Speaker 1:
0:01 Welcome to Redefining Normal. Join us as we question conventional thinking and talk about the courage it takes to create and live a deliciously vibrant life.
Speaker 2:
0:10 This podcast is for people who know there's a better way to do life and love how we show up in connection to others our kids, our partners, our business and, beyond that, our relationship with money, vitality and, more than anything, ourselves.
Speaker 1:
0:26 We're two shamelessly unapologetic moms choosing to experience the fullness of life.
Speaker 2:
0:32 And we're collapsing the conditioning that says you can't live a life of pleasure, peace and abundance in the midst of the mundane of life, responsibilities, work and kids.
Speaker 1:
0:43 Thank you for listening in. Let's do this. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Redefining Normal. I'm super excited today to be talking about giving yourself permission to think differently. Jamie, do you want to start us off talking a little bit about what is I'm going to say? Like we do like to kind of head into this like what's the normal of the way that people are getting themselves trapped into our own boxes of our mental looping experiences?
Speaker 2:
1:14 Sure. So I think right now, at least in the masses, the normal thing is to just continue, to continue to perpetuate what's always been done. We've been very conditioned to just keep, just keep doing it like the normal way. Fit in, make it simple, don't make problems that don't exist. You know, like this kind of I don't know, for me it feels numb, right. It's like don't question things, just follow the rules, fit in the box, do what you're supposed to do, know your place and continue to honor the structures that are in place because they're there for a reason. Like I don't know how often I heard when I was a kid that, like, the rules are there for a reason and maybe when they were first created there was a legitimate reason. But, as you and I both know, things change, life change, we change, the world changes and therefore the rules and the expectations should change as well. And so, really, this episode is about looking at where you really just kind of fall in line and follow the status quo because it's there, without stopping to question if it's in service to you.
Speaker 2:
2:29 Is there a different way to do this? Carrie, one of my favorite things that you always ask is like how do we both win here, because oftentimes, without that question, there's just an assumption that one person has to contort themselves to accommodate the expectations or the rules or the system whether this is like in employment or in school or in relationship or anywhere, there's an already preconceived idea of the way it should look or should be or will work best, work best. Then we contort ourselves to accommodate that versus the ability to ask, like right now, this time, in this moment, what does this version of me need to do to optimize this experience? So I would love to know how you do that. I mean, that question itself is a game changer, like how do we both win or how does everybody win, really opens the field to new solutions. Um yeah, how do you? How do you not just follow the status quo and think outside the box?
Speaker 1:
3:40 You know, it's interesting Cause I think even when you just say it in the first place, it's the, it's the acknowledgement of even recognizing that we're in a box. So, like I just ran the masterclass on breaking through glass ceilings, right, and we're coming into wealth, calibration, where we're actually moving through these vibrations, right, and how do we shift this? And I think, ultimately, the first thing is to realize that there is even a box around you. The first thing is to realize that there is even a box around you, right, that we have this conditioning that, whether we like it or not, is telling us how we're supposed to show up and be in our lives. And oftentimes it's a hundred percent unconscious and we limit ourselves in so many ways by what we've been told and what society has told us. And it shows up in the.
Speaker 1:
4:25 You know, it shows up in the craziest places too, right, like and and someone said to me once I was, I was talking to someone about shifting this, this, this concept of moving through glass ceilings, which I think was even recorded on the, on the masterclass we were talking about this and they're like, once we go through it, then we're like we've moved through. I'm like yeah, no, not really. It's not how. There's a new ceiling, there's another ceiling and another layer Right and it's like didn't I do this already? Yes, but in a different way that's a big point to make.
Speaker 2:
4:53 Is that, like I think a lot of people are like, oh, I've done it, now I'm free, and it's like no, it's actually a continual question because the box like readjusts and reformulates and reconfigures to fit around you in each new situation, if you're not really being intentional about asking in this moment what do I want to create?
Speaker 1:
5:16 Yeah, the other thing I was thinking that just came to me when you said that again was the permission I think this is something when we start to ask differently questions too is the permission to change your mind. And I think this is a really important part of allowing ourselves to think differently and to reinvent ourselves. Because once we have the awareness, we're going to change our mind right. Like we've seen people go from I mean, what was the woman's name who was the goddess, the Doreen Virtue, right, who was like all into the angels and total super angel, and all of a sudden, like one day comes out and does a full flip and she's into Jesus and Christianity and angels are bad and they're the devil, and like we've seen this come across the board multiple times now since then. Yeah Right, but like we have to give ourselves permission to flip, to change our minds, yeah Right.
