WEBVTT
1
00:00:00.200 --> 00:00:02.759
We moved in together after two months of dating, into
2
00:00:02.759 --> 00:00:05.679
a five hundred square foot studio apartment, and we're not
3
00:00:05.759 --> 00:00:07.799
here to tell you whether you should or shouldn't move
4
00:00:07.839 --> 00:00:10.240
in with someone, but we do think that these five
5
00:00:10.279 --> 00:00:12.480
things are something that you should consider if you're thinking
6
00:00:12.519 --> 00:00:15.240
about doing So, what's up and welcome back to Smith's
7
00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:15.759
on Demand.
8
00:00:15.880 --> 00:00:18.679
We're here with another couch conversation.
9
00:00:18.879 --> 00:00:21.079
And we're talking about five things that you should consider
10
00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:23.239
if you are thinking about moving in with someone. These
11
00:00:23.280 --> 00:00:25.280
are things that we had to learn the hard way
12
00:00:25.399 --> 00:00:28.160
through our own experiences, and we're super excited.
13
00:00:27.800 --> 00:00:28.480
To share them with you.
14
00:00:28.760 --> 00:00:31.879
No one is why are you doing it? It should
15
00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:35.039
be out of intention and not just about convenience. And
16
00:00:35.079 --> 00:00:37.719
I always say that it's about the primary reason, like
17
00:00:37.799 --> 00:00:40.799
you should see a future with the person that you're
18
00:00:40.840 --> 00:00:43.280
choosing to move in with, Because if you just are
19
00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:45.719
looking for somebody to help split the bills, you can
20
00:00:45.759 --> 00:00:47.520
just get a roommate. That could be a best friend,
21
00:00:47.679 --> 00:00:49.240
that could be a brother, that could be a cousin.
22
00:00:49.359 --> 00:00:53.039
Some people's their mommy and daddy, but it could be
23
00:00:53.079 --> 00:00:55.479
a plethora of different people. If you're just trying to
24
00:00:55.520 --> 00:01:00.240
cut costs and be with somebody conveniently for primary rely
25
00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:03.159
a money standpoint, But if you're trying to go into
26
00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:06.359
something to be intentional with somebody, and you're saying, we're
27
00:01:06.400 --> 00:01:09.359
moving in together to get a jump.
28
00:01:09.200 --> 00:01:12.799
Start on our relationship and to get ahead of the curve.
29
00:01:12.879 --> 00:01:15.400
We know we have all these different things from engagement
30
00:01:15.439 --> 00:01:17.480
and wedding that we kind of got to line up.
31
00:01:17.519 --> 00:01:19.959
That takes planning, but we want to make this step
32
00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:22.079
to kind of give ourselves a head start on the
33
00:01:22.120 --> 00:01:24.959
life we want for each other. Then I suggest that
34
00:01:24.959 --> 00:01:27.599
that is probably the better way of doing it versus
35
00:01:27.640 --> 00:01:30.400
just trying to split bills, because once you're in that
36
00:01:30.920 --> 00:01:35.560
living together arrangement, you signing leases and doing all those things,
37
00:01:35.640 --> 00:01:37.719
it makes it a lot more messy if it's somebody
38
00:01:37.719 --> 00:01:40.200
that you'll end up breaking up with in a few months.
39
00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:42.879
Yeah, and a normal case, I think dating for two
40
00:01:42.959 --> 00:01:46.079
months is way too early to move in with somebody. Luckily,
41
00:01:46.159 --> 00:01:48.959
and thank god, it worked out for us just fine,
42
00:01:49.040 --> 00:01:51.920
But it is something that you know, when it came
43
00:01:51.959 --> 00:01:54.719
down to our situation, I had moved from a different state.
44
00:01:55.159 --> 00:01:56.280
We were dating.
45
00:01:56.680 --> 00:01:59.840
He was intentionally courting me and dating me for months
46
00:02:00.040 --> 00:02:02.200
leading up into that. We had a great friendship, a
47
00:02:02.200 --> 00:02:05.120
great relationship, and had we not have moved in together,
48
00:02:05.159 --> 00:02:07.280
we want to have started our business together. Dre wouldn't
49
00:02:07.280 --> 00:02:09.719
have retired and left his corporate job. And so so
50
00:02:09.800 --> 00:02:12.120
many people have things to say about, well, why are
51
00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:13.879
you guys living together before being married.
52
00:02:13.919 --> 00:02:17.560
We have our reasons, but again, it's about you and.
53
00:02:17.479 --> 00:02:20.000
You have to look at your situation and the other
54
00:02:20.080 --> 00:02:21.879
things that we're gonna talk about in the next four
55
00:02:22.080 --> 00:02:23.800
three to four steps are going to help you find
56
00:02:23.800 --> 00:02:25.479
clarity on whether it is the right step for you
57
00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:25.960
to take or not.
58
00:02:26.159 --> 00:02:28.120
Yeah, and that's the most important thing, Like we talk
59
00:02:28.159 --> 00:02:30.479
about this on this channel all the time, is that
60
00:02:30.520 --> 00:02:32.319
it's just you guys at the end of the day,
61
00:02:32.360 --> 00:02:34.120
So you have to make the decision that's best for
62
00:02:34.199 --> 00:02:36.719
you too, regardless of what people on the outside think.
63
00:02:37.080 --> 00:02:41.199
Number two is the living arrangement. This is so important.
64
00:02:41.240 --> 00:02:44.240
Are you moving into that person's home, are they moving
65
00:02:44.280 --> 00:02:46.919
into your home, or are you guys getting a place together.
66
00:02:47.319 --> 00:02:50.520
In our situation, it was me moving into Dre's home
67
00:02:50.879 --> 00:02:53.680
and we had to have a lot of conversations around
68
00:02:53.719 --> 00:02:56.120
what that looked like so that it didn't turn into
69
00:02:56.120 --> 00:02:58.919
this epic failure. It was how can he make the
70
00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:01.879
space feel just as much as mine even though it
71
00:03:01.919 --> 00:03:04.199
wasn't technically mine to start with. Because I've seen a
72
00:03:04.240 --> 00:03:06.759
lot of couples who have this situation where it's like
73
00:03:06.759 --> 00:03:08.680
as soon as the argument happens, it's like, well get out,
74
00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:11.039
this is my place, right and you can't go into
75
00:03:11.080 --> 00:03:13.919
it with that mentality. In our situation, what we did
76
00:03:14.080 --> 00:03:17.000
was we talked about, like what things we could change
77
00:03:17.000 --> 00:03:18.479
in the apartment for it to feel like it was
78
00:03:18.520 --> 00:03:20.879
my space too. As y'all know, I'm a woman, I
79
00:03:20.919 --> 00:03:24.000
have more things, right. We had one closet to share,
80
00:03:24.159 --> 00:03:27.039
one bathroom to share. It was a tiny space, and
81
00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:29.159
the way that he had the apartment set up was
82
00:03:29.199 --> 00:03:32.599
that in the studio area that's where the bed was,
83
00:03:32.719 --> 00:03:37.680
and then the den was like his office, creative workspace,
84
00:03:37.759 --> 00:03:40.080
TV room, I don't know, like like his man cave.
85
00:03:40.400 --> 00:03:42.639
And once I moved in, we actually switched it and
86
00:03:42.680 --> 00:03:45.159
we made the den be the separate bedroom space, and
87
00:03:45.199 --> 00:03:47.960
then we created the main living space as our living space.
88
00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:51.840
And we had to divvy up every drawer, every corner,
89
00:03:52.120 --> 00:03:54.960
crooked and cranny to say this is where your things
90
00:03:54.960 --> 00:03:56.840
are gonna go, this is where my things are gonna go,
91
00:03:56.960 --> 00:03:57.479
and you have.
92
00:03:57.479 --> 00:04:00.159
To compromise on esthetic, right.
93
00:04:00.199 --> 00:04:02.639
Like, you can't just come into someone's home and just
94
00:04:02.800 --> 00:04:05.680
overtake everything with your design aesthetic. You have to find
95
00:04:05.680 --> 00:04:07.879
a good compromise, which was a little hard for us
96
00:04:07.879 --> 00:04:10.159
at the beginning, but we did it. So it's really
97
00:04:10.159 --> 00:04:11.639
important to have those conversations.
98
00:04:11.800 --> 00:04:14.240
Yeah, I would say that just understand no matter what
99
00:04:14.439 --> 00:04:18.000
side you're on, that it's hard for both sides. Sometimes
100
00:04:18.040 --> 00:04:21.279
you think, oh, I'm coming into your space, so it's
101
00:04:21.279 --> 00:04:23.560
harder for me to adjust because it's your space and
102
00:04:23.600 --> 00:04:25.160
I have to make the adjustment. But they have to
103
00:04:25.160 --> 00:04:27.639
make an adjustment too, because they originally got the space
104
00:04:27.680 --> 00:04:30.759
that they had planning out every single section of what
105
00:04:30.839 --> 00:04:33.759
that space would do, how it be, how it will
106
00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:36.399
be utilized. So now with you coming in, they have
107
00:04:36.480 --> 00:04:39.160
to make the adjustment and figure out like, Okay, how
108
00:04:39.199 --> 00:04:41.240
do I have this person in my home but still
109
00:04:41.279 --> 00:04:43.759
make it feel like it's something for me. But then
110
00:04:43.800 --> 00:04:46.560
also on the flip side, coming in is a challenge
111
00:04:46.600 --> 00:04:48.959
because they don't want to overstep. They don't want to
112
00:04:49.399 --> 00:04:51.519
feel like they're kicking you out of your space or
113
00:04:51.519 --> 00:04:54.160
making it not your space, or be it inconvenience. So
114
00:04:54.439 --> 00:04:57.079
it's definitely tough on both sides, and it takes time
115
00:04:57.160 --> 00:05:00.160
because as you're moving in, you have to understand your
116
00:05:00.199 --> 00:05:03.879
relationship is still growing. So you might have that feeling like, Yeah,
117
00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:06.240
I really want to be with this person for the
118
00:05:06.279 --> 00:05:08.920
rest of my life, but this is also another step
119
00:05:08.959 --> 00:05:09.560
in the journey.
