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Welcome to another episode of the Five Minute Parenting Podcast.
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I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author with a background in K-8 education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
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In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices for both a practical view and a biblical view.
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Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
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I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
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Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
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Welcome to Five Minute Parenting.
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I'm Karen, your show host, and today I have Dr.
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Gladys Childs back on the show to share about her book, Chasing Emptiness, Finding Fullness, and sharing some practical tips for parents.
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Dr.
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Gladys hosts the podcast and TV show Bare Faith, where raw faith and deep pain meet a relentless God.
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A pastor's wife, theologian, author, and boy mom, she names the lies standing between people and God's truth.
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Her book, Chasing Emptiness, Finding Fullness, is for anyone exhausted from hoping the next thing will finally satisfy.
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Dr.
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Gladys, it's so great to have you back on the show.
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I'm so happy to be here.
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Thank you.
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It's always good to talk to you.
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Oh, you too.
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Well, let's just jump right in.
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So you host a podcast and TV show called Bear Faith, and you have a current series going on, learning to live with the unfinished.
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As a parent, how do you sit with those unfinished places?
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The seasons where we can't fix it and it just feels wrong.
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Well, I have an 18-year-old son who will be heading to college in the fall.
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So a lot of the unfinished feels really bigger for me right now.
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And I know I talked to him honestly about being on his own, about how his choices matter, and that actions have real consequences and sometimes life-altering ones.
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But at the same time, I've had to learn just to let go of the need to control his path because it's hard as a mom, as a mama bear.
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You know, we want to protect him and do everything we can.
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But I've learned I've just got to pray over the unfinished spaces and just stay present in the moments that I have with him and just trust that God is bigger than my worries, my fears, and God loves him more than I ever could.
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And everything will be okay and work out in the end.
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That's good.
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There is power in prayer.
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And, you know, sometimes when we try to control it, can have the opposite effect with our kids.
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So that's a good word there.
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Well, in your book, Chasing Emptiness, Finding Fullness, you tell a story about teaching your son Scott to choose joy from the time he was a baby.
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So he's a teenager now, and you said he still wakes up smiling, which I love.
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Uh, what did you do differently?
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And can parents start this with older kids too?
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Oh, yeah.
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So it started before Scott was born.
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I had seen an actress on TV talking about how her mom always taught her to choose joy.
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And I thought, I want to do the same thing with my son.
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I want him to be joy-filled.
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So first I was intentional.
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And so I would, from the beginning, I started our family verse, Galatians 5, 22 through 23, the fruit of the spirit.
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So I always, even when he's a baby, I talked to him about the fruit of the spirit.
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And then I tried to make it practical in our everyday lives.
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So when I disciplined, I used the fruit of the spirit.
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But I didn't want to just correct his behavior.
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I tried to catch him living out the fruits of the spirit and praise him.
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So if he did something that was just joy-filled, I'd be like, Scott, thank you so much.
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That was so full of joy.
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You just made my heart happy.
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Or I'd ask him questions like, did your actions bring joy?
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Or where could you have shown more patience?
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But joy was always my first focus.
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And it works with older kids too, because if we are intentional and try to model and notice moments of lightness or be thankful and be full of gratitude, they'll notice that.
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And teens will respond when they see us authentically living out and seeking joy in our everyday lives.
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Yes, that's good.
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Well, I understand you didn't grow up in a home where love was spoken or shown.
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And I would imagine many people listening have had that same experience.
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And you write that you were in your late 20s before you grasped that God loved you.
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How does that shape the way you parent your son?
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Well, I think that my childhood made me hyper-aware that I had to make different choices than my parents did.
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My mom was an alcoholic and there was just a lot of extreme dysfunction in our home.
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And they didn't say, I love you, I love you.
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They didn't hug us.
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So when I thought about having my own son, I wanted to shape the life that I wish I would have had as a child and the interactions that I wish I would have had.
