Matchmaker Secrets: Finding Love When You Least Expect It | Jaydi Samuels Kuba

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Welcome to Every Soul has a Story. I'm your host,
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Darryl le Van. Today you'll hear unfiltered conversations about how
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radiance emerges from our breaking points. I hope these stories
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and incredible guests and power uplift and inspire you. Thanks
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so much for being here.
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Welcome to Every Soul has a Story. I am here
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with a fabulous guest. Her name is Jady Samuel's Kuba
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and she Oh my gosh, well, Jad, I can introduce
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you in myriad ways matchmaker, writer, wife, mom, dating, coach,
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and so much more.
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Podcast host.
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You host a podcast with your husband, which I think
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is so fun, And why don't we start there? How
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did you meet your husband? Did that have any influence
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on your debut novel?
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It's not a novel, it's really like a memoir mixed
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narrative nonfiction.
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Okay, so can you explain or share where that inspiration
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came from? Because I have a feeling it came from
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your personal life.
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Guessing the feeling is right, So I mean it took
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a little bit of arm twisting. I'm so glad the
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publisher did this, but I am you know my husband,
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our story is in the book it's not the focal
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point of the book, but it's definitely a through line
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and part of that. I'm a matchmaker and dating coach,
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and the book details what it's like being a La
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Hollywood matchmaker and coach out here and the people I
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set up in the entertainment industry, and it focuses on
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three clients. But I do share the story of my
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husband and I, which started off, without giving too many
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spoilers away, started off with him being a client of mine.
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And when you think.
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About it, how great is your database if you can't
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find your own husband or wife within it?
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Right? So, the only.
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Time I ever had out a client was my husband,
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so that it's a really fun story.
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I'm happy to share some tidbits.
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Do you want the like how I asked him out,
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how long he was a client before?
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Do you want? Do you want the whole thing? Sure?
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Whatever you'd like to share, and I'd love to know
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why I am.
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Oh great question. So when I started the company, I
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was in a three year relationship. I wasn't really shopping
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for a husband within my own dad base.
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Yeah. Right when I.
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Became single, which was about a year and a half
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after my husband's name is Dave. After setting him up
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five times over the course of a year and a half,
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I became the act on the market and there were
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certain conversations with him that stood out in my mind,
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and it, honestly, a lot of it was a gut
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feeling which I applied to my matchmaking in general with
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my business partner, and you know, we it's kind of
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half and half in terms of what's good on paper
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and what do we just feel in our gut is
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good for somebody as long as.
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Major deal breakers are being avoided.
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And it really has changed the way that I match
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make because with my husband, before he and I dated,
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I was very much like what someone's asking for on paper,
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if it makes sense, our job is to find that
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exact thing. And if I had done that, if I
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had applied that to my own love life or my husband,
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neither of us would have ended up together because on paper,
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we just didn't make that much sense you really examine it.
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Our life perspective and values, all of that was the same.
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All the important things were the same. How we wanted
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to raise children, all of that, The fact that we
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wanted to hegular right like, all of that was the same.
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But on the surface, I was very straight edge, a
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little bit nerdy. For him, he went to Coachella seven
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years in a row. I had never been to a
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music festival.
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I not drink. It's just never been my thing.
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And when he met with our company, he's like, give
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me a gallon who likes a good cocktailer, three and so.
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On paper, we would not have matched with each other
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online dating. I wouldn't have even swiped on him. I
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was looking for someone over five to ten, even though
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I am very short. So the former, well he is,
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He'll say five to nine. He's like a little shy
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of that.
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I think guys round up, women round down, and totally
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exactly so. Guys on the dating apps they always round up.
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But then I was filtering out shorter guys, which is
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cringey to me now that I've met so many incredible
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guys who I don't even want to say short guys
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because I don't even think like five eight five nine
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is particularly short. It's just shorter than maybe what women
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tend to ask for when they think, like I can
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have any option in the world, I might as well
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be picky, but they tend to be picky about the
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wrong things. Like I was, and so attraction is so vital,
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and I had a lot of attraction toward him, but
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on you know, it's not what I was actively looking for.
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And so a lot of meeting him has involved throwing
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away the checklist, changing how I match people, even height
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out of the equation I take, I match in the inverse.
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So it's not about your checklist, it's about avoiding deal breakers.
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He avoided mine, I avoided his, and that to me
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was far more important than we both like tennis or
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watching baseball, you know, And there's dating apps that are
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centered around hobbies and interests, and most people on dating
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apps that's how they define themselves.
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And what you do for fun is not who you are.
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So what were your deal breakers? And what were his?
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So I'm not a religious person, but I am very
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culturally Jewish, and it was important to me to find
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a Jewish partner. I knew that's how I wanted to
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raise my kids were an our case kid. My husband
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is Jewish, although that's another thing on paper, he was
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actively not looking for. Where he said Jewish women reminded
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him too much of his mom and sister, which.
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I have these Jewish Jewish exactly although now like our
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kids in Jewish preschool, I think he would embrace the
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full like Jewish terminology.
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But but yeah, back then, single day, he was not
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looking for that. In terms of my deal breakers, religion
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was a deal breaker for me. I didn't want someone
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who was engaged in any like heavy.
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Drugs and alcohol.
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It did surprise me dating a guy who had a
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wilder past. He wasn't like actively doing anything like.
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That, but.
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Definitely has had his fair share of fun, like doing
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shrooms in the desert or what have you. But in
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terms of active lifestyle, I wasn't looking for someone who
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was like a typical bad boy, like.
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A disory in his backyard, right, yeah, exactly, Like I
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just don't partake in any other really so interesting everything
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you're saying.
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I was just telling a friend recently, I'm such a
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goody two shoes.
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I'm clearly older than you, proudly so.
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I'm in my second half of my century and I've
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never done anything.
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I mean, it's it's so boring, well.
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The two of us together, Yeah, and so yeah, I
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didn't have a long list of deal breakers, but when
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it comes to the major categories, and I wanted someone
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who was liberal, mine all had to do with like
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the bigger picture items, whereas his his deal breakers were
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very specific.
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And so that's one example, if he wouldn't mind you sharing.
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Like other than being Jewish, so I would say, uh,
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a small deal breaker for him. And again for him,
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these are not really accurate because we turned out not.
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To be his deal breakers. Yeah.
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I have to read between the lines of clients sometimes
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when tell me, like I refuse to meet a man
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who has a receiving hairline, and then sure enough, like
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two years later.
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People say things like that, oh my gosh, yeah really yes,
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And so I you know, I have to read between
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the lines with people and ascertain is this a preference
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or a deal breaker?
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And a lot of Daves fell into the preference category.
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But this is a guy who broke up with a
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woman who said she liked Garfunkle more than Simon.
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That was his Yeah, he was a little nitpicky, but
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you know, a lot of people are these.
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Days, and in general, the reason why online dating is
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failing our generation is that people are constantly looking for
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the next best thing, reasons to say no instead of
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reasons to say yes. And so that's something that the
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day coach and me loves working with people on because matchmaking.
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You know, someone comes to me, it feels like ordering
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off the menu. I try to let them to open
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up their mind to other possibilities, but really I mean
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able to do that more effectively when I'm working with
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them in a coaching capacity.
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So you met Dave. How long were you in this
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business before you met?
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Oh gosh, So I started the business in twenty fourteen.
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He was an early client.
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Not that, not back when I was charging ten dollars
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a month or anything, but he was, well, this is
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when I was an assistant on Family Guy and I
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was pursuing TV writing, which eventually I did. And I'm
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sure we'll get into that, but you know it's yeah,
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it's it's really snowballed. And now it's just my full
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time job and passion. But when Dave joined, I want
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to say it was probably about twenty sixteen, and then
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he and I went on our first date in twenty seventeen. Yeah,
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it must have the end of twenty fifteen. I'd have
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to look through. This is all in the book, but
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in terms of the top of my I wad about it.
