WEBVTT
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You're listening to Dissociated, Breaking Silence, Building Joy.
00:00:12.960 --> 00:00:15.359
I'm your host, Cheryl Brown.
00:00:15.679 --> 00:00:25.760
This podcast explores what happens when we find our voices after years of silence and how joy can exist even after the unthinkable.
00:00:30.320 --> 00:00:35.200
Before we begin, I want to offer a brief content note.
00:00:35.679 --> 00:00:47.280
In this episode, I talk about the lasting impact of post-trauma, including emotional disconnection, dissociation, and how it can affect relationships and identity.
00:00:47.520 --> 00:00:52.560
There are no graphic details, but some of the themes may feel heavy or personal.
00:00:52.799 --> 00:00:58.560
Please take care of yourself as you listen and feel free to pause or step away if needed.
00:01:08.400 --> 00:01:13.760
Hello, and welcome back to Dissociated, Breaking Silence, Building Joy.
00:01:14.159 --> 00:01:26.959
In episode eight, we talked about what people get wrong, about the assumptions, the judgments, the things people say when they don't understand what survival actually looks like.
00:01:27.519 --> 00:01:31.200
But in this episode, this is different.
00:01:31.599 --> 00:01:34.079
Because this isn't about what people saw.
00:01:34.319 --> 00:01:36.319
It's about what they didn't see.
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I didn't fall apart.
00:01:39.439 --> 00:01:42.079
That's the part that people don't understand.
00:01:42.560 --> 00:01:44.159
I didn't spiral.
00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:46.159
I didn't collapse.
00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:50.239
I didn't look like someone who had been through what I had been through.
00:01:50.560 --> 00:01:52.239
I built a life.
00:01:52.480 --> 00:01:53.760
I went to work.
00:01:54.079 --> 00:01:55.599
I went to school.
00:01:55.840 --> 00:01:57.439
I followed the plan.
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Wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep.
00:02:03.599 --> 00:02:11.599
If I had class, I'd commute, spend the whole day at school, and I still had to work full time.
00:02:12.879 --> 00:02:15.360
I even tried to be part of a sorority.
00:02:15.840 --> 00:02:21.680
But the distance and the need to work, it made it almost impossible.
00:02:22.560 --> 00:02:24.560
Everything was structured.
00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:30.560
Everything had a purpose, and I followed it because that's what you do, right?
00:02:31.039 --> 00:02:36.319
You get through school so you can get a better job, so you can build the life.
00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:39.280
There wasn't space to question it.
00:02:39.520 --> 00:02:42.479
There wasn't space to feel it.
00:02:43.599 --> 00:02:46.960
There was just the next step.
00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:54.560
I didn't just follow the plan.
00:02:55.280 --> 00:02:57.599
I followed it perfectly.
00:02:58.560 --> 00:03:03.039
If I took time for myself, I felt guilty.
00:03:03.439 --> 00:03:09.599
If I skipped a day because I was exhausted, I'd spend the entire day anxious.
00:03:10.240 --> 00:03:12.319
Like I had broken a rule.
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Like I had done something wrong.
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Even rest didn't feel safe.
00:03:18.240 --> 00:03:27.039
Because somewhere along the way, I learned that doing what was expected mattered more than checking in with myself.
00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:30.879
There was no room for emotion.
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Just followed the plan.
00:03:34.960 --> 00:03:40.000
But underneath that structure wasn't peace.
00:03:40.479 --> 00:03:41.680
It was fear.
00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:43.680
It was anxiety.
00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:50.319
I had removed myself from an environment that was uncomfortable, but I missed my family.
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And that came with guilt.
00:03:54.719 --> 00:03:59.599
And he found ways to express disappointment in me, even still.
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To make me feel like I had created a burden by leaving.
00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:12.000
So even in creating distance, I still carried the weight of it.
00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:27.680
I was sad, I was confused, I was trying to navigate adulthood, doing what was expected of me, and somehow find a way to enjoy my life at the same time.
00:04:28.800 --> 00:04:32.560
I was always searching for something positive to hold on to.
00:04:33.040 --> 00:04:36.720
And when I found it, I would hold on tight.
00:04:43.199 --> 00:04:46.160
I latched onto my closest friend.
