Materialism & Mistakes | MENtality with Ebuka, Banky W & The MENtality Community

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Ready for some unfiltered conversations.
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These make some noise from our hosts of tonight: the legends, the icons, the men of the moment, Ebuka Obi Uchendu and Banky Who.
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Thank you very much, everyone, for being here today.
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Um I'm very, very excited about this.
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And I know it's a phrase Nigerians or human beings use a lot, excited.
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But I really am because this I wasn't sure what this was gonna be about, right?
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Um we've done this now.
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This is our second season having these conversations, and thank you.
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It's not easy.
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If you talk or if you have a microphone on the internet, you know it's hard to keep podcasts going.
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We started this with a lot of skepticism.
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Conversations online now about men are two extremes.
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It's either women bashing or man hating.
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It's almost like if you try to be a little sensible, it's not necessarily sweet.
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You don't trend, you know, people don't want to listen to it.
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You're not dragging somebody.
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So, I mean, it's very easy, at least for me, to do a show that would trend every week.
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I mean, you do one, it's called Big Brother.
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I feel like that's very easy to do, but this was very important because uh especially since 2020, when COVID happened, I feel like there was a shift in a lot of narratives about how people sort of talk about genders generally, and most of the voices we were hearing from men or about men were very one-directional.
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It was the they call them the manosphere now.
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The guys who are telling you all of these crazy things, and boys are being raised a very interesting way now.
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So I've been I had been thinking about can people listen to me in some way?
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And of course, these guys, you know, have you if you've seen the episodes, you know that Banky is a huge well of knowledge, and someone who thank you so much, he's going to pay me later.
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We decided to do this in particular because it's okay to have one or two guests every time, but let's actually have a situation where the people are the guest of the day.
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Yeah, so you guys are the guests today.
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So when we're putting this together, we wanted to, Banky and I went back and forth on what the topic should be.
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And we are divided on what we should talk about today.
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And um I figured we should let you guys decide what today's conversation will be about.
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As the guests, there's gonna be a microphone in the audience throughout this.
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Um, but I want us to vote.
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So we have two topics that we are divided on.
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Maybe when I say the topics, you will know who choose what.
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But don't vote based on I like Banky, yeah, I like Ibugaya.
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So the first the first um potential topic is mistakes.
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Um a lot of people don't take very well, especially men.
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So making mistakes, you kind of just see it as failure.
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Um I know I do.
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You might look back years later and realize, yeah, maybe that wasn't that bad.
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But in the moment, you never want to, perfection is what we chase, right?
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And it's hard to make mistakes in a place like this where a mistake costs you more than you planned for.
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Whether it's with money decisions, woman silence in the room.
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You know, relationships, whatever it is, you know, you make a decision, you make a call with your career, and you're like, shit.
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That was a bad call.
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So it kind of limits you from actually making decisions generally.
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And I want to explore what that means.
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I have so many stories, I'm sure Banky does.
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I know Banky does.
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What are you trying to say?
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Just attack me with your phone chest.
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Second conversation is materialism.
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There's been a lot of talk about the fact that they say Nigerian men are more materialistic than women.
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That is a way that there's a way you behave around rich men.
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Um I believe billionaires are funny, naturally.
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So is that true?
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How does that drive just generally how we are as people or as men and the kind of decisions we make where there's the Ebon who is younger than you, but because he has more money is an Ebon.
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So those are the two conversations.
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Mistake, materialism.
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Should we do a Senate vote?
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The eyes have it.
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The eyes or the knees.
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No, those people are not normal.
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Let's not do that.
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How do we handle this book?
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Thank you.
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Maybe just a show of hands.
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Show of hands, okay.
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Um, if you want us to talk about mistakes, because many people here have stories about mistakes, so you might want to hear their stories.
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We have some more glend, they will be alright by the time we need to ask the question.
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Or if you want men to confess about how they act when they see their guy as hammered.
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And let's have those honest conversations.
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So, first of all, who wants us to have a conversation about mistakes?
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You can only pick one, by the way.
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You cannot vote twice, please.
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Let's not confuse the count.
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You want to have two conversations, Frex?
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Mistaking materialism mistakes, exactly.
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So mistakes, let's just see your hands for mistakes.
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Those for mistakes, they are why you use microphone.
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Those for materialism.
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Uh-uh.
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We didn't say shout, they say raise your hand.
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If you want us to talk about materialism, raise your hand.
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Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
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Today's topic.
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Thank you.
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We're gonna be talking about material materialistic mistakes.
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So let's go there.
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Um, before we go, who do you think chose mistakes?
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W.
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So it's me that it's material.
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It's all right, it's all right.
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I would deny it.
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So I remember posting a picture, I think it was in 2019.
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When did that Wakanda movie come out?
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Um what was that movie called?
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Wakanda.
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What's the movie?
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Black Panther.
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Black Panther.
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There was a premiere at Film House, and um, I think it was one of these banks uh that sponsored it, and a bank CEO, Tony Lumelu, came to the red carpet, and then I posted the picture on Instagram.
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All the slides, I was laughing.
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The comments were like, ah, I've met him, he's not that funny.
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I say, if you really meet him, you know, so it's a thing we've been accused of a lot.
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Yeah, that men are there's a way we act around money.
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We especially in Nigeria, and I think a lot of it ties to how this country works, right?
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Nigeria's sense of respect.
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Maybe in the past used to be tied to age, maybe still is to a small extent, right?
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But we all know now that it's about we all, most of us are on social media.
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We see when someone gets called out, and the next response is we again money passes you, or things along those lines.
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So money sort of rules these conversations and it defines how we hold people accountable generally.
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Even in friend groups, we've had this friend group conversation on this on this show in the previous episode, where the dynamics of a friendship most times is tied around the richest person in that group with guys.
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If you have six, seven guy friends, the guy away who pass dictates where the vibe is, where are we going tonight?
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You know, if we're going out, you have to call him first.
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Baba you day, if he's not going out, you're you might not really want to go anymore because you don't want spent like that.
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And you know if it's there, the vibe is different, right?
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So money sort of controls respect, power, and there's a huge wealth gap in this country.
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I read somewhere that the three richest men in Nigeria, you know, we always hear in America the 1% is richer than the bottom 80% or whatever.
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In Nigeria, three men are richer than about 85 million Nigerians put together.
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And it's not the poorest 85 million, just pick any 85 million Nigerians put together.
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So this is Aliku Dangote, Abdulla Samad Rabiu, um Mike Adenuka.
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Their wealth together outweighs.
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So almost like the middle doesn't really exist.
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Right?
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Um Nigeria doesn't have the most billionaires in Africa, but Nigeria has, by wealth, the most, about 40% of the billionaires' wealth in Africa are Nigerians, even though South Africa has more billionaires.
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So there's that top-heavy money, and then the rest of us.
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So it dictates a lot of dynamics because there's the constant aspiration to be that.
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And it almost feels like are we ever gonna bridge that gap?
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Now, I know you didn't want to talk about materialism, but you used to be an artist by the grace of God.
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And you were also a politician.
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Now then bad past.
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You know, so what do you think of this?
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When when we have I mean, when you see this sort of dynamics play out, you've seen it in all the spheres of your life.
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Music, Nollywood, um, politics.
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Even in the church, as a pastor now, is the person that has the most money that sits in the front row, Abby, in many churches.
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How do you see that ever stopping?
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Because we're not gonna, it's almost a part of our culture now.
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Um I think it it's um it's definitely a big problem and a big issue.
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I think we've gotten to the point as a society that we celebrate wealth regardless of how it was gotten.
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And so somebody could have stolen the country blind, but as long as the person is wealthy, that person is automatically accorded respect and honor.
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And I remember there was a time that Suso and I were talking about this thing and how we were saying to ourselves that we have to figure out a way that when we're teaching our children, we teach them that the process is as important as the result.
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And so it's not enough to say, oh, Zaya, you did a great job on your homework or you did very well, you got great grades in school.
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It's also important to celebrate the process of doing the work.
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Or I saw you when you sat at the table and you did the painting or you did your reading, you know, talking about the process so that we we start to raise a generation that appreciates the process of things, not just the final result.
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I think that the obsession with wealth has entered an interesting place.
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I remember um, and you probably remember this, there was a time when I went to the supermarkets, and apparently some girls saw me coming out, you know, getting my groceries in my car, and they started filming my car and saying that ah, is he not supposed to be a successful artist?
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Why is his car, you know, seven years old?
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Why is he not driving a new model?
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And they actually filmed me and drove behind me on the road, like onto some stocking stuff, and and you know, uploaded it to the internet in the early days of Twitter with their full chest to mock me for you know for the kind of car that I was driving.
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And this car was a Range Rover, by the way.
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It wasn't even like a car, it was old.
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That was the idea.
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It was it was a seven-year-old Range Rover, but apparently, this idea that you know, if you're not driving the latest model car or you know, wearing a Rolex or uh uh whatever, Philip Patek or whatever, you know, the latest watch is, then there's you you lose something in your stature.
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Yeah.
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Um, and I think it's it's unhealthy and it's dangerous.
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I remember I remember once, like early in my artist career, I was sitting with another artist who I will not name.
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I will not name him, no.
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And he said, Okay, no, it's not here.
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No, he's not here.
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And he said to me that, ah, W, you know, why you know they wear Rolex now?
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And I said, bro, I'm trying to reach a certain level of you know, real estate and investments before I buy an expensive watch.
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He said, no, no, no, no, no.
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That it is there's some rooms that you get into that if you're not wearing a certain kind of watch on your wrist, that you know, they will not respect you, they will not give you certain.
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And the thing kept like playing in my head so much.
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Then he now said, Oh, that he has a plug uh that can give me a Rolex at a good price, that the guy knows how to source like pieces and all of that.
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And I actually went through the process and bought a fake Rolex for like$14,000.
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Yes, for myself guy.
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And he looked wait, wait, did he?
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It's a materialistic mistake.
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No, wait, did he buy it or you bought it?
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No, I bought it.
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No, he told me where he got his and linked me with the guy.
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Why am I just hearing the story?
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Baba, now shame, you know, you know go talk him.
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So I made this materialistic mistake because the Rolex probably the real price maybe would have been like 30k.
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But I could get one for like 14k.
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So I went through it and I got it.
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And you know, for a short while, and I say short, emphasis on short, it gave me a sense of validation.
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Web say, you know, you go somewhere and you'd be like, hey, how you doing?
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Yeah.
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But then, like, maybe like six to nine months down, the Rolex started having K-Leg, you know, the second hand will just drop off, or the screen will just start shaking.
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But the minute hand is faster than the second hand.
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And maybe a year into it, the whole thing just started falling apart.
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And then to crown it all off, I now I now read an article where police picked the guy up for selling fake watches.
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And I say I confess this incident because it was like it just dawned on me how far my mentality had sunk.
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That I thought that I needed to needed a watch as a status symbol to prove that I belonged in the rooms that God was putting me in.
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And so since that time, I know they buy watch again.
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Now fit band at the way.
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I count my steps, but I I will say that that that experience, you know, is not really the mistake you make, it's what you do in reaction to the mistake.
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But it it was a reminder for me that I have to see myself beyond materialism and beyond the things I'm able to buy and beyond the things I'm able to wear.
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Um, and I know that that's easier said than done in a society like this, but it's it's a lesson I had to learn the hard way.
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To say my worth doesn't come from what's on my wrist, it comes from what God has put inside of my heart.
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And that's that's the person that I try to be.
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I thought you would finish without mentioning God.
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Never mind.
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I'm not happy that I'm just hearing this story, but it's all right.
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I want to put someone on this club.
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Please come and give Timini the mic.
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Give him the mic.
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They said you are materialistic.
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So content creation is a crazy thing right now.
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Um there's a lot of people here who are content creators.
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I can see many faces.
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In fact, even the billionaires are content creators.
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Oh, yeah.
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Ilumili is not playing with us, man.
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Those PJ shots are mad.
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And then a lot of us see these things, and it doesn't help the aspiration to want to, you know, get there without hearing what the process is.
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Because content creation doesn't tell you the process, yeah.
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It shows you the results, even if the result is, you know, filtered and face-tuned.
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Um, and I wanted to come to you because you are you're at a point now where you've become a sort of your artistic for a lot of people.
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You're in Nollywood.
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But what's that in your way?
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Out of the way artists, they do it in.
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Out of the way they worry artists.
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So you've become this guy who's, you know, you're a fashion guy, you know your labels.
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This will watch conversation, you are heavy inside.
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Um, you also do a lot of influencing for brands and all of that, and people see that.
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And like I said, we don't hear enough of the stories of how people get there or how people got there.
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Um is that an indictment on influencing and influencing culture?
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What do you think needs to be done differently?
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How are you doing it?
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And do you feel like people relate to your story as a whole?
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Okay, um, hi guys.
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First of all, I'll say that honestly, I was part of the bandwagon of you know wanting to have it all.
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Did you buy a fake watch?
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No, never actually.
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All my watches are mine.
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Well, anyways, um, but then slowly when I started getting older, I realized that um all these things don't necessarily bring you contentment or happiness or whatever.
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And you would always there'll always be a newer watch, there'll always be a newer car, there'll always be a new season.
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I was I used to be a perfume collector.
00:21:01.039 --> 00:21:03.359
I say used to be because I had like 100.
00:21:05.279 --> 00:21:10.480
I know it's not used to I have old ones, but I'm not buying any new ones because I realized that I'm all this perfume, she was in the apple.
00:21:10.720 --> 00:21:14.880
Yeah, as I could have bought a piece of land easily, but um, I don't blame people.
00:21:14.960 --> 00:21:19.279
See, the thing is, you good things are meant for us as children of God.
00:21:19.359 --> 00:21:19.920
You get me?
00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:27.599
Like, I don't want us to have a conversation and try and look down on having a nice car or having a nice watch, you know.
00:21:27.839 --> 00:21:32.799
But one thing we need to remember is are you doing it with your full chest?
00:21:32.880 --> 00:21:37.599
Like how you got it, are you happy with it when you are alone, when you're looking into your mirror?
00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:40.000
And without it, would you still be happy?
00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:54.079
I've been broke, you know, in my life, but my energy is always the same because me, I found a way to always be happy with whatever it is that I have on whatever level, if the scale is tilting up and if the scale is tilting down.
00:21:54.319 --> 00:21:59.759
So, I mean, I understand that it's valid, but I also just for me, people that are watching.
00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:06.000
Me, I always try to make it known that there will be bad days, you know, the same way that there will be good days.
00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:14.000
And if you dwell on the bad days and you can't find yourself, you can't step out, you can't create content, then you're living a lie.
00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:16.480
And I wonder how long you can live that life.
00:22:16.640 --> 00:22:18.400
You know, that's kind of like where I'm at now.
00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:24.480
There were days that I was that guy that um, I will fake it, I'll borrow, you know, I will do all of that.
00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:30.799
But honestly, and I feel like that's why influencing is also kind of um what's the way to put it?
00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:37.920
Influencing is also kind of like a false life that I've tried to step down back from because I realize that who are we deceiving?
00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:44.319
Me, I know that I'm doing my things clearly, but the person watching me, what is the person doing to try and keep up with what I'm doing, you know?
00:22:44.559 --> 00:22:48.240
And that's one thing that all of us that have that platform need to start preaching.
00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:50.240
I also know how did you get there though?
00:22:50.319 --> 00:22:51.519
Is it age?
00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:53.759
Did you get older and have more perspective?
00:22:53.839 --> 00:22:59.039
And I asked that because I mean, like you said, I like nice things, and I'm never gonna deny the facts.
00:22:59.279 --> 00:23:03.839
It's a it's the big reason why I do a lot of what I need to hammer, you know.
00:23:04.079 --> 00:23:12.160
Um, and I don't think there's anything wrong with money is sweet.
00:23:12.960 --> 00:23:13.680
What did it say?
00:23:13.759 --> 00:23:15.200
Is the love of money that is the route?
00:23:15.759 --> 00:23:17.759
Money is not evil, it's the love of money.
00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:21.039
I want to debate that, you know.
00:23:23.759 --> 00:23:28.240
Because, and this is not a Nigerian thing now, it's global.
00:23:29.039 --> 00:23:32.559
People say money can buy you happiness, but are you really sure?
00:23:33.279 --> 00:23:38.640
Have you had money and just seen what it can do for you?
00:23:39.519 --> 00:23:53.359
Freaking Monaco trended for a week on Twitter just because someone went in a helicopter and Nigerians lost their minds and saw yachts like they had never seen yachts before.
00:23:54.000 --> 00:24:05.359
I'm not saying materialism is great, but there's a lot of whether we like it or not, a lot of what we do, Banki is waiting to fight me.