Speaker 1:
5:58 And and, and we can reinvent the thoughts. It's like, well, if you challenge me, like even in this, even in our conversations here, we challenge each other, yeah, and sometimes I'll come into something. I'm like, why, and Jamie will go well, I'm like, oh, okay, fine, or whatever, it is Right. And so we have that. And then as we readjust the way that we can we're conditioned to think, and as we challenge ourselves into a new way of thinking, then the actions that we take, or the people that we hang out with, or the ways that we show up in our business, or the you know just beliefs that we have, will change to adjust to a new way of being.
Speaker 2:
6:36 Absolutely and I think even beyond permission, to change your mind is almost like that's a given. It's not even like oh, I guess I'll allow myself. Like literally expect to change over and we're supposed to. We are supposed to like learn, we're supposed to do something, collect data, reassess, make some adjustments and and and fall into the like. This is evolution on so many fronts.
Speaker 2:
7:06 But like when you're talking about your own like version and identity and self, you're going to change over and over and over and over again. None of them are wrong, they're just iterations along the way and virtue. Like the outrage and shame. And like just reactivity to her choosing that versus like cool, I'm no longer aligned with her new direction, but awesome for her Right. Like we saw a collective reaction to it which tells us on a subconscious level, like I got to maintain my truth, my expression, my perception to the world, and I think that's part of what we want to challenge and change here is like actually, the change that needs to happen is the collective response to someone changing. Like we really should be cheering people on as they explore new iterations of themselves.
Speaker 2:
8:06 They're not the final ones either. Like who knows which direction, up and down and in and out her or anybody else is going to take in, really celebrating people journeying their journey fully and not really capping ourselves and editing ourselves and limiting ourselves because they're going to be misunderstood or there's a collective, whatever perception, reaction, anger, outrage to it, like we're going to change people. We're supposed to change You're not. I would actually be personally more concerned about that if I wasn't running into these walls of myself and these places where I'm like why am I here again and what am I doing and what do I need to change on a really regular basis?
Speaker 1:
9:00 Something that just dropped in for me to add here, as we're talking about all of this and you asked me ways that I bring this into my life, yeah, um, a question that I asked myself not only is like, how do we create a win-win out of this, is the what if game you do.
Speaker 1:
9:14 Ah, yes, what if game right, like so, give yourself permission to think differently. Well, if you ask yourself, what if it will bring you into a bigger thought process, it will bring you into a bigger thought process. So it's like, well, I want to go, like Jamie and I were just talking about her and family starting a new business and it's like, well, some people could take this and go what if it was really bad? And what if it fell apart? And like, a lot of our minds will go there, right, and actually I personally like to play that part of the game, right.
Speaker 2:
9:43 Because that's how I coach people to address their fears. You prepare yourself your fear, follow it all the way through.
Speaker 1:
9:47 Yeah, what if? So what if it did do that? What if I took this risk and it took me all the way down there? Then what would happen? Because then you're aware of it and then you actually know your way out, and oftentimes you land at the bottom and you're like, oh, that's really not that bad.
Speaker 2:
10:00 My mind created this like horrific fear that actually, if the worst case scenario happened, I'd probably still be fine. But we need to follow that the what if down the negative path sometimes to that clarity yeah, I get there, but you take it in a positive direction, right.
Speaker 1:
10:16 Right. And then what if the other side? So what if it does work? What if this does happen? What if I could, what if that one, and what if? And then we go into the place of the possibility. And so that's, I think, a really great way to start to an NLP terms, chunk up and chunk down to look at the ways that we can give ourselves permission to think differently. And then, well, what if I did choose to think that way and it did work right and it opens us up to this whole new world of possibility? And Jamie and I, just before we were talking, I was having doubt. I was having some doubt in business stuff, having doubt in just life, weird Entrepreneurs having doubt in business stuff.
Speaker 1:
10:57 I was like, oh really, and Jamie reminds me, you know, like, just like, and I sit here and saying this to everybody here too, right, because sometimes this is going to come up in every level, and this was like what we're talking about is at every level we are going to doubt ourselves, and at every level we can either contract or expand, and so it's always a choice. It's always a choice, and when we start to actually look at that from this space of like, well, I can sit in the doubt, or what if, what if, what if? And then you believe that thread, because that thread takes us to those places, cause what we focus on is what we get.
Speaker 2:
11:32 Yeah.
Speaker 1:
11:33 Right.
Speaker 2:
11:33 So when we start to understand the impact of our mental state and our perception of reality creates our experience Right. So you know like if you're focusing on all the scary things, you're going to find more scary things.
Speaker 1:
11:48 Yeah.
Speaker 2:
11:49 But if you're giving yourself permission, like you're saying to, to also consider and make room for the biggest dreams, like you're creating a space for those things to actually happen, right, and then to get even more quantum. Even that, what, if best case scenario that you ask? Be open to the fact that the best isn't even something you can conceive yet you know, it's like don't even get attached to that.
