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Welcome, welcome to Sorting Through Life with Colleen Watston on AM950, the progressive voice of Minnesota.
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I am Colleen Watterston, and this episode is brought to you by Space by Space Organizing, my home organizing business.
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And today we are talking about our offering, legacy lifting.
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And this offering is not about rushing older adults to get rid of their belongings.
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It's about giving people the opportunity to decide what matters, what doesn't, what they want to pass on, and what they don't want their loved ones to have to figure out later.
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Because one day we won't be here to speak for our stuff.
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So what do we want it to say?
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And today I have Tiffany with me who manages all the communication on behalf of Space by Space Organizing.
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And we talk a lot about this legacy lifting offering that we have and the different client work that we do around this.
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So we wanted to talk about this because I think there's a lot of what our experience has exposed us to with being in client homes and helping people go through their own stuff, go through their parents' stuff, maybe go through their parents' stuff with their parent, go through their parents' stuff after a parent has passed.
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You know, we've had a lot of different clients over the years now that have exposed me really to different scenarios and a lot of different relationships to the stuff and uh to each other amidst this situation.
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And there's a lot of people who are facing their own stuff and looking around, sitting in houses just filled with their belongings, wondering where would I even start?
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There's a lot of adult children who go into their parents' homes and wonder where would I even start?
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There's there's just a lot there.
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You know, we live, we've talked about it many times on this show, that we live in a society that likes to consume.
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And we've been marketed to to consume a lot.
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And I think that our stuff is very much connected to our identity and to our purpose and to, you know, what we feel who we are and and what is important to us.
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And so we want to talk about this, whether anybody hires space-by-space organizing or not.
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I mean, we'd love to help you through it, but I think that I want to be part of normalizing the conversation around the fact that one day you aren't going to be here to speak on behalf of your stuff.
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So, what can you do in advance of that?
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And what conversations can you have with the people that you love who will be sorting through your stuff to make it easier for them and to actually make it delightful if you give yourself the opportunity.
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So, Tiffany, thank you for always being by my side, but especially here today.
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Uh, welcome back.
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Thank you.
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Um, yeah, I I had read a stat that said 61% of parents, 65 and up, had discussed with their children what should happen to their belongings after they pass.
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And so this is definitely a great thing to be thinking about, you know, discussing.
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And that's 61%.
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So it's like more than half, but think of all those people who aren't having these conversations.
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And even the ones that are having the conversations, that statistic doesn't tell us how well that conversation went.
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You know, so there's different ways to have conversations.
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You know, the conversation might have ended up in not talking for a little bit after.
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Or, you know, we we get really connected to our belongings.
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So hopefully we can kind of give people some strategies for navigating those conversations as effectively as they can.
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Yeah.
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So the scenario the scenario is this uh you walk into your parents' house, you see 40 years of stuff, you love your parents, you know these things mean something to them, but somewhere in the back of your mind you're thinking, what happens to all this stuff when they can't live here anymore?
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And then if you're the parent, you might be thinking, don't touch my stuff, I'm not going anywhere.
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I I think this is like the scenario.
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That's very relatable.
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And especially there's this sandwich generation of people who are raising kids and finding themselves with the demands of taking care of their aging parents.
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And so it's they're sandwiched between these two demanding, you know, other generations that that it falls to them to figure out what to do.
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And so they kind of feel stuck.
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That's that sandwich, like you're in the middle, and that's just the way that it is.
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And and you can't, you know, neglect your children or you shouldn't.
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And you also don't want to neglect your parents, you know, and it's and and then also you have your own life.
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And I think a lot of people feel overwhelmed by their own life, you know, our in-home interventions, and a lot of the clients that we serve in our regular organizing are are usually like middle-age, mid-career, you know, they're in the middle of a lot, and they just need kind of help bringing some order to what's going on in their home and structure and some better systems to make things flow.
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Uh, but though that's enough on their own.
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And now you have you go to your parents' house, and I've heard this from friends, from clients.
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Like, we finished a kitchen the other day, and after three days of being in this kitchen, I met the the husband on the way out of our last day, and I was sitting there showing him every drawer that we organized and what we did and kind of talking through it.
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And afterward, he's like, you know, I really need you for my mom.
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Like, she's got a ton of stuff, we don't know where to start.
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So it's like, thank you for what you did in my kitchen, but I'm already thinking, you know, whose kitchen overwhelms me more than my own?
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My mom's.
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You know, so people go to their parents' place and they see all this stuff.
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And I hear about it all the time.
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And I hear about the stress of it.
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It's like the future anxiety is stress.
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And so it's like, oh, what's gonna, you know, the or anxiety is like future stress.
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I don't know how it works out, but it's like you know it's yours to take care of, and you know one day all of that will be yours to sort through.
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And so, you know, I I think there's different ways of approaching it, but I think that a lot of people, you know, when they go with that scenario that you described, it's it's so human to walk into your mom's house, be like excited, maybe you're just gonna have dinner, you're catching up.
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But you can't help but see the environment and see the boxes of things or the rooms that are full of stuff.
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And I was just showing you this account on Instagram called Millennial Inheritance.
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And this guy gets all these submissions from people about look at what I inherited or am inheriting.
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And it's like the collection of Hummels, and you know, like the Danbury plate collections that come with the certificate of authenticity.
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And I remember growing up with those 1-800 numbers at the bottom of the screen, you know, collect five out of six, like the and and yes earlier this week we were in a kitchen and they had um like these winter uh Arby's put out these winter wine glasses, like these beautiful.
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There's there was a time when like a happy meal came with a real cool toy, not just some chintzy thing you threw away as soon as you got it.
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But it was like my client remembered driving around all the different Arby's to get the different types of cups when they came out, you know, because like every week launched the different version, you know.
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So like this one, they have six of the long stem one and five of that.
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And it's like, you know, you can even sell them on eBay and and make a few bucks because like nostalgia can can get people some money.
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But you also can't make money on a lot of stuff because you're not the only family who drove around Arby's and whose parents revered those glasses.
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You know, it's like you see these collectibles and and and there may be value, there may not, but that's what we grew up in was this this I I'm 39, so I grew up, you know, like 80s, 90s, 2000s, where that was kind of what people did.
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You know, it was like what the corporate marketing structure of the day was at the time.
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Like you wanted to collect something, you wanted to have the whole collection of it, you wanted to have that, you know, the beanie baby have the tag with the the year, like there's that authenticity piece.
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And so this millennial inheritance, you know, account is like not only do you inherit this beautiful collection of like porcelain dolls with big eyes, he's talking about precious moments, but he's like, but you also get the paperwork to prove, you know, their birth certificates and stuff.
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And it's like you don't realize that it's kind of silly when you're in it because that was just how we that was it, you know.
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And I I I remember my sister and I would like sit and write down one-800 number during the commercials.
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We'd like to have a pad of paper where we'd write down as many 1-800 numbers as we could.
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You know, it's like now it's a QR code.
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What will it be in 20 years?
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Who knows?
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But so what's happening today, and they're talking, you know, they say like the silver tsunami, there's conversations around like wealth transfer from boomers to generations beneath um, you know, coming after them.
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But it's not just wealth that's being transferred, you know, and a lot of and and isn't it lovely for families who have wealth to transfer?
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But a lot of families, the quote unquote wealth is, oh, that has value, you know, and I'll give you that, or you know, I can't get rid of it.
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You know, you'll maybe you'll want it someday.
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There's a lot of that where a parent will be like, they say they don't want it, but I they don't know that they don't want it.
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You know, like I maybe 10 years from now they will want it.
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And the kids have told them 10 times, like, I really don't.
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I I still really don't.
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I, you know, mom, like when you asked me three years ago and last year and stuff, and I said I didn't, like, I'm still there.
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You know, it's like we we hope that like time will buy desire for this stuff.
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And it's like, uh-uh.
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Like, it really doesn't, you know, so it's like, you know, I think what what uh I hope to do, what I get to do with a lot of the clients and what we're doing more and more of with this legacy lifting.
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I have this little tagline that I started leave a legacy, not a burden, because I was working with this family.
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There were four siblings, three, three siblings and one sister-in-law, but they um whose husband had passed, their brother had passed.
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It's Warren's family who's been on the show.
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Um, we have videos of all of them talking about this process.
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And there's a lot of overwhelm that goes in when when someone passes to to look at all of this stuff and size it up and figure it out.
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And it was just people would come to these estate sales that we had with all this stuff, and they're like, whoa, there's so much stuff.
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You know, and I had a lot of conversations with people around that.
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And, you know, like half the people that would come to those sales and stop and chat would be like, I'm working through my stuff so that I don't leave this all to my kids.
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Like I don't, I don't want to leave this burden, you know?
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And then there were, you know, just as many that would be like, you know what?
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They can deal with it when I'm gone.
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I'll be dead.
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It won't, it won't matter.
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So their problem, whatever they want to do then.
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Yeah.
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So almost half of people haven't really even had that discussion with their kids, half of seniors, it sounds like, uh, according to that stat.
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So why do you think we're so afraid to talk about our stuff?
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I think we're afraid to talk about our stuff because we're actually talking about our death.
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Because our stuff and what surrounds us is what what is proof of life.
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You know, it's what we've collected throughout our life.
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Like I call my home my corner of the world, like my little corner of the world.
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And and I am lucky enough to have a home and to have my own little corner of the world.
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And I take pride in my corner of the world.
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And I plant things and I buy things that make me feel happy and I decor, you know, I decorate my home.
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I have things from my travels, I have things that really make me smile.
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I like kind of like elegant, quirky decor.
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Like I like my home to feel really like cozy and beautiful and make people smile.
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You know, I like things that that have a story to it.
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Like if you want to spend a whole week going through my house, I probably as a talker, but as an owner of a lot of things that remind me of fun things, could spend a week walking you through my home telling you things about my stuff.
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And everybody is that way.
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You know, we all to some varying degree, even the minimalists have a certain relationship with stuff for some reason.
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You know, sometimes the absence of stuff is its own story, but the collection of stuff and even looking at different generations and the way that we, you know, procure and and attain, like to me, our stuff is it's like the fact that we can possess it, the fact that we have ownership of it, the ha like it's almost to me like that is who we are, you know, and and going back to the 90s, the 2000s, even today, the way that we're marketed is like buying this thing makes you that way, you know, holding your identity.
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Wearing this, this logo, you know, wearing this brand shows you that I'm I've achieved a certain level of something, you know, like I I dress this certain way, I drink from these certain cups, I have this certain thing around me, you know, and it's it's varying degrees and it's it's all sorts of interests.
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And, you know, some people love being a maximalist, and that's part of their identity, that they do have a lot and that they've curated it and it has meaning.
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But it's also like, but uh your stuff so when you ask someone to think about downsizing, and so that's really the legacy lifting of like if you aren't able to age in place, you know, or if you want to downsize and you want to just have a smaller space for decades and decades to come, but you just need, you know, that like going through your things is the barrier to selling the house or to leaving the apartment or home or you know, leaving where you're renting, whatever it is.
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Well, it seems like a lot of people wait until there is a crisis versus being proactive about it.
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I think a lot of people wait until there is a crisis because I don't think we want to face the fact, I don't think that we face aging well in our society.
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I mean, I've had Botox, I can't talk about it, but it's like we're so anti-aging, you know, and it's like all we want to do is is not die in a lot of ways.
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It feels like all we want to do is not age.
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We don't, I don't think that we embrace aging and and elders in a way that honors and and allows for the elders to be revered in a way that allows them to delight in the process of releasing their stuff to other people.
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And so to me, and we can get into this, but to me, instead of if we can resituate the conversation, if we can say, you know, leave a legacy, not a burden, you know, and talk about the legacy of what we're leaving behind, instead of the fact that we're leaving behind things because we won't be here because we will die.
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So I grew up in the funeral business.
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Like from my grandpa started a funeral home in 55.
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My dad only knew that.
