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hi and welcome to what the phalange the podcast where we watch every episode of friends discuss it deconstruct it and fan over it one episode at a time my name is emily pronoun she and her my name is quinn pronounced easier or that they them this week we're talking about season 1 episode 5 the one with the east german laundry detergent this episode aired on october 20th 1994. it was written by jeff greenstein and jeff strauss and directed by pamela fryman as we continue learning and fighting this week we found an excellent short video that really explains one aspect of systemic racism the video is part of the explained series on netflix and is entitled the racial wealth gap while the episode is specifically highlighting american systemic racism canadian history is not exempt leading us to similar forms of systemic racism if you are a listener and believe that equality is the only solution towards dismantling systemic racism this is a great video to watch it pushes us further towards recognizing the ways in which equality will not do enough we need justice and reparations it's only 15 minutes long and well worth the watch[Music] welcome back we're back season one episode five how do you feel about this episode um i really like this episode actually it's probably one of my more favorite episodes interesting specifically um i specifically really like the story of the laundry mat okay that's like definitely one of my favorite story lines it is cute and then i'm also a really big janice fan ah okay interesting yes i love janice too i love janice yeah it's funny because i don't actually feel like this is one of my favorite episodes like it's great and there's definitely elements of it that i really like but i wouldn't have classified it as my favorite episode but then you just said janice and you're right i really love janice she's so good she's so great i i like i don't know if i want to date janice or be janice but i just want janice in my life i don't want to be janice i think janice is my my true love mmm interesting interesting i would say is my true love but all right that's fair shotgun michelle gellar i want to be buffy and date janice that would be the power couple of this century so good anyways um but to be fair i don't think buffy could handle dating i would not have that patience um we wanted to start this episode with kind of going over the cold open like we normally do but then we wanted to kind of break down this podcast into talking about the three different storylines that happen separately yeah okay cool so maybe we start with the cold open what are your feels here i've i've got lots of feels and they're both good and bad because i i actually think this is like kind of i think it's again well scripted i really like the cold opens that they've had so far in the show i think they've been really well scripted and they usually don't have anything else to do with the show and it's just like banter between the six of them that's like the majority of all the cold opens this kind of random banter between the six of them um and so i really like that aspect of it and i think it happens a lot more often in season one that you see this kind of banter it makes me feel like our podcast should have a better cold open you know oh damn what are you thinking really good banter about why men and women are the same thing[Laughter] well that leads us into what we want to talk about in the cold open so again we're going back to a cold open that it doesn't go with the rest of the episode but it does highlight some really prominent themes in friends as a whole in general and that is the sexism that exists totally within friends and what comes with sexism is inherent transphobia right um so just for people who are listening if you're confused by what cis sexism is because i'm sure you've heard of transphobia but what is specifically cis sexism or the difference between the two so sexism is pretty much the idea of almost disregarding the existence of trans people in in conversations in life in media in whatever it is and so in this conversation they're talking about men and women traits so men can do this and women can do this but specifically looking at it from an anatomical perspective aka the multiple organ orgasms organisms the multiple organisms for women um and like how women can look down and see breasts um and then for the men the um what was the line uh that men can pee standing up right yes that's the line and so these are traits that they've deemed to be men traits and women traits specifically regarding anatomy of men and women and disregarding the existence of people outside of those categories um whether that's intersex people trans people etc yeah and so like the inherent um it essentially creates an inherent erasure of trans experiences and inherently is oppressive because what ends up happening is that you know it starts coming down to like oh well men use this bathroom and have places to stand up to pee and um women have these kinds of bathrooms and then you know people have to use them according to their anatomy but then also it plays into um what if you don't look like that what the standard is in society to look like a male or look like a female and you walk into the bathroom that either matches your anatomy or matches what you are most comfortable with or what you most identify walking into and that creates some pretty intense um actual violence in society whether it's like legal violence or uh physical violence against uh oftentimes trans women totally um i actually feel that phoebe is the only one who makes a comment about men that's not inherent to their physical body so phoebe says the line of um how men can just do all these terrible things and not even care you know and like that to me is just such a like of course they gave phoebe that line you know it like feels like such like a feminist revolutionary phoebe line you know men do all these things and they don't even care to the untrained eye or ear that's like really just phoebe being like random and weird but in actuality it's just so interesting because there's so much deeper into it right like this is a socialized toxic mass it's something that's that's uh targeting or addressing socialized toxic masculinity that exists in society that is a real social issue and that comes up later in the episode yeah exactly um but in you know in actuality yes like all all people can be horrible and do horrible things but and then not care but this is actually like an actual repetitive thing that exists within the realm of toxic masculinity which i think will kind of break down a little bit further into the episode yeah for sure all right um okay we want to talk about um the individual story lines