When Everything Starts Making Sense

WEBVTT
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:02.799
Hi guys, welcome to Subconsciously.
00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:08.320
My name is Shay, and this is a place where I let my subconscious thoughts do the talking.
00:00:21.039 --> 00:00:25.519
Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Subconsciously.
00:00:25.839 --> 00:00:29.359
You've probably been wondering, Shay, it's been two months.
00:00:29.519 --> 00:00:31.359
Actually, it might be three.
00:00:31.839 --> 00:00:33.119
Where have you been?
00:00:33.359 --> 00:00:34.799
What have you been up to?
00:00:34.960 --> 00:00:38.000
What is going on inside your subconscious brain today?
00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:39.679
What is happening?
00:00:40.000 --> 00:00:43.520
So, first, let me say I'm very sorry.
00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:50.000
I have been kind of just trying to enjoy life and being present in it.
00:00:50.159 --> 00:00:59.280
I've also been getting a lot of suggestions to get back into it because I kind of had a little rut there where I was like, I'm not really feeling inspirational.
00:00:59.520 --> 00:01:00.799
I'm just not feeling it.
00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:02.960
So then I kept being like, oh, next week.
00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:04.000
Oh, next week.
00:01:04.159 --> 00:01:05.120
Oh, next week.
00:01:05.280 --> 00:01:08.159
And then it just turned into like months.
00:01:08.319 --> 00:01:12.079
And now I'm here feeling chatty, missing you guys.
00:01:12.400 --> 00:01:16.079
And I think it's time to just bring subconsciously back.
00:01:16.239 --> 00:01:20.719
I have some guests possibly lined up, so that will be fun.
00:01:20.959 --> 00:01:25.120
The last episode I did was the music industry with Marzilla.
00:01:25.519 --> 00:01:30.560
And I can officially tell you, no, it did not come out in August, but you probably knew that already.
00:01:30.799 --> 00:01:38.480
But if you check out the official Marzilla, her song Supermodel will be out tomorrow.
00:01:38.719 --> 00:01:43.840
Oh my gosh, by the time you listen to this, I think Supermodel will be out already.
00:01:44.159 --> 00:01:46.319
Wait, what day is it?
00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:51.359
Yes, it will be out by the time this um podcast goes up.
00:01:51.519 --> 00:01:53.680
It comes out September 27th.
00:01:53.760 --> 00:01:55.920
But again, you already knew that.
00:01:56.239 --> 00:01:58.319
So I hope you've streamed it.
00:01:58.480 --> 00:02:00.079
I hope you've enjoyed it.
00:02:00.239 --> 00:02:01.359
It is a bop.
00:02:01.519 --> 00:02:03.599
A bop and a half, let me tell you.
00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:06.000
That is the official date for Marzia.
00:02:06.400 --> 00:02:23.759
And I've just been watching her little shows and just watching her grow as an artist has been very inspirational to me and what I want to do in my life too, just to inspire other people and have this motivation that I just have to take the first step.
00:02:23.919 --> 00:02:40.879
And I think that that has been in the forefront of my mind for a while is just like, how do I start when it comes to changing my life, when it comes to changing my career, when it comes to getting the necessary steps to fulfill a career or even this pod.
00:02:41.120 --> 00:02:43.759
What do I have to do in order to make it work?
00:02:44.080 --> 00:02:45.039
Consistency.
00:02:45.280 --> 00:02:48.240
I have not been consistent with a lot of things.
00:02:48.400 --> 00:02:51.840
I've been trying to upgrade my life in little areas.
00:02:52.000 --> 00:02:56.240
I went to like a Zumba class for the past couple of months as well.
00:02:56.560 --> 00:02:57.840
I've just been enjoying that.
00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:01.599
I've just been dancing my little heart out to the little Zumba music.
00:03:01.759 --> 00:03:05.439
The instructor goes whoop whoop every like two minutes.
00:03:05.599 --> 00:03:06.719
It's a bop.
00:03:06.960 --> 00:03:15.120
Great way to kind of dip my toes back into like being physically active because my work is a little bit challenging as well.
00:03:15.360 --> 00:03:18.879
Quick reminder work with people with mental and physical disabilities.
00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:24.400
So I am constantly in the community and walking around and just helping them out.
00:03:24.560 --> 00:03:35.919
But when it comes to my personal life and being active, I think I'm a little stunted, a little procrastination and laziness coming out there.
00:03:36.080 --> 00:03:37.039
I won't deny.
00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:47.439
But finding the things that interest you to dive back into the things that you want to do sometimes feels like a challenge of where to start.
00:03:47.759 --> 00:03:51.039
But it is just about committing yourself to it.
00:03:51.199 --> 00:03:55.520
Something that goes on in my head when I'm like, uh, no, thank you.
00:03:55.680 --> 00:03:57.120
Social anxiety is kicking in.
00:03:57.199 --> 00:03:58.479
I don't want to be around people.
00:03:58.719 --> 00:04:04.639
I think about the concept of JOMO versus FOMO.
00:04:04.960 --> 00:04:14.560
And what that means is, if you've never heard that terminology before, is JOMO is joy of missing out versus fear of missing out.
00:04:14.719 --> 00:04:20.480
And I feel like a lot of people are kind of conflicted with this idea of JOMO and FOMO.
00:04:21.279 --> 00:04:24.399
JOMO, obviously, joy of missing out.
00:04:24.639 --> 00:04:29.040
So my introvertedness, I love staying at home.
00:04:29.199 --> 00:04:33.519
Anyone who knows me, they know my home is my safe place.
00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:44.879
They know that if I was somewhere that my friends didn't drag me out to, I'm probably at home because home is where my heart is.
00:04:45.279 --> 00:04:48.399
And FOMO is the fear of missing out.
00:04:48.560 --> 00:04:56.079
But the thing is, I love my home so much that sometimes I have absolute confidence in Jomo.
00:04:56.639 --> 00:05:14.319
But there are moments where I'm like, hmm, I want to be at home, I should be at home, but you're doing something so fun, I'd rather be over there, but I'm not, because I'm letting my fear hold me back and it's making me look stupid.
