00:00:01
Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
00:00:07
Speaker 2: So excited because we've got an in studio guest, Kelly Rizzo. I can't believe this worked out so crazy. I mean, you are on a world tour, basically.
00:00:17
Speaker 1: World tour of Chicago and Nashville went crazy all around the.
00:00:21
Speaker 2: World because your family's still in Chicago.
00:00:23
Speaker 1: Family still in Chicago, but I haven't been here since last time I saw you, guys, which was five years ago, which was right before Bob pass Remember you all.
00:00:33
Speaker 2: Went to dinner. We went to Thompson Now where do we go? The Thompson Hotel?
00:00:38
Speaker 1: Right?
00:00:39
Speaker 2: We were in the Thompson Hotel. I was I had next I had another husband. Well, a lot can change in five years. We were down two other babies, two fewer babies.
00:00:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, different husbands and.
00:00:51
Speaker 2: Oh wait is there an announcement?
00:00:53
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I'm different different partners. And we went to ball show at Zany's and it was just it was so fun. But that was crazy enough. That's been If I've seen you, yeah, yes, yes, because you came and stayed with me in La I sure did.
00:01:13
Speaker 2: And we're not going to say why I stayed with her in La. We're not going to say I can stay in LA conversations out, but yes.
00:01:22
Speaker 1: Yes, obviously we've hung out since, but Kristen and I have just been long distance for a very long time now.
00:01:28
Speaker 2: In five years, it's a little while. Yeah, it was interesting though.
00:01:31
Speaker 3: I was just thinking about this the other day because I'm coming up on the five year anniversary. I just had it this last weekend and my dad passing and how intricate Bob's words were to me. I think we met for like a lunch or coffee or something, and just because he was unfortunately an expert at loss, you know, and was just so wise, but also gave me the dose of humor that I needed in our dark comedy kind of you know, and we talked about dead dad going over my shoulder, and like, you know, you.
00:01:59
Speaker 1: Were so so good at embracing the dark humor and just putting it all out there and not being so precious about, oh, you can't say this or you can't say that. And I think that's why you resonated with Bob so much.
00:02:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, such a just such a special.
00:02:15
Speaker 1: Lunch and you would you were talking about your dad and he was just kind of letting it all out too.
00:02:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, we like made a character of my dad. It was I mean, it was like, honestly just wildly therapeutic. I think when there's just so much loss people, you just get good at it, you know, like our therapist at one point try to make an unofficial death doula out of me, and I was like, I it's a hard pass. You know, like that doesn't seem sexy. No one wants that girl coming to the party or you know, what do you do for a living?
00:02:41
Speaker 1: But she would be good at it though.
00:02:42
Speaker 2: She'd be good. I mean, you had a lot of people obviously that came to your side when all that happened. And I feel like Kristen was like, you are You're very good with your words, obviously, but your presence and your heart too are very comforting in times like that.
00:02:56
Speaker 3: Well I just I just couldn't imagine how noisy it was. I think that was the biggest thing, Yeah, because this death is already noisy enough.
00:03:04
Speaker 2: And then you had the world.
00:03:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it was interesting though, but there were I remember both of you girls were just so wonderful about like checking in with me and you know, just being so present and loving. And I tell the story still all the time. And Jane, I know you've probably heard this too, but when people ask me, like, what really helped you when you got through that, I bring up you all the time because you texted me every single morning for six months straight, I mean, give or take for six months. And it wasn't always. It wasn't like how are you because nobody wants the how are you text? It's it was literally just that's one of.
00:03:48
Speaker 2: The least favorite questions, like even if you know how I am, I don't want to say I'm angry or I'm sad or I'm mad, Like can you just say love you like that? You know?
00:03:57
Speaker 3: I think I would just say I love you. Well, I think Bob gave us all permission to say it too much. I remember being insecure, like I remember somebody saying, well, you can't possibly love that many people that much, you know, And I'm not. I love big when I love a little protective of it. But that was one of the things that I kind of loved about him, his older, wiser, big brotherly advice, like you can certainly say it as many times as you want, like you know, And so that was a gift to me when he left us when heaven gets lucky like that, I was, Oh, I can say I love you as much.
00:04:27
Speaker 1: As I want.
00:04:27
Speaker 3: And then I thought, gosh, what is it like to be you into all of a sudden hear it less? You know, like if I could even fill like a eye dropper into that void of just like here is and I love you with nothing attached, that would be the gift.
00:04:45
Speaker 1: No, and you didn't. It was this cozy little nugget every morning where I'd wake up because you know, it was two hours behind you, so I'd wake up every morning to a text from you, just like love you, thinking of you, love your heart or my heart's with you, whatever it was. It was just and so something like that. If you know anyone who's grieving or who just lost somebody, just those little tiny check ins they mean so much and they're so easy and sometimes you know, I just did a podcast the other day where I was talking to a woman who had lost her child, and that's one of those things where you're like, I don't know what to say, like what can you possibly say? And she said, the best thing is just the little the little sprinkles of love you, thinking of you, and say something right, the worst thing is not saying anything. She said, I'd rather somebody say the wrong thing, but at least they were brave enough to say something than to not say anything at all.
00:05:44
Speaker 3: I'd agree, And I do think saying something that isn't asking anything of you is also important, you know, so I could just say I love you and you don't have to say anything. You can just know that and move along as best you can.
00:05:56
Speaker 4: So you're in a relationship.
00:05:59
Speaker 2: The beast entrance ever, and I honestly wait, no, no, that voice everyone was reckon back and welcome to the show as well. Thank you for that amazing entrance. I really like that. Comedic goals.
00:06:19
Speaker 4: Thanks for having that was really good.
00:06:22
Speaker 2: How long have you guys actually been dating.
00:06:24
Speaker 1: For a little over three years now? Three years?
00:06:26
Speaker 2: I remember when you told me oh yeah, yeah yeah, and I was like something, well, something which is different about it? And I think you knew that too.
00:06:36
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:06:36
Speaker 2: Well, I mean I remember, I'll say this, like even after we went for a hike, do you remember when were hiking? And I'm like, all right, so, because I'm I'm probably the opposite of my Kristen and the healings, I'm like, all right, I feeling like anybody she doesn't want to be asked what she's doing, but she's like, no, how are you with the big eyes?
00:06:55
Speaker 1: Tell me this stuff?
00:06:57
Speaker 2: But I just because I just figured everyone was just talking about like the head stuff. I wanted it to be like, because you you did get you're you're able to fall in love again. And I know that's like we've we've we've got past the not not past it. But you're like, I feel like I have to at least wait.
00:07:10
Speaker 1: A year, right, And I think when you came and stayed with me, it.
00:07:14
Speaker 2: Was maybe you're like eight months, you're like eight or nine months or something. And I was telling I got there.
00:07:21
Speaker 1: I was telling him today, I said, you know, when Janet came to stay with me, it was maybe eight nine months in something like that, and I wasn't ready to date. But I was at the point where I was feeling like, you're.
00:07:31
Speaker 2: Thinking about it, but you're like they didn't want to be judged. That was like the thing You're like, I don't want people to say something, and I'm like, Kelly, people want you to like find love and like get.
00:07:40
Speaker 1: Back out there. I think I was at the stage where I felt kind of like this old yucky widow that nobody liked. And I was like, I just want to feel pretty again, and I want to feel like somebody pays attention to me, and I just want to feel, you know, like when you go nine months without like a hug or a kisser, anthing like that starts to creep in a little bit. I knew I wasn't ready to actually do anything yet, but I was at the place where I was like, oh, well, I'm a little starting to get a little lonely, you know. And then I remember you were very much like, hey, if you did, nobody's going to judge you. And I was like, I know, but you know, I'm still not quite there. But then it was maybe nine months after that that I met him, and he was the first person I dated.
00:08:27
Speaker 2: Had you have not known each other? How did you meet? Where do we want to?
00:08:31
Speaker 1: Did you know?
00:08:32
Speaker 2: Had you even met before? Because I feel like.
00:08:34
Speaker 4: I was on this old yucky widow app.
00:08:42
Speaker 1: Oh I w old yucky we had.
00:08:45
Speaker 4: Met before because I knew Bob. Knew Bob. I always like to say I knew Bob enough that it's not creepy that and are together. But Bob and I loved each other.
00:08:53
Speaker 2: It's not like her and John Mayer or something.
00:08:58
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was like I had Bob, Bob sent his book when it came out. We were that kind of friends and we always liked each other. But I met Kelly with Bob and I was like, Oh, that's Bob's wife and that's all there, you know. And then at are my best friend Seth Green his anniversary shindig, she was there and I was there and I was it. We just kind of chatted.
