00:00:00
Speaker 1: Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of My Heart Radio and The Black Effect. Hey, hey, everybody, welcome to another episode of Checking In. Um, this is going to be a fun one. As I went on my social media pages, my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, and I asked you guys to ask me a question. Now on Twitter, I don't know if I was specific. I just did asked me the question and it would be featured. And I didn't I didn't say just to keep it, you know, um relative to questions about life and mental health or grievy losses. So the questions from Twitter are quite interesting. The questions are quite fun and so but before I get into that, I just wanted to do a check in and just see how y'all been doing. And UM, seems like you guys have been enjoying my podcast. My numbers have tripled. I am literally just shy under five hundred thousand downloads of my podcast. So that's because of you guys. So I'm thankful for y'all. And UM, I am filming a movie. It is my very first starring role, and so I've got a few hours before I am to be at work. Um, so I am ready to get started. All right? This is uh an interesting question. Um. Like I said, Twitter, y'all had some fun questions. Um. So someone said, if you could play one show in one city with any band, what would be your choice? Who is your all time favorite BANDA artists? And what city, venue or event would you choose? That was like three questions. But if I could play one show in one city with any band, what would be my choice? I'd probably play London with um, Earth Wind and Fire or the band Chicago. Or I would say my new favorites would be Silk Sonic, so I'd love to do something with them. Somebody said what time are we eating on Thanksgiving? And that they said they'd bring the candy corn. You know, I don't know what time we're eating on Thanksgiving. I'd like to say between one and three pm? All right, but pastime thanks gave me to my family. Sometimes the sun was going down by the time we ate, so it was Thanksgiving dinner. Uh. Someone asked, what is the greatest lesson you've learned from God? Wow? The greatest lesson I've learned from God. It's an ongoing lesson, and that is to keep trusting God. God always goes before me. He's already figured out the situation and the plan and has already worked it out. It's just for me to trust the journey. UM, I would say the greatest lesson would be would be trust e e WU magazine says, how can we make it safer in the church for people to be honest about their mental health? People are suffering and afraid to up. Well, how can we make it safer? Well, I would just say, UM, in UM church environments, there's got to be at least one person who works in the area of social work mental health. They might not be a licensed therapist, but at least if we let that person, at least if we let the congregation know that there's one, there's a resource here, and maybe that resource can point you in the right direction. Because pastors are not your therapists. They're equipped to pray and and and labor with you and walk besides you and journey with you. But I just don't know if every single pastor is equipped to UM help you get to the bottom of trauma or your responses to trauma and pain. You know they can pray with you. I'm a firm believer. I I love ministers I love you, know, but there are some who have a natural gift to teach but never really went to school. Um for anything as it relates to psychology, And so I don't even know, you know, when the pastor or what when the minister has called it to ministry and they do decide to go to school. I don't even know the curriculum or the tracks that they have. Um, but I'm hoping that there are some type of psychology or sociology or something. UM. So yeah, let's see, um. Dy Shane twenty six, Are you working on any music at the moment? Fearless gets played every day. It's my favorite song by you, thank you that she actually that is a fun song to perform the few times that I have performed the line so that that that's interesting. It's a possibility. What we'll see, we'll see. UM. Someone is asking, what is the biggest lesson you've learned on your journey through managing depression? I think for me was getting down to the root cause of my responses and behaviors, what made me sad, what made me mad? And why were there moments that I wasn't even really probably entitled to feel the way I felt at the time. So even you've got to get to the root cause of that, because some of us have just been maybe even abandoned, emotionally neglected. UM. Some have probably been also a beaute physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally. So you gotta look at the reasons why a personal response and what they do. UM. So through managing oppression. UM, the blessing is is I haven't had a depressive episode in a very long time. UM, And I think it. I think it was once I discovered what those un needs have been in my life which caused me to respond in certain circumstances the way that I responded. Okay, that was a great question. That question was asked by the Vena pair a leven Um. Someone says, what is your biggest fear? I try not to even dwell on my biggest fear. I definitely don't articulate verbally what my biggest fear is because sometimes those can come to pass and manifest. Sometimes what you fear is something false, something that's not going to come to pass. Fear. I've heard an acronem to be false evidence appearing real. So yeah, I don't even give energy to my biggest figure. UM. Someone said, are you married and where do you live in Chicago? Well, no, I am not married. And if I did live in Chicago, which I don't, I wouldn't say. There are just certain things that I I keep to myself. Y'all haven't learned that by now. Y'all have not learned that about me yet. Mm hmm nup, no, nupe. Those are some going questions Twitter. I didn't answer all. A couple I didn't answer because you know you already know the answer to some of those questions. Um, there will not be a Destiny's Child reunion anytime soon. Um, no new music. So yeah, but those were great questions. Thank you for asking. Um. Now, um, just I we're gonna head our gower to Instagram. I'm literally doing this live at this week. I made it to my Instagram. I already kind of produced through my d ms to kind of see what folks we're talking about. And then those that were um, bold and vulnerable enough to just ask me the question in my actual comments for the world to see what you ask UM, shout out to you for doing that. All right, I'm looking at these questions. UM, okay, these are great. I'm excited. I'm excited. I am excited. Wow. I love Instagram. I love really interacting with folks on Instagram. It's Twitter is fun. Instagram. The balance is balanced was a balance group. But Facebook folks on Facebook because it's a little too serious and very entitled to UM comment crazy like like they know you, like like you gave them power to speak into it or you're lifing certainly. But I don't know what that why that is about Facebook? I have no idea. So oh, this is a good question. Okay, someone says Grace fifty five Triple seven says, how do you handle life's responsibilities while staying healthy mentally and emotionally? How do you find a balance and know when to take a break from off the noise when needed? Well, baby, listen, I know how to take a break from the noise. Okay, I do not answer my phone. I've also learned that I to decipher between when a response is needed, like right away, is it something urgent or it's something that can wait a day or two, because unplugging for a day or two makes can make all the difference in the world. UM, and handling life's responsibilities while staying healthy mentally and emotionally. I think anxiety can come when you do try to stay healthy mentally and emotionally when handling life's responsibilities, but handling life responsibilities while staying healthy. Well, if a person is able to stay healthy mentally and emotionally while handling life's responsibilities, I think that would be the question, how do you stay healthy mentally and emotionally? I think that person has learned boundaries. That person that can stay healthy mentally and emotionally while handling life responsibilities has probably also learned to literally be present and to take things that day at a time. Like I think that person has learned to stay focused on today's task. Like say, right now, I'm looking at my call sheet right now, and yesterday when I looked at my call sheet, I also saw on the bottom of the call sheet that they had what we're doing tomorrow on the call sheet, and admittedly I got overwhelmed. It's like, dang, I gotta learn all this is, I gotta do it, and it's like, no, stay focused on what you have to do today. Now, maybe once you kind of gotten through the day, then maybe you can look at what you gotta do tomorrow to make sure that you're prepared or make sure that you go to work with maybe you gotta bring something extra to work. I don't know you know what I'm saying, but I think staying present on what the task is at hand for that day, and then the boundaries is for everybody within that day that comes in contact with you. And guess what, make sure you're practicing boundaries with other people. Don't just put a bound just don't make sure that people adhere to your boundaries. Make sure you're adhering to what somebody's boundaries also made. As they say, read the room, okay, read the room, Read the room, Read the room. Great, great questions, great question. Mm hmm. Someone is saying, Jay nine, how do you learn to trust when your heart has been broken so many times? Mm hmm? What the context of that? I'm not sure. Has your heart been broken