00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:24.639
I kind of constantly go between this back and forth of I should be doing things, but at the same time, I'm very comfortable.
00:05:25.040 --> 00:05:30.160
And this is where I might lose some people if I haven't already lost you already.
00:05:31.680 --> 00:05:38.959
I will say that sometimes it is good to get out of your bubble, but only if you're comfortable with it.
00:05:39.199 --> 00:05:44.160
And comfortability is another big topic of Jomo and FOMO.
00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:45.360
It's all interconnected.
00:05:45.439 --> 00:05:46.639
I promise it will come together.
00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:51.519
But truly, we all have our own levels of comfortability.
00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:57.199
And how far are we going to push our comfort level?
00:05:57.360 --> 00:06:02.720
Are we willing to step completely out of our element, do something crazy that we've never done before?
00:06:02.879 --> 00:06:12.319
Are we gonna just impulsively buy that plane ticket to wherever you've been dreaming about, and you're just like, oh, solo trip, let's do it?
00:06:12.800 --> 00:06:15.680
Or are you sitting in your little box, cocoon?
00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:24.399
You're at home, you're on your phone, you're watching TV, you're just kind of doing your own thing indoors, not around people.
00:06:24.720 --> 00:06:32.560
How far are you willing to push that comfortability to get to this change that you want?
00:06:32.800 --> 00:06:39.120
It's a hard pill to swallow because some people aren't being challenged.
00:06:39.439 --> 00:06:51.439
And whether you're aware of it or not, I hope I'm bringing it to your awareness because it was something that really stunted me for a while was how far am I willing to push myself?
00:06:51.600 --> 00:06:54.160
How far am I willing to go get the things that I want?
00:06:54.399 --> 00:06:59.040
How willing am I to go stay on a schedule, keep the house clean?
00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:03.120
How willing am I to go reach out to a friend who possibly needs me right now?
00:07:03.360 --> 00:07:13.920
How willing am I to, even if I'm not feeling absolutely chatty, how willing am I to hop on the pod and just let out this internal feeling?
00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:17.360
Anyways, back to the concept of JOMO and FOMO.
00:07:17.839 --> 00:07:25.920
I think along with the comfortability, you have to understand putting it into JOMO, joy of missing out.
00:07:26.160 --> 00:07:32.319
So that is in your comfort when you know you need rest, when you know you need to spend time with your family at home.
00:07:32.560 --> 00:07:58.560
That is when no matter how fun and exciting, let's say the setting is fireworks, how fun that is to be with people who love fireworks and to be around friends, you have to come to terms with your interests versus another person's interest, or even your comfort level versus their comfort level, or even just saying no, drawing a hard boundary.
00:07:58.720 --> 00:08:05.680
Because I feel like sometimes that's really hard for people is drawing a boundary and learning when to say no.
00:08:06.079 --> 00:08:26.639
Fear missing out is you know, you know deep down you're not gonna like that activity, or you know deep down you don't want to be somewhere, but because all these other people are getting so hype about something, you feel like you're missing out on something, you feel like you're not fitting in the way you're supposed to.
00:08:26.879 --> 00:08:41.360
But something that I learned in these past couple of months is that it's okay to miss out on things, especially if they're not your interests, and they're gonna push you to a place that's not good for your mental health or even your physical health.
00:08:41.519 --> 00:08:50.159
There's different activities like that, and certain people can only handle certain things, and it's okay to miss out.
00:08:50.720 --> 00:09:11.519
And so what I learned about the fear of missing out is that when you think that you're out of the loop, when you think that you're the different, you're the black sheep within a friend group or within a group of people who all form together to do something, and you feel like you're the odd one out.
00:09:11.679 --> 00:09:15.279
I'm here to tell you that it's not easy to say no.
00:09:15.679 --> 00:09:20.799
It's not easy when you have people say, Oh, but I want you to come.
00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:22.399
Oh, you should so come.
00:09:22.639 --> 00:09:24.080
You're gonna miss out.
00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:28.320
Yeah, I know I'm missing out, but there's a purpose in that.
00:09:28.480 --> 00:09:36.080
And something I had to come to terms with missing out on things is sometimes, yeah, you miss out.
00:09:36.240 --> 00:09:38.559
Yeah, you don't go to that certain activity.
00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:46.399
But if you make that time that you're not going to the activity and you're doing something you enjoy, that is ultimately better for you.
00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:52.399
And when you have this nagging feeling of, oh my gosh, I don't fit in, so I have to do it.
00:09:52.559 --> 00:09:56.000
I can't miss out because you know, I'm gonna be the out one.
00:09:56.080 --> 00:09:57.759
What if they come up with an inside joke?
00:09:57.840 --> 00:09:58.720
I don't know.
00:09:59.120 --> 00:10:01.200
Sometimes you just have to let it go.
00:10:01.519 --> 00:10:06.320
Because what I learned is why fit in when you can stand out?
00:10:06.559 --> 00:10:11.120
The most cliche term I've ever come to terms with, but it's reality.
00:10:11.759 --> 00:10:13.039
Why fit in?
00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:17.039
Why have this nagging feeling that you don't fit in already?
00:10:17.279 --> 00:10:28.639
Already, if you have people who care about you and they love you for who you are and what you stand for, they won't peer pressure you into doing something or going somewhere.
00:10:28.799 --> 00:10:32.320
They'll just reschedule with a different activity that fits everyone.
00:10:32.480 --> 00:10:43.679
And sometimes we just get in places where it feels intense to miss out on something when you think that it could lead you to a new opportunity or a new place in your life.
00:10:43.840 --> 00:10:45.039
And that's okay.
00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:49.200
There's nothing wrong with missing out on things.
00:10:49.759 --> 00:11:02.799
Find the joy in missing out on it, find the joy in being with yourself and exploring and filling your mind with different things that satisfy you.
00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:03.679
You know?
00:11:03.840 --> 00:11:15.840
It was definitely something I had to come to terms with these past couple of months, and honestly, I just feel like so much has happened in these past couple of months that I feel like I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.
