Having constructive conversations about: Race,Class, and Sexuality

Pete: Welcome to another exciting episode of Pete Frick Society. Before we get started today, I want to give a shout out to my partners over at PsychPAL. Guys, PsychPAL, it's in the link to the description of the episode. Guys, just click that link for your free seven day trial. Use my code Pete at checkout. You get 20%. I'm such a nice guy. I got you 20 % off. With that being said, my guest today has a laundry list of accomplishments. She's an author, the founder of Del Prado Consulting in California, if I get through this first beginning. 25 years clinical experience. Ever wish you had someone to talk to anytime, anywhere, matter what you're going through? Meet PsychPAL, your 24-7 AI companion, designed to help you process your thoughts, calm your mind, and keep you moving forward. Chat anytime during a panic attack on a restless night or just when you need to vent. Prefer talking instead of typing? Try voice journaling. PsychPAL listens, transcribes, and truly understands. You can even upload screenshots of tough conversations, and it'll help you unpack how they made you feel. PsychPAL keeps life organized, too. PhD in counseling counseling psychology cannot say that word She's also the author of it's time to talk and listen how to have constructive conversations about race class sexuality ability Gender in the polarizing world and the greatest part of this all is that she's the award award-winning Filipino woman international If I can say that right the one the only Alicia del Prado. Thank you so much, please I swear I was gonna get through that intro somehow It can add appointments to your calendar, track your mood, and even summarize your sessions for your therapist so you'll never lose progress. Plus, built-in crisis resources are always just one click away. It's a privacy-first, constantly evolving, made to complement your professional care, not replace it. Ready to try it out? Head over to the link in this episode and use my code, Pete, at checkout to get 20 % off your first month subscription to PsychPAL. PsychPAL, because your mind deserves a companion too.
Alicia Del Prado: You did it. Thank you. Thank you so much
Pete: But you were, I'm like, wow, I seen the accomplished list and I was just like, God damn, I'm like, wow, like to get all those awards, including the international Filipino award, that was an interesting one too. maybe we'll get into that one a little bit, but give me a little bit more about yourself, maybe something we didn't cover in the intro.
Alicia Del Prado: Well, thanks for that intro. mean, no doubt my role as a counseling psychologist is a big part of who I am. And I love working with folks who are doing individual therapy, couples therapy and family therapy. And it's really just so humbling to be part of people's journey as they work to figure out whatever problem is in front of them. And I just feel really thankful to have that profession. In addition to that, I'm a mom, I'm a wife, and so I like to joke that after I'm done with working with clients, my second shift begins as taxi driver, and I drive our Uber lift, and I drive around my kids to their sports and other activities.
Pete: You know, all that too, mom, everything else added on, and you're still accomplishing so much. I mean, you have, you're an author, you have your own practice, you have awards you're winning internationally, like you're doing it all. It's really cool to see. Has this always been a passion of yours? I mean, you've been doing it for 25 years. Was this originally where you wanted to be in this, or is this something that you kind of gravitated towards?
Alicia Del Prado: Yeah, well in college I volunteered at a hospital because I thought at that time I wanted to be a medical doctor. And what I realized quickly was that the type of helping I wanted to do was more in alignment with what a social worker would do or a therapist would do. And so I have this amazing experience with this patient. His name was actually Javier. I can say that because he wasn't my client so I can share his name.
Pete: Yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: ⁓ but I was volunteering and he actually was on the oncology floor and was getting treatment for cancer. And when I, my, my volunteer role was actually pushing the book cart. So this is, you know, pre internet, pre cell phones. I pushed the book cart and I would talk to the patients, see if they wanted a book and Javier was one of those patients. through really life-changing conversations with him. ultimately decided that I wanted to be a therapist. He talked about how his social worker was just really an important part of him getting treatment ⁓ in the hospital.
Pete: Yeah, yeah. It had to be hard watching them through cancer, especially because it takes people fast and sometimes it goes faster and sometimes not as aggressive. You know, the psychological state those guys go through because you find out that you may not make it. We don't know when the next day is for you. You know, I can only imagine the things those guys go through. It's got to be hard to watch, you know, because like you're watching them deteriorate and it's like, you know, some of them have some great great representation of the disappear human will just not giving up on the whole journey and things like that too and things like that.
Alicia Del Prado: Yeah, so true. And actually, you know, after my conversation with Javier, which really helped me decide what type of, ⁓ I guess, doctor, so to speak, I wanted to try to work toward becoming. When I went back a few days later, I learned that he did pass away and I was going to tell him the good news of what he helped me accomplish. I did get to have. ⁓
Pete: Yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: an interaction with one of his loved ones that felt really good. So I could let him know or let them know even in his last days that, you know, he was inspiring other people. So you're right. Cancer is one of those diseases, unfortunately, that can there's a lot of survivors. And then there's also times where the cancer ends up taking lives. And it's really, it's really painful and tough.
Pete: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry to hear that he passed away, he had a lasting message on you, which is great. You know, and I'm sure he's still here in spirit. He's seeing what you're doing. It's really great that, you know, he had that effect on you. And, you know, and look what you've accomplished. Like you've got so many years, you're a published author, you're an international award winner as well. And things like that, too. You know, it's a lot of things going on at once, you know, and your mom to the kids as well. So, you know, you got to constantly turn off the different. parts of yourself as you're going. It's a lot going on. I mean, it just never ends for you. But it's great, though. You seem like you enjoy it. You don't seem to have a lot of trouble switching between, was it hard at first, trying to juggle a lot of things? I know with kids, it gets hard, depending on if they're sleeping or not and things like that, too. Because I'm a dad of three girls myself. So I remember those early days, man. They were rough.
Alicia Del Prado: Brutal, totally brutal, right? And once you are sleep-derived and still go through your day, you're like, I can do anything. ⁓ yeah, so hard. There was a time period where my mantra, still kind of there, but especially during those early years where lack of sleep and sleep disruption was, am I ready for tomorrow? And if I thought, yes, I'm ready for tomorrow, then I went to bed because...
Pete: Yeah. Yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: If there was the long laundry list, then I would never be sleeping. So it's really tough. I definitely learned and also try to help my clients ⁓ do some compartmentalization. So how to, in a healthy way, compartmentalize worries, compartmentalize things that we don't have control over. And it doesn't mean that they're not important or that we won't get to them, but being able to kind of put them in a little box. or put them on a bookshelf just even for a time being, I think has really helped me keep moving forward. those internal passions and drive that I have, sometimes I have to say, okay, I can't do everything yet. And I just remember I can get to it later. And so that at least helps me. Sounds simple, not always easy to do.
