260 --> 01:36:03.770
is I'm out there fighting for working class people. You
1966
01:36:03.789 --> 01:36:04.770
want to fly private? Yeah.
1967
01:36:04.789 --> 01:36:05.050
Oh yeah.
1968
01:36:05.229 --> 01:36:05.550
Okay.
1969
01:36:05.569 --> 01:36:07.949
That's fine. Yeah. We'll do that. Well, you want to
1970
01:36:07.970 --> 01:36:10.029
stay in the basement of the airport Hilton or would
1971
01:36:10.050 --> 01:36:12.270
you like to stay in the presidential suite? I'll do that.
1972
01:36:12.430 --> 01:36:14.670
It's got a tub. It's got a tub. It's a
1973
01:36:14.689 --> 01:36:16.289
jacuzzi tub. That's where I'll act.
1974
01:36:16.430 --> 01:36:16.630
Yeah.
1975
01:36:16.909 --> 01:36:19.149
We're all there. And it's weird. We do this thing
1976
01:36:19.189 --> 01:36:20.750
all the time. Like, you know, as a poor woman,
1977
01:36:20.789 --> 01:36:22.770
as a black woman, I understand. It's like, as soon
1978
01:36:22.789 --> 01:36:24.489
as the money kicked in, it's like, but I'm doing
1979
01:36:25.029 --> 01:36:28.100
every single thing I've been criticizing all the time. And
1980
01:36:28.140 --> 01:36:32.060
I realized that, I think the only person I've ever
1981
01:36:32.140 --> 01:36:40.069
met that doesn't have that quality, like I've said, my mom,
1982
01:36:40.289 --> 01:36:42.210
I learned most of these lessons from my mom because
1983
01:36:42.229 --> 01:36:44.930
she was like sort of welfare and food stamps and
1984
01:36:44.970 --> 01:36:48.029
a lot of like rich people don't pay taxes and
1985
01:36:48.050 --> 01:36:50.930
these people don't have enough and all this kind of stuff. Meanwhile,
1986
01:36:50.989 --> 01:36:55.369
she never did anything. And just wanted free shit, but
1987
01:36:55.810 --> 01:36:58.430
had a great rap about the indigenous people and all
1988
01:36:58.470 --> 01:37:00.470
that kind of stuff and would have hated a guy
1989
01:37:00.510 --> 01:37:03.869
like Elon Musk or hated Elon Musk, but Elon Musk
1990
01:37:03.930 --> 01:37:07.569
created 2 billion jobs and pays 2 trillion in taxes
1991
01:37:07.609 --> 01:37:10.039
and you've paid nothing and you create nothing and you
1992
01:37:10.060 --> 01:37:14.520
create no jobs. But she'd still say he's the problem. Now,
1993
01:37:14.560 --> 01:37:18.699
her true colors came out a million years ago during
1994
01:37:19.100 --> 01:37:24.079
Mother's Day when I brought... a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne,
1995
01:37:25.119 --> 01:37:28.390
literally a millionaire, by the way, over to my grandma's house,
1996
01:37:28.430 --> 01:37:33.770
her mom's house, for Mother's Day. And I just brought it,
1997
01:37:34.729 --> 01:37:37.270
and I brought it, and I set it down in
1998
01:37:37.329 --> 01:37:40.420
the entrée, like when it came into my grandma's house.
1999
01:37:41.000 --> 01:37:44.220
And then at some point, sorry if you heard this one,
2000
01:37:44.260 --> 01:37:46.399
but it's been a minute, my mom, but it's kind of,
2001
01:37:46.640 --> 01:37:49.399
it shows her wiring, and it shows all progressives' wiring.
2002
01:37:50.770 --> 01:37:54.189
She was always a champion of the poor people and
2003
01:37:54.270 --> 01:37:57.869
indigenous people and any ethnicity other than her own and
2004
01:37:57.989 --> 01:38:01.590
all that. And at some point she saw the bottle
2005
01:38:01.609 --> 01:38:06.189
of Dom Perignon and she said, oh, Adam has generously
2006
01:38:06.270 --> 01:38:11.689
brought this bottle of Dom. May we sample your Dom Perignon, Adam?
2007
01:38:11.710 --> 01:38:14.609
We could all have a little taste. And I go, oh,
2008
01:38:14.670 --> 01:38:17.729
it's not mine. It's yours because that's your Mother's Day gift.
2009
01:38:18.329 --> 01:38:21.159
And she went, oh, and she hid it under her sweater.
2010
01:38:22.579 --> 01:38:27.289
Because when it was mine, she wanted everybody to have some,
2011
01:38:27.369 --> 01:38:32.489
including her. Now the bottle is yours. See? I want
2012
01:38:32.520 --> 01:38:34.649
to write a book called What Happens When You Become
2013
01:38:34.680 --> 01:38:38.119
the Man. Because now she became the man. She was
2014
01:38:38.159 --> 01:38:40.859
the one with the Dom Perignon. And what did she do?
2015
01:38:41.619 --> 01:38:44.960
The only people in that house were her mom, her husband,
2016
01:38:45.340 --> 01:38:47.880
her son, and her daughter. That's the only people in
2017
01:38:47.920 --> 01:38:49.420
the house. And she hid it.
2018
01:38:49.579 --> 01:38:49.760
Yeah.
2019
01:38:50.710 --> 01:38:51.550
Because she didn't want to share.
2020
01:38:51.590 --> 01:38:52.520
Of course not. Right.
2021
01:38:52.760 --> 01:38:57.819
Wow. Jim Carolla, my dad. He's not Bible. He's uncorruptible.
2022
01:38:58.380 --> 01:39:01.649
He is the guy like he could walk into the
2023
01:39:01.689 --> 01:39:03.899
hotel and you'd go, Jim, we're going to give you
2024
01:39:03.930 --> 01:39:04.930
the presidential suite.
2025
01:39:05.029 --> 01:39:05.289
Yeah.
2026
01:39:05.449 --> 01:39:07.550
Well, we got this beach town. You just sort of
2027
01:39:07.590 --> 01:39:10.630
laid out in the buffet. It's about six. They'll wake
2028
01:39:10.670 --> 01:39:12.829
you up and he'd go, OK, could I have some
2029
01:39:12.850 --> 01:39:14.949
tap water? And he'd just go sit there on the
2030
01:39:14.970 --> 01:39:17.449
tile and sleep. He's the only guy I've never met
2031
01:39:17.949 --> 01:39:20.829
who doesn't want a steak and a martini. Couldn't be bought.
2032
01:39:21.069 --> 01:39:26.939
Doesn't care. Doesn't know. Doesn't want a Cadillac or Rolls Royce.
2033
01:39:27.000 --> 01:39:30.439
Doesn't want anything. Doesn't need anything. Would he have said
2034
01:39:30.479 --> 01:39:35.100
no thanks to the Dom? Would he have said, I'm good? Yeah,
2035
01:39:35.340 --> 01:39:38.560
my dad would come over for Thanksgiving and he'd go, hey,
2036
01:39:38.739 --> 01:39:40.880
you want a glass of wine or a cocktail or something?
2037
01:39:40.899 --> 01:39:43.819
He'd go, no, I'm good. And you go, some tea
2038
01:39:43.880 --> 01:39:47.460
or Diet Coke or something? Hmm, fine. You go, some
2039
01:39:47.539 --> 01:39:50.649
bubbly water, some sparkling water? Just tap water's fine. He'd
2040
01:39:50.689 --> 01:39:56.149
just sit there at Thanksgiving, like, drinking tap water. And then,
2041
01:39:56.170 --> 01:39:58.840
you know, he'd have his— my stepmom drive home because he'd
2042
01:39:58.850 --> 01:40:00.939
have three, four glasses of tap water and have to,
2043
01:40:01.100 --> 01:40:06.880
you know— No, my dad couldn't be bought. I don't
2044
01:40:06.920 --> 01:40:10.039
think my dad, he's literally, he is the only person
2045
01:40:10.079 --> 01:40:12.779
I've ever met who doesn't want that shit. Everyone else,
2046
01:40:13.520 --> 01:40:15.239
no one else wants to pay for it, but if
2047
01:40:15.279 --> 01:40:20.300
you're paying for it, they're in. AOC talks a good story,
2048
01:40:20.380 --> 01:40:23.060
but she wants to go to the Met Ball with
2049
01:40:23.119 --> 01:40:23.560
a $ 50, 000 dress on, right?
2050
01:40:25.359 --> 01:40:27.270
Oh, I can't wait to get to that level. Oh,
2051
01:40:27.319 --> 01:40:28.930
I can't wait for people to start bribing me. I
2052
01:40:29.069 --> 01:40:31.170
will take any and all bribes. I will go to
2053
01:40:31.250 --> 01:40:33.470
every Met Ball. I will fly privately. I will go
2054
01:40:33.510 --> 01:40:35.670
to every presidential suite. I don't give a shit. I'm
2055
01:40:35.710 --> 01:40:38.529
tired of La Quintas. I'm tired of living in... I
2056
01:40:38.590 --> 01:40:40.300
hate it. I can't wait for that day.
2057
01:40:40.310 --> 01:40:42.420
I'm jealous, too. I bought my mom a bottle of Dommerera.
2058
01:40:42.720 --> 01:40:48.020
This mother's thing. The funniest champagne ever. By the way,
2059
01:40:48.060 --> 01:40:49.180
who says that day's coming?
2060
01:40:49.199 --> 01:40:52.100
I mean, I'm not here to burst your bubble, but
2061
01:40:52.140 --> 01:40:52.430
it's not.
2062
01:40:53.489 --> 01:40:55.529
It may have come if it was meant to.
2063
01:40:55.550 --> 01:40:58.170
You're right. Hey, listen, there's always got to be something.
2064
01:40:58.489 --> 01:40:58.890
It's hope.
2065
01:40:59.010 --> 01:40:59.329
Remember?
2066
01:40:59.350 --> 01:41:01.079
We have a conversation. It's always hope.
2067
01:41:01.300 --> 01:41:03.300
It is hope. All right. It's hope and no change.
2068
01:41:03.600 --> 01:41:07.619
Let's give you a plow because that day's coming fast
2069
01:41:07.699 --> 01:41:12.470
for Rudy Povich, who is very funny. El Paso tonight.
2070
01:41:12.750 --> 01:41:18.350
Comic strip through Sunday. And then... Wow, Snarky Loon Brewing. Yeah,
2071
01:41:18.369 --> 01:41:19.369
I got a little brew. It's in Minnesota.
2072
01:41:19.390 --> 01:41:22.630
Yeah, brewery tour happening in Jenkins, Minnesota on October 3rd,
2073
01:41:22.670 --> 01:41:23.270
October 4th.
2074
01:41:23.270 --> 01:41:25.729
You can catch me at Beaver Island Brewing in St. Cloud, Minnesota.
2075
01:41:25.760 --> 01:41:29.680
Jamie's got Irvine Improv coming up 12th through the 14th.
2076
01:41:30.239 --> 01:41:33.960
Great club, good dates over there. And you can go
2077
01:41:33.979 --> 01:41:39.210
to jamielizow.com for all the live dates. That's right. Me, Albuquerque,
2078
01:41:39.250 --> 01:41:41.609
New Mexico, September 26th. I don't know if you're going
2079
01:41:41.630 --> 01:41:44.859
to that one, Rudy, or not. Chemo Theater, and then Flagstaff,
2080
01:41:44.899 --> 01:41:48.420
Arizona at the Orpheum Theater. That'll be the 27th. Come
2081
01:41:48.479 --> 01:41:51.260
back at Kimmel's Club early October. Just go to mcroll.com
2082
01:41:51.279 --> 01:41:53.630
for all the live shows. Until next time, it's Adam
2083
01:41:53.649 --> 01:41:56.430
for Jamie and Rudy saying mahalo.
2084
01:41:58.329 --> 01:41:59.970
Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744.
2085
01:41:59.989 --> 01:42:03.310
And get tickets to see Adam Carolla at adamcarolla.com.
2086
01:42:19.149 --> 01:42:22.810
This September, CBS hits are streaming free on Pluto TV.
2087
01:42:22.829 --> 01:42:23.850
I'm coming in hot.
2088
01:42:23.970 --> 01:42:26.310
For this month only, you can watch full seasons of
2089
01:42:26.350 --> 01:42:29.640
the CBS shows you love. From the courtroom drama of
2090
01:42:29.739 --> 01:42:33.479
Madlock to the heroics of Fire Country. Go back to
2091
01:42:33.500 --> 01:42:37.020
where it all began in NCIS Origins or watch the
2092
01:42:37.079 --> 01:42:41.930
hilarious hauntings of ghosts. All for free. Full seasons of
2093
01:42:41.970 --> 01:42:46.390
the CBS shows you love. This month only on Pluto TV.
2094
01:42:46.670 --> 01:42:47.350
Stream now.
2095
01:42:47.630 --> 01:42:48.350
Pay never.
2096
01:42:51.310 --> 01:42:54.970
This September, CBS hits are streaming free on Pluto TV.
2097
01:42:54.989 --> 01:42:56.010
I'm coming in hot.
2098
01:42:56.130 --> 01:42:58.470
For this month only, you can watch full seasons of
2099
01:42:58.510 --> 01:43:01.810
the CBS shows you love. From the courtroom drama of
2100
01:43:01.909 --> 01:43:05.630
Madlock to the heroics of Fire Country. Go back to
2101
01:43:05.670 --> 01:43:09.189
where it all began in NCIS Origins or watch the
2102
01:43:09.229 --> 01:43:11.069
hilarious hauntings of Ghosts.
2103
01:43:11.720 --> 01:43:12.529
All for free.
2104
01:43:13.039 --> 01:43:16.699
Full seasons of the CBS shows you love. This month
2105
01:43:16.800 --> 01:43:18.539
only on Pluto TV.
2106
01:43:18.840 --> 01:43:20.520
Stream now. Pay never.
1
00:00:00.620 --> 00:00:04.330
Well, in this episode, we're going to talk to comedian
2
00:00:04.370 --> 00:00:09.289
Jamie Lizow and Rudy Povich going to do the news. Now,
3
00:00:09.810 --> 00:00:14.789
we recorded this shortly before we heard about Charlie Kirk.
4
00:00:16.129 --> 00:00:21.550
Charlie Kirk obviously was assassinated. You guys have all heard
5
00:00:21.589 --> 00:00:26.370
the news. Charlie, I knew. I did not know him well,
6
00:00:26.850 --> 00:00:34.270
but I knew him. He was on this program July 16, 2019.
7
00:00:34.270 --> 00:00:37.700
He was as advertised, a lot of energy, a lot
8
00:00:37.719 --> 00:00:41.939
of vitality, and very nice. And I'd had the opportunity
9
00:00:41.960 --> 00:00:45.640
to do his radio show more than once and always
10
00:00:45.679 --> 00:00:51.500
found the conversation to be lively and entertaining. It's very
11
00:00:51.579 --> 00:00:54.640
sad because of his age and the age of his
12
00:00:54.700 --> 00:01:00.750
children and his young wife and all that. It's something
13
00:01:00.829 --> 00:01:06.659
that's sadly probably going to continue as long as the
14
00:01:06.719 --> 00:01:11.579
left keeps calling Trump Hitler, because if he is Hitler,
15
00:01:13.000 --> 00:01:15.939
then you must try to get rid of Hitler and
16
00:01:16.120 --> 00:01:21.120
or his lieutenants, because if Charlie Kirk is seen as
17
00:01:22.709 --> 00:01:27.829
in part responsible for getting Donald Trump elected, then it
18
00:01:28.010 --> 00:01:30.709
only makes sense that you need to take out the
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person who was helping Hitler to gain power. And that's
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where we're living right now, sadly. So folks on the left,
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you can say all you want about peace, love, and understanding,
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but as long as you keep calling Trump Hitlerian, then
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people around Trump and possibly Trump There's going to be
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attempts made on their lives because that's what a patriot
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would do if you lived in a country where Hitler
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was running for his third term or making policy. So
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you can say all you want about, you know, thoughts
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and prayers. You can talk about gun violence. You can
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talk about anything you want. But as long as you
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keep calling Trump Hitler, there is a math and the
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math works out in a way that gets people assassinated.
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So Charlie was a good dude, very effective, got a
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lot more done in his very short time on this
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planet than most of us. And his memory will live
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on and his work will live on and I assume
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he'll even grow stronger over the years. And I think
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a lot of people are going to pick up his
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mantle and continue his work. And he deserves a really
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good legacy. And for those of you who disagree with
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Charlie Kirk, that's fine. But I think the disconnect is
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he loved this country. He loved his God. And he
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loved his family. So whatever you want to say about
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disagreeing with him, it's hard to disagree with his motivation,
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which was a patriotism and a religion and a love
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of family. All right. He'll be missed. And without any
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further ado, we will start the program.
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From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is The
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Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Jamie Lissow, plus
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the news and trending topics with Rudy Povich. And now,
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he must be respected, protected, and never rejected.
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He is somebody.
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He is somebody.
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Yeah, get it on. Got to get on a choice.
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We're going to manage it. Get it on now. Jamie's
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back in studio. Rudy Pavich is back here as well.
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Jamie's got tour dates traveling all over the place. Irvine
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coming up September 12th through the 14th. Irvine Improv's a
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good place. Great club. It is a great club. Huge,
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but well done. Huge, but well done. Yeah, agreed. And, uh,
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You can go where he's going to be in St.
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Charles at the Funny Bone. You can go to his website. Jamie,
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and I'll spell it out, L-I-S-S-O-W.com is where you go.
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Good to see you, Jamie. Good to see you, too.
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And if anybody can't spell my name, I also bought greggutfeldsfriend.com
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just to make it easier.
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Oh, smart, smart. Yeah, Rudy did that.
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I did the same move with Corolla.
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Did you?
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Yeah, I bought adamcorollasopener.com.
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Oh, that's good.
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Yeah, which gets a big pop at the end of
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the show every time.
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Yeah, that's good.
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Mm-hmm.
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Just piggybacking off all that success.
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Well, I mean, Gutfeld, number one, and I don't even
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recall it late night anymore, just sort of number one,
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Fox News, beating all the... other news outlets out. I
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just saw a thing with that. They were number one,
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beating out all the networks and everything. And, you know,
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Gutfeld's such an unlikely late night show host. But I
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do also think we're living in a world where authentic
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is better than inauthentic. And I think the problem that
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the left is having is they're trying to synthesize authentic. Absolutely.
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So here's the deal. In the 70s, you kids don't
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know from fake wood. Everything is fake wood now, and
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it looks good. You go in, and you go into
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an office building, you see this porcelain tile, and it's
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got a wood grain on it, and you go, beautiful
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oak planks. It's like, that's tile. That just has an
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oak Stamp on it. I took Viagra last night. That's
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more fake wood. Yeah, same thing. Yeah, well, you go
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from a soft wood like a pine or a birch
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to a hardwood like oak or alder. Yeah. You need
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two guys to carry it. That's right. And when you
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back up, it makes it neat, neat, neat. And then
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when you're pulling out, neat, neat. That's how she knows
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you're done.
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Neat, neat.
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Yeah, we flag it. If we've got to flag it,
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we're going to walk it across the street. That's when
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you know you're going to get a flag on the
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end of that. That's good. My dick's so big, I
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gotta flag it when I drive. A ton of people
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hit their head on it. That's a big dick. A
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dick where you go, I can't drive a pickup truck
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without legally flagging my hog. That's how big my dick is.
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F-250 is how many inches this thing is.
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Yeah, I gotta go to Home Depot just to get
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the flags. I'm not even buying any lumber. It's to
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transport my dick home. So, what the hell were we
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talking about? Oh, okay. Here's what I want people to understand.
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Fake wood looks good now because they figured it out.
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They'll do it, grain on a refrigerator, on a thing.
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70s fake wood looked like weird fake wood, right? So
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you'd see like a 74 Mustang with a fake wood
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grain steering wheel. It just looked like shit, right? Or
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the weird plastic shift knob that was supposed to look
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like wood. But the wood grain would wear off where
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your hand was and it'd just be beige in that spot.
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And so... In a way, fake authentic is worse than
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bad authentic. Like synthesized authentic is worse. I'd rather just
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see a flawed guy than someone who was trying to.
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do a replication of a perfect person, but it didn't work.
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You know what I'm saying? And that was kind of
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the Kamala Harris thing. You know, that's like when Tim
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Walz of Your Home State, you know, he does that
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stuff where he'd like– All of a sudden, there's a
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camera on him, and he pops his head up, and
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he's like, oh, hey, you caught me gapping my plugs
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in my International Harvester. Anyway, he's holding a rag that
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he doesn't care about. All of a sudden, we're going
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to start a– look, before I go hunting today, I
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want to talk about the deficit. And it's like you
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don't gap your own plugs. You're playing a guy who–
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and now it's worse. Like I would rather– I think
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that's what people like about Trump. Trump would be like,
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I'm not fucking capping my own plugs. Why should I
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do that? I'm a billionaire. Pay someone to do that.
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They're always worried about their messaging.
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We've got to work on our messaging where Trump goes,
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I'm just going to talk like this and be this guy.
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Yeah, just talk. Just tell us what you want to
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do or what you're thinking. Don't worry about what you're trying.
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Why are you trying to get me to think of
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you a certain way? Why don't you just be that way?
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You're right.
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It's as obvious as the fake. It's so obvious when
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they're pretending. They're not fooling anybody.
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And what I'm saying is the best is a nice
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wood steering wheel, authentic. The second best is just a
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plastic steering wheel that's not pretending to be wood. But
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the worst is a fake wood steering wheel. And that's
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what you got with Kamala and some of that crew.
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Do you think sometimes people are just afraid to be
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authentic because maybe it's about being canceled? And I think
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it's a good question for maybe both you guys. When
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did you consciously make the decision to just say, this
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is what I feel, this is how I'm just going
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to say it, and... fuck the consequences. Whatever happens, happens.
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Yeah.
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Jamie, when did you start speaking about how I feel?
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When did you summon the guts?
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It's always been really easy for me to talk about
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how Adam feels, you know, just be open about that.
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If he gets canceled, I think he'll be fine. I
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feel like I never knew. I never knew another way.
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Like I had moments in.
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My career where I did colleges.
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Right.
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And I remember after a couple of years feeling like, wow,
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every time I get off stage, I feel a fake
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and limited and censored. And that didn't feel good. And
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so I think I always went towards that and stand
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up comedy. You don't have that. It's when you get
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on TV that you start to feel like, oh, if
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I say this one thing, they're never going to have
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me back. And then Gutfeld, it never, never came up.
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It was never like, what are you going to say
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in our show? What angle are you going to take?
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And so I don't know.
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I don't, I don't think I did anything very brave. Like, Oh,
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I'm going to say whatever. I just don't know if
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there was ever another option.
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Yeah.
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I think, well, I did so much radio before I
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started doing standup. I mean, I guess you start at
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the start. Like, I never made up a name for radio.
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Lots of people have fake radio names. A lot of St.
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Clair's and St. Cloud's and St., you know, a lot
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of Saints and Dusty Street and stuff like, you know,
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that kind of stuff. So I never, I just entered
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into it with my name, Cash Widecock.
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All the good names like Rudy Poppins were already taken.
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So I just kept it with what it says on
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the license. Cash Widecock. You were a flag cock for
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a while, right? Well, I had to flag it. Yeah,
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flag cock. Yeah.
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It's a little orange triangle on his license.
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So, and I kind of rebelled as I think back
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on it. I rebelled against it very early on. So
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speaking of colleges, so I was on in Los Angeles
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on K-Rock. K-Rock was a big alternative station, kind of
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the MTV of the radio dial. And if you notice,
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like the MTV... VJs, they never showed up in a
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three-piece suit. It was always like a short-sleeved shirt, and
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they were sort of hanging out. You had to have
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a kind of chill vibe, and no one ever talked
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about being at the Hamptons this weekend or flying privately
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or anything, because the whole deal was your audience is
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a bunch of 14- and 15-year-old skaters, you know what
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I mean? They don't want to see the Monopoly man
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up there interviewing, you know, Billy Idol or whatever it is.
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So I was told early on, you know, don't talk
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about like you flew first class the other week. Why
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don't talk about flying first class, you know? And, and,
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you know, and I noticed around K rock, like there
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was a lot of like jocks that were in their
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late forties and they're wearing like board shorts and flip
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flops and, you know, and, uh, Val surf t-shirt. And
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I'm like, you're, you're like, you're, you know, you have
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adult children, you know, what are you dressing like a
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skater boy for? And it's like, that's who they are.