00:11:16.000 --> 00:11:34.720
I guess another thing that I'm in coming to terms with as um a single person who has been processing a lot of our healed emotions and healed circumstances, and coming to terms with accepting things the way that they are.
00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:42.240
I guess what I've learned as a single person watching people in relationships is people suck.
00:11:45.279 --> 00:11:46.799
Why I say it like that.
00:11:47.039 --> 00:11:51.600
People suck, like we all just suck in our own ways.
00:11:51.919 --> 00:12:21.039
Let's just say the amount of feelings I have towards couples and and breakups and getting together and being the therapist's friend has been a lot, it has been a lot to process, and I think one thing on the topic of fear missing out, Jomo, comfortability, and couples and breakups is also a sense of self.
00:12:21.279 --> 00:12:27.039
How far are you willing to go to lose yourself, and how far are you willing to go to gain yourself?
00:12:27.200 --> 00:12:52.720
Yes, this whole episode is a bunch of revelations I have come up with in my head, but something that was told to me by multiple people was that sometimes they fear what people think of them and what people would say about them, depending on what another person has told them.
00:12:53.039 --> 00:12:54.879
Perception, right?
00:12:55.200 --> 00:13:19.679
I think I went into the perceptions with Marzia one time on our first ever episode together, and the one thing I missed when talking about that was the perception of other people, like post-breakups specifically, is that everyone has a fear that something is gonna paint them out to be the bad guy.
00:13:19.919 --> 00:13:28.159
When really breakups should never be painted as you should pick his side, you should pick her side, you should pick their side.
00:13:28.480 --> 00:13:42.559
Really, what it all comes down to is that every single person played a hand in the breakup, whether it was an external factor or an internal factor, or between those two people in that relationship.
00:13:42.799 --> 00:13:47.200
Or if you're non-monogamous, that's the word, right?
00:13:47.440 --> 00:13:48.320
Yeah, I think so.
00:13:48.559 --> 00:13:50.240
Yeah, I think that's the word.
00:13:50.399 --> 00:13:58.000
I can't think right now, but if you're in a relationship that has more than two people, even more communication has to happen, right?
00:13:58.159 --> 00:14:09.200
But either way, a breakup is between two people, and there's multiple layers, there's multiple things that are left unsaid, there's multiple things that we wish we could say.
00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:13.759
There are things that we just wish would go differently.
00:14:14.000 --> 00:14:25.039
But what we can't control after a breakup, and yes, this goes out to the broken-hearted curlies, guys, non-binary pals, all of you guys.
00:14:25.200 --> 00:14:28.080
This goes out to anyone in a relationship, period.
00:14:28.639 --> 00:14:36.639
You can't control what another person says about you or chooses to say about you, good or bad, the ugly, the beautiful.
00:14:36.960 --> 00:14:50.480
Everyone can perceive a situation differently, and no one should ever be casted as a villain just because they were the one to initiate a breakup or because they made mistakes.
00:14:50.720 --> 00:14:59.360
Some mistakes are, you know, unforgiving, but there are other mistakes where you're like, huh, that's a little questionable.
00:14:59.679 --> 00:15:04.559
But I truly don't think that any relationship is perfect.
00:15:04.799 --> 00:15:13.440
I truly don't believe that doing the breakup and being the breakup-ee hurts any less.
00:15:14.240 --> 00:15:32.799
I think it takes a lot of strength to break up a relationship when you're on good terms, and I think it also hurts a lot when you know you've been backstabbed and literally like skinned from a relationship.
00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:41.360
And what I've realized about it is that you can't control it, you can't control what people say.
00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:45.440
I'm I'm just reiterating at this point, you really can't control it.
00:15:45.759 --> 00:15:51.519
Whatever these people choose to say or do, it's not on you.
00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:55.919
If you're going through a relationship breakup right now, it's not on you.
00:15:56.480 --> 00:16:19.039
Because only you know your truth or your version of the truth, they know their version of the truth, and then there's the worldly perspective of the truth, but in the way that I see it, there's only one God who knows the absolute truth, and so don't worry, don't go around pleasing people to make them change their minds about you.
00:16:19.200 --> 00:16:36.639
It just makes them despise you more in realistic terms, and the way that I see it, and it can be obviously said in multiple ways, but you're gonna be hated and despised over things that you'd never think you'd be hated or despised for.
00:16:37.440 --> 00:16:56.799
And sometimes I I really truly commend like the person who has to break up with someone when they're on good terms, because it takes a really big person to know when something isn't working, and it also takes a big person to realize when they've fallen out of love.
00:16:57.440 --> 00:17:12.400
And to the heartbreaky out there, person who's been heartbroken, it takes time, it takes a lot of time because you fear the perceptions of everybody when truly it's not up to you.
00:17:12.720 --> 00:17:17.279
So why fret over something that you can't control?
00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:28.720
It's just like hate comments, you know, on social media when you have people talking behind your back or straight in the comments.
00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:40.960
You can't control what people say, but you can moderate how you view it, you can moderate how much you view it, you can moderate how you choose to let it affect you.
00:17:41.279 --> 00:17:44.960
Because the thing is, if you let it swallow you whole, it's gonna swallow you whole.
00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:58.079
Because if you look for hatred, you look for the pain, you're gonna find the pain, you're gonna find the hatred, you're gonna find the seeds willingly because you're looking for it.
00:17:58.799 --> 00:18:08.559
But if you choose to live in ignorance's bliss, focus on yourself, only time can really tell you what to do now.
00:18:09.039 --> 00:18:22.960
And coming from a place of complete heartbrokenness and complete realizations in this world, it's okay to hurt, but see how far you've grown.
00:18:23.440 --> 00:18:26.400
See how far you've come without that other person.
00:18:26.960 --> 00:18:28.880
See what you can do.
00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:34.720
Go out there if you have to, stay inside if you have to, but don't let it ruin your life.
00:18:35.119 --> 00:18:43.279
Don't let that other person have dominance in your life over, you know, the heart that you are going to try to repair.