120
00:05:09.639 --> 00:05:10.680
So it's like you.
121
00:05:10.720 --> 00:05:14.040
Might have been at like sixty five percent sure, but
122
00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:17.959
living together could either drop that percentage or raise that percentage.
123
00:05:18.000 --> 00:05:20.480
So sometimes the adjustments that you want to make in
124
00:05:20.480 --> 00:05:23.040
that home, especially if you're moving in with somebody, you
125
00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:25.480
have to do those gradually versus trying to do that
126
00:05:25.560 --> 00:05:28.759
straight from the beginning. Because as your relationship grows and
127
00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:31.600
it feels like, oh, this is really my long term partner,
128
00:05:31.879 --> 00:05:34.639
then you'll be like, Okay, I don't mind giving up
129
00:05:34.680 --> 00:05:37.879
space and making this feel like this is our space.
130
00:05:37.959 --> 00:05:39.759
So it's important to do that. But the best case
131
00:05:39.839 --> 00:05:40.160
is if.
132
00:05:40.079 --> 00:05:42.680
You can choose a place together, then it always helps
133
00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:45.839
because then you plan out the space together and have
134
00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:47.560
each other's needs in mind.
135
00:05:47.759 --> 00:05:50.120
Yeah, so make sure you have those conversations beforehand.
136
00:05:50.399 --> 00:05:54.600
The next thing is financial roles and responsibilities, And I
137
00:05:54.639 --> 00:05:56.079
know a lot of people will be like, ah, you
138
00:05:56.120 --> 00:05:58.879
shouldn't be moving together you acting like you're married. If
139
00:05:58.879 --> 00:06:00.680
you're in a household together, you have to think of
140
00:06:00.720 --> 00:06:04.240
the household as a whole right and there's a financial
141
00:06:04.279 --> 00:06:07.399
aspect of paying the bills, but there's also upkeep when
142
00:06:07.439 --> 00:06:09.800
it comes to the home, and if somebody is doing
143
00:06:09.839 --> 00:06:12.120
one thing, somebody else has to pull their weight on
144
00:06:12.160 --> 00:06:14.319
the other side. It could be you both are doing
145
00:06:14.360 --> 00:06:17.959
things fifty to fifty. We know that's the whole relationship conversation,
146
00:06:18.040 --> 00:06:20.480
fifty to fifty who should do what? But it's important
147
00:06:20.519 --> 00:06:24.279
to talk about all the responsibilities that come with taking
148
00:06:24.279 --> 00:06:28.040
care of this home, both financially and actually in person.
149
00:06:28.759 --> 00:06:29.600
And I feel like when.
150
00:06:29.439 --> 00:06:32.120
You're dating someone, if you're at the stage where you're
151
00:06:32.120 --> 00:06:34.160
thinking of moving in with them, by that point you
152
00:06:34.160 --> 00:06:34.759
should kind.
153
00:06:34.720 --> 00:06:37.319
Of know naturally what your guys's roles.
154
00:06:37.160 --> 00:06:39.120
Are going to be, but you don't want to assume.
155
00:06:39.160 --> 00:06:42.079
That's why have in the conversations is important. For example,
156
00:06:42.120 --> 00:06:44.800
in the dating phase, if one of you is constantly
157
00:06:44.800 --> 00:06:46.560
coming to the other person's house and they're the one
158
00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:49.240
who normally cooks the meals, right and after you cook
159
00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:51.839
the meals, they're the ones that like wash the dishes
160
00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:53.720
that would give you kind of an inkling of like
161
00:06:53.720 --> 00:06:55.720
when we live together, I'll probably do most of the
162
00:06:55.759 --> 00:06:58.800
cooking and you'll do the cleaning up the dishes after.
163
00:06:59.000 --> 00:07:02.279
But again, assume that is silly business. You want to
164
00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:05.439
have conversations and ask and say what do you feel
165
00:07:05.480 --> 00:07:08.800
comfortable doing in the household In regards to like roles
166
00:07:08.800 --> 00:07:11.519
and responsibilities, Let's talk about chores. How are you with
167
00:07:11.600 --> 00:07:14.240
keeping a space clean? Do you do laundry every week
168
00:07:14.319 --> 00:07:16.360
or is it every other week or once a month?
169
00:07:16.600 --> 00:07:18.360
How often do you wash your bedding?
170
00:07:18.439 --> 00:07:20.920
Like? Stuff like that is so important because it has
171
00:07:20.959 --> 00:07:23.439
to do with your day to day lifestyle. For Drey
172
00:07:23.480 --> 00:07:26.879
and I, our roles and responsibilities have changed every season.
173
00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:30.279
We constantly check in and we make our roles and
174
00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:32.879
responsibilities based on what's happening in our lives.
175
00:07:33.160 --> 00:07:35.000
When Dre started working a.
176
00:07:35.000 --> 00:07:38.439
Job and I was retiring the business to focus on
177
00:07:38.439 --> 00:07:40.360
starting a family, I was doing all the cooking, all
178
00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:43.600
the cleaning because he was just handling finances and like working.
179
00:07:43.800 --> 00:07:46.120
And that worked great, and then we had a situation
180
00:07:46.199 --> 00:07:48.639
where it kind of flopped and it's like, hey, actually
181
00:07:48.800 --> 00:07:51.360
you cook the meals, I'll clean the dishes and then
182
00:07:51.439 --> 00:07:53.720
we'll handle all of the house duties fifty to fifty
183
00:07:53.720 --> 00:07:56.040
because we're both working at full time, you know, so
184
00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:57.240
everything changes.
185
00:07:57.560 --> 00:07:59.000
But communication is key.
186
00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:01.399
And again, you don't to get into that apartment or
187
00:08:01.439 --> 00:08:04.199
into that home and then be going through your day
188
00:08:04.240 --> 00:08:06.639
to day life and realizing that someone's not holding their
189
00:08:06.680 --> 00:08:09.399
weight if it was something that was never communicated to them.
190
00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:12.639
So set up these plans, have these conversations beforehand, and
191
00:08:12.680 --> 00:08:15.240
it'll give you a little bit of a cushion for
192
00:08:15.319 --> 00:08:17.319
when you guys move in and actually start to put
193
00:08:17.319 --> 00:08:18.399
the plan into action.
194
00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:22.639
And also, if somebody has a responsibility, don't be spiteful either,
195
00:08:22.800 --> 00:08:25.160
Like if you have a chance to help make their
196
00:08:25.199 --> 00:08:28.000
load easier, if their responsibility is the dishes and the
197
00:08:28.079 --> 00:08:30.600
clean and you're looking like I could put this in
198
00:08:30.600 --> 00:08:34.279
a dishwasher, but that's not my responsibility. I'm just gonna
199
00:08:34.279 --> 00:08:36.080
throw it in the sink. It's like, why do that,
200
00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:39.360
like even though it's not your responsibility, Like be nice,
201
00:08:39.480 --> 00:08:41.440
Like Breed does it all the time. When it was
202
00:08:41.480 --> 00:08:43.799
my responsibility, it got so bad that it just became
203
00:08:43.879 --> 00:08:45.759
hers because we don't have to take it to the
204
00:08:45.799 --> 00:08:48.440
corner or anything. But it's like she has a certain
205
00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:50.639
way that she likes to trash to be taken out
206
00:08:50.759 --> 00:08:53.159
to where I would probably wait till the end of
207
00:08:53.200 --> 00:08:55.600
the week or something like that to do it. But
208
00:08:55.759 --> 00:08:58.080
even when it was my responsibility, she would look at
209
00:08:58.120 --> 00:09:00.120
and just be like, Oh, I'm just gonna take it
210
00:09:00.159 --> 00:09:03.039
to the trash because I'm walking out the door or
211
00:09:03.080 --> 00:09:04.840
because I see it and I can just do it,
212
00:09:04.960 --> 00:09:07.840
versus being like, hey, get in here right now, get
213
00:09:07.879 --> 00:09:10.360
the trash. It's like, if you can do it, then
214
00:09:10.440 --> 00:09:12.360
take the load off. And if you do that to
215
00:09:12.679 --> 00:09:15.960
the other person, guess what, they'll typically do that for you.
216
00:09:16.360 --> 00:09:18.639
So it's a whole full circle thing that you got
217
00:09:18.639 --> 00:09:22.399
to remember for it's intimacy and space. And I guarantee
218
00:09:22.399 --> 00:09:26.240
you when you move in with somebody, your relationship will change.
219
00:09:26.240 --> 00:09:30.120
The intimacy will change because there's this illusion that because
220
00:09:30.159 --> 00:09:32.320
you guys are physically closer, that that will make you
221
00:09:32.360 --> 00:09:35.639
guys closer from an intimate standpoint, when actually it doesn't.