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So I've been intentional about speaking love, telling him I love you, affirming him and trying to build safe spaces where he can learn to be fully himself.
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And he's not afraid of the mom or the dad that he's gonna come home to, or be afraid of the mom he's gonna talk to.
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So everything I do just flows out of the idea that I have to make different choices.
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And I think about God's love and how much he has loved me, and that really just gives me the love that I can show to him.
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Yeah, that's good.
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Well, you know, you mentioned the fruit of the spirit, and your book identifies psychological barriers for each fruit of the spirit.
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So if you had to pick one barrier that affects most parents on a daily basis, what would it be and why?
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Impatience.
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Ah, okay.
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Okay.
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Impatience, it just sneaky and it gets into every interaction if we're not careful.
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And sometimes it might be disguised as frustration or exhaustion.
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But I think impatience, it just erodes our ability to respond with love and to teach gently.
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And the hard thing I think with impatience, it's not always an easy fix.
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But if we can at least start to be aware, how are we feeling in the moment and pause and breathe before we respond?
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Um that the patience will eventually win if if we're open to it, and it opens conversations and it just creates space for for grace and growth.
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Well, I that's an important thing to remember with our kids.
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I mean, we're all in process, but how much more our children who are learning as they go through the ages and stages.
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And and I know it can be hard sometimes in the immediate patience, you know, but as well as the patience of just seeing them grow into the people we, you know, we hope and pray that that would they will be.
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So that's that's good.
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Yeah, I've heard someone kind of, you know, in a funny way say that's the one thing you don't ever want to pray for is patience.
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But I say, you know what, we need to pray about everything, and God helps us with each each of those fruits of the spirit.
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So that's good.
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Well, before we close, you have a devotional called Curb Your Anger Before It Transforms You.
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What is your practical advice for the parent standing in the kitchen about to lose it?
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I think we've all been there.
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I I have been there on more than one occasion, but I know that there's a time my son was pushing all of my buttons and I was so angry.
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I knew I was going to lose control.
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And so I just looked at him and I said, I can't talk to you right now.
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I'm gonna leave the room and I'm gonna calm down.
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But when I come back, you better be ready.
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Yeah.
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So I really, because I was channeling my mom and I was channeling my dad, and I had to go calm down, and it took me a while.
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I I I yeah, it was rough.
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Um, but taking that moment just to breathe and and to let go of my initial anger and just say, God, I need help, because my immediate response is to treat my child the way I was treated as a child.
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Right.
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Um, and so honestly, I stayed in my room for a good while uh until I could calm down.
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And then I was able to go back out.
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The funny thing was, my son was ready, he got dressed, he was standing there, and he looked at me, a child who who hadn't been spanked.
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He looked at me and he said, Mommy, how bad is this going to hurt?
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Oh I was like, kid, oh my goodness.
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I'm like, you know, I just needed to calm down, dude.
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Uh so I think that um when we do lose it, because sometimes we still do, and and I have, I've just gone up and I said, you know, I'm sorry.
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Yeah.
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I'm so sorry.
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I I I didn't act appropriately.
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Will you forgive me?
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I think that's so important because our kids know we're not perfect, right?
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They've seen us.
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And so when we have things like that, I think it's showing them it's it's setting by example that they can come and say, I'm sorry as well.
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They can come to the Lord and ask for forgiveness.
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I just think that's such an important, an important example to set.
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And also what you mentioned, removing yourself whenever possible, just to just to kind of calm down.
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My daughter, I was talking with my daughter the other day, and she's much more patient than I ever was, you know, as a parent.
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And that was one thing she said.
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She's I honestly didn't know what to do because he was kind of yelling in her face.
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And she said, so I said, You need to think about what you're doing.
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I need to take a break for a few minutes.
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And she removed herself from the situation.
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And, you know, rather than yelling back at them, what is that's not really setting a great example.
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So I think that removing yourself can be so important.
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That's good.