00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:53.039
Again, it's not up to you to decide what other people think, but it is up to you to decide how you want to navigate the situation.
00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:58.880
It's up to you to decide if this is truly how you want to live your life.
00:18:59.440 --> 00:19:01.759
And it goes back to my original statement.
00:19:02.000 --> 00:19:03.279
It takes one step.
00:19:03.759 --> 00:19:05.759
Baby steps, but it's a step.
00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:13.519
If you need to cry, if you need to get angry, if you need to talk to someone, you need a therapist, that's a step.
00:19:13.839 --> 00:19:16.160
Recognizing you need help is a step.
00:19:16.559 --> 00:19:21.680
Help looks different to everyone, and it's not a sign of weakness, it's a strength.
00:19:22.319 --> 00:19:29.279
A strength of having the awareness to know that you can't live life like this.
00:19:30.160 --> 00:19:31.359
That's a strength.
00:19:31.759 --> 00:19:36.799
Never think that because you're hurting, that you have to hide it.
00:19:37.039 --> 00:19:39.359
I don't think life is meant to be lived that way.
00:19:39.519 --> 00:19:41.279
We're very social creatures.
00:19:41.440 --> 00:19:45.519
That is what Jazz told me when I was going through my breakup years ago.
00:19:45.759 --> 00:19:50.720
She said it's okay to isolate for a while, but you know, we're social creatures.
00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:55.599
We're meant to depend on each other, we're meant to talk to each other.
00:19:55.759 --> 00:20:10.480
And so, what I can offer you from a truly, truly grateful and humble heart to you is that when you take the first step, it will lead you to another step.
00:20:10.720 --> 00:20:13.359
And each of those steps are leading you to a door.
00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:22.079
And when you get to that door of your next season, you'll look back and be like, Look how far I've come.
00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:25.680
Look how far I've come.
00:20:26.480 --> 00:20:32.720
And when you reach that door and you meet that new person in this new season, tell her thank you.
00:20:32.960 --> 00:20:35.599
Or tell him thank you, or tell them thank you.
00:20:35.920 --> 00:20:37.519
Tell yourself thank you.
00:20:37.839 --> 00:20:41.039
Because I don't know who that person's gonna be.
00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:47.279
I don't know where I'm gonna be led to, but I'll reach there and I'll be grateful.
00:20:48.160 --> 00:20:52.720
I know you're probably telling me, oh shit, it's not that easy.
00:20:53.039 --> 00:20:53.920
It's not.
00:20:54.319 --> 00:21:05.920
I won't lie and say it is, but what I can say is that as you take these steps towards that door, don't forget the the sweet moments in between.
00:21:06.240 --> 00:21:10.880
Because although you're going through some type of hardship, it's not the end.
00:21:11.279 --> 00:21:12.559
Don't let it be your end.
00:21:13.039 --> 00:21:19.519
Because if there's someone who loves you, I hope they they have the courage to tell you that it's not the end.
00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:27.039
And that your perception of yourself and your self-worth and your self-esteem depends on you.
00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:32.960
And yeah, there'll be people, yeah, there'll be things that bring you more joy than other things.
00:21:33.279 --> 00:21:39.519
But just don't let that be what fuels you learn to fill your own cup.
00:21:39.920 --> 00:21:41.440
I promise it's worth it.
00:21:41.759 --> 00:21:42.720
It's really worth it.
00:21:43.039 --> 00:21:44.559
Ooh, that got really deep.
00:21:44.720 --> 00:21:45.920
Okay, what's next?
00:21:46.079 --> 00:21:48.079
What have I not told you?
00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:54.240
Oh, on a happier note, I'm gonna tell you the things I've been obsessed with.
00:21:54.960 --> 00:21:56.640
It's obsession time.
00:21:57.279 --> 00:21:57.839
Ha ha.
00:21:58.559 --> 00:21:59.759
It's obsession time.
00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:03.440
Let me tell you my uh monthly favorites.
00:22:05.440 --> 00:22:07.839
I feel like uh a British YouTuber.
00:22:08.240 --> 00:22:11.839
Let me tell you my my monthly favorites.
00:22:12.160 --> 00:22:14.799
So I'm gonna tell you my monthly favorites.
00:22:15.119 --> 00:22:20.559
Okay, to start, hot pot, just just a food hot pot.
00:22:20.960 --> 00:22:21.519
Period.
00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:31.359
I don't know how big Big Way is anywhere, but in the area that I live, let me just say it's become an addiction at this point.
00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:44.559
And my brother literally told me to stop and get some help because um I know there's way worse like addictions, but I'd be thinking about hot pot because it's so customizable.
00:22:44.799 --> 00:22:53.920
I'd be thinking about the different broths I can eat, I'd be thinking about eating it with rice, I'd be thinking about how good hot pot is.
00:22:54.240 --> 00:23:02.880
Like in the last week alone, no, actually this week, two days ago, I went there twice in the same day.
00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:13.920
I don't know if that's a bad thing, I don't know if it's a curse, but I went to Big Way twice, and obviously how you pay is by weight.
00:23:14.079 --> 00:23:16.720
So my first meal was expensive.
00:23:16.799 --> 00:23:31.920
I won't dive into that, but my second meal was a little lighter, but earlier in the day I had gotten the bone broth, and I made it spicy enough where it tasted like the signature broth.
00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:39.119
Because I can't have the signature broth because I'm lactose intolerant, and if I do, that's a day and a half, too.
00:23:39.519 --> 00:23:41.279
I I'll be stuck in that bathroom.
00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:42.480
I won't even lie.
00:23:45.039 --> 00:23:49.759
You wanted subconsciously, here I am, anyways.
00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:56.480
Big way, big way, and then in the evening, I had the coconut curry.
00:23:56.720 --> 00:23:57.359
Mmm.
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:02.640
Mmm, when I tell you the coconut curry broth just hits a little different.
00:24:02.799 --> 00:24:06.480
And if I end up there tonight, I won't be surprised.
00:24:06.799 --> 00:24:08.319
I will not be surprised.
