WEBVTT
00:00:00.479 --> 00:00:07.919
Yay! Happy Friday, everyone! And I want to remind you that the goal is not perfect work.
00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:17.280
The goal is work that serves its purpose, delivered in a way that serves your career without costing you more than it's worth.
00:00:17.519 --> 00:00:18.079
That's it.
00:00:18.160 --> 00:00:19.120
That's the whole brief.
00:00:19.280 --> 00:00:20.800
Everything else is negotiable.
00:00:21.039 --> 00:00:27.359
Today we finish our discussion about perfectionism and most importantly, what you can do about it.
00:00:28.879 --> 00:00:35.759
Welcome to Unshakable Her, the show helping women in leadership get promoted by building real influence.
00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:39.840
I'm Caroline Estison, your host, let's get into it.
00:00:42.799 --> 00:00:49.439
By the end of today, you'll have three moves for interrupting the perfectionism spiral before it takes hold.
00:00:49.679 --> 00:01:02.000
You'll hear what Sandra says to Kara, four words that she writes on a poster and sticks it inside her notebook, and you'll have a song that is going to reframe something you thought you already understood.
00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:05.760
So let's start by going back to Kara's story.
00:01:06.159 --> 00:01:17.840
Kara told Sandra, who is her mentor, about her light bulb moment on Sunday evening, that she was seeking certainty that she now realizes she ain't never gonna get.
00:01:18.400 --> 00:01:25.439
But most importantly, that she realized this need was driven by her thinking about the imaginary audience judging her.
00:01:25.760 --> 00:01:34.239
Sandra listened all the way through and then said very simply, Kara, you handed it in.
00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:35.680
It's done.
00:01:36.000 --> 00:01:37.359
Let it be done.
00:01:37.680 --> 00:01:39.760
Kara wrote it on a post-it note.
00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:44.560
She moved it inside her notebook because she felt self-conscious about it on the monitor.
00:01:44.719 --> 00:01:48.400
But she reads it every morning before she opens anything else.
00:01:48.879 --> 00:01:51.680
Let it be done.
00:01:52.159 --> 00:01:56.480
Four words that are doing the work of about 40 years of therapy here.
00:01:56.799 --> 00:01:57.760
Let it be done.
00:01:57.920 --> 00:02:05.840
Not perfect, not finished in the way the imaginary audience wants it finished, done, released, and moved on from.
00:02:06.319 --> 00:02:23.280
So those four words made me think of a song that I've loved for a long time from 2006 about a woman who had spent years being told what she should look like and sound like and be like, and who wrote a song about the specific exhaustion of all of that.
00:02:23.759 --> 00:02:28.560
Any thoughts yet about what the song could be or even who the singer is?
00:02:28.879 --> 00:02:30.560
What would Caro do?
00:02:30.879 --> 00:02:35.520
Sometimes you don't need permission, you just need better advice.
00:02:35.840 --> 00:02:39.039
This week's dilemma comes from Harriet from Harringay.
00:02:39.520 --> 00:02:43.680
Harriet writes, I'm a senior manager and I've been working on a report for six weeks.
00:02:43.759 --> 00:02:45.120
It's due on Friday.
00:02:45.280 --> 00:02:46.240
I know it's ready.
00:02:46.400 --> 00:02:47.520
My team has reviewed it.
00:02:47.599 --> 00:02:51.599
My manager has seen a draft and said it's strong, but I can't submit it.
00:02:51.759 --> 00:02:54.879
Every time I open it, I find something else to change.
00:02:55.199 --> 00:02:57.439
I just can't let it go.
00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:01.520
Harriet, first off, you are not alone in this.
00:03:01.680 --> 00:03:07.680
This is your brain that has learned that releasing work into the world is a dangerous thing.
00:03:07.919 --> 00:03:27.680
And that your wonderful, beautiful brain of yours is trying to protect you from that danger in the only way it knows how, by keeping the work close, keeping it in draft, keeping it in a state where it can't yet be evaluated and therefore can't be found wanting.
00:03:28.560 --> 00:03:30.960
The spiral you are in has a name.
00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:33.599
It's called the completion paradox.
00:03:34.319 --> 00:03:39.280
The closer you get to finishing, the more the stakes feel like they rise.