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And they have to pretend to be into all the super,
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you like some 41, man. I dig those guys. You
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don't even know, you know, you want to hear, are
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you a speed wagon? That's what you listen to when
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you get in your car, but you had to have
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this veneer of, of this fake wood thing. And so
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I got told, you know, in the mid or nineties,
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you know, Hey man, this is your audience. So first
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class or private or buying a sports car, like don't
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start talking rich guy stuff. And I always rejected it.
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I said, no, no. I said, listen, I'm not them.
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They're not tuning in to listen to them. If they
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want to hear what them has to say, then put
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a trash can on their head. I'm better than they are. Like,
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I'm aspirational. Like, here's what happens when you work hard, kids,
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and you have talent. Then you can fly first class
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and drive a Porsche. So I'm like, I'm not going
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to dumb it down and pretend like I'm one of them. Mm-hmm.
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And I never thought, I never watched Johnny Carson. That
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guy's like me, man. His mom probably has a VW
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Squareback with retread tires in North High. And I was like,
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that guy lives in the Malibu. Shit, where did he live?
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Not the grove, the colonies. He lives in the colonies.
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He has his martinis. He eats at fancy restaurants. He's
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a rich guy. That's who he is. He deserves to
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be rich. I don't think he's like me. I don't
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want to think he's like me. So there was like, well, yeah,
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but this is how we're doing it now. And so
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I know I wasn't down with any of it because
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I coined the phrase in the 90s. I would go, oh,
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and Drew, you know, I'm a millionaire. Literally a millionaire. Literally.
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I would just say literally over and over a millionaire
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into the microphone. I didn't even have... a million dollars,
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once I'd calculated that my net worth would get to
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a million dollars, then I just kept saying literally a millionaire.
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And I, looking back on it, why did I keep
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saying literally, like I would yell literally a millionaire into
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the mic. And I was like, cause I was pushing
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back on the assholes that were telling me to pretend
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like I was going to junior college and trying to
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get along.
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Right.
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So for me, it's always been a, I started early
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with it.
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Yeah. I also think that the audience, whoever they're coaching
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to be like, you got to be this relatable person.
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I think we have to give the audience a little
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more credit that they also don't mind seeing a journey
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like Corolla from the guy that calls into the Kimmel
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radio show to becoming a success. And I want to
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hear that you, I might want to hear that you
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drive a Porsche that you're literally a millionaire. I even
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feel like Rodney Dangerfield, who is my number one favorite comedian.
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And he's like, I get no respect.
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That was his whole thing. I got no respect.
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And I remember towards the end going, I don't know, dude,
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it's your 53rd appearance on Carson. This feels like you're
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getting a little bit of respect. I feel like it
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would have been okay for him to go, hey, I'm
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getting a little respect now. I'm somewhat respected. I feel
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like that's okay to see a little bit of a journey.
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Yeah, and it's also when it does blow up in
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their face. I think we love to watch it. When
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we watch the guy who's the evangelical preacher who talks
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00:16:31.870 --> 00:16:33.809
about gay is a sin, who gets busted in the
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00:16:34.389 --> 00:16:37.549
MSP airport bathroom, we love to watch that blow up.
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And then when it does get pulled back, I remember
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00:16:39.909 --> 00:16:41.750
I was a huge fan of Motley Crue.
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Love Motley Crue. These guys worship the devil, man. They
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shout at the devil.
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And then come to find out, I was watching VH1
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00:16:48.230 --> 00:16:50.230
and they pulled the curtain back and Vince Neal's getting
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a facelift.
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And I was like, what? That guy, why is he
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walking around Beverly Hills?
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That guy's supposed to be like worshiping a pentagram right now.
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00:16:57.919 --> 00:17:00.960
Well, what he really should have had is the picture
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00:17:00.980 --> 00:17:04.809
of Dorian Gray. aging in his attic because he made
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00:17:04.849 --> 00:17:10.630
a deal with Beelzebub and he never aged. Vince never even.
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Heard that story. That's the sad part about it. He
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had no idea.
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00:17:13.759 --> 00:17:15.599
Who Dorian Gray is.
306
00:17:15.619 --> 00:17:16.660
See, it was just all fake.
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00:17:16.839 --> 00:17:19.160
And you were just so angry when you find out
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that these guys aren't devil worshipers.
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You're like, what?
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00:17:21.880 --> 00:17:25.960
Well, in the story of the picture of Dorian Gray,
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Did he make a deal with the devil? He must have.
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00:17:30.980 --> 00:17:33.920
There were lots of deals with the devil. Yeah, how
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00:17:34.059 --> 00:17:37.700
do you get a hold of them? There's fiddle-related deals.
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00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:38.500
That's right.
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00:17:38.539 --> 00:17:41.019
They don't hear about oboe deals with the devil, but
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I'm sure there's some have been struck. But just they
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00:17:44.279 --> 00:17:48.299
had to sign a do not disclose thing. It probably
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slid under the radar. I feel like the fiddle devil
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00:17:50.309 --> 00:17:53.890
deal was one of the worst deals. The fiddle devil
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00:17:53.930 --> 00:17:57.299
deal was a fiddle made of Of gold.
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00:17:58.099 --> 00:18:01.420
He got his soul in exchange for just him being able.
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I just feel like there's better.
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00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:02.779
Yeah.
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00:18:03.180 --> 00:18:06.720
Well, if it was like a cello made of gold
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00:18:06.799 --> 00:18:10.289
or something, a little like a large oversized guitar from
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00:18:10.349 --> 00:18:13.369
a mariachi band made of gold. It's more valuable. Because
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00:18:13.450 --> 00:18:16.390
the fiddle made of gold is a fair amount of gold,
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00:18:16.430 --> 00:18:19.269
but it may not get that young guy through a life.
329
00:18:19.289 --> 00:18:21.069
He may have to take a job at some point.
330
00:18:21.109 --> 00:18:24.119
You could break off. A piece of the fiddle and, like,
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00:18:24.259 --> 00:18:27.099
trade it for a used car and break off another.
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00:18:27.380 --> 00:18:28.579
It sucks when you make a deal with the devil
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00:18:28.599 --> 00:18:30.539
and then you're driving for DoorDash because you didn't make
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00:18:30.559 --> 00:18:32.039
the right deal.
335
00:18:32.059 --> 00:18:34.539
Also, how are you going to fence that fiddle? Yeah.
336
00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:36.519
You know what I mean? Like, you walk in to
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00:18:36.559 --> 00:18:39.450
a place, you know, and you're trying to fence. You're like,
338
00:18:39.970 --> 00:18:41.849
I want, you know, and they're like, where'd you get
339
00:18:41.890 --> 00:18:44.029
that fiddle, boy? And they're like, I got it from
340
00:18:44.049 --> 00:18:46.269
the devil fair and square. Next thing you know, the
341
00:18:46.309 --> 00:18:47.470
cops are rolling up.
342
00:18:47.750 --> 00:18:47.910
Mm-hmm.
343
00:18:48.349 --> 00:18:50.650
They don't believe that devil story. They checked the Blue Book.
344
00:18:50.690 --> 00:18:53.599
It's worth one soul. Wow, that's a lot. Yeah, next
345
00:18:53.619 --> 00:18:55.119
thing you know, you're on Pawn Stars.
346
00:18:55.200 --> 00:18:57.160
As you say, the gold guys are calling, like, are
347
00:18:57.180 --> 00:18:58.480
you sure you got this from the devil?
348
00:18:58.509 --> 00:18:59.339
Because we got to make.
349
00:18:59.250 --> 00:19:00.630
Sure we got a police report on it.
350
00:19:00.650 --> 00:19:04.769
Yeah, and also, fiddles are hollow. Last time I checked.
351
00:19:05.569 --> 00:19:08.039
And so if you're technically going to do a fiddle
352
00:19:08.099 --> 00:19:10.740
made of gold, it's going to be back to the
353
00:19:10.779 --> 00:19:13.859
veneer of the gold. It may even be gold leaf.
354
00:19:13.900 --> 00:19:17.640
It's going to be hollow inside. Yeah. So there's not
355
00:19:17.660 --> 00:19:20.349
going to be that much gold there physically.
356
00:19:20.440 --> 00:19:22.410
It's that fake wood, just gold plated.
357
00:19:22.769 --> 00:19:25.210
Yeah. I'd make a deal for a kettlebell of gold.
358
00:19:25.809 --> 00:19:29.430
We should say, if we should redo that song and
359
00:19:29.450 --> 00:19:34.460
do a fiddle made of Bitcoin. Yeah. And he gets
360
00:19:34.500 --> 00:19:39.619
your soul. So in the story, the portrait of Dorian
361
00:19:39.700 --> 00:19:44.009
Gray was the deal with the devil or was it
362
00:19:44.049 --> 00:19:47.109
with just, you know, somebody like Hunter Biden or something
363
00:19:47.130 --> 00:19:49.950
who drew a picture of Dorian Gray in the pic?
364
00:19:50.640 --> 00:19:55.180
of Dorian Gray, handsome young Dorian wishes for eternal youth
365
00:19:55.279 --> 00:20:01.009
is painted. His portrait age is placed under the influence
366
00:20:01.069 --> 00:20:05.250
of Lord Hennessy. So his wish comes true. But was
367
00:20:05.289 --> 00:20:07.150
there any deviltry in there?
368
00:20:07.170 --> 00:20:07.730
Because.
369
00:20:08.450 --> 00:20:11.279
Did he make the deal with the devil? Either way,
370
00:20:13.000 --> 00:20:18.099
here's an interesting thought. And Dawson, since Andrew's looking for
371
00:20:18.140 --> 00:20:22.299
the devil part of the Dorian Gray, but devil and Dorian,
372
00:20:22.319 --> 00:20:30.390
maybe there's something there. So I liked a tweet from
373
00:20:30.430 --> 00:20:35.589
like yesterday, right? And it was somebody... somebody telling me
374
00:20:35.609 --> 00:20:38.970
I was never funny and I'm not funny or whatever.
375
00:20:39.049 --> 00:20:43.359
One of those, which I do like those. And so, uh,
376
00:20:43.369 --> 00:20:46.390
it's Oscar Wilde's picture. Dorian Gray, uh, doesn't make a
377
00:20:46.509 --> 00:20:50.390
formal deal with the devil. It's a handshake deal. Um,
378
00:20:52.069 --> 00:20:55.869
deal with a specific ending. So there's no specific, um,
379
00:20:56.250 --> 00:20:57.650
reference to Lucifer in that.
380
00:20:58.250 --> 00:20:58.490
All right.
381
00:20:58.869 --> 00:21:03.200
So, um, So here's an interesting thing, and I wonder
382
00:21:03.240 --> 00:21:05.420
if you think it's like we've turned the corner and
383
00:21:05.480 --> 00:21:12.769
it's kind of Trump whatever. People in the past have– oh, no.
384
00:21:13.150 --> 00:21:17.329
People in the past would flaunt their wealth. And they
385
00:21:17.369 --> 00:21:19.950
would say, like, I'm from the Rothschilds, you know. And
386
00:21:19.990 --> 00:21:23.359
my father was a great industrialist or shipping magnate or
387
00:21:23.380 --> 00:21:24.059
whatever it was.
388
00:21:24.099 --> 00:21:24.279
Right.
389
00:21:24.819 --> 00:21:27.579
And they'd have a pocket watch and say good day and, like,
390
00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:31.299
wear spats and stuff like that. Then at some point,
391
00:21:31.859 --> 00:21:36.220
we got the message and they started rounding down. You know, like,
392
00:21:36.240 --> 00:21:39.680
they'd go, you know, like, you see these guys that go, like,
393
00:21:39.720 --> 00:21:42.380
you know, we're very middle class, very middle class. And, like,
394
00:21:42.440 --> 00:21:44.279
at some point, the guy's friend will go, your dad
395
00:21:44.339 --> 00:21:48.940
ran Nabisco. Right. Yeah, but we were pretty– I mean, hey,
396
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:52.259
we weren't poor. It's like, no, no, no. You were rich.
397
00:21:53.319 --> 00:21:58.230
You're rounding it down. I slept in my car. There's
398
00:21:58.269 --> 00:22:02.250
all this bullshit, fake, poor shit that drives me nuts.
399
00:22:02.490 --> 00:22:06.119
I mean, the– The greatest is, you know, Posh Spice
400
00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:09.150
doing her interview explaining they grew up middle class. And
401
00:22:09.170 --> 00:22:12.029
then David Beckham was like, what kind of car did
402
00:22:12.049 --> 00:22:13.950
you drive? And it was like, she didn't want to talk.
403
00:22:14.049 --> 00:22:17.089
And she got dropped off to school in a Rolls Royce.
404
00:22:17.150 --> 00:22:20.579
That is not, it's not middle class. So everyone is
405
00:22:20.759 --> 00:22:25.500
fighting for it. And there used to be, you know,
406
00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:29.519
lifestyles of the rich and famous and everyone went over
407
00:22:29.579 --> 00:22:35.660
the top. to flaunt their wealth. And now you have
408
00:22:36.279 --> 00:22:39.019
a target on your back, like a physical target, like
409
00:22:39.039 --> 00:22:41.940
there's an element of don't wear Rolex out at night
410
00:22:42.059 --> 00:22:44.890
in LA, you're going to get stuck up, right? But
411
00:22:44.910 --> 00:22:48.089
there's also a sort of social target, which is that
412
00:22:48.210 --> 00:22:53.460
rich guy out of touch, whatever. I come from such
413
00:22:53.619 --> 00:22:57.839
poverty and I work so hard that I always told
414
00:22:57.859 --> 00:23:00.769
everyone to fuck right off when they tried to do it.
415
00:23:00.779 --> 00:23:04.630
When I when I when I was battling with the L.A.
416
00:23:05.430 --> 00:23:10.599
teachers unions about opening schools. And by the way, the
417
00:23:10.640 --> 00:23:13.190
test scores have come in. I hope everyone's sitting down.
418
00:23:13.210 --> 00:23:15.730
The kids are fucking failing like shit. But when I
419
00:23:15.769 --> 00:23:20.490
was battling with the L.A. Unified School District on Twitter,
420
00:23:20.970 --> 00:23:23.269
yelling at them to open the schools and calling them
421
00:23:23.349 --> 00:23:27.460
cowards and everything I could call them. And they they.
422
00:23:27.960 --> 00:23:30.259
So what the left does is they make their try.
423
00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:33.819
They do. They do either racist or this rich guy.
424
00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:37.200
You know, so they wrote something like this. Oh, look
425
00:23:37.259 --> 00:23:40.440
at Adam sitting in a $ 7 million house, you know,
426
00:23:40.900 --> 00:23:43.609
counting his money, telling us to go back to work.
427
00:23:44.009 --> 00:23:47.730
And I just wrote back 7.3. That's all I wrote.
428
00:23:47.849 --> 00:23:50.490
I just wrote 7.3. That was my answer to him
429
00:23:50.529 --> 00:23:53.890
because the house was 7.3. It wasn't 7. And my
430
00:23:53.930 --> 00:23:57.619
thing is like, fuck you. You can't shame me. I've been...
431
00:23:57.960 --> 00:24:01.500
on too many construction sites, slept on too many floors
432
00:24:01.799 --> 00:24:04.380
and worked too fucking many weekends for you to even
433
00:24:04.440 --> 00:24:07.519
get near shaming me for your, by the way, you're
434
00:24:07.559 --> 00:24:10.059
lazy fucking ass. You want to be a teacher? Fuck off.
435
00:24:10.200 --> 00:24:12.500
I don't care. So you can't do it to me.
436
00:24:13.039 --> 00:24:16.859
But here's the interesting point. Have we turned, as Trump,
437
00:24:17.519 --> 00:24:20.000
have we turned the corner and gone the other way?
438
00:24:20.059 --> 00:24:24.279
Because somebody tweeted me about, you know, not being funny
439
00:24:24.460 --> 00:24:28.369
or never being funny. And then I answered the person
440
00:24:28.430 --> 00:24:30.990
this way. But the thing that was interesting about it
441
00:24:31.890 --> 00:24:35.430
is I read the 700 comments under it and they're
442
00:24:35.529 --> 00:24:38.069
all on my side. And I don't think they would
443
00:24:38.089 --> 00:24:39.470
have done it this way before.
444
00:24:39.490 --> 00:24:39.809
All right.
445
00:24:39.829 --> 00:24:43.359
So I'll read the thing. It's a guy says, remember
446
00:24:43.420 --> 00:24:47.519
that time you were funny. And I wrote that was
447
00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:48.839
$ 70 million ago.
448
00:24:48.920 --> 00:24:51.880
That's so good.
449
00:24:52.180 --> 00:24:57.490
Right. So. Now I'm expecting every third comment to go, hey,
450
00:24:57.609 --> 00:25:00.589
rich guy, there are people who can't afford groceries or whatever.
451
00:25:01.309 --> 00:25:05.039
Every single comment under it was burn that guy. Good answer.
452
00:25:05.160 --> 00:25:12.509
Fuck off. Right. And it's interesting that. There was no
453
00:25:12.670 --> 00:25:17.789
haters in the entire 50 comments. Not one person went, hey,
454
00:25:17.869 --> 00:25:21.910
rich guy, there's people out there with real problems, okay?
455
00:25:22.289 --> 00:25:25.630
Or whatever, my kid has leukemia and we lost our insurance.
456
00:25:26.170 --> 00:25:29.190
It was 50 comments of go get them, Ace, which
457
00:25:29.299 --> 00:25:31.660
I don't think I would have done that five years
458
00:25:31.720 --> 00:25:32.799
ago is what I'm saying.
459
00:25:33.119 --> 00:25:33.200
Yeah.
460
00:25:33.839 --> 00:25:36.259
Yeah, and the other thing that I've noticed with people
461
00:25:36.279 --> 00:25:38.599
is they always talk about how the rich are greedy.
462
00:25:38.619 --> 00:25:40.980
It's always the rich guy's fault that I'm poor.
463
00:25:41.000 --> 00:25:44.259
And I'm like, first off, greed doesn't know any sort
464
00:25:44.299 --> 00:25:45.539
of economic structure.
465
00:25:45.559 --> 00:25:46.779
It doesn't know if you're rich or poor.
466
00:25:47.119 --> 00:25:50.069
I've met a lot of greedy motherfuckers who are poor,
467
00:25:50.410 --> 00:25:50.930
and they're the.
468
00:25:50.930 --> 00:25:51.730
Worst people ever.
469
00:25:52.029 --> 00:25:59.400
Most people. I know who aren't successful, it's because they
470
00:25:59.440 --> 00:26:01.519
were grabby, greedy.
471
00:26:01.619 --> 00:26:01.880
Yes.
472
00:26:02.220 --> 00:26:04.470
They'd go, oh, could you talk to Jimmy about getting
473
00:26:04.490 --> 00:26:07.029
me some free Lakers tickets or whatever? And I'd go, uh.
474
00:26:07.109 --> 00:26:11.170
And then next thing you know, you associate this person
475
00:26:11.210 --> 00:26:15.210
with asking for shit. Anybody who's had that family member
476
00:26:15.250 --> 00:26:17.799
who's always trying to borrow money or asking for a favor,
477
00:26:18.279 --> 00:26:20.779
their phone rings, their name comes up in your phone,
478
00:26:20.799 --> 00:26:23.440
you look at it and go, Well, they want now. Yeah.
479
00:26:23.460 --> 00:26:25.759
I don't even know. I'm letting it go to voicemail.
480
00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:29.680
Like all of the ones that I grew up with,
481
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:35.460
the poor people, they're grabby and greedy and like, what?
482
00:26:36.039 --> 00:26:39.579
And for certain, won't work for free. Like when I
483
00:26:39.619 --> 00:26:41.859
started with K-Rock, I worked for a year for free.
484
00:26:42.259 --> 00:26:44.779
And my friends were like, what are you getting paid, man?
485
00:26:44.859 --> 00:26:47.630
Come on now. Because they're like, you're in show business.
486
00:26:47.670 --> 00:26:50.309
And I'm like, I'm not getting paid anything. And they're like, dude,
487
00:26:50.329 --> 00:26:52.549
you got to ask. Go in there and tell them
488
00:26:52.569 --> 00:26:55.029
to give you money. And I was like, I don't
489
00:26:55.049 --> 00:26:58.450
want to piss them off. And then the first time
490
00:26:59.910 --> 00:27:03.069
they agreed to pay me, they agreed to pay me
491
00:27:03.069 --> 00:27:07.769
$ 50 a bit. And my buddy Ray, he went working construction,
492
00:27:07.809 --> 00:27:10.740
by the way. He goes, how much did I pay you?
493
00:27:10.779 --> 00:27:11.859
I go, $ 50 a bit. He goes, $ 50 a bit?
494
00:27:11.880 --> 00:27:12.579
That's nothing.
495
00:27:12.740 --> 00:27:12.940
Yeah.
496
00:27:15.140 --> 00:27:19.200
That's nothing. And then I said famously, I go, Ray,
497
00:27:19.339 --> 00:27:22.500
I should be paying them. And six months later, I
498
00:27:22.759 --> 00:27:24.920
was rich off of radio.
499
00:27:25.079 --> 00:27:25.579
Yeah.
500
00:27:25.660 --> 00:27:29.029
But they don't get it. It's like, where's the cash? Yeah.
501
00:27:29.140 --> 00:27:30.009
Where's the cash?
502
00:27:30.180 --> 00:27:31.720
I tell people when I come and do this show,
503
00:27:31.829 --> 00:27:33.869
I drive from Las Vegas. I come here maybe once
504
00:27:33.910 --> 00:27:36.130
every two weeks, three weeks. I drive from Las Vegas.
505
00:27:36.170 --> 00:27:38.390
I get up in the morning, 6 a.m. I drive here.
506
00:27:38.410 --> 00:27:39.109
I do the show.
507
00:27:39.430 --> 00:27:41.029
We hang out two and a half hours. I drive
508
00:27:41.069 --> 00:27:43.329
right back to Las Vegas. Round trip is probably eight
509
00:27:43.349 --> 00:27:45.170
and a half, nine hours in the car. And I
510
00:27:45.210 --> 00:27:47.150
can't tell you how many people go, why would you
511
00:27:47.190 --> 00:27:47.509
do that?
512
00:27:47.829 --> 00:27:48.490
That's insane.
513
00:27:48.769 --> 00:27:50.789
The only person who I've ever told that story to
514
00:27:50.829 --> 00:27:53.059
who was like, dude, good for you, keep doing it,
515
00:27:53.329 --> 00:27:57.150
Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider was like, dude, we need that
516
00:27:57.259 --> 00:27:58.980
kind of get up and go in everybody.
517
00:27:59.180 --> 00:28:01.160
If other people were to do that, this would be
518
00:28:01.180 --> 00:28:02.019
a much better country.
519
00:28:02.299 --> 00:28:04.180
I can verify that. I worked for Rob Schneider unpaid
520
00:28:04.200 --> 00:28:06.700
for years. Yeah, I saw a TV show.
521
00:28:06.859 --> 00:28:08.319
Yeah, I agree.
522
00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:09.660
It's the long game, right?
523
00:28:09.720 --> 00:28:12.480
It's also understanding the value of being on or getting
524
00:28:12.500 --> 00:28:15.160
that exposure. And then also they want to work with you.
525
00:28:15.559 --> 00:28:17.160
And if you're not charging them a certain amount of money,
526
00:28:17.180 --> 00:28:18.900
they go, hey, come on every day. Come on every week.
527
00:28:18.920 --> 00:28:21.279
Like if you make it financial too quickly, you're sort
528
00:28:21.299 --> 00:28:23.599
of cutting yourself off of the long game.
529
00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:27.170
We have the Beckham video, I'm told, because it's perfect.
530
00:28:27.529 --> 00:28:29.650
It's so perfect. By the way, her name is Posh.
531
00:28:30.509 --> 00:28:34.460
It's not poverty spice. It's posh. My mom would have
532
00:28:34.480 --> 00:28:39.019
been poverty spice. My sister, now Lauren Carolla's poverty spice.
533
00:28:39.039 --> 00:28:42.099
She's got one flip-flop. She walks out there smoking.
534
00:28:42.359 --> 00:28:44.380
If you want to be on welfare, you got to
535
00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:45.480
get with my mom.
536
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:52.170
All right, here it is. We're very working class. Be honest.
