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Sometimes it can feel like there is so much at stake when we set healthy boundaries. Especially when there are outside influences that appear to have control over our situation.
Often family members can especially triggering. We have a lot of history with them and they know exactly what buttons to push (sometimes purposely but more often subconsciously). There are so many old patterns and programs we run with family members it can sometimes feel like we “regress” after just a few minutes or hours in their presence.
However, on some level- I believe we choose our family to help us evolve and grow in the ways we need. They are our teachers and often issues with family put us on our awakening path. Boundaries with family members are a great way to practice integrating all the tools you have learned on your personal development journey.
You are the one to stop not doing the martyr thing. You are the one to not be coerced by guilt or obligation disguised as “love.” You are the one to end the addiction cycle. You are the one to break free of limiting beliefs, and scarcity thinking. You are the one to end abuse. You are the one who is raising your children differently. You are the one to opt out of dysfunctional and toxic dynamics. You are the one who truly understands love.
And remember, love is unconditional but relationships have conditions. Just because someone is a relative or partner does not give them permission to treat you with disrespect or even be in your life. Consider what boundaries it may be time to set with certain people. Make this the year that you say “no more” to just tolerating crappy behavior and things being said to you.
This week on the podcast I spoke to Blessing who wants to know how to set healthy boundaries where there is coercive control that include campaigns of silence and stonewalling. We talked about all of the things Blessing is doing right already, and how she will need to start thinking and behaving if she wants to be the one to break the cycle with her family and move forward with her life.
Listen if you want to learn how to break old patterns and set healthy boundaries with challenging people in your life.
Before you listen consider:
- Are you a rule follower because you experienced a chaotic childhood and now playing by the rules helps you to feel safe?
- Do you struggle with guilt even around little things like making decisions that are necessary such as taking care of yourself?
- Was there a lot of chaos in your childhood home with out the witnessing of repair work?
- Do you consider yourself boundary-less? Someone who literally cannot set a boundary if their life depended on it?
- Do you settle for any little breadcrumb of attention because you are so hungry for love and validation?
"There are times where we do need to be careful who we are being vulnerable and open with and giving our hearts to if we know that they have a pattern of not being able to hold us and meet us, in our in our most vulnerable places."~Krista Resnick
"All of us want to be seen, be heard, be loved. We want to belong." ~Krista Resnick
"As long as we're in relationship with other people, there's going to be disruption, there's always gonna be conflict. That's just how relationships works. This is why learning how to repair is vital." ~Krista Resnick
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