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Let's talk about the distinction between expectation and agreement.
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One is toxic, the other one is powerful.
3
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So what's the problem with expectations? Uh.
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You can all relate to this.
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I guess if someone expects something of you, there is this feeling of, ugh, this tightness, this, oh, now I need to perform.
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I need to prove something.
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And, uh, you're coming from a place that is not from love, but it's more like from scarcity and from anxiety.
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Um.
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You might have had these situations before where your partner expects something of you.
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You know, I expect from you to, uh, wash the dishes, uh, to do the laundry.
11
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I expect of you to cook the dinner.
12
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I expect from you to clean the house or the apartment.
13
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Uh, I expect from you to be at home at time for the kids dinner, whatever it is.
14
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Expectations.
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And the only thing that results in expectations is either you're not holding your expectations from the other one, then they are disappointed in you, or you're delivering and then it's neutral.
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It's like, okay, I expected that of you and now you did it great, but there is nothing, nothing positive in it.
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Right? And so.
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The trap with expectations is so either you're not delivering and someone is angry at you, or it's bored because if you deliver, nothing changes.
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So these expectations are toxic in relationships at work wherever you go.
20
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And there is another perspective on it or like another.
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Another few.
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And it's not if you're coming from an expectation for coming from an agreement.
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And what does an agreement do? An agreement is powerful.
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An agreement is encouraging, and an agreement is something where you need two people, at least two people to agree on something and to co-create.
25
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So if you are feeling in your relationship that your partner is like sarcastic or um.
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Making some, some bad jokes about you and when friends are around and you don't like it, um, rather than expecting that he or she will change sometimes, um, it might be a good idea to sit down in a quiet moment and say, Hey, um, this is what I'm feeling.
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I don't like how you are handling this situation.
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Let's make an agreement.
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Let's agree on.
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You know, being nice to each other.
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Like if you are, if you're being with good friends, you know, we wouldn't do this to good friends.
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So let's agree on that.
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And then it's a clear cut.
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It's an agreement.
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It's okay.
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The one partner says, I get it.
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The other says, thank you.
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And that's an agreement.
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And you can do agreements in all walks of life.
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You know, I'm, I'm having agreements, uh.
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With my wife to do certain household tasks so that she's not expecting something and I'm not doing it and she's mad at me, but there's an agreement of, Hey, I take care of this, I handle this.
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You don't have to think about it anymore.
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You know, it's, it's, it's my job now and this makes it a lot easier.
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I am having agreements with, uh, our kids.
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So if there is.
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Uh, and that's not, not always working, but that's a good starting point.
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You know, if, uh, we are losing, like our nerves, so we're getting impatient, we say something like, Hey, um, our, our capacity is reached, you know, please be more kind in a way, uh, because, you know, my, my batteries are drained or the capacity is reached, so.
48
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Uh, please don't over overstep the border here.
49
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I do have agreement.
50
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I have strict agreements with, uh, my clients because commitment is one of the key factors that makes, uh, the magic happen when I'm working with a client.
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So my agreement is with them, the sessions that we are having is the most important session you will have in a week.
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It's the most important.
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Appointment for you.
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It's not about me.
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It's about you give this to you as the most important sacred time once a week, and there is nothing that can change this appointment.
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Right.
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And if you're coming from this perspective, it's like, oh yeah, that's the most important and I will.
58
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Recreate my world around that center piece.
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I have an agreement with, with people that if I'm scheduling a conversation and to show up late for five minutes, I'm gone.
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You know, not because I'm an asshole, but because I, I'm honoring my time and I'm not waiting for someone.
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If there's an agreement, I'm showing up.
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I'm a hundred percent committed.
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I'm there, and if someone is not committed, that's okay.
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I'm not mad or whatever, but I'm gone and this is what I'm communicating.
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Because if you live your life from a commitment, the whole world and the whole experience of your life will shift, and that's part of an agreement.
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So agreements also help you to get committed to.
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Uh, things easier.
68
00:06:18,481.36363636 --> 00:06:34,441.36363636
So my question to you, what is one area in your life where you live? An expectation and an agreement would serve you more loving? You talk soon.
00:00:00,166.36363636364 --> 00:00:06,736.3636363636
Let's talk about the distinction between expectation and agreement.
2
00:00:08,86.3636363636 --> 00:00:12,586.363636364
One is toxic, the other one is powerful.