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I grew up raised by a funeral director.
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I played at the chapel, you know, like that.
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There was a ramp at the funeral home.
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I remember running down so many times, you know, after a funeral, of course, not while it was happening.
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Um, so very disruptive.
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But, you know, I've just been around death.
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And I think that that has really motivated me to live a good life and to focus on the days I have and to fill it because I've seen my first time working at the funeral home was in eighth grade, and and I had to order a casket for a two-year-old, and it was an accidental death from a parking lot of a, you know, there weren't fancy cars with reverse cameras that showed the neighbor.
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It was a neighbor who accidentally ran into him.
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It was just devastating.
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I was in eighth grade when I, you know, saw that.
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And I've seen many other examples since, but it's like I think there's just been a very innate sense of like, we don't get out of this life alive.
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And whatever spiritual belief happens after, you know, I'm not here to to tell you to have a certain way, but like no one has taken a U-Haul to heaven.
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You know, nobody has brought their stuff with them.
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There are shrines and tombs built for some of the wealthiest people of, you know, the like Egyptian pyramids and stuff like that.
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Like, but their stuff didn't go with them, you know, like their soul left their bodies, and maybe their bodies have some beautiful jewels on them, but they they didn't get to take it with them.
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So to me, it's like we have to acknowledge that.
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And to me, that whole like, you want me to get rid of my stuff?
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I'm not dying tomorrow, I'm not dead yet.
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Like, that to me is not the conversation that we're having, or that I want to encourage people to have.
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Like, I want it to be like, does this serve you?
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Like, is this still serving you?
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And how could we like to me our stuff, like what is this stuff that is like the essentials?
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Like, what is the essence of who you are?
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And how can we get down to have the essentials around you?
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How can we make sure that we get the best things that make you feel the most you and help you be you the best, you know, dress the best, you know?
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Like what outfits make you feel so good every time you wear them?
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Let's hang on to those.
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You know, what what things in your kitchen do you use every single day?
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And and that's just the most practical stuff.
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And then a few things, you know, the Arby's, the Arby's glasses that when you look on the shelf, it makes you smile because you remember driving around and getting everyone and probably not, you know, we didn't have map quests.
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It was just like, where am I?
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Oh, I gotta get out, you know, 20 minutes away.
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How do I get to that Arby's?
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You know, like driving the highway to see it on the side of the road, like different time.
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How can we honor that and honor the moment that we're in and honor the relationships in your life to be able to, you know, maybe gift people things that they've been wanting or relieve them of the burden of what they don't?
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So we'll keep talking.
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I could talk on this for days and days and days, but we definitely have enough for this episode.
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So we'll be right back sorting through life with Colleen Waterston and Tiffany here today.
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Welcome back to Sorting Through Life with Colleen Watterston on AM950, brought to you by Space by Space Organizing.
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So, Space by Space Organizing is my home organizing business here in the Twin Cities, and we have this aspect of our business that we call legacy lifting.
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And it's really meant for people who want to organize with an end in mind.
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Maybe you've retired from a career and you want to have a retirement, or you're planning to retire and you don't want to spend the first five years of retirement clearing out your house.
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So do it in advance of retirement so that the day you don't have to go to the office, you can go on vacation.
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Or maybe you've decided that you just want to downsize and have a more reasonable house for you without kids in it, you know, empty nesting.
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And so, how do I sort through all this stuff?
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How do I sort through my kids' stuff?
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And maybe you are looking at a senior living community, or maybe, you know, unfortunately, you've been faced with a health circumstance that really makes you know that that things are going to be harder in the future, and you need to get a handle on what you have in front of you so that life can be simpler.
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And maybe um you have somebody in your life who you love who's past, and now you're looking at all of their stuff and you're trying to make sense of it.
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So that's kind of everybody, you know, and and more there's there's more that could fall into that of who legacy lifting can serve.
00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:58.160
But it's really helping people make sense of stuff with the idea that they don't want to leave the burden of making sense of it to the people that they love, that the people that they leave behind and their stuff is still there.
00:20:58.480 --> 00:21:02.079
So uh I say leave a legacy, not a burden.
00:21:02.319 --> 00:21:04.000
And so we have legacy lifting.
00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:06.319
So we do the heavy lifting, we'll help you through it.
00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:15.519
You know, we can design a process that really feels good and right for you and your family and your loved ones to honor your stuff while helping you go through it.
00:21:15.839 --> 00:21:16.079
Yeah.
00:21:16.160 --> 00:21:20.079
So we talked about the thoughts around why we're so afraid to talk about our stuff.
00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:20.400
Yeah.
00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:26.720
And so now we wanted to talk about how to start that conversation and avoiding landmines.
00:21:28.720 --> 00:21:35.759
So, you know, you sent me a little bit of an idea about this episode, Tiffany, since you're so good at helping frame what we do.
00:21:35.920 --> 00:21:46.079
Um, but I was kind of thinking like, think about your last Thanksgiving dinner and who were you at Thanksgiving with, or you know, the last holiday.
00:21:46.319 --> 00:21:49.039
But it's usually your people, you know, your family.
00:21:49.119 --> 00:21:59.599
And there's there's a lot of articles around that time in news about like how to get along at Thanksgiving, you know, like how to get through the entire dinner without, you know, choking on.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:12.240
On the dinner roll when Uncle so-and-so says what, you know, like, or maybe your brother says this, or you know, so I think, you know, we have there's a lot of family dynamics at play.
00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:22.480
And if you think back to your last Thanksgiving dinner and it all went swimmingly and everyone got along, and it's like, don't we wish every day could be Thanksgiving and we could have family dinner all the time?
00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:25.279
You just love being around each other, amazing.
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:34.000
You probably won't have too many issues when it comes to dealing with somebody who's past stuff, you know, like mom or dad's stuff among siblings or whatnot.
00:22:34.240 --> 00:22:48.799
But if there is a little bit of sibling rivalry or, you know, like maybe tension around things, like to me, our people who are at that Thanksgiving table, a lot of times the tension is like decades deep.
00:22:48.960 --> 00:22:53.519
You know, it's like sitting at the kitchen table as kids deep.
00:22:53.599 --> 00:23:01.279
You know, it goes back that far where things happened, dynamics were established, and that's just kind of what we come to expect of each other.
00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:06.000
You know, mom does this for you, mom doesn't do that for me, uh, dad always favors you.
00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:24.319
You know, there's there's just things that come up, or or maybe some people in the family are more successful than others, and so there's like a fairness, who deserves this, or maybe people are work together and others don't, you know, every family has their stuff and and like the intangible stuff and the tangible stuff.
00:23:24.480 --> 00:23:40.240
And so I think just honoring those dynamics and knowing and acknowledging, like, oh yeah, this might be tricky, but how can we start to talk about it in a way that that can actually move us forward as a family and you know, move us forward through this stuff?
00:23:40.480 --> 00:23:54.160
And so I think, you know, the first thing I notice a lot of clients um feel kind of cornered, like they're they're facing aging, you know, and I can talk about this.
00:23:54.319 --> 00:24:03.519
Mary, my dearest best friend Mary, who's 88 and has successfully moved into a senior community, and it was a really, really good experience.
00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:09.759
We have a whole episode on it, and her kids like and grandkids, everybody rallied and put in some effort.
00:24:09.839 --> 00:24:13.680
And it was a really kind of beautiful, supportive process.
00:24:14.319 --> 00:24:30.000
Um but Mary's 88 and one of my closest friends, and aging is hard, you know, and I hear about it, and I hear about like she she tripped the other day, and that was that that's a really big health circumstance that's coming up now.
00:24:30.079 --> 00:24:46.559
And thankfully she was at that senior community, and someone was right there to call the ambulance for her and to, you know, get her in, or kids now she's closer to her kids, so they were able to be there for her so much more than when she was further from her kids, and it took that much longer to get to mom.
00:24:46.640 --> 00:24:58.640
You know, so it's like anticipating that our bodies are going to not be as strong as they always are, you know, and just knowing like there's a frailty to life that comes the longer I live.
00:24:58.799 --> 00:25:05.680
And if I've maintained my health and been physically fit throughout, you know, like it's gonna be easier and hopefully longer.
00:25:05.920 --> 00:25:08.640
But eventually we all do face a demise.
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:14.319
And so kind of avoiding that is not helpful.
00:25:14.559 --> 00:25:26.319
And so if you're listening to this and you're in the later years and you are the one who's looking around your home and you know that when your kids come over, maybe they're the one saying something to you, like, mom, you have so much stuff.
00:25:26.480 --> 00:25:28.319
Like, oh mom, I'm gonna have to deal with this.
00:25:28.400 --> 00:25:29.599
Like, mom, I don't want that stuff.
00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:31.279
Like, mom, why can't you just get rid of it?
00:25:31.359 --> 00:25:41.279
Or dad, like, or brother, or you know, anybody who anticipates that this is gonna be theirs to go through, their problem, they've got problems in their own life.
00:25:41.359 --> 00:25:46.240
They have things in their own life, you know, even if they're a minimalist, they've got a life.
00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:49.279
You know, we all are the centers of our own worlds.
00:25:49.599 --> 00:25:57.839
And Margarita Magnuson, who wrote Swedish Death Cleaning, and we've done an episode on Swedish Death Cleaning, and she passed, and I'm so sad about that.
00:25:57.920 --> 00:25:59.279
She passed at 92.
00:25:59.440 --> 00:26:02.319
I'm sure it was like the easiest passing for her children.
00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:07.920
I'm sure they just got to sit around and tell stories about how much they loved her because she had taken care of so much.
00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:17.839
So that when that day came, that was what they got to sit around and do, versus a passing where, you know, you do the things you have to do right away.
00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:19.440
Maybe a funeral, maybe not.
00:26:19.599 --> 00:26:28.319
My dad's been on a retired funeral director, and we've talked about how many people don't have a funeral right after these days, you know, and cremation being such a big option.
00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:32.400
People might get the body cremated and say, you know, we'll wait until everybody's home.
00:26:32.559 --> 00:26:34.720
And then that doesn't happen often.
00:26:34.799 --> 00:26:40.720
You know, you kind of get through the initial mourning and grieving and then think, well, why bring that back up six months later?
00:26:40.880 --> 00:26:46.079
You know, it's just there's so many different ways than in the past when someone died and how that was handled.
00:26:46.559 --> 00:26:57.039
And we also just have so much more stuff, you know, and Amazon, whatever you want it, the the influencer world that we live in, you know, we just we're very consumer driven.
00:26:57.119 --> 00:27:00.400
And so we just have a lot, you know, and it's very convenient to get a lot, you know.
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:05.759
We talk about a lot of our clients, just it's easier to buy something new than to go find what they have, you know.
00:27:05.839 --> 00:27:07.680
So we just have a lot.
00:27:08.079 --> 00:27:13.279
And with that, there comes a lot of like judgment of what people have, you know.
00:27:13.519 --> 00:27:30.880
So sometimes, you know, we have friends that come over and we know the ones that are judging our places, and we know the ones that we can, you know, like the the dirty bathroom friends who it's like, I know it's dirty in there, but like, like I know you don't care, you know, and hopefully people's bathrooms are generally clean, but you know, you never know.
00:27:31.039 --> 00:27:39.920
But you have those friends that love you no matter what, and you have those friends, quote unquote, who go and tell another friend how dirty your house was when they visited, you know.
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:55.920
I mean, but we have people who say things to us that don't help, you know, and that make us feel kind of to me, like when someone comes in and is like, oh, you know, you have too much stuff.
00:27:56.160 --> 00:27:58.799
To me, that is just imposing shame on them.
00:27:58.960 --> 00:28:02.079
Like you should feel ashamed for how much stuff you have.
00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:10.559
Like you should feel, you know, like you know, you should feel something negative about yourself for this, and and this is a problem.