Pete: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I got anxiety. So my mind goes all over the place. I think compartmentalizing things is great because I try to take on too much. I'm also I don't know if you human design all my man generators. So I have multiple projects I do. So I do this show. I do another show as well since we first talked about ⁓ inviting to the show. I do another project as well. I do all these other things I'm doing and I'm only one person that's doing all these things. I try to do all of them, you know, but sometimes I have to realize it's too much because I wasn't prioritizing my sleep early on in the beginning of the show. I was recording five days a week, you know, and I'm like, work all night and I come home, you know, and I would record the show and I'd be doing like two, three interviews and people like, Oh, are you sleeping? What's that again? Sleep? don't do those things, you know? So everybody's got to constantly tell me, go to sleep. I go to sleep, Pete, go to sleep because I would never do it. I mean, I've been so worried about trying to get everything else done, but now I have a bunch of automated systems that help me that I spend the time to put in for them. The rest of the week I focus on, you know, doing what I want to do for myself and just kind of you know, focus on my sleep or work on these other side other projects and things I tend to want to take on so many to do. you know, it's it's great, though. So let's let's get into the book. OK, I like the title. It's time to talk. How to have a constructive conversation, think, is a lot of problems with a lot of people like having a conversation about any of those topics, race, class, sexuality, because, know, lot of people don't like, you know, people that are of the, you know, L.T.G. BQ. I don't know all these. So I apologize. Anybody listening? I don't know all the different abbreviations.
Alicia Del Prado: Okay. Yeah.
Pete: But my brother is actually a transgender himself. So I went very deep into that community with him. I remember when he transitioned, he was afraid to tell people about it because the way people reacted, or like there was so like evil about it. But I'm like, I don't understand why it's not, they're not affecting anything you're doing. Who cares who they're interested in? They like another guy or girl likes a girl. Who cares? Like to me, it's like, go ahead, do what you're going to do. One of my own daughters is actually, uh, you know, in the same thing that she's in the community too. She has a girlfriend as well. And I remember when she told me about it, she was like, dad, I'm gay. Okay. What do you want me to say? I don't like you. mean, what do you, what do you want me to say to that? Like do what you're going to do regardless. I mean, I'll support you either way. may not always understand it. I'll ask a lot of questions, but I've always been that type of person that's very open. So I think that that's it's a very interesting way, you know, for somebody to have a conversation. It's like, lot of people don't know how to have that conversation because based on the they were brought up, were like, that's supposed to be evil. You know, get those people that are really religious that call it like they demonize everything and are like, ⁓ well, that's you're going against God. And I was like, but did you remember that God had created us all with human will and human will lets us do what we want to do at this point. So, know, so how did you come up with the title of the book, though?
Alicia Del Prado: for Yeah, great, great question. Well, first, you know, I think that's so wonderful that you're able to be open and inclusive with your daughter. I mean, that's huge, you know, and I think for our children, whether they're teenagers or young children or adult children, like most of us just want belonging and love and that makes all the difference, especially from our parents. So glad to hear that,
Pete: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Especially when it comes to that conversation too, because you know, it's like you have to come and tell somebody because I remember a lot of people that were quote unquote in the closet is the term was used for us back in the 90s. I knew my wife, like her mom's friend was in the closet for a long time, as he would say. And I already knew like, because my brother, I knew him because I knew what the scene and I already knew my brother was gay. I already knew it didn't bother me at all. I told him I knew he's like, you already knew him like, dude, I could tell a long time ago.
Alicia Del Prado: Right.
Pete: I just didn't say nothing to you because I was waiting for you to say something. I want you to feel uncomfortable about the situation. But yeah, I agree with what saying. How did the title come up? Because I think it's a great one,
Alicia Del Prado: Yeah, so well, I wrote the book with my friend and colleague, Dr. Anastasia Kim, and it came from brainstorming. So this is like 2019 was when the book was published, right? So like pre-AI, of course. So we came up with, I can say we came up with the creative title ourselves. I didn't actually go, don't get me wrong. I get some help here and there from Gemini and all the other chat GBTs coming up with creative.
Pete: Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I use it usually to clean up a lot of my emails because I'm like, I could write things. I always tell people I'm not a writer, I'm a podcaster. Like I could talk to you all day, but I can't write you a story to save your life. So the AI helps with that kind of thing. And PsychPAL is an AI app too. It's kind of like a support therapy. like for people that are in between sessions with you, it like accumulates all these things that'll tell them like what they've been talking about when you're between your sessions and then they can email it to you.
Alicia Del Prado: Yeah.
Pete: and you'll have all the notes and they'll say, oh, okay, Alicia, this is what they've been talking about. These are the feelings they're having. you know, things like that. So I think when it comes to AI, we were having this conversation with somebody else, it gets demonized, but I think if it's properly used, it's a different way to look at things. Like anything you think about.
Alicia Del Prado: Right, you can integrate ethics into your use of it. Thanks for that tip, I didn't know about PsychPow. So yeah, so we just came up with it together. And in the important part of the title, think too, is it's time to talk. So really emphasizing, like you said, dialogue, over vilifying each other. And then also though, ⁓ the listen part. And that listen part is really crucial because often, once we say what we wanna say,
Pete: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: It can, we feel better. However, really where change, meaningful change can happen or relational repair can happen is in staying in it long enough to hear what the person's response is. So that's, and that it's time to talk and listen. And even though it came out in 2019, which means we were working on it in the years before.
Pete: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: You know, I have mixed feelings in a way. I'm glad that the book still has relevancy for us in 2026, but sometimes I'm also kind of saddened because as you mentioned in the title, it's for conversations in polarized times. And it seems like in some ways we've gotten even more polarized. So I hope the book can continue to be a way to, yeah, anchor conversations, commonalities.
Pete: Yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: and just be open to other people. And I think, as you mentioned, with the transgender community and other folks in the LGBTQ community, just being able, even if you don't understand it from your own background or have concerns, know we're all people and we can be open to hearing and listening about what each person's experiences are. And we don't don't need to judge. ⁓ I don't think as human beings, it might be our tendency
Pete: Yeah. Yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: to judge when we don't understand.
Pete: Mm-hmm. Oh, and 100 % is our tendency, yes.
Alicia Del Prado: Yeah, and unfortunately, self-judgment or other judgment, often just leads to, you we start talking about anxiety, it leads to anxiety or pain or depression. So that's kind of what the book tries to give steps to how to anchor us to have constructive conversation.
Pete: I think though, I think that, you know, it still has a place because regardless you think about it, you're still having a conversation in some form, you know, whether you're face to face, you're on these apps and you know, like TikTok, you know, get in the rooms where the people have those boxes. You can get in those a lot of times and talk to people. You still have to have a conversation at the bottom base of the conversation. Not to have the conversation. Okay, that's the problem. think it's for a lot of people listening. think it's the hardest part for a lot of people because when you know, lot of couples have those conversations. They think it's a shade throwing session when really it's the one bringing something to the other one to talk to them. And it's like they always go negative because they're thinking that you're attacking them, but really not. They're just bringing their concerns to you. And it could be any of those situations you apply it to. think that a lot of people just don't listen. And I know that that was the topic of one conversation I had with somebody during the interview. We kept saying the word listen because people just don't want to listen. And, know, and you're right when you say that people label things because I've had a few people on the show.
Alicia Del Prado: Mm-hmm.
