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Welcome to the Wing, the emotional and financial health check you never knew you needed.
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We provide tangible solutions for young women to build emotional health and wealth on their journey from school to motherhood.
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This is the podcast for young women in Australia navigating the big stuff.
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Life, money, and motherhood.
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From high school to first homes, babies to bank accounts, we take you on an interactive listening journey that helps you make smart, empowered decisions every step of the way.
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Hello, ladies.
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Welcome to another episode of The Wii.
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Oh my goodness, you can hear my voice.
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Uh, I finally caught the rhinovirus from the children.
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I think I did pretty well to avoid that for so long.
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But anyway, maybe this isn't the best day to record, but here I am because I have some time and the baby's sleeping.
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So I thought I'd get on here and record a solo episode because it's been a little minute.
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Now, I'm not gonna lie about this.
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I definitely had to compartmentalize and put my thoughts in the wonderful source of Chat GPT to help me organize things because honestly, it has been a little bit of a rough time.
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I hit that six-month, that beautiful six-month postpartum mark, which is I'm not sure if this is true for anybody else, but this is where the postnatal depression catches up with me.
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So anyway, I thought I would share some things because why not?
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And if it's relatable to one, it might be relatable to many.
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So I was looking at things that somehow became the mother's responsibility.
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It's a bit of an unbiased investigation into why mums are apparently the CEO of literally everything.
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I've spoken about this before and told you how I told Jake I don't want to be the CEO of the house because it's lonely at the top and uh I need everything to work in tandem.
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I feel like our conversations are better now.
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Jake overheard me recording a podcast, not for the wing, uh for a different upcoming podcast, which I will share on my channels when it's ready, but he overheard me talking about it through the walls last night.
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And when I finished recording the podcast, he was like, all I heard you say was, so last night Jake and I were watching the budget, and then in the morning, Jake came in.
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I hadn't even made a cup of tea yet, and I he started telling me about all these conversations he'd already had about the budget and wanted to talk to me about it.
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And I and I said to myself, the kettle hasn't even boiled yet.
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Can we just can we just pause?
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Can we talk about this later?
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It was like, okay, I need to just cool my jets a little bit.
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And I said to Jake, I said, look, you are the centerpiece of a lot of my content in the most loving way, because obviously Jake is a champ and takes it like a champ and knows that I do this to keep myself sane.
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But that was fine.
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That was it was all very open and candid.
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But our yeah, our conversations have they constantly evolve.
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It's really hard to navigate conversations with Jake when I am at my absolute pit.
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There's been a couple of instances over the last fortnight in particular where I have not been able to communicate with Jake and I have just said to him, I love you.
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I can't talk right now.
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It's not about you.
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I am feeling awful.
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And again, I'm not feeling awful about any one thing in particular.
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It is just that hormonal drop that is driving me up the wall.
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I'm doing a bunch of things to try and remedy this.
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So I spoke to Katie Stones, who has been a guest uh on the wing so kindly twice now.
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Katie gave me a bunch of uh nutritional advice and we talked about vitamins and dietary things and exercise and all of that.
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I've been back and forth to my GP, my gynecologist.
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I've trialled uh different medication in the form of the mini pill.
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So uh that is now on pause because we're not sure if that has been part of my demise or is it just a timing thing?
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So we're stripping back back to basics.
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So these are the things that I've been navigating that have been impacting other parts of my life.
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Like I have cancelled plans with some of my beautiful friends who I was very honest with, and they being honest is the best thing in the whole wide world because I actually told my girlfriends, I said, Look, I'm I'm just I'm just going through this at the moment, and I'm not gonna be my best self if I see you today.
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Is it okay if we postpone?
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And I I had one friend make this beautiful ravioli dish for me and the family, and it's not just me that the food is poor, like we've got two little toddler mouths to feed.
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Baby's fine, she's just you know, there in the background.
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Uh, Jake, obviously, and our live-in nanny at the moment.
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For her to do that for me in response to me cancelling a plan, I thought was pretty incredible.
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And then obviously the conversations and the messages that I've been having back and forth with a number of my very close girlfriends has been so fundamental in part of my healing.
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They make me feel not alone.
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It's voice notes, it's texts, and when I can, it's been a couple of walks out in the fresh air.
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Um, there's been days where I've struggled to get out of bed.
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It's usually obviously on the days where I am not required to look after the toddlers, they're either in care or they're here with with our lovely Sophie who lives with us, and then I I am with our with our baby full time.
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So obviously I get out of bed to do what she needs, but it's been difficult.
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And I really underestimated this because I thought after our experience with our little baby girl uh when she was first born, you know, with the NICU and the hospital situation, I was honestly on a high since she got home.
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A month after she was born, she was home, we were having a great time, it was Christmas.
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I was exhausted, it was busy, and not every day was great, but obviously and challenging with all of the developmental changes that the toddlers are going through, and you know, just adjusting to a completely new routine, a foreign routine for us this year with toddlers starting daycare a couple days a week.
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So there's lots of change.
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Obviously, Sophie moving in with us as well.
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That was that's new, that was something we wouldn't have typically done, and we won't do again because Sophie's a unicorn and we don't want to ruin a great experience.
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Uh she's moving back to the UK in a couple of months' time, so again, transitions, transitions.
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So it's been, you know, we are blessed with with the help and the village that we have around us, but it doesn't mean that hormones cannot completely take over my mind and feel those feelings of depression and anxiety.
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And for lit for literally, if you strip it back and look at it logically, it's like, okay, well, there is no reason.
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I mean, yes, kids bring stress and different parts of life bring stress, but stress, but nothing, nothing bad has happened.
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You know, we've I feel like we've had our dose of bad after after our baby being born and going through those challenges.
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The different things that life throw at you can throw them at you in in funny ways.
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But I wanted to talk about, I guess, all the noise going on in my mind, and that noise coming out in interesting ways.
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So something that came up was I think I said this to Jake, like, can someone explain to me why I'm apparently in charge of sunscreen inventory, remembering uh packing school bags, emotionally regulating the entire household, matching up all the socks in the house, putting them all away, and knowing where everybody's water bottle is at all times.
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We now have a stash of water bottles, so that's good.
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But then I think Jake might have looked at me and gone, well, okay, well, firstly, you're not responsible for all of that.
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We are responsible for all of that.
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And as I get bigger, they're gonna be responsible for all of that.
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But these are the things, this is the head noise that just takes up silly, silly space in my mind.
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These things aren't big deals.
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They are not big deals at all.
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But again, becoming, you know, going back to that, why am I the why am I the CEO?
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I don't want to be the CEO.
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I'm supposed to be on Mat Leaf.
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But I guess that's just not how it works in a house with three under three, which is completely fine because this is a life by design.