00:09:18
Speaker 1: We'll started talking the behind the scenes story of that is Seth and Claire. You know, they had their anniversary party and they sent out the little you know, party invite thing and you can see who the other guests are. And I was I was right at the time where I was like, okay, I think I'm think I'm ready. And I was like any cute boys going, any cueboy And then like it would mention people and it would either say plus one or it would say them with their significant other, and then I just saw it just said Breck and Meyer, and I was like, oh, doesn't say plus one. He's cute. Maybe I'll talk to him. And so I remember I went into it having my eye already. Yeah, not not like a bull's eye target, but like a hey scattershot. Yeah, maybe we'll maybe we'll run into each other. And then we just started talking and hit it off.
00:10:23
Speaker 2: Reckon. Was there any piece of you that was like, how do I even step into shoes that were no comfortably?
00:10:29
Speaker 4: There wasn't, because I was really I don't know, I was so explained. I was just very relaxed about it. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was always been a monogamy guy, and I was not in a relationship.
00:10:41
Speaker 2: And I have you been married before?
00:10:43
Speaker 4: Yeah? I was married for ten years. We were together for twenty kids.
00:10:46
Speaker 1: I do have two kids and twenty two and fifteen.
00:10:49
Speaker 4: Yeah, my girls, and so I sounds so cliche, but I genuinely wasn't. I was very happy. I was content with where I was. I was a single with my kids and going to my buddy's anniversary thing and met this really great, happened to be super pretty girl that we enjoyed talking about pearl jam and stuff, and then it just it just really gradually went. There was no love bombing. There wasn't like showing off. I wasn't trying to carry anything fancy and it really was gradual, which to me now three years in is like wow, I wish I could tell everybody to do Like we were watching that show The Ultimatum last night, going like, just give it ten minutes, guys, jesus, you know.
00:11:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, or if you had to be on the show, we probably already know our answer.
00:11:37
Speaker 1: But right, yeah, if you need to go on the show, you know there's a problem.
00:11:42
Speaker 2: But America needs that to.
00:11:45
Speaker 4: Thankfully, because we enjoyed the help.
00:11:48
Speaker 1: Twenties and we're like, you know what, you got to learn these lessons when you're in your twenties.
00:11:51
Speaker 2: You could just be like a girl thing too, And that's probably my own insecurity and I'll just like blast myself. But I feel like if I stepped into a situation like that, I would be like, they'll never love me as much as this, or they would still be with them if that person was still there, Like I feel like that would play with me as being the partner. I mean, because I just handwrecking an issue or that's me. I'm saying that's like my because I'm like, I mean, like of course, like but I mean I guess you know, well, I'll.
00:12:18
Speaker 4: Have him so tall, there was no way I could compare with that.
00:12:21
Speaker 2: I was just like, He's like, absolutely, I will send her someone, but.
00:12:26
Speaker 4: I will not be as tall as I was.
00:12:29
Speaker 1: I think, do you know what I'm trying to say? No, yeah, a thousand percent. But I think when the person passed away, it's different. It's one thing if it's a divorce and you're like that person's still around and you still have to feel like.
00:12:44
Speaker 2: Oh see for divorce, Like I know my husband would never think that I would still have any feelings for that person.
00:12:50
Speaker 1: Right, but there's still no way for them to come back, and there's no And I mean, he's just and I don't want to speak for him, and I'll let him answer too, but like he's just been so confident and secure about it, and if there's anything that has been you know, where he's like, oh, that feels a little sensitive, and that feels you know. I think I'm very open about saying like, hey, like you're okay with that, right, or it's okay for.
00:13:17
Speaker 2: Me to talk about Bob at a lot.
00:13:20
Speaker 1: I talk about it Bob. If I talk about Bob with Brecken all the time, and I'll always say, like, is that okay, Like is that too much? Like I'm always checking in with him to say, like, you're comfortable with this right, or like when we go to you know, Bob's charity event, or we're hanging out with Bob's daughters, we go to dinner with Bob's daughters or Bob's ex wife, you know, and I'm always like, is this okay? And he's always like yeah, Like if there's a problem, I'll let you know. Has there ever been a problem?
00:13:46
Speaker 4: No, there's no, because part of it is because Bob isn't around anymore in that way and or anyway, but because he's not as like a like I used to be a jealous guy back in I was like the jealous guy, and I think there's.
00:14:03
Speaker 2: Some true first of all, like that's my therapist always says, like it's okay, Like that's healthy. Jealousy is not Mine was unhealthy when I was younger, but like the normal thing you do when you're twenty and you're thirty, Yes, we're like wait, no, call me every minute.
00:14:17
Speaker 1: Who's that right?
00:14:18
Speaker 2: Yeah?
00:14:18
Speaker 4: This was even before you know, texting blew up like crazy and all that. But with Bob, it's almost like a separate story and it ended. It ended in the sense that Bob's not with us, but her relationship with Bob is so I don't know why, mentally in my brain so separate from us that when she talks about it, it doesn't reflect on me in any way other than you're telling me this amazing story about this amazing person and this amazing adventure you had, which sadly came to an end before I was even involved. Yeah, so that's that's one of the things I think with divorce, it's different where I mean, lucky enough, Kelly and my Ki's mom are actually tight and they get along, which is awesome, But there are other situations where it's not and that person's present and there's not only just a shadow but physically that person is there, and things like that we've never had that We just haven't had that. And also I love Bob, like Bob was just awesome and it sucks that Bob's not here. Kelly and I are totally separate from Bob and Kelly and even Bob and I.
00:15:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, your maturity and just being well rounded, like we're all very adult. I think like part of the reason I looked forward to this conversation today is just that we're all like forties and beyond, you know, and it just matters differently. There's a different processing, Like this is a lot of real life stuff.
00:15:38
Speaker 4: I mean we always say that the one thing and we always I say, the timing of when we met is pretty fantastic. Yeah, yeah, because truthfully, if this was me ten years ago, no, I probably would have been you know, you always talk about me and it's like I have I mean, there's literally just none of it. And I know, as like a former wacky jealous guys, where were you? Who was that? You know, that type of thing. There's not we just I mean it's just.
00:16:06
Speaker 2: So where do you think that comes from? By the way, like in you like if you could trace that back to be like I think.
00:16:13
Speaker 4: Experience in that way time after I got divorced, I did data bit and I did I did all the stupid things. I know one time there's one time just one girl, one girl, and saw really genuinely saw like in me like oh look what you're doing. Oh look what you're doing there. You're doing your front loading, or you're trying to do this, or you're playing anything. And with Kelly it was from Jump Street. There were no intentional games. There was no like let me see, let me see if she calls her, let me call her every day whatever. It was genuinely like I'm in a text when I feel like textinger as opposed to when I feel like I should, and I mean, she could tell you better than me. It probably seemed a little slow, like she was probably like, come on, well that was very slow.
00:16:59
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I remember when I was in it, and I'm sure I even vented to you girls about it at some point, but I was like, you know, I think he likes me, yea saying that for sure, I don't know. But looking back, I'm so grateful that he did play it slowly because that's really what I needed. Like if he would would have loved bombed, or if he we would have been like boyfriend girlfriend after a week like that would have been too much for me because of what I had gone through. I needed something where like I got to a place too where I'm like, this is actually very real and he is a good person, and I know his heart by now, and I know he's not going to screw me over, and I know he's not going to do this and this and this, and so I feel like I really needed that because it could have I mean, can you imagine the first person I date after losing Bob that ends up, you know, playing it wrong and then I'm so hurt and then like he breaks my heart or something like I And I think even though he wasn't super intentional about like, oh, she's a widow, I have to be extra extra careful with her. I think it was just kind of innate in him that he was cautious but not necessarily just for that reason.
00:18:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's as like extra hot of him. I mean, was that like extra hot that he was like.
00:18:20
Speaker 1: It was extra hot, and yeah, we appreciate that.
00:18:24
Speaker 5: But clueless I was perfect, you know, I think because he was he was being very gentle about it.
00:18:42
Speaker 1: But at the same time, yes, it was very hot, but he wasn't playing hard to get. He was just right. It was just he was easy going, confident. But you know what he did what he said he was going to do. Whenever we made plans, he kept the plans. If he's like I'll pick you up at seven, he was at my house at six fifty nine. You know, he was always on time. I could he was. And you know what, when you get older, it's sexy as hell to be accountable and reliable and on.
00:19:11
Speaker 2: Time and for your words to match your action. Yes, nothing hotter.
00:19:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, and when you're in your twenties and you know, when you're a little younger, that's the stuff that it's like, oh, but you know, if he didn't call me today, it's like, oh that was hot. It's like, no, he called when he said he would, and he did what he said he would, and that was that was very hot. When I say the word hot, but it's.