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If you're interested in we're about Dave and JN.
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Yeah, I go through like all of our flirtatious emails once,
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you know, it was clear that this was going to
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go somewhere and I was single and all of that.
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But yeah, I really wanted the book to be accurate
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and something that when my daughter reads one day, she
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can read her parents' actual love story, which I think
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is a cool thing.
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So you had to kind of keep it PG. You know,
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there really wasn't that much that was not PEG about it. Yeah,
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all of it.
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All of it's I'm trying to think if there's anything
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I edited it out. I think the only thing I
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wound up editing out of our entire exchange was and
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I might as well put in the books I'm sharing
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with you now. He had said that he was looking
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for someone, Well, is it okay if I back up
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a little bit just to give context.
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Absolutely so.
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When he and I were emailing, I was the one.
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My business partner and I typically split up in terms
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of who are gonna math if she might feel a
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stronger connection to someone, or she might know a database
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member better. Even though we meet everyone at the same time,
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usually someone feels a little bit closer to one of
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us and will take a point on that person's matches
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just to have more success in terms of the communication
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and everything. So I was running point on his matches
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until he was a little bit flirtatious. Then I passed
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him off to my business partner. So it was in
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a relationship at the time. But once he and I
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started dating, or when I think he had three mismatches,
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like we set him up three times, he was getting
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self conscious that he wasn't feeling it with any of
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these women. They were great women, by the way, just
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we're not making mutual matches. In that case, he wrote
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an email to me that kicked off how he got
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married essentially, like everything can be traced back to this
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email he wrote to me, and he said, I swear
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I'm not that picky. I'm just looking for someone little
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in cute. Take you for example, not that you're not
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that cute, because I'm not that picky. But and he
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was rambling. It was very clear that he didn't need
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to send it.
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It was an.
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Email, but he kept all the rambling and then his end,
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and that's what kicked everything off. When I became single
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a year and a half later, even though I had
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passed him off to Lauren. Because of that email, I thought, well,
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there's that Dave Kouba guy. I know he at least
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thinks I'm cute. But so in the book, I think
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I just took out the phrase little and cute and
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I just wrote, he thinks you're cute, right, I just
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want someone cute like you, just because I work with
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so many clients with body image issues and things like that,
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and I have plenty of male clients that actively are
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searching for someone with a more womanly physique.
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I look like a little boy half the time, but like,
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there's some people you know who I match.
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We're absolutely gorgeous, their curves are amazing, and men are
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actively seeking that. But there are some people with those insecurities.
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And I didn't want the book to hit anyone the
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wrong way by my husband essentially saying that he was
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looking for somebody more fatigue, so I just kept it
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a more generic I'm looking for someone cute other than that,
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and other than we did catch one more inaccuracy, which
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is neither my husband nor I caught that in his
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intake form he said he he mentioned something about Ryan Gossling,
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like totally great, but that you know who doesn't love
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Ryan Gosling something like that, just to be cheap. And
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in the book I put Ryan Reynolds and I didn't
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catch it.
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He didn't catch it.
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He's so upset about it because forever written, you know, I.
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Often confuse them and they're nothing alike.
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Yeah, and I think we both saw Ryan, and when
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I was describing the emails, you know, we both so
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neither of us caught it. So it's it's there forever
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that he thinks Ryan Reynolds is, Oh.
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Well, sorry, iither Ryan is a great choice.
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Well, this day and age, I feel like Ryan Reynolds,
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there's a little bit of controversy surrounding him, and that's
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a whole other thing.
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So how did you get into this?
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Did you study like social work or HR or anything
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in college? I mean, did you ever think this is
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what you'd be doing as your life's work and passion?
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I definitely do not.
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I studied screenwriting and so. But I will say in
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terms of just what I had a natural gift for,
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it wasn't specifically matching people in the romantic category of
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their life. I was just matching people in general.
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You want a roommate, I know, the perfect person for you.
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You need a job, you know, I can find that
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for you, And so people used to come to me
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just to get matched.
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It wasn't until I got older and it became.
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More of a burning desire, you know, in our twenties thirties,
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where people were wanting that romantic element introduced in their
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life in a serious way that I was like, well, sure, yeah,
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of course I could find your boyfriend or girlfriend too.
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It was never something I did formally. It was just
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I had a natural pull toward that, and so I
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think it was just something I was always doing, same
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thing with my business partner, and you know, we found
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each other I think because of that. But yeah, that's
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when I was working on Family Guy. Just noticed this
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need for people in the industry wanting to find something grounded, serious,
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and there wasn't really that hub for people in entertainment.
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And now I only match people in entertainment. But that's
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how it all started.
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And I would imagine, I don't I'm not passing judgments,
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so please correct me if I'm wrong, But in LA,
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especially in other areas where there's a high entertainment industry,
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I would imagine there's some an authenticity or you know,
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a lot of image and physicality. And granted I'm going
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to say that, but I'll also correct myself as i'm
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speaking that that's everywhere.
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I mean, my daughter's in college.
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I know it's very important for all the kids that
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are meeting each other how they look. So I do
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suppose that transcends geography, age, culture, all the things. That said,
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I'm curious if when you're working with your entertainment clients
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is that do you see a difference or is it
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universal what people want in terms.
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Of their core needs or desires or hopes.
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Well, that's the question in terms of need versus want,
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and that's why I have to help differentiate. I think
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the wants are a little bit different in Los Angeles
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in the entertainment industry. It applies to some other parts
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of the world as well, But in terms of the superficial,
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I think the threshold is just different in terms of
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what people consider attractive and what they feel like they deserve.
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And people also are settling down when they're older out.
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Here because they're so career focused.
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So there's definitely certain factors that I have to take
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into consideration differently out here and wait differently. But in
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terms of what people actually need and what will make
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them happy. That's not always in alignment with what they
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think they want. Look at my husband, right, and so
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those are I have to be able to distinguish between
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the two to have success.
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Interesting, So how does that work if someone wanted to
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work with you JD? Is it like, is there a
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short term agreement? Is there a long term? What do
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you promise? What do you say? I can't promise. I'm
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curious when a client comes to kind of what's your
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feel Yeah, it depends who.
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That client is.
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So we have different business models for different demographics. Everything's
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in the hundreds, not the thousands. So it's a very
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different business model than most luxury matchmaking companies. We offer
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a luxury service, very affordable rates. I want love to
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be affordable to everyone. The matchmaking arm of our company,
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00:18:06.119 --> 00:18:08.880
we do ask that you have a referral, just to
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keep the quality control high and make sure our clients
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are put into safe environments and all of that.
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But when it.
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Comes to coaching, you know, I coach internationally, so anyone
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listening is welcome to reach out. But when it comes
351
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to the actual rates, they're closer to a year of
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online dating with me than it is a typical matchmaking
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service I just find and I detail this in the book.
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For those that are very interested in the industry or
355
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have been curious about it, there are some wonderful companies
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that charge really aborbitant rates. I find for me, at
357
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least for the ones I've consulted for over the years,
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I've come across ones where their practices are a little
359
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bit unethical in terms of how I would not want
360
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to run my company. And I find that consist that
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00:19:00.839 --> 00:19:05.160
happens kind of like a rectangle is not a square
362
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but a square. No, what is it, I'm getting this
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all wrong. A square is a rectangle with a rectangle's
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not a square. Well, you know that whole expression, but
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00:19:12.799 --> 00:19:15.839
I'm definitely making it backward. It's the same thing where
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it's not a guarantee that you're unethical because you're charging
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exorbitant rates. But of the companies I have found that
368
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are having unethical practices, they all happen to charge those
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exorbitant rates. And part of that is they start too
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big too soon. So in order to charge that much,
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you want to give the appearance of luxury, and you
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want to have a brick and mortar location, probably in
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a green part of town. You need to make guarantees.