Pete: that has told me that they've told their stories out loud and people, the things they were saying is just so evil. ⁓ go get help. Go get, go talk to your crazy. This and that's like, you know, well, how do know they haven't gone through these things before? You're assuming that you know anything about this person and they're sharing this story for you for them to come tell you these things. Some of these things are horrific and you just sit there and demonize them. Like I had one guy, she said that she was sexually assaulted. They, someone was making fun of her for this. And I was like, ⁓ hold no. I stop for like five minutes and go on a rant how I'm pissed about it. I'm like, that's just irritating because it's like, why? Nobody chose to go through these things. It's not like they woke up and said, OK, well, I want somebody to inappropriately touch me and cause me to go through all these mental stress. I'm going to deal with the rest of my life. And some of them, unfortunately, commit suicide because they can't deal with these things. And then it's like, what are you going to feel good about that, too? And they do that, too. That's just sickening. It's like, come on now. We've lost the human element of being human to other people. Because when I always close the show, I say one thing. One kind act could save somebody's life. And it's the truth though. You think about it. Like the last interaction you have somebody could be the last time you ever see that person. You know, and that was the one of the things I taught my daughters. always like, you know, remember the last conversation you have with somebody may be the last time you ever see them. So think about what you're saying to these people. Like, you know, I know you want to say something based on hate, but what's the point of being so hateful about things? It's just not worth it. At the end of the day, like I get, you get upset. Yes. Okay. It's cool. We all get upset. We all get frustrated. We all get emotional, but at the end of the day, if you know, You know, you could always change the outcome of any situation, like how you react to things, you know, not be demonizing things or label it as something else. Oh, you're crazy or narcissism gets thrown on. Like you all have no idea what this really means, do you? Like you hear people keep calling it this or it's oh, man, it's so LCD. mean, like you don't have an idea what those people deal with. know, Tourette syndrome was an interesting one. actually for the first time in the history of show, my side project, we had somebody come on that has Tourette's and little did people know that 10 % of the people actually act like they show on these TV shows. You see people acting like, you know, and I thought it was a very eye-opening conversation because a lot of people didn't know that, you know, and when I started this show, my intentions were just that is to invite other people like yourself and other people on the show to have these conversations about, you know, what they get. And then when I get people different diagnosis on, I like to explore like how they. how it affects them because it's different for everybody. Because that's the one thing I always try to tell people, like, listen, you may have the same thing I do, but you may not react the same way I do. And that's the great thing about us being human. We all have our own interactions and feelings. But a lot of people, like I said, that listening part is the hardest part for them.
Alicia Del Prado: Yes, yes, so true. And I think that this idea of like telling our stories just like people are doing on your podcast is so huge because then people feel less alone. Cause often they think they're the only ones dealing with it. I mean, similar with tick disorder, with Tourette's disorder, know, misrepresents what's going on and it unfortunately adds to the shame.
Pete: Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Alicia Del Prado: And I know that some of the most empowering experiences I've observed has been when someone tells their story and then someone else goes, wow, me too. And then they feel less alone. And so, yes, they might still be dealing with the ticks, for example, but the shame around the ticks and the shame that goes with that, it's like the shame can dissipate. And then you're just dealing with the ticks, which actually is...
Pete: Yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: the physical manifestation that's exacerbated by stress. And so when you're feeling judged and excluded by others, guess what? The stress goes up and the ticks go up. So if we can eliminate the stress around it, doesn't solve everything, but it does make a huge difference for that person.
Pete: Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you know, and I apply that to people with BPD as well, borderline personality disorder, for anybody that may get a mistaken for borderline, for bipolar. ⁓ I was in a relationship with somebody who recently re-ended it, but it was like, I always see people demonize it, but to me, I feel like, you know, what the problem is that a lot of people get into these relationships or they find out someone has something, but they don't take the time to use the internet for the good part of it, where you could research these things at your fingertip and see. Like maybe better understand what these people go through, especially people with borderline personality disorder, like how their emotions are on the very extremely high spectrum of things that they do deal with, you know, and these different behaviors that they have like understand because all these people demonizing them, it just, makes me so mad because it's like, dude, like it could have been that bad all the time. And if it was, did you go and look to see what you could better help them out in these situations? Or did you do exactly what you're doing right now and demonize them and make them look like evil people? when it's really not the case, because most of them will share their stories and I see them all the time and like TikTok and they come across my algorithm. But since me and her were together, she kept sending me videos of stuff and always teach me things. And I actually had the ⁓ internet, the Dr. Jen Bellinger, she actually specializes in that area where she does personality stories and things like she came on and me and her were talking about that too. You know, and she was the words that I learned it from originally what BVD even was because one of my coworkers at work had it and she mentioned it. And I was like, what is that? I've never heard of that. You know, so I started like exploring it and then, you know, I was laughing one day because I was like, you know, what if one day she comes on the show? Because I didn't even see this show even making it this far, honestly, I've gotten, you know, but then she said yes. And I was freaking out because it was just so crazy. And I'm like, I've been watching our YouTube. Now she's sitting in front of me talking to me the whole time and we were discussing it. So when I knew that she had that, I reached out to her especially and I said, hey, Dr. Jen, do you have any advice for me? And she had a community that she could sign up for that helped you be more supportive. Because I was like, you know what, if I'm going to get in this thing, you know, because my thoughts on it were like, just because, you know, she's different, she deals with things doesn't mean she can't have a relationship with somebody. That's not fair to her. She didn't choose for this to happen to her, you know? And it was just like, just can't get, I don't understand why people have to demonize everything. It's like, you know, you have to sit here and make it look worse than it really is. It's like, maybe that was your bad experience. I get we all have bad experiences. It's just like all these reviews. go online and have these reviews. Read half of them and see what they say. Most of them are just like, what the hell? This is what you chose to complain about kind of thing. You know what mean? It's like, I just don't get it. You know what saying? It goes to that part of like, you know, they're using the internet for all the wrong reasons instead of using it for the better. You know, like you could research what your partner has or this person or one of your family members have to better interact with them. And I feel like the same thing applies to people that are going to sobriety. A lot of times, you know, They get treated differently because we're like, they used to be like, but yeah, they're not the same person anymore. You can't keep applying that same thing to them and expect anything better to happen for them. If you keep demonizing them because they're trying to do better, you're just sitting in a label as, they used to be. Okay, well, they're not that person anymore. And it's the same thing for a lot of these guys. It's just, I think that we all are quick to judge. Like with the threats thing, it's like you see the weird ticks that people have, but that's not what 90 % of them have.
Alicia Del Prado: Okay.
Pete: You know, and I think that that's the problem I have. And I don't I don't like a lot of these people demonizing it because it's just like it makes it worse than it already has to be. You these guys are dealing with enough shit as it is. They don't need you to shit on them, too. You know, they come to do the same thing. We all go to the Internet for you. I want an escape from something. We don't want to go there to, you know, have somebody tell you that, you know, oh, you're an evil person because you deal with something you never chose for in the beginning.
Alicia Del Prado: Totally. Mm-hmm, right. And I think by being de-identified a lot on the internet, just, unfortunately, gives people more boldness to say things they probably most people wouldn't say to someone face to face. Well, it's one of the traps, of the internet. you know, regarding BPD, a lot of the research supports that not everything, but a lot of it is correlated with trauma.
Pete: Exactly. Yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: And so it can be a natural response to trauma history. And so again, that compassion, like, okay, this might not be adaptive right now for the person, for others or themselves, depending on what their symptoms are. But if you think about it, of like, okay, this is a survival response based off of trauma that the person has been exposed to often in early parts of their life. It's like, to your point, why are we hurting those folks? Why are we?