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Well, Dr.
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Gladys, please tell us the best place to find you online and to grab a copy of your book.
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Okay.
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Um, you can connect with me at gladyschilds.com.
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Uh, it tells you everything about my TV show and podcast and devotionals.
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And then my book, Chasing Emptiness, Finding Fullness, you can find it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Redemption Press.
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Okay, well, wonderful.
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Well, I just encourage people to check the show notes, uh, connect with Dr.
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Gladys online.
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And are you most active on?
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I know I've connected with you on Instagram.
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Are you most active there?
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Facebook, where are you as far as social media?
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Social media, I'm on Instagram at Dr.
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Gladys Childs, and then I've started a YouTube, so I'm I'm branching out in my um middle, well, late middle age.
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Nice branching out to YouTube.
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Okay, wonderful.
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But they can link to all that through your website.
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Yes.
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Okay, perfect.
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Well, thank you so much for being here, Dr.
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Gladys.
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And listeners, thank you for joining us.
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Be sure to check the show notes and connect with Dr.
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Gladys online and grab a copy of her book, then come back next week for another episode of Five Minute Parenting.
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Until then, have a blessed week.
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Welcome to another episode of the Five Minute Parenting Podcast.
00:00:05.440 --> 00:00:17.679
I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author with a background in K-8 education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:23.679
In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices for both a practical view and a biblical view.
00:00:23.839 --> 00:00:30.399
Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
00:00:30.640 --> 00:00:32.719
I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:35.600
Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
00:00:39.200 --> 00:00:41.119
Welcome to Five Minute Parenting.
00:00:41.200 --> 00:00:43.920
I'm Karen, your show host, and today I have Dr.
00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:52.560
Gladys Childs back on the show to share about her book, Chasing Emptiness, Finding Fullness, and sharing some practical tips for parents.
00:00:52.719 --> 00:00:53.039
Dr.
00:00:53.119 --> 00:01:00.159
Gladys hosts the podcast and TV show Bare Faith, where raw faith and deep pain meet a relentless God.
00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:07.439
A pastor's wife, theologian, author, and boy mom, she names the lies standing between people and God's truth.
00:01:07.599 --> 00:01:14.959
Her book, Chasing Emptiness, Finding Fullness, is for anyone exhausted from hoping the next thing will finally satisfy.
00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:15.439
Dr.
00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:18.159
Gladys, it's so great to have you back on the show.
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I'm so happy to be here.
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Thank you.
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It's always good to talk to you.
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Oh, you too.
00:01:23.120 --> 00:01:24.560
Well, let's just jump right in.
00:01:24.719 --> 00:01:32.879
So you host a podcast and TV show called Bear Faith, and you have a current series going on, learning to live with the unfinished.
00:01:33.120 --> 00:01:36.480
As a parent, how do you sit with those unfinished places?
00:01:36.640 --> 00:01:41.200
The seasons where we can't fix it and it just feels wrong.
00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:46.400
Well, I have an 18-year-old son who will be heading to college in the fall.
00:01:46.719 --> 00:01:51.359
So a lot of the unfinished feels really bigger for me right now.
00:01:51.840 --> 00:02:03.439
And I know I talked to him honestly about being on his own, about how his choices matter, and that actions have real consequences and sometimes life-altering ones.
00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:11.680
But at the same time, I've had to learn just to let go of the need to control his path because it's hard as a mom, as a mama bear.
00:02:11.759 --> 00:02:14.479
You know, we want to protect him and do everything we can.
00:02:14.639 --> 00:02:32.240
But I've learned I've just got to pray over the unfinished spaces and just stay present in the moments that I have with him and just trust that God is bigger than my worries, my fears, and God loves him more than I ever could.
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And everything will be okay and work out in the end.
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That's good.
00:02:36.800 --> 00:02:38.240
There is power in prayer.
00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:43.599
And, you know, sometimes when we try to control it, can have the opposite effect with our kids.
