402 - [EON] Being Right Doesn't Mean You're Leading | Paper Napkin Wisdom

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Why the best leadership decisions require more than agreement

Paper Napkin Wisdom | Episode 402 | Edge of the Napkin #58

You've done the research. You've reviewed the numbers, considered the alternatives, and made a decision you're confident is right. The evidence supports your position. The direction makes sense. Now you need your team to move forward.

But something unexpected happens when you share your decision. People push back. Someone questions the timing. Another challenges your assumptions. Someone raises an objection you thought you'd already addressed.

You explain your reasoning again. You provide more evidence. You remind everyone why the decision matters. Eventually, the objections stop, the team agrees, and the meeting ends.

You've won the argument.

But have you actually led?

It's an interesting distinction, especially for experienced entrepreneurs who have built successful businesses through years of making difficult decisions. Your judgment has been tested. You've learned to trust your instincts, and that confidence has probably helped you build something substantial.

Yet the same confidence that helped you build your business can create friction when your success depends on other people carrying your decisions forward.

Being right doesn't mean you're leading.

That simple idea is at the heart of Episode 402 of Paper Napkin Wisdom, the 58th installment of our Edge of the Napkin series.

The Hidden Cost of Winning an Argument

There's a difference between having the authority to make a decision and having the influence to move people toward it.

Authority comes with your position. Influence develops through the relationships you build and the way people experience your leadership over time.

When a leader pushes a decision through over strong objections, the result may look like success. Everyone nods. The meeting ends. Responsibilities are assigned, and the project moves forward.

But agreement and commitment aren't necessarily the same thing.

Agreement is something someone can give you during a meeting. Commitment becomes visible afterward, especially when the plan runs into trouble.

An employee who merely agrees may complete the assigned tasks and wait for further instructions. Someone who feels committed is more likely to notice problems, suggest improvements, and take responsibility for helping the project succeed.

The difference can affect the entire organization.

When people believe their perspectives don't matter, they may become less willing to contribute. Over time, the leader receives fewer challenges, fewer ideas, and less information about what is actually happening throughout the business.

Ironically, the leader can become more convinced of being right because fewer people are willing to disagree.

That's an expensive form of agreement.

When the Leader and the Team See Different Problems

Consider a familiar business situation.

A successful entrepreneur decides the company needs a new operating system. The existing technology is outdated, information is difficult to access, and operating costs are increasing. After reviewing the alternatives, the owner identifies a solution that promises better performance and improved efficiency.

The financial and operational case makes sense.

Yet when the owner announces the decision, the team resists.

Employees remember previous technology changes that created weeks of frustration. Training was inadequate. Customers experienced delays. People spent their evenings correcting mistakes caused by systems they hadn't yet learned to use.

From the owner's perspective, the team is resisting progress. From the employees' perspective, they're concerned about repeating an experience that made their jobs harder.

Both perspectives deserve consideration.

The owner may have selected the right technology. The employees may understand challenges that weren't included in the original analysis.

This is where the leader has an opportunity to change the conversation.

Instead of presenting another explanation, the owner could ask a different question.

"Help me understand what you're seeing that I might be missing."

That question creates an opportunity for information to move in both directions.

Perhaps the decision remains unchanged. The timing might need adjustment. The training plan may require more thought. The team could even develop a better implementation approach than the owner initially considered.

The leader retains responsibility for the decision while allowing the team to contribute to its success.

The Difference Between Conviction and Control

One of the more powerful distinctions in leadership is understanding that conviction and curiosity can exist together.

A leader can be confident about a direction while remaining open to information that challenges the approach.

Because confidence doesn't require you to defend every assumption you've made.

Consider what happens when a team member disagrees with you. Do you become interested in understanding their perspective, or does your attention shift toward defending your position?

People notice that difference.

They notice when questions are welcomed. They also notice when a leader appears to be listening but is simply waiting for an opportunity to explain why the objection is wrong.

These moments shape relationships over time.

In my work with entrepreneurs and leadership teams, I've noticed how important this distinction can become as businesses grow. The owner who once made nearly every decision must increasingly depend on other people to exercise judgment.

The ability to invite meaningful disagreement becomes particularly important.

Because a growing business needs more than one person who can recognize a problem and find a solution.

This is closely connected to the four pillars of Magnetic Leadership: Confidence, Congruence, Calm, and Contribution.

Confidence allows a leader to hear disagreement and maintain trust in their own judgment. Congruence means the leader's behaviour matches their stated willingness to listen. Calm makes it easier to remain curious when a conversation becomes uncomfortable. Contribution shifts attention toward helping other people succeed.

Together, these qualities influence how people experience leadership.

And that experience matters when you need people to follow a difficult decision.

