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Hey, it's Ryan. I have a quick ask of you
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prior to this episode. If you have received value from
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this podcast, The Learning Leader Show, over the past seven
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and a half years, I would be very grateful if
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you would write a review and rate the show in
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Apple Podcasts. And I set up an easy link to
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do it. It's RyanHawk.com. It's my name, ryanhawk.net. It will
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shoot you straight to Apple Podcasts where I'd love it
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if you would spend, invest a minute or two and
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write a thoughtful review and rate the show, hopefully five stars.
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This really helps spread the message to people who have
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not yet heard it. And as you know, it is
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a goal of mine to impact as many people as possible.
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So ryanhawk.net. Write a thoughtful review and rate the show,
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hopefully five stars. All right, here we go. Welcome to
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the Learning Leader Show presented by Insight Global. I am
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your host, Ryan Hawk. Thank you so much for being here.
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Text HAWK to 66866 to become part of Mindful Monday. You,
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along with tens of thousands of other learning leaders from
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all over the world, will receive a carefully curated email
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from me each Monday morning. To help you start your
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week off right, you'll also receive details about how my book,
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The Pursuit of Excellence, will help you become a more
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effective leader. Text HAWK to 66866. Now, on to tonight's
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featured leader. This one's so good. Brian Kite is the
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founder of Daily Discipline. He writes essays on how to
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pursue your most meaningful objectives with intention, purpose, and skill.
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His work is read by millions of people all over
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the world, and BK personally writes works with leaders in
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business and in sports on how to align teams and
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accelerate results. During this conversation, we discuss the dichotomy between
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goals and systems and how you can set up the
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proper system to achieve your goals. Then he shared the
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five things that confidence comes from, how to earn it,
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how to keep it, how to grow it. Then the
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mistakes leaders make when trying to change a culture. This
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part made me really question how I've approached past cultures
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as well as future ones. I am certain it will
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be helpful for you. Ladies and gentlemen, I love this conversation.
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It's Brian Kite. BK, great to have you here on
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the Learning Leader Show. Welcome, man.
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Brian, good to see you.
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So let's start actually back when you're a young kid.
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You wrote an essay about being a child of divorce
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and how you had to really learn about this concept
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of E plus R equals O, this mindset of E
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plus R equals O as you would drive back and
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forth from San Diego to Los Angeles between your parents' homes. Yeah.
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Can you take us back to that moment and how
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you formulated something like that at such a young age?
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It's interesting. Actually, ironically, I was literally just talking about
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this with somebody on our team going through his own
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experience with his kids around it. I think the first
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thing that's important for me that there's probably people out
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there who are dealing with some version of this is
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that while I had two parents who didn't want to
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be married to each other, Um, and you know, people
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always ask, you know, they ask the difference and the
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easiest way I can describe it is that my dad
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was a pastor and my mom was not a pastor.
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That's the easiest way for me to help people kind
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of grasp it. And, but what, but what I benefited
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from and what really mattered was, was that they both
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not only loved me, but like gave me and showed
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me love and structure in very different ways. Right. One pastoral,
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one worldly. But they both gave me love. And so
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I benefited from that. For all the pain of divorce,
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I had this incredible amount of like really great formative
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love and structure and teaching and education. It just, they
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came from different worldviews and perspectives, which is why they
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didn't stay together. But I benefited from that. But then
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what I had this experience was, was my mom is
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a flight attendant, still is, best flight attendant in the world.
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And I would fly between San Diego and LA because
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I could fly for free. But I would fly by myself.
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And so I would fly, get on an airplane in
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Carlsbad and I would fly up to LAX by myself.
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And so I had to sit at literally eight years old,
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nine years old on an airplane by myself, wearing that
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little plastic lanyard for an unaccompanied minor. And I had
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all this time, Ryan, to just be alone. And this
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is what I was talking about this morning. And I
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learned in that window how to be okay with being
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by myself and make my brain and my thoughts work
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for me, not against me. Because maybe the most dangerous
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thing for human beings of any age is to isolate
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them and let their minds and imaginations go to work
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and watch what happens. We are our own worst enemies
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in that way. So I had this time where like,
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I would flip between these really different environments. My dad's
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house and environment was really different than my mom's house
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and environment, not just geographically or environmentally, but like the
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rules and the standards and the expectations.
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Right.
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And in one house, you know, no R rated movies
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and the other house and they are rated movies. And,
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you know, in one house, you know, it was very,
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very strict. And the other house, it was wide open,
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like make your own decisions. And both had a lot
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of benefit and value, but like, The, you know, E
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plus R equals O, event plus response equals outcome. My event,
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the context of my world changed so drastically on that
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flight that that flight kind of became my, all right,
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shifting my response to meet the environment that I was
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going into. And that was really where I started to
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like explore that. I didn't call it, obviously I didn't
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call it that at the time, but I like intuitively
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started to like wrap my head around that and certainly
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helped by the fact that my parents educated me and
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like worked hard to like teach me about why they
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live the way that they live and how they saw
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the world. And, and then I use that time in
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between to like, you know, this is time for me
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to harness myself. And that isolation for me, it was
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a really, really good thing. And I mean, it fundamentally was,
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I would, I would put it as one of like,
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probably that isolation was one of the, That those flights,
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one of the top three formative on texts of my
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life for sure.
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Really? So at the time, at the time where you
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upset that you had to do it, but looking back,
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you're grateful that you've gone through that you had to
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go through it.
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Oh, I mean, I was a normal kid, right? I
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would cry all the time, like leaving one parent to
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go to another. I mean, think about that.
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And get on a plane like all the time by yourself.
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I think as an eight, nine year old, that's wild
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to think about. Crazy.
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But you know, also a little bit of, I would
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say I'm, I'm wired a little bit, like I'm wired
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naturally confident. I'm just wired that way. That's just kind
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of how I am.
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You're wired comp to be a confident person.
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Yeah. I'm, I'm wired confident. I come, I'm wired comp
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like to this, I mean at 40, like you go
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back to eight year old me, 40 year old me
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is not a surprise. Um, which, which, you know, which is,
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you know, there's a lot of good that comes with that,
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but there's also a lot of challenges that come with that.
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One being I'm wired confident even when I'm not competent enough.
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I can certainly confident myself into a scenario that I'm
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not good enough for or wing it or whatever. I
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did that as a kid and I can do that now.
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The other side is it's obviously very easy to misinterpret.
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Not everybody likes that inherent confidence. They like proven confidence.
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You could rub some the wrong way.
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And it does. And, and, and what I've acknowledged and
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accepted is that like, that's just, I'm just wired that way.
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I can't undo that for myself. And frankly, what I
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want to do, I don't want to undo my confidence
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because somebody doesn't like it. But, but what happened was
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like nature, nurture, nature, wired, confident. The context of my
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life could have undermined that in me. Right. It could
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have crashed that part of me, but instead it, again,
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I think partly because of how my parents did it.
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And then partly just sort of like the way it
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happened because it was so normal for me because my
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parents divorced when I was one and I would fly
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back and forth. You know, it, I don't know, it's
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like DNA, right? Like, like why does it unlock some
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things and others? Like we still don't quite know why
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certain things get unlocked and others and, you know, different stuff.
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We don't know that. So I, there's no formula for
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why that got unlocked in me. But what I know
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now is that as painful as that was and the
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tears and the, I don't want to go to dad's
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house or I don't want to go to mom's house
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or I'm going to stay here, whatever it was that
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time by myself, I used that and I learned things
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and I learned about myself and I learned how to
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like be okay with my emotions and be okay with
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being afraid or angry or, whatever it was. And I
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learned independence. I learned like, hey, there is nobody who's
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going to come and do this for you, PK. Like
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this is it. Like you either figure this out or
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you're alone. And if I fast forward a little bit,
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what was actually really cool was like, that's eight year
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old me.
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Right.
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But now fast forward to like 12, 13, 14, 15
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year old me. I'm flying like large or frankly, even
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18 year old me. Like, you know, I'm broke as
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a joke and I'm still a high school kid, whatever,
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but I'm flying all over across the country. And I'm like,
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you know, I'm flying by myself at 14 years old
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across the country, you know, taking the trains at DFW
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or O'Hare walking, you know, half a mile across and
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like having to find my way through an airport at
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14 years old. We're like parents today with kids with
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cell phones will be terrified to let their kids do that.
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I would imagine too, becoming so independent at a young age,
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like supercharges that confidence. I get a question a lot,
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especially with newly promoted leaders. And that question is of
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imposter syndrome. They got promoted and they have enough awareness
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to realize that there are parts of the role that
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they don't know or they're scared or they're unsure if
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they even deserved it, even though they killed it in
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the whole process leading up to the promotion. When you
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hear about people with imposter syndrome, as someone who's more
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naturally confident, so you probably have that less, although I
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don't want to make any assumptions, how do you suggest
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people handle that and deal with it?
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Well, one, I have it just as much as everybody does.
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Okay.
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I mean, let's just acknowledge it. Imposter syndrome is universal.
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Yeah.
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By the way, I think the first sign that somebody
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for sure has imposter syndrome is somebody saying they don't
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have it or have never felt it. Because they're, again,
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they're trying to what? They're trying to make sure that
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they still see that mask. At the end of the day,
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all of us, all of us are in rooms where
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we're going, hold on a second.
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Right.
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For real? You know, and I mean, look, I joined
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a private equity firm just a little over a year
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ago at 40 years old, like peak of my game,
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like I'm better than I've ever been before and not
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what I want to be, but peak of my game.
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And then put me in a private equity firm and
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I'm immediately up to my eyeballs and stuff that I
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don't know, language I can't speak. So like it's context
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dependent as well, right? Like I wouldn't feel like an
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imposter on a football field.
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Mm-hmm.
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But put me in a private equity firm, no doubt.
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Is there a part of you that actually yearned for
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that challenge of not being comfortable?
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100%. I mean, the biggest reason I made the shift
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was to put myself into an environment where my capability was, frankly,
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the low person on the totem pole in terms of
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the technical side of the space, no doubt.
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No doubt.
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But here's what I think about with imposter syndrome. And
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I think this actually pulls up a really interesting piece
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that I've not heard people talk about this. And maybe
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you have. I mean, obviously, I've not listened to every
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single one of your shows, but you have had such
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an incredible array of guests and insights and stuff that
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you've compiled. So here's an interesting question. First, let's call
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this imposter syndrome is a lack of confidence. There's a
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lot of dynamics to it, but the foundation is it's
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this lack of confidence and this presence of doubt. Is
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that a fair simplified version of this?
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Yeah, for sure.
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Let's just take those two things, confidence and doubt. And
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let's treat them as opposite ends of the spectrum. On
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one side, you have confidence and it can be pegged
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at 100%. And there's a whole spectrum. And the other
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side is doubt. And you could be at 100% and
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you can be anywhere in between. Here's a question. And
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I've been asking people recently, where does confidence come from?
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What is it? And where does confidence come from? How
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would you, if I asked you that question, right? You, you, you,
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You do a lot of stuff. You talk to a
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lot of people. You're out there creating incredible value, great insight.
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Because we talk about this with our kids and students
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and people and leaders. It's like, be confident and go
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create and build confidence.
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Okay, awesome.
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Where does it come from? What is the reliable path
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to confidence for somebody? How would you answer that?
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For me, personally, it comes through repetition and proving to
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myself Following through on what I say I'm going to do, repetition,
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living to my values, consistently doing that day after day,
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stacking days, makes me more confident. I mentioned the word repetitions.
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The reason I'm a much more confident interviewer and actually
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overall conversationalist with literally any human on the planet is
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because I've done this more than 550 times with people
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who are far beyond wiser than me in rooms I
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definitely do not belong in and can hang and can
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do it. Now, a lot of it through deep preparation,
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but that's also part of what builds confidence. Like think
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about when you play sports, when you play football or
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any sport, I'm a much more confident quarterback when I
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know I have over-prepared for the moment. And I think
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the same holds true in kind of all elements of
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what I do. And that's why I've drawn so much
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from sports and kind of taken that work ethic and
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lessons learned from amazing coaches on preparation and resilience and
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fighting and bouncing back when it doesn't go your way
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and improving to yourself that you can do that. And
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when you stack enough of those moments, those days to
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That has built a good sense of confidence in myself
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and what I do. So I appreciate the question off
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the cuff because that's like a whole almost book's worth
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of stuff we could talk about. But I'd love to
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hear from your side where it comes from.
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So I like that. I like that answer. And so
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here's one of the things I really like to do
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is let's pressure test stuff. Even with my own things,
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what I encourage from a listening perspective is you know,
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and I know we're going to talk about this later,
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but I think one of the reasons why, one of
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the downsides of the volume of content that exists in
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the world is that we consume stuff and then we
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just consume new stuff before we pressure test what we
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just consumed.
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Is that real?
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Is that true? Does that actually work that way? Does
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that reflect, like, can I invalidate that?
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With instead of depth. Definitely we're going to get to
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that next, but go ahead.
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So let's check, let's pressure test this, right?
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Yeah.
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I would agree that like the more prep you do
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and the more reps you get and the more stuff,
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should create confidence. Let me ask this question. Have you
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met people and interacted with people who had lots of experience,
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had done lots of reps and still struggled with pretty
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serious self-doubt?
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Sure, sure.
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Yeah, so reps and performance don't guarantee confidence, but they
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could create it. Have you met people who have never
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done anything in an environment, whether it be starting a
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podcast or starting sports or whatever, and they were full
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of confidence even though they had no reps and they
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hadn't prepared a ton? They just have a lot of confidence.
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Oh, yes. I'm thinking of people right now.
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Yes. You can see them, right?
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Yes.
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So we know that reps and performance do not guarantee confidence.
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Right.
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And we also know that people who have no reps
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and performance can have confidence. My six-year-old son is going
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to be going into football this April. He's never played
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football in his life.
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Right?
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Like if you were talking to my son– Would you
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tell him to be confident or say, don't have any
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confidence because you have no reps and you've not really
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prepared for this. Go in and don't be confident because
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you have no right to be confident. Of course, we
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would never say that to him, right? We want him
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to go into that environment full of confidence, but there's
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a problem. He doesn't have any reps. So how about this?
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Have you ever personally wrestled with self-doubt yourself?
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All the time.
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Of course. So have I, right? Have you ever wrestled
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with self-doubt on brand new things that you'd never done
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before and it was very unknown to you?
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Sure.
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Have you ever wrestled with self-doubt in places where you
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had tons of reps and experience, but you were still
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kind of working through self-doubt? So have I. So here's
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what's fascinating. This is what's fascinating to me. Both confidence
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and doubt, they're not realities. They're just beliefs. I don't
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think people fully grasp what confidence is. Confidence is not proof.
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Confidence is simply something that you believe about what hasn't
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happened yet. Your confidence about your past interviews, that's not
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really a thing. Are you confident in the interview that
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you interview 100 that you did? Like what? No, that's
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the past. Your confidence is all about your belief about what?
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That hasn't happened yet. Your doubt, my doubt, same thing
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is about what? Something that hasn't happened yet. So both
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confidence and doubt are projections into the future about things
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that haven't happened yet. And it's what we believe about that.
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So when my son goes and plays football, he is
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going to project what happens to me. What's this going
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to be like for me? And if he projects success,
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and good performance and fun, he's going to feel very confident.
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But if he projects failure and criticism and pain, he's
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going to feel very doubtful. So quickly on that, if
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we recognize that both, I think the mistake people make
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is they try to root confidence in reality. This is
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where imposter syndrome comes up. They look at the reality
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of their life. I've never done this. I haven't done that.
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I haven't, whatever it is. And the reality causes them
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to believe unworthiness or incapability, or they're better than me.
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Whereas if we stop looking at reality and we start
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saying like, what do I believe? Even if it's not,
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I can't see it. What do I believe? And then
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all of a sudden, I believe I'm capable. I believe
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I can do this. I believe. So here's the five
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things where competence comes from. And I think this is
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tremendously powerful and it works in a checklist and it's
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like so intuitive and obvious to people. And you can
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just pressure test this. We feel confident or we feel
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doubt based on the presence of five beliefs. Number one,
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I know what to do. Number two, I know how
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to do it. So right away, if I know what
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to do and I know how to do it, I'm
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on my way to confidence. But if I don't know
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what to do or I'm unsure or I don't know
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how to do it or I'm unsure, immediately doubt injects, right?
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Somebody wants to start a podcast, like they see you,
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they're inspired by the Learning Leader Show and they're like,
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I want to do a podcast. But then they're like, what?
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I don't know how to interview or I don't know
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what microphone to get or I don't. And you immediately
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like the doubt starts to chisel, right? But if you
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know what to do and all how to do it,
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you're well on your way. But that's not enough. What
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to do, how to do. Number three, do I feel
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capable of doing it? Have you ever run a marathon?
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No.
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Are you interested in running a marathon?
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Maybe.
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I'm not. If you are, do you know how to run?
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Yeah.
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00:21:25.289 --> 00:21:27.029
Yeah. Do you know what it takes to do a
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marathon from a physical perspective?
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00:21:29.210 --> 00:21:29.410
Yeah.
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If I asked you to do a marathon, do you
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feel capable of running a marathon tomorrow?
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Probably not.
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There you go. So your presence of doubt doesn't have
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anything to do with the actual task of running. It
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has everything to do with whether we feel capable of
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doing that. When I imagine myself running 26.2 miles, there's
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a mileage at which point I'm like, yeah, I don't
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know if I'm actually physically capable. It has nothing to
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do with knowledge. It has everything to do with feeling capable.
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So number four is, is I expect good results. So
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I feel capable and I expect good results to actually
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happen from that capability. And then number five is I'll
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be okay if results are not what I expect. So
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you look at all five of these. I know what
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to do. I know how to do it. I feel capable.
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I expect a good result. And I'll also be okay
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if results are not what I expect. For us to
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feel the kind of confidence that any of us would
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call like real confidence, we have to have all five
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of those. And if even one of them is missing
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or like pulled down, confidence as a whole starts to
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be overcome by doubt. Maybe what? Like what if I–
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like you think about– go back to sports. Like what
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crushes– Why do we feel, why do we crumble under pressure?
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It's because this, what happens if my family's in the
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stadium and it's the big game and I don't make
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that throw? It's not that they don't know how to
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throw or where to throw or they don't feel capable
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of making the throw. It's the projection in what if
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I fail here and projection into the future of what
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if I fail says I won't be okay if that happens.
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And the next thing you know, doubt starts to show
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up about whether they are who they think they are.
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Does that make sense?
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Yeah. So let's take it to the newly promoted person
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or even your son playing football for the first time
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who doesn't have a fully formed brain to think all
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this stuff through. So maybe you take both of those
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examples for that person. It almost feels like they have
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to get to number five. Like I gotta be okay
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if I fall on my face during my first town
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hall or my first whatever. I expect good results. And
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I'm going to prepare to have good results, but I'm
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okay if it doesn't happen.
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You got it.
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Okay.
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So, and this is the thing, right? Like, so now
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we start looking at, because.
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But like for a guy like you though, who like
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has high expectations and high standards, we're very aligned, right?
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Yeah.
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That in a way I could see not being okay
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with blowing my first town hall in front of my
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new team, because I have high standards and high expectations
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of myself. And I could see me like, no, no,
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I can't screw this up. It's got to be good.
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It's my first impression. It's whatever.
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And this is why confidence is so fragile because that's
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the debate. We start to negotiate with ourselves and our
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head around this stuff. Part of you wants to say,
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I will be okay. But then there's another part of
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you that says, no, you won't. No, you won't. I
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did a keynote recently. And, and, and, you know, big keynote,
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I know you're on stage in front of people and
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I don't, I don't know how you craft this, but,
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but one of, one of the ways that I started
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doing a long time ago when people will ask me
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about this occasionally and I'll tell them, and sometimes I'll
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tell them on stage, it's a very funny way to
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kind of do this is here's how I cultivate this practically.
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And I'll come back to my son about, I'll go
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through all five of them, teaching my son how to
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ride his bike. Cause that was where it, like, for me,
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it's where like it, it, it became this whole thing
480
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became alive for me in this process. Here's how I
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craft this when I speak to people, including as a leader.
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And I'll ask the audience, I'll say, did I check
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with any of you before today for me to feel
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good about myself? Did I email you guys and check
485
00:25:28.109 --> 00:25:30.210
in with you to say, am I allowed to be
486
00:25:30.289 --> 00:25:32.750
okay today? And everybody kind of laughs and chuckles and
487
00:25:32.769 --> 00:25:35.069
they say, no, of course you didn't. And then I
488
00:25:35.109 --> 00:25:38.329
tell them, then I will be just fine if you
489
00:25:38.369 --> 00:25:41.230
don't give me your approval after this keynote is over. Hmm.
490
00:25:43.140 --> 00:25:46.440
I didn't check with you for me to feel confident
491
00:25:46.460 --> 00:25:48.940
in myself before today. So why in the hell would
492
00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:52.039
I check with you after today? I didn't need your
493
00:25:52.079 --> 00:25:54.140
approval for me to feel like a good guy, a
494
00:25:54.440 --> 00:25:57.779
good husband, and confident. I didn't need your approval before today.
495
00:25:58.000 --> 00:25:59.579
So the fact that I'm on stage right now and
496
00:25:59.619 --> 00:26:03.059
talking to you, I still don't need your approval. And
497
00:26:03.099 --> 00:26:05.519
what that does, Ryan, is this. It frees me up
498
00:26:05.579 --> 00:26:09.880
to say this. I'll be okay with or without your approval.
499
00:26:10.200 --> 00:26:12.940
It's not that I'm not interested in it. It's that
500
00:26:13.279 --> 00:26:15.599
I as a person, as a man, in my heart,
501
00:26:16.200 --> 00:26:20.950
in my business, everything will be just fine. Because before today,
502
00:26:21.089 --> 00:26:22.869
you didn't even know who I was. Yeah.
503
00:26:23.630 --> 00:26:23.809
Right?
504
00:26:24.210 --> 00:26:26.829
So after today, great. And then what that does is
505
00:26:26.890 --> 00:26:30.630
now I can speak confidently without fear of you not
506
00:26:30.690 --> 00:26:33.099
liking me or this not going well. And guess what
507
00:26:33.119 --> 00:26:36.319
that puts me in position to do? Increase the likelihood
508
00:26:36.339 --> 00:26:38.079
that I speak and interact and engage in a way
509
00:26:38.099 --> 00:26:40.200
that's valuable to you that actually does get you to
510
00:26:40.240 --> 00:26:42.380
like me. But as you know, as a speaker, and
511
00:26:42.440 --> 00:26:48.339
I know as well, every keynote, right? Even if it's 4.9
512
00:26:48.339 --> 00:26:50.880
out of five, right? There's always one person in there.
513
00:26:50.900 --> 00:26:55.750
That guy sucked. I didn't like him. Never hire him again.
514
00:26:55.769 --> 00:26:58.470
Too intense for me. Too intense. Chill out, dude. Let
515
00:26:58.490 --> 00:27:00.049
me relax in my life.
516
00:27:01.970 --> 00:27:05.250
So go to my son riding his bike, like practically.
517
00:27:05.289 --> 00:27:06.559
How do you bring this down? So I look at
518
00:27:06.579 --> 00:27:08.920
my son. It's like, look, okay. Does he know what
519
00:27:08.940 --> 00:27:11.940
to do riding his bike? Yeah, I started like solving
520
00:27:11.960 --> 00:27:13.420
that with him. Great. Knew what to do. Doesn't know
521
00:27:13.480 --> 00:27:15.500
how to do it. We had some mechanics to work
522
00:27:15.740 --> 00:27:19.960
on and little things here and there. Does he feel capable? Man,
523
00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:21.589
that was where it really started to swing with him.
524
00:27:22.289 --> 00:27:24.829
His feeling of capability of like, I taught him what
525
00:27:24.849 --> 00:27:26.170
to do. He would start to pedal a little bit
526
00:27:26.190 --> 00:27:28.630
and then he would stop. And he's like, oh, I was.
527
00:27:28.849 --> 00:27:33.609
And he was projecting pedals later. And he's like, oh,
528
00:27:33.630 --> 00:27:36.069
my feeling of capability went down. And then he's like,
529
00:27:36.089 --> 00:27:38.690
do I expect a good result? Like he was picturing
530
00:27:38.950 --> 00:27:41.740
all the worst stuff where I was like, dude, you're writing,
531
00:27:41.980 --> 00:27:45.420
you're doing it. And then will I be okay if
532
00:27:45.460 --> 00:27:47.640
it's not what I want? I know he's going to
533
00:27:47.660 --> 00:27:49.740
be fine with a crash. I know he'll be fine.
534
00:27:50.519 --> 00:27:54.599
He doesn't. I took him snowboarding last Sunday. It was this,
535
00:27:54.759 --> 00:27:57.000
like fear initially. What if I do this? What if
536
00:27:57.019 --> 00:27:59.180
I do that? What if I do this? What I
537
00:27:59.240 --> 00:28:02.180
realized was there was this difference between his projection into
538
00:28:02.220 --> 00:28:04.940
the future and And my projection in the future, I
539
00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:08.119
believed in him more than he believed in him because
540
00:28:08.180 --> 00:28:12.529
he projected trees and getting too far away from dad
541
00:28:12.569 --> 00:28:14.680
and never getting back to him and all this different stuff.
542
00:28:15.250 --> 00:28:17.809
And the difference between us wasn't the reality. He'd never
543
00:28:17.849 --> 00:28:22.529
snowboarded before ever, right? But the belief of what was
544
00:28:22.549 --> 00:28:25.269
going to happen. And so what I had to do
545
00:28:25.309 --> 00:28:27.210
was I had to instill in him belief. And I
546
00:28:27.230 --> 00:28:29.609
think this is one of the things about leaders is
547
00:28:29.670 --> 00:28:32.920
our job is to create confidence in people. And what
548
00:28:32.960 --> 00:28:36.740
that means is far more than just the reps. The
549
00:28:36.819 --> 00:28:38.420
reps are a tool for what?
550
00:28:39.180 --> 00:28:39.539
Belief.
551
00:28:40.680 --> 00:28:44.220
What our job as a leader is, is instill belief
552
00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:48.250
in people. What beliefs? Belief that they know what to do.
553
00:28:48.529 --> 00:28:50.529
Belief that they know how to do it. Belief that
554
00:28:50.549 --> 00:28:52.910
they are capable. Belief that good things are going to happen.
555
00:28:53.410 --> 00:28:56.450
And the belief that, hey guys, if things don't go
556
00:28:56.769 --> 00:28:59.910
as we expect, we're going to be okay. It's not
557
00:28:59.930 --> 00:29:03.309
what we want. but we're going to be okay. It
558
00:29:03.329 --> 00:29:03.930
will go again.