222
00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:38.879
Because mystery is always great when it comes to intimacy
223
00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:43.559
and a relationship. We see that when the pandemic happened
224
00:09:43.720 --> 00:09:45.679
and we saw a lot of people getting divorced because
225
00:09:45.679 --> 00:09:48.600
they ain't never spend that much time with each other
226
00:09:48.679 --> 00:09:50.399
in the same place at the same.
227
00:09:50.200 --> 00:09:51.720
Time, always around each other.
228
00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:54.399
I know you have been in a relationship with this
229
00:09:54.440 --> 00:09:57.200
person for however long you've been in a relationship. I
230
00:09:57.240 --> 00:10:00.480
know you guys have slept over each other's place multiple times.
231
00:10:00.519 --> 00:10:04.039
But there's something different when you actually live with somebody
232
00:10:04.159 --> 00:10:08.279
every single moment, every single hair that's left on the sink,
233
00:10:08.399 --> 00:10:12.279
every single smudge or trash that's left on the counter,
234
00:10:12.440 --> 00:10:15.039
or like, you can't escape any of that, all their
235
00:10:15.600 --> 00:10:20.200
times that they get annoyed or distracted or angered frustrated,
236
00:10:20.320 --> 00:10:22.320
like you are there for all of it. So it
237
00:10:22.360 --> 00:10:25.960
definitely changes your relationship. So it's important to understand the
238
00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:29.519
difference between being close but also learning when to give
239
00:10:29.559 --> 00:10:31.679
your self in each other's space.
240
00:10:32.080 --> 00:10:33.639
This makes me think about bathrooms.
241
00:10:33.679 --> 00:10:35.840
I feel like bathrooms should have been its own point
242
00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:41.240
on itself, because if you're sharing a bathroom, that is
243
00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:44.879
a major thing to consider. I highly recommend getting a
244
00:10:44.879 --> 00:10:47.879
two bedroom, two bathroom at minimum, because, oh, if you
245
00:10:47.919 --> 00:10:50.919
have separate bathrooms, it just makes life so much easier.
246
00:10:50.559 --> 00:10:50.759
You know.
247
00:10:50.840 --> 00:10:52.720
I thought about that, and I was like, when we
248
00:10:52.759 --> 00:10:56.360
get our house, because right now we luckily live in
249
00:10:56.360 --> 00:10:58.200
a two bedroom we're not not five hundred and fifty
250
00:10:58.240 --> 00:11:01.440
two square foot apartment anymore where we were sharing a bathroom,
251
00:11:01.519 --> 00:11:05.120
but now we have our own separate bathrooms. And I'm like,
252
00:11:05.679 --> 00:11:07.759
when we get a house, like we're gonna have to
253
00:11:07.799 --> 00:11:11.840
custom do something because we're going to have I'm okay
254
00:11:11.879 --> 00:11:15.120
if we share a bathroom as far as room, like,
255
00:11:15.159 --> 00:11:20.000
it's a big bathroom, but like Shepherd, separate toilets, separate six,
256
00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:23.799
separate shower heads, Like we got to have our own
257
00:11:23.879 --> 00:11:27.039
space because it's kind of almost like I know, for me,
258
00:11:27.360 --> 00:11:30.399
the bathroom is kind of like a zen kind of
259
00:11:30.440 --> 00:11:33.399
relaxing place sometimes that you can go to. It's truly
260
00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:36.039
like a restroom what they call it, like a place
261
00:11:36.080 --> 00:11:39.879
to take the load off, no pun intended. So it's
262
00:11:39.960 --> 00:11:42.360
like everybody likes to chill different when I take showers.
263
00:11:42.399 --> 00:11:44.639
I like to listen to sports and podcasts, and that
264
00:11:44.679 --> 00:11:47.799
would drive her insane if we had to be in
265
00:11:47.840 --> 00:11:49.039
the same space together.
266
00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:55.519
So but it's also like thinking of having conversations around
267
00:11:55.519 --> 00:11:57.559
like what time do they wake up, what time do
268
00:11:57.600 --> 00:12:01.080
they go to sleep, what is their morning night routine?
269
00:12:01.120 --> 00:12:03.559
Like for example, I do not like waking up to
270
00:12:03.600 --> 00:12:08.080
an alarm, not not happening. I need to wake up
271
00:12:08.080 --> 00:12:10.919
to a song. I need to wake up gently, I need.
272
00:12:10.840 --> 00:12:13.639
To wake up slowly. And Dre doesn't even want to
273
00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:14.679
be talked to in the morning.
274
00:12:14.720 --> 00:12:16.480
He's like, don't talk to me until after I prayed,
275
00:12:16.879 --> 00:12:19.000
read my book and like took my words out load,
276
00:12:19.279 --> 00:12:21.600
Like you know, So you have to know. And if
277
00:12:21.600 --> 00:12:23.879
you're not living with someone, you might not know every
278
00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:27.000
intricate moment of like their normal routines, because you might
279
00:12:27.039 --> 00:12:29.600
be spending the night on weekends and not actually seeing
280
00:12:29.639 --> 00:12:33.559
them actively through their week Monday to Friday type of routine.
281
00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:36.919
And if those routines are combative or if they compete.
282
00:12:36.600 --> 00:12:38.159
Against each other, it canna be really hard to live
283
00:12:38.159 --> 00:12:38.720
with one another.
284
00:12:38.799 --> 00:12:41.200
So another thing to consider and to talk about before
285
00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:42.159
making that decision.
286
00:12:42.360 --> 00:12:45.039
Yeah, and the romance is a huge part of it.
287
00:12:45.039 --> 00:12:47.960
It just naturally dies when you move in together, and
288
00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:51.600
it's not even uh, it's not even indicative of your
289
00:12:51.679 --> 00:12:54.240
actual relationship. You just got to think about it. When
290
00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:57.080
you live separately, you can say, like, hey, let's go out.
291
00:12:57.159 --> 00:12:59.600
That person's getting dressed up, they're showering, So when you
292
00:12:59.639 --> 00:13:02.039
meet them out there done up, they look good. You're
293
00:13:02.080 --> 00:13:04.960
like dang, you look good. You know, everybody's feeling good.
294
00:13:04.960 --> 00:13:06.919
But when you're at home, it's like you're going from
295
00:13:07.000 --> 00:13:09.879
dusty and busty and bummy and.
296
00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:14.039
Dusty and krusty.
297
00:13:14.080 --> 00:13:16.399
I like that, You're going from dusty and krusty to
298
00:13:16.480 --> 00:13:20.039
getting looking good together, right, So you're seeing all the
299
00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:23.120
elements of that and also the closeness, like when you
300
00:13:23.519 --> 00:13:25.960
are with somebody all the time, you can feel like,
301
00:13:26.639 --> 00:13:29.679
you know, I need my space, so you.
302
00:13:30.039 --> 00:13:33.679
Don't, like you just told me before we start, Phelby,
303
00:13:33.720 --> 00:13:36.279
this is so funny that I do. Just stop telling
304
00:13:36.360 --> 00:13:39.159
him about nasty stuff. Like if I have a funny
305
00:13:39.240 --> 00:13:40.960
looking poop and I want to tell him about it,
306
00:13:41.000 --> 00:13:43.519
he'd be like, that's too much, just a crossing the line.
307
00:13:43.519 --> 00:13:45.120
I'm like, when you beat, what was I supposed to
308
00:13:45.159 --> 00:13:45.960
talk to you about this?
309
00:13:46.080 --> 00:13:49.440
Because you learned that the close like the mystery is alluring.
310
00:13:49.559 --> 00:13:53.159
It makes for things that are like, it makes it
311
00:13:53.240 --> 00:13:56.039
attractive to like when there is some type of mystery
312
00:13:56.240 --> 00:14:00.879
in your relationship, studies have shown, Okay, so it's important
313
00:14:00.919 --> 00:14:03.480
to keep that mystery and that romance in your relationship,
314
00:14:03.519 --> 00:14:05.159
and you got to work hard on it because what
315
00:14:05.240 --> 00:14:08.080
you typically do a lot less when you.
316
00:14:08.240 --> 00:14:09.120
Are living together.
317
00:14:09.240 --> 00:14:11.639
Is dating one another, Like, we had to make that
318
00:14:11.720 --> 00:14:14.679
adjustment now as a married couple will go out and
319
00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:16.879
do things, are like hey, let's get a bite to eat,
320
00:14:17.159 --> 00:14:19.399
But you got to think about it. When you're living separate,
321
00:14:19.480 --> 00:14:22.120
the times of where you do actually meet up with
322
00:14:22.159 --> 00:14:25.759
each other is probably out, is done up, is planning
323
00:14:25.840 --> 00:14:27.919
the day to spend some time with each other and
324
00:14:27.960 --> 00:14:29.919
what you're going to do. So you kind of lose
325
00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:31.759
some of that when you move in together. So it's
326
00:14:31.840 --> 00:14:34.600
just about being more mindful of it. Once you move
327
00:14:34.639 --> 00:14:37.879
in together, create the space, hang out with your friends,
328
00:14:38.240 --> 00:14:40.679
do stuff separately so that when you come together it
329
00:14:40.720 --> 00:14:41.399
feels special.
330
00:14:41.679 --> 00:14:43.200
Yeah, And that's the other layer of it, is just
331
00:14:43.240 --> 00:14:47.240
being intentional about still dating and courting outside of the house.
332
00:14:47.480 --> 00:14:47.759
Yeah.
333
00:14:48.360 --> 00:14:50.720
Number five is conflicts and communication.