Speaker 2:
12:17 What if?
Speaker 2:
12:18 Because there is more beyond it, infinite possibility.
Speaker 2:
12:22 And so it's like it's such a double-edged sword to like visualize, to dream, to create, to expand your awareness and then to also know that you don't know what you don't know. So to stay open to anything and everything beyond that and I think that's where it gets scary, you know, like this is maybe a different conversation about receptivity and all of that, but oftentimes the reason that we contract is because the unknown is scary, and so when we acknowledge I don't even know what could come, as amazing and dreamy as that is the you know, equal and opposite is also how terrible and scary it could be, and so it feels safer to collapse than to really allow ourselves to like open to all of the possibility. And that's about creating safety in ourselves and trust in ourselves and the capacity to navigate all challenges, because you're not, you know, dealing with it. So, um, yeah, it's big, it's a, it's, it's like this interwoven thing of um concepts and beliefs and mental states, and yeah, it's interesting because I've really been thinking a lot lately as I as I pull content.
Speaker 1:
13:37 I wrote yesterday I spent with my God. I was so proud of myself, jamie, I made like hours. Uh, I spent a couple hours writing all the content for Wealth Calibration Launch Good job.
Speaker 1:
13:46 So, yes, it feels so good to actually I'm going to say this because it feels really good to finally be in a place where my nervous system is so important to me that, like I take the time to do the things that mean that I get to relax through the launch, versus like be, oh my God, and I'm like no, like it's going to just work out how it's going to work out and everything, and and, as I've been thinking about it, so anyway, side note, but as I've been thinking about it and bringing the content and really what I want to bring in through this, this program, um, I've been thinking about how and when I ran the masterclass last week.
Speaker 1:
14:16 You guys, if anyone wants a recording in the masterclass, do reach out. It's on um, busting through Glass Ceilings and it's a really good one. And as I was pulling the content together through that, I was thinking about how, like there's a part of me that doesn't like this concept of bust through or break through. It feels so like pushy and like it's like this really big trying right Right.
Speaker 1:
14:40 Right, right, efforting where I'm like it's not really, it's just really not an allowance, right, right, right. Efforting where I'm like it's not really, it's just really not an allowance, right, and and and, really, when I came down to it, funnily enough, it's really redefining normal, yeah, right, because as we move through and this is where, like, I was like wow, it is literally this podcast it made me just feel like so in alignment and so fricking lit up. And I haven't told you guys, I haven't told you this yet. So it's really fun that we're actually having this on air. But what I started to think about is it's like, once you go through that ceiling, because we start to give ourselves permission to think, and then you know we have that feeling, the B do have right, we think differently, we take different actions and then we have what we desire, right. So if I start to think differently and I start to say, well, I'm the person who does this thing, right, because I now take myself out of the box that I'm in and I go into a new box, and I put myself because you are now into another box, you've just put yourself in some more things around you, right, and some more constructs, but hopefully these constructs are more helpful to where you want to be.
Speaker 1:
15:38 Yeah, right. And then you start doing different things and these are having different things. It becomes normal. So for somebody who used to maybe live on $5,000 a month or $10,000 a month, right, that's their average income or salary, whatever. When you come up to $20,000 a month, like that's, that becomes normal.
Speaker 1:
15:55 And the things that you have in your life you're like well, that's just normal now, like I can't imagine not having my nails done or whatever the thing is right, I can't imagine having my cleaner come.
Speaker 1:
16:04 I can't imagine not going. You know, whatever it is. And then that becomes a new normal. And so really, when we start to look at this concept of breaking through glass ceilings, giving yourself permission to think differently, it really is like how do, how do you create a new normal in your life? And when you're sitting in your box now, like look at what is your normal, what's around you right, like, is it make you happy to live in this normal? If it makes you happy to live in the normal you're in, then celebrate that like yeah you know, but if it's not complacent and numb to it, right.
Speaker 1:
16:34 If it's not, then look at it and go well, what would my new normal, if I was to have a new version of you, would be? Then you'd already have it, yeah, and so now it's the opportunity to start to look outside that. And then, with what we're doing wealth, calibration, god, this is really exciting to actually totally be aligned, this conversation, which we did not plan, people. Then you have to shift the vibration right, like we have to shift our thoughts. We have to shift the internal vibration. We have to shift our nervous system. We have to shift our emotional center. We have to have to shift our, our whole inner being, inner world to match that which you desire. And then you start to actually live in that life and it's not a breaking through, it's not a smashing, it's like standing receptively and allowing it to show up for you because you are the like, the match for it.
