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Welcome back to the Made for More podcast.
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I am your friend and your host, Miranda.
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And my neighbors are getting a new roof.
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Don't they understand that I'm in the studio right now recording this podcast for my listeners?
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In reality, I'm actually sitting in my bed.
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And I do cope a little bit with humor.
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You know, a lot of times you can be going through something and people are like, oh, I have no idea.
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Or you handled it so well.
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No, I didn't.
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I didn't.
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Call my two soulmates, my husband and my best friend.
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They have had to carry the chaos and hold my hand and pray for me and love me.
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So, what I'm here to say is I'm gonna go ahead and tell you that this episode one is gonna have background noise.
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Again, I'm in the studio and apparently somebody needs a new roof.
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But that this episode is going to be a little bit of like a small glimpse as to what I'm willing to say.
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Um has kind of been going on with me behind the mic and behind the scenes.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve, y'all.
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You know this.
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But uh I'm gonna go ahead and tell you that I'm going to be taking a pause.
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And I know that's really hard for me to say.
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And if you know me, you know that I produce a new episode of the Made for More podcast every single Monday.
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I call it Made for More Mondays.
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I love it.
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I hype it up.
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I have never missed a Monday, y'all, since I started this thing.
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And you know, I had to think about that this week.
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And nobody makes me do that, right?
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This is mine.
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This is my hobby.
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This is a labor of love.
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This is my safe space.
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Nobody makes me show up.
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But regardless, whether there's been a holiday or I've traveled or I've been sick or busy, like there has been an episode every single Monday that I have not missed.
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And being in the month of May, we are two less than two months away from my one-year anniversary of having the Made for More podcast.
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And I am so excited about that.
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And I've just had this idea of like, how cool is it gonna be to be able to be like, yeah, and I haven't missed a Monday.
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I started this thing, I launched it on Thursday, July 3rd, I believe it was.
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And I did my intro episode, and then the following Monday, I hit the ground running.
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I gave you guys an episode, and I haven't missed a Monday since.
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But I had this realization this week, and I had to tell myself this honest thought, Miranda, there is you're you're not receiving an award, there's no prize, nobody's going to like probably even notice if you didn't do every single Monday.
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And what are you looking for at the end of this?
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And is there an end?
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Because the type of person I am, it's not gonna be like I get to July and I made it every Monday to a year and be like, yes, I'm done and I've completed the goal.
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No, it's it's kind of like working out.
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You don't just work out for a certain amount of time and you like never have to work out again.
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You keep going.
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And so this goal for me is never-ending, and that's great.
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I love that.
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And that means my heart is in it for the right reasons, and um, that means I'm gonna be here for the long haul.
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However, for now, I am going to press pause and just go.
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Honestly, I'm pressing pause on a lot of things, not just the podcast, but just step back and take some time for my own personal journey.
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I want to remind you that I have 47 episodes here for you to dig back through, like go re-listen to something.
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Sometimes when you listen to something again in a different season of life, you're like, oh, this hits different.
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And the best way to support me through this pause would be for you guys to keep listening and for you guys to keep streaming, sharing, post about on your social media, tell a friend about an episode, give it to somebody who needs the encouragement.
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So uh for now, you know, I'll tell you and remind you what I'm reminding myself and what I've had to be unfortunately reminded is that the body keeps score.
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We all know this, don't we?
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But we know that whatever we suppress and we do not address, it will resurface or manifest in some way, shape, or form within our life or in our bodies.
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So to put it in a nutshell, that's exactly what I'm dealing with.
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I'm dealing with health issues.
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I'm dealing with kind of like a shutdown.
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So I've got to press pause and step back from several things.
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And I will say I'm fine.
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Um, honestly, in this moment right now, I'm I can't even tell you.
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This is the first time in a week that I actually feel clear-headed.
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I've been so foggy, so drained.
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I spent five days in the bed.
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I tried to work for two days, and then I've been back in the bed.
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And I'm I'm just going through some things and I'm uh getting the help that's needed and I'm managing.
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Um, but there's no more powering through right now.
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You know, you can only power through so much.
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And yeah, so I'm just going to take some time to rest my body and my mind and rebuild my strength back again.
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Um, but in order to do so, that means, you know, being honest and being like, I need to press pause.
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And guess what?
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No, nobody's not in trouble for pressing pause, you know, like nobody's coming for me.
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It's going to be fine.
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And yeah, so I'm gonna share a few things today because um, per usual, I want to leave you with something of value, something that you can take and apply to your life if you haven't already gotten something out of these first six minutes.
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But I read this quote on Instagram and I thought that this was so fitting for what and how I feel right now.
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I'm a person of faith, and maybe you'll resonate to this too.
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The quote says, So maybe the prayer in this season is not, Lord, get me out of this, but Lord keep me faithful in it.
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Because I know that escape feels like the best plan right now.
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That would be the miracle story, but sometimes the miracle is that you genuinely did not lose your faith through the fire.
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And I just want you to know that that too is grace.
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What a testimony that is.
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And I want to give credit to the creator that shared this.
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Her name is Amy Cluttony, and I'm going to put that quote in her name in my bio on the show notes.
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And uh, I always believe in giving somebody credit, giving someone flowers for their effort and their work.
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But I just absolutely loved she had a thread of um information, and that was one quote that just stood out to me because I was like, you know, the season I'm in, the area I'm in for the last couple of days, I've been like, God, I gotta get through this.
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Like, get me away from this, heal me from this, fix this, level this, like all these things.
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And so when I read that, I'm like, hmm, what a perspective shift.
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Maybe, maybe the prayer is not get me out of this, but keep me faithful while I'm in this.
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And so, one of the things I've been doing to try to keep me calm and uh keep my nervous system like regulated and just getting me through my day is listening to worship music.
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It's really, really just grounding just to have on background noise.
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I've the days that I have worked, I've had it on at the salon, in the car.
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Um, but one of the songs that kept coming on is one that I've heard many of times.
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But the song is called Gyra by Elevation Worship, and I'm gonna read you some lyrics.
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The lyrics say, if he dresses the lilies with beauty and splendor, how much more will he clothe you?
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If he watches over every sparrow, how much more will he love you?
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And I have really just let these lyrics just marinate deep into my weary heart.
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And what I take from this is that if God cares about every detail of what makes the lilies and the flowers and the roses beautiful and spectacular, how much more does he care about the details within me and within you?
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And if God watches over his creatures and he cares about the birds and he watches over them, how much more does he love me and does he love you?
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It just felt like such a gift to just let these land.
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And I remember a couple days ago I glanced outside and I remember just seeing like a bird like on my back porch, and I was like, God cares about that bird, isn't that crazy?
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Like he knows, he knows every every detail of every species, he created it all.
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And same with the flowers, like think of the diversity of flowers that we have and and how they just bloom when they're supposed to bloom in the right seasons, and he cares about the details.
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So I wanted to share that with you.
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I um, you know, I wrote down those exact lyrics on a sticky note and I taped it to my bathroom mirror.
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Um Yeah, I taped it to my bathroom mirror and I taped it to my car dashboard and I taped it when I didn't really know if I like could really believe that God would care about me that much.
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It's one thing to hear it, but another thing to feel it.
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And I was like, I want to tape this, and it's literally right there in the dead center of my mirror, um, along with I taped Psalm 23 uh as a reminder.
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That way when I'm looking in the mirror, I I can see that, and when I'm driving in the car, I can see that.
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Um and sweetly enough, I came home last night from work and took my shower, went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and when I looked in the mirror, I saw my two sticky notes, but I saw a third one and my husband wrote a verse for me, and I just started crying, and I just went straight to him, and he just knew that I saw it, and I just stuff like that.
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I just you know, I just felt so loved and seen by my spouse and supported.
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And these last couple days, I just feel like I can't be anything for anyone, if I'm honest.
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I can't be anything for anyone.
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I feel like I'm failing.
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I feel like I can't step into the roles that I'm supposed to be in.
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I can't serve, like everything's behind or delayed.
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And um, I have to just I've had to just be okay, you know, and I've had to just rest.
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So I just want to remind you that God sees you, He loves you, He knows you, and He understands you more than you can fathom.
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He sees whatever journey that you're on, he sees your struggle, He sees the things that you don't talk about, He sees the things that you don't address, He sees the pain that maybe you've carried and you've tucked away.
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He also knows all of your hopes and your dreams.
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He knows your every single detail of what makes you you.
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And he deeply cares about the details of who you are and wants a relationship with you.
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And you can rest in the comfort that he cares, if he cares so deeply about those lilies and the sparrows, how much more do you think that he can care about you?
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And if you're unsure about that, ask him.
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I feel like that's the best thing to do if you're a person that's a little unsure in the faith journey or unsure about this whole Jesus deal.