00:04:46.480 --> 00:04:50.160
Because she was the one place I felt real joy.
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The one place I didn't feel like I had to perform.
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And I didn't want to lose that.
00:04:58.079 --> 00:05:00.319
So I held on to it tightly.
00:05:01.360 --> 00:05:10.879
I tried to recreate that feeling in my other relationship too, with the person who would later become my husband.
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But it wasn't the same.
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Because I wasn't the same.
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I was still carrying everything I hadn't dealt with, and trying to build something on top of it.
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He was confident, certain, clear in how he felt about me, about us, about the future, and the way he expressed that felt like too much.
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Not because it was wrong, but because I couldn't meet him there.
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I didn't feel worthy of those feelings.
00:05:51.199 --> 00:05:53.680
I didn't feel like I could hold them.
00:05:55.120 --> 00:06:11.519
I remember driving home after seeing him an hour alone in the car, lost in my thoughts, trying to understand how someone could feel so strongly when I felt like a hollow shell.
00:06:12.560 --> 00:06:14.560
And I wanted to feel it.
00:06:14.959 --> 00:06:16.879
I wanted to be that person.
00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:19.519
So I tried.
00:06:20.319 --> 00:06:23.759
Outwardly, I mimicked it.
00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:35.199
I mirrored what I thought it was supposed to look like, what it was supposed to sound like, what I thought I was supposed to feel.
00:06:36.160 --> 00:06:45.439
But inside, I felt like an imposter, like I was playing a role in a life I didn't fully understand.
00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:52.079
And I didn't realize it then, but I was setting us up to fail.
00:06:53.120 --> 00:06:58.560
I was hurting him without even knowing how or why.
00:07:07.439 --> 00:07:09.279
It was everywhere.
00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:23.839
I would sit back and observe people, listen carefully, watch how they interacted, try to find some common ground, but the truth was I couldn't fully connect.
00:07:24.720 --> 00:07:29.040
Because their fears felt so simple to me.
00:07:29.680 --> 00:07:34.000
Not wrong, just different.
00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:44.319
They hadn't experienced what I had experienced, and I knew if I shared mine, I would terrify them.
00:07:45.519 --> 00:07:47.040
So I didn't.
00:07:47.360 --> 00:07:48.560
I agreed.
00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:52.000
I nodded, I matched their energy.
00:07:52.800 --> 00:07:56.319
I became who I thought I needed to be in that moment.
00:07:57.120 --> 00:08:05.199
Because when you're holding something that heavy, you don't feel like there's space to be fully known.
00:08:05.519 --> 00:08:08.879
And over time, people sense it.
00:08:09.680 --> 00:08:13.360
They don't know what it is, but they feel it.
00:08:14.160 --> 00:08:16.879
Like they're not getting the full version of you.
00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:19.439
And they weren't.
00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:22.959
Because I wasn't fully there.
00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:32.639
No one pulled me aside and asked if I was okay.
00:08:33.039 --> 00:08:35.519
Because I looked okay.
00:08:36.080 --> 00:08:37.679
I was functioning.
00:08:38.000 --> 00:08:39.679
I was responsible.
00:08:39.919 --> 00:08:43.600
I was handling everything I was supposed to handle.
00:08:44.240 --> 00:08:50.799
But inside, there were moments where I wasn't present in my own life.
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Conversations I can't fully remember.
00:08:55.200 --> 00:08:58.960
Moments that should have felt big but didn't land.
00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:03.679
Emotions that felt just out of reach.
00:09:04.559 --> 00:09:10.240
Like there was a layer between me and everything I was experiencing.
00:09:11.279 --> 00:09:13.279
I wasn't falling apart.
00:09:13.600 --> 00:09:16.240
I just I wasn't fully there.
00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:26.240
The same things people admired about me were the exact things that kept me disconnected.
00:09:26.799 --> 00:09:32.639
My independence, my strength, my ability to handle everything.
00:09:33.120 --> 00:09:35.679
Those weren't just personality traits.
00:09:36.080 --> 00:09:37.840
They were survival.
00:09:38.320 --> 00:09:48.080
And they worked so well that no one realized I was still surviving.
00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:58.399
In episode eight, I mentioned the cost of telling the truth.
