Episode 3: Navigating Back to School Stress Together

Episode 4: Amanda: Well, welcome to Growing Disciples, Faith at Home with Chatham Families, a podcast for families who want to follow Jesus faithfully and nurture faith at home with confidence and joy. My name is Elizabeth Lindbergh, the Director of Family Ministries at Chatham Community Church and host of the Growing Disciples Podcast. And if this is your first time joining us, we want you to know our heart behind this podcast. We're here to encourage families to see the ordinary moments of life, even the messy ones, as Opportunities to point the people they love to Jesus. Today I'm joined by a good friend of mine and someone who loves the families at Chatham Community Church. Amanda Kendrick. Amanda, thanks for being here this morning. Thank you so much for having me. It's the beginning of a new school year and with it comes new schedules, a new set of commitments, and my personal favorite, new school clothes. What are a couple things that you look forward to this time of year when school starts up in the fall, Amanda? Person of routine, so I really do like getting back into a normal schedule. but I have a 16-year-old son, Nathan, and And he is involved in all the clubs. he's a very outgoing one. So I enjoy getting back together with the community that we're in, the parents that I haven't connected with all summer and catching up with them and finding out how our kids have grown. And it's just been amazing to kind of watch these kids grow up together. Sure, sure. So in addition to these aspects of the new school you're starting, for some worry and Anxiety can ramp up. And you and I recently held a workshop at Chatham Community Church for parents and teens to sort of talk about going back to school and in particular the stress and the worry and the anxiety that some students experience this time of year. Yeah. that workshop was absolutely amazing. for anybody who ever sees Elizabeth's name at a workshop, run, don't walk. Sign up and register. she put so much thought into it It was a good balance of fun and laughter, but did address the serious topics of the anxiety and and worry, and uncertainty that both parents and children face and it was great for the parents and the kids to work together to talk about strategies to overcome that anxiety and fear. Yeah, and because we enjoyed that workshop so much, we wanted to bring it to you via this podcast because not everybody can make a Monday night workshop. So we're gonna Do our best to convey what we talked about at the workshop and include tools in the show notes for you to then try at home yourselves. One of the really interesting things that I have come to learn is that the back to school stress is actually recognized as a common psychological challenge and even the American Psychological Association describes back to school time as overwhelming and that fear of the unknown, even for new teachers, of new classmates, academic difficulty, all these things, they're a major driver of anxiety. Mm-hmm. So if you are a parent, or a grandparent who's listening and you resonate with any of those, you are not alone. We actually had some great conversation about this at the workshop, and the parents and kids both were very kind of eager and ready to talk about some of this stuff. So, for parents and kids alike, it is it's stressful. For parents, it's all the roles that you have to be. You have to still be a good employee a good neighbor, You want to be a good parent and you want to be a good cheerleader to your kid. it can be really stressful because we too only have 24 hours in our day. And the kids also talked about how certain stresses can sneak up like well I have to make sure that I'm getting enough sleep and that I'm doing all the schoolwork and the study. That I have to, and I have homework, and I have these different sports that I want to try, and now I have to get my volunteer hours in because I'm trying to build my college application. All of the things that can creep up that when you really put it all on the table, like, wow, I see why people are stressed and overwhelmed. Yeah, yeah. And and so at the outset of this, I just want to say to the parent that's listening, the grandparent or any caring adult. The fact that you're listening and leaning into this conversation says something really important and that you care deeply about your child's heart and mind. And if you're a student tuning in, it says that you care too. You care about your world, your relationships, your future, the things that weigh on you. And so I want to start this conversation by just saying God sees you, He knows the weight you carry, and He loves you. you deeply. And whatever season you're in, whether it feels heavy or hopeful or maybe somewhere in between, you are not unseen and you are not alone. today's episode it's about offering simple and practical tools for families so that you can support one another throughout the school year. And it's also about reminding ourselves that through Jesus we have access to the most high God, the one who promises to help us fight our battles. And sometimes we need those reminders. Yes. Especially when we're stuck in the middle of all of this, that we really do need somebody who is fighting for us. Yes. And fighting with us. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes. so one activity that we did to kick off part of our evening was one that you can easily do at home. And it's we call them role reversal questions. we're gonna put some of these questions in the Show notes so you can access them, but Amanda's gonna run through them a little bit about what what we did for this exercise. Yeah, this was I think a fantastic exercise, and the families at the workshop seem to really dive into this. So hopefully, this is a helpful tool for you as well. So the idea is you will ask each other these questions, but you answer in the reverse. So, parents, you are going to answer as your teen, and teens you get to answer as your parents. So there's a couple of the questions. questions that I wanted to point out. All of them are great and you can pick which ones are applicable to your family. But one of the questions that I really liked is what stresses you most about school right now? And