which of the story lines is your favorite storyline so we have the laundry story line with ross and rachel we have the breakup storyline with chandler and phoebe going through their breakups and then we have the date night tear apart of a relationship storyline with monica and joey which one is your favorite um i don't i think i really like the chandler and phoebe storyline mostly because i just i really like their rapport is the word i like to use i don't know i learnt it and i love it um i just feel as though they're they're really different like phoebe's kind of like soft and naive and gentle and innocent and like chandler's sarcastic and hard and awkward and weird and like well phoebe's also weird but like and i just feel as though like phoebe just has such like cute soft intentions and always sees the good in people and chandler's just kind of like grumpy and all the time and and i like that in this episode or in this like series of scenes you kind of see them more phoebe kind of getting chandler to see his soft side and it's just this like cute little i don't know they're cute together they're big they're friends they are a cute little duo together it's funny that you say that phoebe is soft because she's also okay you're the one that lived on the street right and has and she has such an edge to her at the same time i guess i mean soft in the sense that she's like trusting yeah i find it it's so hard to pitch and hold the whole phoebe as any particular thing because i just feel like she's such a moving target she is like a character made up of contradictions that's so true you know she is like both like soft and gentle and scary and sharp you know like and um and she's like naive and sweet and thinks the best of people but also is like don't [ __ ] with me yeah you know and and is like um yeah she can be vindictive and um and yeah i think i mean right now she's still it's still we're still getting to know her at this point but i do think that she's a character made up of contradictions and um so it's hard to pigeonhole her but for some in some way chandler is sort of a contrast to her even though she's not one thing yeah um but yeah that's true i totally get what you mean it's they're they're an interesting duo and um despite phoebe's weirdness in her own way she at least has some sort of social ability like social conduct ability despite her like random things that she throws into like uh conversations and chandler is that's where he's the opposite he's like easier at like making like easy jargon that doesn't mean anything in a conversation but when it actually comes to like connecting with someone that's what he struggles with but do we want to sort of go through this storyline a little bit yeah sure um so phoebe is breaking up with someone well i actually really like the chandler and the next scene after the cold open is chandler being like saturday night date night and it's just like ross is like don't you have to break up with janice oh man yeah and then phoebe wants to break up with tony who we again don't know but he's like obviously been in her life and we also don't know janice either because she's never mentioned until this episode but obviously has also been in chandler's life um and because tony has gone on a hunger strike and so apparently isn't his fun anymore apparently isn't as fun anymore that sucks what i had asked or what we had asked in the on instagram was sort of like the debate between joey and chandler of like chandler being like i normally just like write a note and pass it over to the person who leave the restaurant before they finish reading it and that's how i break up with people funny and then joey's like be a bad and stop calling which again we could break that down but i hope we don't have to be a man um you know we asked on instagram what would you rather be ghosted essentially or uh get a note at the table from someone breaking up with you and 100 of people said i'd rather the note which totally makes sense but i think what we should have asked interesting what we should have asked is would you have rather chandler broke it up with you with that note method or the way that he tries to break up with janice because it is painful to watch oh man yeah i definitely would prefer no though i think yeah yeah at that point like like just get it out you know like totally but also in a lot of ways it depends on how long you've been dating someone because i answered this poll question too and i said a note but like if you've only been on like two or three dates with someone i would not feel comfortable if like i went to a restaurant with someone i was there i was gonna pay for my own food i was like ready to like sit down and have an evening and this person just like hands me a breakup note and i have to sit there and like read it in front of this person who i've been on like two or three dates with that would be awful i'd rather did they just stop calling at that point well would would at that point a text count as a note no well maybe maybe it would be a text in like maybe that's the equivalent nowadays the the 2020 equivalent to breaking up with someone via a note is breaking up someone via a text have you ever broken up with someone with a note i've broken up with someone via a long facebook message wow but it's because i first tried to break up with them in person and then they were [ __ ] about it valid then and then i wrote a long message and then they never answered but it's okay because they were like emotionally abusive and terrible so it's okay they deserved it they deserved it i think i've broken up with someone with a note or have been broken up with with a note it's all very vague i remember it like high school vaguely sitting in some sort of restaurant or cafe i don't know i can't remember exactly but i definitely think it's a part of my past have you ever just stopped calling someone like ghosted someone stopped messaging them or anything i've been ghosted it's not fun i wouldn't be surprised if i have accidentally ghosted someone oh that sounds like you yeah i'm just so bad at messages and yeah keeping up with communication properly like via the realm of like texting and emails and you know dms and facebook messenger and whatsapps that like i have a backlog of like pretty much like 20 messages at all times minimum um that i wouldn't be surprised if there was someone who was like pursuing me or maybe i went on one date with and then never really found the energy or the time to navigate properly communicating that i wasn't going to see them again that's i'm sorry sorry if anyone's holding a grudge i really someone's like angrily listening to this podcast because they're mad that you ghosted them so i also or we also asked the question um are you as bad as chandler