00:02:43.840 --> 00:02:45.919
So that's a good word there.
00:02:46.159 --> 00:02:53.840
Well, in your book, Chasing Emptiness, Finding Fullness, you tell a story about teaching your son Scott to choose joy from the time he was a baby.
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So he's a teenager now, and you said he still wakes up smiling, which I love.
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Uh, what did you do differently?
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And can parents start this with older kids too?
00:03:04.000 --> 00:03:04.560
Oh, yeah.
00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:07.520
So it started before Scott was born.
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I had seen an actress on TV talking about how her mom always taught her to choose joy.
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And I thought, I want to do the same thing with my son.
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I want him to be joy-filled.
00:03:17.840 --> 00:03:20.080
So first I was intentional.
00:03:20.319 --> 00:03:28.319
And so I would, from the beginning, I started our family verse, Galatians 5, 22 through 23, the fruit of the spirit.
00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:32.479
So I always, even when he's a baby, I talked to him about the fruit of the spirit.
00:03:32.719 --> 00:03:35.919
And then I tried to make it practical in our everyday lives.
00:03:36.159 --> 00:03:39.360
So when I disciplined, I used the fruit of the spirit.
00:03:39.520 --> 00:03:42.000
But I didn't want to just correct his behavior.
00:03:42.159 --> 00:03:46.319
I tried to catch him living out the fruits of the spirit and praise him.
00:03:46.560 --> 00:03:50.879
So if he did something that was just joy-filled, I'd be like, Scott, thank you so much.
00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:52.479
That was so full of joy.
00:03:52.639 --> 00:03:54.479
You just made my heart happy.
00:03:54.800 --> 00:03:58.800
Or I'd ask him questions like, did your actions bring joy?
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Or where could you have shown more patience?
00:04:02.479 --> 00:04:04.560
But joy was always my first focus.
00:04:04.639 --> 00:04:19.040
And it works with older kids too, because if we are intentional and try to model and notice moments of lightness or be thankful and be full of gratitude, they'll notice that.
00:04:19.279 --> 00:04:26.800
And teens will respond when they see us authentically living out and seeking joy in our everyday lives.
00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:31.600
Yes, that's good.
00:04:31.839 --> 00:04:35.920
Well, I understand you didn't grow up in a home where love was spoken or shown.
00:04:36.079 --> 00:04:39.759
And I would imagine many people listening have had that same experience.
00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:44.800
And you write that you were in your late 20s before you grasped that God loved you.
00:04:44.959 --> 00:04:47.600
How does that shape the way you parent your son?
00:04:48.560 --> 00:04:56.319
Well, I think that my childhood made me hyper-aware that I had to make different choices than my parents did.
00:04:56.720 --> 00:05:02.560
My mom was an alcoholic and there was just a lot of extreme dysfunction in our home.
00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:05.360
And they didn't say, I love you, I love you.
00:05:05.519 --> 00:05:06.720
They didn't hug us.
00:05:07.199 --> 00:05:18.319
So when I thought about having my own son, I wanted to shape the life that I wish I would have had as a child and the interactions that I wish I would have had.
00:05:18.480 --> 00:05:32.000
So I've been intentional about speaking love, telling him I love you, affirming him and trying to build safe spaces where he can learn to be fully himself.
00:05:32.079 --> 00:05:40.399
And he's not afraid of the mom or the dad that he's gonna come home to, or be afraid of the mom he's gonna talk to.
00:05:41.519 --> 00:05:49.199
So everything I do just flows out of the idea that I have to make different choices.
00:05:49.360 --> 00:05:55.839
And I think about God's love and how much he has loved me, and that really just gives me the love that I can show to him.
00:05:56.240 --> 00:05:57.519
Yeah, that's good.
00:05:57.839 --> 00:06:04.800
Well, you know, you mentioned the fruit of the spirit, and your book identifies psychological barriers for each fruit of the spirit.
