Vulnerability, Healing, and Reclaiming Your Authentic Self

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when she started blowing up again on tiktok is when she accused me of false allegations of so it created her following to go up, which I think is what really created her addiction in tiktok, because I've seen so many tiktok creators do that and kind of exploit themselves like not not to say that we don't, you know, do things that are messy for attention, to get views.
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Let's be real, we do that too.
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But uh, the way that she's doing it in the direct harm and then sitting there and saying like I love this individual and regularly dating trans men, like I have a problem with that narrative because it's extremely dangerous to have two million followers and in this climate that we're looking at and just really disregard and spin the narrative in a way that, again, you are a trans man, you're not a cis man, so you don't have cis women are a problem.
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Protection in the way that a cis man would be protected yes, when these accusations are being thrown at you.
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Um, and then just, I also want to give you an opportunity.
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Is there anything that you saw for other trans men and mistakes that you may have made that you can really because, because I think you know how I see my masculinity and manhood is really like owning and taking accountability.
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I think it's really powerful for men for us to really own our mistakes.
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So is there advice or maybe something you might've done wrong that you might've wished you could take back?
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Or where do you want?
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What's the message you want to give to the internet, because I know that that message has been skewed for you in so many ways, and I want to give you an opportunity to really educate people that trans people exist.
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We experience harm in very nuanced ways and even within the our own LGBT community I mean, the T's now gone from LGB and most of the community silent about it what, what lesson would you want to give especially trans men?
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Absolutely so.
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The lesson that I really learned here is we do need to be careful of one who we are choosing as our partners and even just surrounding ourselves with in general.
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Because this woman I was completely vulnerable with, you know she was with me before I had gotten top surgery.
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Also, I've let her know the insecurities of my transition.
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She's willing to in and out to my transition and then later, because I was so vulnerable and I was able to trust her and that was, you know, my I guess more like my judgment on my end, and that's why I will take accountability.
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I was so vulnerable with somebody that I knew in a sense didn't really love me but hoped for it more so and in the end found out the hard way.
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So we just really need to be careful on who we're surrounding ourselves and which you know women or men that we are dating, because some people do look at us as a fetish.
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Some people do not actually, you know, have good intentions with us and when dating public figures, we need to be extremely careful on their intentions, because some public figures will prey on you and you know they like you and they want to be with you.
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But trans is different.
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It automatically does bring numbers and I had said that the other day and I got crucified and I'm like we are different.
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It automatically does bring numbers and I had said that the other day and I got crucified and I'm like we are different.
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That's true, people are curious of us.
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So when a cisgender person dates a trans person and they do have a public platform a lot of the times the people are very much interested in the trans person and in the relationship and things like that.
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So when dating public figures and things like that, you just be careful.
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It's okay to be vulnerable.
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Just make sure you're being vulnerable with yourself.
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Also, with experiencing that, I started to think very toxic and I had to lean on you know, older trans men or even other trans men checking me.
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I had started to get like kind of like a toxic masculinity, like a thought process with little things like oh, we can't be so feminine.
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Yes, we can, that's not a problem.
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And I I had to learn, like a chance man, a few chance men had checked me.
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Like what do you mean?
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Like there's cis men that are feminine and masculine, like that doesn't even make sense.
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I'm like you know what?
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Wait, hold on.
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You are actually absolutely right.
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But because I was being so crucified, I allowed the toxic thoughts and then I started criticizing myself and I'm like no, we can't be like that.
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We need to be, we need to be like this, 100% manly, and we can't, we can't even represent a little bit girly.
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That is not true, um, and I have fell victim to that toxic thought process for a second and I had to rewire and be more open and understand that there is no rule book to being a trans man.
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You don't need to act like all the other cisgendered men, you don't.
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You could be 100% feminine and still be a trans man.
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There's no rules to you.
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Um, and I think I also learned that also throughout this whole like you know situation with so like my thought process kind of altering and then other trans men kind of like giving me advice and letting me know because I was like I want to change my feminine, my feminine traits, I don't want to have no feminine traits.
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Because I was constantly being critiqued and now I'm like I don't give a damn, that's who I am.
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If you think I'm sassy, then shit, I'll be sassy.
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I'm still a fine ass man.
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You know what I'm saying.
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Like yes, you are.
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I gotta tell you.
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I had a final question too.
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I wanted to know something.
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Go ahead, how is Josiah Peace healing?
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How are you doing now, Like let's?
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Talk a little bit about that, because this was a lot.
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And we need to know how you're healing.
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What's going on?
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Do you got a new boo?
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We'll see.
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You want to know what's going on.
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Also, he's got a new apartment actually.
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Oh, congratulations.
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Thank you, thank you, you.
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I told you I followed you.
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Josiah, I know all your stuff.
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You are a real one, bro.
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You are a real one.
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I honestly, I feel great.
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You know, with the healing process there are some days that are harder than others, and this week was a little rougher.
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I like to be like, I try to be transparent with, also my community, because I want it to be a safe place.
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I want people to see to like we are influencers, but we are people like you know, we feel, we feel emotions.
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So this week was very rough on my healing journey.
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Um, but something I'm trying to focus on that I didn't used to do is I I used to suppress my emotions and gaslight myself out of feeling how I felt and when I would feel myself about to cry, like you can't cry, like don't cry, like you're being, you're being a little bitch and it's like.
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Now I'm like no cry, allow yourself to feel that, leave it, let it go and and move on.
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Um, so, day by day, it's definitely getting better.
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In the beginning I was like this is never going to get, like I'm going to feel like this forever.
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But as time goes on, I'm healing.
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When it comes to love, I'm open to love, but I want to make sure that I'm presenting myself to my future woman a hundred percent healed and a hundred percent a man that I know that she's going to be able to love and a man that's going to be able to provide.
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My transition is something that has really saved my life and I take very, very serious.
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It's like a completely reborn.
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Even with my dating Before my transition, I was not the best person to deal with with them cheating and just because I didn't love myself and who I was.
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So there was a lot of like you know, messiness and things like that.
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But I want to just make sure that I'm 100% healed and someone is receiving all of my love and all of me, because I know I have a lot to bring to the table.
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So I am, I'm definitely happy and healing.
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if that makes sense, I love it, that's beautiful and, josiah, I just want to thank you again, first of all, for taking this horrific situation that happened to you, and it sounds like the message that you've learned is that toxic masculinity, especially through all the nuances of what you experienced, even from another fellow trans man.
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What happened to you, um, that you're not becoming bitter, you're becoming better as a man, and I think it's important for us, as trans men, to stand up for the feminine man and stand in that gap for them as well.
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