because of loss of a loved one? Your heart could break, you know, when a friend passes, apparent passes, your heart can break, Go through a break up, your heart can break. Um. So Goddy learned to trust? Well, I no longer trust when you've given me a reason not to. So I'm gonna go into any situation with trust now until you prove it to me. That I cannot trust you. I think that's how you can handle things. And then that's when I think as far as having a broken heart, because you went into it trusting their behavior is not a reflecting you. Yeah, so what happens is when you've had so much loss, so much betrayal, abuse by someone you've probably cared about. Yeah, I get it, but don't be a prisoner and walk around none to where you're now. And you're like, I don't want to feel anything. I don't want, I'm scared to love, I'm scared to trust, I'm scared to try. Because it happens is by the time you don't trust, you don't try, you don't try new things, you don't go for new opportunities. So that that would be that would be my my answer. All right, looks like n C M. S U says, since launching Since launching your book and podcast, what has been the most surprising source of support all guys? Well, first of all, I said in the intro that my podcast is just shine under five hundred thousand downloads, and I would just saying the surprising source of support, Oh you guys, y'all just surprised me. And while me with your love, with how we engaged with me on a daily basis. I am so wild at that because you ado have to y'all have been experiencing your own situations and your own issues, and you love on me enough, and you trust in me enough to buy my book or to let me be in your home or your car or your air pods with my podcast. So um, I really really really really really really appreciate that. Someone said, I got so many questions for you. I gotta say it verbally and or face to face. I need to sit down with some teath well child, I don't know I would go ahead and ask the question, but heck, you never know. You might meet me one day. It's a possibility. So it says, how do I cope with being a single mother of three working sixty hours a week without feeling guilty or not spending enough time with my kids? One my thing is with that is what's the why? You know? Are you working so hard? It's to me and now and now. And I don't mean that, uh in a negative way. It's just it's just the why. And I think as long as that is explained and shown to your children, you won't feel guilty because your children will. Okay, well, mom is working so hard because she's trying to buy us a house so that we can have our own bedrooms. You know, Mom is trying to she's working so hard, you know right now, because you know, maybe the support that she needs financially is not coming the way. That's all right now, you know so, I think I can imagine. Listen, they're so many mothers who feel guilty about going back to work after they have had a child, and you know so, I think that's kind of a natural human response. But I think just explain to your children your why explain to your children to sacrifice you know that you're making and depending on their age, I think I'm they can I understand now the time that you do have with your children. Just make them feel like you are solely focused on them, don'tkay of m Chikara underscore unique This is great. She says, how do you battle wooliness and depression being single? Or holidays? Well, I think sometimes when you've got great friends. Now, of course I can understand you're going to your your Ironda holidays and people are buying gifts for their booze. You know, they're part years their loved ones job, and you shouldn't. You're like just you just hoping that the secret saying at your job gets you something nice, you know, So I get it. I get it. Um for me, I I personally have always just been around people that I love and it doesn't even occur to me across my mind. Now you got to room a verst well us that are single. I know some people that are booed up, caught up, married up, and we seem like we want what they got. When you really look into the relationship, you don't want that. You don't want that. Since I've been in Atlanta, I've been or I've been around some some relationships and I'm like, yeah, I'm good and I'm happy. Y'all love each other, you disrespect one another, but you put on this front you're married and I think as single people and you learn that it's a possibility in this season you are better off alloo, no shame, But I've stopped wanting that, you know, because what I don't want dysfunction. I know relationships are hard, you know, but yeah I don't. I don't want what I've been seeing. Mm hm m hm. No we could m m hmm that's a good question. Obsessed with b b y Is there a time limit on grief? Mm hmm, Well, biblically, um, there's a scripture um about how long to grieve and more right, but is there a time when I'm grief? I don't know, because grief comes in waves, you know. Um. Like I said in October, towards the end of October, I began to grieve the loss of my dad, right, And I don't know if it's because I really was like, oh man, it's fall the leaves are attorney. It was something about that that reminded me of my dad because its birthday. It was just a couple of days ago. It was November. So but I think the impact or the level of severity, you know, when it's when you're like to me, I don't want to offend anybody, or I know that's not what I'm But if in five ten years and I'm boo hooon and sobbing, as if I just got the news all over again about then that's when you probably really want to process because it's got to be something deeper, you know. Now, I like now my mother, you know, as her best friend of forty six years, my dad and everber to get a fourty six years right, they were married. So that's a whole level of intimacy, you know that I know nothing about. But yes, the thought of a person can it make you cry, especially if that loss is fresh. Yeah. But I just feel like because I've read sometimes on social media where people are like, oh my gosh, I pray for me. Tomorrow is my um mom's birthday. She would have been eighty eight. Oh and it's just a hard time to meet around this time of year. I just get so. But it's every year he or I think, as I told him, instead of anticipating that sadness and that grief, why don't you create a new memory that causes joy and celebration for that person's life, like saying, my dad loved Parliament, alkadelic m h. He loved the gospel music right, he loved donnuts, he loved he loved black coffee. He didn't want no cream of sugar. He wanted his coffee just black. Right. So I think doing things like that in memory of that person, I think, just so that you're not just mulling away and just create a new memory. I'll never forget. A young lady in l A. Her sister was killed tragically. It was an unexpected death. And you know that that's that's that's that's so scary because you didn't have time to say goodbye, you didn't have time to prepare. You've got so many unanswered questions. I get it. So we were leaving so Psycol one day and I was like, what's what was your sister's favorite color? And she said purple. I said, okay, let's go across here to the smoothie joint and we're gonna get a smoothie that's purple. I don't know. I just told the folks, whatever you can do to prepare a purpose smoothie, as to it, some blueberries, raspberries, whatever. And to this day, this young girl does that. She gets that purple smovie. She wears purple versus laying in bed depressed over a loss. Right, because I think our loved woman that's not that's no longer here probably would want us to get out of the bed and celebrate them. That's what I would want y'all to do. Okay, I want you to lay their fa five minutes and be said, but then I want you to get up. I want you to get up. I want you to listen to some good music. I want you to eat some good food, food, some fluffy French tones. Now I do like cream and sugar in my coffee. Okay, so that's you know, that's celebrates me celebrate. But is there a time women on grief? I don't want to ness, you know, but I think the physical part of the one that keeps you slumped over and just inconsolable, I think should be um counseled. And I think, yeah, there should be some consoling there if if a person is still inconsolable, um some years later. I mean, think about it. This young man who just got killed in Memphis, young dogs, wife and children, family friends, fans all around the world. But let's focus on the wife and kids. He went to a spot to get some cookies. Would appear to be too gunmen gunned him down. Wife at home, kids at home, probably went on daddy to come back with the cookies. I'm just assuming, do Let's just play up that scenario. Let's just play up that sunario. Um oh, this is hard. That wife was not expecting to lose her husband and the father of her children's should is there a time limit on her grief. M hm mm hmmmm. That's so fresh. And you know, you hear people that say take the time you need and agreed, But I also do feel like when it's going to impede on your your day to day life and functioning and being able to progress that young lady and family, I would hope that somebody is so she's surrounded by love, she's protected, she can process this pain because it's going to be painful for a while. It's going to be painful for a long time. UM, So thank you so much for that question. I spent a long time there, Tierra. She's on Instagram as obsessed with the b e y with b um. So that was a great question. Such other question. Okay, now let's go back to that. Let's let's go back to um. What is going on? A young live is being taken so soon and so senseless. No need, no need for that, no need for that young