00:06:04.959 --> 00:06:11.519
So if you had to pick one barrier that affects most parents on a daily basis, what would it be and why?
00:06:12.399 --> 00:06:13.519
Impatience.
00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:15.120
Ah, okay.
00:06:15.680 --> 00:06:16.000
Okay.
00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:23.360
Impatience, it just sneaky and it gets into every interaction if we're not careful.
00:06:23.439 --> 00:06:27.839
And sometimes it might be disguised as frustration or exhaustion.
00:06:28.160 --> 00:06:35.519
But I think impatience, it just erodes our ability to respond with love and to teach gently.
00:06:36.319 --> 00:06:41.199
And the hard thing I think with impatience, it's not always an easy fix.
00:06:41.680 --> 00:06:50.800
But if we can at least start to be aware, how are we feeling in the moment and pause and breathe before we respond?
00:06:51.360 --> 00:07:03.199
Um that the patience will eventually win if if we're open to it, and it opens conversations and it just creates space for for grace and growth.
00:07:04.240 --> 00:07:07.360
Well, I that's an important thing to remember with our kids.
00:07:07.439 --> 00:07:13.920
I mean, we're all in process, but how much more our children who are learning as they go through the ages and stages.
00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:26.319
And and I know it can be hard sometimes in the immediate patience, you know, but as well as the patience of just seeing them grow into the people we, you know, we hope and pray that that would they will be.
00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:28.079
So that's that's good.
00:07:28.240 --> 00:07:34.399
Yeah, I've heard someone kind of, you know, in a funny way say that's the one thing you don't ever want to pray for is patience.
00:07:34.639 --> 00:07:40.720
But I say, you know what, we need to pray about everything, and God helps us with each each of those fruits of the spirit.
00:07:40.879 --> 00:07:42.079
So that's good.
00:07:42.319 --> 00:07:47.600
Well, before we close, you have a devotional called Curb Your Anger Before It Transforms You.
00:07:47.839 --> 00:07:52.720
What is your practical advice for the parent standing in the kitchen about to lose it?
00:07:52.879 --> 00:07:54.319
I think we've all been there.
00:07:55.279 --> 00:08:05.600
I I have been there on more than one occasion, but I know that there's a time my son was pushing all of my buttons and I was so angry.
00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:08.000
I knew I was going to lose control.
00:08:08.399 --> 00:08:12.000
And so I just looked at him and I said, I can't talk to you right now.
00:08:12.160 --> 00:08:15.279
I'm gonna leave the room and I'm gonna calm down.
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But when I come back, you better be ready.
00:08:18.079 --> 00:08:18.720
Yeah.
00:08:20.399 --> 00:08:27.920
So I really, because I was channeling my mom and I was channeling my dad, and I had to go calm down, and it took me a while.
00:08:28.240 --> 00:08:31.360
I I I yeah, it was rough.
00:08:31.519 --> 00:08:46.960
Um, but taking that moment just to breathe and and to let go of my initial anger and just say, God, I need help, because my immediate response is to treat my child the way I was treated as a child.
00:08:47.120 --> 00:08:47.440
Right.
00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:54.000
Um, and so honestly, I stayed in my room for a good while uh until I could calm down.
00:08:54.480 --> 00:08:56.399
And then I was able to go back out.
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The funny thing was, my son was ready, he got dressed, he was standing there, and he looked at me, a child who who hadn't been spanked.
00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:07.840
He looked at me and he said, Mommy, how bad is this going to hurt?
00:09:08.159 --> 00:09:12.639
Oh I was like, kid, oh my goodness.
00:09:12.879 --> 00:09:17.279
I'm like, you know, I just needed to calm down, dude.
00:09:17.519 --> 00:09:26.240
Uh so I think that um when we do lose it, because sometimes we still do, and and I have, I've just gone up and I said, you know, I'm sorry.
