WEBVTT
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[SPEAKER_00]: A couple of Sundays ago, I was at the office working and I had taken a break for lunch and I was sitting outside, the weather was perfect, I was eating my lunch and just enjoying my time.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I just really love working on the weekends.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I know that sounds weird, but I'm here by myself.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I can hunker down and focus and get so much done.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's nobody to interrupt me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: When you're running two businesses, you get interrupted a lot.
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[SPEAKER_00]: People always have questions, there's always meetings, there's other things to do, seeing patients, seeing members.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So the weekends just feel so luxurious.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I get to,
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[SPEAKER_00]: Focus on creation and mark stuff off my to-do list, which is literally like a biggest dopamine hit for me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And as I was sitting there enjoying my lunch, the weather, I suddenly got a pain of guilt.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought, am I a bad mother?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I am at work on a Sunday by myself.
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[SPEAKER_00]: and I love it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And even as I say that out loud right now,
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[SPEAKER_00]: It kind of makes me tear up a little bit because I do feel a little guilty about it, but I have been with my head down working for several months building the second business building my dream life and I am so committed and I have so much faith that my dreams are going to become reality.
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[SPEAKER_00]: that I am just focused.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I am driven.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm determined.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I haven't really spent a lot of time thinking about if my choices are bad because truly deep down inside, I don't believe they are bad.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But it's so easy for us, especially as women, to start judging ourselves based upon what we think
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[SPEAKER_00]: My children are pretty grown up.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My oldest is 21 and we actually spend a lot of time together because he works for me, pros and cons for that, by the way.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's a whole story on its own.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel so lucky and so fortunate that I get to spend so much time with him.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's literally a dream come true.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a Latin American mother, so.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I would be fine if my kids were in agreement to have a family compound.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And we all live on the same property and see each other every day.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's my dream life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I love being with my family.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I love being with my children, but I love pursuing my goals and dreams.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My youngest is 16.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He's finishing sophomore year of high school.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He's got his buddies.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He's got his sports.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But he's a quiet guy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He spends a lot of time playing games with his friends on the computer.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I ask him all the time, I check in with him.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you good?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you happy?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you need anything?
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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, we talk in the evenings and we go on trips, but things are really different now.
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[SPEAKER_00]: most days of the week, I'm not home for dinner.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I get home late.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We're all arriving at different times.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He has his sports.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My husband also works and he has his trips.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He takes and so life looks so much different than it did when my children were young and we would sit down and have dinner
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[SPEAKER_00]: and just so you know, if you're at the beginning of that journey with parenting, things can change dramatically very quickly when they're young.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You just spend so much time with your kids and sometimes you start to feel resentful about it because you're just like, oh my gosh, I don't have any time for my own.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I always have to do stuff for other people, but now I'm at the
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[SPEAKER_00]: Because I think, well, should I be home more?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Should I be everywhere that he is?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think the obvious answer is no.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Like he has his own life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I want my oldest one to really start creating his own life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He has had his own struggles with mental health.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so we're working through that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm trying really hard not to be enabling his
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[SPEAKER_00]: issues and I want him to go out there and push himself so I don't want to feel responsible for being there, being his only social interaction.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He needs to go out and start building those on his own.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So as I was sitting there thinking, last Sunday, like, am I a bad mob or not?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I thought, you know, there's probably so many women that do
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[SPEAKER_00]: feel this way, and maybe they even avoid making these decisions for themselves, maybe they would like to be able to pursue their dreams or goals, but they feel like they can't.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think especially as parents and mothers were taught that love means sacrifice.
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[SPEAKER_00]: if you're going to have kids be prepared to give up your hopes and dreams, your goals in your dreams and live for them and make sure that you're setting up everything perfectly for them for them to have a wonderful life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like in this day and age,
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[SPEAKER_00]: We believe that being a good parent means that we have to be available all the time.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We have to everything has to be revolving around our kids.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We do everything for them.
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[SPEAKER_00]: First, leave ourselves for the last and we make our lives about them and their growth.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I do think there is beauty and devotion.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And there are phases in our lives that are like that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously a newborn cannot tend to themselves at all.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There are 100% dependent on us.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that is a time when our life literally revolves around this tiny little seven pound creature that's helpless.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's beauty and caregiving.
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[SPEAKER_00]: At the end of life, we may have to be devoted to somebody because they're completely dependent on us.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And there is beauty in being present and that's one of the things I know I need to work on that even when I am home sometimes I'm a little distracted or thinking about work or anxious about work and I definitely have it on my list of things that I want to get better at.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But these are the beliefs that we have and somewhere along the way, we started believing that if we want stuff for ourselves, if we have desires for ourselves, if we have our own goals and dreams, then we're being selfish.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And as I was sitting there thinking about this, then I thought about what my goals and dreams are and they're about me, they're about what I want.
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[SPEAKER_00]: you are here for a reason.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But navigating this human life can be challenging.
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[SPEAKER_00]: How do you care for your body, mind, and spirit to make the most of your time here on Earth?
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[SPEAKER_00]: How can you harness your incredible human potential?