00:24:05.519 --> 00:24:12.640
A lot of what we do, I have things to say as humans, there's a money angle to it.
00:24:13.119 --> 00:24:24.319
Comfort, respect, providing for your kids, just access, you know, soft life.
00:24:24.559 --> 00:24:27.359
Money is a huge factor in a lot of that.
00:24:27.519 --> 00:24:35.519
I'm not saying chase obscene wealth or just be, you know, let that be your complete personality.
00:24:35.599 --> 00:24:37.200
But we can't deny the fact that money is good.
00:24:37.359 --> 00:24:38.160
But back to my point now.
00:24:38.240 --> 00:24:46.559
I wanted to know how do you how did you get to the point where you went from borrowing luxury things or whatever it was you said to now being confident enough not to care?
00:24:46.960 --> 00:24:51.119
Um, I mean, it's not like you are not necessarily caring, because I can see like six brands of your body anyway.
00:24:51.359 --> 00:24:56.720
So you still are that kind of person, but you just can't afford it now.
00:24:57.119 --> 00:25:01.839
Yeah, I think some it's I think when you get it, I think you everyone in the special just gets it once.
00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:10.319
When you get it and you realize that it's not bringing the happiness that you expected that to bring, or like it's like saving to buy a car.
00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:22.960
You you are thinking about buying this car, you want this car so much, and then you pay 140 million or 200 million, like your G Wagon now, and then the car is and then the car is in your compound and your design gris for it.
00:25:23.119 --> 00:25:25.599
I realize that okay, what next?
00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:33.920
You know, it's not really changing the way you even the respect that you think that people will get you or sorry, give you, you realize that it's not really giving you that.
00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:42.000
People say when you buy that G-Wagon, you don't even need to wear clothes or just wear a white t-shirt, or the key, but nobody at the point is that when you step into the club, nobody really knows a church.
00:25:42.160 --> 00:25:43.039
Sorry, Mikey.
00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:52.880
When you step there, nobody really cares what you drove in, you know, and there's only a limit of um posts or pictures that you can take in that car that you bought.
00:25:52.960 --> 00:25:56.720
So I think I got there and I realized that that's not what it's all about.
00:25:56.799 --> 00:26:19.599
Yeah, and then also in terms of even like dealing with the billionaires that you want to impress, the real billionaires don't really care because every day they're meeting people that are trying to, you know, um kiss their ass or trying to, you know, suck up to them so they can they can almost um tell when you're faking it or when you're not really about that life and they won't reach you.
00:26:19.680 --> 00:26:22.000
Yeah, so the idea is just be yourself.
00:26:22.240 --> 00:26:31.759
Most of the time, the billionaires or the dangote or the people that you want to network into when you get into a room, it's when you're original that they would gravitate towards you.
00:26:31.839 --> 00:26:35.440
It's not really about the patek or the watch or whatever it is, you know.
00:26:35.599 --> 00:26:37.119
And that's that's kind of like what it is.
00:26:37.359 --> 00:26:38.160
Fair enough.
00:26:38.400 --> 00:26:39.599
You have been heaving.
00:26:39.759 --> 00:26:56.400
No, no, no, I I I wanted to say that um, and I I you know that I know that sometimes I don't want to come across as preachy, because yes, I am you know a pastor, and my spirituality is very important to me.
00:26:56.720 --> 00:27:13.200
Um but I do think that what a lot of people don't realize, and I think Timini was alluding to it, is that there is a place where you get to the end of making money and still realize that something is missing.
00:27:13.759 --> 00:27:17.519
So if you guys remember a few years ago, there was a guy called Anthony Bordain.
00:27:17.599 --> 00:27:18.640
Do you guys remember him?
00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:20.720
He's a blessed memory now.
00:27:20.799 --> 00:27:24.559
He was a ridiculously wealthy guy, very successful.
00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:31.279
Had this show on the Food Network where he would travel the world and just eat at different restaurants and have conversations with people.
00:27:31.519 --> 00:27:33.119
He inspired my show on Prime, by the way.
00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:34.160
Oh, he inspired your show.
00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:35.039
Oh, yes, that's right.
00:27:35.200 --> 00:27:36.079
Yeah, actually, yeah.
00:27:36.319 --> 00:27:37.279
So Anthony Bordain is.
00:27:37.599 --> 00:27:40.160
People cut ones of Africa, you can watch it on Prime.
00:27:40.319 --> 00:27:41.039
Thank you.
00:27:41.359 --> 00:27:47.200
So he so he had this show where he would just travel the world and eat with people and have conversations.
00:27:47.279 --> 00:27:52.559
And he came to Lagos, and I was one of the people that sat with him, and we had this great conversation.
00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:56.240
And in between, you know, filming, we were just talking.
00:27:56.480 --> 00:28:05.359
And I said to him that man, you have the greatest job in the world because I'm a foodie, and I would just like to travel to different countries and eat and just be chatting with people.
00:28:05.519 --> 00:28:10.240
And he kind of laughed it off and said, Oh, you know, I am pretty blessed, you know, I'm pretty lucky.
00:28:10.400 --> 00:28:12.400
And we filmed the episode and that was it.
00:28:12.559 --> 00:28:21.359
But then, maybe I think a year or two later, I don't remember how much later it was, I woke up to the news that this guy had committed suicide.
00:28:22.799 --> 00:28:37.680
And not just him, if you guys remember Robin Williams, right, the comedian, this is somebody who was ridiculously wealthy, who had spent his entire life making millions, if not billions, of people happy.
00:28:37.920 --> 00:28:39.440
And he committed suicide.
00:28:39.599 --> 00:28:49.680
So I think that there's a there's something to be aware of where you know when the Bible says, what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?
00:28:49.920 --> 00:28:59.119
Where it's like you chase after money and you chase after materialistic things and you chase after all of these things, and when you get there, you realize that you are still empty.
00:28:59.200 --> 00:29:07.039
And it's a dangerous place to be because the thing that you've idolized your whole life is now no longer enough to give you meaning.
00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:09.599
And I think, yes, we all need money.
00:29:09.680 --> 00:29:10.720
We like nice things.
00:29:10.799 --> 00:29:16.960
I like real estate, I like to buy my wife things, she likes to buy me things, and that's that's there's nothing wrong with that.
00:29:17.519 --> 00:29:28.799
Money in your hand is not the problem, but money in your heart, where it is now on the throne of your heart and it's your obsession and it's all you think about and it's all that matters to you, that's when you run into trouble.
00:29:29.200 --> 00:29:30.000
That's all I wanted.
00:29:30.319 --> 00:29:31.599
What's money in your heart?
00:29:33.119 --> 00:29:53.599
I mean, the definition of that is different for everybody, but there's a level where the chase for money becomes all that you think about, that you sacrifice your marriage, you sacrifice your relationships, you sacrifice your friendships, you sacrifice your soul, you sacrifice everything that will actually give you fulfillment.
00:29:53.839 --> 00:30:03.200
You know, there are people that are, I think they call it like the CEO's disease, where they're like working nonstop around the clock and they find no fulfillment in anything else.
00:30:03.440 --> 00:30:12.880
And I think that that's a dangerous place to be where it's that thirst and hunger for money and materialism, and you you miss the things that truly matter.
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:18.240
There's a book called The Five Regrets of the Dying, and it's a really deep book.
00:30:18.319 --> 00:30:20.880
And I strongly advise you to read it.
00:30:21.200 --> 00:30:31.279
But go and read the thoughts of people who've come to the end of their life, maybe they have a fatal disease or they're, you know, they're counting down to their death day.
00:30:31.519 --> 00:30:34.880
And the regret is never, I should have made more money.
00:30:35.200 --> 00:30:35.839
Never.
00:30:36.160 --> 00:30:44.799
It's I should have spent more time with my family, I should have found my relationship with God, I should have taken time to just enjoy my life and the people that matter most to me.
00:30:44.880 --> 00:30:49.359
It's never, oh, I wish I made more money when you get to the end of the line.
00:30:49.519 --> 00:30:56.160
We we spend our entire lives chasing after these things only to find out that those are not the things that matter.
00:30:56.400 --> 00:31:00.319
So, yes, find money, but find meaning as well.
00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:03.359
In fact, find meaning first and let the money come with it.
00:31:04.960 --> 00:31:06.240
God bless you.
00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:15.119
But let's be realistic.
00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:19.359
We are all on social media.
00:31:20.079 --> 00:31:25.920
If you are not on Twitter, you're on Instagram, you're on TikTok, you're on Facebook, you're on WhatsApp.
00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:28.480
We know what the reality is.
00:31:28.720 --> 00:31:30.000
That's why I hear you, right?
00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:31.279
I I get your point.
00:31:31.599 --> 00:31:35.440
I know what it should be, but what it is is what we see.
00:31:35.759 --> 00:31:40.880
And what we see has defined who we are, unfortunately.
00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:49.920
We have a situation where every time you open your social media, someone is launching a new car, someone is traveling.
00:31:50.079 --> 00:31:53.039
The travel travel vloggers, fear good.
00:31:53.200 --> 00:31:55.359
I feel like they are the ones that actually bother me.
00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:01.680
You are inside traffic, someone is in spin in that moment, you know.
00:32:02.079 --> 00:32:05.440
People are just leaving, and that's all you see.
00:32:05.759 --> 00:32:14.079
And for you, I mean, you've gone through your phases, yeah, and I and I think it's one thing a lot of people need to realize.
00:32:14.240 --> 00:32:29.839
Yes, with age comes a lot of realization, and you realize a lot of things that don't matter, but I think speaking to a lot of younger people is it's harder to have that context to say these things are not that important.
00:32:30.160 --> 00:32:36.000
Because, like I know, for example, you've left Twitter, you haven't been on Twitter for over a year now.
00:32:37.519 --> 00:32:40.240
Not many young people want to leave Twitter.
00:32:40.400 --> 00:32:53.440
Yeah, social media is kind of where they get a lot of their feedback, whatever it is, and what we see there is what has defined a lot of our interactions.
00:32:53.519 --> 00:32:56.640
I want to go to two people here who I know they have money, so you can build them later.
00:32:56.799 --> 00:32:57.519
My wife.
00:32:58.480 --> 00:32:59.359
Let me start.
00:32:59.680 --> 00:33:01.279
Go to Ikani is there.
00:33:05.920 --> 00:33:21.759
Um I want to find out because it's very rare to maybe not very rare, but it's not very usual to find people who have money in Nigeria and you don't know them.
00:33:22.079 --> 00:33:24.640
If they are not showing up, their friends are showing up for them, right?
00:33:24.799 --> 00:33:26.559
Someone is sharp blowing their trumpets.
00:33:27.039 --> 00:33:32.240
You don't necessarily know a lot of low-key successful people.
00:33:32.559 --> 00:33:38.079
I mean, uh Judeo Baiz, if not for that viral picture, most people didn't know him.
00:33:38.400 --> 00:33:39.680
We will still come to you.
00:33:39.839 --> 00:33:46.480
But he's been living the life, we know where you have been jamming him internationally before that happened.
00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:49.920
So, for someone like you now, how do you stay away from the noise?
00:33:50.240 --> 00:33:56.799
And I want you to speak to the facts or the context of younger you.
00:33:58.160 --> 00:33:58.799
Right?
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:04.000
Looking at with the way the world works now, what how do I tune the noise out?
00:34:06.319 --> 00:34:08.320
He has money, by the way, but go on.
00:34:08.719 --> 00:34:10.480
That's your first mistake.
00:34:10.800 --> 00:34:14.000
Um, very old money.
00:34:19.679 --> 00:34:26.559
I side with banking that money is might be important as a tool, but it shouldn't govern you.
00:34:26.639 --> 00:34:36.559
And I say this as somebody who's I've made money, I've lost money, but when I've lost money, nobody knew because it wasn't my driving force.
00:34:36.719 --> 00:34:47.519
Um what is important in your life and what has been important for me, three things my wife, my kids, and my circle.
00:34:47.679 --> 00:34:53.920
Because when you don't have anything else material, and you have that, you are rich.
00:34:54.239 --> 00:34:57.840
So, in that sense, yes, I have money, I have the money of fellowship and friendship.
00:34:58.079 --> 00:35:01.679
I'm trying to be as rich as you, Able K, and have billionaires in my Instagram.
00:35:01.920 --> 00:35:03.360
Forget this one, it doesn't work.
00:35:03.599 --> 00:35:07.440
But okay, um being really honest.
00:35:08.559 --> 00:35:13.519
I've never defined myself or judged myself by what's in my pocket.
00:35:14.239 --> 00:35:16.480
Because they can't bury you with your money.
00:35:17.199 --> 00:35:24.719
Your whoever marries you will not sleep with your money or make love to your money or enjoy that money except through you.
00:35:24.880 --> 00:35:34.559
So it's it's what you have, what you bring to the table, who you bring to the table as the money, which is why we say your your net worth is tight, your network and social currency.
00:35:35.039 --> 00:35:39.760
Money is not important, or rather, it's it's it's not crucially important.
00:35:42.320 --> 00:35:47.679
And here's my thing I know you say you can't die with your money, but you have what if I die at 106?
00:35:48.239 --> 00:35:55.199
So I had a long life that I could have lived happily and healthily.
00:35:56.079 --> 00:35:57.679
Am I making sense?
00:35:59.519 --> 00:36:04.000
What am I going to do with this long life if I don't have money?
00:36:05.440 --> 00:36:06.719
Give me the microphone.
00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:07.920
You are trying to be humble.
00:36:08.320 --> 00:36:12.880
If you want to say something, you can raise a hand so that it's not just restricted to the people that Ebuka pointed.
00:36:13.840 --> 00:36:17.119
Let's go to Ebonia because I know he's on my side small.
00:36:17.920 --> 00:36:21.039
He likes money, but he's also very, very frugal with it.
00:36:21.280 --> 00:36:22.480
Hi guys, can you hear me?
00:36:23.599 --> 00:36:26.480
Ebuka, I'm gonna try and drop a few nuggets here.
00:36:26.719 --> 00:36:30.239
Okay, how much is money to you?
00:36:30.480 --> 00:36:32.639
Give me a number, just pick a number.
00:36:32.880 --> 00:36:33.519
I don't know.
00:36:33.760 --> 00:36:36.800
Pick a number, a billion rich billion dollars.
00:36:37.039 --> 00:36:38.320
A billion dollars.
00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:41.599
I mean, somebody has reached trillion, and I don't think they still have it.
00:36:42.079 --> 00:36:44.239
Would a billion dollars satisfy you?
00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:46.000
I'm not looking for satisfaction.
00:36:46.880 --> 00:36:47.599
Answer the question.
00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:48.960
No, that's right.
00:36:49.039 --> 00:36:50.400
Give me a point.
00:36:54.159 --> 00:37:03.440
Okay, so I'm going back to the first issue, which was about materialism and you know people chasing money, and there's certain things that I wanted to say.
00:37:03.519 --> 00:37:06.719
Now, I'm sure some of you guys know this this this phrase.
00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:09.760
If I gave you$10 million now, what would you say?
00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:10.800
What would I say?
00:37:10.880 --> 00:37:11.679
Yeah, thank you.
00:37:11.920 --> 00:37:13.760
I will call you from Miami.
00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:14.480
Right.
00:37:14.719 --> 00:37:15.760
So thank you.
00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:20.400
If I told you you can have it but not live more than 24 hours, what did you do?
00:37:22.159 --> 00:37:24.480
I mean, I could make 10 million dollars, so it's not worth it.
00:37:24.639 --> 00:37:24.880
Right.
00:37:25.039 --> 00:37:29.599
So then all of a sudden, living actually has a lot of value to it.
00:37:29.679 --> 00:37:31.920
It goes to what you were saying, it goes to what you were saying.
00:37:32.880 --> 00:37:37.760
I was a dollar millionaire at 30, at 35, I was working as a laborer.
00:37:38.000 --> 00:37:38.800
As a laborer.
00:37:39.039 --> 00:37:39.519
As a laborer.
00:37:39.599 --> 00:37:39.760
Wow.
00:37:39.920 --> 00:37:41.360
I've said this a few times, you know.
00:37:41.440 --> 00:37:42.480
Um where?
00:37:42.960 --> 00:37:43.679
In England.
00:37:44.800 --> 00:37:56.480
I was I had a dream, there's something I wanted to do, and I'd lost my job as a banker, and to maintain that lifestyle, I was hustling, doing all kinds of things, but nobody saw it.
00:37:57.199 --> 00:37:59.119
The Porsche's were still outside.
00:37:59.280 --> 00:38:01.199
I had my priorities wrong.
00:38:02.559 --> 00:38:06.320
I'm sure most of you know, and like you said, it my lifestyle has not changed.