Pete: Yeah. Exactly.
Alicia Del Prado: pigeonholing them. And it's just, ⁓ you know, it's a, it's it's a tiny detail, but I know in psychology, even for example, like saying somebody has BPD versus, know, is that like, it's only one aspect of their identity. So I think that's an important, it's subtle, but hopefully an important thing we can do because language matters, you know.
Pete: Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, we had a guest on the show, by the way, Alicia, that came on early on. was episode 67, I believe. A good friend of mine I met through TikTok. She had made a bold statement at the end of the episode. She had said that I'm Whitney. I deal with these. I don't identify with these. And I think that's a really great point you just made there. It's exactly the same thing she shared in that message too was. that just because she has these things doesn't mean that identifies her as a person. And I think that's where a lot of people start to label things as narcissism. ⁓ well, that's narcissistic. You don't even know what that damn word means. Quit labeling people that shit. You don't know what that means. If you really looked it up and seen what it is, I guarantee you they don't do those things. Maybe they act like it or similar to it. OK, that's different. Like you said, dialogue matters the way you put it to people. But you're labeling somebody as something they're not.
Alicia Del Prado: Right. And piggybacking off of what you're saying too, ⁓ when you gave the example about tick disorder. ⁓ So I'm based in California. I'm a San Francisco Giants fan and ⁓ Matt Chapman is one of their players. And he, think it was last year, shared about that he has and was diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome.
Pete: Mm-hmm. Really, that's interesting.
Alicia Del Prado: Yeah, and it was really, I thought, a meaningful self-disclosure for this prominent baseball player to share. And he's learned ways, ⁓ I'm kind of quoting him from his article, but learned ways to kind of manage the ticks and make them less obvious. ⁓ However, I thought that was really a great example and I appreciate him sharing that because I know that that made a big difference. Because it's like, to your point about multiple identities, it's like,
Pete: Yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: He's a baseball player. He also has Tourette's disorder and kind of broadens, hopefully, our minds of like, people can be multiple things or experience multiple things.
Pete: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think it normalizes him too as a person because you remember now he's a baseball star. He plays for a major league team, you know, and kind of piggy being off that a little bit too. The thing with the Dallas Cowboys guy that ended up unfortunately taking his own life. He was struggling with a lot of things. And then now recently the guy from the Minnesota Vikings, they found dead in his own home. ⁓ To me was just like, it's crazy how, you know, we put these guys on a large scale, but we don't worry about their mental health because we don't know what these guys are struggling with. You know, he has access to all these, the,
Alicia Del Prado: Wow.
Pete: All these different high level organization things doesn't mean he can't have problems at the end of the day, you know, and for him to come out and say that he has Tourette's is really powerful because now he's letting people know, Hey, listen, I may be, I may be a professional player, but I'm still a person at the end of the day. And I think that's really great that he came out and did that because I think that this conversation needs to get louder now, because especially with the Dallas Cowboys kid that killed himself, he was really young. He was like 24 or something like that. I guess he said he was dealing with his mom's death and things like that, which, grief is hard as we all know. it's a hard conversation to have. then the young gentlemen, don't know the situation, the Minnesota Vikings player that would end up inflicting himself with a gunshot wound kind of thing. But it's like these young guys, we're losing them too fast for all these reasons. We see them as superstars, but at the end of the day, we got to think like Junior Seau was the same situation. He had all those head injuries that he ended up, unfortunately, that whole situation happened. And then if we look at professional wrestlers, remember the Chris Benoit situation where he went completely
Alicia Del Prado: Yes.
Pete: off the rails and killed everybody in the house, including himself, unfortunately, you know, it's like we see these guys larger than life and that what we don't at the end of the day, we don't worry about what's wrong, what their mental health looks like. And you can apply that to first responders too, lot of those guys, man, the things they see, the quick sec, the fast quick seconds, they got to make those decisions of new and then they get demonized for making a decision.
Alicia Del Prado: Uh-huh.
Pete: because someone didn't like what they said. It's like, well, if you're in that split second decision, what are you going to do in that situation? know, everybody's got a great answer to everything. But it's like when you're in that situation, it's a whole nother ballgame.
Alicia Del Prado: Yeah, yeah, as people we tend to make snapshot decisions and you sometimes those are necessary. However, we need to when we can slow down to kind of see the multiple perspectives a lot about what's going on and I think yeah the first responder example is one of those that's like really palpable for us because
Pete: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Alicia Del Prado: You know, are ⁓ injustices done by systems like the police. And at the same time, there are also individual first responders, firefighters, etc. that are making, like you said, really tough decisions in these ⁓ split second. ⁓
Pete: Yeah. EMTs especially though, think about they see things at a rapid pace. They're going one call to another some nights, other nights it's slower, you know, and they're seeing it so fast, you know, they're having to process all that and no one's asking them how they're doing at the end of the day, which I think is very interesting, you know, especially people in that field. I feel like they should have more exams more often because of the things they're seeing just to check in to see how they're doing. That's it. Not to say they're crazy. It's just, you know, to see that they're doing better because a lot of things they're seeing a lot of really wild things. that they are having to process afterwards, you know, and then some of them can't handle that. And it's okay, it happens. You know, there's nothing wrong with that. I'd just rather see them get a little more extra support for that reason, because, you know, that whole situation. But you know, like I said, the Cowboys player thing caught me kind of a little bit because I'm like, Jerry Jones here likes to talk to everybody, but he does nothing to say about that. And I'm like, I think we're dropping the ball majorly, especially when it comes to those kinds of things, because this is the time now to capitalize on that and start doing something about it now versus losing more of these younger guys, especially the other guy from the Minnesota Vikings. think he was around the same age. I think he was 23 or 24. I remember I saw it pop across my thing and I was like, okay. I was like, damn, all right, this is not good. I'm like, whoa, what is that? I'm like, wait a minute, we lost another person now? This is insane. You know, after the whole Cowboys thing, because I'm here in the Dallas Fort Worth area. So where they're at. I know exactly where the whole incident of everything happened because I looked it up on the map to see. And, you know, it was just, it's just hard to see that these things are happening. And it's like, everybody says we're talking about our mental health, but look at what's going on here. We got all these things going on. have these school shootings that happen and they blame mental health. But then it's like, we don't want to talk about it after they're like, okay, we'll just sweep it on the rung. Now we've gave it a category. Let's, let's just go on to something else. Now forget the fact that we just said that, you know, and I think the most interesting thing recently was the whole thing with Metta. And Facebook having to now police their own sites now, you know, now they have those Instagram teen accounts all of a sudden, even though for years they've been calling for, know, we need to divide the kids from the adults because of these weird comments. Some of these grown ass men are making about these kids, you know. And the other thing I'm really worried about is these videos where it's like, well, you have to take your life, you know, you'll get 25 calls. I'm like, do you realize when you're watching this video, it doesn't send the right message that you're feeling like it does? Because I think that you're giving out. more reason to somebody to feel like they're not, it just doesn't matter if they're going to be here or not. Because to me, that's what it says when I'm watching it as being a person that's been in that situation a few times where I've had those thoughts going through my head. like, you know, when you're watching this video, I think you're having the wrong message and it's almost like they're using it like click bait and it just absolutely aggravates me. Every time I see that video, I'm just like, I swear to God, y'all need to stop posting these videos. I'm telling you, you're not having the right message for these things.