sometimes you can kind of assume what your teen is thinking, but the fun part about this is you get to give the answer that you think your teen is is thinking. But that opens up the door to be like, actually that's not what stresses me or wow, I didn't even know that you knew that about me. So whether you get the answer right or wrong, it's gr it's a great conversation starter. So what I also like about that, and maybe you were about to say this a minute, so I'm sorry if I'm jumping on, but also If our teen says to to me as a mom, mom, this is what I notice about you that stresses you out during the school year and I might f have thought I had no idea. Either A that I was stressed out about it. Right. Sometimes we don't realize it. Or B that my child noticed. Yeah. And that they took that on. So it again it's just a great way to have productive, helpful dialogue with our kids. Yeah. And it's so important that balance of it's not that it's a bad thing for your kid to know that you're stressed, but like how stressed do you want them to see? Like 'cause they're gonna start to carry some of that burden too, and of course as parents we don't want that. One of the other ones, that was what do you wish I understood about your school year? And I think that is so so important because sometimes kids feel misunderstood and don't know how to word that or they're scared to word it. So when you are putting this out there because you're going through these list of questions it gives a safe space to have this conversation. It's permission to talk about these things that may have made kids and parents nervous alike. Right. And and also the great thing about this is it's it's about just listening. So we don't have as parents, we don't have to feel the need to to fix it or the inclination to add words to fix it. It's just an opportunity to freely share and just listen. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Love it. Love it. There was a lot of serious conversation during this. There was some laughter during this. So I really encourage everyone to click into the show notes to get those and go through those with their kids. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then after that we we also looked at two more questions, which we thought were helpful conversation starters. And what were those again, Amanda? they this was I mean, I'm gonna say it through the whole thing 'cause I think the workshop was amazing. But this was so important and a lot of like wide eyes when we when we pose this so the follow-up questions to that are when I'm stressed I need and then you fill in the blank. and so this is this was really great for the kids to kind of think about like, actually what do I need? And then as a parent, what is your role? Like they might need time alone. Maybe it's that they don't want you asking questions about it. Maybe it's that they do want you asking questions. So it gave them time to reflect A little bit on that, but then also permission to talk about it. Mm-hmm. And then the other one was one thing that helps me feel supported is, and I have certainly been guilty about this as a parent, where I think what I'm doing is helpful and it is not helpful. So Elizabeth had shared a clip from a movie that talked about the importance of acknowledging somebody's feelings. kind of one of those scenes where you're like, you've seen it but you don't necessarily think too much about it. You don't overthink it. And we were being forced to kind of overthink it. As parents, we want our kids to be happy all the time. And so when we see that they are not, sometimes we try and fix them, we try and and help them. And maybe it's not what they want. Maybe they want us to sit in that emotion with them. Or maybe the way that we're supporting them isn't what they need. So it's so it was such a great question for the kids to one, think about what do I need? And two, does it include the parent and having that open conversation? Ugh. I just loved it. Can't love it enough. so the s another aspect was we introduced something called the healthy mind platter. And so just like we Seek to have a balanced diet of the food that we put in our bodies so that our bodies are fueled well and function well. The Healthy Mind Platter offers seven essential daily activities so that our brains are functioning well. And this is created by a couple of doctors named Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. David Rock. It's basically a way for families to understand that our h a healthy mind needs different kinds of experiences. Not just rest, not just productivity, not just screens. And I'm saying it with that intonation because I'm guilty of sometimes just focusing on one or two of these things and it's not balanced. And I can experience that imbalance in the way I my mind works and So this was a really helpful paradigm for me personally. When when teens get even a few of these seven elements that we're gonna run through here, their stress level can go down and the resilience goes up. So who wants less stress and more resilience? Right. So the chart that we're looking at is in a circle and it's made of like different like pie wedges. So think of like a a trivial pursuit piece. and every piece has equal value. And so when they looked at it, you could tell that everybody was kind of digesting it and we talked about like our What what ones of these are easy for you? But we really sat in the what do we need more of? When you're looking at this chart, what do you need more of? So we talked about looking at your day as a whole, right? You have twenty-four hours and what do you want to fill those twenty-four hours with. some of these items we'll run through them quickly, but we'll also put the this graphic in the show notes so you can print it out and take a look at it. But one of them is focus time, so where you're you're having a deep concentration on a particular task. And another one is playtime. So just having time to be creative and imaginative. Another is connecting time. So those those relationships that are that are not via screen or zoom or whatever, but that you're in person. In person, yes. And then physical time, the so time to have movement because that can energize the brain. to time in is another one that we were