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Now, mums, I'm sure I've learned this recently that a lot of our work is invisible.
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Hard to quantify, certainly can't quantify it with money.
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I guess Jake and I tried to quantify it with money at one point.
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Um, so I have been a stay-at-home mum pretty much well, I'm a stay-at-home work-from-home mum.
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I heard that the other day on a real friend sent.
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And look, when I say work, you know, I did 15 hours a week last year, and then this year I'm doing just five hours a week just to keep me going mentally.
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But yeah, so I have been really significantly out of the workforce for over three years now.
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Um, I guess I underestimated that.
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I'm becoming more aware of I think I was getting frustrated with the invisible jobs.
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So an invisible job, for example, this morning I spray and wiped our stairs because they were filthy.
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A vacuum and a mop just doesn't do it.
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So I literally had to get um my spray and wipe bottle and a cloth and go down do the stairs.
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And it was that's an invisible job, but something that is not necessarily you can't quantify.
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But getting back to how Jake and I were trying to quantify it was okay, well, if I am stay at home, uh we are, you know, saving a ton of money on daycare.
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So if you work that out on an hourly rate, or like on a a daily rate, sorry, that is the pay, not the pay, but it's the saving.
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So for me, because obviously I've had a lot of trouble with a bit of an identity shift in okay, well, if I'm not bringing dollars, well I am still bringing doll dollars in the door, just not at the capacity that I was previously, which is fine because I don't have the capacity, I don't have the time to operate at that level, nor do I uh want to, and it is actually counterproductive for us for me to do that because the the costs of daycare outweigh what the income would be, so which I'm sure lots can relate to as well.
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Also, I do genuinely like spending this time with my kids while they are so young, um, despite its challenges.
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Yeah, the invisible jobs like you know, monitoring snack levels, knowing clothing sizes, booking appointments, noticing when kids are about to outgrow shoes, remembering birthdays is my favourite thing in the whole wide world.
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I have all my favourite people's birthdays in my calendar.
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Obviously, I remember the kids' birthdays, but then making sure that others remember the kids' birthdays too, like family members, packing bags, I mentioned that, keeping everyone emotionally stable as best as I possibly can.
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Uh, translating toddler speech.
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I found myself in the kitchen the other day.
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Our son, bless him.
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Oh my gosh, he's so cute.
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He goes, at the moment he's going, thank you, thank you, welcome, welcome.
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And now like that's his tone of voice that he speaks in.
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Apparently, Jake used to do that when he was little.
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It's very cute, very endearing.
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But he did a new one, and he goes, he just walks over to the kitchen sink and he goes, dink, dink.
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And then Jake, I could hear him saying it, and I know that means drink, because that's where I keep his drink bottle.
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And Jake, I could hear him doing it, but I was working on something else.
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I might have been like changing a nappy or I don't know, getting dinner out.
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I don't know what I was doing, but I was doing something else, and I could hear him saying it, and that Jake was around and Jake goes, What do you what do you want, mate?
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And I said, He wants a drink.
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It was so funny.
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I was like, uh wow, I'm interpreting more.
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I guess how is Jake meant to know?
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That could have been sync, that could have been dink, that could have been think, that could it could have been anything, but it's funny though those things that you do as a mum that you just kind of are attuned to, that you sometimes have to yell at.
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And I think my tone of voice and delivery of that uh was maybe not great.
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And I think that's when Jake maybe started to notice that my wheels were falling off.
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Researching, you know, daycare schools, different programs, you know, what what can we do to keep the kids entertained, making sure they're getting the most out of everything.
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Um, managing sleep logistics as well.
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Obviously, that is very difficult when we brought the baby home.
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There was a lot of adjustment, a lot of changes to our airtight previous sleep routine.
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I think we are getting back on track now, not without challenges.
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Um, you know, we've got night terrors and things like that happening now, it's just different.
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Everybody's in a cot, so I'm not ready for the bed transition yet.
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Don't judge me.
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That's just I can't deal with it right now.
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So managing all of that, carrying the mental map of the family.
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So I'm constantly making sure that everybody is okay.
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Now, this is not a shit on Jake.
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I must always caveat this.
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Jake is obviously always thinking about us as well.
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I need to keep remembering that what I'm doing here is facilitating him to go out and do what he's doing out there.
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You know, I refer to it as that he keeps the lights on, I keep the people alive.
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Um, but when I get to a breaking point and I feel like I'm not, you know, when kids get sick, it happens.
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When we get sick, it feels like, oh my gosh, I haven't done my job, I haven't done it.
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And that looking inward like that is so negative and untrue.
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But you can't tell me that when I'm in a spin, that is for sure.
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Something I read: mothers aren't tired because of the tasks.
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We're tired because we're running 47 tabs mentally.
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Uh, having too many tabs open is not good for anybody, too many notifications, that type of thing.
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So I think uh a couple of things that I've done to try and minimize that stress is just work on one thing at a time.
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I often refer when I have all three, um, which is a a reasonable chunk of the week, I will treat it as a triage system.
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So sometimes nobody needs anything from me.
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The toddlers are happily playing, the baby is sleeping, I am wandering around, you know, faffing, doing a bit of cleaning here and there, prepping some food, just trying to enjoy that quiet moment.
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All of a sudden, all three need something at the same time.
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Those moments are challenging.
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Something, oh, I've been wanting to share this.
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My psychologist said to me, she said, the definition of stress is when the demands outweigh the resources.
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So now, in those moments where all three need something, even if two out of three needs something at the same time, and there's a it's usually accompanied by excessive screaming or tantrums or pushing over or something, whatever it is, the kerfuffle.
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I just think to myself, okay, the demands are outweighing the resources at the moment, so I can only do what I can do.
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Now, that talk to myself only works when I have the bandwidth.
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So when I don't have the bandwidth, I have a tendency to just internally just I get hot and I get sweaty and I get stressed.
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That's exactly how I feel.
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So being able to kind of shut some of those tabs and go, all right, well, I was working on packing away the little geometric eggs, but that's not important right now.
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They we need someone needs a bottle, someone needs some food, someone needs a nappy change, someone needs a cuddle.
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So trying to just close the tab, like delete the things that just don't matter.
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I updated my phone recently, first time in five years, and the only reason I did it was because our son continually threw it down the stairs and it was the glass on it was actually smashed into shards and it was dangerous.
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So it's the only reason I will ever update a phone because I just hate the process.
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But updating a phone is good because it kind of gives you a bit of a clear out.
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You know, I didn't delete anything, but the I've only got the things I need now.
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So trying to apply that same thinking to my role as a stay-at-home, work-and-home mum, in that, all right, well, what needs to be done right now?
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Like, does that vacuuming matter?