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No one's going to spend fifty thousand dollars on a
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matchmaking package if you can't guarantee something, Well, it's impossible
376
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to guarantee you're going to meet someone's husband or wife.
377
00:19:53.839 --> 00:19:56.920
So what do you guarantee? You throw all these shiny
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00:19:56.920 --> 00:20:01.880
objects into packages. Wardrobe styling, photo sessions, wing woman surrounds.
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00:20:03.160 --> 00:20:06.160
Oh yeah, there's the body language expert meetings. Like the
380
00:20:06.240 --> 00:20:12.759
list is huge and so mind blow honestly. So people,
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you know, they feel like they're getting their money's worth
382
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if they're signing up knowing, you know what, I might
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not meet my husband or wife, but I'm getting all
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of these amazing expert sessions and that's what I'm paying for.
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That's great.
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But a lot of these people they're like, Okay, so
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i'll get all that stuff, but what I really want
388
00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:30.519
is this other thing. But that's the thing that's not guaranteed,
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and so they're spending a lot of money. The guarantee
390
00:20:34.440 --> 00:20:38.200
that is being made is these extra services and typically
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00:20:38.359 --> 00:20:41.680
a number of matches. So they'll say for fifty thousand dollars,
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00:20:41.680 --> 00:20:46.079
I'll introduce you to ten people for example, So where
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00:20:46.079 --> 00:20:48.000
do those ten people come from? Well, if you're a
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company that just started two years ago, it's not all
395
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going to come from your internal database. It takes a
396
00:20:53.440 --> 00:20:56.440
long time. So it took me a decade to build
397
00:20:56.519 --> 00:20:59.599
up a really high quality database of people. And that's
398
00:20:59.640 --> 00:21:02.839
constant changing because people are getting married and being removed
399
00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:05.799
right removed from the database. So it takes a long
400
00:21:05.880 --> 00:21:09.039
time to build up a reputation and an amazing database.
401
00:21:09.559 --> 00:21:12.720
So if someone says they want ten matches and they're
402
00:21:12.720 --> 00:21:15.480
paying that much money for it, maybe two or three
403
00:21:15.559 --> 00:21:18.519
are coming from that database, maybe even half.
404
00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:20.400
Let's give them the benefit of the doubt.
405
00:21:20.599 --> 00:21:24.640
Where do those other five matches come from? They scramble,
406
00:21:24.759 --> 00:21:27.599
They're giving out business cards and whole foods.
407
00:21:27.720 --> 00:21:27.960
You know.
408
00:21:28.119 --> 00:21:32.279
It's they're going on LinkedIn and trying to recruit people
409
00:21:32.279 --> 00:21:36.920
they've never met before, so they start to potentially compromise
410
00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:40.200
the integrity of the search. Recruiting can be great, and
411
00:21:40.240 --> 00:21:45.039
if people have really ethical recruiting tactics, I'm all for it.
412
00:21:45.039 --> 00:21:47.200
It's just it becomes.
413
00:21:46.759 --> 00:21:50.480
Such a liability and for me, for a small business
414
00:21:50.640 --> 00:21:52.400
and to make sure that my clients are in the
415
00:21:52.400 --> 00:21:55.440
best hands possible, I've just never wanted to put myself
416
00:21:55.480 --> 00:21:57.720
in that position. I don't want to be setting up
417
00:21:57.759 --> 00:22:00.200
people you know that I meet on the internet. Want
418
00:22:00.200 --> 00:22:03.079
them to be high quality singles that someone can vouch for.
419
00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:06.720
And so it's just a different perspective. But it has
420
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a lot to do with why I structure the business
421
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the way that I do.
422
00:22:10.079 --> 00:22:14.000
So two questions. Is this almost like you're your own
423
00:22:14.039 --> 00:22:16.960
little HR team. Do you have to vet people? Do
424
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you do a background check? Do you ask for references?
425
00:22:20.559 --> 00:22:24.880
My mind is kid cercolating now, It's just a fascinating.
426
00:22:24.599 --> 00:22:25.480
It's a great question.
427
00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:29.960
So these larger companies that recruit will do background checks,
428
00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:33.359
so even though they may not know something about these individuals,
429
00:22:33.640 --> 00:22:34.920
they'll run a background check.
430
00:22:35.400 --> 00:22:36.880
I don't run background checks.
431
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I have someone's best friend, you know who I set
432
00:22:41.000 --> 00:22:44.839
up successfully like that person will refer someone who has
433
00:22:44.880 --> 00:22:47.720
referred to someone. And the reason why I prefer that
434
00:22:47.839 --> 00:22:50.880
over a background check is there's so much that doesn't
435
00:22:50.880 --> 00:22:54.240
get caught in background checks. Someone can move to a
436
00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:57.599
different city and something won't show up, you know. So
437
00:22:58.160 --> 00:23:00.920
for me, the background checks aren't enough. I would much
438
00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:04.000
rather I feel like there's a higher degree of accountability
439
00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:11.279
for somebody that right, if I'm setting up Brett's best
440
00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:15.480
friend's cousin, if he does something untoward on one of
441
00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:18.680
my dates, Brett is going to hear about it. Maybe
442
00:23:18.680 --> 00:23:21.240
not directly, right, but like I'll find.
443
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:22.039
Out about it from the woman.
444
00:23:23.119 --> 00:23:26.119
You best believe that person's never getting set up by
445
00:23:26.119 --> 00:23:29.880
me again. And also their source, who you know, is
446
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:32.319
our mutual connection, will find out. So that kind of
447
00:23:32.359 --> 00:23:34.920
stuff knock on everything. It just doesn't happen through my
448
00:23:34.960 --> 00:23:38.759
service because there's a very high degree of accountability there.
449
00:23:39.480 --> 00:23:42.839
And what about confidentiality you work with obviously, I'm sure
450
00:23:42.839 --> 00:23:45.440
you work with some celebrities were even not you know,
451
00:23:45.480 --> 00:23:48.200
if I wanted to refer a friend to you, I
452
00:23:48.200 --> 00:23:50.240
would think that's really important. People might want to talk
453
00:23:50.279 --> 00:23:52.240
about it if they take medication, or if they've had
454
00:23:52.279 --> 00:23:55.000
past trauma or I mean I can go on and
455
00:23:55.039 --> 00:24:00.160
on with the list, right, Yeah.
456
00:23:57.759 --> 00:24:02.960
Every highly confident. So with the matchmaking, my business partner
457
00:24:03.039 --> 00:24:06.559
Lauren and I will both meet with that individual for
458
00:24:06.640 --> 00:24:09.880
their intake, and everything stays between the two of us.
459
00:24:10.119 --> 00:24:12.880
Same with any dates we set them up on coaching sessions.
460
00:24:12.920 --> 00:24:16.640
It's just me and so it's actually even more contained
461
00:24:16.720 --> 00:24:19.359
than that, But yeah, Lauren and I have kept it
462
00:24:19.400 --> 00:24:22.720
all confidential for fifteen years. Anything you read in the book,
463
00:24:22.920 --> 00:24:26.799
either we had a client's direct permission to use their
464
00:24:26.839 --> 00:24:30.599
words or their stories, or the clients' names have been changed,
465
00:24:30.680 --> 00:24:34.400
or they're composites of several different people. So all the
466
00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:38.839
stories are real. But either the it's completely accurate and
467
00:24:39.000 --> 00:24:42.200
we have the client's permission, or there's been slight adjustments,
468
00:24:42.240 --> 00:24:45.079
so we're not betraying confidentiality.