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Ask him.
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He loves he loves a question, he loves a challenge.
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Like, ask him.
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Say, if you care about the lilies and the sparrows, will you show me how much you care about me?
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If you care about those details, will you make yourself known to me?
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And he will show you through life, through time.
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Now, I'm gonna share with you this um this really interesting download that I had in my brain today.
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And um I'm really just I'm honestly just so grateful for this.
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And honestly, like I said, it today's like the first day I actually feel clear and like can think clearly.
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So I'm downstairs and the sink has some dishes in it, and I'm like, I gotta get this, you know, situated.
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I need to get the dishwasher started.
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I don't know the last time I've ran laundry or dishes, everything has gone just, you know, to the side.
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And my husband's trying to maintain, but works a job, been trying to manage me, my daughter, all the things.
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So, anyways, I'm like, I can do small tasks today.
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That's a that's a thing for me.
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Is one thing that I'm trying to do is retrain my body and my nervous system and my mind that I am safe and I can do these tasks, and I'm not gonna be consumed, I'm not gonna overanalyze every feeling that I feel in my body.
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I'm teaching myself and I'm just picking very small things.
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So I was doing the dishes.
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So I have the sponge, spray it with the Dawn dish soap, and I'm washing the dishes.
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And because I haven't been my best self lately, I am looking at the sponge and I'm kind of thinking to myself, how old is this sponge?
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Because I typically throw out a sponge maybe once a week and get a new one.
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I buy the big pack from Sam's or Costco, and I know that um, you know, you put it put a new sponge out.
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And uh your girl doesn't know when the last time we had a new sponge, and you know, I just I just see that those are the things that nobody knows that I care for.
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And so I'm looking at this thing and I'm like, it's pretty ragged, it's pretty thin.
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And uh I'm gonna guess it's at least two, maybe three weeks old.
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And as I'm cleaning, I'm like, this is pretty like I should stop now.
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This is gross.
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Because this is the download that I had in my head.
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This is so good.
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Sponges hold things that we cannot see within and beneath the surface.
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And do you know what that those are?
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It's bacteria, maybe fungus, just nastiness.
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And that's why we throw it away and we get a new one.
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So I was thinking, I'm like, here I am, I have a mask or I have a sponge, and I'm trying to mask it with dishwashing liquids, agents, cleaning agents that are supposed to clean, right?
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It's supposed to make things good.
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And I'm using this to fix another problem that I have, which is cleaning a dish.
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But what I'm carrying into cleaning an object is what I'm not addressing, which is the bacteria that is on that sponge that is the bacteria is holding on to the sponge because I need to throw it away.
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And I was like, oh lord, this one hit.
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And I was sitting there scrubbing, and I was like, Yeah, you can think you're cleaning the dish, and you can think you're using the right cleaning agents, but if you don't address that issue, you're actually just spreading the germs and spreading the bacteria, even though whatever you're doing looks like it's fixing, you're it's not, it's all mast.
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And I was like, wow, wow.
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It that just really hit me in my life.
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So throw away the sponge in more ways than one, if you know what I mean.
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Okay, the next thing I'm gonna share is something funny because I thought this was funny.
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We gotta have some humor, okay?
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You can't just cry every day.
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But this is definitely something you've heard, especially if you ever if you're a female.
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I know you've probably seen the meme that says something along the lines that says, like, you know what could really fix me right now is a Caesar salad and a side of fries.
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That could really fix whatever's going on with me right now.
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So today, when I finally was like, all right, Miranda, you can't rot in the bed anymore.
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We gotta get up, we gotta do things.
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I was I literally thought of that meme.
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I was like, I wonder if I have a Caesar salad and some like a potato or fries or something downstairs.
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So I went out of bed and I did, in fact, have a Caesar salad kit that was going to expire today.
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It looked a little questionable, but like I said, I haven't been on my game, so I didn't really know what we had.
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But I was like, you know what?
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Uh I opened the bag, I smelled it, and I was like, you know, what more can go wrong?
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So we're gonna just try this Caesar salad.
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And I looked around, I did find two potatoes um that were very questionable looking and uncookable.
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So I was like, all right, that's not gonna work.
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I can't make homemade fries.
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Looked in the freezer, found sweet potato fries, frozen sweet potato fries, and I thought, you healthy, healthy girl, you healthy queen, where are the real fries, Miranda?
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Anyways, so I made the sweet potato fries in the air fryer, and I made my little Caesar salad and my little f my little fries, and I was like, you know what?
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Maybe this is gonna fix whatever's wrong with me.
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And I ate it and it was delicious, and um I don't know.
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I'll have to report back.
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I will report back.
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I don't think your life can be fixed by a Caesar salad and fries, but I will say, you know, it was nice.
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So lastly, here I really just want to encourage you around this idea because I started thinking about this for myself, and I was like, maybe we wouldn't be in this position if I actually applied this.
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But I want you to think about either calling out of work, taking off a day, or taking off a half day, something along those lines, because you're healthy, able, and in a good place.
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I want you to really think about that because we often hear about calling out because you're sick.
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But I think the solution is we need to start taking random days or half days or chunks of time here and there to ourselves, where we are calling out or closing our books or blocking our day because we're good and we're in a healthy place.
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So I can promise you that your boss, your manager, your company, maybe if you're like me and you're self-employed, you won't even allow yourself to like think like this.
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But as your friend, please hear me.
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Give yourself permission to do this.
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Like you deserve to call out healthy.
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I think you deserve that.
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I think you should do that.
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I think it's gonna prevent you from getting sick or just having things go on within your body.
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I think you deserve to take the afternoon off.
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Uh, I don't think you have to explain yourself either.
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Don't tell anybody where you're going, don't tell anyone why.
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Let your family even think you're at work.
00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:31.200
Let let whoever think whatever, you know, go to TJ Maxx, go stroll around aimlessly.
00:20:31.279 --> 00:20:32.240
You don't even have to spend money.
00:20:32.319 --> 00:20:34.640
You can just go look and touch and feel things.
00:20:34.960 --> 00:20:36.720
And go get your nails done.
00:20:36.960 --> 00:20:39.359
Maybe go get a massage or a facial.
00:20:39.440 --> 00:20:41.119
Like, when's the last time you had a facial?
00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:42.480
You know, I keep saying that to myself.
00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:45.200
It's been probably two years.
00:20:45.599 --> 00:20:46.960
I probably need a facial.
00:20:47.839 --> 00:20:48.799
Go do something.
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:53.359
And when you do something, don't make it a productive something.
00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:55.680
Don't make it a workout.
00:20:55.920 --> 00:21:01.599
Don't make it a trip to Costco or going home early to go clean your whole house.
00:21:01.759 --> 00:21:03.440
I know those things help our lives.
00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:05.519
Trust me, trust me, trust me.
00:21:05.759 --> 00:21:20.799
As a person who fights this battle of like productivity, I know those things are good and it is nice to have the time to be productive for ourselves or even for our careers or for our families or for our schedules.
00:21:21.279 --> 00:21:25.119
But allow yourself to just go stroll.
00:21:25.680 --> 00:21:28.079
Maybe go to nothing butt cakes.
00:21:28.160 --> 00:21:30.160
Get yourself one of those little bunt cakes.
00:21:30.319 --> 00:21:30.720
Yeah.
00:21:31.440 --> 00:21:31.759
Uh-huh.
00:21:31.920 --> 00:21:32.720
Ask for a fork.
00:21:32.880 --> 00:21:34.000
Go eat it in the car.
00:21:35.440 --> 00:21:47.359
Just allow yourself the permission to just live and to just be and to give yourself a moment to just be like, you know what, I'm happy and I'm healthy and I'm feeling good.
00:21:47.440 --> 00:21:51.279
And I'm gonna celebrate that moment because it's not promised tomorrow.
00:21:52.480 --> 00:21:54.400
And I think you deserve that.
00:21:54.720 --> 00:21:56.480
And honestly, I deserved that.
00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:59.680
And I didn't do that for myself, but I'm gonna start doing that randomly here and there.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:03.519
Probably what if we did this once a quarter?
00:22:03.680 --> 00:22:04.400
I think that sounds great.
00:22:04.480 --> 00:22:06.400
It's like four times a year.
00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:08.640
We should probably do it more than that.
00:22:08.799 --> 00:22:12.079
But you know, if you don't ever do this, that's a pretty big goal.
00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:13.039
Four times a year.
00:22:13.119 --> 00:22:14.000
That would be great.
00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:18.160
Do something for you that involves no one else but whatever brings you joy.
00:22:18.240 --> 00:22:20.000
Go to Hobby Lobby.
00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:22.160
Go look around.