559
00:29:04.509 --> 00:29:06.730
I love it, dude. Love it. How does this relate
560
00:29:06.950 --> 00:29:11.029
to goal setting? Okay. I've been studying a lot about
561
00:29:11.069 --> 00:29:16.410
this writing and reading a lot about results-based goals. We're
562
00:29:16.430 --> 00:29:22.069
going to win the Super Bowl versus process-oriented goals. How
563
00:29:22.089 --> 00:29:24.630
do you view this? What's your overall thought process on
564
00:29:24.710 --> 00:29:25.259
goal setting?
565
00:29:26.140 --> 00:29:29.960
I'm not a goal setter. I'm 100% a system setter. So,
566
00:29:30.619 --> 00:29:33.369
you know, Um, I don't know if this is heresy
567
00:29:33.390 --> 00:29:36.839
and I'm sure there's plenty of different people This commitment
568
00:29:36.859 --> 00:29:43.819
to smart goals with respect, it doesn't do what it promises.
569
00:29:44.019 --> 00:29:46.900
There's nothing wrong with goal setting, I don't think, but
570
00:29:47.299 --> 00:29:49.539
I'm not a goal setter. I'm a system setter. I
571
00:29:49.559 --> 00:29:51.839
want to be in my systems. Some people call it processes.
572
00:29:52.720 --> 00:29:54.799
I want to be in the systems, and my commitment
573
00:29:54.920 --> 00:29:59.269
is to executing the system. in E plus R equals
574
00:29:59.329 --> 00:30:04.589
O terms, here's what, here's what my foundation is, right? Again,
575
00:30:04.789 --> 00:30:08.470
event plus response equals outcome. Here's one of the things
576
00:30:08.549 --> 00:30:10.930
that is very clear to me that I try to
577
00:30:11.089 --> 00:30:14.089
help people understand. The outcomes are not in my control.
578
00:30:16.369 --> 00:30:19.779
They're just not. I mean, if outcomes were in my control,
579
00:30:19.799 --> 00:30:22.519
I'm sure like you, like my bank account would look different.
580
00:30:23.519 --> 00:30:26.750
And like, the reach and the scope and my favorite
581
00:30:26.769 --> 00:30:28.710
teams would win and everybody that I worked with would
582
00:30:29.720 --> 00:30:32.599
apply every single thing that I did. People would treat
583
00:30:32.619 --> 00:30:36.880
me differently. Outcomes aren't in my control. Setting a goal,
584
00:30:38.099 --> 00:30:42.549
no one's ever achieved a goal because they set one.
585
00:30:42.660 --> 00:30:45.250
They achieve their goals because they did what was required
586
00:30:45.670 --> 00:30:46.269
to get there.
587
00:30:46.670 --> 00:30:50.609
People like to romanticize after the fact. Before the season,
588
00:30:50.650 --> 00:30:53.859
we set the goal to hit $ 10 billion in revenue.
589
00:30:53.900 --> 00:30:56.480
Before the season, we set the goal to win the
590
00:30:56.500 --> 00:30:59.650
Super Bowl, and look what we did. We said we
591
00:30:59.690 --> 00:31:02.569
were going to do it, and now we have. This
592
00:31:02.630 --> 00:31:05.930
is why the guy out by you, actually, before this season,
593
00:31:05.990 --> 00:31:09.369
Russell Wilson said, I want to win three to four
594
00:31:09.430 --> 00:31:12.400
Super Bowls in the next 10 years, which was bizarre
595
00:31:12.480 --> 00:31:17.180
to me because if you are a results-oriented goal setter,
596
00:31:17.339 --> 00:31:21.339
which again, you do you, whatever, not you, but you know,
597
00:31:22.119 --> 00:31:24.299
Why wouldn't it be 10 Super Bowls if you plan
598
00:31:24.339 --> 00:31:26.519
to play 10 years? Like if, if I play 10
599
00:31:26.519 --> 00:31:28.539
years and I say my goal is to win the
600
00:31:28.579 --> 00:31:32.700
Super Bowl three or four times, that literally makes no
601
00:31:32.759 --> 00:31:35.289
sense to me. Like none. It would be now, if
602
00:31:35.309 --> 00:31:37.029
he said my goal is to win 10 Super Bowls,
603
00:31:37.069 --> 00:31:41.069
I would say not realistic, but Hey, you know, go,
604
00:31:41.210 --> 00:31:42.910
go do whatever you got to do. You know? So like,
605
00:31:42.970 --> 00:31:45.670
that's the thing that I don't know, like it really
606
00:31:45.809 --> 00:31:47.089
is odd to me.
607
00:31:47.960 --> 00:31:51.339
Yeah. I mean, I mean, look for some people like
608
00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:54.619
the targeting of that goal. I mean, I watched Caleb Williams, uh,
609
00:31:54.700 --> 00:31:57.789
Heisman speech, right. And my, my dad works with USC and, and,
610
00:31:58.029 --> 00:32:00.390
and those guys real close and stuff. And I watched
611
00:32:00.410 --> 00:32:02.789
his Heisman speech and, you know, he has, I'm just
612
00:32:02.809 --> 00:32:04.910
thinking about, you know, he has all his sheets and
613
00:32:04.950 --> 00:32:06.609
all the stuff and all the goals and everything. And,
614
00:32:07.269 --> 00:32:09.720
and I'm thinking of all the kids who are watching
615
00:32:09.759 --> 00:32:12.539
who are probably going to go copy that, uh, from Caleb,
616
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:16.200
which is, which is great. Good for them. Um, But
617
00:32:16.279 --> 00:32:19.759
the goals without the systems in place, I mean, with
618
00:32:19.799 --> 00:32:23.750
love and respect, good luck. So can you do it all? Yeah,
619
00:32:23.789 --> 00:32:25.730
for sure. But I'll say there's a dark side of
620
00:32:25.769 --> 00:32:29.769
goal setting. There's a really dark side. Again, something I
621
00:32:29.910 --> 00:32:32.269
happen to be talking about this morning. Maybe that's why
622
00:32:32.309 --> 00:32:34.980
it comes to my brain. When we set a goal,
623
00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:37.099
and there's a lot of research around this. When we
624
00:32:37.140 --> 00:32:39.740
set a goal, I mean, you know this as an author, right?
625
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:42.680
Anybody who's ever written a book, what's the goal of
626
00:32:42.720 --> 00:32:43.059
that book?
627
00:32:43.730 --> 00:32:44.450
Oh, it'd be a bestseller?
628
00:32:44.730 --> 00:32:45.490
You want it to be a bestseller.
629
00:32:45.589 --> 00:32:45.990
Okay, great.
630
00:32:46.990 --> 00:32:50.119
What's the reason why people don't finish books and actually
631
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:52.900
publish them? Because they don't feel like that book is
632
00:32:52.920 --> 00:32:56.380
going to be a bestseller. They get so scared of
633
00:32:56.480 --> 00:33:01.509
not hitting that goal that they don't ever publish. So
634
00:33:01.769 --> 00:33:05.809
the dark side of goal setting is this. Once we
635
00:33:05.849 --> 00:33:08.210
set a goal and then we square it up against
636
00:33:08.269 --> 00:33:12.529
our immediate reality, most people and i think that's a
637
00:33:12.549 --> 00:33:17.269
fair statement most most people the discomfort and the distance
638
00:33:17.369 --> 00:33:20.210
between the current reality and where their goal is creates
639
00:33:20.289 --> 00:33:24.650
so much discomfort and doubt that it actually undermines the
640
00:33:24.710 --> 00:33:27.430
work to go make that happen yeah it's the goal
641
00:33:27.910 --> 00:33:31.970
that makes them feel separation now for other people and
642
00:33:31.990 --> 00:33:34.779
this is wiring for other people that big goal is
643
00:33:34.859 --> 00:33:38.380
the fuel It's the fact that they're so far away
644
00:33:38.420 --> 00:33:40.980
from it and this intensity and competitive desire to go
645
00:33:41.400 --> 00:33:46.230
chase it. So it's hard to identify which people are
646
00:33:46.410 --> 00:33:49.650
fueled by that giant goal and which people will be
647
00:33:49.789 --> 00:33:53.529
crushed by the distance between them and the work. And
648
00:33:53.569 --> 00:34:00.450
so I'll give a very practical example of this. Let's
649
00:34:00.470 --> 00:34:04.539
take diet and exercise. The most universal thing that people
650
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:07.799
are doing, right? People set goals. I think the big
651
00:34:07.839 --> 00:34:10.159
problem in this, and I write about this in Daily Discipline,
652
00:34:10.179 --> 00:34:12.880
and I think this is the fundamental challenge for people
653
00:34:12.940 --> 00:34:15.800
in life, is the problem is they set a goal
654
00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:18.179
for eight weeks. And then if they don't feel like
655
00:34:18.199 --> 00:34:21.179
they're on progress or on track or hit that goal
656
00:34:21.679 --> 00:34:25.360
in eight weeks, what do they do? They stop.
657
00:34:25.820 --> 00:34:25.960
Right.
658
00:34:26.760 --> 00:34:28.429
And the next thing you know, it's a year later.
659
00:34:29.420 --> 00:34:31.760
They're even more out of shape. And the reason is
660
00:34:31.800 --> 00:34:34.400
because they missed the eight-week goal. So my thing for
661
00:34:34.420 --> 00:34:36.900
people is this. It doesn't matter where you are in
662
00:34:37.000 --> 00:34:39.670
eight weeks. What matters is where you are in a year.
663
00:34:40.449 --> 00:34:42.750
That's a meaningful period of time. If you want to
664
00:34:42.769 --> 00:34:45.210
set a goal for a year, awesome, great. But also
665
00:34:45.230 --> 00:34:48.050
that's so far away. It's like what? If you put
666
00:34:48.070 --> 00:34:50.260
the right systems in place and you don't have a goal,
667
00:34:50.320 --> 00:34:52.860
but you just execute the system every day, you will
668
00:34:52.900 --> 00:34:54.659
wake up in a year and guess what will happen?
669
00:34:55.630 --> 00:34:57.199
You'll feel better, be in better shape.
670
00:34:57.429 --> 00:34:58.780
The results take care of themselves.
671
00:34:58.800 --> 00:35:01.659
They take care of themselves. So some people need a goal.
672
00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:05.659
I get it. Other people, like I'll just tell you
673
00:35:05.699 --> 00:35:07.880
so you're listening, like your goal is your biggest problem.
674
00:35:08.719 --> 00:35:13.110
It's you are so goal fixated that you are projected
675
00:35:13.150 --> 00:35:15.829
into a future that you're so far away from that
676
00:35:15.849 --> 00:35:20.349
it makes you feel miserable today, makes you feel insignificant today.
677
00:35:21.820 --> 00:35:24.900
And you need to drop the goals and put systems
678
00:35:24.940 --> 00:35:27.630
in place. I think this starts with self-awareness, right? You
679
00:35:27.650 --> 00:35:29.210
got to know who you are and you got to
680
00:35:29.230 --> 00:35:31.929
know what fuels you and, and stop.
681
00:35:31.949 --> 00:35:34.809
Yeah. Like if setting the BHAG, if, if that's part
682
00:35:34.849 --> 00:35:38.610
of how you're wired and that out, that keeps you
683
00:35:38.710 --> 00:35:44.840
inspired and motivated to execute your system every day, then
684
00:35:44.889 --> 00:35:48.019
I think it's great. That's not necessarily how I'm wired,
685
00:35:48.039 --> 00:35:51.099
but I think if you are, I think that's awesome.
686
00:35:51.179 --> 00:35:54.150
But yeah, Only if you get the second part, right?
687
00:35:54.329 --> 00:35:58.269
The system is what makes it happen. The goal, again,
688
00:35:58.449 --> 00:36:02.320
makes the story better after the fact. It says, I
689
00:36:02.380 --> 00:36:06.260
was 22 and wanted to write a bestseller, and by
690
00:36:06.280 --> 00:36:08.960
the age of 30, I'd written three of them because
691
00:36:09.739 --> 00:36:11.960
I set the goal when I was 22. It's like, no, no, no.
692
00:36:13.159 --> 00:36:14.590
It's not because you set the goal. It's because of
693
00:36:14.610 --> 00:36:16.949
what you did every day from 22 to 30. That's
694
00:36:17.469 --> 00:36:18.550
why you have the three bestsellers.
695
00:36:18.590 --> 00:36:21.550
Correct. You and I both know that most people who
696
00:36:21.570 --> 00:36:25.719
are telling those stories are crafting that story in retrospect.
697
00:36:26.739 --> 00:36:30.300
That wasn't the story from the beginning. That's the story
698
00:36:30.340 --> 00:36:33.739
they look back at their path, see it, and they're like, oh,
699
00:36:34.010 --> 00:36:35.989
here's a really good narrative to lay over the top
700
00:36:36.010 --> 00:36:38.889
of this. It's like me. I can't say that I
701
00:36:39.010 --> 00:36:40.789
am what I am now because my parents got divorced
702
00:36:40.829 --> 00:36:43.389
and I traveled. I'm looking back. And I'm trying to
703
00:36:43.449 --> 00:36:47.440
explain my life today given what I went through. And
704
00:36:47.519 --> 00:36:49.179
that seems to make a lot of sense for me.
705
00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:54.199
But that wasn't an intentional thing that I did. It's
706
00:36:54.219 --> 00:36:56.380
just kind of a story that seems to make sense.
707
00:36:56.900 --> 00:37:01.019
So this is an interesting example about sort of goals
708
00:37:01.059 --> 00:37:02.960
and like the thing that fuels us. A lot of
709
00:37:02.980 --> 00:37:04.940
people like to copy. Like we look at something and
710
00:37:04.960 --> 00:37:06.599
we model it and we want to copy it. Like
711
00:37:07.099 --> 00:37:11.199
too many coaches today are modeling Nick Saban. because they
712
00:37:11.239 --> 00:37:13.650
see Saban is successful and they're not wired like him, right?
713
00:37:13.769 --> 00:37:17.909
Or they model Urban Meyer or, you know, business leaders,
714
00:37:17.949 --> 00:37:20.010
you know, people are modeling Gary Vee or whatever. And like,
715
00:37:20.050 --> 00:37:23.670
they're not that guy, right? Or they're modeling Sarah Blakely from,
716
00:37:24.090 --> 00:37:26.550
you know, Spanx or like, but you're not that person.
717
00:37:27.139 --> 00:37:30.940
And you're modeling something, you're building something not honest to self-awareness.
718
00:37:31.320 --> 00:37:34.599
So take, let's look at Tom Brady as a great example, right?
719
00:37:34.639 --> 00:37:37.019
Like what fuels Tom Brady, he's been pretty public about this,
720
00:37:37.099 --> 00:37:39.039
is this chip on his shoulder, right?
721
00:37:39.699 --> 00:37:39.860
Right.
722
00:37:40.329 --> 00:37:44.039
And for me, it's a great example because I'm not
723
00:37:44.199 --> 00:37:46.880
fueled by a chip on my shoulder. That would undermine it.
724
00:37:48.019 --> 00:37:50.739
That gets me to a spot where my attention is
725
00:37:50.800 --> 00:37:53.860
now on proving something to other people. This is not
726
00:37:53.880 --> 00:37:56.679
a good fuel source for me. It distracts me from
727
00:37:56.760 --> 00:37:58.409
real true purpose.
728
00:37:58.590 --> 00:38:01.610
It burns dirty, as Todd Henry would say on this show.
729
00:38:01.630 --> 00:38:03.989
That's dirty fuel.
730
00:38:04.010 --> 00:38:07.929
For me, it's dirty fuel. Undeniably, it is clean fuel
731
00:38:07.949 --> 00:38:11.860
for Tom. So we're just in this time. Is the
732
00:38:11.900 --> 00:38:14.599
chip on the shoulder helping or hurting Stefan Diggs as
733
00:38:14.699 --> 00:38:19.239
a teammate and a football player? I don't know him.
734
00:38:19.260 --> 00:38:20.699
He's a good dude. I saw a thing. He does
735
00:38:20.739 --> 00:38:23.500
amazing things for a kid who lost his dad. It
736
00:38:23.519 --> 00:38:25.469
made me tear up watching what he did for this kid.
737
00:38:26.170 --> 00:38:29.570
But I'm going to acknowledge right now, every time Stefan
738
00:38:29.610 --> 00:38:32.510
Diggs catches a ball that's over 20 yards, the first
739
00:38:32.550 --> 00:38:34.739
thing he does is mean mug the whole crowd like
740
00:38:34.780 --> 00:38:37.260
he's some kind of underdog. Dude, you are like one
741
00:38:37.280 --> 00:38:39.760
of the best athletes on the planet, and you have
742
00:38:39.780 --> 00:38:43.380
been your whole life. You've never been an underdog. You
743
00:38:43.579 --> 00:38:45.940
might not have grown up in like with, with wealth
744
00:38:46.000 --> 00:38:49.469
and stuff, but dude, you won the lottery physically. Like
745
00:38:49.849 --> 00:38:52.289
you have always been the best everywhere. Like no one's
746
00:38:52.409 --> 00:38:55.969
overlooking you. And then what the whole team, he's got
747
00:38:55.989 --> 00:38:58.260
this chip on his shoulder. I want it. And every
748
00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:01.090
single game, the question is how many drives and still
749
00:39:01.110 --> 00:39:03.309
Stefan Diggs is causing an issue on the sideline and
750
00:39:03.329 --> 00:39:06.429
getting upset. Like it's working against you. So like here's
751
00:39:06.570 --> 00:39:10.349
Tom that is using this goal of proving people wrong.
752
00:39:10.730 --> 00:39:12.619
And it's turned him into a hall of famer. And
753
00:39:12.639 --> 00:39:15.699
here's Stefan Diggs where it's like, dude, I would go
754
00:39:15.760 --> 00:39:18.900
so far as to say he's it's, it's cutting off
755
00:39:18.900 --> 00:39:22.619
30% of his potential. Cause it's about this chip as
756
00:39:22.679 --> 00:39:25.510
opposed to being really, really good. The chip's getting in
757
00:39:25.570 --> 00:39:28.030
his way. And goals can do the same thing to us.
758
00:39:28.050 --> 00:39:31.710
That's a great point. You wrote a post for Daily
759
00:39:31.750 --> 00:39:36.070
Discipline about learning and how it happens through depth. And
760
00:39:36.429 --> 00:39:40.909
it really was timely for me because I can tell
761
00:39:40.969 --> 00:39:45.000
myself I'm both a width and a depth guy. But
762
00:39:45.199 --> 00:39:48.159
if you really analyze it, one of the mistakes I
763
00:39:48.219 --> 00:39:52.710
make is too much width, not enough depth when it
764
00:39:52.769 --> 00:39:56.369
comes to the learning. And whether it's the new year
765
00:39:56.409 --> 00:39:58.809
and people saying, I'm going to read 52 books this
766
00:39:58.869 --> 00:40:04.929
year or whatever, can you talk about that learning actually
767
00:40:05.050 --> 00:40:08.679
happens through depth, not volume, not the width of what
768
00:40:08.719 --> 00:40:11.719
you're doing. It happens from going deep on maybe four
769
00:40:11.780 --> 00:40:14.539
books or whatever. Can you walk me through? There's a
770
00:40:14.619 --> 00:40:16.719
great post that you put out.
771
00:40:17.260 --> 00:40:18.980
Yeah. I mean, it was, for me, it was sparked
772
00:40:19.039 --> 00:40:23.380
with sort of this, this inundation that we see on social, right. Of,
773
00:40:24.539 --> 00:40:26.320
you know, the end of the year, here's every book
774
00:40:26.340 --> 00:40:29.840
I read last year and the pieces in them, or, or,
775
00:40:29.849 --> 00:40:31.389
you know, or like, you know, I, I think I
776
00:40:31.409 --> 00:40:34.070
saw another one. It's like, you know, I forget who
777
00:40:34.090 --> 00:40:35.650
it was, wherever it doesn't matter, but like, you know,
778
00:40:35.710 --> 00:40:37.670
cheat codes at 40 that I knew I wish at 22.
779
00:40:37.650 --> 00:40:40.289
And it's like, you know, I get it's headline and
780
00:40:40.329 --> 00:40:42.230
it's marketing. And I understand like you have to grab
781
00:40:42.250 --> 00:40:46.139
people's attention and there's a certain practicality for, for what,
782
00:40:47.199 --> 00:40:51.019
If you write the best book that's ever been written,
783
00:40:52.079 --> 00:40:54.360
very few people have probably read because it didn't sell
784
00:40:54.400 --> 00:40:59.699
very well. You got to get people's attention. Here's the
785
00:40:59.719 --> 00:41:05.760
thing about learning. How much can somebody apply? Just think
786
00:41:05.780 --> 00:41:11.900
about human brain capacity, time, attention, energy. If somebody reads
787
00:41:11.900 --> 00:41:16.940
52 books, how much of that do they do really
788
00:41:17.000 --> 00:41:22.519
well like that to me that's just the question if
789
00:41:22.699 --> 00:41:28.940
if somebody's like man i listen to you know gary
790
00:41:28.960 --> 00:41:31.579
v talks about this a whole lot you know and
791
00:41:31.619 --> 00:41:33.380
he has for a long time and everybody has different
792
00:41:33.420 --> 00:41:35.599
perspectives on him but i i give i give him
793
00:41:35.699 --> 00:41:38.659
cred and respect because and i view my content this
794
00:41:38.719 --> 00:41:41.739
way if all you're doing is he talks with this
795
00:41:42.599 --> 00:41:45.400
stop following me if you've been following me for six
796
00:41:45.420 --> 00:41:50.800
years stop You don't need anything else. You have consumed plenty.
797
00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:55.860
Turn this off. Turn the notifications off. Unsubscribe. Go put
798
00:41:55.880 --> 00:42:00.199
your head down for two years and do 50% of
799
00:42:00.219 --> 00:42:01.719
the things that you've heard me say for the last
800
00:42:01.739 --> 00:42:06.289
six years. But if you're still consuming my content, thinking
801
00:42:06.449 --> 00:42:09.289
that is what's going to do it, I didn't come
802
00:42:09.329 --> 00:42:11.849
up with this phrase. I don't know who did, but
803
00:42:11.889 --> 00:42:18.110
it's infotainment. And I just think, The self-awareness for people
804
00:42:18.860 --> 00:42:22.789
confusing consuming content with actually doing it.
805
00:42:23.300 --> 00:42:23.599
Yeah.
806
00:42:24.460 --> 00:42:27.599
Like be a doer. That's my encouragement is be a doer.
807
00:42:27.940 --> 00:42:35.110
I would much rather somebody read two books a year
808
00:42:35.409 --> 00:42:39.739
and read those books three times. and do everything they
809
00:42:39.820 --> 00:42:42.639
say on the two topics that are the most important
810
00:42:42.659 --> 00:42:46.550
to you and watch what happens to your life. Just
811
00:42:46.590 --> 00:42:50.409
watch what happens. And there's a, there's a, um, there's
812
00:42:50.449 --> 00:42:55.230
a great example of this. And, you know, I look
813
00:42:55.250 --> 00:42:57.630
at this, I think about, and I've been, this is
814
00:42:57.670 --> 00:42:59.489
what I've been writing about this week on daily discipline
815
00:42:59.550 --> 00:43:02.820
is for a long time. I've recognized the three personal resources,
816
00:43:03.099 --> 00:43:06.199
like actual true resources that we have as human beings.
817
00:43:07.590 --> 00:43:09.820
that have the biggest power on the shape of our
818
00:43:09.840 --> 00:43:14.059
lives are attention, time, and energy. Those are the three
819
00:43:14.099 --> 00:43:17.780
resources that we have that are yours or yours to spend,
820
00:43:18.300 --> 00:43:20.480
mine or mine to spend, and we are the only
821
00:43:20.530 --> 00:43:24.250
decision maker about those things. I think the number one
822
00:43:24.269 --> 00:43:26.030
skill somebody can have in this world is to create
823
00:43:26.070 --> 00:43:28.429
their own energy. Sidebar, we'll see if we have time
824
00:43:28.489 --> 00:43:32.349
for it, but take attention, time, and energy. Whatever you
825
00:43:32.389 --> 00:43:36.119
give attention to, like first lesson from a content perspective,
826
00:43:36.550 --> 00:43:39.429
Things don't get your attention. You give your attention to things.
827
00:43:40.570 --> 00:43:44.179
A lot of people think that distractions exist in the
828
00:43:44.239 --> 00:43:48.079
environment when the reality is distractions are not environmental. They
829
00:43:48.099 --> 00:43:52.659
are personal. You are the distraction, not the things. Why
830
00:43:52.679 --> 00:43:54.820
do I say that? It sounds kind of harsh. Well,
831
00:43:54.840 --> 00:43:59.019
it's because this, once you take responsibility for your attention,
832
00:43:59.699 --> 00:44:01.969
that means that there's not things on Instagram or Twitter
833
00:44:02.159 --> 00:44:04.829
or any other spot that get your attention. You gave
834
00:44:04.849 --> 00:44:07.789
your attention to those things. You gave your attention when
835
00:44:07.809 --> 00:44:09.269
you opened it. You gave your attention when you put
836
00:44:09.309 --> 00:44:10.929
your eyeballs on it. You gave your attention when you
837
00:44:10.989 --> 00:44:13.869
read that line, heard that emotion and decided that that
838
00:44:13.909 --> 00:44:17.309
emotion was something you wanted to follow. They wrote the headline.
839
00:44:17.670 --> 00:44:22.440
They didn't make the decision, right? You know, whatever that
840
00:44:22.840 --> 00:44:25.239
piece happens to be. So with content.
841
00:44:25.559 --> 00:44:27.300
Take ownership of your attention.
842
00:44:27.320 --> 00:44:28.699
Ownership of attention.
843
00:44:29.079 --> 00:44:29.280
Yeah.
844
00:44:29.679 --> 00:44:32.920
Is this, okay, great. Now think about those resources and
845
00:44:32.960 --> 00:44:34.699
let's think about attention, time and energy. And let's just
846
00:44:34.719 --> 00:44:37.650
kind of put them all into like, one whole thing, right?
847
00:44:37.769 --> 00:44:40.650
And they do have consequence. Anything you give attention to
848
00:44:40.809 --> 00:44:43.849
also consumes your time. Could be five seconds, could be
849
00:44:43.869 --> 00:44:46.829
five hours, okay? And anything that consumes your time and
850
00:44:46.849 --> 00:44:49.690
your attention, naturally is something you're putting energy into. Like
851
00:44:49.710 --> 00:44:53.110
there's a causal flow. It begins with attention and then
852
00:44:53.159 --> 00:44:54.679
it moves into some time and then it moves into
853
00:44:54.699 --> 00:44:57.920
some energy. So think about this. Let's take that and
854
00:44:57.940 --> 00:45:01.880
let's put it all into like a singular ball. And
855
00:45:01.920 --> 00:45:05.000
now let's think about what do we do with that?