man too not be here with his family, There's no need for that. Countless folks who have been murdered and taken away from here so soon, too soon, through senseless acts of murder. To me, the root of that is greed, jealousy, You mad, you can't get you can't get successful on your own, So you're met with somebody else. Do you want to take the life? That's dumb? But there's no reason, there's there's there's there's no excuse. Whoever killed that young man and who's that has killed millions of others. You had no right to do that. We had absolutely no right to do that. M hm m m. I did not mean to go there today. Mm hmmm. She that upsets me and that should upset you guys. Oh God, all right, here we go, Shantia dot period. How has your healing grief journey become a catalyst in your life? What are the action steps required to be your most authentic self with this journey? I'm gonna answer the latter part of that. What are the steps required to be your most authentic self in this journey showing up as who you are right reading the room? Of course, when you do show up, because what you don't want is the excuse of this is just who I am, This is just me? No, because even are authentic self can always be improved, can always be refined, but that comes with time and exposure. Right, So that's what I would say. What are the action steps required to be your most authentic self on this journey. Just show up and be you and pyefully you have a tribe of people who support who you are, but at the same time are pushing you to be a better Yeah, amazing, So this is good at it's de ni tribe. Come on, come on, come on, a great question, mama. Advice on enjoying the journey in life without worrying about the destination. Now, the thing is, the destination is the goal that you've written on that board, your vision board. That destination is what you journal about, right, so you already know you go get there. You've written it down or you spoken, so you already know you're gonna get Because remember the definition of the word future, it's the time of period of time finding the moment of speaking or writing, So you already know that whenever you speak or right, it's coming. Okay, So you already know the destination. So do enjoy the journey because you know you're putting the work in, you're doing right by people. You've got God at the center of everything you do. You know the why of why you want to get to the destination. So don't worry about the destination. You can't pray about something and didn't worry about it at the same time, because that shows a lack of trust. You're gonna be all right, You're going to get to the destination. So right now I'm endining this. I'm drinking coffee. I'm drinking some kind of lots with oat milk. Do that I'm enjoying. I'm enjoying live now. Do I have moments of human responses where you know I get ashos? Yeah? Yeah, because I'm like, okay, God, I just want to make sure you didn't remember, you didn't forget what I wrote that you didn't forget what I prayed to you about it. I'll be like, girl, no, I got you. So that's what That's what I would say. My love is too. If you've already spoken and written it down, you're gonna get there. They're gonna get there. So just think that you're gonna get there because there are others before you that have gotten there. So just trust that. Okay, God, they got there. I'm gonna get there too. All right. This is so good, so so good, so good. I hope at this point you guys are um enjoying it. Okay, Um, this is a great question. Serious thirm Um has asked the question, what is the mind? Exactly? If we don't know what it is, how can we truly know how to fix it? As Dr Caroline Leaf says, that's what I want you to do. I want you to follow Dr Caroline Leaf. I want you to listen to her podcast. I want you to get her books. I want you to follow her on on Instagram or whatever your favorite social media platform is. The mind is where you think, feel, and choose. The mind is thinking, feeling, and choosing. The mind is where you think, feel, and choose from. So how did so this is? If we don't know what it is, how would we truly know how to fix it? So, now that I've told you what the mind is, you're able to fix how you feel. You're able to fix how you think. You have to fix how you choose. Yes, you can't fix how you feel by getting to the route of why you feel the way you do, because how you feel, how do you respond is to me routed and how you feel? All right, So feeling, thinking, choosing, thinking, feeling, choosing, that's the mind. Who I'm so committed this, y'all. Who boo boo awesome. How do you move past childhood hurt or verbal trauma from a parent? Good thing about counseling and therapy is they also ask you about your parents, your aunts, your uncles, and how you've seen them respond. They talk about your grandparents, you know, and I know in my session, my very first session, we did a genial ground and so that was about my mom and her mom and dad, her siblings, and about my dad and his parents. My dad did not have any siblings. Um, he was the only child, sweets only child. So once once I got to therapy, you know, I started to have compassion on once you learned that it's a possibility that your parents were abused or your parents were lived in the homework dysfunction. Now I'm not saying that that is an excuse because just because you grew up a certain way don't mean well, because my parents hurt me, now I'm gonna hurt my kids. That's that's that's unacceptable. No, But once you have an understanding, I believe that's when you can move past the hurt and the trauma. And you said it was a verbal trauma, so most likely what someone said to you out of anger was a lie. Uh say, something was saying like, you're gonna be just like your dad, or you're never gonna make it, you're gonna be dumb, You're never gonna go to college because none of us in the family went to college. You're gonna be broke just like the rest of us. That's a lie. That is an absolute lie. Because you have the ability to think for yourself, you have the ability to feel for yourself. You got the ability to choose for yourself. Okay, that's how you can get past it is when you realize things that were said to you and over you, and most of the time when it's an anger, that's not that's it wasn't said to you in the spirit of love, whom love is the love love, Love does not hurt, love does not be great. Mm hmmm. No, no, Now there's a difference. When your parent was trying to correct you because you did something wrong at school, so you got a nice little tongue lashing, and it was probably that I'll listen, I'm gonna take away your games. You'll put your punishment or you know better than that I've taught you. But that's different. Correction and chastisement is different because when you correct somebody. Even the Bible says God chastises and corrects those who he loved. Okay, but that's different than like abuse, because I think you can move past it once you just get a better understanding of how they go repet an understanding of what they were going through. Like I said, it don't make it right, and it does not excuse the hurt and the abuse that was inflicted upon you. I get it, and I understand. Wow, this is so good, this is so so good. How got eva? How do you keep patient and faithful on the journey to your dreams? Well, I think prayer, because once you've written your goals and dreams out and you're doing your part, like I said to another young lady, it's gonna happen. It's aren't you come true? Now? If you're just focused on bettering yourself, you won't even be so focused on the destination and on that, and then when it happens, you're gonna be like, oh my gosh, I prayed for this. Oh my gosh, some stuff is just gonna fall in your lap, stuff that you prayed for and you might have prayed for it two years ago. Well, it's comment it's on the way, it's it's happening. It's happening. Just continue to walk through those doors and just continue to walk confidently through life. But keep patient and faithful. Just do it. Be patient, could be faithful on the journey to your dreams. That's so awesome now, it's so so beautiful. Girl discovers books. How have you pushed past the guilt and shame of baming depression? Wow? As a Christian, I went through a period with anxiety and I denied it so hard because I thought me didn't getting reclaiming it and that I just simply couldn't be dealing with that because I am a Christian. Not only that, there are so many other cultures where if you say you're the press, you bring shame on the family, not just your religion when your beliefs, but the family. So for me, I didn't ask permission from family for its, the church, nobody, because when it was just me and my therapist, it was just me and the psychiatrist in that room. So I yeah, M As it relates to when when you get to a point of when you're just desperate for help, the shame, there is no shame, shame and desperation can't be in the same room. It can be in the same office where you're getting seeking to help from. So I I yeah, since you ask me, how have eye plush pastor guilt and shame of name of depression? Because it is what it is. Just what it is, This depression no different thing you being diagnosed with migraine. It is what it is. There's no different than a woman being diagnosed with fire voids. It is what it is. Now, what am I to do to lesson? You know the the effects? How can I heal? What do I do to me? It was as it was this simple stack. It was as simple as that. So who this is awesome? This is awesome. Gabrielle says, as a performer from a young age, what was the most valuable advice you given to help me navigate the business? I think it had Um Jimmy Chamman, Terry Lewis and the late great Big