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Nope.
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Do I need to wipe that bench?
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Nope.
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Can I do that tomorrow?
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Yes.
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Trying to section out things so that I don't get overwhelmed.
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So I feel like now instead of being like, all right, Thursday's my washing day because the kids are at daycare and it's easier to do things when they're not here, or you know, Wednesday night's been night, so I'm gonna get all that sorted then.
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Instead of trying to do things on days, I just do things as needed.
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So I don't know if that is helpful.
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I hope my the point of all of this is not to say, hey, wow, look at me, look at me doing all these things because I'm telling you I am stressed out to the max at the moment.
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So it's certainly not coming from that perspective, it's coming from a perspective of I hope this makes sense and I hope this feels relatable, and I hope that it is maybe a tool that you can use and and stop in those moments and think, all right, the demands are outweighing the resources.
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This is funny.
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This has been a trigger.
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Jake and I do this to each other now, and we've spoken about it because we know we do it to each other.
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So if we're we have a two-story house, which is a blessing and a curse, we might be upstairs doing the nighttime routine, doing the bathtime routine together, because that is the best way to do it, in uh, in my opinion.
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Sometimes one of us will disappear downstairs discreetly.
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Now, I usually go down to change over a load of washing, feed our little doggy Nox, let him out to go to the toilet, load the dishwasher, and I can hear things going on upstairs, and I just think, oh, is there anything else I can do downstairs to avoid that?
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Like I find there's a lot of avoidance.
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And then Jake will do a similar thing.
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So then I think, all right, come up, bring up some snacks, I'll try and reset the mood.
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So I come up.
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Anyway, moments later, Jake disappears.
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I'm like, where's he gone?
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What's he doing?
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And then he we I think we called each other out on this at one point.
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We were like, Are you just trying to get away from it?
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And we both said yes.
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So it was really funny to know, like, that nothing humbles a marriage like that.
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Nothing, nothing at all.
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To be able to be honest about that, like, or if we need need a snack or something, or or need a need a drink, we're like, okay, oh, who wants to make the drinks?
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I'll be like, I'll get it, like, so that we can just get out of the space.
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So it's really funny to be able to make light of those moments that are seemingly stressful.
00:17:29.920 --> 00:17:33.039
And sometimes we don't really realize that we're doing the avoidance thing.
00:17:33.119 --> 00:17:42.240
We're just sort of wandering around getting stuff done, but ultimately we're just trying to get a brain break from being around the chaos.
00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:53.279
Now I think some of the deeper sort of things that were happening through this postpartum well, that are happening through this postpartum period, postpartum rage, anxiety, depression, I've told you about this.
00:17:53.599 --> 00:17:54.720
Overstimulation.
00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:56.880
No, we I know we all know what that is.
00:17:57.039 --> 00:18:04.720
Uh, sleep deprivation, hormones, invisible labor, resentment, and when tiny things suddenly feel explosive.
00:18:04.960 --> 00:18:06.880
You know, we're not crazy.
00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:10.880
We're we're just trying to manage, we're just trying to do things.
00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:19.119
And, you know, sometimes it is hormones, sometimes it's that someone asked me where the wipes are while standing directly next to the wipes.
00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:24.000
The other day, remember I I think I'd I'd had them all day and taken home from work.
00:18:24.079 --> 00:18:30.319
It was a Saturday, so bless him, he was he worked six days, so he was looking forward to coming home and having some quiet time.
00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:40.880
And kids were snotty, I was snotty, and I can't tell you how many times I'd I'd wiped everybody's noses and you know, dealt with all the gross nappies and just just the stuff, right?
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:43.039
Like just the stuff, the stuff I'm here to do.
00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:44.799
I have the privilege to do.
00:18:45.039 --> 00:18:50.400
I'd gotten a baby to sleep upstairs, and our son was also asleep upstairs.
00:18:50.559 --> 00:19:01.599
We no longer have a baby gate on the stairs because um he actually pushed the gate off and it flew down a couple nights earlier, so we thought, alright, let's go no gates and see if this works.
00:19:01.839 --> 00:19:07.119
I had successfully for about two hours, kept our eldest daughter downstairs with me.
00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:14.480
I was she was in constant supervision because I didn't want her to go upstairs, walk into our son's room and wake him up before he was due to wake up from his nap.
00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:18.000
He needs his sleep, that boy, and we need the quiet time.
00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:28.880
Anyway, Jake got home and he was sitting on the couch, he was with our daughter, and I was doing washing or just sort of faffing around, and Jake just calls out to me, he goes, Dal, are you upstairs?
00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:33.359
Like I was in the laundry and then I like popped my head out and I was like, What was that?
00:19:33.519 --> 00:19:35.519
And he goes, Are you upstairs?
00:19:35.759 --> 00:19:39.680
And I was like, Well obviously not because I can hear you, I'm right here.
00:19:39.839 --> 00:19:41.440
And he's like, Oh, I thought you went upstairs.
00:19:41.519 --> 00:19:43.440
I was like, Oh, I did about 10 minutes ago.
00:19:43.599 --> 00:19:45.599
I was just putting some things away, but I'm back now.
00:19:45.759 --> 00:19:46.240
Why?
00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:52.960
By the time we'd had that conversation, our daughter had gone up, gone in our son's room, woke him up from his nap.
00:19:53.359 --> 00:19:55.119
So I that was one thing.
00:19:55.200 --> 00:20:02.720
And then I was like, Jake, I was like, I've worked so hard for two hours to keep her entertained to make sure this didn't happen and that stupid bloody baby gate, blah blah blah.
00:20:02.880 --> 00:20:04.559
He's like, No, that's right, I'm sorry, it's alright.
00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:06.960
Anyway, it was not a big deal, but it was fine.
00:20:07.200 --> 00:20:12.319
Anyway, then I was doing something else a bit later that afternoon, and then Jake goes, Oh, could you can you get a wipe?
00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:14.480
We need to we need to wipe their noses.
00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:19.440
And it was just because I was I was standing next to the wipes, but I had my hands full, I think I was holding the baby.
00:20:19.680 --> 00:20:23.680
I was like, Jake, I need like can you just get it?
00:20:24.000 --> 00:20:27.839
All day I've been going like, oh, they need a wipe, they need a wipe, and then this or that.
00:20:28.079 --> 00:20:36.400
So it's just like that feeling of you know the push-pull, and then you got if you have any commentary over the top, and these things are such small deals.
00:20:36.799 --> 00:20:41.200
But if you can resonate with this, the the little things can turn into big things.
00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:46.640
Anyway, I later said to Jake that night, I said, look, if there's something you can do, do it.
00:20:46.960 --> 00:20:51.839
If you're genuinely, if you need help, just say I need help and I will be there in a second.