856
00:45:05.570 --> 00:45:08.869
What do we put it through? And now let's think
857
00:45:09.010 --> 00:45:11.570
of that attention, time, and energy. Let's think of that
858
00:45:11.630 --> 00:45:15.400
as like the source coming from the sun, light, okay?
859
00:45:16.019 --> 00:45:20.980
Light can be pushed through a prism or it can
860
00:45:21.000 --> 00:45:24.980
be pushed through a magnifying glass. So if you go
861
00:45:25.000 --> 00:45:26.460
out in the sun, I'm sure you did this as
862
00:45:26.519 --> 00:45:28.219
a kid. A lot of people did. You go out
863
00:45:28.239 --> 00:45:30.760
in the sun on a summer day, sun's coming through,
864
00:45:30.780 --> 00:45:33.230
you know, here in Colorado and Denver, we get a
865
00:45:33.230 --> 00:45:36.219
lot of sun in the winter months. Not quite like
866
00:45:36.280 --> 00:45:38.840
my years in Ohio, but I can go out right
867
00:45:38.889 --> 00:45:43.570
now and I can take the same exact right focus
868
00:45:44.789 --> 00:45:47.130
for the same amount of time with the energy coming
869
00:45:47.150 --> 00:45:48.619
from the sun. It's the exact same. And I take
870
00:45:48.679 --> 00:45:51.900
two different devices, one, a prism and one, a magnifying glass,
871
00:45:52.960 --> 00:45:57.539
the energy and the attention of it doesn't change. The
872
00:45:57.599 --> 00:45:59.719
time spent doesn't change. But if I put those two
873
00:45:59.760 --> 00:46:02.900
things side by side, the same amount of resource coming
874
00:46:02.940 --> 00:46:06.039
through the prism, what does the light from the sun
875
00:46:06.880 --> 00:46:09.409
going through a prism turn that light and energy into?
876
00:46:09.429 --> 00:46:18.789
A rainbow. Something pretty. Not without value, but it's pretty
877
00:46:18.829 --> 00:46:21.309
and makes nice stuff and has its place in the world.
878
00:46:22.130 --> 00:46:27.769
What does the exact same energy, going into a magnifying
879
00:46:27.789 --> 00:46:29.349
glass due to that energy.
880
00:46:30.869 --> 00:46:31.369
Superpower.
881
00:46:31.429 --> 00:46:34.610
Focuses it onto a single point. And when that energy
882
00:46:34.630 --> 00:46:36.349
focuses on a single point, what does it do?
883
00:46:37.210 --> 00:46:37.530
Fire.
884
00:46:38.090 --> 00:46:41.170
Creates a fire. And that fire can be turned into
885
00:46:41.949 --> 00:46:44.670
any number of things, right? It can cut stuff. You know,
886
00:46:44.690 --> 00:46:46.289
we used to burn leaves as a kid, right? It
887
00:46:46.329 --> 00:46:49.369
can start a fire. It can warm things. It turns
888
00:46:49.409 --> 00:46:55.929
it into this very intense value. And so I ask myself,
889
00:46:57.510 --> 00:47:01.090
Am I a prism with the content I'm pulling in?
890
00:47:02.190 --> 00:47:06.039
Creating nice images on the wall and like something that
891
00:47:06.059 --> 00:47:09.059
everybody likes to look at? Or am I a magnifying
892
00:47:09.099 --> 00:47:11.920
glass that is taking that energy and turning it into
893
00:47:12.019 --> 00:47:15.380
something brand new and value and warmth and heat and
894
00:47:15.500 --> 00:47:17.699
fire and like doing things to go make stuff happen
895
00:47:17.719 --> 00:47:20.659
in my life? There's a time we're consuming content and
896
00:47:20.699 --> 00:47:23.409
there's a time and place for prism. There's a time
897
00:47:23.429 --> 00:47:26.070
and place for consuming something that's like, man, This is cool.
898
00:47:26.139 --> 00:47:28.300
It's kind of lens shifting. It's, you know, it's fun
899
00:47:28.320 --> 00:47:31.820
or it's enjoyable. It's whatever. But most of the content
900
00:47:31.840 --> 00:47:34.980
I want to be consuming is I want that content
901
00:47:35.019 --> 00:47:38.309
to turn into something that is actionable in my life.
902
00:47:38.949 --> 00:47:41.829
It's very hard to do if I'm diffusing that across
903
00:47:42.010 --> 00:47:45.409
all these fronts. I want to focus that energy. And
904
00:47:45.449 --> 00:47:48.099
then like, no, a time and place where like, all right, which, which,
905
00:47:48.219 --> 00:47:50.949
which motor zone am I in? And where do I
906
00:47:50.969 --> 00:47:52.469
want to spend most of my time? I tend to 80, 20.
907
00:47:52.449 --> 00:47:55.909
I want 80% of my time dialed in on something
908
00:47:55.929 --> 00:47:57.840
that I'm in depth. 20% of my time.
909
00:47:58.179 --> 00:47:58.300
Yeah.
910
00:47:58.320 --> 00:48:00.960
Go play around, have some fun, do some stuff, but
911
00:48:01.059 --> 00:48:02.659
recognize that 20% of the time is going to be
912
00:48:02.679 --> 00:48:05.739
like play and let's figure some stuff out. And in
913
00:48:05.760 --> 00:48:07.980
that space, I'll find what I really want. And then
914
00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:09.920
I'll move it over into the 80% where I'll dive
915
00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:11.539
all the way into it. That's how I tend to
916
00:48:11.559 --> 00:48:11.840
think of it.
917
00:48:12.099 --> 00:48:17.340
So you help leaders, you help teams with their culture.
918
00:48:17.840 --> 00:48:22.579
I'm curious because this is such a huge topic of
919
00:48:22.659 --> 00:48:26.960
conversation and people saying they're taking action on this. What
920
00:48:27.019 --> 00:48:30.840
are some of the biggest mistakes leaders make, whether they're
921
00:48:31.179 --> 00:48:33.139
a new coach hired to take over a team that
922
00:48:33.389 --> 00:48:36.789
was not doing well, or they're a new SVP at
923
00:48:36.829 --> 00:48:40.110
a Fortune 100 company who is put in charge of
924
00:48:40.150 --> 00:48:44.369
a group that struggled, whatever. and they say, well, we gotta,
925
00:48:44.429 --> 00:48:46.489
we gotta rebuild this culture. Like there was either a
926
00:48:46.510 --> 00:48:50.519
bad culture or, or, uh, it's not useful. It's not
927
00:48:50.559 --> 00:48:54.079
creating results, whatever. What are some of the biggest mistakes
928
00:48:54.219 --> 00:48:58.420
leaders make when trying to change the culture somewhere?
929
00:48:59.400 --> 00:49:02.710
So the first one is they don't think the culture
930
00:49:02.730 --> 00:49:03.369
is too fuzzy.
931
00:49:04.190 --> 00:49:04.409
Yeah.
932
00:49:04.650 --> 00:49:08.090
They make it, they make it too impractical. And it
933
00:49:08.130 --> 00:49:12.679
starts with the language that people use. Uh, I mean,
934
00:49:13.139 --> 00:49:15.760
they pick the same culture words as every other company.
935
00:49:16.750 --> 00:49:18.090
We're going to be a team of, you know, if
936
00:49:18.150 --> 00:49:20.860
it's business, we're going to be a team of you
937
00:49:20.880 --> 00:49:28.460
know respect diversity collaboration trust customer service and accountability like
938
00:49:28.719 --> 00:49:32.079
okay like yeah that's the words everybody else uses and
939
00:49:32.239 --> 00:49:35.460
then the people who hear that put you into a
940
00:49:35.519 --> 00:49:37.119
place where it's like literally just playing a tape recorder
941
00:49:37.139 --> 00:49:39.739
of every other business they've ever heard nothing remotely unique
942
00:49:40.349 --> 00:49:44.230
In sports, it's what? We're going to be tough, disciplined. Again,
943
00:49:44.250 --> 00:49:47.989
you just run the script. It's the same stuff. That's
944
00:49:48.030 --> 00:49:52.630
number one is they go way too fuzzy and way too,
945
00:49:53.329 --> 00:49:55.989
like they pick the mountain of average in terms of
946
00:49:56.250 --> 00:50:03.679
the things that they do. Number two is they separate culture.
947
00:50:03.699 --> 00:50:05.440
And this is probably number one, if I'm going to
948
00:50:05.460 --> 00:50:11.719
be real. They separate culture from execution. they make culture
949
00:50:11.800 --> 00:50:16.739
like its own standalone thing. When in reality, culture is
950
00:50:16.800 --> 00:50:21.710
the strongest vehicle and driver of execution in any group.
951
00:50:22.250 --> 00:50:26.650
Culture is 10 times more influential on how people execute
952
00:50:26.690 --> 00:50:30.969
than strategy. Every business has a strategy. Every, every team
953
00:50:30.989 --> 00:50:35.579
has a strategy. Why do some businesses execute their strategies
954
00:50:36.460 --> 00:50:40.219
exceptionally well? while others are scrambling to get people to
955
00:50:40.300 --> 00:50:41.360
please do this strategy.
956
00:50:42.360 --> 00:50:42.639
Culture.
957
00:50:43.679 --> 00:50:46.559
Strategy is what you want to do. Culture is how
958
00:50:46.599 --> 00:50:49.519
are we actually going to do this? The best teams
959
00:50:49.719 --> 00:50:52.320
in sports aren't the ones that draw the best plays.
960
00:50:52.880 --> 00:50:55.449
They're the ones that can get their players to execute
961
00:50:55.469 --> 00:50:59.570
those plays at the level of intensity and technique and
962
00:50:59.750 --> 00:51:02.369
assignment that they were required to do.
963
00:51:02.789 --> 00:51:05.380
So is that like a, The culture is not what
964
00:51:05.420 --> 00:51:07.900
you say, it's what you do. It's what I'm gathering.
965
00:51:08.260 --> 00:51:10.300
It's part of what you say, but it's really more
966
00:51:10.340 --> 00:51:15.699
about what you do. How do you put that into action?
967
00:51:15.719 --> 00:51:18.610
Is it having a set of values and the behaviors
968
00:51:18.650 --> 00:51:21.239
that match those values and that's what we believe in?
969
00:51:21.289 --> 00:51:25.360
It's not the fluffy, fuzzy words of... you know, trust
970
00:51:25.440 --> 00:51:28.320
and be a good teammate or whatever. It's really about
971
00:51:28.599 --> 00:51:31.230
bringing the values to life through a set of actions
972
00:51:31.309 --> 00:51:34.469
and then measuring, do we actually do that? Are we, okay,
973
00:51:34.570 --> 00:51:36.190
go ahead. Yeah.
974
00:51:36.409 --> 00:51:38.309
Matt, do what I'm saying. Like you, you, you just
975
00:51:38.489 --> 00:51:42.550
articulated that is the gap, right? When you look at
976
00:51:42.590 --> 00:51:48.860
how detailed most teams or businesses strategies are very thorough,
977
00:51:49.639 --> 00:51:53.500
they have playbooks, right? Yeah. What's the playbook for your culture?
978
00:51:55.949 --> 00:51:58.889
Like how many, how many big 10 teams and SEC
979
00:51:58.929 --> 00:52:03.739
teams have offensive defensive special teams, playbooks, all of them,
980
00:52:04.300 --> 00:52:07.420
how many of them have playbooks for their culture? This
981
00:52:07.480 --> 00:52:10.079
is what we believe. This is how the behavior shows up.
982
00:52:10.280 --> 00:52:13.099
And this, this could happen in teams anywhere, not sports.
983
00:52:13.719 --> 00:52:16.650
Meaning if you say you, even if you choose a
984
00:52:16.659 --> 00:52:20.510
word like trust or integrity, okay, which everybody uses, which
985
00:52:20.550 --> 00:52:23.030
you do got to have, it's important, right? It's to me,
986
00:52:23.800 --> 00:52:26.920
How do you live out being a person of integrity
987
00:52:27.159 --> 00:52:30.940
at your company? What does that mean to you? That's where, right?
988
00:52:31.599 --> 00:52:34.320
Yes. I love that example you go to because it's
989
00:52:34.360 --> 00:52:37.269
the first one I do. Here's the pressure test I ask.
990
00:52:37.289 --> 00:52:39.130
And that's the word I use whenever I'm asking this.
991
00:52:39.429 --> 00:52:39.610
Yeah.
992
00:52:39.730 --> 00:52:42.849
I say, great. I go, awesome. And it's one company
993
00:52:42.929 --> 00:52:45.329
with 100 people or 10 people in the room, whatever
994
00:52:45.349 --> 00:52:47.590
it is. I say, awesome. What is integrity?
995
00:52:48.570 --> 00:52:48.739
Yeah.
996
00:52:49.639 --> 00:52:52.639
And guess how many definitions there are. as many people
997
00:52:52.800 --> 00:52:55.719
as there are in the room. Some people go like this, well,
998
00:52:55.780 --> 00:52:58.119
integrity is doing the right thing. And I go, awesome.
999
00:52:59.179 --> 00:53:02.320
I live in America. Do people in America agree on
1000
00:53:02.340 --> 00:53:07.519
what the right thing is? And it was like, some
1001
00:53:07.539 --> 00:53:11.199
of our biggest fights are over what two different people
1002
00:53:11.260 --> 00:53:13.909
view as the right thing. So we call it this,
1003
00:53:13.969 --> 00:53:17.230
the culture playbook. This is the same thing for business, right?
1004
00:53:17.329 --> 00:53:21.079
We have playbooks for processes and operations and IT and
1005
00:53:21.179 --> 00:53:23.960
sales and HR and finance. We have, you know, we
1006
00:53:23.980 --> 00:53:26.039
don't necessarily in sales, they call it a playbook, but
1007
00:53:26.099 --> 00:53:28.670
otherwise it's like written processes and standards and all this
1008
00:53:28.690 --> 00:53:31.469
different stuff. But then when it comes to culture or
1009
00:53:31.510 --> 00:53:34.010
behavior styles, like we just use these like empty words
1010
00:53:34.710 --> 00:53:36.329
and yeah, accountability is an empty word.
1011
00:53:37.289 --> 00:53:37.510
Yes.
1012
00:53:37.570 --> 00:53:40.849
Integrity is an empty word, not because the actual thing,
1013
00:53:41.329 --> 00:53:46.099
it's an empty word because they've become empty words. You
1014
00:53:46.139 --> 00:53:49.420
say the word accountability in a business and people run
1015
00:53:49.460 --> 00:53:53.369
away because that word now means punitive punishment. You did
1016
00:53:53.409 --> 00:53:55.989
something wrong. So people are trying to build cultures of
1017
00:53:56.010 --> 00:53:58.889
accountability that run away. So what we do is this,
1018
00:53:58.969 --> 00:54:01.969
to build a culture playbook is we put together something
1019
00:54:01.989 --> 00:54:06.530
called a BBO, belief, behavior, outcome. And we tie people
1020
00:54:07.010 --> 00:54:14.250
into the grounded, practical context. Revenue generating, revenue saving, client winning,
1021
00:54:14.349 --> 00:54:18.969
touchdown scoring, right? Like, like, you know, runs stopping, get
1022
00:54:19.010 --> 00:54:21.670
three outs fast, but you know, whatever it is, whatever
1023
00:54:21.710 --> 00:54:25.489
your context is, what are the beliefs that we hold?
1024
00:54:26.550 --> 00:54:29.969
And then here's the key piece. What do those beliefs
1025
00:54:30.659 --> 00:54:38.139
look like in action? And I think Ryan, Not I think.
1026
00:54:38.519 --> 00:54:42.429
This is bigger than just culture. This is about human beings.
1027
00:54:42.650 --> 00:54:46.869
And here's the test. What is a belief worth if
1028
00:54:46.929 --> 00:54:50.050
we don't act on it? I mean, this is so like,
1029
00:54:50.190 --> 00:54:53.849
this is where I think right now the world, it's
1030
00:54:53.909 --> 00:54:56.530
probably the biggest challenge that we've got going on in
1031
00:54:56.570 --> 00:54:59.989
the world globally right now. And it's really acute, at
1032
00:55:00.010 --> 00:55:05.199
least in the US. What's a belief worth if we
1033
00:55:05.239 --> 00:55:05.780
don't act on it?
1034
00:55:09.840 --> 00:55:10.769
Nothing. Nothing.
1035
00:55:11.389 --> 00:55:14.650
Here's the point. You don't get credit for saying you're
1036
00:55:14.670 --> 00:55:18.829
a person of integrity. You get zero credit for that.
1037
00:55:19.289 --> 00:55:20.150
What do we get credit for?
1038
00:55:20.170 --> 00:55:21.170
Doing it.
1039
00:55:21.230 --> 00:55:26.829
Doing the things that are integrity. My question is this.
1040
00:55:27.719 --> 00:55:28.719
What does it look like then?
1041
00:55:29.460 --> 00:55:29.639
Right.
1042
00:55:30.500 --> 00:55:32.980
Honesty is my favorite example of this is honesty. You
1043
00:55:33.000 --> 00:55:34.619
ask people, who believes in honesty? And everybody puts their
1044
00:55:34.659 --> 00:55:37.599
hand up. Yeah, I do. And I lovingly. No, you don't.
1045
00:55:38.380 --> 00:55:40.059
You believe in selective honesty.
1046
00:55:40.400 --> 00:55:40.599
Right.
1047
00:55:41.519 --> 00:55:45.230
Honesty that what? Especially like husband and wife. The husband's
1048
00:55:45.250 --> 00:55:49.130
always laugh. I'm like, yeah. You believe in what? You calculate.
1049
00:55:49.170 --> 00:55:52.110
Adults do this. You calculate how honest you can be
1050
00:55:52.210 --> 00:55:55.590
with somebody, including your wife, without having to pay a
1051
00:55:55.610 --> 00:55:58.079
heavy price for it. But as soon as you calculate
1052
00:55:58.119 --> 00:56:01.059
that the price for being honest is too high for you,
1053
00:56:02.239 --> 00:56:04.780
you put that honesty below and you either ignore it
1054
00:56:04.900 --> 00:56:06.000
or you actually tell a lie.
1055
00:56:06.019 --> 00:56:06.090
Why?
1056
00:56:06.820 --> 00:56:09.760
Why? So that you don't have to experience the discomfort
1057
00:56:09.860 --> 00:56:12.000
of the honesty in this conversation. We do it in
1058
00:56:12.079 --> 00:56:15.360
feedback in business. Why do people, why do performance evals?
1059
00:56:15.380 --> 00:56:17.340
Why do we have to do the sandwich technique? Say
1060
00:56:17.360 --> 00:56:19.320
a positive thing that you kind of made up, say
1061
00:56:19.340 --> 00:56:20.840
the thing you really want to say, and then say
1062
00:56:20.860 --> 00:56:23.099
the positive thing after. Why do we do that? Because
1063
00:56:23.159 --> 00:56:25.800
we can't handle the comfort and discomfort of being honest
1064
00:56:25.820 --> 00:56:28.780
with each other. We can't just say something and then
1065
00:56:28.860 --> 00:56:31.639
feel that's honesty. It's a little awkward. Let's do this.
1066
00:56:32.380 --> 00:56:36.039
So in culture, What people do is they use these
1067
00:56:36.119 --> 00:56:39.599
fuzzy words. So as what? So that nobody feels uncomfortable.
1068
00:56:40.599 --> 00:56:44.860
What we do is this. Identify the belief. And then
1069
00:56:44.920 --> 00:56:48.139
here's what it is. Understand that is empty until we what?
1070
00:56:48.659 --> 00:56:53.179
Until we map out. This is the behavior that proves
1071
00:56:53.579 --> 00:56:56.579
whether you do or do not believe this. If you
1072
00:56:56.699 --> 00:56:59.559
do it, it's because you believe it. And if you
1073
00:56:59.579 --> 00:57:01.679
believe it, you will in fact do it. But if
1074
00:57:01.719 --> 00:57:03.440
you don't do it, and this is the test I
1075
00:57:03.460 --> 00:57:07.550
hold to myself. anything that I don't do, why don't
1076
00:57:07.630 --> 00:57:11.489
I do it? Because I don't really believe it. The
1077
00:57:11.590 --> 00:57:15.139
testing point for my beliefs is the discipline of my action.
1078
00:57:15.539 --> 00:57:17.019
And then what we do in business and in sports
1079
00:57:17.079 --> 00:57:20.860
is we tie the outcomes that we are all going
1080
00:57:21.000 --> 00:57:26.179
after that are dependent on us living those behaviors out
1081
00:57:27.039 --> 00:57:30.539
at the highest possible standard. So, you know, in, in,
1082
00:57:31.150 --> 00:57:33.949
In sports, it's what do we want? We want to
1083
00:57:33.989 --> 00:57:38.869
be tougher than every team. Well, that's an outcome. What
1084
00:57:38.909 --> 00:57:41.050
is the behavior that would actually earn and produce that?
1085
00:57:41.309 --> 00:57:44.090
That's a culture issue, not a strategy issue. We want
1086
00:57:44.130 --> 00:57:48.170
to be tight and bonded when things get very, very difficult,
1087
00:57:48.469 --> 00:57:52.610
very hard. Well, what's the behavior that's required in order
1088
00:57:52.630 --> 00:57:55.199
to earn that outcome? I can't control it. I can't
1089
00:57:55.219 --> 00:57:58.420
control my behavior. So we tie beliefs, behaviors, and outcomes together.
1090
00:57:58.800 --> 00:58:00.800
And obviously we can do that culturally, but at a
1091
00:58:00.840 --> 00:58:04.039
personal level, right? I call it, it's a character blueprint.
1092
00:58:04.619 --> 00:58:07.960
Build a blueprint for your character where you actually write out.
1093
00:58:08.420 --> 00:58:10.559
And this is so uncomfortable for people, but so good.
1094
00:58:11.380 --> 00:58:15.199
What do you actually believe? Okay. Now this do an
1095
00:58:15.320 --> 00:58:18.579
audit of your life and say, how often do you
1096
00:58:18.960 --> 00:58:23.079
live that belief out in full integrity? Meaning integrity being
1097
00:58:23.119 --> 00:58:28.530
this total and complete alignment in your actions and with
1098
00:58:28.610 --> 00:58:31.659
what you say that you actually believe. And when we
1099
00:58:31.679 --> 00:58:33.840
do this honesty example, people will laugh and chuckle. It's
1100
00:58:33.860 --> 00:58:35.659
a little nervous chuckle because it's like the first time
1101
00:58:35.679 --> 00:58:39.400
they've realized that while they claim honesty, they actually look
1102
00:58:39.420 --> 00:58:41.320
at like their last week and they're like, oh shit.
1103
00:58:42.519 --> 00:58:47.219
I've actually like specifically not had conversations because they were
1104
00:58:47.260 --> 00:58:49.599
awkward for me. And people don't know that I have
1105
00:58:49.619 --> 00:58:52.590
this opinion of them. I'm not even being honest. And
1106
00:58:52.610 --> 00:58:55.579
they look and they have this little uncomfortable smile. But
1107
00:58:56.079 --> 00:58:58.440
I love those moments because that's the kind of self-awareness
1108
00:58:58.480 --> 00:59:02.780
that moves our hearts, that changes lives. I mean, that's
1109
00:59:02.860 --> 00:59:03.639
what this is all about.
1110
00:59:04.030 --> 00:59:06.769
You started when you were 22. I would imagine you
1111
00:59:06.869 --> 00:59:09.929
would go to mentors, ask for advice, ask for help.
1112
00:59:11.110 --> 00:59:12.889
I want to put you in the position of being
1113
00:59:12.909 --> 00:59:18.469
the mentor and the early to mid-20s person who just
1114
00:59:18.510 --> 00:59:22.630
graduated college says, I'm not 100% sure what I want
1115
00:59:22.650 --> 00:59:25.030
to do, but I do know that I want to
1116
00:59:25.070 --> 00:59:27.599
leave a positive dent in the world. I want to
1117
00:59:27.619 --> 00:59:32.619
do good, right? What are some general pieces of life
1118
00:59:33.000 --> 00:59:35.599
slash career advice you give to that person?
1119
00:59:36.199 --> 00:59:38.320
Number one is, and I already said it, but here's
1120
00:59:38.340 --> 00:59:44.010
number one. Be a creator of the energy that you need.
1121
00:59:45.789 --> 00:59:49.170
Don't ever be dependent on the energy around you or
1122
00:59:49.230 --> 00:59:51.230
energy from other people to be where you need to be.
1123
00:59:52.809 --> 00:59:56.059
Learn to create your own energy. Energy comes from somewhere.
1124
00:59:56.079 --> 00:59:58.889
You either create it or you catch it. And it's
1125
00:59:58.929 --> 01:00:04.769
becoming increasingly difficult to count on the energy around you.
1126
01:00:05.829 --> 01:00:08.139
And the older I've gotten in life, the more I've
1127
01:00:08.179 --> 01:00:10.519
seen that, man, if you can't create your own energy,
1128
01:00:11.239 --> 01:00:12.960
you are going to catch the wrong energy from some
1129
01:00:12.980 --> 01:00:14.840
people in your life. And you're going to catch the
1130
01:00:14.880 --> 01:00:18.420
wrong energy from social media or whatever. Be a creator
1131
01:00:18.460 --> 01:00:21.920
of energy. I heard, I believe that for a long time.
1132
01:00:21.960 --> 01:00:24.699
And I heard Mike Rowe on a podcast. He might've
1133
01:00:24.719 --> 01:00:26.920
been on Tim Ferriss podcast or whatever. And he said
1134
01:00:27.000 --> 01:00:29.219
something that he heard from somebody else, maybe from his
1135
01:00:29.260 --> 01:00:31.940
grandpa or something like, you know, when you're listening to
1136
01:00:32.000 --> 01:00:34.210
something and like, you're like walking or whatever. And like,
1137
01:00:34.409 --> 01:00:36.550
it feels like it just arrests your body. Like it's
1138
01:00:36.570 --> 01:00:40.050
just like stonewalls you. Like it's happened when I'm driving sometimes,
1139
01:00:40.070 --> 01:00:41.329
like I have to pull over. This was when I
1140
01:00:41.349 --> 01:00:42.809
was down in Myrtle beach and I was like walking,
1141
01:00:42.829 --> 01:00:45.219
I was just by myself and I listened to this
1142
01:00:45.260 --> 01:00:49.139
podcast and Mike Rowe said, you know, you heard this advice,
1143
01:00:49.159 --> 01:00:51.969
like follow your passion, follow your passion. And he goes,
1144
01:00:51.989 --> 01:00:56.010
that's so wrong. So wrong. He goes, here's, here's the answer.
1145
01:00:57.710 --> 01:01:01.159
Don't follow your passion. Just always bring it with you.
