WEBVTT
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I didn't realize how much workspace mattered until we moved
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to Iconic Offices. As a business owner, it was an
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easy decision. From the moment you walk into Iconic, you
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feel the difference. Everything's considered, from design and atmosphere to
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a team that takes care of the details so you
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00:00:16.160 --> 00:00:19.789
don't have to. With 15 Dublin city centre locations, we
7
00:00:19.809 --> 00:00:22.870
had several options to suit our exact requirements, meaning we
8
00:00:22.910 --> 00:00:25.789
spend less time managing the office and more time growing
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00:00:25.809 --> 00:00:29.829
the business. Iconic Offices, built for businesses that expect more.
10
00:00:30.629 --> 00:00:33.729
Get even more with free fitting from Cash & Carry Kitchens.
11
00:00:34.409 --> 00:00:36.750
For a limited time, you can save hundreds of euro
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00:00:36.890 --> 00:00:40.700
on all our kitchens. Any style, any colour, any size.
13
00:00:41.039 --> 00:00:43.659
The choice is yours, but the fitting is on us.
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00:00:44.020 --> 00:00:46.659
For free fitting on all our kitchens, book your free
15
00:00:46.679 --> 00:00:50.520
design consultation on cashandcarrykitchens.ie or visit one of our 17
16
00:00:50.520 --> 00:00:56.840
showrooms nationwide. Cash & Carry Kitchens. Create something more. Proud
17
00:00:56.859 --> 00:00:59.340
to be guaranteed Irish. Terms and conditions apply.
18
00:01:01.310 --> 00:01:03.929
With Super Value's Real Rewards prices, you can now get
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00:01:03.969 --> 00:01:06.450
weekly savings on thousands of brands you know and love
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when you scan at the till. All you have to
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00:01:08.609 --> 00:01:11.900
do is simply download your Real Rewards app, scan the
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app at the till, and get great savings on your shopping.
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New Real Rewards prices from Super Value. Yes, you scan.
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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm
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excited for you to hear this interview. This interview is
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actually with a licensed therapist named Hesu Jo. And she's
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actually a licensed therapist through BetterHelp, which you've heard me
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talk about many times in this podcast. And there's a
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few things that we dive into that I really think
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are important for you to listen to. The first thing
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that we talk about is anxiety. What is anxiety? How
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do we notice it in the body? And what are
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some tools and tips and tricks to work through anxiety
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and so that we can feel better throughout the day.
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The next thing that we talk about in this episode
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is worry. Where does worry come from? Why do we
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worry so much? What does it hold us back from?
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And then also, what are some tools and tricks that
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she can give us and you on how to get
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past our worrying? And the last thing that we talk
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about in today's episode is how to get past your
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control problems and how to be a little bit more
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okay with the unknown. So that's what we cover in
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today's episode. Let's go ahead and dive in. Hey, welcome
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to the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm so excited to have
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you here.
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Thanks so much for having me.
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Yeah, I'm excited because one thing I really want to
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dive into with you is anxiety and stress and anxiety.
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I know a lot right now people are talking about
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anxiety and it seems like over the past two and
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a half, three years, anxiety has been on the rise.
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But I'm not really sure most people know exactly what
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anxiety is. So what is anxiety exactly and what's the
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difference between worry and stress and anxiety. So people can
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kind of identify if anxiety might actually be a problem
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for them.
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Sure.
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So anxiety is, let's say like the collection of various
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psychological and physiological responses to perceived threat of danger. So
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danger is can mean a lot of different things, right?
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It could mean there's a bear out there trying to
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get me, or it could mean I have a really
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stressful presentation that I have to present. So any kind
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of perceived thing that's going to cause me pain, discomfort,
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some kind of disruption, anxiety is the resulting, like I said,
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collection of things that can happen to people. So, you know,
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You asked about the difference between anxiety and like worry
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and fear and all these things, worry, fear, dread, unease, restlessness,
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racing thoughts, hypervigilance. All of these things are part of anxiety.
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These are the psychological responses we have when we have
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encountered some kind of perceived danger. There's also physiological responses.
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So that's the stuff that's going on in our body
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when we are experiencing something like anxiety. So some of
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the things that people may have experienced when they're anxious,
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in their body include perspiration, so being super sweaty, cold
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hands and feet, tense muscles, rapid heart rate, shallow breathing,
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gastrointestinal discomfort, so stuff going on in your tummy, blurred vision, lightheadedness,
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tightness in your chest. So it could be that you've
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experienced some of these things, all of these things, different
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combinations of these things, depending on what you're experiencing. And
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Going back to the question of like, where does anxiety
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come from? Now we know what it is, where is
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it coming from? I personally think that this is an
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evolved trait and a lot of people think that too.
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So if you want to research into this, you'll find
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what evolutionary psychologists are saying, a learned trait, an evolved
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thing to help us survive. So when you think about
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ancestry and people that lived in much more primitive times, Um,
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they did encounter a lot of danger in their lives,
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whether that's the threat of some kind of predator or, um,
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you know, the threat of some kind of disaster ahead
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of them. Anxiety actually allows us to plan ahead. Like that,
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that fear associated with anxiety is what gets people to
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start thinking of potential outcomes in order to prepare. So
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imagine somebody with zero anxiety, um, they probably never plan ahead, um,
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or they don't really get prepared on a journey that
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they're about to take. So if something does happen, they
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don't have any of the stuff that they need. I
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do want to kind of talk a little bit about
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why we experience those physiological symptoms to help people understand too.
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Like perspiration, why do we get so sweaty? That can
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actually cause people to feel even more anxious depending on
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what they're about to go through and your body is
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actually preemptively regulating temperature in the event that you need
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to exert a lot of physical energy. And that's where
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the perspiration is coming from.
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Like warming up the muscles kind of?
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Yeah.
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Or, I mean, it's, it's preemptively, um, making sure that
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you don't overheat in the event of having to like
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sprint away from danger or fight off something that's trying
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to attack you. The reason we sweat is to regulate temperature,
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bring it down on a hot day, um, So why
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do my hands and feet get so cold? Your body
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is now, you know, diverting blood away from your extremities
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into your larger muscle groups, because if there's some kind
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of huge danger, you generally don't need to be able
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to use fine motor skills. What you do need to
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be able to do is run away or punch something,
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kick something. So that's why feet and hands can tend
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to get very cold during these times. Why are my
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muscles so tense? your body is getting amped up, right?
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We're being kind of flooded with adrenaline, stress hormones, and
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this kind of stuff, again, is preparing us to exert
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a lot of physical energy to keep us safe from something.
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The rapid heart rate, same kind of thing is our
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body is pumping blood into the areas that it's going
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to need in order to do this. But the issue
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is most of us When we experience anxiety, it's not
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because we actually have to run away physically from something.
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It's often not because we need to fight something. We're
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usually just sitting at a desk or among a bunch
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of people in a crowd. And then we're experiencing all
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this stuff and we're not actually exerting the energy and
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it's just being stored into our body. I know I
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listed all these other symptoms, but I think it's important
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for people to know this stuff so they can understand
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what's happening in their body. Because when we don't understand,
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I think it tends to lead to even more freaking out.