00:19:37
Speaker 2: You're saying though, it does come with like you learned a lot post divorce, And the things that I learned post my last divorce was a lot, you know what I mean, Like it made me a better wife to my new husband. And I'm just yeah, you're just the older now in my forties too, you just learn so much more about.
00:19:52
Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember my death. My kid's mom who is awesome.
00:19:57
Speaker 2: And y'all get along, yeah everybody right.
00:20:00
Speaker 1: No, she's been so amazing supportive to me and it's just so lovely and kind and yeah, she's great.
00:20:07
Speaker 4: But when dev and I were together early on, I remember I was I was I'm younger than WA a little bit, and I was the brash, obnoxious jackass and she's a pretty writer. So I was like, who's that? Who's that?
00:20:18
Speaker 2: Do you also think that was the role that you had to play? Because that was what you thought the role you had to play.
00:20:22
Speaker 4: Was I just know what to do? I was like, I was, you know what I mean?
00:20:27
Speaker 3: Yeah?
00:20:27
Speaker 4: Absolutely. But we met when I was twenty. I just wrapped clueless hadn't come out yet, so it was a long time ago and I hadn't been in relationships. But I was a jealous jackass, just insecure as what I shouldn't say jeous. It was just insecure as hell. I remember Dev said at one point, like, why would I waste my time being jealous? If you're gonna do something better? Like if you're gonna cheat, if a girl's gonna if a guy's gonna cheat on you, ever he's gonna, there's nothing I can do to prevent it. I can't hang on to you, so you can't leave the house because the minute you do get out of the house, you're gonna feel like, oh, finally I'm free or whatever. And it used to piss me off, like, no, I want you to be jealous that that proves affection. And it took me a very long time to recognize, Like, yeah, I mean there are certain things I'm sure I would be jealous if Kelly had to do, you know, a love scene or something like that or anything like that. But at the end of the day, I'll never have to. You might to Kelly, will you right back to you? And very possible, but I'll never be you know. It was just genuine. It was wasted energy to be that kind of jealous where and it took me probably twenty years to realize it. With Kelly, I was like, yeah, if if this is going to go south, it's not gonna because of something I did, I'll make sure that. But I can't control her and she wants to step out and don't be with me.
00:21:41
Speaker 1: You know.
00:21:41
Speaker 2: I think that timing is so important too though, because it's like I always say that too. If my husband now and I met each other even like post like too soon post my divorce, I wouldn't have been able to heal the things I need to heal to be a better version.
00:21:53
Speaker 4: To be open for him, yeah, to be open to that.
00:21:55
Speaker 2: And same with him, you know. So I think it's I love love the time.
00:22:00
Speaker 4: But the timing thing is it's a Bob sense.
00:22:03
Speaker 2: Not a godsend, but a Bob sense.
00:22:05
Speaker 1: It's true. I always say he's the one person that Bob would not be mad about. Like you probably wouldn't be thrilled that there's anybody, but he'd be like, all right, it's going to be anybody.
00:22:15
Speaker 3: Well, he can't leave us smoking the hot wife behind and think you're just gonna sit there and not live a life not.
00:22:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, But that's why he's like, all right, if it's going to be anybody, let it be Breckon. But don't you guys know or haven't you noticed, let's say even post forty that in your relationship that there are things that you actively catch yourself that you were like about to do but then you're like, no, I'm not going.
00:22:44
Speaker 2: To do that all the time because I stay myself ago, because thirty year old jan I would have been like, oh, I was just texting a second grats on a show like who cares what stuff together? Like you know, years ago. But I'm like, no, I can't do that because that's disrespectable to my now husband. Well, you though, I have zero like not trying to reach out, but like there's a different level of respect.
00:23:03
Speaker 4: And.
00:23:06
Speaker 1: I'm like where it's so natural sometimes to almost want to make your partner a little jealous because you're like, oh, I want to test them. I want to see if they like, if they get jealous, and it's going to show how much they love me. And so you do little things here and there where it's like, oh, I'm just gonna be like, oh, hey, oh just oh just texted this person or something, or bring up something from the past or whatever, and to see the reaction to test them. And now I'm like, I'm not going to do that. And there have been times where you know, I'll be like, oh, I want to see if he gets jealous or whatever, and I catch myself and I'm like, Nope, that's immature, twenty five year old Kelly, You're not doing that now.
00:23:47
Speaker 2: But sometimes and if it's okay, if it does, I mean, I can think that on certain situations, I have a big fear of abandonment. I think they're going to leave. So sometimes in arguments with my husband, I'll push a little too far to be like are you going to leave? Because I almost want to see it to be like I told you you were going to leave me, and I have to do my work to not like I don't need to push him to that piece. I am able to catch yourself now some perfectly right, you know what I mean, like facts in your head to attempt to catch yourself where some people like when you're younger and you don't have that experience and you don't realize how it can really affect somebody else.
00:24:22
Speaker 1: You have no filter. You just let it fly and there's no there's no governor on that.
00:24:26
Speaker 2: It just you have triggers though that come up something like that where it's like since the death or since anything childhood, where you're like, you bring it in like it's a trigger of someone.
00:24:37
Speaker 1: I do a lot, and I try so hard to not because he has never done anything to instigate now.
00:24:44
Speaker 2: But it's still your right stuff.
00:24:46
Speaker 1: So we bring to new with you know, when I was married the first time, my ex he literally one day woke up out of the blue and which.
00:24:55
Speaker 2: I love that episode, so I was really great, thank you, and you didn't have to defend yourself post that.
00:25:01
Speaker 1: By the way, Well, the ex husband, he's the one who woke up one day and said I don't want to be married anymore. But then the ex boyfriend between ex husband and Bob, he was the one who then woke up the day before we were moving into our new house and said, I can't do this anymore. So I've had two big relationships out of the blue, and everyone's like, oh, there was a reason. You know there was. It's like, okay, they didn't tell me the reason ever, and I didn't know the reason. So right, but and so to this day, I don't know the reason anyway.
00:25:35
Speaker 2: But if Brecon doesn't right and so maybe communicate something or doesn't text back or do you have that, does that trigger come in?
00:25:42
Speaker 1: I have two triggers.
00:25:44
Speaker 2: One is do you know them?
00:25:46
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah. One they're totally understandable.
00:25:53
Speaker 1: If there's one, you know, a day where maybe he just is a little bit more introspective and he's a little bit more Oh my god, he's gonna break up with me. He's gonna he's just gonna, like, we've never been in a fight. Three years, We've never had a fight. He's just gonna break up with me. So they're not like not even a like, no.
00:26:15
Speaker 4: It's weird.
00:26:16
Speaker 1: It's weird.
00:26:17
Speaker 4: We recognize it.
00:26:17
Speaker 1: There have been a couple of times where like the other day we were at our hotel, the elevators weren't working, we had to take the stairs. I was breaking out. We were lost, we couldn't find it.
00:26:28
Speaker 4: Were seventeen, but we got lost.
00:26:33
Speaker 1: And I got snappy with him, and I was like, well, apparently you know where you're going, you know. So I got a little snappy, and then immediately I was like, I'm sorry, I apologize, you know, so like things like that, but never anything that's lasted more than thirty seconds.
00:26:46
Speaker 3: By the way, that's literally one hundred percent of America would be the same way, right, I mean, rights pressure.
00:26:52
Speaker 4: So my choice to be like god call she said it, and I was like, yeah, she's annoyed right now. We're trying to find the damn exit. It's her hotel, you know, it's the hotel she planned. And so I was just like, I know, she's annoyed. And when we got up to when we finally got out of the other she was like sorry I was snappy, and I was like, cool, it was nothing I didn't personally. I knew that, like she wasn't gonna end the relationship or anything like that. But the other the other one is more.
00:27:18
Speaker 3: Legit, yeah, right, And then the other one is that it is so if he gets introspective, that's his head a little bit.
00:27:23
Speaker 1: Quieter or right. Or if let's say I get snappy, if I'm like, oh my god, did I just push him too far? Right now, he's like she just has a temper right from one little thing. But then the other one is if there's an instance where let's say he over sleeps in the morning, because we all live together, so if he over sleeps and I, you know, he's like, oh, I'll be up at nine, and then he's not answering his phone by ten o'clock or something.
00:27:51
Speaker 2: Because that's what happened. I think he's dead.
00:27:53
Speaker 1: I literally think he's and there's nothing that ken. I'm like doing a MDR for right now to try to hell of it.
00:28:00
Speaker 3: Same yeah, but yeah, the bottom's line out. If you call me twice, for sure somebody's dead, right, yep.