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[SPEAKER_00]: In this podcast, we explore these questions and more to help you craft your best life yet.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My children are not the center of my goals and dreams.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, they may benefit from them.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I am serious.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I do want a family compound.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm working so that I can earn enough money so that I can buy land so that I can build this family compound and hopefully they will come.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So they're part of it, but they're not the center of it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They may also benefit through the opportunities that are available to them as I build my dream career.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They will definitely benefit from watching me grow.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But my desires are deeply personal.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They're about me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I want things because I want them.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I want to be a speaker.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I want to speak internationally around the world.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I want to create.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I want the freedom to create what I love.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I want abundance.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I want experiences.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I want expansion and I want a beautiful life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that can feel uncomfortable to admit out loud because
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[SPEAKER_00]: It does make me feel like maybe I am self-centered.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I should be taking more about them and the grandkids and that should be the center.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have grandkids yet, just to make sure nobody misunderstand that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's just the future thinking, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we think, if I really love to my family enough, wouldn't they be enough?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Wouldn't that be enough fulfillment for my life?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Because yes, parenting, wow, what a challenge.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I am so proud of my parenting journey.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I am absolutely imperfect.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I have been an imperfect parent.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm still making mistakes to this day.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So like I said, with my oldest son reading about his condition and the mistakes I've made as we've been navigating it, I'm like, wow, probably should have been studying this earlier, but instead, I was focused on the things I needed to do in my career, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I make mistakes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: However, I don't think desire.
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[SPEAKER_00]: works that way.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I think humans are meant to grow.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I am a person who has a personality of striving.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I've had it since I was very little.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I was born with it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I know that people are going to say you learned it was something that was conditioned into you, but I don't know.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Like I was literally a three years old when I announced I wanted to be a doctor.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I have
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[SPEAKER_00]: I just have this personality that I believe I can get it, and so I work hard to get that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So there is a difference between
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[SPEAKER_00]: abandoning your family completely and having your own identity and I think that we can fuse the two because we tend to be all or nothing thinkers in general.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We think we have to be either 100% devoted to the family or 100% devoted to the career but you don't have to, you can have some of both.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And wanting time for yourself is not abandonment.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Wanting purpose is not abandonment.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Wanting dreams, wanting joy is not abandonment.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I actually think it's healthy for children to see adults pursuing meaningful lives.
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[SPEAKER_00]: If you want your life to revolve around your children, that's fine, that's your decision.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But it's also good for them to see that whenever they become adults, they can still pursue what they want.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They can still be learning and growing and changing and evolving.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's refreshing that we're not going to get to some place and be stuck and just be the same thing for the rest of our lives.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And then we also have to think about what could happen otherwise.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We're always modeling something, and children are always observing our actions.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So we have to be careful that we're not modeling adulthood as martyrdom.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That love means self-irasure, that once you become a parent, you stop being a human being with your own wants and needs and desires.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I really hope that in pursuing my own dreams, it gives my children permission to pursue theirs.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Their whole lives, and it gives them permission to evolve and change their minds.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And to just have fun, to just enjoy their lives, that there's so much that they could possibly do.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They see their father,
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[SPEAKER_00]: goes out to the mountains and wants to get better at mountain biking and wants to do all these hikes around the world and they see me with my career and isn't that wonderful that they have these two examples of two humans who are fulfilled by their own desires who can model that for them.
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[SPEAKER_00]: ignore my own dreams and desires to prove that I love people.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I saw this video that has gone viral and it was a family.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And the adult daughter was moving out so she was in her 20s and the mother was there helping her get moved out of the room and the father was literally having
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[SPEAKER_00]: He was so sad.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He was literally like a toddler having a pepper tantrum.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He was crying.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He was begging her not to leave.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Even shaming her a bit, saying, you're breaking up the family.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You need to be here with us.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We want you here.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And it made me cry because it was so heartwarming
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[SPEAKER_00]: I've told y'all before on this podcast that I have complicated father stories, my birth father I never met until I was in college and I've had two step dads, which my most recent is my soul dad, love him so much.
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[SPEAKER_00]: to think that someone has so much love for somebody that as an adult, they have this major temper tantrum.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Also, it's probably not the best example of good emotional regulation.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, it's heartwarming, which is why it's gone viral.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought, wow, what would it feel like to have a father like that that loves you so much that he's terrified of you leaving home, just terrified and is fighting so hard for you to stay and I thought, man, wouldn't that be amazing?
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[SPEAKER_00]: But then, I had another thought right after that, which was no actually not,
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I really do not like being told what to do.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I could see on the daughter's face in the video how uncomfortable she was and how much pain she had.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She didn't want to hurt her father's feelings.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She didn't want him to believe that because she was leaving that she didn't love him.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so now I'm like tearing up for the other side of this emotion, which is listen.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I want this so bad.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I am ready to leave the nest.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I want to fly.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I want to try to be on my own, and I want to pursue my dreams.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want you to think that because I'm doing this,
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[SPEAKER_00]: with her father.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But it's the same thing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So there's that tension, there's that desire of wanting your own life and it's such a human experience.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And some of it have it more than others, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Like I said, I was born with
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[SPEAKER_00]: desire.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Like literally I was born with the wanting things and wanting to create my life and some people they may have more fear and so they may want the safety of not having to change it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe even using that as an excuse, that's their safety.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But sometimes the people who love us most, they're also the ones that have the most fear in losing us and that fear can accidentally make us feel guilty for growing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Now, when it comes to parenting, I really don't think that most kids are saying, Mom, you don't love me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Why are you working so much?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Nobody's ever told me that at least.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And he's cool, he's got his own life, he's a teenager, he can drive, he's going hiking this weekend with this friend which is super ironic because when he was younger, he hated hiking.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Isn't that funny how things change over time?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Now he's going hiking and he took one of my nice cameras to take pictures and I'm so proud of him.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So he's out building his life and creating his own memories while I'm here pursuing what I want and what I love.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I think one of the hardest parts of being human is understanding that two people can love each other so deeply and still want different things.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's okay.
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[SPEAKER_00]: a parent may want closeness, and your child may be ready for independence.
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[SPEAKER_00]: A spouse may want stability and not want to change too much at one phase of their life while the other one is craving expansion.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And this doesn't mean that any person is evil or any person is wrong.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's just two different people living their own journey walking side by side, but we're all different.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And love gets complicated when fear enters the room, because fear convinces us of such dramatic things,
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[SPEAKER_00]: If I leave, or if you leave, to go pursue something, I'll lose you.
