Sexual Intimacy Without Self-Abandonment

Beth: Welcome back to the Shift with Beth podcast. I'm your host, Beth Shield, and I'm back here with my fiance, Mr. Randy Brimhall. Welcome back to the show. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. As always. Thank you for coming back. ⁓ okay, so if you haven't listened, we've put out a couple podcasts. So our last podcast episode that we put out together was on intimacy. And After we recorded that, we were just we went in the hot tub and we're talking about and we we kind of mentioned towards the end that we probably want to do a podcast on sexual intimacy and then we just were chatting and getting so many ideas for this episode and we think it's so important. And so we're gonna refer to our notes because we were just like voice recording all of our notes the other night. ⁓ because this is a really important topic that I feel like A lot of people don't talk about. Right. But it's something that everyone wants. But our true message is that intimacy is so much more than sex. A hundred percent. And so if you haven't listened to the last podcast on on intimacy, please go do that before you listen to this one. Today we want to talk about something that we do. This was introduced to me by my really good friends, Nick and Corinna. They're married now. They're ⁓ amazing. They are one of the first. They probably are the first conscious couple that I ever met. And Randy got to meet them. We went to dinner with them. Yeah, it was super nice to meet them. They have such beautiful energy. And I actually worked with Nick one on one ⁓ with coaching. He's actually the first coach that ever did somatics with me. And I remember he was trying to get me in my body and I could And I was I couldn't feel anything. 'Cause I was so numb. I was still in my marriage at the time. And I was like, What are you doing? What is the point of this? Like, this is weird. Yeah, he's also the one that I told him my story and and he was like, ⁓ you left your lifelong religion? Like, have you d like healed the trauma that comes from that? He's like, Most people who've left lifelong religions have a lot of religious trauma and I was like, ⁓ I don't have any trauma. No, I'm good. Ha ha This is before I knew about trauma. so and they're so young, they're like in their twenties to be so conscious and so enlightened and anyways, I kinda went off on a tangent. But my point is, Nick told me about something called the conscious date. And when he told me about this, I felt this. I'm like, This is what I want someday. I want to and I was hoping my husband at the time would be on board for things like that, you know? But so the conscious date is something Randy and I we did very early on because I was like so excited when I finally started dating someone. You I told you about the conscious date. And what did you think when I told you about it? I honestly was a hundred percent on board because I was given my past and experience too like it's something that I longed for as well. And so when you brought it up, I was more than excited. To just have an actual honest conversation about dating and, you know, sex and communication and all the things that consciousness kind of brings to it. Yeah. Of course you were on board for it. Yeah. So we we started doing it right away. And this is something you can make your own, but the idea is to go on a date, maybe to a a new dinner spot or a new brunch spot. or coffee or something that you haven't been to to kind of do something different as a couple that you normally don't do. And then there's a list of questions that you go through and ask each other to form more connection. And so I'm gonna just share them briefly here and then I'm gonna actually put together a p a freebie for you guys, a PDF that you can will link in the show notes and you can grab it and you can try this conscious date for yourself if you want to. Okay. So the first question is just acknowledging what is in this moment right now. So Randy and I are not gonna do it, but it's like, how are you feeling right now? Like today at the present moment, you would share with me and then I would share with you. And then I would say, and I would refer it depends on how often you do this. We tried to do this like once or twice a month, or once a week or twice a month. Like we were doing it regularly. Yeah, we were doing it once a week for a little while. Yeah. And so I would We we would be referring to the week we just had, and I would say, What I appreciate about you this week is and I would think about the week. And this isn't something you have to prep for, you can. There's no right or wrong. Right. For me, I would just kind of think about the week and just ⁓ point out all the things that I appreciate about you that you did. And then I would follow that up with, Did I miss anything? And I think this is beautiful because this is an opportunity for you to express maybe something that I didn't see or I didn't notice. Not that we have to point out every little thing, but you know, maybe there was something that would have felt good for you to feel appreciated for and you could have just been like, hey, remember this? Yeah. And I love this specific question because The thing that I've learned over time too is we all kind of start to give love the way that we like to receive love. Mm-hmm. And so when we're going through this question, it's like this is a big one for me because I like to do acts of service. I like to help. And so then