00:38:06.400 --> 00:38:09.840
I'm going to be 60 next month, and my lifestyle has not changed.
00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:15.440
All that has happened is a lot of a viral photo brought me to everybody's attention.
00:38:16.000 --> 00:38:21.199
And I say to people, we place values on the wrong things.
00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:23.199
I've said this before.
00:38:23.599 --> 00:38:29.519
You may have uh 99 problems, but the minute you have a health problem, you only have one problem.
00:38:30.159 --> 00:38:31.039
It's simple.
00:38:33.119 --> 00:38:36.639
We also live in a country where there are people who print business cards.
00:38:36.800 --> 00:38:48.239
Going back to accessibility earlier on, I am the personal gardener to the governor of XYZ State because we believe in with accessibility, yeah, we can get anywhere.
00:38:48.559 --> 00:38:51.360
Friend of the sun, I've seen that this with this administration.
00:38:51.840 --> 00:38:52.000
Yeah.
00:38:52.400 --> 00:38:58.000
So I think one of the things we have to grasp here is get our priorities right.
00:38:58.239 --> 00:39:00.000
We get our priorities right.
00:39:00.239 --> 00:39:04.079
Like my my in-law, he's actually my in-law, believe it or not.
00:39:04.159 --> 00:39:05.360
As my in-law said earlier on.
00:39:05.599 --> 00:39:06.480
People should spread this world.
00:39:06.559 --> 00:39:07.599
You can't be married in each other.
00:39:08.159 --> 00:39:10.079
You know, you say these things.
00:39:10.159 --> 00:39:10.639
It depends.
00:39:10.800 --> 00:39:12.800
I am a very, very wealthy man.
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:18.320
Because you can't rush balls that no, I'm about to drop it down to you.
00:39:18.559 --> 00:39:22.639
The last time we heard that it was unbelievably liquid.
00:39:22.800 --> 00:39:25.679
No, I didn't say liquid, I said wealthy.
00:39:26.079 --> 00:39:33.360
Because the basis on which I judge my wealth is not cash.
00:39:33.679 --> 00:39:34.639
I'm happy to be alive.
00:39:36.000 --> 00:39:37.119
I'm happy to be alive.
00:39:37.360 --> 00:39:39.199
So let's let's get that project right.
00:39:39.280 --> 00:39:48.960
And until we start to look at things and say, okay, it's nice to have the watch, it's it's nice to have this, but this is really where I want to be.
00:39:49.039 --> 00:39:55.679
Yeah, then we actually we may start addressing some of these issues about the pressures on men, bloody, bloody bloody.
00:39:55.920 --> 00:39:57.920
Your wife wants a million dollars, but would you like well?
00:39:58.000 --> 00:40:01.199
Actually, I won't say that because I was gonna say, Do you want me alive or dead?
00:40:01.280 --> 00:40:04.159
And I know a few men don't want to hear that, the answer to that.
00:40:04.559 --> 00:40:05.679
So, I mean, that's me.
00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:19.840
So I just thought if you put it into perspective, yeah, you may actually see why guys who may not appear to be wealthy are actually as happy and cheerful and in their own hearts as wealthy as they need to be.
00:40:20.079 --> 00:40:21.280
Let's get our priorities right.
00:40:21.360 --> 00:40:21.519
Thank you.
00:40:21.679 --> 00:40:23.679
So one of the hand has been up at the back.
00:40:24.159 --> 00:40:24.800
Thank you.
00:40:26.400 --> 00:40:28.320
I can't say, but it's a white face gap.
00:40:28.400 --> 00:40:31.039
He has been I hope you have a lot to say.
00:40:32.639 --> 00:40:35.199
Hi, Buka, hi Banky.
00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:43.440
So the only people that tell us money is not everything are the people that have money.
00:40:43.679 --> 00:40:43.920
Okay.
00:40:45.119 --> 00:40:53.920
I would advise you today that whatever you hear here face money and have money.
00:40:54.559 --> 00:41:03.519
He said the last speaker just said that he doesn't calculate his wealth by cash, it's because he has cash.
00:41:04.159 --> 00:41:08.400
If you like, don't have money, you will calculate poverty.
00:41:08.800 --> 00:41:09.679
Thank you.
00:41:14.320 --> 00:41:17.360
Does okay, does anybody disagree?
00:41:18.559 --> 00:41:21.760
Because that's a general belief.
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:25.360
They will say, Oh, it's better to cry in a benzene.
00:41:25.519 --> 00:41:27.280
Uh why do you need money?
00:41:27.440 --> 00:41:28.880
Money does not buy happiness.
00:41:29.119 --> 00:41:31.440
Have you cried on that admin?
00:41:31.679 --> 00:41:32.800
Have you cried in a PJ?
00:41:33.920 --> 00:41:35.039
It's different, though.
00:41:35.519 --> 00:41:41.519
So let's be honest with that's why I said I hear you, but we also need to understand the realities of where we are.
00:41:41.679 --> 00:41:42.400
Who disagrees?
00:41:42.559 --> 00:41:43.360
Who disagrees?
00:41:43.599 --> 00:41:44.480
You want to say something?
00:41:44.639 --> 00:41:49.199
I just want to say that we're not advocating poverty, please.
00:41:49.679 --> 00:41:51.840
We're not saying that you should say, Oh, money is not.
00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:57.360
I said money is important, but money is a tool, it's not a master.
00:41:57.679 --> 00:42:02.400
Even the Bible says you cannot serve, it didn't say you cannot serve God and Satan.
00:42:02.480 --> 00:42:04.960
It said you cannot save God and money.
00:42:05.199 --> 00:42:11.920
So there is a world in which money becomes your master, where you will do anything for it.
00:42:12.400 --> 00:42:16.800
We see stories of people doing rituals, of people doing kidnappings.
00:42:17.280 --> 00:42:19.840
That's when money has become a master.
00:42:20.400 --> 00:42:23.280
So we're not saying settle for poverty.
00:42:23.599 --> 00:42:24.639
Dust settles.
00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:29.599
People should never don't settle, be ambitious, strive to be successful, absolutely.
00:42:29.920 --> 00:42:46.880
But there is a difference between chasing after your dreams to be successful so that you can be a blessing to your family and those around you, and money becoming your master, where you will do anything with anyone, regardless, because you are looking for money.
00:42:47.039 --> 00:42:48.400
That's when you run into trouble.
00:42:48.480 --> 00:42:50.159
So I think it's about finding balance.
00:42:50.239 --> 00:42:53.360
So I'm not saying please please, oh, I'm not saying be poor.
00:42:53.519 --> 00:42:55.280
We will never be poor in Jesus' name.
00:42:55.679 --> 00:42:57.280
That amen was too weak.
00:42:58.559 --> 00:43:02.639
But at the same time, we will not be slaves to money and materialistic things.
00:43:02.800 --> 00:43:04.800
In Jesus' name, say amen to that one too.
00:43:05.280 --> 00:43:06.239
The amen was not loud.
00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:07.280
It was not loud.
00:43:08.639 --> 00:43:10.320
Let me put a lot of things in context.
00:43:10.480 --> 00:43:13.760
Into con in context.
00:43:14.639 --> 00:43:20.079
I think it's I think if we lived in a different climb, a lot of these conversations will make sense.
00:43:20.239 --> 00:43:24.880
Let's let I don't want to get too political, but we are we're in Nigeria.
00:43:26.880 --> 00:43:30.079
And our realities, we can't run away from it.
00:43:30.719 --> 00:43:40.079
Nigeria has over a hundred and thirty million people living in poverty.
00:43:41.679 --> 00:43:44.719
Do you know the second most populous country on the continent?
00:43:45.039 --> 00:43:46.400
Does anybody know?
00:43:47.679 --> 00:43:48.880
Ethiopia.
00:43:49.679 --> 00:43:51.199
Do you know how many people they are?
00:43:51.840 --> 00:43:53.360
130 million people.
00:43:54.480 --> 00:43:58.159
So the second most populous African nation.
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:02.960
Has more poor people than them.
00:44:04.800 --> 00:44:15.519
When you live in a society like that, you have more people who cannot even imagine what wealth looks like in their lives.
00:44:15.760 --> 00:44:23.440
So when they see wealth, it's almost impossible not to worship it.
00:44:25.280 --> 00:44:30.239
If we lived in societies where, I mean, I have a job, I can come home.
00:44:30.480 --> 00:44:31.920
I was watching something recently.
00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:35.679
Some guy was living, it was one of those documentaries on Netflix or something.
00:44:35.840 --> 00:44:37.039
This guy lived in a trailer park.
00:44:37.119 --> 00:44:38.000
You know what trailer parks are?
00:44:38.079 --> 00:44:39.760
You're basically living in a car.
00:44:40.400 --> 00:44:43.119
He traveled twice every year.
00:44:44.159 --> 00:44:46.719
Still in that situation.
00:44:48.079 --> 00:44:50.079
And he was a plumber or something.
00:44:50.480 --> 00:44:57.519
He was able to save money and still travel on that sort of income.
00:44:58.639 --> 00:45:00.400
A data came out recently.
00:45:00.719 --> 00:45:04.079
Less than 10% of Nigerians have ever left this country.
00:45:04.320 --> 00:45:08.320
Not because they don't want to, because we're not saying that we like jackpapas, but we can't even afford it.
00:45:08.639 --> 00:45:11.199
The ones that have left, a huge number is to benefit.
00:45:13.199 --> 00:45:15.280
We can't afford a lot of these things.
00:45:15.360 --> 00:45:20.639
So we live in a space where the money conversation is inevitable.
00:45:22.000 --> 00:45:26.400
We're all driving around like now via Ikeja.
00:45:27.119 --> 00:45:33.280
There's a whole army rising of people, of young guys.
00:45:33.840 --> 00:45:36.800
We saw them brush someone's windscreen the other day.
00:45:37.119 --> 00:45:39.199
They are not begging you anymore.
00:45:39.760 --> 00:45:41.679
Do you understand what I'm saying?
00:45:47.199 --> 00:45:49.440
In fact, how dare you drive a Pradu?
00:45:52.960 --> 00:45:54.960
It's just what it is.
00:45:55.119 --> 00:46:07.360
So my point is the realistic conversation is that the money talk is not going anywhere because there's no money.
00:46:07.440 --> 00:46:13.840
So people see money as this as the status or as the symbol of power.
00:46:14.079 --> 00:46:16.800
I want to come to Chi Kade, then I want to hear from a lady.
00:46:16.880 --> 00:46:19.119
And I want to come to you because you've gone through too.
00:46:19.280 --> 00:46:21.440
I'm not coming to him for what you both think I'm coming to.
00:46:22.400 --> 00:46:23.280
Relax.
00:46:25.039 --> 00:46:26.480
Are you laughing?
00:46:29.039 --> 00:46:37.039
Because when I met you, you went through a three, two, three-year phase of nobody's signing me.
00:46:37.119 --> 00:46:39.760
I'm releasing music, nobody wants to hear me.
00:46:40.960 --> 00:46:46.079
And I know what those years were like for you and how hard it was for you.
00:46:46.639 --> 00:46:50.000
But I know your house now and I know what's where you are now.
00:46:51.840 --> 00:46:53.199
Relax, relax.
00:46:53.599 --> 00:46:54.320
That's not good.
00:46:56.079 --> 00:47:06.079
So just for the benefit of those watching, you know, sort of how do you go through that mental strength of staying the course?
00:47:07.360 --> 00:47:09.199
Because giving up is very easy.
00:47:10.800 --> 00:47:15.920
I still remember vividly when I put out my first album.
00:47:16.639 --> 00:47:23.440
And I think at that time we were also at a time where we go out, we see people like our senior bros here.
00:47:23.599 --> 00:47:32.239
I remember coming to you in hard rock one time, and although you even tried introducing me to a producer, I remember, I don't know if you remember vividly.
00:47:32.400 --> 00:47:35.119
And you go through all that.
00:47:35.519 --> 00:47:45.760
I remember also meeting um a daysua, and you know, just going through all that circle, just to meet somebody who's going to listen, to meet somebody who's going to help.
00:47:45.920 --> 00:47:56.239
And for me not to be biblical in any way, I remember I used to live in prime waters with my then ex-girlfriend.
00:47:57.119 --> 00:48:04.239
And and I remember the night that my album came out, it was like before 12 a.m.
00:48:04.639 --> 00:48:06.960
You know, I just I just prayed.
00:48:07.280 --> 00:48:10.079
I pretty much just said, God, I don't have anybody.
00:48:10.320 --> 00:48:14.559
Like I literally don't have anybody, and I need you to help me.
00:48:14.639 --> 00:48:15.840
That's what happened that day.
00:48:16.000 --> 00:48:21.199
Now I've tried that prayer with a couple more projects and it didn't work, but but I remember that.
00:48:21.679 --> 00:48:22.880
Projects or things, just projects.
00:48:23.039 --> 00:48:23.599
No, projects.
00:48:23.679 --> 00:48:32.480
I mean with the music, because for me it's also it's always been to a large extent, it's always been uh one-man army and well-wishers.
00:48:32.719 --> 00:48:36.639
You know, I remember my first show on Admiralty Way when I heard Aibuka has come.
00:48:36.719 --> 00:48:37.679
I didn't even know you were going to come.
00:48:37.840 --> 00:48:40.400
And I heard, ah, he's even helping arrange cheers, and I lost it.
00:48:40.480 --> 00:48:42.000
I'm like, how's he arranging tears?
00:48:42.159 --> 00:48:42.880
Why is he not ready?
00:48:42.960 --> 00:48:47.039
You know, because I've always been the one to coordinate everything myself.
00:48:47.119 --> 00:48:52.639
So I remember praying that that night I was sitting down just for the album to go live.
00:48:53.119 --> 00:48:57.199
And that night I had um, you know, this edible, the sweet.
00:48:57.360 --> 00:48:59.920
So my girl had it that time, and I was like, What was this thing?
00:49:00.079 --> 00:49:01.119
So it's not strong.
00:49:01.199 --> 00:49:03.599
I just took the whole thing and just swallowed it.
00:49:03.760 --> 00:49:05.599
And I remember smiling from year to ear.
00:49:05.760 --> 00:49:07.440
She was like, Are you excited about the album?
00:49:07.679 --> 00:49:11.280
I just kept smiling, and at some point I wasn't feeling my face.
00:49:11.679 --> 00:49:16.159
Um, I in the midst of the prayer, my brother, I just lick sweets.
00:49:16.639 --> 00:49:20.800
It's that point where you're trying to prove to the girl that that you're stronger, you know.
00:49:22.559 --> 00:49:27.280
You said you took what edible, edible, edible, yeah, like the one that comes like in the sweets.
00:49:27.440 --> 00:49:27.760
Gotcha.
00:49:27.840 --> 00:49:28.079
Okay, yeah.
00:49:28.239 --> 00:49:30.559
So sometimes I rubbish drugs.
00:49:33.199 --> 00:49:34.400
I just didn't, I didn't hear.
00:49:36.480 --> 00:49:37.519
I just didn't hear.
00:49:37.599 --> 00:49:38.159
I didn't hear.
00:49:38.239 --> 00:49:39.039
Carry on, please.
00:49:39.119 --> 00:49:39.280
Sorry.
00:49:39.360 --> 00:49:47.599
So I remember I think what made me take the whole thing was I remember she would go to the fridge, you just lick it, wrap it back, and keep us like, what is what this thing?
00:49:47.679 --> 00:49:50.000
I just I just chop pam, you know.
00:49:50.159 --> 00:49:53.119
And I remember going to radio interviews and I I was high.
00:49:53.280 --> 00:49:56.800
You know, I remember trying to jump from from the from the place.
00:49:56.960 --> 00:50:05.599
Yeah, I had all those feelings, you know, and I just thank God because now, fast forward from then, what what I wanted to establish then was all I did was just pray.
00:50:05.760 --> 00:50:11.039
I didn't know anybody, I didn't think that the music scene at that point was even open to the kind of music I was making.
00:50:11.199 --> 00:50:22.320
You know, I DM'd the OAPs I could, you know, I went, I did the interviews, but there was a part of me that just knew I just had to pray about it because I knew if it was by going anywhere and it was not gonna work.
00:50:22.639 --> 00:50:30.639
Now, over time, when you said the progress from step to step, you know my manager, Ogaga.
00:50:31.039 --> 00:50:34.719
It's pretty much just been one foot in front of the other.
00:50:35.039 --> 00:50:38.719
It it's it's it's just been one day at a time.
00:50:38.880 --> 00:50:43.199
It's not been by anybody approving you, by anybody recommending you.