00:03:39.680 --> 00:03:46.800
Because finishing means releasing, releasing means being seen, being seen means being judged.
00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:50.080
So the brain keeps finding things to fix.
00:03:50.639 --> 00:03:55.280
Not because they're needed, but because that delays the moment of release.
00:04:04.479 --> 00:04:12.479
Not I'll submit on Friday, but more like I will submit at 9.15 on Friday morning.
00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:15.599
Specificity interrupts the loop.
00:04:15.680 --> 00:04:21.439
The brain can't negotiate with 9.15 the way it can negotiate with Friday.
00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:28.959
Two, I'd ask one trusted person to read the final version and give me one sentence of genuine feedback.
00:04:29.279 --> 00:04:31.759
Not to answer, is it any good?
00:04:32.240 --> 00:04:35.600
But instead, what is the strongest thing in here?
00:04:35.920 --> 00:04:41.839
That question grounds you in what is working rather than what might be wrong.
00:04:42.079 --> 00:04:45.920
And three, I've submitted before I open it again.
00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:50.720
Open the email, attach the document, press send.
00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:55.680
Don't reread, don't open the attachment to check, just send.
00:04:55.839 --> 00:04:58.560
And then close the laptop for 10 minutes and breathe.
00:04:58.720 --> 00:05:01.600
The work is out, it can't be recalled.
00:05:01.839 --> 00:05:04.160
The loop has nowhere to go.
00:05:05.759 --> 00:05:08.879
Remember, Harriet, you are not the report.
00:05:09.040 --> 00:05:11.439
The report is a thing that you made.
00:05:11.680 --> 00:05:12.879
So just send it.
00:05:13.120 --> 00:05:16.319
You will survive the sending, I promise you.
00:05:17.040 --> 00:05:19.519
Okay, so one more clue: the song.
00:05:19.759 --> 00:05:29.439
The artist wrote this after years of being told she wasn't quite right, not quite the right look, the right sound, quite what the industry needed her to be.
00:05:29.680 --> 00:05:38.000
And this song is not about triumph, it's about the specific tiredness of trying to be flawless for people who will never be satisfied.
00:05:38.480 --> 00:05:43.040
And then it's about her decision finally to stop.
00:05:43.439 --> 00:05:45.600
And isn't that what this is all about?
00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:51.839
Okay, so on to the unshakable playbook now with lessons from life to steal with pride.
00:05:52.079 --> 00:05:56.720
And this week we are stealing from the incredible Breni Brown.
00:05:56.879 --> 00:06:12.800
Now, if you've never heard of Brene, she is a researcher, best-selling author, and the global authority on courage, vulnerability, and leadership, whose work has changed how millions of people think about showing up, speaking up, and leading well.
00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:20.160
She spent more than two decades studying what makes us brave and crucially what gets in the way.
00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:26.800
Now, Brenny has a line about perfectionism that I've never been able to improve on, so I'm not going to try.
00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:30.560
She says, perfectionism is not about doing your best.
00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:32.879
It is not about self-improvement.
00:06:33.040 --> 00:06:39.680
It is a 20-ton shield that we carry around, hoping that it will keep us from being hurt.
00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:43.600
The shield weighs 20 tons and you're carrying it.
00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:47.120
And honestly, it ain't keeping you safe.
00:06:47.439 --> 00:06:55.439
Because the thing you are protecting yourself from, which is the experience of being evaluated and found lacking, well, it happens anyway.
00:06:55.759 --> 00:07:01.839
Because it's happening in your own head every time you open the draft, every time you reread the sent email.
00:07:02.160 --> 00:07:08.160
The evaluation you're trying to avoid is the one you are already conducting on yourself.
00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:13.439
The move, Breni names, and it is a move because it requires daily practice.
00:07:13.600 --> 00:07:15.439
It isn't a one-time decision.
00:07:15.680 --> 00:07:18.480
It's this show up anyway.
00:07:19.040 --> 00:07:23.519
Not because you're certain it'll go well, because certainty was never the deal.
00:07:23.600 --> 00:07:27.759
The deal was to do the work and release it and find out what happens next.
00:07:28.079 --> 00:07:29.600
Cara handed it in.