00:22:22.400 --> 00:22:24.880
Go sniff a candle at Bath and Body Works.
00:22:24.960 --> 00:22:25.359
Whatever.
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:27.359
Like all those things sound so good to me right now.
00:22:27.440 --> 00:22:29.680
It just sounds so comforting and so girly.
00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:36.000
Between the Caesar salad and the fries and a calling out healthy, like, oh god, it sounds so good.
00:22:36.240 --> 00:22:36.559
Okay.
00:22:37.440 --> 00:22:40.559
I also want to remind you as we close this out.
00:22:41.039 --> 00:22:44.480
I'm sure you've already heard this, but May's Mental Health Awareness Month.
00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:49.359
We know this, but why do we run our mental health into the ground, Miranda?
00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:56.079
Oh, so I'm gonna encourage you to take the step that I took this week.
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:58.400
You need to book that counselor, sis.
00:22:59.359 --> 00:23:00.000
You do.
00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:00.799
Mm-hmm.
00:23:01.119 --> 00:23:02.640
I know it's overwhelming.
00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:06.880
You gotta figure out who takes your insurance if they take your insurance.
00:23:07.119 --> 00:23:10.559
If they don't, oh you gotta pay somebody out of pocket and that's money.
00:23:10.640 --> 00:23:12.720
I know, girl, me too.
00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:18.720
Book that counselor, that therapist, psychiatrist, hire a life coach.
00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:24.799
Like I've I've worked with a little bit of everybody um through my life and for different seasons.
00:23:25.039 --> 00:23:35.200
And so to, you know, just encourage you, I started counseling literally yesterday, and I was petrified.
00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:46.880
I will tell you, I think something that I learned um a couple years ago before any counseling session or life coaching session I ever did with whoever I worked with.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:49.119
I always wrote down my intentions.
00:23:49.839 --> 00:23:52.240
And so yesterday I'm gonna try to remember my intentions.
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:59.519
I wrote them down and I said, I want to feel safe, seen, and heard.
00:24:00.559 --> 00:24:03.200
I wanted to be honest and open.
00:24:03.759 --> 00:24:12.799
I wanted to not second guess myself, and I wanted to be open to feedback and guidance.
00:24:12.960 --> 00:24:14.880
And I had a really great session.
00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:37.839
Um, yeah, so I encourage you to do that and do that before your life's up in smokes, please, because uh you should do that, you should go work on things because we're all holding energy of things that we have lived or things that we have processed, and we might think, Oh, I'm good, I'm far from that, I've already lived that I've already experienced that.
00:24:38.319 --> 00:24:46.960
And like I said, with that sponge, we are holding on to some things that resurface even when you don't really want them to.
00:24:47.279 --> 00:24:52.880
Um, yeah, there's really never enough uh work you could do on yourself.
00:24:52.960 --> 00:25:03.359
Like, I mean, it's just so great to work on yourself and to understand your body and to know kind of like what's going on with you and who doesn't want to show up better, right?
00:25:03.440 --> 00:25:07.440
Like, that's the whole purpose of this podcast is to show up and to be better.
00:25:07.759 --> 00:25:15.839
So I'm going to tell you that this is my pause for right now so that I can go work on myself.
00:25:16.079 --> 00:25:21.839
My mom even said to me recently, she was like, Do you listen to the words you say on your podcast?
00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:24.400
And I'm like, you know, she's right.
00:25:24.640 --> 00:25:30.960
I do, but I push through and I yeah, I know I can be my own worst enemy.
00:25:31.039 --> 00:25:46.480
So I'm gonna go work on myself and I'm gonna go heal and process some things and heal my body and get my body regulated and get my nervous system healthy, my um like internal body, like all my levels healthy again.
00:25:46.559 --> 00:25:49.920
Everything's gonna get leveled out, everything's gonna be good.
00:25:50.480 --> 00:26:00.000
And if you know me or just listen to me on here, you've picked up that I am very unapologetic about who I am.
00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:07.039
I'm bold, I live out loud, uh, I I don't care if people think I'm too much, all the things.
00:26:07.359 --> 00:26:15.440
And I think that that is such a great part of me, and that comes from my lived life experiences that built confidence within me.
00:26:15.599 --> 00:26:16.720
Let me just tell you this.
00:26:17.039 --> 00:26:25.759
If you thought that I was bold or loud or unapologetic before, baby, just wait.
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:34.079
Because when I come out on the other side of what I have walked through, she's coming back.
00:26:34.319 --> 00:26:45.680
She's coming back very fierce, very bright, very bold, very sparkly, very loud, very unapologetic, and like not in my head, none of that.
00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:53.359
Like, truly, I already lived bold, but I can't wait to see who I'm gonna be on the other side of this.
00:26:53.519 --> 00:27:01.039
And I know that hearing this, you know, again, it goes back to kind of how I opened the show of like, oh, you handled it so well.
00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:09.920
Like, I'm so good in this moment, but I have walked through very, very difficult days recently.
00:27:10.559 --> 00:27:17.839
Life-alterating, life-crippling days, days where I've been suffering.
00:27:18.079 --> 00:27:25.200
Um, and I don't like sharing that because I don't like to burden people, and that's why I'm giving you all of these good points because there's hope.
00:27:25.279 --> 00:27:36.240
And I want you to know that you too, if you were suffering, if you were hurting, if you are carrying pain or grief in silence, that you are not alone.
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:37.680
There will be better days.
00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:41.359
You will smile again, but you're gonna have to do some things, you're gonna have to do the work.
00:27:41.440 --> 00:27:50.319
You need to go to the doctor, you need to get some blood work drawn up, you need to see what's going on with you and how they can make sure you're healthy.
00:27:50.480 --> 00:27:53.759
You need to hire a counselor, you need to take some time off work.
00:27:53.839 --> 00:28:01.279
I know, I know the bills, I know the money, I know the people, you're worried about disappointing people, you're worried about losing people, you're worried about making someone mad.
00:28:01.359 --> 00:28:01.839
I know.
00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:03.440
Girl, I know.
00:28:04.000 --> 00:28:09.920
Just do it and um just remember that everything that we go through.
00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:18.240
I don't like I don't really love the saying that people say, like every everything happens for a reason.
00:28:18.640 --> 00:28:32.720
I kind of like the idea of like there's a reason for what we experience, and I think it's teaching tools, or it's you know, I had little now.
00:28:32.880 --> 00:28:40.799
I look back and I see I had little white flags waving in the wind, like telling me, you know, do this, do that, pull back here, and I I just didn't listen.
00:28:41.119 --> 00:29:15.200
And I think the the things that we go through are developmental and are who we are, and then I also think they can be used as tools and resources so that one day we can use our lived experience that we survived because we're not going down, we survived it, and so then we can turn around and hold out our hand for another person and say, girl, get up, you're gonna survive this.
00:29:16.079 --> 00:29:19.039
I feel you, let me tell you what worked for me.
00:29:19.359 --> 00:29:28.319
Um, gonna try to not get emotional right now, but one of the things that my counselor asked me yesterday, she said, How's your support system?
00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:34.400
So I'm telling her about my spouse, and I'm like, Oh my god, like we've worked so hard to be where we are.
00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:37.599
She's like, What else what other kind of support system do you have?
00:29:38.240 --> 00:29:43.440
And I named uh my best friend Erica.
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:49.279
And I can't tell you what she's been for me.
00:29:49.359 --> 00:30:16.480
I mean, literally for years, but like these last handful of days, she has listened to 20-minute long voice messages that she has texted, she has checked in, she's offered, like she's just been there, and she's been able to hand out her hand and say, I know, but you're gonna see the other side.
00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:19.119
And so I just want to say that to you too.
00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:30.079
That I'm gonna be able to say that for other people, and that honestly brings me like so much like passion and like encouragement and hope going like I and I remember feeling this.
00:30:30.319 --> 00:30:31.920
Oh, I'm gonna leave you with this other thing.
00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:38.000
This is actually this is longer than I really anticipated, which is I think this is good for me.
00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:42.160
So we go to um Passion City Church.
00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:43.359
You should look it up.
00:30:43.440 --> 00:30:45.920
They have a podcast, you can look them up on YouTube.
00:30:46.079 --> 00:30:48.400
Louis Giglio is wonderful.
00:30:48.720 --> 00:30:54.960
Um, if you're asking yourself what denomination is it, it's not a denomination, but we're also not non-denomination.
00:30:55.039 --> 00:31:01.519
What I love about Louis is he says, we are a church about Jesus, we don't let denomination get in the way or get the glory.
00:31:01.680 --> 00:31:03.039
We just let Jesus get the glory.
00:31:03.200 --> 00:31:08.160
Okay, so been around passion for years.