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So like the GI issues, gastrointestinal discomfort, why do I
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get bubble gut when I'm nervous about something? Your body
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is preemptively, again, preparing to empty your system out so
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that you can move a little bit more effectively. So
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all in all, anxiety to a certain degree is helpful
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for us. And I hope that people can think about
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it that way and understand that it's not something to
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feel bad about. And it's certainly not something to try
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to make go away. So when you're seeking out support
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or even healing from debilitating anxiety, I don't want people
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to think that they're going to go to therapy and
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figure out how to make anxiety stop. It's more about
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learning to understand it and then coping with it when
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it does enter your system.
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That's interesting.
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The first thought that comes into my head Because for
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the longest time, I feel like whenever I had something
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I wanted to work through, it was like, I can't
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wait to get rid of this thing. Like, I've got
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to get rid of it. But it's not something you
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can really get rid of. It's something where it's like
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a tool in your tool belt where it's necessary. That's
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why it's built into us as humans. But if it
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takes over and it's constantly running all the time, it's
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not really helping. And so the way that I think
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about it is almost like, you know, we have a
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puppy and we took him to go get training. And
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as he got training, he was able to be better
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at going, you know, stop barking, go outside, all of that.
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It seems like almost in the mind to tell me
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if you think the same way as well. It's almost
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like going to therapy. It's kind of like taking your
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dog to a trainer where it's like, you just want
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to be able to train your mind whenever these things
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come up and be aware of like, oh, okay, I'm
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feeling anxious thoughts. And then maybe have some tools once
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you become aware to work through them in the present moment.
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Is that kind of the way you think of it
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as well?
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Totally.
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And I've used a similar analogy before to people. It's, um,
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like athletes are training their body on a very regular basis.
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And they're generally training when they're not under pressure, they're
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training their bodies outside of competition. Um, you know, they're,
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they're strengthening their muscles. They're making themselves more flexible, have
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more balanced stamina endurance so that when they come up
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to the day, whatever this thing is, their body is prepared. Um,
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people cannot decide today that they're going to run a
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marathon tomorrow and do that effectively if there's been no training.
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And similar to our responses to emotional and mental disturbances,
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if we've been training ourselves for a longer period of
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time before this thing, then when this thing happens, we're prepared.
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We generally have some tools, some skills to turn to
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rather than trying to, you know, run this 26.2 miles
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without any proper preparing.
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Yeah.
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So what would be, you know, if someone's out there
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and they've identified, man, I think I, I think anxiety
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is something that really does hit home with me. What
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are some tools, I guess, that you give people to
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actually start to work through them as they become aware? Like,
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so if someone, someone goes to a therapist and they say, Hey,
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like I get these, I worry a lot. I feel
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these anxious thoughts and I start to sweat. What are
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a couple of tools that you help people through this
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process to kind of, I guess, be more present and
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get control of those anxious thoughts?
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I didn't realize how much workspace mattered until we moved
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00:10:58.779 --> 00:11:01.690
to Iconic offices. As a business owner, it was an
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00:11:01.750 --> 00:11:04.610
easy decision. From the moment you walk into Iconic, you
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00:11:04.669 --> 00:11:08.450
feel the difference. Everything's considered from design and atmosphere to
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00:11:08.509 --> 00:11:10.970
a team that takes care of the details so you
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00:11:11.029 --> 00:11:14.639
don't have to. With 15 Dublin city centre locations, we
214
00:11:14.679 --> 00:11:17.720
had several options to suit our exact requirements, meaning we
215
00:11:17.759 --> 00:11:20.639
spend less time managing the office and more time growing
216
00:11:20.659 --> 00:11:24.750
the business. Iconic offices, built for businesses that expect more.
217
00:11:25.490 --> 00:11:28.629
Get even more with free fitting from Cash & Carry Kitchens.
218
00:11:29.289 --> 00:11:31.629
For a limited time, you can save hundreds of euro
219
00:11:31.769 --> 00:11:35.570
on all our kitchens, any style, any colour, any size.
220
00:11:35.909 --> 00:11:38.529
The choice is yours, but the fitting is on us.
221
00:11:38.899 --> 00:11:41.519
For free fitting on all our kitchens, Book your free
222
00:11:41.539 --> 00:11:45.379
design consultation on cashandcarrykitchens.ie or visit one of our 17
223
00:11:45.379 --> 00:11:51.700
showrooms nationwide. Cash and Carry Kitchens. Create something more. Proud
224
00:11:51.720 --> 00:11:54.259
to be guaranteed Irish. Terms and conditions apply.
225
00:11:55.200 --> 00:11:58.799
With Super Value's Real Rewards prices, you can now get
226
00:11:58.820 --> 00:12:01.320
weekly savings on thousands of brands you know and love
227
00:12:01.340 --> 00:12:03.450
when you scan at the till. All you have to
228
00:12:03.490 --> 00:12:06.769
do is simply download your Real Rewards app, scan the
229
00:12:06.850 --> 00:12:09.730
app at the till and get great savings on your shopping.
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Well, I always start with that education piece. What you
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and I just kind of went through is talking about
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what kind of responses one can expect so that when
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somebody does experience that they have a better understanding, because
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I do tend to think that if, if somebody has
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a better understanding of what our bodies are doing, it
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helps us practice more compassion on ourselves. Um, because ultimately
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our body is doing as intended, as designed. So I
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can say, good job, Hesu, even though my heart is
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pounding inside of my chest and my stomach feels like
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it's going to fly out of my head. Like all
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this stuff, I can tell myself with kindness, good job, body.
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Thank you for keeping me safe. Now I'm going to
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turn to some tools to calm my nervous system down,
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which I'll get to in a second. Because if you're
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freaking out, the not helpful thing to do is to
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develop shame around this and feel like something's wrong with you.
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Something is deranged with me because I'm freaking out and
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I don't know what this is all about. So I
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hope that people can first extend some kind patience to themselves, um,
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and even self praise for good job, buddy. Good job system.
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You're doing what you need to, but now I need
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to calm down. So some of the things that people
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can do to calm down, um, I think it's a,
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it's a lifelong practice to incorporate these things into a lifestyle. Um, similarly, like,
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you know, you train to be prepared for a time
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that you're under pressure. So really it's good to be
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training when you don't have that stress. So when you're
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at a baseline, it's good to practice these things. So
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one of these exercises, which is really simple, really quick,
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people can do this anytime, um, is tuning into their
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five senses. So we all learned what these were in
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grade school. And you can actually look it up online, too,
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if you forget what to check in with. But it's
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really about shifting attention. So it could be that you're
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in a waiting room, really nervous about something. You could
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do it there. You could do it sitting at your desk.
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But you look around and just start first like breathing
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in a regular pace. Breathing is automatic until we start
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thinking about it. And sometimes in that automated process, we
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stop breathing. I don't know if people realize this, but
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we actually stop breathing so many times during the day.
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We hold our breath when we're stressed out for whatever reason.
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So it's important to breathe, get oxygen to your brain.
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And those five senses, what are five things that you
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can see right now? Just listing them quietly to yourself mentally.
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What are four things that you can hear? And the
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thing with hearing is that you really got to pay
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attention because that's a different kind of cue that we're
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not always listening. actively tuning into but generally you can
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usually hear four if not more things around you what
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are three things you can smell it's really bringing attention
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back to something taking a sniff getting a whiff of
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something what are two things that i can presently feel
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touch you know so for me i can feel the
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weight of my body on my chair right now i
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can feel some hair on the sides of my neck
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so that kind of thing and one thing that i
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can taste what's a detection of taste in my mouth
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It could be that you have the aftertaste of coffee
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from this morning, or maybe you're thinking there, I don't
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really taste anything at all. And in this mental exercise,
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while you've been paying attention to your five senses, after
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you get through it, you'll realize, oh, I feel a
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bit more calm. And that's because you shifted your attention
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away from this thing that you were freaking out about
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to just what's right in front of you. And this
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is the crux of mindfulness is being attuned to your
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present moment, reminding that you're writing your nervous system right now.