00:07:29.839 --> 00:07:32.959
JP said it was exactly what he needed.
00:07:33.199 --> 00:07:39.839
And she spent two days in a dress folder looking for a certainty that was already there and she couldn't see it.
00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:42.800
That is the 20-ton shields at work.
00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:44.720
Put it down.
00:07:45.680 --> 00:07:47.120
Just let it go.
00:07:48.079 --> 00:07:49.600
Do you think you can do that?
00:07:49.759 --> 00:07:51.120
Just let it go.
00:07:51.519 --> 00:07:54.800
Okay, so let's go on with our last clue for your song.
00:07:54.959 --> 00:07:57.759
We've already said it was released in 2006.
00:07:58.000 --> 00:08:08.399
The artist has one of the most distinctive voices in modern music and has spent her career being underestimated by people who confused her volume with her depth.
00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:18.399
The title is a word that the perfectionists in all of us could do with hearing more often, accepting that our work is perfect as it is.
00:08:18.800 --> 00:08:28.399
Abours, that we are just perfect right now, and about the version of us that shows up on a Tuesday afternoon having done our best with what we had.
00:08:28.720 --> 00:08:30.959
Well, that's perfect too.
00:08:31.199 --> 00:08:34.639
The song, of course, is perfect by Pink.
00:08:35.279 --> 00:08:47.120
Now, this song is not about being perfect, it is about the exhaustion of trying to be, and the moment you decide for today, just for today, that you already are enough.
00:08:47.600 --> 00:08:49.279
Here endeth the lesson.
00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:52.080
Three little moves to make you unshakeable.
00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:56.960
Small enough to start Monday, sharp enough to change everything.
00:08:57.759 --> 00:09:02.639
Okay, so you already have three moves to interrupt the perfectionist spiral.
00:09:02.960 --> 00:09:07.279
Here are three more moves to limit that perfectionism showing up in the first place.
00:09:07.440 --> 00:09:09.840
Move one, the done line.
00:09:10.159 --> 00:09:16.480
This week, before you start any significant piece of work, write down in one sentence what done looks like.
00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:20.480
Done enough to serve its purpose for the person who needs it.
00:09:20.720 --> 00:09:22.639
Write it down before you start.
00:09:22.799 --> 00:09:24.799
And when you get there, stop.
00:09:25.360 --> 00:09:28.159
The done line is your permission to release.
00:09:28.879 --> 00:09:31.519
Move to the one read rule.
00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:38.879
For anything you've already submitted or sent, we allow you one read maximum after the fact.
00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:43.200
If you find yourself opening a sent email for the third time, just close it.
00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:44.879
The work is out.
00:09:45.200 --> 00:09:49.440
Reading it again makes no difference whatsoever.
00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:56.000
It is not your quality control, it's your brain looping, trying to restart that loop.
00:09:56.159 --> 00:09:58.559
You're allowed to close the loop.
00:09:58.879 --> 00:10:00.879
And move three, the good list.
00:10:01.200 --> 00:10:12.639
At the end of each working day this week, write down one thing that was good, something that worked, something that landed, something that you did well enough that it served the purpose it needed to serve.
00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:18.159
This is about training your brain to notice the evidence that already exists.
00:10:18.480 --> 00:10:28.080
The evidence that you're doing enough, that you are enough, that the standard you are holding yourself to is being met more often than you think.
00:10:28.799 --> 00:10:32.559
Now maybe that inner perfectionism is never going to go away.
00:10:32.799 --> 00:10:38.960
She's been part of you for a really long time, and she genuinely believes she's protecting you.
00:10:39.279 --> 00:10:44.559
The move is not to silence her, it's to stop giving her the wheel.
00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:51.200
She can sit in the back, she can have opinions, she doesn't get to decide when the work is done.
00:10:51.519 --> 00:10:54.320
You do, and you already know when that is.
00:10:54.639 --> 00:10:57.519
You just need to start trusting that you know.
00:10:58.639 --> 00:11:06.240
Okay, so we've interrupted the spiral, and you also have the done line, the one read rule, and the good list.
00:11:06.799 --> 00:11:15.200
There are your three moves for a different relationship with your work, not lower standards, just a lighter shield.