00:28:06
Speaker 1: And so there is no talking me out of it. My body goes to the same place it did on January ninth, twenty twenty two, the day Bob died. It's like I go to the same place where I'm like oh my god, I can feel like my heart starts pounding and I start getting clammy and sweaty, and I'm shaking, And until I know he's okay, there's no stopping it. There's no like self soothing or talking to myself, you know, rationally be like Kelly, he's fine. The second my brain goes there of like, oh, oh my god, something happened. He's not answering. It's the worst case scenario, he's dead. Like the second my brain goes there, until I hear from him, it's just a runaway train.
00:28:54
Speaker 3: But the retiring that hypervigilance is really, really, really difficult.
00:28:57
Speaker 2: It just is I'm in my EPI on it. I'm trying same and if you get there, let me know. And if I get there, like you.
00:29:03
Speaker 1: Know, and he's been so understanding about it, like where all of a sudden, then I'm you know, calling him and texting and being like hello, are you okay? And then finally, instead of answering the phone or when he calls me, he's like, babe, you know, I'm fine. I was just sleeping, like he's.
00:29:16
Speaker 4: I definitely don't sound like that right, even though the boyfriend voice is required.
00:29:24
Speaker 2: I was having a rage they do.
00:29:29
Speaker 1: No, He's so understanding about it and he gets it, and he's like he does everything he can. Like if he's going into a movie and he needs to turn his phone off for a couple of hours, he's like letting you know, I'm turning my phone off. I'm going into a movie. You know, I can track him, like I know. It's like if his little dot's still moving, I know he's fine.
00:29:46
Speaker 4: So but I also also it is the smallest concession in the world for me to make to know that if I'm going to a movie, I literally go, baby, movie, starting's going off. Or if I'm on a plane, you know, she knows every what plane, so she already knows the plane I'm on and where it is and all that.
00:30:02
Speaker 3: She's already she's actually the pilot.
00:30:06
Speaker 1: The pilots need me.
00:30:08
Speaker 2: You know, I say I'm going to one day help a crash from happening because I'm like, oh, this plane's at this altitude and this.
00:30:16
Speaker 1: Okay, she's the human teak.
00:30:21
Speaker 4: If I'm on a plane, I'll get a text from Kelly that says, like, you're about to get some turpos. I'm like, babe's clocking it.
00:30:43
Speaker 3: I do think though, it speaks volumes to just like the true love in this that it is.
00:30:48
Speaker 2: You know.
00:30:48
Speaker 3: It's the same with the losing Bob, right, with losing anyone to like to no loss that great is to have known love that great. So I think it speaks volumes to just how much admiration and love you have for each other that you are worried by ten am. Yeah, you know, like I would rather be a person that's worried about by ten am than a person that's not. And you know, my husband wants to send the police five times a week because he's like, I saw the house is armed, but you haven't answer the phone. And I'm like, I just forgot my phone. We have three children, you know. But also I want him to be like that, because don't we all want to be taken care of and loved and thought of that way.
00:31:23
Speaker 1: That's always justified him. I'll be like, so it just shows how much I love you that I care, you know, And he's like yeah, no, and he'll feel bad. He's like, I'm just sorry that that's what it is that you get so old.
00:31:35
Speaker 4: There was there was one time I can't remember where where it was. I was out of town at a hotel and she couldn't get a hold or whatever for seconds, working immediately like, it's my phone died, you know. It was one of those things, and my phone, I'm captain preparation. My phone rarely dies, but occasionally it happens at a work thing or whatever. Or I'm on set and my phone's in the trailer at base camp and I forgot that, Oh we're not coming back, so I want to be here for three hours without knowing, and I will get back and immediately be like, hey, I'm so trying. I'm right here, or even use someone else's phone. You're like, bye, sorry, baby, my phone's in the trailer. Just just FYI. Even if she wasn't bothering about it, and it takes it's an extra ten seconds of my day to make sure we're cool. You know, it's not a big deal.
00:32:20
Speaker 1: You know, well, it's a big deal to me, and you're wonderful it's loving.
00:32:23
Speaker 2: Well though, well, no, it does matter. People should take that note because if you know what your partner is, you know the trauma with like you know what I mean, You're you're loving that piece well, and I think that's beautiful.
00:32:35
Speaker 4: And to be really shitty if I was the guy who was like, no, I'm just gonna see how much she misses me, Miss Bob.
00:32:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's twent year old brecond Yeah, comfort food. Tell us about comfort food. I mean, obviously you start. You started at post Bob. I started at Post Bob.
00:32:51
Speaker 1: So the first season was exclusively about grief and just loss or you know, somebody who's going through really really difficult time, and which was really important because that's where I was at the time, because people don't really talk about grief enough, or at least in a way that's not like a sad grief podcast with like a grief therapist or something like that, Like how can we make this subject a little less taboo, a little bit lighter, a little bit more palatable so people don't fear it so much because if we talk about you actually, well thank you.
00:33:29
Speaker 2: I mean it is really because.
00:33:31
Speaker 1: He talked about all the time, and in a way where he used Gallo's humor and he made jokes about death, and I was always like, you can't do that, and he's like, yeah, I can. Yeah, Like and I will because that's how I get through it. And so I wanted to talk about it in a way that was just a little bit easier and made it not as scary. But then I took a break for a while, and then back with season two. Now it's not just about grief, because I like to talk about other things now too, you know, so it's a lot more about relationships. Still a lot of you know, loss and like how you get through a really tough time.
00:34:07
Speaker 2: Which is beautiful. Yeah, because you are, which is also beautiful.
00:34:12
Speaker 1: I've been trying. So yeah, it's interesting to have, you know, conversations from everything about like romance scams to being bullied as an adult, to you know. The first season, I was feeding the guests their favorite comfort food, so it's like, hey, let's talk about death, but we're eating grilled cheese.
00:34:32
Speaker 2: Makes you know, is this season?
00:34:34
Speaker 1: So yeah, it got to the point where when my last guest from season or a guest we were going to have from season one their food poisoning. No. Fortunately, no, his was easy, although he didn't want to eat on camera. He's like, I don't want to eat while I'm actually talking. I think the people want to know that I have the guests who requested Ana Barbara Ooney from Santa Barbara and caviar. Is there comfort food? I was like, Okay, this is getting but we did not have that.
00:35:13
Speaker 3: You can tell.
00:35:13
Speaker 1: Us no one I had ever met in person. But yeah, the food started getting a little ridiculous. And so now comfort food is a metaphor.
00:35:26
Speaker 4: Can I be the fawning boyfriend for a second. The one thing I dig about Kelly's UH podcast and also just Kelly in general, is because I didn't I never dated anyone who's lost a husband or of that.
00:35:41
Speaker 3: Good that you don't have a type that feels.
00:35:49
Speaker 4: Widows I need but no. One of the things amazing is that with the loss of Bob and the comfort food, one of the things that always kind of blow me away about Kelly was it was the grief and how she dealt with it. And that's kind of monumentally amazing to me because I've never lost a spouse like that. I couldn't imagine it, but the fact that she had this positive outlook on that, Yes, there's grief, and you deal with grief, and then also there's the new chapter, the next chapter, the new normal that you're moving into, and how to be positive about that and that grief we were talking about grief isn't just losing your husband. It's also divorce is an absolute form of grief, losing you know, losing a relationship, losing a pet, losing a friend, you know, even and I mean losing not death. I mean just like having a breakup with a friend or whatever and how to move on from that. And she's always kind of so great with that that I've always kind of marveled at it from afar. I'm not a podcast person, but I just always marvel at the fact that she's able to blend the grief into the new chapter where it is a light at the end of the tunnel, as opposed to just like, look, everyone get it. Bring as much food as you can and stay at home as long as you can under a blanket, and you know, until you don't. Yeah, it's it's impressively well you.
00:37:09
Speaker 1: Guys ever get to l a. I've been wanting to have you guys on for two years. Jeez, less pressure now that.
00:37:14
Speaker 2: I don't have to pick a food, to be honest, seriously, but thank you for you guys, Thank you for coming on, Reckon. It's an honor to also have you here. I was able to get through it without asking you one clueless question. So that's fun.
00:37:27
Speaker 1: That's the part two.
00:37:28
Speaker 4: I know, but you get one question, go ahead.
00:37:33
Speaker 2: But no, seriously, I'm just really I'm happy for you and I really.
00:37:36
Speaker 1: Proud of you both so much much to actually be here in persons such a gift, and to sit with you wonderful ladies who've always been just so amazing in there for me.
00:37:47
Speaker 2: I love your but I love your butt too.
00:37:50
Speaker 3: I love you, but you bet your house.