00:50:43.360 --> 00:50:44.639
It's not been that.
00:50:44.800 --> 00:50:46.480
You know, I just pray.
00:50:46.639 --> 00:50:51.920
I still make um a lot of poor choices with cars, as usual, which you know.
00:50:52.079 --> 00:50:58.800
You know, I remember I I think when I realized I needed to stop, was I remember when I got my first car and I sent it to my friends.
00:50:58.960 --> 00:51:01.280
Oh, congrats, second one, congrats, the third one.
00:51:01.440 --> 00:51:04.079
They're like, okay.
00:51:04.320 --> 00:51:15.440
And some people were bold enough to tell me, nah, Zudebe Mutu, stop buying cars, you know, which I'm still doing, by the way, because then, you know, you're not in the clubs, you're not, that's that's not my scenery.
00:51:15.519 --> 00:51:19.360
You know, there's no money on drugs or alcohol for me personally.
00:51:19.599 --> 00:51:25.519
So when you ask, have I gone from I remember when I got my house in Lecky, I called you, I said, Ah, bros, this has happened.
00:51:25.679 --> 00:51:29.519
You know, so but for me, it's been small, small.
00:51:29.840 --> 00:51:33.840
And coming back to a lot of things that have been said here that resonated with me.
00:51:34.000 --> 00:51:36.400
I remember my first home at VGC.
00:51:36.639 --> 00:51:42.159
I was speaking to a friend of mine, a very close friend, Jane, and I said to her, I don't, I'm not feeling anything.
00:51:42.639 --> 00:51:51.840
Right when I was in the house, she said, I don't feel anything because I remember paying for it, you know, show after show, you know, little endorsements there, gifts, and I remember paying till it was done.
00:51:52.000 --> 00:51:55.039
And when I was home one of those nights, I wasn't feeling anything.
00:51:55.199 --> 00:51:59.280
Yeah, I just felt like I didn't, I honestly didn't feel you came.
00:51:59.679 --> 00:52:03.440
Yeah, right, and you know, she said, Don't let the devil steal your joy, celebrate.
00:52:04.000 --> 00:52:09.519
But I didn't feel anything, you know, and with the cars, when I keep going step by step, I don't feel anything.
00:52:09.679 --> 00:52:11.760
It even gets worse every time.
00:52:11.920 --> 00:52:26.400
And so for me, the joy I find is in you know, taking care of those around me, taking care of my family, you know, and also realizing that some of these things I need to keep it private because the more people know, the harder it is.
00:52:26.719 --> 00:52:37.599
You know, before, yes, you're popular in the music scene, but you could go some places, but because of the kind of music you make, the abroads are not because they know you, but they are not trying to give you that energy.
00:52:37.760 --> 00:52:42.559
But when certain things happen, they're not chasing your car, they're not, and it's just it's just too much.
00:52:42.719 --> 00:52:42.800
Yeah.
00:52:42.960 --> 00:52:49.519
So if you ask me how I've kept it from stage to stage, I've kept it by having you know somebody to always lean on.
00:52:49.679 --> 00:52:58.400
You know, I've had my parents, I've had the fact that thankfully there's certain vices that run through money that maybe I'm lucky not to have engaged in.
00:52:58.719 --> 00:53:02.000
Luckily, because you know, for the ones I'm engaging in, it's not easy.
00:53:02.559 --> 00:53:04.079
But the ones that we've not engaged in.
00:53:05.440 --> 00:53:09.679
You know, well, I mean, the ones we've engaged in, they can be expensive.
00:53:09.920 --> 00:53:10.480
Do you guys?
00:53:10.639 --> 00:53:12.159
So imagine when you add the other things.
00:53:12.239 --> 00:53:23.760
So it's been having people every year when I celebrate my birthday, is the same people, maybe somebody I'm with, you know, friends from, like I said, from when I did my first show, you were they have invited you for most of my birthdays.
00:53:23.840 --> 00:53:24.880
And I keep it simple.
00:53:25.039 --> 00:53:33.840
I just keep it as focused as I can, you know, uh, because I know that generally the public, the well-wishers, is just a matter of the momentum.
00:53:34.320 --> 00:53:37.440
It it might not be as genuine as you think.
00:53:37.599 --> 00:53:41.679
So the way I've kept it is I do my thing as private as I can.
00:53:41.760 --> 00:53:44.559
Yeah, I make my mistakes as private as I can.
00:53:44.719 --> 00:53:47.360
You know, I correct them as private as I can.
00:53:47.599 --> 00:53:51.360
And, you know, even for in the music scene, I still aspire for more.
00:53:51.599 --> 00:53:53.119
A lot more, you know.
00:53:53.280 --> 00:53:55.519
And sometimes you feel very underachieved.
00:53:55.599 --> 00:54:06.559
And sometimes you're thankful because you've seen people who are better than you who have not experienced the luxury or the comfort or the ability to provide for people around them.
00:54:06.719 --> 00:54:07.920
And you're just grateful.
00:54:08.079 --> 00:54:16.159
So if you ask me how I've done it, most of the people that have been my friends before my first album, which was the breaking album for me, they're still my friends still today.
00:54:16.400 --> 00:54:17.039
Very important to me.
00:54:17.920 --> 00:54:23.760
Today, when I have an event, a personal event, you see the same coochie for one that you know.
00:54:23.840 --> 00:54:26.239
So that's that's how I've kept it by myself.
00:54:27.039 --> 00:54:29.920
You you brought up something that I want to actually want to ask you about.
00:54:30.719 --> 00:54:34.880
I I've I've always heard that every man needs at least one vice.
00:54:35.440 --> 00:54:38.320
Needs one vice as an outlet.
00:54:40.320 --> 00:54:51.360
Needs I don't I wanted to say woman, but women should not be vices.
00:54:51.440 --> 00:54:53.119
You put me in trouble.
00:54:53.679 --> 00:54:59.679
Do you think that's that's so I actually want to ask the audience first because I saw Yemi shaking his head.
00:54:59.760 --> 00:55:01.599
Yemi, do you want to say something about this?
00:55:01.920 --> 00:55:06.960
Bisoe, please, can we can we get Bisoe the microphone?
00:55:07.519 --> 00:55:09.199
They say vices are an outlet.
00:55:09.840 --> 00:55:11.119
Something else will be your release.
00:55:11.360 --> 00:55:12.559
Bisoe, show yourself now.
00:55:12.639 --> 00:55:14.000
They don't yeah.
00:55:17.920 --> 00:55:20.559
I know some people agree with me, but they will not accrue.
00:55:21.119 --> 00:55:22.960
Well, hi, uh, my name is Abisoe.
00:55:23.440 --> 00:55:31.599
And I don't think it's needs, I think it's more of like um they say they have one vice, right?
00:55:31.760 --> 00:55:35.760
In terms of there's always something that draws a man that is not necessarily.
00:55:37.360 --> 00:55:39.840
Let's just let's assume for their sake that it's just one.
00:55:40.000 --> 00:55:41.760
Those ones that have two, we pray for them.
00:55:42.079 --> 00:55:45.440
Oh, you have more that one is between you and God.
00:55:45.679 --> 00:55:52.079
But the point is, in those situations, right, I do feel like there are certain things that draw you to want to do things you're not meant to, right?
00:55:52.239 --> 00:55:53.920
And everybody has something, right?
00:55:54.000 --> 00:55:54.880
You rightfully said it.
00:55:54.960 --> 00:55:58.239
Like I I don't drink, I don't smoke, right?
00:55:58.400 --> 00:56:00.719
And I don't do edibles or any of those things.
00:56:00.800 --> 00:56:03.360
And I stayed, um Have you ever done them?
00:56:03.599 --> 00:56:05.280
No, and I stayed a virgin till I got married.
00:56:05.440 --> 00:56:06.559
The list is not complete, but go on.
00:56:06.880 --> 00:56:07.360
No, no, no.
00:56:07.440 --> 00:56:10.400
No, it it's it's he just said something.
00:56:10.480 --> 00:56:11.039
Listen, listen.
00:56:11.199 --> 00:56:14.159
Yeah, no, so I said, and I stayed a virgin till I got married, right?
00:56:14.480 --> 00:56:16.320
And it's is that the end of the list?
00:56:16.559 --> 00:56:18.960
I I don't know if there's any more, but hopefully I don't fall into it.
00:56:19.039 --> 00:56:19.280
I don't know.
00:56:19.360 --> 00:56:21.360
I don't know what the tool is actually.
00:56:21.440 --> 00:56:23.440
Funny enough, I think money is also one of it.
00:56:23.519 --> 00:56:24.159
Yes, yes, right.
00:56:24.239 --> 00:56:30.320
I think money is a vice, or the love of money is a vice, and that's why I'll say, like what team do you support?
00:56:30.719 --> 00:56:34.400
I've been brokenhearted many times by my use, so I don't do football anymore.
00:56:34.480 --> 00:56:34.960
You understand?
00:56:35.119 --> 00:56:40.239
I are you inside uh one of those betting no no, I don't bet at all.
00:56:40.400 --> 00:56:43.280
Um, but the thing about it is that it gives you joy.
00:56:48.800 --> 00:56:51.199
No, I like the question, I really do.
00:56:51.440 --> 00:56:55.679
Because like the truth is, like, what you said at the beginning.
00:56:57.119 --> 00:57:02.880
What you said at the beginning about how like everybody is trying to find happiness and money buys happiness.
00:57:03.039 --> 00:57:04.480
I'm not looking for happiness, right?
00:57:04.559 --> 00:57:08.239
Happiness is part of the things that come from the things I'm actually looking for, right?
00:57:08.320 --> 00:57:10.480
I want peace, I want something that keeps me grounded.
00:57:10.639 --> 00:57:11.039
Do you understand?
00:57:11.280 --> 00:57:12.639
Those are my own things that I look for.
00:57:12.800 --> 00:57:17.280
Now, happiness is never something that is that is long-lived, happiness is always short-lived.
00:57:17.360 --> 00:57:28.320
So I can't live my whole life looking for something that is like a drug that I get a shot of and it's like a huge high, and then I get a huge low after because I have no peace or grounding whatsoever.
00:57:28.480 --> 00:57:30.400
Like I get I like happiness, I want to be happy.
00:57:30.559 --> 00:57:31.119
You get me?
00:57:31.199 --> 00:57:32.639
And what is peace?
00:57:33.039 --> 00:57:45.599
For me, peace is literally just knowing that I am I am centered in a in something that makes me feel like I don't have anything to really struggle about or worry about.
00:57:46.719 --> 00:57:49.199
If I say it now, you say I'm a banky, but I say it as this.
00:57:50.159 --> 00:57:51.440
My own is God, my own is God.
00:57:51.519 --> 00:57:51.840
You understand?
00:57:52.000 --> 00:57:52.480
My own is God.
00:57:52.719 --> 00:57:55.119
So that's your that's my that's my own, man.
00:57:55.280 --> 00:57:55.920
That's my own.
00:57:56.079 --> 00:57:57.519
Um, and you can you can check.
00:57:57.599 --> 00:57:59.679
I don't have money like our big brothers up there, you understand?
00:57:59.760 --> 00:58:00.480
So you can't say boss.
00:58:01.360 --> 00:58:04.079
All of you up there are big bosses, so please, let's be honest.
00:58:04.239 --> 00:58:14.880
But um, for me, I think honestly, that it doesn't, you you don't need a vice, it's just something that we've been taught and we've grown up to believe, and now it's a thing of I must have I must have a vice.
00:58:14.960 --> 00:58:16.000
I need to find what it is.
00:58:16.159 --> 00:58:17.440
I don't know if that makes sense.
00:58:17.679 --> 00:58:19.199
Can we get the mic to Fregs?
00:58:19.440 --> 00:58:20.880
Fregs is not happy.
00:58:23.360 --> 00:58:27.280
I have a lot to say, but let me not talk.
00:58:27.599 --> 00:58:30.639
I mean, I don't think I don't think.
00:58:31.039 --> 00:58:33.280
Let me be the one to be very honest.
00:58:33.760 --> 00:58:41.840
Peace in look, whether or not you want to have peace or not, whether you are depressed or you're happy, you have to find God, period, right?
00:58:42.079 --> 00:58:43.199
So that's a giving.
00:58:43.440 --> 00:58:44.320
Do you understand?
00:58:44.480 --> 00:58:47.360
You have to find Christ however you want to find what is God to you.
00:58:47.519 --> 00:58:47.679
Exactly.
00:58:47.840 --> 00:58:49.920
They're not making you look like the rest of us are not there.
00:58:50.320 --> 00:58:51.679
Jesus, I'm a Christian, right?
00:58:51.760 --> 00:58:55.440
Jesus Christ came to die for my sins, not for my poverty or for my riches.
00:58:55.519 --> 00:58:57.039
He came to die for my sins.
00:58:57.280 --> 00:58:59.920
So if I'm forgiven, that's sorted.
00:59:00.480 --> 00:59:04.719
I can never buy my sin, I can never buy my forgiveness, I can never buy my redemption.
00:59:04.880 --> 00:59:06.159
That's too expensive.
00:59:06.400 --> 00:59:08.320
No billionaire put together can buy that.
00:59:08.400 --> 00:59:10.239
So shout out to Jesus for that, right?
00:59:10.559 --> 00:59:13.119
But you see, nobody is talking about the depression.
00:59:13.199 --> 00:59:23.440
It's not even so I know we're talking about being materialistic, but what is that thin line or that when you don't cross the line of being materialistic?
00:59:23.599 --> 00:59:28.079
Because it can happen when you have money, but when there's a lack of it, you have bills.
00:59:28.159 --> 00:59:36.480
And we're not some of us are not even looking for too much money because my billionaire in front, I've fortunately flown next to him before.
00:59:36.559 --> 00:59:37.360
I felt very accomplished.
00:59:37.840 --> 00:59:38.239
Very, very well.
00:59:38.719 --> 00:59:39.760
Very, very accomplished.
00:59:39.920 --> 00:59:46.639
You know, we flew next, I was like, ah, I pretended like he was I wasn't, you know, shocked, but I was, you know, like ah, okay, I've made it.
00:59:46.880 --> 00:59:55.119
But men, we have that innate thing in us where if we're not maybe like providing, yeah, especially for those of us that are married, for example, even if you're not married.
00:59:55.280 --> 01:00:00.159
Look, I was telling Grammy just now, Bishop Oye Deco, I graduated Covenant University.
01:00:01.119 --> 01:00:05.840
And one of the last, one of no Evoka, this is good, trust me.
01:00:06.480 --> 01:00:10.239
Ebuka, the last, we used to do something called TTG.
01:00:10.800 --> 01:00:13.360
Um, it was like some life lessons that you have TTG.
01:00:13.440 --> 01:00:16.480
I can't remember, we used to call it Time to Go because we're tired of school.
01:00:16.719 --> 01:00:18.800
But it was it was a program that school did.
01:00:18.880 --> 01:00:21.840
It was like life lessons before you got into the real world.
01:00:21.920 --> 01:00:27.599
And Bishop held a service one night and he said something that he wants to teach us about the science of money.
01:00:27.840 --> 01:00:31.199
He didn't teach us about being spirit-filled, it's the science of money.
01:00:31.360 --> 01:00:33.920
I don't remember anything from that night, but you know what I remember?
01:00:34.079 --> 01:00:36.159
He said, You need to have money.
01:00:36.320 --> 01:00:44.159
He said, Look, if you're the firstborn, for example, in your family or you want to do events and you don't have money, they'll say, Oh yeah, God, please do the opening prayer.
01:00:44.239 --> 01:00:45.840
And after that, when you say, Oh, you have a contribution.
01:00:46.800 --> 01:00:48.719
Oh, you can't have anything to contribute.
01:00:48.880 --> 01:00:51.199
It's who has money that's going to make moves.
01:00:51.360 --> 01:00:55.599
But aside that, some of us just want to solve problems.
01:00:55.760 --> 01:00:59.199
And there's nothing wrong in wanting nice things.
01:00:59.360 --> 01:01:02.880
Like, look, um, I always say men are escaping something, right?
01:01:03.039 --> 01:01:04.159
I grew up in Benin.
01:01:04.239 --> 01:01:13.760
I grew up, you know, that social studies life um example of the family: mother, father, daughter, and son, small house, just normal, so that nobody looks poor.
01:01:14.000 --> 01:01:15.280
That was my life.
01:01:15.519 --> 01:01:20.239
It's not even envy or anything, it was just aspiration because I was standing Kole here.
01:01:20.320 --> 01:01:24.320
He was saying that there were some people that live in Ibado have never been to Lagos before.
01:01:24.400 --> 01:01:25.280
I was that child.