appreciation is kind of a big thing. Mm-hmm. And so where someone else, that might not be their love language. It's more Gifts or whatever whatever it is. What's my love of language, babe? I think ⁓ quality time and physical touch are your two big ones. Yeah. And acts of service. I mean I like them all. I was just putting you on the spot for a minute. But I I think one of my big ones, what you didn't say. Is words of affirmation. Yes. I was trying to go through all of them. I know. I've I definitely put you on the spot there. But this is where like even being in a relationship for a while, like we still get to learn each other. And it's like remembering that even in this moment, it's like, ⁓ yeah, because a lot of times I will give love by doing things for you. Where this is where the conscious state comes into play. It's like remembering that about you. It's like, ⁓ like Really what she cares about more are words of affirmation or love encouragement. Acts of service too. I know you do. ⁓ but it's ⁓ oftentimes very hard for me to receive. Right. Like gifts is both of our we that is not because we have a hard time receiving. It's like, don't give me a gift, but tell me I'm beautiful, tell me I'm the best thing ever. Like keep it coming. Yeah. And you are you are so beautiful at giving me the love, how I want to be loved. Right. And same for me, it's like I think acts of service is huge for me. It's like when you do something to just help my day or do something like for example, it's like I do my own laundry all the time. But when I come in and like I forget about it or I got busy and I come in and it's like already all laid out on the counter, I'm like, ⁓ my God. Like that is the most I appreciate it so so deeply and obviously there's never an expectation, but I know you chose to do that because it's what you wanted to do to show love. I feel like you do way for more for me than I think. It's not true. But we've had this conversation. We've had this conversation. So so yeah, so expressing appreciation is huge. And I don't think couples do that enough. I know. You know? And so it's such a beautiful thing to start off with. Then the next one is opportunities for growth in our relationship. And so like what are we where how are we growing together right now? What are we working on? Talking about that. Is there anything that we is a retreat we want to go on? Is there a book we want to read together? ⁓ maybe talking about the different things that we're working on and if there's anything to share in that area. ⁓ biggest personal win of the week. So celebrating each other. And I might alter this a little bit, but ⁓ biggest personal win and then also what was the hardest thing for you this week? Yeah. Because maybe we already did know that or maybe we didn't express it. And so talking about that, and then this is the one that leads into the sexual intimacy is let's talk about sex. Baby. You know, sex do's and don'ts and desires. And so this is your opportunity. Like it can be so uncomfortable if you haven't done this before, but just really opening up the dialogue of what you like, what you don't like, what you desire. I like to tell this story with the couples I work with too because, you know, early on for us, like Randy has said to me, I'm gonna I'm gonna get you later. ⁓ yeah, yeah. Or I want you later. Like it's something like that. Which is you wanna feel desired, right? Of course. But for me and just from my past, I I don't like that because I feel like pressure. Like what if I don't feel like it later? And then he I know he wants it. I'm gonna be like thinking about that for the day. And I think a lot of women do that, maybe. Like I don't say I said that to you, you probably wouldn't feel the same way. Well it it depends, right? I mean, because even guys like we can be tired by the end of the day or like and just yeah, say I said that to you. And in the moment, it's like in the morning. You have energy, you know, all the things. And then you had like the hardest day at work and you're exhausted and you're so drained. Would you feel that way too? Like, I'm just not in it tonight. I think a little bit, but not nearly much as women. You know, I mean, I think guys, it's we're kind of always ready. Right. Right. But it felt so good to express that to you because I still want to feel desired in that I love that you express it in that way, but like when I was able to say that to you, you're like, ⁓ my gosh, that makes so much sense. It does because I can see how it creates an expectation and a pressure. Mm-hmm. You know? And the last thing that I want as a man is for you to be intimate with me out of an expectation or pressure. Right. I want it to be authentic. Mm-hmm. And when you said that, I'm so glad that you said that because when And it wouldn't have never came out if we weren't having the conscious state. I learned something in that moment about women, about you in general. And I was like it was like a light bulb moment. I like, God, that makes so much sense. Something that I had never thought about. And it gave me an insight into your internal world and kind of like where you're at with things and like that pressure of, you know, like Well, I desire you too, but what if tonight I'm just freaking exhausted? What if my kids triggered me and I'm just not in the mood and then but now I know that you are wanting it later and I was like, ⁓ my gosh. And so it was such a deep and it creates such a deep connection in that moment, you