334
00:14:51.320 --> 00:14:58.159
If you are already arguing often, having disputes, often, having misunderstandings,
335
00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:02.840
miscommunication often, and aren't you aren't living together, it's most
336
00:15:02.879 --> 00:15:04.279
likely only going to get worse.
337
00:15:04.600 --> 00:15:06.720
So it is very important.
338
00:15:06.279 --> 00:15:08.639
To make sure that you have a healthy form of communication.
339
00:15:08.919 --> 00:15:10.840
Make sure if you guys haven't already checked out the
340
00:15:10.919 --> 00:15:12.399
video what is it called?
341
00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:14.919
We talk about the no'm more mistake that couples make.
342
00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:17.840
Yeah, if you guys haven't already checked out this video,
343
00:15:18.240 --> 00:15:20.519
take a look because it is all about communication.
344
00:15:20.919 --> 00:15:23.120
But this is a big, big, big, big big one.
345
00:15:23.200 --> 00:15:25.200
You can't just move in with someone and then be
346
00:15:25.200 --> 00:15:27.159
figuring out communication. I think that it will make the
347
00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:30.159
relationship ten times harder. I'm gonna let Dre take the
348
00:15:30.240 --> 00:15:32.960
lead on this because he had to be very patient
349
00:15:33.000 --> 00:15:36.600
with me in our communicative journey. I would say, but
350
00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:39.759
specifically when it comes to communicating about the things that
351
00:15:39.840 --> 00:15:43.159
take place in you know, your household and under your
352
00:15:43.240 --> 00:15:44.759
roof is major.
353
00:15:45.080 --> 00:15:45.279
Yeah.
354
00:15:45.320 --> 00:15:47.879
I used to be a property manager back in the day,
355
00:15:48.360 --> 00:15:49.759
and I can tell you I got a lot of
356
00:15:49.799 --> 00:15:51.080
noise complaints from people.
357
00:15:51.200 --> 00:15:53.919
And that's mainly because couples arguing.
358
00:15:53.960 --> 00:15:56.879
You could hear it through the walls of people yelling
359
00:15:56.879 --> 00:15:58.679
at each other and screaming at each other and getting
360
00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:00.279
upset at each other. And that's one of the hard
361
00:16:00.360 --> 00:16:04.080
things because typically there is no escape. It's like, if
362
00:16:04.120 --> 00:16:06.799
you have an issue, you kind of gotta deal with it.
363
00:16:06.799 --> 00:16:09.240
It's not a hang up of a phone, it's not
364
00:16:09.320 --> 00:16:12.200
a leave I'm going home. It's like, oh, this is
365
00:16:12.279 --> 00:16:14.279
my home and this is your home. We kind of
366
00:16:14.320 --> 00:16:16.799
got to deal with it together. And even if you're
367
00:16:16.840 --> 00:16:21.840
trying to avoid somebody, you're like passively aggressively doing things
368
00:16:21.879 --> 00:16:24.240
because you can't really avoid them, and sometimes even the
369
00:16:24.279 --> 00:16:26.759
sight of them makes you upset. So even seeing them,
370
00:16:26.759 --> 00:16:29.159
you're just like and the it's like why you, what's
371
00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:32.080
what's the what's that for? Like what you And you're
372
00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:34.080
not even trying to do something. It's just hard to avoid.
373
00:16:34.159 --> 00:16:38.679
So it's important to understand each of your communication styles
374
00:16:38.720 --> 00:16:40.759
and also come together and figure out how you're going
375
00:16:40.840 --> 00:16:43.399
to deal with certain things. And what we had talked
376
00:16:43.440 --> 00:16:46.960
about before from a communications standpoint is really trying to
377
00:16:47.240 --> 00:16:50.360
plan out things like we talked about roles and responsibilities.
378
00:16:50.679 --> 00:16:53.399
We talked about the intimacy intimacy things and making sure
379
00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:56.799
you're giving each other space, like having a communication and
380
00:16:56.919 --> 00:17:00.360
conversation about those things. About those things are so imant
381
00:17:00.399 --> 00:17:02.759
because if you're clear on those things, they can help
382
00:17:02.799 --> 00:17:05.880
avoid a lot of arguments that you have that you
383
00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:07.640
could have in the future. Because I know that that
384
00:17:07.759 --> 00:17:09.599
was one of our things. If we probably would have
385
00:17:09.640 --> 00:17:12.559
communicated better early on, then we would have had a
386
00:17:12.599 --> 00:17:17.079
better relationship when it came to us arguing about different
387
00:17:17.079 --> 00:17:19.160
things within the own and a lot of times too
388
00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:22.200
what you'll find out, but it's that a lot of
389
00:17:22.200 --> 00:17:24.240
stuff don't be a big deal. Like, there's a lot
390
00:17:24.279 --> 00:17:27.640
of things and either you if you live together with
391
00:17:27.720 --> 00:17:30.000
somebody now or if you're thinking about it, there are
392
00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:33.240
gonna be a lot of things that you don't care about.
393
00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:36.480
But you're just gonna stand ten toes down because you
394
00:17:36.519 --> 00:17:38.920
felt like you were unfairly treated or didn't get your
395
00:17:38.920 --> 00:17:41.440
way about something else. But you know in your mind
396
00:17:41.720 --> 00:17:44.839
you don't care if it's on the left, on the right,
397
00:17:44.880 --> 00:17:46.000
you don't care if it's.
398
00:17:45.839 --> 00:17:48.400
Black or gold or silver.
399
00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:50.200
But you're just upset because you didn't feel like you
400
00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:52.960
didn't get your way with the last thing in the house.
401
00:17:53.759 --> 00:17:56.799
Just relax and if you really don't care about something,
402
00:17:57.359 --> 00:17:59.240
then just be honest and be like you can do
403
00:17:59.279 --> 00:18:02.359
that or choose, and typically, if that person loves you,
404
00:18:02.440 --> 00:18:06.079
those things are reciprocated. Let's do kind things and then
405
00:18:06.079 --> 00:18:08.240
we get kind things in return. It's a thing where
406
00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:11.960
they say, with yourself, let's saw kindness and grace and
407
00:18:12.000 --> 00:18:14.599
then we should get that in return if that person
408
00:18:14.640 --> 00:18:15.079
loves us.
409
00:18:15.480 --> 00:18:17.559
Yeah, if you're thinking of moving in with someone. I
410
00:18:17.599 --> 00:18:20.720
think you should take the school approach right, like how
411
00:18:20.920 --> 00:18:23.559
you would have fire drills. You would go through this
412
00:18:23.680 --> 00:18:26.279
method of like if a fire were to happen, this
413
00:18:26.359 --> 00:18:28.359
is where we go, This is the route that we take.
414
00:18:28.440 --> 00:18:30.960
This is how long we wait, this is who you follow,
415
00:18:31.119 --> 00:18:33.359
Find a buddy, you have a plan for in case
416
00:18:33.400 --> 00:18:36.279
this thing happens. I think so often people just go
417
00:18:36.359 --> 00:18:38.519
into making decisions and they don't talk about the what
418
00:18:38.599 --> 00:18:41.680
ifs and talk about the what ifs. Isn't being negative
419
00:18:41.720 --> 00:18:44.039
and saying that you're assuming these things are going to happen.
420
00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:46.680
It's being smart and really filling up your.
421
00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:48.960
Toolbox with the tools that you need to solve a
422
00:18:49.000 --> 00:18:50.720
problem if that problem should occur.
423
00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:54.200
So yep, anything else about moving in together.
424
00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:57.759
No, Just like Brice said, whether you want to do
425
00:18:57.799 --> 00:18:59.799
it or you don't want to do it, that's up
426
00:18:59.799 --> 00:19:02.480
to you. You We did it. It was just our journey.
427
00:19:02.519 --> 00:19:04.799
It made sense for us in the moment. It was
428
00:19:04.839 --> 00:19:07.880
extremely tough and challenging for us to figure it all out,
429
00:19:08.039 --> 00:19:12.240
especially after the It was it was extremely tough because
430
00:19:12.279 --> 00:19:14.960
we were still young and we were still trying to.
431
00:19:15.400 --> 00:19:16.039
Figure it out.
432
00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:21.240
Okay, it was young love, so that we were blinded
433
00:19:21.279 --> 00:19:24.599
by that, which made it a lot more romanticized, but
434
00:19:24.680 --> 00:19:26.200
it was still five hundred square.
435
00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:27.680
Feet moving in with two people.
436
00:19:28.519 --> 00:19:31.440
At this stage in our lives, as mature as we are,
437
00:19:31.480 --> 00:19:33.680
it would be very, very challenging for us to go
438
00:19:33.839 --> 00:19:37.720
back to that and still be good. So just take
439
00:19:37.720 --> 00:19:40.599
the time, you guys, love each other, make the decision together,
440
00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:42.759
make sure it's the right decision for you all and
441
00:19:42.799 --> 00:19:46.599
your relationship, regardless of what anybody has to say, and
442
00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:48.119
be mindful of the things we should.