01:01:25.440 --> 01:01:26.400
I grew up in Benin.
01:01:26.639 --> 01:01:30.480
Lagos was a summer holiday, a deckbe line, you know, Bendel Line.
01:01:30.800 --> 01:01:33.440
I go to Bendel Line, you know, Bendel.
01:01:33.599 --> 01:01:36.239
I think before there was a deckbe, I used to enter Bendel Line.
01:01:36.400 --> 01:01:45.039
Before the long station wagon, and going to Benin was a that going to Lagos was, oh my god, out of the country, still later.
01:01:45.199 --> 01:01:45.920
Do you understand?
01:01:46.000 --> 01:01:46.239
Yeah.
01:01:46.400 --> 01:01:56.559
So how do you want to talk to a man like me when I went to my grandfather's house and saw where breakfast was served in a thing that was warming the food consistently?
01:01:56.719 --> 01:01:59.679
I grew up in a house that if you didn't eat straight from the fire, that's it.
01:01:59.840 --> 01:02:00.320
That's it.
01:02:00.480 --> 01:02:03.599
So I grew up understanding that money created access.
01:02:03.679 --> 01:02:03.760
Yeah.
01:02:03.920 --> 01:02:06.880
I've grown to a space in my life that thank God for the wife I married.
01:02:07.039 --> 01:02:08.239
People ask us a lot of questions.
01:02:08.559 --> 01:02:09.440
Why don't you do some things?
01:02:09.519 --> 01:02:11.599
It's just that we decided to be grounded now.
01:02:11.679 --> 01:02:17.760
Did our faith in Christ or the kind of value system we have helped that we don't show, we don't do this, we don't do that.
01:02:17.920 --> 01:02:20.079
But but my wife, for example, asked me once.
01:02:20.159 --> 01:02:23.039
She said, This perfume that you are buying, are you sure it's not a materialistic?
01:02:23.360 --> 01:02:24.000
Are you still buying now?
01:02:24.159 --> 01:02:24.880
You stuck like today.
01:02:25.199 --> 01:02:25.599
No, no, no.
01:02:25.840 --> 01:02:27.440
Life showed me and I still didn't have it.
01:02:27.599 --> 01:02:28.559
No, no, no, I'm still there.
01:02:28.800 --> 01:02:29.440
I'm still there.
01:02:30.079 --> 01:02:30.559
Fraghead.
01:02:30.800 --> 01:02:32.559
Oh, I am a frag head and proud.
01:02:32.639 --> 01:02:34.480
However, I did stop for a while.
01:02:34.559 --> 01:02:39.039
And it's not because I didn't want it, it was because I just had to rearrange my priorities.
01:02:39.199 --> 01:02:43.920
Now, it's the people that get materialistic that don't rearrange their priorities.
01:02:44.079 --> 01:02:45.760
But money is still solving problems.
01:02:45.840 --> 01:02:49.920
But because I'm buying a materialistic thing, does it really make me materialistic?
01:02:50.159 --> 01:02:52.960
The fact that I want to people see me, oh my god, Fred, you dress so well.
01:02:53.039 --> 01:02:54.800
It's money that is going to kill the soup.
01:02:54.960 --> 01:02:55.840
I mean, chef.
01:02:56.079 --> 01:02:57.920
You want to eat nice, you're going to spend money.
01:02:58.000 --> 01:03:02.880
They're having a low barrel um conversation on social media now that joloff rice is 35 pounds.
01:03:02.960 --> 01:03:07.039
I said, God forbid, if I cook jolo fries, it would definitely be 100 pounds.
01:03:07.199 --> 01:03:08.239
So what are we paying?
01:03:08.639 --> 01:03:14.239
So money is so the thing I want us to be honest about is that men are depressed when we don't have money.
01:03:16.239 --> 01:03:19.199
We may not be billionaires or anything, but plenty of money is good.
01:03:19.280 --> 01:03:20.960
I want to buy an EV, for example.
01:03:21.119 --> 01:03:24.159
I'm not going to slap depressing and be like, look, it's only 3M I have.
01:03:24.239 --> 01:03:27.840
I have to add an extra zero at the back, at least 30 M's to be okay.
01:03:28.079 --> 01:03:32.880
So my thing is, Banky, you said you shouldn't govern your heart, it's chickeny.
01:03:32.960 --> 01:03:34.320
Please let money govern my hand.
01:03:34.400 --> 01:03:35.840
There's not enough governing it.
01:03:36.000 --> 01:03:51.360
I think what I think we should take home from this conversation so that we can maybe move to mistakes is let us desire money to solve the real problems, but have the moral standing and the heart to ensure that we are not now doing this thing to chew people in their eye.
01:03:51.519 --> 01:04:05.199
We're not doing it to validate the small person in us that hasn't healed, but money is ah that a small sense of materialism is very, very, very, very needed, in my humble opinion.
01:04:05.440 --> 01:04:06.960
That's not very humble.
01:04:09.440 --> 01:04:14.400
And to add to that, before I go to Susu, we'll come to you.
01:04:15.280 --> 01:04:16.800
It's not women's ality.
01:04:19.519 --> 01:04:24.559
But and I I I give Banky a lot of flack for this, and he's always trying to push back on it.
01:04:24.639 --> 01:04:37.599
But even a lot of even inside the church, you we see what these pastors are flying, what they are driving, what they are wearing, where they live.
01:04:38.559 --> 01:04:45.440
So it makes it harder to tell someone, like he said, that you found peace with God.
01:04:46.960 --> 01:04:49.760
But your pastor found money and God.
01:04:53.760 --> 01:04:55.519
Don't answer yet, sweet.
01:04:58.079 --> 01:05:02.079
Let's go to the body with the beard.
01:05:02.719 --> 01:05:03.280
Yeah.
01:05:03.440 --> 01:05:13.679
Um, for me, I feel like what we are discussing tonight is not really competition between poverty and money.
01:05:14.000 --> 01:05:18.320
We just have to know where to stop, where to draw the line.
01:05:19.360 --> 01:05:21.599
You want to have money.
01:05:22.000 --> 01:05:22.960
Let me ask you a question now.
01:05:23.039 --> 01:05:23.280
Sorry.
01:05:23.440 --> 01:05:23.599
Yeah.
01:05:23.840 --> 01:05:24.719
Are you a Christian?
01:05:24.880 --> 01:05:25.440
Yes.
01:05:25.760 --> 01:05:27.440
Faithful Christian or Christian?
01:05:27.679 --> 01:05:28.320
Faithful.
01:05:29.199 --> 01:05:30.480
You go to church sometime.
01:05:31.119 --> 01:05:32.480
Do you watch church on YouTube?
01:05:32.880 --> 01:05:33.840
No, I go to church.
01:05:34.000 --> 01:05:34.559
You go to church.
01:05:34.800 --> 01:05:35.760
I do both though.
01:05:35.920 --> 01:05:40.320
Do you know that I don't want to be misquoted?
01:05:40.400 --> 01:05:40.559
Yeah.
01:05:40.800 --> 01:05:42.480
Either four or six.
01:05:43.039 --> 01:05:43.440
Yeah.
01:05:43.679 --> 01:05:50.719
Either four or six of the wealthiest pastors in the world are Nigerian.
01:05:52.719 --> 01:05:59.760
But it doesn't mean no, I'm my point here is in comparison.
01:06:00.800 --> 01:06:16.639
To the biggest churches away from the pastors, the top ten biggest churches in the world, there's no Nigerian church there, but the top six, the top ten wealthiest pastors have six Nigerians.
01:06:17.199 --> 01:06:20.559
Are we saying that make sense?
01:06:20.800 --> 01:06:21.440
Yeah, okay.
01:06:21.679 --> 01:06:24.719
So for me, pastors are not the standard.
01:06:25.519 --> 01:06:26.000
I hear you.
01:06:26.719 --> 01:06:27.440
And I want to debate that.
01:06:27.519 --> 01:06:27.760
No, sorry.
01:06:28.480 --> 01:06:29.039
No, no, I need to.
01:06:29.199 --> 01:06:30.000
I need to land.
01:06:30.239 --> 01:06:31.599
You know why I need to counter that?
01:06:31.679 --> 01:06:31.840
Yeah.
01:06:32.000 --> 01:06:33.199
You never let him land.
01:06:33.519 --> 01:06:36.320
In Nigeria, pastors are the standard.
01:06:36.639 --> 01:06:38.639
Anywhere else, pastors are not.
01:06:38.960 --> 01:06:40.800
In Nigeria, pastors are.
01:06:41.280 --> 01:06:46.400
I've seen a lot of countries where pastors are called out and people move on.
01:06:46.559 --> 01:06:50.960
Have you tried calling out a pastor on social media and seen the response?
01:06:52.320 --> 01:06:53.039
I get you.
01:06:53.199 --> 01:06:53.519
Thank you.
01:06:53.599 --> 01:06:53.840
Go on.
01:06:54.079 --> 01:07:01.760
So for me, um, pastors are not the standard for you, for me, and I'm a Christian, so and I am also a Nigerian.
01:07:01.920 --> 01:07:03.440
So pastors are not the standard.
01:07:03.599 --> 01:07:10.480
But what I am trying to say is the comparison is not between poverty and riches.
01:07:10.960 --> 01:07:14.320
Um, to be honest, I've been on the both sides.
01:07:14.480 --> 01:07:22.000
I came from the village where I do say it all the time that where I came from, it is not ideal to prosper.
01:07:22.800 --> 01:07:27.199
Yes, so when you prosper, you do so well, you look like a miracle.
01:07:27.760 --> 01:07:28.159
Right?
01:07:28.320 --> 01:07:31.679
And I've I left that place to where I am today.
01:07:31.840 --> 01:07:39.039
And I can tell you that um at some point I became like one of the leading persons in my industry.
01:07:39.440 --> 01:07:47.519
And all through when I was in the village till that time, I never experienced the depression until two years ago.
01:07:47.679 --> 01:07:49.840
I was already doing well.
01:07:50.239 --> 01:07:53.840
When people see me, they feel like you are a miracle.
01:07:54.239 --> 01:08:01.679
But I didn't experience depression all through that season, but I experienced depression when I had it.
01:08:02.239 --> 01:08:02.719
Right?
01:08:02.880 --> 01:08:09.599
So I checked for the difference between joy and happiness, and I think that's where we are making a lot of mistakes.
01:08:09.760 --> 01:08:12.079
There's a difference between happiness and joy.
01:08:12.719 --> 01:08:18.960
See, money can give you happiness, and I think that is that feeling that we kept talking about.
01:08:19.199 --> 01:08:26.560
But joy said, the difference between joy and happiness is that happiness is often dependent on circumstances.
01:08:26.800 --> 01:08:32.800
Why joy comes from within and remains where even when circumstances are difficult.
01:08:34.319 --> 01:08:34.640
Alright?
01:08:34.800 --> 01:08:36.560
So you have to understand that.
01:08:37.520 --> 01:08:44.960
See, I do tell people we often leave substance and wishes after shadows.
01:08:45.279 --> 01:08:53.760
And at the end of the day, what will really matter is the substance, because we are hardworking and to some extent we've made money.
01:08:54.079 --> 01:09:08.560
If all that it is to our life is the money we make, at the end of the day, what will be the meaning, if all I live for is money.
01:09:09.199 --> 01:09:09.600
Right?
01:09:09.760 --> 01:09:14.960
Because you if you work really well, you you do the right things, you are going to have the money.
01:09:15.119 --> 01:09:19.840
But if there is no meaning attached to it, money can never bring fulfillment.
01:09:20.000 --> 01:09:21.920
So if there's meaning attached to it, it's okay.
01:09:22.079 --> 01:09:22.479
It's okay.
01:09:23.119 --> 01:09:23.279
Okay.
01:09:23.840 --> 01:09:24.239
Thank you.
01:09:24.479 --> 01:09:26.960
Yeah, if there's meaning attached to it, find the meaning.
01:09:27.279 --> 01:09:30.800
So you have to understand that money can never satisfy you.
01:09:30.960 --> 01:09:46.319
So before now, I what changes between 2000 and 2024 and 2026 for me, it is that I remove my like my joy, I detach it from achievement.
01:09:46.560 --> 01:09:49.920
So I discover that I always have goals that I pursue.
01:09:50.399 --> 01:09:50.880
Right?
01:09:51.039 --> 01:09:54.319
And these things are taken away a lot of things for me.
01:09:54.479 --> 01:09:57.760
I never I no longer do things that bring happiness to me.
01:09:58.000 --> 01:10:03.439
I just keep pursuing like achievements, certain things I want to do.
01:10:03.520 --> 01:10:11.520
And the moment I get this thing done in the back, I feel the happiness for a little while, and everything changes.
01:10:11.680 --> 01:10:13.359
I'm back to where I used to be.
01:10:13.600 --> 01:10:14.319
Okay, okay.
01:10:14.560 --> 01:10:16.479
Then you start pursuing another thing.
01:10:16.560 --> 01:10:16.880
All right.
01:10:16.960 --> 01:10:22.399
Then I feel like no matter what I make, no matter the achievements, nothing is gonna change.
01:10:22.640 --> 01:10:23.119
Thank you.
01:10:23.279 --> 01:10:30.159
Yeah, it'll be like you who confidence is different.
01:10:31.279 --> 01:10:32.960
Should we allow a woman speak?
01:10:33.119 --> 01:10:37.279
Yes, yes, okay.
01:10:39.039 --> 01:10:40.399
See how she's eyeing me with.
01:10:40.800 --> 01:10:42.239
I can't even tell her no.
01:10:43.439 --> 01:10:45.600
Can we get the mic to our day so please?
01:10:47.199 --> 01:10:48.159
She's ready for me.
01:10:48.399 --> 01:10:49.760
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
01:10:49.840 --> 01:10:51.279
Welcome to We Mentality.
01:10:51.439 --> 01:10:51.600
Okay.
01:10:55.039 --> 01:11:04.960
Um, I think if I've heard what everybody has said, like like my brother here said, that it's not a discussion about money versus poverty.
01:11:05.199 --> 01:11:14.800
I think it's we can generally agree that money answers a lot of questions and is a solution to quite a bit of problems, right?
01:11:14.960 --> 01:11:15.279
Yeah.
01:11:15.680 --> 01:11:24.399
I think what I think about when I think about money is how to balance ambition with contentment.
01:11:25.840 --> 01:11:38.319
And I think that more than anything else is if I'm when I'm in the place where I'm searching for the next level that I'm going to, how do I balance that ambition with being content with where I am?
01:11:38.560 --> 01:11:48.720
And I think also as a nation, we generally are not, we don't spend a lot of time talking about being introspective and interrogating your why.
01:11:48.960 --> 01:11:52.319
What is your why for why you need this money?
01:11:52.479 --> 01:11:54.960
Like this thing that you're chasing, what is your why?
01:11:55.119 --> 01:12:07.520
I feel like if we spend more time spending time with ourselves and interrogating our whys, then the conversation kind of shifts from the oh, I need money to why do I need the money?
01:12:07.600 --> 01:12:09.039
What am I looking for?
01:12:09.359 --> 01:12:10.239
You want to say something?
01:12:10.479 --> 01:12:11.359
Not to cut you off.
01:12:11.439 --> 01:12:13.039
Do you think it's different for women?
01:12:13.760 --> 01:12:15.119
Um from men.
01:12:15.439 --> 01:12:21.600
It must be because I also feel like societally pressure is placed on men more as providers.
01:12:22.239 --> 01:12:23.039
And that's a given.
01:12:23.359 --> 01:12:24.319
We're going through a lot.
01:12:24.720 --> 01:12:25.680
And that's absolutely.
01:12:25.760 --> 01:12:29.680
And we are going through, and I don't negate that, right?
01:12:30.000 --> 01:12:38.479
Which is why I'm saying when we're having money conversations, we should shift away from oh, poverty versus nobody wants you to live in poverty, nobody wants you to be poor.
01:12:38.560 --> 01:12:48.960
We want to see you guys succeed succeed, but you have to know your whys, and you have to know your limits, and you have to draw the line between what I will do and what I will not do to get this money.
01:12:49.199 --> 01:12:51.279
You are not in the data scene, so I can ask you this question.
01:12:51.359 --> 01:12:53.199
No, keep your own.
01:12:55.600 --> 01:12:56.640
She's off the markets.
01:12:57.199 --> 01:12:57.760
Sorry.
01:12:58.159 --> 01:12:59.680
Ah, breaking news.
01:13:00.239 --> 01:13:02.079
I'm joking, calm down.
01:13:02.880 --> 01:13:10.880
So, for me, and I ask this because I hear a lot of feedback from young people who are in that space.
01:13:11.680 --> 01:13:12.079
I got you.