537
00:28:52.950 --> 00:28:56.769
I am being honest. I am being honest. What kind
538
00:28:56.890 --> 00:28:59.190
of did your dad drive you to school in? So
539
00:28:59.349 --> 00:29:02.049
my dad did... No, one answer. My dad... What car
540
00:29:02.069 --> 00:29:04.359
was it? It's not a simple answer because.
541
00:29:04.420 --> 00:29:05.559
What car did you.
542
00:29:06.210 --> 00:29:08.210
Get your dad to drive you to school.
543
00:29:08.329 --> 00:29:08.650
It depends.
544
00:29:08.670 --> 00:29:09.710
No, no, no, no, no.
545
00:29:09.710 --> 00:29:09.849
Okay.
546
00:29:09.890 --> 00:29:11.650
In the 80s, my dad had a Rolls Royce.
547
00:29:11.670 --> 00:29:13.210
Thank you.
548
00:29:13.869 --> 00:29:14.089
I know.
549
00:29:14.130 --> 00:29:15.309
My girlfriend does the same thing.
550
00:29:15.349 --> 00:29:17.369
My girlfriend's great, but she does come from a family
551
00:29:17.410 --> 00:29:19.670
that had some money, and they had a sailboat on
552
00:29:19.730 --> 00:29:22.109
a lake in Minneapolis. And every time she talks about
553
00:29:22.390 --> 00:29:24.190
how the rich are the problem, I'm like, how many
554
00:29:24.630 --> 00:29:26.079
times did you go out in the summertime? Did you
555
00:29:26.119 --> 00:29:28.559
go out sailing? And she's like, it wasn't the same.
556
00:29:28.599 --> 00:29:30.220
I'm like, did you not own a boat on a
557
00:29:30.279 --> 00:29:32.859
lake in Minneapolis? If you did, then guess what? You're
558
00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:33.700
part of the rich, too.
559
00:29:34.039 --> 00:29:41.789
That's right. Yeah, so my whole thing is, There's two,
560
00:29:41.990 --> 00:29:45.549
my approach to like owning stuff was like, I am
561
00:29:45.930 --> 00:29:49.519
going to tell everyone I'm rich. And then I'm going
562
00:29:49.539 --> 00:29:52.519
to tell them I still have problems and it doesn't
563
00:29:52.559 --> 00:29:54.779
make you happy. And you still get fucked over at
564
00:29:54.819 --> 00:29:58.000
the airport and the security line and all the shit
565
00:29:58.039 --> 00:30:00.839
that happens that you don't think happens to rich people
566
00:30:00.900 --> 00:30:05.319
because they're rich. It all happens the same. Yeah. I
567
00:30:05.359 --> 00:30:07.480
like it's honesty, right? It's just being real.
568
00:30:07.990 --> 00:30:09.670
And it's funny you bring that up about money because
569
00:30:09.910 --> 00:30:13.349
I always thought being broke was the center of all
570
00:30:13.410 --> 00:30:15.670
my problems. And I thought once I get some money,
571
00:30:15.730 --> 00:30:18.130
then I'll be happy. And I sold my first house
572
00:30:18.210 --> 00:30:20.839
and they literally gave me a check for $ 60, 000. And
573
00:30:21.279 --> 00:30:23.160
I was driving to the bank to put it in there.
574
00:30:23.359 --> 00:30:26.539
And I remember thinking, I am equally as unhappy in
575
00:30:26.579 --> 00:30:29.420
this moment with $ 60, 000 as I was before they handed
576
00:30:29.440 --> 00:30:31.980
me the check. So money is obviously not the answer.
577
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:37.289
No, I think so. There's a couple of things. I
578
00:30:37.329 --> 00:30:41.920
think there's lessons like you should talk to someone who's
579
00:30:42.019 --> 00:30:44.519
rich and go, how did you do this? And my
580
00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:47.279
answer would be work for fucking free and don't piss
581
00:30:47.319 --> 00:30:50.380
people off and go get needy and grabby and don't
582
00:30:50.420 --> 00:30:52.670
have jobs you won't do. You know, like I don't
583
00:30:52.730 --> 00:30:54.670
do I'm not here. I'm not getting paid to just
584
00:30:54.809 --> 00:30:58.589
jump in, help out, that kind of stuff. And, you know,
585
00:30:58.609 --> 00:31:02.650
the boss always notices. When we would do the man show,
586
00:31:02.670 --> 00:31:05.750
we didn't even know the interns' names. It would just
587
00:31:05.829 --> 00:31:09.029
be at the end of the season, it would be like,
588
00:31:09.109 --> 00:31:10.759
who are we bringing back? And it would be like,
589
00:31:11.559 --> 00:31:14.259
the dude who's always wearing the Flock of Seagulls T-shirt,
590
00:31:14.279 --> 00:31:16.740
that guy's a bust. That guy's a bust. I didn't
591
00:31:16.759 --> 00:31:18.380
even know his name. That guy's a bust. And then
592
00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:20.240
Jimmy would go, yeah, he was supposed to pick me
593
00:31:20.369 --> 00:31:22.670
up on set. He was like 20 minutes late. And
594
00:31:22.950 --> 00:31:24.970
we'd go, all right, that guy's gone. It would just go,
595
00:31:24.990 --> 00:31:28.539
that guy's gone. And then the other guy... Would be like, oh, yeah,
596
00:31:28.559 --> 00:31:30.420
remember the guy who showed up early and he got
597
00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:35.700
us breakfast burritos? Yeah, that dude. He's coming back. We
598
00:31:35.740 --> 00:31:41.849
hired a guy, Adam De La Pena, who's a– I
599
00:31:41.890 --> 00:31:44.069
guess– look him up, but Adam's a friend. He does
600
00:31:44.089 --> 00:31:47.029
a lot of riding. We hired him. He came walking
601
00:31:47.089 --> 00:31:50.910
in for his job interview. He's wearing this Hawaiian shirt,
602
00:31:50.930 --> 00:31:53.940
but it was pretty killer. And Jimmy and I both
603
00:31:53.980 --> 00:31:57.289
looked at it and went– where'd you get that Hawaiian shirt?
604
00:31:57.309 --> 00:32:01.230
And he goes, he goes, uh, Adam, Dave, he's my
605
00:32:01.250 --> 00:32:06.349
writer's assistant. He goes, uh, I sewed it myself. I go,
606
00:32:06.869 --> 00:32:09.339
you made your own Hawaiian shirt. And he goes, I
607
00:32:09.380 --> 00:32:11.759
made my own Hawaiian shirt and you hire me. I'll
608
00:32:11.779 --> 00:32:13.799
make one for you too. And we're like, all right,
609
00:32:13.839 --> 00:32:17.720
he's hired. I didn't even remember if he ever made
610
00:32:17.740 --> 00:32:20.880
us a fucking shirt, but he, he, he made his
611
00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:24.569
own Hawaiian shirt and he showed up in it. And that's, uh,
612
00:32:24.609 --> 00:32:27.319
De La Pena. We had an assistant. Oh, no, that's
613
00:32:27.359 --> 00:32:33.049
where the word mijo. That was de la pena was mijo.
614
00:32:33.710 --> 00:32:36.210
And that's where all the mijos started with the man show.
615
00:32:36.289 --> 00:32:36.549
Go ahead.
616
00:32:36.829 --> 00:32:39.200
Oh, we had this guy on Real Rob Season 1.
617
00:32:39.190 --> 00:32:41.509
His name was David Tanner. And we had a series
618
00:32:41.589 --> 00:32:44.349
of guys that would come in for free that were
619
00:32:44.569 --> 00:32:48.430
unpaid interns. And this one dude was always the happiest
620
00:32:48.450 --> 00:32:49.950
to be there. He was there before all of us.
621
00:32:49.950 --> 00:32:51.829
And I remember he drove me home one night and
622
00:32:51.849 --> 00:32:53.190
I said something about, like, I don't drink alcohol. I
623
00:32:53.230 --> 00:32:55.170
drink sparkling water or something. And the next morning he
624
00:32:55.190 --> 00:32:56.690
had like a bunch of sparkling water for me and
625
00:32:56.710 --> 00:32:59.690
all this stuff. He was the executive producer of season
626
00:32:59.730 --> 00:33:02.430
two of Real Rob. He was an unpaid intern on
627
00:33:02.470 --> 00:33:05.339
season one with a group of other interns. And just
628
00:33:05.390 --> 00:33:08.430
by being that guy, he is a executive producer of
629
00:33:08.650 --> 00:33:11.579
many movies now. Just by being that guy that didn't go,
630
00:33:11.839 --> 00:33:13.220
how much do I get? Will you pay me back
631
00:33:13.259 --> 00:33:15.339
for the sparkling water? Like it was always just the
632
00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:17.440
guy that just wanted to be there, just hungry for
633
00:33:17.819 --> 00:33:18.160
the work.
634
00:33:18.619 --> 00:33:20.880
I want to ask you guys, you're younger than I am.
635
00:33:21.160 --> 00:33:25.390
I don't, I don't know what a lot of, abbreviations are.
636
00:33:25.789 --> 00:33:30.920
I mean, I figured out cuck, you know, but I've
637
00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:34.859
gotten a bunch of different variations on what a simp is.
638
00:33:36.259 --> 00:33:41.869
Keith Oberman called me a simp and somebody said simple
639
00:33:42.609 --> 00:33:47.250
and the other person said sympathizer. So it's weird when
640
00:33:47.269 --> 00:33:51.089
you're being insulted, but you're confused on how the insult goes.
641
00:33:51.109 --> 00:33:53.990
So first off, what is a simp? I have no.
642
00:33:54.569 --> 00:33:57.119
Is a cuck where you like to watch people have
643
00:33:57.220 --> 00:33:58.720
sex with your person?
644
00:33:58.779 --> 00:34:01.859
I like to do that if I'm the other guy. Yeah.
645
00:34:01.900 --> 00:34:03.700
I don't know simp. I don't know what it means. Yeah.
646
00:34:03.940 --> 00:34:07.319
I imagine if it's coming from Keith, it must mean simpleton, correct?
647
00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:09.789
Yeah. Yeah. It's not symphony if it's coming from... No,
648
00:34:09.800 --> 00:34:10.860
but it could be simple.
649
00:34:11.360 --> 00:34:12.460
But sympathetic.
650
00:34:12.639 --> 00:34:13.300
Sympathetic.
651
00:34:13.320 --> 00:34:14.380
Someone who is overly sympathetic.
652
00:34:14.400 --> 00:34:15.179
I'm overly sympathetic.
653
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:16.579
If you're a simp, he was probably calling you a
654
00:34:16.699 --> 00:34:17.619
simp for Trump.
655
00:34:18.219 --> 00:34:20.900
Yeah, but it wasn't because it wasn't talking about Trump.
656
00:34:20.920 --> 00:34:24.039
But yeah, you're right. You're right. But first off, I've
657
00:34:24.099 --> 00:34:26.179
never been called overly sympathetic.
658
00:34:26.239 --> 00:34:26.460
No.
659
00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:30.840
So come on, Dawson. I hate when I get called
660
00:34:30.860 --> 00:34:33.480
something and I have to Google it. I had to
661
00:34:33.780 --> 00:34:37.280
ask around. It was like being sworn at in a
662
00:34:37.320 --> 00:34:39.559
foreign language or something. I had to look it up,
663
00:34:39.619 --> 00:34:43.730
see what that cab driver was talking about. I was like,
664
00:34:44.250 --> 00:34:49.389
it's not effective when you... First off, you abbreviating a
665
00:34:49.449 --> 00:34:55.179
word doesn't make it an insult. The number one trait
666
00:34:55.559 --> 00:34:58.320
any woman has ever accused me of not having is
667
00:34:58.340 --> 00:35:01.579
being sympathetic enough. I'm the rub some dirt on it guy.
668
00:35:01.619 --> 00:35:03.860
Come on, let's go. kind of thing. You know, I'm
669
00:35:03.900 --> 00:35:06.619
the guy, you know, you go, I'm allergic to shelf.
670
00:35:06.659 --> 00:35:08.869
You're fine. Let's go eat it up. Eat that shrimp.
671
00:35:08.929 --> 00:35:11.650
Here we go. Like I'm that guy. So I'm not the,
672
00:35:12.269 --> 00:35:13.789
I'm the worst guy in the world to tell me
673
00:35:13.809 --> 00:35:14.869
you're not feeling well.
674
00:35:15.030 --> 00:35:15.289
Yeah.
675
00:35:15.449 --> 00:35:17.690
Cause I'm always like, I'm not feeling well either. Nobody's
676
00:35:17.730 --> 00:35:21.289
a hundred percent. Now let's go to work. So, uh,
677
00:35:21.730 --> 00:35:24.079
it's a tweet. I think it was a tweet he
678
00:35:24.139 --> 00:35:26.679
sent me. Oh no, Andrew, you sent it to me.
679
00:35:26.739 --> 00:35:29.340
That's the, the other part that's weird is I wouldn't
680
00:35:29.380 --> 00:35:32.199
have seen it, but Andrew found it and he sent
681
00:35:32.239 --> 00:35:34.670
it to me. And then he called me a simp.
682
00:35:35.530 --> 00:35:41.590
But again, with the simp, if I'm being labeled as sympathetic,
683
00:35:42.150 --> 00:35:46.989
then I thank you, Keith Oberman, because no one's ever
684
00:35:47.070 --> 00:35:51.909
called me that. But I think it was me making
685
00:35:51.949 --> 00:35:54.489
fun of Gavin Newsom. And I just said, name me
686
00:35:54.610 --> 00:35:57.190
one thing that got It was like Gavin Newsom's right
687
00:35:57.230 --> 00:36:00.039
about everything is what the tweet was. And I said,
688
00:36:00.059 --> 00:36:02.340
as I said to everyone, name one thing he got
689
00:36:02.380 --> 00:36:05.139
right about COVID. One thing. Now, to be fair to him,
690
00:36:05.199 --> 00:36:07.500
he wasn't wrong. He was just lying. He didn't care.
691
00:36:07.559 --> 00:36:11.369
But name one thing he got right about COVID. And
692
00:36:11.409 --> 00:36:16.059
then Keith Oberman wrote all of it. Which is like, really?
693
00:36:16.079 --> 00:36:18.019
Because I got a friend who owned a restaurant called
694
00:36:18.059 --> 00:36:20.340
Tin Horn Flats three miles from here. And it's got
695
00:36:20.360 --> 00:36:22.239
a fence around it now because they're out of business
696
00:36:22.599 --> 00:36:25.400
because they kept their patio open for outdoor dining. And
697
00:36:25.440 --> 00:36:29.239
he shut down outdoor dining with no signs. He took
698
00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:32.050
bulldozers and filled in skate parks at the beach. He
699
00:36:32.110 --> 00:36:35.590
cut down volleyball nets at the beach. He arrested a
700
00:36:35.610 --> 00:36:39.050
guy for paddle boarding in the bay. He kept schools
701
00:36:39.110 --> 00:36:40.849
closed way too long. I'm going to say he got
702
00:36:41.090 --> 00:36:45.130
everything wrong. But by the way, who's the simp here? Yeah.
703
00:36:45.190 --> 00:36:49.300
The guy who says Gavin Newsom got everything right about
704
00:36:49.380 --> 00:36:53.880
COVID when all he did was get everything wrong about COVID.
705
00:36:54.420 --> 00:36:58.730
But again, the simp, the unfunny part. Do you think
706
00:36:58.769 --> 00:37:01.369
he was tweeting and just. Drove off the road. It
707
00:37:01.489 --> 00:37:02.710
feels like it might have just ended. He was going
708
00:37:02.730 --> 00:37:06.150
to finish, right? Yeah. Like, sympathizer. Maybe he's going to
709
00:37:06.190 --> 00:37:11.000
write simpleton or simple syrup. Yeah. Maybe. Symposium?
710
00:37:11.039 --> 00:37:11.400
Yeah, he.
711
00:37:11.420 --> 00:37:16.199
You unfunny simp. All right, so this is a sympathizer,
712
00:37:17.179 --> 00:37:22.909
but not a simpleton. Again... Look, you're three or four
713
00:37:22.969 --> 00:37:24.309
letters away from clarity.
714
00:37:24.610 --> 00:37:26.949
Look, we're also in the mind of Keith Olbermann. Who
715
00:37:26.989 --> 00:37:28.030
knows what the hell he meant?
716
00:37:28.050 --> 00:37:28.730
Yeah, man.
717
00:37:28.809 --> 00:37:31.230
Talk about guys who have gone off the rails. Jesus,
718
00:37:31.250 --> 00:37:32.210
what happened to that dude?
719
00:37:32.929 --> 00:37:35.010
What does he do? Does he do stuff? Does he,
720
00:37:35.670 --> 00:37:36.389
is he doing anything?
721
00:37:37.010 --> 00:37:38.920
Remember he was on like a, like a TV show
722
00:37:38.960 --> 00:37:40.590
on a real channel. And then it was like, oh,
723
00:37:40.670 --> 00:37:42.090
he's on this other base.
724
00:37:42.159 --> 00:37:45.380
He was on the face of ESPN for a long time.
725
00:37:45.420 --> 00:37:45.800
Yeah, ESPN.
726
00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:48.039
Then he had a show on select jet blue flights. Like,
727
00:37:48.079 --> 00:37:50.539
it just kept getting less and less. He's on the
728
00:37:50.579 --> 00:37:55.449
ring doorbell network now. You know, that Ring Doorbell Network
729
00:37:55.469 --> 00:37:58.179
joke was a joke I made like five years ago,
730
00:37:58.199 --> 00:38:00.960
but then I realized, oh, we're getting there. Absolutely.
731
00:38:01.099 --> 00:38:02.039
Oh, yeah.
732
00:38:02.099 --> 00:38:04.440
There is going to be a Ring Doorbell Network soon.
733
00:38:04.860 --> 00:38:07.219
Yeah. And one of the things I like about, I've
734
00:38:07.239 --> 00:38:09.559
always said about you, Adam, is your ability, and you've
735
00:38:09.599 --> 00:38:11.659
brought this up many times, is your ability to keep
736
00:38:11.679 --> 00:38:14.039
your heart rate low. And Adam and I had a
737
00:38:14.079 --> 00:38:17.559
moment like two weeks ago where everybody was gone, me
738
00:38:17.599 --> 00:38:20.019
and another guy who works here in the building, another Adam,
739
00:38:20.380 --> 00:38:22.079
were just like, you know, hanging out, and all of
740
00:38:22.119 --> 00:38:23.280
a sudden the toilet just broke.
741
00:38:23.909 --> 00:38:25.460
And water is spewing everywhere.
742
00:38:25.500 --> 00:38:27.420
I mean, it's literally flooding the hallway and I'm on
743
00:38:27.440 --> 00:38:29.489
the phone with Adam and I'm like, we gotta fix this.
744
00:38:29.809 --> 00:38:31.530
And the whole time just super even keel. He's like,
745
00:38:31.570 --> 00:38:32.260
there's a.
746
00:38:33.909 --> 00:38:37.539
There's a screwdriver in the back. Let's see. Is it
747
00:38:37.579 --> 00:38:39.460
a Phillips head? And in my mind, I'm like, move
748
00:38:39.500 --> 00:38:42.079
your ass. I need to find the goddamn screwdriver. But
749
00:38:42.099 --> 00:38:43.900
you're just so even keel all the time.
750
00:38:43.920 --> 00:38:46.199
So when he says, say, if it is simple, then yes,
751
00:38:46.260 --> 00:38:48.349
he is correct in saying that you are somewhat kind
752
00:38:48.369 --> 00:38:51.329
of a simple guy where you really don't, the anxiety
753
00:38:51.369 --> 00:38:52.110
does not get to you.
754
00:38:52.369 --> 00:38:55.150
I don't have that heart rate thing. I'm, I'm one
755
00:38:55.170 --> 00:39:00.070
of the, I literally can spin a race car out
756
00:39:00.130 --> 00:39:03.690
at 120 miles an hour and be very relaxed while
757
00:39:03.750 --> 00:39:11.119
doing it. But it's more logic than it is nerves
758
00:39:11.179 --> 00:39:15.320
or something. It's more like it doesn't... Once you're along
759
00:39:15.360 --> 00:39:17.440
for the ride, you're kind of along for the ride.
760
00:39:17.599 --> 00:39:20.010
You can't do anything about it. You can't fight it.
761
00:39:20.079 --> 00:39:22.289
If you fight it, it kind of makes it worse.
762
00:39:22.889 --> 00:39:24.389
The thing that was funny about that.
763
00:39:26.739 --> 00:39:31.239
Talking you through the toilet flood situation we had is
764
00:39:32.739 --> 00:39:36.880
that I literally left that the day before in the afternoon.
765
00:39:37.699 --> 00:39:41.909
And thank God Rudy showed up. And I had in
766
00:39:41.969 --> 00:39:46.909
that bathroom a flathead screwdriver, can of WD-40, and some
767
00:39:46.949 --> 00:39:52.260
channel locks because the– the toilet, the urinal was giving
768
00:39:52.280 --> 00:39:56.159
me issues. And, and it was just sitting there in
769
00:39:56.179 --> 00:39:58.769
the bathroom and I left during the afternoon. So it
770
00:39:58.889 --> 00:40:02.550
was there. And so I said to Rudy, well, there
771
00:40:02.590 --> 00:40:06.150
should be a flathead screwdriver. I know how to fix it. Well,
772
00:40:06.250 --> 00:40:10.159
I know how to shut off the water to, I
773
00:40:10.199 --> 00:40:14.360
can shut the Sloan valve off on a, on a urinal. There's,
774
00:40:14.500 --> 00:40:16.820
there's no angle stop like a toilet. You got to
775
00:40:17.000 --> 00:40:21.449
get a screwdriver and do it. And I, So I said, well,
776
00:40:21.469 --> 00:40:23.440
there should be a screwdriver there and you should be
777
00:40:23.460 --> 00:40:25.039
able to just put it in the center. And it's
778
00:40:25.079 --> 00:40:27.559
a brass bolt. Everything else is chrome and it's a
779
00:40:27.619 --> 00:40:31.800
slot head. And Rudy looks around. He goes, there's nothing here.
780
00:40:31.889 --> 00:40:34.489
There's nothing in the bathroom. And I go, well, I
781
00:40:34.530 --> 00:40:38.050
left last night and there was tools in the bathroom
782
00:40:38.090 --> 00:40:40.789
to shut this off. And he goes, nothing in there.
783
00:40:41.710 --> 00:40:44.650
And I go, huh. Hold on. So we put the
784
00:40:44.710 --> 00:40:47.650
call out. Hey, everyone, what the hell happened to the
785
00:40:48.070 --> 00:40:53.610
tools in the bathroom? And Mayhem Miller put them away. Now,
786
00:40:54.170 --> 00:40:56.030
by the way, a lot of people at that point
787
00:40:56.070 --> 00:40:58.789
would go, Jesus fucking Christ, just leave it where it is.
788
00:40:59.190 --> 00:41:02.269
But I'm like, hey, somebody did something. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah,
789
00:41:02.349 --> 00:41:06.329
God bless you. You know what I mean? Yeah. To me,
790
00:41:06.389 --> 00:41:10.639
it's sort of like the employee equivalent to the hooker going,
791
00:41:10.960 --> 00:41:12.380
you want me to put a finger in your ass?
792
00:41:12.659 --> 00:41:15.480
And you go, no, but hey, I do appreciate where
793
00:41:15.500 --> 00:41:16.619
your head's at with that.
794
00:41:17.400 --> 00:41:18.769
She's like, you're already paying for it.
795
00:41:18.780 --> 00:41:22.940
Yeah, I like that. So they go, Mayhem put this
796
00:41:22.960 --> 00:41:24.980
stuff away. He put it, no, he put it in
797
00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:30.329
the back. So I said, okay, good. Weird bad timing,
798
00:41:30.409 --> 00:41:34.079
but okay, he's doing something. God bless him. So I said, Rudy,
799
00:41:34.300 --> 00:41:38.550
go to the back where the tools are. And that
800
00:41:38.590 --> 00:41:41.599
screwdriver that we need to shut the toilet is going
801
00:41:41.639 --> 00:41:45.400
to be sitting with a tall can of WD-40. Because
802
00:41:45.480 --> 00:41:47.840
if he put it away, he put it all together,
803
00:41:47.880 --> 00:41:50.500
he set it in one place, and you will spot
804
00:41:50.840 --> 00:41:54.969
a tall can of WD-40 on that back bench because
805
00:41:55.030 --> 00:41:58.389
that's where the tools are. And then Rudy went back
806
00:41:58.449 --> 00:42:02.929
there and he said, no can of WD-40, no screwdriver,
807
00:42:02.969 --> 00:42:07.730
nothing is back here. And then I went. Now I'm
808
00:42:07.769 --> 00:42:11.369
confused because he put it away and all the tools
809
00:42:11.409 --> 00:42:15.489
are in the back. Fucking mayhem went halfway back, turned
810
00:42:15.570 --> 00:42:18.280
left and went down the hall and set it over
811
00:42:18.340 --> 00:42:19.280
to the other side.
