00:00:02.160 --> 00:00:05.580
I like how you said that. If you ever felt like
00:00:05.580 --> 00:00:09.220
your circumstances disqualify you, if you ever
00:00:09.220 --> 00:00:12.199
said, I can't do this because of what I've been
00:00:12.199 --> 00:00:15.880
through, this episode is for you. Because today,
00:00:16.480 --> 00:00:19.539
we are talking about a group of people who don't
00:00:19.539 --> 00:00:23.420
get enough credit, but are quietly modeling one
00:00:23.420 --> 00:00:26.620
of the most powerful leadership roles there can
00:00:26.620 --> 00:00:31.300
be. Parents that have children with disabilities.
00:00:31.850 --> 00:00:34.729
not from a place of sympathy, but from a place
00:00:34.729 --> 00:00:38.189
of strategy. What they've had to build, what
00:00:38.189 --> 00:00:42.609
they've had to navigate, and what they have overcome.
00:00:43.329 --> 00:00:45.789
Most people don't survive it, but they don't
00:00:45.789 --> 00:00:49.490
just survive. They lead, they parent, they show
00:00:49.490 --> 00:00:53.649
up. So the real question is what you can learn
00:00:53.649 --> 00:00:57.009
from that and apply to your life, your business,
00:00:57.049 --> 00:01:00.609
and your next move. I am your host, Edna White,
00:01:00.750 --> 00:01:03.710
and this is Keeping It Real on Purpose, where
00:01:03.710 --> 00:01:06.870
we have real conversations about real life, real
00:01:06.870 --> 00:01:10.569
patterns, and real results. So you can stop staying
00:01:10.569 --> 00:01:14.370
stuck in your story and start by making decisions
00:01:14.370 --> 00:01:18.549
that actually move you in your life. Now today,
00:01:18.689 --> 00:01:23.650
I'm joined by an amazing woman, Amanda Weiss,
00:01:24.069 --> 00:01:28.370
author, coach, publisher, and speaker. Amanda
00:01:28.370 --> 00:01:30.790
works with authors who are ready to stop hiding
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behind their story and actually step into authority
00:01:35.430 --> 00:01:38.609
with it. And today we're taking a different angle
00:01:38.609 --> 00:01:40.950
with her. We're talking about what happens when
00:01:40.950 --> 00:01:45.670
life doesn't give you ideal conditions and still
00:01:45.670 --> 00:01:48.730
have to leave. Amanda, welcome to this show.
00:01:49.310 --> 00:01:51.810
Oh, thank you, Edna. Thank you so much. You're
00:01:51.810 --> 00:01:53.629
welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. So glad
00:01:53.629 --> 00:01:56.189
you're here. Love your color, your hair, because
00:01:56.189 --> 00:02:00.769
it's got that vibe going on. We need vibe. Vibe.
00:02:01.489 --> 00:02:03.909
Yeah. Own your vibe. Own your vibe. That's it.
00:02:03.930 --> 00:02:06.609
I love that. I love it. So Amanda, let's start
00:02:06.609 --> 00:02:10.969
here. When we talk about parents that have children
00:02:10.969 --> 00:02:13.889
with disabilities, most people immediately go
00:02:13.889 --> 00:02:19.849
to limitations. But what do you see that people
00:02:19.849 --> 00:02:24.699
are mostly missing about that? I just, I'd love
00:02:24.699 --> 00:02:27.360
to start with a little irony about that because...
00:02:27.360 --> 00:02:31.379
No irony! Let's go! Because when I was growing
00:02:31.379 --> 00:02:34.560
up my whole life, my mom was a nurse and she
00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:39.500
took me to these places like facilities and institutions
00:02:39.500 --> 00:02:41.860
and things and I would always hide behind her.
00:02:42.080 --> 00:02:44.699
I would always beg not to go in because I couldn't
00:02:44.699 --> 00:02:49.280
not handle seeing someone with a mental disability.
00:02:49.680 --> 00:02:52.379
I couldn't handle it and I never chose to understand
00:02:52.379 --> 00:02:57.539
my whole life. And so in the fall of 2014, I'm
00:02:57.539 --> 00:03:00.240
holding my little guy in my arms, and he's just
00:03:00.240 --> 00:03:02.719
perfect. He's this angel. The doctor comes in
00:03:02.719 --> 00:03:06.379
and says, we think this baby has Down syndrome.
00:03:07.960 --> 00:03:13.460
And I didn't believe the doctor. But I was told
00:03:13.460 --> 00:03:18.139
the signs, and yes, they were confirmed as I
00:03:18.139 --> 00:03:22.360
looked at my child. I really think it was a blessing
00:03:22.360 --> 00:03:24.979
that I didn't know until after I looked into
00:03:24.979 --> 00:03:30.460
his eyes and thought he was just a perfect little
00:03:30.460 --> 00:03:36.919
angel because especially because of my past just
00:03:36.919 --> 00:03:41.080
prejudice and aren't we given sometimes this
00:03:41.080 --> 00:03:43.939
is exactly what we need so I thought in that
00:03:43.939 --> 00:03:46.639
moment you know okay then I'm on a different
00:03:46.639 --> 00:03:49.849
journey I'm on a different journey and I'm going
00:03:49.849 --> 00:03:52.030
to learn. That was the only thing I could think
00:03:52.030 --> 00:03:55.550
and they thought I was gonna say, well then take
00:03:55.550 --> 00:03:58.150
them back. They really thought I was gonna give
00:03:58.150 --> 00:04:03.169
them back. So to address your questions, in that
00:04:03.169 --> 00:04:07.689
moment when I realized he had Down syndrome,
00:04:08.669 --> 00:04:15.270
I just decided to be the best mom to him that
00:04:15.270 --> 00:04:19.040
I could. to prove that anything is possible and
00:04:19.040 --> 00:04:25.819
now he's 11 so watching him go through life charming
00:04:25.819 --> 00:04:31.819
charming every person he sees and breaking down
00:04:31.819 --> 00:04:35.180
the walls that they most most of us have around
00:04:35.180 --> 00:04:37.800
us we have layers and layers around us he just
00:04:37.800 --> 00:04:41.540
gets right to you hi what's your name oh i love
00:04:41.540 --> 00:04:44.540
you and then you get a hug and like instant heart
00:04:44.540 --> 00:04:49.240
melt right so I really am trying to answer your
00:04:49.240 --> 00:04:51.920
question, and I would say that... What are they
00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:54.439
missing? What are parents, you know, in that
00:04:54.439 --> 00:04:56.800
situation? Some of them, what are they missing?