Speaker 2:
17:35 Because you are, it are a match for it, right, yeah, yep, and it's, and it sounds simple, but then you've got, you know, like this human vessel and a nervous system and a crazy fucking mind trying to like, take you all over the place. Um, so it is an effort. It is a very intentional process to navigate, choosing to calibrate to a new version of yourself. And it's yeah, it's not like something that maybe some people you know, like I know that it's not all or none, but most people it is a very intentional choice and it begins with giving yourself permission or to address those unconscious fears around staying the same.
Speaker 2:
18:20 Something that I say all the time is that you have no obligation to maintain any past version of yourself. We are continually changing and being new versions of ourself. I mean, in every moment we're a different. You know us, especially when we allow ourselves to be present with what's alive in a moment, versus kind of pulling all of the rules and expectations and ideas into every moment and just operating with that kind of coat on. So you know, the analogy would be to get naked and just see what's see what's really present, what's really happening in any given moment, without any projections from the past into it. Yeah, it's big, it's really big, and I mean like even I change from day to day.
Speaker 2:
19:12 Like it's so funny, kyle even just said recently he's like so what I'm really figuring out is that, um, what worked last time may not work next time, so I can't like create these rules of how to interact with you, how to navigate emotions, how to respond and like meet your needs, and that that's what you're like. It's like. It's like he finally clocked what like when I meant by presence, because he's like, oh, that worked last time. This time it's pissing you off. He's like, oh, I get it now. Like. He's like. You know understanding what that means is that, yeah, you can't just like set a rule in place and then run it, because life is organic, it is different, it is. It is not a set of rules, it is an aliveness and it is an experience of yourself and the people around you. And if you start to like, yeah, try to make rules and boxes to keep everything simple and make sense, you're really screwing yourself, like you're limiting the human experience.
Speaker 1:
20:16 You know, something that came up for me as you said, that I love. Everything you just said was that, as you, you said when Kyle didn't know, right, kyle doesn't know, and it's a new version and right, something that I've definitely taken away from this experience, in this relationship. One of the beautiful things that has been very present for me as I've gone through, uh, what we're going through, um, is that it's also our responsibility to tell them right, like I always like well, you especially need to inform right, right, as a manifestor, need to inform, for sure, but like, I even thought, like, cause, I have some, I have, like I have pretty good communication and it actually he and I are like over communicators.
Speaker 1:
21:00 We're over processes and over communicators, so we actually do a lot of that, and so it was really interesting that as we've come through for those of you I don't think we've actually said anything on the podcast yet, but I'm going through some wobbles with a partner wherever we are right now. That's all we need to know. And, um, when, when, as I've been reflecting, like one of those things has been like I thought I was really saying I thought I was, but it's like we still have these little micro expectations that they, that they're supposed to read our mind or that that little thing that was sitting here and niggling underneath that you didn't say, like that little niggly thing can be a thing that really needs to be spoken or can something that's really helpful to actually be able to, um, have them support you, you know, and, like I said, there was a lot of this that we did really well, right, so a lot of that was great and we can always do better, and so I just say that here, that like, if, if we really honor that we think differently and that we are constantly changing. One of the one of the things that I've I've chosen to take into relationship after having been in marriage where we didn't do this very well Right, right, equally, I will say is to look at each other with new eyes every day, right, like, to open new eyes and see and be willing to see the shifts and the changes, because we do change.
Speaker 1:
22:25 And if that's the case, then it's also our responsibility to say, hey, I know that in the past this has worked for us, but right now I'm not feeling that way. Or maybe you're a really touchy, feely person, because I am, but maybe in that day and it's maybe just that moment, in just that day, like you can't expect that person to just go. You know what? My nervous system is fucking whacked and on overload and I cannot handle. You're touching me right now, but you want to like that, you want them to and you don't want them to feel bad because I've said that I'm.
Speaker 2:
22:51 I am overstimulated at the moment and I'm not rejecting you. I just need some bodily autonomy right now.
Speaker 1:
22:58 I cannot handle extra stimulation Right, but that can be really freaking hard for people when you're in this place, Like I don't want to disappoint them because in the past, past versions of me most of the time really freaking love that, and if I do this, I don't want you to feel rejected. But you can also just say that this isn't about you, I'm not rejecting you, and so this is something that's really important that we navigate as we start to look at giving ourselves permission to think differently. That it's not just even your romantic partners, people like it's. It's even like Jamie and I even had part of this conversation we're having beforehand was like talking to her about you know what I know.
Speaker 1:
23:30 A week ago I said this but I'm not sure if I really stand in that and I don't really know and I was really angry at the time and like it's okay to change our minds. It's okay to be angry, it's okay to say things out of anger, it's okay to say things out of sadness, it's okay to totally fucking change your mind, but it's also okay to me to say to her and I might be changing my mind- and also surround yourself with people that are like, oh cool, I'm here for the ride, Like, change it as many times as you need to while you find and navigate what's true for you.