Five Key Takeaways for Leading Through Disagreement

FIVE KEY TAKEAWAYS

1. Listen to Understand Before You Respond A disagreement may contain information that your original decision-making process missed. Leaders sometimes interpret resistance as a lack of understanding. Yet the people closest to the work often see operational consequences that aren't visible from a financial report or strategic plan. Listening gives you access to that experience. The purpose is to understand the concern well enough to evaluate it. You can acknowledge someone's perspective while maintaining a different conclusion. Take Action: During your next leadership discussion, ask someone who disagrees with you, "What are you seeing that I might be missing?" Allow them to finish and ask a follow-up question before explaining your position.

2. Make the Problem Something the Team Owns Together When data is used primarily to prove a leader is right, people can experience the conversation as an argument they need to win or lose. A different approach is to make the data evidence of a shared challenge. Consider the difference between telling employees that their department is underperforming and inviting them to examine a concerning trend together. Both conversations may use identical numbers, but they create different opportunities for participation. A team that understands the problem and contributes to solving it has an opportunity to develop greater ownership of the outcome. Take Action: Take one business challenge you're currently addressing and present the relevant facts to your team. Ask them to identify what they believe is causing the problem and which solutions deserve consideration.

3. Own the Direction and Share the Execution One of the most useful leadership distinctions is separating the decision about where the organization is going from the decision about how it will get there. Sometimes the strategic direction has already been determined. A new system must be introduced. A service needs restructuring. A particular investment is necessary. That doesn't mean every implementation detail has to come from the leader. People who perform the work may have valuable ideas about timing, training, responsibilities, and potential obstacles. Inviting them to contribute respects their experience and gives them a meaningful role in the outcome. Take Action: Identify one decision you've already made. Explain which elements are fixed and invite the people responsible for implementation to develop the approach. Give them responsibility for recommending how the work should proceed.

4. Encourage Disagreement and Expect Commitment The principle of "disagree and commit," associated with leadership practices at Intel and Amazon, recognizes that effective teams won't agree on every decision. Healthy disagreement allows different perspectives to be considered before a final choice is made. Once the decision is settled, the expectation changes from debate to execution. That distinction is important. Commitment becomes more meaningful when people have had a genuine opportunity to contribute. Leaders also need to make decision-making responsibilities explicit so people understand who has the final say. And disagreeing with a decision doesn't necessarily mean someone is unwilling to support it. Take Action: At your next leadership meeting, identify when discussion is open, who is responsible for the final decision, and what commitment will look like afterward. Make sure people understand the distinction before the decision is made.

5. Let Humility Strengthen Your Leadership Successful entrepreneurs have usually earned confidence in their abilities through considerable experience. That confidence is valuable. But it can become limiting when a leader believes that changing a decision might weaken their authority. Consider the kind of leader who can acknowledge a missed detail, recognize a better suggestion, or admit that an earlier assumption was incorrect. That behaviour can encourage other people to share what they know. Humility and accountability also belong together. Listening carefully doesn't eliminate the leader's responsibility to make difficult choices. The ability to recognize a better answer can become an important leadership strength. Take Action: Think about a recent decision where someone challenged your perspective. Revisit their concern and identify whether it contained information you overlooked. If it did, acknowledge that contribution directly. What Commitment Reveals About Your Leadership The value of a leadership decision extends beyond whether the initial conclusion was correct. Its lasting value also depends on what the people responsible for implementation are willing and able to do. A leader can require compliance through authority. Building commitment asks something more. It requires the confidence to listen, the humility to consider another perspective, and the willingness to give people a meaningful part in making the outcome successful. This becomes particularly important for entrepreneurs moving into a new stage of growth. The skills that helped you build the business may have depended heavily on your personal ability to recognize opportunities, make decisions, and move quickly. As the organization grows, its success increasingly depends on the judgment and contribution of other people. And that means your leadership must continue to grow as well. The Napkin Moment The principle for this week's Edge of the Napkin fits into a few words. BEING RIGHT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE LEADING. The decision may be yours. The commitment has to be theirs. It's a reminder that being correct and being effective are different measures of leadership. A decision can be well supported and still fail to create meaningful commitment. Conversely, a difficult decision can bring people together when they understand the direction, feel respected, and recognize their responsibility for helping it succeed. Leadership has to account for both the quality of the decision and the relationships that carry it forward. The next time you face resistance to a decision you're confident about, notice what happens inside you before you respond. Then ask one question. "What are you seeing that I might be missing?" Give the answer enough attention to learn something from it. You may discover that your original decision was exactly right. You may also discover a better way to move forward. Either way, you'll have given someone an opportunity to contribute to something that matters. And perhaps that's where the next stage of your leadership grows.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Confident Leaders Admit Mistakes in Real Time 00:28 The Challenge of Leadership and Being Right 01:59 The Power of Commitment Over Agreement 02:44 The challenge of leading when faced with resistance 05:09 How to handle resistance to change 06:07 The power of curiosity in leadership decisions 07:05 From agreement to commitment 08:04 Listening as a leadership skill 09:28 Disagree and commit: a leadership principle 10:25 The four pillars of magnetic leadership 11:22 The value of changing your mind publicly 11:51 Practical steps to improve decision-making 12:47 Leadership as building something bigger than yourself

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