469
00:24:45.720 --> 00:24:50.960
And what would you say? We talked earlier about wants
470
00:24:51.039 --> 00:24:53.599
and needs, and it's funny. I tell my kids that
471
00:24:53.640 --> 00:24:55.960
when they were little, they're in their twenty you know.
472
00:24:56.200 --> 00:24:58.400
Do you need that toy or do you want it?
473
00:24:58.440 --> 00:25:04.160
You know? So it's not so similar, right, would you.
474
00:25:04.119 --> 00:25:07.119
Say there's a theme over the past fifteen years? And
475
00:25:07.319 --> 00:25:11.400
is there a gender difference? I mean, generally speaking, again,
476
00:25:11.759 --> 00:25:14.000
very general and I'm not one to generalize, so I'm
477
00:25:14.000 --> 00:25:18.079
about to and then I'll say, didn't mean it.
478
00:25:18.279 --> 00:25:19.319
Generally speaking.
479
00:25:19.599 --> 00:25:23.079
It seems like most men, not all physical is very
480
00:25:23.079 --> 00:25:27.160
important to them. Generally speaking, it seems that a lot
481
00:25:27.200 --> 00:25:30.759
of women it's their mind, is their stability, their intellect?
482
00:25:31.839 --> 00:25:33.359
Are you finding that still the case?
483
00:25:34.039 --> 00:25:36.319
Has it morphed over the years, or do you still
484
00:25:36.319 --> 00:25:38.880
see this trend that kind of is a thread through
485
00:25:38.920 --> 00:25:43.599
all of or most of the clients you see.
486
00:25:44.200 --> 00:25:46.799
I think men and women can be equally superficial, but
487
00:25:46.839 --> 00:25:50.000
it manifests in different ways. Right, So I mentioned the
488
00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:53.519
hairline and the height. When it comes to women. With guys,
489
00:25:53.680 --> 00:25:56.680
a lot of times it has to do with age,
490
00:25:58.240 --> 00:26:02.359
you know, maybe certain features, but it's so it does differ.
491
00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:06.039
But I find those requirements to all be in the
492
00:26:06.119 --> 00:26:07.400
superficial category.
493
00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:10.440
And does that seem is that really important? Like a
494
00:26:10.440 --> 00:26:11.359
scale of one to ten?
495
00:26:12.119 --> 00:26:14.400
I guess also, I'm fascinated because even when I was
496
00:26:14.480 --> 00:26:17.559
dating years ago, that stuff does never matter to me.
497
00:26:17.599 --> 00:26:19.559
I was like, who are you? Don't just tell me
498
00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:22.559
you know who? Somebody looks like my husband happens to
499
00:26:22.599 --> 00:26:23.519
be absolutely gorgeous.
500
00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:28.519
But I left twenty seven years later. Pardon I'm joking,
501
00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:29.759
I said, what a coincidence?
502
00:26:29.960 --> 00:26:33.000
But no, But I really was so attracted to his
503
00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:36.920
to his intellect, to his integrity. I still am. Those
504
00:26:36.920 --> 00:26:39.039
are the things that to me are so important. And
505
00:26:39.079 --> 00:26:41.079
I guess it's about your poor values at the end
506
00:26:41.079 --> 00:26:44.319
of the day. And I wonder quietly you can't judge people.
507
00:26:44.440 --> 00:26:46.240
But in your mind, do you ever have a client go,
508
00:26:46.319 --> 00:26:48.480
oh my gosh, you only care if she's like a
509
00:26:48.519 --> 00:26:52.759
triple D, or he only cares if you know, she
510
00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:54.480
only cares if he's wealthy.
511
00:26:54.559 --> 00:26:56.319
I'm just making stuff up. I have no idea what
512
00:26:56.359 --> 00:26:57.119
I'm talking about.
513
00:26:57.279 --> 00:27:00.680
But the answer is that all of it is important
514
00:27:00.839 --> 00:27:03.039
at the end of the day to a degree. It's
515
00:27:03.160 --> 00:27:06.559
just a question of with each individual, how heavily are
516
00:27:06.599 --> 00:27:09.559
they waiting certain categories. I will say, you cannot have
517
00:27:10.039 --> 00:27:13.400
long term happiness with a partner and have a healthy
518
00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:18.079
relationship if there's no physical chemistry. Now, what form that
519
00:27:18.200 --> 00:27:21.119
comes in is different for different people, and I think
520
00:27:21.200 --> 00:27:25.160
that men sometimes have a more preconceived notion of what
521
00:27:25.240 --> 00:27:29.319
form that comes in, and it's harder to change their mind.
522
00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:31.079
So if you show up on a date with a
523
00:27:31.119 --> 00:27:36.839
guy that's expecting a busty blonde and you're a petite Brennette,
524
00:27:38.279 --> 00:27:42.519
it's harder to win that person over if where's like
525
00:27:42.720 --> 00:27:46.119
certain things that just do it for them. Whereas women,
526
00:27:46.799 --> 00:27:52.119
if a guy is charming enough and dynamic enough, smart enough,
527
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:55.119
and interesting enough, like they can win you over.
528
00:27:55.640 --> 00:27:57.359
So you might start off a date.
529
00:27:57.480 --> 00:27:59.480
Not really feeling a lot of chemistry, but by the
530
00:27:59.559 --> 00:28:02.359
end they've just charm the pants off you kin, Thank
531
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:02.920
you for saying that.
532
00:28:02.960 --> 00:28:05.119
I was trying to say that earlier and I did
533
00:28:05.160 --> 00:28:09.920
not make any sense. Thank you for yeah, and whittling
534
00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:11.480
that down to something that makes.
535
00:28:11.599 --> 00:28:14.480
Of course, But if I ended the date, a woman's
536
00:28:14.519 --> 00:28:17.240
not feeling that attraction, she's not going to go on
537
00:28:17.319 --> 00:28:21.240
another one typically, And so I do think attraction is
538
00:28:21.319 --> 00:28:25.319
equally important. But yeah, guys tend to I don't want
539
00:28:25.319 --> 00:28:27.559
to see lead with it more. It's it's harder to
540
00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:33.160
overcome the lack of early on in the dating process.
541
00:28:33.200 --> 00:28:33.680
Interesting.
542
00:28:34.440 --> 00:28:36.960
So, you know, we talk about guarantees. I would assume
543
00:28:37.599 --> 00:28:39.640
your work doesn't come with a warranty. It's not like
544
00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:42.279
you know you bought a dryer or you know you're
545
00:28:42.319 --> 00:28:47.480
providing a service, right, So, speaking of guarantees, we touched
546
00:28:47.559 --> 00:28:51.279
upon offline is infertility and your own journey, and I
547
00:28:51.359 --> 00:28:52.200
was thinking kind of.
548
00:28:52.200 --> 00:28:53.400
About the bridge there.
549
00:28:53.960 --> 00:28:56.960
I have so many friends that went through fertility treatment,
550
00:28:57.079 --> 00:28:59.359
and I don't know personally, but I know I'm a
551
00:28:59.440 --> 00:29:00.559
very empathetic person.
552
00:29:01.400 --> 00:29:03.920
How incredibly emotionally wrought that is.