00:31:09.119 --> 00:31:13.680
And years ago, he had a series called Goliath Must Fall.
00:31:13.759 --> 00:31:15.680
And it's around the story of David and Goliath.
00:31:15.920 --> 00:31:21.680
We've probably most all of us, I would assume, have heard the story of David and Goliath.
00:31:22.720 --> 00:31:38.640
And Louis had the series, and I remember it years ago, and I remember him talking about his battle with um, I really don't want to like say the exact wrong thing because I'm still diving through this series, like, or uh reintroducing the series back into my life.
00:31:38.799 --> 00:31:52.400
But um his battle was with panic attacks and anxiety and depression, and his story was that his would hit in the middle of the night.
00:31:52.559 --> 00:31:56.720
It didn't matter what time he went to bed, it didn't matter anything.
00:31:56.880 --> 00:32:03.039
It would happen every single night in the middle of the night at the same time, and it was debilitating for him.
00:32:03.680 --> 00:32:07.359
And he said it literally stole from his life.
00:32:07.519 --> 00:32:12.880
He couldn't work, he couldn't preach, he couldn't go to meetings, he couldn't go to lunch with his wife.
00:32:13.119 --> 00:32:16.079
Like it just stole so much from him.
00:32:17.119 --> 00:32:26.799
And as I'm walking through what I'm walking through, my husband reminded me, he was like, hey, you should really look up the Goliath Must Fall series.
00:32:26.960 --> 00:32:28.480
And I'm like, Yeah, I need to do that.
00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:30.400
So I knew Louis had a book.
00:32:30.480 --> 00:32:32.240
Uh, you could order it off of Amazon.
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:35.359
He also has another book called Putting the X Through Anxiety.
00:32:35.519 --> 00:32:39.920
Again, I will leave all this in the show notes so you have resources to refer back to.
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:47.279
But I looked up the Goliath Must Fall series, and you do have to pay for a portion of it for like the study portion of it.
00:32:47.440 --> 00:33:00.079
But if you go to Passion City Church podcast and you type in the word Louis and you type in Goliath, the original message, the original sermon that he preached years ago will pop up.
00:33:00.319 --> 00:33:01.359
So it popped up.
00:33:01.440 --> 00:33:04.880
It's his very first message where he started this whole process.
00:33:05.440 --> 00:33:15.359
So I'm listening to it the other day, and I am just crying and I'm just clinging to everything he's saying because it's so relatable.
00:33:15.759 --> 00:33:18.880
And then it came time for me to have to go pick up my daughter.
00:33:19.200 --> 00:33:27.359
And one of the things I'm struggling with right now is driving a vehicle, and I don't want to get into it, but it's a it's a really big struggle for me right now.
00:33:27.599 --> 00:33:31.680
And so I got in the car and I was like, just keep the podcast rolling.
00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:34.319
And the podcast is rolling, so it's on my screen.
00:33:34.400 --> 00:33:38.799
I'm sitting in the line, parked, waiting, you know, to get her.
00:33:39.039 --> 00:33:42.799
And I noticed, I was like, gosh, this podcast is like so old.
00:33:42.960 --> 00:33:44.559
This episode, this sermon.
00:33:44.880 --> 00:33:48.960
It was from May 7th, 2017.
00:33:49.440 --> 00:33:52.720
So almost nearly 10 years ago.
00:33:53.440 --> 00:33:59.519
And I looked at the date, and I was like, wait a second.
00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:13.199
And I looked at the date of the calendar of last week, and the date of my very first panic attack was May 7th.
00:34:14.320 --> 00:34:15.039
May 7th.
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:18.159
So he recorded this May 7th, 2017.
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:21.440
Here I am, May 7th, 2026.
00:34:21.599 --> 00:34:24.159
Had a panic attack so severe.
00:34:24.880 --> 00:34:28.719
I can't even believe I'm sharing this, but so severe that I had to call 911.
00:34:28.800 --> 00:34:34.320
I've never in my life ever called 911 on myself.
00:34:34.559 --> 00:34:35.199
Ever.
00:34:36.159 --> 00:34:44.480
I never in my life have thought this is these are my final breaths, and I'm gonna I'm gonna have to be careful talking about this because my heart is starting to race.
00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:49.280
But I just don't know how to be but any other way, but honest.
00:34:49.360 --> 00:34:56.320
And I know that my vulnerability, it feels scary to share because I'm still walking through this, but my vulnerability is gonna help somebody.
00:34:57.039 --> 00:35:06.719
Um so to know that here I am listening to this nearly 10 years later, and I experienced like the calendar date.
00:35:06.800 --> 00:35:10.079
And so I was like, what do I I told my husband, and he said, What do you make of this?
00:35:10.239 --> 00:35:11.679
Like, what does that mean to you?
00:35:11.920 --> 00:35:13.679
I said, That means God's with me.
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:16.960
And he knows, he knows what I'm walking through.
00:35:17.199 --> 00:35:21.199
He knew what I went through that day, he knew how petrified I was.
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:32.559
And he's gonna see me through.
00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:41.519
And just like he used Louis's story and Louis's process of what he lived, God's going to use mine too.
00:35:41.760 --> 00:35:45.840
And I too will be able to be bold the way that Louis has been bold and share.
00:35:45.920 --> 00:36:00.880
It's it's not easy to share, you know, painful health struggles, mental and physical, debilitating struggles when you think you're staring death in the eye.
00:36:01.039 --> 00:36:05.920
Like I have never ever thought I was gonna die, ever.
00:36:06.480 --> 00:36:20.239
And so to literally feel like you're taking your last breaths and thinking this surely has to be a heart attack or a stroke, I don't wish that on anybody, and I hope that nobody ever has to feel that.
00:36:20.320 --> 00:36:29.679
And if you have, I am so sorry because I know how crippling that is, and unfortunately, I haven't just felt it once since then.
00:36:30.719 --> 00:36:45.039
Um, but anyways, I hope that this entire message will be kind of like a good, I don't want to say the words closing, but a good just cap on putting pause.
00:36:45.119 --> 00:36:48.079
And I'm allowed, I'm giving myself permission to press pause.
00:36:48.239 --> 00:36:53.119
I'm going to be sharing more in the future, and you're gonna get to know a lot more things.
00:36:53.199 --> 00:37:08.800
And truly, as much as I want to be an encourager, I have to be a realist and I have to share the vulnerable side of things, and those things often come from painful, painful places that we suppress, and that's life.
00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:22.320
You're not marked safe from grief or trauma or certain experiences, but you can use what has been something that you've walked through and you can use it for good.
00:37:22.400 --> 00:37:23.679
So I'm pressing pause.
00:37:23.760 --> 00:37:25.039
I'm allowing myself that right now.
00:37:25.119 --> 00:37:26.159
We're gonna be done.
00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:28.880
Go back, listen to previous episodes.
00:37:28.960 --> 00:37:29.920
Don't forget about me.
00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:32.639
If you if you would, just keep me in your prayers.
00:37:32.800 --> 00:37:47.039
Um, I hope that you can take something from this message, maybe the song lyrics, maybe the sponge theory, something and you can find a sense of value or a sense of hope in it, and maybe it'll encourage you along the way if you're struggling.
00:37:47.519 --> 00:37:49.280
And I come back.
00:37:49.760 --> 00:37:52.159
You get ready, girl, because we're guy.
00:37:52.639 --> 00:37:53.199
Whoever.
00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:54.880
Whoever, I never know.
00:37:55.199 --> 00:38:02.719
And um we're coming back very unapologetic and very bold.
00:38:02.880 --> 00:38:08.000
So until then, uh carry these words with you, and I'm gonna carry them with me.
00:38:08.159 --> 00:38:14.079
But you were made for more, and you always have been, and you always will be.
00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:05.679
Welcome back to the Made for More podcast.
00:00:05.759 --> 00:00:09.199
I am your friend and your host, Miranda.
00:00:10.000 --> 00:00:13.679
And my neighbors are getting a new roof.
00:00:13.919 --> 00:00:20.879
Don't they understand that I'm in the studio right now recording this podcast for my listeners?
00:00:21.839 --> 00:00:25.600
In reality, I'm actually sitting in my bed.
00:00:26.879 --> 00:00:31.039
And I do cope a little bit with humor.
00:00:31.280 --> 00:00:35.200
You know, a lot of times you can be going through something and people are like, oh, I have no idea.
00:00:35.280 --> 00:00:37.679
Or you handled it so well.
00:00:38.159 --> 00:00:39.200
No, I didn't.
00:00:39.600 --> 00:00:40.320
I didn't.
00:00:40.640 --> 00:00:44.560
Call my two soulmates, my husband and my best friend.
00:00:44.799 --> 00:00:52.079
They have had to carry the chaos and hold my hand and pray for me and love me.