00:28:10.640 --> 00:28:27.680
And, you know, and I personally feel that shame is like one of the worst things you can have in your brain and in your life, but it's certainly not something I ever want to impose on people, you know, because it shuts the essence of that person down, you know, it shuts the good down when we feel bad.
00:28:27.920 --> 00:28:37.200
And so being able to acknowledge, instead of saying, gosh, you have so much stuff and leading with that, say, you know what, mom, I've been thinking about it.
00:28:37.279 --> 00:28:53.519
Like, if you if something were to happen and if you were to fall and and you weren't able to come back into your house, I I've done this with a client who doesn't love, like had all of these papers stacked in a pantry, and it worked really well for decades and decades and decades.
00:28:53.759 --> 00:29:11.279
Um, but in the event that she won't be able to go to her pantry to grab those things, if something were to happen that makes her not be able to stay home or have to abruptly leave home and not go back home, which happens more than we talk about.
00:29:11.759 --> 00:29:18.720
Um how would your family members make sense of what you're leaving behind?
00:29:19.680 --> 00:29:24.079
How easy is it for that for you to tell them what you want them to bring you?
00:29:24.319 --> 00:29:48.000
So when we went through this pantry, we got some some bins that are like sweater-sized bins so they don't get too heavy, but we can start to contain things, put labels on things so that it can say what everything is, so that, you know, heaven forbid you're in a hospital bed or nursing home bed or somewhere that you're not able to go back home, but you want to go through your things, you can say, you know, there's a bin on the shelf in my pantry.
00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:51.359
It says uh, you know, memorabilia and cards.
00:29:51.519 --> 00:29:52.720
Could you bring that to me?
00:29:52.880 --> 00:29:54.319
I'd love to go through it.
00:29:54.480 --> 00:30:06.160
And it's not like, oh, I'd love to go through all my memorabilia and cards, but they're stuck in the back corner of the basement in a bin that's too heavy to carry, even when you're really fit, you know, because we overload bins and stuff.
00:30:06.319 --> 00:30:18.000
So it's just like going through your things and so saying, like, hey, mom, if something were to happen to you, you know, what's the most important within the house that you want to make sure I bring, bring where you're going?
00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:19.759
You know, or like, could we start with that?
00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:26.559
Could we start putting your favorites aside or create a different space in your closet for what you care about most?
00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:40.079
Or can we, you know, go through some of this and maybe like get rid of half of this so that I make sure that I bring the half that you want, you know, or or or also the stories, Tiffany.
00:30:40.240 --> 00:30:52.319
You know, the stories attached to stuff is like if you lead with that and you honor that someone's stuff is connected to their identity, give them the opportunity to share a little bit of who they are.
00:30:52.480 --> 00:30:54.240
You know, mom, where'd you get that?
00:30:54.480 --> 00:30:58.880
Like, oh, you know, I got that at like home furniture.
00:30:58.960 --> 00:30:59.680
It was on sale.
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:01.119
It doesn't really mean much to me.
00:31:01.200 --> 00:31:01.920
I just liked it.
00:31:02.079 --> 00:31:03.599
Like, you can take it or leave it.
00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:04.559
I think it's cute.
00:31:04.640 --> 00:31:09.680
Um, or you know, maybe there's something that looks not so new, or you know, like, mom, where'd you get that?
00:31:09.759 --> 00:31:19.759
And it's like, that was actually in in your uncle's office, you know, and and he he used that little bookshelf, you know, and put all of his work on it.
00:31:19.920 --> 00:31:33.519
And and when he died, I I took it because I like thinking that, you know, I I have a little bit of like his essence with me, you know, like I have something that he used on a regular basis, and now I'm using it on a regular basis, and that makes me feel good.
00:31:33.680 --> 00:31:35.359
You know, I mean, that's the stuff I have.
00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:36.640
Like, I'm kind of nostalgic.
00:31:36.720 --> 00:31:41.279
Like, all you have to say to me is like, oh, that was Grandma June's favorite thing, and I'll I'll take it.
00:31:41.440 --> 00:31:45.440
You know, like so I'm not one of those people who's like, that story doesn't matter.
00:31:45.519 --> 00:32:03.200
Like, but I think if people can give each other space to tell the stories and say, you know, I'd love to spend a couple hours hearing about some of the things that mean the most to you here, you know, like, and then what a fun like way to set that up.
00:32:03.279 --> 00:32:13.039
And hopefully, like if you're asking something, somebody to tell you something positive, they're automatically in a better mood because you're leading with something positive.
00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:17.759
You know, yeah, these conversations can kind of be a way for you to get to know your loved one a little more as well.
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:18.640
Completely.
00:32:18.799 --> 00:32:30.559
And so then once you've gone through and you've said, hey, tell me about your favorite stuff in this room, then maybe after a few items, pick out something that you think means nothing and say, so what about that?
00:32:30.799 --> 00:32:32.160
I I don't care about that.
00:32:32.480 --> 00:32:35.680
Could I donate it then so that we could get rid of a few things?
00:32:35.839 --> 00:32:39.759
You know, like would you mind what if I bring a trash bag at?
00:32:39.920 --> 00:32:42.880
Can I bring a trash bag in and get rid of a few things that you don't want?
00:32:43.039 --> 00:32:48.319
But I loved hearing that story, you know, and hopefully you're genuine and you actually loved hearing that story.
00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:54.640
But also I think it's important who you surround yourself with when you are going through your stuff.
00:32:54.880 --> 00:33:03.920
Because just like those, you know, decades deep things that trigger us and dynamics, decades deep dynamics.
00:33:04.079 --> 00:33:05.599
We should write a book about that.
00:33:05.839 --> 00:33:11.119
But it's like those things that push our buttons for as long as we can remember.
00:33:11.200 --> 00:33:15.839
Like I was in a client and it was it was an older gentleman, I just adore this guy.
00:33:15.920 --> 00:33:16.960
He's just such a sweetheart.
00:33:17.119 --> 00:33:25.920
And his siblings came to the consult because he is single and you know, they're the ones who are like, we gotta deal with this, and you got too much.
00:33:26.079 --> 00:33:30.319
And you know, he's he's just so much fun and and such a sweetheart.
00:33:30.480 --> 00:33:34.720
And and I also can see from the siblings' perspective, like he's got a ton of stuff.
00:33:34.799 --> 00:33:39.519
You know, I don't get intimidated by stuff anymore, you know, like I can see it's a lot.
00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:43.440
I know a challenge versus, you know, like, but I welcome the challenge.
00:33:43.519 --> 00:33:44.720
It's what I do professionally.
00:33:44.799 --> 00:33:48.400
So like I'm like, okay, this is how we're, you know, every job is a puzzle.
00:33:48.480 --> 00:33:56.160
So for me, I'm kind of like, you know, everything leads to clues, and I get to know people through their stuff, and it's it's the fun of what I do.
00:33:56.400 --> 00:34:09.920
And so I'm not intimidated by it, but I can understand, and I'm not judging it, you know, like they're the siblings are kind of they they're real, they really think this is ridiculous, like the amount of you know, books this man had.
00:34:10.159 --> 00:34:15.039
And I told him, I said, I can tell you, you are not a hoarder, but you you are obsessed with books.
00:34:15.360 --> 00:34:19.519
But the thing is, it wasn't even the books he was obsessed with.
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:25.119
He is brilliant, and it's the knowledge that's captured inside those books.
00:34:25.280 --> 00:34:28.559
It's the topics those books represent, it's the education he had.
00:34:28.719 --> 00:34:32.880
We had this running joke because he kept saying, you know, you know, I almost went to med school.
00:34:33.119 --> 00:34:34.960
And I was like, yeah.
00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:36.400
Okay.
00:34:37.360 --> 00:34:42.960
Like I I almost um went on American Idol, you know, like, but I didn't even apply.
00:34:43.119 --> 00:34:47.679
Like it's like what you almost do, but sometimes like that's our aspirational selves.
00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:49.679
Like we're hanging on to our almost selves.
00:34:49.840 --> 00:35:02.880
You know, we're we're hanging on to our, I almost became a knitter, you know, but never got through a pit a mitten, never got through a sweater, a blanket, or even like a little um hot pad for the kitchen.
00:35:03.039 --> 00:35:05.440
You know, it's like we've got these almost.
00:35:05.679 --> 00:35:15.360
And then when we do get closer to the end of our life, we realize there's less days to get to those things, to read those books, to take up those hobbies, and that can be hard for us to grasp with.
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:23.840
And so then when our family members come in and kind of push us to do so, it's it's basically saying, You're not gonna be here that much longer.
00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:27.920
You know, your scenario is like, I'm I'm not going anywhere.
00:35:28.239 --> 00:35:31.039
And it's like so true.
00:35:31.199 --> 00:35:33.440
And maybe you aren't going anywhere for like 10 years.
00:35:33.519 --> 00:35:48.239
So, you know, within this consultation with this family, I was able to focus on the client, the man that I'd be, you know, serving and and working with and and bringing the girls and bringing the team to really go through book by book.
00:35:48.320 --> 00:35:55.599
And here's what I think we can do to facilitate this, you know, and facilitate is like facile, I think is to make easier.
00:35:55.760 --> 00:36:00.000
And so it's like, here's what I can do to make this easier for you and your family.
00:36:00.239 --> 00:36:11.039
But so the the sibling energy during that consultation, I was able to say, I said to him, I said, so I also come from a family, and we also have dynamics, you know.
00:36:11.199 --> 00:36:20.960
So I know that when your brother says something, you're not just hearing what he just said, you're hearing what he said five months ago, five years ago, 20 years ago.
00:36:21.039 --> 00:36:28.800
You know, we hold on to these things that become part of our identity that people say, and then it's like, well, don't take away my books.
00:36:28.880 --> 00:36:33.039
Like, don't take away the fact that I was so smart, I almost went to med school, you know?
00:36:33.199 --> 00:36:36.960
And it's like, and it might not help that the siblings are actually doctors, you know.
00:36:37.039 --> 00:36:40.880
So it's like they got there, but he's brilliant in his own way.
00:36:41.280 --> 00:36:55.199
And and it's like saying goodbye to those books just needed a little more compassion than let's get a dumpster and throw textbooks from the 80s in it in your front yard so that you have to watch it happen.
00:36:55.360 --> 00:37:01.360
You know, like it's like let's go through these, I'll take it on, and I will get rid of the books.
00:37:01.519 --> 00:37:05.360
I will try my best to keep them in circulation if they still can.
00:37:05.920 --> 00:37:07.679
But some are gonna go in the dumpster.
00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:09.679
But it's like, let's have fun with it.
00:37:09.760 --> 00:37:11.280
Those are some of the most fun sessions.
00:37:11.440 --> 00:37:12.320
I was able to call a sister.
00:37:12.400 --> 00:37:14.000
I'd say, can I call, can I let your sister know?
00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:17.280
We take pictures of ourselves and send them to her during the session.
00:37:17.360 --> 00:37:24.480
And it was like instead of being this very weighted, you know, gosh, there's just too much, there's just too much.
00:37:24.559 --> 00:37:26.880
It's like there is a lot, but we're getting through it, you know.
00:37:27.280 --> 00:37:31.599
I'm hearing come at these conversations from a place of curiosity, not attacking.
00:37:32.079 --> 00:37:33.679
Curiosity, compassion.
00:37:34.079 --> 00:37:34.719
Compassion, yeah.
00:37:34.960 --> 00:37:44.320
You know, and and those two things alone can probably get you through anything, you know, if you if you and empathy, I would say, you know, maybe empathy and compassion.
00:37:44.400 --> 00:37:57.280
I don't know, you know, completely the difference, but just knowing that, and it's especially if someone is maybe facing a more critical health scenario, uh, which I know that we're gonna talk about that.
00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:14.800
We'll come back and kind of talk about that, like having a conversation before you need to, because when that when that end date is more known, because maybe there's a diagnosis or, you know, and and that's really a sensitive time.