1146
01:01:02.800 --> 01:01:04.400
I remember he said that and I was like, damn.
1147
01:01:05.920 --> 01:01:10.650
My part validating for me because, uh, I feel like
1148
01:01:10.730 --> 01:01:12.829
that's what I've done. But I also flirted with following
1149
01:01:12.909 --> 01:01:14.670
my passion and doing this. And I dropped out of
1150
01:01:14.710 --> 01:01:17.789
college and went to be an actor. I made the mistakes.
1151
01:01:18.250 --> 01:01:21.389
I left Worcester, Ohio three times before I actually went
1152
01:01:21.409 --> 01:01:24.519
and stayed. Missed a year of football. And I graduated.
1153
01:01:24.539 --> 01:01:26.039
And I moved back. And I tried to follow my
1154
01:01:26.079 --> 01:01:29.780
passion to coach sports. But the one thing I did,
1155
01:01:30.500 --> 01:01:31.920
even though I made a bunch of those mistakes, was
1156
01:01:31.940 --> 01:01:36.719
the one thing I did was I brought energy. And
1157
01:01:36.739 --> 01:01:39.929
I bring energy. that I need for me to be
1158
01:01:40.030 --> 01:01:41.570
who I want to be and how I want to
1159
01:01:41.610 --> 01:01:46.210
be regardless of my circumstances. And that has made by
1160
01:01:46.269 --> 01:01:49.929
far the biggest difference in my life is bring the
1161
01:01:50.130 --> 01:01:54.719
right energy to every single situation. That's number one.
1162
01:01:55.619 --> 01:01:58.059
Real quick. Can I, can I, can I interrupt? What's
1163
01:01:58.099 --> 01:02:00.760
the source though? Where do you get it? How do
1164
01:02:00.800 --> 01:02:04.449
you manufacture Korea? Like, how do you bring this? Cause
1165
01:02:04.809 --> 01:02:06.670
I feel like you got to get it from somewhere. Like,
1166
01:02:06.710 --> 01:02:07.789
where does it come from? Yeah.
1167
01:02:08.250 --> 01:02:09.010
My belief system.
1168
01:02:09.570 --> 01:02:09.829
Okay.
1169
01:02:09.989 --> 01:02:12.969
I've identified what I believe. So one of my beliefs
1170
01:02:13.210 --> 01:02:15.750
I wrote down is create my own energy. One of
1171
01:02:15.809 --> 01:02:20.449
my beliefs is contribute and add value. I learned that
1172
01:02:20.510 --> 01:02:22.150
one from my mom. She taught me to leave things
1173
01:02:22.170 --> 01:02:24.610
better than you found them. When you leave a conversation
1174
01:02:24.630 --> 01:02:27.630
with somebody, leave that person better, not worse. And I
1175
01:02:27.690 --> 01:02:30.550
credit my mom with that discernment credit that my dad
1176
01:02:30.570 --> 01:02:34.139
with that, like be discerning in the moment. So my
1177
01:02:34.280 --> 01:02:38.820
energy comes from my belief system, which I have, written down.
1178
01:02:39.119 --> 01:02:42.210
I've documented it. I've put it down. I've not followed
1179
01:02:42.250 --> 01:02:43.130
a template that anybody else taught.
1180
01:02:43.170 --> 01:02:44.949
It's almost like your purpose.
1181
01:02:45.050 --> 01:02:45.690
Yeah, no doubt.
1182
01:02:46.130 --> 01:02:48.730
This is my purpose in life is to do this.
1183
01:02:50.690 --> 01:02:54.070
I derive energy from living out my purpose.
1184
01:02:54.849 --> 01:02:56.210
Correct. At any scale.
1185
01:02:56.929 --> 01:02:57.369
Any scale.
1186
01:02:57.849 --> 01:03:03.010
I don't need significance. I don't need to be... I'm
1187
01:03:03.030 --> 01:03:05.070
as happy having a conversation with one person as I
1188
01:03:05.130 --> 01:03:08.170
am on stage in front of 10,000 Now 10,000 is
1189
01:03:08.190 --> 01:03:11.190
different energy and it's fun for me, but that's, you know,
1190
01:03:11.489 --> 01:03:15.210
like it's living out. I, I, that was why I
1191
01:03:15.210 --> 01:03:18.219
liked football. I was competitive in that way. Like I liked,
1192
01:03:18.449 --> 01:03:21.420
I just liked being able to put energy into something
1193
01:03:21.440 --> 01:03:24.710
that I decided was important. I brought that energy into it.
1194
01:03:25.340 --> 01:03:26.739
And so when I write down, it's like, you know,
1195
01:03:26.880 --> 01:03:28.980
I write down, these are the things that I believe
1196
01:03:29.019 --> 01:03:30.599
in and this is what they look like in action.
1197
01:03:30.659 --> 01:03:32.099
And here's what I think it creates for my life.
1198
01:03:32.159 --> 01:03:35.400
And I attach that to purpose of like not needing
1199
01:03:35.420 --> 01:03:39.010
to accomplish things, but but needing to be doing things.
1200
01:03:39.530 --> 01:03:41.690
And then the outcomes, again, they'll be whatever they are.
1201
01:03:41.710 --> 01:03:42.869
And I don't know what outcomes I'm going to create
1202
01:03:42.889 --> 01:03:47.260
in my life. Like, you know, that's that. So number one,
1203
01:03:47.300 --> 01:03:50.619
create your own energy, be an energy creator, bring that energy.
1204
01:03:50.719 --> 01:03:53.280
And by the way, energy can come from anywhere. Like
1205
01:03:53.840 --> 01:03:55.340
you can get energy from back to the chip on
1206
01:03:55.360 --> 01:03:57.639
the shoulder or, you know, a vision or a goal
1207
01:03:57.679 --> 01:04:01.039
or a system, like explore, like be creative with yourself
1208
01:04:01.079 --> 01:04:03.800
about where you can get energy from, but just never, ever,
1209
01:04:03.940 --> 01:04:05.960
ever be a victim of the energy around you. There's
1210
01:04:05.980 --> 01:04:07.719
too many of those people going on right now. It's
1211
01:04:07.739 --> 01:04:11.269
not immoral or unethical. It's just ineffective. And then the
1212
01:04:11.309 --> 01:04:15.070
second piece that I would just say for everybody is,
1213
01:04:15.590 --> 01:04:17.150
and this goes back to E plus R equals O
1214
01:04:17.170 --> 01:04:20.989
where we started, make sure that your response is always
1215
01:04:21.030 --> 01:04:25.469
better than your circumstances. It doesn't matter what the circumstance is.
1216
01:04:26.670 --> 01:04:31.929
Because if your response is better than your circumstances, you're
1217
01:04:31.949 --> 01:04:34.949
going to be a value creator. You are going to
1218
01:04:34.989 --> 01:04:37.510
find yourself in every circumstance that you can ever imagine.
1219
01:04:37.630 --> 01:04:40.989
I promise you. We were talking beforehand, right? Like, you know,
1220
01:04:41.250 --> 01:04:46.460
my parents got divorced. Make my response better than that situation. Great.
1221
01:04:47.380 --> 01:04:50.179
I had a lot of opportunity. Make my response better
1222
01:04:50.219 --> 01:04:52.699
than my opportunities. I have a lot of advantages. My
1223
01:04:52.739 --> 01:04:57.710
mom's husband, growing up with a big sales guy and
1224
01:04:57.889 --> 01:05:00.369
went to all the Magic Johnson Laker camps. And so
1225
01:05:00.409 --> 01:05:01.949
I got to go hang out with the Lakers in
1226
01:05:01.969 --> 01:05:06.139
the 80s. And we knew Magic and Rampus and all
1227
01:05:06.159 --> 01:05:10.000
these guys. Unbelievable opportunity. Some people call it privilege these days.
1228
01:05:10.119 --> 01:05:16.300
The point is this. A lot of people miss opportunity
1229
01:05:16.440 --> 01:05:18.619
because they get into a really good situation and the
1230
01:05:18.639 --> 01:05:23.500
response isn't as good. So when you get great situations...
1231
01:05:23.389 --> 01:05:27.230
make your response even better. But when you get awful situations,
1232
01:05:27.489 --> 01:05:29.690
when we talked about beforehand, my dad got diagnosed with
1233
01:05:29.750 --> 01:05:32.550
stage four prostate cancer, like state, you know, the first
1234
01:05:32.570 --> 01:05:35.670
time he got assessed and diagnosed was at stage four,
1235
01:05:35.730 --> 01:05:39.969
which is permanent and terminal in March of 2020. That
1236
01:05:39.989 --> 01:05:45.179
situation is not great. Here's our responsibility. Make our response
1237
01:05:45.800 --> 01:05:52.599
better than the situation. So whether you're in like, like tragedy,
1238
01:05:53.039 --> 01:05:55.679
of that level, right? Or like death and all the
1239
01:05:55.699 --> 01:05:56.960
stuff that we have to deal with, or you're in
1240
01:05:56.980 --> 01:05:59.900
this like unbelievable opportunity where like you were blessed with
1241
01:05:59.940 --> 01:06:02.559
great talent or super great intelligence, or, you know, you,
1242
01:06:02.719 --> 01:06:06.320
you find yourself in, in a room where you're like,
1243
01:06:06.340 --> 01:06:08.440
oh my gosh, like, look at where I am. This
1244
01:06:08.460 --> 01:06:12.079
is amazing. The key is this always make your response
1245
01:06:12.139 --> 01:06:16.119
better than your situation. And that applies to like delayed flights, cancer,
1246
01:06:16.800 --> 01:06:20.199
great opportunities, you know, You've got a date with somebody
1247
01:06:20.219 --> 01:06:21.530
that you've wanted to be on for a long time.
1248
01:06:21.699 --> 01:06:24.829
Whatever it is, just make sure that you're responding better
1249
01:06:24.869 --> 01:06:27.650
than your circumstances. That will take you pretty much anywhere
1250
01:06:27.670 --> 01:06:28.170
that you want to go.
1251
01:06:28.909 --> 01:06:31.510
That's the cool thing about the simplicity of E plus
1252
01:06:31.630 --> 01:06:35.030
R equals O is there's so much focus. The event
1253
01:06:35.710 --> 01:06:38.179
is the event, whatever it may be. Like you said,
1254
01:06:38.199 --> 01:06:38.500
flight delay.
1255
01:06:38.519 --> 01:06:39.619
If you can control it, change it.
1256
01:06:39.840 --> 01:06:44.239
Flight delay are way worse. But we have complete control.
1257
01:06:46.449 --> 01:06:48.329
And as humans, like we're the only ones on the
1258
01:06:48.409 --> 01:06:51.630
planet that actually have this buffer between the stimulus and
1259
01:06:51.690 --> 01:06:54.860
our response. And some people are better at that than others.
1260
01:06:54.880 --> 01:06:57.260
And that's really a big part of what you teach.
1261
01:06:57.900 --> 01:07:01.519
The people who understand that buffer between the stimulus and
1262
01:07:01.719 --> 01:07:07.079
our choice for how we choose to respond typically over
1263
01:07:07.179 --> 01:07:11.760
time will have much better outcomes. I like your addition
1264
01:07:11.800 --> 01:07:15.159
to that in the fact that no matter what the
1265
01:07:15.219 --> 01:07:20.199
situation is, make your response better. Awesome situation, make your
1266
01:07:20.219 --> 01:07:24.300
response even better. Terrible situation, make it much better. That
1267
01:07:24.340 --> 01:07:27.400
will then determine the, like playing the long game, the over,
1268
01:07:27.420 --> 01:07:29.719
like even the outcomes when you have a good response
1269
01:07:29.840 --> 01:07:33.429
won't always go your way. I think over the long haul,
1270
01:07:34.809 --> 01:07:37.809
the percentage of them that go the way that you
1271
01:07:37.829 --> 01:07:41.010
would like will probably be much higher if you really
1272
01:07:41.110 --> 01:07:43.110
focus on that R part of the equation.
1273
01:07:44.320 --> 01:07:48.739
A hundred percent. And to capstone that, because you've got
1274
01:07:48.760 --> 01:07:51.340
a lot of people listening to this who have talent
1275
01:07:51.579 --> 01:07:55.409
and have really good situations. Just understand this. The longest
1276
01:07:55.449 --> 01:08:00.389
line in history are talented, unsuccessful people. That's the biggest
1277
01:08:00.429 --> 01:08:04.329
line in human history. Talented people who came from opportunity,
1278
01:08:05.409 --> 01:08:10.780
who never utilized it because their response was lower than
1279
01:08:10.820 --> 01:08:14.039
their talent and their situation. And so you want to
1280
01:08:14.079 --> 01:08:17.399
honor your life, make your response better than your circumstances.
1281
01:08:18.020 --> 01:08:20.020
And that means that the person who comes from poverty
1282
01:08:20.420 --> 01:08:23.439
is just as responsible for responding well as the person
1283
01:08:23.460 --> 01:08:26.199
who comes from privilege because each is its own challenge.
1284
01:08:26.600 --> 01:08:29.659
Especially if you have young people, do not criticize them
1285
01:08:30.260 --> 01:08:32.699
for coming from privilege. Do not make them feel bad
1286
01:08:32.770 --> 01:08:35.489
for coming from privilege because the highest suicide rates going
1287
01:08:35.550 --> 01:08:37.390
on right now in young people are young people that
1288
01:08:37.409 --> 01:08:40.970
come from privilege. Why? Because they have sky high expectations
1289
01:08:41.090 --> 01:08:43.640
and they get no empathy. It's a big deal for
1290
01:08:43.659 --> 01:08:45.420
me because you have a lot of people who are
1291
01:08:45.500 --> 01:08:48.359
coming from really great situations being made to feel bad
1292
01:08:48.859 --> 01:08:51.630
or as if success is somehow guaranteed or required for them.
1293
01:08:52.770 --> 01:08:57.729
And they don't get space to say you're a real
1294
01:08:57.770 --> 01:09:00.729
person and you came from privilege. You didn't create it.
1295
01:09:01.659 --> 01:09:04.359
Like you need to build a better response to this.
1296
01:09:05.180 --> 01:09:07.479
And same thing for kids who come from less. So
1297
01:09:07.880 --> 01:09:09.100
you want to honor your life. You want to honor
1298
01:09:09.119 --> 01:09:14.460
your situation, maximize your response to your situation because opportunity
1299
01:09:14.539 --> 01:09:17.560
and success can easily be your downfall. It can very
1300
01:09:17.600 --> 01:09:20.029
easily be the thing that undermines you. So capitalize on
1301
01:09:20.050 --> 01:09:21.869
that thing, man. Go double down on your response.
1302
01:09:24.020 --> 01:09:27.239
Love it. Definitely be more around to this. I encourage
1303
01:09:27.279 --> 01:09:31.079
everyone to go to dailydiscipline.com. I've been following for years.
1304
01:09:31.140 --> 01:09:33.579
This conversation has been the work for, God, I don't
1305
01:09:33.600 --> 01:09:35.520
know how many years, but I'm just glad that we
1306
01:09:35.539 --> 01:09:37.560
got the first one down and we'll keep this going.
1307
01:09:37.600 --> 01:09:42.989
But just seeing the consistency of how effective your messaging
1308
01:09:43.109 --> 01:09:47.210
is for very bright, talented people, it's helping them. And
1309
01:09:47.229 --> 01:09:50.039
I think you mark it to a group of people
1310
01:09:50.300 --> 01:09:54.199
that are doing very well. And I think that's a
1311
01:09:54.279 --> 01:09:56.949
much smaller group, and it's really hard to do what
1312
01:09:56.970 --> 01:09:59.090
you do, man. So I give you huge props. I'm
1313
01:09:59.170 --> 01:10:01.850
a big fan. I'll continue to be, and I'd love
1314
01:10:01.890 --> 01:10:04.569
to continue our dialogue as we both progress, man.
1315
01:10:05.430 --> 01:10:08.460
Yeah, same here, man. You do such an incredible job.
1316
01:10:08.800 --> 01:10:09.710
And anybody who.
1317
01:10:11.539 --> 01:10:15.119
Produces at this clip and, and, uh, and this consistent
1318
01:10:15.399 --> 01:10:18.699
understands the challenge of, uh, of being in the arena
1319
01:10:18.779 --> 01:10:21.170
and showing up, uh, because there's people counting on it.
1320
01:10:21.239 --> 01:10:23.590
You know, I mean, I, I, I really seriously, as
1321
01:10:23.649 --> 01:10:25.890
I know you do, and, uh, the quality of your
1322
01:10:25.909 --> 01:10:29.489
craft is, is apparent and obvious and the world's a
1323
01:10:29.489 --> 01:10:30.909
better place because you're doing what you're doing, man. I
1324
01:10:31.050 --> 01:10:32.050
just appreciate you having me on.
1325
01:10:32.489 --> 01:10:38.449
Thanks, dude. I really appreciate it. More to come. That
1326
01:10:38.520 --> 01:10:41.640
conversation could have gone on for hours, and I'm certain
1327
01:10:41.659 --> 01:10:44.920
we'll do around two, three, four, five. Who knows? If
1328
01:10:44.960 --> 01:10:46.539
you enjoyed it as much as I did, as you
1329
01:10:46.560 --> 01:10:49.239
could probably tell, send me an email, ryan at learningleader.com.
1330
01:10:49.279 --> 01:10:52.579
Tell me what were the most useful takeaways for you.
1331
01:10:52.739 --> 01:10:57.180
I'll share mine. Goal setting. He said, I'm not into
1332
01:10:57.199 --> 01:11:00.430
goal setting. I'm into system setting. He said, my commitment
1333
01:11:00.479 --> 01:11:04.149
is to execute the system. I would ask you for
1334
01:11:04.229 --> 01:11:08.159
whatever goals you have set, What system do you have
1335
01:11:08.199 --> 01:11:12.569
in place to ensure you're doing the work each day
1336
01:11:13.250 --> 01:11:15.909
that then will make the results take care of themselves,
1337
01:11:15.930 --> 01:11:18.489
which mean you'll hit that goal? That's really what it's
1338
01:11:18.529 --> 01:11:20.930
about when it comes to goals is what is your system?
1339
01:11:21.090 --> 01:11:23.010
When I asked him about the mistakes leaders make when
1340
01:11:23.050 --> 01:11:25.229
trying to change a culture, he said they separate culture
1341
01:11:25.250 --> 01:11:28.689
from execution. In reality, culture is the strongest indicator of
1342
01:11:29.060 --> 01:11:35.159
of execution. And remember the culture playbook, BBO, belief, behavior, outcome, right?
1343
01:11:35.199 --> 01:11:38.630
You set your belief, your value. The behavior are your
1344
01:11:38.689 --> 01:11:41.960
beliefs in action. It's not real unless you actually do it.
1345
01:11:41.970 --> 01:11:44.149
It's not about the words on the wall. It's the
1346
01:11:44.369 --> 01:11:46.989
action that takes place between those walls with your team.
1347
01:11:47.489 --> 01:11:50.369
And he said, the testing of my beliefs is the
1348
01:11:50.409 --> 01:11:53.020
discipline of my actions. Really, it's just about what we do.
1349
01:11:53.850 --> 01:11:56.260
How do you live out Those beliefs, how do you
1350
01:11:56.300 --> 01:11:58.239
live out those values? And then life career advice at
1351
01:11:58.279 --> 01:12:01.060
the end, don't follow your passion. Just always bring it
1352
01:12:01.100 --> 01:12:05.319
with you, the micro advice. Figure out where your energy
1353
01:12:05.420 --> 01:12:08.359
comes from and create it for everything you do. As
1354
01:12:08.390 --> 01:12:10.789
his mom told him, leave people better than you found them.
1355
01:12:10.810 --> 01:12:12.949
You've got to find a way to generate your own energy.
1356
01:12:13.029 --> 01:12:15.430
Where does it come from? How do you bring that
1357
01:12:15.510 --> 01:12:18.949
to each person you interact with? I love that part.
1358
01:12:19.520 --> 01:12:20.859
Once again, I just want to say thank you so
1359
01:12:20.899 --> 01:12:23.420
much for continuing to spread the word, telling a friend
1360
01:12:23.460 --> 01:12:25.539
or two, hey, you should listen to this episode of
1361
01:12:25.579 --> 01:12:28.340
The Learning Leader Show with Brian Kite. I think it
1362
01:12:28.359 --> 01:12:30.619
will help you become a more effective leader. And because
1363
01:12:30.659 --> 01:12:33.180
you continue to do that and you continue to go
1364
01:12:33.220 --> 01:12:37.550
to ryanhawk.net, which then launches you into Apple Podcasts, and
1365
01:12:37.689 --> 01:12:40.510
once you get there, you write a thoughtful review and
1366
01:12:40.529 --> 01:12:43.590
you rate the show hopefully five stars. By doing that,
1367
01:12:43.939 --> 01:12:46.869
you continue to spread the message and continue to give
1368
01:12:46.989 --> 01:12:49.239
me the opportunity to do what I love on a
1369
01:12:49.279 --> 01:12:53.039
daily basis. And for that, I will always be grateful.
1370
01:12:53.079 --> 01:12:55.170
Thank you so, so much. Talk to you soon. Can't wait.
1
00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:02.819
Hey, it's Ryan. I have a quick ask of you
2
00:00:03.600 --> 00:00:11.390
prior to this episode. If you have received value from
3
00:00:11.550 --> 00:00:15.150
this podcast, The Learning Leader Show, over the past seven
4
00:00:15.230 --> 00:00:18.809
and a half years, I would be very grateful if
5
00:00:18.890 --> 00:00:22.750
you would write a review and rate the show in
6
00:00:22.890 --> 00:00:26.609
Apple Podcasts. And I set up an easy link to
7
00:00:26.670 --> 00:00:33.649
do it. It's RyanHawk.com. It's my name, ryanhawk.net. It will
8
00:00:33.670 --> 00:00:36.630
shoot you straight to Apple Podcasts where I'd love it
9
00:00:36.659 --> 00:00:40.600
if you would spend, invest a minute or two and
10
00:00:40.640 --> 00:00:44.380
write a thoughtful review and rate the show, hopefully five stars.
11
00:00:45.079 --> 00:00:48.100
This really helps spread the message to people who have
12
00:00:48.240 --> 00:00:51.539
not yet heard it. And as you know, it is
13
00:00:51.579 --> 00:00:55.259
a goal of mine to impact as many people as possible.
14
00:00:55.359 --> 00:01:00.659
So ryanhawk.net. Write a thoughtful review and rate the show,
15
00:01:00.780 --> 00:01:06.780
hopefully five stars. All right, here we go. Welcome to
16
00:01:07.079 --> 00:01:11.510
the Learning Leader Show presented by Insight Global. I am
17
00:01:11.569 --> 00:01:14.969
your host, Ryan Hawk. Thank you so much for being here.
18
00:01:14.989 --> 00:01:20.859
Text HAWK to 66866 to become part of Mindful Monday. You,
19
00:01:21.299 --> 00:01:23.659
along with tens of thousands of other learning leaders from
20
00:01:23.799 --> 00:01:26.900
all over the world, will receive a carefully curated email
21
00:01:26.939 --> 00:01:29.840
from me each Monday morning. To help you start your
22
00:01:29.900 --> 00:01:32.840
week off right, you'll also receive details about how my book,
23
00:01:33.260 --> 00:01:37.140
The Pursuit of Excellence, will help you become a more
24
00:01:37.219 --> 00:01:42.650
effective leader. Text HAWK to 66866. Now, on to tonight's
25
00:01:42.709 --> 00:01:45.370
featured leader. This one's so good. Brian Kite is the
26
00:01:45.430 --> 00:01:48.030
founder of Daily Discipline. He writes essays on how to
27
00:01:48.090 --> 00:01:52.790
pursue your most meaningful objectives with intention, purpose, and skill.
28
00:01:53.189 --> 00:01:55.870
His work is read by millions of people all over
29
00:01:55.909 --> 00:01:59.180
the world, and BK personally writes works with leaders in
30
00:01:59.239 --> 00:02:02.599
business and in sports on how to align teams and
31
00:02:02.620 --> 00:02:07.260
accelerate results. During this conversation, we discuss the dichotomy between
32
00:02:07.319 --> 00:02:11.289
goals and systems and how you can set up the
33
00:02:11.330 --> 00:02:15.770
proper system to achieve your goals. Then he shared the
34
00:02:15.930 --> 00:02:19.800
five things that confidence comes from, how to earn it,
35
00:02:19.849 --> 00:02:22.069
how to keep it, how to grow it. Then the
36
00:02:22.110 --> 00:02:29.050
mistakes leaders make when trying to change a culture. This
37
00:02:29.169 --> 00:02:34.419
part made me really question how I've approached past cultures
38
00:02:34.479 --> 00:02:37.520
as well as future ones. I am certain it will
39
00:02:37.539 --> 00:02:40.479
be helpful for you. Ladies and gentlemen, I love this conversation.
40
00:02:40.539 --> 00:02:47.840
It's Brian Kite. BK, great to have you here on
41
00:02:47.860 --> 00:02:49.400
the Learning Leader Show. Welcome, man.
42
00:02:50.699 --> 00:02:51.490
Brian, good to see you.
43
00:02:52.819 --> 00:02:55.460
So let's start actually back when you're a young kid.
44
00:02:56.159 --> 00:02:59.419
You wrote an essay about being a child of divorce
45
00:03:00.460 --> 00:03:03.199
and how you had to really learn about this concept
46
00:03:03.280 --> 00:03:06.360
of E plus R equals O, this mindset of E
47
00:03:06.400 --> 00:03:08.460
plus R equals O as you would drive back and
48
00:03:08.560 --> 00:03:12.689
forth from San Diego to Los Angeles between your parents' homes. Yeah.
49
00:03:13.099 --> 00:03:15.909
Can you take us back to that moment and how
50
00:03:15.969 --> 00:03:18.550
you formulated something like that at such a young age?
51
00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:24.569
It's interesting. Actually, ironically, I was literally just talking about
52
00:03:24.610 --> 00:03:28.430
this with somebody on our team going through his own
53
00:03:29.009 --> 00:03:35.409
experience with his kids around it. I think the first
54
00:03:35.439 --> 00:03:41.259
thing that's important for me that there's probably people out
55
00:03:41.300 --> 00:03:43.879
there who are dealing with some version of this is
56
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that while I had two parents who didn't want to
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be married to each other, Um, and you know, people
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always ask, you know, they ask the difference and the
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easiest way I can describe it is that my dad
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was a pastor and my mom was not a pastor.