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that there's no reason to freak out. Of course, there
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are situations where there is a very valid reason to
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freak out, but since you've been training your body all along,
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you know how to calm your nervous system down. And
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even though that's not going to make the valid danger
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around you go away, you can calm your internal experience
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down enough to go into problem solving when you're panicking
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and you can't get yourself to, you know, calm yourself.
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There's no way that you can effectively problem solve. So that's,
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one exercise, but there's many others. There's meditation, which can
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be difficult for people to get into if they have
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zero practice with that. So you can start with finding
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guided meditations online, and effectively move into an individual practice
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eventually someday. If that's not really your jam, there's things
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like progressive muscle relaxation. And so this is also a
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guided exercise in which you pay attention to your body.
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So you know, people that have a lot of attunement
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to what's going on physically for themselves, I think can actually, um,
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access the mind body connection a little bit easier, but
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people that are very unaware of what's going on in
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their body, this is a great practice to start learning
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how to pay attention to different muscle groups. Um, what
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happens when you tense this muscle and then release it, um,
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regular movement in general. So I know not everybody wants
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to hear this, but exercise is important and it actually
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helps us maintain a calm baseline. I mean, if you
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have great cardiovascular health, if you are regularly and preemptively
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training your body to be kind of mentioned this stuff earlier,
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but strong, balanced, have endurance, stamina, this is all going
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to help you be pretty balanced on a regular basis
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and Oh, another thing is you want to be mindful
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of your caffeine intake, any other stimulants that you might
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be taking. This kind of stuff can increase people's levels
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of anxiety, but they're not really thinking about it that
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way because everybody drinks coffee. It's how I have to
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get up and get going in the morning, but it
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could actually be contributing to panic in your life if
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you're a little bit too jittery.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, that's so funny because I've actually realized the same thing.
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I've been saying that a lot on the podcast recently
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is like people should just monitor their caffeine intake a
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little bit more because sometimes they're like, I don't know
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why I'm so anxious throughout the day.
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And then they realize they've had four cups of coffee.
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It's like, hey, what if you tried one or two
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and just see if maybe you feel a little bit
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different throughout the day? There's one common thing that it
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seems like you keep bringing up and I'm really curious
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about it. So it seems like one of the best
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ways to get out of anxiety is to get yourself
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to the present moment. And so with worry and anxiety,
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it seems like a lot of times we are basically
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thinking about something that's in the future that may or
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may not happen. And then our body seems to be
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responding as, Hey, this is a potential threat. I need
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to get myself ready for it. And so do you
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find that most of the time when someone has worry,
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when they do have anxiety, the problem is that they're
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just too much in their head. They're too much in
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the future. And that the most important thing is just like, Hey,
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come on back to this, this present moment. Like I
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always say, your brain is basically somewhere else, but your
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body is always here. And so it seems like the
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body and coming back to the body is one of
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the most, the biggest anchors that you can remind yourself
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to come back to when you're starting to feel those feelings.
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Right. Yeah.
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I can't disagree with that. Um, you know, some people
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will say that depression is when our mind is stuck
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in the past or somewhere else, like you said, and
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anxiety is when our mind is stuck in the future.
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But life is what's happening in the present. So when
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people are debilitated by depression and or anxiety, they're really
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not living because they're not able to focus on what's
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right in front of them, which is our real life.
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So yeah, I would definitely agree with you that anxiety
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is largely about our attention just being stuck in a
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place of this may or may not happen.
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Yeah.
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I'm really curious with worry kind of being a part
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of anxiety.
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I have a friend whose mom worries like crazy.
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Like I didn't realize people worried so much until I
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became friends with him and then started talking with her
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and hearing stories and stuff.
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But I'm curious with.
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Worry, do you feel like a part of worry is
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making us feel like okay, there's something coming up in the,
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in the, in the future maybe, but in this present moment,
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it kind of makes us have a fake feeling of
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control because I'm doing something.
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About it right now. Or like, what is, what is
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worry and what's the point of it?
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Obviously there's benefit because worry can't keep us alive, but like,
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what is the actual point of worry for humans?
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Oh, good question. Um, you kind of already answered that bit.
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I think in some cases, a little bit of worrying
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is what allows us to plan ahead. Um, I think
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people have done some brain scans when somebody is really
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anxious or worrying about something in the future, there's a
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certain part of your amygdala that's being highlighted and the
401
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prefrontal cortex is activated. This is what allows us to
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think about potential scenarios or, you know, put ourselves in
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somebody else's shoes and imagine what might happen in that situation.
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And they get ready, get really worried about it to
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hopefully help us prepare. But the thing, That you said
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that's really interesting is like some people might feel in
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some kind of way that they are doing something about
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the situation by being worried. Um, I've had many clients
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kind of describe this experience too. And so then we
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go deeper into that for me to help them see
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that the worrying didn't actually do anything unless it did
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put them into action in some form. But a lot
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of times it's like, is your worry. contributing to the
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solution to this problem that you've identified. And then even
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with worry, like, um, a lot of people talk about
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worry decision trees and it's, it's thinking about the problem
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at hand and asking yourself, can I do anything about
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this right now? Um, can I actually physically or mentally
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start doing something about this problem? And if the answer
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is no, Then you remind yourself, okay, worrying is not
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actually going to solve it. I can't actually do anything,
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which means this thing is outside of my control that
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actually allows us to start bringing our attention back to
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the present. If it's outside of my control, then I
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need to start thinking about what is in my control.
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So with that worried decision tree, if the answer to
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the question is Of the question of what can I
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do about this right now? Then you can start listing
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very explicitly the actionable items that you can do. And
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then I think that will help you start feeling better
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because you're actually doing something to try to solve the issue.
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And if you're not doing something, it's because you've already
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answered to yourself that you can't do something that's outside
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of your control.
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What about the people at that point though? So let's say,
436
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cause I already like hear people.
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I know this is going to go right where it's like, okay,
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I'm worrying about something I've identified. okay, what I can do,
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I've identified what I can't do. But now that I
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see all the things that I can't do, I'm actually
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freaking out about the fact that I'm so out of control.
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So when you have clients that come in and work
443
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with you in therapy and they're like.
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Well, I just, this is uncertain. I can't control this thing.
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This is the reason why I worry.
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Is there a ways to, I guess, get them out
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of their head or a journaling practice or something where
448
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it's like just becoming more at ease with understanding like
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you can't control everything in this world.
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Like there's a very small amount of things.
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And we just have to kind of trust and have
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faith that whatever's going to work out outside of our
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control is going to be what it's going to be.
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And we're going to have the tools to work through
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things as they come up.
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Or like, what do you typically work through with somebody that,
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that has those feelings of like uncertainty and like a
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control problem and wanting to control all of those things
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that they can't control?
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So the controlling worry wart, um, you know, that, that
461
00:23:45.069 --> 00:23:48.710
person's challenges are not going to be resolved easily. Overnight,
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especially not in one therapy session. In fact, all the
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therapy sessions in the world are not going to change
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this person's behavior or the way that they feel about
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certain things. What's going to change and evolve their response
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to this kind of stuff is their own practice. So
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it's what they choose to do and what they choose
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to practice outside of the therapy sessions. So it's going
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to be important for somebody like that to be open.