812
00:42:19.599 --> 00:42:20.599
He did half the chore.
813
00:42:20.639 --> 00:42:21.739
Where there are no tools.
814
00:42:21.760 --> 00:42:22.699
There's no tools over there.
815
00:42:22.900 --> 00:42:25.420
No tools. So I kept saying to Rudy. He just
816
00:42:25.480 --> 00:42:28.170
left it out somewhere else. I kept saying to Rudy, Rudy.
817
00:42:29.489 --> 00:42:32.389
Find that can of WD-40. It's going to be sitting.
818
00:42:32.489 --> 00:42:35.389
It's not in a cabinet. He set it on something.
819
00:42:35.429 --> 00:42:39.179
And wherever that thing is sitting, that screwdriver is going
820
00:42:39.199 --> 00:42:41.079
to be next to it. And I have no fucking
821
00:42:41.139 --> 00:42:43.389
idea why he put it away but didn't put it
822
00:42:43.429 --> 00:42:46.329
with all the tools in the back bench. And so
823
00:42:46.389 --> 00:42:47.329
Rudy went looking.
824
00:42:48.159 --> 00:42:50.639
Yeah, it went and found, and of course, the WD-40
825
00:42:50.659 --> 00:42:53.820
was sitting on a bar area, and next to it
826
00:42:53.949 --> 00:42:54.929
was the flathead screwdriver.
827
00:42:54.949 --> 00:42:56.570
That's like the hooker putting your finger in someone else's
828
00:42:56.650 --> 00:42:59.349
ass after offering. So he went, yeah, and a little
829
00:42:59.409 --> 00:43:01.190
shot of WD-40 before that finger goes in.
830
00:43:01.210 --> 00:43:01.590
Absolutely, yeah.
831
00:43:01.610 --> 00:43:06.820
It's always helped. Yeah. So then, Rudy, then it was like,
832
00:43:07.739 --> 00:43:10.780
I was like air traffic controller trying to talk the
833
00:43:10.880 --> 00:43:13.679
housewife into landing the plane. I was like, all right.
834
00:43:14.530 --> 00:43:18.829
There should be a brass slot head screw straight. And
835
00:43:18.849 --> 00:43:22.420
Rudy's like, on the whatever side, like on the metal part.
836
00:43:22.539 --> 00:43:24.139
I didn't know if it had a cap back on
837
00:43:24.179 --> 00:43:24.659
it or not.
838
00:43:24.699 --> 00:43:25.559
Yeah, a cap was on it.
839
00:43:25.639 --> 00:43:28.340
Is it spilling everywhere as this is happening?
840
00:43:28.420 --> 00:43:31.119
It's literally, it's like an inch, like my shoes are soaked.
841
00:43:31.179 --> 00:43:32.809
Water is coming up. Absolutely, yeah.
842
00:43:32.909 --> 00:43:33.150
Right.
843
00:43:33.190 --> 00:43:34.750
We've got pictures. I'll show them to you after the show.
844
00:43:34.769 --> 00:43:36.690
So I'm like, I don't know if there's a cap
845
00:43:36.849 --> 00:43:40.030
on there. Because he could have put the cap back on.
846
00:43:40.809 --> 00:43:42.909
And now you can't see the brass screw where the
847
00:43:42.929 --> 00:43:46.179
screwdriver goes. So I'm like, there should be a cap.
848
00:43:46.900 --> 00:43:50.480
It's chrome. It's facing you. It'll be the only nut-looking thing.
849
00:43:50.599 --> 00:43:52.139
I don't know. Rudy figured it out. Yeah.
850
00:43:52.179 --> 00:43:54.519
So it was literally just finger tight. It was like
851
00:43:54.539 --> 00:43:56.480
he screwed it on there. I popped it off. And
852
00:43:56.500 --> 00:43:58.239
then as soon as it came off, I saw where
853
00:43:58.260 --> 00:44:00.300
the brass slot was for the flathead.
854
00:44:00.340 --> 00:44:01.280
We turned the water off.
855
00:44:01.800 --> 00:44:05.869
And Adam is more animated now about it than he was.
856
00:44:05.769 --> 00:44:06.150
On the phone.
857
00:44:06.170 --> 00:44:07.489
Because when he was on the phone, he was so.
858
00:44:07.929 --> 00:44:09.230
Just like super level.
859
00:44:09.289 --> 00:44:12.250
And I'm freaking out because I'm like, in my mind,
860
00:44:12.349 --> 00:44:14.670
I'm resorted back to like the 11-year-old me that's like,
861
00:44:15.150 --> 00:44:16.130
how is this my fault?
862
00:44:16.530 --> 00:44:17.130
What did I do?
863
00:44:17.190 --> 00:44:18.190
I didn't even touch the toilet.
864
00:44:18.210 --> 00:44:20.139
It just started like overflowing everywhere. But I'm going to
865
00:44:20.159 --> 00:44:21.320
get blamed for this somehow.
866
00:44:21.699 --> 00:44:25.260
I feel like you could be those 911 operators. Those
867
00:44:25.280 --> 00:44:28.500
guys are chill. No matter what is going on. Well,
868
00:44:28.920 --> 00:44:31.460
in LA, they don't even pick up the phone. So
869
00:44:31.480 --> 00:44:35.500
that's a good job. No, I would be a hostage negotiator.
870
00:44:35.519 --> 00:44:36.719
You know what I mean?
871
00:44:36.900 --> 00:44:37.099
Yeah.
872
00:44:37.659 --> 00:44:40.219
Like, I'd be like, okay, Sir Han, what do you
873
00:44:40.239 --> 00:44:41.079
want on that pizza?
874
00:44:42.380 --> 00:44:42.659
Okay.
875
00:44:42.960 --> 00:44:46.840
You want cheese in the crust? Yeah, I want a helicopter. Hey, listen,
876
00:44:46.900 --> 00:44:49.550
not for nothing, and there's nothing wrong with the pepperoni,
877
00:44:49.570 --> 00:44:51.929
but have you done the sausage on it? I'll try
878
00:44:51.949 --> 00:44:54.510
the sausage. Pizza. I'll get the sausage. I have to
879
00:44:54.630 --> 00:44:56.250
order pizza at some point.
880
00:44:56.349 --> 00:44:58.250
Ooh, they got a deal, two stuffed crusts for the
881
00:44:58.269 --> 00:44:58.849
price of one.
882
00:44:59.449 --> 00:45:02.059
Also, I'd probably be like, you know, you probably should
883
00:45:02.099 --> 00:45:04.340
work a salad in to that. I don't know how
884
00:45:04.360 --> 00:45:06.739
much fiber you're getting. I don't know how many hostages
885
00:45:06.800 --> 00:45:08.340
you're taking, but it's a long night.
886
00:45:08.380 --> 00:45:10.519
Yeah, let me suggest the garlic sauce dip. It's pretty
887
00:45:10.539 --> 00:45:11.440
damn good, you know?
888
00:45:11.760 --> 00:45:12.000
Yeah.
889
00:45:13.159 --> 00:45:17.820
So there's another vid that I saw that bothered me.
890
00:45:18.579 --> 00:45:22.329
I don't know why, but it was a woman, and
891
00:45:22.429 --> 00:45:26.530
she went to the railing of one of those people
892
00:45:26.610 --> 00:45:30.960
movers at the airport. and took like a moist towelette
893
00:45:31.039 --> 00:45:35.940
and like rubbed it along the, this is her. First off,
894
00:45:36.940 --> 00:45:39.840
any bitches that find germs, I'm fucking done with you.
895
00:45:40.400 --> 00:45:45.489
Our problem with our society is too much hand sanitizer,
896
00:45:45.570 --> 00:45:49.829
too much sanitizing, not enough germs, not enough immune system,
897
00:45:50.329 --> 00:45:52.889
not enough rolling around in the dirt. The reason every
898
00:45:52.969 --> 00:45:56.280
kid is fat and allergic to peanuts and has asthmas
899
00:45:56.340 --> 00:45:59.159
because of bitches like you who walk around and they
900
00:45:59.219 --> 00:46:02.420
wipe everything down and then they give you, yo, do
901
00:46:02.460 --> 00:46:05.320
you know it turns out that there are more germs
902
00:46:05.400 --> 00:46:08.639
on a pay phone than there are on a toilet seat? Yeah, okay.
903
00:46:08.659 --> 00:46:09.260
There's germs.
904
00:46:09.300 --> 00:46:12.440
There's germs everywhere. Yep. There's germs everywhere. Yeah. Do you
905
00:46:12.480 --> 00:46:14.500
want to know what's in that hot dog? No, I don't.
906
00:46:14.940 --> 00:46:16.199
I want to have a beer and a fucking hot
907
00:46:16.239 --> 00:46:18.840
dog and you take your fucking haggard ass and move it.
908
00:46:19.199 --> 00:46:20.480
Because I don't give a fuck. Couldn't agree more.
909
00:46:20.519 --> 00:46:22.880
I just heard that one of the dirtiest things is
910
00:46:22.920 --> 00:46:25.719
the self-checkout screen. Someone was giving me a scare. They
911
00:46:25.739 --> 00:46:28.630
were like, oh, there's drug residue and fecal matter. And
912
00:46:28.650 --> 00:46:30.650
I'm like, what are people touching the screens with? Hunter Biden?
913
00:46:31.730 --> 00:46:34.550
Everything has everything on it. I get it. But the
914
00:46:34.630 --> 00:46:39.289
airport is a weird thing. Because the airport, you know
915
00:46:39.309 --> 00:46:42.219
how many people I see? kick their shoes off to
916
00:46:42.260 --> 00:46:44.780
go through security and they're barefoot. I don't like that.
917
00:46:44.800 --> 00:46:47.610
Like guys who roll in there with their Crocs and
918
00:46:47.630 --> 00:46:50.070
they kick on their bare... Now they're walking barefoot through
919
00:46:50.110 --> 00:46:52.989
some of the filthiest fucking carpet and flooring you've seen
920
00:46:53.030 --> 00:46:56.170
in your life. And they're walking right... And then if
921
00:46:56.190 --> 00:47:00.010
you said to that person... Would you ever get out
922
00:47:00.030 --> 00:47:04.170
of your car and just walk through that sizzler restaurant barefoot?
923
00:47:04.190 --> 00:47:07.250
They'd go, no way. No way. Okay, well, what are
924
00:47:07.269 --> 00:47:10.179
you doing? What's so sacred about the airport? And then
925
00:47:10.219 --> 00:47:12.420
you see every time I go to the airport, somebody's
926
00:47:12.500 --> 00:47:15.619
bivouacking it, man. They're on the floor. They got their
927
00:47:15.639 --> 00:47:19.000
backpack for a pillow. They got a T-shirt over their face.
928
00:47:19.039 --> 00:47:21.519
They missed their flight. And they're just sprawled out, like
929
00:47:21.679 --> 00:47:25.780
on the carpet. Like, okay, do you care about germs
930
00:47:25.860 --> 00:47:28.909
or do you not? I don't care about germs. So
931
00:47:28.949 --> 00:47:32.389
this bitch, let's watch her. So she takes her moist towelette,
932
00:47:32.929 --> 00:47:36.929
and she's going to rub it on the black plastic
933
00:47:37.010 --> 00:47:37.710
or rubber.
934
00:47:37.730 --> 00:47:39.909
She's going to have to wait to go, though, until
935
00:47:39.969 --> 00:47:40.960
it goes all the way around.
936
00:47:40.980 --> 00:47:42.699
By the way, I love that she talks to you.
937
00:47:42.760 --> 00:47:44.820
You know how you put your hands on? Yeah, it's
938
00:47:44.860 --> 00:47:48.940
called a railing, bitch. Yes, I understand that concept. She's
939
00:47:48.960 --> 00:47:49.860
going to wipe it down.
940
00:47:49.880 --> 00:47:50.739
Wait, I'll show you in a second.
941
00:47:50.880 --> 00:47:51.579
Oh, my God.
942
00:47:51.699 --> 00:47:54.719
Oh, my God. You guys, malls, airports, don't touch this stuff.
943
00:47:55.480 --> 00:47:57.639
Don't touch anything. It's got stuff on it.
944
00:47:58.139 --> 00:48:01.139
It also goes to like a mechanism that is like
945
00:48:01.199 --> 00:48:03.019
gears and there's probably oil and.
946
00:48:04.340 --> 00:48:07.760
Okay, pause it for one second. If you take a
947
00:48:07.860 --> 00:48:13.340
moist towelette and take a brand new Goodyear tire out
948
00:48:13.360 --> 00:48:16.090
of the store and rub it real hard on the sidewall,
949
00:48:16.159 --> 00:48:19.710
it'll be black when you pull the towelette away. But anyway,
950
00:48:19.730 --> 00:48:22.760
she's going to... The thing that's great about women is,
951
00:48:25.840 --> 00:48:28.400
I would just say to her, hey, do you suck cock? Yeah.
952
00:48:28.820 --> 00:48:30.039
You ever get a hot load in your mouth?
953
00:48:30.239 --> 00:48:30.400
Yeah.
954
00:48:30.800 --> 00:48:34.230
You cool with that? Yeah. Okay, then shut the fuck up,
955
00:48:34.250 --> 00:48:37.170
because I wouldn't be. I'll tell you what I'd rather do.
956
00:48:37.969 --> 00:48:40.510
I would rather touch this railing than have a rusty
957
00:48:40.550 --> 00:48:45.010
load dropped on my forehead. That's me. But that's me.
958
00:48:45.909 --> 00:48:49.860
I'm peculiar that way. All right, so she's wiping it down.
959
00:48:50.409 --> 00:48:52.230
Put my hand on there and go. I never touch these.
960
00:48:52.449 --> 00:48:53.409
Don't touch anything.
961
00:48:53.510 --> 00:48:53.949
Watch this.
962
00:48:54.010 --> 00:48:55.760
You'll see how gross they are. I don't think you
963
00:48:55.780 --> 00:48:56.820
can eat that bad, right?
964
00:48:56.940 --> 00:48:57.239
Oh, really?
965
00:48:57.280 --> 00:49:00.440
You want to know that? Oh, yeah? Let's see. She's
966
00:49:00.460 --> 00:49:04.139
been rubbing on for 20 minutes, by the way. Oh, wait. Oh,
967
00:49:04.179 --> 00:49:04.639
hold on.
968
00:49:04.679 --> 00:49:06.780
Yeah, when you ride those, you literally grab onto a
969
00:49:06.840 --> 00:49:08.400
section that is four inches wide.
970
00:49:08.460 --> 00:49:14.389
Right, right. She did 77 linear feet of railing. So
971
00:49:15.150 --> 00:49:16.570
this is not an experiment.
972
00:49:17.170 --> 00:49:17.409
What?
973
00:49:17.630 --> 00:49:24.840
Oh, snap. There's stuff on stuff. It's barely beige. It's
974
00:49:24.880 --> 00:49:27.659
barely beige. You can go to any fucking car in America,
975
00:49:27.699 --> 00:49:30.400
take that same wet nap, just wipe any seat down
976
00:49:30.420 --> 00:49:33.920
and pull it up and go, oh. And who's the cuck,
977
00:49:34.019 --> 00:49:37.579
by the way, who stands next to her? I'd be like, Sandy, yeah,
978
00:49:37.760 --> 00:49:40.909
our fucking flight's leaving. Get the fuck over here. By
979
00:49:40.929 --> 00:49:43.909
the way, if I was the maintenance man, I'd find
980
00:49:43.949 --> 00:49:46.130
this bitch and be like, hey, man, I hear there's
981
00:49:46.190 --> 00:49:48.429
scuba all over. Oh, that's good. And then I'd get
982
00:49:48.469 --> 00:49:51.510
her doing, it'd be like a Tom Sawyer thing. Paint
983
00:49:51.530 --> 00:49:53.710
the fence. That's so clever. Like, you go clean it
984
00:49:53.750 --> 00:49:55.630
with your wet nap, bitch. Set her to that mop
985
00:49:55.690 --> 00:49:57.110
as we were done with the floor. Yeah, you got
986
00:49:57.130 --> 00:49:59.269
to check the toilet seat in the men's room, too. Yeah,
987
00:49:59.329 --> 00:50:02.260
bring your wet naps. And then you'd get a raise.
988
00:50:03.059 --> 00:50:06.099
From your boss, because this place is so sparkling clean. Yeah,
989
00:50:06.159 --> 00:50:08.719
I got a bunch of dumb bitches wiping shit down.
990
00:50:08.739 --> 00:50:14.280
And then the guy's the worst, because the guy's like, oh, man. Yeah. Yeah,
991
00:50:14.380 --> 00:50:19.139
you're right. In the experiment department, if in fact you
992
00:50:19.179 --> 00:50:23.550
touched a railing, your hand takes up four linear inches
993
00:50:23.570 --> 00:50:28.510
of rail. If you dragged your hand of 700 feet
994
00:50:28.570 --> 00:50:32.219
of rail, then yeah. Yeah, who's touching it? You'd have
995
00:50:32.239 --> 00:50:35.519
to be tripping the whole time. To do the experiment correctly,
996
00:50:35.659 --> 00:50:38.659
she should put it in one spot, go to the end,
997
00:50:38.679 --> 00:50:40.679
and then lift it off, in which case there'd be
998
00:50:40.780 --> 00:50:42.079
nothing there. Absolutely.
999
00:50:42.900 --> 00:50:44.900
There was a homeless guy in Vegas a couple nights ago.
1000
00:50:44.940 --> 00:50:46.579
I was walking into a gas station, and a guy
1001
00:50:46.619 --> 00:50:50.539
walked out of the bathroom. Homeless guy. No shoes, no shirt. Just,
1002
00:50:50.559 --> 00:50:52.420
I mean, literally, I mean, he looked like he had
1003
00:50:52.460 --> 00:50:54.969
just been rolling around in the dirt. And the woman
1004
00:50:54.989 --> 00:50:55.480
behind me goes.
1005
00:50:55.510 --> 00:50:57.239
Can you believe that that guy had no shoes on?
1006
00:50:57.300 --> 00:50:58.449
I'm like, yeah, that poor floor.
1007
00:50:58.949 --> 00:51:00.510
That poor floor is so dirty now.
1008
00:51:00.570 --> 00:51:00.969
Gross.
1009
00:51:01.010 --> 00:51:02.090
That's disgusting.
1010
00:51:02.110 --> 00:51:06.150
I want to hear what the guy– I'm usually more
1011
00:51:06.269 --> 00:51:09.340
interested in the guys, the enablers.
1012
00:51:09.980 --> 00:51:10.219
Yeah.
1013
00:51:10.260 --> 00:51:10.860
You know what I mean?
1014
00:51:10.940 --> 00:51:12.420
I just had a weird thing in my– I was
1015
00:51:12.480 --> 00:51:14.039
at the Seattle airport and I was at like this
1016
00:51:14.079 --> 00:51:16.679
really steep staircase and I was holding a bag and
1017
00:51:16.719 --> 00:51:18.360
I had like a backpack on because the escalator was broken.
1018
00:51:18.719 --> 00:51:20.929
And my wife just said she goes– she's a doctor.
1019
00:51:20.949 --> 00:51:23.670
She goes, there's so much. I grabbed the handrail for balance.
1020
00:51:23.690 --> 00:51:26.130
She's like, there's so many germs and whatever. And I go,
1021
00:51:26.170 --> 00:51:28.750
but I'll bet there's less on there than in my asshole.
1022
00:51:29.650 --> 00:51:31.030
And she was like, why would you say that?
1023
00:51:31.050 --> 00:51:32.309
And I go, if I fall down these stairs, you're
1024
00:51:32.329 --> 00:51:33.769
going to have to wipe my asshole for me.
1025
00:51:34.349 --> 00:51:36.010
So I think what you meant to say was, thank
1026
00:51:36.030 --> 00:51:38.989
you for thinking of me. Not to mention the digit
1027
00:51:39.030 --> 00:51:47.099
dropping from the night before. I thought it was a callback.
1028
00:51:47.139 --> 00:51:50.659
All right, I want to hear her again. I'm more
1029
00:51:50.739 --> 00:51:56.179
interested in the guy's role. In this. Because he's an enabler.
1030
00:51:56.500 --> 00:52:01.039
I wish I could see the guy. Okay, here it is.
1031
00:52:02.760 --> 00:52:03.699
It's on these.
1032
00:52:03.820 --> 00:52:04.969
They're so dirty.
1033
00:52:05.010 --> 00:52:07.110
They have more germs than the toilet seat.
1034
00:52:07.150 --> 00:52:07.789
Yeah.
1035
00:52:07.809 --> 00:52:09.010
I'll show you. Just watch.
1036
00:52:09.389 --> 00:52:10.019
If you can see it.
1037
00:52:10.030 --> 00:52:13.530
Look, you can see it through there. Okay, just wait.
1038
00:52:13.570 --> 00:52:15.269
I'll show you in a second.
1039
00:52:15.429 --> 00:52:15.949
This is.
1040
00:52:16.579 --> 00:52:19.309
You guys, malls, airports don't touch this stuff.
1041
00:52:19.369 --> 00:52:20.210
It's so gross.
1042
00:52:20.289 --> 00:52:23.650
And this is just a baby wipe. Imagine your hands. Yeah.
1043
00:52:23.710 --> 00:52:24.750
I never thought about that.
1044
00:52:24.809 --> 00:52:25.829
I always touch these, too.
1045
00:52:25.849 --> 00:52:26.230
Oh, wait, here.
1046
00:52:26.250 --> 00:52:27.389
You touch these?
1047
00:52:27.429 --> 00:52:29.849
Hold on. This guy's like one of the guys from
1048
00:52:29.869 --> 00:52:33.090
the infomercial, you know, where they go, you know when
1049
00:52:33.110 --> 00:52:36.219
you make spaghetti, Tim, and then you got to strain it,
1050
00:52:36.260 --> 00:52:38.440
but you can't get it out of the pot. It's
1051
00:52:38.480 --> 00:52:41.980
the worst. It's the worst. Well, now we have the
1052
00:52:42.039 --> 00:52:45.280
super micro sieve. You're kidding me. That's the spaghetti colander
1053
00:52:45.400 --> 00:52:47.920
built into the pot where you boil the spaghetti. I've
1054
00:52:47.960 --> 00:52:50.900
always needed that. I always like when the ham do stuff.
1055
00:52:50.940 --> 00:52:53.170
They go, Tim, why don't you go ahead and take
1056
00:52:53.210 --> 00:52:56.429
that pot of pasta and strain it? Do I have to?
1057
00:52:56.469 --> 00:52:59.750
Do I really have to? There's got to be a
1058
00:52:59.809 --> 00:53:01.429
better way. There is now.
1059
00:53:02.889 --> 00:53:04.090
One of my favorite videos of all time is that
1060
00:53:04.159 --> 00:53:06.130
one where the guy does the ladder, the infomercial for
1061
00:53:06.150 --> 00:53:06.530
the ladder.
1062
00:53:06.730 --> 00:53:06.949
Yeah.
1063
00:53:07.030 --> 00:53:08.590
And they show it and he falls off. It breaks
1064
00:53:08.949 --> 00:53:12.030
right in the middle of it. Oh, sure. That's great.
1065
00:53:12.150 --> 00:53:15.809
She says, and this is just a baby wipe. Imagine
1066
00:53:15.869 --> 00:53:18.650
if it was your hand. Oh, my hand is not
1067
00:53:18.769 --> 00:53:21.769
made out of moist cloth.