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That's the easiest way for me to help people kind
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of grasp it. And, but what, but what I benefited
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from and what really mattered was, was that they both
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not only loved me, but like gave me and showed
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me love and structure in very different ways. Right. One pastoral,
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one worldly. But they both gave me love. And so
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I benefited from that. For all the pain of divorce,
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I had this incredible amount of like really great formative
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love and structure and teaching and education. It just, they
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came from different worldviews and perspectives, which is why they
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didn't stay together. But I benefited from that. But then
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what I had this experience was, was my mom is
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a flight attendant, still is, best flight attendant in the world.
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And I would fly between San Diego and LA because
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I could fly for free. But I would fly by myself.
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And so I would fly, get on an airplane in
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Carlsbad and I would fly up to LAX by myself.
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And so I had to sit at literally eight years old,
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nine years old on an airplane by myself, wearing that
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little plastic lanyard for an unaccompanied minor. And I had
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all this time, Ryan, to just be alone. And this
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is what I was talking about this morning. And I
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learned in that window how to be okay with being
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by myself and make my brain and my thoughts work
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for me, not against me. Because maybe the most dangerous
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thing for human beings of any age is to isolate
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them and let their minds and imaginations go to work
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and watch what happens. We are our own worst enemies
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in that way. So I had this time where like,
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I would flip between these really different environments. My dad's
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house and environment was really different than my mom's house
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and environment, not just geographically or environmentally, but like the
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rules and the standards and the expectations.
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Right.
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And in one house, you know, no R rated movies
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and the other house and they are rated movies. And,
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you know, in one house, you know, it was very,
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very strict. And the other house, it was wide open,
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like make your own decisions. And both had a lot
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of benefit and value, but like, The, you know, E
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plus R equals O, event plus response equals outcome. My event,
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the context of my world changed so drastically on that
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flight that that flight kind of became my, all right,
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shifting my response to meet the environment that I was
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going into. And that was really where I started to
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like explore that. I didn't call it, obviously I didn't
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call it that at the time, but I like intuitively
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started to like wrap my head around that and certainly
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helped by the fact that my parents educated me and
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like worked hard to like teach me about why they
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live the way that they live and how they saw
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the world. And, and then I use that time in
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between to like, you know, this is time for me
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to harness myself. And that isolation for me, it was
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a really, really good thing. And I mean, it fundamentally was,
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I would, I would put it as one of like,
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probably that isolation was one of the, That those flights,
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one of the top three formative on texts of my
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life for sure.
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Really? So at the time, at the time where you
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upset that you had to do it, but looking back,
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you're grateful that you've gone through that you had to
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go through it.
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Oh, I mean, I was a normal kid, right? I
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would cry all the time, like leaving one parent to
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go to another. I mean, think about that.
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And get on a plane like all the time by yourself.
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I think as an eight, nine year old, that's wild
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to think about. Crazy.
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But you know, also a little bit of, I would
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say I'm, I'm wired a little bit, like I'm wired
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naturally confident. I'm just wired that way. That's just kind
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of how I am.
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You're wired comp to be a confident person.
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Yeah. I'm, I'm wired confident. I come, I'm wired comp
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like to this, I mean at 40, like you go
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back to eight year old me, 40 year old me
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is not a surprise. Um, which, which, you know, which is,
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you know, there's a lot of good that comes with that,
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but there's also a lot of challenges that come with that.
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One being I'm wired confident even when I'm not competent enough.
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I can certainly confident myself into a scenario that I'm
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not good enough for or wing it or whatever. I
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did that as a kid and I can do that now.
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The other side is it's obviously very easy to misinterpret.
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Not everybody likes that inherent confidence. They like proven confidence.
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You could rub some the wrong way.
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And it does. And, and, and what I've acknowledged and
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accepted is that like, that's just, I'm just wired that way.
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I can't undo that for myself. And frankly, what I
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want to do, I don't want to undo my confidence
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because somebody doesn't like it. But, but what happened was
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like nature, nurture, nature, wired, confident. The context of my
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life could have undermined that in me. Right. It could
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have crashed that part of me, but instead it, again,
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I think partly because of how my parents did it.
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And then partly just sort of like the way it
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happened because it was so normal for me because my
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parents divorced when I was one and I would fly
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back and forth. You know, it, I don't know, it's
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like DNA, right? Like, like why does it unlock some
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things and others? Like we still don't quite know why
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certain things get unlocked and others and, you know, different stuff.
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We don't know that. So I, there's no formula for
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why that got unlocked in me. But what I know
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now is that as painful as that was and the
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tears and the, I don't want to go to dad's
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house or I don't want to go to mom's house
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or I'm going to stay here, whatever it was that
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time by myself, I used that and I learned things
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and I learned about myself and I learned how to
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like be okay with my emotions and be okay with
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being afraid or angry or, whatever it was. And I
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learned independence. I learned like, hey, there is nobody who's
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going to come and do this for you, PK. Like
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this is it. Like you either figure this out or
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you're alone. And if I fast forward a little bit,
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what was actually really cool was like, that's eight year
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old me.
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Right.
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But now fast forward to like 12, 13, 14, 15
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year old me. I'm flying like large or frankly, even
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18 year old me. Like, you know, I'm broke as
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a joke and I'm still a high school kid, whatever,
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but I'm flying all over across the country. And I'm like,
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you know, I'm flying by myself at 14 years old
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across the country, you know, taking the trains at DFW
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or O'Hare walking, you know, half a mile across and
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like having to find my way through an airport at
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14 years old. We're like parents today with kids with
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cell phones will be terrified to let their kids do that.
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I would imagine too, becoming so independent at a young age,
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like supercharges that confidence. I get a question a lot,
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especially with newly promoted leaders. And that question is of
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imposter syndrome. They got promoted and they have enough awareness
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to realize that there are parts of the role that
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they don't know or they're scared or they're unsure if
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they even deserved it, even though they killed it in
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the whole process leading up to the promotion. When you
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hear about people with imposter syndrome, as someone who's more
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naturally confident, so you probably have that less, although I
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don't want to make any assumptions, how do you suggest
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people handle that and deal with it?
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Well, one, I have it just as much as everybody does.
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Okay.
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I mean, let's just acknowledge it. Imposter syndrome is universal.
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Yeah.
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By the way, I think the first sign that somebody
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for sure has imposter syndrome is somebody saying they don't
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have it or have never felt it. Because they're, again,
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they're trying to what? They're trying to make sure that
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they still see that mask. At the end of the day,
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all of us, all of us are in rooms where
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we're going, hold on a second.
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Right.
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For real? You know, and I mean, look, I joined
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a private equity firm just a little over a year
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ago at 40 years old, like peak of my game,
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like I'm better than I've ever been before and not
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what I want to be, but peak of my game.
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And then put me in a private equity firm and
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I'm immediately up to my eyeballs and stuff that I
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don't know, language I can't speak. So like it's context
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dependent as well, right? Like I wouldn't feel like an
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imposter on a football field.
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Mm-hmm.
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But put me in a private equity firm, no doubt.
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Is there a part of you that actually yearned for
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that challenge of not being comfortable?
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100%. I mean, the biggest reason I made the shift
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was to put myself into an environment where my capability was, frankly,
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the low person on the totem pole in terms of
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the technical side of the space, no doubt.
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No doubt.
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But here's what I think about with imposter syndrome. And
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I think this actually pulls up a really interesting piece
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that I've not heard people talk about this. And maybe
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you have. I mean, obviously, I've not listened to every
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single one of your shows, but you have had such
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an incredible array of guests and insights and stuff that
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you've compiled. So here's an interesting question. First, let's call
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this imposter syndrome is a lack of confidence. There's a
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lot of dynamics to it, but the foundation is it's
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this lack of confidence and this presence of doubt. Is
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that a fair simplified version of this?
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Yeah, for sure.
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Let's just take those two things, confidence and doubt. And
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let's treat them as opposite ends of the spectrum. On
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one side, you have confidence and it can be pegged
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at 100%. And there's a whole spectrum. And the other
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side is doubt. And you could be at 100% and
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you can be anywhere in between. Here's a question. And
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I've been asking people recently, where does confidence come from?
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What is it? And where does confidence come from? How
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would you, if I asked you that question, right? You, you, you,
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You do a lot of stuff. You talk to a
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lot of people. You're out there creating incredible value, great insight.
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Because we talk about this with our kids and students
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and people and leaders. It's like, be confident and go
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create and build confidence.
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Okay, awesome.
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Where does it come from? What is the reliable path
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to confidence for somebody? How would you answer that?
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For me, personally, it comes through repetition and proving to
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myself Following through on what I say I'm going to do, repetition,
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living to my values, consistently doing that day after day,
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stacking days, makes me more confident. I mentioned the word repetitions.
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The reason I'm a much more confident interviewer and actually
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overall conversationalist with literally any human on the planet is
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because I've done this more than 550 times with people
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who are far beyond wiser than me in rooms I
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definitely do not belong in and can hang and can
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do it. Now, a lot of it through deep preparation,
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but that's also part of what builds confidence. Like think
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about when you play sports, when you play football or
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any sport, I'm a much more confident quarterback when I
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know I have over-prepared for the moment. And I think
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the same holds true in kind of all elements of
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what I do. And that's why I've drawn so much
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from sports and kind of taken that work ethic and
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lessons learned from amazing coaches on preparation and resilience and
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fighting and bouncing back when it doesn't go your way
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and improving to yourself that you can do that. And
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when you stack enough of those moments, those days to
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That has built a good sense of confidence in myself
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and what I do. So I appreciate the question off
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the cuff because that's like a whole almost book's worth
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of stuff we could talk about. But I'd love to
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hear from your side where it comes from.
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So I like that. I like that answer. And so
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here's one of the things I really like to do
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is let's pressure test stuff. Even with my own things,
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what I encourage from a listening perspective is you know,
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and I know we're going to talk about this later,
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but I think one of the reasons why, one of
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the downsides of the volume of content that exists in
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the world is that we consume stuff and then we
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00:16:17.629 --> 00:16:19.830
just consume new stuff before we pressure test what we
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just consumed.
300
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Is that real?
301
00:16:21.230 --> 00:16:23.649
Is that true? Does that actually work that way? Does
302
00:16:23.669 --> 00:16:26.029
that reflect, like, can I invalidate that?
303
00:16:26.470 --> 00:16:28.529
With instead of depth. Definitely we're going to get to
304
00:16:28.549 --> 00:16:30.190
that next, but go ahead.
305
00:16:30.210 --> 00:16:31.850
So let's check, let's pressure test this, right?
306
00:16:32.230 --> 00:16:32.389
Yeah.
307
00:16:32.570 --> 00:16:34.669
I would agree that like the more prep you do
308
00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:36.320
and the more reps you get and the more stuff,
309
00:16:36.879 --> 00:16:40.139
should create confidence. Let me ask this question. Have you
310
00:16:40.220 --> 00:16:42.779
met people and interacted with people who had lots of experience,
311
00:16:42.799 --> 00:16:44.960
had done lots of reps and still struggled with pretty
312
00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:45.740
serious self-doubt?
313
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Sure, sure.
314
00:16:48.620 --> 00:16:54.639
Yeah, so reps and performance don't guarantee confidence, but they
315
00:16:54.710 --> 00:16:57.590
could create it. Have you met people who have never
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00:16:57.649 --> 00:16:59.870
done anything in an environment, whether it be starting a
317
00:16:59.889 --> 00:17:02.470
podcast or starting sports or whatever, and they were full
318
00:17:02.490 --> 00:17:04.809
of confidence even though they had no reps and they
319
00:17:04.849 --> 00:17:07.099
hadn't prepared a ton? They just have a lot of confidence.
320
00:17:07.579 --> 00:17:09.200
Oh, yes. I'm thinking of people right now.
321
00:17:09.259 --> 00:17:10.680
Yes. You can see them, right?
322
00:17:10.720 --> 00:17:11.880
Yes.
323
00:17:12.339 --> 00:17:17.099
So we know that reps and performance do not guarantee confidence.
324
00:17:17.559 --> 00:17:17.660
Right.
325
00:17:17.680 --> 00:17:20.779
And we also know that people who have no reps
326
00:17:20.819 --> 00:17:24.680
and performance can have confidence. My six-year-old son is going
327
00:17:24.700 --> 00:17:27.960
to be going into football this April. He's never played
328
00:17:27.980 --> 00:17:28.809
football in his life.
329
00:17:29.670 --> 00:17:29.809
Right?
330
00:17:29.849 --> 00:17:32.410
Like if you were talking to my son– Would you
331
00:17:32.450 --> 00:17:34.769
tell him to be confident or say, don't have any
332
00:17:34.809 --> 00:17:37.119
confidence because you have no reps and you've not really
333
00:17:37.160 --> 00:17:40.000
prepared for this. Go in and don't be confident because
334
00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:42.460
you have no right to be confident. Of course, we
335
00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:44.700
would never say that to him, right? We want him
336
00:17:44.740 --> 00:17:48.059
to go into that environment full of confidence, but there's
337
00:17:48.079 --> 00:17:52.890
a problem. He doesn't have any reps. So how about this?
338
00:17:53.470 --> 00:17:57.890
Have you ever personally wrestled with self-doubt yourself?
339
00:17:58.450 --> 00:17:58.809
All the time.
340
00:17:58.829 --> 00:18:01.450
Of course. So have I, right? Have you ever wrestled
341
00:18:01.470 --> 00:18:03.869
with self-doubt on brand new things that you'd never done
342
00:18:03.910 --> 00:18:05.250
before and it was very unknown to you?
343
00:18:05.880 --> 00:18:06.319
Sure.
344
00:18:06.779 --> 00:18:08.650
Have you ever wrestled with self-doubt in places where you
345
00:18:08.670 --> 00:18:10.410
had tons of reps and experience, but you were still
346
00:18:10.450 --> 00:18:14.500
kind of working through self-doubt? So have I. So here's
347
00:18:14.539 --> 00:18:19.259
what's fascinating. This is what's fascinating to me. Both confidence
348
00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:24.630
and doubt, they're not realities. They're just beliefs. I don't
349
00:18:24.690 --> 00:18:30.809
think people fully grasp what confidence is. Confidence is not proof.
350
00:18:32.930 --> 00:18:37.809
Confidence is simply something that you believe about what hasn't
351
00:18:38.130 --> 00:18:44.539
happened yet. Your confidence about your past interviews, that's not
352
00:18:44.579 --> 00:18:48.079
really a thing. Are you confident in the interview that
353
00:18:48.099 --> 00:18:51.859
you interview 100 that you did? Like what? No, that's
354
00:18:51.880 --> 00:18:54.940
the past. Your confidence is all about your belief about what?
355
00:18:55.740 --> 00:18:59.299
That hasn't happened yet. Your doubt, my doubt, same thing
356
00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:02.140
is about what? Something that hasn't happened yet. So both
357
00:19:02.200 --> 00:19:05.509
confidence and doubt are projections into the future about things
358
00:19:05.529 --> 00:19:08.950
that haven't happened yet. And it's what we believe about that.
359
00:19:09.470 --> 00:19:11.970
So when my son goes and plays football, he is
360
00:19:12.009 --> 00:19:15.890
going to project what happens to me. What's this going
361
00:19:15.910 --> 00:19:19.349
to be like for me? And if he projects success,
362
00:19:20.220 --> 00:19:24.440
and good performance and fun, he's going to feel very confident.
363
00:19:25.099 --> 00:19:29.339
But if he projects failure and criticism and pain, he's
364
00:19:29.359 --> 00:19:34.059
going to feel very doubtful. So quickly on that, if
365
00:19:34.440 --> 00:19:36.980
we recognize that both, I think the mistake people make
366
00:19:37.019 --> 00:19:41.130
is they try to root confidence in reality. This is
367
00:19:41.170 --> 00:19:44.049
where imposter syndrome comes up. They look at the reality
368
00:19:44.069 --> 00:19:45.690
of their life. I've never done this. I haven't done that.
369
00:19:45.710 --> 00:19:49.690
I haven't, whatever it is. And the reality causes them
370
00:19:49.730 --> 00:19:53.529
to believe unworthiness or incapability, or they're better than me.
371
00:19:54.130 --> 00:19:57.089
Whereas if we stop looking at reality and we start
372
00:19:57.170 --> 00:20:00.109
saying like, what do I believe? Even if it's not,
373
00:20:00.230 --> 00:20:03.119
I can't see it. What do I believe? And then
374
00:20:03.150 --> 00:20:04.930
all of a sudden, I believe I'm capable. I believe
375
00:20:04.990 --> 00:20:07.240
I can do this. I believe. So here's the five
376
00:20:07.279 --> 00:20:10.400
things where competence comes from. And I think this is
377
00:20:10.460 --> 00:20:15.220
tremendously powerful and it works in a checklist and it's
378
00:20:15.240 --> 00:20:18.609
like so intuitive and obvious to people. And you can
379
00:20:18.630 --> 00:20:23.150
just pressure test this. We feel confident or we feel
380
00:20:23.190 --> 00:20:26.930
doubt based on the presence of five beliefs. Number one,
381
00:20:27.089 --> 00:20:32.579
I know what to do. Number two, I know how
382
00:20:32.690 --> 00:20:37.569
to do it. So right away, if I know what
383
00:20:37.630 --> 00:20:39.369
to do and I know how to do it, I'm
384
00:20:39.410 --> 00:20:41.609
on my way to confidence. But if I don't know
385
00:20:41.630 --> 00:20:44.509
what to do or I'm unsure or I don't know
386
00:20:44.549 --> 00:20:48.539
how to do it or I'm unsure, immediately doubt injects, right?
387
00:20:48.700 --> 00:20:50.519
Somebody wants to start a podcast, like they see you,
388
00:20:50.539 --> 00:20:52.700
they're inspired by the Learning Leader Show and they're like,
389
00:20:52.720 --> 00:20:54.559
I want to do a podcast. But then they're like, what?
390
00:20:55.559 --> 00:20:57.220
I don't know how to interview or I don't know
391
00:20:57.240 --> 00:20:59.200
what microphone to get or I don't. And you immediately
392
00:20:59.240 --> 00:21:01.359
like the doubt starts to chisel, right? But if you
393
00:21:01.380 --> 00:21:02.890
know what to do and all how to do it,
394
00:21:03.579 --> 00:21:06.069
you're well on your way. But that's not enough. What
395
00:21:06.089 --> 00:21:08.980
to do, how to do. Number three, do I feel
396
00:21:09.380 --> 00:21:14.119
capable of doing it? Have you ever run a marathon?
397
00:21:15.000 --> 00:21:16.359
No.
398
00:21:16.819 --> 00:21:18.200
Are you interested in running a marathon?
399
00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:20.720
Maybe.
400
00:21:21.569 --> 00:21:23.730
I'm not. If you are, do you know how to run?
401
00:21:24.410 --> 00:21:24.569
Yeah.
402
00:21:25.289 --> 00:21:27.029
Yeah. Do you know what it takes to do a
403
00:21:27.049 --> 00:21:28.470
marathon from a physical perspective?
404
00:21:29.210 --> 00:21:29.410
Yeah.
405
00:21:29.950 --> 00:21:31.309
If I asked you to do a marathon, do you
406
00:21:31.430 --> 00:21:33.029
feel capable of running a marathon tomorrow?
407
00:21:33.869 --> 00:21:35.450
Probably not.
408
00:21:35.650 --> 00:21:42.119
There you go. So your presence of doubt doesn't have
409
00:21:42.150 --> 00:21:44.960
anything to do with the actual task of running. It
410
00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:47.640
has everything to do with whether we feel capable of
411
00:21:47.700 --> 00:21:52.619
doing that. When I imagine myself running 26.2 miles, there's
412
00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:54.440
a mileage at which point I'm like, yeah, I don't
413
00:21:54.480 --> 00:21:56.890
know if I'm actually physically capable. It has nothing to
414
00:21:56.920 --> 00:22:00.150
do with knowledge. It has everything to do with feeling capable.
415
00:22:00.890 --> 00:22:06.730
So number four is, is I expect good results. So
416
00:22:06.759 --> 00:22:10.019
I feel capable and I expect good results to actually
417
00:22:10.059 --> 00:22:13.140
happen from that capability. And then number five is I'll
418
00:22:13.160 --> 00:22:17.900
be okay if results are not what I expect. So
419
00:22:17.940 --> 00:22:19.839
you look at all five of these. I know what
420
00:22:19.880 --> 00:22:23.480
to do. I know how to do it. I feel capable.
421
00:22:24.059 --> 00:22:27.380
I expect a good result. And I'll also be okay
422
00:22:27.579 --> 00:22:30.019
if results are not what I expect. For us to
423
00:22:30.119 --> 00:22:33.089
feel the kind of confidence that any of us would
424
00:22:33.109 --> 00:22:36.789
call like real confidence, we have to have all five
425
00:22:36.829 --> 00:22:39.490
of those. And if even one of them is missing
426
00:22:40.170 --> 00:22:44.720
or like pulled down, confidence as a whole starts to
427
00:22:44.759 --> 00:22:48.940
be overcome by doubt. Maybe what? Like what if I–
428
00:22:49.039 --> 00:22:51.920
like you think about– go back to sports. Like what
429
00:22:52.049 --> 00:22:55.230
crushes– Why do we feel, why do we crumble under pressure?
430
00:22:55.559 --> 00:22:58.980
It's because this, what happens if my family's in the
431
00:22:59.019 --> 00:23:01.859
stadium and it's the big game and I don't make
432
00:23:01.920 --> 00:23:04.279
that throw? It's not that they don't know how to
433
00:23:04.299 --> 00:23:05.940
throw or where to throw or they don't feel capable
434
00:23:05.960 --> 00:23:07.980
of making the throw. It's the projection in what if
435
00:23:08.059 --> 00:23:11.180
I fail here and projection into the future of what
436
00:23:11.200 --> 00:23:14.150
if I fail says I won't be okay if that happens.
437
00:23:14.769 --> 00:23:16.690
And the next thing you know, doubt starts to show
438
00:23:16.849 --> 00:23:18.650
up about whether they are who they think they are.
439
00:23:18.670 --> 00:23:20.210
Does that make sense?
440
00:23:20.619 --> 00:23:24.119
Yeah. So let's take it to the newly promoted person
441
00:23:24.279 --> 00:23:27.259
or even your son playing football for the first time
442
00:23:27.700 --> 00:23:30.519
who doesn't have a fully formed brain to think all
443
00:23:30.539 --> 00:23:33.029
this stuff through. So maybe you take both of those
444
00:23:33.089 --> 00:23:37.849
examples for that person. It almost feels like they have
445
00:23:37.890 --> 00:23:42.849
to get to number five. Like I gotta be okay
446
00:23:43.569 --> 00:23:45.940
if I fall on my face during my first town
447
00:23:45.980 --> 00:23:49.640
hall or my first whatever. I expect good results. And
448
00:23:49.660 --> 00:23:52.569
I'm going to prepare to have good results, but I'm
449
00:23:52.650 --> 00:23:55.230
okay if it doesn't happen.
450
00:23:55.650 --> 00:23:55.990
You got it.
451
00:23:56.829 --> 00:23:57.049
Okay.
452
00:23:57.089 --> 00:23:58.730
So, and this is the thing, right? Like, so now
453
00:23:58.750 --> 00:23:59.809
we start looking at, because.
454
00:24:00.230 --> 00:24:01.589
But like for a guy like you though, who like
455
00:24:01.630 --> 00:24:04.970
has high expectations and high standards, we're very aligned, right?
456
00:24:04.990 --> 00:24:05.589
Yeah.
457
00:24:06.950 --> 00:24:10.890
That in a way I could see not being okay
458
00:24:11.349 --> 00:24:13.769
with blowing my first town hall in front of my
459
00:24:13.849 --> 00:24:17.190
new team, because I have high standards and high expectations
460
00:24:17.250 --> 00:24:20.400
of myself. And I could see me like, no, no,
461
00:24:20.839 --> 00:24:23.200
I can't screw this up. It's got to be good.
462
00:24:23.220 --> 00:24:24.900
It's my first impression. It's whatever.
463
00:24:26.140 --> 00:24:29.549
And this is why confidence is so fragile because that's
464
00:24:29.569 --> 00:24:32.390
the debate. We start to negotiate with ourselves and our
465
00:24:32.430 --> 00:24:35.049
head around this stuff. Part of you wants to say,
466
00:24:35.109 --> 00:24:37.309
I will be okay. But then there's another part of
467
00:24:37.329 --> 00:24:40.589
you that says, no, you won't. No, you won't. I
468
00:24:40.609 --> 00:24:44.190
did a keynote recently. And, and, and, you know, big keynote,
469
00:24:44.210 --> 00:24:45.380
I know you're on stage in front of people and
470
00:24:45.390 --> 00:24:47.440
I don't, I don't know how you craft this, but,
471
00:24:47.500 --> 00:24:50.000
but one of, one of the ways that I started
472
00:24:50.019 --> 00:24:51.660
doing a long time ago when people will ask me
473
00:24:51.680 --> 00:24:54.180
about this occasionally and I'll tell them, and sometimes I'll
474
00:24:54.200 --> 00:24:55.720
tell them on stage, it's a very funny way to
475
00:24:55.740 --> 00:24:59.109
kind of do this is here's how I cultivate this practically.
476
00:24:59.119 --> 00:25:00.869
And I'll come back to my son about, I'll go
477
00:25:00.890 --> 00:25:02.789
through all five of them, teaching my son how to
478
00:25:02.829 --> 00:25:04.950
ride his bike. Cause that was where it, like, for me,
479
00:25:05.009 --> 00:25:09.029
it's where like it, it, it became this whole thing
480
00:25:09.069 --> 00:25:11.799
became alive for me in this process. Here's how I
481
00:25:11.839 --> 00:25:14.420
craft this when I speak to people, including as a leader.
482
00:25:15.900 --> 00:25:19.039
And I'll ask the audience, I'll say, did I check
483
00:25:19.079 --> 00:25:24.680
with any of you before today for me to feel
484
00:25:24.720 --> 00:25:28.069
good about myself? Did I email you guys and check
485
00:25:28.109 --> 00:25:30.210
in with you to say, am I allowed to be
486
00:25:30.289 --> 00:25:32.750
okay today? And everybody kind of laughs and chuckles and
487
00:25:32.769 --> 00:25:35.069
they say, no, of course you didn't. And then I
488
00:25:35.109 --> 00:25:38.329
tell them, then I will be just fine if you
489
00:25:38.369 --> 00:25:41.230
don't give me your approval after this keynote is over. Hmm.
490
00:25:43.140 --> 00:25:46.440
I didn't check with you for me to feel confident
491
00:25:46.460 --> 00:25:48.940
in myself before today. So why in the hell would
492
00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:52.039
I check with you after today? I didn't need your
493
00:25:52.079 --> 00:25:54.140
approval for me to feel like a good guy, a
494
00:25:54.440 --> 00:25:57.779
good husband, and confident. I didn't need your approval before today.