00:04:58.160 --> 00:05:01.600
What are parents missing? Mm -hmm. In situations
00:05:01.600 --> 00:05:04.139
that have a child with disabilities, what are
00:05:04.139 --> 00:05:09.600
they missing? You know, you saw something beautiful,
00:05:09.939 --> 00:05:13.339
so what's the opposite of that? Oh, what's the
00:05:13.339 --> 00:05:16.500
opposite? Well... Limitations. I mean, it's exactly
00:05:16.500 --> 00:05:19.939
what you said. Limitations. So I just, I guess
00:05:19.939 --> 00:05:22.000
I chose to speak to the opposite of that because
00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:24.920
I just was even talking to my boyfriend today
00:05:24.920 --> 00:05:27.680
and I said, he's not going to live with me forever.
00:05:28.139 --> 00:05:33.579
I'm, I am making sure that he has the tools to
00:05:33.579 --> 00:05:38.819
be an amazing young man in society and he's not
00:05:38.819 --> 00:05:41.480
going to need me forever. So that's my goal to,
00:05:41.480 --> 00:05:44.509
to get him on that track. And let me tell you,
00:05:44.529 --> 00:05:48.490
you're doing something more than parents who
00:05:48.490 --> 00:05:52.170
have so -called normal children. They don't prepare
00:05:52.170 --> 00:05:54.889
them. And I always say this, I say this to a
00:05:54.889 --> 00:05:57.930
lot of my clients and they, you know, they come
00:05:57.930 --> 00:05:59.670
when they talk about their children or whatever.
00:05:59.870 --> 00:06:02.410
And I said, but are you preparing him for when
00:06:02.410 --> 00:06:05.569
you're not here or her for when you're not here?
00:06:05.850 --> 00:06:08.670
You know, and they're older, you know, and I'm
00:06:08.670 --> 00:06:10.990
like, and they don't think about that. They're
00:06:10.990 --> 00:06:13.360
in the moment. I said, yeah, there's great times
00:06:13.360 --> 00:06:15.819
to be in a moment, but like there's also times
00:06:15.819 --> 00:06:18.300
to kind of think about the future, you know?
00:06:19.439 --> 00:06:21.240
So you're doing something great. Yeah, you're
00:06:21.240 --> 00:06:24.500
doing something great. Oh, thank you. It's necessary.
00:06:24.680 --> 00:06:26.560
I mean, just cooking, you know, like cooking.
00:06:26.680 --> 00:06:28.779
When is he going to be ready to really learn
00:06:28.779 --> 00:06:31.720
the little oven? You know, we've started with
00:06:31.720 --> 00:06:36.300
the microwave and just so he can feel a little
00:06:36.300 --> 00:06:38.060
more independent, because that's the goal. And
00:06:38.060 --> 00:06:41.470
he wants that, which is... Because I think he
00:06:41.470 --> 00:06:44.610
can feel that when I don't look at him like,
00:06:44.790 --> 00:06:47.910
oh, you can't do that. I look at him like, oh,
00:06:47.910 --> 00:06:50.449
you want to do that? Let's figure out how, you
00:06:50.449 --> 00:06:54.209
know? And that's, I mean, everyone would love
00:06:54.209 --> 00:06:56.569
that for their dreams, right? We all have dreams.
00:06:57.269 --> 00:06:59.589
And for someone to say, let's figure out how
00:06:59.589 --> 00:07:04.649
is like, what a blessing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It
00:07:04.649 --> 00:07:07.230
sounds like when you looked into his eyes, you
00:07:07.230 --> 00:07:10.540
didn't have to say, am I ready? How do I adapt?
00:07:11.100 --> 00:07:14.319
You know, um, how do I lead? And this is discomfort,
00:07:14.759 --> 00:07:16.980
you know, uncomfortable. How do I do any of this?
00:07:17.120 --> 00:07:19.259
You just, it just, it was a decision that was
00:07:19.259 --> 00:07:22.079
just kind of made through a lens of love with
00:07:22.079 --> 00:07:25.740
no conditions whatsoever. And it just happened.
00:07:25.879 --> 00:07:29.300
And that's a beautiful thing. What would you
00:07:29.300 --> 00:07:31.740
say that builds a different kind of resilience
00:07:31.740 --> 00:07:37.319
or built it for you? Ooh, well, luckily. Before
00:07:37.319 --> 00:07:39.819
I was a mom of a child with special needs, I
00:07:39.819 --> 00:07:44.040
was a bartender, which required me to get a lot
00:07:44.040 --> 00:07:46.620
of patience. I was also a preschool teacher,
00:07:47.160 --> 00:07:49.759
which prepared me with a lot of patience, like
00:07:49.759 --> 00:07:51.860
beyond. And it was like every next thing I did,
00:07:51.959 --> 00:07:54.439
it was always more patience. And then I had him.