at breaking up with people on our instagram poll and 56 of people said yes wow which is a large amount of people that's pretty bad guys yeah come on guys like chandler has the bar pretty pretty low pretty low oh man and like yeah except for that one time that i kind of had to break up with someone when it wasn't really a relationship like i've never actually had to break up with someone so i it was never that bad that you were like sitting in a coffee house couldn't find the words throwing back like 10 to 15 espressos which is not in the streaming version oh it is it's the other part that's not live streaming version okay let's talk about that so i think that the netflix or the streaming version of this episode does not do janus justice yeah janice in the breakup is way more on it than in the streaming version so on the dvd what the conversation that happens is chandler's saying that we need to break up and she does the oh my god and then he's crying and he's like yeah she's crying and then he goes this really isn't you it's me and she goes i know it's you it's your fear of commitment and it's just like so on it of like calling him out for his [ __ ] and i'm so jealous of phoebe's ability to break up with someone yeah what is up with that that skills okay so i wanna know what she says i wanna be like what is the magic phrase you use teach us all right you know what's wild okay i was so surprised by the the answers for this poll which was have you ever had as simple of a breakup as this one that phoebe has and 30 of people said yes i'm like who are you can you please like dm us tell us what you do how do you broke up with someone by giving them a hug well i'm sure there's words exchanged right but i guess it it depends like this person was clearly not a long-term relationship and remember we already had this conversation in earlier podcasts about like dating in the 90s where you kind of just like date someone by literally dating them like going on dates it's not in the way that we date now in which like within a few weeks usually people are like integrated into your friend group or they're already integrating your friend group and then lines overlap or like like traditional date dates doesn't happen as much anymore with our generation just with like facebook and like being able to like text someone constantly when you're dating them versus like only going on individual dates with them like i think you're saying that you feel like it moves much slower yeah and so like after like four dates in the 90s it's very different to break up with someone versus four dates but you've been like maybe messaging them a lot or you've been like texting them or your facebook friends so you're like really active on each other's profiles like so there's like a whole different web of ways to interact with someone when you're dating them that's not just like inherent to the actual times that you spend together whoa man dating has changed yeah okay so we talked a little bit already about how great janice is but i want to talk a little bit more about how great janice is okay okay one her voice not her real voice not her real voice right so maggie wheeler the actress who plays janice is putting on a voice she used to be a voice actor and she started off in animation go google an interview with her yeah it's weird it's totally fine the one that we listened to she actually like put on the voice and then also talked regularly and you're just like what's happening yeah it's great she's great very talented so her voice is amazing her hair is amazing the curly long beautiful hair her outfit is amazing and she was my number one outfit voter she's got like she got she's got killer outfits through all of the times that we see her i'm not gonna say how many yeah or when and i just i think that this outfit is very like more subtle janice like it's like you got like these knee-high boots you've got this cute little skirt she's wearing like a white shirt with like a black coat vest thing whatever on top and like a beautiful necklace it really looks like chunky jewelry yeah yeah and she's just so it looks so good and then she she buys chandler socks she buys chandler oh my god you guys this bullwinkle sucks so you can wear rocky and rocky or you could wear a bowling cone bowling coal and you could mix and match moose and stock this is who's the squirrel this is true love you guys yeah this is true love it's so cute like finding it's such a cute relationship thing when someone finds like a tiny thing about you that they know you like or that you have and then they like give you something that like goes with it you know yeah like it's like so thoughtful and it doesn't even need to be a like a romantic relationship thing like our sister-in-law ally on the first day of moving into her collective house asked everyone what their favorite ice cream was and then a few months later went out and bought them all their favorite ice cream on one day that's so cute that is really cute yeah so you guys the bar really isn't that high just be better we all have to be better and then of course uh janice's laugh which is the best too yeah janice's laugh which i actually was just reading before we started recording this that apparently in like some i don't know the exactness of it but apparently in a rehearsal she was laughing at one of chandler's jokes in her like kind of voice but it wasn't what it is now she actually slipped as she was laughing at chandler's joke and her laugh went into like a really weird nasal state and then it was integrated into her character so it was like a bit of like an accident of them finding that laugh oh my god that's so good yeah so it makes it even better it's really cute there was nothing inherently problematic in this i didn't feel i thought this is like chandler kind of sucks but like not in a way that's like inherently oppressive like he's just like not good at relationships and he's like yeah it's like it's it's just like the classic men not knowing how to do emotional labor totally because people are like men are not typically socialized to do that and so him being useful useless and dragging out a breakup in a really painful way that it doesn't have to be and then you know phoebe who you guys literally had like the worst of upbringings and like lived on the street somehow still has more emotional labor because she is a woman and has been still socialized in this world to have better emotional labor capacity than chandler and is able to like turn around and and help out and break up with janice really easily in a way that's like super simple and interesting um and so look at that i just find that that interesting it's like normalizing those those stereotypes in a way that normalizing men not having to do that communication