3
00:00:13,546.363636364 --> 00:00:17,506.363636364
So what's the problem with expectations? Uh.
4
00:00:19,531.363636364 --> 00:00:20,941.363636364
You can all relate to this.
5
00:00:21,271.363636364 --> 00:00:32,731.363636364
I guess if someone expects something of you, there is this feeling of, ugh, this tightness, this, oh, now I need to perform.
6
00:00:32,731.363636364 --> 00:00:34,531.363636364
I need to prove something.
7
00:00:35,251.363636364 --> 00:00:43,531.363636364
And, uh, you're coming from a place that is not from love, but it's more like from scarcity and from anxiety.
8
00:00:44,101.363636364 --> 00:00:44,611.363636364
Um.
9
00:00:45,991.363636364 --> 00:00:50,611.363636364
You might have had these situations before where your partner expects something of you.
10
00:00:51,181.363636364 --> 00:00:56,851.363636364
You know, I expect from you to, uh, wash the dishes, uh, to do the laundry.
11
00:00:56,851.363636364 --> 00:01:00,331.363636364
I expect of you to cook the dinner.
12
00:01:00,331.363636364 --> 00:01:04,861.363636364
I expect from you to clean the house or the apartment.
13
00:01:05,431.363636364 --> 00:01:12,541.363636364
Uh, I expect from you to be at home at time for the kids dinner, whatever it is.
14
00:01:12,931.363636364 --> 00:01:13,951.363636364
Expectations.
15
00:01:14,461.363636364 --> 00:01:29,641.363636364
And the only thing that results in expectations is either you're not holding your expectations from the other one, then they are disappointed in you, or you're delivering and then it's neutral.
16
00:01:29,761.363636364 --> 00:01:38,971.363636364
It's like, okay, I expected that of you and now you did it great, but there is nothing, nothing positive in it.
17
00:01:38,971.363636364 --> 00:01:40,411.36363636
Right? And so.
18
00:01:41,581.36363636 --> 00:01:54,31.36363636
The trap with expectations is so either you're not delivering and someone is angry at you, or it's bored because if you deliver, nothing changes.
19
00:01:54,511.36363636 --> 00:02:03,751.36363636
So these expectations are toxic in relationships at work wherever you go.
20
00:02:04,291.36363636 --> 00:02:09,811.36363636
And there is another perspective on it or like another.
21
00:02:10,426.36363636 --> 00:02:11,296.36363636
Another few.
22
00:02:11,326.36363636 --> 00:02:15,586.36363636
And it's not if you're coming from an expectation for coming from an agreement.
23
00:02:16,186.36363636 --> 00:02:20,116.36363636
And what does an agreement do? An agreement is powerful.
24
00:02:20,446.36363636 --> 00:02:31,996.36363636
An agreement is encouraging, and an agreement is something where you need two people, at least two people to agree on something and to co-create.
25
00:02:32,746.36363636 --> 00:02:38,896.36363636
So if you are feeling in your relationship that your partner is like sarcastic or um.
26
00:02:39,541.36363636 --> 00:03:00,901.36363636
Making some, some bad jokes about you and when friends are around and you don't like it, um, rather than expecting that he or she will change sometimes, um, it might be a good idea to sit down in a quiet moment and say, Hey, um, this is what I'm feeling.
27
00:03:01,201.36363636 --> 00:03:03,991.36363636
I don't like how you are handling this situation.
28
00:03:03,991.36363636 --> 00:03:05,11.36363636
Let's make an agreement.
29
00:03:06,151.36363636 --> 00:03:07,411.36363636
Let's agree on.
30
00:03:08,626.36363636 --> 00:03:10,156.36363636
You know, being nice to each other.
31
00:03:10,216.36363636 --> 00:03:16,756.36363636
Like if you are, if you're being with good friends, you know, we wouldn't do this to good friends.
32
00:03:16,876.36363636 --> 00:03:18,886.36363636
So let's agree on that.
33
00:03:18,886.36363636 --> 00:03:20,356.36363636
And then it's a clear cut.
34
00:03:20,356.36363636 --> 00:03:21,106.36363636
It's an agreement.
35
00:03:21,106.36363636 --> 00:03:21,766.36363636
It's okay.