Alicia Del Prado: ⁓ I mean, you said so many important things and I feel like, well, first, the subpopulation. So I used to be a faculty member ⁓ at the Wright Institute in Berkeley and there was a first responder kind of specialty area so we could learn how to best support this kind of community that was just by profession, you know, and being.
Pete: Mm-hmm.
Alicia Del Prado: increased likelihood that they're going to be observing traumatic events. And so like, how can we help them? To your point, be preventative. We know this is going to happen, unfortunately. And so how can we customize it? Because stigma is huge still. So much better than how it was before. Actually, when I first started seeing clients about 25 years ago, know, mostly it was women, young girls,
Pete: Exactly.
Alicia Del Prado: who were opting in to therapy. And now I would say my practice is really well represented. I have men, cisgender men wanting to be in therapy and it's amazing. So I think it's changed, but it still hasn't changed enough. So stigma ⁓ is still there and it's not the only barrier, but it's one of the barriers. Cause like you said, even with people that have a lot of resources, there's a disconnect.
Pete: Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Alicia Del Prado: I want us to continue to think how can we do better? And yeah, for anyone who has had suicidal thoughts, it's like, you're vulnerable in that moment. so, you know, information on the internet that could be misconstrued or is intentionally manipulating, and we know that both are out there, it's really concerning.
Pete: Mm-hmm. Yeah, it is. It's very concerning, especially when those videos pop up because I'm like, yeah, I don't you know, they think that the messages and then the what was it the whole thing during the men's mental health thing with lady would post that video intending for something else to happen and then everybody just jumped on her body. And it's like and then the family it's like it's like I don't think people think about what they're doing next. I think that with the Internet they have this they're this you know, they're Superman. They can say what they want. Nobody's going to say something. Let me tell you what, they say a lot of things, you know, and they're not too appreciative of those kind of videos and all those other weird things that get said, you know, and it's like, you know, especially it's good to hear though, men are coming up more because with the suicide rates where they were, and we were looking at them when I originally started the show, it was like 80 % of them were recorded as men. And that's, that's what we know. We don't know for sure because half the time is they saying those statistics. is that we don't talk about it. We're more likely to succeed versus women who talk more about it, which I think that number could be construed either way, because I think it's equally that the fact they're in that state of mind is a horrible thing. Because like I said, I've been there twice. I know what it's like, you know, and when you hear people then then the way people act like it afterwards, it's almost like you're like, ⁓ well, I don't want to say something upset. I'm like, yeah, I don't think it works like that. Unfortunately, I don't think you realize that it takes a lot more to get to that point. But you know, I do think the conversation is still tough for people to have. yeah, know, somebody's talking about taking their life. You're not sure what to say. That's why 98 is great for that, you know, and things like that. And I know PsychPAL has a feature on it as well too that basically works like that too, where it's like, if it feels like you're going that direction, it'll send you to 98 to help out and things like that, get you to an emergency line to help out if it feels like you're going that way, which is really great with that feature there as well. And I know that, you know, especially with grief too, I know we had a situation with some people I knew where the one lady had lost her husband and it got upset at everybody else because people weren't ready to have that conversation. And in fact, some people are not even able to have that conversation. They don't know what to say because like, you know, you don't know what to tell them those moments. A lot of times, you know, I get they're upset, but at the same time, it's like you have to understand, most people aren't equipped to handle these conversations. Like you come to somebody and say something to them. They don't know what they're going to say to you. Like you can catch people off guard. Some people listen and a lot of times, you know, you just want to be heard, but these people aren't ready for that. And you know, I think it's a two way road though. It's like a lot of people didn't understand. It's like if someone tells you that they're not ready to handle it, like you have to understand that that's not your person to talk to. Like call 988 or, you know, have a support system in place of people that you can call and talk to. But like I've had a friend call me before I say I'm standing on the roof of my house, thinking about jumping off. And I was like, hold up, but hold up, talk to me. What's up? Just talk to me and just get them to keep talking to me. And I talked him down off the whole idea of it, but he was, he was serious. I'm sitting here looking over things, send me pictures of it too, to show how serious he was. I'm like, dude, at no point am I questioning it whether or not you're as serious about this or not, my man. Like, talk to me, tell me what's wrong, you know? And I've had people inbox me because you were like, when they find out I do this podcast, they're like, Oh, reach out to Pete. knows everything. I'm like, Pete don't know anything about it. Like Pete knows what he knows, but I am no expert by any means. I have no background training. I will tell you to go to the same places. I will listen to you. If I feel like we're going that route, we're going to take a call together. We're to call. I'm going to tell you to call 98 and seriously strong. You call them because they're trained for these things. I can listen to everything you want me to say, but I'm not the person that that's going to handle these things. You know, I don't, I can't, I'll be the first one to tell you that I'm not trained in these areas of these things. I never claimed to be an expert of anything. So anytime somebody makes that claim, I'm like, no, I never said those things. I'm just in one person pushing the conversation out there. And I've seen other podcasts that spawned off from here. I've had like, three or four other people that have started podcasts that have come to me, asked me how to start them and they have their own ones in the mental health field as well. So it's great to see that more people are getting in the conversation because like when I started this, a lot of doctors had conversations. I was like, okay, that's cool. I get respectfully y'all have training, but where the actual conversation's happening, like just one person asking the question, you know? And then when I started the show to where I'm now, changed the question from, how are you doing to, how's your mental health? Because if you think about it, When you ask that question to somebody, everybody's response is they take a minute to think about what they're to say next to you. But if I came to you and asked you, Hey, how are you doing? You can get out of that conversation fast. Well, I'm doing okay. And then we never know anything was wrong. You know what mean? But when you ask that, you can open it to a bigger conversation. Think about it. Cause I say, how's your mental health? You think about it for a second. Well, wait, I just asked you that question. And then you could leave with, listen, I saw these things that you're, I saw you a little bothered by something. You know what I mean? It opens the conversation. I'm exactly like your goal. Your book was just, how to have a real conversation with people. It's all about how you start the conversation as well. And then the same thing in return is the listen part of it. It's like, I'm willing to listen to people. I listen to these conversations. Hell, let's think now what I'm at now. I do four to five every Monday, Tuesday ⁓ of conversations with people that I do. I do other panels with other people. I do other guest shows where people ask me a lot of questions about things. And I'm always listening to what they're saying because that's the hardest part for people. I've heard some wild stories. We were talking about the girl in the conversation what she said to me and then a few other things, you know, and I've had wilder stories. I had a guy talk about his suicidization the first half of the first season of the show. He was we were live on YouTube and a few other places and he was just like, hey, Pete, can I tell you something? said, yeah, man, go ahead. What's up? Well, I'm sitting here this morning with the gun in my hand and I was just like, oh, God, here we go. And in my mind, I'm thinking, oh, God, what are we doing in this situation? That's when it really got real that there's like, whoa, we're on to something here. For this guy to come here and tell us about this. He's like, yeah, had the gun in my hand. was thinking about taking my life this morning right before this interview. I'm glad I did it because I came and talked to you. It was nice to get the thoughts out of my head and talk to somebody about it. I was like, well, I'm glad I could listen. Other than that, like I said, I'm not an expert in any mean. I never claimed to be. But sometimes that conversation changes the dynamic of things because now these people feel like they're being heard. Especially with me, with anxiety, when I start talking to myself and people look like I'm talking to myself, but I'm getting the thoughts out of my head.