work yeah and then women having to swoop in and clean that up for them which is another thing that happens a lot in this whole series this whole and then woman being told that they're too emotional yeah okey-dokey all right laundromat scene or monica and joey monica and joey okay this is weird there's so yeah there's so much here i don't know it's just like it's just weird like joey how could joey not know that this is gonna blow up in his face but i think that this is like a classic sitcom move someone thinks something is one way but it's actually the other way that episode of three's company with some kind of misunderstanding like it's like that episode of friends with some kind of misunderstanding you know so like this idea that that joey is gonna try to break up this couple anyways let's talk about angela do you wanna talk about angela yeah i do because she she's a boss when she's like when he's like you look great and she's like that's because i'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs she's a babe and she knows it i love it it's so good it's so good like that is some i mean it's done in a way that it's supposed to be comical so it's it's just hard to tell with these things like is it good because like that's some really great representation there of like a woman knowing that she's a babe being okay with being a babe being okay with being forward that yeah i know i'm a [ __ ] babe yeah um but then there's also the side that it is a comical thing people are laughing at the situation like that clearly not how people are supposed to act quote unquote in the air kind of thing um but i love it yeah me too it's also like i literally was reading a review of this episode and someone was like angela's trashy and you're like is angela trashy or like are you trashy like because like angela's just like i hate that idea that like men can call women beautiful but the moment a woman calls herself beautiful or recognizes her attractiveness then she's like [ __ ] or she is like full of herself or conceited and it's like no she recognizes that she's a babe and she's owning it and joey missed out she even says to him she's like you said we should just be friends so guess what we're just friends like angela's a boss like okay i wrote a note here okay because i was like didn't even know where to start breaking this down and what i wrote was joey lies to monica to break up a past sexual partner that he only wants because he can't have her and then continues to lie to monica and wouldn't have told her if she hadn't figured it out herself yeah and then continues to break up a couple yeah and it's just like sounds great there's so many things there including lying to your friend like to be honest in this situation that's that's the part that i have the biggest issue with again it's one of those things where like they obviously did that for comedy purposes right like that that's one of those things that like to me to me in any in and maybe you're gonna disagree with me which will be great banter for our podcast but i i think that in a sitcom you need a certain amount of like not great relationships because that's what creates a story that's what creates the jokes that's what creates that right so like i think that in this case i don't actually really have a problem with the fact that joey lies to monica like if it was a real friend life situation not valid but for the purpose of like plotline on a show i think it's funny and i think it's well scripted and well done you know yeah um the like breaking up the couple is more of the like awkward awkward part of it you know it's like and then i think i think like my my instinct is like what if they were polly and then maybe it wouldn't have to be a matter of breaking people up but being like hey i'm attracted to these two people maybe we should talk about our boundaries and talk about what kind of relationship we want to have i mean they don't have to be probably they can just be swingers that too um so except monica and joey are actually together yeah that's true[Music] um don't forget that uh although fun fact that i have recently discovered that fits in perfectly right here apparently in the original writing of the script the main love interest was supposed to be between joey and monica wow way to give spoilers that that doesn't happen sorry on instagram we surveyed people okay you lovely people who answered and uh the question was have you ever tried to break a couple up i hope the answers were no 10 said yes who are you this is sneaky i want to know okay but there's different things is it because you want to break a couple up because like they're you want to keep the pieces for yourselves as monica says or is it you want to break them up because you feel as though they're like in a shitty toxic abusive relationship and you don't think it's good for either people and therefore you're trying to encourage them to not be together right i feel like that's different it's very different i did get a message from uh lovely sid thank you for your feedback sid um but this feedback was i've tried to break up people with my mind powers but that has never worked which i think is super valid because that's a completely different like i think it's very common that people will be like those people shouldn't be together and then you like think the thing whether it's like a celebrity couple or um um okay another question that pertains to this storyline uh did your sibling tell you when they lost their virginity and there was a star next to lose their virginity um because let's take a moment to talk about what virginity is as a concept and that yeah we were talking about that last episode which is the whole time when right wow yeah yeah because virginity is a construct virginity is a construct because so often it's very much trained very much framed as like a hetero cis thing i guess in the sense of like for losing your virginity is the idea of a penis entering a vagina right versus all the other ways that a person can have sex or be sexually active or be sexually active and if like you know someone is a lesbian with a vagina and dates only people who have vaginas then there will never be a penis entering a vagina and therefore that loss of virginity quote-unquote virginity never actually happens right so it's a construct and it's a problem but also in the past it has been used a lot as a uh a tool against women uh like the concept of like the hymen[Music] is very false in a lot of ways yeah um and essentially like valuing someone based on whether or not they're a virgin usually only applies to women again talking about like in a cis hetero realm so that's the reason we put it in quotation marks um or in a little star next to it and 45 people said that they did tell their or their