36
00:03:23,26.36363636 --> 00:03:24,466.36363636
The one partner says, I get it.
37
00:03:24,496.36363636 --> 00:03:25,876.36363636
The other says, thank you.
38
00:03:26,326.36363636 --> 00:03:27,316.36363636
And that's an agreement.
39
00:03:27,736.36363636 --> 00:03:30,466.36363636
And you can do agreements in all walks of life.
40
00:03:30,946.36363636 --> 00:03:33,436.36363636
You know, I'm, I'm having agreements, uh.
41
00:03:33,826.36363636 --> 00:03:47,926.36363636
With my wife to do certain household tasks so that she's not expecting something and I'm not doing it and she's mad at me, but there's an agreement of, Hey, I take care of this, I handle this.
42
00:03:48,256.36363636 --> 00:03:49,786.36363636
You don't have to think about it anymore.
43
00:03:49,786.36363636 --> 00:03:53,626.36363636
You know, it's, it's, it's my job now and this makes it a lot easier.
44
00:03:54,496.36363636 --> 00:03:57,976.36363636
I am having agreements with, uh, our kids.
45
00:03:58,36.36363636 --> 00:03:59,746.36363636
So if there is.
46
00:04:00,946.36363636 --> 00:04:04,516.36363636
Uh, and that's not, not always working, but that's a good starting point.
47
00:04:04,516.36363636 --> 00:04:27,16.36363636
You know, if, uh, we are losing, like our nerves, so we're getting impatient, we say something like, Hey, um, our, our capacity is reached, you know, please be more kind in a way, uh, because, you know, my, my batteries are drained or the capacity is reached, so.
48
00:04:27,481.36363636 --> 00:04:31,111.36363636
Uh, please don't over overstep the border here.
49
00:04:31,801.36363636 --> 00:04:32,791.36363636
I do have agreement.
50
00:04:32,791.36363636 --> 00:04:42,871.36363636
I have strict agreements with, uh, my clients because commitment is one of the key factors that makes, uh, the magic happen when I'm working with a client.
51
00:04:42,871.36363636 --> 00:04:52,501.36363636
So my agreement is with them, the sessions that we are having is the most important session you will have in a week.
52
00:04:52,531.36363636 --> 00:04:53,581.36363636
It's the most important.
53
00:04:55,696.36363636 --> 00:04:56,956.36363636
Appointment for you.
54
00:04:57,46.36363636 --> 00:04:58,306.36363636
It's not about me.
55
00:04:58,516.36363636 --> 00:05:12,856.36363636
It's about you give this to you as the most important sacred time once a week, and there is nothing that can change this appointment.
56
00:05:13,486.36363636 --> 00:05:13,786.36363636
Right.
57
00:05:14,866.36363636 --> 00:05:19,636.36363636
And if you're coming from this perspective, it's like, oh yeah, that's the most important and I will.
58
00:05:21,331.36363636 --> 00:05:26,221.36363636
Recreate my world around that center piece.
59
00:05:26,611.36363636 --> 00:05:36,91.36363636
I have an agreement with, with people that if I'm scheduling a conversation and to show up late for five minutes, I'm gone.
60
00:05:37,81.36363636 --> 00:05:44,926.36363636
You know, not because I'm an asshole, but because I, I'm honoring my time and I'm not waiting for someone.
61
00:05:45,901.36363636 --> 00:05:47,881.36363636
If there's an agreement, I'm showing up.
62
00:05:47,881.36363636 --> 00:05:49,321.36363636
I'm a hundred percent committed.
63
00:05:49,411.36363636 --> 00:05:54,271.36363636
I'm there, and if someone is not committed, that's okay.
64
00:05:54,271.36363636 --> 00:05:58,801.36363636
I'm not mad or whatever, but I'm gone and this is what I'm communicating.
65
00:05:59,311.36363636 --> 00:06:09,721.36363636
Because if you live your life from a commitment, the whole world and the whole experience of your life will shift, and that's part of an agreement.
66
00:06:09,721.36363636 --> 00:06:15,61.36363636
So agreements also help you to get committed to.
67
00:06:15,631.36363636 --> 00:06:16,681.36363636
Uh, things easier.
68
00:06:18,481.36363636 --> 00:06:34,441.36363636
So my question to you, what is one area in your life where you live? An expectation and an agreement would serve you more loving? You talk soon.