00:00:52.479 --> 00:01:00.000
So, what I'm here to say is I'm gonna go ahead and tell you that this episode one is gonna have background noise.
00:01:00.079 --> 00:01:04.400
Again, I'm in the studio and apparently somebody needs a new roof.
00:01:04.719 --> 00:01:12.959
But that this episode is going to be a little bit of like a small glimpse as to what I'm willing to say.
00:01:13.120 --> 00:01:17.280
Um has kind of been going on with me behind the mic and behind the scenes.
00:01:17.439 --> 00:01:19.120
I wear my heart on my sleeve, y'all.
00:01:19.359 --> 00:01:20.319
You know this.
00:01:21.200 --> 00:01:26.400
But uh I'm gonna go ahead and tell you that I'm going to be taking a pause.
00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:31.359
And I know that's really hard for me to say.
00:01:31.680 --> 00:01:38.079
And if you know me, you know that I produce a new episode of the Made for More podcast every single Monday.
00:01:38.159 --> 00:01:40.000
I call it Made for More Mondays.
00:01:40.079 --> 00:01:40.560
I love it.
00:01:40.640 --> 00:01:41.920
I hype it up.
00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:46.319
I have never missed a Monday, y'all, since I started this thing.
00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:49.280
And you know, I had to think about that this week.
00:01:49.599 --> 00:01:51.760
And nobody makes me do that, right?
00:01:51.920 --> 00:01:52.879
This is mine.
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This is my hobby.
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This is a labor of love.
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This is my safe space.
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Nobody makes me show up.
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But regardless, whether there's been a holiday or I've traveled or I've been sick or busy, like there has been an episode every single Monday that I have not missed.
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And being in the month of May, we are two less than two months away from my one-year anniversary of having the Made for More podcast.
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And I am so excited about that.
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And I've just had this idea of like, how cool is it gonna be to be able to be like, yeah, and I haven't missed a Monday.
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I started this thing, I launched it on Thursday, July 3rd, I believe it was.
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And I did my intro episode, and then the following Monday, I hit the ground running.
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I gave you guys an episode, and I haven't missed a Monday since.
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But I had this realization this week, and I had to tell myself this honest thought, Miranda, there is you're you're not receiving an award, there's no prize, nobody's going to like probably even notice if you didn't do every single Monday.
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And what are you looking for at the end of this?
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And is there an end?
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Because the type of person I am, it's not gonna be like I get to July and I made it every Monday to a year and be like, yes, I'm done and I've completed the goal.
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No, it's it's kind of like working out.
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You don't just work out for a certain amount of time and you like never have to work out again.
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You keep going.
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And so this goal for me is never-ending, and that's great.
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I love that.
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And that means my heart is in it for the right reasons, and um, that means I'm gonna be here for the long haul.
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However, for now, I am going to press pause and just go.
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Honestly, I'm pressing pause on a lot of things, not just the podcast, but just step back and take some time for my own personal journey.
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I want to remind you that I have 47 episodes here for you to dig back through, like go re-listen to something.
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Sometimes when you listen to something again in a different season of life, you're like, oh, this hits different.
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And the best way to support me through this pause would be for you guys to keep listening and for you guys to keep streaming, sharing, post about on your social media, tell a friend about an episode, give it to somebody who needs the encouragement.
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So uh for now, you know, I'll tell you and remind you what I'm reminding myself and what I've had to be unfortunately reminded is that the body keeps score.
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We all know this, don't we?
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But we know that whatever we suppress and we do not address, it will resurface or manifest in some way, shape, or form within our life or in our bodies.
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So to put it in a nutshell, that's exactly what I'm dealing with.
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I'm dealing with health issues.
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I'm dealing with kind of like a shutdown.
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So I've got to press pause and step back from several things.
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And I will say I'm fine.
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Um, honestly, in this moment right now, I'm I can't even tell you.
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This is the first time in a week that I actually feel clear-headed.
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I've been so foggy, so drained.
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I spent five days in the bed.
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I tried to work for two days, and then I've been back in the bed.
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And I'm I'm just going through some things and I'm uh getting the help that's needed and I'm managing.
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Um, but there's no more powering through right now.
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You know, you can only power through so much.
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And yeah, so I'm just going to take some time to rest my body and my mind and rebuild my strength back again.
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Um, but in order to do so, that means, you know, being honest and being like, I need to press pause.
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And guess what?
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No, nobody's not in trouble for pressing pause, you know, like nobody's coming for me.
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It's going to be fine.
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And yeah, so I'm gonna share a few things today because um, per usual, I want to leave you with something of value, something that you can take and apply to your life if you haven't already gotten something out of these first six minutes.
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But I read this quote on Instagram and I thought that this was so fitting for what and how I feel right now.
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I'm a person of faith, and maybe you'll resonate to this too.
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The quote says, So maybe the prayer in this season is not, Lord, get me out of this, but Lord keep me faithful in it.
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Because I know that escape feels like the best plan right now.
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That would be the miracle story, but sometimes the miracle is that you genuinely did not lose your faith through the fire.
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And I just want you to know that that too is grace.
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What a testimony that is.
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And I want to give credit to the creator that shared this.
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Her name is Amy Cluttony, and I'm going to put that quote in her name in my bio on the show notes.
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And uh, I always believe in giving somebody credit, giving someone flowers for their effort and their work.
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But I just absolutely loved she had a thread of um information, and that was one quote that just stood out to me because I was like, you know, the season I'm in, the area I'm in for the last couple of days, I've been like, God, I gotta get through this.
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Like, get me away from this, heal me from this, fix this, level this, like all these things.
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And so when I read that, I'm like, hmm, what a perspective shift.
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Maybe, maybe the prayer is not get me out of this, but keep me faithful while I'm in this.
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And so, one of the things I've been doing to try to keep me calm and uh keep my nervous system like regulated and just getting me through my day is listening to worship music.
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It's really, really just grounding just to have on background noise.
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I've the days that I have worked, I've had it on at the salon, in the car.
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Um, but one of the songs that kept coming on is one that I've heard many of times.
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But the song is called Gyra by Elevation Worship, and I'm gonna read you some lyrics.
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The lyrics say, if he dresses the lilies with beauty and splendor, how much more will he clothe you?
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If he watches over every sparrow, how much more will he love you?
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And I have really just let these lyrics just marinate deep into my weary heart.
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And what I take from this is that if God cares about every detail of what makes the lilies and the flowers and the roses beautiful and spectacular, how much more does he care about the details within me and within you?
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And if God watches over his creatures and he cares about the birds and he watches over them, how much more does he love me and does he love you?
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It just felt like such a gift to just let these land.
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And I remember a couple days ago I glanced outside and I remember just seeing like a bird like on my back porch, and I was like, God cares about that bird, isn't that crazy?
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Like he knows, he knows every every detail of every species, he created it all.
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And same with the flowers, like think of the diversity of flowers that we have and and how they just bloom when they're supposed to bloom in the right seasons, and he cares about the details.
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So I wanted to share that with you.
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I um, you know, I wrote down those exact lyrics on a sticky note and I taped it to my bathroom mirror.
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Um Yeah, I taped it to my bathroom mirror and I taped it to my car dashboard and I taped it when I didn't really know if I like could really believe that God would care about me that much.
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It's one thing to hear it, but another thing to feel it.
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And I was like, I want to tape this, and it's literally right there in the dead center of my mirror, um, along with I taped Psalm 23 uh as a reminder.
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That way when I'm looking in the mirror, I I can see that, and when I'm driving in the car, I can see that.
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Um and sweetly enough, I came home last night from work and took my shower, went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and when I looked in the mirror, I saw my two sticky notes, but I saw a third one and my husband wrote a verse for me, and I just started crying, and I just went straight to him, and he just knew that I saw it, and I just stuff like that.
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I just you know, I just felt so loved and seen by my spouse and supported.
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And these last couple days, I just feel like I can't be anything for anyone, if I'm honest.
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I can't be anything for anyone.
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I feel like I'm failing.
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I feel like I can't step into the roles that I'm supposed to be in.
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I can't serve, like everything's behind or delayed.
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And um, I have to just I've had to just be okay, you know, and I've had to just rest.
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So I just want to remind you that God sees you, He loves you, He knows you, and He understands you more than you can fathom.
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He sees whatever journey that you're on, he sees your struggle, He sees the things that you don't talk about, He sees the things that you don't address, He sees the pain that maybe you've carried and you've tucked away.
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He also knows all of your hopes and your dreams.
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He knows your every single detail of what makes you you.
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And he deeply cares about the details of who you are and wants a relationship with you.
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And you can rest in the comfort that he cares, if he cares so deeply about those lilies and the sparrows, how much more do you think that he can care about you?