Alicia Del Prado: Yes.
Pete: because I'm listening to myself how dumb some of them sound to me. That's like, so that's the way I phrase it. It may not be the right way, maybe dumb, but to me it's just like, well, you know, it does sound kind of stupid, dude. Why are you coming up with that thought? You know, that whole conversational piece, but it kind of goes both ways, like your book says. So I think your book still has value though. I think it's, it's still has the meaning because people still need to learn how to have a conversation because you got to start somewhere with something. So.
Alicia Del Prado: Mm-hmm. Right, right. Well, and you know, going back to the listening piece of the steps of the book and also, you you listening to your guest. So one of the big things I often have people ask me, okay, I know this person, I don't know how to help them. Or like what you said, okay, I haven't been trained to do this. And so for sure, I might help them try to practice some reflective listening skills with their loved one.
Pete: Mm-hmm.
Alicia Del Prado: or whoever it is that they're worried about. And then the second piece is, just like you're doing, how to help them get to the resources that are out there. And about someone you trust saying, this is something I've heard will help you. If you trust the person giving that referral, you're way more likely to do it than a random person that you don't even know if it's a good
Pete: Yeah, definitely.
Alicia Del Prado: person to trust. I think that's really huge. And then also though, right, setting our own boundaries, because it's really tough when you're trying to help somebody, but you're also trying to stay in your scope of what you know how to do or, you know, and also your own mental health. So I really am a big believer in helping people work through the stigma and like get that resource, whether that's like a phone, text resource, or actually individual therapy. So we can like
Pete: Yeah, yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: help each other both in ways that are listening but then also the next step of resources.
Pete: Yeah, I want to piggyback off where you said the boundaries thing, because I've had to do that with somebody recently, though. They were like, oh, well, you being the how's your mental health guy? You didn't ask me how I was doing. I'm like, but you have to understand, like, I'm doing like a lot of things like I don't have time to sit in individually. Now, if you tell me, hey, Pete, I want to talk to you. Can I talk to you? That's different. I'll listen to you. But you have to respectfully understand that I'm doing a lot of things. I run two shows. I do all the social posting for these shows. I go out and do different guest spots. I do different panels of other people.
Alicia Del Prado: Hold on.
Pete: I do all these other things. It was an interesting conversation that happened to us this past weekend. And my friend of mine was like, hey, listen, well, hold up. Listen. She goes, before you say anything else, understand that they need to understand that you can't be the, hey, how's your mental health guy 24-7. Sometimes you have to put yourself first, because I was dealing with my own problems. was dealing with things I explained it her. was like, listen, with all due respect. If you were really having that big of a problem, you know you could have came to me and said, hey, listen, I need to talk to you. Can you set some time aside? And then I would have cut everything else off and been like, OK, this is 100 % my attention for you. Like, I can only do so much with what you give me. Like, you're sending me very like one word answers. Like, you say you're OK. Like, OK, cool. You're OK. Like, I'm checking to see how you're doing at least. You know, like, give me that much credit. But it's like, you're like, well, you didn't ask me how I'm doing. And then I think, how's my mental health? You're the mental. I was expecting you to evalve people. I'm like, well,
Alicia Del Prado: Mm-hmm.
Pete: you know what, I'm human at the end of the day. I'm sorry to let you know Superman couldn't save the day for you today. Like I want to be able to help everybody, but at the same time I have to put my own boundaries in place of things. I have to worry about myself first because if I can't help myself, I can't help you. And that's a big thing. I think people forget it's like, know, you, you being a mom, especially like mom can't help everybody. If mom doesn't take care of themselves. And a lot of times that dynamic comes up a lot, you know, and I think one of my, one of the other buddies, he runs a podcast addiction podcast. He was like, He had a really good company. He's like, well, OK, so everybody worries about everybody else, but who's worrying about the person that worries about everybody else? I think that's a great question, too. It's like a lot of times we forget the person that's always there for everybody. We're not asking them how they're doing. And it could be whatever. The first responders all fit in that same type of category bubble. It's like we're not asking them. But for this person to say that to me, I was like, wait a minute. Hold up. Listen, you're going to throw that on me that you almost ended your life and then You went to the mental. It's like I wouldn't couldn't have controlled any of those things for you. I could have listened to you, but I in no way could have done anything. And whatever I do, I would have done, would have been, wouldn't have been any different to you. Yeah, I could have heard you, but like you have to understand, like I have my own life. I live outside of this, this podcast I do, you know, and I do other things, you know, I can't be the mental health guy all the time. Like I, I am Pete at, at its core. I enjoy other things I do. You're like, I'll have a conversation all day with you, but other people need to understand respectfully. Like, you know, I have to set my own boundaries for you.
Alicia Del Prado: Mm-hmm.
Pete: that everybody wanting to talk to me all the time. It's like, I have to have my own space to do things. I do all these other things. And it's not hard for you to say, hey, listen, can I have some of your time? Then I'm glad to give you the time. I'll cut everything off. OK, I've got this time. What does this sound good for you? What works best for you? So I told her, though, we came to a compromise at the end. Or we came to a decision. I was like, how about this? How about we set up a side of time? during the week, whatever, or whatever weekend, whatever evening, whatever, you know, let me know. I will, we could sit down and talk about it if you want to. I'll listen to you. You know, how does that sound better for you? Because you have to understand I'm juggling a lot of things I'm God this week alone. got 10 interviews I have to do. do 10 interviews, you know, wrapping up season three, going to season four, getting all that set up for, you know, all these other things I'm doing, but you know, respectfully, I have to protect myself at the end of the day. Cause I have a lot of these hard conversations with people. And at the end of the day, I'm mentally drained. I just need some time to do whatever. Whatever it is, I'm doing it. Watch a movie, play a game, fuck around on my phone. Whatever I'm doing, I'm having a conversation about anything but mental health and things like that, too. And I feel like people get that mistaken identity for me as a podcaster, too. They're like, well, you're the mental health guy. You can't talk about other things. like, yeah, but I can, though. At the end of the day,
Alicia Del Prado: Mm-hmm.