00:38:14.960 --> 00:38:19.360
And so, you know, there's let's do this before it's it's already gonna be sensitive.
00:38:19.440 --> 00:38:22.880
You know, it's like let's do it well before it's it's tough, you know.
00:38:23.039 --> 00:38:25.599
Let's let's talk about this well before we need it.
00:38:25.679 --> 00:38:29.039
Like I'm 39 and I talk about this stuff all the time, you know.
00:38:29.199 --> 00:38:34.480
Um, and I hope to live to be 139 if it's if it's fun then, you know.
00:38:34.559 --> 00:38:36.800
But if I I I I joke about that.
00:38:36.880 --> 00:38:44.880
I don't think anyone will get there, you know, like um, but it's not about uh preparing because it's around the corner.
00:38:45.119 --> 00:38:52.960
It's just about living your life, honoring the fact that if we are alive, we one day will die, you know, like anything that is living, it's the cycle of life.
00:38:53.119 --> 00:38:56.719
It's like we have growth, we have birth, we grow, we die.
00:38:56.960 --> 00:39:05.920
Um, some things stunt us, some things help us, you know, but um there's certain like toxicities that will shrivel us up.
00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:15.440
And, you know, we want to be our vibrant selves and surrounded by things, you know, it's it's okay to want to be surrounded by beautiful things or things that make us smile.
00:39:15.599 --> 00:39:19.599
Um, but a lot of times we're surrounded by things that no longer serve us.
00:39:19.760 --> 00:39:24.559
And so kind of allowing us to live with what serves us.
00:39:24.719 --> 00:39:26.880
Not necessarily less, but probably.
00:39:27.039 --> 00:39:30.320
But we'll we'll get to it in our in our end here.
00:39:30.400 --> 00:39:32.000
Um let's take a quick break.
00:39:32.159 --> 00:39:38.800
This is Sorting Through Life from Space by Space Organizing on AM 950, and we will be right back.
00:39:52.239 --> 00:40:00.719
Welcome back to Sorting Through Life with Colleen Watterston on AM 950, brought to you by Space by Space Organizing.
00:40:00.800 --> 00:40:10.880
And if anything that we have talked to you about today is resonating and you want to reach out, go to space by space organizing.com and you can learn about all this and more for what we have to offer.
00:40:11.039 --> 00:40:13.679
But today we've been talking about legacy lifting.
00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:22.800
So, okay, so in the last segment we talked about having conversations, difficult conversations around what happens to our stuff after we are no longer here.
00:40:22.960 --> 00:40:28.400
Um so now we want to talk about what does it mean to leave a legacy and not a burden.
00:40:30.480 --> 00:40:35.039
I say this because there's this concept Swedish death cleaning.
00:40:35.360 --> 00:40:41.519
And it's this idea that you go through your stuff with the idea that you one day will die.
00:40:41.840 --> 00:40:43.840
And so you do a death cleaning.
00:40:44.000 --> 00:40:48.719
You know, how can you kind of unburden yourself of your stuff?
00:40:48.880 --> 00:41:01.119
But you really this whole concept with is just uh with it's a Scandinavian concept, but this Margarita Magnuson helped us to coin the term by her book, I think it's the gentle art of Swedish Death Cleaning.
00:41:01.519 --> 00:41:13.920
But it's she says in it, you know, if you aren't gonna take the time to go through your own stuff, like it's a wishful dream to think that someone else will when you're not here to go through your stuff.
00:41:14.079 --> 00:41:22.800
So it's kind of a self-responsibility of what am I leaving behind for people, whether that be, you know, positive or negative.
00:41:23.039 --> 00:41:45.679
And so what I think and what I like to think is that we leave like we we do leave a lot of ourselves behind through our stuff, but more so through the memories that we have with people, the way that we've made them feel, you know, the the impact we've had in people's lives, the investment that we've made in them, you know, and just the time and the love that we have for the people that that we care about.
00:41:45.840 --> 00:41:53.679
And, you know, some people's legacies are are really just felt within their family, you know, within their core people.
00:41:53.760 --> 00:42:06.960
And some people have legacies that live on for decades and hundreds, you know, centuries and thousands of years, you know, we've got these leaders, good and bad, who have kind of like notorious legacies.
00:42:07.199 --> 00:42:13.840
And like we still say quotes, you know, when you say ask not what you can do for your country, but uh what not what your country can do.
00:42:14.000 --> 00:42:14.480
You know what I mean?
00:42:14.559 --> 00:42:15.840
Like, what can you do for your country?
00:42:15.920 --> 00:42:36.239
We know like JFK, you know, it's like we have these legacies, and I think it's like how long we leave, we leave ourselves on this earth, you know, like how how deep the hole is that's filled, you know, like how many, how long someone taps into their memory of you and and their stuff.
00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:47.679
And so it's like leave a legacy, not a burden, is like leave yourself behind in a way that people delight instead of, you know, there's so much to go through.
00:42:48.159 --> 00:42:49.280
Deal with any other stuff, yeah.
00:42:49.519 --> 00:42:51.599
Oh, I just wish I didn't have to deal with this, you know.
00:42:51.679 --> 00:42:53.760
And so legacy lifting can help.
00:42:54.400 --> 00:43:02.800
The legacy lifting is my way of not having an offering called Swedish Death Cleaning, to be fully honest, because I don't think that Americans want to talk about death.
00:43:03.119 --> 00:43:04.880
And that's fine.
00:43:05.039 --> 00:43:09.440
You know, that's and I'm not going to impose that everybody talk about death all day.
00:43:09.599 --> 00:43:40.719
I don't want to either, but I do think that I have a healthy relationship with it and I don't mind normalizing it and having conversations that I think are refreshing and authentic and help people to say something real out loud to someone else or to a family member and acknowledge that that this moment is hard because I'm facing something, you know, I don't want to die, and and I'm closer to it because of XYZ, and that's hard, you know?
00:43:41.119 --> 00:43:46.960
And I have very real conversations with my 88 year old best friend Mary about aging.
00:43:47.119 --> 00:43:50.960
And she is definitely closer to the end of her life than the start of it.
00:43:51.119 --> 00:43:53.760
That's just what it is, and it's hard.
00:43:53.920 --> 00:43:57.679
And she's said goodbye to a lot of people and she's attended a lot of funerals.
00:43:57.760 --> 00:43:59.760
And honestly, if you're gonna pass, she's a great person.
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:00.719
Person to have with you.
00:44:00.800 --> 00:44:06.079
She has helped a lot of people, held a lot of people's head hands through their last breaths and their final moments.
00:44:06.480 --> 00:44:09.440
And and that that is just truth.
00:44:09.519 --> 00:44:15.360
But what we leave behind is, you know, can be something that's awesome for people.
00:44:15.519 --> 00:44:22.800
You know, we can leave behind, you know, we can make it easy for the people that we leave behind to just be sad we're not here anymore.
00:44:23.119 --> 00:44:40.400
And what I realize through what I do professionally, which is helping people make sense of stuff and helping people make sense of life through making sense of stuff and helping people to get out of their own way by getting the obstacles in their home out of their own way.
00:44:40.719 --> 00:44:51.840
But I realize with this aging population, with all of the trends in our, in our population, with all of the, you know, we have the we have articles about this.
00:44:52.079 --> 00:44:53.679
I just sent one to you this morning.
00:44:53.760 --> 00:45:04.079
You know, there's a lot out there about how what is happening to the sandwich generation, what Gen X is feeling about their parents, you know, their stuff falling in on them.
00:45:04.320 --> 00:45:13.199
And so within that, for me, I've created this legacy lifting offering to say, you know, we can serve this need.
00:45:13.360 --> 00:45:16.719
Like we can create smaller dose sessions.
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:22.800
You know, we can come in fast and furious, we can work as fast as we do on an in-home transformation.
00:45:22.960 --> 00:45:28.239
But a legacy lifting client most often wants to work a little slower.
00:45:28.480 --> 00:45:30.480
They want to work shorter.
00:45:30.719 --> 00:45:33.119
I have a client I go to for two hours at a time.
00:45:33.280 --> 00:45:42.159
I have a client I go to for four hours at a time, whereas my in-home interventions might be six hours, eight hours with three of us there.
00:45:42.400 --> 00:45:45.039
A legacy lift could be a couple hours with one.
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:50.239
And so it's it's also then more economical because you're spreading it out.
00:45:50.480 --> 00:45:53.039
A lot of people have fixed income later in life.
00:45:53.199 --> 00:45:56.000
And so it would be way too much to do at one time.
00:45:56.159 --> 00:45:58.079
But we can do a little bit every other week.
00:45:58.239 --> 00:46:00.000
We can do a little bit once a month.
00:46:00.159 --> 00:46:06.159
You know, we can we can work toward this, and then also your family knows she's working on it.
00:46:06.320 --> 00:46:32.800
You know, my parents have a legacy lifter, so they're getting through it, you know, and and with that is also knowing who needs to be part of this process, who needs to be informed, you know, and I have a lot of fun leaving behind evidence of credibility, you know, to the children coming in and being like, like, oh, like there was a gift card that had, you know, value still on it, expired 10 years ago.
00:46:32.880 --> 00:46:39.599
And I was able to get that value recovered by telling the story to 112 Eatery, the restaurant downtown.
00:46:39.760 --> 00:46:41.199
Shout out to them for honoring it.
00:46:41.360 --> 00:46:48.000
And then the son was able to come and be like, wow, that girl could have easily thrown this away because it expired 10 years ago.
00:46:48.159 --> 00:46:55.199
But now there's a$500 gift card that we can use and go to dinner and honor my dad who got it from clients during his career.
00:46:55.360 --> 00:47:03.920
So there's little things that we can do that are really, really fun, but it's in smaller doses, it's going through your stuff a little bit at a time.
00:47:04.159 --> 00:47:11.119
It's it's just acknowledging that one day someone else will be there to go through it that isn't you.
00:47:11.280 --> 00:47:13.360
And so, how can we go through it today?
00:47:13.440 --> 00:47:18.159
And knowing that is hard to do alone because you're facing why you're doing it.
00:47:18.320 --> 00:47:20.960
And you are saying goodbye to a little bit of yourself.
00:47:21.039 --> 00:47:36.559
And sometimes it's just so helpful to have someone who's thoughtful and empathetic next to you and who asks to hear that story, give it a little squeeze on the way out the door and say, okay, that that felt okay to me.
00:47:36.639 --> 00:47:37.679
You know, that felt good.
00:47:37.840 --> 00:47:45.760
So Colleen Waterson from Space by Space Organizing on Sworting Through Life on AM 950 with Tiffany here.
00:47:45.920 --> 00:47:53.599
If you are interested in being touched, please do give us a call, 612 747 1331, and we will talk to you again next time.
00:00:01.919 --> 00:00:09.359
Welcome, welcome to Sorting Through Life with Colleen Watston on AM950, the progressive voice of Minnesota.
00:00:09.599 --> 00:00:17.199
I am Colleen Watterston, and this episode is brought to you by Space by Space Organizing, my home organizing business.
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And today we are talking about our offering, legacy lifting.
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And this offering is not about rushing older adults to get rid of their belongings.
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It's about giving people the opportunity to decide what matters, what doesn't, what they want to pass on, and what they don't want their loved ones to have to figure out later.
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Because one day we won't be here to speak for our stuff.
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So what do we want it to say?
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And today I have Tiffany with me who manages all the communication on behalf of Space by Space Organizing.
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And we talk a lot about this legacy lifting offering that we have and the different client work that we do around this.
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So we wanted to talk about this because I think there's a lot of what our experience has exposed us to with being in client homes and helping people go through their own stuff, go through their parents' stuff, maybe go through their parents' stuff with their parent, go through their parents' stuff after a parent has passed.
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You know, we've had a lot of different clients over the years now that have exposed me really to different scenarios and a lot of different relationships to the stuff and uh to each other amidst this situation.