00:37:53
Speaker 1: I love your bet
Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
00:00:07
Speaker 2: So excited because we've got an in studio guest, Kelly Rizzo. I can't believe this worked out so crazy. I mean, you are on a world tour, basically.
00:00:17
Speaker 1: World tour of Chicago and Nashville went crazy all around the.
00:00:21
Speaker 2: World because your family's still in Chicago.
00:00:23
Speaker 1: Family still in Chicago, but I haven't been here since last time I saw you, guys, which was five years ago, which was right before Bob pass Remember you all.
00:00:33
Speaker 2: Went to dinner. We went to Thompson Now where do we go? The Thompson Hotel?
00:00:38
Speaker 1: Right?
00:00:39
Speaker 2: We were in the Thompson Hotel. I was I had next I had another husband. Well, a lot can change in five years. We were down two other babies, two fewer babies.
00:00:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, different husbands and.
00:00:51
Speaker 2: Oh wait is there an announcement?
00:00:53
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I'm different different partners. And we went to ball show at Zany's and it was just it was so fun. But that was crazy enough. That's been If I've seen you, yeah, yes, yes, because you came and stayed with me in La I sure did.
00:01:13
Speaker 2: And we're not going to say why I stayed with her in La. We're not going to say I can stay in LA conversations out, but yes.
00:01:22
Speaker 1: Yes, obviously we've hung out since, but Kristen and I have just been long distance for a very long time now.
00:01:28
Speaker 2: In five years, it's a little while. Yeah, it was interesting though.
00:01:31
Speaker 3: I was just thinking about this the other day because I'm coming up on the five year anniversary. I just had it this last weekend and my dad passing and how intricate Bob's words were to me. I think we met for like a lunch or coffee or something, and just because he was unfortunately an expert at loss, you know, and was just so wise, but also gave me the dose of humor that I needed in our dark comedy kind of you know, and we talked about dead dad going over my shoulder, and like, you know, you.
00:01:59
Speaker 1: Were so so good at embracing the dark humor and just putting it all out there and not being so precious about, oh, you can't say this or you can't say that. And I think that's why you resonated with Bob so much.
00:02:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, such a just such a special.
00:02:15
Speaker 1: Lunch and you would you were talking about your dad and he was just kind of letting it all out too.
00:02:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, we like made a character of my dad. It was I mean, it was like, honestly just wildly therapeutic. I think when there's just so much loss people, you just get good at it, you know, like our therapist at one point try to make an unofficial death doula out of me, and I was like, I it's a hard pass. You know, like that doesn't seem sexy. No one wants that girl coming to the party or you know, what do you do for a living?
00:02:41
Speaker 1: But she would be good at it though.
00:02:42
Speaker 2: She'd be good. I mean, you had a lot of people obviously that came to your side when all that happened. And I feel like Kristen was like, you are You're very good with your words, obviously, but your presence and your heart too are very comforting in times like that.
00:02:56
Speaker 3: Well I just I just couldn't imagine how noisy it was. I think that was the biggest thing, Yeah, because this death is already noisy enough.
00:03:04
Speaker 2: And then you had the world.
00:03:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it was interesting though, but there were I remember both of you girls were just so wonderful about like checking in with me and you know, just being so present and loving. And I tell the story still all the time. And Jane, I know you've probably heard this too, but when people ask me, like, what really helped you when you got through that, I bring up you all the time because you texted me every single morning for six months straight, I mean, give or take for six months. And it wasn't always. It wasn't like how are you because nobody wants the how are you text? It's it was literally just that's one of.
00:03:48
Speaker 2: The least favorite questions, like even if you know how I am, I don't want to say I'm angry or I'm sad or I'm mad, Like can you just say love you like that? You know?
00:03:57
Speaker 3: I think I would just say I love you. Well, I think Bob gave us all permission to say it too much. I remember being insecure, like I remember somebody saying, well, you can't possibly love that many people that much, you know, And I'm not. I love big when I love a little protective of it. But that was one of the things that I kind of loved about him, his older, wiser, big brotherly advice, like you can certainly say it as many times as you want, like you know, And so that was a gift to me when he left us when heaven gets lucky like that, I was, Oh, I can say I love you as much.
00:04:27
Speaker 1: As I want.
00:04:27
Speaker 3: And then I thought, gosh, what is it like to be you into all of a sudden hear it less? You know, like if I could even fill like a eye dropper into that void of just like here is and I love you with nothing attached, that would be the gift.
00:04:45
Speaker 1: No, and you didn't. It was this cozy little nugget every morning where I'd wake up because you know, it was two hours behind you, so I'd wake up every morning to a text from you, just like love you, thinking of you, love your heart or my heart's with you, whatever it was. It was just and so something like that. If you know anyone who's grieving or who just lost somebody, just those little tiny check ins they mean so much and they're so easy and sometimes you know, I just did a podcast the other day where I was talking to a woman who had lost her child, and that's one of those things where you're like, I don't know what to say, like what can you possibly say? And she said, the best thing is just the little the little sprinkles of love you, thinking of you, and say something right, the worst thing is not saying anything. She said, I'd rather somebody say the wrong thing, but at least they were brave enough to say something than to not say anything at all.
00:05:44
Speaker 3: I'd agree, And I do think saying something that isn't asking anything of you is also important, you know, so I could just say I love you and you don't have to say anything. You can just know that and move along as best you can.
00:05:56
Speaker 4: So you're in a relationship.
00:05:59
Speaker 2: The beast entrance ever, and I honestly wait, no, no, that voice everyone was reckon back and welcome to the show as well. Thank you for that amazing entrance. I really like that. Comedic goals.
00:06:19
Speaker 4: Thanks for having that was really good.
00:06:22
Speaker 2: How long have you guys actually been dating.
00:06:24
Speaker 1: For a little over three years now? Three years?
00:06:26
Speaker 2: I remember when you told me oh yeah, yeah yeah, and I was like something, well, something which is different about it? And I think you knew that too.
00:06:36
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:06:36
Speaker 2: Well, I mean I remember, I'll say this, like even after we went for a hike, do you remember when were hiking? And I'm like, all right, so, because I'm I'm probably the opposite of my Kristen and the healings, I'm like, all right, I feeling like anybody she doesn't want to be asked what she's doing, but she's like, no, how are you with the big eyes?
00:06:55
Speaker 1: Tell me this stuff?
00:06:57
Speaker 2: But I just because I just figured everyone was just talking about like the head stuff. I wanted it to be like, because you you did get you're you're able to fall in love again. And I know that's like we've we've we've got past the not not past it. But you're like, I feel like I have to at least wait.
00:07:10
Speaker 1: A year, right, And I think when you came and stayed with me, it.
00:07:14
Speaker 2: Was maybe you're like eight months, you're like eight or nine months or something. And I was telling I got there.
00:07:21
Speaker 1: I was telling him today, I said, you know, when Janet came to stay with me, it was maybe eight nine months in something like that, and I wasn't ready to date. But I was at the point where I was feeling like, you're.
00:07:31
Speaker 2: Thinking about it, but you're like they didn't want to be judged. That was like the thing You're like, I don't want people to say something, and I'm like, Kelly, people want you to like find love and like get.
00:07:40
Speaker 1: Back out there. I think I was at the stage where I felt kind of like this old yucky widow that nobody liked. And I was like, I just want to feel pretty again, and I want to feel like somebody pays attention to me, and I just want to feel, you know, like when you go nine months without like a hug or a kisser, anthing like that starts to creep in a little bit. I knew I wasn't ready to actually do anything yet, but I was at the place where I was like, oh, well, I'm a little starting to get a little lonely, you know. And then I remember you were very much like, hey, if you did, nobody's going to judge you. And I was like, I know, but you know, I'm still not quite there. But then it was maybe nine months after that that I met him, and he was the first person I dated.
00:08:27
Speaker 2: Had you have not known each other? How did you meet? Where do we want to?
00:08:31
Speaker 1: Did you know?
00:08:32
Speaker 2: Had you even met before? Because I feel like.
00:08:34
Speaker 4: I was on this old yucky widow app.
00:08:42
Speaker 1: Oh I w old yucky we had.
00:08:45
Speaker 4: Met before because I knew Bob. Knew Bob. I always like to say I knew Bob enough that it's not creepy that and are together. But Bob and I loved each other.
00:08:53
Speaker 2: It's not like her and John Mayer or something.
00:08:58
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was like I had Bob, Bob sent his book when it came out. We were that kind of friends and we always liked each other. But I met Kelly with Bob and I was like, Oh, that's Bob's wife and that's all there, you know. And then at are my best friend Seth Green his anniversary shindig, she was there and I was there and I was it. We just kind of chatted.