00:11:15.519 --> 00:11:25.360
And as for Cara, well, she closed down the document, let it be done, became her mantra, and this week she slept well for the first time in about two months.
00:11:25.679 --> 00:11:28.240
Sandra texted her on Friday evening.
00:11:28.559 --> 00:11:30.559
Did you open that document again?
00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:32.799
Kara texted back, no.
00:11:33.279 --> 00:11:36.799
A pause, then how does that feel?
00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:46.159
Kara thought about it, then typed, honestly, absolutely terrifying and also kind of amazing.
00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:49.440
That is what done feels like when you're not used to it.
00:11:49.679 --> 00:11:52.000
Terrifying and amazing at the same time.
00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:54.080
That's how you know it's real.
00:11:54.720 --> 00:11:57.039
And one more thing before I leave you.
00:11:57.360 --> 00:11:59.440
Kara's let the document go.
00:11:59.679 --> 00:12:07.440
She's sleeping on Sundays, she is by any reasonable measure doing well, and yet the diary is still full.
00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:14.879
The to-do list is still eternal, and the badge of being busy is still being quietly worn by almost everyone around her.
00:12:15.200 --> 00:12:26.639
Next week, what happens when Kara decides that calm is not the same as caring and that her best work happens in the state she has been accidentally preventing for months.
00:12:26.960 --> 00:12:28.320
See you Monday.
00:12:29.519 --> 00:12:31.679
And that's it from me for this week.
00:12:31.919 --> 00:12:41.600
Before you go, if something this week made you nod, laugh, wince slightly, or think, finally, someone said it, leave a rating wherever you are.
00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:49.679
It only takes a couple of taps, but it'll help another woman searching for help with leadership influence or promotion to find the show too.
00:12:49.919 --> 00:13:02.960
I'm Caroline Esterson, and week by week, conversation by conversation, two millimeter move by two millimetre move, you're not trying to become a perfect leader, you're becoming a better one.
00:13:03.120 --> 00:13:08.320
More confident, more influential, and more ready for the opportunities ahead.
00:13:08.559 --> 00:13:10.639
A whole lot harder to shake.
00:13:10.960 --> 00:13:12.399
See you Monday.
00:00:00.479 --> 00:00:07.919
Yay! Happy Friday, everyone! And I want to remind you that the goal is not perfect work.
00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:17.280
The goal is work that serves its purpose, delivered in a way that serves your career without costing you more than it's worth.
00:00:17.519 --> 00:00:18.079
That's it.
00:00:18.160 --> 00:00:19.120
That's the whole brief.
00:00:19.280 --> 00:00:20.800
Everything else is negotiable.
00:00:21.039 --> 00:00:27.359
Today we finish our discussion about perfectionism and most importantly, what you can do about it.
00:00:28.879 --> 00:00:35.759
Welcome to Unshakable Her, the show helping women in leadership get promoted by building real influence.
00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:39.840
I'm Caroline Estison, your host, let's get into it.
00:00:42.799 --> 00:00:49.439
By the end of today, you'll have three moves for interrupting the perfectionism spiral before it takes hold.
00:00:49.679 --> 00:01:02.000
You'll hear what Sandra says to Kara, four words that she writes on a poster and sticks it inside her notebook, and you'll have a song that is going to reframe something you thought you already understood.
00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:05.760
So let's start by going back to Kara's story.
00:01:06.159 --> 00:01:17.840
Kara told Sandra, who is her mentor, about her light bulb moment on Sunday evening, that she was seeking certainty that she now realizes she ain't never gonna get.
00:01:18.400 --> 00:01:25.439
But most importantly, that she realized this need was driven by her thinking about the imaginary audience judging her.
00:01:25.760 --> 00:01:34.239
Sandra listened all the way through and then said very simply, Kara, you handed it in.
00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:35.680
It's done.
00:01:36.000 --> 00:01:37.359
Let it be done.
00:01:37.680 --> 00:01:39.760
Kara wrote it on a post-it note.
00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:44.560
She moved it inside her notebook because she felt self-conscious about it on the monitor.
00:01:44.719 --> 00:01:48.400
But she reads it every morning before she opens anything else.
00:01:48.879 --> 00:01:51.680
Let it be done.