00:09:59.840 --> 00:10:04.240
But there's more to the cost that no one talks about.
00:10:06.000 --> 00:10:11.039
Dissociation kept me from addressing the root of my problem.
00:10:12.879 --> 00:10:21.120
It kept me from being present in my life, from creating genuine connections.
00:10:22.320 --> 00:10:26.559
It kept me from fully understanding who I was.
00:10:28.960 --> 00:10:33.840
There are moments I wish I could go back and fully feel.
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Moments I know mattered but didn't land the way they should have.
00:10:42.960 --> 00:10:59.200
I wish I had known enough to get the help I needed to work through it to be fully present, to be myself instead of a shell moving through life like a process.
00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:02.399
And I grieve that.
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I grieve for my younger self.
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Because she deserved more than survival.
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She deserved to feel safe enough to be present in her life.
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To be connected to people who loved her.
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To walk away from what she didn't want.
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To know who she was without having to piece it together later.
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To have her voice and to actually be heard when she used it.
00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:55.279
There's something else that I need to talk about too.
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Because it didn't just cost me, it impacted the people around me too.
00:12:05.440 --> 00:12:13.840
And it's still impacting people that I love and loved to this day.
00:12:16.320 --> 00:12:26.879
People who cared about me, who were trying to connect with me, who were showing up in ways I couldn't fully meet.
00:12:29.120 --> 00:12:33.840
There are moments where I wasn't fully present with them.
00:12:35.039 --> 00:12:39.440
Moments where I couldn't return what they were giving me.
00:12:41.200 --> 00:12:43.440
Not because I didn't care.
00:12:44.559 --> 00:12:47.919
But because I didn't fully know how to.
00:13:01.279 --> 00:13:11.440
And that had an impact on relationships, on connection, on trust.
00:13:13.759 --> 00:13:16.240
And that's a hard truth to hold.
00:13:19.279 --> 00:13:27.120
Because while dissociation protected me, it also created a distance.
00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:35.600
Not just between me and myself, but between me and the people in my life.
00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:50.000
And I didn't know enough at the time to understand that I needed professional help in order to get over that hurdle.
00:13:56.320 --> 00:13:58.879
Dissociation protected me.
00:13:59.600 --> 00:14:03.200
It gave me distance when I needed it.
00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:08.720
It allowed me to survive when I couldn't process at the time.
00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:12.159
But survival has a cost.
00:14:13.360 --> 00:14:23.840
And sometimes the cost is your presence, your connection, your ability to fully live inside your own life.
00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:35.440
And sometimes it's felt by the people who are trying to reach you while you are still learning how to come back.
00:14:36.799 --> 00:14:43.679
And sometimes coming back isn't something you can navigate on your own.
00:14:44.799 --> 00:14:51.759
Sometimes you need language for it, understanding, guidance.
00:14:53.360 --> 00:15:11.919
So in the next episode, I'm sitting down with a licensed professional to talk about this more deeply, to better understand what happens, why it happens, and what it actually looks like to begin reconnecting.
00:15:13.440 --> 00:15:15.279
I'll see you next time.
00:15:15.519 --> 00:15:17.279
Thank you for joining me.
00:15:22.399 --> 00:15:27.360
This podcast exists to break silence and build connection.
00:15:27.679 --> 00:15:37.200
If you're a survivor, a mental health professional, or someone who feels called to share their experience, I invite you to reach out.
00:15:37.519 --> 00:15:49.600
You can contact me at info at dissociatedpod.com if you're interested in being part of a future episode or contributing to this conversation.
00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:54.720
Your voice matters, and you don't have to carry your story alone.
00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:10.799
I'm your host, Cheryl Brown.
00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:14.799
Healing is a journey, not a finish line.
00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:20.000
And joy can meet us in the smallest moments along the way.
00:16:20.480 --> 00:16:22.240
I'm glad you were here.
00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:12.800
You're listening to Dissociated, Breaking Silence, Building Joy.
00:00:12.960 --> 00:00:15.359
I'm your host, Cheryl Brown.
00:00:15.679 --> 00:00:25.760
This podcast explores what happens when we find our voices after years of silence and how joy can exist even after the unthinkable.
00:00:30.320 --> 00:00:35.200
Before we begin, I want to offer a brief content note.