00:07:55.000 --> 00:07:58.100
And not only was he going to be different and
00:07:58.100 --> 00:08:03.660
develop at a different rate, he was kind of an
00:08:03.660 --> 00:08:07.189
emergency. And we spent his first year in and
00:08:07.189 --> 00:08:10.129
out of the ER. He had open heart surgery at four
00:08:10.129 --> 00:08:13.709
months old. Four months old. And he made it out
00:08:13.709 --> 00:08:21.990
like a champion. Wow. So just to, yeah, just
00:08:21.990 --> 00:08:25.410
to kind of think about those things and... He
00:08:25.410 --> 00:08:27.689
taught you resilience. He kind of taught you
00:08:27.689 --> 00:08:30.009
resilience. Yes. To never give up and advocacy
00:08:30.009 --> 00:08:33.429
because we would go to the hospital and... he'd
00:08:33.429 --> 00:08:35.649
have another infection and we didn't figure out
00:08:35.649 --> 00:08:37.889
why and I would say well what did the culture
00:08:37.889 --> 00:08:40.470
show what did his urine culture show and they'd
00:08:40.470 --> 00:08:43.750
say well we didn't we didn't culture it and I
00:08:43.750 --> 00:08:46.570
was like oh you mean I have to tell you what
00:08:46.570 --> 00:08:50.169
we need so we can get the answers and so I I
00:08:50.169 --> 00:08:52.990
learned so much in that first year about all
00:08:52.990 --> 00:08:56.169
the things that I assumed people would do for
00:08:56.169 --> 00:08:59.559
others And I had to double check and make sure
00:08:59.559 --> 00:09:01.700
they were all done because I had to keep my son
00:09:01.700 --> 00:09:07.419
alive. That was my first and foremost goal. I
00:09:07.419 --> 00:09:09.100
wanted to keep him alive. I knew he was here
00:09:09.100 --> 00:09:12.580
for a beautiful reason. So yeah, just the resilience.
00:09:13.980 --> 00:09:17.320
And every time you get knocked down, I watch
00:09:17.320 --> 00:09:20.100
him. He made it through heart surgery. So here's
00:09:20.100 --> 00:09:24.519
the thing. He mirrors. me he mirrors who I want
00:09:24.519 --> 00:09:27.379
to be and he mirrors who I am being in the moment
00:09:27.379 --> 00:09:31.700
so when I see him get through the hardest things
00:09:31.700 --> 00:09:35.460
and he's laughing all the sudden I'm just like
00:09:35.460 --> 00:09:39.500
wow how do we take life so seriously right that
00:09:39.500 --> 00:09:42.399
that's beautiful yeah just had surgery and now
00:09:42.399 --> 00:09:51.659
he's he's like ready to play now I love how you,
00:09:51.759 --> 00:09:53.559
because the next question I was going to ask
00:09:53.559 --> 00:09:56.399
you about identity, and this is so cool that
00:09:56.399 --> 00:09:59.720
you just like merged into it. Some parents do
00:09:59.720 --> 00:10:02.820
tie themselves to the identity of the child,
00:10:03.279 --> 00:10:05.840
right? You know, everything's into the child.
00:10:06.379 --> 00:10:08.820
As the so -called normal kids, we're, you know,
00:10:08.860 --> 00:10:11.279
running behind our kids, we're going, you know,
00:10:11.539 --> 00:10:14.519
basketball, and then we have hands off. We're
00:10:14.519 --> 00:10:17.600
like, now what do we do? But you put it that
00:10:17.600 --> 00:10:22.019
he tied his identity or his growth into what
00:10:22.019 --> 00:10:24.580
you're doing. So that's a very different reflection.
00:10:25.379 --> 00:10:29.500
It's very different. And that's beautiful because
00:10:29.500 --> 00:10:32.820
I think that's what you want. Now you have to
00:10:32.820 --> 00:10:37.659
be on top of your game. Oh yeah. You have to
00:10:37.659 --> 00:10:41.960
be on top of your game with that. Yeah, absolutely.
00:10:42.259 --> 00:10:45.500
And I just let him lead sometimes because he'll
00:10:45.500 --> 00:10:50.820
get the most interesting fascinations and in
00:10:50.820 --> 00:10:54.240
categories of life like world geography, animals
00:10:54.240 --> 00:10:57.379
and their habitats, musical instruments from
00:10:57.379 --> 00:10:59.879
around the world like he loves things around
00:10:59.879 --> 00:11:01.919
the world so whenever he latches onto something
00:11:01.919 --> 00:11:04.320
and he wants more and more I'll get flashcards
00:11:04.320 --> 00:11:08.240
and I'll get him like the map of the world with
00:11:08.240 --> 00:11:10.779
all the flags I did at one point when he knew
00:11:10.779 --> 00:11:13.759
all the flags of every country in the world.
00:11:15.839 --> 00:11:18.840
And because he loved it so much, but I feel like
00:11:18.840 --> 00:11:21.299
why don't we nurture what our kids are showing
00:11:21.299 --> 00:11:24.620
us that they love? Who knows? Maybe he's meant
00:11:24.620 --> 00:11:28.700
to be a world traveler, you know? Who knows?
00:11:28.700 --> 00:11:31.340
You never know. You never know. And that's one
00:11:31.340 --> 00:11:33.340
thing I think any parent can learn really is
00:11:33.340 --> 00:11:36.200
just nurture what they do love. Because especially
00:11:36.200 --> 00:11:37.960
if your kid has special needs, it's going to
00:11:37.960 --> 00:11:43.340
be so much harder to smush them into a box. So
00:11:43.340 --> 00:11:46.960
let them... And they're going to anyway. They're
00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:50.259
going to create, they have no limitations. So,
00:11:50.320 --> 00:11:53.899
you know, they're defining themselves first to
00:11:53.899 --> 00:11:55.820
mirror you and then see what you're doing and
00:11:55.820 --> 00:11:59.620
then expand on that. Because I have, you know,
00:11:59.620 --> 00:12:02.759
I have a disabled sister and she would watch,
00:12:03.759 --> 00:12:06.179
figure out what you were doing. Like, so if,
00:12:06.179 --> 00:12:08.200
like I said, we closed our drawer and there was
00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:10.000
something in there, she wouldn't even move and
00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:12.379
she'd just watch it. And she'd get up and...
