Finding Strength in Vulnerability: Cody Belgarde’s Journey of Healing and Resilience

riverside edit 04 cody raw ets podcast: Welcome to the Every Third Saturday podcast. my name's Tom and we are with our new co host but not new to the show, James Kelly. James, how you doing today? Doing great, doing great. Happy to be here. Good. Glad glad you're here. And our guest today is Cody Belgarden. He is an army veteran, he is a smart guy, he's a thinker and he's someone that we have grown in love here at ETS and and we're happy to have them on today. So Cody, I'll hand it over to you. Just tell us a little bit about yourself. Thanks, Tom. it's good to be here, by the way. Good to be sitting here with you guys. Glad to be here on your first one. This is your first one? In a while. Yeah. Good. Well, I'm glad to be here. I'm a we we live out in Lino Lakes. I got two kids, a nine and an eleven-year-old. my beautiful wife, a dog and a cat. I spent eight years in army, airborne infantry. shortly after that we get we came back to Minnesota here and kinda started started to grind. You know, started finding trying to find jobs and bounced around for a while, so to speak. And so Did you grow up here in Minnesota? I did not. No. I am originally I'm an outcast. I'm from Iowa. I'm a flatlander. Okay. Yeah. We won't hold it against No, we won't. No, I I grew up though taking trips to Brainerd in the summer and we'd drive up in the station wagon all just laying in the back. And that's I remember being in like fifth grade and one time my dad's like, Take a good look, probably never see it again and I was like I doubt that. I'll I'll make sure I see this place again. So I just loved the Brainerd area. I loved coming up here and w as soon as I was eighteen I said, see you guys heading to Minnesota. So then I went to Grand Rapids up there and did some college, played some junior college football, partied I suppose a little too much. But then from there I went to Duluth, hung out there for a while and then rest is history. And so at the is At that point did you join the army? No, no, at that point I was actually I my third year of college in Duluth, after that third year I never went back. I was working as a canoe guide up in the boundary waters in the summertime. And it's kinda what I wanted to do anyway. So I was like, Well, why would I go back to school? And as the school year came closer I realized I couldn't do boundary water trips. But the guy I was working for said, Hey, do you want to be a yurt host? I was like, what's a yurt host? He's like, we have these yurts in the boundary waters and people cross country ski out to We just need someone to groom trail and keep the fire going and cook for I was like, sign me up. So I became a yurt host. Funnest job I ever had in my life. I just groomed ski trail all day, kept a fire going. We'd have these big Mongolian firepot dinners ready for these skiers. I was twenty one, I would drink wine or whiskey, whatever they had, and then cook a big breakfast, then they'd go off and I'd do it all over again. And I didn't have a home. I was living in a camper. So the yurts were like the nicest place to live to stay for me. So I I loved it. Wow. I don't know if I've ever heard that word. No. Yurt. Yeah. Yurt. How do you is it? So it's canvas tent on like a wooden deck. So you put it up off the ground on a wooden circular deck, and it's a big canvas tent essentially. You put wood stoves in big in Mongolia. but they live in there. But I lived in it all winter. Forty below, wouldn't even know. They got big in in your Yeah. That's that sounds just Best job I ever had. Yeah. I want that job now. Yeah, I'd split firewood all day and then room trail and then eat with these people and then drink wine or whatever they had. Like, hey, you drink? Yeah, I'll have we'll have a shot with ya, sure. And then we'd cook this stuffed French toast and sausage and coffee and they'd be out skiing by six in the morning. I'd be up by five cooking. so at a young age it was a good gig. Didn't pay well, but I loved it. Yeah. Yeah, loved it. So That was probably the f and then that's why I didn't really go back to school, but then after that I kinda drifted for a while. I found myself up in Alaska for a while and did that whole thing and and then the military. So how does that work, deciding to go from Minnesota to Alaska? Well, I was really kinda getting into my whole survival you know, thing. Yeah, I'd kind of survived the the winter of in a camper up on the gunflint. And I had friend that a friend that came up who I didn't he wasn't a guy that was you know, f didn't doesn't is doesn't like fancy stuff or anything, grew up on a farm, but he came and looked in that camper and he looked at me and he said You you can't live like this. I was all excited showing in my camper and and everything. It froze all night. But so I kinda wanted to I wanted to do an outward bound course. I don't know if you've ever heard of outward bound. Sure. I did their semester wilderness course, a fifty day semester wilderness course in the in Alaska. It consisted of eighteen days high alpine mountaineering in the Chugach mountain range, which is where they take the seals. And r to train. and then another eighteen days kayaking the Prince William Sound and eighteen days rafting the b the little Nelchina, big Nelchina River, glacier fed water. So it's not something you want to fall in. Right. But then after that, I I'd realize at the time I was doing construction before I'd left for that trip and I realized I didn't want to go back home and roof houses so I didn't get back on the plane to bring us back. Like they the this I remember the guides were sitting there going, Hey, everybody's gotta get on the bus, we gotta go and I was like, I don't wanna get on the bus. Do I have to get on the bus? And I was twenty one, a lot of these kids were eighteen. I might have been twenty two. And they're like, No, man, you can just gonna go about it and take your backpack going. I was like, Yeah, they're like, Cool, awesome. So I stayed up in Seward and kind of bummed around up there for a while, couple days, and then eventually made my way on boat back to Cordova, which is a town, no no road, only boat or plane to get there. And I lived there for a while and I got jobs on commercial salmon fishing boat. So I was on a sane boat and then a Gilnetian boat that summer. It was awesome. It was the best one of the best summers of my life probably. You know, no worries, no kids, just me on a out in the middle of the ocean catching these fish and I long story short, I had family up there that I reconnected with. And my aunt told me before I went out on the boat, she goes, If they ask you if you want if you want money or fish, what do you say? And I said, I want the money. She's like, No, you don't. No, you want the fish. It's worth more than the money. I said, Okay. So I remember when the guy first asked me to to pay me. He said, You want some money? No, I'd like some fish. He goes, Are you a local? No, but I took the fish. it was and that's what I ate, you know. They still live that's the last frontier. They're still living off of the off of just the country, you know, they eat moose, venison and