443
00:19:48.440 --> 00:19:50.359
And lastly, if you're moving with someone and you are
444
00:19:50.359 --> 00:19:52.839
deciding to abstain from sex like we did, we have
445
00:19:52.920 --> 00:19:55.079
a video where we talk about how we lived together
446
00:19:55.079 --> 00:19:57.079
for four years with no sex, So make sure check
447
00:19:57.119 --> 00:19:59.400
out that video as well. Yep, as always, make sure
448
00:19:59.559 --> 00:20:02.759
like subscribe and until next time see how later
1
00:00:00.200 --> 00:00:02.759
We moved in together after two months of dating, into
2
00:00:02.759 --> 00:00:05.679
a five hundred square foot studio apartment, and we're not
3
00:00:05.759 --> 00:00:07.799
here to tell you whether you should or shouldn't move
4
00:00:07.839 --> 00:00:10.240
in with someone, but we do think that these five
5
00:00:10.279 --> 00:00:12.480
things are something that you should consider if you're thinking
6
00:00:12.519 --> 00:00:15.240
about doing So, what's up and welcome back to Smith's
7
00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:15.759
on Demand.
8
00:00:15.880 --> 00:00:18.679
We're here with another couch conversation.
9
00:00:18.879 --> 00:00:21.079
And we're talking about five things that you should consider
10
00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:23.239
if you are thinking about moving in with someone. These
11
00:00:23.280 --> 00:00:25.280
are things that we had to learn the hard way
12
00:00:25.399 --> 00:00:28.160
through our own experiences, and we're super excited.
13
00:00:27.800 --> 00:00:28.480
To share them with you.
14
00:00:28.760 --> 00:00:31.879
No one is why are you doing it? It should
15
00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:35.039
be out of intention and not just about convenience. And
16
00:00:35.079 --> 00:00:37.719
I always say that it's about the primary reason, like
17
00:00:37.799 --> 00:00:40.799
you should see a future with the person that you're
18
00:00:40.840 --> 00:00:43.280
choosing to move in with, Because if you just are
19
00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:45.719
looking for somebody to help split the bills, you can
20
00:00:45.759 --> 00:00:47.520
just get a roommate. That could be a best friend,
21
00:00:47.679 --> 00:00:49.240
that could be a brother, that could be a cousin.
22
00:00:49.359 --> 00:00:53.039
Some people's their mommy and daddy, but it could be
23
00:00:53.079 --> 00:00:55.479
a plethora of different people. If you're just trying to
24
00:00:55.520 --> 00:01:00.240
cut costs and be with somebody conveniently for primary rely
25
00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:03.159
a money standpoint, But if you're trying to go into
26
00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:06.359
something to be intentional with somebody, and you're saying, we're
27
00:01:06.400 --> 00:01:09.359
moving in together to get a jump.
28
00:01:09.200 --> 00:01:12.799
Start on our relationship and to get ahead of the curve.
29
00:01:12.879 --> 00:01:15.400
We know we have all these different things from engagement
30
00:01:15.439 --> 00:01:17.480
and wedding that we kind of got to line up.
31
00:01:17.519 --> 00:01:19.959
That takes planning, but we want to make this step
32
00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:22.079
to kind of give ourselves a head start on the
33
00:01:22.120 --> 00:01:24.959
life we want for each other. Then I suggest that
34
00:01:24.959 --> 00:01:27.599
that is probably the better way of doing it versus
35
00:01:27.640 --> 00:01:30.400
just trying to split bills, because once you're in that
36
00:01:30.920 --> 00:01:35.560
living together arrangement, you signing leases and doing all those things,
37
00:01:35.640 --> 00:01:37.719
it makes it a lot more messy if it's somebody
38
00:01:37.719 --> 00:01:40.200
that you'll end up breaking up with in a few months.
39
00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:42.879
Yeah, and a normal case, I think dating for two
40
00:01:42.959 --> 00:01:46.079
months is way too early to move in with somebody. Luckily,
41
00:01:46.159 --> 00:01:48.959
and thank god, it worked out for us just fine,
42
00:01:49.040 --> 00:01:51.920
But it is something that you know, when it came
43
00:01:51.959 --> 00:01:54.719
down to our situation, I had moved from a different state.
44
00:01:55.159 --> 00:01:56.280
We were dating.
45
00:01:56.680 --> 00:01:59.840
He was intentionally courting me and dating me for months
46
00:02:00.040 --> 00:02:02.200
leading up into that. We had a great friendship, a
47
00:02:02.200 --> 00:02:05.120
great relationship, and had we not have moved in together,
48
00:02:05.159 --> 00:02:07.280
we want to have started our business together. Dre wouldn't
49
00:02:07.280 --> 00:02:09.719
have retired and left his corporate job. And so so
50
00:02:09.800 --> 00:02:12.120
many people have things to say about, well, why are
51
00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:13.879
you guys living together before being married.
52
00:02:13.919 --> 00:02:17.560
We have our reasons, but again, it's about you and.
53
00:02:17.479 --> 00:02:20.000
You have to look at your situation and the other
54
00:02:20.080 --> 00:02:21.879
things that we're gonna talk about in the next four
55
00:02:22.080 --> 00:02:23.800
three to four steps are going to help you find
56
00:02:23.800 --> 00:02:25.479
clarity on whether it is the right step for you
57
00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:25.960
to take or not.
58
00:02:26.159 --> 00:02:28.120
Yeah, and that's the most important thing, Like we talk
59
00:02:28.159 --> 00:02:30.479
about this on this channel all the time, is that
60
00:02:30.520 --> 00:02:32.319
it's just you guys at the end of the day,
61
00:02:32.360 --> 00:02:34.120
So you have to make the decision that's best for
62
00:02:34.199 --> 00:02:36.719
you too, regardless of what people on the outside think.
63
00:02:37.080 --> 00:02:41.199
Number two is the living arrangement. This is so important.
64
00:02:41.240 --> 00:02:44.240
Are you moving into that person's home, are they moving
65
00:02:44.280 --> 00:02:46.919
into your home, or are you guys getting a place together.
66
00:02:47.319 --> 00:02:50.520
In our situation, it was me moving into Dre's home
67
00:02:50.879 --> 00:02:53.680
and we had to have a lot of conversations around
68
00:02:53.719 --> 00:02:56.120
what that looked like so that it didn't turn into
69
00:02:56.120 --> 00:02:58.919
this epic failure. It was how can he make the
70
00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:01.879
space feel just as much as mine even though it
71
00:03:01.919 --> 00:03:04.199
wasn't technically mine to start with. Because I've seen a
72
00:03:04.240 --> 00:03:06.759
lot of couples who have this situation where it's like
73
00:03:06.759 --> 00:03:08.680
as soon as the argument happens, it's like, well get out,
74
00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:11.039
this is my place, right and you can't go into
75
00:03:11.080 --> 00:03:13.919
it with that mentality. In our situation, what we did
76
00:03:14.080 --> 00:03:17.000
was we talked about, like what things we could change
77
00:03:17.000 --> 00:03:18.479
in the apartment for it to feel like it was
78
00:03:18.520 --> 00:03:20.879
my space too. As y'all know, I'm a woman, I
79
00:03:20.919 --> 00:03:24.000
have more things, right. We had one closet to share,
80
00:03:24.159 --> 00:03:27.039
one bathroom to share. It was a tiny space, and
81
00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:29.159
the way that he had the apartment set up was
82
00:03:29.199 --> 00:03:32.599
that in the studio area that's where the bed was,
83
00:03:32.719 --> 00:03:37.680
and then the den was like his office, creative workspace,
84
00:03:37.759 --> 00:03:40.080
TV room, I don't know, like like his man cave.
85
00:03:40.400 --> 00:03:42.639
And once I moved in, we actually switched it and
86
00:03:42.680 --> 00:03:45.159
we made the den be the separate bedroom space, and
87
00:03:45.199 --> 00:03:47.960
then we created the main living space as our living space.
88
00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:51.840
And we had to divvy up every drawer, every corner,
89
00:03:52.120 --> 00:03:54.960
crooked and cranny to say this is where your things
90
00:03:54.960 --> 00:03:56.840
are gonna go, this is where my things are gonna go,
91
00:03:56.960 --> 00:03:57.479
and you have.
92
00:03:57.479 --> 00:04:00.159
To compromise on esthetic, right.
93
00:04:00.199 --> 00:04:02.639
Like, you can't just come into someone's home and just
94
00:04:02.800 --> 00:04:05.680
overtake everything with your design aesthetic. You have to find
95
00:04:05.680 --> 00:04:07.879
a good compromise, which was a little hard for us
96
00:04:07.879 --> 00:04:10.159
at the beginning, but we did it. So it's really
97
00:04:10.159 --> 00:04:11.639
important to have those conversations.
98
00:04:11.800 --> 00:04:14.240
Yeah, I would say that just understand no matter what
99
00:04:14.439 --> 00:04:18.000
side you're on, that it's hard for both sides. Sometimes
100
00:04:18.040 --> 00:04:21.279
you think, oh, I'm coming into your space, so it's
101
00:04:21.279 --> 00:04:23.560
harder for me to adjust because it's your space and
102
00:04:23.600 --> 00:04:25.160
I have to make the adjustment. But they have to
103
00:04:25.160 --> 00:04:27.639
make an adjustment too, because they originally got the space
104
00:04:27.680 --> 00:04:30.759
that they had planning out every single section of what
105
00:04:30.839 --> 00:04:33.759
that space would do, how it be, how it will
106
00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:36.399
be utilized. So now with you coming in, they have
107
00:04:36.480 --> 00:04:39.160
to make the adjustment and figure out like, Okay, how
108
00:04:39.199 --> 00:04:41.240
do I have this person in my home but still
109
00:04:41.279 --> 00:04:43.759
make it feel like it's something for me. But then
110
00:04:43.800 --> 00:04:46.560
also on the flip side, coming in is a challenge
111
00:04:46.600 --> 00:04:48.959
because they don't want to overstep. They don't want to
112
00:04:49.399 --> 00:04:51.519
feel like they're kicking you out of your space or
113
00:04:51.519 --> 00:04:54.160
making it not your space, or be it inconvenience. So
114
00:04:54.439 --> 00:04:57.079
it's definitely tough on both sides, and it takes time
115
00:04:57.160 --> 00:05:00.160
because as you're moving in, you have to understand your
116
00:05:00.199 --> 00:05:03.879
relationship is still growing. So you might have that feeling like, Yeah,
117
00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:06.240
I really want to be with this person for the
118
00:05:06.279 --> 00:05:08.920
rest of my life, but this is also another step
119
00:05:08.959 --> 00:05:09.560
in the journey.