Jim Right actually advising me about my finances. It had nothing to do with how great you should perform on stage, because that's what rehearsal was for. Uh, That's what having a great band and teams for. But when they talked to me about money, that was the most value advice I was given was about money. How to be wise with money, how to invest the money, what not to do with the money. See, I respect Jimmy jam In Terry was because to this day they're still working and they're still living the life that I knew them to be living when I first met them twenty years ago. And they were doing this twenty years prior before I met them, and they was botling. Okay, So yeah, the best advice said I was giving was who was about my money and finances? Um, There's one time I bought a home and I stayed significantly under budget. It was still a beautiful home. And then at the time it was just me and um, I lived in an area, I lived in a zip code that I desired to live in so much, and I was able to get my house and I stayed under budget. You put the rest of that money in the bank. Beyonce and Kelly and his team were pleased me years ago talking about how frugal I am and was right, if anybody go ahead, any money is gonna be the show. So I that's to me, that was the most valuable advice all right. Now, I haven't always been perfect. Um as far as my downfall with finances was giving giving so much, But I would say the Lord has truly truly been kind and has not let me go without. So I'm excited. Uh future is still bright. So I would say that was the best advice that I've been given was about the finances. Big Jim used to say, you don't want your house to be your tomb. I mean, I mean you don't want to. Okay, say, for instance, just because you can afford a million dollar house, do you have to get that million dollar house now being able to afford it. We've got to know what being able to afford with that really really really means. Okay, you don't want to buy a house, and you're just so doomed to that house and before you know it, all your income it's gonna go to you just trying to maintain that house, meaning you don't die in that house you can't even afford to You're gonna have to sell that house to get to get out out of the house. But it's just you don't want to be living and working just to pay a mortgage to where you can't. Um to me, I'd rather live with deep my means it's still be able to fly first class, still be able to purchase that seat on a private jet and class. Now I also got friends that got private jet, so I I hop on trips with them at times. But I don't want to have all this stuff, and I care about how I travel. I care about where the hotels I stay in. So it's not having a great quality of life, not just in you know, having what seems to be. Oh when people pulled your out, look what they got. No, I don't. I don't. I don't look like that. I don't look like that. Now I do like I like my cars. I do not see I like cars like I do let my cars, and I do like my homes. I love nice homes and I like them to look nice. But once I said the best some of the best price was about my finance, because if y'all ever looked at the h one behind the music, it's kind of a take off like where are they now? And so many artists faint hold and finances and some even had to keep like regular jobs, and that scared me. That's that scared me. So I was like, no, mm hm, how right? Okay? Am I do A couple more. Oh my god, this one broke my heart when I read this. A young lady says, it's been one month today since my youngest son, nineteen years old, was capabled in a horrific car accident. It's hard to get to the day without breaking down. I find myself just wanting to be dead. I have so many questions, but at this point only God can answer them. I do thank you for this platform which allowed me to just express my inner thoughts. And she's on Instagram as pretty Brown. I for you too, but it's pretty Brown. I I for you too. Mrs Thomas. First of all, Mrs Thomas, if you're listening, I just want to give my condolence to you. Um My heart goes out to you when I read this question. My heart broke for you, and it broke for your loved ones who but I want to UM, you're in a state of grief and grieving this loss, and so we all that are listening, we can understand when you say you just find yourself wanting to be dead, because especially you know your son being killed in a car accident, and you're I'll be thinking all the thoughts, Gosh, that should have been me. I should gosh, I should have been there to protect him, because a parent wants to protect that child. The parent wants to be there for their child, and parent wants to see that child grow up, do great things, have love children. And it's a possibility that was taken from your son. So you're thinking about not only was your son taking from you, but all the other things that was taken from him, life's possibilities. And so I understand. I understand, and like you said, there are some questions that only God can answer. But I encourage you Ms Thomas if you can. Whenever you did the funeral, UM, I know they provide grief counseling resources. I know with my dad they provided you. There was a number that you could call and it was free, and I urge you to talk to someone maybe maybe for the next year. For sure, UM, you should be getting some consistent care, some consistent loves, some consistent therapy. And again, my listeners and I we send our love to you. We um send our thoughts to you. Okay, Oh, so sorry for your loss, So sorry playing your loss. Just breathe, everybody, just bring, just bring. It's a happy one. It's a happy podcast. Every podcast. Last question how do you learn to accept the shortcomings of your parents, knowing they will never admit their role in childhood trauma and forgive them? You answer your own question. Since you know they will never admit their role in your child in trauma, you forgive them, you love them, okay, and you process that pain with a professional. Okay, they actually accept their short comings. You accept their shortcomings by saying, you know what, there's still a child to God. You're a child of God because one day you're gonna be their age. One day you're gonna have kids. There's a possibility to your kids are gonna be like, how do I accept the shortcoming of my parents? You know what I mean? So we don't want to judge either. And if you notice when you get older, notice the things that you said you would never do like your parents, and you find yourself doing that, that is a result of a bitter root judgment. Yo. When I learned what a bitter root judgment was, I was like, oh my god, Oh my god. Because sometimes we don't know, we don't know of the circumstances why our parents did things that they did. I don't know everything about why there's some there's something I found out in that shifted. That shifted even how I felt about my dad. So you gotta make sure you get all the information. Get all the information before you start judging. Get all the information. And even when you get the information, what did Andrew called yourself? Who am me to judge? Who are me to judge? It's up to us to understand and accept the shortcom I have short comings? Are there things I can work on? Yes, and I want somebody to love me through. Now. Not only loving someone through their shortcomings also means holding them accountable because a lot of people make excuses. Well I'm like this because my Daddy Wooden new my life. Don't mean you gotta be about He does not mean that. M hm no, does not mean that. All right, this is amazing. I think what I'm gonna do, possibly do in the future. I'm gonna do more of these, but maybe, um, you know, once I get back to having guests. I think I should have a guest next week. Um. I believe we are working on making good and Tasha Smith, We've got so many great folks lined up. Um, So yeah, I think I want to continue these Q and a's Um, you know, answering a question or two um every podcast. Thank y'all so much for checking in these questions. Let me know so many people are hurting, so many people need answers, So let me let's do a quick prayer um for you guys. I just feel led to um, just do a quick prayer or affirmation and declaration over the listeners today and folks that are listening. God, we thank you so much for this state. Thank you for life. God. I want to thank you for every person that sent in a question, even the ones that did not get answered. God, You've probably already answered them for them. And God, I asked that you continue to watch over everyone. Protect got my prayers for protection, my prayers for healing to every subscriber of my podcast. And Lord for the subscriber and their families. You do a mighty, mighty work in their lives. I'm so excited about the good news that my listeners are going to be telling me even before this year is over. God, do something extraordinary, do something that we know only you could have done. God, I ask for healing of hearts. I asked for understanding of areas for people who they don't know why someone died while they lost a love, Why their marriage failed, why their relationship filled. God continued to give understanding comfort. You are the great comforter, You are the ultimate healer. God. Thank you that you used me as a vessel and that um I continue to do the work as you called you and God as list to call. Help people understand what they're calling is while they're still alive on this earth. God, we just thank you for being so awesome, so good, so gracious, so nothing and will forever forever acknowledge you and everything that we do and your name, we pray Amen. I'll see you guys next week. Checking In with Michelle Williams