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To trying the different things that your therapist might talk
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about if you're in therapy or if you're on a
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self-help route, you're going to find a lot of these
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recommendations too, is to practice the art of shifting your
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attention to the present moment. And, you know, the person
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that's saying like, I've now identified all these things that
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I can't do anything about. And that's just making me
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feel even more worried because I have no control. it's
478
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going to be really important for that person to incorporate
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a practice of all the things that we talked about,
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those little tools, but generally mindful living. Basically like another
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tenant of mindfulness is having patience, compassion, loving kindness for
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yourself and for your thoughts, for all of your feelings,
483
00:25:05.069 --> 00:25:08.630
all these things that come and go from our psyche. So,
484
00:25:09.269 --> 00:25:13.920
you know, One thing I practiced before in a meditative
485
00:25:15.460 --> 00:25:18.140
retreat center, I was in an area where there's a
486
00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:20.349
lot of mosquitoes. And so everybody has a lot of
487
00:25:20.380 --> 00:25:22.170
mosquito bites and we want to scratch it. And I
488
00:25:22.190 --> 00:25:26.109
remember the guide at the time was saying like, to me,
489
00:25:26.289 --> 00:25:29.309
enlightenment is about being able to have a bunch of
490
00:25:29.349 --> 00:25:34.309
mosquito bites, notice them and not generally have to perceive
491
00:25:34.509 --> 00:25:39.200
the sensation from these mosquito bites as discomfort. You can
492
00:25:39.299 --> 00:25:42.309
notice the itch, and just let it go as a
493
00:25:42.369 --> 00:25:45.390
passing sensation. Now I haven't reached that point. If I
494
00:25:45.390 --> 00:25:47.309
have mosquito bites, I want to scratch it. But I
495
00:25:47.369 --> 00:25:50.650
think about that example quite often. That's what we're striving
496
00:25:50.730 --> 00:25:56.930
for in a mindful life and a practice of, you know,
497
00:25:56.970 --> 00:25:59.390
being able to shift attention in our life, in our
498
00:25:59.470 --> 00:26:05.940
everyday navigation of the world is noticing something, thought, a feeling,
499
00:26:06.079 --> 00:26:09.759
a triggering event, and Reminding yourself that it's something that's
500
00:26:09.799 --> 00:26:11.920
going to pass so you can notice it and let
501
00:26:11.960 --> 00:26:14.380
it go. You don't have to be affected by it.
502
00:26:14.460 --> 00:26:18.099
You don't have to be disturbed by it. And now
503
00:26:18.140 --> 00:26:20.109
it allows me at least to not get as annoyed
504
00:26:20.140 --> 00:26:22.720
when I'm scratching the mosquito, but I'm still scratching it.
505
00:26:23.750 --> 00:26:24.029
Yeah.
506
00:26:24.230 --> 00:26:27.789
So you mentioned something about journaling. I think that can
507
00:26:27.829 --> 00:26:30.539
be super helpful for some people. Of course, it's not
508
00:26:30.579 --> 00:26:32.880
an all encompassing thing. I don't think anything in the
509
00:26:32.920 --> 00:26:37.440
world of mental, emotional wellness and health is a one
510
00:26:37.460 --> 00:26:39.980
size fits all. I don't think that exists here. However,
511
00:26:40.019 --> 00:26:44.029
for somebody that's starting from scratch, it can be a
512
00:26:44.049 --> 00:26:46.990
really good place to start because journaling allows you to
513
00:26:47.069 --> 00:26:50.730
track your thoughts, track your reflections to your day. So
514
00:26:50.750 --> 00:26:54.170
many people are living life kind of aimlessly. And what
515
00:26:54.190 --> 00:26:56.829
I mean by that is they're not really taking inventory
516
00:26:56.890 --> 00:27:00.569
of anything that they've already accomplished. And so they move
517
00:27:00.589 --> 00:27:03.009
through the world thinking, I haven't really accomplished anything. When
518
00:27:03.049 --> 00:27:05.509
really it's like, you just haven't been tracking your progress.
519
00:27:05.970 --> 00:27:10.190
And journaling is not just, dear diary, today I had so-and-so, whatever.
520
00:27:10.630 --> 00:27:13.650
It can also look like just bullet points of stuff
521
00:27:13.670 --> 00:27:16.269
that you want to remember from the day. If you
522
00:27:16.309 --> 00:27:19.210
have certain goals that you're working towards, it's really about
523
00:27:19.230 --> 00:27:22.069
getting explicit about what kind of progress that you made
524
00:27:22.150 --> 00:27:25.569
towards it, reflecting on what barriers you had that made
525
00:27:25.589 --> 00:27:29.569
it so that you couldn't make any progress today. Because
526
00:27:29.589 --> 00:27:31.690
believe it or not, our memories kind of suck. So
527
00:27:31.829 --> 00:27:34.869
I don't advise that anybody tries to rely on their memory.
528
00:27:35.430 --> 00:27:38.150
So many people rely on their memory and then they
529
00:27:38.190 --> 00:27:43.230
feel terrible about themselves. So I do trust in my
530
00:27:43.319 --> 00:27:46.079
present self to write something down so that my future
531
00:27:46.119 --> 00:27:50.000
self will have a place to reference, a place to
532
00:27:50.039 --> 00:27:52.819
remind of all the things that I was able to accomplish.
533
00:27:52.839 --> 00:27:53.579
That's awesome.
534
00:27:53.900 --> 00:27:54.259
I love that.
535
00:27:55.019 --> 00:27:57.019
So that's what we got for you for today's episode.
536
00:27:57.559 --> 00:27:59.500
If you love this episode and you're actually thinking about
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trying out therapy, once again, you've heard me recommend it
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so many times. I recommend BetterHelp just because it's so
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easy to do and you can do it from home
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and you can switch therapists whenever you need to. If
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you want to go ahead and get a 10% discount
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on your first month, go to betterhelp.com slash dial. Once again, betterhelp.com
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and give therapy a try.
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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm
25
00:01:31.230 --> 00:01:33.329
excited for you to hear this interview. This interview is
26
00:01:33.430 --> 00:01:37.079
actually with a licensed therapist named Hesu Jo. And she's
27
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actually a licensed therapist through BetterHelp, which you've heard me
28
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talk about many times in this podcast. And there's a
29
00:01:42.340 --> 00:01:44.340
few things that we dive into that I really think
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00:01:44.400 --> 00:01:47.159
are important for you to listen to. The first thing
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that we talk about is anxiety. What is anxiety? How
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00:01:50.359 --> 00:01:51.959
do we notice it in the body? And what are
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some tools and tips and tricks to work through anxiety
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and so that we can feel better throughout the day.
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The next thing that we talk about in this episode
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is worry. Where does worry come from? Why do we
37
00:02:01.590 --> 00:02:03.810
worry so much? What does it hold us back from?
38
00:02:03.969 --> 00:02:05.950
And then also, what are some tools and tricks that
39
00:02:06.250 --> 00:02:08.349
she can give us and you on how to get
40
00:02:08.389 --> 00:02:10.129
past our worrying? And the last thing that we talk
41
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about in today's episode is how to get past your
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control problems and how to be a little bit more
43
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okay with the unknown. So that's what we cover in
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today's episode. Let's go ahead and dive in. Hey, welcome
45
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to the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm so excited to have
46
00:02:24.159 --> 00:02:24.379
you here.