120
00:05:09.639 --> 00:05:10.680
So it's like you.
121
00:05:10.720 --> 00:05:14.040
Might have been at like sixty five percent sure, but
122
00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:17.959
living together could either drop that percentage or raise that percentage.
123
00:05:18.000 --> 00:05:20.480
So sometimes the adjustments that you want to make in
124
00:05:20.480 --> 00:05:23.040
that home, especially if you're moving in with somebody, you
125
00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:25.480
have to do those gradually versus trying to do that
126
00:05:25.560 --> 00:05:28.759
straight from the beginning. Because as your relationship grows and
127
00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:31.600
it feels like, oh, this is really my long term partner,
128
00:05:31.879 --> 00:05:34.639
then you'll be like, Okay, I don't mind giving up
129
00:05:34.680 --> 00:05:37.879
space and making this feel like this is our space.
130
00:05:37.959 --> 00:05:39.759
So it's important to do that. But the best case
131
00:05:39.839 --> 00:05:40.160
is if.
132
00:05:40.079 --> 00:05:42.680
You can choose a place together, then it always helps
133
00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:45.839
because then you plan out the space together and have
134
00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:47.560
each other's needs in mind.
135
00:05:47.759 --> 00:05:50.120
Yeah, so make sure you have those conversations beforehand.
136
00:05:50.399 --> 00:05:54.600
The next thing is financial roles and responsibilities, And I
137
00:05:54.639 --> 00:05:56.079
know a lot of people will be like, ah, you
138
00:05:56.120 --> 00:05:58.879
shouldn't be moving together you acting like you're married. If
139
00:05:58.879 --> 00:06:00.680
you're in a household together, you have to think of
140
00:06:00.720 --> 00:06:04.240
the household as a whole right and there's a financial
141
00:06:04.279 --> 00:06:07.399
aspect of paying the bills, but there's also upkeep when
142
00:06:07.439 --> 00:06:09.800
it comes to the home, and if somebody is doing
143
00:06:09.839 --> 00:06:12.120
one thing, somebody else has to pull their weight on
144
00:06:12.160 --> 00:06:14.319
the other side. It could be you both are doing
145
00:06:14.360 --> 00:06:17.959
things fifty to fifty. We know that's the whole relationship conversation,
146
00:06:18.040 --> 00:06:20.480
fifty to fifty who should do what? But it's important
147
00:06:20.519 --> 00:06:24.279
to talk about all the responsibilities that come with taking
148
00:06:24.279 --> 00:06:28.040
care of this home, both financially and actually in person.
149
00:06:28.759 --> 00:06:29.600
And I feel like when.
150
00:06:29.439 --> 00:06:32.120
You're dating someone, if you're at the stage where you're
151
00:06:32.120 --> 00:06:34.160
thinking of moving in with them, by that point you
152
00:06:34.160 --> 00:06:34.759
should kind.
153
00:06:34.720 --> 00:06:37.319
Of know naturally what your guys's roles.
154
00:06:37.160 --> 00:06:39.120
Are going to be, but you don't want to assume.
155
00:06:39.160 --> 00:06:42.079
That's why have in the conversations is important. For example,
156
00:06:42.120 --> 00:06:44.800
in the dating phase, if one of you is constantly
157
00:06:44.800 --> 00:06:46.560
coming to the other person's house and they're the one
158
00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:49.240
who normally cooks the meals, right and after you cook
159
00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:51.839
the meals, they're the ones that like wash the dishes
160
00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:53.720
that would give you kind of an inkling of like
161
00:06:53.720 --> 00:06:55.720
when we live together, I'll probably do most of the
162
00:06:55.759 --> 00:06:58.800
cooking and you'll do the cleaning up the dishes after.
163
00:06:59.000 --> 00:07:02.279
But again, assume that is silly business. You want to
164
00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:05.439
have conversations and ask and say what do you feel
165
00:07:05.480 --> 00:07:08.800
comfortable doing in the household In regards to like roles
166
00:07:08.800 --> 00:07:11.519
and responsibilities, Let's talk about chores. How are you with
167
00:07:11.600 --> 00:07:14.240
keeping a space clean? Do you do laundry every week
168
00:07:14.319 --> 00:07:16.360
or is it every other week or once a month?
169
00:07:16.600 --> 00:07:18.360
How often do you wash your bedding?
170
00:07:18.439 --> 00:07:20.920
Like? Stuff like that is so important because it has
171
00:07:20.959 --> 00:07:23.439
to do with your day to day lifestyle. For Drey
172
00:07:23.480 --> 00:07:26.879
and I, our roles and responsibilities have changed every season.
173
00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:30.279
We constantly check in and we make our roles and
174
00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:32.879
responsibilities based on what's happening in our lives.
175
00:07:33.160 --> 00:07:35.000
When Dre started working a.
176
00:07:35.000 --> 00:07:38.439
Job and I was retiring the business to focus on
177
00:07:38.439 --> 00:07:40.360
starting a family, I was doing all the cooking, all
178
00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:43.600
the cleaning because he was just handling finances and like working.
179
00:07:43.800 --> 00:07:46.120
And that worked great, and then we had a situation
180
00:07:46.199 --> 00:07:48.639
where it kind of flopped and it's like, hey, actually
181
00:07:48.800 --> 00:07:51.360
you cook the meals, I'll clean the dishes and then
182
00:07:51.439 --> 00:07:53.720
we'll handle all of the house duties fifty to fifty
183
00:07:53.720 --> 00:07:56.040
because we're both working at full time, you know, so
184
00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:57.240
everything changes.
185
00:07:57.560 --> 00:07:59.000
But communication is key.
186
00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:01.399
And again, you don't to get into that apartment or
187
00:08:01.439 --> 00:08:04.199
into that home and then be going through your day
188
00:08:04.240 --> 00:08:06.639
to day life and realizing that someone's not holding their
189
00:08:06.680 --> 00:08:09.399
weight if it was something that was never communicated to them.
190
00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:12.639
So set up these plans, have these conversations beforehand, and
191
00:08:12.680 --> 00:08:15.240
it'll give you a little bit of a cushion for
192
00:08:15.319 --> 00:08:17.319
when you guys move in and actually start to put
193
00:08:17.319 --> 00:08:18.399
the plan into action.
194
00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:22.639
And also, if somebody has a responsibility, don't be spiteful either,
195
00:08:22.800 --> 00:08:25.160
Like if you have a chance to help make their
196
00:08:25.199 --> 00:08:28.000
load easier, if their responsibility is the dishes and the
197
00:08:28.079 --> 00:08:30.600
clean and you're looking like I could put this in
198
00:08:30.600 --> 00:08:34.279
a dishwasher, but that's not my responsibility. I'm just gonna
199
00:08:34.279 --> 00:08:36.080
throw it in the sink. It's like, why do that,
200
00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:39.360
like even though it's not your responsibility, Like be nice,
201
00:08:39.480 --> 00:08:41.440
Like Breed does it all the time. When it was
202
00:08:41.480 --> 00:08:43.799
my responsibility, it got so bad that it just became
203
00:08:43.879 --> 00:08:45.759
hers because we don't have to take it to the
204
00:08:45.799 --> 00:08:48.440
corner or anything. But it's like she has a certain
205
00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:50.639
way that she likes to trash to be taken out
206
00:08:50.759 --> 00:08:53.159
to where I would probably wait till the end of
207
00:08:53.200 --> 00:08:55.600
the week or something like that to do it. But
208
00:08:55.759 --> 00:08:58.080
even when it was my responsibility, she would look at
209
00:08:58.120 --> 00:09:00.120
and just be like, Oh, I'm just gonna take it
210
00:09:00.159 --> 00:09:03.039
to the trash because I'm walking out the door or
211
00:09:03.080 --> 00:09:04.840
because I see it and I can just do it,
212
00:09:04.960 --> 00:09:07.840
versus being like, hey, get in here right now, get
213
00:09:07.879 --> 00:09:10.360
the trash. It's like, if you can do it, then
214
00:09:10.440 --> 00:09:12.360
take the load off. And if you do that to
215
00:09:12.679 --> 00:09:15.960
the other person, guess what, they'll typically do that for you.
216
00:09:16.360 --> 00:09:18.639
So it's a whole full circle thing that you got
217
00:09:18.639 --> 00:09:22.399
to remember for it's intimacy and space. And I guarantee
218
00:09:22.399 --> 00:09:26.240
you when you move in with somebody, your relationship will change.
219
00:09:26.240 --> 00:09:30.120
The intimacy will change because there's this illusion that because
220
00:09:30.159 --> 00:09:32.320
you guys are physically closer, that that will make you
221
00:09:32.360 --> 00:09:35.639
guys closer from an intimate standpoint, when actually it doesn't.