01:13:14.000 --> 01:13:20.000
How easy is it to tell a girl I need to know the why?
01:13:22.720 --> 01:13:26.159
As a guy, as a guy, okay, because I was asking why I will be asking.
01:13:29.520 --> 01:13:38.479
I know what I see on social media, and a lot of young guys complain about the fact that relationships have become so freaking transactional.
01:13:38.960 --> 01:13:47.840
Right, you can't talk to a girl for more than 10 minutes without having to prove what is in your pockets.
01:13:49.359 --> 01:13:50.800
Am I lying or am I lying?
01:13:51.520 --> 01:13:52.159
Thank you.
01:13:52.319 --> 01:14:06.720
So I don't want this to I don't want this to devolve into a relationship conversation, but you I hear you are this one, but I've been told that this is how we reason before this.
01:14:06.880 --> 01:14:13.920
Uh the you're not in you have left the streets since told me, am I in the streets?
01:14:14.159 --> 01:14:18.800
Banky use music to you know I don't know if music is working now.
01:14:20.239 --> 01:14:22.560
So, Jemima, like am I in the streets?
01:14:22.640 --> 01:14:23.600
I do I know.
01:14:29.119 --> 01:14:40.319
My question is really just on what she mentioned, men feel more pressure, which is why we're having this conversation anyway about materialism.
01:14:40.560 --> 01:14:44.239
So, is it true that men have no choice but to be more materialistic?
01:14:44.560 --> 01:14:53.439
Because men or women or society, family, everybody is putting pressure on you to make money much more than you.
01:14:54.079 --> 01:14:58.239
If I'm being very honest, the simple and short answer is yes.
01:14:59.199 --> 01:14:59.439
Thank you.
01:14:59.520 --> 01:15:00.479
Let's move on to the answer.
01:15:02.560 --> 01:15:13.199
The simple and short answer is yes, but if we're going a step you know deeper, um why are you living your life based on society?
01:15:13.359 --> 01:15:20.560
Because the same society that is putting the pressure on you and is hailing you when you have it will be the first to drag you when you don't have it.
01:15:20.800 --> 01:15:23.840
And I think, which is why I wanted us to talk about mistakes.
01:15:23.920 --> 01:15:25.279
You will learn from your mistake.
01:15:25.439 --> 01:15:34.960
The first time or the first two or three times you've allowed yourself to listen and dance to the tune of society, you have to sit and tell yourself the truth and decide.
01:15:35.039 --> 01:15:51.760
And that's when you end up in the why, what your why is, because after doing it the way it looks like it's supposed to be for so long, you're doing what it looks like everybody else is doing, what society is telling you to do, but you're not getting that sense of fulfillment.
01:15:51.920 --> 01:16:00.880
I believe the wise thing to do is sit and talk to yourself, and that's where your why comes in, where you pause and be like, okay, what am I doing and why am I doing it?
01:16:01.119 --> 01:16:06.000
This society that I'm what was the end point, and that's where I think the why comes in.
01:16:06.159 --> 01:16:16.159
So it's a matter of maybe you won't have your why immediately, like somebody else who's figured things out from the beginning, but something will trigger you to your why.
01:16:16.239 --> 01:16:20.720
It can be shame, can be, you know, going from 100 to zero.
01:16:20.880 --> 01:16:32.479
There's people who have made a ton of money, play to society, you're popping bottles in the club, they're hailing you, you're happy, you're training on Instagram, and then you don't have any more, and all these people are nowhere to be found.
01:16:32.640 --> 01:16:36.479
The next money that enters your hand, you'll be stupid to go and blow it the same way.
01:16:36.640 --> 01:16:39.760
So you will sit and find a why, one way or the other.
01:16:39.920 --> 01:16:40.560
Yeah.
01:16:41.920 --> 01:16:44.560
Well, let's see, with mentality.
01:16:44.960 --> 01:16:47.600
With mentality, we heal thee.
01:16:47.760 --> 01:16:48.479
It's not easy.
01:16:48.800 --> 01:17:01.279
You asked you asked a question about the church, and I don't want to be the only person here, because I feel like on this show, part of my job is to defend to defend to be on God's defense team.
01:17:01.520 --> 01:17:08.640
But I know we we do have a few um men of God in the building, and one of them we have Pastor Jude here from TPH.
01:17:09.520 --> 01:17:12.319
Um, so if we can if we can give him the microphone.
01:17:12.479 --> 01:17:25.840
So Ibuka, you know, put the church on the spot and said, you know, something very stark that six out of the ten wealthiest pastors in the world are Nigerian.
01:17:26.399 --> 01:17:31.439
Meanwhile, meanwhile, there's no Nigerian church that's the biggest in the top ten.
01:17:31.840 --> 01:17:32.479
In the top ten.
01:17:32.800 --> 01:17:33.119
Okay.
01:17:33.520 --> 01:17:37.039
So I don't know if you want to speak to just, I guess this.
01:17:37.520 --> 01:17:40.960
And TPH is I don't know.
01:17:41.199 --> 01:17:43.760
I don't know if you want to speak to just a great great work.
01:17:43.840 --> 01:17:44.880
Good evening, guys.
01:17:45.119 --> 01:17:46.399
Great work you're doing.
01:17:46.560 --> 01:17:49.920
Um, two of you, can we just put our hands together for this amazing?
01:17:50.479 --> 01:17:54.960
Pastor would be very so two things.
01:17:55.199 --> 01:17:58.640
First, I am not the defender of the body of Christ.
01:17:58.880 --> 01:18:02.319
It's got enough moral standing to speak for itself.
01:18:02.479 --> 01:18:10.159
But I would I would say that there are essences that are worth worthy of speaking about, right?
01:18:10.640 --> 01:18:27.439
The focus in in building a church should be on how to improve the lives and the living state of the people using the gospel and not to enrich oneself.
01:18:27.600 --> 01:18:29.760
That should be the focus.
01:18:29.920 --> 01:18:34.079
That is the mentality we have, that is the what we believe in.
01:18:34.319 --> 01:18:46.720
That being said, your data is very accurate, it's worried some, and we're hoping that as we engage in these conversations like the ones you're stirring up today, we would be realigning our priorities, right?
01:18:46.880 --> 01:18:49.760
I want to correct something, however, right?
01:18:50.159 --> 01:18:54.479
That the gospel and God is not opposed to wealth.
01:18:54.800 --> 01:18:55.760
We can't see.
01:18:57.279 --> 01:19:01.439
Okay, the first guy who God chose, I just give you a very simple example.
01:19:01.600 --> 01:19:04.640
You know, it's a dangerous thing to give a pastor the mic, right?
01:19:05.039 --> 01:19:11.439
But the first guy who God chose to work with on the pathway of faith, his name was Abraham.
01:19:12.479 --> 01:19:15.920
I don't want to describe his wealth, I don't want to talk about Solomon level, right?
01:19:16.000 --> 01:19:17.600
I'm talking about Abraham.
01:19:17.840 --> 01:19:25.920
One man, his wealth was such that he has he had an army in his house that could take on four nations.
01:19:26.239 --> 01:19:27.039
One man.
01:19:27.199 --> 01:19:31.039
So God is not opposed to people building capacity.
01:19:31.199 --> 01:19:34.000
Hold on, Ebuka, you gave me the mic.
01:19:34.479 --> 01:19:37.760
God is not opposed to people building capacity.
01:19:37.920 --> 01:19:39.920
I just love what Adisuwa said.
01:19:40.159 --> 01:19:45.119
Adisuwa said you must find a meaning to your mission.
01:19:46.079 --> 01:19:53.279
And if all of us know that for every mission you have, there are enabling factors.
01:19:53.520 --> 01:19:54.880
Money can be one of them.
01:19:55.039 --> 01:20:01.039
But your meaning, your why, I like the way they put it, your why must be very clear to you.
01:20:01.680 --> 01:20:05.039
Money and God are not mutually exclusive.
01:20:05.119 --> 01:20:06.159
That's my point there.
01:20:06.720 --> 01:20:12.800
But back to the conversation of materialism, I just want to chip in a few cents, if you don't mind, right?
01:20:13.840 --> 01:20:16.319
Um, the pressure is on us as men.
01:20:16.720 --> 01:20:23.600
And I particularly came for this because I need more people, we need more people to talk about what we men face.
01:20:24.560 --> 01:20:29.279
Culturally, there's just so much expectation for men.
01:20:30.479 --> 01:20:35.279
And you are right to say that that has pushed a lot of people over the urge.
01:20:36.800 --> 01:20:48.239
Um, we we live in a society also where I'm just repeating some of the things we said, where people don't ask you the means to why how you got to where you are.
01:20:48.560 --> 01:20:50.399
And as long as you're making it, it's okay.
01:20:50.560 --> 01:20:53.520
And we are saying on this show, it's no longer okay.
01:20:54.000 --> 01:20:56.720
You see, you're stirring up some very good conversation.
01:20:57.119 --> 01:21:01.760
The means must be as good as the end in itself.
01:21:02.560 --> 01:21:10.640
Nobody's saying you should not aspire to be great, but your greatness should be towards an end to make a difference.
01:21:10.960 --> 01:21:14.560
You are making a difference with mentality.
01:21:14.880 --> 01:21:15.359
Amen.
01:21:16.399 --> 01:21:20.880
You are stirring up the money is not complete, but okay.
01:21:21.119 --> 01:21:22.880
This is the point I was coming to.
01:21:23.279 --> 01:21:26.800
If you keep at it long enough, the money will follow.
01:21:27.520 --> 01:21:30.880
If you keep at it, he told us, TV told us, right?
01:21:31.119 --> 01:21:36.640
There was a time he was making it, faking it to make it, right?
01:21:37.119 --> 01:21:42.319
But he realized that okay, we it's not giving me the satisfaction I want.
01:21:42.479 --> 01:21:44.479
Let me be true to myself.
01:21:44.800 --> 01:21:52.399
And soon enough, he did it, doesn't need to fake it to to brand four brands on him right now, right?
01:21:52.640 --> 01:21:56.399
So, so we what we are saying is that's five, it's five, right?
01:21:58.880 --> 01:22:04.800
Stay on it long enough, let value come out from you to others, money will follow.
01:22:04.960 --> 01:22:05.680
Trust me.
01:22:05.920 --> 01:22:07.199
Does it always though?
01:22:07.359 --> 01:22:09.439
In Nigeria, it does not follow.
01:22:11.279 --> 01:22:12.399
Let's talk.
01:22:12.720 --> 01:22:18.960
So, I know what should be, and I keep saying this in this place, which is how I was raising my hand.
01:22:19.199 --> 01:22:21.279
You talk about which uh disciple?
01:22:21.680 --> 01:22:27.359
It's not a disciple, which apostle, it wasn't a follower.
01:22:27.680 --> 01:22:28.159
Yeah, okay.
01:22:28.319 --> 01:22:30.399
Okay, it was a patriot, Abraham.
01:22:30.560 --> 01:22:31.279
Who are you talking about?
01:22:31.600 --> 01:22:37.920
Abraham, Abraham, now now let me let's sit, let's sit on that issue of value for a bit.
01:22:38.159 --> 01:22:40.239
Yeah, this is what I mean.
01:22:40.399 --> 01:22:46.479
If you put value out there long enough, it would attract value as well.
01:22:46.640 --> 01:22:50.720
Okay, I I don't want to make this about the church, so let me let me just stop that.
01:22:50.960 --> 01:23:08.239
But I think for me, why this church conversation is important, which is why Banke and I are doing this, is because Nigeria is easily one of the most religious countries in the world.
01:23:10.479 --> 01:23:15.199
We might be many things, but you see, church, mosque, we don't play.
01:23:16.000 --> 01:23:24.640
And I needed someone who could let people understand that you might be religious, but do you actually know why you are religious?
01:23:24.800 --> 01:23:30.880
And I've um I've enjoyed a lot of Banky's analysis over a lot of episodes, right?
01:23:31.199 --> 01:23:32.159
Very good, very good.
01:23:32.560 --> 01:23:36.960
It's a big work, even though he's not drinking with me anymore.
01:23:38.800 --> 01:23:49.279
I'm looking for water ambassadorship, but I was trying to stop you there because I mean I I hear what you say about Abraham, he was wealthy, God called him, he did his thing.
01:23:49.439 --> 01:23:51.920
But here, we don't hear about the wealth before they call, you know.
01:23:52.079 --> 01:23:54.159
It's after the calling we hear about the wealth.
01:23:54.399 --> 01:23:56.479
The wealth almost sort of comes from.
01:23:56.800 --> 01:23:59.600
But I don't want to make this about the church, right?
01:23:59.760 --> 01:24:01.920
Which is why I said I was going to stop there.
01:24:02.720 --> 01:24:13.199
Um, and I also don't want to make this an entire conversation about money versus poverty, like Ivona Deso has said, and everybody else has said.
01:24:13.439 --> 01:24:28.079
The crux of this is how materialistic we are as Nigerians, men and women, but maybe more men, because pressure makes us more materialistic, and we can't help it.
01:24:28.560 --> 01:24:34.800
So moving slightly away, because I want us to touch a little a little bit on mistakes, right?
01:24:35.039 --> 01:24:44.479
And um let's not dig too deep on the money conversation, and I I saw one data I wanted to share.
01:24:45.039 --> 01:24:47.199
You might find it, you might find this a little interesting.
01:24:47.359 --> 01:25:07.039
Okay, um relationships are a big talking point with a lot of young people right now, and I was looking at divorce data globally and a lot of divorces.
01:25:09.039 --> 01:25:11.279
I think it was in America, yes.
01:25:13.359 --> 01:25:28.479
Over I'm not sure if it was sixty-five or seventy percent of divorces are initiated by women in the marriages, but in Nigeria there's no data because we don't really know we don't keep that sort of data.
01:25:29.439 --> 01:25:53.600
What we know though is that a lot of divorces in this part stem from either domestic violence, financial situations, or demands around sexual needs.
01:25:53.840 --> 01:26:00.640
And it almost feels like it means it's the men that are because when you hear domestic violence, who do you think of?
01:26:01.279 --> 01:26:03.520
When you hear of sexual needs, who do you think of?
01:26:06.079 --> 01:26:15.279
Also, in the six geopolitical zones in Nigeria, who can guess who has the highest divorce rate?
01:26:16.880 --> 01:26:18.960
Southwest, south, south, northeast, northwest.
01:26:19.039 --> 01:26:19.600
Who has the highest?
01:26:20.239 --> 01:26:20.800
Southwest.
01:26:21.279 --> 01:26:23.279
The highest divorce rates.
01:26:24.640 --> 01:26:26.239
Northwest, why?
01:26:27.680 --> 01:26:28.880
Southwest.
01:26:29.199 --> 01:26:31.359
Tell us now, you have the statistic.
01:26:34.479 --> 01:26:36.079
Why Southwest?
01:26:37.119 --> 01:26:49.359
Lagos men, they say cheating is not a deal breaker in Nigeria based on data.
01:26:49.760 --> 01:26:53.359
So what when you say Lagos men, is that what you're talking about?
01:26:53.600 --> 01:26:54.560
So take that away.
01:26:54.640 --> 01:26:56.079
Is this a Lagos men?
01:26:57.279 --> 01:26:57.760
Uh-huh.
01:26:58.079 --> 01:27:00.640
There's only post it even when they cheat on you.
01:27:01.279 --> 01:27:04.560
Anyway, number one is the South South.
01:27:05.439 --> 01:27:06.720
The highest divorce rate.
01:27:06.960 --> 01:27:07.199
Yes.
01:27:07.359 --> 01:27:07.600
Really?
01:27:07.840 --> 01:27:09.039
Times people.
01:27:13.760 --> 01:27:21.600
Number one, South South, 7.2% of marriages end in divorce so far, which is very low by global standards.
01:27:22.079 --> 01:27:22.399
7%.
01:27:22.800 --> 01:27:26.479
Oh, that's very low by global standards, but very high by Nigerian standards.
01:27:26.720 --> 01:27:28.880
Because most other regions are under like 4%.
01:27:29.760 --> 01:27:33.439
A lot of the northern regions are other 1% or like around 1%.
01:27:35.119 --> 01:27:39.920
But domestic violence is a big factor.
01:27:40.960 --> 01:27:48.560
Dishonesty about financial status or financial conversations and sexual demands are some of the biggest reasons why.
01:27:49.760 --> 01:27:53.199
Um man, I don't I don't I don't know how to comment on it.
01:27:53.520 --> 01:27:55.279
Mistakes, you wanted mistakes.
01:27:55.520 --> 01:27:59.760
Well, you know, I think when it comes to the discussion.