salmon is their main food that they're eating up there. So everything was so expensive in the stores. You couldn't afford it. And of course we were on pace basically an island. So you couldn't go to a local Walmart or anything didn't exist. So what was the what was like the the pay difference between, you know, the fish and the the money? I don't know. And then w with the with the fish, I mean I'm sure some of it, you know, you would eat, obviously. But then would you sell? You're supposed to, that's why she told me to keep it, 'cause she's like you'll you can y what you do is you fillet up and you smoke for four hours and then you cut up and you can And the natural oils, it makes it so good. But you can sell these little jars for nine bucks a jar. And we had tons of these jars. But I loved it so much I wanted to take it home. I said, If I'm going when I go home, I'm taking this with me. So I didn't I didn't sell it. I just kept it and ate it. That's awesome. Yeah. And and I mean she that's when I first started learning how to really cook. Like when I remember when I was gonna stay there, she's You can f live in a tent in the backyard, but you gotta cook. We cook big meals every Sunday, you're cooking this Sunday. I mean I had chores and I was living by the blueberry trees, which isn't the best place to put your tent because the grizzly bears love blueberries. You know, so she was like, Just t take the dog with you so the bears don't get you. I was like, thank you. But yeah, they it was one of the best experiences I've ever had in my life. Yeah. Was that just one summer that you're I I stayed up there one summer. It was getting to become it was probably September and the they have a monsoon season in up there in Cordova. you're talking fifty, sixty mile an hour winds and rain all day for for weeks on end. Wow. So I hit I hit that time, the monsoon time. Didn't see the sun for weeks. and then I remember my aunt saying, Hey, you know There's not much to do here in the winter. You know, your fisherman buddies sit in the bar all winter. So you better figure out what you're gonna do if you're gonna sit in the bar or if you're gonna get a plane and get out of here. And that was like her I I could tell that was her warning of, you know, this isn't the place to winter over. Go go do something else. You can always come back here in the summer but you don't need to sit in this little bar all winter and get in trouble. And I was like good good call. 'Cause she's like, Come October you won't get out. By end of October you'll be snowed in. Wow. They later that year they got like a hundred inches of snow and couple snowfalls, like the National Guard had to go in, dig them out. But just middle of nowhere, Alaska, beautiful. I loved it. Yeah, it's gotta be so quiet. Extreme you're you're just all you see is mountains and ocean. That's it. It's just the mountains and the ocean. It was just it's like another world. You know, but I'd seen that world for a while 'cause like we did the glacier travel, that glacier exploration the exploration we did. We camped on top of a glacier overnight. That was like another world to me. It was just like a creepy, eerie, different world 'cause you're stepping over crevasses and Yeah. then when you camp out on one you have to put in a perimeter and you can't go outside that perimeter. You know, and s 'cause you don't wanna fall and and when you're walking on this thing you're all roped off together. Sure. You know. So that was a whole nother world to me. so yeah, it it was I had a lot of experience I feel like before the military. Sure. Yeah it sounds like you know. So yeah, I I absolutely loved my Alaska time, but I had to get out of there by October. I got a plane and got out of there. and then shortly after that was when I joined the military. Okay. So it was probably a few months because I went back to the same crap, like working construction. I like, Yeah, this isn't what I want to do. and I'm just gonna end up doing stuff I didn't want to and so I said it's time. So I was twenty I guess let's see. No, I was twenty five. So it was a few years after Alaska that I enlisted. 'Cause I was twenty four or four twenty four when I enlisted. I think I was twenty two when I was in Alaska. Mm. So yeah, I few years after. So you were the old man in boot camp. I was very old I d what literally was called the old man. And and not necessarily in boot camp, but once we got to my unit, me and this other guy were the old man. We were twenty seven and everybody else was eighteen. I mean my squad leader I think was twenty three. Basic was okay because they didn't mess with me. I just kept my mouth shut. Right. It was easy. All the young kids are always running their mouth, you know. For me it was easy. And so I think that's why. You had so much experience already. I and I was going there for the right reason. Yeah. I made the choice. It wasn't like I'm eighteen, I've never done nothing. Yeah. I was ready. You know, I knew that that was the next chapter for me because I had done all this other stuff. Wow. And I thought, you know, I've done this. good land nav in Alaska and this fun stuff. I said, but I I think I could I think I could do some more. I think I kinda want to do a little more. So yeah. So where'd you end up bo going to boot camp? Fort Benning. Okay. When I enlisted, like I said, I was working a construction job and I said, hey, I want airborne infantry and I want to go to Italy. And the guy looked at me, he laughed, he goes, "Well, I can't get you any of that." I said, Well let me know when you do. I got a good job. I'll see you later. Mm-hmm. wait, wait here. He says, I got you infantry and I said, Well, I want airborne status or I'm not going. and So he four hours, five hours go by, I'm sitting there. He finally gets me airborne status. He's like, I can't get you Italy, man. It doesn't exist. There's big guys that have been in the military twenty years trying to get to Italy. I said, That's fine. So they sent me to he goes, When you get to you do your first three years after that re up, you can go to Italy. All right, whatever, sweet. So then I halfway through basic I had orders to go to Bragg. We were all going to Bragg. bunch of us that were in at that time. 