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And there's a lot of people who are facing their own stuff and looking around, sitting in houses just filled with their belongings, wondering where would I even start?
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There's a lot of adult children who go into their parents' homes and wonder where would I even start?
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There's there's just a lot there.
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You know, we live, we've talked about it many times on this show, that we live in a society that likes to consume.
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And we've been marketed to to consume a lot.
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And I think that our stuff is very much connected to our identity and to our purpose and to, you know, what we feel who we are and and what is important to us.
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And so we want to talk about this, whether anybody hires space-by-space organizing or not.
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I mean, we'd love to help you through it, but I think that I want to be part of normalizing the conversation around the fact that one day you aren't going to be here to speak on behalf of your stuff.
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So, what can you do in advance of that?
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And what conversations can you have with the people that you love who will be sorting through your stuff to make it easier for them and to actually make it delightful if you give yourself the opportunity.
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So, Tiffany, thank you for always being by my side, but especially here today.
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Uh, welcome back.
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Thank you.
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Um, yeah, I I had read a stat that said 61% of parents, 65 and up, had discussed with their children what should happen to their belongings after they pass.
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And so this is definitely a great thing to be thinking about, you know, discussing.
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And that's 61%.
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So it's like more than half, but think of all those people who aren't having these conversations.
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And even the ones that are having the conversations, that statistic doesn't tell us how well that conversation went.
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You know, so there's different ways to have conversations.
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You know, the conversation might have ended up in not talking for a little bit after.
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Or, you know, we we get really connected to our belongings.
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So hopefully we can kind of give people some strategies for navigating those conversations as effectively as they can.
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Yeah.
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So the scenario the scenario is this uh you walk into your parents' house, you see 40 years of stuff, you love your parents, you know these things mean something to them, but somewhere in the back of your mind you're thinking, what happens to all this stuff when they can't live here anymore?
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And then if you're the parent, you might be thinking, don't touch my stuff, I'm not going anywhere.
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I I think this is like the scenario.
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That's very relatable.
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And especially there's this sandwich generation of people who are raising kids and finding themselves with the demands of taking care of their aging parents.
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And so it's they're sandwiched between these two demanding, you know, other generations that that it falls to them to figure out what to do.
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And so they kind of feel stuck.
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That's that sandwich, like you're in the middle, and that's just the way that it is.
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And and you can't, you know, neglect your children or you shouldn't.
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And you also don't want to neglect your parents, you know, and it's and and then also you have your own life.
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And I think a lot of people feel overwhelmed by their own life, you know, our in-home interventions, and a lot of the clients that we serve in our regular organizing are are usually like middle-age, mid-career, you know, they're in the middle of a lot, and they just need kind of help bringing some order to what's going on in their home and structure and some better systems to make things flow.
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Uh, but though that's enough on their own.
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And now you have you go to your parents' house, and I've heard this from friends, from clients.
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Like, we finished a kitchen the other day, and after three days of being in this kitchen, I met the the husband on the way out of our last day, and I was sitting there showing him every drawer that we organized and what we did and kind of talking through it.
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And afterward, he's like, you know, I really need you for my mom.
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Like, she's got a ton of stuff, we don't know where to start.
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So it's like, thank you for what you did in my kitchen, but I'm already thinking, you know, whose kitchen overwhelms me more than my own?
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My mom's.
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You know, so people go to their parents' place and they see all this stuff.
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And I hear about it all the time.
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And I hear about the stress of it.
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It's like the future anxiety is stress.
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And so it's like, oh, what's gonna, you know, the or anxiety is like future stress.
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I don't know how it works out, but it's like you know it's yours to take care of, and you know one day all of that will be yours to sort through.
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And so, you know, I I think there's different ways of approaching it, but I think that a lot of people, you know, when they go with that scenario that you described, it's it's so human to walk into your mom's house, be like excited, maybe you're just gonna have dinner, you're catching up.
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But you can't help but see the environment and see the boxes of things or the rooms that are full of stuff.
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And I was just showing you this account on Instagram called Millennial Inheritance.
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And this guy gets all these submissions from people about look at what I inherited or am inheriting.
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And it's like the collection of Hummels, and you know, like the Danbury plate collections that come with the certificate of authenticity.
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And I remember growing up with those 1-800 numbers at the bottom of the screen, you know, collect five out of six, like the and and yes earlier this week we were in a kitchen and they had um like these winter uh Arby's put out these winter wine glasses, like these beautiful.
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There's there was a time when like a happy meal came with a real cool toy, not just some chintzy thing you threw away as soon as you got it.
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But it was like my client remembered driving around all the different Arby's to get the different types of cups when they came out, you know, because like every week launched the different version, you know.
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So like this one, they have six of the long stem one and five of that.
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And it's like, you know, you can even sell them on eBay and and make a few bucks because like nostalgia can can get people some money.
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But you also can't make money on a lot of stuff because you're not the only family who drove around Arby's and whose parents revered those glasses.
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You know, it's like you see these collectibles and and and there may be value, there may not, but that's what we grew up in was this this I I'm 39, so I grew up, you know, like 80s, 90s, 2000s, where that was kind of what people did.
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You know, it was like what the corporate marketing structure of the day was at the time.
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Like you wanted to collect something, you wanted to have the whole collection of it, you wanted to have that, you know, the beanie baby have the tag with the the year, like there's that authenticity piece.
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And so this millennial inheritance, you know, account is like not only do you inherit this beautiful collection of like porcelain dolls with big eyes, he's talking about precious moments, but he's like, but you also get the paperwork to prove, you know, their birth certificates and stuff.
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And it's like you don't realize that it's kind of silly when you're in it because that was just how we that was it, you know.
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And I I I remember my sister and I would like sit and write down one-800 number during the commercials.
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We'd like to have a pad of paper where we'd write down as many 1-800 numbers as we could.
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You know, it's like now it's a QR code.
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What will it be in 20 years?
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Who knows?
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But so what's happening today, and they're talking, you know, they say like the silver tsunami, there's conversations around like wealth transfer from boomers to generations beneath um, you know, coming after them.
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But it's not just wealth that's being transferred, you know, and a lot of and and isn't it lovely for families who have wealth to transfer?
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But a lot of families, the quote unquote wealth is, oh, that has value, you know, and I'll give you that, or you know, I can't get rid of it.
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You know, you'll maybe you'll want it someday.
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There's a lot of that where a parent will be like, they say they don't want it, but I they don't know that they don't want it.
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You know, like I maybe 10 years from now they will want it.
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And the kids have told them 10 times, like, I really don't.
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I I still really don't.
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I, you know, mom, like when you asked me three years ago and last year and stuff, and I said I didn't, like, I'm still there.
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You know, it's like we we hope that like time will buy desire for this stuff.
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And it's like, uh-uh.
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Like, it really doesn't, you know, so it's like, you know, I think what what uh I hope to do, what I get to do with a lot of the clients and what we're doing more and more of with this legacy lifting.
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I have this little tagline that I started leave a legacy, not a burden, because I was working with this family.
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There were four siblings, three, three siblings and one sister-in-law, but they um whose husband had passed, their brother had passed.
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It's Warren's family who's been on the show.
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Um, we have videos of all of them talking about this process.
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And there's a lot of overwhelm that goes in when when someone passes to to look at all of this stuff and size it up and figure it out.
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And it was just people would come to these estate sales that we had with all this stuff, and they're like, whoa, there's so much stuff.
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You know, and I had a lot of conversations with people around that.
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And, you know, like half the people that would come to those sales and stop and chat would be like, I'm working through my stuff so that I don't leave this all to my kids.
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Like I don't, I don't want to leave this burden, you know?
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And then there were, you know, just as many that would be like, you know what?
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They can deal with it when I'm gone.
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I'll be dead.
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It won't, it won't matter.
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So their problem, whatever they want to do then.
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Yeah.
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So almost half of people haven't really even had that discussion with their kids, half of seniors, it sounds like, uh, according to that stat.
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So why do you think we're so afraid to talk about our stuff?
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I think we're afraid to talk about our stuff because we're actually talking about our death.
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Because our stuff and what surrounds us is what what is proof of life.
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You know, it's what we've collected throughout our life.
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Like I call my home my corner of the world, like my little corner of the world.
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And and I am lucky enough to have a home and to have my own little corner of the world.
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And I take pride in my corner of the world.
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And I plant things and I buy things that make me feel happy and I decor, you know, I decorate my home.
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I have things from my travels, I have things that really make me smile.
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I like kind of like elegant, quirky decor.
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Like I like my home to feel really like cozy and beautiful and make people smile.
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You know, I like things that that have a story to it.
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Like if you want to spend a whole week going through my house, I probably as a talker, but as an owner of a lot of things that remind me of fun things, could spend a week walking you through my home telling you things about my stuff.
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And everybody is that way.
00:12:53.200 --> 00:12:59.360
You know, we all to some varying degree, even the minimalists have a certain relationship with stuff for some reason.
00:12:59.519 --> 00:13:36.000
You know, sometimes the absence of stuff is its own story, but the collection of stuff and even looking at different generations and the way that we, you know, procure and and attain, like to me, our stuff is it's like the fact that we can possess it, the fact that we have ownership of it, the ha like it's almost to me like that is who we are, you know, and and going back to the 90s, the 2000s, even today, the way that we're marketed is like buying this thing makes you that way, you know, holding your identity.
00:13:36.480 --> 00:13:57.039
Wearing this, this logo, you know, wearing this brand shows you that I'm I've achieved a certain level of something, you know, like I I dress this certain way, I drink from these certain cups, I have this certain thing around me, you know, and it's it's varying degrees and it's it's all sorts of interests.
00:13:57.200 --> 00:14:06.960
And, you know, some people love being a maximalist, and that's part of their identity, that they do have a lot and that they've curated it and it has meaning.
00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:40.639
But it's also like, but uh your stuff so when you ask someone to think about downsizing, and so that's really the legacy lifting of like if you aren't able to age in place, you know, or if you want to downsize and you want to just have a smaller space for decades and decades to come, but you just need, you know, that like going through your things is the barrier to selling the house or to leaving the apartment or home or you know, leaving where you're renting, whatever it is.
00:14:41.120 --> 00:14:45.200
Well, it seems like a lot of people wait until there is a crisis versus being proactive about it.
00:14:45.440 --> 00:14:53.279
I think a lot of people wait until there is a crisis because I don't think we want to face the fact, I don't think that we face aging well in our society.
00:14:53.519 --> 00:15:04.960
I mean, I've had Botox, I can't talk about it, but it's like we're so anti-aging, you know, and it's like all we want to do is is not die in a lot of ways.
00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:07.360
It feels like all we want to do is not age.
00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:24.320
We don't, I don't think that we embrace aging and and elders in a way that honors and and allows for the elders to be revered in a way that allows them to delight in the process of releasing their stuff to other people.
00:15:24.639 --> 00:15:45.360
And so to me, and we can get into this, but to me, instead of if we can resituate the conversation, if we can say, you know, leave a legacy, not a burden, you know, and talk about the legacy of what we're leaving behind, instead of the fact that we're leaving behind things because we won't be here because we will die.
00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:47.039
So I grew up in the funeral business.
00:15:47.200 --> 00:15:50.240
Like from my grandpa started a funeral home in 55.
00:15:50.320 --> 00:15:51.519
My dad only knew that.
00:15:51.679 --> 00:15:53.919
I grew up raised by a funeral director.
00:15:54.159 --> 00:15:56.639
I played at the chapel, you know, like that.
00:15:56.799 --> 00:15:58.559
There was a ramp at the funeral home.
00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:02.960
I remember running down so many times, you know, after a funeral, of course, not while it was happening.
00:16:03.039 --> 00:16:04.480
Um, so very disruptive.
00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:07.279
But, you know, I've just been around death.