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And if you're unsure about that, ask him.
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I feel like that's the best thing to do if you're a person that's a little unsure in the faith journey or unsure about this whole Jesus deal.
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Ask him.
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He loves he loves a question, he loves a challenge.
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Like, ask him.
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Say, if you care about the lilies and the sparrows, will you show me how much you care about me?
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If you care about those details, will you make yourself known to me?
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And he will show you through life, through time.
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Now, I'm gonna share with you this um this really interesting download that I had in my brain today.
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And um I'm really just I'm honestly just so grateful for this.
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And honestly, like I said, it today's like the first day I actually feel clear and like can think clearly.
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So I'm downstairs and the sink has some dishes in it, and I'm like, I gotta get this, you know, situated.
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I need to get the dishwasher started.
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I don't know the last time I've ran laundry or dishes, everything has gone just, you know, to the side.
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And my husband's trying to maintain, but works a job, been trying to manage me, my daughter, all the things.
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So, anyways, I'm like, I can do small tasks today.
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That's a that's a thing for me.
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Is one thing that I'm trying to do is retrain my body and my nervous system and my mind that I am safe and I can do these tasks, and I'm not gonna be consumed, I'm not gonna overanalyze every feeling that I feel in my body.
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I'm teaching myself and I'm just picking very small things.
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So I was doing the dishes.
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So I have the sponge, spray it with the Dawn dish soap, and I'm washing the dishes.
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And because I haven't been my best self lately, I am looking at the sponge and I'm kind of thinking to myself, how old is this sponge?
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Because I typically throw out a sponge maybe once a week and get a new one.
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I buy the big pack from Sam's or Costco, and I know that um, you know, you put it put a new sponge out.
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And uh your girl doesn't know when the last time we had a new sponge, and you know, I just I just see that those are the things that nobody knows that I care for.
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And so I'm looking at this thing and I'm like, it's pretty ragged, it's pretty thin.
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And uh I'm gonna guess it's at least two, maybe three weeks old.
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And as I'm cleaning, I'm like, this is pretty like I should stop now.
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This is gross.
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Because this is the download that I had in my head.
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This is so good.
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Sponges hold things that we cannot see within and beneath the surface.
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And do you know what that those are?
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It's bacteria, maybe fungus, just nastiness.
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And that's why we throw it away and we get a new one.
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So I was thinking, I'm like, here I am, I have a mask or I have a sponge, and I'm trying to mask it with dishwashing liquids, agents, cleaning agents that are supposed to clean, right?
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It's supposed to make things good.
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And I'm using this to fix another problem that I have, which is cleaning a dish.
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But what I'm carrying into cleaning an object is what I'm not addressing, which is the bacteria that is on that sponge that is the bacteria is holding on to the sponge because I need to throw it away.
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And I was like, oh lord, this one hit.
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And I was sitting there scrubbing, and I was like, Yeah, you can think you're cleaning the dish, and you can think you're using the right cleaning agents, but if you don't address that issue, you're actually just spreading the germs and spreading the bacteria, even though whatever you're doing looks like it's fixing, you're it's not, it's all mast.
00:16:37.519 --> 00:16:40.399
And I was like, wow, wow.
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It that just really hit me in my life.
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So throw away the sponge in more ways than one, if you know what I mean.
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Okay, the next thing I'm gonna share is something funny because I thought this was funny.
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We gotta have some humor, okay?
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You can't just cry every day.
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But this is definitely something you've heard, especially if you ever if you're a female.
00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:14.079
I know you've probably seen the meme that says something along the lines that says, like, you know what could really fix me right now is a Caesar salad and a side of fries.
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That could really fix whatever's going on with me right now.
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So today, when I finally was like, all right, Miranda, you can't rot in the bed anymore.
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We gotta get up, we gotta do things.
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I was I literally thought of that meme.
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I was like, I wonder if I have a Caesar salad and some like a potato or fries or something downstairs.
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So I went out of bed and I did, in fact, have a Caesar salad kit that was going to expire today.
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It looked a little questionable, but like I said, I haven't been on my game, so I didn't really know what we had.
00:17:47.279 --> 00:17:48.799
But I was like, you know what?
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Uh I opened the bag, I smelled it, and I was like, you know, what more can go wrong?
00:17:56.160 --> 00:17:58.240
So we're gonna just try this Caesar salad.
00:17:58.799 --> 00:18:09.039
And I looked around, I did find two potatoes um that were very questionable looking and uncookable.
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So I was like, all right, that's not gonna work.
00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:11.839
I can't make homemade fries.
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Looked in the freezer, found sweet potato fries, frozen sweet potato fries, and I thought, you healthy, healthy girl, you healthy queen, where are the real fries, Miranda?
00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:30.720
Anyways, so I made the sweet potato fries in the air fryer, and I made my little Caesar salad and my little f my little fries, and I was like, you know what?
00:18:30.799 --> 00:18:33.519
Maybe this is gonna fix whatever's wrong with me.
00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:40.240
And I ate it and it was delicious, and um I don't know.
00:18:41.200 --> 00:18:42.640
I'll have to report back.
00:18:42.880 --> 00:18:44.000
I will report back.
00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:50.720
I don't think your life can be fixed by a Caesar salad and fries, but I will say, you know, it was nice.
00:18:51.200 --> 00:19:02.640
So lastly, here I really just want to encourage you around this idea because I started thinking about this for myself, and I was like, maybe we wouldn't be in this position if I actually applied this.
00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:19.279
But I want you to think about either calling out of work, taking off a day, or taking off a half day, something along those lines, because you're healthy, able, and in a good place.
00:19:20.079 --> 00:19:25.519
I want you to really think about that because we often hear about calling out because you're sick.
00:19:26.160 --> 00:19:45.599
But I think the solution is we need to start taking random days or half days or chunks of time here and there to ourselves, where we are calling out or closing our books or blocking our day because we're good and we're in a healthy place.
00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:56.480
So I can promise you that your boss, your manager, your company, maybe if you're like me and you're self-employed, you won't even allow yourself to like think like this.
00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:59.200
But as your friend, please hear me.
00:19:59.839 --> 00:20:02.079
Give yourself permission to do this.
00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:05.200
Like you deserve to call out healthy.
00:20:05.279 --> 00:20:06.319
I think you deserve that.
00:20:06.480 --> 00:20:07.359
I think you should do that.
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:14.079
I think it's gonna prevent you from getting sick or just having things go on within your body.
00:20:14.319 --> 00:20:17.119
I think you deserve to take the afternoon off.
00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:19.680
Uh, I don't think you have to explain yourself either.
00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:22.319
Don't tell anybody where you're going, don't tell anyone why.
00:20:22.480 --> 00:20:24.400
Let your family even think you're at work.
00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:31.200
Let let whoever think whatever, you know, go to TJ Maxx, go stroll around aimlessly.
00:20:31.279 --> 00:20:32.240
You don't even have to spend money.
00:20:32.319 --> 00:20:34.640
You can just go look and touch and feel things.
00:20:34.960 --> 00:20:36.720
And go get your nails done.
00:20:36.960 --> 00:20:39.359
Maybe go get a massage or a facial.
00:20:39.440 --> 00:20:41.119
Like, when's the last time you had a facial?
00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:42.480
You know, I keep saying that to myself.
00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:45.200
It's been probably two years.
00:20:45.599 --> 00:20:46.960
I probably need a facial.
00:20:47.839 --> 00:20:48.799
Go do something.
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:53.359
And when you do something, don't make it a productive something.
00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:55.680
Don't make it a workout.
00:20:55.920 --> 00:21:01.599
Don't make it a trip to Costco or going home early to go clean your whole house.
00:21:01.759 --> 00:21:03.440
I know those things help our lives.
00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:05.519
Trust me, trust me, trust me.
00:21:05.759 --> 00:21:20.799
As a person who fights this battle of like productivity, I know those things are good and it is nice to have the time to be productive for ourselves or even for our careers or for our families or for our schedules.
00:21:21.279 --> 00:21:25.119
But allow yourself to just go stroll.
00:21:25.680 --> 00:21:28.079
Maybe go to nothing butt cakes.
00:21:28.160 --> 00:21:30.160
Get yourself one of those little bunt cakes.
00:21:30.319 --> 00:21:30.720
Yeah.
00:21:31.440 --> 00:21:31.759
Uh-huh.
00:21:31.920 --> 00:21:32.720
Ask for a fork.
00:21:32.880 --> 00:21:34.000
Go eat it in the car.
00:21:35.440 --> 00:21:47.359
Just allow yourself the permission to just live and to just be and to give yourself a moment to just be like, you know what, I'm happy and I'm healthy and I'm feeling good.