Pete: When I'm on the show, it's 100 % still me. I'm still that same person, but I'm enjoying other things and just these conversations because they're mentally taxing at times. I prioritize my sleep and other things like that, which I wasn't doing before. I had an actual sleep expert come on and give me a lecture about how my sleep wasn't great. That was fun to listen to. I got a lecture like she was my mom. That was fun. But she wasn't wrong, though. She saw all the signs that were very concerning. You know, and truth be told, a lot of people didn't know season one, how bad my depression was because my anxiety fed my depression in like the room I was in. In some of those videos, I never left that room most days until my wife came home. So I would usually go into the other room and just kind of hop in the other bed. Like I've been sleeping in the other bed, but literally I've been staying in that room just in that I never left the darkness of that room the whole time because I was swallowing my depression was swallowing me in there, you know, and I didn't want to tell anybody. It's like a lot of people can't handle the conversation, you know, and that was my, that was the part I started worrying about. And then I said, fuck it. One day I got up and I was like, you know what? I'm just going to be honest with people how I've been feeling lately. So I went on a friend's show and they'd asked me what I've been going through and I told them the whole thing and I felt so bad. I just dumped it on them. They were laughing at me afterwards. I was like, guys, you know what? I feel so bad telling you these things. So we were joking about it. Because if you can't laugh at yourself, what kind of jokes can you make? Because we've had Dave Murray come on. He teaches comedy classes people how to laugh at their own mental health things. Dave and I for an hour making dark humor jokes to each other about things, but we got it though. We understand it, you know, and it's, it falls into that com that conversational piece of knowing your audience when it comes to that kind of thing. So, but yeah, you know, I ever, ever since then it's changed the evolution of the conversation. The show has been different. I've getting emails, like some days I'm getting like 10 emails a day of people just saying they've seen the show, you know, just random emails to people saying, listen, I like what it is. I got a guest for you, things like that. So it's been great to see the response of people. You know, I met another person from the UK, you know, so I'm always adding new tools to my kit and things like that.
Alicia Del Prado: Well, yeah, humor is so healing. And when we wrap and get that perspective, because yeah, when you're in that dark depression, often, you know, it's really siloed. And it's, as you know, it's hard to get out of. And, you know, when you were sharing that, I was thinking about how you talked about, you know, how you hate when people are just judging and, you know, seeing these mean things and, you know, case in point, if you hadn't shared on that podcast, no one would have known.
Pete: Mm-hmm.
Alicia Del Prado: that that's what you were going through. They're only seeing one piece of your day. And so it's such an important thing to try to hold in mind, you know, as we go about interacting with people. I think that, you know, for any audience members that want to try to have some constructive conversations with folks, I mean, of course they can go to the book for more detail, but high level,
Pete: Exactly. Yeah, definitely.
Alicia Del Prado: You know, it is about really being clear, like, okay, what's my goal for this conversation? And we kind of specialize in saying, okay, your goal cannot be to change the other person's mind. The goal often is going to be much more rewarding if it's an internal thing. And then similarly, ⁓ that, you you're anchoring it in your own values and you're really doing some self-reflection even before you start talking.
Pete: Yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: So there's a lot of introspective work that goes into the dialogue. And then once the dialogue's flowing, it's like having an opener, being able to let that person know, know, I'm bringing this up because I care about you. And while it's hard for me to say, you know, would you be open to having conversations? So like, not just swinging it on the person, but trying to open it up. It increases the chances that that other person is going to have an openness, hopefully, to what you're about to say. So just wanted to share just a couple tips for ⁓ anyone that's like, ⁓ I want to have a conversation, but I don't know where to get it.
Pete: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I think you said a really good thing to self-reflection was the hardest thing I've ever done. Like I've sat here and reflected over the last few months, ⁓ you know, and I was never the person to ever take blame for anything I did always pass blame on everybody else. Like that was the hardest moment. But, you know, people noticed it though. They're like a lot of people like lately, a lot of people in my daily life now say that I'm way different than I used to be. And it's because when I when I got to that point, I started reflecting on a lot of things I did. And all this kind of thing. I meditate every day now. have inner talks with my inner child kind of thing. It's really weird when I tell people that they'll look at me like, what? I'm like, yeah, listen, there's there's a whole episode about it. The second season, season, episode two, we talked about it. We had a whole conversation about how, you know, he Julian had come on and we were talking about meditating and he was like, you know, just try 15 minutes a day of talking to yourself about, know, your band and issue thing and see how it goes. He's like.
Alicia Del Prado: I will try it.
Pete: You know, I'm trying and it's what I've been doing since I do that. I do breath work I do all these other things. I have anxiety journals. I have all these different cool things I use in place, but you know, I didn't even know one of them actually was gifted by a friend of mine I did another podcast, but she sent me the anxiety journal thing. I thought was really cool So I use that sometimes I have books where I keep my thoughts in them I do all these different things that I wouldn't do before and I do now but I think self-reflection was the toughest conversation to have because now you have to look back at the things you did and how much of an asshole I was to people before like I was a fucking horrible person. And I've admitted that to people several times now. I was a terrible person to people before, you know, but it was still, it's not an excuse of any means. It's more of, you know, me just getting to the point where I'm realizing where my faults were and everything. It's not to sit there and beat myself up. It's to just understand that, you know, I made these mistakes, but now I'm taking, taking, you know, responsibility for I did, even though it's later on. And it was the hardest thing to do. But, you know, people are seeing the changes and the conversation flows change from the first day I hit record to the show to where I'm now. the conversations have gotten even better because you the open honesty of things and what really attracts people to show is like how real I am. And it's like, I tell people like my whole life's on the internet and anybody gets in a relationship with me, I'm like, need to understand that my whole life's on the internet. Like I'm going to talk about everything on this show. Like it doesn't matter breakups, things like this, all these things are going to come out. Like you're to have to be okay with that at the end of the day. Am I going to demonize you? No, I'm not going to demonize you in any way possible. That's up to the person who's listening. If they want to feel that way, I can't change their thoughts. It's not my job. I could just tell you how I feel about things and just keep it true to the show. The real, the real authenticity of what it is because it's me a hundred percent. My, last girl I was with, like I said, she was, she was looking me up, watching a bunch of the episodes to see what it was like. And then she saw that I was the same person. I'm like, I'm just me, man. I don't know what to tell you. That's just how I am. Like, you know, people will tell you stories about my past, how mean I was and how, how hateful I was and the horrible things I said. And did I do all those things? Yeah. I mean, I did, you know.
Alicia Del Prado: It
Pete: Whatever admitted this 10 years ago, hell no, I would have denied it. I was like, I don't know you're talking about. Now I just accept it because it is what it is. I can't control what I did before, but can take control of what I do now and things like that too. So I thought that was a great point and you brought self-reflecting because I was like, yeah, that's not a fun process, but it's been rewarding though. Like the changes the way me and my daughters are now, we went from not having a speaking relationship to now we're talking. My oldest graduates in May. So I'm going to go see her graduate high school and you know, things like that. And so it's, it's the conversations change a hundred percent. I get pictures about prom, all this kind of things are just did prom and all those things, you know, so it's, it's, it's been nice. You know, I think that they see it too, because I'm not the same person. used to be a more, a more present in their lives than I was before. And you know, and I apologize to them before about everything I've done, you know, but you can only apologize so much. It's what you do after that point. So.
Alicia Del Prado: Mm-hmm. Yeah, right. Repair is both words and actions, not just words.
Pete: Mm-hmm. Definitely. So, Alisha, we're at that point of the show where I ask you those two questions. I know we've already talked about this now. You got your answer ready for this one? So the first one is...
Alicia Del Prado: Mm-hmm. I remember the questions. I was on point a little bit, but yeah, go for it. I'm ready.
Pete: So the question to you is, that if your mental had a song, what would that song be?