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[SPEAKER_00]: If you change what happens to us, what happens to our relationship.
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[SPEAKER_00]: If you grow, are you going to leave me behind?
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[SPEAKER_00]: But real love, healthy love also has to allow space, space for individuality, space for becoming, space for people to discover who they are.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think one of the most loving things we can do is allow people the freedom to become themselves, even when it's uncomfortable for us.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But if you truly love yourself, if you are ready to be brave and to have courage in this phase of your life, you have to allow yourself that freedom to.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And what I'm realizing is that my children don't need me to abandon myself in order to feel love.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, they need love.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, they need support.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They need presence and connection.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They need safety.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They need access to healthy food.
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[SPEAKER_00]: shelter and the resources so that they can grow and develop and I'm committed to that as a parent.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But they don't need me to stop existing as my own person as an individual.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe a part of healthy parenting is gradually loosening the grip and allow them to fly to go try things on their own.
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[SPEAKER_00]: allow them space to become their own individuals to develop their own interest, to start formulating their own dreams and identities, and yes, sometimes that involves them making mistakes but we can't protect them from every single thing, because this is life.
22:15.016 --> 22:25.419
[SPEAKER_00]: And then also trusting that our connection can still exist without having to constantly be together without having to constantly be in the same place.
22:27.276 --> 22:34.133
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need to be there every second of every day to be a loving mother and for them to know and feel the love for me.
22:35.744 --> 22:39.707
[SPEAKER_00]: And they also don't need to feel responsible for my emotional well-being.
22:39.747 --> 22:40.968
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's important, too.
22:41.028 --> 22:42.629
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't have to carry that burden.
22:43.010 --> 22:44.290
[SPEAKER_00]: I am responsible for that.
22:44.631 --> 22:57.000
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that part of my emotional well-being is this process of allowing, allowing myself to pursue my desires because, honestly, I'm happier than ever.
22:57.140 --> 22:59.322
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm more emotionally regulated than ever.
22:59.722 --> 23:07.745
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, do I have my days where I cry, and I'm anxious, and I'm doubtful, and the uncertainty is overwhelming, yes, but that's part of life, that's normal.
23:12.026 --> 23:17.868
[SPEAKER_00]: And I never want my children to ever feel guilty for becoming themselves.
23:19.028 --> 23:21.229
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've told them since they were little.
23:22.569 --> 23:27.031
[SPEAKER_00]: You can be whatever you want to be, I fully support your choices.
23:28.880 --> 23:33.642
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm so excited to continue to watch them grow and evolve and explore.
23:34.142 --> 23:39.304
[SPEAKER_00]: And am I terrified that they're going to choose to live halfway around across the world?
23:40.825 --> 23:41.645
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I am.
23:42.005 --> 23:47.988
[SPEAKER_00]: But hopefully regardless, we'll be back together, even if it's just for visits.
23:48.368 --> 23:49.288
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know what?
23:49.468 --> 23:52.609
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really hoping that family compound dream comes true.
23:53.750 --> 23:55.571
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll save that for another podcast episode.
23:57.111 --> 23:59.853
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think there's a perfect answer to any of this.
24:00.274 --> 24:02.275
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just part of the human experience.
24:03.816 --> 24:10.342
[SPEAKER_00]: But I really wanted to address this feeling because I'm so happy pursuing my goals and dreams right now.
24:10.562 --> 24:13.464
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm building, it's amazing.
24:14.005 --> 24:18.648
[SPEAKER_00]: And having that realization of like, oh my gosh, am I a bad mother?
24:18.668 --> 24:20.730
[SPEAKER_00]: I know I'm not the only one.
24:23.872 --> 24:24.173
[SPEAKER_00]: So,
24:26.512 --> 24:34.197
[SPEAKER_00]: It's normal to want closeness, while also wanting freedom to want connection, while also wanting individuality.
24:34.678 --> 24:43.664
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think we have to learn how to let love and desire coexist because you are allowed to want what you want.
24:44.048 --> 24:50.391
[SPEAKER_00]: and it's okay to want what you want even if it doesn't revolve around your children.
24:51.552 --> 25:07.700
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if it changes things, even if it makes people uncomfortable sometimes, you are still allowed to have a life, you are still allowed to have dreams, you are allowed to become more of yourself to step into your true self.
25:09.894 --> 25:17.381
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe the most beautiful thing about this is when we allow ourselves permission to fully live.
25:18.382 --> 25:25.989
[SPEAKER_00]: We quietly give the people we love the most permission to do the same.
25:27.971 --> 25:31.635
[SPEAKER_00]: My name is Yami and I am human.
25:33.010 --> 25:36.812
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for listening to another episode of I Am Human.
25:37.272 --> 25:42.895
[SPEAKER_00]: I would be so honored if you subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode.
25:43.295 --> 25:46.637
[SPEAKER_00]: We love our listeners and take your feedback seriously.
25:47.037 --> 25:53.901
[SPEAKER_00]: If you have questions or constructive feedback, you can email us at podcast at doctoryami.com.
25:54.321 --> 25:56.002
[SPEAKER_00]: That's podcast at www.yami.com.
25:56.322 --> 26:00.325
[SPEAKER_00]: D-O-C-T-O-R-Y-A-M-I.com.
26:00.845 --> 26:04.107
[SPEAKER_00]: I am your host, Dr. Yami Gasorla Lancaster.
26:04.527 --> 26:08.189
[SPEAKER_00]: I am human is produced by myself and Alejandra Barra.
26:08.750 --> 26:11.071
[SPEAKER_00]: Graphics designed by Alejandra Barra.