495
00:25:58.000 --> 00:25:59.579
So the fact that I'm on stage right now and
496
00:25:59.619 --> 00:26:03.059
talking to you, I still don't need your approval. And
497
00:26:03.099 --> 00:26:05.519
what that does, Ryan, is this. It frees me up
498
00:26:05.579 --> 00:26:09.880
to say this. I'll be okay with or without your approval.
499
00:26:10.200 --> 00:26:12.940
It's not that I'm not interested in it. It's that
500
00:26:13.279 --> 00:26:15.599
I as a person, as a man, in my heart,
501
00:26:16.200 --> 00:26:20.950
in my business, everything will be just fine. Because before today,
502
00:26:21.089 --> 00:26:22.869
you didn't even know who I was. Yeah.
503
00:26:23.630 --> 00:26:23.809
Right?
504
00:26:24.210 --> 00:26:26.829
So after today, great. And then what that does is
505
00:26:26.890 --> 00:26:30.630
now I can speak confidently without fear of you not
506
00:26:30.690 --> 00:26:33.099
liking me or this not going well. And guess what
507
00:26:33.119 --> 00:26:36.319
that puts me in position to do? Increase the likelihood
508
00:26:36.339 --> 00:26:38.079
that I speak and interact and engage in a way
509
00:26:38.099 --> 00:26:40.200
that's valuable to you that actually does get you to
510
00:26:40.240 --> 00:26:42.380
like me. But as you know, as a speaker, and
511
00:26:42.440 --> 00:26:48.339
I know as well, every keynote, right? Even if it's 4.9
512
00:26:48.339 --> 00:26:50.880
out of five, right? There's always one person in there.
513
00:26:50.900 --> 00:26:55.750
That guy sucked. I didn't like him. Never hire him again.
514
00:26:55.769 --> 00:26:58.470
Too intense for me. Too intense. Chill out, dude. Let
515
00:26:58.490 --> 00:27:00.049
me relax in my life.
516
00:27:01.970 --> 00:27:05.250
So go to my son riding his bike, like practically.
517
00:27:05.289 --> 00:27:06.559
How do you bring this down? So I look at
518
00:27:06.579 --> 00:27:08.920
my son. It's like, look, okay. Does he know what
519
00:27:08.940 --> 00:27:11.940
to do riding his bike? Yeah, I started like solving
520
00:27:11.960 --> 00:27:13.420
that with him. Great. Knew what to do. Doesn't know
521
00:27:13.480 --> 00:27:15.500
how to do it. We had some mechanics to work
522
00:27:15.740 --> 00:27:19.960
on and little things here and there. Does he feel capable? Man,
523
00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:21.589
that was where it really started to swing with him.
524
00:27:22.289 --> 00:27:24.829
His feeling of capability of like, I taught him what
525
00:27:24.849 --> 00:27:26.170
to do. He would start to pedal a little bit
526
00:27:26.190 --> 00:27:28.630
and then he would stop. And he's like, oh, I was.
527
00:27:28.849 --> 00:27:33.609
And he was projecting pedals later. And he's like, oh,
528
00:27:33.630 --> 00:27:36.069
my feeling of capability went down. And then he's like,
529
00:27:36.089 --> 00:27:38.690
do I expect a good result? Like he was picturing
530
00:27:38.950 --> 00:27:41.740
all the worst stuff where I was like, dude, you're writing,
531
00:27:41.980 --> 00:27:45.420
you're doing it. And then will I be okay if
532
00:27:45.460 --> 00:27:47.640
it's not what I want? I know he's going to
533
00:27:47.660 --> 00:27:49.740
be fine with a crash. I know he'll be fine.
534
00:27:50.519 --> 00:27:54.599
He doesn't. I took him snowboarding last Sunday. It was this,
535
00:27:54.759 --> 00:27:57.000
like fear initially. What if I do this? What if
536
00:27:57.019 --> 00:27:59.180
I do that? What if I do this? What I
537
00:27:59.240 --> 00:28:02.180
realized was there was this difference between his projection into
538
00:28:02.220 --> 00:28:04.940
the future and And my projection in the future, I
539
00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:08.119
believed in him more than he believed in him because
540
00:28:08.180 --> 00:28:12.529
he projected trees and getting too far away from dad
541
00:28:12.569 --> 00:28:14.680
and never getting back to him and all this different stuff.
542
00:28:15.250 --> 00:28:17.809
And the difference between us wasn't the reality. He'd never
543
00:28:17.849 --> 00:28:22.529
snowboarded before ever, right? But the belief of what was
544
00:28:22.549 --> 00:28:25.269
going to happen. And so what I had to do
545
00:28:25.309 --> 00:28:27.210
was I had to instill in him belief. And I
546
00:28:27.230 --> 00:28:29.609
think this is one of the things about leaders is
547
00:28:29.670 --> 00:28:32.920
our job is to create confidence in people. And what
548
00:28:32.960 --> 00:28:36.740
that means is far more than just the reps. The
549
00:28:36.819 --> 00:28:38.420
reps are a tool for what?
550
00:28:39.180 --> 00:28:39.539
Belief.
551
00:28:40.680 --> 00:28:44.220
What our job as a leader is, is instill belief
552
00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:48.250
in people. What beliefs? Belief that they know what to do.
553
00:28:48.529 --> 00:28:50.529
Belief that they know how to do it. Belief that
554
00:28:50.549 --> 00:28:52.910
they are capable. Belief that good things are going to happen.
555
00:28:53.410 --> 00:28:56.450
And the belief that, hey guys, if things don't go
556
00:28:56.769 --> 00:28:59.910
as we expect, we're going to be okay. It's not
557
00:28:59.930 --> 00:29:03.309
what we want. but we're going to be okay. It
558
00:29:03.329 --> 00:29:03.930
will go again.
559
00:29:04.509 --> 00:29:06.730
I love it, dude. Love it. How does this relate
560
00:29:06.950 --> 00:29:11.029
to goal setting? Okay. I've been studying a lot about
561
00:29:11.069 --> 00:29:16.410
this writing and reading a lot about results-based goals. We're
562
00:29:16.430 --> 00:29:22.069
going to win the Super Bowl versus process-oriented goals. How
563
00:29:22.089 --> 00:29:24.630
do you view this? What's your overall thought process on
564
00:29:24.710 --> 00:29:25.259
goal setting?
565
00:29:26.140 --> 00:29:29.960
I'm not a goal setter. I'm 100% a system setter. So,
566
00:29:30.619 --> 00:29:33.369
you know, Um, I don't know if this is heresy
567
00:29:33.390 --> 00:29:36.839
and I'm sure there's plenty of different people This commitment
568
00:29:36.859 --> 00:29:43.819
to smart goals with respect, it doesn't do what it promises.
569
00:29:44.019 --> 00:29:46.900
There's nothing wrong with goal setting, I don't think, but
570
00:29:47.299 --> 00:29:49.539
I'm not a goal setter. I'm a system setter. I
571
00:29:49.559 --> 00:29:51.839
want to be in my systems. Some people call it processes.
572
00:29:52.720 --> 00:29:54.799
I want to be in the systems, and my commitment
573
00:29:54.920 --> 00:29:59.269
is to executing the system. in E plus R equals
574
00:29:59.329 --> 00:30:04.589
O terms, here's what, here's what my foundation is, right? Again,
575
00:30:04.789 --> 00:30:08.470
event plus response equals outcome. Here's one of the things
576
00:30:08.549 --> 00:30:10.930
that is very clear to me that I try to
577
00:30:11.089 --> 00:30:14.089
help people understand. The outcomes are not in my control.
578
00:30:16.369 --> 00:30:19.779
They're just not. I mean, if outcomes were in my control,
579
00:30:19.799 --> 00:30:22.519
I'm sure like you, like my bank account would look different.
580
00:30:23.519 --> 00:30:26.750
And like, the reach and the scope and my favorite
581
00:30:26.769 --> 00:30:28.710
teams would win and everybody that I worked with would
582
00:30:29.720 --> 00:30:32.599
apply every single thing that I did. People would treat
583
00:30:32.619 --> 00:30:36.880
me differently. Outcomes aren't in my control. Setting a goal,
584
00:30:38.099 --> 00:30:42.549
no one's ever achieved a goal because they set one.
585
00:30:42.660 --> 00:30:45.250
They achieve their goals because they did what was required
586
00:30:45.670 --> 00:30:46.269
to get there.
587
00:30:46.670 --> 00:30:50.609
People like to romanticize after the fact. Before the season,
588
00:30:50.650 --> 00:30:53.859
we set the goal to hit $ 10 billion in revenue.
589
00:30:53.900 --> 00:30:56.480
Before the season, we set the goal to win the
590
00:30:56.500 --> 00:30:59.650
Super Bowl, and look what we did. We said we
591
00:30:59.690 --> 00:31:02.569
were going to do it, and now we have. This
592
00:31:02.630 --> 00:31:05.930
is why the guy out by you, actually, before this season,
593
00:31:05.990 --> 00:31:09.369
Russell Wilson said, I want to win three to four
594
00:31:09.430 --> 00:31:12.400
Super Bowls in the next 10 years, which was bizarre
595
00:31:12.480 --> 00:31:17.180
to me because if you are a results-oriented goal setter,
596
00:31:17.339 --> 00:31:21.339
which again, you do you, whatever, not you, but you know,
597
00:31:22.119 --> 00:31:24.299
Why wouldn't it be 10 Super Bowls if you plan
598
00:31:24.339 --> 00:31:26.519
to play 10 years? Like if, if I play 10
599
00:31:26.519 --> 00:31:28.539
years and I say my goal is to win the
600
00:31:28.579 --> 00:31:32.700
Super Bowl three or four times, that literally makes no
601
00:31:32.759 --> 00:31:35.289
sense to me. Like none. It would be now, if
602
00:31:35.309 --> 00:31:37.029
he said my goal is to win 10 Super Bowls,
603
00:31:37.069 --> 00:31:41.069
I would say not realistic, but Hey, you know, go,
604
00:31:41.210 --> 00:31:42.910
go do whatever you got to do. You know? So like,
605
00:31:42.970 --> 00:31:45.670
that's the thing that I don't know, like it really
606
00:31:45.809 --> 00:31:47.089
is odd to me.
607
00:31:47.960 --> 00:31:51.339
Yeah. I mean, I mean, look for some people like
608
00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:54.619
the targeting of that goal. I mean, I watched Caleb Williams, uh,
609
00:31:54.700 --> 00:31:57.789
Heisman speech, right. And my, my dad works with USC and, and,
610
00:31:58.029 --> 00:32:00.390
and those guys real close and stuff. And I watched
611
00:32:00.410 --> 00:32:02.789
his Heisman speech and, you know, he has, I'm just
612
00:32:02.809 --> 00:32:04.910
thinking about, you know, he has all his sheets and
613
00:32:04.950 --> 00:32:06.609
all the stuff and all the goals and everything. And,
614
00:32:07.269 --> 00:32:09.720
and I'm thinking of all the kids who are watching
615
00:32:09.759 --> 00:32:12.539
who are probably going to go copy that, uh, from Caleb,
616
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:16.200
which is, which is great. Good for them. Um, But
617
00:32:16.279 --> 00:32:19.759
the goals without the systems in place, I mean, with
618
00:32:19.799 --> 00:32:23.750
love and respect, good luck. So can you do it all? Yeah,
619
00:32:23.789 --> 00:32:25.730
for sure. But I'll say there's a dark side of
620
00:32:25.769 --> 00:32:29.769
goal setting. There's a really dark side. Again, something I
621
00:32:29.910 --> 00:32:32.269
happen to be talking about this morning. Maybe that's why
622
00:32:32.309 --> 00:32:34.980
it comes to my brain. When we set a goal,
623
00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:37.099
and there's a lot of research around this. When we
624
00:32:37.140 --> 00:32:39.740
set a goal, I mean, you know this as an author, right?
625
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:42.680
Anybody who's ever written a book, what's the goal of
626
00:32:42.720 --> 00:32:43.059
that book?
627
00:32:43.730 --> 00:32:44.450
Oh, it'd be a bestseller?
628
00:32:44.730 --> 00:32:45.490
You want it to be a bestseller.
629
00:32:45.589 --> 00:32:45.990
Okay, great.
630
00:32:46.990 --> 00:32:50.119
What's the reason why people don't finish books and actually
631
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:52.900
publish them? Because they don't feel like that book is
632
00:32:52.920 --> 00:32:56.380
going to be a bestseller. They get so scared of
633
00:32:56.480 --> 00:33:01.509
not hitting that goal that they don't ever publish. So
634
00:33:01.769 --> 00:33:05.809
the dark side of goal setting is this. Once we
635
00:33:05.849 --> 00:33:08.210
set a goal and then we square it up against
636
00:33:08.269 --> 00:33:12.529
our immediate reality, most people and i think that's a
637
00:33:12.549 --> 00:33:17.269
fair statement most most people the discomfort and the distance
638
00:33:17.369 --> 00:33:20.210
between the current reality and where their goal is creates
639
00:33:20.289 --> 00:33:24.650
so much discomfort and doubt that it actually undermines the
640
00:33:24.710 --> 00:33:27.430
work to go make that happen yeah it's the goal
641
00:33:27.910 --> 00:33:31.970
that makes them feel separation now for other people and
642
00:33:31.990 --> 00:33:34.779
this is wiring for other people that big goal is
643
00:33:34.859 --> 00:33:38.380
the fuel It's the fact that they're so far away
644
00:33:38.420 --> 00:33:40.980
from it and this intensity and competitive desire to go
645
00:33:41.400 --> 00:33:46.230
chase it. So it's hard to identify which people are
646
00:33:46.410 --> 00:33:49.650
fueled by that giant goal and which people will be
647
00:33:49.789 --> 00:33:53.529
crushed by the distance between them and the work. And
648
00:33:53.569 --> 00:34:00.450
so I'll give a very practical example of this. Let's
649
00:34:00.470 --> 00:34:04.539
take diet and exercise. The most universal thing that people
650
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:07.799
are doing, right? People set goals. I think the big
651
00:34:07.839 --> 00:34:10.159
problem in this, and I write about this in Daily Discipline,
652
00:34:10.179 --> 00:34:12.880
and I think this is the fundamental challenge for people
653
00:34:12.940 --> 00:34:15.800
in life, is the problem is they set a goal
654
00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:18.179
for eight weeks. And then if they don't feel like
655
00:34:18.199 --> 00:34:21.179
they're on progress or on track or hit that goal
656
00:34:21.679 --> 00:34:25.360
in eight weeks, what do they do? They stop.
657
00:34:25.820 --> 00:34:25.960
Right.
658
00:34:26.760 --> 00:34:28.429
And the next thing you know, it's a year later.
659
00:34:29.420 --> 00:34:31.760
They're even more out of shape. And the reason is
660
00:34:31.800 --> 00:34:34.400
because they missed the eight-week goal. So my thing for
661
00:34:34.420 --> 00:34:36.900
people is this. It doesn't matter where you are in
662
00:34:37.000 --> 00:34:39.670
eight weeks. What matters is where you are in a year.
663
00:34:40.449 --> 00:34:42.750
That's a meaningful period of time. If you want to
664
00:34:42.769 --> 00:34:45.210
set a goal for a year, awesome, great. But also
665
00:34:45.230 --> 00:34:48.050
that's so far away. It's like what? If you put
666
00:34:48.070 --> 00:34:50.260
the right systems in place and you don't have a goal,
667
00:34:50.320 --> 00:34:52.860
but you just execute the system every day, you will
668
00:34:52.900 --> 00:34:54.659
wake up in a year and guess what will happen?
669
00:34:55.630 --> 00:34:57.199
You'll feel better, be in better shape.
670
00:34:57.429 --> 00:34:58.780
The results take care of themselves.
671
00:34:58.800 --> 00:35:01.659
They take care of themselves. So some people need a goal.
672
00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:05.659
I get it. Other people, like I'll just tell you
673
00:35:05.699 --> 00:35:07.880
so you're listening, like your goal is your biggest problem.
674
00:35:08.719 --> 00:35:13.110
It's you are so goal fixated that you are projected
675
00:35:13.150 --> 00:35:15.829
into a future that you're so far away from that
676
00:35:15.849 --> 00:35:20.349
it makes you feel miserable today, makes you feel insignificant today.
677
00:35:21.820 --> 00:35:24.900
And you need to drop the goals and put systems
678
00:35:24.940 --> 00:35:27.630
in place. I think this starts with self-awareness, right? You
679
00:35:27.650 --> 00:35:29.210
got to know who you are and you got to
680
00:35:29.230 --> 00:35:31.929
know what fuels you and, and stop.
681
00:35:31.949 --> 00:35:34.809
Yeah. Like if setting the BHAG, if, if that's part
682
00:35:34.849 --> 00:35:38.610
of how you're wired and that out, that keeps you
683
00:35:38.710 --> 00:35:44.840
inspired and motivated to execute your system every day, then
684
00:35:44.889 --> 00:35:48.019
I think it's great. That's not necessarily how I'm wired,
685
00:35:48.039 --> 00:35:51.099
but I think if you are, I think that's awesome.
686
00:35:51.179 --> 00:35:54.150
But yeah, Only if you get the second part, right?
687
00:35:54.329 --> 00:35:58.269
The system is what makes it happen. The goal, again,
688
00:35:58.449 --> 00:36:02.320
makes the story better after the fact. It says, I
689
00:36:02.380 --> 00:36:06.260
was 22 and wanted to write a bestseller, and by
690
00:36:06.280 --> 00:36:08.960
the age of 30, I'd written three of them because
691
00:36:09.739 --> 00:36:11.960
I set the goal when I was 22. It's like, no, no, no.
692
00:36:13.159 --> 00:36:14.590
It's not because you set the goal. It's because of
693
00:36:14.610 --> 00:36:16.949
what you did every day from 22 to 30. That's
694
00:36:17.469 --> 00:36:18.550
why you have the three bestsellers.
695
00:36:18.590 --> 00:36:21.550
Correct. You and I both know that most people who
696
00:36:21.570 --> 00:36:25.719
are telling those stories are crafting that story in retrospect.
697
00:36:26.739 --> 00:36:30.300
That wasn't the story from the beginning. That's the story
698
00:36:30.340 --> 00:36:33.739
they look back at their path, see it, and they're like, oh,
699
00:36:34.010 --> 00:36:35.989
here's a really good narrative to lay over the top
700
00:36:36.010 --> 00:36:38.889
of this. It's like me. I can't say that I
701
00:36:39.010 --> 00:36:40.789
am what I am now because my parents got divorced
702
00:36:40.829 --> 00:36:43.389
and I traveled. I'm looking back. And I'm trying to
703
00:36:43.449 --> 00:36:47.440
explain my life today given what I went through. And
704
00:36:47.519 --> 00:36:49.179
that seems to make a lot of sense for me.
705
00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:54.199
But that wasn't an intentional thing that I did. It's
706
00:36:54.219 --> 00:36:56.380
just kind of a story that seems to make sense.
707
00:36:56.900 --> 00:37:01.019
So this is an interesting example about sort of goals
708
00:37:01.059 --> 00:37:02.960
and like the thing that fuels us. A lot of
709
00:37:02.980 --> 00:37:04.940
people like to copy. Like we look at something and
710
00:37:04.960 --> 00:37:06.599
we model it and we want to copy it. Like
711
00:37:07.099 --> 00:37:11.199
too many coaches today are modeling Nick Saban. because they
712
00:37:11.239 --> 00:37:13.650
see Saban is successful and they're not wired like him, right?
713
00:37:13.769 --> 00:37:17.909
Or they model Urban Meyer or, you know, business leaders,
714
00:37:17.949 --> 00:37:20.010
you know, people are modeling Gary Vee or whatever. And like,
715
00:37:20.050 --> 00:37:23.670
they're not that guy, right? Or they're modeling Sarah Blakely from,
716
00:37:24.090 --> 00:37:26.550
you know, Spanx or like, but you're not that person.
717
00:37:27.139 --> 00:37:30.940
And you're modeling something, you're building something not honest to self-awareness.
718
00:37:31.320 --> 00:37:34.599
So take, let's look at Tom Brady as a great example, right?
719
00:37:34.639 --> 00:37:37.019
Like what fuels Tom Brady, he's been pretty public about this,
720
00:37:37.099 --> 00:37:39.039
is this chip on his shoulder, right?
721
00:37:39.699 --> 00:37:39.860
Right.
722
00:37:40.329 --> 00:37:44.039
And for me, it's a great example because I'm not
723
00:37:44.199 --> 00:37:46.880
fueled by a chip on my shoulder. That would undermine it.
724
00:37:48.019 --> 00:37:50.739
That gets me to a spot where my attention is
725
00:37:50.800 --> 00:37:53.860
now on proving something to other people. This is not
726
00:37:53.880 --> 00:37:56.679
a good fuel source for me. It distracts me from
727
00:37:56.760 --> 00:37:58.409
real true purpose.
728
00:37:58.590 --> 00:38:01.610
It burns dirty, as Todd Henry would say on this show.
729
00:38:01.630 --> 00:38:03.989
That's dirty fuel.
730
00:38:04.010 --> 00:38:07.929
For me, it's dirty fuel. Undeniably, it is clean fuel
731
00:38:07.949 --> 00:38:11.860
for Tom. So we're just in this time. Is the
732
00:38:11.900 --> 00:38:14.599
chip on the shoulder helping or hurting Stefan Diggs as
733
00:38:14.699 --> 00:38:19.239
a teammate and a football player? I don't know him.
734
00:38:19.260 --> 00:38:20.699
He's a good dude. I saw a thing. He does
735
00:38:20.739 --> 00:38:23.500
amazing things for a kid who lost his dad. It
736
00:38:23.519 --> 00:38:25.469
made me tear up watching what he did for this kid.
737
00:38:26.170 --> 00:38:29.570
But I'm going to acknowledge right now, every time Stefan
738
00:38:29.610 --> 00:38:32.510
Diggs catches a ball that's over 20 yards, the first
739
00:38:32.550 --> 00:38:34.739
thing he does is mean mug the whole crowd like
740
00:38:34.780 --> 00:38:37.260
he's some kind of underdog. Dude, you are like one
741
00:38:37.280 --> 00:38:39.760
of the best athletes on the planet, and you have
742
00:38:39.780 --> 00:38:43.380
been your whole life. You've never been an underdog. You
743
00:38:43.579 --> 00:38:45.940
might not have grown up in like with, with wealth
744
00:38:46.000 --> 00:38:49.469
and stuff, but dude, you won the lottery physically. Like
745
00:38:49.849 --> 00:38:52.289
you have always been the best everywhere. Like no one's
746
00:38:52.409 --> 00:38:55.969
overlooking you. And then what the whole team, he's got
747
00:38:55.989 --> 00:38:58.260
this chip on his shoulder. I want it. And every
748
00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:01.090
single game, the question is how many drives and still
749
00:39:01.110 --> 00:39:03.309
Stefan Diggs is causing an issue on the sideline and
750
00:39:03.329 --> 00:39:06.429
getting upset. Like it's working against you. So like here's
751
00:39:06.570 --> 00:39:10.349
Tom that is using this goal of proving people wrong.
752
00:39:10.730 --> 00:39:12.619
And it's turned him into a hall of famer. And
753
00:39:12.639 --> 00:39:15.699
here's Stefan Diggs where it's like, dude, I would go
754
00:39:15.760 --> 00:39:18.900
so far as to say he's it's, it's cutting off
755
00:39:18.900 --> 00:39:22.619
30% of his potential. Cause it's about this chip as
756
00:39:22.679 --> 00:39:25.510
opposed to being really, really good. The chip's getting in
757
00:39:25.570 --> 00:39:28.030
his way. And goals can do the same thing to us.
758
00:39:28.050 --> 00:39:31.710
That's a great point. You wrote a post for Daily
759
00:39:31.750 --> 00:39:36.070
Discipline about learning and how it happens through depth. And
760
00:39:36.429 --> 00:39:40.909
it really was timely for me because I can tell
761
00:39:40.969 --> 00:39:45.000
myself I'm both a width and a depth guy. But
762
00:39:45.199 --> 00:39:48.159
if you really analyze it, one of the mistakes I
763
00:39:48.219 --> 00:39:52.710
make is too much width, not enough depth when it
764
00:39:52.769 --> 00:39:56.369
comes to the learning. And whether it's the new year
765
00:39:56.409 --> 00:39:58.809
and people saying, I'm going to read 52 books this
766
00:39:58.869 --> 00:40:04.929
year or whatever, can you talk about that learning actually
767
00:40:05.050 --> 00:40:08.679
happens through depth, not volume, not the width of what
768
00:40:08.719 --> 00:40:11.719
you're doing. It happens from going deep on maybe four
769
00:40:11.780 --> 00:40:14.539
books or whatever. Can you walk me through? There's a
770
00:40:14.619 --> 00:40:16.719
great post that you put out.
771
00:40:17.260 --> 00:40:18.980
Yeah. I mean, it was, for me, it was sparked
772
00:40:19.039 --> 00:40:23.380
with sort of this, this inundation that we see on social, right. Of,
773
00:40:24.539 --> 00:40:26.320
you know, the end of the year, here's every book
774
00:40:26.340 --> 00:40:29.840
I read last year and the pieces in them, or, or,
775
00:40:29.849 --> 00:40:31.389
you know, or like, you know, I, I think I
776
00:40:31.409 --> 00:40:34.070
saw another one. It's like, you know, I forget who
777
00:40:34.090 --> 00:40:35.650
it was, wherever it doesn't matter, but like, you know,
778
00:40:35.710 --> 00:40:37.670
cheat codes at 40 that I knew I wish at 22.
779
00:40:37.650 --> 00:40:40.289
And it's like, you know, I get it's headline and
780
00:40:40.329 --> 00:40:42.230
it's marketing. And I understand like you have to grab
781
00:40:42.250 --> 00:40:46.139
people's attention and there's a certain practicality for, for what,
782
00:40:47.199 --> 00:40:51.019
If you write the best book that's ever been written,
783
00:40:52.079 --> 00:40:54.360
very few people have probably read because it didn't sell
784
00:40:54.400 --> 00:40:59.699
very well. You got to get people's attention. Here's the
785
00:40:59.719 --> 00:41:05.760
thing about learning. How much can somebody apply? Just think
786
00:41:05.780 --> 00:41:11.900
about human brain capacity, time, attention, energy. If somebody reads
787
00:41:11.900 --> 00:41:16.940
52 books, how much of that do they do really
788
00:41:17.000 --> 00:41:22.519
well like that to me that's just the question if
789
00:41:22.699 --> 00:41:28.940
if somebody's like man i listen to you know gary
790
00:41:28.960 --> 00:41:31.579
v talks about this a whole lot you know and
791
00:41:31.619 --> 00:41:33.380
he has for a long time and everybody has different
792
00:41:33.420 --> 00:41:35.599
perspectives on him but i i give i give him
793
00:41:35.699 --> 00:41:38.659
cred and respect because and i view my content this
794
00:41:38.719 --> 00:41:41.739
way if all you're doing is he talks with this
795
00:41:42.599 --> 00:41:45.400
stop following me if you've been following me for six
796
00:41:45.420 --> 00:41:50.800
years stop You don't need anything else. You have consumed plenty.