'Cause we I listed in O six and there was a five, there was a big after that bunch of people processing out. So they switched us halfway through boot camp to Italy. And all of us were we found out halfway through the drill sergeants pulled us up and said, Hey, you know, and called off all our names, about twenty of us and said, Hey, your orders are switched. He said Italy and we all smiled and they said front leaning rest now. And they smoked us for like hours because they're like we've been trying to get there our whole career. This is the first duty station for you guys. And I mean all and it's really the best duty station in peacetime. Because it's it was they were deploying. That's why we were going. They need to fill the ranks. Right. You know. So after a while the joke was over 'cause then the drill sergeants looked at us and said, Well, you're not gonna get to go out and hang out with those Italian girls. You're going to Afghanistan So pay attention. So why'd you want to go to Italy so bad? I don't know, you know, it's one of those things I've it's a place I just had always heard about, read about, thought it'd be neat to see. I've always thought Venice was this interesting place. I loved the Italian food, their women were beautiful, the the way they talk was cool. so it was just I knew from a small kid in Iowa who had never I'd flown on a plane like twice. Yeah, it was just like such a s far off dream that it would never happen. And Be careful what you wish for. Because it did, it happened. So where does the army where is the I've never heard of an army base in Italy? Yeah, okay, so it's the smallest army base in the military. It's no longer I don't know if it exists anymore, it was in Vicenza. So Vicenza is about thirty miles straight, what would it be, east? or west of Venice. Okay. so that area, the northern region, northeast region, so to speak. But very small. I mean it's a tiny base. It was a originally QRF, it's a QRF unit set up originally it was set up in Vietnam for Rangers. It was an elite ranger group and these guys only there for QRF. So they jumped in if you guys got into a bad situation. If a platoon got pinned down, then the one seventy third was jumping in. And they were just gonna they didn't care what was gonna happen at that point. There was no rules when they came in. And then they disbanded because they thought these people are nuts. You know, let's get rid of these r ranger, airborne rangers. And then after so they disbanded after Vietnam and then early nine in late nineties, early two thousand I think it was two thousand or ninety nine, they they started it back up 'cause they realized how important this QRF unit they can just in twenty four hours you can be anywhere. Mm-hmm. That they need you to be in NATO. And you know, so the big deal was to be Ranger tabbed if you were gonna stay there for a long period of time, you're going to Ranger School. Sure. And when they send you to Ranger School, you don't get on that plane unless you have your tab. 'Cause it's a long flight and it's a lot of money. They remind you of that. Hey, you know how much money this is? I bet. You know how many people want to go to Ranger school? So don't come back unless you pass. That was the deal. And then they're like, Hey, by the way, when you're there, try to get other schools too. Because you're not going again once you get back. Right. You know, so So when did you go to jump school? Two thousand six. was in jump school. Was that right after boot camp? No, I got to go to there was a little lag in in jump school, so I went to What was it called? That you that missile. f fire and forget, shoot off the shoulder. I'm trying I'm drawing a blanket javelin school. I went to Javelin School for a while. it's like three weeks. It was a because we had a layover, like anybody wanna go to Javelin School and some of us were like, better than raking leaves all day. That's right. So it was awesome. this javelin is a hundred and some thousand dollar missile that you put on your shoulder and you it's like a video game. Literally you're playing Playstation and you're lock k a a a twelve year old could pick this thing up and fire it better than you and I. And you you s he follows your heat signature of a target and you w launch that thing and go. Once it's up, you can go. Doesn't it just go out and then straight up. You can do a straight up and down or you can switch it to do a s kind of a more vertic but yeah, usually you go up and down and so It was fun, it was cool, but we fired a lot of in Afghanistan. I, however, didn't have rank, so that meant I didn't get to fire it. That meant I just told the squad leader how to fire. So so it was like I had all this training but didn't actually get to to do it. You know these are they're they're fun. They do they it's a big boom, you know. It's pretty cool. But you have to the thing is you don't carry it on patrol 'cause you gotta take the tube back. You can't leave tubes out there. These tubes are huge. Well they'll make a mortar out of it, so you weren't carrying them on patrol. Right. Nice for the fire base in the middle of nowhere, but yeah. So the one seventy third was it's like you could run across I think it's a couple miles wide, the base itself, like two or three miles wide. Wow. It's a tiny I mean there's Bagram Air Force Base much bigger than Vacenza. one seventy third. It was the smallest in the army. And I think they I think that base is no longer I think they moved to a bigger base because we couldn't run Air Force out of there. We'd have to drive fourteen hours on a bus to ob jump. That was the worst. Fourteen hours with all your gear like on your lap. Miserable. Yeah, miserable. So once they fix and you know, you then you'd go there and you'd go jump into Germany from there. and then hope your other stuff just ha happened to be there. 'Cause all you had then was your ruck and your weapon. Right. Hope my A and B bag makes it. So yeah. So so you saw you got to Italy? Got to Italy. Saw Germany. Germany yeah, they'd only let us go for training. Like so what happens is during Oktoberfest right now you're in the box training 'cause everybody they're not gonna let infantry airborne take out passes to October. Not gonna happen. And so you're always in the box training during that time and they do that on purpose. so I saw Germany, but in the coldest, wettest, miserable months ever. Miserable. Living out in the box for a month. Yeah. So you'd jump in and then you'd have a a month in there and about two weeks in you'd get to refit for like a day or two. But you jumped in and at two weeks you were just with your ruck and weapon, whatever you had. Sure. So and then and then you got orders to Afghanistan. We actually had orders to Iraq first for we trained for the first seven, eight months going in knocking down doors, training for that, and then all of a sudden It just was like all of a sudden chain of command comes down like, Hey, shift fire, we're going to Afghanistan. We got three months. So then we ran up to the northern border kind of by Austria and ran around the mountains up there for a while to try to get acclimated. It just wasn't enough time. You know, we had a couple I was really impressed with the Swiss, some of the there was some other military guys up there. I couldn't even tell you really who it really was, some commandos. They were doing battle drills up the mountain. And I just I just couldn't believe it 'cause it's just on normal flat ground. It's tiring. These guys we couldn't even keep up. And we were like, we're not ready for this. These guys are ready. They're not going though. Right. We should have been doing we should have been doing it was incredible to see. So at least I got to see what that that could be done before we got there, 'cause once we got there it was like, my gosh, what are what are we doing here? No, we weren't ready for that. You c you just mountain warfare school might prepare you for that, but I don't think you're getting that unless you're SF. Right. You know? So there's not a lot that the regular army can prepare you for for that mountain warfare stuff. Sure. Unless you go run around the mountains for twelve months, which