00:12:12.320 --> 00:12:14.759
she would know the combination she would feel
00:12:14.759 --> 00:12:18.000
and open it and get the candy out whatever it
00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:20.279
was she wanted that she knew that was in there
00:12:20.279 --> 00:12:23.860
but they expand there's no limitations you know
00:12:23.860 --> 00:12:26.179
there is no limitations and the beautiful thing
00:12:26.179 --> 00:12:30.039
that i hear your your son doing is their imagination
00:12:30.039 --> 00:12:36.120
is even wilder than ours it's just off the off
00:12:36.120 --> 00:12:39.299
the scales there's no limitations absolutely
00:12:39.299 --> 00:12:43.059
and that's why i think it's my job to keep promoting
00:12:43.059 --> 00:12:45.399
that you know what does he want to learn i want
00:12:45.399 --> 00:12:46.919
him to learn it and learn it and learn it until
00:12:46.919 --> 00:12:48.539
he's like okay i'm done with this i found this
00:12:48.539 --> 00:12:51.200
new thing and just especially even with going
00:12:51.200 --> 00:12:55.179
out and seeing people i know that if we're going
00:12:55.179 --> 00:12:57.720
to a hospital waiting room he's going to meet
00:12:57.720 --> 00:13:00.299
everyone in the waiting room if we go to a restaurant
00:13:00.299 --> 00:13:02.799
he's going to meet everyone in the restaurant
00:13:02.799 --> 00:13:08.169
and why while it's inconvenient for me I never
00:13:08.169 --> 00:13:10.330
want to take that out of him. That's like one
00:13:10.330 --> 00:13:13.769
of his best gifts. And that's something a way
00:13:13.769 --> 00:13:17.889
I've really learned to adapt, to let him be who
00:13:17.889 --> 00:13:20.690
he is. Because I feel like we learn so much about
00:13:20.690 --> 00:13:23.549
how we should teach our kids and all this stuff.
00:13:24.090 --> 00:13:27.009
But really if we take a step back and watch how
00:13:27.009 --> 00:13:29.970
they navigate the world, we can learn how to
00:13:29.970 --> 00:13:35.690
assist and guide them on their own wavelength.
00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:38.980
and then we can learn more about ourselves. Absolutely.
00:13:39.659 --> 00:13:42.779
So what I hear from you is the beauty of the
00:13:42.779 --> 00:13:47.240
Capability Over Limitations audience that's beautiful
00:13:47.240 --> 00:13:51.639
is like the capabilities over limitations and
00:13:51.639 --> 00:13:54.720
then resourcefulness is he's telling you okay
00:13:54.720 --> 00:13:57.279
that's enough of that I've got all of that it's
00:13:57.279 --> 00:14:00.860
like he's absorbing got all that next. That's
00:14:00.860 --> 00:14:04.220
giving us so much information that, okay, what's
00:14:04.220 --> 00:14:05.940
wrong with us picking up a freaking book and
00:14:05.940 --> 00:14:09.860
we can read? You know, something just that simple.
00:14:10.179 --> 00:14:13.299
Oh, I don't have time to read. And he's finding
00:14:13.299 --> 00:14:17.100
time to learn, you know, without a restriction.
00:14:17.340 --> 00:14:19.559
And you're giving him that no restriction, which
00:14:19.559 --> 00:14:24.620
is beautiful. I try my best. I try. Yeah, yeah.
00:14:25.100 --> 00:14:27.539
But you're breaking, you're breaking that. You're
00:14:27.539 --> 00:14:31.659
breaking down that wall that And it's a stereotype.
00:14:31.679 --> 00:14:34.779
And if you don't even recognize it, it's a pattern
00:14:34.779 --> 00:14:37.460
that we've learned that, you know, because for
00:14:37.460 --> 00:14:39.879
my mother, my mother's choice was to put my sister
00:14:39.879 --> 00:14:44.360
in a home because she can't control her. But,
00:14:44.360 --> 00:14:48.620
you know, that's a stereotype that we've gotten
00:14:48.620 --> 00:14:53.759
throughout the years. But you are a pattern breaker
00:14:53.759 --> 00:14:56.779
of sorts that, okay, this is not going to happen
00:14:56.779 --> 00:14:59.600
no more. This is your generational curse breaker.
00:15:00.669 --> 00:15:03.610
my child is gonna grow up different. Every time
00:15:03.610 --> 00:15:06.470
you take on, you know, and just like you did,
00:15:06.509 --> 00:15:08.210
like it was beautiful what you said when I looked
00:15:08.210 --> 00:15:12.330
in his eyes. All of that happened. And another
00:15:12.330 --> 00:15:15.509
lesson audience, connectedness. That's one thing
00:15:15.509 --> 00:15:18.149
we're losing in this world. That - Absolutely.
00:15:18.889 --> 00:15:21.590
Yeah, you know, that your son is, Amanda, that
00:15:21.590 --> 00:15:25.070
your son is teaching us connectedness. You know,
00:15:25.490 --> 00:15:28.440
saying hello to people. you know I know I say
00:15:28.440 --> 00:15:30.340
hello to somebody look me in the eye and I said
00:15:30.340 --> 00:15:34.899
hello you know and they're shocked like someone's
00:15:34.899 --> 00:15:37.019
saying hello like they're connected you know
00:15:37.019 --> 00:15:39.759
they're not like like this they connect with
00:15:39.759 --> 00:15:43.419
someone but connectedness is so very important
00:15:43.419 --> 00:15:48.779
as a human to have I love that for your son absolutely
00:15:48.779 --> 00:15:51.980
and I will never take that out of him because
00:15:51.980 --> 00:15:55.549
he has shown me the value of it He has shown
00:15:55.549 --> 00:15:57.690
me, I was like, man, I wish I could do that.