00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:55.039
But if it's something that can be done independently, you go for it.
00:20:55.200 --> 00:20:56.240
I know you have the skills.
00:20:56.480 --> 00:20:58.160
I think as well, there's a lot of pressure.
00:20:58.319 --> 00:21:00.000
So we put a lot of pressure on ourselves.
00:21:00.160 --> 00:21:02.240
That can be a good thing because it can be a driver.
00:21:02.400 --> 00:21:05.279
It can also work in the opposite way at times.
00:21:05.359 --> 00:21:11.279
And when you're in a partnership, you know, with little people running around, it it it's a it's a test.
00:21:12.079 --> 00:21:20.079
Kids don't make things easier, they make things so much more delightful and so much more enjoyable and so much more lovely and worthwhile.
00:21:20.319 --> 00:21:23.839
But in the hard moments, the hard moments is how I've explained it.
00:21:24.000 --> 00:21:25.519
They're not hard all the time.
00:21:25.680 --> 00:21:26.400
Not at all.
00:21:26.559 --> 00:21:28.240
Not hard every day either.
00:21:28.480 --> 00:21:33.519
It's it's moments in time, and the moments can feel like forever.
00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:36.480
So being able to zoom out and isolate that.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:38.640
I think, you know, mums aren't failing.
00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:39.279
We're not.
00:21:39.359 --> 00:21:45.519
I I just think that modern motherhood quietly asks women to carry an impossible amount while pretending it's normal.
00:21:45.759 --> 00:21:47.599
You know, a lot of us we want to work.
00:21:47.759 --> 00:21:52.559
Some of us, there's women they don't need to work or don't want to work.
00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:59.759
There's all sorts of different situations, but any decision is all like it all come it it's all April.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:11.119
pressure uh in one way or another and it's like people that it would die to be stay-at-home mums, to be parents that uh you know, women that are dying to get back into the workforce and work full time.
00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:31.200
There's all sorts of different mums out there and I think being able to identify which, you know, what what is your strength and what is what do you want to do and what can you do, what what is within your wheelhouse and within the resources of your own home is difficult to navigate and I think identity shifts are certainly something that are that's a part of that.
00:22:31.519 --> 00:22:52.880
So I can hear a little baby crying in the background so I must jump off this potty but I just wanted to share be vulnerable be raw because I know a lot of mums out there are struggling and if I can be a voice of relatability and honesty then that is what I will be.
00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:56.400
I really hope that this has been a helpful quick listen.
00:22:57.200 --> 00:23:00.000
Share it with a mum who you think might need to listen to it too.
00:23:00.480 --> 00:23:01.680
We're all on different journeys.
00:23:01.759 --> 00:23:50.799
I've had so many conversations lately with lots of different mums like you know medication journeys are a huge one naturopath journeys are a huge one health and fitness journeys are a huge one returning to work journeys are a huge one I've got so many girlfriends that are you know struggling for so many different reasons disruptive sleep patterns kids going through different developmental leaps sickness in households you know like there are so many different things that so many different women are struggling with and families are struggling with too like don't get me wrong these conversations aren't one-sided there's things that Jake's voice with me that you know he that he is struggling with because he's trying to balance the you know running the ship financially and then coming home to uh the chaos that is here and there's only so much I can do to manage that.
00:23:51.039 --> 00:23:54.880
So there's there's b balance seeking all over the place.
00:23:55.039 --> 00:24:08.319
So I just hope that that is relatable and that you're able to take something away from this and please share with a mum that might need to hear a friendly blocked nose voice that is struggling on the other end of the mic.
00:24:08.559 --> 00:24:19.759
So if anybody needs me I will be locating a missing drink bottle that no one has seen since February and trying to sort out my hormone balancing and mental health journey.
00:24:20.240 --> 00:24:36.720
Now if you don't laugh you cry so that is the point of sharing that is the point of the wing thank you so much for listening and it is my greatest delight to be able to share these personal things with you and help in any way shape or form have a look on YouTube.
00:24:37.119 --> 00:24:47.279
Listen wherever you get your podcasts you know the general jam but I believe you'll hear it in my wrap up anyway so thanks ladies and I'll catch you on the wing again soon.
00:24:47.440 --> 00:24:48.240
Bye bye.
00:24:49.359 --> 00:24:58.640
Enjoyed the episode hit follow and check out the underscore wing pod Oz on Instagram for a dose of wisdom getting you on the right path to success
00:00:02.479 --> 00:00:08.240
Welcome to the Wing, the emotional and financial health check you never knew you needed.
00:00:08.400 --> 00:00:16.239
We provide tangible solutions for young women to build emotional health and wealth on their journey from school to motherhood.
00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:22.239
This is the podcast for young women in Australia navigating the big stuff.
00:00:22.399 --> 00:00:24.320
Life, money, and motherhood.
00:00:24.480 --> 00:00:35.280
From high school to first homes, babies to bank accounts, we take you on an interactive listening journey that helps you make smart, empowered decisions every step of the way.
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Hello, ladies.
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Welcome to another episode of The Wii.
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Oh my goodness, you can hear my voice.
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Uh, I finally caught the rhinovirus from the children.
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I think I did pretty well to avoid that for so long.
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But anyway, maybe this isn't the best day to record, but here I am because I have some time and the baby's sleeping.
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So I thought I'd get on here and record a solo episode because it's been a little minute.
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Now, I'm not gonna lie about this.
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I definitely had to compartmentalize and put my thoughts in the wonderful source of Chat GPT to help me organize things because honestly, it has been a little bit of a rough time.
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I hit that six-month, that beautiful six-month postpartum mark, which is I'm not sure if this is true for anybody else, but this is where the postnatal depression catches up with me.
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So anyway, I thought I would share some things because why not?
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And if it's relatable to one, it might be relatable to many.
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So I was looking at things that somehow became the mother's responsibility.
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It's a bit of an unbiased investigation into why mums are apparently the CEO of literally everything.
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I've spoken about this before and told you how I told Jake I don't want to be the CEO of the house because it's lonely at the top and uh I need everything to work in tandem.
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I feel like our conversations are better now.
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Jake overheard me recording a podcast, not for the wing, uh for a different upcoming podcast, which I will share on my channels when it's ready, but he overheard me talking about it through the walls last night.
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And when I finished recording the podcast, he was like, all I heard you say was, so last night Jake and I were watching the budget, and then in the morning, Jake came in.
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I hadn't even made a cup of tea yet, and I he started telling me about all these conversations he'd already had about the budget and wanted to talk to me about it.
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And I and I said to myself, the kettle hasn't even boiled yet.
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Can we just can we just pause?
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Can we talk about this later?