00:16:07.519 --> 00:16:31.279
And I think that that has really motivated me to live a good life and to focus on the days I have and to fill it because I've seen my first time working at the funeral home was in eighth grade, and and I had to order a casket for a two-year-old, and it was an accidental death from a parking lot of a, you know, there weren't fancy cars with reverse cameras that showed the neighbor.
00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:33.120
It was a neighbor who accidentally ran into him.
00:16:33.279 --> 00:16:34.879
It was just devastating.
00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:38.000
I was in eighth grade when I, you know, saw that.
00:16:38.080 --> 00:16:47.440
And I've seen many other examples since, but it's like I think there's just been a very innate sense of like, we don't get out of this life alive.
00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:56.159
And whatever spiritual belief happens after, you know, I'm not here to to tell you to have a certain way, but like no one has taken a U-Haul to heaven.
00:16:56.320 --> 00:16:59.279
You know, nobody has brought their stuff with them.
00:16:59.519 --> 00:17:07.839
There are shrines and tombs built for some of the wealthiest people of, you know, the like Egyptian pyramids and stuff like that.
00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:19.359
Like, but their stuff didn't go with them, you know, like their soul left their bodies, and maybe their bodies have some beautiful jewels on them, but they they didn't get to take it with them.
00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:24.640
So to me, it's like we have to acknowledge that.
00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:29.680
And to me, that whole like, you want me to get rid of my stuff?
00:17:29.839 --> 00:17:32.640
I'm not dying tomorrow, I'm not dead yet.
00:17:32.799 --> 00:17:37.599
Like, that to me is not the conversation that we're having, or that I want to encourage people to have.
00:17:37.759 --> 00:17:40.079
Like, I want it to be like, does this serve you?
00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:42.160
Like, is this still serving you?
00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:53.440
And how could we like to me our stuff, like what is this stuff that is like the essentials?
00:17:54.079 --> 00:17:56.799
Like, what is the essence of who you are?
00:17:57.119 --> 00:18:00.319
And how can we get down to have the essentials around you?
00:18:00.480 --> 00:18:10.000
How can we make sure that we get the best things that make you feel the most you and help you be you the best, you know, dress the best, you know?
00:18:10.079 --> 00:18:13.440
Like what outfits make you feel so good every time you wear them?
00:18:13.519 --> 00:18:14.720
Let's hang on to those.
00:18:14.880 --> 00:18:18.960
You know, what what things in your kitchen do you use every single day?
00:18:19.119 --> 00:18:21.119
And and that's just the most practical stuff.
00:18:21.200 --> 00:18:31.599
And then a few things, you know, the Arby's, the Arby's glasses that when you look on the shelf, it makes you smile because you remember driving around and getting everyone and probably not, you know, we didn't have map quests.
00:18:31.680 --> 00:18:32.640
It was just like, where am I?
00:18:32.799 --> 00:18:34.480
Oh, I gotta get out, you know, 20 minutes away.
00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:35.839
How do I get to that Arby's?
00:18:36.000 --> 00:18:39.519
You know, like driving the highway to see it on the side of the road, like different time.
00:18:39.759 --> 00:18:55.200
How can we honor that and honor the moment that we're in and honor the relationships in your life to be able to, you know, maybe gift people things that they've been wanting or relieve them of the burden of what they don't?
00:18:55.359 --> 00:18:56.720
So we'll keep talking.
00:18:56.880 --> 00:19:00.960
I could talk on this for days and days and days, but we definitely have enough for this episode.
00:19:01.119 --> 00:19:06.400
So we'll be right back sorting through life with Colleen Waterston and Tiffany here today.
00:19:17.519 --> 00:19:25.519
Welcome back to Sorting Through Life with Colleen Watterston on AM950, brought to you by Space by Space Organizing.
00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:36.000
So, Space by Space Organizing is my home organizing business here in the Twin Cities, and we have this aspect of our business that we call legacy lifting.
00:19:36.160 --> 00:19:41.119
And it's really meant for people who want to organize with an end in mind.
00:19:41.279 --> 00:19:49.440
Maybe you've retired from a career and you want to have a retirement, or you're planning to retire and you don't want to spend the first five years of retirement clearing out your house.
00:19:49.680 --> 00:19:55.279
So do it in advance of retirement so that the day you don't have to go to the office, you can go on vacation.
00:19:55.599 --> 00:20:04.559
Or maybe you've decided that you just want to downsize and have a more reasonable house for you without kids in it, you know, empty nesting.
00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:06.640
And so, how do I sort through all this stuff?
00:20:06.799 --> 00:20:08.640
How do I sort through my kids' stuff?
00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:26.400
And maybe you are looking at a senior living community, or maybe, you know, unfortunately, you've been faced with a health circumstance that really makes you know that that things are going to be harder in the future, and you need to get a handle on what you have in front of you so that life can be simpler.
00:20:26.799 --> 00:20:35.279
And maybe um you have somebody in your life who you love who's past, and now you're looking at all of their stuff and you're trying to make sense of it.
00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:43.920
So that's kind of everybody, you know, and and more there's there's more that could fall into that of who legacy lifting can serve.
00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:58.160
But it's really helping people make sense of stuff with the idea that they don't want to leave the burden of making sense of it to the people that they love, that the people that they leave behind and their stuff is still there.
00:20:58.480 --> 00:21:02.079
So uh I say leave a legacy, not a burden.
00:21:02.319 --> 00:21:04.000
And so we have legacy lifting.
00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:06.319
So we do the heavy lifting, we'll help you through it.
00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:15.519
You know, we can design a process that really feels good and right for you and your family and your loved ones to honor your stuff while helping you go through it.
00:21:15.839 --> 00:21:16.079
Yeah.
00:21:16.160 --> 00:21:20.079
So we talked about the thoughts around why we're so afraid to talk about our stuff.
00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:20.400
Yeah.
00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:26.720
And so now we wanted to talk about how to start that conversation and avoiding landmines.
00:21:28.720 --> 00:21:35.759
So, you know, you sent me a little bit of an idea about this episode, Tiffany, since you're so good at helping frame what we do.
00:21:35.920 --> 00:21:46.079
Um, but I was kind of thinking like, think about your last Thanksgiving dinner and who were you at Thanksgiving with, or you know, the last holiday.
00:21:46.319 --> 00:21:49.039
But it's usually your people, you know, your family.
00:21:49.119 --> 00:21:59.599
And there's there's a lot of articles around that time in news about like how to get along at Thanksgiving, you know, like how to get through the entire dinner without, you know, choking on.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:12.240
On the dinner roll when Uncle so-and-so says what, you know, like, or maybe your brother says this, or you know, so I think, you know, we have there's a lot of family dynamics at play.
00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:22.480
And if you think back to your last Thanksgiving dinner and it all went swimmingly and everyone got along, and it's like, don't we wish every day could be Thanksgiving and we could have family dinner all the time?
00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:25.279
You just love being around each other, amazing.
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:34.000
You probably won't have too many issues when it comes to dealing with somebody who's past stuff, you know, like mom or dad's stuff among siblings or whatnot.
00:22:34.240 --> 00:22:48.799
But if there is a little bit of sibling rivalry or, you know, like maybe tension around things, like to me, our people who are at that Thanksgiving table, a lot of times the tension is like decades deep.
00:22:48.960 --> 00:22:53.519
You know, it's like sitting at the kitchen table as kids deep.
00:22:53.599 --> 00:23:01.279
You know, it goes back that far where things happened, dynamics were established, and that's just kind of what we come to expect of each other.
00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:06.000
You know, mom does this for you, mom doesn't do that for me, uh, dad always favors you.
00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:24.319
You know, there's there's just things that come up, or or maybe some people in the family are more successful than others, and so there's like a fairness, who deserves this, or maybe people are work together and others don't, you know, every family has their stuff and and like the intangible stuff and the tangible stuff.
00:23:24.480 --> 00:23:40.240
And so I think just honoring those dynamics and knowing and acknowledging, like, oh yeah, this might be tricky, but how can we start to talk about it in a way that that can actually move us forward as a family and you know, move us forward through this stuff?
00:23:40.480 --> 00:23:54.160
And so I think, you know, the first thing I notice a lot of clients um feel kind of cornered, like they're they're facing aging, you know, and I can talk about this.
00:23:54.319 --> 00:24:03.519
Mary, my dearest best friend Mary, who's 88 and has successfully moved into a senior community, and it was a really, really good experience.
00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:09.759
We have a whole episode on it, and her kids like and grandkids, everybody rallied and put in some effort.
00:24:09.839 --> 00:24:13.680
And it was a really kind of beautiful, supportive process.
00:24:14.319 --> 00:24:30.000
Um but Mary's 88 and one of my closest friends, and aging is hard, you know, and I hear about it, and I hear about like she she tripped the other day, and that was that that's a really big health circumstance that's coming up now.
00:24:30.079 --> 00:24:46.559
And thankfully she was at that senior community, and someone was right there to call the ambulance for her and to, you know, get her in, or kids now she's closer to her kids, so they were able to be there for her so much more than when she was further from her kids, and it took that much longer to get to mom.
00:24:46.640 --> 00:24:58.640
You know, so it's like anticipating that our bodies are going to not be as strong as they always are, you know, and just knowing like there's a frailty to life that comes the longer I live.
00:24:58.799 --> 00:25:05.680
And if I've maintained my health and been physically fit throughout, you know, like it's gonna be easier and hopefully longer.
00:25:05.920 --> 00:25:08.640
But eventually we all do face a demise.
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:14.319
And so kind of avoiding that is not helpful.
00:25:14.559 --> 00:25:26.319
And so if you're listening to this and you're in the later years and you are the one who's looking around your home and you know that when your kids come over, maybe they're the one saying something to you, like, mom, you have so much stuff.
00:25:26.480 --> 00:25:28.319
Like, oh mom, I'm gonna have to deal with this.
00:25:28.400 --> 00:25:29.599
Like, mom, I don't want that stuff.
00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:31.279
Like, mom, why can't you just get rid of it?
00:25:31.359 --> 00:25:41.279
Or dad, like, or brother, or you know, anybody who anticipates that this is gonna be theirs to go through, their problem, they've got problems in their own life.
00:25:41.359 --> 00:25:46.240
They have things in their own life, you know, even if they're a minimalist, they've got a life.
00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:49.279
You know, we all are the centers of our own worlds.
00:25:49.599 --> 00:25:57.839
And Margarita Magnuson, who wrote Swedish Death Cleaning, and we've done an episode on Swedish Death Cleaning, and she passed, and I'm so sad about that.
00:25:57.920 --> 00:25:59.279
She passed at 92.
00:25:59.440 --> 00:26:02.319
I'm sure it was like the easiest passing for her children.
00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:07.920
I'm sure they just got to sit around and tell stories about how much they loved her because she had taken care of so much.
00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:17.839
So that when that day came, that was what they got to sit around and do, versus a passing where, you know, you do the things you have to do right away.
00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:19.440
Maybe a funeral, maybe not.
00:26:19.599 --> 00:26:28.319
My dad's been on a retired funeral director, and we've talked about how many people don't have a funeral right after these days, you know, and cremation being such a big option.
00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:32.400
People might get the body cremated and say, you know, we'll wait until everybody's home.
00:26:32.559 --> 00:26:34.720
And then that doesn't happen often.
00:26:34.799 --> 00:26:40.720
You know, you kind of get through the initial mourning and grieving and then think, well, why bring that back up six months later?
00:26:40.880 --> 00:26:46.079
You know, it's just there's so many different ways than in the past when someone died and how that was handled.
00:26:46.559 --> 00:26:57.039
And we also just have so much more stuff, you know, and Amazon, whatever you want it, the the influencer world that we live in, you know, we just we're very consumer driven.
00:26:57.119 --> 00:27:00.400
And so we just have a lot, you know, and it's very convenient to get a lot, you know.
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:05.759
We talk about a lot of our clients, just it's easier to buy something new than to go find what they have, you know.