797
00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:55.860
Turn this off. Turn the notifications off. Unsubscribe. Go put
798
00:41:55.880 --> 00:42:00.199
your head down for two years and do 50% of
799
00:42:00.219 --> 00:42:01.719
the things that you've heard me say for the last
800
00:42:01.739 --> 00:42:06.289
six years. But if you're still consuming my content, thinking
801
00:42:06.449 --> 00:42:09.289
that is what's going to do it, I didn't come
802
00:42:09.329 --> 00:42:11.849
up with this phrase. I don't know who did, but
803
00:42:11.889 --> 00:42:18.110
it's infotainment. And I just think, The self-awareness for people
804
00:42:18.860 --> 00:42:22.789
confusing consuming content with actually doing it.
805
00:42:23.300 --> 00:42:23.599
Yeah.
806
00:42:24.460 --> 00:42:27.599
Like be a doer. That's my encouragement is be a doer.
807
00:42:27.940 --> 00:42:35.110
I would much rather somebody read two books a year
808
00:42:35.409 --> 00:42:39.739
and read those books three times. and do everything they
809
00:42:39.820 --> 00:42:42.639
say on the two topics that are the most important
810
00:42:42.659 --> 00:42:46.550
to you and watch what happens to your life. Just
811
00:42:46.590 --> 00:42:50.409
watch what happens. And there's a, there's a, um, there's
812
00:42:50.449 --> 00:42:55.230
a great example of this. And, you know, I look
813
00:42:55.250 --> 00:42:57.630
at this, I think about, and I've been, this is
814
00:42:57.670 --> 00:42:59.489
what I've been writing about this week on daily discipline
815
00:42:59.550 --> 00:43:02.820
is for a long time. I've recognized the three personal resources,
816
00:43:03.099 --> 00:43:06.199
like actual true resources that we have as human beings.
817
00:43:07.590 --> 00:43:09.820
that have the biggest power on the shape of our
818
00:43:09.840 --> 00:43:14.059
lives are attention, time, and energy. Those are the three
819
00:43:14.099 --> 00:43:17.780
resources that we have that are yours or yours to spend,
820
00:43:18.300 --> 00:43:20.480
mine or mine to spend, and we are the only
821
00:43:20.530 --> 00:43:24.250
decision maker about those things. I think the number one
822
00:43:24.269 --> 00:43:26.030
skill somebody can have in this world is to create
823
00:43:26.070 --> 00:43:28.429
their own energy. Sidebar, we'll see if we have time
824
00:43:28.489 --> 00:43:32.349
for it, but take attention, time, and energy. Whatever you
825
00:43:32.389 --> 00:43:36.119
give attention to, like first lesson from a content perspective,
826
00:43:36.550 --> 00:43:39.429
Things don't get your attention. You give your attention to things.
827
00:43:40.570 --> 00:43:44.179
A lot of people think that distractions exist in the
828
00:43:44.239 --> 00:43:48.079
environment when the reality is distractions are not environmental. They
829
00:43:48.099 --> 00:43:52.659
are personal. You are the distraction, not the things. Why
830
00:43:52.679 --> 00:43:54.820
do I say that? It sounds kind of harsh. Well,
831
00:43:54.840 --> 00:43:59.019
it's because this, once you take responsibility for your attention,
832
00:43:59.699 --> 00:44:01.969
that means that there's not things on Instagram or Twitter
833
00:44:02.159 --> 00:44:04.829
or any other spot that get your attention. You gave
834
00:44:04.849 --> 00:44:07.789
your attention to those things. You gave your attention when
835
00:44:07.809 --> 00:44:09.269
you opened it. You gave your attention when you put
836
00:44:09.309 --> 00:44:10.929
your eyeballs on it. You gave your attention when you
837
00:44:10.989 --> 00:44:13.869
read that line, heard that emotion and decided that that
838
00:44:13.909 --> 00:44:17.309
emotion was something you wanted to follow. They wrote the headline.
839
00:44:17.670 --> 00:44:22.440
They didn't make the decision, right? You know, whatever that
840
00:44:22.840 --> 00:44:25.239
piece happens to be. So with content.
841
00:44:25.559 --> 00:44:27.300
Take ownership of your attention.
842
00:44:27.320 --> 00:44:28.699
Ownership of attention.
843
00:44:29.079 --> 00:44:29.280
Yeah.
844
00:44:29.679 --> 00:44:32.920
Is this, okay, great. Now think about those resources and
845
00:44:32.960 --> 00:44:34.699
let's think about attention, time and energy. And let's just
846
00:44:34.719 --> 00:44:37.650
kind of put them all into like, one whole thing, right?
847
00:44:37.769 --> 00:44:40.650
And they do have consequence. Anything you give attention to
848
00:44:40.809 --> 00:44:43.849
also consumes your time. Could be five seconds, could be
849
00:44:43.869 --> 00:44:46.829
five hours, okay? And anything that consumes your time and
850
00:44:46.849 --> 00:44:49.690
your attention, naturally is something you're putting energy into. Like
851
00:44:49.710 --> 00:44:53.110
there's a causal flow. It begins with attention and then
852
00:44:53.159 --> 00:44:54.679
it moves into some time and then it moves into
853
00:44:54.699 --> 00:44:57.920
some energy. So think about this. Let's take that and
854
00:44:57.940 --> 00:45:01.880
let's put it all into like a singular ball. And
855
00:45:01.920 --> 00:45:05.000
now let's think about what do we do with that?
856
00:45:05.570 --> 00:45:08.869
What do we put it through? And now let's think
857
00:45:09.010 --> 00:45:11.570
of that attention, time, and energy. Let's think of that
858
00:45:11.630 --> 00:45:15.400
as like the source coming from the sun, light, okay?
859
00:45:16.019 --> 00:45:20.980
Light can be pushed through a prism or it can
860
00:45:21.000 --> 00:45:24.980
be pushed through a magnifying glass. So if you go
861
00:45:25.000 --> 00:45:26.460
out in the sun, I'm sure you did this as
862
00:45:26.519 --> 00:45:28.219
a kid. A lot of people did. You go out
863
00:45:28.239 --> 00:45:30.760
in the sun on a summer day, sun's coming through,
864
00:45:30.780 --> 00:45:33.230
you know, here in Colorado and Denver, we get a
865
00:45:33.230 --> 00:45:36.219
lot of sun in the winter months. Not quite like
866
00:45:36.280 --> 00:45:38.840
my years in Ohio, but I can go out right
867
00:45:38.889 --> 00:45:43.570
now and I can take the same exact right focus
868
00:45:44.789 --> 00:45:47.130
for the same amount of time with the energy coming
869
00:45:47.150 --> 00:45:48.619
from the sun. It's the exact same. And I take
870
00:45:48.679 --> 00:45:51.900
two different devices, one, a prism and one, a magnifying glass,
871
00:45:52.960 --> 00:45:57.539
the energy and the attention of it doesn't change. The
872
00:45:57.599 --> 00:45:59.719
time spent doesn't change. But if I put those two
873
00:45:59.760 --> 00:46:02.900
things side by side, the same amount of resource coming
874
00:46:02.940 --> 00:46:06.039
through the prism, what does the light from the sun
875
00:46:06.880 --> 00:46:09.409
going through a prism turn that light and energy into?
876
00:46:09.429 --> 00:46:18.789
A rainbow. Something pretty. Not without value, but it's pretty
877
00:46:18.829 --> 00:46:21.309
and makes nice stuff and has its place in the world.
878
00:46:22.130 --> 00:46:27.769
What does the exact same energy, going into a magnifying
879
00:46:27.789 --> 00:46:29.349
glass due to that energy.
880
00:46:30.869 --> 00:46:31.369
Superpower.
881
00:46:31.429 --> 00:46:34.610
Focuses it onto a single point. And when that energy
882
00:46:34.630 --> 00:46:36.349
focuses on a single point, what does it do?
883
00:46:37.210 --> 00:46:37.530
Fire.
884
00:46:38.090 --> 00:46:41.170
Creates a fire. And that fire can be turned into
885
00:46:41.949 --> 00:46:44.670
any number of things, right? It can cut stuff. You know,
886
00:46:44.690 --> 00:46:46.289
we used to burn leaves as a kid, right? It
887
00:46:46.329 --> 00:46:49.369
can start a fire. It can warm things. It turns
888
00:46:49.409 --> 00:46:55.929
it into this very intense value. And so I ask myself,
889
00:46:57.510 --> 00:47:01.090
Am I a prism with the content I'm pulling in?
890
00:47:02.190 --> 00:47:06.039
Creating nice images on the wall and like something that
891
00:47:06.059 --> 00:47:09.059
everybody likes to look at? Or am I a magnifying
892
00:47:09.099 --> 00:47:11.920
glass that is taking that energy and turning it into
893
00:47:12.019 --> 00:47:15.380
something brand new and value and warmth and heat and
894
00:47:15.500 --> 00:47:17.699
fire and like doing things to go make stuff happen
895
00:47:17.719 --> 00:47:20.659
in my life? There's a time we're consuming content and
896
00:47:20.699 --> 00:47:23.409
there's a time and place for prism. There's a time
897
00:47:23.429 --> 00:47:26.070
and place for consuming something that's like, man, This is cool.
898
00:47:26.139 --> 00:47:28.300
It's kind of lens shifting. It's, you know, it's fun
899
00:47:28.320 --> 00:47:31.820
or it's enjoyable. It's whatever. But most of the content
900
00:47:31.840 --> 00:47:34.980
I want to be consuming is I want that content
901
00:47:35.019 --> 00:47:38.309
to turn into something that is actionable in my life.
902
00:47:38.949 --> 00:47:41.829
It's very hard to do if I'm diffusing that across
903
00:47:42.010 --> 00:47:45.409
all these fronts. I want to focus that energy. And
904
00:47:45.449 --> 00:47:48.099
then like, no, a time and place where like, all right, which, which,
905
00:47:48.219 --> 00:47:50.949
which motor zone am I in? And where do I
906
00:47:50.969 --> 00:47:52.469
want to spend most of my time? I tend to 80, 20.
907
00:47:52.449 --> 00:47:55.909
I want 80% of my time dialed in on something
908
00:47:55.929 --> 00:47:57.840
that I'm in depth. 20% of my time.
909
00:47:58.179 --> 00:47:58.300
Yeah.
910
00:47:58.320 --> 00:48:00.960
Go play around, have some fun, do some stuff, but
911
00:48:01.059 --> 00:48:02.659
recognize that 20% of the time is going to be
912
00:48:02.679 --> 00:48:05.739
like play and let's figure some stuff out. And in
913
00:48:05.760 --> 00:48:07.980
that space, I'll find what I really want. And then
914
00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:09.920
I'll move it over into the 80% where I'll dive
915
00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:11.539
all the way into it. That's how I tend to
916
00:48:11.559 --> 00:48:11.840
think of it.
917
00:48:12.099 --> 00:48:17.340
So you help leaders, you help teams with their culture.
918
00:48:17.840 --> 00:48:22.579
I'm curious because this is such a huge topic of
919
00:48:22.659 --> 00:48:26.960
conversation and people saying they're taking action on this. What
920
00:48:27.019 --> 00:48:30.840
are some of the biggest mistakes leaders make, whether they're
921
00:48:31.179 --> 00:48:33.139
a new coach hired to take over a team that
922
00:48:33.389 --> 00:48:36.789
was not doing well, or they're a new SVP at
923
00:48:36.829 --> 00:48:40.110
a Fortune 100 company who is put in charge of
924
00:48:40.150 --> 00:48:44.369
a group that struggled, whatever. and they say, well, we gotta,
925
00:48:44.429 --> 00:48:46.489
we gotta rebuild this culture. Like there was either a
926
00:48:46.510 --> 00:48:50.519
bad culture or, or, uh, it's not useful. It's not
927
00:48:50.559 --> 00:48:54.079
creating results, whatever. What are some of the biggest mistakes
928
00:48:54.219 --> 00:48:58.420
leaders make when trying to change the culture somewhere?
929
00:48:59.400 --> 00:49:02.710
So the first one is they don't think the culture
930
00:49:02.730 --> 00:49:03.369
is too fuzzy.
931
00:49:04.190 --> 00:49:04.409
Yeah.
932
00:49:04.650 --> 00:49:08.090
They make it, they make it too impractical. And it
933
00:49:08.130 --> 00:49:12.679
starts with the language that people use. Uh, I mean,
934
00:49:13.139 --> 00:49:15.760
they pick the same culture words as every other company.
935
00:49:16.750 --> 00:49:18.090
We're going to be a team of, you know, if
936
00:49:18.150 --> 00:49:20.860
it's business, we're going to be a team of you
937
00:49:20.880 --> 00:49:28.460
know respect diversity collaboration trust customer service and accountability like
938
00:49:28.719 --> 00:49:32.079
okay like yeah that's the words everybody else uses and
939
00:49:32.239 --> 00:49:35.460
then the people who hear that put you into a
940
00:49:35.519 --> 00:49:37.119
place where it's like literally just playing a tape recorder
941
00:49:37.139 --> 00:49:39.739
of every other business they've ever heard nothing remotely unique
942
00:49:40.349 --> 00:49:44.230
In sports, it's what? We're going to be tough, disciplined. Again,
943
00:49:44.250 --> 00:49:47.989
you just run the script. It's the same stuff. That's
944
00:49:48.030 --> 00:49:52.630
number one is they go way too fuzzy and way too,
945
00:49:53.329 --> 00:49:55.989
like they pick the mountain of average in terms of
946
00:49:56.250 --> 00:50:03.679
the things that they do. Number two is they separate culture.
947
00:50:03.699 --> 00:50:05.440
And this is probably number one, if I'm going to
948
00:50:05.460 --> 00:50:11.719
be real. They separate culture from execution. they make culture
949
00:50:11.800 --> 00:50:16.739
like its own standalone thing. When in reality, culture is
950
00:50:16.800 --> 00:50:21.710
the strongest vehicle and driver of execution in any group.
951
00:50:22.250 --> 00:50:26.650
Culture is 10 times more influential on how people execute
952
00:50:26.690 --> 00:50:30.969
than strategy. Every business has a strategy. Every, every team
953
00:50:30.989 --> 00:50:35.579
has a strategy. Why do some businesses execute their strategies
954
00:50:36.460 --> 00:50:40.219
exceptionally well? while others are scrambling to get people to
955
00:50:40.300 --> 00:50:41.360
please do this strategy.
956
00:50:42.360 --> 00:50:42.639
Culture.
957
00:50:43.679 --> 00:50:46.559
Strategy is what you want to do. Culture is how
958
00:50:46.599 --> 00:50:49.519
are we actually going to do this? The best teams
959
00:50:49.719 --> 00:50:52.320
in sports aren't the ones that draw the best plays.
960
00:50:52.880 --> 00:50:55.449
They're the ones that can get their players to execute
961
00:50:55.469 --> 00:50:59.570
those plays at the level of intensity and technique and
962
00:50:59.750 --> 00:51:02.369
assignment that they were required to do.
963
00:51:02.789 --> 00:51:05.380
So is that like a, The culture is not what
964
00:51:05.420 --> 00:51:07.900
you say, it's what you do. It's what I'm gathering.
965
00:51:08.260 --> 00:51:10.300
It's part of what you say, but it's really more
966
00:51:10.340 --> 00:51:15.699
about what you do. How do you put that into action?
967
00:51:15.719 --> 00:51:18.610
Is it having a set of values and the behaviors
968
00:51:18.650 --> 00:51:21.239
that match those values and that's what we believe in?
969
00:51:21.289 --> 00:51:25.360
It's not the fluffy, fuzzy words of... you know, trust
970
00:51:25.440 --> 00:51:28.320
and be a good teammate or whatever. It's really about
971
00:51:28.599 --> 00:51:31.230
bringing the values to life through a set of actions
972
00:51:31.309 --> 00:51:34.469
and then measuring, do we actually do that? Are we, okay,
973
00:51:34.570 --> 00:51:36.190
go ahead. Yeah.
974
00:51:36.409 --> 00:51:38.309
Matt, do what I'm saying. Like you, you, you just
975
00:51:38.489 --> 00:51:42.550
articulated that is the gap, right? When you look at
976
00:51:42.590 --> 00:51:48.860
how detailed most teams or businesses strategies are very thorough,
977
00:51:49.639 --> 00:51:53.500
they have playbooks, right? Yeah. What's the playbook for your culture?
978
00:51:55.949 --> 00:51:58.889
Like how many, how many big 10 teams and SEC
979
00:51:58.929 --> 00:52:03.739
teams have offensive defensive special teams, playbooks, all of them,
980
00:52:04.300 --> 00:52:07.420
how many of them have playbooks for their culture? This
981
00:52:07.480 --> 00:52:10.079
is what we believe. This is how the behavior shows up.
982
00:52:10.280 --> 00:52:13.099
And this, this could happen in teams anywhere, not sports.
983
00:52:13.719 --> 00:52:16.650
Meaning if you say you, even if you choose a
984
00:52:16.659 --> 00:52:20.510
word like trust or integrity, okay, which everybody uses, which
985
00:52:20.550 --> 00:52:23.030
you do got to have, it's important, right? It's to me,
986
00:52:23.800 --> 00:52:26.920
How do you live out being a person of integrity
987
00:52:27.159 --> 00:52:30.940
at your company? What does that mean to you? That's where, right?
988
00:52:31.599 --> 00:52:34.320
Yes. I love that example you go to because it's
989
00:52:34.360 --> 00:52:37.269
the first one I do. Here's the pressure test I ask.
990
00:52:37.289 --> 00:52:39.130
And that's the word I use whenever I'm asking this.
991
00:52:39.429 --> 00:52:39.610
Yeah.
992
00:52:39.730 --> 00:52:42.849
I say, great. I go, awesome. And it's one company
993
00:52:42.929 --> 00:52:45.329
with 100 people or 10 people in the room, whatever
994
00:52:45.349 --> 00:52:47.590
it is. I say, awesome. What is integrity?
995
00:52:48.570 --> 00:52:48.739
Yeah.
996
00:52:49.639 --> 00:52:52.639
And guess how many definitions there are. as many people
997
00:52:52.800 --> 00:52:55.719
as there are in the room. Some people go like this, well,
998
00:52:55.780 --> 00:52:58.119
integrity is doing the right thing. And I go, awesome.
999
00:52:59.179 --> 00:53:02.320
I live in America. Do people in America agree on
1000
00:53:02.340 --> 00:53:07.519
what the right thing is? And it was like, some
1001
00:53:07.539 --> 00:53:11.199
of our biggest fights are over what two different people
1002
00:53:11.260 --> 00:53:13.909
view as the right thing. So we call it this,
1003
00:53:13.969 --> 00:53:17.230
the culture playbook. This is the same thing for business, right?
1004
00:53:17.329 --> 00:53:21.079
We have playbooks for processes and operations and IT and
1005
00:53:21.179 --> 00:53:23.960
sales and HR and finance. We have, you know, we
1006
00:53:23.980 --> 00:53:26.039
don't necessarily in sales, they call it a playbook, but
1007
00:53:26.099 --> 00:53:28.670
otherwise it's like written processes and standards and all this
1008
00:53:28.690 --> 00:53:31.469
different stuff. But then when it comes to culture or
1009
00:53:31.510 --> 00:53:34.010
behavior styles, like we just use these like empty words
1010
00:53:34.710 --> 00:53:36.329
and yeah, accountability is an empty word.
1011
00:53:37.289 --> 00:53:37.510
Yes.
1012
00:53:37.570 --> 00:53:40.849
Integrity is an empty word, not because the actual thing,
1013
00:53:41.329 --> 00:53:46.099
it's an empty word because they've become empty words. You
1014
00:53:46.139 --> 00:53:49.420
say the word accountability in a business and people run
1015
00:53:49.460 --> 00:53:53.369
away because that word now means punitive punishment. You did
1016
00:53:53.409 --> 00:53:55.989
something wrong. So people are trying to build cultures of
1017
00:53:56.010 --> 00:53:58.889
accountability that run away. So what we do is this,
1018
00:53:58.969 --> 00:54:01.969
to build a culture playbook is we put together something
1019
00:54:01.989 --> 00:54:06.530
called a BBO, belief, behavior, outcome. And we tie people
1020
00:54:07.010 --> 00:54:14.250
into the grounded, practical context. Revenue generating, revenue saving, client winning,
1021
00:54:14.349 --> 00:54:18.969
touchdown scoring, right? Like, like, you know, runs stopping, get
1022
00:54:19.010 --> 00:54:21.670
three outs fast, but you know, whatever it is, whatever
1023
00:54:21.710 --> 00:54:25.489
your context is, what are the beliefs that we hold?
1024
00:54:26.550 --> 00:54:29.969
And then here's the key piece. What do those beliefs
1025
00:54:30.659 --> 00:54:38.139
look like in action? And I think Ryan, Not I think.
1026
00:54:38.519 --> 00:54:42.429
This is bigger than just culture. This is about human beings.
1027
00:54:42.650 --> 00:54:46.869
And here's the test. What is a belief worth if
1028
00:54:46.929 --> 00:54:50.050
we don't act on it? I mean, this is so like,
1029
00:54:50.190 --> 00:54:53.849
this is where I think right now the world, it's
1030
00:54:53.909 --> 00:54:56.530
probably the biggest challenge that we've got going on in
1031
00:54:56.570 --> 00:54:59.989
the world globally right now. And it's really acute, at
1032
00:55:00.010 --> 00:55:05.199
least in the US. What's a belief worth if we
1033
00:55:05.239 --> 00:55:05.780
don't act on it?
1034
00:55:09.840 --> 00:55:10.769
Nothing. Nothing.
1035
00:55:11.389 --> 00:55:14.650
Here's the point. You don't get credit for saying you're
1036
00:55:14.670 --> 00:55:18.829
a person of integrity. You get zero credit for that.
1037
00:55:19.289 --> 00:55:20.150
What do we get credit for?
1038
00:55:20.170 --> 00:55:21.170
Doing it.
1039
00:55:21.230 --> 00:55:26.829
Doing the things that are integrity. My question is this.
1040
00:55:27.719 --> 00:55:28.719
What does it look like then?
1041
00:55:29.460 --> 00:55:29.639
Right.
1042
00:55:30.500 --> 00:55:32.980
Honesty is my favorite example of this is honesty. You
1043
00:55:33.000 --> 00:55:34.619
ask people, who believes in honesty? And everybody puts their
1044
00:55:34.659 --> 00:55:37.599
hand up. Yeah, I do. And I lovingly. No, you don't.
1045
00:55:38.380 --> 00:55:40.059
You believe in selective honesty.
1046
00:55:40.400 --> 00:55:40.599
Right.
1047
00:55:41.519 --> 00:55:45.230
Honesty that what? Especially like husband and wife. The husband's
1048
00:55:45.250 --> 00:55:49.130
always laugh. I'm like, yeah. You believe in what? You calculate.
1049
00:55:49.170 --> 00:55:52.110
Adults do this. You calculate how honest you can be
1050
00:55:52.210 --> 00:55:55.590
with somebody, including your wife, without having to pay a
1051
00:55:55.610 --> 00:55:58.079
heavy price for it. But as soon as you calculate
1052
00:55:58.119 --> 00:56:01.059
that the price for being honest is too high for you,
1053
00:56:02.239 --> 00:56:04.780
you put that honesty below and you either ignore it
1054
00:56:04.900 --> 00:56:06.000
or you actually tell a lie.
1055
00:56:06.019 --> 00:56:06.090
Why?
1056
00:56:06.820 --> 00:56:09.760
Why? So that you don't have to experience the discomfort
1057
00:56:09.860 --> 00:56:12.000
of the honesty in this conversation. We do it in
1058
00:56:12.079 --> 00:56:15.360
feedback in business. Why do people, why do performance evals?
1059
00:56:15.380 --> 00:56:17.340
Why do we have to do the sandwich technique? Say
1060
00:56:17.360 --> 00:56:19.320
a positive thing that you kind of made up, say
1061
00:56:19.340 --> 00:56:20.840
the thing you really want to say, and then say
1062
00:56:20.860 --> 00:56:23.099
the positive thing after. Why do we do that? Because
1063
00:56:23.159 --> 00:56:25.800
we can't handle the comfort and discomfort of being honest
1064
00:56:25.820 --> 00:56:28.780
with each other. We can't just say something and then
1065
00:56:28.860 --> 00:56:31.639
feel that's honesty. It's a little awkward. Let's do this.
1066
00:56:32.380 --> 00:56:36.039
So in culture, What people do is they use these
1067
00:56:36.119 --> 00:56:39.599
fuzzy words. So as what? So that nobody feels uncomfortable.
1068
00:56:40.599 --> 00:56:44.860
What we do is this. Identify the belief. And then
1069
00:56:44.920 --> 00:56:48.139
here's what it is. Understand that is empty until we what?
1070
00:56:48.659 --> 00:56:53.179
Until we map out. This is the behavior that proves
1071
00:56:53.579 --> 00:56:56.579
whether you do or do not believe this. If you
1072
00:56:56.699 --> 00:56:59.559
do it, it's because you believe it. And if you
1073
00:56:59.579 --> 00:57:01.679
believe it, you will in fact do it. But if
1074
00:57:01.719 --> 00:57:03.440
you don't do it, and this is the test I
1075
00:57:03.460 --> 00:57:07.550
hold to myself. anything that I don't do, why don't
1076
00:57:07.630 --> 00:57:11.489
I do it? Because I don't really believe it. The
1077
00:57:11.590 --> 00:57:15.139
testing point for my beliefs is the discipline of my action.
1078
00:57:15.539 --> 00:57:17.019
And then what we do in business and in sports
1079
00:57:17.079 --> 00:57:20.860
is we tie the outcomes that we are all going
1080
00:57:21.000 --> 00:57:26.179
after that are dependent on us living those behaviors out
1081
00:57:27.039 --> 00:57:30.539
at the highest possible standard. So, you know, in, in,
1082
00:57:31.150 --> 00:57:33.949
In sports, it's what do we want? We want to
1083
00:57:33.989 --> 00:57:38.869
be tougher than every team. Well, that's an outcome. What
1084
00:57:38.909 --> 00:57:41.050
is the behavior that would actually earn and produce that?