we didn't do. Right. So it was a shock getting to to Afghanistan. More than I don't even know if shock's the right word. What time of year did you get there then? We got there in March of two thousand seven. So we go through two fighting seasons 'cause we were on a fifteen month deployment. yeah, it was shock, fear. there's No words to describe it 'cause it base camp was at ten thousand feet. Wow. And for flatlanders like me, I'd never seen you know, I I luckily I'd gone up to Alaska and done some stuff and done that. I think that helped prep me for what I was getting into, but none of us were ready for that. I mean it took you'd take ten steps and want to fall out, let alone go on a real patrol. Right. and I remember when We were coming off the bird and the other guys were coming on. I'll never forget the look in their eye. Just they just just a salty glare, you know, and almost like they looked right through you. You know, like they were ghosts. And I just remember that, like, my god, these guys what and then that was us, you know, and a month later that was us. That yeah. That just that salty the I call it the PTSD stare, the trauma stare. You know, where it just you just look right through people. It's like they're there but they're not, you know. Right. Yeah. And we took mortars right when we came in. As they were leaving and we were coming in, they're like, get to the bunkers. Yeah, that that area they were they were hot on us. They were not liking the fact that they were like, they're switching out. We're gonna welcome the new guys. Huh. And so you ended up fifteen months? Yes, fifteen months, which is which is an exceptionally long time. when you see like so we have the Marines out there, ETTs. I I think that's what they were. They they'd help run the Afghan army, which is a terrible job to have, but they would be one of them and I remember we went through four of them guys 'cause they'd be on three month deployments. So five of And they I remember them every time they'd look at us and say, I'm sorry, man, I I'm going home. You know, that's three months is enough. Like I can't believe you guys got thirteen months left or twelve months left after the first one and then the next one and the next one and yeah, it was a long haul, but at least they told us fifteen months right away and said, Hey, you're doing nine and twelve. Right. We relieved Tenth Mountain guys. We relieved Tenth Mountain out there. They were out there for for twelve months, went home, were home for a week. They spun back up to go to the same crap they were just in, the same place. Guys got arrested because they refused to go. They had PFCs as squad leaders out there 'cause guys just said, I'm not going back. Right. And so when they got back out there like for the next three months they were just run ragged. they'd basically quit doing s a lot not quit doing patrols, they couldn't do a whole lot, you know. Ask these guys to get home with their family and you're home with your kids and now you're gonna go back. Think about that mental breakdown. yeah. And what one seventy third is out of Alaska, or the one seventy second out of Alaska. They were over Alaska, did a U turn, went back. Afghanistan. No way. And you wonder why we have such mental problems in the you know military. You can't do that to people. Right. So literally I remember flying out of there and we were all like, none of us ever believed that we would go back. Even when you're back for a while, you're like, well, are they going to send us back? I mean, once you got back stateside, you're like, they'll have to fight me to get me back over there. Right. When you get to the right deployment, you know, I've known guys that did four or five and good for them, but you get into the right one, you're like, I Think I all my lucky stars are gone. Right. I think I better just hang out. Yeah. Hang out in the rear. Huh. So you get h get home from deployment. and what is what does life look like then? Where are you stationed? Back in Italy? Yes, yes, yes, sir. I was back in Italy. Loved it. That's where I I ate my way out of Italy. So eating was my therapy. And what great therapy to have. So Yeah, I got back and I'd got married. so I had I had that going for me. I had my wife, we traveled Italy, it was loved it. Spent all our money traveling every second we could. Is she Italian? No, no. She's she's from Minnesota, so We just traveled and ate. I literally would eat they'd go shopping and I'd just walk around with my dog and eat in different restaurants all day long. I'd eat three or four meals before lunch. Eat another three in the afternoon. I kid you not 'cause some of are small. So I mean I'd eat some of the same places twice in the same day 'cause it was so good. What was your favorite? They make this Pasta with like cheese and ham in it. It's like a little ball of pasta with cheese and ham and they put it in like a white sauce. You know? my gosh. it's so simple but so good. But I'm telling you, every meal I ate a pizza because they're only like this big, so that was my appetizer. So I gamped on a lot of weight and and the it's 'cause I Put on a lot of weight 'cause we weren't doing much PT when we got back, you know, a lot of act, you know, a lot of us were just strung out. Right. We were done. And, you know, my squad leaders were guys that I spent whole deployments with who were my same rank and now had moved up and they weren't really making us do much PT anyway. So I got really out of shape. And then from there I had to go I re enlisted. So my good friend Sal Junta, who was the first living Medal of Honor recipient since Vietnam came down to me and he goes, You're gonna be stop loss, stop move. I said, You kidding me? He said about right he said about a month before you get out, you're gonna get stop loss. So What are you gonna do? You gonna deploy again or you wanna re up? And if it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have known this. I just would have gotten stop lost and got deployed again. So I was like, Well, I better re up. I don't want to deploy again. I just wasn't ready. I wasn't in the mindset. You didn't in a way you have the experience, but if you don't have the right mindset, you shouldn't be out there anyway. And I said, I don't have the right mindset to go back there again and especially with only being off, let alone a maybe a year to go back. So I re upped and ended up going to Fort Benning. one two nine unit which was all like a they help with basic training in a way. At least I thought that's where I was going. That's like the good gig. You know, it's the one everybody talks about. Well I didn't get that one. I end up going to a mechanized unit and the infantry airborne does not go mechanized. It doesn't work like that. You know, that's like demotion, you know? Right. And it wasn't too bad, but we put on these dog and pony shows for all the officers that are coming up in the military. We show what the infantry can do. It's just a waste of money but it's really cool. So you got Bradleys driving out shooting live ammo down at tanks. There's stands full of people. Civilians, all the colonels, all the generals, all the upcoming s officers. And so then there's just this