1068
00:53:22.369 --> 00:53:25.969
I agree. And also, this is why I could never
1069
00:53:26.030 --> 00:53:28.250
do this, because I'd be like, look, you want to
1070
00:53:28.269 --> 00:53:31.489
do this experiment right? Set the, here's what we're going
1071
00:53:31.510 --> 00:53:34.369
to do. Put your hand down on one four inch
1072
00:53:34.550 --> 00:53:36.469
square of this, go to the other end, then take
1073
00:53:36.510 --> 00:53:38.929
the baby wipe and wipe your hand. And whatever comes
1074
00:53:38.989 --> 00:53:42.230
off your hand, that'll work for this experiment. You wiping
1075
00:53:42.269 --> 00:53:45.610
the entire system down is not working. You know what
1076
00:53:45.630 --> 00:53:45.969
I would do?
1077
00:53:45.989 --> 00:53:47.349
I would do exactly that. I would go put it
1078
00:53:47.389 --> 00:53:48.690
on four. And when she went to the other side,
1079
00:53:48.989 --> 00:53:50.710
when she came back, I would have left forever.
1080
00:53:51.670 --> 00:53:53.050
I'd be gone. That's right.
1081
00:53:53.070 --> 00:53:53.230
Yeah.
1082
00:53:55.179 --> 00:53:57.119
I want to hear this guy one more time. I mean,
1083
00:53:57.480 --> 00:53:59.519
I never thought about it. I just put my hand
1084
00:53:59.579 --> 00:54:00.099
on there and go.
1085
00:54:00.119 --> 00:54:02.570
I never touched these. And I was like, watch. Watch this.
1086
00:54:02.590 --> 00:54:04.630
You'll see how gross. I don't think it can be
1087
00:54:04.690 --> 00:54:05.829
that bad, right?
1088
00:54:05.889 --> 00:54:08.730
Oh, really? You want to bet? No.
1089
00:54:08.909 --> 00:54:10.030
Okay.
1090
00:54:10.130 --> 00:54:13.250
Get ready. What a sip. Wait. Oh, hold on. Wait,
1091
00:54:13.289 --> 00:54:17.599
someone else go. I'd be like, I'd be like, hey, bitch.
1092
00:54:18.159 --> 00:54:19.900
Remember that time in Phoenix when we missed our flight
1093
00:54:19.920 --> 00:54:23.059
because you were wiping everything down? Remember that one? Remember
1094
00:54:23.079 --> 00:54:25.199
that one? We missed our connection in Houston because you
1095
00:54:25.219 --> 00:54:27.760
were fucking wiping down everything in the fucking airport? Put
1096
00:54:28.199 --> 00:54:30.400
your fucking baby laps back. Let's go get on this
1097
00:54:30.420 --> 00:54:32.340
fucking plane and hopefully they got some free booze.
1098
00:54:35.110 --> 00:54:36.489
Ew, I just felt like dirt.
1099
00:54:36.590 --> 00:54:37.840
Oh, I saw dirt.
1100
00:54:38.139 --> 00:54:38.980
Oh, my God.
1101
00:54:39.059 --> 00:54:39.320
I saw dirt.
1102
00:54:39.400 --> 00:54:39.860
Are you ready?
1103
00:54:40.079 --> 00:54:41.579
Are you ready to see it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1104
00:54:42.659 --> 00:54:44.739
Oh, my God. It's a different color.
1105
00:54:44.880 --> 00:54:45.480
It's tan.
1106
00:54:45.539 --> 00:54:48.070
This is why you don't touch these. No. I don't
1107
00:54:48.090 --> 00:54:50.329
think it's that bad. I don't think it's that bad.
1108
00:54:50.349 --> 00:54:51.050
Yeah.
1109
00:54:51.090 --> 00:54:53.449
If I was in charge... I can pause. If I
1110
00:54:53.489 --> 00:54:56.150
was in charge of that stretch of people mover at
1111
00:54:56.190 --> 00:54:58.860
that airport... I'd be pretty happy with that outcome. You
1112
00:54:58.880 --> 00:54:59.440
feel good about it.
1113
00:54:59.429 --> 00:54:59.570
Yeah.
1114
00:54:59.679 --> 00:54:59.840
Yeah.
1115
00:54:59.860 --> 00:55:00.300
That's good.
1116
00:55:00.340 --> 00:55:01.340
I'll take that.
1117
00:55:01.440 --> 00:55:04.139
Yeah, this feels like a fifth grader science experiment. Like,
1118
00:55:04.179 --> 00:55:05.760
this is what you do when you have nothing.
1119
00:55:06.199 --> 00:55:10.539
Yeah. And I don't know why, but for some reason,
1120
00:55:11.719 --> 00:55:15.559
I look at these videos on the internet. It's like that.
1121
00:55:16.690 --> 00:55:19.809
a week ago when the woman discovered the swastika made
1122
00:55:19.889 --> 00:55:22.829
out of tile in her basement. And I was like,
1123
00:55:23.369 --> 00:55:25.530
I look at these videos that are supposed to make
1124
00:55:25.590 --> 00:55:29.059
me feel a certain way about a certain thing. And
1125
00:55:29.219 --> 00:55:32.059
instead I get angry at the women, which is probably
1126
00:55:32.119 --> 00:55:34.900
something for me to sort out, you know, with a therapist.
1127
00:55:35.619 --> 00:55:39.000
The women are going... You're supposed to be angry about
1128
00:55:39.039 --> 00:55:41.860
the previous homeowner with the swastika or you're supposed to
1129
00:55:41.900 --> 00:55:44.840
be angry at the airport maintenance crew. But I'm watching
1130
00:55:44.860 --> 00:55:47.570
your video and I'm angry at you for doing this.
1131
00:55:47.590 --> 00:55:49.639
I don't know what that is about me.
1132
00:55:49.739 --> 00:55:51.730
I got angry at the person that made it a
1133
00:55:51.789 --> 00:55:54.510
story that made it a new story because it seems
1134
00:55:54.530 --> 00:55:59.010
like you would just. tile over it? Why put that
1135
00:55:59.110 --> 00:56:02.949
out if you don't want to create outrage? Yes, I'm good.
1136
00:56:02.969 --> 00:56:05.449
I'm glad we're all on the same page with that.
1137
00:56:05.489 --> 00:56:08.360
Yeah, they're on the tile. I went to Hibbing High School.
1138
00:56:08.400 --> 00:56:10.219
If you look it up, Hibbing High School is a
1139
00:56:10.760 --> 00:56:14.019
national landmark. It's an absolutely beautiful, stunning high school. And
1140
00:56:14.119 --> 00:56:16.960
on the tile, there's small swastikas. And they were put
1141
00:56:17.000 --> 00:56:18.940
there in like the 1930s when it had a different
1142
00:56:18.960 --> 00:56:21.559
meaning before the Nazis. And everybody says that it's like,
1143
00:56:21.579 --> 00:56:23.590
I don't know, six, seven years ago. We got to
1144
00:56:23.630 --> 00:56:26.090
tear these up. And Hibbing High School is like, pound sand.
1145
00:56:26.590 --> 00:56:28.489
We're not tearing. We ain't doing that. That's insane.
1146
00:56:28.510 --> 00:56:30.170
Like this was built during a time when that didn't
1147
00:56:30.210 --> 00:56:31.630
mean what it meant. So, no, we're not going to
1148
00:56:31.670 --> 00:56:31.980
touch it.
1149
00:56:32.769 --> 00:56:33.150
I agree.
1150
00:56:34.130 --> 00:56:34.489
All right.
1151
00:56:35.090 --> 00:56:39.800
We should take a little break. Rudy's got news. And
1152
00:56:39.820 --> 00:56:41.800
we'll do that right after this.
1153
00:56:51.010 --> 00:56:52.230
This one guy came up to me after the show,
1154
00:56:52.250 --> 00:56:54.090
and he was like, hey, comedy guy. And I was like,
1155
00:56:54.219 --> 00:56:56.780
what's up, man? And he goes, what in the heck's
1156
00:56:56.840 --> 00:56:58.960
a studio apartment? And so I explained to him what
1157
00:56:58.980 --> 00:56:59.219
it was.
1158
00:56:59.260 --> 00:57:00.059
He'd never heard of it.
1159
00:57:00.460 --> 00:57:02.360
And he goes, do you realize for that much money
1160
00:57:02.400 --> 00:57:05.539
that you spent, you could get in this town like
1161
00:57:05.599 --> 00:57:09.829
a 10-bedroom house on about 20 acres of land? And
1162
00:57:09.849 --> 00:57:11.670
I was like, I know, man, but the only problem
1163
00:57:11.710 --> 00:57:12.710
is out the front.
1164
00:57:12.550 --> 00:57:14.670
Door, you got to live here.
1165
00:57:17.750 --> 00:57:20.050
Jamie Lissow is on The Adam Carolla Show.
1166
00:57:20.719 --> 00:57:23.500
You're not still in Alaska, are you? Actually, I'm still
1167
00:57:23.519 --> 00:57:25.510
in Alaska. Oh, you are? So the kids are up there.
1168
00:57:26.119 --> 00:57:26.650
I go up there.
1169
00:57:26.670 --> 00:57:29.349
I get them about a week a month. And so
1170
00:57:29.429 --> 00:57:31.090
I go up there and hang out with them. But
1171
00:57:31.110 --> 00:57:32.329
they're getting to the age where they can visit me
1172
00:57:32.369 --> 00:57:33.230
a little bit more on the road.
1173
00:57:33.250 --> 00:57:36.590
So it's getting easier. How old are your kids now?
1174
00:57:36.750 --> 00:57:41.969
They're 10, 14, and 16. Yeah, there is a thing
1175
00:57:42.699 --> 00:57:48.000
which is interesting because I just had this conversation with
1176
00:57:48.059 --> 00:57:56.860
my daughter recently. today, earlier today, who's 19, who spent
1177
00:57:57.519 --> 00:58:01.760
most of her life kind of going, Dad, Dad, come on,
1178
00:58:01.780 --> 00:58:04.260
you know, leave me alone, you know, kind of dad stuff.
1179
00:58:05.360 --> 00:58:11.170
And not interested in any, you know, showbiz or, you know, any,
1180
00:58:11.429 --> 00:58:15.909
any form of any of that. And so like, recently,
1181
00:58:17.409 --> 00:58:20.690
she's been like kind of saying stuff like, Oh, I was, uh,
1182
00:58:21.710 --> 00:58:24.590
do you know this comedian or that comedian? And I go, yeah, yeah.
1183
00:58:24.630 --> 00:58:27.090
There's some, we and him are up on stage in
1184
00:58:27.130 --> 00:58:29.599
New York. You can, you can, you, Oh, you know,
1185
00:58:29.679 --> 00:58:32.480
Shane Gillis. Yeah. We're, we did a thing in New York.
1186
00:58:32.500 --> 00:58:33.860
I think it's on that. I think it was a
1187
00:58:33.880 --> 00:58:36.000
podcast and you can listen to it if you want.
1188
00:58:36.780 --> 00:58:41.340
And all of a sudden she's like writing me texts like, Oh, Hey,
1189
00:58:41.380 --> 00:58:45.059
I was listening to you with the Joe Rogan, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
1190
00:58:45.900 --> 00:58:48.800
And I was like, oh, she's kind of become an
1191
00:58:48.840 --> 00:58:50.980
adult now. It's kind of waking up a little bit.
1192
00:58:51.059 --> 00:58:54.179
And then she said to me just a few hours ago,
1193
00:58:54.260 --> 00:58:59.840
she goes, I was with my roommate and she said
1194
00:58:59.889 --> 00:59:01.550
something like, you know, what's your dad do or something?
1195
00:59:01.570 --> 00:59:03.849
Does your dad do any movies or something like that?
1196
00:59:03.869 --> 00:59:07.130
And then my daughter said, yeah, my dad made a
1197
00:59:07.150 --> 00:59:10.179
few movies. And then she said, well, why don't we
1198
00:59:10.239 --> 00:59:13.500
watch one? And so me and my friends, we all
1199
00:59:13.539 --> 00:59:15.739
watched The Hammer last night. We loved it. And I
1200
00:59:15.739 --> 00:59:18.800
was like, ah, it's so nice. And, you know, I
1201
00:59:18.860 --> 00:59:23.639
told her, well. Yeah, I got a whole, I got books,
1202
00:59:23.679 --> 00:59:25.920
I got docs, I got season one of this show
1203
00:59:25.980 --> 00:59:27.780
and season one of that show. But you got a
1204
00:59:27.800 --> 00:59:29.099
lot of catching up to do if you want to
1205
00:59:29.139 --> 00:59:32.760
see your pops. But it's nice. It's nice that you
1206
00:59:32.780 --> 00:59:34.840
sort of woke up and you're kind of into it.
1207
00:59:34.909 --> 00:59:38.849
And it's always surprising to me because my kids were
1208
00:59:38.909 --> 00:59:41.250
always just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, come on.
1209
00:59:41.469 --> 00:59:43.610
It's very cool. I love that. Was the hammer where
1210
00:59:43.630 --> 00:59:45.230
you did the jump rope thing? Yeah.
1211
00:59:45.250 --> 00:59:46.750
That is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.
1212
00:59:47.409 --> 00:59:49.780
The jumper where you have your earbuds on. And you
1213
00:59:49.820 --> 00:59:50.400
can't hear the.
1214
00:59:50.760 --> 00:59:54.099
Yeah, it was a scene that I wrote that I
1215
00:59:54.280 --> 00:59:56.840
kind of figured out that it took a lot of
1216
00:59:56.920 --> 00:59:59.320
kind of editing. You had to do it. It was
1217
00:59:59.340 --> 01:00:02.099
so funny. I remember being in the edit bay, like going, no,
1218
01:00:02.119 --> 01:00:04.889
you can't just play music through it. You have to
1219
01:00:04.949 --> 01:00:09.070
have my music when I'm through my POV. And then
1220
01:00:09.110 --> 01:00:12.250
when she's there, you can't hear anything. Right. You just
1221
01:00:12.269 --> 01:00:17.869
hear me mugging along with the music. Yeah, yeah. Remember, like,
1222
01:00:17.909 --> 01:00:20.280
so yeah, there's a lot of that. Kind of stuff
1223
01:00:20.300 --> 01:00:21.860
when you make a movie where you kind of have
1224
01:00:21.880 --> 01:00:22.820
to figure it out.
1225
01:00:22.929 --> 01:00:24.829
It's funny too with kids. I felt the same with
1226
01:00:24.889 --> 01:00:26.789
my son where I didn't feel like he cared about
1227
01:00:26.949 --> 01:00:28.750
much of the stuff I'm doing. And one of the
1228
01:00:28.789 --> 01:00:31.949
big ones was, he goes, you know Theo Vaughn? It's
1229
01:00:31.989 --> 01:00:34.829
cool when you see your friends sort of become famous.
1230
01:00:34.869 --> 01:00:37.929
And I go, not only do I know Theo Vaughn,
1231
01:00:37.949 --> 01:00:40.269
I'm like, Theo Vaughn held you when you were a baby.
1232
01:00:40.329 --> 01:00:42.150
He came over to my house and whatever.
1233
01:00:42.190 --> 01:00:44.179
And so I messaged Theo and I go, dude, my
1234
01:00:44.219 --> 01:00:46.699
son loves you if you get a second. And Theo
1235
01:00:46.719 --> 01:00:50.070
left the coolest message about And he was hilarious. So
1236
01:00:50.090 --> 01:00:51.349
he was like, dude, back then, you know, he's like,
1237
01:00:51.369 --> 01:00:53.409
you were not contributing at all to the family.
1238
01:00:53.489 --> 01:00:55.570
And he's like, I have... But like that little thing
1239
01:00:55.610 --> 01:00:58.769
got me so much cred. Yeah, I think they have
1240
01:00:58.829 --> 01:01:01.619
to go in through the back door. They have to
1241
01:01:01.659 --> 01:01:04.739
find somebody and they go, you know this guy? Yeah.
1242
01:01:04.840 --> 01:01:06.659
And they go, I know that guy. I've been on
1243
01:01:06.699 --> 01:01:09.820
a show. He's been on my show, whatever. And they go, oh.
1244
01:01:09.960 --> 01:01:12.329
And then all of a sudden it becomes... You become
1245
01:01:12.369 --> 01:01:18.139
de facto cool because you know Theo Vaughn. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah,
1246
01:01:18.880 --> 01:01:21.239
it's just, it was a weird coinkydink. But, yeah, your
1247
01:01:21.460 --> 01:01:24.400
kids get older and they can kind of appreciate things
1248
01:01:24.460 --> 01:01:30.610
and they wake up a little. And the good, I mean,
1249
01:01:30.650 --> 01:01:32.949
I guess the good news is, you know, I just
1250
01:01:32.989 --> 01:01:34.730
told my daughter, I go, look, you know, when I
1251
01:01:34.789 --> 01:01:39.070
was doing this stuff, you were crazy. four or two
1252
01:01:39.130 --> 01:01:42.530
or not born or whatever, but now you're an adult
1253
01:01:42.739 --> 01:01:45.510
and it's all there. If you want to enjoy it,
1254
01:01:45.760 --> 01:01:47.400
you couldn't, you couldn't do it when you were nine,
1255
01:01:47.440 --> 01:01:49.159
but you can, you can do it now if you like.
1256
01:01:49.300 --> 01:01:51.300
Do you think it's like, I feel like for some
1257
01:01:51.340 --> 01:01:54.420
part of it, as the kids are little, you're just dad, right?
1258
01:01:54.440 --> 01:01:56.239
You're doing all like the dad stuff. And maybe as
1259
01:01:56.260 --> 01:01:58.539
they get older, then they can sort of appreciate your
1260
01:01:58.579 --> 01:02:01.400
career as they get older. I'm not, I like little kids.
1261
01:02:01.800 --> 01:02:02.840
I kind of want them to get old. You know,
1262
01:02:02.860 --> 01:02:04.500
people go like, oh, it goes by so fast and
1263
01:02:04.820 --> 01:02:06.659
they're only little for so long. I like it so
1264
01:02:06.699 --> 01:02:09.679
much better when they're older. I feel like that's just
1265
01:02:09.719 --> 01:02:12.239
as important of a relationship as the relationship you have
1266
01:02:12.280 --> 01:02:12.900
when they're little.
1267
01:02:12.960 --> 01:02:16.710
You can talk about real subjects. You can explore spirituality.
1268
01:02:16.730 --> 01:02:18.530
You can have sex with their friends. I mean, it's
1269
01:02:18.710 --> 01:02:23.030
all there, you know, once they're older. You know what
1270
01:02:23.050 --> 01:02:26.190
I'm saying? Absolutely. Yeah, not in that order, obviously, but
1271
01:02:26.210 --> 01:02:29.679
they're adults now. Well, that gives me hope. I can't wait.
1272
01:02:29.699 --> 01:02:30.400
Absolutely.
1273
01:02:30.599 --> 01:02:32.340
It's months away for you. I know, right?
1274
01:02:32.360 --> 01:02:34.519
You had such a nice conversation with your daughter on
1275
01:02:34.559 --> 01:02:36.079
speakerphone one day, and you were like, well, I was
1276
01:02:36.099 --> 01:02:37.739
just calling to say hi, and I love you.
1277
01:02:37.780 --> 01:02:39.760
And she goes, oh, Dad, thank you so much. And
1278
01:02:39.780 --> 01:02:41.059
then you got off the phone, and I was like,
1279
01:02:41.119 --> 01:02:43.420
I'll never have that conversation with my daughter. And you said,
1280
01:02:43.480 --> 01:02:45.969
give it time. When they're in their 20s or like
1281
01:02:45.989 --> 01:02:48.130
their early teens, late teens is when it happens. All
1282
01:02:48.150 --> 01:02:48.420
sort of.
1283
01:02:48.449 --> 01:02:51.989
Yes, it does. She she became a very different person
1284
01:02:52.010 --> 01:02:54.500
a little later in life. Yeah. All right.
1285
01:02:54.619 --> 01:02:58.079
News. Let's do it. Kamala Harris on Biden in first
1286
01:02:58.239 --> 01:03:02.030
excerpt from the new memoir. It was recklessness. Her new
1287
01:03:02.050 --> 01:03:05.429
book says that Biden's team undermined her. as vice president
1288
01:03:05.809 --> 01:03:09.909
in the new book that's coming out. It was 107 days.
1289
01:03:10.250 --> 01:03:13.409
She talks about the attacks Biden and his team had
1290
01:03:13.449 --> 01:03:16.199
against not only her, but also against Donald Trump. She
1291
01:03:16.239 --> 01:03:18.840
says that when it comes to the prospect of Biden
1292
01:03:18.900 --> 01:03:21.719
running again, whenever she brought it up, the standard response
1293
01:03:21.760 --> 01:03:24.960
in the White House was always, it's Joe and Jill's decision.
1294
01:03:25.219 --> 01:03:27.719
It was kind of a mantra. It had us all hypnotized.
1295
01:03:28.000 --> 01:03:31.300
Was it grace or was it recklessness? In retrospect, I
1296
01:03:31.380 --> 01:03:32.400
think it was recklessness.
1297
01:03:33.320 --> 01:03:35.380
Well, you know, it's funny. I was watching the news
1298
01:03:35.420 --> 01:03:37.300
and I had a clip and they go like, finally,
1299
01:03:37.349 --> 01:03:40.289
we get to hear what Kamala thinks and saw and heard,
1300
01:03:40.309 --> 01:03:43.800
you know, finally her voice. And I'm like, is it?
1301
01:03:43.809 --> 01:03:44.369
Yeah.
1302
01:03:44.449 --> 01:03:47.820
I have no reason to believe that someone else did
1303
01:03:47.860 --> 01:03:50.280
just write this or she go. I mean, she obviously
1304
01:03:50.300 --> 01:03:55.710
wrote it, but. I believe so little of what she
1305
01:03:55.889 --> 01:03:59.010
says that even when she writes a book, I go,
1306
01:03:59.030 --> 01:04:01.269
I don't know. Did she say that? I don't know.
1307
01:04:01.289 --> 01:04:03.510
Does she work at McDonald's? I don't know.
1308
01:04:03.630 --> 01:04:06.130
I would listen to the audio book if she drank
1309
01:04:06.170 --> 01:04:09.110
the whole time. Yeah.
1310
01:04:09.309 --> 01:04:11.730
I would listen to shit out of that. I like that.
1311
01:04:11.769 --> 01:04:13.820
But you're right. All of it is so put through
1312
01:04:13.860 --> 01:04:18.139
a processor. Everything she says. Yeah. Do you know Biden's
1313
01:04:18.159 --> 01:04:21.070
the only guy to have an autobiography that was ghostwritten? Really?
1314
01:04:21.090 --> 01:04:24.110
I'm just kidding.
1315
01:04:24.130 --> 01:04:26.250
Somebody sent me the other day, a liberal friend of mine.
1316
01:04:26.289 --> 01:04:29.230
It was basically a meme that just said Democratic Party
1317
01:04:29.909 --> 01:04:34.019
expresses interest in a Harris AOC 2028 ticket. And I
1318
01:04:34.139 --> 01:04:35.280
was like, that's never going to happen.
1319
01:04:35.440 --> 01:04:36.699
Oh, I thought you meant a fight at first.
1320
01:04:36.920 --> 01:04:39.760
Wouldn't that be amazing? Sponsored by Don King. That would
1321
01:04:39.780 --> 01:04:42.280
be so amazing. But I was like, first off, there's
1322
01:04:42.320 --> 01:04:44.599
no way because I'm looking at the stuff that Gavin
1323
01:04:44.619 --> 01:04:47.280
Newsom is doing. And that is the route that obviously
1324
01:04:47.300 --> 01:04:49.510
they're going to start taking is He's trying to go
1325
01:04:49.550 --> 01:04:51.429
more down on what they think Trump's level is.
1326
01:04:51.929 --> 01:04:56.090
Yeah. He's doing Trump stuff. He's trying to troll. Also,
1327
01:04:56.329 --> 01:04:59.750
they all have to tack back toward the middle. And
1328
01:04:59.809 --> 01:05:02.989
it's kind of a weird thing where you go, well,
1329
01:05:03.010 --> 01:05:05.889
what happened to all your crazy ideas that nobody liked?
1330
01:05:05.969 --> 01:05:08.530
And it's like, well, I was 59 and a half.
1331
01:05:08.610 --> 01:05:09.909
I was a young man, you know, full of foolish dreams.
1332
01:05:09.929 --> 01:05:11.860
I didn't know what I was thinking back then. I
1333
01:05:11.860 --> 01:05:15.539
didn't know what I was thinking back then. barely 41
1334
01:05:15.539 --> 01:05:20.619
years out of college, you know, sleeping on a futon. Like, yeah.