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It was like, okay, I need to just cool my jets a little bit.
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And I said to Jake, I said, look, you are the centerpiece of a lot of my content in the most loving way, because obviously Jake is a champ and takes it like a champ and knows that I do this to keep myself sane.
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But that was fine.
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That was it was all very open and candid.
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But our yeah, our conversations have they constantly evolve.
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It's really hard to navigate conversations with Jake when I am at my absolute pit.
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There's been a couple of instances over the last fortnight in particular where I have not been able to communicate with Jake and I have just said to him, I love you.
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I can't talk right now.
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It's not about you.
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I am feeling awful.
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And again, I'm not feeling awful about any one thing in particular.
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It is just that hormonal drop that is driving me up the wall.
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I'm doing a bunch of things to try and remedy this.
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So I spoke to Katie Stones, who has been a guest uh on the wing so kindly twice now.
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Katie gave me a bunch of uh nutritional advice and we talked about vitamins and dietary things and exercise and all of that.
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I've been back and forth to my GP, my gynecologist.
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I've trialled uh different medication in the form of the mini pill.
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So uh that is now on pause because we're not sure if that has been part of my demise or is it just a timing thing?
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So we're stripping back back to basics.
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So these are the things that I've been navigating that have been impacting other parts of my life.
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Like I have cancelled plans with some of my beautiful friends who I was very honest with, and they being honest is the best thing in the whole wide world because I actually told my girlfriends, I said, Look, I'm I'm just I'm just going through this at the moment, and I'm not gonna be my best self if I see you today.
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Is it okay if we postpone?
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And I I had one friend make this beautiful ravioli dish for me and the family, and it's not just me that the food is poor, like we've got two little toddler mouths to feed.
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Baby's fine, she's just you know, there in the background.
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Uh, Jake, obviously, and our live-in nanny at the moment.
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For her to do that for me in response to me cancelling a plan, I thought was pretty incredible.
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And then obviously the conversations and the messages that I've been having back and forth with a number of my very close girlfriends has been so fundamental in part of my healing.
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They make me feel not alone.
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It's voice notes, it's texts, and when I can, it's been a couple of walks out in the fresh air.
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Um, there's been days where I've struggled to get out of bed.
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It's usually obviously on the days where I am not required to look after the toddlers, they're either in care or they're here with with our lovely Sophie who lives with us, and then I I am with our with our baby full time.
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So obviously I get out of bed to do what she needs, but it's been difficult.
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And I really underestimated this because I thought after our experience with our little baby girl uh when she was first born, you know, with the NICU and the hospital situation, I was honestly on a high since she got home.
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A month after she was born, she was home, we were having a great time, it was Christmas.
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I was exhausted, it was busy, and not every day was great, but obviously and challenging with all of the developmental changes that the toddlers are going through, and you know, just adjusting to a completely new routine, a foreign routine for us this year with toddlers starting daycare a couple days a week.
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So there's lots of change.
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Obviously, Sophie moving in with us as well.
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That was that's new, that was something we wouldn't have typically done, and we won't do again because Sophie's a unicorn and we don't want to ruin a great experience.
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Uh she's moving back to the UK in a couple of months' time, so again, transitions, transitions.
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So it's been, you know, we are blessed with with the help and the village that we have around us, but it doesn't mean that hormones cannot completely take over my mind and feel those feelings of depression and anxiety.
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And for lit for literally, if you strip it back and look at it logically, it's like, okay, well, there is no reason.
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I mean, yes, kids bring stress and different parts of life bring stress, but stress, but nothing, nothing bad has happened.
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You know, we've I feel like we've had our dose of bad after after our baby being born and going through those challenges.
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The different things that life throw at you can throw them at you in in funny ways.
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But I wanted to talk about, I guess, all the noise going on in my mind, and that noise coming out in interesting ways.
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So something that came up was I think I said this to Jake, like, can someone explain to me why I'm apparently in charge of sunscreen inventory, remembering uh packing school bags, emotionally regulating the entire household, matching up all the socks in the house, putting them all away, and knowing where everybody's water bottle is at all times.
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We now have a stash of water bottles, so that's good.
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But then I think Jake might have looked at me and gone, well, okay, well, firstly, you're not responsible for all of that.
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We are responsible for all of that.
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And as I get bigger, they're gonna be responsible for all of that.
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But these are the things, this is the head noise that just takes up silly, silly space in my mind.
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These things aren't big deals.
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They are not big deals at all.
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But again, becoming, you know, going back to that, why am I the why am I the CEO?
00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:04.399
I don't want to be the CEO.
00:08:04.480 --> 00:08:05.759
I'm supposed to be on Mat Leaf.
00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:12.639
But I guess that's just not how it works in a house with three under three, which is completely fine because this is a life by design.
00:08:12.879 --> 00:08:19.680
Now, mums, I'm sure I've learned this recently that a lot of our work is invisible.
00:08:19.920 --> 00:08:22.319
Hard to quantify, certainly can't quantify it with money.
00:08:22.399 --> 00:08:25.040
I guess Jake and I tried to quantify it with money at one point.
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Um, so I have been a stay-at-home mum pretty much well, I'm a stay-at-home work-from-home mum.
00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:32.960
I heard that the other day on a real friend sent.
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And look, when I say work, you know, I did 15 hours a week last year, and then this year I'm doing just five hours a week just to keep me going mentally.
00:08:42.879 --> 00:08:48.399
But yeah, so I have been really significantly out of the workforce for over three years now.
00:08:48.559 --> 00:08:50.320
Um, I guess I underestimated that.
00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:54.960
I'm becoming more aware of I think I was getting frustrated with the invisible jobs.
00:08:55.039 --> 00:09:00.879
So an invisible job, for example, this morning I spray and wiped our stairs because they were filthy.
00:09:01.039 --> 00:09:03.039
A vacuum and a mop just doesn't do it.
00:09:03.120 --> 00:09:08.960
So I literally had to get um my spray and wipe bottle and a cloth and go down do the stairs.
00:09:09.039 --> 00:09:13.840
And it was that's an invisible job, but something that is not necessarily you can't quantify.
00:09:13.919 --> 00:09:21.279
But getting back to how Jake and I were trying to quantify it was okay, well, if I am stay at home, uh we are, you know, saving a ton of money on daycare.
00:09:21.360 --> 00:09:30.080
So if you work that out on an hourly rate, or like on a a daily rate, sorry, that is the pay, not the pay, but it's the saving.
00:09:30.320 --> 00:09:57.679
So for me, because obviously I've had a lot of trouble with a bit of an identity shift in okay, well, if I'm not bringing dollars, well I am still bringing doll dollars in the door, just not at the capacity that I was previously, which is fine because I don't have the capacity, I don't have the time to operate at that level, nor do I uh want to, and it is actually counterproductive for us for me to do that because the the costs of daycare outweigh what the income would be, so which I'm sure lots can relate to as well.