00:09:26.399 --> 00:09:26.720
Yeah.
00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:28.320
I'm so sorry.
00:09:28.559 --> 00:09:30.639
I I I didn't act appropriately.
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Will you forgive me?
00:09:32.960 --> 00:09:37.120
I think that's so important because our kids know we're not perfect, right?
00:09:37.279 --> 00:09:38.240
They've seen us.
00:09:38.399 --> 00:09:47.519
And so when we have things like that, I think it's showing them it's it's setting by example that they can come and say, I'm sorry as well.
00:09:47.679 --> 00:09:50.000
They can come to the Lord and ask for forgiveness.
00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:54.000
I just think that's such an important, an important example to set.
00:09:54.159 --> 00:10:00.080
And also what you mentioned, removing yourself whenever possible, just to just to kind of calm down.
00:10:00.240 --> 00:10:06.399
My daughter, I was talking with my daughter the other day, and she's much more patient than I ever was, you know, as a parent.
00:10:06.559 --> 00:10:07.759
And that was one thing she said.
00:10:07.919 --> 00:10:11.679
She's I honestly didn't know what to do because he was kind of yelling in her face.
00:10:11.840 --> 00:10:15.600
And she said, so I said, You need to think about what you're doing.
00:10:15.759 --> 00:10:17.840
I need to take a break for a few minutes.
00:10:18.000 --> 00:10:20.240
And she removed herself from the situation.
00:10:20.399 --> 00:10:25.759
And, you know, rather than yelling back at them, what is that's not really setting a great example.
00:10:25.919 --> 00:10:29.279
So I think that removing yourself can be so important.
00:10:29.440 --> 00:10:30.399
That's good.
00:10:30.720 --> 00:10:31.919
Well, Dr.
00:10:32.080 --> 00:10:37.039
Gladys, please tell us the best place to find you online and to grab a copy of your book.
00:10:37.279 --> 00:10:37.600
Okay.
00:10:37.919 --> 00:10:42.159
Um, you can connect with me at gladyschilds.com.
00:10:42.480 --> 00:10:47.200
Uh, it tells you everything about my TV show and podcast and devotionals.
00:10:47.440 --> 00:10:55.440
And then my book, Chasing Emptiness, Finding Fullness, you can find it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Redemption Press.
00:10:55.759 --> 00:10:56.960
Okay, well, wonderful.
00:10:57.039 --> 00:11:01.440
Well, I just encourage people to check the show notes, uh, connect with Dr.
00:11:01.519 --> 00:11:02.480
Gladys online.
00:11:02.879 --> 00:11:04.399
And are you most active on?
00:11:04.720 --> 00:11:06.799
I know I've connected with you on Instagram.
00:11:06.960 --> 00:11:08.080
Are you most active there?
00:11:08.320 --> 00:11:10.799
Facebook, where are you as far as social media?
00:11:11.039 --> 00:11:13.759
Social media, I'm on Instagram at Dr.
00:11:13.919 --> 00:11:23.279
Gladys Childs, and then I've started a YouTube, so I'm I'm branching out in my um middle, well, late middle age.
00:11:23.519 --> 00:11:25.200
Nice branching out to YouTube.
00:11:25.759 --> 00:11:26.799
Okay, wonderful.
00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:28.879
But they can link to all that through your website.
00:11:29.039 --> 00:11:29.279
Yes.
00:11:29.519 --> 00:11:30.320
Okay, perfect.
00:11:30.480 --> 00:11:32.240
Well, thank you so much for being here, Dr.
00:11:32.320 --> 00:11:32.960
Gladys.
00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:34.960
And listeners, thank you for joining us.
00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:37.600
Be sure to check the show notes and connect with Dr.
00:11:37.679 --> 00:11:44.240
Gladys online and grab a copy of her book, then come back next week for another episode of Five Minute Parenting.
00:11:44.399 --> 00:11:46.960
Until then, have a blessed week.