553
00:29:04.359 --> 00:29:06.599
You don't have a guarantee you're spending thousands of dollars
554
00:29:06.680 --> 00:29:09.640
you're putting your body through hell. I'd love if we
555
00:29:09.640 --> 00:29:11.559
could talk about that and how you know, there's no
556
00:29:11.799 --> 00:29:15.079
guarantee with matchmaking, right, you do the best you can.
557
00:29:15.400 --> 00:29:18.880
There's also no guarantee that you're going to bring a child.
558
00:29:18.640 --> 00:29:23.720
To the world, whether it's you know, naturally or.
559
00:29:23.599 --> 00:29:26.559
With fertility or we can go on and on, but
560
00:29:26.599 --> 00:29:29.039
I just in my mind, I just found this connection
561
00:29:29.319 --> 00:29:32.079
between your work life and your personal life, and I'm
562
00:29:32.079 --> 00:29:34.400
curious if that's ever sort.
563
00:29:34.200 --> 00:29:42.599
Of merged for you or if that resonates one hundred percent.
564
00:29:42.720 --> 00:29:45.920
I mean so even in the book, it was so
565
00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:48.279
important to me that I felt like I couldn't tell
566
00:29:48.319 --> 00:29:52.799
my story with Dave without touching on that piece and
567
00:29:53.480 --> 00:29:57.079
a way that I was able to marry those two things,
568
00:29:57.119 --> 00:29:59.559
because I agree they very much go hand in hand,
569
00:30:00.039 --> 00:30:01.920
and I wish I had actually been more on the
570
00:30:01.960 --> 00:30:05.839
nose about it in terms of, like you said it
571
00:30:05.920 --> 00:30:10.200
so beautifully just now. And I don't quite make as
572
00:30:10.279 --> 00:30:12.839
direct of a connection in the book. But there's a
573
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:18.200
character who is in the book who's in her early forties,
574
00:30:18.279 --> 00:30:21.839
and she the whole inciting incident for the book, which
575
00:30:21.880 --> 00:30:25.000
is basically takes place over the course of a year.
576
00:30:25.799 --> 00:30:28.960
That year essentially starts when she comes to me and
577
00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:32.559
says like, I'm thinking about being a single mom by choice.
578
00:30:32.559 --> 00:30:33.640
I haven't met my person.
579
00:30:34.160 --> 00:30:37.880
You have a year to find my partner, or I'm
580
00:30:37.960 --> 00:30:41.000
just doing motherhood on my own. And unbeknownst to her
581
00:30:41.160 --> 00:30:44.559
in that moment, I had just had an embryo implanted,
582
00:30:45.839 --> 00:30:50.759
going through my own infertility journey to conceive via IVF,
583
00:30:50.920 --> 00:30:53.519
and so I was waiting to see if that embryo
584
00:30:53.599 --> 00:30:56.480
took or not when we had that conversation, and so
585
00:30:56.559 --> 00:31:02.000
it really hit hard. And yeah, I felt you know,
586
00:31:02.039 --> 00:31:04.119
normally when a client comes to me with any sort
587
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:07.480
of ultimatum, you know, it's easy to dismiss. But that
588
00:31:07.519 --> 00:31:09.720
one just really hit close to home because I felt
589
00:31:09.960 --> 00:31:11.920
I knew how hard it was. My husband and I
590
00:31:12.160 --> 00:31:15.640
two and a half years we spoil our alarn We
591
00:31:15.720 --> 00:31:18.599
have got you know, we have a healthy, beautiful, almost
592
00:31:18.599 --> 00:31:21.799
four year old daughter, and so that worked out for us,
593
00:31:21.839 --> 00:31:24.200
but it was an excruciating two and a half years
594
00:31:24.240 --> 00:31:26.440
of not knowing if it was going to or not.
595
00:31:27.039 --> 00:31:29.200
And so I knew not.
596
00:31:29.079 --> 00:31:32.599
Only like what she could go through without my health
597
00:31:32.680 --> 00:31:35.160
if I was unsuccessful, but that she'd have to do
598
00:31:35.200 --> 00:31:38.079
it alone. And so that was a hard conversation for me.
599
00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:42.400
And so that is sort of the connective tissue where
600
00:31:42.440 --> 00:31:44.720
everything kicks off, where you start to learn my own
601
00:31:44.799 --> 00:31:47.920
story and how Dave and I met is through that character.
602
00:31:48.400 --> 00:31:52.079
And so I actually love talking about IVF in general,
603
00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:55.240
just because as we had set off camera, like, it's
604
00:31:55.319 --> 00:31:57.279
just not spoken about nearly enough.
605
00:31:57.640 --> 00:31:59.279
And had I known.
606
00:32:00.079 --> 00:32:03.960
More, had I known what I learned later in the process,
607
00:32:04.039 --> 00:32:05.839
I feel like it could have saved me a lot
608
00:32:05.880 --> 00:32:10.759
of time and effort. And so yeah, I love talking
609
00:32:10.799 --> 00:32:12.920
about it and educating more people on the subject.
610
00:32:14.079 --> 00:32:16.880
What did you learn that you could share now with
611
00:32:17.039 --> 00:32:20.160
anyone that might be going through IVF that you wish
612
00:32:20.200 --> 00:32:22.920
you had known that could have made it. I guess
613
00:32:22.960 --> 00:32:27.519
it's not easy any road right to childbirth and child
614
00:32:27.519 --> 00:32:30.640
bearing and child bearing as you'll know as your daughter
615
00:32:30.680 --> 00:32:35.680
kids older, it's all beautiful, But what would help others?
616
00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:37.079
Do you wish you had known?
617
00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:40.640
The big shift for me came because there's a lot
618
00:32:40.680 --> 00:32:43.720
of smaller pieces of advice too, but the big shift
619
00:32:43.799 --> 00:32:48.480
came when we were well almost two years into our
620
00:32:48.519 --> 00:32:52.559
IVF journey with one clinic, I had multiple rounds of
621
00:32:53.559 --> 00:32:58.519
lack of success, like to failed implantations, but even getting
622
00:32:58.519 --> 00:33:00.880
those embryos, like we had a whole round of ig
623
00:33:00.920 --> 00:33:04.400
retrievals where it turned it yielded zero healthy embryos, like
624
00:33:04.440 --> 00:33:07.920
it was all it removal surgery, like there was a
625
00:33:07.960 --> 00:33:11.839
lot of stuff happening. But two years in we found
626
00:33:11.880 --> 00:33:15.279
out there's a website where the CDC actually has to
627
00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:19.839
report the statistics of every single clinic and what their
628
00:33:19.880 --> 00:33:24.519
success rates are per age range. And so I found
629
00:33:24.519 --> 00:33:26.640
out two years in that the clinic I was at,
630
00:33:26.720 --> 00:33:29.079
even though I was highly recommended and the reviews are
631
00:33:29.119 --> 00:33:32.799
all great online, at two years in for my age
632
00:33:32.799 --> 00:33:37.119
at the time, they only had nineteen percent success with
633
00:33:37.240 --> 00:33:41.119
IVF in terms of it resulting in a live birth.
634
00:33:41.759 --> 00:33:45.200
So I remember, just I was on vacation with my husband,
635
00:33:46.759 --> 00:33:48.720
someone had told us about the website. We were out
636
00:33:48.720 --> 00:33:51.079
to dinner. We looked it up, and I was just hysterical.
637
00:33:51.920 --> 00:33:54.319
I had been through so much, so many blood dross,
638
00:33:54.519 --> 00:33:57.799
so many injections, and you know, it turned out that
639
00:33:58.359 --> 00:34:00.319
there was like almost no chance that it was going
640
00:34:00.359 --> 00:34:03.720
to ever happen. And then we looked up some other
641
00:34:03.759 --> 00:34:08.199
clinics that were nearby that were recommended by friends, and
642
00:34:08.280 --> 00:34:10.159
the one that I ended up with had a thirty
643
00:34:10.199 --> 00:34:12.000
three percent chance of success.