26:11.572 --> 26:15.074
[SPEAKER_00]: Music by Angela Sof with Globox Productions.
26:15.414 --> 26:18.496
[SPEAKER_00]: Remember, human, you are here for a reason.
26:18.936 --> 26:23.479
[SPEAKER_00]: Have fun, explore, and live your life to the fullest.
00:00.351 --> 00:13.197
[SPEAKER_00]: A couple of Sundays ago, I was at the office working and I had taken a break for lunch and I was sitting outside, the weather was perfect, I was eating my lunch and just enjoying my time.
00:14.877 --> 00:17.659
[SPEAKER_00]: I just really love working on the weekends.
00:17.739 --> 00:20.660
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that sounds weird, but I'm here by myself.
00:20.861 --> 00:24.523
[SPEAKER_00]: I can hunker down and focus and get so much done.
00:25.043 --> 00:27.144
[SPEAKER_00]: There's nobody to interrupt me.
00:27.224 --> 00:30.166
[SPEAKER_00]: When you're running two businesses, you get interrupted a lot.
00:30.226 --> 00:36.530
[SPEAKER_00]: People always have questions, there's always meetings, there's other things to do, seeing patients, seeing members.
00:36.910 --> 00:39.872
[SPEAKER_00]: So the weekends just feel so luxurious.
00:40.712 --> 00:41.352
[SPEAKER_00]: I get to,
00:42.453 --> 00:50.435
[SPEAKER_00]: Focus on creation and mark stuff off my to-do list, which is literally like a biggest dopamine hit for me.
00:50.455 --> 01:00.517
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I was sitting there enjoying my lunch, the weather, I suddenly got a pain of guilt.
01:02.237 --> 01:04.498
[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought, am I a bad mother?
01:04.518 --> 01:10.279
[SPEAKER_00]: I am at work on a Sunday by myself.
01:11.790 --> 01:12.592
[SPEAKER_00]: and I love it.
01:15.440 --> 01:18.387
[SPEAKER_00]: And even as I say that out loud right now,
01:20.500 --> 01:42.970
[SPEAKER_00]: It kind of makes me tear up a little bit because I do feel a little guilty about it, but I have been with my head down working for several months building the second business building my dream life and I am so committed and I have so much faith that my dreams are going to become reality.
01:43.690 --> 01:45.811
[SPEAKER_00]: that I am just focused.
01:45.931 --> 01:46.772
[SPEAKER_00]: I am driven.
01:46.872 --> 01:47.693
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm determined.
01:48.093 --> 01:59.620
[SPEAKER_00]: So I haven't really spent a lot of time thinking about if my choices are bad because truly deep down inside, I don't believe they are bad.
02:01.461 --> 02:10.086
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's so easy for us, especially as women, to start judging ourselves based upon what we think
02:14.888 --> 02:17.070
[SPEAKER_00]: My children are pretty grown up.
02:17.210 --> 02:25.256
[SPEAKER_00]: My oldest is 21 and we actually spend a lot of time together because he works for me, pros and cons for that, by the way.
02:25.656 --> 02:27.117
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a whole story on its own.
02:27.637 --> 02:32.441
[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel so lucky and so fortunate that I get to spend so much time with him.
02:32.481 --> 02:34.122
[SPEAKER_00]: It's literally a dream come true.
02:34.542 --> 02:35.763
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a Latin American mother, so.
02:37.297 --> 02:43.822
[SPEAKER_00]: I would be fine if my kids were in agreement to have a family compound.
02:43.902 --> 02:46.824
[SPEAKER_00]: And we all live on the same property and see each other every day.
02:47.004 --> 02:48.145
[SPEAKER_00]: That's my dream life.
02:49.486 --> 02:51.407
[SPEAKER_00]: So I love being with my family.
02:51.547 --> 02:58.332
[SPEAKER_00]: I love being with my children, but I love pursuing my goals and dreams.
02:59.213 --> 03:00.033
[SPEAKER_00]: My youngest is 16.
03:01.295 --> 03:03.857
[SPEAKER_00]: He's finishing sophomore year of high school.
03:04.377 --> 03:05.558
[SPEAKER_00]: He's got his buddies.
03:05.879 --> 03:07.880
[SPEAKER_00]: He's got his sports.
03:08.781 --> 03:10.362
[SPEAKER_00]: But he's a quiet guy.
03:10.582 --> 03:15.586
[SPEAKER_00]: He spends a lot of time playing games with his friends on the computer.
03:15.766 --> 03:18.348
[SPEAKER_00]: And I ask him all the time, I check in with him.
03:18.528 --> 03:19.389
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you good?
03:19.749 --> 03:20.890
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you happy?
03:20.910 --> 03:22.872
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you need anything?
03:23.352 --> 03:29.517
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, we talk in the evenings and we go on trips, but things are really different now.
03:30.676 --> 03:33.778
[SPEAKER_00]: most days of the week, I'm not home for dinner.
03:33.938 --> 03:34.958
[SPEAKER_00]: I get home late.
03:35.839 --> 03:37.980
[SPEAKER_00]: We're all arriving at different times.
03:38.781 --> 03:40.101
[SPEAKER_00]: He has his sports.
03:41.062 --> 03:44.384
[SPEAKER_00]: My husband also works and he has his trips.
03:44.424 --> 03:52.588
[SPEAKER_00]: He takes and so life looks so much different than it did when my children were young and we would sit down and have dinner
03:57.320 --> 04:07.424
[SPEAKER_00]: and just so you know, if you're at the beginning of that journey with parenting, things can change dramatically very quickly when they're young.
04:08.065 --> 04:16.288
[SPEAKER_00]: You just spend so much time with your kids and sometimes you start to feel resentful about it because you're just like, oh my gosh, I don't have any time for my own.