01:28:00.640 --> 01:28:04.560
Of finances in the context of a marriage.
01:28:05.119 --> 01:28:15.760
And I've done, you know, just being a pastor in the church now for a few years, I've had to counsel quite a few couples, you know, from various congregations that I've served in.
01:28:16.159 --> 01:28:27.760
And I found that more often than not, when there are disagreements in marriage about finance, it's not really a money issue, it's a trust issue.
01:28:28.000 --> 01:28:36.880
And I think the money just becomes the symptom or the thing that shows that there are underlying trust issues in the marriage.
01:28:37.279 --> 01:28:45.039
I think the way that God designed marriage, it's supposed to be a covenant, not a contract.
01:28:45.439 --> 01:28:54.880
And that means you take up more responsibilities for your family and your spouse and your wife or your husband, and you give up more of your rights.
01:28:55.119 --> 01:29:02.800
And I think unfortunately, so many times we get into marriages not with a covenant mindset, but with a contract mindset.
01:29:02.880 --> 01:29:07.680
And a contract means I'm protecting my rights and I'm limiting my responsibilities.
01:29:08.000 --> 01:29:16.319
And when you get into it in that situation, if one or both partners are not on that same page, you will start to have issues.
01:29:17.520 --> 01:29:22.640
In an ideal world, you should be open, honest, and vulnerable with your partner.
01:29:23.359 --> 01:29:26.479
She should know where you are, you know, he should know where you are.
01:29:26.640 --> 01:29:32.640
You should be working together because you are two parts of the same team trying to build a future for yourselves and your kids.
01:29:32.880 --> 01:29:50.720
But when there are trust issues, and then you start to have this, well, I need to look out for myself, I need to, you know, protect what I have, and you find out that you are now living as opponents in the same home, then it then results in finance being an issue.
01:29:50.960 --> 01:30:01.920
Whereas if you work on the underlying trust issues, then finance automatically doesn't really become a problem because you're both you both know that you're on the same side and you're working to the same.
01:30:02.319 --> 01:30:02.880
Sorry for breaking.
01:30:03.199 --> 01:30:08.800
Did you trust Susu before marriage or after marriage?
01:30:09.039 --> 01:30:10.000
I think I definitely trust.
01:30:10.159 --> 01:30:12.399
And I'm you know, trust is we're not saying oh I like her.
01:30:12.479 --> 01:30:13.520
I like trust.
01:30:14.000 --> 01:30:16.960
No, I think that there's definitely a place where you grow, right?
01:30:17.119 --> 01:30:22.960
I mean, if you don't trust somebody, why would you vow to spend the rest of your life in the first place?
01:30:23.039 --> 01:30:26.000
And if you don't trust them, you should never take that step.
01:30:26.319 --> 01:30:30.479
Now, over time, you grow in trust.
01:30:30.640 --> 01:30:38.800
You grow in love, you grow, you know, it's not a it's not a you know one size fits all situation where you come in, you trust them, and that's it.
01:30:38.880 --> 01:30:41.039
No, you you you go through things together.
01:30:41.279 --> 01:30:48.560
Life will throw challenges at you, you'll stand by each other in difficult times, and your trust and your love and your bond will grow stronger.
01:30:48.720 --> 01:30:58.479
But there should be, especially for those who are single, there should be a certain level of trust that exists for you to want to go into a marriage in the first place.
01:30:58.640 --> 01:31:06.319
And if you don't have that, then you should be having a more important conversation as to whether you should even be considering getting married in the first place.
01:31:06.640 --> 01:31:07.840
That's what I think.
01:31:12.079 --> 01:31:21.279
I I I've been told that this generation will have fewer marriages than any other generation before them.
01:31:23.199 --> 01:31:23.760
Is it true?
01:31:24.000 --> 01:31:24.399
Probably.
01:31:24.720 --> 01:31:26.880
Yeah, why is that?
01:31:28.479 --> 01:31:32.159
Because we are talking mistakes, right?
01:31:32.479 --> 01:31:36.000
You should be able to make mistakes and learn from them and then commit.
01:31:36.079 --> 01:31:45.920
Yeah, but it looks like we're in an era now where nobody wants to even try to make those mistakes and learn from them.
01:31:46.239 --> 01:31:51.439
Nobody is saying you must marry, but why is nobody you put before you even trying?
01:31:51.520 --> 01:31:53.680
You've already said we don't want.
01:31:53.840 --> 01:31:55.680
Can we get the microphone to our dekunle?
01:31:56.399 --> 01:31:57.039
What do you say?
01:31:57.520 --> 01:31:58.640
Some of us have tried.
01:32:00.800 --> 01:32:01.920
At least you tried.
01:32:02.079 --> 01:32:04.319
But I'm saying this generation doesn't even want to try.
01:32:06.239 --> 01:32:06.800
Go on.
01:32:07.279 --> 01:32:11.199
So this particular generation is afraid of marriage.
01:32:11.359 --> 01:32:15.840
That's your generation, or yes, okay, because there's no good example ahead of us.
01:32:17.600 --> 01:32:24.319
You said there's no good example, not absolute, but stand on business, don't change your mind.
01:32:25.840 --> 01:32:29.119
So a lot of people are afraid of being heartbroken.
01:32:29.199 --> 01:32:37.199
A lot of people, what we have now is a lot of just the generation ahead of us, their marriages are collapsing.
01:32:37.359 --> 01:32:42.960
And if you do a bit, if you just go back a bit, a lot of people grew up in single parent households.
01:32:43.119 --> 01:32:49.199
So the idea of uh a perfect family or what an example of love is doesn't necessarily exist.
01:32:49.520 --> 01:33:01.439
What happens, what we have now is, and it's a bit unfortunate, but we have only just a few celebrity marriages that are still um going strong, and that's what a lot of people look up to.
01:33:01.520 --> 01:33:02.800
And it's not a lot, for example.
01:33:02.880 --> 01:33:14.880
Now, I I was gonna talk to Freggs after this and all that, because the truth of the matter is we need more people to speak about why marriages are is that more on you men?
01:33:15.520 --> 01:33:33.039
No, well, this so on on that one, it has to go back to money, has to go back to money because you need money to marry now, not necessarily not inside the markets, it's people that are dating that are talking.
01:33:34.800 --> 01:33:37.680
Back then, back then and now it's difficult.
01:33:37.920 --> 01:33:39.520
But I'm married, put the mic in his mouth.
01:33:39.600 --> 01:33:40.079
Let me hear us.
01:33:40.720 --> 01:33:46.479
I'm saying that money is very good for marriage, though, but that's not the ultimate thing you need to get married as well.
01:33:46.560 --> 01:33:47.199
It's very good, though.
01:33:48.159 --> 01:33:56.640
But I'm just saying that you don't need I was just saying that it doesn't need to really get back to money because the real reason for successful marriages is not really exactly money.
01:33:56.800 --> 01:34:03.359
Money plays a fantastic role, a very good one, but it's not the ultimate thing, I promise you.
01:34:03.600 --> 01:34:05.840
We need more people who are married to say this.
01:34:06.079 --> 01:34:07.760
So I have a question for you, Aide Kule.
01:34:08.319 --> 01:34:14.720
Because you said first you said there are no examples of good marriages, and then you said okay, it's not absolute.
01:34:15.760 --> 01:34:28.560
So my question is, and maybe it's not to you, but it's to everybody, is is it possible that the bad marriages make so much more noise?
01:34:28.960 --> 01:34:29.520
Yes.
01:34:30.479 --> 01:34:32.800
If you want to clap, clap with your foot chest.
01:34:33.199 --> 01:34:34.079
Um, thank you.
01:34:34.239 --> 01:34:38.239
No, but but I mean he just read us the stats on the divorce rates, right?
01:34:38.880 --> 01:34:42.640
And at high seven percent is not crazy.
01:34:42.960 --> 01:34:46.800
Is it is is there a possibility that good marriages exist?
01:34:47.680 --> 01:34:52.000
They're just protecting what's important to them and they are not louding it.
01:34:52.079 --> 01:34:52.319
Yes.
01:34:52.560 --> 01:35:05.920
Whereas when there's a scandalous divorce or a breakup, it's on every blog because bad news, I think it was Mark Twain that said bad news travels around the world before the truth has a chance to put on its shoes.
01:35:06.159 --> 01:35:16.399
Because we're we we maybe we're just in this era where because bad news trends and it travels, a minute something happens, it goes everywhere.
01:35:16.640 --> 01:35:18.960
It's on every blog, it's on every news site.
01:35:19.119 --> 01:35:34.159
Meanwhile, there's a husband and wife that are waking up, loving each other, going to work, loving their kids, building a healthy home, and they're not on any blog, they're not on any social media site, and they're just facing themselves and the marriage that they have.
01:35:34.479 --> 01:35:37.119
And I think internet reason to talk about it.
01:35:37.359 --> 01:35:48.399
Yeah, so is there a world in which we're paying so much attention to the bad that we don't realize that there's so much good in front of our faces that we're not even looking at?
01:35:48.640 --> 01:35:49.760
Exactly, that's it.
01:35:50.000 --> 01:35:53.600
So are you guys is it a social media problem or a man problem?
01:35:53.840 --> 01:35:56.640
So um or a woman problem?
01:35:57.119 --> 01:35:59.439
Um, I think it's about or a money problem.
01:35:59.680 --> 01:36:01.840
If you it's maybe 25% of everything.
01:36:01.920 --> 01:36:03.039
So here's the thing, right?
01:36:03.199 --> 01:36:06.159
Um, there are people, everybody uses social media these days.
01:36:06.319 --> 01:36:14.159
If it is to maybe decide on what to eat, pick out an outfit, find out what's going on on the internet, or they want to use AI to figure something out.
01:36:14.319 --> 01:36:16.960
Everybody's on their phone trying to figure out what's going on.
01:36:17.119 --> 01:36:29.840
If unfortunately, the information that people have on the internet is the divorce rates, you know, news about somebody's bad marriage, um, maybe couples beating each other up or something just ending really, really bad.
01:36:30.000 --> 01:36:36.720
The people who consume content from the internet, that's all they're going to consume because the good that is happening is being sheltered from the internet.
01:36:36.960 --> 01:36:39.359
And I understand why you don't want to.
01:36:39.439 --> 01:36:44.960
I am honestly, I personally believe that if something makes sense between two people, you don't need to share it with the rest of the world.
01:36:45.119 --> 01:36:50.399
But unfortunately, we now live in a society where people take off the things that they consume from the internet.
01:36:50.800 --> 01:37:02.880
So if we say we want to help protect the next generation or we want to preach that marriage is all good, or you know, the institution of marriage is actually still beautiful, we actually need examples of people who are living it to show us.
01:37:05.680 --> 01:37:08.800
I want to I I'm gonna come to Dortmund before that.
01:37:09.199 --> 01:37:11.920
I well Jean Viev.
01:37:12.720 --> 01:37:13.439
Genevieve.
01:37:15.199 --> 01:37:16.880
Can we get a mic to her?
01:37:17.439 --> 01:37:33.920
I know she's not particularly ready, but I want to hear from you because there's a lot of like flack that this younger generation gets for what the dating scene looks like and how money is the center of every single conversation.
01:37:34.560 --> 01:37:46.479
Um and I hear a lot from women, whether it's on social media or one-on-one, talking about well, it is what it is, right?
01:37:46.800 --> 01:37:55.279
And I think for me, there's and for a lot of men, there's that confusion of do you want us to provide or do you want equality?
01:37:55.600 --> 01:37:58.159
Because feminism is also inside it, right?
01:37:58.319 --> 01:38:06.000
Yeah, oh, we need to split the bills, but at some point it's also not splitting bills, you need to take care of me.
01:38:06.960 --> 01:38:09.600
When does that line now become that?
01:38:10.239 --> 01:38:17.760
And I not inside the streets, but a lot of young men are confused about how this works now.
01:38:17.920 --> 01:38:20.159
I don't know if you have any insights on it.
01:38:21.279 --> 01:38:26.479
Um mentality with woman talit, shout out to us.
01:38:27.439 --> 01:38:28.560
This was not easy.
01:38:29.840 --> 01:38:31.439
Um I don't know.
01:38:31.520 --> 01:38:42.960
I just feel like there's like our current society, like where we are, like Africa, you know, I think the infrastructure that we have is sort of a problem.
01:38:43.039 --> 01:38:54.800
I think if there were more things that empowered women, um there would be less of the idea that all men are the providers, and that's where we lean towards.
01:38:54.960 --> 01:39:10.159
And um yeah, and I think that's just maybe, you know, there is that side of the conversation where I think that women um can be more ambitious and not and less reliant on a man.
01:39:10.720 --> 01:39:15.439
It's back to what I said earlier about how the country is the problem.
01:39:15.840 --> 01:39:18.319
Yes, we have an infrastructure problem for sure.
01:39:18.399 --> 01:39:26.880
Because outside of the country, the conversation isn't like, oh, you're taking, you're taking it's a privilege to for the man to pay 100% of the bill.
01:39:27.119 --> 01:39:35.279
Um but ideally the conversation is always 50-50, there's always a support, there's always a partnership um in relationships.
01:39:35.439 --> 01:39:44.239
Um there's always this idea that you go into a relationship that is leading to marriage because you hope that that relationship will grow and you grow together.
01:39:44.479 --> 01:39:49.520
Um, we don't want that, we can't have that in this side of the world.
01:39:49.680 --> 01:39:52.159
Um, so yeah, there is that imbalance.
01:39:52.319 --> 01:40:00.159
Um, so it's it's it's left for everyone to just choose how they decide and how they choose um to experience life and love.
01:40:00.479 --> 01:40:02.159
My wife is ready for you.
01:40:02.399 --> 01:40:02.720
Oh.
01:40:03.600 --> 01:40:08.319
I just wanted to add because I'm part of this new generation, right?
01:40:08.479 --> 01:40:16.239
And there's the side of marriage where we see crashing, obviously, the examples, like Ajikunli rightfully said.
01:40:16.399 --> 01:40:19.359
Um, but Banki also mentioned, oh, there are good marriages.
01:40:19.520 --> 01:40:21.199
It's probably that we don't hear about it.
01:40:21.520 --> 01:40:38.319
The truth is, we hear the tea about these good marriages and what is actually going on in those marriages, and the long suffering that is happening in those marriages, about how there is infidelity going on from the husband, from the wife.
01:40:38.560 --> 01:40:41.920
We also hear of oh, the man doesn't have enough money.
01:40:42.560 --> 01:40:43.680
Okay, why are you smiling?
01:40:43.920 --> 01:40:57.840
But the woman is no longer ready to stay in the marriage anymore, and then she leaves after a couple of years because the man cannot provide for her according to the standards that she has or that she she's come up with.
01:40:58.000 --> 01:40:59.760
So those are the things that we hear as well.
01:40:59.920 --> 01:41:10.880
There is the marriages that are actually crashing and ending in divorce that we see, but also some of these good marriages that we hold up to a high standard or that are at the pillow, they're not we we hear the the T.
01:41:11.520 --> 01:41:16.239
So there's also that you do I have a I have a question for Maya.
01:41:16.880 --> 01:41:20.399
So does that mean that we should can't we have agency, Jason?
01:41:20.640 --> 01:41:30.319
Can't we like decide what we want from a marriage, what we want from a partner, and then go for that and just trust that's what we desire and how we plan our lives will work out?
01:41:30.479 --> 01:41:33.439
Must we must we believe that the data is?
01:41:33.600 --> 01:41:41.359
I mean we can, we can, but if the data shows that most of it doesn't actually work out, then nobody is.
01:41:41.920 --> 01:41:44.079
But that's my that's a hold on.
01:41:44.159 --> 01:41:46.079
So my let me push back.
01:41:46.319 --> 01:41:51.039
Let me push back because categorically your statement is false.
01:41:51.359 --> 01:41:55.199
Because the data doesn't show that most marriages don't work out.
01:41:55.359 --> 01:41:59.520
In fact, the data shows that most marriages do work out.
01:41:59.840 --> 01:42:03.680
I would also say that you need to.
01:42:04.720 --> 01:42:14.960
I would ask a question about where your focus is because if you are focusing on the tea, as you put it by being or twin.
01:42:15.760 --> 01:42:20.319
If you are focusing on the tea in a handful of situations, it's sweet.
01:42:21.279 --> 01:42:25.600
It's like spending all day in the gutter and wondering why you are smelling.
01:42:25.840 --> 01:42:26.159
Uh-uh.
01:42:27.119 --> 01:42:38.159
No, I'm not, I'm I'm just saying that you know, there's a a world in which if you choose to consume that information, then that information will be there.
01:42:38.399 --> 01:42:42.399
But it goes back to what you were saying about what's put out and what is real.