644
00:34:12.440 --> 00:34:12.800
Wow.
645
00:34:13.360 --> 00:34:16.960
Yeah, it's when you're going through all of the huge,
646
00:34:17.000 --> 00:34:19.800
huge difference. And so that's not to say you can't
647
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:23.440
have success at different places that have lower percentages, but
648
00:34:24.000 --> 00:34:27.079
that was a game changer for us. That website is
649
00:34:27.119 --> 00:34:30.719
called start sa RT, and I believe it stands for
650
00:34:32.400 --> 00:34:37.679
Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology something like that. But they
651
00:34:37.679 --> 00:34:39.400
have a tab like on the bottom of the main
652
00:34:39.440 --> 00:34:41.960
page that's find a clinic and you can literally look
653
00:34:42.039 --> 00:34:45.119
up the clinics you're thinking about using. So that's just
654
00:34:45.239 --> 00:34:48.599
one thing. But then the practices were very different clinic
655
00:34:48.679 --> 00:34:51.159
to clinic, and I found the one that had the
656
00:34:51.199 --> 00:34:56.960
most success was actually one that did not recommend everything,
657
00:34:57.639 --> 00:35:00.679
anything and everything. So the one that I was, you know,
658
00:35:00.760 --> 00:35:06.280
I was doing soybean injections the day of the transfer. Yeah,
659
00:35:06.480 --> 00:35:10.599
like different. They call it like an interlipid infusion, So
660
00:35:10.639 --> 00:35:13.239
I was getting interrelipid infusions the day of the transfer.
661
00:35:13.320 --> 00:35:14.880
My life like up in the air.
662
00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:17.320
Twenty minutes after the transfer to make sure that it
663
00:35:17.360 --> 00:35:22.519
was working. There was so much acupuncture acupuncture can be
664
00:35:22.599 --> 00:35:27.199
very good. But acupuncture the day of the transfer certain
665
00:35:27.280 --> 00:35:31.519
dund's like all required. It sounds like a little uh no.
666
00:35:31.840 --> 00:35:35.280
So the problem is it basically is required because they say,
667
00:35:35.880 --> 00:35:38.039
we don't know if this works or not, but we
668
00:35:38.159 --> 00:35:42.199
think it could for five thousand more dollars. Just do
669
00:35:42.639 --> 00:35:45.199
you know, acupuncture the morning of you have to use
670
00:35:45.239 --> 00:35:48.280
this particular person. She'll come in and we think it'll help.
671
00:35:48.400 --> 00:35:49.880
We don't know if it does, but we think it.
672
00:35:50.199 --> 00:35:52.960
And if you're someone that's putting so much into it,
673
00:35:53.480 --> 00:35:56.360
if someone tells you something could help and you choose
674
00:35:56.400 --> 00:35:59.639
not to do it and then it doesn't work, you're
675
00:35:59.679 --> 00:36:02.000
always going to wonder if I had done that thing right.
676
00:36:02.280 --> 00:36:06.519
So any they sold everything and anything like all these
677
00:36:06.559 --> 00:36:10.840
different fadures, and I was drinking crazy teas like all
678
00:36:10.880 --> 00:36:15.159
these different things. And the doctor who I ended up
679
00:36:15.199 --> 00:36:18.400
having success with, he was like, oh, I read the
680
00:36:18.440 --> 00:36:22.559
latest studies and that does nothing, like there's no scientifically
681
00:36:22.559 --> 00:36:26.320
proven results of blah blah blah. And so he wasn't
682
00:36:26.320 --> 00:36:29.199
trying to overseell like he was just very much like
683
00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:32.320
up on the latest research. And you know, I wasn't
684
00:36:32.360 --> 00:36:34.559
sticking my legs in the air after the transfer, He's like,
685
00:36:34.639 --> 00:36:35.559
that's nonsense.
686
00:36:35.880 --> 00:36:38.480
I recorded a video that day, like jumping around.
687
00:36:39.239 --> 00:36:41.119
They were like you're supposed to rest in bed, but
688
00:36:41.159 --> 00:36:43.360
my guy was like, it doesn't matter. And I did
689
00:36:43.400 --> 00:36:46.320
like a dancing video on TikTok, like running around my backyard,
690
00:36:46.360 --> 00:36:47.880
and I was like, I'm just gonna have fun with this.
691
00:36:49.000 --> 00:36:51.079
So I was at the point where I was like,
692
00:36:51.119 --> 00:36:53.320
it may never work. I might as well just try
693
00:36:53.320 --> 00:36:57.599
to shift my attitude, you know. But no, that's where
694
00:36:57.599 --> 00:37:00.159
I had more success, and I don't think it was
695
00:37:00.199 --> 00:37:00.960
a coincidence.
696
00:37:02.360 --> 00:37:04.400
And it seems like it happened quickly after that, which
697
00:37:04.400 --> 00:37:06.039
is also quite interesting, isn't it.
698
00:37:06.519 --> 00:37:06.760
Yeah.
699
00:37:06.800 --> 00:37:08.440
And also it was the place where I had the
700
00:37:08.480 --> 00:37:12.320
lowest number of eggs retrieved and had the highest number
701
00:37:12.400 --> 00:37:16.480
of embryos that were healthy created. So that was another
702
00:37:16.519 --> 00:37:19.360
thing too, like I had. I mean, we don't need
703
00:37:19.400 --> 00:37:21.039
to get into the weeds, but it was just such
704
00:37:21.039 --> 00:37:23.679
a big difference between the two in terms of philosophy
705
00:37:23.679 --> 00:37:24.480
and practice.
706
00:37:25.239 --> 00:37:28.079
That's really amazing. Thank you so much for sharing that.
707
00:37:28.440 --> 00:37:30.960
And I can't even imagine going through that, and on
708
00:37:31.039 --> 00:37:35.039
top of that, dealing with people's relationships and matchmaking, and
709
00:37:35.280 --> 00:37:37.760
I don't know if this happens, but I would guess
710
00:37:38.119 --> 00:37:40.800
you have clients coming to crying and just a lot
711
00:37:40.800 --> 00:37:44.679
of intense emotions, I would imagine, and you're experiencing that
712
00:37:45.519 --> 00:37:47.239
not only because of what you're going through, but just
713
00:37:47.280 --> 00:37:50.079
even hormonally. I know from really close friends that have
714
00:37:50.159 --> 00:37:53.239
gone through it. Your body's going through like a tsunami.
715
00:37:53.519 --> 00:37:55.639
I mean, it's it's not even your own body, right.
716
00:37:56.199 --> 00:37:56.679
Oh yeah.
717
00:37:56.760 --> 00:38:00.679
I did not feel like myself until about a year
718
00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:06.280
after giving birth, so you know, between just the pregnancy, hormones, postpartum,
719
00:38:06.320 --> 00:38:09.320
but also the two and a half years of all
720
00:38:09.440 --> 00:38:11.920
kinds of chemicals being put into my body to make
721
00:38:11.960 --> 00:38:14.400
it all happen, it took so long for me to
722
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:15.840
really just feel like me again.
723
00:38:17.400 --> 00:38:18.159
That's so hard.
724
00:38:18.360 --> 00:38:21.880
And do you feel going through that has changed you
725
00:38:21.960 --> 00:38:24.880
as a matchmaker a dating coach. Has that informed any
726
00:38:24.920 --> 00:38:28.159
of what you would or wouldn't say now, or what
727
00:38:28.199 --> 00:38:30.559
you would or wouldn't suggest through in anyway just a
728
00:38:30.559 --> 00:38:31.239
different lens?