00:24:08.559 --> 00:24:14.799
Yes, I have a hot pot addiction, and I want to go there again.
00:24:15.039 --> 00:24:18.559
I think I'm taking advantage because I have the whole week off.
00:24:18.799 --> 00:24:24.640
This week I took a week off work just because I have a lot of things going on, and I saw Tori Kelly on Monday.
00:24:24.799 --> 00:24:25.440
That's another thing.
00:24:25.680 --> 00:24:27.680
Woo-woo, Tori Kelly.
00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:30.079
She was phenomenal.
00:24:30.559 --> 00:24:40.559
The control in her voice to the lights on the stage, to her energy of playing her throwback hits to her her new stuff.
00:24:40.880 --> 00:24:43.359
When I tell you, I was screaming.
00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:47.200
She she sang my testimony song, Never Alone.
00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:49.519
I was like, oh, I'm gonna cry.
00:24:49.680 --> 00:24:55.200
And I think I actually did cry because I was like, This is hurting me, it's hurting me.
00:24:55.440 --> 00:25:02.079
And then she she sang her most famous bridge over troubled waters, like Riff.
00:25:02.640 --> 00:25:05.039
Oh, Miss Tori Kelly.
00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:20.960
Oh, oh, I have nothing else to say about that woman except grateful things that she puts on an amazing show, and I'm I'm thinking it's crazy how how she's not so selling out arenas.
00:25:21.279 --> 00:25:26.880
I I truly, it was at um where was this concert?
00:25:27.039 --> 00:25:33.680
Yeah, it was like downtown Vancouver, but it wasn't like the major, like big arena that we have in Vancouver.
00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:42.240
But holy moly, she puts on a show, and so then I got obviously some merch.
00:25:42.400 --> 00:25:46.000
I got her Tori Kelly um shirt.
00:25:46.240 --> 00:26:02.240
It's like it says Tori, it's blue and purple, it has some chrome details, some sparkles, has her face all over the front, it has obviously the tour dates on the back, with some be more beautiful pictures of her.
00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:04.480
That woman's an angel.
00:26:04.640 --> 00:26:06.720
That woman's a literal angel.
00:26:07.359 --> 00:26:13.440
Okay, so that is what I did Monday, and that's when I ate big way twice.
00:26:13.680 --> 00:26:14.799
What else did I do?
00:26:14.960 --> 00:26:16.000
Oh, tonight.
00:26:16.240 --> 00:26:19.359
Tonight I'm gonna go see elevation worship.
00:26:20.319 --> 00:26:22.079
We're gonna praise God.
00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:23.759
I'm so excited.
00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:35.039
Elevation worship is at the big arena, which I'm like, ah, ah, elevation! Elevation, elevation worship.
00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:43.680
So literally after I end this podcast episode, I have to go get ready because I'm headed to Vancouver.
00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:47.039
But what else can I catch you up on?
00:26:47.359 --> 00:26:52.720
I saw, as I mentioned in the beginning, I watched Marzia perform.
00:26:52.960 --> 00:27:03.279
She's been like at her performances and her live shows, she's been singing her unreleased stuff, and I'm like, uh, you guys are not ready.
00:27:03.519 --> 00:27:07.599
Again, we're gonna be doing some deep dives when her projects come out.
00:27:07.839 --> 00:27:09.039
I wanna do a deep dive.
00:27:09.200 --> 00:27:10.720
I don't even think she gets a choice anymore.
00:27:10.799 --> 00:27:14.640
I'm just like, come on over, let's rock, let's record, let's do it.
00:27:14.960 --> 00:27:15.359
Ha ha.
00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:17.839
What else have I done?
00:27:18.079 --> 00:27:22.640
I'm really trying to recap what I've done in the last two months.
00:27:23.119 --> 00:27:26.559
Oh, I guess another thing today.
00:27:26.799 --> 00:27:29.039
I I like totally skipped over this.
00:27:29.279 --> 00:27:29.680
Fact.
00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:33.359
Today I got a commercial driver's license.
00:27:33.599 --> 00:27:37.359
Yay! Good job, Shay.
00:27:37.680 --> 00:27:38.319
Yay.
00:27:39.519 --> 00:27:57.519
I don't like to toot my own horn because I I'm not gonna lie, my my L for learning how to drive a commercial driver vehicle was gonna expire next week, and I decided to book it the week before it expires.
00:27:57.680 --> 00:28:00.720
So I had one chance, and that's it.
00:28:00.880 --> 00:28:02.960
So I'm very proud of myself.
00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:11.519
I didn't get a lot of demerits, so yay! Good job, Shay.
00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:14.319
I'm gonna give myself a little pat on the back there.
00:28:15.039 --> 00:28:17.839
Anyways, what else have I been missing?
00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:21.279
Oh, I guess back into obsessions.
00:28:21.839 --> 00:28:24.160
That's why we were talking about Big Way.
00:28:24.559 --> 00:28:31.920
Um, another thing I've been obsessed with is I've been obsessed with putting on my own lashes.
00:28:32.079 --> 00:28:34.880
I have never gotten lash extensions in my whole life.
00:28:35.119 --> 00:28:47.920
I didn't want to try because I have the shortest lashes, and I just I didn't want to ruin them because they're as long as they possibly can be at the moment.
00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:56.640
But sometimes it's just fun to live with lashes because it just makes you feel a type of way.
00:28:56.720 --> 00:29:01.599
It's like when girls get their nails done, it makes you feel a type of way about yourself.
00:29:01.680 --> 00:29:19.279
I'm telling you, when you try taking care of yourself or giving yourself things that, you know, like bring you actual happiness and joy, you start to realize how like beautiful it is to take care of yourself and to do things and make yourself look great.
00:29:19.599 --> 00:29:24.480
So I've been, anyways, back to the original topic at hand lash extensions.
00:29:24.720 --> 00:29:28.720
I've been learning how to do lash clusters by myself.
00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:38.960
I got the kit, I got the glue, I got the tweezers, I got the small mirror that has the angles, so I don't put glue in my eyeball.