know? So Yeah, and then I get to be free of that. Yeah. Because you're gonna honor it. I'm gonna honor it and like And it has nothing to do with you. Nothing. It's more of my own like kind of past stuff. And so expressing things like that, I think, is so powerful. Otherwise, you have these like you we're we're not we can't read each other's minds. No, not at all. And so it's our job to express these things with each other. So I think that whole and we've had some great conversation on this one. ⁓ On our conscious states, don't you think? Absolutely. Yeah. Like you hit the nail on the head, it's about expressing your needs outside of a sexual environment. Right. When you're not in the moment. When you're not in the moment, you can actually have an open conversation about it. Mm-hmm. And it's very sexy to hear you express what you like and what you don't like. Right. And say there is something that ⁓ you wanna do. Mm-hmm. And doesn't feel good to me. This is where we get to have a conscious conversation about it, right? Where it's like I I hear that you want that and I'm not comfortable with that. Yeah. And this is where honoring somebody's boundaries is really, really key. Mm-hmm. And learning to do that, you know, because this one's deep because going into it, it's like if I expressed I like something and then you express that you don't. My immediate response is my immediate response is like, ⁓ no, is there shame around me that I wanted that or I want something like that? She doesn't. Mm-hmm. So I have to do my own my own internal work about, no, it's actually okay that I want that, but now I can honor that she doesn't want that. And we get to talk about is this okay, this is something that I can live without? And so then it creates an honest conversation. And you know, sometimes like in that world, like it might go the other way where it's like, I can't live without it, and maybe this is a misalignment or I can live without it. And it's like I only care about connection with you and I love you so much deeper for who you are. And the the whole point is to not abandon yourself. Correct. And if there is misalignment, it's not worth abandoning yourself to stay in a relationship. No, because the last thing I want in that scenario is to be like, I like this, and you're like I don't like this. But then you go ahead and do it anyway, knowing that like you abandon yourself. Like that doesn't feel good to anybody. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's like a really great thing to talk about. And it can feel I feel like the way we are now, we don't need a conscious date to bring something like this up. But at first we kind of did, you know. But if you haven't talked about things like this, then it can be uncomfortable. So it's kind of like, hey. This is our chance to talk about it. Yeah. You know? I love it. ⁓ then the then there's a few more questions. So the next one is just plan cool stuff. So I know for Randy and I, we have to be intentional about like, are we having fun? We have to plan it. We have to make sure we're having a lot of fun because we get very task oriented and goal driven and ambitious about our stuff. And then we forget, you know, and I think we've been doing great at that, but it's like, okay, what's some what's some fun? What's some cool stuff that we could do together that we want to do? And then visions. So I have down one, three, and five year visions. And so of course you don't need to do this every week, but I love when we do that. Me too. So what are the trips we're taking for the next year? What where do we wanna be at? What about three years? What about five years? And speak it out loud. That's how things happen. I mean, that's how stuff is happening for us. It's how you start to create. Mm-hmm. And that's it. So that's the conscious date. And it's it's super intentional. And we we have loved it. It's brought us ⁓ a lot closer and more connected to each other. And ⁓ I'm just gonna warn you, like I gave this to one of the couples I'm working with that's in a been in a long term marriage. They've been They're really wanting deeper connection and they've been in this, you know, as everyone has in in long term marriages that isn't conscious to everything yet, they're in patterns of ⁓ triggers and reacting and projecting and all the things. And so I gave ⁓ this conscious date and it was the conscious date from hell was what they, you know, told me. And I was like Good. And the way we were able to work through the triggers that came up was so incredible that by the end of the session they were like, Now I see like what we have to what we're working on here and that these triggers are mine. And it was just super profound. So but I say that to say it might not go well at first. And if it doesn't and there's triggers, then that's actually a good sign where you can have, you know, more healing and more connection. Yeah, because there's deep connection inside those trigger conversations. And that's the emotional component of it. Mm-hmm. Right. To allow each other to see what's really going on in each other's internal worlds. Right. And if you've never like had these kinds of conversations in this way, it's going to be uncomfortable. ⁓ yeah. Because it's different. Mm-hmm. So just opening up to that discomfort. Okay. So something that came up for us that we talked about. ⁓ is that arousal is not an obligation. Right. So I used to think that it was. I get it. And I think this can be one of the most important