#298: Masculinity Expert Explains Why Young Men Fall for Andrew Tate - Michael Kimmel

What happens when young men are so desperate to prove they're real men that they'll follow anyone who promises to show them how?

In this episode I sit down with Michael Kimmel, the sociologist and author of Guyland who has spent decades studying how boys become men, to explore why young men fall for figures like Andrew Tate.

We talk about why the pressure on young men hasn't changed since he wrote Guyland but the noise around it has exploded, what West Point cadets told him about the difference between a good man and a real man, the day he stared at his shoes while a kid was bullied next to him, and why his son getting kicked out of the cool group was the best thing that ever happened to him.We also explore the three relationships that make young men resilient, how one guy in a locker room can change the way a whole team talks about women, why some of the richest men in history were miserable, and the voice that told me nothing I do will ever be enough.

But underneath the headlines, this conversation is about something much more personal.Why men hide what they really feel because other guys are always watching. How the gap between who you are and who you think you have to be leaves you looking for anyone to follow. And what it takes to stop proving yourself and start being yourself.

Because you can't navigate this alone. And you were never supposed to.Michael Kimmel is a sociologist and one of the world's leading experts on men and masculinity. He's the author of Guyland, Manhood in America and Angry White Men, and he founded the Center for the Study of Men and Masculinities at Stony Brook University.

Timestamps:

(00:00) Introduction; False Prophets

(00:24) Guyland Then Now

(03:27) West Point Two Voices

(06:58) Gender Policing Rules

(11:13) Manosphere Amplification

(14:34) Three Keys Resilience

(18:04) Friends Allies Stories

(20:05) Boys Schools Talk Masculinity

(22:08) Calling Out Misogyny

(27:26) Parents School Religion

(29:04) Two Voices of Manhood

(29:26) Strengthen the Inner Compass

(30:00) Community Support Plug

(30:29) Success Pressure and Worth

(32:12) Redefining a Good Man

(33:34) Living in Dad's Shadow

(35:05) Escaping the Never Enough Trap

(37:13) Safety Nets and Contentment

(40:58) Wealth Addiction Warning

(41:59) Tools and Mentorship Models

(43:18) Let Boys Cry at School

(46:13) Find Your True North

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