00:27:05.839 --> 00:27:07.680
So we just have a lot.
00:27:08.079 --> 00:27:13.279
And with that, there comes a lot of like judgment of what people have, you know.
00:27:13.519 --> 00:27:30.880
So sometimes, you know, we have friends that come over and we know the ones that are judging our places, and we know the ones that we can, you know, like the the dirty bathroom friends who it's like, I know it's dirty in there, but like, like I know you don't care, you know, and hopefully people's bathrooms are generally clean, but you know, you never know.
00:27:31.039 --> 00:27:39.920
But you have those friends that love you no matter what, and you have those friends, quote unquote, who go and tell another friend how dirty your house was when they visited, you know.
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:55.920
I mean, but we have people who say things to us that don't help, you know, and that make us feel kind of to me, like when someone comes in and is like, oh, you know, you have too much stuff.
00:27:56.160 --> 00:27:58.799
To me, that is just imposing shame on them.
00:27:58.960 --> 00:28:02.079
Like you should feel ashamed for how much stuff you have.
00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:10.559
Like you should feel, you know, like you know, you should feel something negative about yourself for this, and and this is a problem.
00:28:10.640 --> 00:28:27.680
And, you know, and I personally feel that shame is like one of the worst things you can have in your brain and in your life, but it's certainly not something I ever want to impose on people, you know, because it shuts the essence of that person down, you know, it shuts the good down when we feel bad.
00:28:27.920 --> 00:28:37.200
And so being able to acknowledge, instead of saying, gosh, you have so much stuff and leading with that, say, you know what, mom, I've been thinking about it.
00:28:37.279 --> 00:28:53.519
Like, if you if something were to happen and if you were to fall and and you weren't able to come back into your house, I I've done this with a client who doesn't love, like had all of these papers stacked in a pantry, and it worked really well for decades and decades and decades.
00:28:53.759 --> 00:29:11.279
Um, but in the event that she won't be able to go to her pantry to grab those things, if something were to happen that makes her not be able to stay home or have to abruptly leave home and not go back home, which happens more than we talk about.
00:29:11.759 --> 00:29:18.720
Um how would your family members make sense of what you're leaving behind?
00:29:19.680 --> 00:29:24.079
How easy is it for that for you to tell them what you want them to bring you?
00:29:24.319 --> 00:29:48.000
So when we went through this pantry, we got some some bins that are like sweater-sized bins so they don't get too heavy, but we can start to contain things, put labels on things so that it can say what everything is, so that, you know, heaven forbid you're in a hospital bed or nursing home bed or somewhere that you're not able to go back home, but you want to go through your things, you can say, you know, there's a bin on the shelf in my pantry.
00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:51.359
It says uh, you know, memorabilia and cards.
00:29:51.519 --> 00:29:52.720
Could you bring that to me?
00:29:52.880 --> 00:29:54.319
I'd love to go through it.
00:29:54.480 --> 00:30:06.160
And it's not like, oh, I'd love to go through all my memorabilia and cards, but they're stuck in the back corner of the basement in a bin that's too heavy to carry, even when you're really fit, you know, because we overload bins and stuff.
00:30:06.319 --> 00:30:18.000
So it's just like going through your things and so saying, like, hey, mom, if something were to happen to you, you know, what's the most important within the house that you want to make sure I bring, bring where you're going?
00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:19.759
You know, or like, could we start with that?
00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:26.559
Could we start putting your favorites aside or create a different space in your closet for what you care about most?
00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:40.079
Or can we, you know, go through some of this and maybe like get rid of half of this so that I make sure that I bring the half that you want, you know, or or or also the stories, Tiffany.
00:30:40.240 --> 00:30:52.319
You know, the stories attached to stuff is like if you lead with that and you honor that someone's stuff is connected to their identity, give them the opportunity to share a little bit of who they are.
00:30:52.480 --> 00:30:54.240
You know, mom, where'd you get that?
00:30:54.480 --> 00:30:58.880
Like, oh, you know, I got that at like home furniture.
00:30:58.960 --> 00:30:59.680
It was on sale.
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:01.119
It doesn't really mean much to me.
00:31:01.200 --> 00:31:01.920
I just liked it.
00:31:02.079 --> 00:31:03.599
Like, you can take it or leave it.
00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:04.559
I think it's cute.
00:31:04.640 --> 00:31:09.680
Um, or you know, maybe there's something that looks not so new, or you know, like, mom, where'd you get that?
00:31:09.759 --> 00:31:19.759
And it's like, that was actually in in your uncle's office, you know, and and he he used that little bookshelf, you know, and put all of his work on it.
00:31:19.920 --> 00:31:33.519
And and when he died, I I took it because I like thinking that, you know, I I have a little bit of like his essence with me, you know, like I have something that he used on a regular basis, and now I'm using it on a regular basis, and that makes me feel good.
00:31:33.680 --> 00:31:35.359
You know, I mean, that's the stuff I have.
00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:36.640
Like, I'm kind of nostalgic.
00:31:36.720 --> 00:31:41.279
Like, all you have to say to me is like, oh, that was Grandma June's favorite thing, and I'll I'll take it.
00:31:41.440 --> 00:31:45.440
You know, like so I'm not one of those people who's like, that story doesn't matter.
00:31:45.519 --> 00:32:03.200
Like, but I think if people can give each other space to tell the stories and say, you know, I'd love to spend a couple hours hearing about some of the things that mean the most to you here, you know, like, and then what a fun like way to set that up.
00:32:03.279 --> 00:32:13.039
And hopefully, like if you're asking something, somebody to tell you something positive, they're automatically in a better mood because you're leading with something positive.
00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:17.759
You know, yeah, these conversations can kind of be a way for you to get to know your loved one a little more as well.
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:18.640
Completely.
00:32:18.799 --> 00:32:30.559
And so then once you've gone through and you've said, hey, tell me about your favorite stuff in this room, then maybe after a few items, pick out something that you think means nothing and say, so what about that?
00:32:30.799 --> 00:32:32.160
I I don't care about that.
00:32:32.480 --> 00:32:35.680
Could I donate it then so that we could get rid of a few things?
00:32:35.839 --> 00:32:39.759
You know, like would you mind what if I bring a trash bag at?
00:32:39.920 --> 00:32:42.880
Can I bring a trash bag in and get rid of a few things that you don't want?
00:32:43.039 --> 00:32:48.319
But I loved hearing that story, you know, and hopefully you're genuine and you actually loved hearing that story.
00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:54.640
But also I think it's important who you surround yourself with when you are going through your stuff.
00:32:54.880 --> 00:33:03.920
Because just like those, you know, decades deep things that trigger us and dynamics, decades deep dynamics.
00:33:04.079 --> 00:33:05.599
We should write a book about that.
00:33:05.839 --> 00:33:11.119
But it's like those things that push our buttons for as long as we can remember.
00:33:11.200 --> 00:33:15.839
Like I was in a client and it was it was an older gentleman, I just adore this guy.
00:33:15.920 --> 00:33:16.960
He's just such a sweetheart.
00:33:17.119 --> 00:33:25.920
And his siblings came to the consult because he is single and you know, they're the ones who are like, we gotta deal with this, and you got too much.
00:33:26.079 --> 00:33:30.319
And you know, he's he's just so much fun and and such a sweetheart.
00:33:30.480 --> 00:33:34.720
And and I also can see from the siblings' perspective, like he's got a ton of stuff.
00:33:34.799 --> 00:33:39.519
You know, I don't get intimidated by stuff anymore, you know, like I can see it's a lot.
00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:43.440
I know a challenge versus, you know, like, but I welcome the challenge.
00:33:43.519 --> 00:33:44.720
It's what I do professionally.
00:33:44.799 --> 00:33:48.400
So like I'm like, okay, this is how we're, you know, every job is a puzzle.
00:33:48.480 --> 00:33:56.160
So for me, I'm kind of like, you know, everything leads to clues, and I get to know people through their stuff, and it's it's the fun of what I do.
00:33:56.400 --> 00:34:09.920
And so I'm not intimidated by it, but I can understand, and I'm not judging it, you know, like they're the siblings are kind of they they're real, they really think this is ridiculous, like the amount of you know, books this man had.
00:34:10.159 --> 00:34:15.039
And I told him, I said, I can tell you, you are not a hoarder, but you you are obsessed with books.
00:34:15.360 --> 00:34:19.519
But the thing is, it wasn't even the books he was obsessed with.
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:25.119
He is brilliant, and it's the knowledge that's captured inside those books.
00:34:25.280 --> 00:34:28.559
It's the topics those books represent, it's the education he had.
00:34:28.719 --> 00:34:32.880
We had this running joke because he kept saying, you know, you know, I almost went to med school.
00:34:33.119 --> 00:34:34.960
And I was like, yeah.
00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:36.400
Okay.
00:34:37.360 --> 00:34:42.960
Like I I almost um went on American Idol, you know, like, but I didn't even apply.
00:34:43.119 --> 00:34:47.679
Like it's like what you almost do, but sometimes like that's our aspirational selves.
00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:49.679
Like we're hanging on to our almost selves.
00:34:49.840 --> 00:35:02.880
You know, we're we're hanging on to our, I almost became a knitter, you know, but never got through a pit a mitten, never got through a sweater, a blanket, or even like a little um hot pad for the kitchen.
00:35:03.039 --> 00:35:05.440
You know, it's like we've got these almost.
00:35:05.679 --> 00:35:15.360
And then when we do get closer to the end of our life, we realize there's less days to get to those things, to read those books, to take up those hobbies, and that can be hard for us to grasp with.
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:23.840
And so then when our family members come in and kind of push us to do so, it's it's basically saying, You're not gonna be here that much longer.
00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:27.920
You know, your scenario is like, I'm I'm not going anywhere.
00:35:28.239 --> 00:35:31.039
And it's like so true.
00:35:31.199 --> 00:35:33.440
And maybe you aren't going anywhere for like 10 years.
00:35:33.519 --> 00:35:48.239
So, you know, within this consultation with this family, I was able to focus on the client, the man that I'd be, you know, serving and and working with and and bringing the girls and bringing the team to really go through book by book.
00:35:48.320 --> 00:35:55.599
And here's what I think we can do to facilitate this, you know, and facilitate is like facile, I think is to make easier.
00:35:55.760 --> 00:36:00.000
And so it's like, here's what I can do to make this easier for you and your family.
00:36:00.239 --> 00:36:11.039
But so the the sibling energy during that consultation, I was able to say, I said to him, I said, so I also come from a family, and we also have dynamics, you know.
00:36:11.199 --> 00:36:20.960
So I know that when your brother says something, you're not just hearing what he just said, you're hearing what he said five months ago, five years ago, 20 years ago.
00:36:21.039 --> 00:36:28.800
You know, we hold on to these things that become part of our identity that people say, and then it's like, well, don't take away my books.
00:36:28.880 --> 00:36:33.039
Like, don't take away the fact that I was so smart, I almost went to med school, you know?
00:36:33.199 --> 00:36:36.960
And it's like, and it might not help that the siblings are actually doctors, you know.
00:36:37.039 --> 00:36:40.880
So it's like they got there, but he's brilliant in his own way.
00:36:41.280 --> 00:36:55.199
And and it's like saying goodbye to those books just needed a little more compassion than let's get a dumpster and throw textbooks from the 80s in it in your front yard so that you have to watch it happen.
00:36:55.360 --> 00:37:01.360
You know, like it's like let's go through these, I'll take it on, and I will get rid of the books.
00:37:01.519 --> 00:37:05.360
I will try my best to keep them in circulation if they still can.
00:37:05.920 --> 00:37:07.679
But some are gonna go in the dumpster.
00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:09.679
But it's like, let's have fun with it.
00:37:09.760 --> 00:37:11.280
Those are some of the most fun sessions.
00:37:11.440 --> 00:37:12.320
I was able to call a sister.
00:37:12.400 --> 00:37:14.000
I'd say, can I call, can I let your sister know?