parts of the episode. Right. So do you wanna speak about that? Yeah. ⁓ this is something that I really wanted you to know and understand. you know, that when we're just holding each other, right? Like my body can respond and that is something that I have no control over. Right. But I wanted you to understand that that doesn't automatically mean that like I want sex right now or you owe me sex right now. ⁓ Right. Like it's my it's my fault that you're aroused, so I gotta take care of it. Right, my body responds to just being close to you and I love you. And a lot of times, like just when I'm holding you, that's what I want to be doing. And whether it leads to that or it doesn't, it's okay. Because whatever it if it does, I want it to be just so authentic and us to be present in the moment with it. Mm-hmm. That because outside of that, like Sex is just sex and that's not what I want personally as a man. I want the deeper connection behind it. Mm-hmm. And that's why I love this conversation talking about sexual intimacy. We're actually really talking about safety and self trust and communication and connection. You know, sexual intimacy is just another form or another way to enjoy a deep connection with somebody. But you can do that in so many other assets like we talked on the last app on the last episode. Right. Right. And I don't remember if we touched on this on the on the last episode, but I think because holding each other typically the man will get aroused. If the woman is exhausted or tired. And she knows that that's what's gonna happen, and then he expects sex from that. She's not gonna want him to hold her. Right. And then it creates this physical distance between she's gonna avoid him. Right. Because she's like, every time he holds me, he wants sex. And this is where I wanna like call the men forward. Because like I've never experienced a man be able to Not have that expectation if there's arousal. Right. And and like the so many times I you just hold me, all I want is for you to hold me. And the the beautiful intimacy that's emotional that we experience from that, if I felt like that was always gonna have to be the case, we wouldn't we wouldn't be having that. No, because if there was always that expectation that every time ⁓ he wants to hold me only because he wants to have sex Right. That doesn't feel good. Right. That would not feel good to me if I were in your shoes. Right. It feels horrible. You know, and it's like, yes, I said that I have no control of how my body responds when we're holding. Mm-hmm. But I do have control over my actions. And I think it's really important for men to be in tune with like their partner and their spouse and kind of how they're feeling if they're exhausted. And And to just honor that and then to kind of help meet their needs in whatever that capacity is. I think what would be good is if you could share how you've come to have that awareness of it doesn't have to lead to that just because I'm aroused, and how you kind of calm the energy of the arousal, or do you do that? Do you know what I mean? Where it's just like You just do so well with that where it's just like, yep, I'm around like I'm aroused. I'm you know Well, I don't make myself wrong for it. Yes. You know. Which I think is important to name. Right. I think it's really important because I do feel like even in the beginning, if that were happening and I could just kind of feel your energy if you're tired, I would almost try to hide that I was in that state because I didn't want that expectation to be there. Right. And there would even be a little bit of kind of shame in the beginning behind it. It's like, God, why can't you just like hold her and like I don't want to create this expectation? And that actually made it a lot worse for me, you know. Resistance. Yeah, resistance. Well, you resist persist. Yes, exactly. So but we were able to have these conversations outside of that state. And for me to open up about how my body responds and for you to hold that space and be like, ⁓ of course it does. But then I can talk about how like I never want you to feel an expectation. I I have control over me in that state. And a lot of times it's just like when I'm holding you, my body responds, and then I can feel when we get kind of in that heart energy, and I'm just wanting to connect with you and rest and just like regulate my nervous system from the day myself. My body just kinda calms down and it re and it reacts to just. And then I have learned that like there's no expectation ever. Mm-hmm. And that I just get a B and when I'm feeling it, it's amazing. And if not, like our number one way that we regulate is you holding me. Mm-hmm. ⁓ I think to answer your question, 'cause it is for me too. It's just like that long day, just kinda hold each other and but I don't think I could have got to where I'm at today without communicating with you. Mm-hmm. Honestly. Outside of that space. Right. And you really I loved how you were just like, hey, just so you know. Like, I if I don't have any expectation of you ever, and just because this happens, it's because I am so attracted to you and I love you. Like, does not mean that even I want it all the time when it happens. Right. It's just Part of my body, my human body. Just and you did. You took the shame away of with that and the freedom that I feel of being able to do that. And I think I this is also a challenge I like to give couples is practice holding each other and you're not allowed to I