talking about. Talking about, where you are really doing some reflection, you're spending some time in prayer, you're having that mindfulness. And then similarly, you have downtime. So downtime was really that resonated with a lot of people. It was where you don't have a goal and you don't have pressure. So we talked a lot about the power of boredom, and all great things that come out of being bored. And then lastly is sleep. And again, that is just as important as all the other pieces and to make sure that it's really balanced out we talked a lot about the fact that as you're thinking about what goes in your day, very rarely are people gonna be like, you know what, I wanna make sure I include thirty minutes of Doom Scrolling. So, which I am probably even more than thirty minutes to be honest, but But then when we look at this and we're like, gosh, I really wish that I could have some more downtime. Like yeah, we do. and so really thinking about what moments build our day up and what moments do we want building our day up. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and and another comment was of, you know, as an adult, being intentional about finding time to play. Mm-hmm. you know, we prepare the lunches, prepare the dinners, do our work, clean the house, the whatever those work responses Responsibilities are for us in our daily lives, but to find time to just play. And it doesn't have to be two hours. It could be 15 minutes. You know, all of these things they don't have to be huge time commitments. Aside from sleep, you should have plenty of sleep. Yes, it's good for everybody. Yes. So a tool like this, it gives parents and their kids a shared language. So instead of a parent honey, you need to calm down. They could say something like, you know, it looks like you might need some downtime or maybe connection time with a friend. Why don't you go see if you know Susie down the street can hang out for a little bit? and when emotions are running high, it can be a helpful way of helping us to be mindful of how we're feeling instead of just letting the emotions run run away, but just for Us to say, okay, hang on a second, what's happening inside of me? What is it that I need? Yeah, this is a great tool that I can see using right now. And then I can also see using right before finals, right before, you know, the Christmas break when everybody is getting ready to like this isn't this isn't just a start of school year tool. This is a let's go ahead and print this. Let's keep this where, you know, we might be able to reference it as all of the stresses unfold in a school year. Great, great thinking. So hopefully these tools that we've been talking about are will be helpful to you and feel accessible and useful to you. But One of the most powerful tools that we have access to is the word of God. And our emotions can absolutely feel very, very real, but they can also often distort reality. Whereas Scripture brings truth and clarity. And Romans 12:2 gives us this powerful invitation and says: do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing. Of your mind. And Paul's reminding us that the way we think shapes the way we live, and that God cares deeply about the inner life of our minds. And this is a passage I go to frequently when I find myself being conformed to the patterns of this world or thinking about things that are that are temporal and allowing those things to overwhelm my thoughts. And I'll remember: wait, the Lord. The Lord says, do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but by transformed by the renewing of my mind. And so how do I do that? I do that by looking to God's word and renewing our mind isn't just about thinking better thoughts, but but by meditating on the word of God. And we talked about a healthy mind platter being nourishing for our brain, but Jesus said he is the bread of life, and his word satisfies us in ways that nothing else can. So true. Yeah, and a couple of the students at the workshop, they shared that the when they are memorizing passages, they're they they tend to do that in seasons where they need encouragement and strength to overcome a difficult season that they're going through. And I just I thought this was so wonderful to hear young high school students saying, you know what, I recognize that I'm going through a difficult season and I know that the Word of God is a weapon that I can hold to to help me battle that particular situation. That was so beautiful. I loved that the teens were willing to share that, that they would recognize the struggle in their life and they turned to the Word of God. I think that was such a beautiful, you know, of course I was trying not to cry. Like it was just so such a moving moment for me to see the kids sharing that they were memorizing scripture to help them in a time that they felt stuck. Yeah and when we hide the Lord's word in our heart, right? the Holy Spirit will bring it back up to us in those moments so what the teens were Doing and talking about with memorizing these passages, it's exactly what Paul is talking about in Romans 12. So w we offered a handful of passages For the students to take home and to be able to reflect on little note cards, and we'll put those particular passages in the show notes so you can have access to them too. But one of them that I use frequently for myself as a reminder, and then also to pray over others, is Second Timothy one seven, where it says the Spirit of God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. those are three. very specific things that I can hold on to and believe and that can change the way I'm thinking from feeling timid or afraid but the spirit of God that lives in me has given me that spirit of power and of love and of sound mind or self-discipline is another translation for those of us who are in Christ Jesus, he's already won the battle. we do go through difficulties in life, but he is with us and he will never leave us and he will never forsake us. On behalf of the families I in the lives that you've touched. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Amanda, thanks so much for partnering with Chatham families to serve the families of our community. Thank you so much for the invitation to be here. This has been an absolute pleasure.