sibling did tell them and 55 said no okay the last thing that i want to talk about in this or that i want to prioritize talking about in this is what is up with bob's hair this bothered you so much okay podcast people quinn has been talking about bob's hair for so long and like i don't understand because to me it's not that bad it's like a 90s haircut whatever and quinn is like we have to make a poll question about bob's hair bob's hair is ridiculous what is this hair it looks like a ken doll hair and it looks like like okay let's let's put this into perspective everyone is giving ross a really hard time for his hair always throughout this series and then you have people like bob and you're just like and then he's called like dreamy or something like that and you're like ross's hair is way better than bob's hair like interesting yeah but it's also like very luxurious and like i kind of want to know what conditioner he uses i think it's more hairspray i think hairspray is the thing that is made it doesn't look like prickly it looks like flowy but it doesn't move it literally he moves and the hair does not move the hair does not wave in the wind it is like a plastic little toupee there's no wind in the brush whatever i'm gonna go look at this not moving hair a plastic toupee oh man that's rough all right let's talk about the next scene my favorite storyline cute cute we're awesome rachel ross and rachel go do their laundry first i want to talk about ross talking to rachel and rachel being like oh i've got big plans for saturday night monica and i are doing laundry at londorama there's a moment where ross does again one of his most incredible acting moments where he's just like yeah i i i you know like he's like trying to be cool and smooth but he can't and he like stops and hesitates and pauses and the bloopers for that scene is just really ridiculous because he just he can't get it out and it's such a good moment i love that they're getting they're going in fine but they're coming out fuzzy all fluffy all fluffy that's it yeah i i agree they just both of these actors have are just really good at what they do and then when you put them together there is a real chemistry there that just works they can play off of each other really well totally um and ross again just acting with his whole body you know season one ross i really i actually really love season one ross me too season one ross i've already heard about that too the best ross yeah he's like kind he's sensitive he's he's like a little bit more vulnerable and he's also willing to show people he's a bit more vulnerable whereas like i think he puts up a few guards after that you know um and i i really like whoever was writing ross's character in season one i'm really i'm really on board with him yeah i think he yeah he's great um and then he even because later on in like his apartment um he's getting ready to go to like you know go out to do laundry and chandler's like oh monica's not going like you know this is a date right and you're just like no chandler it's not a date because even in the dvd version ross actually they cut it out in the netflix version but in the dvd version ross literally says um but is it a date if she doesn't know it's a date and chandler goes yeah ross is like questioning chandler's understanding of this you know ross is like no this isn't a date she doesn't know it's a date you know and chandler's like yes it's a date which doesn't make any sense stupid it's really frustrating and it's as someone who has experienced many times going out with someone and then finding out it's a date while you're there or finding out afterwards that it was a date or that they thought it was a date or that they thought it was a date or or the best one of it all is when you explicitly say that it is not a date that you do not want it to be a date and somehow people don't get the message yeah and to them it's a date also it plays into the idea that we were talking about like last week well not exactly what we were talking about last week but the idea that like women can't do anything ever without men thinking is for them or to benefit them like in the sense of like it just sucks to want to hang out with a dude just to be friends with them actually this plays into our conversation that we had about the friend zone this like you know wanting to hang out with someone because you want to hang out with them you think they have a good personality etc etc and then like usually men like believe that it's a date or that it's an opportunity to date someone and this idea of like always having to be on guard and making sure that this guy's not hitting on you like always making sure when you're in like a social setting a group setting being like is this person hidden on me or are they like respecting my boundaries you know and that's like not fun yeah and it's just like how clear do you have to be oh my god yeah in order for like i don't think that it should fall on a woman's shoulders or any femme person's shoulders to have to explicitly say every single time that it is not a date you know there's just like this inherent belief in this hetero patriarchal world that like if a quote-unquote man the quote-unquote woman are gonna be alone together then they're going to be it's it's sexual or it's a date or it's an interest thing or it could go somewhere there's the possibility for there to be sex and it's just like you know ross also has another cute moment where he's like what's wrong with my snuggles and you're like ross there's nothing wrong with your snuggles you could be as snuggly as you want to be because men don't need to have to be manly all the time you know it's not you don't how how is snuggly not a manly thing it's just yeah it's just manly was in quotation marks yeah i said it yeah you can't see no we can't yeah i think that this is another example of like how toxic masculinity hurts men and it's like why can't ross fully express who he is as a person the fact that he likes to use fabric softener like that's that's great good on you ross for except for right here fabric softener is like the worst for the environment but outside of that like but he wants his clothes to be snuggly yeah like salad i want my clothes to who and also who doesn't want their partner to have clothing that is snuggly yeah you know like if you're going to date someone be yourself very possibly there are people who don't but there's possibly people who like snuggles and want anyway whatever i'm just going on yeah um and so then he replaces it with a laundry detergent that he picks up along the way and it's called uber vice um and apparently it actually translates to overly white uber usually means like super right so like super white which is unfortunate if you have clothing that are