47
00:02:25.319 --> 00:02:26.340
Thanks so much for having me.
48
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Yeah, I'm excited because one thing I really want to
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dive into with you is anxiety and stress and anxiety.
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I know a lot right now people are talking about
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00:02:36.849 --> 00:02:39.169
anxiety and it seems like over the past two and
52
00:02:39.210 --> 00:02:41.349
a half, three years, anxiety has been on the rise.
53
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But I'm not really sure most people know exactly what
54
00:02:45.490 --> 00:02:49.830
anxiety is. So what is anxiety exactly and what's the
55
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difference between worry and stress and anxiety. So people can
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kind of identify if anxiety might actually be a problem
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for them.
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Sure.
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So anxiety is, let's say like the collection of various
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psychological and physiological responses to perceived threat of danger. So
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danger is can mean a lot of different things, right?
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It could mean there's a bear out there trying to
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get me, or it could mean I have a really
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stressful presentation that I have to present. So any kind
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of perceived thing that's going to cause me pain, discomfort,
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some kind of disruption, anxiety is the resulting, like I said,
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collection of things that can happen to people. So, you know,
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You asked about the difference between anxiety and like worry
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and fear and all these things, worry, fear, dread, unease, restlessness,
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racing thoughts, hypervigilance. All of these things are part of anxiety.
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These are the psychological responses we have when we have
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encountered some kind of perceived danger. There's also physiological responses.
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So that's the stuff that's going on in our body
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when we are experiencing something like anxiety. So some of
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the things that people may have experienced when they're anxious,
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in their body include perspiration, so being super sweaty, cold
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hands and feet, tense muscles, rapid heart rate, shallow breathing,
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gastrointestinal discomfort, so stuff going on in your tummy, blurred vision, lightheadedness,
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tightness in your chest. So it could be that you've
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experienced some of these things, all of these things, different
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combinations of these things, depending on what you're experiencing. And
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Going back to the question of like, where does anxiety
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come from? Now we know what it is, where is
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it coming from? I personally think that this is an
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evolved trait and a lot of people think that too.
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So if you want to research into this, you'll find
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what evolutionary psychologists are saying, a learned trait, an evolved
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thing to help us survive. So when you think about
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ancestry and people that lived in much more primitive times, Um,
90
00:05:03.430 --> 00:05:05.980
they did encounter a lot of danger in their lives,
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whether that's the threat of some kind of predator or, um,
92
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you know, the threat of some kind of disaster ahead
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of them. Anxiety actually allows us to plan ahead. Like that,
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that fear associated with anxiety is what gets people to
95
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start thinking of potential outcomes in order to prepare. So
96
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imagine somebody with zero anxiety, um, they probably never plan ahead, um,
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or they don't really get prepared on a journey that
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they're about to take. So if something does happen, they
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00:05:36.540 --> 00:05:39.800
don't have any of the stuff that they need. I
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00:05:39.839 --> 00:05:41.660
do want to kind of talk a little bit about
101
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why we experience those physiological symptoms to help people understand too.
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00:05:47.050 --> 00:05:49.589
Like perspiration, why do we get so sweaty? That can
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00:05:49.769 --> 00:05:52.329
actually cause people to feel even more anxious depending on
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00:05:52.370 --> 00:05:55.819
what they're about to go through and your body is
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actually preemptively regulating temperature in the event that you need
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to exert a lot of physical energy. And that's where
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00:06:02.500 --> 00:06:03.819
the perspiration is coming from.
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Like warming up the muscles kind of?
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Yeah.
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Or, I mean, it's, it's preemptively, um, making sure that
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you don't overheat in the event of having to like
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sprint away from danger or fight off something that's trying
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to attack you. The reason we sweat is to regulate temperature,
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bring it down on a hot day, um, So why
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00:06:24.470 --> 00:06:27.290
do my hands and feet get so cold? Your body
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00:06:27.509 --> 00:06:31.069
is now, you know, diverting blood away from your extremities
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00:06:31.149 --> 00:06:34.050
into your larger muscle groups, because if there's some kind
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of huge danger, you generally don't need to be able
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00:06:37.100 --> 00:06:39.399
to use fine motor skills. What you do need to
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00:06:39.439 --> 00:06:41.860
be able to do is run away or punch something,
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kick something. So that's why feet and hands can tend
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to get very cold during these times. Why are my
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muscles so tense? your body is getting amped up, right?
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We're being kind of flooded with adrenaline, stress hormones, and
125
00:06:58.029 --> 00:07:00.550
this kind of stuff, again, is preparing us to exert
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a lot of physical energy to keep us safe from something.
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The rapid heart rate, same kind of thing is our
128
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body is pumping blood into the areas that it's going
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to need in order to do this. But the issue
130
00:07:12.389 --> 00:07:15.100
is most of us When we experience anxiety, it's not
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because we actually have to run away physically from something.
132
00:07:17.459 --> 00:07:20.670
It's often not because we need to fight something. We're
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usually just sitting at a desk or among a bunch
134
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of people in a crowd. And then we're experiencing all
135
00:07:26.310 --> 00:07:28.850
this stuff and we're not actually exerting the energy and
136
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it's just being stored into our body. I know I
137
00:07:33.949 --> 00:07:36.019
listed all these other symptoms, but I think it's important
138
00:07:36.040 --> 00:07:38.100
for people to know this stuff so they can understand
139
00:07:38.120 --> 00:07:40.699
what's happening in their body. Because when we don't understand,
140
00:07:40.720 --> 00:07:43.000
I think it tends to lead to even more freaking out.
141
00:07:43.689 --> 00:07:46.620
So like the GI issues, gastrointestinal discomfort, why do I
142
00:07:46.660 --> 00:07:49.420
get bubble gut when I'm nervous about something? Your body
143
00:07:49.480 --> 00:07:53.079
is preemptively, again, preparing to empty your system out so
144
00:07:53.120 --> 00:07:57.769
that you can move a little bit more effectively. So
145
00:07:59.290 --> 00:08:02.810
all in all, anxiety to a certain degree is helpful
146
00:08:02.870 --> 00:08:06.339
for us. And I hope that people can think about
147
00:08:06.360 --> 00:08:09.129
it that way and understand that it's not something to
148
00:08:09.170 --> 00:08:11.470
feel bad about. And it's certainly not something to try
149
00:08:11.490 --> 00:08:15.170
to make go away. So when you're seeking out support
150
00:08:15.310 --> 00:08:19.209
or even healing from debilitating anxiety, I don't want people
151
00:08:19.250 --> 00:08:20.949
to think that they're going to go to therapy and
152
00:08:20.990 --> 00:08:23.709
figure out how to make anxiety stop. It's more about
153
00:08:23.910 --> 00:08:26.410
learning to understand it and then coping with it when
154
00:08:26.449 --> 00:08:27.790
it does enter your system.
155
00:08:28.649 --> 00:08:29.629
That's interesting.
156
00:08:29.680 --> 00:08:32.779
The first thought that comes into my head Because for
157
00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:34.879
the longest time, I feel like whenever I had something
158
00:08:34.899 --> 00:08:36.220
I wanted to work through, it was like, I can't
159
00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:37.799
wait to get rid of this thing. Like, I've got
160
00:08:37.820 --> 00:08:39.159
to get rid of it. But it's not something you
161
00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:41.120
can really get rid of. It's something where it's like
162
00:08:41.159 --> 00:08:43.299
a tool in your tool belt where it's necessary. That's
163
00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:46.019
why it's built into us as humans. But if it
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takes over and it's constantly running all the time, it's
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not really helping. And so the way that I think
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about it is almost like, you know, we have a
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puppy and we took him to go get training. And
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as he got training, he was able to be better
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at going, you know, stop barking, go outside, all of that.