00:09:18
Speaker 1: We'll started talking the behind the scenes story of that is Seth and Claire. You know, they had their anniversary party and they sent out the little you know, party invite thing and you can see who the other guests are. And I was I was right at the time where I was like, okay, I think I'm think I'm ready. And I was like any cute boys going, any cueboy And then like it would mention people and it would either say plus one or it would say them with their significant other, and then I just saw it just said Breck and Meyer, and I was like, oh, doesn't say plus one. He's cute. Maybe I'll talk to him. And so I remember I went into it having my eye already. Yeah, not not like a bull's eye target, but like a hey scattershot. Yeah, maybe we'll maybe we'll run into each other. And then we just started talking and hit it off.
00:10:23
Speaker 2: Reckon. Was there any piece of you that was like, how do I even step into shoes that were no comfortably?
00:10:29
Speaker 4: There wasn't, because I was really I don't know, I was so explained. I was just very relaxed about it. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was always been a monogamy guy, and I was not in a relationship.
00:10:41
Speaker 2: And I have you been married before?
00:10:43
Speaker 4: Yeah? I was married for ten years. We were together for twenty kids.
00:10:46
Speaker 1: I do have two kids and twenty two and fifteen.
00:10:49
Speaker 4: Yeah, my girls, and so I sounds so cliche, but I genuinely wasn't. I was very happy. I was content with where I was. I was a single with my kids and going to my buddy's anniversary thing and met this really great, happened to be super pretty girl that we enjoyed talking about pearl jam and stuff, and then it just it just really gradually went. There was no love bombing. There wasn't like showing off. I wasn't trying to carry anything fancy and it really was gradual, which to me now three years in is like wow, I wish I could tell everybody to do Like we were watching that show The Ultimatum last night, going like, just give it ten minutes, guys, jesus, you know.
00:11:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, or if you had to be on the show, we probably already know our answer.
00:11:37
Speaker 1: But right, yeah, if you need to go on the show, you know there's a problem.
00:11:42
Speaker 2: But America needs that to.
00:11:45
Speaker 4: Thankfully, because we enjoyed the help.
00:11:48
Speaker 1: Twenties and we're like, you know what, you got to learn these lessons when you're in your twenties.
00:11:51
Speaker 2: You could just be like a girl thing too, And that's probably my own insecurity and I'll just like blast myself. But I feel like if I stepped into a situation like that, I would be like, they'll never love me as much as this, or they would still be with them if that person was still there, Like I feel like that would play with me as being the partner. I mean, because I just handwrecking an issue or that's me. I'm saying that's like my because I'm like, I mean, like of course, like but I mean I guess you know, well, I'll.
00:12:18
Speaker 4: Have him so tall, there was no way I could compare with that.
00:12:21
Speaker 2: I was just like, He's like, absolutely, I will send her someone, but.
00:12:26
Speaker 4: I will not be as tall as I was.
00:12:29
Speaker 1: I think, do you know what I'm trying to say? No, yeah, a thousand percent. But I think when the person passed away, it's different. It's one thing if it's a divorce and you're like that person's still around and you still have to feel like.
00:12:44
Speaker 2: Oh see for divorce, Like I know my husband would never think that I would still have any feelings for that person.
00:12:50
Speaker 1: Right, but there's still no way for them to come back, and there's no And I mean, he's just and I don't want to speak for him, and I'll let him answer too, but like he's just been so confident and secure about it, and if there's anything that has been you know, where he's like, oh, that feels a little sensitive, and that feels you know. I think I'm very open about saying like, hey, like you're okay with that, right, or it's okay for.
00:13:17
Speaker 2: Me to talk about Bob at a lot.
00:13:20
Speaker 1: I talk about it Bob. If I talk about Bob with Brecken all the time, and I'll always say, like, is that okay, Like is that too much? Like I'm always checking in with him to say, like, you're comfortable with this right, or like when we go to you know, Bob's charity event, or we're hanging out with Bob's daughters, we go to dinner with Bob's daughters or Bob's ex wife, you know, and I'm always like, is this okay? And he's always like yeah, Like if there's a problem, I'll let you know. Has there ever been a problem?
00:13:46
Speaker 4: No, there's no, because part of it is because Bob isn't around anymore in that way and or anyway, but because he's not as like a like I used to be a jealous guy back in I was like the jealous guy, and I think there's.
00:14:03
Speaker 2: Some true first of all, like that's my therapist always says, like it's okay, Like that's healthy. Jealousy is not Mine was unhealthy when I was younger, but like the normal thing you do when you're twenty and you're thirty, Yes, we're like wait, no, call me every minute.
00:14:17
Speaker 1: Who's that right?
00:14:18
Speaker 2: Yeah?
00:14:18
Speaker 4: This was even before you know, texting blew up like crazy and all that. But with Bob, it's almost like a separate story and it ended. It ended in the sense that Bob's not with us, but her relationship with Bob is so I don't know why, mentally in my brain so separate from us that when she talks about it, it doesn't reflect on me in any way other than you're telling me this amazing story about this amazing person and this amazing adventure you had, which sadly came to an end before I was even involved. Yeah, so that's that's one of the things I think with divorce, it's different where I mean, lucky enough, Kelly and my Ki's mom are actually tight and they get along, which is awesome, But there are other situations where it's not and that person's present and there's not only just a shadow but physically that person is there, and things like that we've never had that We just haven't had that. And also I love Bob, like Bob was just awesome and it sucks that Bob's not here. Kelly and I are totally separate from Bob and Kelly and even Bob and I.
00:15:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, your maturity and just being well rounded, like we're all very adult. I think like part of the reason I looked forward to this conversation today is just that we're all like forties and beyond, you know, and it just matters differently. There's a different processing, Like this is a lot of real life stuff.
00:15:38
Speaker 4: I mean we always say that the one thing and we always I say, the timing of when we met is pretty fantastic. Yeah, yeah, because truthfully, if this was me ten years ago, no, I probably would have been you know, you always talk about me and it's like I have I mean, there's literally just none of it. And I know, as like a former wacky jealous guys, where were you? Who was that? You know, that type of thing. There's not we just I mean it's just.
00:16:06
Speaker 2: So where do you think that comes from? By the way, like in you like if you could trace that back to be like I think.
00:16:13
Speaker 4: Experience in that way time after I got divorced, I did data bit and I did I did all the stupid things. I know one time there's one time just one girl, one girl, and saw really genuinely saw like in me like oh look what you're doing. Oh look what you're doing there. You're doing your front loading, or you're trying to do this, or you're playing anything. And with Kelly it was from Jump Street. There were no intentional games. There was no like let me see, let me see if she calls her, let me call her every day whatever. It was genuinely like I'm in a text when I feel like textinger as opposed to when I feel like I should, and I mean, she could tell you better than me. It probably seemed a little slow, like she was probably like, come on, well that was very slow.
00:16:59
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I remember when I was in it, and I'm sure I even vented to you girls about it at some point, but I was like, you know, I think he likes me, yea saying that for sure, I don't know. But looking back, I'm so grateful that he did play it slowly because that's really what I needed. Like if he would would have loved bombed, or if he we would have been like boyfriend girlfriend after a week like that would have been too much for me because of what I had gone through. I needed something where like I got to a place too where I'm like, this is actually very real and he is a good person, and I know his heart by now, and I know he's not going to screw me over, and I know he's not going to do this and this and this, and so I feel like I really needed that because it could have I mean, can you imagine the first person I date after losing Bob that ends up, you know, playing it wrong and then I'm so hurt and then like he breaks my heart or something like I And I think even though he wasn't super intentional about like, oh, she's a widow, I have to be extra extra careful with her. I think it was just kind of innate in him that he was cautious but not necessarily just for that reason.
00:18:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's as like extra hot of him. I mean, was that like extra hot that he was like.
00:18:20
Speaker 1: It was extra hot, and yeah, we appreciate that.
00:18:24
Speaker 5: But clueless I was perfect, you know, I think because he was he was being very gentle about it.
00:18:42
Speaker 1: But at the same time, yes, it was very hot, but he wasn't playing hard to get. He was just right. It was just he was easy going, confident. But you know what he did what he said he was going to do. Whenever we made plans, he kept the plans. If he's like I'll pick you up at seven, he was at my house at six fifty nine. You know, he was always on time. I could he was. And you know what, when you get older, it's sexy as hell to be accountable and reliable and on.
00:19:11
Speaker 2: Time and for your words to match your action. Yes, nothing hotter.
00:19:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, and when you're in your twenties and you know, when you're a little younger, that's the stuff that it's like, oh, but you know, if he didn't call me today, it's like, oh that was hot. It's like, no, he called when he said he would, and he did what he said he would, and that was that was very hot. When I say the word hot, but it's.