not supposed to be white and also it's a really great way to represent this show in general because this is the second episode in a row where there's not a single person of color um okay i want to lean over into this sort of secondary character that really helps create the storyline at the laundromat and who is cast as the horrible woman that is her name in the cast lovely the horrible woman yeah um emily you pointed out something really interesting in our last episode that we're already starting to see as a pattern one episode later which is the representation of fat people who are always represented as being villains or rude or bad people and so in this case she's literally called the horrible woman you know it's one of those moments where it's like it's not explicit it's not like they're making an inherent fat joke you know well they do make that line of like oh i used to have a 24 inch waist but things change but like it's like a microaggression of fat phobia you're you're constantly being exposed to fat people in media who are the villains or who are bad or who are like mean or rude and it just happens way too often there's not enough representation of fat or bigger people in media in which they have like nuanced interesting aspects about them they're just like usually funny they're for comedic relief or rude defined by their body size yeah for sure yeah um no suds no save no sense no save which if anyone who listens to this has used a laundry mat before i know for a fact that that's not the case and also most of the time people are a lot nicer at laundromats in my experience no matter how dingy and gross they are yeah so as someone who has done their laundry in a laundromat because i've always been you know blessed with living in places where the washer and dryer or at least the washer is in the building um what's like the rules around this stuff in my experience basket on top does that kind of the same yeah usually like if you come in and put your basket on top of a laundry machine and you go to get detergent like rachel was doing no one's gonna take your machine also though i will say that most of the laundry mats that i have used have been a lot bigger than the one that they were in in new york but also i will say that in my experience saturday night is a really great time to go to your laundry because a lot of people are not doing their laundry on saturday night usually sundays are a really busy day for laundry right getting ready for mondays yeah so uh i'm i was just it's a little surprising that a saturday night was so busy at the laundromat but isn't like every night busy in new york isn't that like a common it's true i've never done my laundry in new york so again if you've done your laundry in new york let us know your experience at a new york laundromat we need more new york friends i know right we have a few we should reach out to them that's true um did you ever when you first started doing laundry think that you needed to separate your laundry into pants and shirts oh my god no so cute but also like we grew up in how to separate my laundry we also grew up in a family that like i don't know about you but i started doing my laundry while i was still living here here i am we are currently um yeah see i was i was the baby of the family mom did my laundry for way too long you were the baby of the family and i like i still ask mom laundry questions but like i could do it without her and i've done it without her because like i moved out at 19. i was doing my laundry without her for many years but like when i'm back here i feel like i have to like double check with her about things like i'm like i know what i wash in cold water and hot water etc but is there like a more optimal way to do my laundry so i asked mom like what the optimal way is for me to do my laundry because i would not just split up my stuff like ross has three categories he's like delicates um your panty-like things delicates and then he says whites and darks but like that's not the only way that i split up laundry like i definitely wash underwear separate from socks i can wear like you are mom's child like like towels is a whole other category you wouldn't wash towels with other things well maybe you would depends on how many towels you have but then again if you're just one person washing your own laundry i guess you like you do smaller loads and then also when you're paying for laundry at a laundromat you definitely do it differently because every load is money it's expensive um when rachel holds up her underwear after ross explaining to her the different categories she's like well will this go in delicates or white in the whites and it's funny because i think that it's such a relatable question because i remember when i first started doing laundry that was the big stinker like what do you do with the whites like is it gonna get colors in it if i put anyway for the 50 50 response 50 of people are putting their white cotton panties in whites 50 are putting them in delicates so there is no right answer is the conclusion although i know for a fact someone who voted there puts all of their laundry into one load so that's interesting it's a great way to save water um but also okay the thing of putting your red sock into like a thing of whites um if you wash your stuff on cold water it's unlikely that that red sock would have leached into the whites yeah so just in case because i have anxiety and i always worry that this is gonna happen i just wash everything in cold water great you're doing so good for the environment[Music] thanks it's good stuff let's keep it up and i don't think in the polls um i don't think anyone had oh yeah 40 of people have said they've turned their whites into pink and 60 said no so i'm sorry about that i'm sorry that you will look like a marshmallow but as phoebe says all your stuff will match and it's great i love how phoebe just turns that around at the end um okay i want to also point out how i really one of the things that i really love about this storyline is that it's kind of a continuation of last week's episode where rachel is having this breakdown of like can i do this or not right um it's like right along in her story of like her self-development of figuring herself out in the city and so last week it's like she got her first pay cat paycheck and she's doubting herself she doesn't know if she can do this and then she finds her she realizes she has magic beans so cute and then this week she's now faced with having to do laundry and she's again doubting herself which is like really nice to see because i feel like this is it's very real it's like it's such a real process of like going off and wanting to do something for yourself and it doesn't mean that you're just like you know feel confidence