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It seems like almost in the mind to tell me
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if you think the same way as well. It's almost
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like going to therapy. It's kind of like taking your
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dog to a trainer where it's like, you just want
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to be able to train your mind whenever these things
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come up and be aware of like, oh, okay, I'm
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feeling anxious thoughts. And then maybe have some tools once
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you become aware to work through them in the present moment.
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Is that kind of the way you think of it
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as well?
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Totally.
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And I've used a similar analogy before to people. It's, um,
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like athletes are training their body on a very regular basis.
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And they're generally training when they're not under pressure, they're
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training their bodies outside of competition. Um, you know, they're,
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they're strengthening their muscles. They're making themselves more flexible, have
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more balanced stamina endurance so that when they come up
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to the day, whatever this thing is, their body is prepared. Um,
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people cannot decide today that they're going to run a
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marathon tomorrow and do that effectively if there's been no training.
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And similar to our responses to emotional and mental disturbances,
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if we've been training ourselves for a longer period of
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time before this thing, then when this thing happens, we're prepared.
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We generally have some tools, some skills to turn to
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rather than trying to, you know, run this 26.2 miles
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without any proper preparing.
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Yeah.
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So what would be, you know, if someone's out there
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and they've identified, man, I think I, I think anxiety
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is something that really does hit home with me. What
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are some tools, I guess, that you give people to
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actually start to work through them as they become aware? Like,
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so if someone, someone goes to a therapist and they say, Hey,
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like I get these, I worry a lot. I feel
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these anxious thoughts and I start to sweat. What are
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a couple of tools that you help people through this
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process to kind of, I guess, be more present and
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get control of those anxious thoughts?
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Well, I always start with that education piece. What you
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and I just kind of went through is talking about
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what kind of responses one can expect so that when
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somebody does experience that they have a better understanding, because
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I do tend to think that if, if somebody has
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a better understanding of what our bodies are doing, it
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helps us practice more compassion on ourselves. Um, because ultimately
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our body is doing as intended, as designed. So I
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can say, good job, Hesu, even though my heart is
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pounding inside of my chest and my stomach feels like
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it's going to fly out of my head. Like all
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this stuff, I can tell myself with kindness, good job, body.
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Thank you for keeping me safe. Now I'm going to
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turn to some tools to calm my nervous system down,
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which I'll get to in a second. Because if you're
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freaking out, the not helpful thing to do is to
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develop shame around this and feel like something's wrong with you.
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Something is deranged with me because I'm freaking out and
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I don't know what this is all about. So I
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hope that people can first extend some kind patience to themselves, um,
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and even self praise for good job, buddy. Good job system.
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You're doing what you need to, but now I need
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to calm down. So some of the things that people
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can do to calm down, um, I think it's a,
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it's a lifelong practice to incorporate these things into a lifestyle. Um, similarly, like,
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you know, you train to be prepared for a time
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that you're under pressure. So really it's good to be
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training when you don't have that stress. So when you're
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at a baseline, it's good to practice these things. So
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one of these exercises, which is really simple, really quick,
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people can do this anytime, um, is tuning into their
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five senses. So we all learned what these were in
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grade school. And you can actually look it up online, too,
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if you forget what to check in with. But it's
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really about shifting attention. So it could be that you're
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in a waiting room, really nervous about something. You could
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do it there. You could do it sitting at your desk.
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But you look around and just start first like breathing
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in a regular pace. Breathing is automatic until we start
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thinking about it. And sometimes in that automated process, we
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stop breathing. I don't know if people realize this, but
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we actually stop breathing so many times during the day.
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We hold our breath when we're stressed out for whatever reason.
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So it's important to breathe, get oxygen to your brain.
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And those five senses, what are five things that you
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can see right now? Just listing them quietly to yourself mentally.
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What are four things that you can hear? And the
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thing with hearing is that you really got to pay
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attention because that's a different kind of cue that we're
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not always listening. actively tuning into but generally you can
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usually hear four if not more things around you what
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are three things you can smell it's really bringing attention
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back to something taking a sniff getting a whiff of
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something what are two things that i can presently feel
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touch you know so for me i can feel the
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weight of my body on my chair right now i
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can feel some hair on the sides of my neck
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so that kind of thing and one thing that i
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can taste what's a detection of taste in my mouth
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It could be that you have the aftertaste of coffee
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from this morning, or maybe you're thinking there, I don't
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really taste anything at all. And in this mental exercise,
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while you've been paying attention to your five senses, after
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you get through it, you'll realize, oh, I feel a
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bit more calm. And that's because you shifted your attention
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away from this thing that you were freaking out about
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to just what's right in front of you. And this
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is the crux of mindfulness is being attuned to your
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present moment, reminding that you're writing your nervous system right now.
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that there's no reason to freak out. Of course, there
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are situations where there is a very valid reason to
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freak out, but since you've been training your body all along,
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you know how to calm your nervous system down. And
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even though that's not going to make the valid danger
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around you go away, you can calm your internal experience
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down enough to go into problem solving when you're panicking
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and you can't get yourself to, you know, calm yourself.
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There's no way that you can effectively problem solve. So that's,
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one exercise, but there's many others. There's meditation, which can
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be difficult for people to get into if they have
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zero practice with that. So you can start with finding
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guided meditations online, and effectively move into an individual practice
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eventually someday. If that's not really your jam, there's things
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like progressive muscle relaxation. And so this is also a
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guided exercise in which you pay attention to your body.
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So you know, people that have a lot of attunement
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to what's going on physically for themselves, I think can actually, um,
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access the mind body connection a little bit easier, but
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people that are very unaware of what's going on in
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their body, this is a great practice to start learning
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how to pay attention to different muscle groups. Um, what
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happens when you tense this muscle and then release it, um,
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regular movement in general. So I know not everybody wants
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to hear this, but exercise is important and it actually
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helps us maintain a calm baseline. I mean, if you
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have great cardiovascular health, if you are regularly and preemptively
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training your body to be kind of mentioned this stuff earlier,
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but strong, balanced, have endurance, stamina, this is all going
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to help you be pretty balanced on a regular basis
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and Oh, another thing is you want to be mindful
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of your caffeine intake, any other stimulants that you might
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be taking. This kind of stuff can increase people's levels
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of anxiety, but they're not really thinking about it that
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way because everybody drinks coffee. It's how I have to
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get up and get going in the morning, but it
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could actually be contributing to panic in your life if
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you're a little bit too jittery.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, that's so funny because I've actually realized the same thing.
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I've been saying that a lot on the podcast recently
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is like people should just monitor their caffeine intake a
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little bit more because sometimes they're like, I don't know
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why I'm so anxious throughout the day.
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And then they realize they've had four cups of coffee.