we put on this show, strikers, drones, just to show what the infantry can do because a lot of these officers don't know and they're going to lead these groups. Right. So it's really cool, you know, when the we lower the ramp, guys run out with saws. I mean, it's just it's just massive firepower at this range. It's really kind of for a it civilian, you feel it. Like you feel it. We're shooting live range. Like there's a Bradley driving, shooting down rain, just Bradley's turning but the gun stays locked on target. It's really a cool show but after you do it a hundred times you're like, yeah so I had I got there and had to start driving Bradleys and gunning a Bradley and hated it. I just I infantry airborne guys wanna walk. I don't wanna be in that that thing, you know. And I kinda claustrophobic anyway. So I I always wanted to drive 'cause being in back you don't really have an option, you know, to you're just stuck there. At least when you're driving you can get out or let them out or whatever. I just didn't like it. But I was a good driver and then I gunned and just did all the stuff there that needed to be done. But it was miserable. A lot of people would would depl request to deploy from that unit. Mm. They made it miserable, right? They made it just terrible. But I'd always tell these guys, I'm like So we get off of work. There's a Buffalo wild wings down the road. We will get off of work today. Like, don't deploy. Telling you they're like, I hate it here. I'm gonna go. I'm like, no. Come have a beer at Buffalo's with me, man. There's not one of those in Afghanistan. I've I've been there. So all it was so miserable. A lot of these guys that just kinda had it I'd say easier deployment took off and and would deploy. But Having said that, I will say one thing. When we were in Afghanistan, I remember I had to go to EMT school. We'd lost like three medics at the time and they sent me and another guy to go to b be trained medics and Trying to think of what base that was at, but it's where this SF was stationed. But I remember some guys there. They they said, Hey, what you know, you you guys are out in the corner. I said, Yeah, they said, you know, we're the that that that's where the morgue was, was where we were. And they're Yeah, I'm sick of seeing this. Your buddies always come from there, you know, and come in here. He's like, that must be hard out there. And they asked us all about, like, hey, you know, I didn't come here to get a degree. They're like, Can you get me out there? Can we can we go out there with you guys? So we actually re- recruited while we were there several guys because we were low on dudes. We had guys that were wounded. They were we had four man gun teams. That's usually a seven man team. So here are these guys that were not in our unit. They were in our Germany unit that just begging to go out and we brought them out. We called our first sergeant up. We're like, hey we got guys volunteering to come out and he's like okay we'll get out. So that really was good to see. 'Cause a lot of guys were just getting a a degree online in the guard shack. Right. And these guys were like, I c I didn't come here to do that. I don't want to see another guy die. Let me go out and fight. So it really gave me a boost of confidence. Sure. And s and so now you got a w you got a wife? Yeah, yeah, wife, two kids. Right. Cat and dog. But a at that time you married. did you deploy again? No. She said no more deployments. and at that time I was just re enlisting so I could do my other four and be done. I never had I was like, I'm not doing twenty. I never never went in to do twenty, to be honest. I went in to pay off some debt and to kinda have fun and see what it would be like. But it to me it was never I never actually imagined it being a twenty year career or anything. the funny thing is the guy I was roofing with, he played foot high school football with me. I remember I'd left work one day and said when I leave and it was it was we were arguing with each other. I I'm gonna go join the army, man. I can't stand you anymore. We were good friends. He goes, Well let me know if you do. I said, Well why is that? 'Cause I will too. So one day I left work, I joined, you know, I told him he's like, What? So then he joined. Two weeks later he shows up in Italy. So my good friend was there with me the whole he did twenty years though, just got out. That's funny. So my good good buddy was with me in Italy and and we hung out, had a great time. So that's small world. Yeah. Wow. So at that point, how long had you been in? after the deployment. Mm-hmm. So I did that was after the deployment would have been three and a half four years, right? Or three and a half years. So then I did my fourth year in Italy and then I left there. that fourth year after that, I left there for Benning. I went to the talk about a culture shock. Yeah Yeah, I was just thinking that. I cried I listen guys, I cried like a baby when I left Italy. We lived out in the country underneath an Italian family. they they acted like we were their f kids. Their daughters were our age could speak English. Me and the the the dad he didn't speak any English. I'd help him chop wood. We would have coffee and and wine all the time. Constantly fed us. It was they were like my second family. I loved it. I I never I can't wait to go back. It's where I would retire if I could. I literally cried Stay in touch with them? Yeah, we do. My wife stays in touch with them. I cried like a baby. I literally bald. I was just like I'd, you know, lost my dog when I left that place. I felt so connected to Italy. It was a weird feeling. I I felt more at home there. The four years I was there I never once came home except for after deployment to get married. All these guys would I'm like, why are you going home? What the hell? You've been home. Italy. There's the Canary Islands. I went there. It was it was so easy to get everywhere. Like, why would you go home? A visa is right there. Do you know what this place is? These kids didn't even know what it was. Party central guys. So yeah, yeah, it was I just What a great experience. And I I will go back. We will go visit them. I I hope to someday retire there and just live in Italy just because the people, the culture, the wine, it's just the best experience I've ever had. It's just so laid back, the nicest people, cheap wine, wonderful food. I can't wait to to be back there again someday. How did you meet an American girl in Italy? Well I didn't. So we'd we had met in college. Okay. in Duluth and I was a room. her brother's roommate, and we just kept in touch. We were good friends and then after deployment we released during deployment we started talking a little bit. We always talked. We were good friends. We were best friends. I mean we'd talk for hours at end but it just became more and more after deployment. And I said, she was like, Hey I wanna go to Italy with you Like, yeah, it doesn't work like that. You gotta be married. She's like, I wanna go to Italy with ya I didn't get it, you know? I'm like, No, you gotta be married. so yeah, I mean it it worked out. I'd known her if we were best friends for six or seven years, you know, before we Yeah. Like we decided