729
00:38:32.440 --> 00:38:34.840
I mean, I definitely have a higher degree of empathy
730
00:38:35.719 --> 00:38:39.280
for women when it comes to the journey to conceive
731
00:38:41.360 --> 00:38:44.320
in terms of I think also being armed with what
732
00:38:44.400 --> 00:38:48.639
options there are. I'm not someone who you know, there's
733
00:38:48.639 --> 00:38:51.440
some therapists, for example, where you sit on their couch
734
00:38:51.480 --> 00:38:53.639
and like, how does that make you feel? Then there's
735
00:38:53.679 --> 00:38:56.039
my therapist who's like, well, i'll tell you, you know
736
00:38:56.159 --> 00:38:56.679
what I.
737
00:38:56.559 --> 00:38:59.519
Think about this. And so I actually more like that
738
00:38:59.679 --> 00:39:00.719
as a dating coach.
739
00:39:00.800 --> 00:39:03.119
And you know, if someone comes to me and she's
740
00:39:03.400 --> 00:39:06.039
thirty seven, thirty eight, hasn't even thought about freezing her
741
00:39:06.079 --> 00:39:10.719
eggs and there's no person on the horizon for them,
742
00:39:10.920 --> 00:39:12.679
obviously I want to change that for them. But when
743
00:39:12.719 --> 00:39:15.599
I meet them, this is what they tell me. I'll
744
00:39:15.639 --> 00:39:17.840
always say, like, have you thought about freezing your eggs?
745
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:20.119
And I'll try to introduce that conversation if it's not
746
00:39:20.280 --> 00:39:25.639
something that they've considered, or even freezing embryos. But you know,
747
00:39:25.800 --> 00:39:28.559
so in terms of my approach when it comes to
748
00:39:28.599 --> 00:39:33.159
all of that, I actually there's so there's so many
749
00:39:33.159 --> 00:39:36.400
times where intake interviews turn into full blown just giving
750
00:39:36.440 --> 00:39:39.800
advice about egg freezing and what to do not to do,
751
00:39:40.039 --> 00:39:43.039
And because I just I'll talk to anyone about it
752
00:39:43.079 --> 00:39:46.280
who will listen. I wish I knew more, and so
753
00:39:46.599 --> 00:39:49.360
I just like helping people in that way when possible.
754
00:39:49.760 --> 00:39:52.440
Well, you're helping a lot of people by sharing your story,
755
00:39:53.079 --> 00:39:56.239
and I'm curious as we wrap up, is there an
756
00:39:56.280 --> 00:39:58.199
age range you work with? I know all these college
757
00:39:58.280 --> 00:40:02.679
kids are using Tinder and all these other things. Do
758
00:40:02.760 --> 00:40:06.519
you work with a certain like what's your youngest client
759
00:40:06.639 --> 00:40:07.360
you would work with?
760
00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:12.679
Technically if they meet the criteria where they're referred to me,
761
00:40:13.159 --> 00:40:15.880
they are a quality person and they're looking for something serious.
762
00:40:16.639 --> 00:40:18.880
As long as they're you know, not a minor, I
763
00:40:18.960 --> 00:40:22.119
will set up anyone. That being said, I don't think
764
00:40:22.199 --> 00:40:25.159
people are really ready to find their person until a
765
00:40:25.159 --> 00:40:28.239
certain age. The youngest woman I've ever matched was in
766
00:40:28.280 --> 00:40:31.000
her mid twenties and the youngest guy was in his
767
00:40:31.119 --> 00:40:35.840
late twenties. The average client tends to be thirty five
768
00:40:35.880 --> 00:40:41.039
to forty five, and of my stories last year, one
769
00:40:41.039 --> 00:40:46.639
of my favorite couples is in their seventies. So yeah, yeah,
770
00:40:46.639 --> 00:40:49.719
there's a huge range as long as they meet that criteria.
771
00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:52.159
You know, it's It's taken me a while.
772
00:40:52.960 --> 00:40:55.880
I was very deliberate building up certain parts of my
773
00:40:55.960 --> 00:41:00.719
database because my partner and I we it was it
774
00:41:00.760 --> 00:41:04.199
was always a referral only company after we went into
775
00:41:04.239 --> 00:41:08.559
business together, and so it really all the database spiraled
776
00:41:08.599 --> 00:41:11.119
from people that we knew, or snowball from people that
777
00:41:11.159 --> 00:41:13.159
we knew, and so it was a lot of people
778
00:41:13.239 --> 00:41:17.280
around our ages. And it was so important to me,
779
00:41:17.840 --> 00:41:20.920
even though we were Jewish and straight and in our
780
00:41:20.960 --> 00:41:26.480
thirties and forties, that the database not just be reflective
781
00:41:26.639 --> 00:41:30.760
of that. But I wanted to set up the queer community.
782
00:41:30.960 --> 00:41:34.760
I wanted to set up women over fifty. There were
783
00:41:34.800 --> 00:41:38.239
certain demographics like that that I wanted to help but
784
00:41:38.320 --> 00:41:41.239
didn't have the database to support, and it felt my
785
00:41:41.280 --> 00:41:46.679
ethical charging and I for free set up these populations
786
00:41:46.719 --> 00:41:50.079
for years and years and years, and have only recently
787
00:41:50.159 --> 00:41:55.239
even monetized those demographics because now we have the database
788
00:41:55.280 --> 00:41:59.320
to support it. And so that's something that I'm so
789
00:41:59.360 --> 00:42:02.840
excited passionate about. Like we have a lesbian couple you know,
790
00:42:02.880 --> 00:42:04.800
that met at the end of last year. We have
791
00:42:04.880 --> 00:42:08.400
a couple who is another couple in their seventies who
792
00:42:08.440 --> 00:42:12.039
is very serious this year. And none of that would
793
00:42:12.079 --> 00:42:14.000
have happened if I hadn't just worked for free for
794
00:42:14.159 --> 00:42:18.719
years to meet people in those age ranges and sexual orientations.
795
00:42:18.760 --> 00:42:22.280
And so yeah, we don't discriminate, Like if someone is
796
00:42:22.320 --> 00:42:25.159
looking for the real deal, then I am excited to
797
00:42:25.199 --> 00:42:25.719
work with them.
798
00:42:26.639 --> 00:42:29.039
I'm so glad you mentioned that, because that was another
799
00:42:29.159 --> 00:42:31.880
question that popped into my mind a few minutes ago.
800
00:42:32.079 --> 00:42:38.239
So are you clairavoyant on top of being a match maker? Maybe?
801
00:42:38.320 --> 00:42:41.960
And I wonder, you know, we're both writers and now authors,
802
00:42:43.800 --> 00:42:48.320
if you feel you're a really keen observer of the
803
00:42:48.360 --> 00:42:51.920
non verbals being a writer you wrote for The Family Guy,
804
00:42:51.960 --> 00:42:56.000
I think you worked with Seth Seth McFarlane and others.
805
00:42:56.360 --> 00:42:58.599
Do you feel there's also kind of a connection there
806
00:42:58.639 --> 00:43:02.440
as well, being able to read a situation or in
807
00:43:02.480 --> 00:43:04.360
your I mean, I wonder if you're writing a story
808
00:43:04.440 --> 00:43:06.480
arc in your mind when you're thinking of two people
809
00:43:06.559 --> 00:43:09.320
you're putting together. I know that's what happens to me
810
00:43:09.480 --> 00:43:11.639
as a writer. So I'm curious that the rom com
811
00:43:11.639 --> 00:43:16.320
brain kicking in yea hopefully hopefully not thriller, hopefully not.