00:09:57.840 --> 00:10:03.360
Also, I do genuinely like spending this time with my kids while they are so young, um, despite its challenges.
00:10:03.600 --> 00:10:14.559
Yeah, the invisible jobs like you know, monitoring snack levels, knowing clothing sizes, booking appointments, noticing when kids are about to outgrow shoes, remembering birthdays is my favourite thing in the whole wide world.
00:10:14.639 --> 00:10:16.799
I have all my favourite people's birthdays in my calendar.
00:10:17.120 --> 00:10:27.759
Obviously, I remember the kids' birthdays, but then making sure that others remember the kids' birthdays too, like family members, packing bags, I mentioned that, keeping everyone emotionally stable as best as I possibly can.
00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:29.679
Uh, translating toddler speech.
00:10:29.840 --> 00:10:31.679
I found myself in the kitchen the other day.
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Our son, bless him.
00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:35.039
Oh my gosh, he's so cute.
00:10:35.279 --> 00:10:40.720
He goes, at the moment he's going, thank you, thank you, welcome, welcome.
00:10:40.879 --> 00:10:43.440
And now like that's his tone of voice that he speaks in.
00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:45.279
Apparently, Jake used to do that when he was little.
00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:46.799
It's very cute, very endearing.
00:10:46.960 --> 00:10:51.440
But he did a new one, and he goes, he just walks over to the kitchen sink and he goes, dink, dink.
00:10:51.759 --> 00:10:56.799
And then Jake, I could hear him saying it, and I know that means drink, because that's where I keep his drink bottle.
00:10:57.279 --> 00:10:59.840
And Jake, I could hear him doing it, but I was working on something else.
00:10:59.919 --> 00:11:03.840
I might have been like changing a nappy or I don't know, getting dinner out.
00:11:04.000 --> 00:11:11.039
I don't know what I was doing, but I was doing something else, and I could hear him saying it, and that Jake was around and Jake goes, What do you what do you want, mate?
00:11:11.279 --> 00:11:13.440
And I said, He wants a drink.
00:11:13.840 --> 00:11:14.879
It was so funny.
00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:18.000
I was like, uh wow, I'm interpreting more.
00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:19.600
I guess how is Jake meant to know?
00:11:19.679 --> 00:11:30.240
That could have been sync, that could have been dink, that could have been think, that could it could have been anything, but it's funny though those things that you do as a mum that you just kind of are attuned to, that you sometimes have to yell at.
00:11:30.320 --> 00:11:33.759
And I think my tone of voice and delivery of that uh was maybe not great.
00:11:33.840 --> 00:11:37.200
And I think that's when Jake maybe started to notice that my wheels were falling off.
00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:46.240
Researching, you know, daycare schools, different programs, you know, what what can we do to keep the kids entertained, making sure they're getting the most out of everything.
00:11:46.320 --> 00:11:49.120
Um, managing sleep logistics as well.
00:11:49.360 --> 00:11:52.639
Obviously, that is very difficult when we brought the baby home.
00:11:52.720 --> 00:11:57.679
There was a lot of adjustment, a lot of changes to our airtight previous sleep routine.
00:11:57.840 --> 00:12:00.559
I think we are getting back on track now, not without challenges.
00:12:00.639 --> 00:12:04.399
Um, you know, we've got night terrors and things like that happening now, it's just different.
00:12:04.559 --> 00:12:08.320
Everybody's in a cot, so I'm not ready for the bed transition yet.
00:12:08.480 --> 00:12:09.360
Don't judge me.
00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:11.679
That's just I can't deal with it right now.
00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:15.679
So managing all of that, carrying the mental map of the family.
00:12:15.759 --> 00:12:19.039
So I'm constantly making sure that everybody is okay.
00:12:19.200 --> 00:12:21.120
Now, this is not a shit on Jake.
00:12:21.279 --> 00:12:23.279
I must always caveat this.
00:12:23.600 --> 00:12:26.320
Jake is obviously always thinking about us as well.
00:12:26.480 --> 00:12:32.879
I need to keep remembering that what I'm doing here is facilitating him to go out and do what he's doing out there.
00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:37.519
You know, I refer to it as that he keeps the lights on, I keep the people alive.
00:12:37.600 --> 00:12:43.120
Um, but when I get to a breaking point and I feel like I'm not, you know, when kids get sick, it happens.
00:12:43.360 --> 00:12:47.679
When we get sick, it feels like, oh my gosh, I haven't done my job, I haven't done it.
00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:51.440
And that looking inward like that is so negative and untrue.
00:12:51.519 --> 00:12:54.399
But you can't tell me that when I'm in a spin, that is for sure.
00:12:54.639 --> 00:12:57.519
Something I read: mothers aren't tired because of the tasks.
00:12:57.600 --> 00:13:01.200
We're tired because we're running 47 tabs mentally.
00:13:01.360 --> 00:13:06.080
Uh, having too many tabs open is not good for anybody, too many notifications, that type of thing.
00:13:06.240 --> 00:13:13.679
So I think uh a couple of things that I've done to try and minimize that stress is just work on one thing at a time.
00:13:13.919 --> 00:13:22.960
I often refer when I have all three, um, which is a a reasonable chunk of the week, I will treat it as a triage system.
00:13:23.200 --> 00:13:25.600
So sometimes nobody needs anything from me.
00:13:25.759 --> 00:13:35.919
The toddlers are happily playing, the baby is sleeping, I am wandering around, you know, faffing, doing a bit of cleaning here and there, prepping some food, just trying to enjoy that quiet moment.
00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:38.480
All of a sudden, all three need something at the same time.
00:13:38.720 --> 00:13:40.000
Those moments are challenging.
00:13:40.240 --> 00:13:42.000
Something, oh, I've been wanting to share this.
00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:47.600
My psychologist said to me, she said, the definition of stress is when the demands outweigh the resources.
00:13:47.919 --> 00:14:02.480
So now, in those moments where all three need something, even if two out of three needs something at the same time, and there's a it's usually accompanied by excessive screaming or tantrums or pushing over or something, whatever it is, the kerfuffle.
00:14:02.639 --> 00:14:08.080
I just think to myself, okay, the demands are outweighing the resources at the moment, so I can only do what I can do.
00:14:08.240 --> 00:14:12.639
Now, that talk to myself only works when I have the bandwidth.
00:14:12.879 --> 00:14:21.200
So when I don't have the bandwidth, I have a tendency to just internally just I get hot and I get sweaty and I get stressed.