love that. Have sex or finish. Just hold each other and see what that brings you. You know? Yeah. Okay. Does that does that feel complete? Mm-hmm. Okay. ⁓ I wanna describe how like I was basically taught from the very beginning at nineteen to abandon myself. Oof. It's so toughy. So I think a lot of like daughters are told this by their mothers and mom, if you're listening, like I love you, and I'm sure you were also taught this. But it was, you know, I was nineteen years old, you know, virgin. Good little Mormon girl. And I remember my mom telling me that I I, ⁓ when my husband wanted sex, like never turn him down because he'll get it somewhere else. Basically, your his needs come before yours. Always, as if I'm in charge of his fidelity or infidelity. That's what I was gonna say. That actually puts you in charge or responsible for his fidelity. Right. If that were to happen. Right. And I think that many will resonate with this. And many were taught that. And like the woman in me today, I'm like, and what I'm teaching my daughters is like, you don't owe anyone anything at any time. You are not in charge of a man's actions. And this is your fucking body. Mm-hmm. Well, and it hits at your core wounding. Like if I say no I risk losing love. Right. Right. Conditional again. Mm-hmm. Self abandon. Be everything that somebody else wants you to be, or you're not gonna be loved for who you really are. So that is something that, you know, I had to th that's something I live by for in my marriage. It was like I know I'm I wasn't gonna say no. And it it it was difficult. But I just felt like that's what I I needed to do, that's what I had to do, that's what I did. Yeah, and it makes sense given the fact that we all are wired for connection and want love and are terrified of being abandoned and rejected and all the things. ⁓ I I f I feel compassion and, you know, for that those that version of me who live that way. And then I remember too, like my pregnancy, so I had six miscarriages and lots of complications and endometriosis and all the things and all my pregnancies were high risk and ⁓ there would come to a point in the pregnancy where I wasn't I couldn't have sex. And imagine how stressful that was for me. Yeah, I could imagine. And the things that I felt like I needed to do to make sure that my husband was taken care of. Pregnant, you know, like it's messed up. Yeah, it's tough. And feeling frustrated with my body a lot of times that I couldn't just be like a normal pregnant girl who could work out and do whatever she wanted and travel and I had bed rest and it was really hard. And like I imagine, you know, if that was you and I now younger having babies, like there would be zero pressure, zero expectation. Of any of that. And honestly, this was all what I put upon myself. Mm-hmm. That I learned that this was how I had to be. I'm not blaming my h my husband at the time. Right. Is learned stuff. Yeah, and you learned over time that there's a different way to show up. Mm hmm. Yeah. And so for my own daughters too, it's just like teaching them something completely different. I would say, ⁓ kind of the next phase is stop keeping score. Mm-hmm. You know Yeah, tell me more about that. Guys, women can feel if you're doing something nice just to get sex. Right. We were talking about love languages. It's like, ⁓ I'm gonna do this I did this nice thing for you, so then well now we like y you owe me sex at the end of the night 'cause I did this thing for you. Mm-hmm. And it's like, What? Like there's that transactional energy that people can feel. Yeah. And it doesn't feel good. No. Right? Like I don't want to Yeah, like you're doing all these things because you think that I'm gonna owe you at the end of this. Right. It doesn't feel good on either side. It's like I don't want to be doing things to earn sex at the end of the night. Right. And you don't want me to be doing things for you only because I want to have sex with you at the end of the night. I'm laughing because this is so not the way we are. It's not. But I can tell, you know, first you've are speaking from some experience. Experience. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And part of like early on, like as a guy, like you kind of learn that a little bit too. It's just like the only way that I knew how to connect was through sex. Right. Then if she was never in the mood, it was kind of like, How do I get her in the mood, right? What do I need to do? What do I need to do to earn this? Yeah. You know? Yeah. And that's kind of how I was taught to show up. And just like you, I learned that there's a difference. I can there's a different way to show up. And when you can learn the other types of intimacy and do it because you're genuinely, genuinely trying to just connect and you bid for. That connection with your spouse. Yeah. Is when you actually do have sex, it is so much different. Mm-hmm. When it's present and genuine and authentic. And out of obligation pressure. Yeah. And like something I've learned that I never really knew was possible is like it's Such a natural energetic thing. It's not planned. It's not, ⁓ it's been this many days, so I should. Or, you know, living in that way is just I I can't even imagine it now, you know? Yeah. Or the stress or worry of that. But I think, you know, just some like little tips. Is being present. Yeah. Like without being graphic, don't make the orgasm the main goal of sex. Like just hurry to this point. Right. When you can just be present