1335
01:05:20.739 --> 01:05:22.260
What about all the shit you said when you were
1336
01:05:22.280 --> 01:05:25.599
in your forties and fifties? Like, nah, nah, nah, I'm moving.
1337
01:05:25.880 --> 01:05:29.239
I'm going this way now. And I'm like, I don't
1338
01:05:29.280 --> 01:05:32.420
know if I believe you, but why should I believe you?
1339
01:05:32.460 --> 01:05:34.820
If the other guy never was saying that shit, then
1340
01:05:34.840 --> 01:05:37.719
why don't we just go with, with him? Like I've
1341
01:05:37.760 --> 01:05:42.699
basically said, look, it's like you go, look, um, who's
1342
01:05:42.719 --> 01:05:45.449
going to watch your, Who's going to watch your young
1343
01:05:45.530 --> 01:05:47.909
twins when you go out to dinner and a movie?
1344
01:05:48.230 --> 01:05:53.110
You go, well, there's Jamie over here, and then there's Rudy. Now,
1345
01:05:53.349 --> 01:05:58.360
Rudy used to be a pedophile, but he says no more.
1346
01:05:58.659 --> 01:06:00.699
I'm very clean. He says he's clean.
1347
01:06:00.760 --> 01:06:02.880
Ever since Chris Hansen and I hung out here.
1348
01:06:02.920 --> 01:06:06.300
Jamie's never been a pedophile. And then someone's going, well,
1349
01:06:06.340 --> 01:06:08.360
why don't we go with Rudy? Because he says he's
1350
01:06:08.420 --> 01:06:10.139
not a pedophile anymore. And I go, how about we
1351
01:06:10.179 --> 01:06:12.059
just go with the guy who was never a pedophile? Like,
1352
01:06:12.099 --> 01:06:12.510
he never.
1353
01:06:14.309 --> 01:06:17.110
This person says they wanted to end fracking, and then
1354
01:06:17.130 --> 01:06:19.409
you go, but we want fracking. Yeah, no, she says
1355
01:06:19.469 --> 01:06:21.679
she changed her mind. Like, okay, she changed her mind
1356
01:06:21.719 --> 01:06:23.679
about a bunch of shit that we don't want, but
1357
01:06:24.380 --> 01:06:26.500
maybe she didn't. Yeah. But why don't we just go
1358
01:06:26.519 --> 01:06:27.960
with the person that never said that?
1359
01:06:28.159 --> 01:06:30.480
Are you telling me I bought all this candy for nothing, Ace?
1360
01:06:30.780 --> 01:06:32.429
Son of a bitch.
1361
01:06:32.469 --> 01:06:33.789
I just want to thank you for making me that
1362
01:06:33.849 --> 01:06:37.170
half of the analogy. I had a choice. That's right.
1363
01:06:39.780 --> 01:06:42.590
Whoopi Goldberg says that she is too poor to retire
1364
01:06:42.630 --> 01:06:45.630
from The View because she did not marry well. Apparently,
1365
01:06:45.969 --> 01:06:47.670
she has a net worth of $ 60 million with an
1366
01:06:47.909 --> 01:06:50.309
annual salary of $ 80 million, but saying.
1367
01:06:50.070 --> 01:06:52.269
That that is— Wait, wait, an annual salary of what?
1368
01:06:52.309 --> 01:06:55.030
I'm sorry, did I say $ 80? Sorry, an annual salary
1369
01:06:55.170 --> 01:07:00.039
of $ 8 million. Sorry about that. Yeah, the 69-year-old comedian, which,
1370
01:07:00.079 --> 01:07:01.539
by the way, should we call her a comedian?
1371
01:07:01.559 --> 01:07:02.760
No! No!
1372
01:07:03.719 --> 01:07:05.179
I was thinking about it on the way in today
1373
01:07:05.219 --> 01:07:07.559
because somebody brought her up to me. We do not
1374
01:07:07.659 --> 01:07:11.000
hold in reverence any Whoopi Goldberg special. Even the times
1375
01:07:11.019 --> 01:07:13.500
that she did, what was it with Billy Crystal? What
1376
01:07:13.519 --> 01:07:16.019
was the thing that she always, Comic Relief, whatever it was.
1377
01:07:16.059 --> 01:07:16.820
Yeah, Comic Relief.
1378
01:07:16.980 --> 01:07:18.840
No one gives a shit about any of that stuff.
1379
01:07:18.920 --> 01:07:20.539
All the comedies that she did in the 80s and
1380
01:07:20.599 --> 01:07:24.159
early 90s were absolute trash. Nobody watches those movies. We
1381
01:07:24.199 --> 01:07:25.340
can't call her a comedian anymore.
1382
01:07:25.360 --> 01:07:27.800
Hold on, hold on. Have you seen Jumping Jack Flash?
1383
01:07:28.119 --> 01:07:29.400
Many, well, first off.
1384
01:07:29.519 --> 01:07:30.519
Or Burglar. Yeah.
1385
01:07:31.239 --> 01:07:31.900
Okay. Okay.
1386
01:07:33.300 --> 01:07:36.050
I always like when people say this, like you're talking
1387
01:07:36.070 --> 01:07:40.510
to some plumber, some housewife, and you go, $ 80 million
1388
01:07:40.550 --> 01:07:43.309
a year for the year. Oh, I should take that job.
1389
01:07:46.110 --> 01:07:47.659
I don't know if that's going to work. You'd have
1390
01:07:47.699 --> 01:07:50.039
to take your tool bags off and everything. You got
1391
01:07:50.099 --> 01:07:53.179
to drive your van to New York and go get
1392
01:07:53.219 --> 01:07:58.699
that job. I like when people do that. But- First off,
1393
01:07:59.179 --> 01:08:02.920
she is sort of the opposite of funny. There are
1394
01:08:03.079 --> 01:08:07.510
people that aren't comedians, but they're still kind of clever.
1395
01:08:07.610 --> 01:08:10.889
They're still kind of interesting. They're kind of funny. Jesse
1396
01:08:10.949 --> 01:08:13.730
Waters is not a comedian, but he's funny on his
1397
01:08:13.750 --> 01:08:15.650
show and can be funny on The Five or whatever.
1398
01:08:16.210 --> 01:08:20.750
She doesn't attempt to do comedy. Number one, I don't
1399
01:08:20.789 --> 01:08:22.850
know when the last time she was funny. And you're right.
1400
01:08:22.890 --> 01:08:24.670
I don't know if she was ever fucking funny. So
1401
01:08:24.710 --> 01:08:27.710
it's a weird mantle to have. Yeah, I don't like
1402
01:08:27.729 --> 01:08:28.390
that haircut.
1403
01:08:28.909 --> 01:08:30.479
I don't know if she still has it, but it
1404
01:08:30.500 --> 01:08:32.079
looks like she was getting a haircut and then the
1405
01:08:32.140 --> 01:08:32.760
power went out.
1406
01:08:33.720 --> 01:08:36.159
Have you seen that haircut? It's still worse than the
1407
01:08:36.239 --> 01:08:41.420
power surge guy. That's the worst. Can I ask you
1408
01:08:41.439 --> 01:08:41.779
a question?
1409
01:08:41.800 --> 01:08:44.850
So I think it's interesting when people make what is
1410
01:08:45.189 --> 01:08:46.890
objectively like a ton of money and then they have
1411
01:08:46.930 --> 01:08:49.789
financial problems. Do you have, Adam, as literally a millionaire,
1412
01:08:50.250 --> 01:08:52.069
did you feel like you had a good grasp because
1413
01:08:52.109 --> 01:08:53.550
you grew up the way you grew up of not
1414
01:08:54.369 --> 01:08:57.359
outliving your means? Do you still have this mindset of like,
1415
01:08:58.020 --> 01:09:00.739
I can't... Because it sounds like this is some bad...
1416
01:09:01.000 --> 01:09:02.600
She's making a lot of money.
1417
01:09:02.420 --> 01:09:04.979
To say she can't retire. How does that happen?
1418
01:09:05.060 --> 01:09:07.079
Is it overspending or bad.
1419
01:09:07.600 --> 01:09:09.500
How does this happen? I can't wrap my head around it.
1420
01:09:09.779 --> 01:09:14.100
You basically... It depends. A lot of it has to
1421
01:09:14.149 --> 01:09:15.970
do with your partner. I mean, if you got screwed
1422
01:09:15.989 --> 01:09:17.869
in a divorce or you have a partner that just
1423
01:09:17.909 --> 01:09:20.949
spends and doesn't think about it, whatever. I had that.
1424
01:09:21.069 --> 01:09:24.289
So that doesn't help at all. There's partners that are
1425
01:09:24.609 --> 01:09:27.930
successful lawyers and business savvy and do all that. That's
1426
01:09:27.970 --> 01:09:33.159
a different direction. I think you end up. I think
1427
01:09:33.199 --> 01:09:35.760
what happens to a lot of people is you end
1428
01:09:35.880 --> 01:09:38.979
up sort of spending the amount that you make. Right.
1429
01:09:39.470 --> 01:09:43.229
And that's where people get into trouble. You just... You go,
1430
01:09:43.329 --> 01:09:46.310
how do you spend $ 5 million a year? It's like, well,
1431
01:09:46.670 --> 01:09:49.449
at some point, you made $ 100, 000 a year, and that's
1432
01:09:49.489 --> 01:09:53.029
how much you spent. And at some point earlier than that,
1433
01:09:53.069 --> 01:09:55.409
you made $ 19, 000 a year, and that's how much you spent.
1434
01:09:55.850 --> 01:09:59.510
There's a way of spending as much as you make.
1435
01:09:59.609 --> 01:10:02.829
And then... You get to Whoopi and you go, where's
1436
01:10:02.930 --> 01:10:05.760
all the money? And she's like, I can't stop working.
1437
01:10:05.859 --> 01:10:08.260
I spend as much as I make. But what was
1438
01:10:08.279 --> 01:10:10.760
her husband's situation?
1439
01:10:10.920 --> 01:10:12.699
She was talking about she didn't marry well and that
1440
01:10:12.739 --> 01:10:15.699
she still considers herself to be working class.
1441
01:10:15.720 --> 01:10:16.880
One of the things she talks about is.
1442
01:10:18.079 --> 01:10:20.600
Yeah. She considers herself working class. Yeah, she goes, I.
1443
01:10:20.579 --> 01:10:22.590
Appreciate that people are having a hard time.
1444
01:10:22.600 --> 01:10:23.359
Me too.
1445
01:10:23.590 --> 01:10:25.250
I work for a living. If I had all the
1446
01:10:25.289 --> 01:10:27.310
money in the world, I would still be here, okay?
1447
01:10:27.569 --> 01:10:29.850
So I'm a working person. My kid has to feed
1448
01:10:29.869 --> 01:10:33.069
her family, and my great-granddaughter has to be fed by her.
1449
01:10:32.989 --> 01:10:34.930
Family, which I don't understand what that has anything.
1450
01:10:34.750 --> 01:10:36.869
To do with this. Right, but we're circling back to,
1451
01:10:37.170 --> 01:10:39.069
we were, the posh spice.
1452
01:10:39.189 --> 01:10:39.529
Yeah.
1453
01:10:39.710 --> 01:10:43.149
Explaining, she's saying, first off, everyone on the left have
1454
01:10:43.170 --> 01:10:45.640
to go, they're working class. They're working class.
1455
01:10:46.020 --> 01:10:46.140
You.
1456
01:10:46.640 --> 01:10:49.279
First off, she works on TV, so it's not like
1457
01:10:49.300 --> 01:10:52.399
she's on the roof, number one. The only pain in
1458
01:10:52.439 --> 01:10:57.720
the ass, like literally the tough part about work, if
1459
01:10:57.760 --> 01:11:01.850
you're doing work for TV, is the women... and it's
1460
01:11:01.869 --> 01:11:05.449
sort of hair, makeup, wardrobe. Like, they're there two hours early.
1461
01:11:06.010 --> 01:11:10.310
She shows up in a bathrobe. She literally works in
1462
01:11:10.350 --> 01:11:13.520
a bathrobe and doesn't appear to have hair and makeup.
1463
01:11:13.579 --> 01:11:18.260
So whatever the difficult part of work, Anne never seems informed.
1464
01:11:18.680 --> 01:11:20.539
You're so right. It's not like she's doing her homework
1465
01:11:20.619 --> 01:11:21.260
or anything.
1466
01:11:22.479 --> 01:11:23.739
If I showed up to the cast of The View
1467
01:11:23.800 --> 01:11:25.539
and I needed to find hair and makeup, I wouldn't
1468
01:11:25.560 --> 01:11:26.420
ask Whoopi where it was.
1469
01:11:26.439 --> 01:11:26.500
No.
1470
01:11:28.100 --> 01:11:33.199
You know? That's right. Where's craft service, Joe? Oh, you're
1471
01:11:33.220 --> 01:11:35.489
just handing me your bagel. Okay, thank you. Where's the
1472
01:11:35.510 --> 01:11:38.630
robe department? Yeah.
1473
01:11:38.869 --> 01:11:39.899
Speaking of Joy Behar.
1474
01:11:39.939 --> 01:11:41.279
I'd love to go to the robe department. Do you
1475
01:11:41.300 --> 01:11:42.439
have something in a clan?
1476
01:11:47.250 --> 01:11:49.510
Speaking of Joy Behar, did you see this video that
1477
01:11:49.529 --> 01:11:50.479
just came out the other day?
1478
01:11:50.720 --> 01:11:54.619
She's wiping down the railing at the music hall.
1479
01:11:54.680 --> 01:11:57.279
Yep. While she was doing that, she was also talking
1480
01:11:57.340 --> 01:12:00.100
about Trump and how he is to blame for, you
1481
01:12:00.119 --> 01:12:01.699
guys were talking about this the other day, the.
1482
01:12:01.659 --> 01:12:04.449
Murder of that poor woman in Charlotte on the bus.
1483
01:12:04.569 --> 01:12:05.149
He's to blame.
1484
01:12:05.310 --> 01:12:07.569
Yeah, he's to blame. It's not the Democrats that let
1485
01:12:07.609 --> 01:12:09.670
him out of jail 14 times. It's actually Trump who
1486
01:12:09.710 --> 01:12:10.890
cut funding to mental health.
1487
01:12:12.689 --> 01:12:13.449
I have to say.
1488
01:12:13.600 --> 01:12:15.380
Let me just say.
1489
01:12:15.739 --> 01:12:20.439
So, if y'all could stop cutting funding for places... But
1490
01:12:20.479 --> 01:12:24.310
that's why it is political. That is exactly why it
1491
01:12:24.430 --> 01:12:27.770
is a political situation. Because in the first 40 days
1492
01:12:27.810 --> 01:12:30.170
of the Trump administration, this one, they terminated 128 grants
1493
01:12:31.670 --> 01:12:34.369
from the National Institute of Mental Health. In May, they
1494
01:12:34.390 --> 01:12:37.689
cut $ 1 billion in federal grants for mental health services.
1495
01:12:37.689 --> 01:12:38.560
$ 1 billion?
1496
01:12:38.779 --> 01:12:38.960
Yes.
1497
01:12:39.199 --> 01:12:41.819
And then they talk about, oh, mentally ill people are
1498
01:12:42.159 --> 01:12:44.720
with the guns and mentally ill people are killing, blah, blah, blah.
1499
01:12:44.899 --> 01:12:46.279
But then they cut the services.
1500
01:12:46.619 --> 01:12:47.119
I also.
1501
01:12:47.279 --> 01:12:48.430
So it is political.
1502
01:12:48.439 --> 01:12:52.130
All right. So we spent $ 24 billion on homelessness and
1503
01:12:52.170 --> 01:12:55.130
we have nothing. So it's a weird thing. Everything for
1504
01:12:55.149 --> 01:12:59.229
them is about money. We spend more on education than
1505
01:12:59.649 --> 01:13:02.029
almost every other nation, or maybe every other, and we
1506
01:13:02.069 --> 01:13:05.350
have the worst results. So what do you mean money? Like,
1507
01:13:05.390 --> 01:13:09.180
where is the money? Look, family. These people don't have
1508
01:13:09.199 --> 01:13:11.539
a family. They don't have a network. The guy probably
1509
01:13:11.579 --> 01:13:13.760
never met his dad, and that's what they did. They
1510
01:13:13.800 --> 01:13:17.260
never talk about that. And it's always like, we need funding. Like,
1511
01:13:17.340 --> 01:13:21.960
we need funding. First off, how much money can you spend? Like,
1512
01:13:22.399 --> 01:13:25.180
here's the deal. We have.
1513
01:13:26.539 --> 01:13:29.659
The most expensive gas in the nation is in California,
1514
01:13:29.800 --> 01:13:33.310
and we have the worst roads. You go through— I was
1515
01:13:33.369 --> 01:13:36.710
in Alabama. The roads are beautiful. You go to Tennessee.
1516
01:13:36.789 --> 01:13:39.670
The roads are beautiful. You pay half the gas, you
1517
01:13:39.710 --> 01:13:43.390
get twice the road. So where is this— You know
1518
01:13:43.409 --> 01:13:45.890
what I mean? Like LA, New York, we spend the
1519
01:13:45.989 --> 01:13:48.770
most on students. We get the worst fucking results. Like,
1520
01:13:48.869 --> 01:13:52.270
where is this money thing? It's like saying you're in
1521
01:13:52.310 --> 01:13:55.319
horrible shape. You have to give your personal trainer more money.
1522
01:13:55.359 --> 01:13:57.939
It's like, or you could stop eating so much shit
1523
01:13:58.079 --> 01:14:01.439
and start getting some exercise. What about a personal trainer?
1524
01:14:01.479 --> 01:14:04.659
If we got everyone... Everyone, a personal trainer is not
1525
01:14:04.680 --> 01:14:07.600
going to fucking work if they don't do the diet
1526
01:14:07.619 --> 01:14:11.029
and the exercise. And you're right. It's almost posturing to go.
1527
01:14:11.090 --> 01:14:12.729
We spent this much on mental health.
1528
01:14:12.789 --> 01:14:14.810
If the results aren't there, like if you see a
1529
01:14:14.829 --> 01:14:16.510
big fat dude and he goes, Hey, well, I'm spending
1530
01:14:16.529 --> 01:14:17.489
a hundred grand a year on a trainer.
1531
01:14:17.930 --> 01:14:19.170
It doesn't matter. You're like a fat guy.
1532
01:14:19.510 --> 01:14:19.930
Right.
1533
01:14:20.010 --> 01:14:24.930
It's not doing anything. Yeah. Family, family, family, family. They're nuts.
1534
01:14:25.329 --> 01:14:28.260
I mean, it's an issue. It's a thing. I've been,
1535
01:14:28.500 --> 01:14:33.229
I brought it up a thousand, a thousand times. And
1536
01:14:33.270 --> 01:14:37.109
they always argue, oh, you can find the Huffington Post
1537
01:14:37.189 --> 01:14:40.560
clip again, Andrew, just because it makes me laugh. I've
1538
01:14:40.689 --> 01:14:45.810
been saying my entire life, just basically. Family and education.
1539
01:14:45.930 --> 01:14:49.189
Where's the family? Keep the family together. These people are
1540
01:14:49.229 --> 01:14:52.470
suffering because their families are busted up. The black community
1541
01:14:52.510 --> 01:14:56.579
is doing horribly because their families are busted up. Somebody
1542
01:14:56.619 --> 01:14:58.939
needs to talk about this. It's always, no, they need
1543
01:14:58.979 --> 01:15:04.520
more resources. Resources for what? After-school programs, free lunches where
1544
01:15:04.560 --> 01:15:07.180
they eat slop? Tell me what, and by the way,
1545
01:15:07.239 --> 01:15:10.579
how long have you been wanting more resources to do what?
1546
01:15:10.680 --> 01:15:13.439
Throw more money at a problem that's getting worse or
1547
01:15:13.590 --> 01:15:16.470
we could do family and education. But all they do
1548
01:15:16.529 --> 01:15:18.970
is fucking argue. And so when I was on like
1549
01:15:19.090 --> 01:15:22.409
HuffPo like 15 years ago, I was like family and education.
1550
01:15:22.550 --> 01:15:25.430
And the bitch who was interviewing me was like, whoa, whoa, whoa,
1551
01:15:25.489 --> 01:15:27.090
wait a second. Wait a minute. I've said it a
1552
01:15:27.090 --> 01:15:31.909
million times. Everyone's fat. Yeah, good. Diet and exercise. Yeah,
1553
01:15:31.949 --> 01:15:34.750
but what about diet and exercise? Well, what about my
1554
01:15:34.829 --> 01:15:39.829
personal metabolism? Diet and fucking exercise. That's it. Diet and exercise. Yeah,
1555
01:15:39.869 --> 01:15:44.010
but other people process food in a different... Diet and exercise.
1556
01:15:44.109 --> 01:15:46.390
I'm just telling you diet and exercise. You can go
1557
01:15:46.409 --> 01:15:48.489
to the fucking park and do chin-ups and do push-ups.
1558
01:15:50.020 --> 01:15:56.479
Guys in prison are jacked. I've seen Con Air... Nick
1559
01:15:56.520 --> 01:16:00.479
Cage on plumbing. There's a lot of plumbing going through.
1560
01:16:00.500 --> 01:16:04.899
I bet there's much less actual plumbing going through. They're
1561
01:16:04.960 --> 01:16:08.359
always doing the chin-ups. They do the chin-ups on the plumbing.
1562
01:16:08.560 --> 01:16:10.199
It's all the PEX now. They don't have any copper
1563
01:16:10.239 --> 01:16:12.590
pipe going through there anymore. Oh, they got the PEX. Yeah,
1564
01:16:12.779 --> 01:16:16.210
it's too flexible. You're right. You're right. It's flexible. It's
1565
01:16:16.270 --> 01:16:18.590
not going to work. You can't do chin-ups on PEX.
1566
01:16:18.670 --> 01:16:20.970
I know my grandpa told me that when I was
1567
01:16:20.989 --> 01:16:21.569
a young lad.
1568
01:16:22.850 --> 01:16:23.109
Yep.
1569
01:16:23.449 --> 01:16:25.449
And you can't pull wire through Romex, man.
1570
01:16:28.359 --> 01:16:29.520
Now you sound like Jamie's wife.
1571
01:16:29.579 --> 01:16:32.920
Well, pecs is the Romex of pecs is the plumbing.
1572
01:16:32.960 --> 01:16:35.140
What Romex is to electric.
1573
01:16:35.279 --> 01:16:35.920
Oh, gotcha.
1574
01:16:35.960 --> 01:16:39.090
That's okay. But not conduit. Okay. The whole point is,
1575
01:16:39.130 --> 01:16:43.310
is you can just do pushups in your cell. Sure.
1576
01:16:43.529 --> 01:16:46.069
And you can do chin ups on your plumbing and
1577
01:16:46.109 --> 01:16:49.130
you can be jacked or you can just keep saying,
1578
01:16:49.250 --> 01:16:52.869
what if, what about, what if, what about. And this
1579
01:16:52.949 --> 01:16:56.630
is me. It's actually, it's just audio because we couldn't
1580
01:16:56.649 --> 01:17:00.210
find the vid, but it's just this chick. 15 years ago.
1581
01:17:00.229 --> 01:17:05.050
So here's the whole point. I made the mistake of
1582
01:17:05.069 --> 01:17:09.500
saying diet and education. Sorry, diet and exercise, education and family.
1583
01:17:09.539 --> 01:17:12.659
Just education and family. You want to fix all this shit,
1584
01:17:13.539 --> 01:17:17.970
stay intact, educate. family and feed your own fucking kids
1585
01:17:18.109 --> 01:17:20.090
and make them breakfast and make them lunch and get
1586
01:17:20.109 --> 01:17:25.399
the fucking family involved. And it turned into a controversy,
1587
01:17:25.899 --> 01:17:29.840
literally a controversy, like the same controversy, like when Bill
1588
01:17:29.880 --> 01:17:33.199
Maher during COVID was like, hey, if everyone's fat is dying,
1589
01:17:33.560 --> 01:17:36.659
maybe we should start talking about dieting. And they were like, oh,
1590
01:17:36.680 --> 01:17:39.760
he's going to body shame people. It's like, no, the
1591
01:17:39.930 --> 01:17:42.430
guy who's in shape is talking about people getting in
1592
01:17:42.489 --> 01:17:43.550
shape so they don't die.