00:19:37
Speaker 2: You're saying though, it does come with like you learned a lot post divorce, And the things that I learned post my last divorce was a lot, you know what I mean, Like it made me a better wife to my new husband. And I'm just yeah, you're just the older now in my forties too, you just learn so much more about.
00:19:52
Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember my death. My kid's mom who is awesome.
00:19:57
Speaker 2: And y'all get along, yeah everybody right.
00:20:00
Speaker 1: No, she's been so amazing supportive to me and it's just so lovely and kind and yeah, she's great.
00:20:07
Speaker 4: But when dev and I were together early on, I remember I was I was I'm younger than WA a little bit, and I was the brash, obnoxious jackass and she's a pretty writer. So I was like, who's that? Who's that?
00:20:18
Speaker 2: Do you also think that was the role that you had to play? Because that was what you thought the role you had to play.
00:20:22
Speaker 4: Was I just know what to do? I was like, I was, you know what I mean?
00:20:27
Speaker 3: Yeah?
00:20:27
Speaker 4: Absolutely. But we met when I was twenty. I just wrapped clueless hadn't come out yet, so it was a long time ago and I hadn't been in relationships. But I was a jealous jackass, just insecure as what I shouldn't say jeous. It was just insecure as hell. I remember Dev said at one point, like, why would I waste my time being jealous? If you're gonna do something better? Like if you're gonna cheat, if a girl's gonna if a guy's gonna cheat on you, ever he's gonna, there's nothing I can do to prevent it. I can't hang on to you, so you can't leave the house because the minute you do get out of the house, you're gonna feel like, oh, finally I'm free or whatever. And it used to piss me off, like, no, I want you to be jealous that that proves affection. And it took me a very long time to recognize, Like, yeah, I mean there are certain things I'm sure I would be jealous if Kelly had to do, you know, a love scene or something like that or anything like that. But at the end of the day, I'll never have to. You might to Kelly, will you right back to you? And very possible, but I'll never be you know. It was just genuine. It was wasted energy to be that kind of jealous where and it took me probably twenty years to realize it. With Kelly, I was like, yeah, if if this is going to go south, it's not gonna because of something I did, I'll make sure that. But I can't control her and she wants to step out and don't be with me.
00:21:41
Speaker 1: You know.
00:21:41
Speaker 2: I think that timing is so important too though, because it's like I always say that too. If my husband now and I met each other even like post like too soon post my divorce, I wouldn't have been able to heal the things I need to heal to be a better version.
00:21:53
Speaker 4: To be open for him, yeah, to be open to that.
00:21:55
Speaker 2: And same with him, you know. So I think it's I love love the time.
00:22:00
Speaker 4: But the timing thing is it's a Bob sense.
00:22:03
Speaker 2: Not a godsend, but a Bob sense.
00:22:05
Speaker 1: It's true. I always say he's the one person that Bob would not be mad about. Like you probably wouldn't be thrilled that there's anybody, but he'd be like, all right, it's going to be anybody.
00:22:15
Speaker 3: Well, he can't leave us smoking the hot wife behind and think you're just gonna sit there and not live a life not.
00:22:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, But that's why he's like, all right, if it's going to be anybody, let it be Breckon. But don't you guys know or haven't you noticed, let's say even post forty that in your relationship that there are things that you actively catch yourself that you were like about to do but then you're like, no, I'm not going.
00:22:44
Speaker 2: To do that all the time because I stay myself ago, because thirty year old jan I would have been like, oh, I was just texting a second grats on a show like who cares what stuff together? Like you know, years ago. But I'm like, no, I can't do that because that's disrespectable to my now husband. Well, you though, I have zero like not trying to reach out, but like there's a different level of respect.
00:23:03
Speaker 4: And.
00:23:06
Speaker 1: I'm like where it's so natural sometimes to almost want to make your partner a little jealous because you're like, oh, I want to test them. I want to see if they like, if they get jealous, and it's going to show how much they love me. And so you do little things here and there where it's like, oh, I'm just gonna be like, oh, hey, oh just oh just texted this person or something, or bring up something from the past or whatever, and to see the reaction to test them. And now I'm like, I'm not going to do that. And there have been times where you know, I'll be like, oh, I want to see if he gets jealous or whatever, and I catch myself and I'm like, Nope, that's immature, twenty five year old Kelly, You're not doing that now.
00:23:47
Speaker 2: But sometimes and if it's okay, if it does, I mean, I can think that on certain situations, I have a big fear of abandonment. I think they're going to leave. So sometimes in arguments with my husband, I'll push a little too far to be like are you going to leave? Because I almost want to see it to be like I told you you were going to leave me, and I have to do my work to not like I don't need to push him to that piece. I am able to catch yourself now some perfectly right, you know what I mean, like facts in your head to attempt to catch yourself where some people like when you're younger and you don't have that experience and you don't realize how it can really affect somebody else.
00:24:22
Speaker 1: You have no filter. You just let it fly and there's no there's no governor on that.
00:24:26
Speaker 2: It just you have triggers though that come up something like that where it's like since the death or since anything childhood, where you're like, you bring it in like it's a trigger of someone.
00:24:37
Speaker 1: I do a lot, and I try so hard to not because he has never done anything to instigate now.
00:24:44
Speaker 2: But it's still your right stuff.
00:24:46
Speaker 1: So we bring to new with you know, when I was married the first time, my ex he literally one day woke up out of the blue and which.
00:24:55
Speaker 2: I love that episode, so I was really great, thank you, and you didn't have to defend yourself post that.
00:25:01
Speaker 1: By the way, Well, the ex husband, he's the one who woke up one day and said I don't want to be married anymore. But then the ex boyfriend between ex husband and Bob, he was the one who then woke up the day before we were moving into our new house and said, I can't do this anymore. So I've had two big relationships out of the blue, and everyone's like, oh, there was a reason. You know there was. It's like, okay, they didn't tell me the reason ever, and I didn't know the reason. So right, but and so to this day, I don't know the reason anyway.
00:25:35
Speaker 2: But if Brecon doesn't right and so maybe communicate something or doesn't text back or do you have that, does that trigger come in?
00:25:42
Speaker 1: I have two triggers.
00:25:44
Speaker 2: One is do you know them?
00:25:46
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah. One they're totally understandable.
00:25:53
Speaker 1: If there's one, you know, a day where maybe he just is a little bit more introspective and he's a little bit more Oh my god, he's gonna break up with me. He's gonna he's just gonna, like, we've never been in a fight. Three years, We've never had a fight. He's just gonna break up with me. So they're not like not even a like, no.
00:26:15
Speaker 4: It's weird.
00:26:16
Speaker 1: It's weird.
00:26:17
Speaker 4: We recognize it.
00:26:17
Speaker 1: There have been a couple of times where like the other day we were at our hotel, the elevators weren't working, we had to take the stairs. I was breaking out. We were lost, we couldn't find it.
00:26:28
Speaker 4: Were seventeen, but we got lost.
00:26:33
Speaker 1: And I got snappy with him, and I was like, well, apparently you know where you're going, you know. So I got a little snappy, and then immediately I was like, I'm sorry, I apologize, you know, so like things like that, but never anything that's lasted more than thirty seconds.
00:26:46
Speaker 3: By the way, that's literally one hundred percent of America would be the same way, right, I mean, rights pressure.
00:26:52
Speaker 4: So my choice to be like god call she said it, and I was like, yeah, she's annoyed right now. We're trying to find the damn exit. It's her hotel, you know, it's the hotel she planned. And so I was just like, I know, she's annoyed. And when we got up to when we finally got out of the other she was like sorry I was snappy, and I was like, cool, it was nothing I didn't personally. I knew that, like she wasn't gonna end the relationship or anything like that. But the other the other one is more.
00:27:18
Speaker 3: Legit, yeah, right, And then the other one is that it is so if he gets introspective, that's his head a little bit.
00:27:23
Speaker 1: Quieter or right. Or if let's say I get snappy, if I'm like, oh my god, did I just push him too far? Right now, he's like she just has a temper right from one little thing. But then the other one is if there's an instance where let's say he over sleeps in the morning, because we all live together, so if he over sleeps and I, you know, he's like, oh, I'll be up at nine, and then he's not answering his phone by ten o'clock or something.
00:27:51
Speaker 2: Because that's what happened. I think he's dead.
00:27:53
Speaker 1: I literally think he's and there's nothing that ken. I'm like doing a MDR for right now to try to hell of it.
00:28:00
Speaker 3: Same yeah, but yeah, the bottom's line out. If you call me twice, for sure somebody's dead, right, yep.