to get married and I was like, You think I could maybe hold your hand or something? We haven't already done that yet. Maybe just a kiss. So yeah, we we had a really strong connection as friends and then marriage just came later. It was inevitable. Wow. So how long you've been married now? Almost twenty years. So we're getting close. I think it's nineteen years now. Nice. Yeah. Congrats on that. Thank you. Well, y you know as well as I do it's it's like a saint. You know, mm they are you know, us veterans with spouses that have stuck with us at such a high divorce rate and for good reason they send these guys off constantly. They're never home. So to have ones that stick around it's pretty special because they've been through a lot. You know. They they're under recognized. Yes. For their role in in veterans' life. Absolutely. Yeah, I wish we could somehow recognize them more for for their their d deployment, their tour. Right. They're on a tour of duty. Yeah. Except theirs is much longer than ours was. And then the aftermath is you know, a whole new ball game. The the person they married is now n non existent. It's funny you say that because my wife said that so many times. She said, Where is the guy that I married, you know, that I knew before? Not the guy I married, 'cause she married me after deployment, but where is that guy I knew before? You know, I always would kinda jokingly say, I I don't know. You know, I I don't know if I'll ever know that guy again. But she would say that. So it's interesting you just said that. Yeah. Very tough transition. What do you guys think is the the secret, you know, to you guys both being, you know, married so long. Good women. The best it's really the them. 'Cause they they could have I'm sure why a lot of them a lot of marriages don't make it is because the woman finally gets sick of it. Yep and walks away. Yeah. 'Cause it's not we're not the ones that are gonna hash it out. Hey no, let's sit down and talk about this. I I think it's mutual respect and communication. Yeah. you know, there has to be a level of respect for what she goes through. and recognition on the veterans part that hey, I'm not that easy to love. You know. Yes. I'm a little thorny and and you know and then communication I think having Our marriage my marriage grew immensely once I let her in on what wa was going on for real. once we became teammates in that fight changed the whole thing, the whole trajectory of our our marriage and our life. To say, you know 'cause for the first few years she didn't even know I was Geez. That I had PTSD or I had been anywhere or how scary was that when you you know, you Like like no crap. Well it was involuntary. Really? Yeah, I got triggered and I had a meltdown. And just and just it all came out and let her know w you know, what the real deal was. But I was always afraid she'd think I was a monster. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and that that she'd she'd walk away. but no, she she just held me while I sobbed and and Me let me get it all out and then you know, we're still working on it to this day. But absolutely. You know, it's been twenty two years, but We're we're still working on it, but we're working on it together. And I can tell her things and you know, it's the It's one thing that sucks about therapy is that she's not in there. I w I would prefer that she be in there for my therapy session. Yes, I agree. They're they're more of a therapist than the therapist is. They know more about us. Right. 'Cause we're not gonna answer it necessarily Our our truth is different than what they see. Right. So they're like, No, no, it's not like that. It's not how you see it, but how I see it is this. So it's almost like they should be in there. I kind of feel like the police force and the firefighters, they've done a good job of getting therapy for their f them and their families. But I was asking my wife the other day, you know, is there is there stuff for veterans in their families? Like my kid, you know, I've pushed off the secondary s symptoms onto my son and my daughter, and we see Them struggling, and it's gosh, this is you know, you kind of feel at fault, and it's like, you know, I wish there was somebody that my kid could talk to because he won't talk to me. But he's get he's got the anger, he's getting the anger starting to come out. Yeah, and it's just it's like, well, he's only nine, you know, and so I've genetically pushed these some of these symptoms off onto him, and it's scary, and it's like we need to, he needs to, you know, talk to someone about this because he's not talking to me about it, right? So I feel like there should be more. for veterans' families to have all involved or something, especially the wives. Yeah, I mean she's my rock and my teammate, like I said, and you know, some so I always have to relay what we talked about in therapy to her. And that's never a good relay. Yeah, never I never get it right. No. You know, if she was there in real time it would be so much different. But you know, and I have I have a great I have a great psychiatrist and stuff that I that I see, really happy with that, but it's it's just it's just hard on that relay, like what did we talk about? I don't know. I You know, I listened to that one of you and your wife talking. You guys did. And I feel like maybe more veterans need that more 'cause I think there's a lot of married couples out there that are right there on the verge of what do we do. And if they heard your guys' stories more that they'd be like, Okay, I just gotta stick with it, it'll get better. Yeah. You know, 'cause a lot of those women are sitting there going, I I don't know what to do. You know, well, there's help. We can help, but they just don't know. Right. If they stick with it long enough it works out, but there's so many of those marriages get to that point where it's that breaking point and there's no support for those women 'cause they need just as much support as the the the veteran does. Or or the male spouse, whoever it is. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's it's excellent that you have that you ha it sounds like you have a teammate as well. I mean it's everything. My wife, yeah. I I think about all the veterans who didn't have that teammate and where I'd be without that teammate. And and it'd probably be a darker picture for me. So I was in a dark place for a long time after deployment and I just kept thinking, Man, if I didn't if I didn't have her, where would I be? All these other guys that don't have that. I mean I just kept thinking I'd all I wanted to do was run off to Thailand and overdose. Right. You know, literally on a beach. Right. All I wanted to do. But I was like, I can't do that to her, you know, and sh n neither and at the time it that's just a thought, but it wasn't like an actual I like there's no way I could do this. But if I didn't have her, that thought might a kept carrying on. Right. You know, and all those poor people who didn't have that teammate, I just feel really, really bad for those folks 'cause I had a really good t have a really good teammate. Sure. So after service, what what'd you do next? Struggled. You know, for a w I didn't really s I