is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1: Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of My Heart Radio and The Black Effect. Hey, hey, everybody, welcome to another episode of Checking In. Um, this is going to be a fun one. As I went on my social media pages, my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, and I asked you guys to ask me a question. Now on Twitter, I don't know if I was specific. I just did asked me the question and it would be featured. And I didn't I didn't say just to keep it, you know, um relative to questions about life and mental health or grievy losses. So the questions from Twitter are quite interesting. The questions are quite fun and so but before I get into that, I just wanted to do a check in and just see how y'all been doing. And UM, seems like you guys have been enjoying my podcast. My numbers have tripled. I am literally just shy under five hundred thousand downloads of my podcast. So that's because of you guys. So I'm thankful for y'all. And UM, I am filming a movie. It is my very first starring role, and so I've got a few hours before I am to be at work. Um, so I am ready to get started. All right? This is uh an interesting question. Um. Like I said, Twitter, y'all had some fun questions. Um. So someone said, if you could play one show in one city with any band, what would be your choice? Who is your all time favorite BANDA artists? And what city, venue or event would you choose? That was like three questions. But if I could play one show in one city with any band, what would be my choice? I'd probably play London with um, Earth Wind and Fire or the band Chicago. Or I would say my new favorites would be Silk Sonic, so I'd love to do something with them. Somebody said what time are we eating on Thanksgiving? And that they said they'd bring the candy corn. You know, I don't know what time we're eating on Thanksgiving. I'd like to say between one and three pm? All right, but pastime thanks gave me to my family. Sometimes the sun was going down by the time we ate, so it was Thanksgiving dinner. Uh. Someone asked, what is the greatest lesson you've learned from God? Wow? The greatest lesson I've learned from God. It's an ongoing lesson, and that is to keep trusting God. God always goes before me. He's already figured out the situation and the plan and has already worked it out. It's just for me to trust the journey. UM, I would say the greatest lesson would be would be trust e e WU magazine says, how can we make it safer in the church for people to be honest about their mental health? People are suffering and afraid to up. Well, how can we make it safer? Well, I would just say, UM, in UM church environments, there's got to be at least one person who works in the area of social work mental health. They might not be a licensed therapist, but at least if we let that person, at least if we let the congregation know that there's one, there's a resource here, and maybe that resource can point you in the right direction. Because pastors are not your therapists. They're equipped to pray and and and labor with you and walk besides you and journey with you. But I just don't know if every single pastor is equipped to UM help you get to the bottom of trauma or your responses to trauma and pain. You know they can pray with you. I'm a firm believer. I I love ministers I love you, know, but there are some who have a natural gift to teach but never really went to school. Um for anything as it relates to psychology, And so I don't even know, you know, when the pastor or what when the minister has called it to ministry and they do decide to go to school. I don't even know the curriculum or the tracks that they have. Um, but I'm hoping that there are some type of psychology or sociology or something. UM. So yeah, let's see, um. Dy Shane twenty six, Are you working on any music at the moment? Fearless gets played every day. It's my favorite song by you, thank you that she actually that is a fun song to perform the few times that I have performed the line so that that that's interesting. It's a possibility. What we'll see, we'll see. UM. Someone is asking, what is the biggest lesson you've learned on your journey through managing depression? I think for me was getting down to the root cause of my responses and behaviors, what made me sad, what made me mad? And why were there moments that I wasn't even really probably entitled to feel the way I felt at the time. So even you've got to get to the root cause of that, because some of us have just been maybe even abandoned, emotionally neglected. UM. Some have probably been also a beaute physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally. So you gotta look at the reasons why a personal response and what they do. UM. So through managing oppression. UM, the blessing is is I haven't had a depressive episode in a very long time. UM, And I think it. I think it was once I discovered what those un needs have been in my life which caused me to respond in certain circumstances the way that I responded. Okay, that was a great question. That question was asked by the Vena pair a leven Um. Someone says, what is your biggest fear? I try not to even dwell on my biggest fear. I definitely don't articulate verbally what my biggest fear is because sometimes those can come to pass and manifest. Sometimes what you fear is something false, something that's not going to come to pass. Fear. I've heard an acronem to be false evidence appearing real. So yeah, I don't even give energy to my biggest figure. UM. Someone said, are you married and where do you live in Chicago? Well, no, I am not married. And if I did live in Chicago, which I don't, I wouldn't say. There are just certain things that I I keep to myself. Y'all haven't learned that by now. Y'all have not learned that about me yet. Mm hmm nup, no, nupe. Those are some going questions Twitter. I didn't answer all. A couple I didn't answer because you know you already know the answer to some of those questions. Um, there will not be a Destiny's Child reunion anytime soon. Um, no new music. So yeah, but those were great questions. Thank you for asking. Um. Now, um, just I we're gonna head our gower to Instagram. I'm literally doing this live at this week. I made it to my Instagram. I already kind of produced through my d ms to kind of see what folks we're talking about. And then those that were um, bold and vulnerable enough to just ask me the question in my actual comments for the world to see what you ask UM, shout out to you for doing that. All right, I'm looking at these questions. UM, okay, these are great. I'm excited. I'm excited. I am excited. Wow. I love Instagram. I love really interacting with folks on Instagram. It's Twitter is fun. Instagram. The balance is balanced was a balance group. But Facebook folks on Facebook because it's a little too serious and very entitled to UM comment crazy like like they know you, like like you gave them power to speak into it or you're lifing certainly. But I don't know what that why that is about Facebook? I have no idea. So oh, this is a good question. Okay, someone says Grace fifty five Triple seven says, how do you handle life's responsibilities while staying healthy mentally and emotionally? How do you find a balance and know when to take a break from off the noise when needed? Well, baby, listen, I know how to take a break from the noise. Okay, I do not answer my phone. I've also learned that I to decipher between when a response is needed, like right away, is it something urgent or it's something that can wait a day or two, because unplugging for a day or two makes can make all the difference in the world. UM, and handling life's responsibilities while staying healthy mentally and emotionally. I think anxiety can come when you do try to stay healthy mentally and emotionally when handling life's responsibilities, but handling life responsibilities while staying healthy. Well, if a person is able to stay healthy mentally and emotionally while handling life's responsibilities, I think that would be the question, how do you stay healthy mentally and emotionally? I think that person has learned boundaries. That person that can stay healthy mentally and emotionally while handling life responsibilities has probably also learned to literally be present and to take things that day at a time. Like I think that person has learned to stay focused on today's task. Like say, right now, I'm looking at my call sheet right now, and yesterday when I looked at my call sheet, I also saw on the bottom of the call sheet that they had what we're doing tomorrow on the call sheet, and admittedly I got overwhelmed. It's like, dang, I gotta learn all this is, I gotta do it, and it's like, no, stay focused on what you have to do today. Now, maybe once you kind of gotten through the day, then maybe you can look at what you gotta do tomorrow to make sure that you're prepared or make sure that you go to work with maybe you gotta bring something extra to work. I don't know you know what I'm saying, but I think staying present on what the task is at hand for that day, and then the boundaries is for everybody within that day that comes in contact with you. And guess what, make sure you're practicing boundaries with other people. Don't just put a bound just don't make sure that people adhere to your boundaries. Make sure you're adhering to what somebody's boundaries also made. As they say, read the room, okay, read the room, Read the room, Read the room. Great, great questions, great question. Mm hmm. Someone is saying, Jay nine, how do you learn to trust when your heart has been broken so many times? Mm hmm? What the context of that? I'm not sure. Has your heart been broken because of