00:00:35.679 --> 00:00:47.280
In this episode, I talk about the lasting impact of post-trauma, including emotional disconnection, dissociation, and how it can affect relationships and identity.
00:00:47.520 --> 00:00:52.560
There are no graphic details, but some of the themes may feel heavy or personal.
00:00:52.799 --> 00:00:58.560
Please take care of yourself as you listen and feel free to pause or step away if needed.
00:01:08.400 --> 00:01:13.760
Hello, and welcome back to Dissociated, Breaking Silence, Building Joy.
00:01:14.159 --> 00:01:26.959
In episode eight, we talked about what people get wrong, about the assumptions, the judgments, the things people say when they don't understand what survival actually looks like.
00:01:27.519 --> 00:01:31.200
But in this episode, this is different.
00:01:31.599 --> 00:01:34.079
Because this isn't about what people saw.
00:01:34.319 --> 00:01:36.319
It's about what they didn't see.
00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:39.040
I didn't fall apart.
00:01:39.439 --> 00:01:42.079
That's the part that people don't understand.
00:01:42.560 --> 00:01:44.159
I didn't spiral.
00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:46.159
I didn't collapse.
00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:50.239
I didn't look like someone who had been through what I had been through.
00:01:50.560 --> 00:01:52.239
I built a life.
00:01:52.480 --> 00:01:53.760
I went to work.
00:01:54.079 --> 00:01:55.599
I went to school.
00:01:55.840 --> 00:01:57.439
I followed the plan.
00:01:58.079 --> 00:02:03.359
Wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep.
00:02:03.599 --> 00:02:11.599
If I had class, I'd commute, spend the whole day at school, and I still had to work full time.
00:02:12.879 --> 00:02:15.360
I even tried to be part of a sorority.
00:02:15.840 --> 00:02:21.680
But the distance and the need to work, it made it almost impossible.
00:02:22.560 --> 00:02:24.560
Everything was structured.
00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:30.560
Everything had a purpose, and I followed it because that's what you do, right?
00:02:31.039 --> 00:02:36.319
You get through school so you can get a better job, so you can build the life.
00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:39.280
There wasn't space to question it.
00:02:39.520 --> 00:02:42.479
There wasn't space to feel it.
00:02:43.599 --> 00:02:46.960
There was just the next step.
00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:54.560
I didn't just follow the plan.
00:02:55.280 --> 00:02:57.599
I followed it perfectly.
00:02:58.560 --> 00:03:03.039
If I took time for myself, I felt guilty.
00:03:03.439 --> 00:03:09.599
If I skipped a day because I was exhausted, I'd spend the entire day anxious.
00:03:10.240 --> 00:03:12.319
Like I had broken a rule.
00:03:12.560 --> 00:03:14.960
Like I had done something wrong.
00:03:15.280 --> 00:03:17.759
Even rest didn't feel safe.
00:03:18.240 --> 00:03:27.039
Because somewhere along the way, I learned that doing what was expected mattered more than checking in with myself.
00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:30.879
There was no room for emotion.
00:03:31.360 --> 00:03:32.960
Just followed the plan.
00:03:34.960 --> 00:03:40.000
But underneath that structure wasn't peace.
00:03:40.479 --> 00:03:41.680
It was fear.
00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:43.680
It was anxiety.
00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:50.319
I had removed myself from an environment that was uncomfortable, but I missed my family.
00:03:50.960 --> 00:03:52.800
And that came with guilt.
00:03:54.719 --> 00:03:59.599
And he found ways to express disappointment in me, even still.
00:04:01.360 --> 00:04:05.599
To make me feel like I had created a burden by leaving.
00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:12.000
So even in creating distance, I still carried the weight of it.
00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:27.680
I was sad, I was confused, I was trying to navigate adulthood, doing what was expected of me, and somehow find a way to enjoy my life at the same time.
00:04:28.800 --> 00:04:32.560
I was always searching for something positive to hold on to.
00:04:33.040 --> 00:04:36.720
And when I found it, I would hold on tight.
00:04:43.199 --> 00:04:46.160
I latched onto my closest friend.
00:04:46.480 --> 00:04:50.160
Because she was the one place I felt real joy.
00:04:50.959 --> 00:04:54.560
The one place I didn't feel like I had to perform.