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It's like, hey, what if you tried one or two
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and just see if maybe you feel a little bit
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different throughout the day? There's one common thing that it
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seems like you keep bringing up and I'm really curious
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about it. So it seems like one of the best
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ways to get out of anxiety is to get yourself
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to the present moment. And so with worry and anxiety,
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it seems like a lot of times we are basically
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thinking about something that's in the future that may or
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may not happen. And then our body seems to be
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responding as, Hey, this is a potential threat. I need
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to get myself ready for it. And so do you
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find that most of the time when someone has worry,
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when they do have anxiety, the problem is that they're
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just too much in their head. They're too much in
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the future. And that the most important thing is just like, Hey,
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come on back to this, this present moment. Like I
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always say, your brain is basically somewhere else, but your
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body is always here. And so it seems like the
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body and coming back to the body is one of
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the most, the biggest anchors that you can remind yourself
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to come back to when you're starting to feel those feelings.
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Right. Yeah.
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I can't disagree with that. Um, you know, some people
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will say that depression is when our mind is stuck
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in the past or somewhere else, like you said, and
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anxiety is when our mind is stuck in the future.
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But life is what's happening in the present. So when
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people are debilitated by depression and or anxiety, they're really
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not living because they're not able to focus on what's
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right in front of them, which is our real life.
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So yeah, I would definitely agree with you that anxiety
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is largely about our attention just being stuck in a
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place of this may or may not happen.
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Yeah.
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I'm really curious with worry kind of being a part
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of anxiety.
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I have a friend whose mom worries like crazy.
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Like I didn't realize people worried so much until I
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became friends with him and then started talking with her
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and hearing stories and stuff.
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But I'm curious with.
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Worry, do you feel like a part of worry is
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making us feel like okay, there's something coming up in the,
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in the, in the future maybe, but in this present moment,
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it kind of makes us have a fake feeling of
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control because I'm doing something.
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About it right now. Or like, what is, what is
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worry and what's the point of it?
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Obviously there's benefit because worry can't keep us alive, but like,
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what is the actual point of worry for humans?
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Oh, good question. Um, you kind of already answered that bit.
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I think in some cases, a little bit of worrying
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is what allows us to plan ahead. Um, I think
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people have done some brain scans when somebody is really
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anxious or worrying about something in the future, there's a
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certain part of your amygdala that's being highlighted and the
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prefrontal cortex is activated. This is what allows us to
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think about potential scenarios or, you know, put ourselves in
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somebody else's shoes and imagine what might happen in that situation.
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And they get ready, get really worried about it to
405
00:21:02.970 --> 00:21:08.500
hopefully help us prepare. But the thing, That you said
406
00:21:08.539 --> 00:21:11.990
that's really interesting is like some people might feel in
407
00:21:12.109 --> 00:21:14.349
some kind of way that they are doing something about
408
00:21:14.390 --> 00:21:19.150
the situation by being worried. Um, I've had many clients
409
00:21:19.230 --> 00:21:22.269
kind of describe this experience too. And so then we
410
00:21:22.650 --> 00:21:25.490
go deeper into that for me to help them see
411
00:21:25.549 --> 00:21:29.440
that the worrying didn't actually do anything unless it did
412
00:21:29.740 --> 00:21:32.200
put them into action in some form. But a lot
413
00:21:32.220 --> 00:21:36.250
of times it's like, is your worry. contributing to the
414
00:21:36.309 --> 00:21:39.829
solution to this problem that you've identified. And then even
415
00:21:39.869 --> 00:21:43.670
with worry, like, um, a lot of people talk about
416
00:21:43.710 --> 00:21:47.289
worry decision trees and it's, it's thinking about the problem
417
00:21:47.349 --> 00:21:50.809
at hand and asking yourself, can I do anything about
418
00:21:50.869 --> 00:21:55.309
this right now? Um, can I actually physically or mentally
419
00:21:55.369 --> 00:21:59.200
start doing something about this problem? And if the answer
420
00:21:59.220 --> 00:22:03.960
is no, Then you remind yourself, okay, worrying is not
421
00:22:04.019 --> 00:22:06.470
actually going to solve it. I can't actually do anything,
422
00:22:06.509 --> 00:22:09.970
which means this thing is outside of my control that
423
00:22:10.029 --> 00:22:12.490
actually allows us to start bringing our attention back to
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00:22:12.509 --> 00:22:14.710
the present. If it's outside of my control, then I
425
00:22:14.759 --> 00:22:16.940
need to start thinking about what is in my control.
426
00:22:17.480 --> 00:22:19.740
So with that worried decision tree, if the answer to
427
00:22:19.759 --> 00:22:22.579
the question is Of the question of what can I
428
00:22:22.599 --> 00:22:25.200
do about this right now? Then you can start listing
429
00:22:25.619 --> 00:22:29.829
very explicitly the actionable items that you can do. And
430
00:22:29.849 --> 00:22:32.410
then I think that will help you start feeling better
431
00:22:32.430 --> 00:22:35.049
because you're actually doing something to try to solve the issue.
432
00:22:35.069 --> 00:22:37.809
And if you're not doing something, it's because you've already
433
00:22:37.869 --> 00:22:40.609
answered to yourself that you can't do something that's outside
434
00:22:40.630 --> 00:22:41.130
of your control.
435
00:22:41.390 --> 00:22:43.049
What about the people at that point though? So let's say,
436
00:22:43.730 --> 00:22:45.569
cause I already like hear people.
437
00:22:45.630 --> 00:22:47.930
I know this is going to go right where it's like, okay,
438
00:22:47.990 --> 00:22:51.450
I'm worrying about something I've identified. okay, what I can do,
439
00:22:51.470 --> 00:22:53.650
I've identified what I can't do. But now that I
440
00:22:53.690 --> 00:22:55.849
see all the things that I can't do, I'm actually
441
00:22:55.910 --> 00:22:58.430
freaking out about the fact that I'm so out of control.
442
00:22:59.069 --> 00:23:00.910
So when you have clients that come in and work
443
00:23:00.950 --> 00:23:02.269
with you in therapy and they're like.
444
00:23:02.289 --> 00:23:05.559
Well, I just, this is uncertain. I can't control this thing.
445
00:23:05.599 --> 00:23:07.079
This is the reason why I worry.
446
00:23:07.640 --> 00:23:09.660
Is there a ways to, I guess, get them out
447
00:23:09.680 --> 00:23:12.900
of their head or a journaling practice or something where
448
00:23:12.940 --> 00:23:16.640
it's like just becoming more at ease with understanding like
449
00:23:16.700 --> 00:23:18.400
you can't control everything in this world.
450
00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:20.140
Like there's a very small amount of things.
451
00:23:20.960 --> 00:23:22.940
And we just have to kind of trust and have
452
00:23:23.000 --> 00:23:25.160
faith that whatever's going to work out outside of our
453
00:23:25.220 --> 00:23:26.740
control is going to be what it's going to be.
454
00:23:26.779 --> 00:23:28.500
And we're going to have the tools to work through
455
00:23:29.000 --> 00:23:30.220
things as they come up.
456
00:23:30.279 --> 00:23:32.740
Or like, what do you typically work through with somebody that,
457
00:23:32.799 --> 00:23:36.109
that has those feelings of like uncertainty and like a
458
00:23:36.160 --> 00:23:38.230
control problem and wanting to control all of those things
459
00:23:38.250 --> 00:23:39.049
that they can't control?