00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:17.280
We take pictures of ourselves and send them to her during the session.
00:37:17.360 --> 00:37:24.480
And it was like instead of being this very weighted, you know, gosh, there's just too much, there's just too much.
00:37:24.559 --> 00:37:26.880
It's like there is a lot, but we're getting through it, you know.
00:37:27.280 --> 00:37:31.599
I'm hearing come at these conversations from a place of curiosity, not attacking.
00:37:32.079 --> 00:37:33.679
Curiosity, compassion.
00:37:34.079 --> 00:37:34.719
Compassion, yeah.
00:37:34.960 --> 00:37:44.320
You know, and and those two things alone can probably get you through anything, you know, if you if you and empathy, I would say, you know, maybe empathy and compassion.
00:37:44.400 --> 00:37:57.280
I don't know, you know, completely the difference, but just knowing that, and it's especially if someone is maybe facing a more critical health scenario, uh, which I know that we're gonna talk about that.
00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:14.800
We'll come back and kind of talk about that, like having a conversation before you need to, because when that when that end date is more known, because maybe there's a diagnosis or, you know, and and that's really a sensitive time.
00:38:14.960 --> 00:38:19.360
And so, you know, there's let's do this before it's it's already gonna be sensitive.
00:38:19.440 --> 00:38:22.880
You know, it's like let's do it well before it's it's tough, you know.
00:38:23.039 --> 00:38:25.599
Let's let's talk about this well before we need it.
00:38:25.679 --> 00:38:29.039
Like I'm 39 and I talk about this stuff all the time, you know.
00:38:29.199 --> 00:38:34.480
Um, and I hope to live to be 139 if it's if it's fun then, you know.
00:38:34.559 --> 00:38:36.800
But if I I I I joke about that.
00:38:36.880 --> 00:38:44.880
I don't think anyone will get there, you know, like um, but it's not about uh preparing because it's around the corner.
00:38:45.119 --> 00:38:52.960
It's just about living your life, honoring the fact that if we are alive, we one day will die, you know, like anything that is living, it's the cycle of life.
00:38:53.119 --> 00:38:56.719
It's like we have growth, we have birth, we grow, we die.
00:38:56.960 --> 00:39:05.920
Um, some things stunt us, some things help us, you know, but um there's certain like toxicities that will shrivel us up.
00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:15.440
And, you know, we want to be our vibrant selves and surrounded by things, you know, it's it's okay to want to be surrounded by beautiful things or things that make us smile.
00:39:15.599 --> 00:39:19.599
Um, but a lot of times we're surrounded by things that no longer serve us.
00:39:19.760 --> 00:39:24.559
And so kind of allowing us to live with what serves us.
00:39:24.719 --> 00:39:26.880
Not necessarily less, but probably.
00:39:27.039 --> 00:39:30.320
But we'll we'll get to it in our in our end here.
00:39:30.400 --> 00:39:32.000
Um let's take a quick break.
00:39:32.159 --> 00:39:38.800
This is Sorting Through Life from Space by Space Organizing on AM 950, and we will be right back.
00:39:52.239 --> 00:40:00.719
Welcome back to Sorting Through Life with Colleen Watterston on AM 950, brought to you by Space by Space Organizing.
00:40:00.800 --> 00:40:10.880
And if anything that we have talked to you about today is resonating and you want to reach out, go to space by space organizing.com and you can learn about all this and more for what we have to offer.
00:40:11.039 --> 00:40:13.679
But today we've been talking about legacy lifting.
00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:22.800
So, okay, so in the last segment we talked about having conversations, difficult conversations around what happens to our stuff after we are no longer here.
00:40:22.960 --> 00:40:28.400
Um so now we want to talk about what does it mean to leave a legacy and not a burden.
00:40:30.480 --> 00:40:35.039
I say this because there's this concept Swedish death cleaning.
00:40:35.360 --> 00:40:41.519
And it's this idea that you go through your stuff with the idea that you one day will die.
00:40:41.840 --> 00:40:43.840
And so you do a death cleaning.
00:40:44.000 --> 00:40:48.719
You know, how can you kind of unburden yourself of your stuff?
00:40:48.880 --> 00:41:01.119
But you really this whole concept with is just uh with it's a Scandinavian concept, but this Margarita Magnuson helped us to coin the term by her book, I think it's the gentle art of Swedish Death Cleaning.
00:41:01.519 --> 00:41:13.920
But it's she says in it, you know, if you aren't gonna take the time to go through your own stuff, like it's a wishful dream to think that someone else will when you're not here to go through your stuff.
00:41:14.079 --> 00:41:22.800
So it's kind of a self-responsibility of what am I leaving behind for people, whether that be, you know, positive or negative.
00:41:23.039 --> 00:41:45.679
And so what I think and what I like to think is that we leave like we we do leave a lot of ourselves behind through our stuff, but more so through the memories that we have with people, the way that we've made them feel, you know, the the impact we've had in people's lives, the investment that we've made in them, you know, and just the time and the love that we have for the people that that we care about.
00:41:45.840 --> 00:41:53.679
And, you know, some people's legacies are are really just felt within their family, you know, within their core people.
00:41:53.760 --> 00:42:06.960
And some people have legacies that live on for decades and hundreds, you know, centuries and thousands of years, you know, we've got these leaders, good and bad, who have kind of like notorious legacies.
00:42:07.199 --> 00:42:13.840
And like we still say quotes, you know, when you say ask not what you can do for your country, but uh what not what your country can do.
00:42:14.000 --> 00:42:14.480
You know what I mean?
00:42:14.559 --> 00:42:15.840
Like, what can you do for your country?
00:42:15.920 --> 00:42:36.239
We know like JFK, you know, it's like we have these legacies, and I think it's like how long we leave, we leave ourselves on this earth, you know, like how how deep the hole is that's filled, you know, like how many, how long someone taps into their memory of you and and their stuff.
00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:47.679
And so it's like leave a legacy, not a burden, is like leave yourself behind in a way that people delight instead of, you know, there's so much to go through.
00:42:48.159 --> 00:42:49.280
Deal with any other stuff, yeah.
00:42:49.519 --> 00:42:51.599
Oh, I just wish I didn't have to deal with this, you know.
00:42:51.679 --> 00:42:53.760
And so legacy lifting can help.
00:42:54.400 --> 00:43:02.800
The legacy lifting is my way of not having an offering called Swedish Death Cleaning, to be fully honest, because I don't think that Americans want to talk about death.
00:43:03.119 --> 00:43:04.880
And that's fine.
00:43:05.039 --> 00:43:09.440
You know, that's and I'm not going to impose that everybody talk about death all day.
00:43:09.599 --> 00:43:40.719
I don't want to either, but I do think that I have a healthy relationship with it and I don't mind normalizing it and having conversations that I think are refreshing and authentic and help people to say something real out loud to someone else or to a family member and acknowledge that that this moment is hard because I'm facing something, you know, I don't want to die, and and I'm closer to it because of XYZ, and that's hard, you know?
00:43:41.119 --> 00:43:46.960
And I have very real conversations with my 88 year old best friend Mary about aging.
00:43:47.119 --> 00:43:50.960
And she is definitely closer to the end of her life than the start of it.
00:43:51.119 --> 00:43:53.760
That's just what it is, and it's hard.
00:43:53.920 --> 00:43:57.679
And she's said goodbye to a lot of people and she's attended a lot of funerals.
00:43:57.760 --> 00:43:59.760
And honestly, if you're gonna pass, she's a great person.
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:00.719
Person to have with you.
00:44:00.800 --> 00:44:06.079
She has helped a lot of people, held a lot of people's head hands through their last breaths and their final moments.
00:44:06.480 --> 00:44:09.440
And and that that is just truth.
00:44:09.519 --> 00:44:15.360
But what we leave behind is, you know, can be something that's awesome for people.
00:44:15.519 --> 00:44:22.800
You know, we can leave behind, you know, we can make it easy for the people that we leave behind to just be sad we're not here anymore.
00:44:23.119 --> 00:44:40.400
And what I realize through what I do professionally, which is helping people make sense of stuff and helping people make sense of life through making sense of stuff and helping people to get out of their own way by getting the obstacles in their home out of their own way.
00:44:40.719 --> 00:44:51.840
But I realize with this aging population, with all of the trends in our, in our population, with all of the, you know, we have the we have articles about this.
00:44:52.079 --> 00:44:53.679
I just sent one to you this morning.
00:44:53.760 --> 00:45:04.079
You know, there's a lot out there about how what is happening to the sandwich generation, what Gen X is feeling about their parents, you know, their stuff falling in on them.
00:45:04.320 --> 00:45:13.199
And so within that, for me, I've created this legacy lifting offering to say, you know, we can serve this need.
00:45:13.360 --> 00:45:16.719
Like we can create smaller dose sessions.
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:22.800
You know, we can come in fast and furious, we can work as fast as we do on an in-home transformation.
00:45:22.960 --> 00:45:28.239
But a legacy lifting client most often wants to work a little slower.
00:45:28.480 --> 00:45:30.480
They want to work shorter.
00:45:30.719 --> 00:45:33.119
I have a client I go to for two hours at a time.
00:45:33.280 --> 00:45:42.159
I have a client I go to for four hours at a time, whereas my in-home interventions might be six hours, eight hours with three of us there.
00:45:42.400 --> 00:45:45.039
A legacy lift could be a couple hours with one.
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:50.239
And so it's it's also then more economical because you're spreading it out.
00:45:50.480 --> 00:45:53.039
A lot of people have fixed income later in life.
00:45:53.199 --> 00:45:56.000
And so it would be way too much to do at one time.
00:45:56.159 --> 00:45:58.079
But we can do a little bit every other week.
00:45:58.239 --> 00:46:00.000
We can do a little bit once a month.
00:46:00.159 --> 00:46:06.159
You know, we can we can work toward this, and then also your family knows she's working on it.
00:46:06.320 --> 00:46:32.800
You know, my parents have a legacy lifter, so they're getting through it, you know, and and with that is also knowing who needs to be part of this process, who needs to be informed, you know, and I have a lot of fun leaving behind evidence of credibility, you know, to the children coming in and being like, like, oh, like there was a gift card that had, you know, value still on it, expired 10 years ago.
00:46:32.880 --> 00:46:39.599
And I was able to get that value recovered by telling the story to 112 Eatery, the restaurant downtown.
00:46:39.760 --> 00:46:41.199
Shout out to them for honoring it.
00:46:41.360 --> 00:46:48.000
And then the son was able to come and be like, wow, that girl could have easily thrown this away because it expired 10 years ago.
00:46:48.159 --> 00:46:55.199
But now there's a$500 gift card that we can use and go to dinner and honor my dad who got it from clients during his career.
00:46:55.360 --> 00:47:03.920
So there's little things that we can do that are really, really fun, but it's in smaller doses, it's going through your stuff a little bit at a time.
00:47:04.159 --> 00:47:11.119
It's it's just acknowledging that one day someone else will be there to go through it that isn't you.
00:47:11.280 --> 00:47:13.360
And so, how can we go through it today?
00:47:13.440 --> 00:47:18.159
And knowing that is hard to do alone because you're facing why you're doing it.
00:47:18.320 --> 00:47:20.960
And you are saying goodbye to a little bit of yourself.
00:47:21.039 --> 00:47:36.559
And sometimes it's just so helpful to have someone who's thoughtful and empathetic next to you and who asks to hear that story, give it a little squeeze on the way out the door and say, okay, that that felt okay to me.
00:47:36.639 --> 00:47:37.679
You know, that felt good.
00:47:37.840 --> 00:47:45.760
So Colleen Waterson from Space by Space Organizing on Sworting Through Life on AM 950 with Tiffany here.
00:47:45.920 --> 00:47:53.599
If you are interested in being touched, please do give us a call, 612 747 1331, and we will talk to you again next time.