222
00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:38.879
Because mystery is always great when it comes to intimacy
223
00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:43.559
and a relationship. We see that when the pandemic happened
224
00:09:43.720 --> 00:09:45.679
and we saw a lot of people getting divorced because
225
00:09:45.679 --> 00:09:48.600
they ain't never spend that much time with each other
226
00:09:48.679 --> 00:09:50.399
in the same place at the same.
227
00:09:50.200 --> 00:09:51.720
Time, always around each other.
228
00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:54.399
I know you have been in a relationship with this
229
00:09:54.440 --> 00:09:57.200
person for however long you've been in a relationship. I
230
00:09:57.240 --> 00:10:00.480
know you guys have slept over each other's place multiple times.
231
00:10:00.519 --> 00:10:04.039
But there's something different when you actually live with somebody
232
00:10:04.159 --> 00:10:08.279
every single moment, every single hair that's left on the sink,
233
00:10:08.399 --> 00:10:12.279
every single smudge or trash that's left on the counter,
234
00:10:12.440 --> 00:10:15.039
or like, you can't escape any of that, all their
235
00:10:15.600 --> 00:10:20.200
times that they get annoyed or distracted or angered frustrated,
236
00:10:20.320 --> 00:10:22.320
like you are there for all of it. So it
237
00:10:22.360 --> 00:10:25.960
definitely changes your relationship. So it's important to understand the
238
00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:29.519
difference between being close but also learning when to give
239
00:10:29.559 --> 00:10:31.679
your self in each other's space.
240
00:10:32.080 --> 00:10:33.639
This makes me think about bathrooms.
241
00:10:33.679 --> 00:10:35.840
I feel like bathrooms should have been its own point
242
00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:41.240
on itself, because if you're sharing a bathroom, that is
243
00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:44.879
a major thing to consider. I highly recommend getting a
244
00:10:44.879 --> 00:10:47.879
two bedroom, two bathroom at minimum, because, oh, if you
245
00:10:47.919 --> 00:10:50.919
have separate bathrooms, it just makes life so much easier.
246
00:10:50.559 --> 00:10:50.759
You know.
247
00:10:50.840 --> 00:10:52.720
I thought about that, and I was like, when we
248
00:10:52.759 --> 00:10:56.360
get our house, because right now we luckily live in
249
00:10:56.360 --> 00:10:58.200
a two bedroom we're not not five hundred and fifty
250
00:10:58.240 --> 00:11:01.440
two square foot apartment anymore where we were sharing a bathroom,
251
00:11:01.519 --> 00:11:05.120
but now we have our own separate bathrooms. And I'm like,
252
00:11:05.679 --> 00:11:07.759
when we get a house, like we're gonna have to
253
00:11:07.799 --> 00:11:11.840
custom do something because we're going to have I'm okay
254
00:11:11.879 --> 00:11:15.120
if we share a bathroom as far as room, like,
255
00:11:15.159 --> 00:11:20.000
it's a big bathroom, but like Shepherd, separate toilets, separate six,
256
00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:23.799
separate shower heads, Like we got to have our own
257
00:11:23.879 --> 00:11:27.039
space because it's kind of almost like I know, for me,
258
00:11:27.360 --> 00:11:30.399
the bathroom is kind of like a zen kind of
259
00:11:30.440 --> 00:11:33.399
relaxing place sometimes that you can go to. It's truly
260
00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:36.039
like a restroom what they call it, like a place
261
00:11:36.080 --> 00:11:39.879
to take the load off, no pun intended. So it's
262
00:11:39.960 --> 00:11:42.360
like everybody likes to chill different when I take showers.
263
00:11:42.399 --> 00:11:44.639
I like to listen to sports and podcasts, and that
264
00:11:44.679 --> 00:11:47.799
would drive her insane if we had to be in
265
00:11:47.840 --> 00:11:49.039
the same space together.
266
00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:55.519
So but it's also like thinking of having conversations around
267
00:11:55.519 --> 00:11:57.559
like what time do they wake up, what time do
268
00:11:57.600 --> 00:12:01.080
they go to sleep, what is their morning night routine?
269
00:12:01.120 --> 00:12:03.559
Like for example, I do not like waking up to
270
00:12:03.600 --> 00:12:08.080
an alarm, not not happening. I need to wake up
271
00:12:08.080 --> 00:12:10.919
to a song. I need to wake up gently, I need.
272
00:12:10.840 --> 00:12:13.639
To wake up slowly. And Dre doesn't even want to
273
00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:14.679
be talked to in the morning.
274
00:12:14.720 --> 00:12:16.480
He's like, don't talk to me until after I prayed,
275
00:12:16.879 --> 00:12:19.000
read my book and like took my words out load,
276
00:12:19.279 --> 00:12:21.600
Like you know, So you have to know. And if
277
00:12:21.600 --> 00:12:23.879
you're not living with someone, you might not know every
278
00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:27.000
intricate moment of like their normal routines, because you might
279
00:12:27.039 --> 00:12:29.600
be spending the night on weekends and not actually seeing
280
00:12:29.639 --> 00:12:33.559
them actively through their week Monday to Friday type of routine.
281
00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:36.919
And if those routines are combative or if they compete.
282
00:12:36.600 --> 00:12:38.159
Against each other, it canna be really hard to live
283
00:12:38.159 --> 00:12:38.720
with one another.
284
00:12:38.799 --> 00:12:41.200
So another thing to consider and to talk about before
285
00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:42.159
making that decision.
286
00:12:42.360 --> 00:12:45.039
Yeah, and the romance is a huge part of it.
287
00:12:45.039 --> 00:12:47.960
It just naturally dies when you move in together, and
288
00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:51.600
it's not even uh, it's not even indicative of your
289
00:12:51.679 --> 00:12:54.240
actual relationship. You just got to think about it. When
290
00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:57.080
you live separately, you can say, like, hey, let's go out.
291
00:12:57.159 --> 00:12:59.600
That person's getting dressed up, they're showering, So when you
292
00:12:59.639 --> 00:13:02.039
meet them out there done up, they look good. You're
293
00:13:02.080 --> 00:13:04.960
like dang, you look good. You know, everybody's feeling good.
294
00:13:04.960 --> 00:13:06.919
But when you're at home, it's like you're going from
295
00:13:07.000 --> 00:13:09.879
dusty and busty and bummy and.
296
00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:14.039
Dusty and krusty.
297
00:13:14.080 --> 00:13:16.399
I like that, You're going from dusty and krusty to
298
00:13:16.480 --> 00:13:20.039
getting looking good together, right, So you're seeing all the
299
00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:23.120
elements of that and also the closeness, like when you
300
00:13:23.519 --> 00:13:25.960
are with somebody all the time, you can feel like,
301
00:13:26.639 --> 00:13:29.679
you know, I need my space, so you.
302
00:13:30.039 --> 00:13:33.679
Don't, like you just told me before we start, Phelby,
303
00:13:33.720 --> 00:13:36.279
this is so funny that I do. Just stop telling
304
00:13:36.360 --> 00:13:39.159
him about nasty stuff. Like if I have a funny
305
00:13:39.240 --> 00:13:40.960
looking poop and I want to tell him about it,
306
00:13:41.000 --> 00:13:43.519
he'd be like, that's too much, just a crossing the line.
307
00:13:43.519 --> 00:13:45.120
I'm like, when you beat, what was I supposed to
308
00:13:45.159 --> 00:13:45.960
talk to you about this?
309
00:13:46.080 --> 00:13:49.440
Because you learned that the close like the mystery is alluring.
310
00:13:49.559 --> 00:13:53.159
It makes for things that are like, it makes it
311
00:13:53.240 --> 00:13:56.039
attractive to like when there is some type of mystery
312
00:13:56.240 --> 00:14:00.879
in your relationship, studies have shown, Okay, so it's important
313
00:14:00.919 --> 00:14:03.480
to keep that mystery and that romance in your relationship,
314
00:14:03.519 --> 00:14:05.159
and you got to work hard on it because what
315
00:14:05.240 --> 00:14:08.080
you typically do a lot less when you.
316
00:14:08.240 --> 00:14:09.120
Are living together.
317
00:14:09.240 --> 00:14:11.639
Is dating one another, Like, we had to make that
318
00:14:11.720 --> 00:14:14.679
adjustment now as a married couple will go out and
319
00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:16.879
do things, are like hey, let's get a bite to eat,
320
00:14:17.159 --> 00:14:19.399
But you got to think about it. When you're living separate,
321
00:14:19.480 --> 00:14:22.120
the times of where you do actually meet up with
322
00:14:22.159 --> 00:14:25.759
each other is probably out, is done up, is planning
323
00:14:25.840 --> 00:14:27.919
the day to spend some time with each other and
324
00:14:27.960 --> 00:14:29.919
what you're going to do. So you kind of lose
325
00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:31.759
some of that when you move in together. So it's
326
00:14:31.840 --> 00:14:34.600
just about being more mindful of it. Once you move
327
00:14:34.639 --> 00:14:37.879
in together, create the space, hang out with your friends,
328
00:14:38.240 --> 00:14:40.679
do stuff separately so that when you come together it
329
00:14:40.720 --> 00:14:41.399
feels special.
330
00:14:41.679 --> 00:14:43.200
Yeah, And that's the other layer of it, is just
331
00:14:43.240 --> 00:14:47.240
being intentional about still dating and courting outside of the house.
332
00:14:47.480 --> 00:14:47.759
Yeah.
333
00:14:48.360 --> 00:14:50.720
Number five is conflicts and communication.