mean, it was tough to find work. I remember coming out of the eight years in the military and the first job I got was thirteen bucks an hour and I was, you know, quoting some construction stuff, but you know, I thought this is a good gig. No, it wasn't. It's not gonna pay any money. so I was basically looked at my peers who didn't join the military and they were so far ahead of me. Leaps and bounds. I mean they were managing people and I was starting over, I felt like. Literally felt like I was starting over. It was twenty thirteen. And I was like, what am I gonna do? And so I just struggled for a while, bouncing from job to job. I finally started my own business doing deck restoration. Did that for a while, but that was seasonal. How did you how did you do that? Like where did that come from? So the funny story is I was working a advertising company called Save On. It's a magazine. And you go to you go to business owners and you try to see if they want to advertise in this thing. Did that for three years. I loved it. But then I'll I was trying to get these deck guys to advertise with me because all these people kept saying, hey there's no deck guys in your magazine. Get us some deck guys. We need our deck, you know and and I always had worked on mine and I that first job was a deck restoration company that I was quoting for. So I saw how they did it and everything. And I was like, okay, this is how they and I'd do some of the labor for Them too. And then I realized, well, this is this isn't why am I only making thirteen dollars for them? I can do this. And so I and I all these people were begging me to advertise deck stuff. And I told my boss, I'm like, hey, I think I'm gonna quit and start a deck restoration business. And he's like, Cool, put an ad in here. And so he was all about it. You know, usually you tell your boss you're leaving, but he was different. He was an entrepreneur kind of mindset, loved it, gave me a great deal in that ad, and I started. I sanded decks all day and then stained and sealed. Labor intensive. very labor intensive. So After that gig was when I started bouncing around do that for about five years, then bounced around sales jobs. 'Cause I wanted that commission. I just didn't want to sell. I can't I just have a hard time working for just one amount of money. I want to have that option to be able to create more. Right. So the commission jobs sound really exciting, you know. They they do a good job of that. So I did everything, sewer lines, insurance, like I've sold roofs, siding windows, I I I can't even let's see what else have I sold. an and any now to equipment, you know. So I've been in a lot of different sales roles to say the least. Any favorites in there? or you know the easiest money I ever made in sales was sewer line sales. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You cam a sewer line People have a backup in their house and you go put a camera down there and in Minneapolis it's all clay sewer lines. These are old sewer lines. They just fall apart. So with then you have to go and then you show these people with a camera the problem and then you either gotta repair it or fix the whole line. So you either band aid it, that's gonna cost you six grand, or you fix the whole thing, that's fifteen. And, you know, when you got three inches of wastewater in your basement. Right, yeah. It's an easy the the the husband's at work, the wife's like Winking you get here. Winking your guys get here. I mean there was no sell. It was just it was so easy. So but you're also around fecal matter all day. Right. You know. But it was it was, you know, you kinda wore nice clothes, you just run this camera down through there, you know, show the stuff and it was it was just so easy. I just I made really good money. But then covet hit and they laid some people off. They kinda slowed down a little. Even they didn't slow down. they they we sped up. Work was it w once COVID hit got so busy because everybody was home. Right. And what did they run out of? Toilet paper. Yeah. It's almost like the plumbers were were wanting this to happen. So it was a great deal for them, but they just didn't really need a sales guy 'cause the people were just calling like, Can you get here? Can you get here? And so that's when I kind of stepped off. I started doing other other ones. But that was the easiest Sales job I've ever had. You don't snack much though with that gig. Or too gum. You're not like you know, hey, I after that job, once I got that job, I've never licked my fingers ever since. my gosh. Like I won't just won't do it. So A little s switch of gears, but you do something very cool in your backyard on each memorial day. Yeah. So how did that start? okay, so I remember the first year when I was out and we were living up there and I had that started because I I wanted to do something. I always wanted to do something. And I remember I had a couple tiki torches in a fire pit, you know, sitting out there on Memorial Day and I thought, Well this is this is kinda cheesy. This is really not that special. And then and I kept thinking over the years, you know, what can I do? What can I do? And I did prolonged exposure therapy. and that kinda really helped me realize that, you know that tribute could really help me as well. So I really after that delve deep into this and, you know, started to accumulate all these posters, you know, of all the KIAs and and get all this stuff. and so it just over the years it gets I I add try to add more and more and get bigger and bigger each year. And it's just slowly grown to what it is now and wh I have so much more bigger ideas for this. Just all comes with space and money and all that. So I always have to kind of budget because I get out of control. Like lay Memorial Day is my vacation. That's I don't we don't take a vacation. We'll go up to the cabin where there's no running water, but my money is saved for that weekend. Okay. So that I can get the bounce house, the big obstacle course and spend all this money that you I just I just want it right. I want to do it right. And that's that's my vacation. That's we look forward to that weekend every year. That's what I li I look forward to that. So what I do is there's a there's from the first and second battalion that since Italy the one seventy third's so small, it's only two battalions in that unit altogether and I'm not first bat, I'm not as familiar with some of them. But second battalion I've got all the KIA photos out on an easel in a in a formation. there's big huge obsts in the front cul de sac where the kids can play, just stuff for the kids, kind of more like in a a day for fun, you know. and food and then people come from all over. One of the KIA, his dad came two years ago. Couldn't this last year 'cause he was really sick in the hospital, but said it was the best memorial day he's ever had since his son died. so hopefully Ron hopefully Ron will be back this year if he's feeling better. And that was the intention was, you know, I just wanted to make sure that these family members know that we we remember. 