00:14:21.360 --> 00:14:22.720
That's exactly how I feel.
00:14:22.879 --> 00:14:31.759
So being able to kind of shut some of those tabs and go, all right, well, I was working on packing away the little geometric eggs, but that's not important right now.
00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:37.279
They we need someone needs a bottle, someone needs some food, someone needs a nappy change, someone needs a cuddle.
00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:41.840
So trying to just close the tab, like delete the things that just don't matter.
00:14:42.000 --> 00:14:52.960
I updated my phone recently, first time in five years, and the only reason I did it was because our son continually threw it down the stairs and it was the glass on it was actually smashed into shards and it was dangerous.
00:14:53.039 --> 00:14:56.399
So it's the only reason I will ever update a phone because I just hate the process.
00:14:56.559 --> 00:14:59.840
But updating a phone is good because it kind of gives you a bit of a clear out.
00:15:00.080 --> 00:15:04.080
You know, I didn't delete anything, but the I've only got the things I need now.
00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:13.759
So trying to apply that same thinking to my role as a stay-at-home, work-and-home mum, in that, all right, well, what needs to be done right now?
00:15:13.919 --> 00:15:15.679
Like, does that vacuuming matter?
00:15:15.840 --> 00:15:16.240
Nope.
00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:17.759
Do I need to wipe that bench?
00:15:17.919 --> 00:15:18.320
Nope.
00:15:18.480 --> 00:15:19.600
Can I do that tomorrow?
00:15:19.840 --> 00:15:20.480
Yes.
00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:24.480
Trying to section out things so that I don't get overwhelmed.
00:15:24.559 --> 00:15:35.440
So I feel like now instead of being like, all right, Thursday's my washing day because the kids are at daycare and it's easier to do things when they're not here, or you know, Wednesday night's been night, so I'm gonna get all that sorted then.
00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:38.879
Instead of trying to do things on days, I just do things as needed.
00:15:39.039 --> 00:15:40.799
So I don't know if that is helpful.
00:15:40.960 --> 00:15:48.399
I hope my the point of all of this is not to say, hey, wow, look at me, look at me doing all these things because I'm telling you I am stressed out to the max at the moment.
00:15:48.720 --> 00:16:03.120
So it's certainly not coming from that perspective, it's coming from a perspective of I hope this makes sense and I hope this feels relatable, and I hope that it is maybe a tool that you can use and and stop in those moments and think, all right, the demands are outweighing the resources.
00:16:03.360 --> 00:16:04.399
This is funny.
00:16:04.559 --> 00:16:06.240
This has been a trigger.
00:16:06.399 --> 00:16:10.559
Jake and I do this to each other now, and we've spoken about it because we know we do it to each other.
00:16:10.799 --> 00:16:25.600
So if we're we have a two-story house, which is a blessing and a curse, we might be upstairs doing the nighttime routine, doing the bathtime routine together, because that is the best way to do it, in uh, in my opinion.
00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:29.120
Sometimes one of us will disappear downstairs discreetly.
00:16:29.279 --> 00:16:44.320
Now, I usually go down to change over a load of washing, feed our little doggy Nox, let him out to go to the toilet, load the dishwasher, and I can hear things going on upstairs, and I just think, oh, is there anything else I can do downstairs to avoid that?
00:16:44.480 --> 00:16:46.000
Like I find there's a lot of avoidance.
00:16:46.240 --> 00:16:47.600
And then Jake will do a similar thing.
00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:51.440
So then I think, all right, come up, bring up some snacks, I'll try and reset the mood.
00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:52.559
So I come up.
00:16:52.799 --> 00:16:55.519
Anyway, moments later, Jake disappears.
00:16:55.600 --> 00:16:56.960
I'm like, where's he gone?
00:16:57.200 --> 00:16:58.320
What's he doing?
00:16:58.639 --> 00:17:02.639
And then he we I think we called each other out on this at one point.
00:17:02.720 --> 00:17:05.359
We were like, Are you just trying to get away from it?
00:17:05.599 --> 00:17:07.279
And we both said yes.
00:17:07.599 --> 00:17:12.480
So it was really funny to know, like, that nothing humbles a marriage like that.
00:17:12.640 --> 00:17:14.319
Nothing, nothing at all.
00:17:14.559 --> 00:17:22.319
To be able to be honest about that, like, or if we need need a snack or something, or or need a need a drink, we're like, okay, oh, who wants to make the drinks?
00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:25.279
I'll be like, I'll get it, like, so that we can just get out of the space.
00:17:25.359 --> 00:17:29.839
So it's really funny to be able to make light of those moments that are seemingly stressful.
00:17:29.920 --> 00:17:33.039
And sometimes we don't really realize that we're doing the avoidance thing.
00:17:33.119 --> 00:17:42.240
We're just sort of wandering around getting stuff done, but ultimately we're just trying to get a brain break from being around the chaos.
00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:53.279
Now I think some of the deeper sort of things that were happening through this postpartum well, that are happening through this postpartum period, postpartum rage, anxiety, depression, I've told you about this.
00:17:53.599 --> 00:17:54.720
Overstimulation.
00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:56.880
No, we I know we all know what that is.
00:17:57.039 --> 00:18:04.720
Uh, sleep deprivation, hormones, invisible labor, resentment, and when tiny things suddenly feel explosive.
00:18:04.960 --> 00:18:06.880
You know, we're not crazy.
00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:10.880
We're we're just trying to manage, we're just trying to do things.
00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:19.119
And, you know, sometimes it is hormones, sometimes it's that someone asked me where the wipes are while standing directly next to the wipes.
00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:24.000
The other day, remember I I think I'd I'd had them all day and taken home from work.
00:18:24.079 --> 00:18:30.319
It was a Saturday, so bless him, he was he worked six days, so he was looking forward to coming home and having some quiet time.
00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:40.880
And kids were snotty, I was snotty, and I can't tell you how many times I'd I'd wiped everybody's noses and you know, dealt with all the gross nappies and just just the stuff, right?
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:43.039
Like just the stuff, the stuff I'm here to do.
00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:44.799
I have the privilege to do.
00:18:45.039 --> 00:18:50.400
I'd gotten a baby to sleep upstairs, and our son was also asleep upstairs.
00:18:50.559 --> 00:19:01.599
We no longer have a baby gate on the stairs because um he actually pushed the gate off and it flew down a couple nights earlier, so we thought, alright, let's go no gates and see if this works.
00:19:01.839 --> 00:19:07.119
I had successfully for about two hours, kept our eldest daughter downstairs with me.
00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:14.480
I was she was in constant supervision because I didn't want her to go upstairs, walk into our son's room and wake him up before he was due to wake up from his nap.