Speaker 2:
23:58 You know like it is. It's uncomfortable, I think, for people because again it's back to that unknown right, Like I want to know what to expect. I want predictability, because that makes me feel safe, versus the capacity to stretch, to be like I don't know, like it may be different. I mean like it's just as wild a ride for me, you know, as it is for Kyle, trying to figure out how, because I don't know what's going to be true for me in a moment. And then when I communicate something different, it's really nice to be received with okay, let's navigate this versus. This is different than last time. And last time that worked. Why isn't it working this time? Something's wrong with you versus like, all right, let's figure out what the solution is this time, yeah Is so good.
Speaker 2:
24:40 And active listening, Carrie, is the other piece, because no matter how clear you think you're being, the other end of that communication is dependent on their perception of what you're saying, Right? So the active listening of repeating back what you heard helps to clear up misconception Cause. Like you saying, I thought I was communicating clearly. You may be from the place that you're at, but if that's also interpreted through the other person, it may mean something different on the receiver's end, and so practicing that like this is what I'm hearing and allowing clarity to be formed in the, you know, in the questions and answers of that.
Speaker 1:
25:24 Yeah, Something I want to talk to you and ask you about, and then I think we need to wrap because I think we're going to run over time if we don't. But something that you brought up that I wanted to kind of just start to trickle into and I actually think this is probably an entire show is about the void, is about the middle, messy middle, and in both of our lives right now, in different areas, in different contexts, we are both very much in a messy middle. And I want to bring that because I think it's really freaking important to be able to understand this part in the shift of where we are now to where we're going, because there is going to be a messy middle. There is going to be a part where you're sitting in the void and you're like I have no idea what the fuck is going to happen next, and if you do not know how to navigate this and you do not know how to sit in this, you probably will not make the leap.
Speaker 2:
26:12 Nothing will change.
Speaker 1:
26:14 Nothing will change because you will be afraid of this, this messy middle, right here where we're sitting, and so I know one of the things that you actually are brilliant at is voidy spaces. I'd love for you to even just speak to. What does that even mean? Because this is a big, this is the part that we have to like. If we, if we're here and we're jumping to this, this I don't even like to say new identity, it's like to me, it's like a layer gets revealed yeah, right, because it was always in us, right, and so if we're here and we're moving into this next layer that is being revealed of ourselves, and this next version of ourselves that we're choosing to embody in the world at a higher level, um, in the middle, there's going to be a voidy spot. So when I say that, like what, what does that? What does that mean for you?
Speaker 2:
26:59 How does that? I mean it's the unknown. You know it's like when you look at evolution, when you look at change, when you look at any innovative idea. It comes from stepping into the unknown, because if you only follow the known, you're only navigating and working with information you already have and you can only rearrange that so many ways to get different answers. And so stepping into the unknown, into the void, into the place of undefinition, is where you gather new information. So for me it's been reframing what that is.
Speaker 2:
27:35 I think that for a lot of life I tried to control and manage and make everything kind of predictable, because the unknown felt scary to me. And I do have the benefit or the privilege of having done this so many times that I've proven through experience that every time it resolves itself, every time it leads to something more beautiful, every time I end up in growth, and part of that is by choice. Part of that is that I don't choose to collapse, I choose to expand. And so reframing what the void is from something scary and unknown to the seed of something new has helped me. So, like I am a little bit addicted to chaos, because to me it is the birthplace, right? It is the place where everything new comes from. But it's because I've chosen to correlate those two things, I've chosen to redefine what the unknown is that, instead of it's scary and bad, things could happen. It's the like, it's the fertile ground that anything can happen in.
Speaker 2:
28:46 And, um, I've, I've adjusted and intentionally acclimated my nervous system to that, my mental stories to that and that. That, to me, that's what that is, you know, like so the void is the unknown, like it's literally. But when you think about any creation, it comes from creating something that isn't already Right, like, and so it is undefined and we are defining it as we go. So, before you know, I guess, before you can navigate the void, you have to reframe what the void is like, what it, what it represents to you in your story. I mean, that's my big thing, you know, like, choosing your stories, you're, you're the author, you are writing your freaking experience and you have to be decisive about how you are going to write the story of your experiences. And so, yeah, redefining.
Speaker 1:
29:46 I think it's. So what's what's coming to me when you say this is, uh, how you, how you responded to me when I received the shock that happened with my partner, and I right me. When I received the shock that happened with my partner and I right, and when that shock came in, I sent Jamie a message and within about three sentences, she says to me Carrie, shock is is for you. Like what do you base? It was basically like shock is here for you. What are you going to take away from this? Like immediately.
Speaker 2:
30:13 And, like, I'm so excited to see what this leads to because you know it's going to be big and it's going to be big, Right.