00:01:52.159 --> 00:01:56.480
Four words that are doing the work of about 40 years of therapy here.
00:01:56.799 --> 00:01:57.760
Let it be done.
00:01:57.920 --> 00:02:05.840
Not perfect, not finished in the way the imaginary audience wants it finished, done, released, and moved on from.
00:02:06.319 --> 00:02:23.280
So those four words made me think of a song that I've loved for a long time from 2006 about a woman who had spent years being told what she should look like and sound like and be like, and who wrote a song about the specific exhaustion of all of that.
00:02:23.759 --> 00:02:28.560
Any thoughts yet about what the song could be or even who the singer is?
00:02:28.879 --> 00:02:30.560
What would Caro do?
00:02:30.879 --> 00:02:35.520
Sometimes you don't need permission, you just need better advice.
00:02:35.840 --> 00:02:39.039
This week's dilemma comes from Harriet from Harringay.
00:02:39.520 --> 00:02:43.680
Harriet writes, I'm a senior manager and I've been working on a report for six weeks.
00:02:43.759 --> 00:02:45.120
It's due on Friday.
00:02:45.280 --> 00:02:46.240
I know it's ready.
00:02:46.400 --> 00:02:47.520
My team has reviewed it.
00:02:47.599 --> 00:02:51.599
My manager has seen a draft and said it's strong, but I can't submit it.
00:02:51.759 --> 00:02:54.879
Every time I open it, I find something else to change.
00:02:55.199 --> 00:02:57.439
I just can't let it go.
00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:01.520
Harriet, first off, you are not alone in this.
00:03:01.680 --> 00:03:07.680
This is your brain that has learned that releasing work into the world is a dangerous thing.
00:03:07.919 --> 00:03:27.680
And that your wonderful, beautiful brain of yours is trying to protect you from that danger in the only way it knows how, by keeping the work close, keeping it in draft, keeping it in a state where it can't yet be evaluated and therefore can't be found wanting.
00:03:28.560 --> 00:03:30.960
The spiral you are in has a name.
00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:33.599
It's called the completion paradox.
00:03:34.319 --> 00:03:39.280
The closer you get to finishing, the more the stakes feel like they rise.
00:03:39.680 --> 00:03:46.800
Because finishing means releasing, releasing means being seen, being seen means being judged.
00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:50.080
So the brain keeps finding things to fix.
00:03:50.639 --> 00:03:55.280
Not because they're needed, but because that delays the moment of release.
00:04:04.479 --> 00:04:12.479
Not I'll submit on Friday, but more like I will submit at 9.15 on Friday morning.
00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:15.599
Specificity interrupts the loop.
00:04:15.680 --> 00:04:21.439
The brain can't negotiate with 9.15 the way it can negotiate with Friday.
00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:28.959
Two, I'd ask one trusted person to read the final version and give me one sentence of genuine feedback.
00:04:29.279 --> 00:04:31.759
Not to answer, is it any good?
00:04:32.240 --> 00:04:35.600
But instead, what is the strongest thing in here?
00:04:35.920 --> 00:04:41.839
That question grounds you in what is working rather than what might be wrong.
00:04:42.079 --> 00:04:45.920
And three, I've submitted before I open it again.
00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:50.720
Open the email, attach the document, press send.
00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:55.680
Don't reread, don't open the attachment to check, just send.
00:04:55.839 --> 00:04:58.560
And then close the laptop for 10 minutes and breathe.
00:04:58.720 --> 00:05:01.600
The work is out, it can't be recalled.
00:05:01.839 --> 00:05:04.160
The loop has nowhere to go.
00:05:05.759 --> 00:05:08.879
Remember, Harriet, you are not the report.
00:05:09.040 --> 00:05:11.439
The report is a thing that you made.
00:05:11.680 --> 00:05:12.879
So just send it.
00:05:13.120 --> 00:05:16.319
You will survive the sending, I promise you.
00:05:17.040 --> 00:05:19.519
Okay, so one more clue: the song.
00:05:19.759 --> 00:05:29.439
The artist wrote this after years of being told she wasn't quite right, not quite the right look, the right sound, quite what the industry needed her to be.
00:05:29.680 --> 00:05:38.000
And this song is not about triumph, it's about the specific tiredness of trying to be flawless for people who will never be satisfied.