loss of a loved one? Your heart could break, you know, when a friend passes, apparent passes, your heart can break, Go through a break up, your heart can break. Um. So Goddy learned to trust? Well, I no longer trust when you've given me a reason not to. So I'm gonna go into any situation with trust now until you prove it to me. That I cannot trust you. I think that's how you can handle things. And then that's when I think as far as having a broken heart, because you went into it trusting their behavior is not a reflecting you. Yeah, so what happens is when you've had so much loss, so much betrayal, abuse by someone you've probably cared about. Yeah, I get it, but don't be a prisoner and walk around none to where you're now. And you're like, I don't want to feel anything. I don't want, I'm scared to love, I'm scared to trust, I'm scared to try. Because it happens is by the time you don't trust, you don't try, you don't try new things, you don't go for new opportunities. So that that would be that would be my my answer. All right, looks like n C M. S U says, since launching Since launching your book and podcast, what has been the most surprising source of support all guys? Well, first of all, I said in the intro that my podcast is just shine under five hundred thousand downloads, and I would just saying the surprising source of support, Oh you guys, y'all just surprised me. And while me with your love, with how we engaged with me on a daily basis. I am so wild at that because you ado have to y'all have been experiencing your own situations and your own issues, and you love on me enough, and you trust in me enough to buy my book or to let me be in your home or your car or your air pods with my podcast. So um, I really really really really really really appreciate that. Someone said, I got so many questions for you. I gotta say it verbally and or face to face. I need to sit down with some teath well child, I don't know I would go ahead and ask the question, but heck, you never know. You might meet me one day. It's a possibility. So it says, how do I cope with being a single mother of three working sixty hours a week without feeling guilty or not spending enough time with my kids? One my thing is with that is what's the why? You know? Are you working so hard? It's to me and now and now. And I don't mean that, uh in a negative way. It's just it's just the why. And I think as long as that is explained and shown to your children, you won't feel guilty because your children will. Okay, well, mom is working so hard because she's trying to buy us a house so that we can have our own bedrooms. You know, Mom is trying to she's working so hard, you know right now, because you know, maybe the support that she needs financially is not coming the way. That's all right now, you know so, I think I can imagine. Listen, they're so many mothers who feel guilty about going back to work after they have had a child, and you know so, I think that's kind of a natural human response. But I think just explain to your children your why explain to your children to sacrifice you know that you're making and depending on their age, I think I'm they can I understand now the time that you do have with your children. Just make them feel like you are solely focused on them, don'tkay of m Chikara underscore unique This is great. She says, how do you battle wooliness and depression being single? Or holidays? Well, I think sometimes when you've got great friends. Now, of course I can understand you're going to your your Ironda holidays and people are buying gifts for their booze. You know, they're part years their loved ones job, and you shouldn't. You're like just you just hoping that the secret saying at your job gets you something nice, you know, So I get it. I get it. Um for me, I I personally have always just been around people that I love and it doesn't even occur to me across my mind. Now you got to room a verst well us that are single. I know some people that are booed up, caught up, married up, and we seem like we want what they got. When you really look into the relationship, you don't want that. You don't want that. Since I've been in Atlanta, I've been or I've been around some some relationships and I'm like, yeah, I'm good and I'm happy. Y'all love each other, you disrespect one another, but you put on this front you're married and I think as single people and you learn that it's a possibility in this season you are better off alloo, no shame, But I've stopped wanting that, you know, because what I don't want dysfunction. I know relationships are hard, you know, but yeah I don't. I don't want what I've been seeing. Mm hm m hm. No we could m m hmm that's a good question. Obsessed with b b y Is there a time limit on grief? Mm hmm, Well, biblically, um, there's a scripture um about how long to grieve and more right, but is there a time when I'm grief? I don't know, because grief comes in waves, you know. Um. Like I said in October, towards the end of October, I began to grieve the loss of my dad, right, And I don't know if it's because I really was like, oh man, it's fall the leaves are attorney. It was something about that that reminded me of my dad because its birthday. It was just a couple of days ago. It was November. So but I think the impact or the level of severity, you know, when it's when you're like to me, I don't want to offend anybody, or I know that's not what I'm But if in five ten years and I'm boo hooon and sobbing, as if I just got the news all over again about then that's when you probably really want to process because it's got to be something deeper, you know. Now, I like now my mother, you know, as her best friend of forty six years, my dad and everber to get a fourty six years right, they were married. So that's a whole level of intimacy, you know that I know nothing about. But yes, the thought of a person can it make you cry, especially if that loss is fresh. Yeah. But I just feel like because I've read sometimes on social media where people are like, oh my gosh, I pray for me. Tomorrow is my um mom's birthday. She would have been eighty eight. Oh and it's just a hard time to meet around this time of year. I just get so. But it's every year he or I think, as I told him, instead of anticipating that sadness and that grief, why don't you create a new memory that causes joy and celebration for that person's life, like saying, my dad loved Parliament, alkadelic m h. He loved the gospel music right, he loved donnuts, he loved he loved black coffee. He didn't want no cream of sugar. He wanted his coffee just black. Right. So I think doing things like that in memory of that person, I think, just so that you're not just mulling away and just create a new memory. I'll never forget. A young lady in l A. Her sister was killed tragically. It was an unexpected death. And you know that that's that's that's that's so scary because you didn't have time to say goodbye, you didn't have time to prepare. You've got so many unanswered questions. I get it. So we were leaving so Psycol one day and I was like, what's what was your sister's favorite color? And she said purple. I said, okay, let's go across here to the smoothie joint and we're gonna get a smoothie that's purple. I don't know. I just told the folks, whatever you can do to prepare a purpose smoothie, as to it, some blueberries, raspberries, whatever. And to this day, this young girl does that. She gets that purple smovie. She wears purple versus laying in bed depressed over a loss. Right, because I think our loved woman that's not that's no longer here probably would want us to get out of the bed and celebrate them. That's what I would want y'all to do. Okay, I want you to lay their fa five minutes and be said, but then I want you to get up. I want you to get up. I want you to listen to some good music. I want you to eat some good food, food, some fluffy French tones. Now I do like cream and sugar in my coffee. Okay, so that's you know, that's celebrates me celebrate. But is there a time women on grief? I don't want to ness, you know, but I think the physical part of the one that keeps you slumped over and just inconsolable, I think should be um counseled. And I think, yeah, there should be some consoling there if if a person is still inconsolable, um some years later. I mean, think about it. This young man who just got killed in Memphis, young dogs, wife and children, family friends, fans all around the world. But let's focus on the wife and kids. He went to a spot to get some cookies. Would appear to be too gunmen gunned him down. Wife at home, kids at home, probably went on daddy to come back with the cookies. I'm just assuming, do Let's just play up that scenario. Let's just play up that sunario. Um oh, this is hard. That wife was not expecting to lose her husband and the father of her children's should is there a time limit on her grief. M hm mm hmmmm. That's so fresh. And you know, you hear people that say take the time you need and agreed, But I also do feel like when it's going to impede on your your day to day life and functioning and being able to progress that young lady and family, I would hope that somebody is so she's surrounded by love, she's protected, she can process this pain because it's going to be painful for a while. It's going to be painful for a long time. UM, So thank you so much for that question. I spent a long time there, Tierra. She's on Instagram as obsessed with the b e y with b um. So that was a great question. Such other question. Okay, now let's go back to that. Let's let's go back to um. What is going on? A young live is being taken so soon and so senseless. No need, no need for that, no need for that young man too not