00:15:57.690 --> 00:16:01.350
And then I thought, why don't I learn? So I myself
00:16:01.350 --> 00:16:03.330
have been learning how to see the light in everyone.
00:16:03.750 --> 00:16:09.750
And it is amazing. Wow, it's beautiful. It's
00:16:09.750 --> 00:16:12.789
just amazing to see a stranger and look at them
00:16:12.789 --> 00:16:16.409
and smile and say hi. Like you just said, they're
00:16:16.409 --> 00:16:21.009
taking it back. But when you when you when someone
00:16:21.009 --> 00:16:23.809
glances up at you and they see you're already
00:16:23.809 --> 00:16:28.769
smiling, and you say hello, that makes them feel
00:16:28.769 --> 00:16:32.309
like they're doing something right. And it brings
00:16:32.309 --> 00:16:35.929
a glow out of them that wasn't there before your
00:16:35.929 --> 00:16:38.470
interaction. This is what I've noticed. I'm not
00:16:38.470 --> 00:16:40.850
collecting hard data on this, but every time
00:16:40.850 --> 00:16:42.950
I'm already smiling, I look them in the eye and
00:16:42.950 --> 00:16:49.230
say hi. They light up and I swear I can see the
00:16:49.230 --> 00:16:53.549
version of them that they came to this earth
00:16:53.549 --> 00:16:57.169
to be. And then when I can see that in them and
00:16:57.169 --> 00:17:01.850
reflect it back, it's just like, that's how I'm
00:17:01.850 --> 00:17:06.130
here to help change the world. Yeah. You're teaching
00:17:06.130 --> 00:17:09.109
leadership though. You're teaching leadership
00:17:09.109 --> 00:17:13.069
because leadership is not only just at work,
00:17:13.250 --> 00:17:17.509
it's at your home, you know, and it's a very
00:17:17.509 --> 00:17:22.980
serious, you know, Principle. Leadership is like
00:17:22.980 --> 00:17:29.200
leading someone to be better even than you. Think
00:17:29.200 --> 00:17:32.500
about that. Leading someone to be even better
00:17:32.500 --> 00:17:36.220
than you. How many people can you say that you
00:17:36.220 --> 00:17:41.720
know that do that? I'll wait. There's a few.
00:17:41.880 --> 00:17:45.960
There's a few. There's a few, right. But no one
00:17:45.960 --> 00:17:49.099
leads that way. You're doing something. that
00:17:49.099 --> 00:17:52.539
all of us should be doing is lead, you know,
00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:55.240
not by example, but because leading by example
00:17:55.240 --> 00:17:59.420
is doing something, but you're feeling it, right?
00:18:00.259 --> 00:18:03.240
You're replicating it, you're mirroring it. You
00:18:03.240 --> 00:18:06.859
are the embodiment of leadership because you
00:18:06.859 --> 00:18:10.759
not only allow that person to be more than you,
00:18:11.000 --> 00:18:13.200
maybe you don't even know how to like... I don't
00:18:13.200 --> 00:18:15.700
know, I know I have algebra around math and I
00:18:15.700 --> 00:18:17.940
have grandkids. So when they talked to me about
00:18:17.940 --> 00:18:20.740
it, I was like, okay, let's get the calculator.
00:18:20.779 --> 00:18:22.619
You can teach me how to use the calculator again
00:18:22.619 --> 00:18:25.680
or something like that. But it's a tool. It's
00:18:25.680 --> 00:18:29.460
a tool. But you're giving them, giving him more
00:18:29.460 --> 00:18:33.440
to expand his abilities. And that's what leadership
00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:35.980
is. You give them more than you even know. Like,
00:18:36.059 --> 00:18:39.000
so for me, I would say to my grandsons having
00:18:39.000 --> 00:18:42.240
trouble, I say, okay, I know somebody who's excellent.
00:18:42.359 --> 00:18:44.880
at math and who's like the professor of math
00:18:44.880 --> 00:18:48.220
let me go to him you know you're making them
00:18:48.220 --> 00:18:50.740
you're actually helping them to be better than
00:18:50.740 --> 00:18:54.220
you and that's leadership that's wholesome leadership
00:18:54.220 --> 00:18:59.039
i love that wow thank you so do you ever set
00:18:59.039 --> 00:19:02.700
boundaries with him though oh my gosh if i don't
00:19:02.700 --> 00:19:07.859
he would just run amok yeah and and too but it's
00:19:07.859 --> 00:19:10.279
mostly for safety we have the three key words
00:19:10.509 --> 00:19:16.150
helpful, healthy, and safe. Okay. And those are
00:19:16.150 --> 00:19:18.670
our strictest rules. Anything that has to do
00:19:18.670 --> 00:19:22.170
with those, like you look before you cross the
00:19:22.170 --> 00:19:26.369
street. That is safe. Don't, you know, watch
00:19:26.369 --> 00:19:29.450
your hands. If you're upset, take a deep breath,
00:19:29.470 --> 00:19:32.150
you know, like let's breathe together. Don't
00:19:32.150 --> 00:19:35.329
just throw what's in your hand. That's not safe.
00:19:35.789 --> 00:19:37.789
And how do we help each other and be healthy?