04:16.888 --> 04:20.110
[SPEAKER_00]: I always have to do stuff for other people, but now I'm at the
04:23.884 --> 04:26.225
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I think, well, should I be home more?
04:26.325 --> 04:29.366
[SPEAKER_00]: Should I be everywhere that he is?
04:29.666 --> 04:31.866
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think the obvious answer is no.
04:31.986 --> 04:34.327
[SPEAKER_00]: Like he has his own life.
04:35.187 --> 04:40.989
[SPEAKER_00]: I want my oldest one to really start creating his own life.
04:41.049 --> 04:43.770
[SPEAKER_00]: He has had his own struggles with mental health.
04:43.830 --> 04:45.110
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we're working through that.
04:45.170 --> 04:49.232
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm trying really hard not to be enabling his
04:52.136 --> 05:01.020
[SPEAKER_00]: issues and I want him to go out there and push himself so I don't want to feel responsible for being there, being his only social interaction.
05:01.060 --> 05:03.781
[SPEAKER_00]: He needs to go out and start building those on his own.
05:05.082 --> 05:11.925
[SPEAKER_00]: So as I was sitting there thinking, last Sunday, like, am I a bad mob or not?
05:12.185 --> 05:16.887
[SPEAKER_00]: I thought, you know, there's probably so many women that do
05:19.093 --> 05:34.536
[SPEAKER_00]: feel this way, and maybe they even avoid making these decisions for themselves, maybe they would like to be able to pursue their dreams or goals, but they feel like they can't.
05:38.357 --> 05:45.138
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think especially as parents and mothers were taught that love means sacrifice.
05:47.097 --> 06:00.346
[SPEAKER_00]: if you're going to have kids be prepared to give up your hopes and dreams, your goals in your dreams and live for them and make sure that you're setting up everything perfectly for them for them to have a wonderful life.
06:01.026 --> 06:03.208
[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like in this day and age,
06:04.318 --> 06:09.200
[SPEAKER_00]: We believe that being a good parent means that we have to be available all the time.
06:09.540 --> 06:13.682
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to everything has to be revolving around our kids.
06:14.202 --> 06:15.523
[SPEAKER_00]: We do everything for them.
06:15.663 --> 06:20.905
[SPEAKER_00]: First, leave ourselves for the last and we make our lives about them and their growth.
06:22.155 --> 06:24.196
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do think there is beauty and devotion.
06:24.216 --> 06:27.458
[SPEAKER_00]: And there are phases in our lives that are like that.
06:27.899 --> 06:31.941
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously a newborn cannot tend to themselves at all.
06:31.981 --> 06:34.083
[SPEAKER_00]: There are 100% dependent on us.
06:34.403 --> 06:42.088
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is a time when our life literally revolves around this tiny little seven pound creature that's helpless.
06:43.969 --> 06:45.530
[SPEAKER_00]: There's beauty and caregiving.
06:46.647 --> 06:54.183
[SPEAKER_00]: At the end of life, we may have to be devoted to somebody because they're completely dependent on us.
06:56.600 --> 07:17.369
[SPEAKER_00]: And there is beauty in being present and that's one of the things I know I need to work on that even when I am home sometimes I'm a little distracted or thinking about work or anxious about work and I definitely have it on my list of things that I want to get better at.
07:19.462 --> 07:35.008
[SPEAKER_00]: But these are the beliefs that we have and somewhere along the way, we started believing that if we want stuff for ourselves, if we have desires for ourselves, if we have our own goals and dreams, then we're being selfish.
07:35.909 --> 07:48.554
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I was sitting there thinking about this, then I thought about what my goals and dreams are and they're about me, they're about what I want.
07:52.088 --> 07:54.190
[SPEAKER_00]: you are here for a reason.
07:54.710 --> 07:57.553
[SPEAKER_00]: But navigating this human life can be challenging.
07:58.113 --> 08:04.939
[SPEAKER_00]: How do you care for your body, mind, and spirit to make the most of your time here on Earth?
08:05.539 --> 08:09.382
[SPEAKER_00]: How can you harness your incredible human potential?
08:10.163 --> 08:17.529
[SPEAKER_00]: In this podcast, we explore these questions and more to help you craft your best life yet.
08:39.152 --> 08:44.215
[SPEAKER_00]: My children are not the center of my goals and dreams.
08:44.955 --> 08:46.936
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, they may benefit from them.
08:47.256 --> 08:48.277
[SPEAKER_00]: And I am serious.
08:48.397 --> 08:49.918
[SPEAKER_00]: I do want a family compound.
08:49.958 --> 09:00.083
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm working so that I can earn enough money so that I can buy land so that I can build this family compound and hopefully they will come.
09:01.084 --> 09:05.186
[SPEAKER_00]: So they're part of it, but they're not the center of it.
09:09.139 --> 09:16.485
[SPEAKER_00]: They may also benefit through the opportunities that are available to them as I build my dream career.
09:17.386 --> 09:20.789
[SPEAKER_00]: They will definitely benefit from watching me grow.
09:22.390 --> 09:25.172
[SPEAKER_00]: But my desires are deeply personal.
09:25.212 --> 09:26.193
[SPEAKER_00]: They're about me.
09:26.834 --> 09:30.257
[SPEAKER_00]: I want things because I want them.
09:31.488 --> 09:32.609
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to be a speaker.
09:33.570 --> 09:36.693
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to speak internationally around the world.
09:36.793 --> 09:37.794
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to create.
09:38.274 --> 09:40.736
[SPEAKER_00]: I want the freedom to create what I love.
09:41.497 --> 09:42.638
[SPEAKER_00]: I want abundance.
09:42.818 --> 09:44.080
[SPEAKER_00]: I want experiences.