00:21:47.440 --> 00:21:51.279
And I'm gonna celebrate that moment because it's not promised tomorrow.
00:21:52.480 --> 00:21:54.400
And I think you deserve that.
00:21:54.720 --> 00:21:56.480
And honestly, I deserved that.
00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:59.680
And I didn't do that for myself, but I'm gonna start doing that randomly here and there.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:03.519
Probably what if we did this once a quarter?
00:22:03.680 --> 00:22:04.400
I think that sounds great.
00:22:04.480 --> 00:22:06.400
It's like four times a year.
00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:08.640
We should probably do it more than that.
00:22:08.799 --> 00:22:12.079
But you know, if you don't ever do this, that's a pretty big goal.
00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:13.039
Four times a year.
00:22:13.119 --> 00:22:14.000
That would be great.
00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:18.160
Do something for you that involves no one else but whatever brings you joy.
00:22:18.240 --> 00:22:20.000
Go to Hobby Lobby.
00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:22.160
Go look around.
00:22:22.400 --> 00:22:24.880
Go sniff a candle at Bath and Body Works.
00:22:24.960 --> 00:22:25.359
Whatever.
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:27.359
Like all those things sound so good to me right now.
00:22:27.440 --> 00:22:29.680
It just sounds so comforting and so girly.
00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:36.000
Between the Caesar salad and the fries and a calling out healthy, like, oh god, it sounds so good.
00:22:36.240 --> 00:22:36.559
Okay.
00:22:37.440 --> 00:22:40.559
I also want to remind you as we close this out.
00:22:41.039 --> 00:22:44.480
I'm sure you've already heard this, but May's Mental Health Awareness Month.
00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:49.359
We know this, but why do we run our mental health into the ground, Miranda?
00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:56.079
Oh, so I'm gonna encourage you to take the step that I took this week.
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:58.400
You need to book that counselor, sis.
00:22:59.359 --> 00:23:00.000
You do.
00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:00.799
Mm-hmm.
00:23:01.119 --> 00:23:02.640
I know it's overwhelming.
00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:06.880
You gotta figure out who takes your insurance if they take your insurance.
00:23:07.119 --> 00:23:10.559
If they don't, oh you gotta pay somebody out of pocket and that's money.
00:23:10.640 --> 00:23:12.720
I know, girl, me too.
00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:18.720
Book that counselor, that therapist, psychiatrist, hire a life coach.
00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:24.799
Like I've I've worked with a little bit of everybody um through my life and for different seasons.
00:23:25.039 --> 00:23:35.200
And so to, you know, just encourage you, I started counseling literally yesterday, and I was petrified.
00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:46.880
I will tell you, I think something that I learned um a couple years ago before any counseling session or life coaching session I ever did with whoever I worked with.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:49.119
I always wrote down my intentions.
00:23:49.839 --> 00:23:52.240
And so yesterday I'm gonna try to remember my intentions.
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:59.519
I wrote them down and I said, I want to feel safe, seen, and heard.
00:24:00.559 --> 00:24:03.200
I wanted to be honest and open.
00:24:03.759 --> 00:24:12.799
I wanted to not second guess myself, and I wanted to be open to feedback and guidance.
00:24:12.960 --> 00:24:14.880
And I had a really great session.
00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:37.839
Um, yeah, so I encourage you to do that and do that before your life's up in smokes, please, because uh you should do that, you should go work on things because we're all holding energy of things that we have lived or things that we have processed, and we might think, Oh, I'm good, I'm far from that, I've already lived that I've already experienced that.
00:24:38.319 --> 00:24:46.960
And like I said, with that sponge, we are holding on to some things that resurface even when you don't really want them to.
00:24:47.279 --> 00:24:52.880
Um, yeah, there's really never enough uh work you could do on yourself.
00:24:52.960 --> 00:25:03.359
Like, I mean, it's just so great to work on yourself and to understand your body and to know kind of like what's going on with you and who doesn't want to show up better, right?
00:25:03.440 --> 00:25:07.440
Like, that's the whole purpose of this podcast is to show up and to be better.
00:25:07.759 --> 00:25:15.839
So I'm going to tell you that this is my pause for right now so that I can go work on myself.
00:25:16.079 --> 00:25:21.839
My mom even said to me recently, she was like, Do you listen to the words you say on your podcast?
00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:24.400
And I'm like, you know, she's right.
00:25:24.640 --> 00:25:30.960
I do, but I push through and I yeah, I know I can be my own worst enemy.
00:25:31.039 --> 00:25:46.480
So I'm gonna go work on myself and I'm gonna go heal and process some things and heal my body and get my body regulated and get my nervous system healthy, my um like internal body, like all my levels healthy again.
00:25:46.559 --> 00:25:49.920
Everything's gonna get leveled out, everything's gonna be good.
00:25:50.480 --> 00:26:00.000
And if you know me or just listen to me on here, you've picked up that I am very unapologetic about who I am.
00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:07.039
I'm bold, I live out loud, uh, I I don't care if people think I'm too much, all the things.
00:26:07.359 --> 00:26:15.440
And I think that that is such a great part of me, and that comes from my lived life experiences that built confidence within me.
00:26:15.599 --> 00:26:16.720
Let me just tell you this.
00:26:17.039 --> 00:26:25.759
If you thought that I was bold or loud or unapologetic before, baby, just wait.
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:34.079
Because when I come out on the other side of what I have walked through, she's coming back.
00:26:34.319 --> 00:26:45.680
She's coming back very fierce, very bright, very bold, very sparkly, very loud, very unapologetic, and like not in my head, none of that.
00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:53.359
Like, truly, I already lived bold, but I can't wait to see who I'm gonna be on the other side of this.
00:26:53.519 --> 00:27:01.039
And I know that hearing this, you know, again, it goes back to kind of how I opened the show of like, oh, you handled it so well.
00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:09.920
Like, I'm so good in this moment, but I have walked through very, very difficult days recently.
00:27:10.559 --> 00:27:17.839
Life-alterating, life-crippling days, days where I've been suffering.
00:27:18.079 --> 00:27:25.200
Um, and I don't like sharing that because I don't like to burden people, and that's why I'm giving you all of these good points because there's hope.
00:27:25.279 --> 00:27:36.240
And I want you to know that you too, if you were suffering, if you were hurting, if you are carrying pain or grief in silence, that you are not alone.
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:37.680
There will be better days.
00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:41.359
You will smile again, but you're gonna have to do some things, you're gonna have to do the work.
00:27:41.440 --> 00:27:50.319
You need to go to the doctor, you need to get some blood work drawn up, you need to see what's going on with you and how they can make sure you're healthy.
00:27:50.480 --> 00:27:53.759
You need to hire a counselor, you need to take some time off work.
00:27:53.839 --> 00:28:01.279
I know, I know the bills, I know the money, I know the people, you're worried about disappointing people, you're worried about losing people, you're worried about making someone mad.
00:28:01.359 --> 00:28:01.839
I know.
00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:03.440
Girl, I know.
00:28:04.000 --> 00:28:09.920
Just do it and um just remember that everything that we go through.
00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:18.240
I don't like I don't really love the saying that people say, like every everything happens for a reason.
00:28:18.640 --> 00:28:32.720
I kind of like the idea of like there's a reason for what we experience, and I think it's teaching tools, or it's you know, I had little now.
00:28:32.880 --> 00:28:40.799
I look back and I see I had little white flags waving in the wind, like telling me, you know, do this, do that, pull back here, and I I just didn't listen.
00:28:41.119 --> 00:29:15.200
And I think the the things that we go through are developmental and are who we are, and then I also think they can be used as tools and resources so that one day we can use our lived experience that we survived because we're not going down, we survived it, and so then we can turn around and hold out our hand for another person and say, girl, get up, you're gonna survive this.
00:29:16.079 --> 00:29:19.039
I feel you, let me tell you what worked for me.
00:29:19.359 --> 00:29:28.319
Um, gonna try to not get emotional right now, but one of the things that my counselor asked me yesterday, she said, How's your support system?
00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:34.400
So I'm telling her about my spouse, and I'm like, Oh my god, like we've worked so hard to be where we are.
00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:37.599
She's like, What else what other kind of support system do you have?
00:29:38.240 --> 00:29:43.440
And I named uh my best friend Erica.
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:49.279
And I can't tell you what she's been for me.
00:29:49.359 --> 00:30:16.480
I mean, literally for years, but like these last handful of days, she has listened to 20-minute long voice messages that she has texted, she has checked in, she's offered, like she's just been there, and she's been able to hand out her hand and say, I know, but you're gonna see the other side.
00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:19.119
And so I just want to say that to you too.