334
00:14:51.320 --> 00:14:58.159
If you are already arguing often, having disputes, often, having misunderstandings,
335
00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:02.840
miscommunication often, and aren't you aren't living together, it's most
336
00:15:02.879 --> 00:15:04.279
likely only going to get worse.
337
00:15:04.600 --> 00:15:06.720
So it is very important.
338
00:15:06.279 --> 00:15:08.639
To make sure that you have a healthy form of communication.
339
00:15:08.919 --> 00:15:10.840
Make sure if you guys haven't already checked out the
340
00:15:10.919 --> 00:15:12.399
video what is it called?
341
00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:14.919
We talk about the no'm more mistake that couples make.
342
00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:17.840
Yeah, if you guys haven't already checked out this video,
343
00:15:18.240 --> 00:15:20.519
take a look because it is all about communication.
344
00:15:20.919 --> 00:15:23.120
But this is a big, big, big, big big one.
345
00:15:23.200 --> 00:15:25.200
You can't just move in with someone and then be
346
00:15:25.200 --> 00:15:27.159
figuring out communication. I think that it will make the
347
00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:30.159
relationship ten times harder. I'm gonna let Dre take the
348
00:15:30.240 --> 00:15:32.960
lead on this because he had to be very patient
349
00:15:33.000 --> 00:15:36.600
with me in our communicative journey. I would say, but
350
00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:39.759
specifically when it comes to communicating about the things that
351
00:15:39.840 --> 00:15:43.159
take place in you know, your household and under your
352
00:15:43.240 --> 00:15:44.759
roof is major.
353
00:15:45.080 --> 00:15:45.279
Yeah.
354
00:15:45.320 --> 00:15:47.879
I used to be a property manager back in the day,
355
00:15:48.360 --> 00:15:49.759
and I can tell you I got a lot of
356
00:15:49.799 --> 00:15:51.080
noise complaints from people.
357
00:15:51.200 --> 00:15:53.919
And that's mainly because couples arguing.
358
00:15:53.960 --> 00:15:56.879
You could hear it through the walls of people yelling
359
00:15:56.879 --> 00:15:58.679
at each other and screaming at each other and getting
360
00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:00.279
upset at each other. And that's one of the hard
361
00:16:00.360 --> 00:16:04.080
things because typically there is no escape. It's like, if
362
00:16:04.120 --> 00:16:06.799
you have an issue, you kind of gotta deal with it.
363
00:16:06.799 --> 00:16:09.240
It's not a hang up of a phone, it's not
364
00:16:09.320 --> 00:16:12.200
a leave I'm going home. It's like, oh, this is
365
00:16:12.279 --> 00:16:14.279
my home and this is your home. We kind of
366
00:16:14.320 --> 00:16:16.799
got to deal with it together. And even if you're
367
00:16:16.840 --> 00:16:21.840
trying to avoid somebody, you're like passively aggressively doing things
368
00:16:21.879 --> 00:16:24.240
because you can't really avoid them, and sometimes even the
369
00:16:24.279 --> 00:16:26.759
sight of them makes you upset. So even seeing them,
370
00:16:26.759 --> 00:16:29.159
you're just like and the it's like why you, what's
371
00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:32.080
what's the what's that for? Like what you And you're
372
00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:34.080
not even trying to do something. It's just hard to avoid.
373
00:16:34.159 --> 00:16:38.679
So it's important to understand each of your communication styles
374
00:16:38.720 --> 00:16:40.759
and also come together and figure out how you're going
375
00:16:40.840 --> 00:16:43.399
to deal with certain things. And what we had talked
376
00:16:43.440 --> 00:16:46.960
about before from a communications standpoint is really trying to
377
00:16:47.240 --> 00:16:50.360
plan out things like we talked about roles and responsibilities.
378
00:16:50.679 --> 00:16:53.399
We talked about the intimacy intimacy things and making sure
379
00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:56.799
you're giving each other space, like having a communication and
380
00:16:56.919 --> 00:17:00.360
conversation about those things. About those things are so imant
381
00:17:00.399 --> 00:17:02.759
because if you're clear on those things, they can help
382
00:17:02.799 --> 00:17:05.880
avoid a lot of arguments that you have that you
383
00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:07.640
could have in the future. Because I know that that
384
00:17:07.759 --> 00:17:09.599
was one of our things. If we probably would have
385
00:17:09.640 --> 00:17:12.559
communicated better early on, then we would have had a
386
00:17:12.599 --> 00:17:17.079
better relationship when it came to us arguing about different
387
00:17:17.079 --> 00:17:19.160
things within the own and a lot of times too
388
00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:22.200
what you'll find out, but it's that a lot of
389
00:17:22.200 --> 00:17:24.240
stuff don't be a big deal. Like, there's a lot
390
00:17:24.279 --> 00:17:27.640
of things and either you if you live together with
391
00:17:27.720 --> 00:17:30.000
somebody now or if you're thinking about it, there are
392
00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:33.240
gonna be a lot of things that you don't care about.
393
00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:36.480
But you're just gonna stand ten toes down because you
394
00:17:36.519 --> 00:17:38.920
felt like you were unfairly treated or didn't get your
395
00:17:38.920 --> 00:17:41.440
way about something else. But you know in your mind
396
00:17:41.720 --> 00:17:44.839
you don't care if it's on the left, on the right,
397
00:17:44.880 --> 00:17:46.000
you don't care if it's.
398
00:17:45.839 --> 00:17:48.400
Black or gold or silver.
399
00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:50.200
But you're just upset because you didn't feel like you
400
00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:52.960
didn't get your way with the last thing in the house.
401
00:17:53.759 --> 00:17:56.799
Just relax and if you really don't care about something,
402
00:17:57.359 --> 00:17:59.240
then just be honest and be like you can do
403
00:17:59.279 --> 00:18:02.359
that or choose, and typically, if that person loves you,
404
00:18:02.440 --> 00:18:06.079
those things are reciprocated. Let's do kind things and then
405
00:18:06.079 --> 00:18:08.240
we get kind things in return. It's a thing where
406
00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:11.960
they say, with yourself, let's saw kindness and grace and
407
00:18:12.000 --> 00:18:14.599
then we should get that in return if that person
408
00:18:14.640 --> 00:18:15.079
loves us.
409
00:18:15.480 --> 00:18:17.559
Yeah, if you're thinking of moving in with someone. I
410
00:18:17.599 --> 00:18:20.720
think you should take the school approach right, like how
411
00:18:20.920 --> 00:18:23.559
you would have fire drills. You would go through this
412
00:18:23.680 --> 00:18:26.279
method of like if a fire were to happen, this
413
00:18:26.359 --> 00:18:28.359
is where we go, This is the route that we take.
414
00:18:28.440 --> 00:18:30.960
This is how long we wait, this is who you follow,
415
00:18:31.119 --> 00:18:33.359
Find a buddy, you have a plan for in case
416
00:18:33.400 --> 00:18:36.279
this thing happens. I think so often people just go
417
00:18:36.359 --> 00:18:38.519
into making decisions and they don't talk about the what
418
00:18:38.599 --> 00:18:41.680
ifs and talk about the what ifs. Isn't being negative
419
00:18:41.720 --> 00:18:44.039
and saying that you're assuming these things are going to happen.
420
00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:46.680
It's being smart and really filling up your.
421
00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:48.960
Toolbox with the tools that you need to solve a
422
00:18:49.000 --> 00:18:50.720
problem if that problem should occur.
423
00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:54.200
So yep, anything else about moving in together.
424
00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:57.759
No, Just like Brice said, whether you want to do
425
00:18:57.799 --> 00:18:59.799
it or you don't want to do it, that's up
426
00:18:59.799 --> 00:19:02.480
to you. You We did it. It was just our journey.
427
00:19:02.519 --> 00:19:04.799
It made sense for us in the moment. It was
428
00:19:04.839 --> 00:19:07.880
extremely tough and challenging for us to figure it all out,
429
00:19:08.039 --> 00:19:12.240
especially after the It was it was extremely tough because
430
00:19:12.279 --> 00:19:14.960
we were still young and we were still trying to.
431
00:19:15.400 --> 00:19:16.039
Figure it out.
432
00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:21.240
Okay, it was young love, so that we were blinded
433
00:19:21.279 --> 00:19:24.599
by that, which made it a lot more romanticized, but
434
00:19:24.680 --> 00:19:26.200
it was still five hundred square.
435
00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:27.680
Feet moving in with two people.
436
00:19:28.519 --> 00:19:31.440
At this stage in our lives, as mature as we are,
437
00:19:31.480 --> 00:19:33.680
it would be very, very challenging for us to go
438
00:19:33.839 --> 00:19:37.720
back to that and still be good. So just take
439
00:19:37.720 --> 00:19:40.599
the time, you guys, love each other, make the decision together,
440
00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:42.759
make sure it's the right decision for you all and
441
00:19:42.799 --> 00:19:46.599
your relationship, regardless of what anybody has to say, and
442
00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:48.119
be mindful of the things we should.
443
00:19:48.440 --> 00:19:50.359
And lastly, if you're moving with someone and you are
444
00:19:50.359 --> 00:19:52.839
deciding to abstain from sex like we did, we have
445
00:19:52.920 --> 00:19:55.079
a video where we talk about how we lived together
446
00:19:55.079 --> 00:19:57.079
for four years with no sex, So make sure check
447
00:19:57.119 --> 00:19:59.400
out that video as well. Yep, as always, make sure
448
00:19:59.559 --> 00:20:02.759
like subscribe and until next time see how later