00:29:39.519 --> 00:29:47.279
And let's just say, hopefully, on the Scoop Subconsciously page, I will have like a little bit of a timeline of everything that's happening.
00:29:47.519 --> 00:29:56.000
But, anyways, yeah, I've been doing my lashes and feeling cute, feeling great, and it's easy.
00:29:56.079 --> 00:30:00.720
I don't rip out my lashes, they fall out naturally when they need to.
00:30:01.039 --> 00:30:09.440
If I put them on properly, they will last me a week, and then I take them off, and then I put a new set on.
00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:11.039
So that's been an obsession of mine.
00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:21.599
Another obsession is apparently my TikTok is turning into like skincare, hair care, how to be a cleaner human being.
00:30:23.039 --> 00:30:28.319
I know I'm a clean person, but it's just showing me how to glow up even more.
00:30:29.119 --> 00:30:37.759
So this is not sponsored by by the way, but I've been obsessed with L'Oreal products.
00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:46.799
Again, L'Oreal, if you want to reach out to me, I will tell you I am one of your biggest fans when it comes to hair care products.
00:30:47.839 --> 00:30:54.880
I am your biggest fan when it comes to trying out serums and oils and glosses.
00:30:55.359 --> 00:30:57.920
Ooh, gets onto the gloss trend.
00:30:58.160 --> 00:31:03.759
I'm sorry if I'm losing a couple people here, but I'm obsessed with glossing my hair.
00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:28.079
If you don't know what that is, it's pretty much it's how your hair looks extra shiny and extra soft, and it makes you feel like a freaking horse with how lovely their manes are, just floating in the wind, and you see the shine, and you're like blinded by the shine because you're like, oh, girl, your hair is so healthy.
00:31:28.799 --> 00:31:30.480
Girl, your hair is so healthy.
00:31:30.720 --> 00:31:43.519
So, anyways, L'Oreal, I've been using your glycolic gloss serum and your glycolic, I can't even speak right now.
00:31:43.680 --> 00:31:48.880
Your glycolic gloss like leave-in trip treatment.
00:31:49.599 --> 00:32:00.559
When I tell you the wonders it has done for my damaged colored hair and how shiny my hair looks and how beautiful I feel, doesn't compare.
00:32:00.799 --> 00:32:02.240
It really doesn't compare.
00:32:02.559 --> 00:32:05.200
And I have a pretty oily scalp.
00:32:05.279 --> 00:32:07.680
I don't know anybody who's putting it on their roots.
00:32:07.759 --> 00:32:09.440
You probably shouldn't.
00:32:09.759 --> 00:32:18.799
If you have a really oily scalp like me, but putting it on the mids to ends does wonders.
00:32:19.279 --> 00:32:22.240
Like, I love also K18.
00:32:22.559 --> 00:32:27.279
If you want to sponsor me, I love your leave-in treatment.
00:32:27.519 --> 00:32:30.960
I love it, I love your leave-in treatment.
00:32:31.119 --> 00:32:39.200
But I ran out of my K18 recently, and I was like, I should probably buy it again, but I'm just gonna wait.
00:32:39.279 --> 00:32:42.799
I'm gonna wait till there's a sale or something because I can't.
00:32:44.400 --> 00:33:01.759
It's high end, but let me tell you, if your hair is really, really damaged, like split ends galore, you think it looks like a rat's nest, your scalp's getting oily, but your ends are getting dry.
00:33:02.559 --> 00:33:07.599
This leave-in treatment from K18, it it does wonders.
00:33:07.759 --> 00:33:34.799
Like, I've never seen my hair feel so good, I've never had my hair look so healthy, even if it's for a brief period, they work, they help, and I've just been obsessed with K18, and I've been obsessed with L'Oreal glycolic gloss, and just oh, I've just been so obsessed with taking care of myself as of recently.
00:33:35.039 --> 00:33:48.400
Also, another one of my beauty secrets I am giving away right now, and most people are like, no, yes, no, yes, I'm telling you my beauty secret right now.
00:33:48.640 --> 00:34:01.359
I get a lot of comments, and a lot of people coming up to me being like, I love your blush, it is radiant, it is glowy, it is perfect in pigment.
00:34:01.599 --> 00:34:02.880
What do you use?
00:34:03.359 --> 00:34:13.280
Well, let me tell you, it is the rare beauty luminous blush, and I pair it with the rare beauty blush.
00:34:13.679 --> 00:34:16.079
So this is my color combo.
00:34:16.320 --> 00:34:21.119
You can't see me, but I will tell you the colors, okay?
00:34:21.360 --> 00:34:25.840
So I use the liquid rare beauty in the color worth.
00:34:26.480 --> 00:34:41.039
Okay, this little goes a long way, and I'm telling you because you're layering, if you layer these two products, you will thank me because your blush will stay on like forever.
00:34:41.519 --> 00:34:43.920
But you put the liquid underneath, right?
00:34:44.159 --> 00:34:57.039
And then you take a big fluffy brush and you just lightly swirl in the luminous uh blush in the shade hope, you pair these two together.
00:34:58.000 --> 00:35:03.440
You hear me touching tapping these two products together?
00:35:03.599 --> 00:35:05.840
Yeah, also rare beauty.
00:35:06.000 --> 00:35:07.199
I love you as well.
00:35:07.360 --> 00:35:09.760
I be using your stuff all the time.
00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:12.639
So if you want a sponsor as well, please.
00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:16.079
Anyways, all of this is not sponsored, I swear.
00:35:16.320 --> 00:35:19.519
But Rare Beauty, tried and true.
00:35:19.760 --> 00:35:23.280
I am now hitting pan on this blush.
00:35:23.519 --> 00:35:26.000
I've had this blush since May.
00:35:26.480 --> 00:35:29.679
So that should tell you how much I really love this product.
00:35:29.920 --> 00:35:35.039
I also am one of the non-avid, is that the word I'm looking for?
00:35:35.199 --> 00:35:37.119
I don't wear makeup every day.
00:35:37.280 --> 00:35:38.719
That should be the word I use.
00:35:38.880 --> 00:35:43.440
I do not use makeup every day, but when I do, that is my tried and true.