Speaker 1:
30:19 And so actually and I really want to speak to this because it is so empowering to have somebody understand you at that level, Right, so that within, immediately, I was like OK, you're right, Jamie, you're right, there's something in this for me, there's a catalyst in here.
Speaker 1:
30:30 It may hurt like fucking hell in this moment, and there's a catalyst, and so what I want to say in this is like, when we start to understand these patterns and when we start to recognize that you know what this means. Catalyst, this means growth. This means huge growth for me, right, we can actually, even in the pain because we still have to feel all of it even in the pain, we can actually be like cool, what's coming, right. So, even though I was in it and I was like I mean not eating, I was like it was, it was intense, I was checking on her daily because I'm like are you okay, today Do you need it More than once a day, I think, because it was really hard and there was not food going in my mouth and I was not sleeping and it was intense peeps.
Speaker 1:
31:08 It was intense. But I also like I say this because we both knew, and my other closest friends around the world knew that this is a huge catalyst for me and when we can start to go okay, so where's the growth? Where's the growth? And I had these amazing friends that were holding me through. I still had to go through the pain of it and still moving through the pain of it, but knowing there's something even better on the other side. So for me it was like, okay, I know, I just need to get through this. I know my body needs to be able to come back into calibration with this shock. I know this is what has to happen and I know, on the other side, I'm going to be okay.
Speaker 1:
31:43 It's very different than if we walk into these things and we don't have that knowledge of ourselves. Then those shocks used to take me months or sometimes who knows, like I don't even know how long to recover from Right, and so when we know this and then we can reframe in our minds. This isn't a bad thing. It felt really fucking bad and I'm still telling you sometimes the moments it feels shitty, but yeah, I can also look on the other side of it and go what's here? And this is kind of why we're having this conversation, because it really brought me into this new place of well, what do I get to create now? Where do I create? What do I create from this opening that has happened? And what's the next version of me now that I've experienced all this beautiful love and amazing and magic and pleasure and so much beauty in my life? Now what?
Speaker 2:
32:24 Because the normal would be like oh my God, it's over. I'm sad and, like you, drop into the feelings. The feelings are legitimate and they're important, and there's more to it right.
Speaker 2:
32:35 So if you don't understand. To look beyond the sensations that are moving through your body. It's really easy to get locked into that story versus yep, I feel these things and I don't need them to mean what I've been taught. They mean and similar. You had mentioned Susie and the way that she responded right, like it's literally just a reframe of the exact same thing. Right, it is the thing that is. And some people are like, oh my God, poor you, and others are like oh my gosh, what's going to happen here?
Speaker 2:
33:07 you know it's the same thing, but it's two different perspectives and stories. And you have the power to do that in your own life, like there is no, yeah, but this is real, so I can't make it. It's like it's sensations in your body, but you get to define that.
Speaker 1:
33:25 You said to me yesterday and your body is body and carry and I'm like it's doing what it does.
Speaker 2:
33:31 That was a good line, susie. And the mind? The mind will mind as well. It's always looking for potential challenges and solutions and, you know, like roadblocks it's. That's what it does, and so let it do its thing. But it doesn't mean you need to participate and it doesn't mean that you need to get all wrapped.
Speaker 1:
33:51 And this is a huge part in the void doesn't matter. So this is whether cause we were just talking about relationship, right, but this is in business, cause I also said I had some doubts because I got so rocked like everything got rocked and everything had doubt come in Right. And so this is in business, this is in our relationships, this is with our kids, this is with our friendships, this is in our health, right? No matter how we're getting rocked and we're asked to look at you, how do I want to shift into a place of our fears coming up, our doubts coming up, our insecurities coming up, our holy fuck, can I actually do this? Oh my God, I want to curl into a hole and die Every time. All of this shit is going to come up every time and every time you're going to have to look at it and go?
Speaker 2:
34:29 am I going to let you win or am I going to walk up?
Speaker 1:
34:30 Yeah, how quickly can you navigate Right Today, as I got dressed, I'm like I fucking rock getting back up.
Speaker 2:
34:35 Right, and one of the things that I really coach clients in is that you, you do this. So I I've correlated to like walking through a forest, if you're. If you're walking through a for a strange forest in the middle of the night, it's dark, it's scarier than if you've navigated that path over and over again in the daylight. It's scarier than if you've navigated that path over and over again in the daylight, when you know what's going on. So these are practices that you do when you're solid, when you're grounded, when you are in your center, and you intentionally train your mind, your body, your perception into these positive things in those good places so that you have access to them. When you're in in the dark, you know when you're navigating something new that feels really overwhelming and scary. You've given yourself some, some flags and some breadcrumbs along the way to find your way back to solid, cause it's not easy to do when you're in it.