00:19:37.829 --> 00:19:41.670
Like please brush your teeth. come on kids brush
00:19:41.670 --> 00:19:44.630
your teeth at night it's healthy and so those
00:19:44.630 --> 00:19:47.109
are the biggest boundaries that i have with him
00:19:47.109 --> 00:19:51.589
i mean those and they're consistently reinforced
00:19:51.589 --> 00:19:54.009
so that he understands that i'm serious because
00:19:54.009 --> 00:19:57.450
there's things like he wants one more song he
00:19:57.450 --> 00:20:00.460
loves music So mom just one more song. I'm reading
00:20:00.460 --> 00:20:03.859
that was the last song. Oh please mom just one
00:20:03.859 --> 00:20:07.880
more bonus. And then I you know I look at my
00:20:07.880 --> 00:20:10.960
watch and I say okay I guess we have time for
00:20:10.960 --> 00:20:12.779
one more song like he knows he can push that
00:20:12.779 --> 00:20:17.559
boundary but that's not that's not unsafe that's
00:20:17.559 --> 00:20:20.019
not unhelpful although sometimes if we're in
00:20:20.019 --> 00:20:22.859
a time crunch it is but then I make sure that
00:20:22.859 --> 00:20:26.109
song helps us move to the to the car or whatever
00:20:26.109 --> 00:20:29.309
exactly that's very ingenuitive too that's smart
00:20:29.309 --> 00:20:32.390
so i guess you're wondering amanda why i'm answering
00:20:32.390 --> 00:20:34.329
all these questions because i believe everything
00:20:34.329 --> 00:20:37.769
every experience teaches us something in every
00:20:37.769 --> 00:20:40.750
part of our lives and i'm going to start now
00:20:40.750 --> 00:20:43.369
talking to you about bringing what you learned
00:20:43.369 --> 00:20:46.390
about your son and how you navigate with your
00:20:46.390 --> 00:20:50.430
son into your coaching and and and how you you
00:20:50.430 --> 00:20:54.619
utilize that and what you do Oh yeah, absolutely.
00:20:55.059 --> 00:20:57.579
So I remember one day I woke up and I realized
00:20:57.579 --> 00:21:00.400
Grayden and I are gonna tour the world speaking
00:21:00.400 --> 00:21:03.519
about love and connection. I just feel that's
00:21:03.519 --> 00:21:06.380
what we need to do. So I signed up, if I may
00:21:06.380 --> 00:21:09.019
name drop, I signed up with Lisa Nichols and
00:21:09.019 --> 00:21:11.720
her speaking program. And I've been on her campus
00:21:11.720 --> 00:21:13.819
for a couple of years and she is one of those
00:21:13.819 --> 00:21:18.380
great leaders by the way. And I've been able
00:21:18.380 --> 00:21:21.339
to turn my story through her techniques to turn
00:21:21.339 --> 00:21:27.140
my stories. into such powerful messages and learning
00:21:27.140 --> 00:21:30.440
how to do that with speaking, we can also do
00:21:30.440 --> 00:21:32.480
that with writing, which is something I already
00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:36.880
knew. But when I wrote my memoir, Digging for
00:21:36.880 --> 00:21:40.480
Light, a memoir to inspire humanity about my
00:21:40.480 --> 00:21:44.759
son and raising him, it was how do I take all
00:21:44.759 --> 00:21:49.500
that I learned and show people my darkest moments?
00:21:49.710 --> 00:21:52.769
But bring them out and show them that they can
00:21:52.769 --> 00:21:55.230
make it through too. And now that's what I do
00:21:55.230 --> 00:21:58.829
with my authors. I love, I love, love, love coaching
00:21:58.829 --> 00:22:02.809
them through breakthroughs. I'm almost on my,
00:22:02.990 --> 00:22:05.809
I'm almost finished my neuro transformational
00:22:05.809 --> 00:22:09.289
certification because I love to help people change
00:22:09.289 --> 00:22:12.869
their own limiting beliefs and their behaviors
00:22:12.869 --> 00:22:14.950
that aren't serving them, which really helps
00:22:14.950 --> 00:22:17.410
me with my child too, by the way. But yeah, to
00:22:17.410 --> 00:22:20.589
help coach. the author to get their story out
00:22:20.589 --> 00:22:23.230
and not be afraid of it and know that can empower
00:22:23.230 --> 00:22:27.829
somebody else is so, like, I feel like I'm really
00:22:27.829 --> 00:22:31.470
aligned with my purpose in doing this work. Right.
00:22:32.230 --> 00:22:36.369
That's good. Thanks. So, you know, what you do
00:22:36.369 --> 00:22:39.730
with your coaches is very, I mean, with your
00:22:39.730 --> 00:22:43.250
coaches, you do book with your authors, is the
00:22:43.250 --> 00:22:45.829
very thing sometimes people need to kind of get
00:22:45.829 --> 00:22:48.119
your stories out. and I'm thinking about your
00:22:48.119 --> 00:22:55.900
son and how you coax his um his his well what
00:22:55.900 --> 00:22:58.579
he can do like so you coax it so you more or
00:22:58.579 --> 00:23:01.180
less like okay I see he has an interest in maybe
00:23:01.180 --> 00:23:04.619
let's say like water oh let me get some water
00:23:04.619 --> 00:23:11.410
cards so take us through a person who's an author
00:23:11.410 --> 00:23:13.349
and they have this story, take us through how
00:23:13.349 --> 00:23:16.130
you walk them through to get to their story so
00:23:16.130 --> 00:23:20.549
they can begin to write. Oh, beautiful. So I've
00:23:20.549 --> 00:23:22.670
created this is my favorite way to do this. I've
00:23:22.670 --> 00:23:25.109
created a video course. It's a writing coaching
00:23:25.109 --> 00:23:27.769
course. So people can watch bite sized videos
00:23:27.769 --> 00:23:31.730
on their own time to start from the very beginning.