00:05:38.480 --> 00:05:43.040
And then it's about her decision finally to stop.
00:05:43.439 --> 00:05:45.600
And isn't that what this is all about?
00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:51.839
Okay, so on to the unshakable playbook now with lessons from life to steal with pride.
00:05:52.079 --> 00:05:56.720
And this week we are stealing from the incredible Breni Brown.
00:05:56.879 --> 00:06:12.800
Now, if you've never heard of Brene, she is a researcher, best-selling author, and the global authority on courage, vulnerability, and leadership, whose work has changed how millions of people think about showing up, speaking up, and leading well.
00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:20.160
She spent more than two decades studying what makes us brave and crucially what gets in the way.
00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:26.800
Now, Brenny has a line about perfectionism that I've never been able to improve on, so I'm not going to try.
00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:30.560
She says, perfectionism is not about doing your best.
00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:32.879
It is not about self-improvement.
00:06:33.040 --> 00:06:39.680
It is a 20-ton shield that we carry around, hoping that it will keep us from being hurt.
00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:43.600
The shield weighs 20 tons and you're carrying it.
00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:47.120
And honestly, it ain't keeping you safe.
00:06:47.439 --> 00:06:55.439
Because the thing you are protecting yourself from, which is the experience of being evaluated and found lacking, well, it happens anyway.
00:06:55.759 --> 00:07:01.839
Because it's happening in your own head every time you open the draft, every time you reread the sent email.
00:07:02.160 --> 00:07:08.160
The evaluation you're trying to avoid is the one you are already conducting on yourself.
00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:13.439
The move, Breni names, and it is a move because it requires daily practice.
00:07:13.600 --> 00:07:15.439
It isn't a one-time decision.
00:07:15.680 --> 00:07:18.480
It's this show up anyway.
00:07:19.040 --> 00:07:23.519
Not because you're certain it'll go well, because certainty was never the deal.
00:07:23.600 --> 00:07:27.759
The deal was to do the work and release it and find out what happens next.
00:07:28.079 --> 00:07:29.600
Cara handed it in.
00:07:29.839 --> 00:07:32.959
JP said it was exactly what he needed.
00:07:33.199 --> 00:07:39.839
And she spent two days in a dress folder looking for a certainty that was already there and she couldn't see it.
00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:42.800
That is the 20-ton shields at work.
00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:44.720
Put it down.
00:07:45.680 --> 00:07:47.120
Just let it go.
00:07:48.079 --> 00:07:49.600
Do you think you can do that?
00:07:49.759 --> 00:07:51.120
Just let it go.
00:07:51.519 --> 00:07:54.800
Okay, so let's go on with our last clue for your song.
00:07:54.959 --> 00:07:57.759
We've already said it was released in 2006.
00:07:58.000 --> 00:08:08.399
The artist has one of the most distinctive voices in modern music and has spent her career being underestimated by people who confused her volume with her depth.
00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:18.399
The title is a word that the perfectionists in all of us could do with hearing more often, accepting that our work is perfect as it is.
00:08:18.800 --> 00:08:28.399
Abours, that we are just perfect right now, and about the version of us that shows up on a Tuesday afternoon having done our best with what we had.
00:08:28.720 --> 00:08:30.959
Well, that's perfect too.
00:08:31.199 --> 00:08:34.639
The song, of course, is perfect by Pink.
00:08:35.279 --> 00:08:47.120
Now, this song is not about being perfect, it is about the exhaustion of trying to be, and the moment you decide for today, just for today, that you already are enough.
00:08:47.600 --> 00:08:49.279
Here endeth the lesson.
00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:52.080
Three little moves to make you unshakeable.
00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:56.960
Small enough to start Monday, sharp enough to change everything.
00:08:57.759 --> 00:09:02.639
Okay, so you already have three moves to interrupt the perfectionist spiral.
00:09:02.960 --> 00:09:07.279
Here are three more moves to limit that perfectionism showing up in the first place.
00:09:07.440 --> 00:09:09.840
Move one, the done line.
00:09:10.159 --> 00:09:16.480
This week, before you start any significant piece of work, write down in one sentence what done looks like.
00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:20.480
Done enough to serve its purpose for the person who needs it.