00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:18.000
He needs his sleep, that boy, and we need the quiet time.
00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:28.880
Anyway, Jake got home and he was sitting on the couch, he was with our daughter, and I was doing washing or just sort of faffing around, and Jake just calls out to me, he goes, Dal, are you upstairs?
00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:33.359
Like I was in the laundry and then I like popped my head out and I was like, What was that?
00:19:33.519 --> 00:19:35.519
And he goes, Are you upstairs?
00:19:35.759 --> 00:19:39.680
And I was like, Well obviously not because I can hear you, I'm right here.
00:19:39.839 --> 00:19:41.440
And he's like, Oh, I thought you went upstairs.
00:19:41.519 --> 00:19:43.440
I was like, Oh, I did about 10 minutes ago.
00:19:43.599 --> 00:19:45.599
I was just putting some things away, but I'm back now.
00:19:45.759 --> 00:19:46.240
Why?
00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:52.960
By the time we'd had that conversation, our daughter had gone up, gone in our son's room, woke him up from his nap.
00:19:53.359 --> 00:19:55.119
So I that was one thing.
00:19:55.200 --> 00:20:02.720
And then I was like, Jake, I was like, I've worked so hard for two hours to keep her entertained to make sure this didn't happen and that stupid bloody baby gate, blah blah blah.
00:20:02.880 --> 00:20:04.559
He's like, No, that's right, I'm sorry, it's alright.
00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:06.960
Anyway, it was not a big deal, but it was fine.
00:20:07.200 --> 00:20:12.319
Anyway, then I was doing something else a bit later that afternoon, and then Jake goes, Oh, could you can you get a wipe?
00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:14.480
We need to we need to wipe their noses.
00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:19.440
And it was just because I was I was standing next to the wipes, but I had my hands full, I think I was holding the baby.
00:20:19.680 --> 00:20:23.680
I was like, Jake, I need like can you just get it?
00:20:24.000 --> 00:20:27.839
All day I've been going like, oh, they need a wipe, they need a wipe, and then this or that.
00:20:28.079 --> 00:20:36.400
So it's just like that feeling of you know the push-pull, and then you got if you have any commentary over the top, and these things are such small deals.
00:20:36.799 --> 00:20:41.200
But if you can resonate with this, the the little things can turn into big things.
00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:46.640
Anyway, I later said to Jake that night, I said, look, if there's something you can do, do it.
00:20:46.960 --> 00:20:51.839
If you're genuinely, if you need help, just say I need help and I will be there in a second.
00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:55.039
But if it's something that can be done independently, you go for it.
00:20:55.200 --> 00:20:56.240
I know you have the skills.
00:20:56.480 --> 00:20:58.160
I think as well, there's a lot of pressure.
00:20:58.319 --> 00:21:00.000
So we put a lot of pressure on ourselves.
00:21:00.160 --> 00:21:02.240
That can be a good thing because it can be a driver.
00:21:02.400 --> 00:21:05.279
It can also work in the opposite way at times.
00:21:05.359 --> 00:21:11.279
And when you're in a partnership, you know, with little people running around, it it it's a it's a test.
00:21:12.079 --> 00:21:20.079
Kids don't make things easier, they make things so much more delightful and so much more enjoyable and so much more lovely and worthwhile.
00:21:20.319 --> 00:21:23.839
But in the hard moments, the hard moments is how I've explained it.
00:21:24.000 --> 00:21:25.519
They're not hard all the time.
00:21:25.680 --> 00:21:26.400
Not at all.
00:21:26.559 --> 00:21:28.240
Not hard every day either.
00:21:28.480 --> 00:21:33.519
It's it's moments in time, and the moments can feel like forever.
00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:36.480
So being able to zoom out and isolate that.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:38.640
I think, you know, mums aren't failing.
00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:39.279
We're not.
00:21:39.359 --> 00:21:45.519
I I just think that modern motherhood quietly asks women to carry an impossible amount while pretending it's normal.
00:21:45.759 --> 00:21:47.599
You know, a lot of us we want to work.
00:21:47.759 --> 00:21:52.559
Some of us, there's women they don't need to work or don't want to work.
00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:59.759
There's all sorts of different situations, but any decision is all like it all come it it's all April.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:11.119
pressure uh in one way or another and it's like people that it would die to be stay-at-home mums, to be parents that uh you know, women that are dying to get back into the workforce and work full time.
00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:31.200
There's all sorts of different mums out there and I think being able to identify which, you know, what what is your strength and what is what do you want to do and what can you do, what what is within your wheelhouse and within the resources of your own home is difficult to navigate and I think identity shifts are certainly something that are that's a part of that.
00:22:31.519 --> 00:22:52.880
So I can hear a little baby crying in the background so I must jump off this potty but I just wanted to share be vulnerable be raw because I know a lot of mums out there are struggling and if I can be a voice of relatability and honesty then that is what I will be.
00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:56.400
I really hope that this has been a helpful quick listen.
00:22:57.200 --> 00:23:00.000
Share it with a mum who you think might need to listen to it too.
00:23:00.480 --> 00:23:01.680
We're all on different journeys.
00:23:01.759 --> 00:23:50.799
I've had so many conversations lately with lots of different mums like you know medication journeys are a huge one naturopath journeys are a huge one health and fitness journeys are a huge one returning to work journeys are a huge one I've got so many girlfriends that are you know struggling for so many different reasons disruptive sleep patterns kids going through different developmental leaps sickness in households you know like there are so many different things that so many different women are struggling with and families are struggling with too like don't get me wrong these conversations aren't one-sided there's things that Jake's voice with me that you know he that he is struggling with because he's trying to balance the you know running the ship financially and then coming home to uh the chaos that is here and there's only so much I can do to manage that.
00:23:51.039 --> 00:23:54.880
So there's there's b balance seeking all over the place.
00:23:55.039 --> 00:24:08.319
So I just hope that that is relatable and that you're able to take something away from this and please share with a mum that might need to hear a friendly blocked nose voice that is struggling on the other end of the mic.
00:24:08.559 --> 00:24:19.759
So if anybody needs me I will be locating a missing drink bottle that no one has seen since February and trying to sort out my hormone balancing and mental health journey.
00:24:20.240 --> 00:24:36.720
Now if you don't laugh you cry so that is the point of sharing that is the point of the wing thank you so much for listening and it is my greatest delight to be able to share these personal things with you and help in any way shape or form have a look on YouTube.
00:24:37.119 --> 00:24:47.279
Listen wherever you get your podcasts you know the general jam but I believe you'll hear it in my wrap up anyway so thanks ladies and I'll catch you on the wing again soon.
00:24:47.440 --> 00:24:48.240
Bye bye.
00:24:49.359 --> 00:24:58.640
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