00:04:55.600 --> 00:04:57.600
And I didn't want to lose that.
00:04:58.079 --> 00:05:00.319
So I held on to it tightly.
00:05:01.360 --> 00:05:10.879
I tried to recreate that feeling in my other relationship too, with the person who would later become my husband.
00:05:11.839 --> 00:05:13.680
But it wasn't the same.
00:05:14.000 --> 00:05:16.000
Because I wasn't the same.
00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:23.680
I was still carrying everything I hadn't dealt with, and trying to build something on top of it.
00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:41.759
He was confident, certain, clear in how he felt about me, about us, about the future, and the way he expressed that felt like too much.
00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:47.439
Not because it was wrong, but because I couldn't meet him there.
00:05:48.079 --> 00:05:50.800
I didn't feel worthy of those feelings.
00:05:51.199 --> 00:05:53.680
I didn't feel like I could hold them.
00:05:55.120 --> 00:06:11.519
I remember driving home after seeing him an hour alone in the car, lost in my thoughts, trying to understand how someone could feel so strongly when I felt like a hollow shell.
00:06:12.560 --> 00:06:14.560
And I wanted to feel it.
00:06:14.959 --> 00:06:16.879
I wanted to be that person.
00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:19.519
So I tried.
00:06:20.319 --> 00:06:23.759
Outwardly, I mimicked it.
00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:35.199
I mirrored what I thought it was supposed to look like, what it was supposed to sound like, what I thought I was supposed to feel.
00:06:36.160 --> 00:06:45.439
But inside, I felt like an imposter, like I was playing a role in a life I didn't fully understand.
00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:52.079
And I didn't realize it then, but I was setting us up to fail.
00:06:53.120 --> 00:06:58.560
I was hurting him without even knowing how or why.
00:07:07.439 --> 00:07:09.279
It was everywhere.
00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:23.839
I would sit back and observe people, listen carefully, watch how they interacted, try to find some common ground, but the truth was I couldn't fully connect.
00:07:24.720 --> 00:07:29.040
Because their fears felt so simple to me.
00:07:29.680 --> 00:07:34.000
Not wrong, just different.
00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:44.319
They hadn't experienced what I had experienced, and I knew if I shared mine, I would terrify them.
00:07:45.519 --> 00:07:47.040
So I didn't.
00:07:47.360 --> 00:07:48.560
I agreed.
00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:52.000
I nodded, I matched their energy.
00:07:52.800 --> 00:07:56.319
I became who I thought I needed to be in that moment.
00:07:57.120 --> 00:08:05.199
Because when you're holding something that heavy, you don't feel like there's space to be fully known.
00:08:05.519 --> 00:08:08.879
And over time, people sense it.
00:08:09.680 --> 00:08:13.360
They don't know what it is, but they feel it.
00:08:14.160 --> 00:08:16.879
Like they're not getting the full version of you.
00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:19.439
And they weren't.
00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:22.959
Because I wasn't fully there.
00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:32.639
No one pulled me aside and asked if I was okay.
00:08:33.039 --> 00:08:35.519
Because I looked okay.
00:08:36.080 --> 00:08:37.679
I was functioning.
00:08:38.000 --> 00:08:39.679
I was responsible.
00:08:39.919 --> 00:08:43.600
I was handling everything I was supposed to handle.
00:08:44.240 --> 00:08:50.799
But inside, there were moments where I wasn't present in my own life.
00:08:51.600 --> 00:08:54.480
Conversations I can't fully remember.
00:08:55.200 --> 00:08:58.960
Moments that should have felt big but didn't land.
00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:03.679
Emotions that felt just out of reach.
00:09:04.559 --> 00:09:10.240
Like there was a layer between me and everything I was experiencing.
00:09:11.279 --> 00:09:13.279
I wasn't falling apart.
00:09:13.600 --> 00:09:16.240
I just I wasn't fully there.
00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:26.240
The same things people admired about me were the exact things that kept me disconnected.
00:09:26.799 --> 00:09:32.639
My independence, my strength, my ability to handle everything.
00:09:33.120 --> 00:09:35.679
Those weren't just personality traits.
00:09:36.080 --> 00:09:37.840
They were survival.