00:09:20.720 --> 00:09:22.639
Write it down before you start.
00:09:22.799 --> 00:09:24.799
And when you get there, stop.
00:09:25.360 --> 00:09:28.159
The done line is your permission to release.
00:09:28.879 --> 00:09:31.519
Move to the one read rule.
00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:38.879
For anything you've already submitted or sent, we allow you one read maximum after the fact.
00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:43.200
If you find yourself opening a sent email for the third time, just close it.
00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:44.879
The work is out.
00:09:45.200 --> 00:09:49.440
Reading it again makes no difference whatsoever.
00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:56.000
It is not your quality control, it's your brain looping, trying to restart that loop.
00:09:56.159 --> 00:09:58.559
You're allowed to close the loop.
00:09:58.879 --> 00:10:00.879
And move three, the good list.
00:10:01.200 --> 00:10:12.639
At the end of each working day this week, write down one thing that was good, something that worked, something that landed, something that you did well enough that it served the purpose it needed to serve.
00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:18.159
This is about training your brain to notice the evidence that already exists.
00:10:18.480 --> 00:10:28.080
The evidence that you're doing enough, that you are enough, that the standard you are holding yourself to is being met more often than you think.
00:10:28.799 --> 00:10:32.559
Now maybe that inner perfectionism is never going to go away.
00:10:32.799 --> 00:10:38.960
She's been part of you for a really long time, and she genuinely believes she's protecting you.
00:10:39.279 --> 00:10:44.559
The move is not to silence her, it's to stop giving her the wheel.
00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:51.200
She can sit in the back, she can have opinions, she doesn't get to decide when the work is done.
00:10:51.519 --> 00:10:54.320
You do, and you already know when that is.
00:10:54.639 --> 00:10:57.519
You just need to start trusting that you know.
00:10:58.639 --> 00:11:06.240
Okay, so we've interrupted the spiral, and you also have the done line, the one read rule, and the good list.
00:11:06.799 --> 00:11:15.200
There are your three moves for a different relationship with your work, not lower standards, just a lighter shield.
00:11:15.519 --> 00:11:25.360
And as for Cara, well, she closed down the document, let it be done, became her mantra, and this week she slept well for the first time in about two months.
00:11:25.679 --> 00:11:28.240
Sandra texted her on Friday evening.
00:11:28.559 --> 00:11:30.559
Did you open that document again?
00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:32.799
Kara texted back, no.
00:11:33.279 --> 00:11:36.799
A pause, then how does that feel?
00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:46.159
Kara thought about it, then typed, honestly, absolutely terrifying and also kind of amazing.
00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:49.440
That is what done feels like when you're not used to it.
00:11:49.679 --> 00:11:52.000
Terrifying and amazing at the same time.
00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:54.080
That's how you know it's real.
00:11:54.720 --> 00:11:57.039
And one more thing before I leave you.
00:11:57.360 --> 00:11:59.440
Kara's let the document go.
00:11:59.679 --> 00:12:07.440
She's sleeping on Sundays, she is by any reasonable measure doing well, and yet the diary is still full.
00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:14.879
The to-do list is still eternal, and the badge of being busy is still being quietly worn by almost everyone around her.
00:12:15.200 --> 00:12:26.639
Next week, what happens when Kara decides that calm is not the same as caring and that her best work happens in the state she has been accidentally preventing for months.
00:12:26.960 --> 00:12:28.320
See you Monday.
00:12:29.519 --> 00:12:31.679
And that's it from me for this week.
00:12:31.919 --> 00:12:41.600
Before you go, if something this week made you nod, laugh, wince slightly, or think, finally, someone said it, leave a rating wherever you are.
00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:49.679
It only takes a couple of taps, but it'll help another woman searching for help with leadership influence or promotion to find the show too.
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I'm Caroline Esterson, and week by week, conversation by conversation, two millimeter move by two millimetre move, you're not trying to become a perfect leader, you're becoming a better one.
00:13:03.120 --> 00:13:08.320
More confident, more influential, and more ready for the opportunities ahead.
00:13:08.559 --> 00:13:10.639
A whole lot harder to shake.
00:13:10.960 --> 00:13:12.399
See you Monday.