00:35:43.760 --> 00:35:51.440
And this blush with that blush, the layered of the blushness, can't go wrong.
00:35:51.760 --> 00:35:53.199
Can't go wrong.
00:35:53.599 --> 00:36:03.280
I'm trying to think what else I've been deeply obsessed with, minus reading my Bible, because I've been doing oh, that's another thing.
00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:05.760
Wow, this episode is gonna be so long.
00:36:06.239 --> 00:36:14.960
Another thing is I've been doing daily devotionals at night, and there was this analogy that came in my head.
00:36:15.039 --> 00:36:20.400
So I'm gonna end this episode with an analogy because obviously I'm a little wired right now.
00:36:20.639 --> 00:36:22.559
So, analogy, okay?
00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:25.039
Our life is like a cake.
00:36:25.280 --> 00:36:35.280
Our life is like a cake, it has lumps and it can be messy and it can be beautiful and it can be tasty or it can taste like a biscuit.
00:36:35.519 --> 00:36:42.239
Whatever your cake looks like or tastes like, I want you to remember what is the most iconic part of a cake.
00:36:42.480 --> 00:36:45.599
If you said icing, you'd be correct.
00:36:45.840 --> 00:36:46.880
The icing.
00:36:47.119 --> 00:37:10.719
And so this was a revelation I kind of came to when I was thinking about my life and how shameful it can be, and how like crazy it can be, and how annoying it can be, and how distasteful it can be, and just not finding good things, but I think of God, and I think of God as the icing.
00:37:10.880 --> 00:37:20.480
I think of God spreading his peace, spreading his love, spreading just joy over my cake.
00:37:20.800 --> 00:37:24.559
Okay, and who's gonna beat out those lumps in your life?
00:37:24.719 --> 00:37:33.599
Who those lumps that you look at as of target areas to improve on, who's going to beat those lumps out of your cake?
00:37:33.840 --> 00:37:35.840
In my world, it is God.
00:37:36.079 --> 00:37:46.800
God is the only one who can help me overcome things that I think are impossible, improbable, and things I can't even imagine touching, right?
00:37:47.360 --> 00:38:12.639
But when I think about cake and I think about the icing, and I think about God's goodness and his love, and in all the ways that he's just taken over and helped me in my next steps, in my next season, I think of how good cake tastes, and how good my life is with God in it.
00:38:12.960 --> 00:38:16.320
Will I experience roughs and bumps?
00:38:16.480 --> 00:38:18.960
Will my cake possibly fall on the floor?
00:38:19.199 --> 00:38:22.400
Will my cake be crumbled into pieces?
00:38:22.639 --> 00:38:23.360
Possibly.
00:38:23.519 --> 00:38:32.800
But you know what else is really good about cakes is cakes can be used for different occasions, for different people, for different uses, different purposes.
00:38:33.039 --> 00:38:41.360
And the way that I look at it and how my subconscious brain put it together is God can use you in other people's lives.
00:38:41.599 --> 00:38:47.039
God can use you as just someone to be a light to.
00:38:47.599 --> 00:38:51.280
And when you see that cake, it's the highlight of the party.
00:38:51.360 --> 00:38:58.000
Let me tell you, at least in my books, cake and desserts will always be the highlight of a party for me.
00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:03.280
Because when I see that cake, I'm like, mmm, I think it's time.
00:39:03.599 --> 00:39:10.480
I think it's time for me to get a plate and a fork and a knife and dive right in.
00:39:10.719 --> 00:39:11.679
It's time.
00:39:12.639 --> 00:39:15.039
Anyways, diving into that.
00:39:15.360 --> 00:39:21.599
Now that we know and have established that cakes can also get ruined, right?
00:39:21.840 --> 00:39:24.719
You know what else is really cool about cakes?
00:39:24.960 --> 00:39:27.360
Is there's different kinds.
00:39:27.519 --> 00:39:32.400
There are different purposes, there are differences in cakes.
00:39:32.639 --> 00:39:37.199
Because say a chunk falls off from your cake, guess what?
00:39:37.519 --> 00:39:38.320
You hear that?
00:39:38.480 --> 00:39:46.960
That's me rolling my hands because that is God rolling that part of your life and making it into its own little cake pop.
00:39:47.840 --> 00:39:48.480
Yeah.
00:39:48.800 --> 00:39:51.519
Double references, yeah.
00:39:52.800 --> 00:40:04.719
Anyways, I had that in my head, and to all of my Christian guys, all of my Christian girls, I've been reading Proverbs.
00:40:04.960 --> 00:40:07.760
Proverbs is the book of wisdom.
00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:26.159
I'm on like Proverbs 10 currently, but I thought I'd share out of my handy dead notebook, throw it back, and share with you something that I feel like someone needs to hear.
00:40:26.559 --> 00:40:30.079
So I'm gonna tell you right now.
00:40:30.960 --> 00:40:31.760
So many.
00:40:36.559 --> 00:40:37.679
Well, this is my podcast.
00:40:37.760 --> 00:40:38.800
I could pick two.
00:40:39.119 --> 00:40:42.239
Ooh, I got one.
00:40:43.039 --> 00:40:45.679
This is Proverbs 8.
00:40:45.920 --> 00:40:49.760
So this was the eighth day of me doing a devotional.
00:40:50.079 --> 00:40:57.119
And to anyone who isn't spiritual, I honestly still think this could be really good for you to listen to.
00:40:57.360 --> 00:41:04.159
And hopefully, if you don't believe in God, hopefully this still helps you in your journey of life.
00:41:04.480 --> 00:41:12.880
But I wrote, wisdom comes with all those who retain it, and it's more valuable to live with understanding of it.
00:41:13.119 --> 00:41:23.360
When things go wrong and not according to our plan, as humans, we tend to forget the purpose or wisdom the alternate plan is leading us to.
00:41:23.599 --> 00:41:33.039
We must understand when the alternate plan sets its path, it's like a caution traffic cone to be wary of danger we could possibly be led to.