be here with his family, There's no need for that. Countless folks who have been murdered and taken away from here so soon, too soon, through senseless acts of murder. To me, the root of that is greed, jealousy, You mad, you can't get you can't get successful on your own, So you're met with somebody else. Do you want to take the life? That's dumb? But there's no reason, there's there's there's there's no excuse. Whoever killed that young man and who's that has killed millions of others. You had no right to do that. We had absolutely no right to do that. M hm m m. I did not mean to go there today. Mm hmmm. She that upsets me and that should upset you guys. Oh God, all right, here we go, Shantia dot period. How has your healing grief journey become a catalyst in your life? What are the action steps required to be your most authentic self with this journey? I'm gonna answer the latter part of that. What are the steps required to be your most authentic self in this journey showing up as who you are right reading the room? Of course, when you do show up, because what you don't want is the excuse of this is just who I am, This is just me? No, because even are authentic self can always be improved, can always be refined, but that comes with time and exposure. Right, So that's what I would say. What are the action steps required to be your most authentic self on this journey. Just show up and be you and pyefully you have a tribe of people who support who you are, but at the same time are pushing you to be a better Yeah, amazing, So this is good at it's de ni tribe. Come on, come on, come on, a great question, mama. Advice on enjoying the journey in life without worrying about the destination. Now, the thing is, the destination is the goal that you've written on that board, your vision board. That destination is what you journal about, right, so you already know you go get there. You've written it down or you spoken, so you already know you're gonna get Because remember the definition of the word future, it's the time of period of time finding the moment of speaking or writing, So you already know that whenever you speak or right, it's coming. Okay, So you already know the destination. So do enjoy the journey because you know you're putting the work in, you're doing right by people. You've got God at the center of everything you do. You know the why of why you want to get to the destination. So don't worry about the destination. You can't pray about something and didn't worry about it at the same time, because that shows a lack of trust. You're gonna be all right, You're going to get to the destination. So right now I'm endining this. I'm drinking coffee. I'm drinking some kind of lots with oat milk. Do that I'm enjoying. I'm enjoying live now. Do I have moments of human responses where you know I get ashos? Yeah? Yeah, because I'm like, okay, God, I just want to make sure you didn't remember, you didn't forget what I wrote that you didn't forget what I prayed to you about it. I'll be like, girl, no, I got you. So that's what That's what I would say. My love is too. If you've already spoken and written it down, you're gonna get there. They're gonna get there. So just think that you're gonna get there because there are others before you that have gotten there. So just trust that. Okay, God, they got there. I'm gonna get there too. All right. This is so good, so so good, so good. I hope at this point you guys are um enjoying it. Okay, Um, this is a great question. Serious thirm Um has asked the question, what is the mind? Exactly? If we don't know what it is, how can we truly know how to fix it? As Dr Caroline Leaf says, that's what I want you to do. I want you to follow Dr Caroline Leaf. I want you to listen to her podcast. I want you to get her books. I want you to follow her on on Instagram or whatever your favorite social media platform is. The mind is where you think, feel, and choose. The mind is thinking, feeling, and choosing. The mind is where you think, feel, and choose from. So how did so this is? If we don't know what it is, how would we truly know how to fix it? So, now that I've told you what the mind is, you're able to fix how you feel. You're able to fix how you think. You have to fix how you choose. Yes, you can't fix how you feel by getting to the route of why you feel the way you do, because how you feel, how do you respond is to me routed and how you feel? All right, So feeling, thinking, choosing, thinking, feeling, choosing, that's the mind. Who I'm so committed this, y'all. Who boo boo awesome. How do you move past childhood hurt or verbal trauma from a parent? Good thing about counseling and therapy is they also ask you about your parents, your aunts, your uncles, and how you've seen them respond. They talk about your grandparents, you know, and I know in my session, my very first session, we did a genial ground and so that was about my mom and her mom and dad, her siblings, and about my dad and his parents. My dad did not have any siblings. Um, he was the only child, sweets only child. So once once I got to therapy, you know, I started to have compassion on once you learned that it's a possibility that your parents were abused or your parents were lived in the homework dysfunction. Now I'm not saying that that is an excuse because just because you grew up a certain way don't mean well, because my parents hurt me, now I'm gonna hurt my kids. That's that's that's unacceptable. No, But once you have an understanding, I believe that's when you can move past the hurt and the trauma. And you said it was a verbal trauma, so most likely what someone said to you out of anger was a lie. Uh say, something was saying like, you're gonna be just like your dad, or you're never gonna make it, you're gonna be dumb, You're never gonna go to college because none of us in the family went to college. You're gonna be broke just like the rest of us. That's a lie. That is an absolute lie. Because you have the ability to think for yourself, you have the ability to feel for yourself. You got the ability to choose for yourself. Okay, that's how you can get past it is when you realize things that were said to you and over you, and most of the time when it's an anger, that's not that's it wasn't said to you in the spirit of love, whom love is the love love, Love does not hurt, love does not be great. Mm hmmm. No, no, Now there's a difference. When your parent was trying to correct you because you did something wrong at school, so you got a nice little tongue lashing, and it was probably that I'll listen, I'm gonna take away your games. You'll put your punishment or you know better than that I've taught you. But that's different. Correction and chastisement is different because when you correct somebody. Even the Bible says God chastises and corrects those who he loved. Okay, but that's different than like abuse, because I think you can move past it once you just get a better understanding of how they go repet an understanding of what they were going through. Like I said, it don't make it right, and it does not excuse the hurt and the abuse that was inflicted upon you. I get it, and I understand. Wow, this is so good, this is so so good. How got eva? How do you keep patient and faithful on the journey to your dreams? Well, I think prayer, because once you've written your goals and dreams out and you're doing your part, like I said to another young lady, it's gonna happen. It's aren't you come true? Now? If you're just focused on bettering yourself, you won't even be so focused on the destination and on that, and then when it happens, you're gonna be like, oh my gosh, I prayed for this. Oh my gosh, some stuff is just gonna fall in your lap, stuff that you prayed for and you might have prayed for it two years ago. Well, it's comment it's on the way, it's it's happening. It's happening. Just continue to walk through those doors and just continue to walk confidently through life. But keep patient and faithful. Just do it. Be patient, could be faithful on the journey to your dreams. That's so awesome now, it's so so beautiful. Girl discovers books. How have you pushed past the guilt and shame of baming depression? Wow? As a Christian, I went through a period with anxiety and I denied it so hard because I thought me didn't getting reclaiming it and that I just simply couldn't be dealing with that because I am a Christian. Not only that, there are so many other cultures where if you say you're the press, you bring shame on the family, not just your religion when your beliefs, but the family. So for me, I didn't ask permission from family for its, the church, nobody, because when it was just me and my therapist, it was just me and the psychiatrist in that room. So I yeah, M As it relates to when when you get to a point of when you're just desperate for help, the shame, there is no shame, shame and desperation can't be in the same room. It can be in the same office where you're getting seeking to help from. So I I yeah, since you ask me, how have eye plush pastor guilt and shame of name of depression? Because it is what it is. Just what it is, This depression no different thing you being diagnosed with migraine. It is what it is. There's no different than a woman being diagnosed with fire voids. It is what it is. Now, what am I to do to lesson? You know the the effects? How can I heal? What do I do to me? It was as it was this simple stack. It was as simple as that. So who this is awesome? This is awesome. Gabrielle says, as a performer from a young age, what was the most valuable advice you given to help me navigate the business? I think it had Um Jimmy Chamman, Terry Lewis and the late great Big Jim Right