'Cause some of these guys had three year old boys and three year old girls at the time. Like I just want them kids to know someday that they'll see that and be like, We didn't forget your dad. You know? So and and so people come from all over the neighborhood. I just invite whoever to come and have food and drinks and then at three o'clock we have a moment of silence. I put on my class A's, we have a moment of silence. 'Cause at three o'clock every day on Memorial Day is that's the moment of silence you're supposed to have. And then after that we do taps and I salute to the and that we have all the kids are right by me. So my kids and everybody's kids are all right there. and then after taps, two years ago We had Ron His son for about 15 minutes talked about his son. and Ron is actually a therapist, works with veterans, so he knows the importance of telling a story and talking about it. Because I remember I got done talking, I said, Hey, I just wanted to let you know, thank Ron for coming and everything. And I said, You want to say something or you want me to say something? He goes, Could I say something? And I said, Sure. For 20 minutes, no one said a word. Every little kid sat there and listened. It was beautiful. Wow. So that's kind of what I hope is that maybe we We'll get more family members that come to this little gathering because Ron said he's like, I've been to these big dog and pony shows. He's like this just feels so right. You know, it's just 'cause most people there, they aren't they aren't of the veteran community. They're just friends that I and my neighbors who didn't, you know, may have had a grandpa or something, but it's just people who love being there and love learning about these young men. That's really cool. Yeah. So I tell their story. Like people come up, they're like, tell me about him. Come on, I'll tell you about you know. And that's really what we should be doing on Memorial Day. It used to be such a terrible day for all of us. I remember thinking this is a miserable day at first when I first before I started doing this. Like and I knew all my friends were self-medicating. I knew all we're gonna hear about is bad things on this day. We've got to turn this day around. And my son now weeks before he'll say, I can't wait for Memorial Day. I say, Me too, buddy. So it's great. Perfect. Come check it out. Come sometime. It's any every Memorial Day we we do it. You gotta be there before three because we do taps at three o'clock. Eventually. ideally someday I'd like to do a live twenty one gun salute 'cause we do a recording of a twenty one gun salute and then taps place a recording. Eventually I'd like to have it live someday. Where do you I'm in Lino Lakes. Okay. So there's duck hunting right by us, so I know it wouldn't be a problem. I just gotta get find the right people. I was gonna say if you were in northeast Minneapolis it might No, we're in a good spot. You can literally duck hunt like right across the street. So I know it could be done and so someday I hope to do it live and then have a a a real you know, trumpet there. So it'll be it just keeps getting better every year. Then like you said, Mike you guys had well John had Mike Max contact me last year and I first told him no. He's like, hey we wanna come out and do a bit. I said no, I'm not interested. I said I don't want to get away from what it's for. Right. You know, and that's it's not for me. But you know, he s and then he called back and he's like, Look, I know we'll we'll be very respectful and we w and so he could that second call I was like, Okay, you know, you can come. So it worked out Well you have lived a very interesting life. Yeah. It's been fun so far. I can't wait for the next forty, fifty years. I was gonna say, what what plans do you have for the next Big plans I would say. I I have so many plans as far as where I wanna go, what I wanna do, it's hard hard to really put it into perspective 'cause I think a lot of us live in such a small bubble that we don't we only see what's on our radar screen and our radar what's there's really a lot of this our radar screens are like this, right? But What's out here? Right. What's what what what don't we know? And so I've really ever since ET you Warriors Return, I've really just been this growing mindset and reading more and just I wanna travel more. I before I didn't. I was stuck, I was good just being scared in my bubble. Mm-hmm. And now I just can't wait to see where I go, what I do. I mean it the sky's the limit. I'm just I just wanna continue growing because if you're not growing, you're dying. Right. And so I wanna wanna just read, I wanna do everything I can as far as traveling. I wanna meet as many people as possible. Have the hopefully have an impact on people. Hopefully do something with the the fire teams, you know, and have an impact on that. Yes. You know. There's it's just it's so exciting because I I don't wanna be that guy that tries to say exactly what I'm gonna do because I think the universe has its plan and I don't want to get in the way. Right. 'Cause that's how I got to to Warriors Return. You know, I didn't have a plan. I just was like, Hey, I'm gonna go do this and then went and did this and it got me to here. And so I never imagined I'd be here, you know, and so you guys were off my radar screen. Right. And so that's why I gotta you gotta keep that in mind. Like it's Just what's off my radar screen? What it's what's out there for me, you know? Just treat every day like it's Christmas Eve. Keeps it exciting. Yeah. There's a guy that says if our main goal, like everybody says, these big goals, right? Our main goal should just to be happy now. Like feel good now. And if you and and just f whatever you do and just feel better than you are right now. Start there. You always want to make a million dollars or go do this. Why don't we just start by feeling good? Right. And then just try to put that off on someone else. Like, hey, I feel good. Maybe I get by someone else and make them feel a little bit better. You know, instead of like that's my goal. To feel better now and to to help other people feel better now. Love that. That's where I'm going. That's beautiful. Yeah, I love that. That's a beautiful thing. So I think I think we'll probably end on that because it doesn't get much better. Right. unless you unless you have some, James. No, I think that's perfect. That's that's a that's a beautiful thing. I think that's how you change the world. Yeah. It's been fun. It's been fun. Let's not do the Minnesota goodbye though. Well, Cody, thank you for coming on. Thank you, Cody. Thank you for doing it. It's super interesting and you know, just really glad that we know you. We're really glad that you're part of the family here at ETS and forever. And you know, you're just you're just one of those bright lights when you come in. Every time. I'm I'm sure you have your moments, but I've I've never seen you pissed off. I've never seen you Warriors Return did that for me. Warrior's Return set me on the right path. You know, I mean I I I I was there. I was. But you know, like people utilize Warriors Return for what you what it is and what you learn in there. It can change your c whole outlook on life. Absolutely. I'm living proof of it. So thank you. Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you, Cody. Appreciate it.