00:23:31.849 --> 00:23:34.410
A lot of people come to me with their story already
00:23:34.410 --> 00:23:38.109
written or half written. And I just and it's
00:23:38.109 --> 00:23:41.559
I'll read it and think I really wish people would
00:23:41.559 --> 00:23:47.019
find me right away because they learn how to
00:23:47.019 --> 00:23:49.400
really get into the depths of themselves really
00:23:49.400 --> 00:23:53.779
how to set up their framework of their book so
00:23:53.779 --> 00:23:55.599
that it's going to make sense to their reader
00:23:55.599 --> 00:23:59.000
they learn that their story is for their reader
00:23:59.000 --> 00:24:02.700
and they learn easier ways to write their book
00:24:02.700 --> 00:24:05.380
because not all authors are writers most of them
00:24:05.380 --> 00:24:08.319
are not how can you help get your story out without
00:24:08.480 --> 00:24:13.079
the dreaded blank screen effect you know that's
00:24:13.079 --> 00:24:15.259
that's one thing I really love to help people
00:24:15.259 --> 00:24:20.380
through and so we coach um live three times a
00:24:20.380 --> 00:24:23.319
month in the group in the community we have people
00:24:23.319 --> 00:24:25.619
cheering each other on when you finish a chapter
00:24:25.619 --> 00:24:28.799
you put it in the community so we can celebrate
00:24:28.799 --> 00:24:33.259
you you post your woes you get feedback and it's
00:24:33.259 --> 00:24:37.250
just I love the community combined with the live
00:24:37.250 --> 00:24:40.410
coaching and the videos that they can just go
00:24:40.410 --> 00:24:42.569
back to i mean they're all like 10 minutes or
00:24:42.569 --> 00:24:45.230
less some are four minutes and you learn how
00:24:45.230 --> 00:24:47.210
to get through writer's block well how many times
00:24:47.210 --> 00:24:50.049
you need to re watch that video many times as
00:24:50.049 --> 00:24:54.730
you need but i also love to show authors because
00:24:54.730 --> 00:24:57.690
ai is such a big thing i really love to have
00:24:57.690 --> 00:25:00.970
them get in touch with their spirit and write
00:25:00.970 --> 00:25:05.470
with what i call di divine intelligence. Yes.
00:25:05.470 --> 00:25:07.769
Because that's how I've been writing my books.
00:25:08.049 --> 00:25:13.029
Me too. Yes, girl. And it's so fast. Me too.
00:25:13.369 --> 00:25:17.349
If you can stop judging the words that come out
00:25:17.349 --> 00:25:21.170
and allow them. And just let them go. They come
00:25:21.170 --> 00:25:22.849
right out. The book writes itself. Your fingers
00:25:22.849 --> 00:25:25.269
just have to keep up. Yeah. I've written books
00:25:25.269 --> 00:25:27.289
like that and then I'll go back and be like,
00:25:27.549 --> 00:25:31.519
how did I, who wrote this? I know, I get to the
00:25:31.519 --> 00:25:34.900
end of a chapter. I'm like, wow. When I feel
00:25:34.900 --> 00:25:38.420
it coming on, I go through the book. I literally,
00:25:38.619 --> 00:25:41.359
by nightfall, it's done. No stopping. It just
00:25:41.359 --> 00:25:44.500
pours out, and it just doesn't stop. And now
00:25:44.500 --> 00:25:48.099
I get in the habit of just speaking it into a
00:25:48.099 --> 00:25:52.039
writer. So I'll just speak it, and whatever comes
00:25:52.039 --> 00:25:54.640
out, I'll edit it later. And I speak it right
00:25:54.640 --> 00:25:56.519
out, and it just all just floods out. That's
00:25:56.519 --> 00:26:00.839
how my last book, I got done first. and I just
00:26:00.839 --> 00:26:04.500
published it February 10th, and I just came out,
00:26:04.519 --> 00:26:06.500
just came out, just came out, and I was like,
00:26:06.599 --> 00:26:10.440
done, how great is that? And then I read some
00:26:10.440 --> 00:26:14.180
of it when I go, because I do classes on it.
00:26:14.500 --> 00:26:18.880
So I go out and I'll teach, wow, this is good.
00:26:19.619 --> 00:26:21.960
And everybody cracks up laughing, but they don't
00:26:21.960 --> 00:26:24.380
know I wrote it in the spirit, like literally.
00:26:24.920 --> 00:26:28.240
in the spirit like literally it was not my doing
00:26:28.240 --> 00:26:32.140
it was not my doing it was literally I was following
00:26:32.140 --> 00:26:35.420
aligned with what was coming out of me so yeah
00:26:35.420 --> 00:26:38.200
I know how that is. Absolutely and it's just
00:26:38.200 --> 00:26:40.799
it feels so magical it feels so good and it feels
00:26:40.799 --> 00:26:43.460
like you're writing the right thing. Oh absolutely
00:26:43.460 --> 00:26:46.740
yeah people ask me do you ever have writer's
00:26:46.740 --> 00:26:51.759
blockers enough? They say why? Because I wait
00:26:51.759 --> 00:26:57.319
I wait until I feel it and it says, okay, it's
00:26:57.319 --> 00:27:00.859
time. And that's, I listened, I did it 31 times.
00:27:01.859 --> 00:27:05.740
So I think, and it just comes out and it's done.
00:27:05.920 --> 00:27:08.359
And the way before all of this AI came out, it
00:27:08.359 --> 00:27:11.440
was just done. You know, I was using a word processor.
00:27:11.720 --> 00:27:17.400
Remember those? Remember those? Yeah, I had one
00:27:17.400 --> 00:27:20.200
of those. So it's just, it just, you know, it
00:27:20.200 --> 00:27:23.240
flows when you are on a line, like you said.
00:27:23.500 --> 00:27:26.380
and you're aligned and I love how you work with
00:27:26.380 --> 00:27:30.319
your following, your community of authors. Great
00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:33.220
thing, great thing. So now is the part that I
00:27:33.220 --> 00:27:35.799
like to take a lot what you said and apply it
00:27:35.799 --> 00:27:38.019
to business and life because we are talking about
00:27:38.019 --> 00:27:41.200
authors because you're helping them make a business.