actually advising me about my finances. It had nothing to do with how great you should perform on stage, because that's what rehearsal was for. Uh, That's what having a great band and teams for. But when they talked to me about money, that was the most value advice I was given was about money. How to be wise with money, how to invest the money, what not to do with the money. See, I respect Jimmy jam In Terry was because to this day they're still working and they're still living the life that I knew them to be living when I first met them twenty years ago. And they were doing this twenty years prior before I met them, and they was botling. Okay, So yeah, the best advice said I was giving was who was about my money and finances? Um, There's one time I bought a home and I stayed significantly under budget. It was still a beautiful home. And then at the time it was just me and um, I lived in an area, I lived in a zip code that I desired to live in so much, and I was able to get my house and I stayed under budget. You put the rest of that money in the bank. Beyonce and Kelly and his team were pleased me years ago talking about how frugal I am and was right, if anybody go ahead, any money is gonna be the show. So I that's to me, that was the most valuable advice all right. Now, I haven't always been perfect. Um as far as my downfall with finances was giving giving so much, But I would say the Lord has truly truly been kind and has not let me go without. So I'm excited. Uh future is still bright. So I would say that was the best advice that I've been given was about the finances. Big Jim used to say, you don't want your house to be your tomb. I mean, I mean you don't want to. Okay, say, for instance, just because you can afford a million dollar house, do you have to get that million dollar house now being able to afford it. We've got to know what being able to afford with that really really really means. Okay, you don't want to buy a house, and you're just so doomed to that house and before you know it, all your income it's gonna go to you just trying to maintain that house, meaning you don't die in that house you can't even afford to You're gonna have to sell that house to get to get out out of the house. But it's just you don't want to be living and working just to pay a mortgage to where you can't. Um to me, I'd rather live with deep my means it's still be able to fly first class, still be able to purchase that seat on a private jet and class. Now I also got friends that got private jet, so I I hop on trips with them at times. But I don't want to have all this stuff, and I care about how I travel. I care about where the hotels I stay in. So it's not having a great quality of life, not just in you know, having what seems to be. Oh when people pulled your out, look what they got. No, I don't. I don't. I don't look like that. I don't look like that. Now I do like I like my cars. I do not see I like cars like I do let my cars, and I do like my homes. I love nice homes and I like them to look nice. But once I said the best some of the best price was about my finance, because if y'all ever looked at the h one behind the music, it's kind of a take off like where are they now? And so many artists faint hold and finances and some even had to keep like regular jobs, and that scared me. That's that scared me. So I was like, no, mm hm, how right? Okay? Am I do A couple more. Oh my god, this one broke my heart when I read this. A young lady says, it's been one month today since my youngest son, nineteen years old, was capabled in a horrific car accident. It's hard to get to the day without breaking down. I find myself just wanting to be dead. I have so many questions, but at this point only God can answer them. I do thank you for this platform which allowed me to just express my inner thoughts. And she's on Instagram as pretty Brown. I for you too, but it's pretty Brown. I I for you too. Mrs Thomas. First of all, Mrs Thomas, if you're listening, I just want to give my condolence to you. Um My heart goes out to you when I read this question. My heart broke for you, and it broke for your loved ones who but I want to UM, you're in a state of grief and grieving this loss, and so we all that are listening, we can understand when you say you just find yourself wanting to be dead, because especially you know your son being killed in a car accident, and you're I'll be thinking all the thoughts, Gosh, that should have been me. I should gosh, I should have been there to protect him, because a parent wants to protect that child. The parent wants to be there for their child, and parent wants to see that child grow up, do great things, have love children. And it's a possibility that was taken from your son. So you're thinking about not only was your son taking from you, but all the other things that was taken from him, life's possibilities. And so I understand. I understand, and like you said, there are some questions that only God can answer. But I encourage you Ms Thomas if you can. Whenever you did the funeral, UM, I know they provide grief counseling resources. I know with my dad they provided you. There was a number that you could call and it was free, and I urge you to talk to someone maybe maybe for the next year. For sure, UM, you should be getting some consistent care, some consistent loves, some consistent therapy. And again, my listeners and I we send our love to you. We um send our thoughts to you. Okay, Oh, so sorry for your loss, So sorry playing your loss. Just breathe, everybody, just bring, just bring. It's a happy one. It's a happy podcast. Every podcast. Last question how do you learn to accept the shortcomings of your parents, knowing they will never admit their role in childhood trauma and forgive them? You answer your own question. Since you know they will never admit their role in your child in trauma, you forgive them, you love them, okay, and you process that pain with a professional. Okay, they actually accept their short comings. You accept their shortcomings by saying, you know what, there's still a child to God. You're a child of God because one day you're gonna be their age. One day you're gonna have kids. There's a possibility to your kids are gonna be like, how do I accept the shortcoming of my parents? You know what I mean? So we don't want to judge either. And if you notice when you get older, notice the things that you said you would never do like your parents, and you find yourself doing that, that is a result of a bitter root judgment. Yo. When I learned what a bitter root judgment was, I was like, oh my god, Oh my god. Because sometimes we don't know, we don't know of the circumstances why our parents did things that they did. I don't know everything about why there's some there's something I found out in that shifted. That shifted even how I felt about my dad. So you gotta make sure you get all the information. Get all the information before you start judging. Get all the information. And even when you get the information, what did Andrew called yourself? Who am me to judge? Who are me to judge? It's up to us to understand and accept the shortcom I have short comings? Are there things I can work on? Yes, and I want somebody to love me through. Now. Not only loving someone through their shortcomings also means holding them accountable because a lot of people make excuses. Well I'm like this because my Daddy Wooden new my life. Don't mean you gotta be about He does not mean that. M hm no, does not mean that. All right, this is amazing. I think what I'm gonna do, possibly do in the future. I'm gonna do more of these, but maybe, um, you know, once I get back to having guests. I think I should have a guest next week. Um. I believe we are working on making good and Tasha Smith, We've got so many great folks lined up. Um, So yeah, I think I want to continue these Q and a's Um, you know, answering a question or two um every podcast. Thank y'all so much for checking in these questions. Let me know so many people are hurting, so many people need answers, So let me let's do a quick prayer um for you guys. I just feel led to um, just do a quick prayer or affirmation and declaration over the listeners today and folks that are listening. God, we thank you so much for this state. Thank you for life. God. I want to thank you for every person that sent in a question, even the ones that did not get answered. God, You've probably already answered them for them. And God, I asked that you continue to watch over everyone. Protect got my prayers for protection, my prayers for healing to every subscriber of my podcast. And Lord for the subscriber and their families. You do a mighty, mighty work in their lives. I'm so excited about the good news that my listeners are going to be telling me even before this year is over. God, do something extraordinary, do something that we know only you could have done. God, I ask for healing of hearts. I asked for understanding of areas for people who they don't know why someone died while they lost a love, Why their marriage failed, why their relationship filled. God continued to give understanding comfort. You are the great comforter, You are the ultimate healer. God. Thank you that you used me as a vessel and that um I continue to do the work as you called you and God as list to call. Help people understand what they're calling is while they're still alive on this earth. God, we just thank you for being so awesome, so good, so gracious, so nothing and will forever forever acknowledge you and everything that we do and your name, we pray Amen. I'll see you guys next week. Checking In with Michelle Williams is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