Speaker 1:
35:39 And I think this is something actually to add right here is to really cause, if you're hearing us right now and talking about this, like I want to give some really valid, like really legit tips here as you go through this right. So, like I just said, I've been going through it. So every time I clock through a new shock because this is part of how I learn I pay attention to my response. So my response was to not eat, to not sleep, to like go into complete and utter fucking freeze and not be able to get out of my head, right, and that happens every damn time. So if I can look at that and go, okay, I know this is going to happen, it's okay, this is normal.
Speaker 1:
36:10 I look at things like this and I go, how like, to me, success is determined by how fast you can get back up again, right. If you're in a boxing match and you fall down and you stay down, you're, you're, you're knocked out. If you get back up, you're back up, right. And so I clock it. I'm like, okay, you know what? That one only took me like four days to move through the heaviness of the shock, right. Like fuck, yeah, that was amazing, I did really well in my body to do that Right and now, and like, in each pace I'm like, okay.
Speaker 1:
36:35 So then the next piece is going to be that I've got to go and be whatever Like and on Friday it was with Jamie, fucking angry and I had to go and release all this shit. So, like, I can start to notice and I'm saying this like, as you go through your void places, it doesn't matter which place you're in Right, because you will have the same patterns and I huh, all right, I do this every time. So how can I nurture myself and what do I need in each of these places to get myself through this? Because I now know this is how I navigate the void. I navigate the void by doing it this way, and then it becomes normal to be in the void, it becomes okay, even though it's still scary, even though it's still got fear, even though I still couldn't breathe, even though all of that was happening. It's also like, and you're exactly in the right spot and you're okay, this is totally normal'm going to recover. Like I'm going to be lost in depression forever is what the mind is like, holding on to.
Speaker 2:
37:43 Or fear or whatever the thing is right. Exactly the other thing in this boxing analogy is those boxers have people in their corner. Yes, so like, surround yourself with people that are going to call you to your highest, whether that's being very intentional about the friendship groups that you cultivate and participate in groups, mentors, coaches, whatever it is be very intentional that they are holding the pillar of what it is you want to be called to, because I think it's really easy to go. Like you could complain to people who hate men and you would get very different support and feedback and pity and you know, perpetuating something that if you go to someone whose perspective or wisdom or experience calls you into a different place than where you come from. So I think that that's a really important thing. Like we don't have to do this all alone and whether it's in relationship, parenting, business, whatever it is like, cultivate the support system that gets you where you want to go. Don't try to do it alone.
Speaker 1:
38:48 And be willing to lean in, because and this is one of the biggest fricking lessons I have learned since being divorced or separated, which is I have this beautiful support system around the world. Jamie is one of them, and I have friends around the world. There's a few core people in my life that God loved them and they know who they are Like I would not, I would not be who I am today without them. But it is also meant over these last few years, without a partner by my side every day, I've had to lean harder on my friends and it's hard sometimes, even in this last week when I've been in really intense experience and they've been there for me, sometimes like Jamie's been on me with me, sometimes like an hour every day, like Carrie, you're okay, you're okay. And sometimes I can feel really selfish like, oh my god, I feel so bad, I'm taking her time or whatever, but the truth is I would be the same on the other side, right and so you also know that if I couldn't, I would would say I can't right now.
Speaker 2:
39:36 Right, like that's part of the trust you build with your friends is that they're not going to martyr for you and that if they're holding space for you, it's because that's what's in alignment for them and that's what they're choosing. And I mean you know that I'm going to be honest and tell you I can't if I can't aunt and that's yeah, that's important. Like that you trust the word of your friends and that you're not stepping on toes you know unintentionally and they're letting you and then resentful about it later. Like, yeah, build your relationships on honesty.
Speaker 1:
40:08 Yeah, it's really important to have those people in your, in your life where you can lean in and go. I think I'm going to fall apart and just know that they've got you and it makes going through. It truly does make going through these voidy places really amazing, because when you don't know where to step, somebody's there going hey step, hey, look at this, hey, look over here, and and, and, and, and. Then, as Jamie said, to allow you to be messy in it, right, to allow us to change mind and to not hold you to, like I said last week, in absolute fucking anger and rage. And now I'm like, actually I don't really care about that.
Speaker 2:
40:40 Yeah, or to say, like I think you should, based on my own like experiences and stuff, like I could totally bring all my shit or hurt or whatever into the story and be telling you what I think you should be doing based on my own fears and hurts, versus like, hey, man, like your, your truth, your experience, the way that you're navigating this is yours entirely. It is not mine. I'm just here to, like, help you find your, what works for you, what makes you happy, what is in service to you.
Speaker 1:
41:12 So yeah, it's really important. I think it's really important as you go through these up levels. I don't even like calling them up levels either, cause it's not. It's really important. I think it's really important as you go through these up levels. I don't even like calling them up levels either, because it's not. It's just like a revealing. Reveals they are expanse.