09:44.300 --> 09:47.543
[SPEAKER_00]: I want expansion and I want a beautiful life.
09:48.043 --> 09:52.007
[SPEAKER_00]: And that can feel uncomfortable to admit out loud because
09:54.347 --> 09:57.330
[SPEAKER_00]: It does make me feel like maybe I am self-centered.
09:57.651 --> 10:02.917
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I should be taking more about them and the grandkids and that should be the center.
10:03.117 --> 10:06.060
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have grandkids yet, just to make sure nobody misunderstand that.
10:06.340 --> 10:07.662
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just the future thinking, right?
10:09.211 --> 10:15.133
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we think, if I really love to my family enough, wouldn't they be enough?
10:15.213 --> 10:18.834
[SPEAKER_00]: Wouldn't that be enough fulfillment for my life?
10:19.174 --> 10:23.055
[SPEAKER_00]: Because yes, parenting, wow, what a challenge.
10:23.455 --> 10:26.776
[SPEAKER_00]: And I am so proud of my parenting journey.
10:27.136 --> 10:30.877
[SPEAKER_00]: And I am absolutely imperfect.
10:31.777 --> 10:33.457
[SPEAKER_00]: I have been an imperfect parent.
10:33.497 --> 10:35.498
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm still making mistakes to this day.
10:37.558 --> 10:52.024
[SPEAKER_00]: So like I said, with my oldest son reading about his condition and the mistakes I've made as we've been navigating it, I'm like, wow, probably should have been studying this earlier, but instead, I was focused on the things I needed to do in my career, right?
10:52.084 --> 10:54.405
[SPEAKER_00]: So I make mistakes.
10:56.886 --> 10:59.587
[SPEAKER_00]: However, I don't think desire.
11:01.685 --> 11:02.586
[SPEAKER_00]: works that way.
11:02.866 --> 11:05.227
[SPEAKER_00]: I think humans are meant to grow.
11:05.828 --> 11:10.451
[SPEAKER_00]: And I am a person who has a personality of striving.
11:10.751 --> 11:12.952
[SPEAKER_00]: I've had it since I was very little.
11:13.553 --> 11:15.134
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I was born with it.
11:15.394 --> 11:21.338
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that people are going to say you learned it was something that was conditioned into you, but I don't know.
11:21.838 --> 11:25.240
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I was literally a three years old when I announced I wanted to be a doctor.
11:25.681 --> 11:26.501
[SPEAKER_00]: I have
11:32.698 --> 11:39.268
[SPEAKER_00]: I just have this personality that I believe I can get it, and so I work hard to get that.
11:40.790 --> 11:43.815
[SPEAKER_00]: So there is a difference between
11:44.955 --> 11:56.806
[SPEAKER_00]: abandoning your family completely and having your own identity and I think that we can fuse the two because we tend to be all or nothing thinkers in general.
11:56.846 --> 12:05.895
[SPEAKER_00]: We think we have to be either 100% devoted to the family or 100% devoted to the career but you don't have to, you can have some of both.
12:06.515 --> 12:09.417
[SPEAKER_00]: And wanting time for yourself is not abandonment.
12:09.697 --> 12:11.799
[SPEAKER_00]: Wanting purpose is not abandonment.
12:12.119 --> 12:15.962
[SPEAKER_00]: Wanting dreams, wanting joy is not abandonment.
12:16.422 --> 12:21.766
[SPEAKER_00]: And I actually think it's healthy for children to see adults pursuing meaningful lives.
12:24.008 --> 12:28.211
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want your life to revolve around your children, that's fine, that's your decision.
12:29.740 --> 12:36.401
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's also good for them to see that whenever they become adults, they can still pursue what they want.
12:36.441 --> 12:39.662
[SPEAKER_00]: They can still be learning and growing and changing and evolving.
12:39.682 --> 12:47.943
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's refreshing that we're not going to get to some place and be stuck and just be the same thing for the rest of our lives.
12:51.364 --> 12:55.725
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we also have to think about what could happen otherwise.
12:56.800 --> 13:02.462
[SPEAKER_00]: We're always modeling something, and children are always observing our actions.
13:03.222 --> 13:08.443
[SPEAKER_00]: So we have to be careful that we're not modeling adulthood as martyrdom.
13:09.324 --> 13:18.106
[SPEAKER_00]: That love means self-irasure, that once you become a parent, you stop being a human being with your own wants and needs and desires.
13:20.931 --> 13:28.778
[SPEAKER_00]: I really hope that in pursuing my own dreams, it gives my children permission to pursue theirs.
13:30.179 --> 13:35.643
[SPEAKER_00]: Their whole lives, and it gives them permission to evolve and change their minds.
13:35.724 --> 13:42.509
[SPEAKER_00]: And to just have fun, to just enjoy their lives, that there's so much that they could possibly do.
13:42.769 --> 13:43.870
[SPEAKER_00]: They see their father,
13:47.672 --> 14:08.336
[SPEAKER_00]: goes out to the mountains and wants to get better at mountain biking and wants to do all these hikes around the world and they see me with my career and isn't that wonderful that they have these two examples of two humans who are fulfilled by their own desires who can model that for them.
14:17.462 --> 14:21.823
[SPEAKER_00]: ignore my own dreams and desires to prove that I love people.
14:24.464 --> 14:30.326
[SPEAKER_00]: I saw this video that has gone viral and it was a family.
14:30.346 --> 14:44.549
[SPEAKER_00]: And the adult daughter was moving out so she was in her 20s and the mother was there helping her get moved out of the room and the father was literally having
14:46.670 --> 14:48.431
[SPEAKER_00]: He was so sad.
14:48.691 --> 14:51.372
[SPEAKER_00]: He was literally like a toddler having a pepper tantrum.