00:09:38.320 --> 00:09:48.080
And they worked so well that no one realized I was still surviving.
00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:58.399
In episode eight, I mentioned the cost of telling the truth.
00:09:59.840 --> 00:10:04.240
But there's more to the cost that no one talks about.
00:10:06.000 --> 00:10:11.039
Dissociation kept me from addressing the root of my problem.
00:10:12.879 --> 00:10:21.120
It kept me from being present in my life, from creating genuine connections.
00:10:22.320 --> 00:10:26.559
It kept me from fully understanding who I was.
00:10:28.960 --> 00:10:33.840
There are moments I wish I could go back and fully feel.
00:10:35.200 --> 00:10:40.879
Moments I know mattered but didn't land the way they should have.
00:10:42.960 --> 00:10:59.200
I wish I had known enough to get the help I needed to work through it to be fully present, to be myself instead of a shell moving through life like a process.
00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:02.399
And I grieve that.
00:11:04.879 --> 00:11:07.039
I grieve for my younger self.
00:11:08.799 --> 00:11:12.559
Because she deserved more than survival.
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She deserved to feel safe enough to be present in her life.
00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:23.600
To be connected to people who loved her.
00:11:25.120 --> 00:11:28.720
To walk away from what she didn't want.
00:11:30.639 --> 00:11:37.679
To know who she was without having to piece it together later.
00:11:39.840 --> 00:11:47.759
To have her voice and to actually be heard when she used it.
00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:55.279
There's something else that I need to talk about too.
00:11:57.200 --> 00:12:05.039
Because it didn't just cost me, it impacted the people around me too.
00:12:05.440 --> 00:12:13.840
And it's still impacting people that I love and loved to this day.
00:12:16.320 --> 00:12:26.879
People who cared about me, who were trying to connect with me, who were showing up in ways I couldn't fully meet.
00:12:29.120 --> 00:12:33.840
There are moments where I wasn't fully present with them.
00:12:35.039 --> 00:12:39.440
Moments where I couldn't return what they were giving me.
00:12:41.200 --> 00:12:43.440
Not because I didn't care.
00:12:44.559 --> 00:12:47.919
But because I didn't fully know how to.
00:13:01.279 --> 00:13:11.440
And that had an impact on relationships, on connection, on trust.
00:13:13.759 --> 00:13:16.240
And that's a hard truth to hold.
00:13:19.279 --> 00:13:27.120
Because while dissociation protected me, it also created a distance.
00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:35.600
Not just between me and myself, but between me and the people in my life.
00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:50.000
And I didn't know enough at the time to understand that I needed professional help in order to get over that hurdle.
00:13:56.320 --> 00:13:58.879
Dissociation protected me.
00:13:59.600 --> 00:14:03.200
It gave me distance when I needed it.
00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:08.720
It allowed me to survive when I couldn't process at the time.
00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:12.159
But survival has a cost.
00:14:13.360 --> 00:14:23.840
And sometimes the cost is your presence, your connection, your ability to fully live inside your own life.
00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:35.440
And sometimes it's felt by the people who are trying to reach you while you are still learning how to come back.
00:14:36.799 --> 00:14:43.679
And sometimes coming back isn't something you can navigate on your own.
00:14:44.799 --> 00:14:51.759
Sometimes you need language for it, understanding, guidance.
00:14:53.360 --> 00:15:11.919
So in the next episode, I'm sitting down with a licensed professional to talk about this more deeply, to better understand what happens, why it happens, and what it actually looks like to begin reconnecting.
00:15:13.440 --> 00:15:15.279
I'll see you next time.
00:15:15.519 --> 00:15:17.279
Thank you for joining me.
00:15:22.399 --> 00:15:27.360
This podcast exists to break silence and build connection.
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If you're a survivor, a mental health professional, or someone who feels called to share their experience, I invite you to reach out.
00:15:37.519 --> 00:15:49.600
You can contact me at info at dissociatedpod.com if you're interested in being part of a future episode or contributing to this conversation.
00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:54.720
Your voice matters, and you don't have to carry your story alone.
00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:10.799
I'm your host, Cheryl Brown.
00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:14.799
Healing is a journey, not a finish line.
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And joy can meet us in the smallest moments along the way.
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I'm glad you were here.