in yourself or feel like you've made the decision like yes or no all the time it's really a back and forth of doubting yourself but wanting to do it consist like being consistent and and pushing yourself and being out of your element and it's hard and so here again her dad is like trying to bribe her to come back home and that's really tempting what was it a lamborghini or something that he's tempting her with uh yeah a convertible or something i think he just says yeah and so um it's also such an interesting concept the idea of like emotional support versus financial support like he oh my god the idea of like being able to be financially supported like if something happens to rachel and she can't make it on her own in new york like she has a place to go she has somewhere to go but at the same time her family is completely and totally not emotionally supporting her journey and and this which sucks it really sucks but on the flip side you know it's just such a privilege in so many ways you know being in this and i like to think a lot of the idea of like being broke versus poor you know the idea that like poverty is like usually intergenerational usually it's based on like family wealth it's based on it's systemic it's a stomach yeah totally versus like when you're broke it's it's more along the lines of like you could technically borrow money or you could technically you know go move back in with family you're not going to be like on the street if you can't pay rent i i just i hear so many conversations where people use the word poor when they're actually talking about being broke and then use the word broke when they're actually talking about poverty and i just don't think that it's the same thing and i think that like at the end of the day rachel has a lot of privilege and rachel will be okay financially but on the flip side not having an emotional support from people who you love who you care about um you know who who you grew up grew up with is really really hard and even to take this one step further again having that financial privilege is and always will be a privilege but we're also looking at her father trying to control her with money right and you step into the realm of like financial abuse is also a real thing and a real form of abuse that exists trying to play into like codependency and um and and so it's like this complex um realm of being fine coming from fight like coming from money is a financial privilege she clearly had opportunities that many people will never actually ever be able to conceptualize for themselves and was giving so much support and at the end of the day if she needed to she has somewhere to go um but at the same time having to struggle with the fact that you have that privilege but also it comes with another certain price of kind of a um like a toxic relationship there as well yeah especially like her father literally saying you're not up to this you know and this kind of it's it's a very controlling manipulative way to to have your child you know do what you want like literally bribing her with yeah it's just it's like in a lot of ways like i literally wrote in my notes hashtag rich people problems but in another side of it it's like it you know it sucks it sucks not having emotional support from the people who raise you totally yeah yeah i think a lot about this in terms of like and i know this isn't the case at all and maybe we can get rid of this after i say it but um i think a lot of the idea of like queer and trans people growing up with money and like people who um have this financial support and then are stripped of that financial support because of their identity or because of the choices that they make and therefore you know grow up with this amount of privilege and then are are not don't have that privilege anymore because of choices they decide to make um and then like being excommunicated from their community or their family et cetera et cetera and and like yeah and the harm that yeah and the financial abuse involved in that yeah that's very real doesn't apply to rachel but no it doesn't apply to rachel but also we can flip back to rachel and further talk about like the the life that she was choosing right was to go from her family or her dad being financially supportive of her and her having no real means to support herself in any way like having no skills or abilities to be on her own and then her the plan was for her to be then passed on to her husband who was then going to be her financial support and this is really where this sort of patriarchal um system creates the ability for like a right situation for abuse right because if yeah so like her just being passed on to a husband who's supposed to be her main form of support uh main way of getting any sort of financial support and then on top of that her clearly having no real life skills in any way whatsoever it just creates an environment that is ripe for any type of abuse and for her to not be able to leave because she doesn't have a support system outside of this her that existence and then if you add kids to that mix that makes it even harder to leave because how are you supposed to like support a bunch of kids and go off and get out of an abusive relationship um and so lots of financial privilege and there's no taking that away that is a reality but we can also see it there's so many other problematic things that stem in and out of it yeah uh i also yeah like moving that further actually and the idea of her like starting to learn life skills starting to be on her own and like being able to tackle laundry on her own and then i actually really enjoy despite my issues with this horrible woman that they've created quote-unquote horrible women that they've created like the way that at the beginning of the storyline you know she's kind of just like oh i don't really know how anything works like i'm just gonna step back you know like i i'm not gonna stand up for myself like i'm not sure what what my role is here how to play this so i'm just going to take a step back and then like kind of raw saving her quote unquote at the beginning and like standing up for her in that scene and being like don't make up rules you know it's you know it's not no suds no save um like her basket was on top and then that translating to afterwards not raw saving her again but rather her standing up for herself and recognizing that she can she does have these skills and she does have this um this strength and being able to not be a pushover um and again it plays into this character development that happens throughout all ten seasons of friends where rachel starts to come into her own and and i think that you start to see a few of the seeds of this in these episodes rachel's starting to be like actually i can take care of myself