Speaker 2:
41:24 They are expansion though because, it's more of you present in the world, right. So I mean like breakthroughs. It is such a like masculine, like old school term, like business, like breaking through something and it's like breaking into, maybe deeper.
Speaker 1:
41:40 It really does feel like an allowance, right. I mean, like, and Jamie and I were talking, I took a picture today and it was really interesting. And then I know we have to wrap this. I took a picture today and I was going to write a blog post about it and, like, I think there's something, and I think you and I can understand this there's something to be said when you take pictures every day, or most days, right.
Speaker 1:
41:55 Like you and I both take pictures so regularly that you see yourself shift and as I looked at this picture today, I was like, wow, you look so soft, carrie. You look so soft, carrie. And it was this really beautiful opening and awareness of like how much this shift has allowed me to soften and it's really interesting. So, like again, like when we start to look at these different places where we give ourselves permission to totally do things and take ourselves out of boxes, we don't actually know what's going to happen, right, but we can start to see it over time, when we allow ourselves to have these shifts, to have these changes and to really come deeper into our, into our embodiment of self. And as we do, like I don't know, maybe the softness comes, because I don't know, jamie, I'm just thinking this right now Like, when you're more in your body, you have to soften, to be more in your body really.
Speaker 2:
42:49 Yeah, and logic would tell you to harden, to protect when something bad happens. Right Like, lock it down, put your shield up, protect yourself, which it does work on some levels, and sometimes that is called for. That is the correct action. But oftentimes I think you can't find your way to that correct option if you don't soften enough to really just be present with what's actually happening. Right Like, the defense mechanism is quick and it's very undiscerning. Usually it's like it doesn't matter what's happening, the walls are going up, and so this is even just the idea of I'm gonna soften challenges normal logic around what to do when something painful or hard happens in life, and actually softening like allows more to move. It reminds me of the ocean, you know like, the softer you are, the less there is to hook on to, the less there is to hurt and to puncture or injure. Right like if it's all soft and movable and and um, fluid oh yeah it, yeah it it.
Speaker 1:
43:59 It's less painful yeah, I guess that's my tip for going through your void. People soften, and it really truly is, though, right, like it really truly is, it's like really sit there and um and allow it to move through you surrender is the key to the void.
Speaker 2:
44:14 Like you cannot, you cannot traverse the void if you're trying to control it, because it is uncontrollable. It is the unknown.
Speaker 1:
44:22 You don't know, you don't know, so there's nothing you can possibly put out there that you know, because if you do, you don't want to be doing it.
Speaker 2:
44:27 You have to surrender, to navigate, and that is the softness. Yeah, it. It's a fool's journey to try to control the unknown and the, the void, the, the core of all creation. Like all things, all potential exists there. So yeah it's, it's a fool's journey to to do anything else right.
Speaker 1:
44:50 Is there anything else you want to add to no?
Speaker 2:
44:53 no, just thank you for letting me be on this beautiful shock journey with you over the last week or so. I'm learning a lot as well.
Speaker 1:
45:03 We can do another episode. You guys, by the way, we looked through all these different categories that we could talk about today and so many of them had to do with a shock. I was like not ready, not ready, not ready, can't do that, one Can't do that one.
Speaker 2:
45:16 We will, though they will.
Speaker 1:
45:17 We will, though they will, we will, we'll do one. We'll do one when we're ready. I will add, though, for those of you who are listening I don't know when this is going to go out. If Wealth Calibration hasn't started yet, come and join me. If it has started, reach out anyway, because I plan. I think Jamie, who is this manifestor ass of mine, is going to run it more than once.
Speaker 2:
45:36 Yeah, it does flagship, like it's a thing that really is foundational to working with you, so it feels like yeah it feels that way, but you know, I give myself permission to change my mind, who knows?
Speaker 1:
45:49 So, who knows, may miss the boat, you may miss the boat, you may not, but I do feel like this is going to run again. So if this interests you, do reach out to me. Wealth Calibration is a month. It is going to be so that you can really shift into the energy of that which you desire. And tools right Tools to actually do this on your own, so that you can take these away and use them for life. So I will add that. So if you want more information about that, reach out to me. Otherwise, journey forth and really truly give yourself permission to think outside your box and be willing to move through the scariest, darkest, most fearful places, because on the other side, when you, when you start to navigate this enough, you will really recognize that there is always something even better and something so much more beautiful, even more beautiful, because you probably already have something beautiful, even more beautiful on the other side.
Speaker 2:
46:37 If you enjoyed this show, let us know. We're all about authentic connections, so come chat with us on social media or email. Links are listed in the show notes.
Speaker 1:
46:46 And please make sure to subscribe to the podcast on your favorite platform and share the magic on your socials.