00:28:06
Speaker 1: And so there is no talking me out of it. My body goes to the same place it did on January ninth, twenty twenty two, the day Bob died. It's like I go to the same place where I'm like oh my god, I can feel like my heart starts pounding and I start getting clammy and sweaty, and I'm shaking, And until I know he's okay, there's no stopping it. There's no like self soothing or talking to myself, you know, rationally be like Kelly, he's fine. The second my brain goes there of like, oh, oh my god, something happened. He's not answering. It's the worst case scenario, he's dead. Like the second my brain goes there, until I hear from him, it's just a runaway train.
00:28:54
Speaker 3: But the retiring that hypervigilance is really, really, really difficult.
00:28:57
Speaker 2: It just is I'm in my EPI on it. I'm trying same and if you get there, let me know. And if I get there, like you.
00:29:03
Speaker 1: Know, and he's been so understanding about it, like where all of a sudden, then I'm you know, calling him and texting and being like hello, are you okay? And then finally, instead of answering the phone or when he calls me, he's like, babe, you know, I'm fine. I was just sleeping, like he's.
00:29:16
Speaker 4: I definitely don't sound like that right, even though the boyfriend voice is required.
00:29:24
Speaker 2: I was having a rage they do.
00:29:29
Speaker 1: No, He's so understanding about it and he gets it, and he's like he does everything he can. Like if he's going into a movie and he needs to turn his phone off for a couple of hours, he's like letting you know, I'm turning my phone off. I'm going into a movie. You know, I can track him, like I know. It's like if his little dot's still moving, I know he's fine.
00:29:46
Speaker 4: So but I also also it is the smallest concession in the world for me to make to know that if I'm going to a movie, I literally go, baby, movie, starting's going off. Or if I'm on a plane, you know, she knows every what plane, so she already knows the plane I'm on and where it is and all that.
00:30:02
Speaker 3: She's already she's actually the pilot.
00:30:06
Speaker 1: The pilots need me.
00:30:08
Speaker 2: You know, I say I'm going to one day help a crash from happening because I'm like, oh, this plane's at this altitude and this.
00:30:16
Speaker 1: Okay, she's the human teak.
00:30:21
Speaker 4: If I'm on a plane, I'll get a text from Kelly that says, like, you're about to get some turpos. I'm like, babe's clocking it.
00:30:43
Speaker 3: I do think though, it speaks volumes to just like the true love in this that it is.
00:30:48
Speaker 2: You know.
00:30:48
Speaker 3: It's the same with the losing Bob, right, with losing anyone to like to no loss that great is to have known love that great. So I think it speaks volumes to just how much admiration and love you have for each other that you are worried by ten am. Yeah, you know, like I would rather be a person that's worried about by ten am than a person that's not. And you know, my husband wants to send the police five times a week because he's like, I saw the house is armed, but you haven't answer the phone. And I'm like, I just forgot my phone. We have three children, you know. But also I want him to be like that, because don't we all want to be taken care of and loved and thought of that way.
00:31:23
Speaker 1: That's always justified him. I'll be like, so it just shows how much I love you that I care, you know, And he's like yeah, no, and he'll feel bad. He's like, I'm just sorry that that's what it is that you get so old.
00:31:35
Speaker 4: There was there was one time I can't remember where where it was. I was out of town at a hotel and she couldn't get a hold or whatever for seconds, working immediately like, it's my phone died, you know. It was one of those things, and my phone, I'm captain preparation. My phone rarely dies, but occasionally it happens at a work thing or whatever. Or I'm on set and my phone's in the trailer at base camp and I forgot that, Oh we're not coming back, so I want to be here for three hours without knowing, and I will get back and immediately be like, hey, I'm so trying. I'm right here, or even use someone else's phone. You're like, bye, sorry, baby, my phone's in the trailer. Just just FYI. Even if she wasn't bothering about it, and it takes it's an extra ten seconds of my day to make sure we're cool. You know, it's not a big deal.
00:32:20
Speaker 1: You know, well, it's a big deal to me, and you're wonderful it's loving.
00:32:23
Speaker 2: Well though, well, no, it does matter. People should take that note because if you know what your partner is, you know the trauma with like you know what I mean, You're you're loving that piece well, and I think that's beautiful.
00:32:35
Speaker 4: And to be really shitty if I was the guy who was like, no, I'm just gonna see how much she misses me, Miss Bob.
00:32:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's twent year old brecond Yeah, comfort food. Tell us about comfort food. I mean, obviously you start. You started at post Bob. I started at Post Bob.
00:32:51
Speaker 1: So the first season was exclusively about grief and just loss or you know, somebody who's going through really really difficult time, and which was really important because that's where I was at the time, because people don't really talk about grief enough, or at least in a way that's not like a sad grief podcast with like a grief therapist or something like that, Like how can we make this subject a little less taboo, a little bit lighter, a little bit more palatable so people don't fear it so much because if we talk about you actually, well thank you.
00:33:29
Speaker 2: I mean it is really because.
00:33:31
Speaker 1: He talked about all the time, and in a way where he used Gallo's humor and he made jokes about death, and I was always like, you can't do that, and he's like, yeah, I can. Yeah, Like and I will because that's how I get through it. And so I wanted to talk about it in a way that was just a little bit easier and made it not as scary. But then I took a break for a while, and then back with season two. Now it's not just about grief, because I like to talk about other things now too, you know, so it's a lot more about relationships. Still a lot of you know, loss and like how you get through a really tough time.
00:34:07
Speaker 2: Which is beautiful. Yeah, because you are, which is also beautiful.
00:34:12
Speaker 1: I've been trying. So yeah, it's interesting to have, you know, conversations from everything about like romance scams to being bullied as an adult, to you know. The first season, I was feeding the guests their favorite comfort food, so it's like, hey, let's talk about death, but we're eating grilled cheese.
00:34:32
Speaker 2: Makes you know, is this season?
00:34:34
Speaker 1: So yeah, it got to the point where when my last guest from season or a guest we were going to have from season one their food poisoning. No. Fortunately, no, his was easy, although he didn't want to eat on camera. He's like, I don't want to eat while I'm actually talking. I think the people want to know that I have the guests who requested Ana Barbara Ooney from Santa Barbara and caviar. Is there comfort food? I was like, Okay, this is getting but we did not have that.
00:35:13
Speaker 3: You can tell.
00:35:13
Speaker 1: Us no one I had ever met in person. But yeah, the food started getting a little ridiculous. And so now comfort food is a metaphor.
00:35:26
Speaker 4: Can I be the fawning boyfriend for a second. The one thing I dig about Kelly's UH podcast and also just Kelly in general, is because I didn't I never dated anyone who's lost a husband or of that.
00:35:41
Speaker 3: Good that you don't have a type that feels.
00:35:49
Speaker 4: Widows I need but no. One of the things amazing is that with the loss of Bob and the comfort food, one of the things that always kind of blow me away about Kelly was it was the grief and how she dealt with it. And that's kind of monumentally amazing to me because I've never lost a spouse like that. I couldn't imagine it, but the fact that she had this positive outlook on that, Yes, there's grief, and you deal with grief, and then also there's the new chapter, the next chapter, the new normal that you're moving into, and how to be positive about that and that grief we were talking about grief isn't just losing your husband. It's also divorce is an absolute form of grief, losing you know, losing a relationship, losing a pet, losing a friend, you know, even and I mean losing not death. I mean just like having a breakup with a friend or whatever and how to move on from that. And she's always kind of so great with that that I've always kind of marveled at it from afar. I'm not a podcast person, but I just always marvel at the fact that she's able to blend the grief into the new chapter where it is a light at the end of the tunnel, as opposed to just like, look, everyone get it. Bring as much food as you can and stay at home as long as you can under a blanket, and you know, until you don't. Yeah, it's it's impressively well you.
00:37:09
Speaker 1: Guys ever get to l a. I've been wanting to have you guys on for two years. Jeez, less pressure now that.
00:37:14
Speaker 2: I don't have to pick a food, to be honest, seriously, but thank you for you guys, Thank you for coming on, Reckon. It's an honor to also have you here. I was able to get through it without asking you one clueless question. So that's fun.
00:37:27
Speaker 1: That's the part two.
00:37:28
Speaker 4: I know, but you get one question, go ahead.
00:37:33
Speaker 2: But no, seriously, I'm just really I'm happy for you and I really.
00:37:36
Speaker 1: Proud of you both so much much to actually be here in persons such a gift, and to sit with you wonderful ladies who've always been just so amazing in there for me.
00:37:47
Speaker 2: I love your but I love your butt too.
00:37:50
Speaker 3: I love you, but you bet your house.
00:37:53
Speaker 1: I love your bet