00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:30.079
That I'm gonna be able to say that for other people, and that honestly brings me like so much like passion and like encouragement and hope going like I and I remember feeling this.
00:30:30.319 --> 00:30:31.920
Oh, I'm gonna leave you with this other thing.
00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:38.000
This is actually this is longer than I really anticipated, which is I think this is good for me.
00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:42.160
So we go to um Passion City Church.
00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:43.359
You should look it up.
00:30:43.440 --> 00:30:45.920
They have a podcast, you can look them up on YouTube.
00:30:46.079 --> 00:30:48.400
Louis Giglio is wonderful.
00:30:48.720 --> 00:30:54.960
Um, if you're asking yourself what denomination is it, it's not a denomination, but we're also not non-denomination.
00:30:55.039 --> 00:31:01.519
What I love about Louis is he says, we are a church about Jesus, we don't let denomination get in the way or get the glory.
00:31:01.680 --> 00:31:03.039
We just let Jesus get the glory.
00:31:03.200 --> 00:31:08.160
Okay, so been around passion for years.
00:31:09.119 --> 00:31:13.680
And years ago, he had a series called Goliath Must Fall.
00:31:13.759 --> 00:31:15.680
And it's around the story of David and Goliath.
00:31:15.920 --> 00:31:21.680
We've probably most all of us, I would assume, have heard the story of David and Goliath.
00:31:22.720 --> 00:31:38.640
And Louis had the series, and I remember it years ago, and I remember him talking about his battle with um, I really don't want to like say the exact wrong thing because I'm still diving through this series, like, or uh reintroducing the series back into my life.
00:31:38.799 --> 00:31:52.400
But um his battle was with panic attacks and anxiety and depression, and his story was that his would hit in the middle of the night.
00:31:52.559 --> 00:31:56.720
It didn't matter what time he went to bed, it didn't matter anything.
00:31:56.880 --> 00:32:03.039
It would happen every single night in the middle of the night at the same time, and it was debilitating for him.
00:32:03.680 --> 00:32:07.359
And he said it literally stole from his life.
00:32:07.519 --> 00:32:12.880
He couldn't work, he couldn't preach, he couldn't go to meetings, he couldn't go to lunch with his wife.
00:32:13.119 --> 00:32:16.079
Like it just stole so much from him.
00:32:17.119 --> 00:32:26.799
And as I'm walking through what I'm walking through, my husband reminded me, he was like, hey, you should really look up the Goliath Must Fall series.
00:32:26.960 --> 00:32:28.480
And I'm like, Yeah, I need to do that.
00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:30.400
So I knew Louis had a book.
00:32:30.480 --> 00:32:32.240
Uh, you could order it off of Amazon.
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:35.359
He also has another book called Putting the X Through Anxiety.
00:32:35.519 --> 00:32:39.920
Again, I will leave all this in the show notes so you have resources to refer back to.
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:47.279
But I looked up the Goliath Must Fall series, and you do have to pay for a portion of it for like the study portion of it.
00:32:47.440 --> 00:33:00.079
But if you go to Passion City Church podcast and you type in the word Louis and you type in Goliath, the original message, the original sermon that he preached years ago will pop up.
00:33:00.319 --> 00:33:01.359
So it popped up.
00:33:01.440 --> 00:33:04.880
It's his very first message where he started this whole process.
00:33:05.440 --> 00:33:15.359
So I'm listening to it the other day, and I am just crying and I'm just clinging to everything he's saying because it's so relatable.
00:33:15.759 --> 00:33:18.880
And then it came time for me to have to go pick up my daughter.
00:33:19.200 --> 00:33:27.359
And one of the things I'm struggling with right now is driving a vehicle, and I don't want to get into it, but it's a it's a really big struggle for me right now.
00:33:27.599 --> 00:33:31.680
And so I got in the car and I was like, just keep the podcast rolling.
00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:34.319
And the podcast is rolling, so it's on my screen.
00:33:34.400 --> 00:33:38.799
I'm sitting in the line, parked, waiting, you know, to get her.
00:33:39.039 --> 00:33:42.799
And I noticed, I was like, gosh, this podcast is like so old.
00:33:42.960 --> 00:33:44.559
This episode, this sermon.
00:33:44.880 --> 00:33:48.960
It was from May 7th, 2017.
00:33:49.440 --> 00:33:52.720
So almost nearly 10 years ago.
00:33:53.440 --> 00:33:59.519
And I looked at the date, and I was like, wait a second.
00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:13.199
And I looked at the date of the calendar of last week, and the date of my very first panic attack was May 7th.
00:34:14.320 --> 00:34:15.039
May 7th.
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:18.159
So he recorded this May 7th, 2017.
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:21.440
Here I am, May 7th, 2026.
00:34:21.599 --> 00:34:24.159
Had a panic attack so severe.
00:34:24.880 --> 00:34:28.719
I can't even believe I'm sharing this, but so severe that I had to call 911.
00:34:28.800 --> 00:34:34.320
I've never in my life ever called 911 on myself.
00:34:34.559 --> 00:34:35.199
Ever.
00:34:36.159 --> 00:34:44.480
I never in my life have thought this is these are my final breaths, and I'm gonna I'm gonna have to be careful talking about this because my heart is starting to race.
00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:49.280
But I just don't know how to be but any other way, but honest.
00:34:49.360 --> 00:34:56.320
And I know that my vulnerability, it feels scary to share because I'm still walking through this, but my vulnerability is gonna help somebody.
00:34:57.039 --> 00:35:06.719
Um so to know that here I am listening to this nearly 10 years later, and I experienced like the calendar date.
00:35:06.800 --> 00:35:10.079
And so I was like, what do I I told my husband, and he said, What do you make of this?
00:35:10.239 --> 00:35:11.679
Like, what does that mean to you?
00:35:11.920 --> 00:35:13.679
I said, That means God's with me.
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:16.960
And he knows, he knows what I'm walking through.
00:35:17.199 --> 00:35:21.199
He knew what I went through that day, he knew how petrified I was.
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:32.559
And he's gonna see me through.
00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:41.519
And just like he used Louis's story and Louis's process of what he lived, God's going to use mine too.
00:35:41.760 --> 00:35:45.840
And I too will be able to be bold the way that Louis has been bold and share.
00:35:45.920 --> 00:36:00.880
It's it's not easy to share, you know, painful health struggles, mental and physical, debilitating struggles when you think you're staring death in the eye.
00:36:01.039 --> 00:36:05.920
Like I have never ever thought I was gonna die, ever.
00:36:06.480 --> 00:36:20.239
And so to literally feel like you're taking your last breaths and thinking this surely has to be a heart attack or a stroke, I don't wish that on anybody, and I hope that nobody ever has to feel that.
00:36:20.320 --> 00:36:29.679
And if you have, I am so sorry because I know how crippling that is, and unfortunately, I haven't just felt it once since then.
00:36:30.719 --> 00:36:45.039
Um, but anyways, I hope that this entire message will be kind of like a good, I don't want to say the words closing, but a good just cap on putting pause.
00:36:45.119 --> 00:36:48.079
And I'm allowed, I'm giving myself permission to press pause.
00:36:48.239 --> 00:36:53.119
I'm going to be sharing more in the future, and you're gonna get to know a lot more things.
00:36:53.199 --> 00:37:08.800
And truly, as much as I want to be an encourager, I have to be a realist and I have to share the vulnerable side of things, and those things often come from painful, painful places that we suppress, and that's life.
00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:22.320
You're not marked safe from grief or trauma or certain experiences, but you can use what has been something that you've walked through and you can use it for good.
00:37:22.400 --> 00:37:23.679
So I'm pressing pause.
00:37:23.760 --> 00:37:25.039
I'm allowing myself that right now.
00:37:25.119 --> 00:37:26.159
We're gonna be done.
00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:28.880
Go back, listen to previous episodes.
00:37:28.960 --> 00:37:29.920
Don't forget about me.
00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:32.639
If you if you would, just keep me in your prayers.
00:37:32.800 --> 00:37:47.039
Um, I hope that you can take something from this message, maybe the song lyrics, maybe the sponge theory, something and you can find a sense of value or a sense of hope in it, and maybe it'll encourage you along the way if you're struggling.
00:37:47.519 --> 00:37:49.280
And I come back.
00:37:49.760 --> 00:37:52.159
You get ready, girl, because we're guy.
00:37:52.639 --> 00:37:53.199
Whoever.
00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:54.880
Whoever, I never know.
00:37:55.199 --> 00:38:02.719
And um we're coming back very unapologetic and very bold.
00:38:02.880 --> 00:38:08.000
So until then, uh carry these words with you, and I'm gonna carry them with me.
00:38:08.159 --> 00:38:14.079
But you were made for more, and you always have been, and you always will be.