01:42:42.640 --> 01:42:43.119
Exactly.
01:42:43.199 --> 01:42:44.720
Like I'm I'm not now I'm not saying that they're.
01:42:45.039 --> 01:42:47.039
I mean a good marriage is boring gist, let's be honest.
01:42:47.199 --> 01:42:57.439
It's boring, like it's like it's not exciting, it's not, it doesn't trend and I'm not saying I'm not saying that that bad marriages don't exist or divorce or any of those things.
01:42:58.720 --> 01:43:06.960
But I do think that one is given so much attention and airtime in the world we live in.
01:43:07.119 --> 01:43:12.880
Yeah, and you also need to be careful because some of it is not even true.
01:43:13.119 --> 01:43:18.640
And you consume it and it will go all around the world, and then people will just move on.
01:43:18.880 --> 01:43:23.439
And it will just be like, okay, it's another thing that's in the gist blogger sphere.
01:43:23.520 --> 01:43:28.960
So I think, you know, again, it's what you as a person decide that you want to consume.
01:43:29.119 --> 01:43:31.439
You know this thing about the algorithm, right?
01:43:31.840 --> 01:43:46.000
If the algorithm tracks you looking for sports, eventually that's all you'll see on your timeline is basketball and football and Arsenal winning the Premier League or shake gunners for life.
01:43:46.560 --> 01:43:48.079
This room is divided.
01:43:48.560 --> 01:43:54.239
Um but I think if if that's what you go for, then that's more of what you will see.
01:43:54.399 --> 01:44:01.920
So if you are going for scandals and tea and gossip and bad news, you will get more of that.
01:44:02.239 --> 01:44:06.319
But that doesn't mean that the good doesn't exist and the data.
01:44:08.239 --> 01:44:09.359
I thank you.
01:44:09.520 --> 01:44:11.359
And I would also I also want to say something.
01:44:11.439 --> 01:44:29.840
I think part of the reason I think, and I could be wrong, but I think something else to consider as to why maybe people are not so um excited about marriage, aside from you know having many bad examples that are dominating the news cycle.
01:44:30.720 --> 01:44:36.239
I think marriage is probably the greatest character-building institution.
01:44:37.840 --> 01:44:38.880
Calm down.
01:44:40.800 --> 01:44:44.720
Marriage is probably the greatest character building institution.
01:44:45.119 --> 01:44:58.720
So if you go into a marriage self-centered, it's all about me, it's you know, and I'm not saying everybody that goes into marriage has that mindset, but I am saying that you can't approach it in that way.
01:44:59.119 --> 01:45:23.359
And if one or both partners have that kind of self-centered mindset, it's harder because character building, by definition, will cost you, it will hurt, it will require sacrifice, it will require some level of pain, it will require, you know, you have God will use the two of you to sharpen each other and you will go through things together.
01:45:23.600 --> 01:45:40.960
And I think that if you can go through those experiences and come out on the other side, you will find that not only will your love be stronger, but as a person, you'll be wiser, you'll be tougher, you'll be more resilient, you'll you'll come out as a better person.
01:45:41.600 --> 01:45:51.279
But the world that we live in today, I wonder if we've we've we've embraced this, like, and and and it's a it's a balance, right?
01:45:51.359 --> 01:45:56.159
Like you do want to love yourself, you do want to prioritize yourself, self-love is important.
01:45:56.880 --> 01:46:05.279
But if you're going to make a marriage work with somebody, there is a measure of putting yourself down that you have to accept.
01:46:05.520 --> 01:46:14.079
There's a measure of saying, I'm going to value somebody else's uh position at least as much as I value my own, if not more.
01:46:14.399 --> 01:46:32.800
And if both partners have that mindset that you know what, I'm going to prioritize my wife or my husband, I'm going to put him or her first, I'm going to try, then that's when a marriage works because you have two people who are imperfect, but they are trying because they found somebody and something worth trying for.
01:46:33.119 --> 01:46:35.199
And that really is what it's about.
01:46:35.279 --> 01:46:42.560
It's two imperfect people finding someone that you want to fight for and try for and build with.
01:46:42.800 --> 01:46:50.079
And if you have that, man, marriage can end up being the most beautiful thing that you experience in life.
01:46:50.239 --> 01:46:53.359
It will have its tough times, but it will end up beautiful.
01:46:53.600 --> 01:47:00.399
But if you don't want to embrace that mindset, or in some cases, one person does and the other person doesn't.
01:47:00.640 --> 01:47:13.760
But the more that you can get both people rowing in that direction, yes, you'll butt heads, you'll have your tough times, but you'll come out of it better off as individuals and as a as a unit.
01:47:14.079 --> 01:47:15.920
And with these few points of mind.
01:47:38.960 --> 01:47:40.159
This one is what?
01:47:40.880 --> 01:47:41.920
This one is what?
01:47:42.560 --> 01:47:44.239
Two of them I cannot be clocked.
01:47:46.479 --> 01:47:47.600
This one is eight.
01:47:47.920 --> 01:47:49.199
This one is clocked.
01:47:55.359 --> 01:47:56.640
I'm sorry.
01:47:57.119 --> 01:48:14.319
Um we need to start sort of winding this down, but um I think I don't need to convince anybody here to say that we are all guilty of liking the mess.
01:48:15.520 --> 01:48:22.800
You are not gonna click on too many cute marriage stories.
01:48:27.920 --> 01:48:32.239
Once you see that, oh, this wife said this about the husband, you are going to go there.
01:48:32.479 --> 01:48:33.680
You want to know the gist.
01:48:34.960 --> 01:48:51.199
So unfortunately, what trends, what goes viral, what looks like the standard of what a marriage or relationship is, becomes the dirt or the mess.
01:48:52.159 --> 01:49:05.199
Um, and like we live in an age where virality, everybody's chasing virality, everybody's chasing content creation, everybody wants to go that route, right?
01:49:05.439 --> 01:49:11.600
So good news is not sweet like that, whether we like it or not.
01:49:13.039 --> 01:49:16.640
Um to sort of start winding this down.
01:49:17.760 --> 01:49:39.359
I'm very I know I've I've sort of been joking here a lot about a lot of these money conversations, but I needed to do that because I know a lot of us here and a lot of Nigerians in general, when we Nigeria is a country of forums, conferences, seminars.
01:49:39.600 --> 01:49:50.319
We are great at those things, but we know how we feel when we get back home or when we are driving back home is still about how much you get.
01:49:51.760 --> 01:49:53.520
We cannot deny it.
01:49:54.399 --> 01:49:56.239
How much do you have?
01:49:57.520 --> 01:49:59.840
And like you said at the start of this thing, you don't want to.
01:50:00.159 --> 01:50:05.039
Sound preachy, and I don't want this to be a preaching situation.
01:50:05.840 --> 01:50:19.680
I want people to live here, not necessarily changing their lives, but also understanding that it's okay to love money, but it's also important to realize that money shouldn't rule you at the end of the day.
01:50:19.920 --> 01:50:20.560
Well said.
01:50:21.199 --> 01:50:26.720
I uh I will never tell anybody that money is not important.
01:50:27.359 --> 01:50:32.640
I can never tell any Nigerian to leave money and be looking anywhere else.
01:50:32.960 --> 01:50:42.800
Because whether you like it or not, it defines a lot of our personality and who we are.
01:50:44.319 --> 01:50:53.760
Now, whether you now make it your personality and you're making it define your entire existence is a whole other conversation.
01:50:54.319 --> 01:50:59.840
But at the end of the day, it is a huge factor in how we operate as Nigerians.
01:51:00.720 --> 01:51:14.960
And I wanted this conversation to help us realize that money is important, but it's not who you are in totality.
01:51:15.279 --> 01:51:26.319
We've heard from people who've made money, who've lost money, who have been defined by money, and ultimately I think the general message is it's important, but it's not you.
01:51:27.199 --> 01:51:30.800
And do we have any Yahoo boy here?
01:51:35.039 --> 01:51:37.439
Do we have any ex-Yahoo boy here?
01:51:38.239 --> 01:51:39.199
Somebody's raising the hands.
01:51:40.560 --> 01:51:41.920
Did you do Yahoo before?
01:51:45.600 --> 01:51:47.359
Do we have any ex-Yahoo boy?
01:51:47.600 --> 01:51:48.880
Timini, who don't stop?
01:51:51.359 --> 01:51:53.760
Do we have anybody who's dated a Yahoo boy?
01:51:54.000 --> 01:51:55.279
You don't have to call his name.
01:51:58.960 --> 01:51:59.359
Why?
01:52:00.399 --> 01:52:02.079
Do you know anything about him?
01:52:03.199 --> 01:52:05.279
Do we have anybody who's dated a Yahoo boy?
01:52:05.359 --> 01:52:07.199
You don't have to mention his name.
01:52:08.800 --> 01:52:11.840
Everybody's trying to bomb some right.
01:52:17.279 --> 01:52:22.159
Like you said, we don't want to sound preachy, but we can't lie to ourselves.
01:52:23.520 --> 01:52:39.039
Yahoo boys dictate the club culture, dictates a lot of the lifestyle culture, dictates a lot of the car culture, the sports lecky rents for people.
01:52:39.199 --> 01:52:41.520
People cannot rent anything anymore.
01:52:42.319 --> 01:52:48.960
So it's very hard for you to walk up to anybody and tell them, don't be materialistic.
01:52:58.479 --> 01:53:00.239
Life is a journey.
01:53:01.760 --> 01:53:04.800
But I see why people are the way they are.
01:53:05.600 --> 01:53:12.800
And at the end of the day, people do what they need to do.
01:53:14.159 --> 01:53:20.640
Um my director has been telling me to wrap this up for the last hour.
01:53:32.239 --> 01:53:36.560
Thank you very much, everyone, for being a part of this conversation.
01:53:37.680 --> 01:53:39.359
We have plenty of drinks for you.
01:53:39.520 --> 01:53:41.600
We have a lot to eat and drink.
01:53:42.800 --> 01:53:45.520
We have plenty of people here who have sense.
01:53:46.239 --> 01:53:52.880
I'm not saying they are not materialistic, but you can share to them without talking about money first.
01:53:55.199 --> 01:53:58.880
Let's interact, hang out, have a good time.
01:54:00.000 --> 01:54:04.239
Um, big shout out, big shout out, big shout out to Schwepps.
01:54:04.880 --> 01:54:09.359
Thank you very much, Shwepps, for being a part of this.
01:54:09.520 --> 01:54:11.359
Big shout out to the Glenn Leavett.
01:54:16.079 --> 01:54:26.880
And I do this not because I want to shout out sponsors, but being sensible is boring, and I'm sure a lot of you have felt it this evening.
01:54:26.960 --> 01:54:40.720
It's like they talk, it's not trendy, it's not fun to talk about things that are sensible, things that matter.
01:54:41.119 --> 01:54:46.880
It's easier to find, and I said at the beginning of the show, and I'll say it again.
01:54:46.960 --> 01:54:51.920
If I wanted to have a million views on YouTube every week, it's very easy.
01:54:55.439 --> 01:55:06.399
It's very easy because these conversations are everywhere, and I know everybody I need to call to have this conversation, but there's also something happening.
01:55:06.720 --> 01:55:20.560
A lot of us here are not parents yet, but a lot of our kids are growing up, and we'll grow up in a world where what we thought was weird or abnormal is now normal.
01:55:22.079 --> 01:55:38.720
And you don't want to wake up in a country or a continent or a world where in 15, 20, 30 years' time a lot of the things you thought were abhorrent are the norm.
01:55:41.520 --> 01:55:56.560
Let us not dwell too much on trends, on what we think is cool, but what is important.
01:55:58.399 --> 01:56:04.800
Sometimes the boring things are what matters the most, especially even in marriages.
01:56:05.039 --> 01:56:16.239
Anyone who's married for a long time will tell you that some of the most amazing times are the times where they just sat together saying nothing.
01:56:17.439 --> 01:56:24.800
Boring times might not might sound I mean, literally boring, but those are the times that define it out of who we are.
01:56:26.720 --> 01:56:32.960
And I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm kind of worried about where we are heading.
01:56:34.159 --> 01:56:46.640
Politicians, businessmen, Nigerians, Gen Z, millennials, Gen X, whoever we are, we're making a lot of mistakes and we are washing in a lot of the wrong things.
01:56:47.279 --> 01:56:51.520
And there's a need to realign a lot of that.
01:56:52.800 --> 01:56:54.239
You want me to say something?
01:56:54.720 --> 01:56:57.840
Um, I think this has been an interesting conversation.
01:56:58.000 --> 01:57:02.479
Thank you to everybody who has contributed and everybody who made time to be here.
01:57:02.720 --> 01:57:03.920
God bless you guys.
01:57:04.000 --> 01:57:10.079
I I think just my final thought is that we've said this all evening.
01:57:10.159 --> 01:57:14.319
This is not a debate between having money and poverty.
01:57:14.479 --> 01:57:17.119
You know, we don't wish poverty on anybody, and yes, chase your dreams.
01:57:18.640 --> 01:57:19.520
No, no problem.
01:57:19.840 --> 01:57:26.399
So, yes, chase your dreams, you know, go after it and be successful by God's grace.
01:57:26.640 --> 01:57:41.680
However, when you elevate money to the point where you are looking to it for identity, for significance, for salvation, then you are asking money to do a job that only God can do.
01:57:42.159 --> 01:57:43.600
And that's where I'll stop.
01:57:45.760 --> 01:57:48.399
Sorry, I had I start with God, I end with God.
01:57:48.560 --> 01:57:50.319
Take me as I am, you know this.
01:57:52.239 --> 01:57:56.239
It's not a church, it's not a church, it's not where we're here.
01:57:56.800 --> 01:57:59.039
Ronaldo did not score, by the way.
01:57:59.760 --> 01:58:03.199
For Ronaldo fans in the house, the match has ended one month.
01:58:03.359 --> 01:58:04.239
He did not score.
01:58:05.199 --> 01:58:06.479
That's another show.
01:58:06.640 --> 01:58:08.319
Come back next week.
01:58:10.319 --> 01:58:11.840
Did he score today?
01:58:12.720 --> 01:58:15.439
I love Ronaldo Pansy, but he doesn't score.
01:58:16.560 --> 01:58:23.039
He did not score, relax, ladies and gentlemen.
01:58:23.199 --> 01:58:25.199
We're gonna do a sports episode.
01:58:25.520 --> 01:58:29.199
All the superstars have showed up this World Cup.
01:58:29.520 --> 01:58:36.880
Ronaldo did not score, and I'm a money united fan, so it's hard for me to say that.
01:58:38.720 --> 01:58:41.439
Thank you very much, everyone, for being here today.
01:58:42.640 --> 01:58:51.439
Um, this was sort of an experiment to see what a live episode will look like.
01:58:51.680 --> 01:58:53.680
This will be on YouTube very soon.
01:58:53.920 --> 01:58:55.840
Um, we don't have all the answers.
01:58:55.920 --> 01:58:57.039
We say this every episode.
01:58:57.119 --> 01:58:58.640
Yeah, we are learning as we go.
01:58:58.800 --> 01:59:00.319
Me, I'm in the world.
01:59:00.560 --> 01:59:02.720
I'm a child of God, but I'm in the world.
01:59:03.119 --> 01:59:04.319
Banky is a pastor.
01:59:04.479 --> 01:59:06.159
So every time I talk, he's always judging me.
01:59:06.239 --> 01:59:14.239
He'll be looking at me and saying, This boy, this boy, come out, come back into the house of the Lord, ladies and gentlemen.
01:59:14.399 --> 01:59:16.479
Um, it's a pleasure.
01:59:17.359 --> 01:59:24.399
Like I said at the start of this, this was sort of an experiment to see what a live episode would look like.
01:59:25.039 --> 01:59:33.600
Um I know a lot of you have questions, a lot of you have things to say, but ultimately this is an ongoing conversation.
01:59:33.840 --> 01:59:40.079
We don't have a lot of spaces where men are able to talk like this.
01:59:40.720 --> 01:59:47.520
And I'm hoping this continues um for a few more seasons.
01:59:47.760 --> 01:59:48.079
Amen.
01:59:48.560 --> 01:59:51.920
Banky will keep preaching, I'll keep trying to attack you.
01:59:53.600 --> 01:59:54.640
We'll be here.
01:59:56.079 --> 01:59:59.279
Money is important to everyone like Nigeria.
02:00:01.119 --> 02:00:02.479
Our pastors get money.
02:00:04.239 --> 02:00:07.119
We'll see this on the YouTube very soon.
02:00:07.279 --> 02:00:08.720
Thank you very much, guys.