14:51.392 --> 14:52.913
[SPEAKER_00]: He was crying.
14:53.373 --> 14:56.054
[SPEAKER_00]: He was begging her not to leave.
14:56.995 --> 15:02.137
[SPEAKER_00]: Even shaming her a bit, saying, you're breaking up the family.
15:02.797 --> 15:04.558
[SPEAKER_00]: You need to be here with us.
15:05.299 --> 15:06.459
[SPEAKER_00]: We want you here.
15:06.479 --> 15:12.582
[SPEAKER_00]: And it made me cry because it was so heartwarming
15:15.288 --> 15:32.483
[SPEAKER_00]: I've told y'all before on this podcast that I have complicated father stories, my birth father I never met until I was in college and I've had two step dads, which my most recent is my soul dad, love him so much.
15:36.873 --> 15:45.303
[SPEAKER_00]: to think that someone has so much love for somebody that as an adult, they have this major temper tantrum.
15:46.444 --> 15:50.770
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, it's probably not the best example of good emotional regulation.
15:51.510 --> 15:55.295
[SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, it's heartwarming, which is why it's gone viral.
15:57.471 --> 16:14.365
[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought, wow, what would it feel like to have a father like that that loves you so much that he's terrified of you leaving home, just terrified and is fighting so hard for you to stay and I thought, man, wouldn't that be amazing?
16:15.365 --> 16:22.271
[SPEAKER_00]: But then, I had another thought right after that, which was no actually not,
16:28.715 --> 16:31.339
[SPEAKER_00]: And I really do not like being told what to do.
16:31.359 --> 16:39.152
[SPEAKER_00]: And I could see on the daughter's face in the video how uncomfortable she was and how much pain she had.
16:42.148 --> 16:45.611
[SPEAKER_00]: She didn't want to hurt her father's feelings.
16:46.091 --> 16:53.196
[SPEAKER_00]: She didn't want him to believe that because she was leaving that she didn't love him.
16:54.057 --> 17:00.301
[SPEAKER_00]: And so now I'm like tearing up for the other side of this emotion, which is listen.
17:01.462 --> 17:02.962
[SPEAKER_00]: I want this so bad.
17:03.923 --> 17:06.583
[SPEAKER_00]: I am ready to leave the nest.
17:07.124 --> 17:08.584
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to fly.
17:08.604 --> 17:16.466
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to try to be on my own, and I want to pursue my dreams.
17:18.007 --> 17:22.048
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want you to think that because I'm doing this,
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[SPEAKER_00]: with her father.
17:32.061 --> 17:33.681
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's the same thing.
17:37.823 --> 17:47.227
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's that tension, there's that desire of wanting your own life and it's such a human experience.
17:47.888 --> 17:50.989
[SPEAKER_00]: And some of it have it more than others, right?
17:51.029 --> 17:52.630
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I said, I was born with
17:53.610 --> 17:54.151
[SPEAKER_00]: desire.
17:54.611 --> 18:07.066
[SPEAKER_00]: Like literally I was born with the wanting things and wanting to create my life and some people they may have more fear and so they may want the safety of not having to change it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe even using that as an excuse, that's their safety.
18:13.735 --> 18:26.958
[SPEAKER_00]: But sometimes the people who love us most, they're also the ones that have the most fear in losing us and that fear can accidentally make us feel guilty for growing.
18:27.898 --> 18:35.400
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, when it comes to parenting, I really don't think that most kids are saying, Mom, you don't love me.
18:36.140 --> 18:37.701
[SPEAKER_00]: Why are you working so much?
18:38.021 --> 18:39.941
[SPEAKER_00]: Nobody's ever told me that at least.
18:44.503 --> 18:55.171
[SPEAKER_00]: And he's cool, he's got his own life, he's a teenager, he can drive, he's going hiking this weekend with this friend which is super ironic because when he was younger, he hated hiking.
18:55.191 --> 18:58.053
[SPEAKER_00]: Isn't that funny how things change over time?
18:58.133 --> 19:03.918
[SPEAKER_00]: Now he's going hiking and he took one of my nice cameras to take pictures and I'm so proud of him.
19:04.922 --> 19:13.910
[SPEAKER_00]: So he's out building his life and creating his own memories while I'm here pursuing what I want and what I love.
19:16.072 --> 19:27.241
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think one of the hardest parts of being human is understanding that two people can love each other so deeply and still want different things.
19:29.403 --> 19:30.384
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's okay.
19:31.860 --> 19:36.824
[SPEAKER_00]: a parent may want closeness, and your child may be ready for independence.
19:38.165 --> 19:47.351
[SPEAKER_00]: A spouse may want stability and not want to change too much at one phase of their life while the other one is craving expansion.
19:48.435 --> 19:54.178
[SPEAKER_00]: And this doesn't mean that any person is evil or any person is wrong.
19:54.999 --> 20:04.324
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just two different people living their own journey walking side by side, but we're all different.
20:05.905 --> 20:13.729
[SPEAKER_00]: And love gets complicated when fear enters the room, because fear convinces us of such dramatic things,
20:16.849 --> 20:23.635
[SPEAKER_00]: If I leave, or if you leave, to go pursue something, I'll lose you.
20:24.036 --> 20:28.119
[SPEAKER_00]: If you change what happens to us, what happens to our relationship.
20:28.840 --> 20:31.963
[SPEAKER_00]: If you grow, are you going to leave me behind?
20:33.124 --> 20:43.053
[SPEAKER_00]: But real love, healthy love also has to allow space, space for individuality, space for becoming, space for people to discover who they are.
20:44.518 --> 20:52.925
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think one of the most loving things we can do is allow people the freedom to become themselves, even when it's uncomfortable for us.