1593
01:17:44.590 --> 01:17:44.850
Is that?
1594
01:17:45.270 --> 01:17:45.829
Yeah.
1595
01:17:45.869 --> 01:17:48.449
What kind of– oh, he's an evil guy. Evil guy
1596
01:17:48.470 --> 01:17:51.539
because you're 13 and you're morbidly obese and you have
1597
01:17:51.560 --> 01:17:55.180
diabetes already? Like he's the– who's the bad guy? So
1598
01:17:56.640 --> 01:17:59.560
I'm always just like family and education. And then the
1599
01:17:59.600 --> 01:18:02.319
word got out to Huffington Post and they had to
1600
01:18:02.390 --> 01:18:06.869
settle my hash. And this is what it sounded like. Sorry.
1601
01:18:07.729 --> 01:18:08.909
And the whole idea was to get out of that.
1602
01:18:09.369 --> 01:18:10.470
That's true. Through how?
1603
01:18:10.569 --> 01:18:10.869
Hard work.
1604
01:18:10.890 --> 01:18:11.390
Education.
1605
01:18:11.409 --> 01:18:11.789
Education.
1606
01:18:12.359 --> 01:18:15.590
Oh, that's true, but we'll play you the clip. That's old-fashioned.
1607
01:18:15.600 --> 01:18:17.270
What the hell's the matter with you? All right, so anyway,
1608
01:18:17.529 --> 01:18:21.369
there we go. Here's the clip. Family and education. I mean,
1609
01:18:21.390 --> 01:18:23.529
I'm not Christian or anything. You're not going to solve everything.
1610
01:18:23.949 --> 01:18:25.329
It would solve everything, yeah.
1611
01:18:25.729 --> 01:18:28.550
Just family and education? What about the drug war that
1612
01:18:28.569 --> 01:18:29.979
we have that's failing?
1613
01:18:29.989 --> 01:18:35.119
What about the school-to-prison pipeline, things like this? The school-to-prison pipeline,
1614
01:18:35.159 --> 01:18:39.260
if you focused on education, I think would interrupt the
1615
01:18:39.319 --> 01:18:40.159
school-to-prison pipeline.
1616
01:18:41.609 --> 01:18:45.279
Well, the problem is that schools are maybe.
1617
01:18:44.479 --> 01:18:46.930
Not focusing on education so much as we are. So anyway,
1618
01:18:46.989 --> 01:18:49.489
what about, what about, what about all this other fucking
1619
01:18:49.550 --> 01:18:52.909
external shit that doesn't amount to anything? Hey, bitch, family
1620
01:18:52.939 --> 01:18:56.039
and education, diet and exercise. We're done. We're fucking done.
1621
01:18:57.000 --> 01:18:59.939
It's always like money, more grants, more money. We need
1622
01:18:59.979 --> 01:19:02.539
to study this. You don't need that. You just need
1623
01:19:02.560 --> 01:19:05.180
to get back to fucking diet and exercise. We're falling
1624
01:19:05.239 --> 01:19:08.340
apart because we're getting away from this. Why is everything money?
1625
01:19:09.869 --> 01:19:12.130
I scream about it all the time. It doesn't take
1626
01:19:12.289 --> 01:19:14.880
money to feed your kids. It takes a fucking mom
1627
01:19:14.899 --> 01:19:17.340
and a dad with the will to feed their kids.
1628
01:19:17.939 --> 01:19:21.640
To be healthy, it's easily done. It's fucking hard boil
1629
01:19:21.659 --> 01:19:23.300
a bunch of eggs and cook up some rice and
1630
01:19:23.359 --> 01:19:27.829
beans and whatever. It's not going out to eat, but
1631
01:19:27.890 --> 01:19:28.409
it's healthy.
1632
01:19:28.430 --> 01:19:31.689
Yeah, I think it's weird when people go, like someone
1633
01:19:31.710 --> 01:19:33.210
will come up on the road and be like, oh, man,
1634
01:19:33.229 --> 01:19:33.909
you stay in shape.
1635
01:19:33.930 --> 01:19:35.149
Like, what do you do?
1636
01:19:35.989 --> 01:19:38.130
Because it's always diet and exercise it's never like oh
1637
01:19:38.149 --> 01:19:40.680
I have these special shoes right you can eat whatever
1638
01:19:40.720 --> 01:19:43.899
you want it's always the same everyone knows how to
1639
01:19:43.939 --> 01:19:46.899
do it it's just not easy yeah Yeah.
1640
01:19:47.020 --> 01:19:47.220
Yeah.
1641
01:19:47.619 --> 01:19:48.020
Sucks.
1642
01:19:48.119 --> 01:19:48.279
Yeah.
1643
01:19:48.319 --> 01:19:50.800
Nobody wants it, but yeah. Uh, it is funny how
1644
01:19:50.840 --> 01:19:52.729
you can hear it in her voice too, how condescending
1645
01:19:52.789 --> 01:19:56.090
it is. She has no absolute answers. That's it. That's
1646
01:19:56.130 --> 01:19:57.430
all it is. It's really, that's all it is.
1647
01:19:57.729 --> 01:20:00.170
Yeah. We've been going through this shit in Minneapolis because, uh,
1648
01:20:00.989 --> 01:20:03.949
there's the school shooting that happened at Annunciation. We were
1649
01:20:04.420 --> 01:20:07.279
very directly affected to it. My, my, my girlfriend's son
1650
01:20:07.479 --> 01:20:09.779
attends that school. Her children all went to that school and,
1651
01:20:10.340 --> 01:20:12.939
And everybody who is just you're trying to come up
1652
01:20:12.979 --> 01:20:15.600
with some sort of answer to something like I had
1653
01:20:15.760 --> 01:20:17.739
one idea. And I'm like, this isn't even a good idea.
1654
01:20:18.399 --> 01:20:21.229
It's probably the worst idea ever. But it is an idea.
1655
01:20:21.270 --> 01:20:23.949
And I said, listen, people who don't get to take
1656
01:20:23.989 --> 01:20:26.909
maternity leave anymore. My daughter's 17. I'm never having kids
1657
01:20:26.970 --> 01:20:29.569
ever again. How about once a year? We just get
1658
01:20:29.609 --> 01:20:31.909
to have a week off of work and paid and
1659
01:20:31.930 --> 01:20:33.939
we just go stand in front of the school. Just
1660
01:20:34.020 --> 01:20:36.600
to keep an eye on shit. It might not deter
1661
01:20:36.640 --> 01:20:38.800
somebody with a gun to come in, but it's an idea.
1662
01:20:38.840 --> 01:20:39.739
It's something that we can implement.
1663
01:20:39.760 --> 01:20:41.859
And everyone goes, oh, that's all it takes? That's all
1664
01:20:41.899 --> 01:20:44.380
it takes? I'm like, no, dipshit. But it's an idea,
1665
01:20:44.439 --> 01:20:46.439
and it's something that we can at least try.
1666
01:20:46.500 --> 01:20:50.560
Just try it. What's the harm in that?
1667
01:20:50.579 --> 01:20:53.859
You brought up school shootings. And yesterday, I looked up
1668
01:20:53.930 --> 01:20:58.069
in one of my books, I'm Your Emotional Support Animal,
1669
01:20:58.090 --> 01:20:59.729
I think is the name of the book. But I
1670
01:20:59.909 --> 01:21:05.000
found this thing that was... an op-ed that I print
1671
01:21:05.039 --> 01:21:07.699
in the book that's from the LA Times about school
1672
01:21:07.739 --> 01:21:12.239
shootings and guns. And I had to, I read it,
1673
01:21:12.289 --> 01:21:13.869
I hadn't read it in a long time since I
1674
01:21:14.130 --> 01:21:19.510
wrote the book, and I realized how insane it sounded,
1675
01:21:19.529 --> 01:21:22.850
this op-ed, and I forgot how nuts it was. But
1676
01:21:24.109 --> 01:21:28.260
to your point, Like I've said, yeah, like my whole life,
1677
01:21:28.319 --> 01:21:30.600
I go like, how about we just, let's just do this.
1678
01:21:30.699 --> 01:21:32.640
Let's just, I'm like, that's never gonna, and I'm like,
1679
01:21:32.720 --> 01:21:36.170
how about we do something? I know your plan is
1680
01:21:36.710 --> 01:21:43.760
you want some sort of, gun buyback, ban something, background check,
1681
01:21:43.960 --> 01:21:46.119
something that's just, it's never going to happen. And if
1682
01:21:46.180 --> 01:21:49.500
it does, it's not going to affect anything. And I'm saying,
1683
01:21:49.680 --> 01:21:52.289
why don't we do something that might affect something? And
1684
01:21:52.350 --> 01:21:55.260
you're arguing. It's like the whole time. And this was a,
1685
01:21:56.390 --> 01:21:59.470
and Dawson will read it when he finds it, but
1686
01:22:00.260 --> 01:22:05.180
This was arming teachers, right? And my thing with arming–
1687
01:22:05.279 --> 01:22:08.979
and whoever disagrees with you is always like, oh, so
1688
01:22:09.020 --> 01:22:10.789
we should just take Glocks and put them in a
1689
01:22:10.810 --> 01:22:12.850
pinata and have all the kids beat it until the
1690
01:22:12.890 --> 01:22:15.210
guns fall out and then whoever grabs the gun the first.
1691
01:22:15.489 --> 01:22:18.369
I'm like, no. There's plenty of people associated with the
1692
01:22:18.390 --> 01:22:22.810
school that were ex-cops or Marines or service people that
1693
01:22:22.850 --> 01:22:24.380
have experience.
1694
01:22:24.399 --> 01:22:24.899
Right.
1695
01:22:25.239 --> 01:22:28.840
With, with firearms. And we'd find that person. And then
1696
01:22:28.880 --> 01:22:31.300
what we do is we put them through a program.
1697
01:22:31.600 --> 01:22:33.920
And then that person would have a weapon on them.
1698
01:22:33.979 --> 01:22:36.939
If they were the janitor or the history teacher, because
1699
01:22:36.960 --> 01:22:40.739
the history teacher could be a decorated Marine of, you know,
1700
01:22:40.739 --> 01:22:43.079
14 years. Fine. Then he'll go through the search. Then
1701
01:22:43.119 --> 01:22:45.420
he'll have a fucking gun. And then if the shooting starts,
1702
01:22:45.760 --> 01:22:48.619
he'll be able to fire back. Your plan is everyone
1703
01:22:48.659 --> 01:22:52.369
hides under the desks until the person executes them. And
1704
01:22:52.409 --> 01:22:56.250
they go like, well, we can't, um, So this was
1705
01:22:57.170 --> 01:23:00.529
the L.A. Times. And you have to just listen how
1706
01:23:00.789 --> 01:23:02.810
nuts this is. And I can't remember the woman who
1707
01:23:02.909 --> 01:23:06.539
wrote this. She's probably still working there. This is her
1708
01:23:06.720 --> 01:23:09.029
answer to this. But you have to really listen to it.
1709
01:23:09.840 --> 01:23:14.000
We listened to the bleatings of the gun enthusiasts that, well,
1710
01:23:14.060 --> 01:23:17.079
if those teachers had guns, well, then this wouldn't have
1711
01:23:17.119 --> 01:23:21.359
been as bad. Been as bad. Think about that. If
1712
01:23:21.420 --> 01:23:25.239
a pistol-strapping chemistry teacher had grabbed her. 45 and unloaded
1713
01:23:25.319 --> 01:23:28.640
on today's gunman after he was killed, after he killed what?
1714
01:23:28.880 --> 01:23:29.439
One student?
1715
01:23:29.819 --> 01:23:34.560
Three? Five? That would be good news? Well, yeah.
1716
01:23:34.590 --> 01:23:36.869
Of course it would be good news, you fucking imbeciles.
1717
01:23:37.170 --> 01:23:41.449
That's me talking now. But there's a repeat it where
1718
01:23:41.529 --> 01:23:47.590
she goes, wouldn't have been as bad. Yeah. Think about that. Well,
1719
01:23:48.069 --> 01:23:51.270
there's airplane crashes where everyone on the airplane dies. And
1720
01:23:51.289 --> 01:23:54.079
then there's airplane crashes where half the people on the
1721
01:23:54.100 --> 01:23:57.680
airplane die, which aren't as bad as the ones where
1722
01:23:57.739 --> 01:24:01.170
everyone dies. That's a pretty easy math. And yeah, in
1723
01:24:01.189 --> 01:24:04.529
this particular shooting, I think eight kids were killed. But
1724
01:24:04.670 --> 01:24:08.170
if the teacher with the 45 returned fire and only
1725
01:24:08.210 --> 01:24:11.149
three people were killed, then it'd be a lot better
1726
01:24:11.210 --> 01:24:14.880
for the five kids and their family that they weren't
1727
01:24:15.069 --> 01:24:19.760
amongst the victims. This is an op-ed making the point
1728
01:24:19.800 --> 01:24:23.739
that you shouldn't have guns in there. And in doing so,
1729
01:24:23.779 --> 01:24:26.659
they're making my point. They're actually making the point for
1730
01:24:26.699 --> 01:24:29.000
having the guns. Read again. It's crazy.
1731
01:24:29.699 --> 01:24:32.600
We listened to the bleedings of gun enthusiasts that, well,
1732
01:24:32.819 --> 01:24:35.949
if those teachers had guns, then this wouldn't have been
1733
01:24:36.210 --> 01:24:40.869
as bad. Been as bad. Think about that.
1734
01:24:40.949 --> 01:24:43.310
I thought about it. I don't want it to be
1735
01:24:43.350 --> 01:24:43.829
as bad.
1736
01:24:44.409 --> 01:24:49.050
If a pistol-strapping chemistry teacher had grabbed her. 45 and
1737
01:24:49.289 --> 01:24:52.250
unloaded on today's gunman after he killed what?
1738
01:24:52.909 --> 01:24:53.649
One student?
1739
01:24:53.760 --> 01:24:54.020
Yeah.
1740
01:24:54.260 --> 01:24:54.760
Three?
1741
01:24:55.069 --> 01:24:56.260
Better. Five?
1742
01:24:56.279 --> 01:24:58.420
That would be good news?
1743
01:24:58.439 --> 01:24:58.760
Yeah.
1744
01:24:59.760 --> 01:25:02.140
It would be good news if the final number's eight.
1745
01:25:02.720 --> 01:25:02.899
Right.
1746
01:25:03.319 --> 01:25:05.750
In a sea of bad news, it would be good
1747
01:25:05.810 --> 01:25:09.810
news if one died versus eight. I don't know who
1748
01:25:09.829 --> 01:25:13.109
this fucking nut is. This is how they think, by
1749
01:25:13.149 --> 01:25:14.949
the way. This is like, I'm going to write an
1750
01:25:15.060 --> 01:25:17.579
op-ed for the LA Times and I'm going to prove
1751
01:25:17.600 --> 01:25:20.180
to you that this is my point. Except for you're
1752
01:25:20.220 --> 01:25:23.359
making everyone else's. You're making the NRA's point. Yeah, he
1753
01:25:23.380 --> 01:25:24.840
shouldn't have said think about it because that's when I
1754
01:25:24.859 --> 01:25:25.739
realized it was stupid.
1755
01:25:25.760 --> 01:25:27.970
Oh, with 17 people.
1756
01:25:30.750 --> 01:25:33.449
I don't know, 17, 14 students. I don't remember. I
1757
01:25:33.489 --> 01:25:37.319
just had a vague recollection that, well, if one, well,
1758
01:25:37.340 --> 01:25:40.600
let's keep doing your math. What if nobody was killed?
1759
01:25:40.819 --> 01:25:42.600
Would that be better? Yes, it would be better.
1760
01:25:42.739 --> 01:25:43.399
It would be better.
1761
01:25:43.520 --> 01:25:46.399
It would all be better than whatever that final number is.
1762
01:25:46.529 --> 01:25:49.270
There was a shooting at a Palestinian bus stop the
1763
01:25:49.289 --> 01:25:50.770
other day. I don't know if you guys saw this.
1764
01:25:50.789 --> 01:25:53.350
I don't know gay slang, but keep going. I got
1765
01:25:53.369 --> 01:25:56.069
to look that move up. You ever had a Palestinian
1766
01:25:56.109 --> 01:26:00.100
bus stop? Hey, you think what was on that railing
1767
01:26:00.140 --> 01:26:04.960
was dirty? You get a Palestinian bus stop. There ain't
1768
01:26:05.000 --> 01:26:07.560
enough wet nap, son, to ever clean up that mess.
1769
01:26:08.380 --> 01:26:10.720
I wanted to. It was just such an upcharge. It's
1770
01:26:10.859 --> 01:26:14.189
also something that your agent threatens you with. You don't
1771
01:26:14.229 --> 01:26:16.050
go on this dish, you're going to be working at
1772
01:26:16.069 --> 01:26:20.770
a Palestinian bus stop, okay? Christ, you never listen.
1773
01:26:20.970 --> 01:26:21.229
Yeah.
1774
01:26:21.550 --> 01:26:23.050
All right, sorry. Palestinian bus stop.
1775
01:26:23.069 --> 01:26:24.560
Yeah, and I believe you'd have to look it up,
1776
01:26:24.569 --> 01:26:27.479
but I do believe that after whatever it was, three
1777
01:26:27.489 --> 01:26:31.039
or four people were killed and 17 were injured, that
1778
01:26:31.460 --> 01:26:34.140
the gunmen were taken out by an off-duty police officer
1779
01:26:34.340 --> 01:26:39.020
and somebody who was strapping, who was illegal to carry
1780
01:26:39.079 --> 01:26:39.970
a firearm in Palestine.
1781
01:26:39.979 --> 01:26:40.159
Yeah.
1782
01:26:40.470 --> 01:26:41.949
So obviously you're proving the point.
1783
01:26:42.109 --> 01:26:44.970
Well, let's just put it to you this way. We
1784
01:26:45.069 --> 01:26:49.250
all have kids. If your kid was in the third
1785
01:26:49.310 --> 01:26:53.949
grade and you heard that there was a school shooting
1786
01:26:54.189 --> 01:27:01.319
at your kid's school, would you prefer that their teacher,
1787
01:27:01.539 --> 01:27:05.279
their homeroom teacher that happened during homeroom or something? If
1788
01:27:05.319 --> 01:27:09.590
you knew that that person had a gun and was
1789
01:27:09.689 --> 01:27:15.300
trained- Would you feel better knowing no other information or
1790
01:27:15.380 --> 01:27:18.500
would you like this op ed bitch be praying that
1791
01:27:18.520 --> 01:27:21.420
that teacher had no gun in this situation? If the
1792
01:27:21.560 --> 01:27:25.600
answer is I'm I would feel better waiting for the
1793
01:27:25.659 --> 01:27:29.229
news to come out, knowing that Mr. Johnson used to
1794
01:27:29.270 --> 01:27:32.289
be a cop and had a nine millimeter in his desk, then, yeah,
1795
01:27:32.449 --> 01:27:34.970
I would. I'd be happy to hear that news. Of course.
1796
01:27:35.130 --> 01:27:36.529
I went to school in northern Minnesota.
1797
01:27:36.550 --> 01:27:38.149
Oh, it was a Jerusalem bus stop.
1798
01:27:38.170 --> 01:27:39.590
A Jerusalem bus stop. I apologize.
1799
01:27:39.609 --> 01:27:42.010
That's all right. I think that's more guys. I got
1800
01:27:42.029 --> 01:27:50.779
that move, too. Six Israelis were killed by Palestinian gunmen
1801
01:27:50.819 --> 01:27:52.100
at a Jerusalem bus stop.
1802
01:27:52.159 --> 01:27:52.380
Right.
1803
01:27:53.279 --> 01:27:54.199
But it could have been 16.
1804
01:27:54.199 --> 01:27:54.579
Yeah.
1805
01:27:55.180 --> 01:27:58.119
Okay. All right. Yeah. It's not as bad. Think about that.
1806
01:27:58.739 --> 01:27:59.119
Think about it.
1807
01:27:59.119 --> 01:28:01.600
That's a little like a dance, too, the Jerusalem bus stop.
1808
01:28:01.619 --> 01:28:01.760
It does.
1809
01:28:02.079 --> 01:28:02.380
It does.
1810
01:28:03.149 --> 01:28:06.210
A lot of snapping of fingers. Get the symbols on
1811
01:28:06.229 --> 01:28:08.050
the fingers, yeah. I apologize.
1812
01:28:08.130 --> 01:28:09.770
This came in right before we walked in, so I
1813
01:28:09.770 --> 01:28:11.699
haven't had a chance to read it, but we figured
1814
01:28:11.739 --> 01:28:15.380
something that you'd be pretty interested in. Ace, $ 100 million
1815
01:28:15.420 --> 01:28:17.930
in LA Wildlife Aid is being doled out to fund
1816
01:28:18.020 --> 01:28:22.510
pet clinics, DEI projects, and fungus planting. Not a dime
1817
01:28:22.529 --> 01:28:24.250
has gone directly to victims.
1818
01:28:24.770 --> 01:28:30.199
Oh, wait, did you say wild? Oh, you said wildlife aids. Wildfire? Sorry.
1819
01:28:30.220 --> 01:28:31.979
Did I say wild? No, no, no. Oh, so L.A.
1820
01:28:32.060 --> 01:28:33.550
Wildfire Aid is being doled out.
1821
01:28:33.579 --> 01:28:34.399
Wildfire.
1822
01:28:34.420 --> 01:28:34.619
Oh, sorry.
1823
01:28:34.659 --> 01:28:36.710
Yeah, so there was, yeah, there's a, sorry. Like I said,
1824
01:28:36.729 --> 01:28:38.090
I hadn't had a chance to read this yet.
1825
01:28:38.470 --> 01:28:41.300
So they're talking about the hundred million that Lady Gaga
1826
01:28:41.460 --> 01:28:43.560
and Billie Eilish helped for L.A.
1827
01:28:43.960 --> 01:28:45.279
Wildfires in January.
1828
01:28:45.680 --> 01:28:46.020
Right.
1829
01:28:46.039 --> 01:28:48.079
They're saying that struggling locals have never seen a dime
1830
01:28:48.100 --> 01:28:48.640
of any of this.
1831
01:28:48.979 --> 01:28:51.970
Yeah. It's a, it's kind of a weird thing because
1832
01:28:52.189 --> 01:28:57.949
California doesn't have any of the sort of hallmarks of
1833
01:28:58.029 --> 01:29:03.109
corruption in Because the thing– it's an interesting– well, I
1834
01:29:03.149 --> 01:29:05.399
guess we're going to end up talking about what we
1835
01:29:05.409 --> 01:29:09.350
were talking about before, which is when I grew up,
1836
01:29:09.920 --> 01:29:13.859
corrupt politicians had pinky rings and they smoked cigars and
1837
01:29:13.880 --> 01:29:17.060
they called black people boy and son. And they had
1838
01:29:17.119 --> 01:29:23.529
like– they looked like greedy, greasy. They wore like cowboy
1839
01:29:23.569 --> 01:29:26.529
boots with their suits, you know, and they smoked cigars
1840
01:29:26.550 --> 01:29:29.569
and they smacked their secretary on the ass when they left.
1841
01:29:29.630 --> 01:29:33.130
They laughed real hard. California's got a bunch of like
1842
01:29:33.270 --> 01:29:37.319
women and progressives and folks that dress down and they're
1843
01:29:37.340 --> 01:29:41.300
kind of frumpy. They don't have any of the earmarks
1844
01:29:41.380 --> 01:29:46.750
of like slimy, corrupt politician, but yet we waste more
1845
01:29:46.840 --> 01:29:50.739
money and give more money to the politicians, you know,
1846
01:29:50.840 --> 01:29:54.319
daughter who's running the nonprofit and whatever, and her salary
1847
01:29:54.340 --> 01:29:56.989
is 700 K a year and nothing ever fucking, it's
1848
01:29:57.029 --> 01:30:03.979
a homeless. We, we get, First things first, they start
1849
01:30:04.020 --> 01:30:07.859
a foundation and they give it some name like Ahead
1850
01:30:07.939 --> 01:30:11.829
Now or All Kids Ahead Now or some sort of
1851
01:30:12.489 --> 01:30:15.010
Loves in Bloom or some sort of bullshit. And then
1852
01:30:15.050 --> 01:30:18.029
they just take tons of money and waste it or
1853
01:30:18.869 --> 01:30:21.989
spend it on themselves. But they don't have... We got
1854
01:30:22.010 --> 01:30:24.609
this sort of laid back, board shorts, flip flop. We
1855
01:30:24.649 --> 01:30:28.359
don't have greasy on the take politicians, but I think
1856
01:30:28.979 --> 01:30:32.000
we're more corrupt than any other state because we get
1857
01:30:32.079 --> 01:30:36.970
less results. We get $ 14 billion into a train that
1858
01:30:36.989 --> 01:30:39.630
we're going to scrap. You know, we get $ 24 billion
1859
01:30:39.649 --> 01:30:42.789
into homeless. We get more homeless. Like we don't get anything.