1085
00:57:41.309 --> 00:57:44.090
That's a culture issue, not a strategy issue. We want
1086
00:57:44.130 --> 00:57:48.170
to be tight and bonded when things get very, very difficult,
1087
00:57:48.469 --> 00:57:52.610
very hard. Well, what's the behavior that's required in order
1088
00:57:52.630 --> 00:57:55.199
to earn that outcome? I can't control it. I can't
1089
00:57:55.219 --> 00:57:58.420
control my behavior. So we tie beliefs, behaviors, and outcomes together.
1090
00:57:58.800 --> 00:58:00.800
And obviously we can do that culturally, but at a
1091
00:58:00.840 --> 00:58:04.039
personal level, right? I call it, it's a character blueprint.
1092
00:58:04.619 --> 00:58:07.960
Build a blueprint for your character where you actually write out.
1093
00:58:08.420 --> 00:58:10.559
And this is so uncomfortable for people, but so good.
1094
00:58:11.380 --> 00:58:15.199
What do you actually believe? Okay. Now this do an
1095
00:58:15.320 --> 00:58:18.579
audit of your life and say, how often do you
1096
00:58:18.960 --> 00:58:23.079
live that belief out in full integrity? Meaning integrity being
1097
00:58:23.119 --> 00:58:28.530
this total and complete alignment in your actions and with
1098
00:58:28.610 --> 00:58:31.659
what you say that you actually believe. And when we
1099
00:58:31.679 --> 00:58:33.840
do this honesty example, people will laugh and chuckle. It's
1100
00:58:33.860 --> 00:58:35.659
a little nervous chuckle because it's like the first time
1101
00:58:35.679 --> 00:58:39.400
they've realized that while they claim honesty, they actually look
1102
00:58:39.420 --> 00:58:41.320
at like their last week and they're like, oh shit.
1103
00:58:42.519 --> 00:58:47.219
I've actually like specifically not had conversations because they were
1104
00:58:47.260 --> 00:58:49.599
awkward for me. And people don't know that I have
1105
00:58:49.619 --> 00:58:52.590
this opinion of them. I'm not even being honest. And
1106
00:58:52.610 --> 00:58:55.579
they look and they have this little uncomfortable smile. But
1107
00:58:56.079 --> 00:58:58.440
I love those moments because that's the kind of self-awareness
1108
00:58:58.480 --> 00:59:02.780
that moves our hearts, that changes lives. I mean, that's
1109
00:59:02.860 --> 00:59:03.639
what this is all about.
1110
00:59:04.030 --> 00:59:06.769
You started when you were 22. I would imagine you
1111
00:59:06.869 --> 00:59:09.929
would go to mentors, ask for advice, ask for help.
1112
00:59:11.110 --> 00:59:12.889
I want to put you in the position of being
1113
00:59:12.909 --> 00:59:18.469
the mentor and the early to mid-20s person who just
1114
00:59:18.510 --> 00:59:22.630
graduated college says, I'm not 100% sure what I want
1115
00:59:22.650 --> 00:59:25.030
to do, but I do know that I want to
1116
00:59:25.070 --> 00:59:27.599
leave a positive dent in the world. I want to
1117
00:59:27.619 --> 00:59:32.619
do good, right? What are some general pieces of life
1118
00:59:33.000 --> 00:59:35.599
slash career advice you give to that person?
1119
00:59:36.199 --> 00:59:38.320
Number one is, and I already said it, but here's
1120
00:59:38.340 --> 00:59:44.010
number one. Be a creator of the energy that you need.
1121
00:59:45.789 --> 00:59:49.170
Don't ever be dependent on the energy around you or
1122
00:59:49.230 --> 00:59:51.230
energy from other people to be where you need to be.
1123
00:59:52.809 --> 00:59:56.059
Learn to create your own energy. Energy comes from somewhere.
1124
00:59:56.079 --> 00:59:58.889
You either create it or you catch it. And it's
1125
00:59:58.929 --> 01:00:04.769
becoming increasingly difficult to count on the energy around you.
1126
01:00:05.829 --> 01:00:08.139
And the older I've gotten in life, the more I've
1127
01:00:08.179 --> 01:00:10.519
seen that, man, if you can't create your own energy,
1128
01:00:11.239 --> 01:00:12.960
you are going to catch the wrong energy from some
1129
01:00:12.980 --> 01:00:14.840
people in your life. And you're going to catch the
1130
01:00:14.880 --> 01:00:18.420
wrong energy from social media or whatever. Be a creator
1131
01:00:18.460 --> 01:00:21.920
of energy. I heard, I believe that for a long time.
1132
01:00:21.960 --> 01:00:24.699
And I heard Mike Rowe on a podcast. He might've
1133
01:00:24.719 --> 01:00:26.920
been on Tim Ferriss podcast or whatever. And he said
1134
01:00:27.000 --> 01:00:29.219
something that he heard from somebody else, maybe from his
1135
01:00:29.260 --> 01:00:31.940
grandpa or something like, you know, when you're listening to
1136
01:00:32.000 --> 01:00:34.210
something and like, you're like walking or whatever. And like,
1137
01:00:34.409 --> 01:00:36.550
it feels like it just arrests your body. Like it's
1138
01:00:36.570 --> 01:00:40.050
just like stonewalls you. Like it's happened when I'm driving sometimes,
1139
01:00:40.070 --> 01:00:41.329
like I have to pull over. This was when I
1140
01:00:41.349 --> 01:00:42.809
was down in Myrtle beach and I was like walking,
1141
01:00:42.829 --> 01:00:45.219
I was just by myself and I listened to this
1142
01:00:45.260 --> 01:00:49.139
podcast and Mike Rowe said, you know, you heard this advice,
1143
01:00:49.159 --> 01:00:51.969
like follow your passion, follow your passion. And he goes,
1144
01:00:51.989 --> 01:00:56.010
that's so wrong. So wrong. He goes, here's, here's the answer.
1145
01:00:57.710 --> 01:01:01.159
Don't follow your passion. Just always bring it with you.
1146
01:01:02.800 --> 01:01:04.400
I remember he said that and I was like, damn.
1147
01:01:05.920 --> 01:01:10.650
My part validating for me because, uh, I feel like
1148
01:01:10.730 --> 01:01:12.829
that's what I've done. But I also flirted with following
1149
01:01:12.909 --> 01:01:14.670
my passion and doing this. And I dropped out of
1150
01:01:14.710 --> 01:01:17.789
college and went to be an actor. I made the mistakes.
1151
01:01:18.250 --> 01:01:21.389
I left Worcester, Ohio three times before I actually went
1152
01:01:21.409 --> 01:01:24.519
and stayed. Missed a year of football. And I graduated.
1153
01:01:24.539 --> 01:01:26.039
And I moved back. And I tried to follow my
1154
01:01:26.079 --> 01:01:29.780
passion to coach sports. But the one thing I did,
1155
01:01:30.500 --> 01:01:31.920
even though I made a bunch of those mistakes, was
1156
01:01:31.940 --> 01:01:36.719
the one thing I did was I brought energy. And
1157
01:01:36.739 --> 01:01:39.929
I bring energy. that I need for me to be
1158
01:01:40.030 --> 01:01:41.570
who I want to be and how I want to
1159
01:01:41.610 --> 01:01:46.210
be regardless of my circumstances. And that has made by
1160
01:01:46.269 --> 01:01:49.929
far the biggest difference in my life is bring the
1161
01:01:50.130 --> 01:01:54.719
right energy to every single situation. That's number one.
1162
01:01:55.619 --> 01:01:58.059
Real quick. Can I, can I, can I interrupt? What's
1163
01:01:58.099 --> 01:02:00.760
the source though? Where do you get it? How do
1164
01:02:00.800 --> 01:02:04.449
you manufacture Korea? Like, how do you bring this? Cause
1165
01:02:04.809 --> 01:02:06.670
I feel like you got to get it from somewhere. Like,
1166
01:02:06.710 --> 01:02:07.789
where does it come from? Yeah.
1167
01:02:08.250 --> 01:02:09.010
My belief system.
1168
01:02:09.570 --> 01:02:09.829
Okay.
1169
01:02:09.989 --> 01:02:12.969
I've identified what I believe. So one of my beliefs
1170
01:02:13.210 --> 01:02:15.750
I wrote down is create my own energy. One of
1171
01:02:15.809 --> 01:02:20.449
my beliefs is contribute and add value. I learned that
1172
01:02:20.510 --> 01:02:22.150
one from my mom. She taught me to leave things
1173
01:02:22.170 --> 01:02:24.610
better than you found them. When you leave a conversation
1174
01:02:24.630 --> 01:02:27.630
with somebody, leave that person better, not worse. And I
1175
01:02:27.690 --> 01:02:30.550
credit my mom with that discernment credit that my dad
1176
01:02:30.570 --> 01:02:34.139
with that, like be discerning in the moment. So my
1177
01:02:34.280 --> 01:02:38.820
energy comes from my belief system, which I have, written down.
1178
01:02:39.119 --> 01:02:42.210
I've documented it. I've put it down. I've not followed
1179
01:02:42.250 --> 01:02:43.130
a template that anybody else taught.
1180
01:02:43.170 --> 01:02:44.949
It's almost like your purpose.
1181
01:02:45.050 --> 01:02:45.690
Yeah, no doubt.
1182
01:02:46.130 --> 01:02:48.730
This is my purpose in life is to do this.
1183
01:02:50.690 --> 01:02:54.070
I derive energy from living out my purpose.
1184
01:02:54.849 --> 01:02:56.210
Correct. At any scale.
1185
01:02:56.929 --> 01:02:57.369
Any scale.
1186
01:02:57.849 --> 01:03:03.010
I don't need significance. I don't need to be... I'm
1187
01:03:03.030 --> 01:03:05.070
as happy having a conversation with one person as I
1188
01:03:05.130 --> 01:03:08.170
am on stage in front of 10,000 Now 10,000 is
1189
01:03:08.190 --> 01:03:11.190
different energy and it's fun for me, but that's, you know,
1190
01:03:11.489 --> 01:03:15.210
like it's living out. I, I, that was why I
1191
01:03:15.210 --> 01:03:18.219
liked football. I was competitive in that way. Like I liked,
1192
01:03:18.449 --> 01:03:21.420
I just liked being able to put energy into something
1193
01:03:21.440 --> 01:03:24.710
that I decided was important. I brought that energy into it.
1194
01:03:25.340 --> 01:03:26.739
And so when I write down, it's like, you know,
1195
01:03:26.880 --> 01:03:28.980
I write down, these are the things that I believe
1196
01:03:29.019 --> 01:03:30.599
in and this is what they look like in action.
1197
01:03:30.659 --> 01:03:32.099
And here's what I think it creates for my life.
1198
01:03:32.159 --> 01:03:35.400
And I attach that to purpose of like not needing
1199
01:03:35.420 --> 01:03:39.010
to accomplish things, but but needing to be doing things.
1200
01:03:39.530 --> 01:03:41.690
And then the outcomes, again, they'll be whatever they are.
1201
01:03:41.710 --> 01:03:42.869
And I don't know what outcomes I'm going to create
1202
01:03:42.889 --> 01:03:47.260
in my life. Like, you know, that's that. So number one,
1203
01:03:47.300 --> 01:03:50.619
create your own energy, be an energy creator, bring that energy.
1204
01:03:50.719 --> 01:03:53.280
And by the way, energy can come from anywhere. Like
1205
01:03:53.840 --> 01:03:55.340
you can get energy from back to the chip on
1206
01:03:55.360 --> 01:03:57.639
the shoulder or, you know, a vision or a goal
1207
01:03:57.679 --> 01:04:01.039
or a system, like explore, like be creative with yourself
1208
01:04:01.079 --> 01:04:03.800
about where you can get energy from, but just never, ever,
1209
01:04:03.940 --> 01:04:05.960
ever be a victim of the energy around you. There's
1210
01:04:05.980 --> 01:04:07.719
too many of those people going on right now. It's
1211
01:04:07.739 --> 01:04:11.269
not immoral or unethical. It's just ineffective. And then the
1212
01:04:11.309 --> 01:04:15.070
second piece that I would just say for everybody is,
1213
01:04:15.590 --> 01:04:17.150
and this goes back to E plus R equals O
1214
01:04:17.170 --> 01:04:20.989
where we started, make sure that your response is always
1215
01:04:21.030 --> 01:04:25.469
better than your circumstances. It doesn't matter what the circumstance is.
1216
01:04:26.670 --> 01:04:31.929
Because if your response is better than your circumstances, you're
1217
01:04:31.949 --> 01:04:34.949
going to be a value creator. You are going to
1218
01:04:34.989 --> 01:04:37.510
find yourself in every circumstance that you can ever imagine.
1219
01:04:37.630 --> 01:04:40.989
I promise you. We were talking beforehand, right? Like, you know,
1220
01:04:41.250 --> 01:04:46.460
my parents got divorced. Make my response better than that situation. Great.
1221
01:04:47.380 --> 01:04:50.179
I had a lot of opportunity. Make my response better
1222
01:04:50.219 --> 01:04:52.699
than my opportunities. I have a lot of advantages. My
1223
01:04:52.739 --> 01:04:57.710
mom's husband, growing up with a big sales guy and
1224
01:04:57.889 --> 01:05:00.369
went to all the Magic Johnson Laker camps. And so
1225
01:05:00.409 --> 01:05:01.949
I got to go hang out with the Lakers in
1226
01:05:01.969 --> 01:05:06.139
the 80s. And we knew Magic and Rampus and all
1227
01:05:06.159 --> 01:05:10.000
these guys. Unbelievable opportunity. Some people call it privilege these days.
1228
01:05:10.119 --> 01:05:16.300
The point is this. A lot of people miss opportunity
1229
01:05:16.440 --> 01:05:18.619
because they get into a really good situation and the
1230
01:05:18.639 --> 01:05:23.500
response isn't as good. So when you get great situations...
1231
01:05:23.389 --> 01:05:27.230
make your response even better. But when you get awful situations,
1232
01:05:27.489 --> 01:05:29.690
when we talked about beforehand, my dad got diagnosed with
1233
01:05:29.750 --> 01:05:32.550
stage four prostate cancer, like state, you know, the first
1234
01:05:32.570 --> 01:05:35.670
time he got assessed and diagnosed was at stage four,
1235
01:05:35.730 --> 01:05:39.969
which is permanent and terminal in March of 2020. That
1236
01:05:39.989 --> 01:05:45.179
situation is not great. Here's our responsibility. Make our response
1237
01:05:45.800 --> 01:05:52.599
better than the situation. So whether you're in like, like tragedy,
1238
01:05:53.039 --> 01:05:55.679
of that level, right? Or like death and all the
1239
01:05:55.699 --> 01:05:56.960
stuff that we have to deal with, or you're in
1240
01:05:56.980 --> 01:05:59.900
this like unbelievable opportunity where like you were blessed with
1241
01:05:59.940 --> 01:06:02.559
great talent or super great intelligence, or, you know, you,
1242
01:06:02.719 --> 01:06:06.320
you find yourself in, in a room where you're like,
1243
01:06:06.340 --> 01:06:08.440
oh my gosh, like, look at where I am. This
1244
01:06:08.460 --> 01:06:12.079
is amazing. The key is this always make your response
1245
01:06:12.139 --> 01:06:16.119
better than your situation. And that applies to like delayed flights, cancer,
1246
01:06:16.800 --> 01:06:20.199
great opportunities, you know, You've got a date with somebody
1247
01:06:20.219 --> 01:06:21.530
that you've wanted to be on for a long time.
1248
01:06:21.699 --> 01:06:24.829
Whatever it is, just make sure that you're responding better
1249
01:06:24.869 --> 01:06:27.650
than your circumstances. That will take you pretty much anywhere
1250
01:06:27.670 --> 01:06:28.170
that you want to go.
1251
01:06:28.909 --> 01:06:31.510
That's the cool thing about the simplicity of E plus
1252
01:06:31.630 --> 01:06:35.030
R equals O is there's so much focus. The event
1253
01:06:35.710 --> 01:06:38.179
is the event, whatever it may be. Like you said,
1254
01:06:38.199 --> 01:06:38.500
flight delay.
1255
01:06:38.519 --> 01:06:39.619
If you can control it, change it.
1256
01:06:39.840 --> 01:06:44.239
Flight delay are way worse. But we have complete control.
1257
01:06:46.449 --> 01:06:48.329
And as humans, like we're the only ones on the
1258
01:06:48.409 --> 01:06:51.630
planet that actually have this buffer between the stimulus and
1259
01:06:51.690 --> 01:06:54.860
our response. And some people are better at that than others.
1260
01:06:54.880 --> 01:06:57.260
And that's really a big part of what you teach.
1261
01:06:57.900 --> 01:07:01.519
The people who understand that buffer between the stimulus and
1262
01:07:01.719 --> 01:07:07.079
our choice for how we choose to respond typically over
1263
01:07:07.179 --> 01:07:11.760
time will have much better outcomes. I like your addition
1264
01:07:11.800 --> 01:07:15.159
to that in the fact that no matter what the
1265
01:07:15.219 --> 01:07:20.199
situation is, make your response better. Awesome situation, make your
1266
01:07:20.219 --> 01:07:24.300
response even better. Terrible situation, make it much better. That
1267
01:07:24.340 --> 01:07:27.400
will then determine the, like playing the long game, the over,
1268
01:07:27.420 --> 01:07:29.719
like even the outcomes when you have a good response
1269
01:07:29.840 --> 01:07:33.429
won't always go your way. I think over the long haul,
1270
01:07:34.809 --> 01:07:37.809
the percentage of them that go the way that you
1271
01:07:37.829 --> 01:07:41.010
would like will probably be much higher if you really
1272
01:07:41.110 --> 01:07:43.110
focus on that R part of the equation.
1273
01:07:44.320 --> 01:07:48.739
A hundred percent. And to capstone that, because you've got
1274
01:07:48.760 --> 01:07:51.340
a lot of people listening to this who have talent
1275
01:07:51.579 --> 01:07:55.409
and have really good situations. Just understand this. The longest
1276
01:07:55.449 --> 01:08:00.389
line in history are talented, unsuccessful people. That's the biggest
1277
01:08:00.429 --> 01:08:04.329
line in human history. Talented people who came from opportunity,
1278
01:08:05.409 --> 01:08:10.780
who never utilized it because their response was lower than
1279
01:08:10.820 --> 01:08:14.039
their talent and their situation. And so you want to
1280
01:08:14.079 --> 01:08:17.399
honor your life, make your response better than your circumstances.
1281
01:08:18.020 --> 01:08:20.020
And that means that the person who comes from poverty
1282
01:08:20.420 --> 01:08:23.439
is just as responsible for responding well as the person
1283
01:08:23.460 --> 01:08:26.199
who comes from privilege because each is its own challenge.
1284
01:08:26.600 --> 01:08:29.659
Especially if you have young people, do not criticize them
1285
01:08:30.260 --> 01:08:32.699
for coming from privilege. Do not make them feel bad
1286
01:08:32.770 --> 01:08:35.489
for coming from privilege because the highest suicide rates going
1287
01:08:35.550 --> 01:08:37.390
on right now in young people are young people that
1288
01:08:37.409 --> 01:08:40.970
come from privilege. Why? Because they have sky high expectations
1289
01:08:41.090 --> 01:08:43.640
and they get no empathy. It's a big deal for
1290
01:08:43.659 --> 01:08:45.420
me because you have a lot of people who are
1291
01:08:45.500 --> 01:08:48.359
coming from really great situations being made to feel bad
1292
01:08:48.859 --> 01:08:51.630
or as if success is somehow guaranteed or required for them.
1293
01:08:52.770 --> 01:08:57.729
And they don't get space to say you're a real
1294
01:08:57.770 --> 01:09:00.729
person and you came from privilege. You didn't create it.
1295
01:09:01.659 --> 01:09:04.359
Like you need to build a better response to this.
1296
01:09:05.180 --> 01:09:07.479
And same thing for kids who come from less. So
1297
01:09:07.880 --> 01:09:09.100
you want to honor your life. You want to honor
1298
01:09:09.119 --> 01:09:14.460
your situation, maximize your response to your situation because opportunity
1299
01:09:14.539 --> 01:09:17.560
and success can easily be your downfall. It can very
1300
01:09:17.600 --> 01:09:20.029
easily be the thing that undermines you. So capitalize on
1301
01:09:20.050 --> 01:09:21.869
that thing, man. Go double down on your response.
1302
01:09:24.020 --> 01:09:27.239
Love it. Definitely be more around to this. I encourage
1303
01:09:27.279 --> 01:09:31.079
everyone to go to dailydiscipline.com. I've been following for years.
1304
01:09:31.140 --> 01:09:33.579
This conversation has been the work for, God, I don't
1305
01:09:33.600 --> 01:09:35.520
know how many years, but I'm just glad that we
1306
01:09:35.539 --> 01:09:37.560
got the first one down and we'll keep this going.
1307
01:09:37.600 --> 01:09:42.989
But just seeing the consistency of how effective your messaging
1308
01:09:43.109 --> 01:09:47.210
is for very bright, talented people, it's helping them. And
1309
01:09:47.229 --> 01:09:50.039
I think you mark it to a group of people
1310
01:09:50.300 --> 01:09:54.199
that are doing very well. And I think that's a
1311
01:09:54.279 --> 01:09:56.949
much smaller group, and it's really hard to do what
1312
01:09:56.970 --> 01:09:59.090
you do, man. So I give you huge props. I'm
1313
01:09:59.170 --> 01:10:01.850
a big fan. I'll continue to be, and I'd love
1314
01:10:01.890 --> 01:10:04.569
to continue our dialogue as we both progress, man.
1315
01:10:05.430 --> 01:10:08.460
Yeah, same here, man. You do such an incredible job.
1316
01:10:08.800 --> 01:10:09.710
And anybody who.
1317
01:10:11.539 --> 01:10:15.119
Produces at this clip and, and, uh, and this consistent
1318
01:10:15.399 --> 01:10:18.699
understands the challenge of, uh, of being in the arena
1319
01:10:18.779 --> 01:10:21.170
and showing up, uh, because there's people counting on it.
1320
01:10:21.239 --> 01:10:23.590
You know, I mean, I, I, I really seriously, as
1321
01:10:23.649 --> 01:10:25.890
I know you do, and, uh, the quality of your
1322
01:10:25.909 --> 01:10:29.489
craft is, is apparent and obvious and the world's a
1323
01:10:29.489 --> 01:10:30.909
better place because you're doing what you're doing, man. I
1324
01:10:31.050 --> 01:10:32.050
just appreciate you having me on.
1325
01:10:32.489 --> 01:10:38.449
Thanks, dude. I really appreciate it. More to come. That
1326
01:10:38.520 --> 01:10:41.640
conversation could have gone on for hours, and I'm certain
1327
01:10:41.659 --> 01:10:44.920
we'll do around two, three, four, five. Who knows? If
1328
01:10:44.960 --> 01:10:46.539
you enjoyed it as much as I did, as you
1329
01:10:46.560 --> 01:10:49.239
could probably tell, send me an email, ryan at learningleader.com.
1330
01:10:49.279 --> 01:10:52.579
Tell me what were the most useful takeaways for you.
1331
01:10:52.739 --> 01:10:57.180
I'll share mine. Goal setting. He said, I'm not into
1332
01:10:57.199 --> 01:11:00.430
goal setting. I'm into system setting. He said, my commitment
1333
01:11:00.479 --> 01:11:04.149
is to execute the system. I would ask you for
1334
01:11:04.229 --> 01:11:08.159
whatever goals you have set, What system do you have
1335
01:11:08.199 --> 01:11:12.569
in place to ensure you're doing the work each day
1336
01:11:13.250 --> 01:11:15.909
that then will make the results take care of themselves,
1337
01:11:15.930 --> 01:11:18.489
which mean you'll hit that goal? That's really what it's
1338
01:11:18.529 --> 01:11:20.930
about when it comes to goals is what is your system?
1339
01:11:21.090 --> 01:11:23.010
When I asked him about the mistakes leaders make when
1340
01:11:23.050 --> 01:11:25.229
trying to change a culture, he said they separate culture
1341
01:11:25.250 --> 01:11:28.689
from execution. In reality, culture is the strongest indicator of
1342
01:11:29.060 --> 01:11:35.159
of execution. And remember the culture playbook, BBO, belief, behavior, outcome, right?
1343
01:11:35.199 --> 01:11:38.630
You set your belief, your value. The behavior are your
1344
01:11:38.689 --> 01:11:41.960
beliefs in action. It's not real unless you actually do it.
1345
01:11:41.970 --> 01:11:44.149
It's not about the words on the wall. It's the
1346
01:11:44.369 --> 01:11:46.989
action that takes place between those walls with your team.
1347
01:11:47.489 --> 01:11:50.369
And he said, the testing of my beliefs is the
1348
01:11:50.409 --> 01:11:53.020
discipline of my actions. Really, it's just about what we do.
1349
01:11:53.850 --> 01:11:56.260
How do you live out Those beliefs, how do you
1350
01:11:56.300 --> 01:11:58.239
live out those values? And then life career advice at
1351
01:11:58.279 --> 01:12:01.060
the end, don't follow your passion. Just always bring it
1352
01:12:01.100 --> 01:12:05.319
with you, the micro advice. Figure out where your energy
1353
01:12:05.420 --> 01:12:08.359
comes from and create it for everything you do. As
1354
01:12:08.390 --> 01:12:10.789
his mom told him, leave people better than you found them.
1355
01:12:10.810 --> 01:12:12.949
You've got to find a way to generate your own energy.
1356
01:12:13.029 --> 01:12:15.430
Where does it come from? How do you bring that
1357
01:12:15.510 --> 01:12:18.949
to each person you interact with? I love that part.
1358
01:12:19.520 --> 01:12:20.859
Once again, I just want to say thank you so
1359
01:12:20.899 --> 01:12:23.420
much for continuing to spread the word, telling a friend
1360
01:12:23.460 --> 01:12:25.539
or two, hey, you should listen to this episode of
1361
01:12:25.579 --> 01:12:28.340
The Learning Leader Show with Brian Kite. I think it
1362
01:12:28.359 --> 01:12:30.619
will help you become a more effective leader. And because
1363
01:12:30.659 --> 01:12:33.180
you continue to do that and you continue to go
1364
01:12:33.220 --> 01:12:37.550
to ryanhawk.net, which then launches you into Apple Podcasts, and
1365
01:12:37.689 --> 01:12:40.510
once you get there, you write a thoughtful review and
1366
01:12:40.529 --> 01:12:43.590
you rate the show hopefully five stars. By doing that,
1367
01:12:43.939 --> 01:12:46.869
you continue to spread the message and continue to give
1368
01:12:46.989 --> 01:12:49.239
me the opportunity to do what I love on a
1369
01:12:49.279 --> 01:12:53.039
daily basis. And for that, I will always be grateful.
1370
01:12:53.079 --> 01:12:55.170
Thank you so, so much. Talk to you soon. Can't wait.