00:41:33.280 --> 00:41:43.840
So, for example, if you saw a traffic cone in the street and there's construction, you're not gonna be that person who sees a traffic cone and drives right into it, are you?
00:41:44.239 --> 00:41:44.559
No.
00:41:45.119 --> 00:41:50.239
We're gonna just switch lanes and we're gonna go around the traffic cones.
00:41:50.480 --> 00:41:56.559
Do not let curses or lies be spoken when you experience a redirection.
00:41:57.119 --> 00:42:13.679
So, say you were hoping and praying that your life was gonna go a certain way, that you were gonna be married by a certain point, have kids by a certain point, have a certain job status by a certain point, have a certain money at a certain point.
00:42:13.840 --> 00:42:22.000
But when we don't get those things, sometimes what we like to do as human beings is we like to be mad.
00:42:22.400 --> 00:42:25.840
We like to get angry, be like, why didn't it happen?
00:42:26.079 --> 00:42:26.880
Blah.
00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:32.800
But sometimes when we have a redirection, it's not technically a rejection.
00:42:32.960 --> 00:42:36.239
We're not getting rejected from that possibility.
00:42:36.400 --> 00:42:38.400
It just means you have to take a different route.
00:42:38.639 --> 00:42:51.280
You're not getting rejected from driving on the road, but we have to be rerouted, rerouted to a different place, a different person, a different perspective, a different lifestyle, all of it.
00:42:51.440 --> 00:42:53.760
We all need a redirection.
00:42:54.079 --> 00:42:59.119
So when you're faced with rejection, remember that it's a redirection.
00:42:59.360 --> 00:43:04.639
Be grateful and be willing to accept what has been put in your life.
00:43:04.880 --> 00:43:10.639
Or in Christian perspective, be grateful and willing to accept what God has put in your life.
00:43:10.880 --> 00:43:13.199
Remember, it's not always up to us.
00:43:13.440 --> 00:43:15.760
What happens sometimes is out of our control.
00:43:16.000 --> 00:43:18.159
Leads back to what I was talking about earlier.
00:43:18.400 --> 00:43:19.840
Not everything is in our control.
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:24.639
We can't control what people say, we can't control what people do, but we can control ourselves.
00:43:24.880 --> 00:43:33.599
When a piece of wisdom or a neutral period enters your life, don't fear it, but learn how to apply its teachings.
00:43:33.920 --> 00:43:37.920
What is this redirection supposed to be teaching you?
00:43:38.159 --> 00:43:44.079
Think of every opportunity or every misstep as a new thing to learn.
00:43:44.320 --> 00:43:47.599
Even as we grow old, we should never, ever stop learning.
00:43:47.760 --> 00:43:59.599
Yes, we can be set in the things that we like, yes, we can be set in the things that we don't like, but there are still things that even if you think your way is the right way, there's always a better way to do something.
00:43:59.840 --> 00:44:02.239
So learn to apply it to teachings.
00:44:02.559 --> 00:44:09.119
This piece of wisdom or this new trial, it's to build your strength and endurance.
00:44:09.360 --> 00:44:22.320
So when a new trial enters your life, don't fear it, don't be dismayed, because sometimes we need to be pushed in a certain way.
00:44:22.639 --> 00:44:25.760
So again, redirection is not rejection.
00:44:25.920 --> 00:44:28.480
Rejection is just a redirection.
00:44:28.719 --> 00:44:31.519
Do not drive straight into a caution cone.
00:44:31.679 --> 00:44:32.800
Go around it.
00:44:33.039 --> 00:44:34.239
Get rerooted.
00:44:34.400 --> 00:44:35.599
It's okay.
00:44:36.079 --> 00:44:37.360
You are okay.
00:44:37.519 --> 00:44:38.719
We are okay today.
00:44:38.880 --> 00:44:43.440
And so I'm going to end this podcast by saying thank you so much for listening.
00:44:43.599 --> 00:44:44.559
Thank you for tuning in.
00:44:44.719 --> 00:44:47.119
Even after so long, I appreciate it.
00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:48.800
I hope you like this gap session.
00:44:48.880 --> 00:44:54.079
It's almost like, from what I'm seeing on my computer right now, it's almost an hour long.
00:44:55.199 --> 00:44:59.440
So I should end it here and just tell you that I'm very grateful.
00:44:59.599 --> 00:45:04.719
I'm very thankful that you're still tuning into subconsciously and that you really enjoy it.
00:45:05.039 --> 00:45:07.920
And where can you find me?
00:45:08.239 --> 00:45:23.039
You can find me on Instagram at scoop subconsciously s-c o-p S U B C O N S C I O U S L Y on Instagram.
00:45:23.280 --> 00:45:27.760
I will try my best to push this out as fast as I can.
00:45:28.079 --> 00:45:33.599
But also, I realized I don't like having a weekly schedule.
00:45:33.760 --> 00:45:38.400
One because sometimes I can't get it out on time, and then I feel even more guilty.
00:45:38.559 --> 00:45:51.039
So when I'm in this yap session and when I'm here sharing my perspectives with you and updating you, let me know if you like the shorter ones or you like the longer ones.
00:45:51.360 --> 00:45:55.360
But wherever you are, I want you to know that you are loved.
00:45:55.519 --> 00:46:03.760
I want you to know that someone cares for you, and I want you to know that you are special and you are kind and you are important today.
00:46:04.000 --> 00:46:07.199
So that is all I have for you today on Subconsciously.
00:46:07.280 --> 00:46:08.559
I hope you enjoyed it.
00:46:08.800 --> 00:46:14.400
And tell me what you guys want to listen to or what you guys want me to chat about.
00:46:14.719 --> 00:46:18.880
I am definitely getting in the process of starting some new projects.
00:46:19.039 --> 00:46:25.280
So just again, be on the lookout because everything will be announced on Scoop subconsciously.
00:46:25.440 --> 00:46:35.519
So, guys, that is the episode, and I thank you so much for listening, and and I'll see you guys on the next episode where my subconscious thoughts do the talking.
00:46:35.840 --> 00:46:37.199
Bye guys.