with your partner in such a loving capacity, it creates so much safety. Mm hmm. And it's so much more beautiful. Getting out of the your head and into your body when you're You know, when you can actually surrender. Mm-hmm. And it's just, you know, slowing down. Yeah. It's it's not about how do we get to the finish line? It's about how deeply can I be here with you? Right. In this moment. And in every moment, that's where it's like this translates into every moment. It's like when we're just holding. It's Not about the destination or where it might lead. It's just how deeply can I be here with you in this moment. And that's the presence. And that is w the thing, I think going back to answer that question is the thing that really can remove those expectations. Mm-hmm. Right. Right. And what leads to, you know, the beautiful energy that isn't sex. It's like a godlike. energy. How you get to that place where it's like you are not the one in charge. You the energy in your body is. It it comes from all the intimacies that we talked about in this the previous episode. And when you have those, it's not even any kind of you don't have to try. You don't have to think about anything, perform pressures. It's this incredible magnetic frequency portal. And it's amazing. It's yeah. It's it's really hard to describe. Right. And I think that is kind of the overall message of this whole thing is that great sex starts outside of the bedroom. You know, it's impossible to be in the mood or in the moment when you felt emotionally unsafe all day. Unseen, unsupported, unheard, shut down. Sexual intimacy is directly connected to how do you talk to me? Can I tell you the truth? Can we repair after conflict? Can I say no without punishment? If I tell you no, if you tell me no, that you're not in the mood, is that okay? Right. Like, can I ask for something without shame? And do I feel emotionally safe with you. It starts there. Right. And then when you can and when you work through this all day and you work on these other intimacies and you're just present, I think the key word here is just learning to become present with where you're at. Yeah. And it creates so much safety and authenticity. The deepest sexual intimacy happens when neither person has to abandon themselves to stay connected to the other. Yes. Yeah. So I feel like this is that's a great closing statement. Yeah. This was pretty complete. Yeah. And I will repeat what she said just because it's so d amazing. The deepest sexual intimacy happens when neither person has to abandon themselves to stay connected to the other. Yeah. I just think really considering and caring for your partner and what what they're feeling and where they're at, instead of being defensive or taking it personal or thinking they owe you or whatever, it's like if you haven't been as intimate as you would like to have been for a while sexually, start by from a place of love and compassion for your partner. Hey, I miss connecting with you. Mm-hmm. And I want to even just remove like the sexual part. Like, what's going on with you? Right. Is there something that I can support you with? What do you need? And then validating them rather than getting upset or angry or, you know, why can't they just whatever? It's like connect in those ways and see what happens. Getting angry or frustrated or making them wrong for how they feel is not going to lead to more connections. It's gonna make them wanna push you away even more. Right. Yeah, so I was just love people. I just want everyone to hold each other and not feel any obligation to do anything other than that and connect to the heart energy that you both have and just expand it and just you know, I just want everyone to have it. And that just shows like who you are as a person. You care so deeply about everyone. Mm-hmm. And it's one of the biggest things that I love about you. How's your heart feeling right now? Feels so good. I know. I feel this. And hopefully we were able to share this in a way that wasn't too like you know. I I know this topic can be uncomfortable, but the why is it uncomfortable? Because people don't talk about it. And I think it's so beautiful to be able to openly talk about this with the person that you love. Like you are the ones that are creating this together. Yeah. So opening it up. And it gets to be beautiful. Like ⁓ you can put the discomfort down a lot of times and just when you can own up to what you're actually trying to do and what your deepest desire is, which is to connect. It's beautiful and it's not uncomfortable because it makes so much sense and I know for myself that's really underlying what I want the most. Yeah. So well, thank you for talking about this topic with me. Of course. Thank you for creating the most beautiful intimacy in our relationship. Same. Co creating together. Yeah. ⁓ continuing to unlock. different levels that we didn't know was possible. Hope my kids don't listen to this one. Actually I hope they do. Yeah. The older ones. You know, but it's part of life. Yeah. Yeah. I just appreciate you just doing this with me. I'd love doing this with you. It's amazing. Yeah. All right. So if this episode Resonated with you. If you feel like you want to share it with your partner, share it, talk about it, open the dialogue, be welcome the triggers that that may come with it with the overall goal of more connection with your partner. And if you both want that, you can have it. Yes, you can. Okay. ⁓ we'll see everybody in the next episode.