00:27:41.559 --> 00:27:43.660
Because authorship is a business, ladies and
00:27:43.660 --> 00:27:48.420
gentlemen out there. Just want you to know it's
00:27:48.420 --> 00:27:52.880
business. I want to bring this into a real life
00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:56.200
application. For people who are watching who
00:27:56.200 --> 00:27:59.880
feel like I don't have enough, I'm behind, my
00:27:59.880 --> 00:28:02.460
situation is too much. What's the shift they
00:28:02.460 --> 00:28:04.740
need to make, especially for those authors out
00:28:04.740 --> 00:28:06.819
there? What's the shift they need to make today
00:28:06.819 --> 00:28:09.779
to change all that around and start to write
00:28:09.779 --> 00:28:13.920
or just put out something? Two things I would
00:28:13.920 --> 00:28:18.440
say. One of them is to join a community of people
00:28:18.440 --> 00:28:22.819
who do this. I created a community with professionals,
00:28:23.319 --> 00:28:26.839
aspiring authors, completed authors, people who
00:28:26.839 --> 00:28:28.859
are just afraid maybe they could write their
00:28:28.859 --> 00:28:31.059
book. Get them all together and they can teach
00:28:31.059 --> 00:28:33.619
each other so much. And the next thing I would
00:28:33.619 --> 00:28:38.980
say is imagine what it's like to be an author.
00:28:39.940 --> 00:28:42.259
Holding your book in your hand, looking at your
00:28:42.259 --> 00:28:46.779
name on the cover. Thinking about, I mean, I
00:28:46.779 --> 00:28:49.740
have an author visualization that I love to take
00:28:49.740 --> 00:28:52.559
people through so they can feel themselves up
00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:55.619
on the stage in an interview talking about how
00:28:55.619 --> 00:28:58.039
they moved people, how people are now coming
00:28:58.039 --> 00:29:02.220
up to them and saying, your book, it moved me.
00:29:02.240 --> 00:29:04.619
I don't feel alone. Thank you for understanding
00:29:04.619 --> 00:29:11.200
how I feel. And that is so powerful. And we can
00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:14.859
realize. our potential as an author and who we
00:29:14.859 --> 00:29:18.000
can help and then I just like to have people
00:29:18.000 --> 00:29:21.900
say now have your current self thank or have
00:29:21.900 --> 00:29:24.880
your author self thank your current self for
00:29:24.880 --> 00:29:28.319
going ahead and starting that for joining a community
00:29:28.319 --> 00:29:31.400
for pulling out all your journals or even starting
00:29:31.400 --> 00:29:33.779
journaling you know how are you gonna get your
00:29:33.779 --> 00:29:36.880
ideas out don't hold them captive let them come
00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:40.599
out and then Put it together however you need,
00:29:40.799 --> 00:29:45.099
but letting that out is the biggest step in a
00:29:45.099 --> 00:29:48.140
safe environment. Awesome. That's really good.
00:29:48.619 --> 00:29:51.880
So here goes the lightning round for you. What's
00:29:51.880 --> 00:29:59.779
one word that describes strength? Belief. What's
00:29:59.779 --> 00:30:04.940
one mindset shift people need right now? Alignment.
00:30:06.279 --> 00:30:09.329
What's one thing... Parents that have children
00:30:09.329 --> 00:30:13.789
with disabilities do better than most. Patience.
00:30:15.849 --> 00:30:19.210
That is beautiful. Audience, you heard this right
00:30:19.210 --> 00:30:26.289
from the wise herself. Amanda, it was such a
00:30:26.289 --> 00:30:27.890
pleasure to have you on. Oh, such a pleasure.
00:30:28.349 --> 00:30:30.589
And, you know, wrapping up what you just brought
00:30:30.589 --> 00:30:33.930
to us, to bring things home for the audience,
00:30:34.329 --> 00:30:36.890
what you talked about with strength is not...
00:30:36.730 --> 00:30:41.930
being perfect condition just just being there.
00:30:41.970 --> 00:30:44.390
I love that all that you bought and I want you
00:30:44.390 --> 00:30:46.789
to tell your your son he's a star and we don't
00:30:46.789 --> 00:30:48.829
even know his name but that's okay he's a star.
00:30:49.349 --> 00:30:53.109
He is a star. He knows he's a star. Yes and because
00:30:53.109 --> 00:30:57.509
of your leadership leadership is a decision not
00:30:57.509 --> 00:31:00.369
a title and you're showing it every day through
00:31:00.369 --> 00:31:03.660
your son. Strength is not built in the perfect
00:31:03.660 --> 00:31:07.740
conditions. It's identity is shaped by patterns,
00:31:07.980 --> 00:31:10.779
not by circumstances. And you're a great pattern
00:31:10.779 --> 00:31:13.579
for your son and how you bring that in for the
00:31:13.579 --> 00:31:16.839
authors with that resilience that comes with
00:31:16.839 --> 00:31:20.400
action, not intention. So I love that what you're
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:23.000
doing. And I just want to thank you for sharing
00:31:23.000 --> 00:31:26.240
that today. This is going to be probably the
00:31:26.240 --> 00:31:31.190
first story about You're the first one for parents.
00:31:32.369 --> 00:31:35.750
We want to have you back because we know you
00:31:35.750 --> 00:31:40.009
do something more than that. Oh yeah, but it's
00:31:40.009 --> 00:31:42.089
my number one thing and everything stems from
00:31:42.089 --> 00:31:45.009
it. And every lesson comes out of that and we
00:31:45.009 --> 00:31:49.670
just want to thank you. It's so fulfilling. And
00:31:49.670 --> 00:31:52.369
guys, you've heard the story. Now let's stop
00:31:52.369 --> 00:31:54.369
talking about it and let's do something about
00:31:54.369 --> 00:31:57.319
it. And we thank you for being here today. I'm
00:31:57.319 --> 00:31:59.660
Edna White, your host of Keeping It Real, and
00:31:59.660 --> 00:32:01.859
my esteemed guests are going to say goodbye for
00:32:01.859 --> 00:32:03.660
now. Thank you.