812
00:43:16.360 --> 00:43:20.920
That it's impossible to really separate the two when I'm
813
00:43:20.960 --> 00:43:23.039
in a writer's room. There's so many times that I'll
814
00:43:23.039 --> 00:43:26.639
pitch a story based on a client or a situation
815
00:43:26.800 --> 00:43:30.599
that they were in, and it's just it's impossible to separate.
816
00:43:30.679 --> 00:43:34.239
But also the reverse works as well, where my storytelling
817
00:43:34.280 --> 00:43:37.239
background I think really does inform the kind of matches
818
00:43:37.239 --> 00:43:42.719
that I make sometimes, and so it really especially you know,
819
00:43:42.760 --> 00:43:45.440
I went to a sc for screenwriting really knowing the
820
00:43:45.480 --> 00:43:50.079
importance of character development. I think having that people are
821
00:43:50.360 --> 00:43:53.840
always speculating like it must be so disparate working in
822
00:43:53.880 --> 00:43:55.039
these two different fields.
823
00:43:55.079 --> 00:43:55.760
How do you do it?
824
00:43:55.800 --> 00:43:58.079
And it's really not because it all comes down to
825
00:43:58.199 --> 00:44:00.159
I don't want to call them characters, the real people, well,
826
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:03.599
but it comes down to character. You know, knowing what
827
00:44:03.719 --> 00:44:08.159
makes a person tick and what their hopes and dreams
828
00:44:08.199 --> 00:44:12.199
are and having that read on people makes you a
829
00:44:12.239 --> 00:44:14.679
great writer, and it makes you a great match maker,
830
00:44:14.760 --> 00:44:17.480
and so you know, you might start your own matchmaking
831
00:44:17.480 --> 00:44:18.960
company after this conversation.
832
00:44:20.239 --> 00:44:23.400
It's funny because I am not a matchmaker, but I've
833
00:44:23.400 --> 00:44:26.800
always called myself a connector since I was probably I
834
00:44:26.800 --> 00:44:28.079
don't know, in my twenties.
835
00:44:28.159 --> 00:44:28.840
It's just what I do.
836
00:44:28.920 --> 00:44:32.960
I love bringing people together, but it's more friendships and professionally,
837
00:44:33.119 --> 00:44:36.159
so I get what you're saying. It's and you're still
838
00:44:36.239 --> 00:44:38.880
in a writer's room. Are you still working in la
839
00:44:39.039 --> 00:44:41.039
as a writer on shows? I wasn't sure.
840
00:44:41.239 --> 00:44:44.320
Yeah, yeah, I'm actively pitching the adaptation of the book
841
00:44:44.400 --> 00:44:47.679
right now. I wrote on a Netflix and animated Netflix
842
00:44:47.679 --> 00:44:48.800
show not too Long a.
843
00:44:48.840 --> 00:44:51.559
Those Yeah, how are you doing all this? How are
844
00:44:51.599 --> 00:44:57.320
you like? Do not? I ask myself that question every day? Sorry?
845
00:44:57.320 --> 00:45:02.519
What was that last part? Well? Do you sleep? Not enough?
846
00:45:03.000 --> 00:45:05.159
I'm always complaining to my husband about my lack of
847
00:45:05.199 --> 00:45:08.000
sleep and then also having to fit in quality time
848
00:45:08.000 --> 00:45:10.519
with him, of course is important to me and my daughter.
849
00:45:11.000 --> 00:45:13.639
I do work after I pick my kid up from
850
00:45:13.760 --> 00:45:17.639
preschool like that time is dedicated to her. So I
851
00:45:17.679 --> 00:45:20.760
really just have to compartmentalize. And so you have to
852
00:45:20.840 --> 00:45:24.840
be so organized and so dedicated to everything and just
853
00:45:24.960 --> 00:45:27.079
make sure that you're putting it enough time to eat.
854
00:45:27.159 --> 00:45:29.719
There's only so much time in a day. But so
855
00:45:30.519 --> 00:45:34.400
because with the matchmaking and coaching, I make my own schedule,
856
00:45:35.800 --> 00:45:37.639
and that's you know, the benefit of being a business
857
00:45:37.639 --> 00:45:39.960
owner and also having a partner. By the way, if
858
00:45:39.960 --> 00:45:42.000
I'm in a writer's room, she might have to pick
859
00:45:42.039 --> 00:45:44.199
up the slack. You know, when she was on maternity leave,
860
00:45:44.239 --> 00:45:46.840
I picked up the slack. So having a partner helps
861
00:45:46.920 --> 00:45:49.360
with that. But also I make my own schedule. So
862
00:45:50.119 --> 00:45:51.920
if it turns out I'm in a writer's room from
863
00:45:51.920 --> 00:45:54.559
this time to this time, okay, now I know if
864
00:45:54.559 --> 00:45:56.119
my clients want to meet with me, they're going to
865
00:45:56.159 --> 00:45:57.800
have to do it at seven in the morning before
866
00:45:57.840 --> 00:46:01.760
my writer's room starts. So it just really depends any
867
00:46:01.800 --> 00:46:04.880
given day. So my week to week is very, very different.
868
00:46:04.920 --> 00:46:09.599
And my calendar's color coded. Highly recommend color coding your calendar.
869
00:46:10.280 --> 00:46:13.159
So you know, if you wear multiple hats like I do.
870
00:46:13.440 --> 00:46:16.039
But yeah, you manage to make it work and you
871
00:46:16.079 --> 00:46:18.880
see what areas suffering and then you pull back in
872
00:46:18.960 --> 00:46:22.880
one to feed the other, and it's a constant juggling act.
873
00:46:23.400 --> 00:46:26.840
It's like a I keep saying a puzzle in my mind. Yes, yes,
874
00:46:26.880 --> 00:46:29.079
well call our listeners where.
875
00:46:28.840 --> 00:46:30.719
To find you? Sure?
876
00:46:30.840 --> 00:46:35.199
So on socials, I'm at matchmed in Hollywood, which is
877
00:46:35.239 --> 00:46:37.519
also the name of the podcast that I host with
878
00:46:37.559 --> 00:46:41.400
my husband about the intersection of love and Hollywood. My
879
00:46:41.719 --> 00:46:45.000
website for my match making and date coaching company is
880
00:46:45.280 --> 00:46:49.719
LJ Sopher, Lauren and Jambi ljmatchmaking dot com.
881
00:46:50.199 --> 00:46:51.360
And you could find my.
882
00:46:51.360 --> 00:46:54.960
Book Your Last First Date Secrets from a Hollywood Matchmaker
883
00:46:55.079 --> 00:46:56.599
anywhere where you get your books.
884
00:46:57.239 --> 00:46:57.599
Love it.
885
00:46:58.159 --> 00:47:01.000
Every soul has a story and thank you so much
886
00:47:01.239 --> 00:47:02.039
hearing yours.
887
00:47:02.320 --> 00:47:04.239
Thank you. I really love this conversation.
888
00:47:04.400 --> 00:47:08.159
Thanks for having me on, Thank you for listening to
889
00:47:08.239 --> 00:47:11.559
Every soul has a story. If you loved this episode,
890
00:47:12.199 --> 00:47:15.280
leave a review, tell a friend, and share it with others.
891
00:47:16.000 --> 00:47:19.840
Follow me on Instagram at Daryl Lavan, and you can
892
00:47:19.880 --> 00:47:22.599
also reach out at Daryl Lavan dot com.
893
00:47:23.079 --> 00:47:24.199
I'd love to hear from you.
894
00:47:24.639 --> 00:47:26.400
Thanks so much, and have a great week.