20:54.126 --> 21:07.658
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you truly love yourself, if you are ready to be brave and to have courage in this phase of your life, you have to allow yourself that freedom to.
21:09.729 --> 21:17.097
[SPEAKER_00]: And what I'm realizing is that my children don't need me to abandon myself in order to feel love.
21:17.717 --> 21:18.778
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, they need love.
21:19.099 --> 21:21.341
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, they need support.
21:22.042 --> 21:23.783
[SPEAKER_00]: They need presence and connection.
21:23.803 --> 21:24.824
[SPEAKER_00]: They need safety.
21:25.185 --> 21:27.788
[SPEAKER_00]: They need access to healthy food.
21:29.826 --> 21:37.831
[SPEAKER_00]: shelter and the resources so that they can grow and develop and I'm committed to that as a parent.
21:38.471 --> 21:44.194
[SPEAKER_00]: But they don't need me to stop existing as my own person as an individual.
21:45.335 --> 21:55.601
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe a part of healthy parenting is gradually loosening the grip and allow them to fly to go try things on their own.
21:57.610 --> 22:13.015
[SPEAKER_00]: allow them space to become their own individuals to develop their own interest, to start formulating their own dreams and identities, and yes, sometimes that involves them making mistakes but we can't protect them from every single thing, because this is life.
22:15.016 --> 22:25.419
[SPEAKER_00]: And then also trusting that our connection can still exist without having to constantly be together without having to constantly be in the same place.
22:27.276 --> 22:34.133
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need to be there every second of every day to be a loving mother and for them to know and feel the love for me.
22:35.744 --> 22:39.707
[SPEAKER_00]: And they also don't need to feel responsible for my emotional well-being.
22:39.747 --> 22:40.968
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's important, too.
22:41.028 --> 22:42.629
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't have to carry that burden.
22:43.010 --> 22:44.290
[SPEAKER_00]: I am responsible for that.
22:44.631 --> 22:57.000
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that part of my emotional well-being is this process of allowing, allowing myself to pursue my desires because, honestly, I'm happier than ever.
22:57.140 --> 22:59.322
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm more emotionally regulated than ever.
22:59.722 --> 23:07.745
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, do I have my days where I cry, and I'm anxious, and I'm doubtful, and the uncertainty is overwhelming, yes, but that's part of life, that's normal.
23:12.026 --> 23:17.868
[SPEAKER_00]: And I never want my children to ever feel guilty for becoming themselves.
23:19.028 --> 23:21.229
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've told them since they were little.
23:22.569 --> 23:27.031
[SPEAKER_00]: You can be whatever you want to be, I fully support your choices.
23:28.880 --> 23:33.642
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm so excited to continue to watch them grow and evolve and explore.
23:34.142 --> 23:39.304
[SPEAKER_00]: And am I terrified that they're going to choose to live halfway around across the world?
23:40.825 --> 23:41.645
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I am.
23:42.005 --> 23:47.988
[SPEAKER_00]: But hopefully regardless, we'll be back together, even if it's just for visits.
23:48.368 --> 23:49.288
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know what?
23:49.468 --> 23:52.609
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really hoping that family compound dream comes true.
23:53.750 --> 23:55.571
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll save that for another podcast episode.
23:57.111 --> 23:59.853
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think there's a perfect answer to any of this.
24:00.274 --> 24:02.275
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just part of the human experience.
24:03.816 --> 24:10.342
[SPEAKER_00]: But I really wanted to address this feeling because I'm so happy pursuing my goals and dreams right now.
24:10.562 --> 24:13.464
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm building, it's amazing.
24:14.005 --> 24:18.648
[SPEAKER_00]: And having that realization of like, oh my gosh, am I a bad mother?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I know I'm not the only one.
24:23.872 --> 24:24.173
[SPEAKER_00]: So,
24:26.512 --> 24:34.197
[SPEAKER_00]: It's normal to want closeness, while also wanting freedom to want connection, while also wanting individuality.
24:34.678 --> 24:43.664
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think we have to learn how to let love and desire coexist because you are allowed to want what you want.
24:44.048 --> 24:50.391
[SPEAKER_00]: and it's okay to want what you want even if it doesn't revolve around your children.
24:51.552 --> 25:07.700
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if it changes things, even if it makes people uncomfortable sometimes, you are still allowed to have a life, you are still allowed to have dreams, you are allowed to become more of yourself to step into your true self.
25:09.894 --> 25:17.381
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe the most beautiful thing about this is when we allow ourselves permission to fully live.
25:18.382 --> 25:25.989
[SPEAKER_00]: We quietly give the people we love the most permission to do the same.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My name is Yami and I am human.
25:33.010 --> 25:36.812
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for listening to another episode of I Am Human.
25:37.272 --> 25:42.895
[SPEAKER_00]: I would be so honored if you subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode.
25:43.295 --> 25:46.637
[SPEAKER_00]: We love our listeners and take your feedback seriously.
25:47.037 --> 25:53.901
[SPEAKER_00]: If you have questions or constructive feedback, you can email us at podcast at doctoryami.com.
25:54.321 --> 25:56.002
[SPEAKER_00]: That's podcast at www.yami.com.
25:56.322 --> 26:00.325
[SPEAKER_00]: D-O-C-T-O-R-Y-A-M-I.com.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I am your host, Dr. Yami Gasorla Lancaster.
26:04.527 --> 26:08.189
[SPEAKER_00]: I am human is produced by myself and Alejandra Barra.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Graphics designed by Alejandra Barra.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Music by Angela Sof with Globox Productions.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Remember, human, you are here for a reason.
26:18.936 --> 26:23.479
[SPEAKER_00]: Have fun, explore, and live your life to the fullest.