460
00:23:39.589 --> 00:23:45.009
So the controlling worry wart, um, you know, that, that
461
00:23:45.069 --> 00:23:48.710
person's challenges are not going to be resolved easily. Overnight,
462
00:23:49.049 --> 00:23:52.309
especially not in one therapy session. In fact, all the
463
00:23:52.369 --> 00:23:54.589
therapy sessions in the world are not going to change
464
00:23:54.630 --> 00:23:57.930
this person's behavior or the way that they feel about
465
00:23:57.970 --> 00:24:02.430
certain things. What's going to change and evolve their response
466
00:24:02.470 --> 00:24:04.960
to this kind of stuff is their own practice. So
467
00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:07.700
it's what they choose to do and what they choose
468
00:24:07.740 --> 00:24:11.500
to practice outside of the therapy sessions. So it's going
469
00:24:11.519 --> 00:24:13.859
to be important for somebody like that to be open.
470
00:24:14.460 --> 00:24:16.799
To trying the different things that your therapist might talk
471
00:24:16.839 --> 00:24:18.960
about if you're in therapy or if you're on a
472
00:24:18.980 --> 00:24:21.529
self-help route, you're going to find a lot of these
473
00:24:21.589 --> 00:24:26.369
recommendations too, is to practice the art of shifting your
474
00:24:26.390 --> 00:24:33.529
attention to the present moment. And, you know, the person
475
00:24:33.569 --> 00:24:36.910
that's saying like, I've now identified all these things that
476
00:24:36.930 --> 00:24:38.960
I can't do anything about. And that's just making me
477
00:24:39.000 --> 00:24:41.980
feel even more worried because I have no control. it's
478
00:24:42.019 --> 00:24:44.619
going to be really important for that person to incorporate
479
00:24:44.660 --> 00:24:48.579
a practice of all the things that we talked about,
480
00:24:48.599 --> 00:24:55.660
those little tools, but generally mindful living. Basically like another
481
00:24:55.740 --> 00:25:01.119
tenant of mindfulness is having patience, compassion, loving kindness for
482
00:25:01.160 --> 00:25:04.880
yourself and for your thoughts, for all of your feelings,
483
00:25:05.069 --> 00:25:08.630
all these things that come and go from our psyche. So,
484
00:25:09.269 --> 00:25:13.920
you know, One thing I practiced before in a meditative
485
00:25:15.460 --> 00:25:18.140
retreat center, I was in an area where there's a
486
00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:20.349
lot of mosquitoes. And so everybody has a lot of
487
00:25:20.380 --> 00:25:22.170
mosquito bites and we want to scratch it. And I
488
00:25:22.190 --> 00:25:26.109
remember the guide at the time was saying like, to me,
489
00:25:26.289 --> 00:25:29.309
enlightenment is about being able to have a bunch of
490
00:25:29.349 --> 00:25:34.309
mosquito bites, notice them and not generally have to perceive
491
00:25:34.509 --> 00:25:39.200
the sensation from these mosquito bites as discomfort. You can
492
00:25:39.299 --> 00:25:42.309
notice the itch, and just let it go as a
493
00:25:42.369 --> 00:25:45.390
passing sensation. Now I haven't reached that point. If I
494
00:25:45.390 --> 00:25:47.309
have mosquito bites, I want to scratch it. But I
495
00:25:47.369 --> 00:25:50.650
think about that example quite often. That's what we're striving
496
00:25:50.730 --> 00:25:56.930
for in a mindful life and a practice of, you know,
497
00:25:56.970 --> 00:25:59.390
being able to shift attention in our life, in our
498
00:25:59.470 --> 00:26:05.940
everyday navigation of the world is noticing something, thought, a feeling,
499
00:26:06.079 --> 00:26:09.759
a triggering event, and Reminding yourself that it's something that's
500
00:26:09.799 --> 00:26:11.920
going to pass so you can notice it and let
501
00:26:11.960 --> 00:26:14.380
it go. You don't have to be affected by it.
502
00:26:14.460 --> 00:26:18.099
You don't have to be disturbed by it. And now
503
00:26:18.140 --> 00:26:20.109
it allows me at least to not get as annoyed
504
00:26:20.140 --> 00:26:22.720
when I'm scratching the mosquito, but I'm still scratching it.
505
00:26:23.750 --> 00:26:24.029
Yeah.
506
00:26:24.230 --> 00:26:27.789
So you mentioned something about journaling. I think that can
507
00:26:27.829 --> 00:26:30.539
be super helpful for some people. Of course, it's not
508
00:26:30.579 --> 00:26:32.880
an all encompassing thing. I don't think anything in the
509
00:26:32.920 --> 00:26:37.440
world of mental, emotional wellness and health is a one
510
00:26:37.460 --> 00:26:39.980
size fits all. I don't think that exists here. However,
511
00:26:40.019 --> 00:26:44.029
for somebody that's starting from scratch, it can be a
512
00:26:44.049 --> 00:26:46.990
really good place to start because journaling allows you to
513
00:26:47.069 --> 00:26:50.730
track your thoughts, track your reflections to your day. So
514
00:26:50.750 --> 00:26:54.170
many people are living life kind of aimlessly. And what
515
00:26:54.190 --> 00:26:56.829
I mean by that is they're not really taking inventory
516
00:26:56.890 --> 00:27:00.569
of anything that they've already accomplished. And so they move
517
00:27:00.589 --> 00:27:03.009
through the world thinking, I haven't really accomplished anything. When
518
00:27:03.049 --> 00:27:05.509
really it's like, you just haven't been tracking your progress.
519
00:27:05.970 --> 00:27:10.190
And journaling is not just, dear diary, today I had so-and-so, whatever.
520
00:27:10.630 --> 00:27:13.650
It can also look like just bullet points of stuff
521
00:27:13.670 --> 00:27:16.269
that you want to remember from the day. If you
522
00:27:16.309 --> 00:27:19.210
have certain goals that you're working towards, it's really about
523
00:27:19.230 --> 00:27:22.069
getting explicit about what kind of progress that you made
524
00:27:22.150 --> 00:27:25.569
towards it, reflecting on what barriers you had that made
525
00:27:25.589 --> 00:27:29.569
it so that you couldn't make any progress today. Because
526
00:27:29.589 --> 00:27:31.690
believe it or not, our memories kind of suck. So
527
00:27:31.829 --> 00:27:34.869
I don't advise that anybody tries to rely on their memory.
528
00:27:35.430 --> 00:27:38.150
So many people rely on their memory and then they
529
00:27:38.190 --> 00:27:43.230
feel terrible about themselves. So I do trust in my
530
00:27:43.319 --> 00:27:46.079
present self to write something down so that my future
531
00:27:46.119 --> 00:27:50.000
self will have a place to reference, a place to
532
00:27:50.039 --> 00:27:52.819
remind of all the things that I was able to accomplish.
533
00:27:52.839 --> 00:27:53.579
That's awesome.
534
00:27:53.900 --> 00:27:54.259
I love that.
535
00:27:55.019 --> 00:27:57.019
So that's what we got for you for today's episode.
536
00:27:57.559 --> 00:27:59.500
If you love this episode and you're actually thinking about
537
00:27:59.559 --> 00:28:02.160
trying out therapy, once again, you've heard me recommend it
538
00:28:02.200 --> 00:28:04.900
so many times. I recommend BetterHelp just because it's so
539
00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:06.400
easy to do and you can do it from home
540
00:28:06.420 --> 00:28:08.640
and you can switch therapists whenever you need to. If
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00:28:08.660 --> 00:28:10.529
you want to go ahead and get a 10% discount
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on your first month, go to betterhelp.com slash dial. Once again, betterhelp.com
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slash dial to actually get 10% off your first month
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and give therapy a try.
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