Alicia Del Prado: Okay, thank you for asking. And I do remember now when I was listening to an episode of yours, like, what would I say? So it would be, ⁓ That's Life by Frank Sartre.
Pete: Yeah. Mm-hmm. There you go. Okay. Frank Sinatra is the first entry from him to be in the show. We've had, like I said, Against the Machine was my favorite answer because that was one of my favorite bands. Susan Snow, the author of The Other Side of the Gun, had said that one. I was laughing. She said, you're gonna laugh at me. I'm like, why? She said, well, it's Rage Against the Machine. I was like, what? I was like, all right, that's a great answer. What do mean? like, you know, but it was an interesting question because when someone asked me that originally,
Alicia Del Prado: Holy.
Pete: It's a friend of mine who runs a podcast called The Shit That Goes On In Our Heads. I answered it two ways because I said my anxiety song actually was the intro to Scott Pilgrim versus the World, one of my favorite movies. That just constant strumming is what it's like sometimes. It's just a constant state of flow for me. And then my depression song was, what was it? was Turn the Light On, ⁓ Leave a Light On, Talk Away the Dark by Papa Roach was the song I picked because I liked the impactfulness of the video. The end of it where it says, you know, if you need help, 98's there. Cause I thought it was such a powerful message when, you know, a lot of musicians have a lot of parts in our lives. know, I think about a lot, music is a very big one for me. I hosted a guest on the show where we talked about a 12 year old girl that unfortunately took her life after they wrote a song called Weird Hearts. And music has always been a big part of like how I feel, how I describe how feel to people, you know, and things like that too, you know, and it's, it's always something, always that one song that you always relate to when you're in a bad mood and it makes you feel better. So that was an interesting question. now my next question and the reason I started this podcast was that if you could break the stigma about mental health. Now, when I ask you this question, I'm saying that as what is the one thing you want people to stop believing?
Alicia Del Prado: people to stop believing.
Pete: Like some misconception that you want to do something. There you go, it's better worded that way.
Alicia Del Prado: So Pete, would it be okay if I elaborated on my lyrics question real quick before I get to second? Because I, for those that don't listen to Brink's Sinatra, these lyrics I think are awesome. They, I pulled it up as we were chatting because it starts with that's life. That's what all the people say. You're riding high in April and shot down in May.
Pete: Mm-hmm, go right ahead. Go for it.
Alicia Del Prado: And so that ups and downs of life, but I know I'm going to change that tune. So there's a little bit of like optimism, like I'm going to influence this and that self confidence and efficacy. Going back to the lyrics, when I'm back on top, back on top in June. So it's a combination of like, life's about highs and lows and really just trying to not give up and that perseverance. And thanks for bearing with bearing with me. Cause I'll just say one more part of the lyrics. I've been a puppet, a popper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king. So there's like multiple roles that we all play in our life. And I'll end with my sister and I will sing this song when we feel awful. And you can. Yeah.
Pete: Yeah, so, you know, to touch on the lyric thing really fast, what is it? new latest song I really am digging is ⁓ What is it now? Most listen white song alone alone in the dark that one part where it's talking about what is it? The creature has found a home, you know, that whole that whole lyrics thing. I get that, though, because that's what a lot of people tend to highlight a lot of times because they can feel it, you know. And like I said, music is very powerful. The lyrics are really interesting, you know. I didn't realize 90 % of those Bush songs, was thinking about his drug problems, but that was great. They were great songs until I found all that out.
Alicia Del Prado: Yeah, right, totally. Well, and these lyrics actually, because I sing it, my kids sing it too. So we're like, you know, because it literally says, each time I find myself flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race. So it's kind acknowledging we're going to fail, we're going to struggle, but there's that, you know, it was just the life. Anyway, so thanks for indulging me.
Pete: Yeah. Yeah. No, problem. I think it's really great to elaborate on that, though, for a lot of people. A lot of people don't look at the lyrics of songs. My ex-wife is one that was really big on that. She's like, ever look at the song lyrics? I'm like, no, I just like the song a lot of times. then I start looking at them from then down. Now on, I just start looking and I noticed that that was the part of that song from most of somebody that we showed up. It's like a creature that's found a home and all that kind of thing. Because you always see a lot of people highlighting that part of the song, which is really great. You like you were doing the Frank Sinatra song, leaving people know why it is, but that You know, it's those lyrics that touch people's hearts and it hits home for people. So I think it's really great.
Alicia Del Prado: Totally, well, and I think that's the author in me, which is, you paying attention to the words, because I can't sing to save my life. But ⁓ I love the lyrics and of course love the tune. Okay, back to the question about mental health. Would you mind saying it one more time?
Pete: Mm-hmm. If you could break the stigma about mental health, what would you say that would be?
Alicia Del Prado: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. So I think I would emphasize how it is temporal, how it is flexible, and it's not as static as we think. So for sure, there are some mental health diagnoses that are lifelong and will be hard to remit. However, it's not static. so I think just again, that mental health is not concrete. It's temporary, meaning that our level of anxiety today isn't gonna be what it is tomorrow. And I think that can be super healing, especially when we feel stuck. Cause I know when anxiety, depression, ⁓ rage, even it feels at that moment often like it will always be this way. And that's where the hopelessness comes in. And that's where the, you know, often I don't wanna keep trying comes in, but if, you know, we can reframe that mental health is
Pete: Yeah.
Alicia Del Prado: temporary, it's static, excuse me, it's not static, it's flexible. I think that's a game changer and it's hard to kind of grasp, but ⁓ I think that would be something that I would want us to add to each conversation. It feels like it's 100 % fact now, talk to them tomorrow, talk to them an hour. There might be tiny shifts that can really make a difference.
Pete: Yeah, I love it. Okay, and before we start wrapping up, Alicia, thank you once again for being here. Where would you like everybody to find you? What website are you on? Are you on these social sites like IM? Just let everybody know where they can find you.
Alicia Del Prado: Yeah, thank you so much for having me, Pete. I really enjoyed the conversation and it was, like we could talk for like hours more.
Pete: Definitely. Right? Yeah, I was just saying, man, was like, yeah, we could keep going forever on this thing.
Alicia Del Prado: Exactly. A lot of tunnels to keep going through. So my website is drdelprato.com. So that's a great place to find more information about me and my work, as well as my group practice. And we also have great articles on there that we've written about a range of topics, ⁓ all somewhat about mental health, but that's a great place I would point the audience. am on Instagram as well at at Dr. Del Prado ⁓ and also have an Instagram at Del Prado Counseling. So those are the two Instagram-y ways to find me.
Pete: guys. I like it. like it. Okay. With that being said, guys, we're to wrap up this episode of Pete for anxiety. Once again, Alicia, thanks so much for coming to hang out with me. I'm definitely going to have her come back, guys. So don't worry. We're going to have her come back for another episode to hang out with us, you know, things like that. And with that being said, guys, we're going to wrap this episode up. You know where to find me on Pete for anxiety and X all the down to Tik Tok. I'm on Spotify all the way down to Panera radio. And as I always say, it costs nothing. Absolutely nothing to be kind to somebody. One kind act you can do to save someone's life or hell you can make their day. I'm Pete for anxiety signing off saying, don't ask how your day is today. Say, Hey, how's your mental health?