like i have these this capability and and you kind of watch rachel get strong and get capable and get great it's beautiful i love it yeah totally oh i want to ask you a question okay how do you feel about the rachel kiss to ross i know you brought this up earlier outside of this recording and i i don't know i don't know if it was the other way around i would be a little bit more what the f see this is this is my thing okay this is where i feel as though toxic masculinity and the patriarchy can harm men too again no we keep talking about this but and it's annoying but in the sense of like consent so often is forgotten about when it comes to men like as if men always want women to kiss them men always want women to want to have sex with them and then it kind of removes um men's autonomy over their own um sexuality and this idea that like and you so often see it with tropes about like an older school school teacher and a young boy you know and this idea that like obviously that boy would be so happy that 16 or 17 year old boy would be so happy that a 25 or 28 year old teacher is hitting on him because men want sex and men want this and then it completely removes the fact that that's not okay and the consent involved in that situation so always assuming and this is a trope that happens all the time in friends is like always assuming that men want to have sex is really really harmful and removes consent from that situation and so in this case it's it's confusing because we know that ross does want to kiss rachel right and so we know that you know he's he is happy about that kiss but rachel doesn't know that ross would be happy about that kiss and also it plays into the idea of like i don't think rachel was kissing him in a romantic sense it was a very much like a friend sense like oh my god i'm so happy i want to kiss you yeah and so it was like this cute little moment of like joy that rachel was experiencing and wanting to share it but like she wouldn't have kissed monica yeah i i don't know how i feel about it it's a very weird moment i i don't know why they scripted it because i i also feel like it's very out of rachel's character because i feel like rachel's like really awkward when it comes to dating things sometimes and like i just i feel like it was so not something rachel would do yeah trying to like get into rachel's shoes in the position like there's a part of me that wonders if it's like he had said that is it okay if i ask you out sometime and then she's in that moment where she's like so grateful to him where she's like wow you really empowered me and i can do this and like and like maybe a point of like kind of like gratitude but again that being problematic to assume that like that like men are always open to and wanting to have like some sort of sex or you know physical contact in that way and you know her just like kissing him um as like a form of like gratitude to him um but there's like a part of me that like wonders if like in that moment she was genuinely feeling like like that connection with him and wanting and being like this guy like i am my best self around this person like maybe this is who i want to be with you know like having that that moment that flash but i it's funny because when we because when we laughed at the scene i almost like wanted to be like well no wonder rachel has no idea that he's into her because immediately he like freaks out a little bit is awkward and his reaction to the kiss like to me if that happened and someone like reacted in that way i probably would be like oh i crossed the line this person clearly is uncomfortable with what i just did yeah like won't do that again and like will not see this person in that way and i just find that funny yeah it's true it's true yeah it's definitely a tough cookie because it's like well in general just don't don't kiss people randomly yeah don't kiss but but again then it it plays into this idea of like like i'm married you know and and there's times where like i do check in with my partner about whether or not i can kiss them depending on how the vibes that are coming off of them but i've also been with them for so long with him for so long that like i don't always have to ask him if i have to kiss him you know what i mean versus like and and that's that's a relationship that we've established and we feel comfortable with and we both feel safe with and we're respecting each other's boundaries right but i believe that you can also have that kind of relationship with a friend i believe that you can kiss a friend and not have it be romantic like platonic kiss a friend and so what does that mean in terms of the rachel and ross relationship but clearly though from his reaction they have not established that type of relationship yeah so it's like what you're saying what you're saying makes sense but it's clear that it does not apply to the situation yeah it's just a pickle and so let us know what you feel about it because um it is a it's a questionable kiss do you feel like it's out of rachel's character do you feel like ross reacted well do you feel like it was a good moment for a kiss do you feel like it was a random kiss tell us your thoughts yeah let us in yeah so that's it i guess okay so on that note i think we can i think we can wrap it up on that question yeah totally so if you want to answer that question or if you want to ask us questions or if you want to tell us anything that's going on with this episode or next episode things you want to hear from us you can find us at on instagram at wt phalange that's p-h-a-l-a-n-g-e or you can send us an email at wt phalange gmail.com um and we will be getting uh a website up soon but we'll let you know when that happens um i also want to say go go check us out on instagram because i'm gonna post up all the emojis that people described bob's hairs with ah excellent um and then if you wanna contact us individually directly uh you can find me quinn um on instagram at the handle quinn or at mindbody with quinn and then you'll uh find my website and everything uh as a connection from there but if you don't have instagram check out my website it's just quincy brunette.com and you can find me emily um on instagram or facebook at emily b yoga that's emily e m i l i e or my website www.emilyboga.com and as we mentioned last week we will be starting to do some online fitness and yoga classes those will be starting on monday july 13th um we'll have the schedule on my website so go to my website check it out um and hopefully you can start practicing and doing some movement body positive queer trans positive wonderful positive[Laughter] fitness and movement and yoga classes online and you'll find all this information in the show notes see you on instagram we'll see you on instagram that's it