1860
01:30:43.649 --> 01:30:48.689
And there's all these NGOs. And all these foundations. And
1861
01:30:48.750 --> 01:30:51.100
whenever there's a big pot of money, and it turns
1862
01:30:51.270 --> 01:30:57.279
out everyone, like when I was convinced, I thought the
1863
01:30:57.380 --> 01:31:01.939
only bad politicians are men and the Republicans. Those are
1864
01:31:02.539 --> 01:31:04.340
the ones that are on the take. Those are the
1865
01:31:04.460 --> 01:31:07.409
ones that are. getting the kickbacks from the oil companies
1866
01:31:07.470 --> 01:31:10.829
and stuff like that. Turns out women are just as
1867
01:31:10.890 --> 01:31:13.550
fucking bad as dudes, like maybe worse, or they don't
1868
01:31:13.590 --> 01:31:16.069
do as good a job of covering their tracks and
1869
01:31:16.130 --> 01:31:19.229
just as fucking greedy. And the Democrats are just as greedy,
1870
01:31:19.659 --> 01:31:24.199
if not more so. And so California, $ 100 million, no
1871
01:31:24.239 --> 01:31:25.979
one will ever see that. It just goes to all
1872
01:31:26.020 --> 01:31:29.979
these foundations. And what are they worried about? They're worried about.
1873
01:31:30.000 --> 01:31:34.340
Oh, yeah, they're worried about DEI projects, pet clinics, and
1874
01:31:34.420 --> 01:31:35.220
fungus planting.
1875
01:31:35.500 --> 01:31:39.170
So here's the thing about the DEI stuff. You want
1876
01:31:39.210 --> 01:31:42.369
to start a foundation and you want to make it
1877
01:31:42.430 --> 01:31:46.369
about invisible shit where there's not a real problem.
1878
01:31:46.770 --> 01:31:46.970
Right.
1879
01:31:46.989 --> 01:31:48.819
Because if your foundation is.
1880
01:31:50.489 --> 01:31:53.590
You know, dentists without borders, then someone's going to go,
1881
01:31:53.869 --> 01:31:55.350
how many times you've been to Africa and how many
1882
01:31:55.390 --> 01:31:57.229
fillings have you filled in? Well, I've never been to
1883
01:31:57.329 --> 01:31:59.069
Africa and we've never actually done it. Then it's like,
1884
01:31:59.130 --> 01:32:02.399
fuck you. And if your thing is like, you have
1885
01:32:02.439 --> 01:32:06.100
a foundation that repairs roofs, people are going to want
1886
01:32:06.119 --> 01:32:08.699
to see how many roofs you've worked on and what
1887
01:32:08.739 --> 01:32:11.340
the situation is. When you do a thing where you go,
1888
01:32:11.359 --> 01:32:16.359
I do equity, I do fairness. What I, our foundation
1889
01:32:16.399 --> 01:32:19.250
is about children having a seat at the table, every
1890
01:32:19.310 --> 01:32:22.479
voice being heard. Like, okay, there's no way... You can't
1891
01:32:22.520 --> 01:32:25.600
quantify it. It's not measurable. It's quantified. Like, what'd you do?
1892
01:32:25.720 --> 01:32:27.979
I went down to LA Valley College and we had
1893
01:32:28.000 --> 01:32:30.609
somebody speak to the students. Like, all right, did any...
1894
01:32:31.090 --> 01:32:33.229
What'd they speak about? Like, how did this work? What
1895
01:32:33.250 --> 01:32:35.010
do you mean a seat at the table? Like, how
1896
01:32:35.029 --> 01:32:37.850
does this work? So you... Make it about– you give
1897
01:32:37.869 --> 01:32:40.760
it some euphemistic title. You make it about some invisible
1898
01:32:40.859 --> 01:32:43.439
bullshit that can never really be tracked, and you hear
1899
01:32:43.460 --> 01:32:45.479
it all the time. It's like, oh, the government gave
1900
01:32:45.500 --> 01:32:48.300
the military $ 2 billion for DEI or whatever. It's like, well,
1901
01:32:48.359 --> 01:32:50.609
what came out the other end? I don't know. You
1902
01:32:50.649 --> 01:32:53.710
can't measure it. It's an– You can't give someone a
1903
01:32:53.750 --> 01:32:56.109
billion dollars to build a stadium. At some point, we
1904
01:32:56.130 --> 01:32:59.010
need a stadium. Someone's going to go, where's the fucking stadium? Yeah.
1905
01:32:59.229 --> 01:33:02.449
Well, you know, luckily they didn't build any new homes
1906
01:33:02.510 --> 01:33:05.689
or playgrounds or schools, but a group who makes podcasts
1907
01:33:05.729 --> 01:33:09.310
about the wildfires received $ 100, 000.
1908
01:33:08.149 --> 01:33:09.449
Right.
1909
01:33:09.699 --> 01:33:15.439
So that $ 100 million is never going to find its way. Also,
1910
01:33:15.500 --> 01:33:18.840
they're not interested in giving those people money. Those aren't
1911
01:33:18.880 --> 01:33:23.550
their friends. Those are victims. Right. So... It'll never come
1912
01:33:23.609 --> 01:33:27.609
out the other end. And it's weird how much of
1913
01:33:27.630 --> 01:33:31.229
that there is in California. I mean, how much of
1914
01:33:31.510 --> 01:33:35.020
the $ 24 billion for homeless was just grift? Like, where'd
1915
01:33:35.029 --> 01:33:38.140
it go? It all went to foundations. Foundations that do what?
1916
01:33:38.619 --> 01:33:42.699
Foundations that go away if you fix homelessness. So here
1917
01:33:42.739 --> 01:33:43.880
we are. Yes, Dustin.
1918
01:33:43.920 --> 01:33:46.279
Foundations that feed money back into Gavin Newsom.
1919
01:33:46.640 --> 01:33:51.399
Right. So it's one big, shitty, corrupt grift. And like
1920
01:33:51.460 --> 01:33:55.319
I said, like, Nothing comes out the other end. Where
1921
01:33:55.460 --> 01:33:56.239
is the train?
1922
01:33:56.239 --> 01:33:56.760
$ 24 billion.
1923
01:34:01.310 --> 01:34:06.489
SoFi was built for 5.5 billion, 5.5. Shouldn't we be
1924
01:34:06.550 --> 01:34:11.069
driving down the 110 freeway and see a giant homeless facility,
1925
01:34:11.569 --> 01:34:15.850
like some 10-story thing with subterranean parking and a hospital
1926
01:34:15.869 --> 01:34:18.109
and a mental... Shouldn't we be passing that on the
1927
01:34:18.149 --> 01:34:20.670
way to the airport instead of just looking at squalor
1928
01:34:20.710 --> 01:34:23.300
and more people sleeping on the floor and on the parks?
1929
01:34:23.350 --> 01:34:26.359
It's like, where is this thing? Where's the housing? Where's
1930
01:34:26.760 --> 01:34:28.420
all these units you were going to build?
1931
01:34:28.439 --> 01:34:28.579
Like.
1932
01:34:29.199 --> 01:34:32.380
I don't get where the stuff is.
1933
01:34:32.779 --> 01:34:36.640
And there's no penalty for not having any results. They
1934
01:34:36.680 --> 01:34:40.979
don't give the money back. They don't have to show anything. Yeah,
1935
01:34:41.020 --> 01:34:42.890
by the way, it did not have that billion dollars.
1936
01:34:42.930 --> 01:34:46.029
They're still out there, the homeless. I just saw some.
1937
01:34:46.109 --> 01:34:48.529
It's not working. Nothing's working.
1938
01:34:48.810 --> 01:34:49.149
I know.
1939
01:34:49.310 --> 01:34:51.789
And there's a bunch of poor people in Altadena who
1940
01:34:51.829 --> 01:34:56.229
never got a fucking penny. Yeah. But those podcasters. Yeah.
1941
01:34:56.250 --> 01:34:56.510
You know?
1942
01:34:57.050 --> 01:34:59.810
I saw a guy- I keep seeing guys yelling at themselves,
1943
01:35:00.289 --> 01:35:03.090
which I know is clearly like a mental health issue.
1944
01:35:03.250 --> 01:35:03.970
Always yelling at this.
1945
01:35:04.109 --> 01:35:06.329
And if I, if I ever become homeless, I'm going
1946
01:35:06.350 --> 01:35:07.409
to make an invisible friend.
1947
01:35:07.430 --> 01:35:09.369
That's nice to me. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?
1948
01:35:09.390 --> 01:35:11.130
Someone there, you know, I'm like, what'd you just say? Oh,
1949
01:35:11.149 --> 01:35:12.189
this old thing. Thank you.
1950
01:35:12.310 --> 01:35:12.520
Yeah.
1951
01:35:12.760 --> 01:35:17.260
You know, why has it always got to be so aggressive? Well, complimentary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
1952
01:35:17.560 --> 01:35:18.720
This is New York. Thank you.
1953
01:35:18.899 --> 01:35:21.340
Luckily those podcasts were sponsored by better help. So you
1954
01:35:21.359 --> 01:35:22.760
can get yourself some mental health.
1955
01:35:22.800 --> 01:35:23.859
See, look at that.
1956
01:35:24.539 --> 01:35:31.260
Yeah. I, the sad part, part is, is everyone is greedy.
1957
01:35:32.000 --> 01:35:35.119
Everyone just fucking wants money and they want to do
1958
01:35:35.180 --> 01:35:41.079
nothing to earn it. And as I was saying to Dr. Drew, everybody,
1959
01:35:41.180 --> 01:35:44.329
like it, it turns out that at everyone's core, you know,
1960
01:35:44.470 --> 01:35:46.890
AOC and Bernie Sanders are going out on the stop
1961
01:35:46.909 --> 01:35:50.329
the oligarchy tour, but they're flying privately in first class
1962
01:35:50.390 --> 01:35:52.710
and staying in thousand dollar a night suites and stuff
1963
01:35:52.729 --> 01:35:55.890
like that. And I'm like, The reason this experiment won't
1964
01:35:55.970 --> 01:36:00.180
work is because that's everyone's default setting. Everybody's default setting
1965
01:36:00.260 --> 01:36:03.770
is I'm out there fighting for working class people. You
1966
01:36:03.789 --> 01:36:04.770
want to fly private? Yeah.
1967
01:36:04.789 --> 01:36:05.050
Oh yeah.
1968
01:36:05.229 --> 01:36:05.550
Okay.
1969
01:36:05.569 --> 01:36:07.949
That's fine. Yeah. We'll do that. Well, you want to
1970
01:36:07.970 --> 01:36:10.029
stay in the basement of the airport Hilton or would
1971
01:36:10.050 --> 01:36:12.270
you like to stay in the presidential suite? I'll do that.
1972
01:36:12.430 --> 01:36:14.670
It's got a tub. It's got a tub. It's a
1973
01:36:14.689 --> 01:36:16.289
jacuzzi tub. That's where I'll act.
1974
01:36:16.430 --> 01:36:16.630
Yeah.
1975
01:36:16.909 --> 01:36:19.149
We're all there. And it's weird. We do this thing
1976
01:36:19.189 --> 01:36:20.750
all the time. Like, you know, as a poor woman,
1977
01:36:20.789 --> 01:36:22.770
as a black woman, I understand. It's like, as soon
1978
01:36:22.789 --> 01:36:24.489
as the money kicked in, it's like, but I'm doing
1979
01:36:25.029 --> 01:36:28.100
every single thing I've been criticizing all the time. And
1980
01:36:28.140 --> 01:36:32.060
I realized that, I think the only person I've ever
1981
01:36:32.140 --> 01:36:40.069
met that doesn't have that quality, like I've said, my mom,
1982
01:36:40.289 --> 01:36:42.210
I learned most of these lessons from my mom because
1983
01:36:42.229 --> 01:36:44.930
she was like sort of welfare and food stamps and
1984
01:36:44.970 --> 01:36:48.029
a lot of like rich people don't pay taxes and
1985
01:36:48.050 --> 01:36:50.930
these people don't have enough and all this kind of stuff. Meanwhile,
1986
01:36:50.989 --> 01:36:55.369
she never did anything. And just wanted free shit, but
1987
01:36:55.810 --> 01:36:58.430
had a great rap about the indigenous people and all
1988
01:36:58.470 --> 01:37:00.470
that kind of stuff and would have hated a guy
1989
01:37:00.510 --> 01:37:03.869
like Elon Musk or hated Elon Musk, but Elon Musk
1990
01:37:03.930 --> 01:37:07.569
created 2 billion jobs and pays 2 trillion in taxes
1991
01:37:07.609 --> 01:37:10.039
and you've paid nothing and you create nothing and you
1992
01:37:10.060 --> 01:37:14.520
create no jobs. But she'd still say he's the problem. Now,
1993
01:37:14.560 --> 01:37:18.699
her true colors came out a million years ago during
1994
01:37:19.100 --> 01:37:24.079
Mother's Day when I brought... a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne,
1995
01:37:25.119 --> 01:37:28.390
literally a millionaire, by the way, over to my grandma's house,
1996
01:37:28.430 --> 01:37:33.770
her mom's house, for Mother's Day. And I just brought it,
1997
01:37:34.729 --> 01:37:37.270
and I brought it, and I set it down in
1998
01:37:37.329 --> 01:37:40.420
the entrée, like when it came into my grandma's house.
1999
01:37:41.000 --> 01:37:44.220
And then at some point, sorry if you heard this one,
2000
01:37:44.260 --> 01:37:46.399
but it's been a minute, my mom, but it's kind of,
2001
01:37:46.640 --> 01:37:49.399
it shows her wiring, and it shows all progressives' wiring.
2002
01:37:50.770 --> 01:37:54.189
She was always a champion of the poor people and
2003
01:37:54.270 --> 01:37:57.869
indigenous people and any ethnicity other than her own and
2004
01:37:57.989 --> 01:38:01.590
all that. And at some point she saw the bottle
2005
01:38:01.609 --> 01:38:06.189
of Dom Perignon and she said, oh, Adam has generously
2006
01:38:06.270 --> 01:38:11.689
brought this bottle of Dom. May we sample your Dom Perignon, Adam?
2007
01:38:11.710 --> 01:38:14.609
We could all have a little taste. And I go, oh,
2008
01:38:14.670 --> 01:38:17.729
it's not mine. It's yours because that's your Mother's Day gift.
2009
01:38:18.329 --> 01:38:21.159
And she went, oh, and she hid it under her sweater.
2010
01:38:22.579 --> 01:38:27.289
Because when it was mine, she wanted everybody to have some,
2011
01:38:27.369 --> 01:38:32.489
including her. Now the bottle is yours. See? I want
2012
01:38:32.520 --> 01:38:34.649
to write a book called What Happens When You Become
2013
01:38:34.680 --> 01:38:38.119
the Man. Because now she became the man. She was
2014
01:38:38.159 --> 01:38:40.859
the one with the Dom Perignon. And what did she do?
2015
01:38:41.619 --> 01:38:44.960
The only people in that house were her mom, her husband,
2016
01:38:45.340 --> 01:38:47.880
her son, and her daughter. That's the only people in
2017
01:38:47.920 --> 01:38:49.420
the house. And she hid it.
2018
01:38:49.579 --> 01:38:49.760
Yeah.
2019
01:38:50.710 --> 01:38:51.550
Because she didn't want to share.
2020
01:38:51.590 --> 01:38:52.520
Of course not. Right.
2021
01:38:52.760 --> 01:38:57.819
Wow. Jim Carolla, my dad. He's not Bible. He's uncorruptible.
2022
01:38:58.380 --> 01:39:01.649
He is the guy like he could walk into the
2023
01:39:01.689 --> 01:39:03.899
hotel and you'd go, Jim, we're going to give you
2024
01:39:03.930 --> 01:39:04.930
the presidential suite.
2025
01:39:05.029 --> 01:39:05.289
Yeah.
2026
01:39:05.449 --> 01:39:07.550
Well, we got this beach town. You just sort of
2027
01:39:07.590 --> 01:39:10.630
laid out in the buffet. It's about six. They'll wake
2028
01:39:10.670 --> 01:39:12.829
you up and he'd go, OK, could I have some
2029
01:39:12.850 --> 01:39:14.949
tap water? And he'd just go sit there on the
2030
01:39:14.970 --> 01:39:17.449
tile and sleep. He's the only guy I've never met
2031
01:39:17.949 --> 01:39:20.829
who doesn't want a steak and a martini. Couldn't be bought.
2032
01:39:21.069 --> 01:39:26.939
Doesn't care. Doesn't know. Doesn't want a Cadillac or Rolls Royce.
2033
01:39:27.000 --> 01:39:30.439
Doesn't want anything. Doesn't need anything. Would he have said
2034
01:39:30.479 --> 01:39:35.100
no thanks to the Dom? Would he have said, I'm good? Yeah,
2035
01:39:35.340 --> 01:39:38.560
my dad would come over for Thanksgiving and he'd go, hey,
2036
01:39:38.739 --> 01:39:40.880
you want a glass of wine or a cocktail or something?
2037
01:39:40.899 --> 01:39:43.819
He'd go, no, I'm good. And you go, some tea
2038
01:39:43.880 --> 01:39:47.460
or Diet Coke or something? Hmm, fine. You go, some
2039
01:39:47.539 --> 01:39:50.649
bubbly water, some sparkling water? Just tap water's fine. He'd
2040
01:39:50.689 --> 01:39:56.149
just sit there at Thanksgiving, like, drinking tap water. And then,
2041
01:39:56.170 --> 01:39:58.840
you know, he'd have his— my stepmom drive home because he'd
2042
01:39:58.850 --> 01:40:00.939
have three, four glasses of tap water and have to,
2043
01:40:01.100 --> 01:40:06.880
you know— No, my dad couldn't be bought. I don't
2044
01:40:06.920 --> 01:40:10.039
think my dad, he's literally, he is the only person
2045
01:40:10.079 --> 01:40:12.779
I've ever met who doesn't want that shit. Everyone else,
2046
01:40:13.520 --> 01:40:15.239
no one else wants to pay for it, but if
2047
01:40:15.279 --> 01:40:20.300
you're paying for it, they're in. AOC talks a good story,
2048
01:40:20.380 --> 01:40:23.060
but she wants to go to the Met Ball with
2049
01:40:23.119 --> 01:40:23.560
a $ 50, 000 dress on, right?
2050
01:40:25.359 --> 01:40:27.270
Oh, I can't wait to get to that level. Oh,
2051
01:40:27.319 --> 01:40:28.930
I can't wait for people to start bribing me. I
2052
01:40:29.069 --> 01:40:31.170
will take any and all bribes. I will go to
2053
01:40:31.250 --> 01:40:33.470
every Met Ball. I will fly privately. I will go
2054
01:40:33.510 --> 01:40:35.670
to every presidential suite. I don't give a shit. I'm
2055
01:40:35.710 --> 01:40:38.529
tired of La Quintas. I'm tired of living in... I
2056
01:40:38.590 --> 01:40:40.300
hate it. I can't wait for that day.
2057
01:40:40.310 --> 01:40:42.420
I'm jealous, too. I bought my mom a bottle of Dommerera.
2058
01:40:42.720 --> 01:40:48.020
This mother's thing. The funniest champagne ever. By the way,
2059
01:40:48.060 --> 01:40:49.180
who says that day's coming?
2060
01:40:49.199 --> 01:40:52.100
I mean, I'm not here to burst your bubble, but
2061
01:40:52.140 --> 01:40:52.430
it's not.
2062
01:40:53.489 --> 01:40:55.529
It may have come if it was meant to.
2063
01:40:55.550 --> 01:40:58.170
You're right. Hey, listen, there's always got to be something.
2064
01:40:58.489 --> 01:40:58.890
It's hope.
2065
01:40:59.010 --> 01:40:59.329
Remember?
2066
01:40:59.350 --> 01:41:01.079
We have a conversation. It's always hope.
2067
01:41:01.300 --> 01:41:03.300
It is hope. All right. It's hope and no change.
2068
01:41:03.600 --> 01:41:07.619
Let's give you a plow because that day's coming fast
2069
01:41:07.699 --> 01:41:12.470
for Rudy Povich, who is very funny. El Paso tonight.
2070
01:41:12.750 --> 01:41:18.350
Comic strip through Sunday. And then... Wow, Snarky Loon Brewing. Yeah,
2071
01:41:18.369 --> 01:41:19.369
I got a little brew. It's in Minnesota.
2072
01:41:19.390 --> 01:41:22.630
Yeah, brewery tour happening in Jenkins, Minnesota on October 3rd,
2073
01:41:22.670 --> 01:41:23.270
October 4th.
2074
01:41:23.270 --> 01:41:25.729
You can catch me at Beaver Island Brewing in St. Cloud, Minnesota.
2075
01:41:25.760 --> 01:41:29.680
Jamie's got Irvine Improv coming up 12th through the 14th.
2076
01:41:30.239 --> 01:41:33.960
Great club, good dates over there. And you can go
2077
01:41:33.979 --> 01:41:39.210
to jamielizow.com for all the live dates. That's right. Me, Albuquerque,
2078
01:41:39.250 --> 01:41:41.609
New Mexico, September 26th. I don't know if you're going
2079
01:41:41.630 --> 01:41:44.859
to that one, Rudy, or not. Chemo Theater, and then Flagstaff,
2080
01:41:44.899 --> 01:41:48.420
Arizona at the Orpheum Theater. That'll be the 27th. Come
2081
01:41:48.479 --> 01:41:51.260
back at Kimmel's Club early October. Just go to mcroll.com
2082
01:41:51.279 --> 01:41:53.630
for all the live shows. Until next time, it's Adam
2083
01:41:53.649 --> 01:41:56.430
for Jamie and Rudy saying mahalo.
2084
01:41:58.329 --> 01:41:59.970
Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744.
2085
01:41:59.989 --> 01:42:03.310
And get tickets to see Adam Carolla at adamcarolla.com.
2086
01:42:19.149 --> 01:42:22.810
This September, CBS hits are streaming free on Pluto TV.
2087
01:42:22.829 --> 01:42:23.850
I'm coming in hot.
2088
01:42:23.970 --> 01:42:26.310
For this month only, you can watch full seasons of
2089
01:42:26.350 --> 01:42:29.640
the CBS shows you love. From the courtroom drama of
2090
01:42:29.739 --> 01:42:33.479
Madlock to the heroics of Fire Country. Go back to
2091
01:42:33.500 --> 01:42:37.020
where it all began in NCIS Origins or watch the
2092
01:42:37.079 --> 01:42:41.930
hilarious hauntings of ghosts. All for free. Full seasons of
2093
01:42:41.970 --> 01:42:46.390
the CBS shows you love. This month only on Pluto TV.
2094
01:42:46.670 --> 01:42:47.350
Stream now.
2095
01:42:47.630 --> 01:42:48.350
Pay never.
2096
01:42:51.310 --> 01:42:54.970
This September, CBS hits are streaming free on Pluto TV.
2097
01:42:54.989 --> 01:42:56.010
I'm coming in hot.
2098
01:42:56.130 --> 01:42:58.470
For this month only, you can watch full seasons of
2099
01:42:58.510 --> 01:43:01.810
the CBS shows you love. From the courtroom drama of
2100
01:43:01.909 --> 01:43:05.630
Madlock to the heroics of Fire Country. Go back to
2101
01:43:05.670 --> 01:43:09.189
where it all began in NCIS Origins or watch the
2102
01:43:09.229 --> 01:43:11.069
hilarious hauntings of Ghosts.
2103
01:43:11.720 --> 01:43:12.529
All for free.
2104
01:43:13.039 --> 01:43:16.699
Full seasons of the CBS shows you love. This month
2105
01:43:16.800 --> 01:43:18.539
only on Pluto TV.
2106
01:43:18.840 --> 01:43:20.520
Stream now. Pay never.
